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Funny / Paul Heyman

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  • Paul E. Dangerously, meninist. This angle could have been a trainwreck—and maybe it was, but Paul E. is absolutely committed to being the King of Cretins, and even manages to get Madusa over. No mean feat in WCW.
    Paul E. Dangerously: F!I!R!E!D! FIRED! [stomping feet] FIRED!! FIIIIRRRED!!!
  • At an ECW Q&A event, Paul told the story of his first day in Memphis. His impression of an outraged Jerry Jarrett is absolutely hilarious. The video can be seen here.
  • He and Jim Ross produced several funny moments on commentary for the Stacy Keibler-Torrie Wilson Lingerie Match at WWE No Mercy 2001.
    • First:
      Jim Ross: I noticed the feet, how sick am I?
      Paul Heyman: Very. I need to take you out more. Then again...
    • During an obligatory Catfight sequence, the ladies rolled into and over referee Jack Doan.
      Paul: I want to be Jack Doan when I grow up!
      Jim: He wants to be Jack Doan when HE grows up!
    • After the match, which Torrie won.
      Paul: Do you think they might kiss and make up?
      Jim: Well, I don't know.
      Paul: Please?
      Jim: [laughs sarcastically] Yeah, in your dreams.
      Paul: Actually JR, that's a very accurate statement.
  • During a 2004 episode of SmackDown, Rhyno hits John Cena with a Gore, pretty much breaking the dude in half. That in and of itself is only funny if you are not a fan of Mr. Cena. What is objectively hilarious is Paul Heyman grabbing a microphone, getting in the battered Cena's face, and screaming "GORE!!! GORE!!!" at the top of his lungs.
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  • Addressing the Raw and SmackDown gatecrashers at the first One Night Stand pay-per-view
    Paul: Hide your wives, it's EDGE! ... I have two words for you: [gets in the ropes, starts flapping] MATT FREAKING HARDY!
    Edge: [mocking surprise; to the others] That's three words, Paul!
  • From December to Dismember 2006, widely regarded as the all-time worst WWE PPV:
    Heyman: Long after my death, ECW will live on.
    Fan: Bullshit!
    • Shortly after that, Heyman says Big Show is the (unconvincing) "face" of ECW. and the same guy says "he's going to retire next year!". If only he was right.
  • Paul concludes this interview after leaving WWE in December 2006 by saying why he doesn't want to go back into the wrestling business (in short, creative and emotional disappointment) by saying "I'd end up like Cornette!" and does an impression of his notorious outrage. Now Hilarious in Hindsight as Paul is back in wrestling (as an on-screen character only though) and Jim Cornette is out.
  • On the Raw before Hell in a Cell 2013 Paul was asked about said match, between himself, Ryback vs CM Punk. Things got a bit... heated. What's better is Ryback, standing right there, completely unemotional and unmoving, while Paul is screaming himself purple.
  • Paul tells a joke.
  • Referring to the commentary team as "John Bradshaw Layfield and those two other things that call themselves announcers." Notable because in the midst of heeling it up, he got a standing ovation for this remark.
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  • Paul sings a song about Brock Lesnar breaking The Undertaker's streak before the rematch between Taker and Lesnar at SummerSlam. It's so funny that Brock Lesnar starts to corpse. At least until the signature gong starts to bell.
  • "Brock Lesnar doesn't like ANYBODY! He barely tolerates ME!" The dopey grin and nodding from Brock is what really sells it.
  • When Heath Slater is demanding a match with Brock and mentions his kids, Brock grabs the microphone from Paul to respond. Paul's response is to look horrified and Face Palm, as if to say "Oh dear God, what is he going to say?" He's not wrong, as Brock responds to Slater's comments with a hilariously blunt "I don't give a shit about your kids".

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