Notable characters in Blaseball.
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Non-God Entities
Umpires
Like in regular baseball, umpires are there to facilitate the game of Blaseball and ensure a fair game. They are also the ones to at times relay information directly from the Gods themselves. Unfortunately after the opening of the Forbidden Book back in Season 1 Beta, some of them have gone rogue, having their "eyes turn white". In certain games with a Solar Eclipse weather, at random, a Player can be incinerated by one from either Team. Rogue Umpires were briefly non-existent during Season 1 of the reboot...before Fans once again decided to open the Forbidden Book.- Elite Mooks: They are numerous and are seemingly unavoidable with at least one Player per season sent to the Hall of Flame thanks to them. Most of the times, Fans can only pray they do not harm their favorite Players though there have been some instances of Players with the right modifications killing a rogue Umpire that attempted to incinerate them.
- Faceless Goons: They don't have any in-game appearance, emphasizing just how numerous they are. The closet we get to is the description of the rogue umpires' eyes turning white.
- History Repeats: They are once again incinerating Players in the rebooted Season 1 thanks to Players opening the Forbidden Book again.
- Mooks, but no Bosses: If there is anyone controlling them, they have not shown their face. As such, they are treated more like natural disasters than people
- Unique Enemy: Some Umpires have names and "talk" via Twitter accounts ran by members of The Game Band
Consumers
As if mad Umpires weren't enough, there are the Consumers. Another faceless mass that attacks Players if their eDensity is high enough, with the risk of an attack increasing along with eDensity.- Always Chaotic Evil: There are some normal Umpires that just facilitate the game of Blaseball but all Consumers want to do is take a bite out of Players' souls.
- Faceless Goons: They possess no in-game appearance and are noticeably far easier to deal with than Rogue Umpires, with Players only needing a non-broken item to defend themselves against an attack from one, at the cost of one durability.
- Level Drain: Any Player they successfully attacked would have suffered a decrease in their stats across the board. If done enough times, the Player's name will even "consumed".
Commissioner Parker MacMillan IIIII
The commissioner of Internet League Blaseball, whose Twitter acts as the official account for the game.
- Clone Angst: Went into a meltdown on Twitter after unredacted parts of the Library revealed that he's a facsimile of the ancient player Parker MacMillan, whose claim to fame was killing off enormous chunks of an entire league. He got better.
- Flat "What": Usually responds to more outlandish events with a lowercase "what".
- Took a Level in Badass: After picking up the Microphone, Parker IIIII got over his Clone Angst and gained confidence, though still quite shaky. He even somehow survived BLACK HOLE (BLACK HOLE)'s nullification of Blaseball, and reported a big bang...
- They Killed Kenny Again: The original commissioner was Parker MacMillan III; he's been periodically killed and replaced with an identical, higher-number version. All of which are clones of famed prehistoric player Parker MacMillan, mind you.
- Phrase Catcher: The commissioner is doing a great job!
The Blaseball Gods
These mysterious entities wield power over the game of Blaseball and interacts with the Fans and Players in both benevolent and malevolent ways. Some enforce the rules of the game while others seems to have an agenda and manipulate the rules of the game to suit it.
and has an official Twitter.
The Four Head Umpires
Four mysterious entities that appeared after the conclusion of the rebooted Season 1. They made their first appearance after the rebooted Season 1, announcing the Tournament of Champions to choose a new "Ace" after the power vacuum left after the defeat of the Boss. The name is not official.Clockwise from the top left: Rogue Umpire, Knight Umpire, Mage Umpire and Bard Umpire
- Catchphrase: The rules must be enforced
- Color-Coded Characters: As can be seen, they are each associated with a single color. As of yet, we do not know if it signifies anything.
- No Indoor Voice: Whether it be messages or announcements, they are always speaking in all caps.
- Rules Lawyer: They are introduced announcing the start of a new tournament in accordance to some then-unknown rules and as Umpires they would naturally be enforcing the rules of Blaseball
- Stealth Pun: It turns out that Rogue Umpire was referring to the common RPG class of rogue this whole time.
