"Do not boop that merry suicide bomber."
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Catachan Capers
- This episode introduces occasional info-boxes to explain obscure bits of lore, or simple bits for the uninitiated. On occasion they become phenomenally snarky.
- When the Daemonettes attacking the Catachans appear on screen, the Info-boxes explain what they are before momentarily switching to a message aimed at a certain crowd.
Info-Box: DAEMONETTES ARE NOT GIRLFRIEND MATERIAL YOU DUMB IDIOTS THEY WILL EAT YOUR FACE- As the Astropath struggles to get a planet's pronunciation right before giving up completely:
Info-Box: Astropathic communication has varied results.
Astropath Sassafras: Nqumetsz- SOMETHING, WHATEVER!
Info-Box: It's usually pretty shit all things considered.- The info-boxes don't seem to have a good opinion of the Raven Guard's rituals in general:
Vulkan: Well! Considering the circumstances I would say we celebrate this momentous occasion!
Kayvan Shrike: Yes, yes. A fine idea, Lord Vulkan! I suggest we mount a 19-day long silent vigil-
Info-Box: This is something the Raven Guard actually do. Lazy shits celebrate stuff by taking 19-day long naps (essentially)
[...]
Kayvan Shrike: To merely survive here is a feat as taxing as the most gruelling of Raven Guard trials.
Info-Box: One of the most important Raven Guard trials is to catch a bird in the forest. Gruelling.- The info-boxes has this to say about the Damocles Gulf:
Info-Box: *The Damocles Gulf was a highly contested War Zone the Imperium tried to defend from invading T'au forces under Commander Shadowsun.
Info-Box: *This was of course after she stopped dating Kitten. - Vulkan has not let up on the bone-crushing Bear Hugs in the least.Corvus: Vulkan, stop unintentionally murdering my son.
- The Catachan Jungle Fighters were fighting said daemonettes... in the snow. The Lampshade Hanging was saying that this was a the result of the Imperium screwing up the deployments.
- While waiting for Straken to come back, the Primarchs and their entourage decide to go out and "enjoy nature" as suggested by one of the Catachans.Vulkan: Come, brother! While we wait, let us tour through these magical woods!
Corvus: *sigh* Right. Fine. Let us tie tree boughs together for a makeshift cat o' nine tails.
Vulkan: ADVEN-*Suddenly flying into the air for no perceived reason*-tuuuuure!- This, of course, goes rather badly for poor Corvus, who's definitely not used to nature:
Vulkan: Ho-ho-ho-ho-ho-hoh! This planet humbles me to no bounds! Tank-sized scorpipedes, platoon-eating plants, and trench foot for the power armoured!
Corvus, filthied and neck-high in mud: WHY DO PEOPLE LIIIVE HEEEEERE. - There is a scene where Corvus briefs the rest on why they need to arrive on Terra, during which he tells of Magnus (apparently) having had infiltrated into the Imperial Palace and hence plans to take over the Imperium. We are then treated to an illustration of a giant Magnus with Terra on his hand, Evil Laugh included, and the rest understandably horrified. Adding to this absurd image is a little blink-and-you'll-miss-it moment in which Terra briefly turns into an M&M's cookie, with a caption, "Magnus found a cookie and so did you!"
- Eventually Alfabusa took a step further and uploaded a redux of this scene, this time with Terra being said cookie the whole time, and the laugh replaced with a sound bite of Magnus gleefully saying, "Look at this cookie I found!" The scene where a Raven Guard is horrified is kept, this time making it Faux Horrific in contrast.
- Corvus has some issues with the fact that the Catachans lack much in the way of weapons or armor, leading to this exchange.Corvus: On Deathworlds where venomous animals, poisonous flora and acid rains rule, covering your skin is surprisingly important.
Vulkan: Did not our friendly fluorescent brother Ferrus do something similar, ya know, brandishing the sheer might of humanity by showing off his [suddenly Ork!Vulkan] FLASHY MUSCLES ALL DA TIME!?
Corvus: That is because said muscles were permanently covered in living metal. Besides, if his sons in the Iron Hands got to decide, every single soul on this forsaken planet would carry cybernetics the likes of which would make Colonel Straken look like an unsoiled newborn.
Ghost!Ferrus: FLESH IS WEAK! WEEEAAAK!! [punched down by Vulkan]
Vulkan: The real Ferrus Manus would say the opposite you dumb ghostface idiot. - A minor shot taken at Game Workshop's recent renaming (and general abundance of names for the Imperial armies):Corvus: So, politics are to blame. The Commander of the Imperial Army-
Tu'Shan: Imperial Guard.
