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Quotes / Hurricane of Puns

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This is going to get ugly
A contestant, before a pun-based game on NPR's Ask Me Anything

What is this Pig World? Oh its Hamalot... it's- it's Hamalot.
Good one Bubsy! Hey wanna be a cast member on
Sat-PURR-day Night Live? I know you'll make the MEOOOWST of it! I BELIEVE IN YA, BUBSY!
JonTron, Bubsy Franchise

(Patrick sprays Spongebob's hand with invisible spray)
Patrick: I gotta hand it to you, Spongebob. You look kinda funny.
Spongebob: Righty! Where are you? No one messes with Righty! We'll see how you like it!
(sprays Patrick in the middle of his torso)
Spongebob: Kind of give you an empty feeling, huh?
(Patrick sprays Spongebob's eye)
Patrick: Yeah, I see what you mean!
(Spongebob sprays Patrick's stomach, and then his crotch)
Spongebob: No guts, no glory!
Narrator: Several bad puns later...
Spongebob Squarepants, Pranks a Lot

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Topic title: "Two words: Dancing tanks."
StarSword: (posts this video)
Borgholio: Tanks for showing us this.
Flagg: You're a dead man.
Enigma: He's tanked as it is. I don't think he'll get the message. :)
GuppyShark: Tread carefully
Flagg: I'm sharpening my knives.
General Zod: So he oughta make tracks if he knows what's good for him?
Flagg: I'd kill you but you're already dead inside.
General Zod: You can't tank me that easily.
Flagg: It is you who have tanked yourself. When you moving again, bro? ("evil grin" smiley)
General Zod: Probably not for awhile, but this isn't about me. Why don't you tank two joints and call me in the morning?
Flagg: You're a sad sad man.
InsaneTD: It's ok, I can tank it.
Zaune: (ASCII drawing of Picard facepalm)
InsaneTD: You didn't sight that coming?
Borgholio: What the shell is going on with all these tank puns?
InsaneTD: Hull if I know.
LaCroix: That's a piercing question...
— a thread on StarDestroyer.net

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Jafar: Don't toy with me! (turns Abu into a wind-up Cymbal-Banging Monkey)
Aladdin: Abu!
Jafar: Things are unraveling fast now, boy! (unravels Carpet into a pile of thread;) Get the point? (drops a bunch of daggers in front of Aladdin) I'm just getting warmed up! (creates a Ring of Fire around Aladdin)

"Bernie Sandwiches: a name everyone can get behind because he's not a member of the old boys' club. He fights the rich guys on behalf of the po'boys. Someone with a trusting open face and will surely win Florida by appealing to Cubans and... uh, this is a French dip, so, uh... he is au jus—ish candidate. Plus, he has a long history of supporting the LGBLT community. Sure, the Democratic establishment may have a beef with him now, because he's been reuben them the wrong way and I know it may sound hoagie, and he doesn't have it all wrapped up yet, but in times like these, his supporters believe we need a hero."
Stephen Colbert after Chris Hayes flubs "Bernie Sanders." For bonus points, he produces a corresponding sandwich with each pun.

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Fiona: And what of my groom-to-be, Lord Farquaad, what's he like?
Shrek: Well, let me put it this way, Princess. Men of Farquaad's stature are in short supply. (laughs)
Donkey: Oh, no, Shrek. There are those who think little of him. (both laugh)
Fiona: Stop it! Stop it, both of you! You know, you're just jealous that you can never measure up to a great ruler like Lord Farquaad.
Shrek: Yeah. Well, maybe you're right, Princess. But I'll let you do the measuring when you see him tomorrow.

Sperm General: Heads up! The time's come to pound this out! Some of you guys couldn't hold on. Pathetic! Those squirts have been discharged prematurely! But you came through. You came quick, hard, in and out, over and over, strong! But we're not finished yet! Now, we must thrust forward! Stay on top of each other! Give a hand when needed and let's bring this thing to a climax!
Sperm Soldier #1: Hey. How's your journal entry diddling going?
Portschach: It's wet.
Sperm Soldier #2: I get it. Rub out a few thoughts before walking hard and fast into death.
Sperm Soldier #3: This is stimulating, you know. Going so deep into an operation like this.
Sperm Soldier #4: You know what I heard? No one's ever pulled out successfully before.
Sperm Soldier #1: It's true. Ask that old bastard. He's been around the block before.
Sperm Soldier #4: Apparently, he rode out the 4th Bartholin campaign and hasn't been the same since. Well, Gramps, you think we'll be able to squeeze one off?
Gramps: Need lube.
Sperm Soldier #1: Come again?
Gramps: Vas deferens. That's how you know.
Sperm Soldier #1: What? Your oral skills blow, old man.
Sperm Soldier #4: Give him a minute. He starts off slow, that's all.
Gramps: Beware the name General Scotty! We can't let him win! He must go down!
Sperm General: It's time, seamen! Get off! [the Sperm Soldiers leave the boat and some of them get killed] Stay strong! Incoming! Get on top of that mound! Fire your lode at will! Let's cream 'em, boys! [the soldiers run.]

Pinkie Pie: Haha! "Canterlot", "Mare in the Moon"... This is going to be PUN-tastic!
Rainbow Dash: Joy.

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