Funny / The Nostalgia Chick 2012 Episodes

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Top Five Least Awful Disney Sequels

• "Because people love lists, they love Disney and they love the word 'worst'. Imagine that."
• Her response to the fans wondering what she thinks the best Disney sequels are.
  Chick: Problem with the word "best" is that it implies "good" or "warrants existing".
• "After hours upon hours of slogging through this mess, I thought I could give you a best list to counteract the worst list but honestly? I don't think I can."
• "Let's just say that before Lasseter took over, it was a dark time."
• Choking on the word "nice", before settling on "less mean".
• The return of the parodied Punctuated! For! Emphasis! from last time:
  Chick: I give you the Top! T- Five! ...least awful! [finishing off lamely] Disney Sequels.
• "Why only five? 'Cos I- I can't."
• Her dilemma between a "shitty follow-up to a good movie" and "a somewhat less shitty follow-up to a shitty movie".
• Reasoning from the historical accuracy of Pocahontas, her Disneyfied concept for The Diary of Anne Frank, complete with talking mice, musical numbers, and a happy ending. Something like this.
  • The Brick Joke in the credits:
  "And the funny mouse sidekick is played by Jason Alexander! And the evil Nazi's sidekick has a funny polka dotted underwear joke!"
• Wincing when she has to give credit to The Lion King II: Simba's Pride for being less awful than most of the sequels.
• Her theory that the lesser number of animals arriving for Kiara's lifting was because they had to repopulate after Scar's drought.
• "But like so many of these, it's a touch... fan-ficcy."
• "Why didn't Scar sire any cubs? Is it because he's gay, or sterile, or gay? Or is it 'cause he's gay?"
  Scar: Oh, I shall practice my curtsey.
• Imitating the reaction to the new baby being a girl:
  Chick (As Timon): Look! A ham sandwich!
  Chick (As Rafiki): Hehe, it's turkey.
  Chick (As Timon): Ohhh. Turkey?! Oi.
• The bit right before and then during the beginning of her talk about Aladdin: The Return of Jafar, especially when she reveals that Iago got two songs. Her voice just drips This Is Gonna Suck.
  Chick: No, it doesn't need a Gilbert Gottfried musical number! It needs two!
• On the "plot thread" in the Atlantis sequel: "I have no fucking idea."
  • Similarly, she describes The Lion King 1 ½ as: "Timon and Pumbaa fuck up a good movie."
• Her joy at Andy Dick's character dying in The Lion King II: Simba's Pride, calling it like a back massage and rewinding the clip to watch it a few more times.
  "Yeah, I remember really digging this!"
• Pointing out Poca's hypocrisy at the bear-baiting when she took a cub away from its mother in the original movie.
  • Referring to her "righteous hippie entitlement."
• When Jasmine punches the guard for ruining her wedding, the Chick adds in Elizabeth's "try wearing a corset" line from Pirates.
  Chick: Oh, well, now I'm doing it too. Dammit.
  • All of her complaints about Genie's references to other movies.
    • "Next thing you know Robin Williams will be referencing Robin Williams—oh there it is..."
• The ending, with her exhausting the only "it's funny because you've heard of it" references the Genie didn't make in Aladdin III. "OF COURSE", "You can't handle the truth!" and "I see dead people".
  Chick: Yeah, I know it didn't make any sense. What are you gonna do, watch the credits—[Cut to credits.]
• Phelous guest turn as Gilbert Gottfried. That is all.
• Aladdin: All right!
  Chick: Radical!
• Her explanation of Cinderella having the "morality fable nutritional value of Froot Loops".

