Follow TV Tropes


Quotes / Sarcastic Confession

Go To

    open/close all folders 

    Comic Books 
Customer: Ms. Gordon — your books are so real! How do you get so many details?
Barbara Gordon: I'm secretly Batgirl.
Customer: No, really! [laughs]

Betty Brant: Oh Peter, nobody could sprain his arm playing volley ball! What really happened?
Peter Parker: Okay, I'll tell you the truth. It happened in the air, while I was fighting the Vulture for dear life!
Betty: Oh, well! Ask a silly question!
Spider-Man #7

"It's so easy fitting in in this time. People ask me questions, I answer them honestly, and they assume I'm joking. So it all works out."
Miguel O'Hara, Spider-Man 2099

    Fan Works 
Asuka: Anyway, how did you do that earlier?
Shinji: In situations where denial or dishonesty is expected, the truth can often be dismissed as fabrication. Control of a situation is not just based off what you do, but what others expect you to do.
Asuka: You… lied by telling the truth?
Shinji: Think of it like pretending to make a feint in combat. If your opponent expects you to feint, if you follow through then the expected strike was the lie while the feint was a real attack.
Asuka: Okay, that makes a bit more sense when put into those terms.

    Film — Live-Action 
Jack: Well, then, I confess: It is my intention to commandeer one of these ships, pick up a crew in Tortuga, raid, pillage, plunder and otherwise pilfer me weaselly black guts out.
Murtogg: I said no lies!
Mullroy: I think he's telling the truth.
Murtogg: If he were telling the truth, he wouldn't have told us.
Jack: Unless of course he knew you wouldn't believe the truth, even if he told you.

"You lied to me by telling me the truth?"
Captain Jack Sparrow, who is surprised for all of a quarter second, Pirates of the Caribbean: On Stranger Tides

Trini's Mother: So where were you last night?
Trini: Me and four kids found a spaceship buried underground.
Mother: What?
Trini: I'm pretty sure I'm a super hero.
Trini's Brothers: Cool.
Mother: [slams a container on the table] PEE IN THAT CUP!

That's the advantage of having a reputation for gags; you can say practically anything if you handle your face right [...] it's the Hitler-Stalin technique in reverse. They tell barefaced lies to have them taken as truth, and we told the barefaced truth to have it taken as a lie.
Archie Goodwin, Nero Wolfe, The Cop Killer

"It’s not enough to be able to lie with a straight face; anybody with enough gall to raise on a busted flush can do that. The first way to lie artistically is to tell the truth — but not all of it. The second way involves telling the truth, too, but is harder: Tell the exact truth and maybe all of it…but tell it so unconvincingly that your listener is sure you are lying."
Robert A. Heinlein, Time Enough for Love

    Live-Action TV 
Jenna: You wouldn't be trying to get rid of me would you?
Avon: I have to get rid of Blake first. You're next on my list.
Jenna: That would have been very disarming, if I didn't know that you meant it.
Blake's 7, "Cygnus Alpha"

Hank: "To W.W. My star, my perfect silence." W.W. I mean, who do you figure that is, y'know? Woodrow Wilson? Willy Wonka? ...Walter White?
Walter: You got me.

"Well, in that case, you are dining with a psychopathic murderer, Frederick." (Clinks glasses)
Hannibal Lecter, psychopathic murderer

Marshall: You two got in a fight. Really.
Ted: Uh, no, Barney punched me and himself in the face to make it look like we got in a fight. Come on, Marshall.
How I Met Your Mother, "The Fight"

Gus: You named your fake detective agency "Psych"? As in "gotcha"? Why didn't you just call it "Hey, we're fooling you and the police department; hope we don't make a mistake and somebody dies because of it."
Shawn: First of all, Gus, that name is entirely too long; it would never fit on the window. And secondly, the best way you convince people you're not lying to them is to tell them you are!
Psych, Pilot episode

"Actually, we're having an illicit affair in the photocopying room."
Penny, having been nearly caught having an illicit affair in the photocopying room for the second time in as many minutes, Teachers

    Video Games 
Naoto: Well then, it's your turn now. A straight answer, please. What is your true involvement with the murder case?
Yosuke: You know, you're so good at killing the mood that it's almost funny...
Yukiko: [drunk off her ass] Weeeeell, we go rescuing people who've been kidnapped by jumping into the TV! And theeen, we do stuff like "Persona!" with our Personas and beat the crap outta Shadows...
Yosuke: Y-You idiot...
Naoto: *sigh* Are you making fun of me?
Rise: [also drunk off her ass] Ish true! Personaaaa!
Chie: Sheesh! Somebody put these two drunks to bed already!
Naoto: I see now that you had no intention of telling me the truth.

Bass: Everything that she said is completely accurate! There's no prize waiting for you in the desert! Only death! I'm just trying to trick you! I'm using your own arrogance and pride against you! IN FACT, I'M DOING IT RIGHT NOW!
Amon: Absurd! I'm far too intelligent to fall for such a plan!

    Web Original 
Charles Stoltz: Clark Kent the ultimate Troll
ReduxEditor335: She asked. And its not lying if you confess sarcastically. xD
YouTube comments on the below scene from STAS.

    Western Animation 
"And now I'm using sarcasm, to confess the whole thing so later I could say I already told you."
Homer, The Simpsons, "Bart Has Two Mommies"

Lois Lane: I'm confused, Kent. See, I've lived in Metropolis most of my life and I can't figure out how some yokel from Smallville is suddenly getting every hot story in town.
Clark Kent: Well Lois, the truth is I'm actually Superman in disguise, and I only pretend to be a journalist in order to hear about disasters as they happen and then squeeze you out of the byline.
Lois Lane: You're a sick man, Kent. [leaves]
Clark Kent: You asked...


Example of: