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Funny / Keep Beach City Weird

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The Blog

  • When Ronaldo is trying to explain the giant teacup that got thrown into the ocean during "Serious Steven".
    "While everyone else in town seems ready to write the incident off as an "accident", I think we WEIRDIES know exactly who to blame... no, not the Irish. I have taken that blog post down and apologized."
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  • The Carnie Graveyard:
    "Back in the 30s, the county passed a law banning "circus folk" from being buried amongst "regular folk". So the circus folk found a plot of land where they could bury their loved ones with respect, or in the case of the clowns, shove them all into one coffin."
  • Ronaldo had to cut his blog about pterodactyl drones short because he couldn't upload his two terabyte PDF. And one of the labels on the drawing he did post is "wind lines (for wind)".
  • There were two entries based on "Tiger Millionaire": one showing him as the "Loch Ness Bloggster" right before his fight with Amethyst, assuring readers he'd be alright as "wrestling is just pretend!" The next entry:
  • Why did the blog stop during the long period between episodes?
    "I've been off the grid for the summer. Not because government was on my tail, but because I... dropped my phone in the toilet.
    And then I was googling 'how to remove a phone from a toilet in a way that isn't gross' and I... dropped my laptop in the toilet."
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  • The tale of William Buford Buchanan, Beach City's most infamous arsonist:
    "He set a record 335 fires in the summer of 1862. Back then, there weren't many buildings in Beach City, so he had to burn his own house down 68 times."
  • When posting his bewilderment over the sudden appearance of a fence around the lighthouse, Ronaldo speculates this "mysterious fence mason" has something to hide... then declares they're doing him a favor. "That lighthouse indeed holds many secrets... secrets of my OWN!!! ...I've said too much, please don't reblog this post."
    • "REBLOG THE POST"
      "WHAT?! I explicitly said to NOT reblog the post!!! IF THIS IS AN ATTEMPT TO TROLL ME, YOU WILL NOT SUCCEED. I AM UNTROLLABLE."
  • On Halloween 2014, after the events of the episode that shares a title with the blog, Ronaldo opened up his ask box and answered some questions. Questions relating to polymorphic sentient rocks, the benefits of subs and dubs, and furries. These got so popular that the Crewniverse (technically, the mod blog of Keep Beach City Weird) had to shut down the ask box after a day from a sheer amount of content. A single day.
  • Ronaldo reviews Soul Blaster, a Show Within a Show mentioned in one of the comments of "Keep Beach City Weird". It turns out to be about a teen who fights with a cannon powered by the ghost of his dead little brother. He recommends selections of the source manga: chapters 1-26, 237-349, and 1245-3762.note 
    It's really only 7 months out of your life, but a 7 months well spent.
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  • Ronaldo's failed attempt to broadcast his watermelon autopsy from "Watermelon Steven":
    NOOOOOOO! I FORGOT TO INCLUDE A LINK TO THE LIVESTREAM!!! DID ANYONE SCREEN CAP WHAT HAPPENED?!! THAT WAS SO WEIRD!! AND I MIGHT HAVE A BROKEN RIB!!!
  • Ronaldo reveals the fate of the author of the No Home Boys:
    In 1965, the author of the No Home Boys, Dustylegs Jefferson, died tragically when he was hit by a train full of circus animals at a book signing in active train yard (sic).
    • In the following post, Ronaldo reveals his No Home Boys Original Character (image), complete with edamame beans and a video game sword for fighting wolves and opening the bean can.
  • In his list of "Top 5 Regrets", Ronaldo laments buying a $300 replica sword from the OAV Beautiful Girlfriend Satan... when he could have bought a $600 replica sword from Samurai Friend Zone.
  • Ronaldo's musical preferences:
    I only listen to jazz from Korea! K-Jazz! Played by beautiful boys with distinct personality archetypes!
  • As Ronaldo is evacuating during the events of "The Return"/"Jail Break", his pictures indicates his younger brother got to ride shotgun. Ronaldo also gives his potentially final request:
    In case I get shot down by an alien, there’s a folder on my desktop that says DO NOT DELETE. Please delete that folder!
  • Ronaldo spending months editing his documentary, only to have it taken down by TubeTube for supposedly containing a copyrighted background music track.
  • Ronaldo's reaction to Peridot appearing on TV in "Cry for Help" is to assume she's... an eco-terrorist android trying to free all animals from zoos. He then comments that he likes "basically any animal that hangs out in a tree".
  • A series of posts detail an incident where Ronaldo went downstairs on one night to have a sandwich as a snack... and the refrigerator fell on top of him. His cries for help were unheard by his dad and brother due to a loud thunderstorm outside, and neither of them checked his blog where he was posting distress calls using his cell phone. Eventually, Ronaldo determined that he just wanted the sandwich in order to satisfy his hunger, and made a "sandwich reaching device" out of materials that are in reach, one of such being a banana, and he points out that he could just eat the banana but he won't because he really wants a sandwich. His attempt to get the sandwich failed, so he resigns himself to an impending death and states that his last wish is that his dad shoot his body and his phone into space so that his blog has a chance of reaching extraterrestrial civilizations who might remake him as a cyborg and worship him. The next post states "Nevermind. My dad found me and lifted the fridge off", ending the whole thing anticlimactically.
  • Right before Stevenbomb 4, Ronaldo posts for the first time in a while, explaining that he'd been staying off the Internet to avoid spoilers for the new Dogcopter movie (which aired last December, in an obvious parallel to Star Wars: The Force Awakens). Then he gets to the theater and someone coming out of the theater blurts out the big twist that Dogcopter's actually part-cat.
    • Ultimately, the post ends with Ronaldo stating that "Spoilers are the worst."... immediately after spoiling the end to the movie.
    • Where was Ronaldo's computer this time?
      I handed over my laptop and my phone to my little bro, Peedee, and ordered him to bury them in an undisclosed location in the deserts of New Mexico.
      I think he just put them in the walk-in freezer at the fry shop.
  • The first post of the Summer of Steven features Ronaldo's progress on the book he's writing. He has a title and the name of the first chapter. That's it.
    • Said post also features him advertising Guacola to make some extra money for his blog. He doesn't even try to hide how much he hates it, resulting in one of the most sarcastic endorsements known to mankind.
      Guacola. It's a soda that pays people to say they like it, so you know it's good.
  • In this post following "Mr. Greg", Ronaldo shows off his more sensitive side by writing a short crossover fan-fic... shipping Pear from Crying Breakfast Friends and the Pepe's Burgers mascot.

The Book


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