Funny / War Hams

Episode 0: The Test Episode

• Lorn's method of keeping π-Braine in check: a USB of someone cleaning a toaster with the wrong brush that scratches it up. This works for all of a minute before Braine snatches and crushes it, followed by Lorn pulling out a second copy.
• After a complication makes his power sword lose battery Brain resort to desperate measures to restore it.
  • Method 1: Have Lorn shoot it full of psychic lighting. Result: A wall gets blown open and the sword briefly becomes a 5G tower.
  • Method 2: Break open crates to search for batteries. Result: Every crate in the area is full of batteries. Dead batteries.
  • Method 3: Start smashing lightbulbs in sheer desperation. Result: Broken lightbulbs.
• Lorn and Braine briefly, and accidentally, pass themselves off as the voices in an ork's head, starting with this golden exchange.
  Ork: You've never talked back to me before, head voices!
  Lorn: Yeah, I didn't realize I was talking to a bitch! Now shut the fuck up, we're trying to find power over here!
  • The ork asks if they're Mork. Despite not knowing what that is, the two successfully pass themselves off as such and convince the ork he's divinely chosen.

Episode 1: Meat Place Alpha

• Vulkan's love for hugging has spread. Hugs are mandatory protocol for Officio Ambassadorium members. The party's boss, who must administer the hug, thinks it's undignified, but can't go against the rules. She is too dignified to show it, but she's immensely relieved that she doesn't need to do it over holovision. When rolling a scholar check for more information, the party is given two bits of information, one of which is true, and the other is false. First, the Big Hug ritual is written in the Codex Familiaris. Second, it was the express order of Corvus Corax.
• π-Braine is an eccentric Skitarius that is a bundle of funny moments all his own, as his rant against Mayor Hogpin would best exemplify; to summarize, Braine, already at the end of his wits due to the Ratlings' lack of technology, interrupts their meeting with the slovenly mayor in an attempt to pick him up and pin him against the wall, but unfortunately not only fails the roll, but complicates it, causing him to instead throw the mayor through his dining table by accident. Despite the failure, Braine continues his rant, standing over the now-sobbing mayor as the poor, chubby ratling continues to desperately shovel food into his mouth even as Braine yells at him.
  π-Braine: Listen here, you Sixteen-piece Chicken McNobody! I don't care about your turkey-basted gluttony, I wanna know, where the god-damned Tech Priest has gone! And you're going to tell me, or by the Motive Force, I'll have you, and your entire...nnngh-Amish community of...Luddite electrolysts PURGED FROM MEMORY!
  • And then we have Earndil's response to all this.
  Earndil: Can I roll to vibe check the hell out of Braine?
  • Perhaps the funniest thing Braine does in the first session is practically adopt/abduct a ratling child called "Tater-Tot", with the crowning moment being when he burns a wrath to enable Tater-Tot to make an attack to hit an enemy with one hit point remaining and then to attempt to improve the kid's chances offers to let him use his gun. His Radium gun.
    GM: (Beat) Wait! Wait, Wait, Wait, sorry sorry sorry sorry. You're going to give him your gun? Your radioactive gun?
    SpeakerD: (without missing a beat) It's only a little cancer. (beat and then the rest of the party erupts into laughter)
    Earndil: Can I use my one veto? Can I use my one veto?
    Zoran: (at the same time, still laughing) Look, I know I was gettin' dark but come on!
    HulkyKrow: Please do not cook the Tater-tot!
    SpeakerD: Okay, fine, I won't give the child cancer in the funny RPG! (the party bursts into renewed laughter)
• This Feral World of Ratlings is so disgustingly sweet that the party refuses to use the local names. For example, the Grumble-Tum-Tum farm is now called Meat Place Alpha.
• One of the backgrounds for the Feral World is of a farm, with a gigantic Ratling's head rising from the horizon like a sun. The text says that if you see it, you're a heretic.

Episode 2: The "Divine" Lords

• When the party discovers the Divine Lord of fervor in the ratling capital, they find that he is a human priest with just abnormally long legs that make him really tall, which is enough to make the backwards short abhuman farmers worship him. In response to the Lord of Fervor's claims of superiority through his tallness, Reeb climbs up onto Braine's shoulders, followed by Zedek climbing onto his shoulders, and then Lorn floating up onto Zedek's shoulders, and when the Divine Lord of Fervor starts screaming in anger, Lorn T-poses to assert dominance.

Episode 4: Septic Tank Adventure

• π-Braine's pasttime while on their ship, the Debt Collector, has apparently been to stalk the lower hallways and sections of the of ship and murder any random crewmember he just disapproves of for some tech-related reason. Lorn's pasttime is to find out who's murdering the crew nilly-willy and he can't figure out it's Braine.
  • This is especially funny later on as hints are dropped about a serial killer called Lower Deck Strangler, a secret protection racket within the ship, and the suspicious amount of fear Lt. Ransum's holds over the crew. The DM had an entire shipboard conspiracy/murderer subplot planned, only for it to be almost entirely overshadowed by Braine being an even more prolific killer!
• Astropath Winnic Rivette. He talks in a gruff voice and a fast pace to the point where it's almost hard to decipher, much to the chagrin of Lorn, which is further increased by the fact that his fellow party members understand him.
• π-Braine's interaction with the Debt Collector's tech priest, GaMu 4224, when GaMu refers to Braine's home-forgeworld of Lemura as "substandard." Braine's reaction is thus^* Keep in mind, they are on the Debt Collector, in an otherwise completely non-combat scene:
  π-Braine/Speaker D: Oh. (Out Of Character) Uh, I'm gonna charge.
  • The reaction of the rest of the party is priceless as all three of them roll to stop Braine from attacking an Imperial Tech Priest. Thankfully, their combined efforts work, and instead of causing a diplomatic incident, Brain instead ends up tripping and smashing face-first into the floor in front of GaMu, humiliating himself and cementing GaMu as his Sitcom Arch-Nemesis.
• Lorn is from Fenris. He doesn't know what a Primarch is.

