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Quotes / Silly Reason for War

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"Ninety-nine Decision Street
Ninety-nine ministers meet
To worry, worry, super-scurry
Call the troops out in a hurry
This is what we've waiting for
This is it boys, this is war
The President is on the line
As ninety-nine red balloons go by"
Nena, "99 Red Balloons"

"What mighty contests rise from trivial things[...!]"
Alexander Pope, The Rape of the Lock

Ivanova: Now, you can start by helping me to understand the precise nature of the conflict between the two sides that you've set up.
Purple Drazi: *Points to green drazi* Green.
Green Drazi: *Points to purple drazi* Purple.
Ivanova: No, I understand that there are two factions, but what is your point of contention? Where do you disagree with each other?
Green Drazi: *Resigned sigh* Purple!
Purple Drazi: Green!
Babylon 5 — "Geometry of Shadows"

[T]he emperor [...] published an edict, commanding all his subjects, upon great penalties, to break the smaller end of their eggs. The people so highly resented this law, that our histories tell us, there have been six rebellions raised on that account; wherein one emperor lost his life, and another his crown. [...] It is computed that eleven thousand persons have at several times suffered death, rather than submit to break their eggs at the smaller end.

As we take the last steps to war!
Phineas and Ferb, "Nerds of a Feather''

Remember what the MPAA says: Horrible, deplorable violence is okay as long as you don't say any naughty woids. That's what this war is all about!

"Two hearts and a wedding broken by a melody? Incredible."

"Why, they was always a-fightin' and a-feudin' and a-shootin' one another. They'd no sooner get one argument settled and they'd find somethin' else to fuss about. Be it if it wasn't one darn thing, it was another. When they couldn't think of nothin' else to wrangle over, the flatfooted peoples started a-shootin' at the bucktoothed people, and the vegetarians began to fight the meat-eatin' people, and you couldn't make head nor tail of it."

Jill: Da, I don't understand. You mean someone was killed over pig food?
Tieryn Braedd: It's the honor of the thing! Never will I let a man take what's rightfully mine. The honor of my warband calls out for vengeance! We'll fight to the last man.
Cullyn: Pity we can't arm the swine. Everyone will fight for their own food.

Vimes: So we're supposed to go to war over some rock that's only useful if we have to go to war?
Jingo, about the hotly-contested but frankly useless island of Leshp

"Do you know how many times we've come close to World War III over a flock of geese on a computer screen? Do you even know what triggered the last world war? An argument with Germany over how many telegraph poles they owed their war debt creditors. Telegraph poles!"

Queen Mayaserana: I pray thee, correct me if my perception is awry. Is the import of what hath been revealed here that Arendia hath been divided for half a millennium by an ancient formality?
Count Reldegen: There's a bit more to it than that, your Grace, but that does seem to be core of the problem.
Queen Mayaserana: Five hundred years of strife and bloodshed over a technicality?
Count Reldegen: (laughing) It is sort of Arendish, isn't it?
Baron Vo Serin: I pray thee, my Lord Reldegen, lock this discovery in thy heart lest we all become the subject of general mirth. Let us not confirm the suspicion that abject stupidity is our most prevailing trait.

Twilight Sparkle: So, actually, that's how the whole war started.
Rainbow Dash: Seriously? Man, politics is way different than I imagined.

Archer: These people you're fighting, what makes them heretics?
Yarrick: We believe The Makers created The Chosen Realm in nine days; they believe it took ten.
Archer: [beat] For that, you've been at war for over a century?

Worrying news has emerged from the budget media lockdown, with reports confirming that treasurer Joe Hockey announced that the political journalists in attendance would be forced to fight to the death in armed combat, with the victor permitted to read the single, leather-bound copy of the federal budget.
‘Let the games begin!’ Hockey cried, swathed in a purple velvet robe and wearing an ornate crown made of human bones, as the enormous steel doors of the chamber swung closed.
A satirical take on Australia's 2015 budget problems note 

Real Life

The next great war in Europe will come from some damned silly thing in the Balkans.

"What was the 1960 race about? Overall, the election of 1960 was largely about appearances-literally. In the television debate between Kennedy and Nixon, Kennedy did not look too young as his handlers feared while, sweating on camera and looking ill-shaven, Nixon did not appeal to many viewers. The only substantive issue of their joint appearance were two islands off China's shore, Quemoy and Matsu, and were these barren lumps a significant part of the free world to be defended to the death by the United States or simply ignored as they had been throughout history and so hardly worth a third world war."
Gore Vidal, Point to Point Navigation

"Troilus, at the start of the play, states that he will not fight for Helen, a woman portrayed by Shakespeare as a mindless paramour. 'It is,' he says, 'too starved a subject for my sword.' Dying for this Helen, who has neither morals nor wit, is absurd. Yet I have seen fight for even more ridiculous reasons. There was no reason for the war in Bosnia. The warring sides invented national myths and histories designed to mask that Croats, Muslims, and Serbs are virtually indistinguishable...Fighting for a Helen who is a strumpet, or Don Quixote's Dulcinea, looks noble by comparison."
Chris Hedges, War is a Force That Gives Us Meaning


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