N Chick Shorts: Betty Boop In Minnie The Moocher

• The entire short for her showing just how fast she can talk.
• Seguing from an impression of Cab Calloway's singing to "Hi! It's another short from the early days of animation."
• Explaining Betty Boop's appeal with how she was a mix of virgin and flapper.
• Important words like "The Rotoscope" and "Prohibition" being said in her She-Ra style By the Power of Grayskull! voice.
• Calling the Rotoscope "one of the most oft-utilized animation tools besides pencils. And ponies."
• The caption "Apparently I'm the only person alive who doesn't like Ralph Bakshi".
• On a horse scene in the animated The Lord of the Rings, about telling the difference between rotoscoping and not rotoscoping: "This? I-I don't know what the hell this is." Even though she clearly stated, shortly before, that it wasn't rotoscoping.
• "It's not bad enough we're in a depression, we can't even drink ourselves to sleep?"
• Having no idea what Betty's boyfriend is, giving the choices of dog, mouse, marmoset or capybara.
• "What does this song have to do with me running away from home? I haven't been kicking any gongs around."
• Her reaction to some of the weird images in the song. "Nursing ghost cats? What does that have to do with anything?"
• Calling 1920s-considered jazz the "evil vessel in which the Devil delivers his sin grenades".

What Women Want

• Giving the pitch of the movie before ending with "And he's an ad exec. That's not overdone, is it?"
• Calling it a film with just slightly less insight than the not-well-known "What Humans Want", which was written by the Great Gazoo.
• Giving her own Product Placement of crisps and alcohol while wondering why there are so many ad executives in movies lately.
• Dana: They want to empower women.
  Chick: Especially the twelve-year-old Indonesian women who made those shoes.
• Snarking on the sexist premise:
  Nick: I can hear what women think.
  Chick: You know that same thing that men do? Have opinions? Women do it too!
• Thinking the movie's ended with him dying in the "electric women soup" and noting that Family Matters seems to be starting instead.
• Theorizing that the two women whose thoughts he can't hear, are secretly men.
• Her At Least I Admit It/Even Evil Has Standards moment at the Sassy Black Woman scene:
  Chick: And you know I'm a total bigot and I'm all about generalizations, but...even I don't buy this.
• On the plot's central theme: advertizing
  Dan: You know I love ya, Nick, but it's a woman's world out there.
  Chick: No, no, i-it's not. It-It's a woman's world for... woman products, I guess; things like yoghurt... tampons... the Cooking Channel... yoghurt...
• "Buy. These. Shoes." They appreciate you and they don't think that you're fat!"
• Chick recreates the premise of the movie by electrocuting herself in a bathtub full of guy things. Which include a Double Down (essentially a chicken sandwich, with pieces of fried chicken used as the bread), a Baconater, Coors Light, and a copy of Maxim. The last of which began to melt shortly after filming.
• The thoughts of the male TGWTG reviewers.
  Todd: Lupa... Lupa... Lupa... sandwich... Lupa...
  • Bonus for the Chick finally falling over in frustration and the situation looking like she's kidnapped him again.
  • Linkara keeps thinking about how awesome he is... except when he's being grappled by Mechakara's hand. Then, he's thinking he should've gotten dinner at Arby's. And in the stinger, he thinks about destroying Todd because he (Linkara) has feelings for the Nostalgia Chick.
  • The Rap Critic has the lyrics to "Ass" going through his head... though he temporarily breaks away to think about the role of racism in modern America.
    • While brushing his teeth.
  Rap Critic: "Ass, ass, ass, ass, ass, ass, the effects of institutionalized racism on a postmodern society... ass, ass, ass..."
  • Apparently, her roommate is only capable of thinking about boobs, and would hate the Chick if not for hers.
  • Paw supposedly hasn't washed his shirt in years.
• After all this, the Chick decides she's going to start objectifying men less, thereby respecting them more. No less than a second later, she bursts out laughing at the very idea.