Episode 6: The Song Halls

• The team stumbles into a trap which locks them into separate chambers, each chamber playing a song that is personally detested by the respective team member (though Zedek manages to get out due to a faulty trap). Lorn gets low quality Underhive rap, Braine gets a Mechanicus chant from a rival forge world...and Reeb? Reeb gets this song specifically, which Earndril describes as "hiphop carnival music".

Episode 8: Times are Great

• At one point the gang meets a Skitarii bartender known as Operator 34R, with its designation being Leet Speak for "Bar". Unfortunately, not long after its introduction, Zoran has to break character as Lorn to half-seriously scold the chat OOC for assuming "34R" meant...something else.

Episode 9: Black Stone

• The image text for a background of blatantly Necron architecture is "It's mysterious to the non-nerds." The next, even more obviously Necron background, replaces it with "IT'S STILL MYSTERIOUS TO THE NOT NERDS STOP TELLING THEM"

Episode 10: The Cursed Episode

• One of the background images is the party talking to a ratling chef cultist with a giant lighter, another ratling, and one of the bloodbacks, all of whom are wearing boots on their heads. And yes, that means the party are also wearing boot hats. The image text is "okay look I now have to go back home to my family at some point and they're gonna go "so honey what have you been up to?" and I have to look them dead in the eyes and explain that some fucker named Alfabusa sends me art like this for an internet show cause im a content creator now. And i gotta make the haha funnies on the internet. Go fuck yourself Alfabusa, you made me into this."
• One of the patron-submitted complications, Curse of Cegorach, forces all the players to speak only in puns, jokes, and references. Cue a combat of World of Pun.
  • Braine caps it off with absolutely frenzied and unhinged "Mind if I cut in?!" as he swings a sword at the ghost of fervor. This is the joke that makes everyone laugh for over five seconds and fulfills the requirement to end the curse

Episode 11: ATTENTION CITIZEN

• Braine's story about the last time he was on a penal colony.
  Braine: It was a long and arduous time. I lost many friends that day. You see, what happened was nothing happened.

Episode 14: The Space Pirate Episode

• Thurston Hillman's introductory line.
  Thurston: You may think I'm a bad person, but remember there's someone out there who's making Rule 34 of the Pilsbury Doughboy. Hoohoo!
• Braine takes one of the Dark Eldar guns to use as a weapon, which Reebe objects to until he reveals that he plans to use it as a bludgeon rather than firing it. Considering the Dark Eldar aethetic of 'as many spikes, hooks, and blades as you can cram onto any given object,' it's jokes that this is actually a very effective use of the weapon.
• The Dark Eldar boss's gun is officially called "The Murderdick Shooter Pistol." It's only slightly edgier than the actual Dark Eldar weapon names
• Speaker D burns his wrath to make one of the Dark Eldar The Starscream, making Thurston waste several enemy turns as the Dark Eldar start fighting each other. And to rub salt in the wound, Speaker D names the traitorous warrior Hatsuminereal.
  • Thurston is reluctant to make them fight each other at first, and then gets on board once he starts considering Hatsuminereal an extension of Speaker D that he can kill. The party foils that too by knocking her unconscious and taking her as a prisoner instead of letting her die.

Episode 25: Fighting the Green Tide

• Four weeks trapped on a waaargh-torn planet has forced Captain Zedek into sobriety, a fact he's enraged about, while Reeb states that if the good captain goes back to drinking once they get out, he'll lose any of Reeb's respect. Cut almost immediately to the very next scene where Reeb is secretly brewing moonshine to get drunk on himself along with Lorn.
• Between the drinking and his massive depressive episode that's lasted since the destruction of his lab in the last episode, Reeb's grasp on sanity is tenuous. Case in point: how he spends his first turn of combat.
  Reeb: [throwing a handful of dirt and worms at an ork] Wicked Worm Beast, use your wicked worm attack!
• Braine refers to Lork by name despite no one saying it, and when he's caleld out on it, he burns a wrath die to create a sign saying "Lork's Workshop."
• After a pair of mostly serious encounters, the one with Lork is in a Christmas village where gretchens build guns for da boyz. The encounter is meant to have Lork juggling the party while gretchens sing Christmas songs... except Lorn hurtles him into the sky before he can do any of that.

Episode 27: The Choice

• Pi-Braine's parting words to Khorne's emissary as it's breaking down in rage is to point out that its Lemurian hellsquid is not anatomically correct because of its big toothy grin.
• As Lorn is talking about making amends, Lorn mentions the contact information he got from all the victims during his investigations as the Bearded Baron... and the list of all the funerals Braine needs to attend.
  • Because this is the universe it is, a "funeral" is when they're putting the corpse into the recycling machine to make into corpsestarch.
  • Braine is initially confused about the purpose of funerals until Reeb points out this is an opportunity for him to do more than just murder. So Braine gets it into his head that he could create a new better, funeral, to Reeb's exasperation. And his ultimate solution for more efficient funerals, a machine that gives people funerals before they die. He calls it the Funeralyzer.
• After the four members of the party each go through their temptations, Speaker D jokingly panics about having to go through Church's temptation now. Except they already did the four relevant Chaos gods, so hers would apparently be the Great Horned Rat asking if she wants to buy a cigar.
• The trip through the Warp-tainted webway eventually sees them emerge into the Debr Collector... out of the closetor.