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Blog / Musings Of A Warlock

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The best The Traveler can deliver he's not!

Musings of A Warlock is a blog that's a mix between a Let's Play and parody set in the world of Destiny created by Tom "Avenuewriter" Hoover. The blog chronicles the misadventures of the titular, and nameless, warlock. A neurotic and disturbed individual, The Warlock finds himself constantly at odds with the world of Destiny and its inhabitants. Taking a page from Freeman's Mind's book, the blog tends to be a mix between parody and a somewhat humorous critique of the game's more questionable elements.

The blog is currently on an indefinite hiatus due to Creator Breakdown.

It can be read here.

Tropes Present

  • Alternate Character Interpretation: Many of the characters in the game get this treatment. Cryptarch Rahool is a conniving con artist, Eva Levante is a senile old woman, and most notably Mara Sov is either incredibly stupid or a master manipulator.
  • Arch-Enemy: Rahool the cryptarch because he keeps overcharging The Warlock for everything.
  • Arson, Murder, and Jaywalking: The list of illicit drugs in "Fear and Loathing" consists of moonshine, various hallucinogens, and a box of jelly donuts.
  • Author Tract: One entry goes into great detail how The Warlock distrusts and actively loathes the Eververse Trading company, a thinly veiled criticism of the new microtransaction system placed into the game.
  • Beleaguered Assistant: The Warlock's ghost.
  • Blatant Lies: The Warlock tends to exaggerate some of his feats. His ghost is more than happy to take the wind out of his sails however.
  • Bottomless Bladder: Averted. It is constantly pointed out how The Warlock can't find a bathroom in The Tower because there is no bathroom in the tower. He resorts to urinating over the side or using the various potted plants.
  • Break the Cutie: Heavily implied with Petra in "The Tale of Nutless Ned." After suffering numerous deaths during a grueling battle she retires from fieldwork entirely. The usually snarky and egocentric Warlock is clearly pissed about this.
  • Butt-Monkey: The Warlock constantly finds himself on the receiving end of many an indignity on his adventures.
  • Crouching Moron, Hidden Badass: That being said, he is a warlock of the tower and capable of wiping out armies of alien monsters.
  • Deadly Game: The Warlock argues that the crucible is this, though the ability to resurrect mitigates it somewhat. That doesn't stop The Warlock from comparing it to gladiatorial arenas and cock fights.
  • Devil in Plain Sight: The Warlock believes Queen Mara Sov's brother is this.
  • Everyone Calls Him "Barkeep": Everyone typically addresses The Warlock as "Warlock."
  • Fate Worse than Death: The Warlock's attempt to steal from Xur results in him being trapped in a room and forced to starve to death, be revived by his ghost, and go through it all over again. Luckily, it's temporary.
  • Large Ham: The Warlock is prone to this, most notably during his "trip" to Mars.
  • Make Wrong What Once Went Right: The Warlock's meddling in the past resulted in Gjallarhorn getting nerfed.
  • Monster Arena: The Prison Of Elders, which naturally The Warlock tears to pieces by pointing out how nonsensical it is given it's run by Mara Sov and contains numerous Eldritch Abominations.
  • Mundane Utility: The Warlock gets excited about the Vex gate's ability to time travel because he can finally undo all his library fines.
  • Mushroom Samba: "Fear And Loathing On Mars." The Warlock spends an entire raid on a Cabal fortress so high he hallucinates a Vex counterattack and comes to the conclusion that the Cabal are manatees in robot suits.
  • Nice Job Breaking It, Hero: In "Do NOT Mess with Vex Portals!" it is revealed that, due to some time travel shenanigans, The Warlock is responsible for the nerfing of Gjallarhorn.
  • No Name Given: The Warlock.
  • Non-Mammal Mammaries: The Warlock makes the case that if the exos were designed for war then it makes no real sense why they're gendered let alone have breasts. He figures they were built for something else.
  • One-Hit Kill: The Warlock manages to defeat Alak-Hul The Darkblade without firing a shot. Because The Warlock fell and landed on The Darkblade's head in such a way as to snap his neck.
  • Portal to the Past: The Warlock discovers that Vex portals can be this, and then proceeds to ruin history.
  • Product Placement: The Warlock argues that that's the only reason the crucible exists.
  • Punny Name: In "Fear And Loathing On Mars" one of The Warlock's fireteam members is a hunter named Thompson.
  • Robosexual: His entry "Why Do Exo's Have Boobs?" ends with him wondering what said boobs would feel like. It is heavily implied he's this in many other entries.
  • Running Gag: The Warlock's constant inability to find a bathroom in the tower, not to mention his bizarre attraction to exos.
  • Scatterbrained Senior: Eva Levante is characterized as a senile old bat who keeps trying to sell the same old shaders and confuses The Warlock for her dead husband.
  • Shout-Out: "Fear And Loathing On Mars" is this in its entirety. The entire entry is written to evoke the tone of the film it takes its title from and begins with a list of drugs such as jet, blue sky, and death sticks.
    • In "Do NOT Mess With Vex Portals!" The Warlock describes time travelling like "flying through a gore tunnel."
  • Too Dumb to Live: Mara Sov is this in The Warlock's eyes. He becomes ecstatic when she dies at the hands of The Taken King.
  • Trapped in the Past: The Warlock accidentally gets trapped in the past twice! The first instance he gets trapped on a pre-terraformed Venus and is nearly killed, the second time he gets trapped in post-collapse Earth.
  • Vitriolic Best Buds: The Warlock seems to have this kind of relationship with Variks.