Quotes / Mooks

Comic Strips

Wally: I've decided to dabble in crime. I need some henchmen. Are you in?
Asok: What does a henchmen do?
Wally: A henchman's job is to be gunned down in reverse order to his importance.
Asok: How important am I?
Wally: I wouldn't pack a lunch for orientation day.

— Dilbert, strip for May 12, 2009

Film

"Do you know who I am? Have you any idea how many anonymous henchmen I've killed over the years? And look at you; you haven't even got a name tag. You've got no chance. Why don't you just fall down? Go on, son."

— Nigel Powers, Austin Powers in Goldmember

"Do you want me to slow him down, sir, or do you want to send in some more guys for him to beat up?"

— Hawkeye, Thor

Joey 'Clams' Scala: We're not payin', because this guy, this guy's a fuckin' mook.
Jimmy: But I didn't say nothin'.
Joey: And we don't pay mooks.
Jimmy: Mook? I'm a mook?
Joey: Yeah.
Jimmy: What's a mook?
Johnny Boy: A mook, what's a mook?
Tony: I don't know...
Johnny: What's a mook?
Jimmy: You can't call me a mook!
Joey: I can't?
Jimmy: No...
Joey: I'll give you mook!
— Mean Streets

Bennett: I love listening to your little pissant soldiers trying to talk tough. They make me laugh. If Matrix was here, he'd laugh too.
Arius: Mr. Bennett, my soldiers are patriots.
Bennett: Your soldiers are nothing. Matrix and I could kill every one of them, in the blink of an eye. Remember that.
— Commando (1985)

Literature

Riding with her were a number of swarthy men that will certainly be killed before too long anyway, so a description is probably not essential.

The Light Fantastic

Live-Action TV

"What can you say? There’s a downside to working for supervillians."

— Cam Mitchell, Stargate SG-1; "Momento Mori"

Podcasts

"Are you inept?! Inattentive?! Weak?! Join the Sci-Fi movie army!!"

— Kevin Murphy, RiffTrax for Æon Flux

"Man, I gotta stop hiring thugs off Craigslist."

— RiffTrax, The Bourne Identity

Tabletop Games

Without his Storm Troopers (or his Clones) the Emperor of the Star Wars universe would have been nothing more then a personal menace with a great need for a plastic surgeon and a better fashion consultant. And where would Sauron have been without his Orcs. The power of most Masterminds lies with their minions—the faceless hordes who exist to do (literally) only the Mastermind's bidding and work their evil upon the game world.

— GURPS For Dummies

These guys are your basic stupid, fearful, reflexively-violent mooks. If you're giving them any more personality than that, you're thinking too hard. They're just breathing sacks of cement with guns, itching to be thrown through windows, crushed under collapsing ceilings, and otherwise dispatched like the bottom-feeding no-name scum they are.

— GM notes on the Poison Thorns, the mooks from the Feng Shui intro adventure "Baptism of Fire."

Video Games

"Why do you attract these lunatics? Why won't they just leave you alone? Why do they take such pleasure in stabbing you?"

— Surface Ties: the Assailant, Fallen London

An underling in the Leblanc Syndicate. She gets more respect than the She-Goons, but her salary is still lousy. She can use Potions, but let's face it, she's doomed.

— Scan description of Ms. Goon, Final Fantasy X-2

"A goblin has entered your domain. On his own he is a cowardly beast, but in a horde becomes a useful fighting force."

— The Mentor, Dungeon Keeper 2

Web Animation

"Here's a brief list of things these guards, soldiers and career mercenaries have never been trained not to do: 1) Stand around facing each other and jammer on about how much they hate democracy and apple pie and the smiles on little babies' faces instead of guarding the fucking room. 2) Shout insults at the professional killer the they can't see but know for a fact is in the room, currently training his sights at their big flapping pottymouths. 3) After catching a glimpse of said professional killer, unload every clip of ammo at the place where he used to be with their backs to about 12 different entry points. 4) And repeatedly checking for the professional killer in the same square yard of floorspace, loudly announcing their results with every step."

— Zero Punctuation review of Splinter Cell: Conviction

Webcomics

"Dude... it's a tall guy dressed in black, with a weird, glowy weapon thing, and we're a couple of guards in matching, shiny armor... we're so fucking DEAD!"

— Guard, Errant Story, p.342

"Seriously, where did we get these mouth-breathers? Storm Troopers R' Us?"

— Revolver Ocelot, The Last Days of FOXHOUND

Web Original

The Suliban were never going to be the greatest threat to the Trek universe but it is here where their fate as an ineffectual villainous race is cemented when they outnumber Enterprise 30 to 1 and yet despite their numbers on the ship still manage to be tricked and defeated.

—Joe Ford on Star Trek: Enterprise, "Shockwave Pt. II"

Final Fantasy II had the unstoppable hellspawned footsoldiers of the Paramekian Empire. Final Fantasy VI had the MagiTek-powered armies of Emperor Gestahl. Final Fantasy VII had Shinra's security forces. Each incarnation of the Final Fantasy evil imperial army has become less and less frightening until we at last hit the bottom with the Galbadian Army. It's baffling that Galbadia ever became an imperial power with an army of useless wimps like these guys. If you ever get a game over screen as a result of a run-in with these guys, you'd probably be better off playing Mystic Quest. They're more like dominoes than soldiers.

— Pat R., "A Series Discovers Its Crack Pipe"

Ladies and gentlemen, we are gathered here today via YouTube to solemnly remember our great friend, Soldier A. He was there to scream as he was shot, he was there to grunt as he was punched in the face, and he announced, yes, it was a Gundam. May he rest in peace...at least until the next action scene.

— Neo Mikey's description for "Soldier A" Video.

Western Animation

Joker: Please allow me to introduce my associates. Miss Quinn...
Harley Quinn: Enchanted!
Joker: And Misters... [gestures at his two goons] ...their names escape me at the moment...

— Batman: The Animated Series, "The Laughing Fish"

Real Life

Poor goblins. Dying for the cheap entertainment of low level PCs.

— Jim Butcher, discussing The Dresden Files in an interview.

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