- We Hardly Knew Ye: Due to the unfortunate and premature ending of Blaseball, they never got a chance to show what they could do or interact with the game itself barring their initial entrance.
The Anchor
The much-beleaguered news anchor that reports on the many happenings of the Blaseball world. It is not known if he is a God or not. The recaps he gives are videos on Blaseball's YouTube channel and has an official Twitter.The Anchor looking very happy
- Ambiguous Situation: What type of being he is has never been made clear but at the very least he seems to have been subordinate to the Boss when she was still in charge. He is implied to be aware of or even have been witness to some events that were redacted in the Library and seems to be uncomfortable when the Garages accused them of being a God. There's also the possibility that he's a clone since he can't seem to recall his age. Last of all, his name fits the nomenclature of the Gods' names, namely "The _____". He's included as a God in this wiki for the sake of convenience.
- Back from the Dead: Downplayed Trope. Black Hole(Black Hole) didn't kill anyone but it did swallow all the Players as well as the Anchor for a long time. Come the prologue of the rebooted Season 1, he returns with a new video.
- Butt-Monkey: He isn't treated well to say the least and is at times the subject of humiliation by Fans. One stand-out example is the letter the Crabs sent in response to a legal threat.
- Character Shilling: Inverted. For an official news anchor, he doesn't exactly stay unbiased. At numerous points during the recap, he praises some Teams and demeans others. He also never misses a chance to celebrate whenever his favorite Team, the Miami Dale, does anything remotely competent.'
- Final Speech: See Hidden Depths below. Sensing that his time was nearing its end due to the expansion of Black Hole(Black Hole), he goes on Twitter to speak one last time. Too bad it gets cut short.
- Hidden Depths: Despite all his posturing of disliking certain Teams and throwing of insults, this tweet shows that it was all an act to be taken more seriously and that he, like the Fans, loves the game of Blaseball as much as they do.
- Noodle Incident: In between and during recaps, the place he is in is implied to have been attacked by either consumers or the people responsible for the redaction of Players though we are never shown this. In this recap, he was apparently busy barricading it between recaps as well.
- Sitcom Arch-Nemesis: He has it out for the Ticker for some reason.
The Shelled One/The Peanut
''The Shelled One as seen in the Discipline Era being angry about something the Fans did
An enormous, godlike peanut being who descended upon Blaseball in season 3 to punish them for their peanut-related blasphemy. The Arc Villain throughout the "Discipline Era".- Arc Villain: Of the Discipline Era.
- Beef Gate: After the Ascension mechanic was voted in, the Peanut would challenge any Internet League champion to a final game in "Day X". This was in part a way to check if team was good enough to ascend and play in the "Big Leagues" – given that the very strong Baltimore Crabs were annihilated 2-97 in their only season there, they probably weren't.
- Evil Is Petty: During the Discipline Era, it wouldn't accept any other Players other than the ones that it chose to be the top 3 most idolized of that season. When Fans didn't idolize it's chosen Players enough, they placed the Players who were the top 3 most idolized in peanut shells, preventing them from playing at all.
- God Is Evil: The first powerful extradimensional entity to appear in Blaseball, it declared vengeance against the playerbase for their legume-based sins including peanut fraud and tributing peanuts to the Hall of Flame.
- Killed Off for Real: Was eaten by the Monitor. The Shelled One was a little bland, according to it.
- No Indoor Voice: ALWAYS SPEAKS IN CAPITAL LETTERS.
- Serious Business: Peanuts
The Monitor
A giant squid-like entity originally in charge of managing the Hall of Flame, which commemorated incinerated players. Was later promoted to various other positions by Boss during the Expansion Era.
The Monitor's First Appearance
As of Season 13
As of Season 24
As of the reboot
- Big Eater: Defeated the Shelled One by eating it, and keeps taking snack breaks. It's also the chef behind the Concessions stand.
- Big Good: During the Discipline Era, where they assembled a team of incinerated players that could stand up to the Shelled One's team of pods.
