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Quotes / Lame Comeback

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Holly: That's right, Mud Boy. Play time's over. Time for the professionals to take over. If you're a good boy, I'll buy you a lollipop when I come back.
(Holly leaves)
Artemis: I don't like lollipops.

Edmund Blackadder: "Too often one thinks of what one should have said."
Prince George: "Well, yes, you see, only the other day, Prime Minister Pitt called me an idle scrounger, and it wasn't until later that I thought how clever it would've been to have said, "Oh, bugger off, you old fart!""

"Seriously, this is distilled posturing at its essence. When Sinclair asks Valentine who the feds will believe, 'a cheap crook or the number-three box office draw in America?' it’s sort of half-and-half....And Sorvino replies with, 'Number three jerk!' like he’s George Costanza."
Chris Sims and Matt Wilson on The Rocketeer

"Wizard!" she spat. "I am going to completely restrict your ability to effect change in the populace of the realm or those neighboring nations with the ability to influence our internal politics, economy or cultural standards."
Oh, yeah, she thought, minstrels will be falling over themselves to immortalize that cunning phrasing.
— The fic Goddess

Thief: No, your free-for-all idea was dumb. For the record, all of your ideas? Dumb.
Black Mage: You're the dumb idea!
Beat Panel
Black Mage: That sounded way better in my head.

Android 17: I have to admire your ability to stand up after that.
Vegeta: And I admire your ability to die!

Android 18: How sad... To work so hard for so little...
Donna: No stupid Martian is going to stop me from getting married! To hell with you! (runs off)
The Doctor: I’m, I’m not, I’m not, I’m not from Mars...
Doctor Who, "The Runaway Bride"

Fei Long: Look at you! You've ignored your training, and you've turned against all of your friends!
Ken: And you... you're a loser!

Max: Can I at least know your name? In my head, I keep calling you the little sausage dog, but it seems rude.
Rocky: Well, it is rude. I don't go around calling you the thing. Yeah, I got nothing.
The Last Dogs: The Vanishing

[Ben turns into Cannonbolt to face a mechanical duplicate of his alien form]
Ben: Hey, handsome! Why don't you pick on someone your own size, in handsomeness!?
Mechanical Cannonbolt: I am going to roll you, sir!
Ben: Really? That's the best quip you can come up with?
Ben 10 (2016), "Past Aliens Present"

LittleKuriboh: And so The Undertaker has this perfectly reasonable response:
The Undertaker: How dare you?!
Jaden Yuki: How? 'Cause I'm daring, I guess.
LittleKuriboh: ... Bleep you! Ah, Jaden Yuki, the master of the pithy retort! Mate, you played a trading card, it's not like you bungee-jumped into the Grand Canyon.

Murderer: [Macduff] is a traitor.
Young Macduff: Thou liest, shag-haired villain!
Murderer: What? You egg!

Zorak: You dance like a woman.
Space Ghost: I dance like a woman... if she were a man!

Mal: You want to run this ship?
Jayne: Yes!
Mal: [Taken aback] Well... you can't.


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