Top Ten "Hottest" Animated Guys

• The title card. It has Chick in a nightclub setting surrounded by Beast, Nightcrawler, Hades, and Megamind, all of them dancing around her shirtless.
• Imitating the common reason why Jessica Rabbit is so popular with her hands quite a long way from her chest.
  "What? I'm dead serious. Jessica Rabbit is a really interesting character".
• The quick tease-and-jab at Gadget furries.
  Chick: Weirdos.
• Telling the audience to please feel free not to point out that there are outliers in every generalization.
• Lying through her teeth that she likes "real men", before cutting to Todd singing Katy Perry and eating junk food. And other than that, all the Jerkass Woobie boys she's had the hots for would beg to differ.
• "And the show really isn't about me... okay it is about me..."
• The preteen-like version of the title: The Top Ten "Hottest" Animated Guys!!1! <3
• Complaining that almost nobody voted for Dean from The Iron Giant: "I don't get you people."
• Her utter horror and revulsion at the fact that Frollo made it onto the list.
  • And trying desperately to force the choice into making sense: "Also, he kills people. He's a bad boy!" *awkward, kinda scared smile*
  • "Mmm-hmm, I bet that seventy year old withered body is buff under those billowing judge robes."
  • Then Nella chimes in about "that's why it's a sexual fantasy". Cue Chick having a "No. Just… No" Reaction shudder.
  • Finally theorizing that he could be considered "hot" because of the scene where he has his old captain whipped. Especially funny if you remember her telling the Queen in the "Top Ten Disney Deaths" to throw the huntsman's body on the wall as punishment.
  • "...someone to blackmail you sexually..."
• Chick, Elisa, and Nella bursting out into "I'll Make a Man Out of You."
  • Oancitizen joining in from the next room in the end. Cue The Chick, Elisa, and Nella bursting into laughter.
• Chick has Batty Koda fanart.
  Chick: He has a tortured backstory!
• Trying to figure out the appeal of Darien, before admitting that she has no idea what Sailor Moon is about.
  • Then chalking the appeal up to his Brainwashed and Crazy phase as All Girls Want Bad Boys.
• Breaking down the top five guys.
  Chick: We have a thief, a con-artist, a thief-slash-womanizer, a loud, violent, literal monster, and...nice glasses.
• JesuOtaku's cameo, especially if you follow him.
  JO: Ugh, I can see the obituary now. "Cause of death: Digimon Tamers."
  "JesuOtaku: Resident Anime Lady"
• Elisa fangirling over Goliath and Nella's even more frantic fangirl outburst over Thomas. Not to mention the Chick's various "Oh God, why me" faces through their squeeing.
  • The Chick summing up Goliath's Badass Angster appeal. "TORTURED SOUL FILLED WITH ANGUISH!"
  • After fangirling over Goliath, Elisa fangirls over Batman for similar reasons. The Chick just pushes her off-screen with an exasperated look.
• On the fact that the list is composed almost entirely of All Girls Want Bad Boys and I Can Change My Beloved
  Chick: Basically, we're all adult children of alcoholics and want to change you.
  Chick: What do we like more than a big masculine crusader for justice? A project!
  Chick: Someone you can change...with your love...someone who can rip you to shreds...someone to blackmail you sexually...
• The Chick's entire expertise on Japanese animation:
  Anime! It exists...I guess.
• Nella: "I DON'T JUDGE YOU FOR YOUR SEXUAL AWAKENING, DO I? DO I?" (Lindsay struggles to keep a straight face and fails.)
  • And yet she (and Elisa) make fun of The Chick for her Batty fanart at the end.
• Her disdain at Dimitri making the list, mainly because she manages to get in a Dimitri quote that fits her surprise.
  Chick: This one surprised me.
  Dimitri: Now how did you get in h-here?