- Death Takes a Holiday: Abruptly quit working with Boss after being overworked for multiple seasons, which caused every incinerated team to leave the Hall of Flame. It actively encouraged this.
- Giant Squid: A squid so big it takes up the entire screen when it appears.
- New Jobs As The Plot Demands: The Boss keeps appointing them to new positions, including Food & Beverage Director (so they have to constantly invent new Snacks) and Gift Shop Director (so they have to manage gifts for every team). They gradually became overworked and burned out from having to perform multiple duties at once.
- Psychopomp: The closest thing the League has to a Grim Reaper, seeing as it is the Monitor of the Hall of Flame. It is explicitly seen consoling the Kansas City Breath Mints and the Hawaii Fridays after their incinerations in Season 24, and is very friendly towards Pudge Nakamoto, a player who's repeatedly wandered out of the Hall due to a mod.
- Tentacled Terror: Inverted – despite being a huge squid, the Monitor is the most openly benevolent of all the higher beings encountered so far, only showing outright distaste for the Boss.
Boss/The Coin
A Roman coin who has taken over management of the Internet League after The Shelled One was defeated. The Arc Villain of the "Expansion Era".
CEO of the Expansion Era
- Affably Evil: Compared to the Shelled One, who acted like an angry Old Testament God, the Boss couches everything she says in PR Speak.
- Arc Villain: Of the Expansion Era.
- Ascended Fangirl: Unlikely as it sounds, Library records revealed that the Coin really was once a Fan - of the Alaskan Immortals, specifically.
- Bad Boss: But of course. She constantly deflects work she's definitely meant to be doing onto the Monitor, refuses to take any blame for any problems she causes, and even to the bitter end insists she's a Fan just like everyone else.
- Corrupt Corporate Executive: Many of her less benevolent actions have a very corporate bent to them, most notably removing the most Idoled players from the league and transforming them into commodities that teams can gift to each other. Her larger plan appears to be to sink the League into Immateria by weighing them down with items so they can be fed to "Consumers". She is willing to expand the league as much as possible, no matter the cost — even if the cost is the lives of players, and even entire teams.
- Hoist by Her Own Petard: The Coin's excess and destructive methods of expansion ultimately prove to be her undoing—her own Sun(Sun) going Supernova and promptly splitting into a Pulsar(Pulsar) and a Black Hole(Black Hole) results in the chain of events that causes her to become Scattered herself, before finally being incinerated by Rogue Teams, with everything she'd done (alongside the rest of Blaseball itself) ultimately being nullified by the Black Hole(Black Hole).
- Killed Off for Real: After The Monitor quits her staff, it willingly turns a blind eye to the members of the Hall, which promptly go Rogue. Combined with the Reader letting teams Scatter her, she is ultimately forced to beg as she is melted down, incinerating her — something only possible thanks to her own hubris.
- Light Is Not Good: Most of the Boss' Election items involve creating additional suns, with effects that mostly increase the league's eDensity and cause players to be eaten by Consumers. When Sun(Sun) explodes, it creates a Squared Supernova capable of team incineration.
- Never My Fault: Refers to the periodic flooding initially caused by construction of the Crabitat as a "Fan-Made Crisis", despite her open encouragement of behavior that exacerbates the flooding's worst effects, and in her final words, begging that she too is a Fan.
The Reader
A being of unknown appearance whose job was to perform seasonal Tarot readings. After Ownership halted the readings for unknown reasons, the Reader has begun including Election items that interfere with her plans.
A symbol associated with The Reader
- Cryptic Conversation: Like Lōotcrates, it isn't the most direct with its words though it isn't nearly as bad as Lōotcrates, using simple, more mundane words instead of a writing a poem every time it speaks.
- Deadpan Snarker: Doubles as O.O.C. Is Serious Business. They were a little miffed that the Boss had cancelled their seasonal readings and in a rare moment, spoke rather directly:"lighten up"
- Gravity Is Purple: The majority of the Reader's ingame blessings involve inverting eDensity, causing things to float instead of sink.