He'Stan: Astra Militarum.
Corvus: THE WALL OF GUNS, requires this planet, and its elite troops, to prove a point. - The entire scene where Vulkan encounters a Catachan Barking Toad. Straken explains that the things are dangerous and will explode if disturbed, but if they carefully move away from it, they should be safe.Corvus: I don't want to believe you... but I do. Vulkan, step away from the frog.
Catachan Barking Toad: Ribbit.
Vulkan: I would like to pet this creature.
Corvus: ...Don't do that.
Vulkan: It would be but a single boop on its noggin!
Corvus: Do not boop that merry suicide bomber.
Vulkan: I want to boop de snoot!
Corvus: Stop wanting!
Vulkan: But-
Corvus: Stop!
Vulkan: Must-
Corvus: VULKAN.
Vulkan: But boop!
Corvus: NO BOOPING!
Vulkan: (extreme slow-mo booping) BOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOP!!!
Corvus: NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!
Straken: Noooooooo!!
Harker: (screams like a redneck)
He'Stan: (Screams Like a Little Girl)
Shrike: (prolonged bird noise)
(Vulkan's fist hits the Barking Toad with a squeaky toy sound)
Barking Toad: Ribbit. (detonates in a cloud of toxins)
Vulkan: Hahaha! (faceplants)
(beat)
Tu'Shan: (bawling) Vulkan's dead! Again! - A Greater Catachan Barking Toad somehow snuck on top of Corvus Corax's head without anyone noticing. The Raven Guard are both incredulous and shamed at this.
- It almost stops being funny when it's revealed that the Greater Barking Toad will go off like a toxic nuke and Corvus flies as far up as he can to save the lives of his comrades at the cost of his own. Then Sly fucking Marbo leaps out of the trees screaming like he always does and punts the Toad off of Corvus' head, saving him.
- The reasoning that the Catachan Jungle Fighters give to explain how Sly fucking Marbo can fly though the air: his muscles are so aerodynamic and his knowledge of Catachan jungle tree buoyancy allow him to simulate it. That would also mean that his appearance during the Heroes of the Imperium short started with him catapulting himself from Catachan to another planet entirely.
- It almost stops being funny when it's revealed that the Greater Barking Toad will go off like a toxic nuke and Corvus flies as far up as he can to save the lives of his comrades at the cost of his own. Then Sly fucking Marbo leaps out of the trees screaming like he always does and punts the Toad off of Corvus' head, saving him.
Atillan Assault
- The entire episode kicks off because a menial worker named Clancy has a dream of killing a Primarch. That's all the explanation he gives, in a very cheerful tone at that.
- Tu'Shan emerges from the wreckage of Marbo's Glutes with a "Forsooth, what in yon FUCK happened?!" And when Vulkan appears, he's cheerful and chatty even with his head burned down to the bone, which slowly regenerates over the next half-minute.Vulkan: I LIVE!
Tu'Shan and He'Stan: VULKAN LIVES! (stomp-stomp!)
Vulkan: Tu'Shan and He'Stan live!
Tu'Shan and He'Stan: WE STILL LIVE! (stomp-stomp!)
Shrike: We too have survived, my Primarch.
Colonel Straken: Not my first time falling from orbit. And it certainly won't be my last!
Tu'Shan and He'Stan: EVERY IMPORTANT PERSON LIVES! (stomp-stomp!)
Corvus: Stop that. - Corvus' increasing exasperation over the situation, from his [sigh of unconvinced cynicism] to facepalming with [jaded exhaustion].
- Straken knows they're on Attila by the freezing desert they've landed in, and then some of the local wildlife shows up, a herd of Ovigors, giant oxen with bony heads who scream at a disturbing pitch.Vulkan: Look, look! Lookie here! Look at what I found! Aren't they just the most adorable things ever?!
Ovigor: (screams in Vulkan's face)
Vulkan: Kind of stinky, though.
Straken: Ovigors! That confirms it, they're usually hunted by the Attilans for food—
Ovigor: (screams in Straken's face)
Straken: These ones seem remarkably savage.
Corvus: (sigh) Vulkan, get back, it might explode.
Vulkan: (already clinging to one's back) Friend!
Corvus: Why do I even try?
Tu'Shan: Art thou dying my lord?!
(Vulkan's Ovigor gallops over to the others)
Vulkan: (cheerfully) This creature does my bidding now!