Song Of The South

• Sitting down to watch the film because there's nothing she loves more than being offended by stuff Disney made sixty years ago... and like ten seconds later she's fast asleep and snoring. And twitching is apparently regular thing for her 'cause she does that too.
• "Song of the South is offensive because it perpetuates the stereotype that black people are boring".
• Doing the film because February is National Pet Dental Health Awareness Month, and a dog features heavily in the movie. Which is followed up in the closing card: "Oh, it's Black History Month, too? What are the odds."
• Motor Mouthing over the uncomfortable racial aspects of The Birth of a Nation (1915) and The Jazz Singer.
• "Bup bup bup, get away from those comment boxes, I know this takes place after the civil war."
• Very awkwardly going "Zip-a-dee-doo-dah" to change the subject after discussing slavery issues.
• Making a point of how difficult it is to believe that Walt Disney actually possessed human emotions.
• Only being able to call the child protagonist "this" at first.
• One of her criticisms of the Saturday Night Live sketch is correcting them in how Walt didn't hate the blacks, he hated the Jews.
  Chick: There's a difference.
• Nella dressed up like a maid and covering up the Chick about to say "Magical Negro" with her Hoover.
  Chick: Oh, so we're not allowed to say that either?
  Nella: [in a posh accent] Whatever do you mean, "we"?
• At the end, she makes an impassioned speech about Disney could release the film to educate people of the cultural norms of that time. It then cuts to the boys watching the clock, and then back to her being deep in sleep again.
• "This film is a boring part of our history, and Disney needs to acknowledge it."
• "Hoof hoof hoof".

The Adventures of Milo and Otis

• The beginning where she's d'awwing over a youtube video of a baby panda sneezing.
• Comparing cats to girls who bitch about you behind your back at the office.
• After showing the cat being thrown off the cliff for the first time, "well with that in mind, let's throw ourselves right in! ...geddit?"
• Her confusion at the Contemplating Our Navels narration in the original film.
  Chick: Yeah... maybe this makes sense in Japanese.
• All the bits with Kali, with the poor thing dressed up like a princess.
  Nostalgia Chick: [sings in a silly voice while making Kali dance] I'm a puppy dog and I'm okay/I sleep all night and I sleep all day...
  • And this happens every time she wants to fob off the awkwardness, like after hearing that ten kittens died from being thrown off a cliff.
• The montage of pug footage, demonstrating the breed's abject lack of dignity.
• "F*&@ING ROCKS"

The Lorax

• The title card has the Chick chasing the new Lorax down with an axe.
• If you remember the VLog where Lindsay calls X-Men III the point where the Chick and her hate of everything was born, the Chick saying she gave up on the futile endeavour of fan loyalty long ago.
• She liked The Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy (2005) movie:
  "What? Yeah, that's right. Oh, what? What, fanboys? You wanna fight?"
• Visibly groaning at the "that's a woman?" joke, that plays after her "change is necessary" speech.
• "...where do I begin? Well, obviously in rhyme."
• "But really, who wants to watch some noxious dilettante keep up a review all in rhyme, obviously I can't. So here's the part where I stop playing the bard, as we take a look as to why this movie sucks so hard."
  • "Okay I'm done, I promise."
• "So before we get to why the 2012 remake is the most hateful-awful thing that ever existed..."
• Her confusion about the boy in the 1972 version:
  Boy: A thought? About what?"
  Chick: Yeah, who are you?
• Having to take the time to think of that word (which is "good") to describe the animated short that she grew up with.
• Getting pissed off at a line-change:
  Granny: Far outside of town where the grass never grows...
  Chick: "Grass never grows?" What's wrong with gricklegrass, grammy? Hey! Hey, Betty White, as the only good thing about this movie I demand that you answer me. What's wrong with gricklegrass? Why did you change that line, movie? Did it not test well?
• Sulking that she doesn't like the Once-ler having a face.
• "Most of the portions with the Once-ler and the Lorax—that which takes up most of the animated short, by the way—are devoted to their bromance." She just sounds so disturbed when she says it.
• Comparing O'Hare to a Captain Planet villain.
• "WHAT FRESH BULLSHIT IS THIS"
• All the corporate logos that sponsored the film popping up around her and taking up her space.
• Chick's "creative" subtitles for the Once-ler's Villain Song. "I just ejaculated crude oil onto an egret."
  "My factory is literally powered by baby seal blood and hate."
• Her reaction to the anime scene in Horton Hears a Who! (2008):
  Chick: I think that accomplished a lot, thank you movie.
  [later]
  Chick: Did the writers just get bored of the movie and create distractions?
• When rhyming at the end about how to deal with the awfulness of the movie, the way she totally perks up when alcohol is mentioned.
  • Her "I knew this would happen!" reaction to the new Pretty Boy Once-ler being made a Draco in Leather Pants by fangirls.