- Opposite Day: All of the Reader's special Election items involve inverting things like runs, wins, and in the case of the "Underbracket" decree, the entire postseason. Additionally, they use a lot of American football terms in their speech, compared to the baseball terms used elsewhere throughout the game.
- The Voice: As of time of writing, it has only ever been heard not seen, having only a symbol to associate with.
Lōotcrates
The Historian
The Internet League Historian and a sentient pile of loot crates.- Audience Participation: Lōotcrates will post any game action that receives 1000 "upshells" onto their official Twitter account.
- Cryptic Conversation: Always speaks in unintelligible riddles.
- Deadpan Snarker: Despite their unique and deliberately obtuse way of speaking, they have gotten in some subtle jabs at the Boss while she was still CEO
- Foil: They share some similarities with the Reader. Both speak in a cryptic way and both have played some role in affecting the Players before and after games(The Reader was responsible for tarot readings during earlsiesta that granted several modifications and Lōotcrates took Legendary Players and locked them in the Vault). They differ in a few ways however. While Lōotcrates is decidedly hands-off, the Reader is far more willing to directly affect things as shown when they create Decrees. There is also how they each treat the Boss. While neither seemed to like them, Lōotcrates did little more snark while the Reader kept on introducing Decrees and Blessings that went directly against the Boss's desire's, even interrupting her speech at one point. Amusingly, Lōotcrates was the one who named the Reader and at one point was being vaguely accusatory towards them for some reason
- Magic Librarian: Oversees the League's library of history, most of which is currently redacted. They'll un-redact history from time to time.
- Neutral No Longer: Throughout play, it has stayed decidedly neutral amidst the rising tensions between the Teams, Fans and the Boss compared to say the Monitor or Microphone who voiced support for the Fans or helped them directly. Come the moment when Blaseball was being redacted via Black Hole(Black Hole), they along with the other entities provide a safe haven for the fleeing teams.
- Screw This, I'm Outta Here: Right after enough of the Rising Stars were artificially forged in the ILB Semi-centennial, just before Sun(Sun) reached Critical Mass and went Supernova, Lōotcrates left to the Vault - leaving the rest of the game un-narrated - and hid until the tail end of Season 24.
The Ticker
The Ticker showing support
A 30 pixel tall ticker that resides atop the Internet League Blaseball website. Became sentient at some point, and usually offers light quips and news.- Ambiguous Gender: Has zero stated pronouns in anything.
- Flat Character: It doesn't do much except react to events and needle the Anchor
- Oh, Crap!: Upon Sun(Sun) going Supernova, the Ticker only had to say "Holy whoa".
- Nothing Is Scarier: After Black Hole(Black Hole) nullified the entire league on Season 24 Day 99, the Ticker fell entirely silent. After the credits for the Season rolled, it started speaking again, however.
- Running Gag: Hype for Season 12! This remained in the ticker's lines well after Season 12 had started, and in fact, only left at the very end of Season 24, where Ticker fell silent for the first time... before promptly returning to saying "Hype for Season 12J".
- Trademark Favorite Food: Slushies, apparently. How exactly the Ticker drinks them is unknown.
Namerifeht
Credit Denied
A being that looks like an upside-down looping video of a Yule log. It's responsible for creating Blaseball's various suns, and considers player incinerations payment towards debt incurred in doing so.- Ambiguously Evil: Not much is known about it but it was seemingly helping the Boss create more Suns and its presence also brings to mind the many incinerations that Players suffer.
- Ancient Evil: If it is indeed malevolent, it's been around ever since the very first season of Blaseball itself(back when it was called Ultimate League Blaseball according to unredacted records from The Library), having created Sun 1.
- Sdrawkcab Name: It's "The Fireman" backwards.
- Shout-Out: "The Fireman" is a major antagonistic character in the Chicago Firefighters' fandom-created lore.
- Ultimate Blacksmith: Strongly implied to have forged Sun 1, Sun 2, Sun(Sun), and all other sunlike entities.
- We Hardly Knew Ye: Due to the unfortunate and premature ending of Blaseball, they never got a chance to show what they could do or interact with the game itself barring their initial entrance.
