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Quotes / Hollywood Homely

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Austin: So they're slightly disfigured and connected at the head. But combined, those two make up one pretty decent chick.
Reggie Ray: Yeah, I'd do 'em.
Austin: I know you would, Reggie Ray. But no, I'm looking for somebody who's really messed up. I'm talking about a real shitbomb.
[Chyler Leigh walks by]
Austin: Well, bombs away!
Jake: No, no, no, no, anyone but her! Not... Janie Briggs! Guys, she's got glasses and a ponytail! Aw, look at that, she's got paint on her overalls, what is that?!

Leonardo: Take the ugly one!
Raphael: You take the ugly one!
Donatello: I'll take the ugly one!
Michaelangelo: WHICH ONE'S THE UGLY ONE??!!

Celeste: Makeovers are for pretty girls that need a little help, not hopeless cases like me!
Bam Bam and Celeste

"Really? You put specs on her and she’s suddenly not the most beautiful woman you’ve ever seen?"
Etta Candy lampshading this trope regarding Diana, Wonder Woman (2017)

We sure are cute for two ugly people.
The Moldy Peaches, "Anyone Else But You".

Five minutes into the film, I relaxed, knowing it was set in the real world, and not in the Hollywood alternative universe where Julia Roberts can't get a date.

    video games 
Jiwoo: If [the main character] was ugly, it would have ended after 5 minutes of being aired.
Heejung: ...true. Usually the main female character isn't ugly. The film might describe the woman as being plain-looking, but they actually use a really pretty actress.

    web original 
ScarJo says she has an 'okay' body. I see what you’re doing, ScarJo! She probably said that, because if she would’ve said, 'My body is spectacular and my magnificent chichis can cure impotence,' everyone would’ve called her a conceited bitch.

We move instead to the hangar to meet Jet Girl, played by Naomi Watts, who we know is not sexy because she’s wearing glasses and has brown hair.
Chris Sims on Tank Girl

Nicole Kidman wasn’t considered sexy enough by the studio. Before you snicker, bear in mind this is the same studio that at the time was planning a Superman movie with Nicolas Cage in the lead.
The Agony Booth, Batman Forever Recap Supplement

Leblanc is shrill, supercilious and vain... Even her henchmen have a hard time tolerating her, and can be heard making cracks about her age behind her back. Judging by the look of things, the old hag might even be a hoary twenty-five years old. (As you know, the twilight of a woman's prime is somewhere between the ages of seventeen and twenty-two.)

ODB was by far the most interesting woman in wrestling prior to her telling Dixie to take a hike. Was she the sexiest? No. Was she the best worker? No. But was she the most entertaining? Absolutely. And why was that? Because she was different, unique, and was completely believable as her character. When I watched ODB, I didn’t think it was someone pretending to be something she wasn’t. I truly believed her character and what it was. Compare that to say, Michelle McCool. I don’t know what her motives are ; no clue as to who she is supposed to be.

Look, I get it — in the world of TV and movies, everything is cooler, prettier, and sexier than real life. The nerds are hotter than your high school's prom king, the "plain" girls are played by models, and the "fat" guys are thinner than most people in line at a Walmart.

I mean, not to say that I have some ugly friends, but... well, I have some ugly friends. I think we all know someone who's definitively less attractive than Gerard there and THEY don't wear a mask and bemoan their accursed fate.

The Devil Wears Prada: a movie that relies entirely on the conceit that Anne Hathaway's character doesn't look anything like Anne Hathaway.
smolrobots on Twitter

    web video 
Tacoma: Oh, um, Cameron Diaz in Being John Malkovich, they didn't make her look hot in there.
Rebecca: Oh yeah! Let's take the hot chick and make her look frumpy. Brilliant! She can get any role she wants, do you know how many normal, ugly people would kill for that role? But no, let's hand it to the cute one and praise her for being edgy.

She’s supposed to be a frumpy nerd. But since Halle Berry is the exact opposite of that, they’ll just bury her in plus-size clothes and make her super clumsy.

GASP! A faint discoloration! On her face! And you can barely see it in most lighting? No! The humanity! No, look away! It's so horrible, look away! I'm going to be sick!
Honest Trailer on Olivia Cooke's character in Ready Player One (2018)

    real life 
This is Bayside, after all, where eye-wear is little more than a prop to mark out a character as a social leper; a shorthand for nerd, like a cannibal with a bone through the nose. When she nervously tries on a pair for opinions, they're what 2015 fashion would deem your average hipster specs, but were probably super square back in '90, as confirmed by Screech's comparison to those worn by his grandmother's friends. Today, that's probably the biggest compliment you could pay somebody.
Stuart Millard on Saved by the Bell, So Excited, So Scared

Hollywood doesn’t make films about ugly people, my friend, except for passion projects involving actors caping for Oscar’s attention.
Alex de Campi, The Hollywood Reporter


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