Sister Act

• The beginning has Nella doing the Chick's dishes again, complaining bitterly about how she was forced to watch both versions of The Lorax ("you made me care!") and after all that, she wasn't even in last week's review.
  • And true to form, the Chick's totally disinterested and messing around on her phone.
• All of Nella's passive-aggressiveness. "You know what? Fine. Fine. Go do your little review. I'll just do your dishes for you. That you left in my sink. Again. I mean it's not like I'm getting paid for any of this, or letting you use my cable or letting you wash your clothes in my washer and dryer..."
• The dramatic sting when the Chick realizes that Nella's trying to break her with... "Catholic guilt".
  • And the end of the episode when she realizes the only effective countermeasure... "Catholic shame". Done with a reference to The Room (2003).
• Nella pretending to be a nun named "Sister Jesus Mary Joseph bearer of Perpetual Guilt." With an Irish-sounding accent.
• Chick's obsession with Todd gets a bit more extreme:
  Sister Jesus Mary Joseph bearer of Perpetual Guilt: It's not like I walked your dog all those times you ran off to stalk Todd in hopes of fornication.
  Chick: It's not fornication if we were married in a former life!
• "Urban gangsta flava!"
• "Now now, nun of that." So, they're okay when you do them, Chick?
• After Delores tells the class she's going to make them a choir, Chick assumes that's her answer to everything and asks if she's going to do the same with Al Gore and Ugandan kid soldiers.

Der Fuehrers Face

• When Bugs Bunny gives a bomb to a offensive Japanese stereotype: "Oh, Bugs, you... racist."
• The return of her hate for Michael Bay, setting up that America would never do military propaganda these days and then playing a clip from Transformers (2007) that comes across as an advert to enlist.
• After pointing out that making propaganda cartoons about concentration camps certainly wouldn't have been an option:
  Chick: MACH SCHNELL, more shells! The truly horrible stuff Hitler did? Eh, whatever; Pink Elephants number!
• The credits line, with her feeling nostalgic for Germany and their beer.
• As Donald hugs a mini-Statue of Liberty in his room full of American flags and other patriotic paraphernalia, and declares how wonderful it is to be an American citizen:
  Chick: Yeah, we'd never encourage blind patriotism in America...

Baby Whatever; Nostalgic Baby Dolls

• The start with Chick on the couch, surrounded by dolls and looking like she's in her own personal hell.
• "Shopping" coming up multiple times in the list of what girls are supposed to like.
• Her sickened expression at the kissy slurpy noises the doll makes after she "fed" it.
• The return of teenage!Lindsay. She's sitting at the top of the stairs and lets Baby Tumble Surprise go down them. Her face fades into trauma as the baby crashes on the floor.
  Lindsay: That's a terrible surprise!
  • Also, the loud thumps it makes when its head hits the floor.
  • Much worse, it's not supposed to be the doll. She's just said that the Baby Tumble Surprise could give older sisters the wrong idea about baby resilience.
• Nella's ultra-girly pink ribbons when her hair is in Girlish Pigtails.
• Finally finding a use for Baby Tumble Surprise; braining Oancitzen with its weighted head.
  Kyle: She only keeps me around because I'm funny when I hurt. I am the punching bag that laughs.
• All of her ideas for baby dolls, but especially "Baby Scarred-For-Life".
  • And Baby Colic, with the children's reactions to its constant crying:
  Dan: This is why Mommy drinks!
• The Chick's alternate names for the dolls being featured, such as:
  • "Baby Urinary Incontinence" (Magic Potty Baby).
  • "Baby Munchausen by proxy" (Baby Check-Up)
  • "Baby Uh-Oh" (Baby Tumbles Surprise).
• Suggesting that you could Baby Tumbles Surprise as a mace because it's so weighted in the head.
• This:
  Lindsay: Yeah, little girls. You tumble that baby, right on the soft spot.
• "Baby Alive, as opposed to... (gives the baby doll she is holding a Death Glare) the alternative."