Corvus ...Why? - When some "horse friends" show up, Corvus mistakes their leader a shrunken Jaghatai Khan, while the other Attilans superstitiously attack Vulkan, which he takes in stride.Vulkan: I am being stabbed.
Tu'Shan: What art you savages doing to our Primarch?!
He'Stan: FORGEFATHER SMAAASH!!
Attilans: Primarch? (double take) ...Shit.
Vulkan: Don't worry, horse friends! I would hug you, (Orks out) BUT YOUZ SMELLZ! - They reach the planetary capital to try to send an astropathic message to the orbiting fleet before it bombs Attila, but hit a snag. And Corvus Corax reaches the end of his rope.King of Khanashan: We have but one Astropath my lord, but... she's an ass.
Shrike: That's quite candid.
("Starass" trots up)
Shrike: A bit too candid.
Corvus: Is that a donkey.
King of Khanasan: Starass is the most powerful psyker on the planet.
Corvus: How are we supposed to... make use of it? (beat) Do you people speak Horse?!
King of Khanasan: Alas, the equine tongue has no way of wording the, uh, concept of planetary annihilation.
(beat)
Corvus: (deadpan) All the rage I have ever felt has risen from my flesh like a steam of disbelief. (collapses) We are doomed. Your dream has come to fruition, Clancy.
Clancy: I'm so happy!
Vulkan: No! To ZOG with Clancy! He has no concept of friendship! He fails to even grasp its true power! (embraces Starass)
He'Stan: Why are you grabbing that ass, my lord?! - When Vulkan and Starass manage to send a message to the fleet, Corvus resonds with "Hooray. More life." When Vulkan clarifies that a missile has already launched, Corvus sighs "Fucking finally."
- The Cyclonic Torpedo launched to exterminatus Attila reads: "Please Die :D"Vulkan: Attilans! Are you ready for your last rough ride?
Attilan: ...It just came to me how many awful sex jokes I've missed out on. But aye! FOR ATTILA!!
Vulkan: FOR. THE. EMPEROAAAAAGH!!!- Something easily overlooked is that the Attilans are still riding their horses inside the jet.
- Of course Vulkan destroys the incoming warhead by jumping out of an aircraft and hugging it.
- Clancy escapes while everyone is celebrating the day being saved.Corvus: Seriously, why does no one notice anything happening today?!
(a charred Vulkan plummets from orbit onto the back of his pet Ovigor)
Vulkan: FR.. IE... N... D...
Corvus: Hope you noticed that, at least.
Tu'Shan and He'Stan: VULKANLIVES! (stompstomp!)
Jopallian Japes
- Or as it could also be known: "Bullying a Dragon the episode." The hyper-capitalist residents of Jopall seem to fail to understand that they're not only dealing with high-ranking Astartes but also two of the Emperor's own children.
- And The Reveal of why the hyper-capitalist engineered it - because Clancy somehow made it to the planet first, and gave him a sandwich. A very nice sandwich.Corvus Corax: How depraved.
- Corvus is approached by a recruiting officer for the Jopallian Indentured Squadron. That is to say, an arm of the Astra Militarum. Corvus Corax, son of the Emperor and Primarch of the Raven Guard, responds with equal parts barely constrained rage and utter bafflement that this is actually happening to him.
- Especially amusing is the realization that the Jopallian rulers only got as far as they did with Vulkan and Corax because the former was sick and the latter has a colossal death wish. The moment Corax actually decides to give a shit, he effortlessly liberates the entire planet.
- And The Reveal of why the hyper-capitalist engineered it - because Clancy somehow made it to the planet first, and gave him a sandwich. A very nice sandwich.
- The blatant Space Marine knockoffs, dubbed Asstart Spagle Mens, which are some deranged clipped-together mess parts from Samus, Master Chief, Buzz Lightyear, and what appears to be a Zaku or some other MS.
- Just about everything about Jopallian gear looks cheap, right down to having unpainted weapons and shoulderpads.
- Corvus spends most of the episode being mistaken for a particularly erudite Ogryn who a spectacularly Genre Blind Commissar spends a good chunk of the special trying to execute for knowing about Chaos. None of his attempts work, ranging from his bolt pistol to a mortar cannon because, well, Primarch.Corvus: I thought you hated wasting ammo.
Commissar: This is not a waste! IT'S AN INVESTMENT!
(Autocannon opens fire and after a burst, stops)
Corvus: Those clap pretty hard.
Commissar: (Screams) (Autocannon keeps firing) - How does Lance Cashpants's Ceramite Magnet work? He's so rich, he can break any law, including the laws of reality.