The Chipmunk Adventure

• The Critic opening up the review in a convention and stating that he's hiding from his fans. When the Chick comes in doing the same thing, they get into an argument over who can out-review the other which the Chick tries to lead into a song - which the Critic refuses because that would be silly and pointless. (Of course, he can't really talk.)
  • It turns into a Running Gag, as it turns outs she's already prepared the words. When they finally do sing, it's delightfully hammy fun.
  "Still got that penis!"

  • Chick opening up her stolen Todd hoodie to give us a censored flash of her boobs, and Critic lifting up his shirt to do the uncensored version of the same.
  • Chick's lying about "my academic credentials that I never bring up because I'm so modest!" It's a wonder Critic could keep a straight face.
• Critic thinking the villains are lovers. They're really siblings, much to Critic's disgust.
  • Even funnier when you remember the original plot of the first "Thanks For The Feedback" was Chick and Critic having sex, then finding out they're brother and sister.
• Continuing on from Moulin Rouge!, Chick breathing faster like she's turned on when Critic has a mini-tantrum.
• The way the Critic keeps up the same cheerful and positive tone even as he says the Chick has "gone rogue", isn't doing the job they hired her for and stopped returning their calls about it. The way his eyes are tearing up adds to the Stepford Smiler vibe he always makes so entertaining and/or woobie-like.
• Both of them picking apart the stupidity of the villains' plan.
  Chick: This is a brilliant plan, an utterly brilliant plan. Quick, give a bunch of child chipmunks hot air balloons and diamonds and let's choose the slowest travel method available.
• "Nothing but good things can happen here. I'm sure it will be nothing but respectful."
• The Chick and Critic losing it when the baby penguin has a heart shaped locket of its parents.
  "I got that picture took with my penguin family at Penguin Sears!"
• "He's going to do business in... Business Land."
• "Meet me in Europe City, the capital of Europe."
• "Still got that penis!"
• At the end, the Critic goes into a detailed uncharacteristic analysis of the differences between him and the Nostalgia Chick who responds with:
  Chick: Wow Critic, it's almost like I wrote this!

Freddy Got Fingered

• Both Nella and Lindsay's reaction to the film (involving screaming, mayonnaise sprays, and sausages)...
  • Nella has to briefly scream for a while before she's worked her way back to speaking again.
  • Also how forcedly happy they were while on the phone to Oancitizen, trying to fob off the movie as an art-piece he'd love.
  • Their method of getting Oancitizen out of it? Having him sing something from Les Misérables! And he appropriately responds by singing "Empty Chairs at Empty Tables."
  Kyle: THIS CANNOT BE DADA! It's too normal to be Dada! It's too shit to be anything else!
• When Oancitizen cleans off, sits down in his suit & begins to explain the Dada movement:
  Kyle: [Beat] ...Dada.
  [cue the Epileptic Flashing Lights and Madness Mantra]
  • When the camera cuts back to him, he's nonchalantly gesturing with sausages.
• Chick admitting under pressure that she was a stupid thirteen old who voted for Tom Green's awful song to make onto Total Request Live.
• They play "Moonlight Sonata" over the scene where Gord is giving a handjob to a horse. Why is this fitting and funny (even if probably done unintentionally)? Because it's Ask That Guy's theme.
• "This has to be the second worst thing I've seen involving a newborn baby. The first is this" Cue teenage!Lindsay's doll thumping down the stairs.
• Chick valiantly trying to explain the purpose of the Dad getting showered with elephant spunk.
• The conclusion that "Canada must be punished", followed by Phelous and Luke Mochrie being spanked.
  Lindsay: That's for Nickelback!
  • Phelous' "could not give less of a fuck" expression interposed between Oancitizen's manic, wide-eyes and clenched teeth.
    • And Luke's woobie tears while Chick multi-tasks by chugging a bottle of whiskey and whipping his behind.
    • Lindsay adds even more funny in the commentary when she hopes that Luke's dad watched it and wondered why a crazy woman was hitting his son.
    • And the blooper reel, which has him pleading for her to at least give him some of the whiskey. Meanwhile Phelous is being wailed upon and saying "I'm responsible for all of that, huh?", smirking.
  • Then there's the leadup, where Chick describes how "impotent" she feels while holding a floppy sausage between her fingers... which Oancitizen lifts erect when he suggests their revenge.
    • The blooper reel reveals it took them a couple tries to get through this part without laughing.
• Giving a credit to everybody else they forced to watch the movie.
• Somehow, Kyle's less traumatized observations stand out as hilarious in this, simply because of the fact that he notices these things despite everything else that happens. Examples:
  • Pointing out that they used an African elephant despite setting a scene on the Indian subcontinent.
  • Noting that, despite being Canadian, Tom Green has an American flag superimposed over his face at the end.
• Pretty much all of the blooper reel.
• An unintentional gag: As Kyle walks past Lindsay saying, "Let me go towel off", he accidentally nudges Lindsay's boob. Lindsay gets a look of: O.O and then :j .

From Justin to Kelly

• "From Justin to Kelly is the cinematic equivalent of watching someone slowly scrape the burnt part off the toast. And failing."
• "I feel I should give you a detailed analysis of each of their characters. Ahem. Zach, Slater, Screech, Kelly, Jessie...Evil Whore. Not sure how that last one got in there."
• "My original theory is that it was conceived by aliens, who were trying to mimic the film-making ways of the hyoo-man."

Men In Black

• Her sophisticated, snobby opening about the brilliance of Will Smith turning into a Waxing Lyrical usage of The Fresh Prince of Bel-Air theme tune.
• Elisa immediately correcting her from offscreen that she can't do a Will Smith month because May's already half over.
• "Hang on tight, I'm going to praise something for once."
  • And her outburst of rage when she switches from calmly praising the first movie to ripping apart the second.
• Comparing the sequel to getting kicked in the labia.
• "...I'm making a positive comparison to Transformers 2. That's like making a positive comparison to backne."

Wild Wild West

• The beginning keeps up the pretentious Meaningless Meaningful Words from last week, along with Elisa trying to get her help for the spring cleaning and Chick bullshitting her way out of it.
• The part where Will Smith shows off his dong keeps playing over and over...until we see her with the remote, rewinding and replaying it.
• "And then there's our bad guy, Loveless. How's this for awkward? You know how in the movie he's a paraplegic? Check him out in the old TV show." [Clip of original Loveless shown, played by Michael Dunn, an actor with dwarfism] "That's right, the original Loveless suffered from male pattern baldness. Awkward."
• Admitting that the total bigot in her finds the racist/ableist fights between Smith and the baddie amusing.
• Just her uncomfortable comment when she sees Will Smith character Disguised in Drag ("Ebonia... why, indeed...")
• The ending, where Elisa finds an old scrapbook of the Chick's filled with pictures of Will Smith. The Chick quickly denies having a crush on him in the past. Elisa then comes back with a diary with a picture of Will Smith lovingly tucked away, which causes the Chick to knock her out.
  Chick: Uh...Welcome to earth! [PUNCH!]
• Her frustration when she learns she can't say "midget".

Will Smith Was A Rapper, Once...

• At the beginning of the review, Chick claims the Will Smith magazine was a plant and she has never fawned over any guy. Behind her chair is an open Will Smith magazine.
• Todd's new ringtone for the Chick is "Maneater" by Hall And Oates. Fitting.
• When The Rap Critic first appears, "Apache" is playing in the background.
• Her angry sulk when Todd basically tells her where to go and she's forced to do a crossover with the Rap Critic.
• Chick remembering the From Justin to Kelly review as Todd making her watch the movie instead of the other way round.
• The review concludes with Chick and RC mentioning The Fresh Prince of Bel-Air. What most (including Rap Critic) might have expected was a duet of the iconic theme song, but Nostalgia Chick... doing the Carlton Dance. Rap Critic responds by scooching away to the side as Chick just continues dancing for a few more seconds. And she's wearing Elmo pants.
• Chick tries to weasel out of the crossover by saying she wanted to review Will Smith's romantic comedies, only to find the Rap Critic is perfectly happy to talk about those, too.
• The Rap Critic repeatedly ruining Chick's Outside Jokes, causing her to rant that it's all she has in the way of humor this episode.
• "I have not now, nor have I have ever fawned over some guy. With that in mind, let's use this week's episode as an excuse to call our favourite music reviewer, Todd..."
• "Imagine if I, Robot had a tie-in rap single." No, let the Rap Critic simulate the horror.
• "There is also a song on Willennium called 'Uuhhh'. Sadly 'Whoo!', 'Ha Ha', and 'What, What?' were cut from the album."
• The Chick calling Rap Critic "Not Todd", and the Rap Critic himself accidentally doing so later.

The Fresh Prince Of Bel-Air

• The Chick's complete and utter failure at the Carlton Dance.
  • And Nella trying really hard to teach her and failing.
• While the episodes themselves aren't funny (one in particular might make you cry), how she keeps her Lack of Empathy in-tact by not caring so much about those and only getting choked up at the Will+Carlton hug.
• In the big group dance, Chester pauses to sob "how come my father don't want me, man?". And by sob, we mean Doug trying really hard not to laugh.
  • The dancers range from good (Angry Joe, Oancitizen) to bad (Brad Jones with a Chinese hat in his face) to ridiculous (Phil Buni) to a puppet without any arms (Foldable Human).
    • Rap Critic is embarrassed that he was actually convinced to do it. He bemoaned on twitter that his rap career was over.
• "Fair use montage!" (which naturally uses a Critic clip) Actually, all of Andre the Black Nerd's segment was great.
  • When he makes her say "urban gangsta flava!" and denies that he loves her after she gets freaked out by his enthusiasm.
    • And him revealing that the reason youtubers are always reminding you to subscribe to their videoes is that they will be electricuted if they don't and the Chick's horrified reaction to that.
    • ...Which is somehow even funnier now that Blip is dead and the episode is now hosted on, you guessed it, YouTube.
• The Stinger, as the Chick was announcing her next convention appearance she notices Dan helping himself with the beer in the fridge, cut to him getting thrown out of the apartment.
• "I've seen baby ferrets more intimidating than you!"

Top Ten Boy Bands of the 90s

• The title card, in which the Chick (or at least the top of her head) is playing with her boyband dolls.
• A picture of Backstreet Boys is her computer desktop, so you know what band is going to be number one.
• "Now, me? I didn't really have a dog in that fight. I chose the way of quiet dignity." Cue Limp Bizkit.
• Just before she starts counting down the list, the Chick starts bopping her head along as the music starts.
• When she's discussing LFO (and their songs loaded with Word Salad Lyrics):
  LFO: New Kids on the Block had a bunch of hits...
  Chick: But LFO didn't?
• "When the lights go out, girl... Uhh, yeah, we're gonna go bowling, girl! Uhh, that's right!" [cue "Score Tonight"]
• "Oh, they [2ge+her] were a parody! [...] You can tell because there's a fat one!" [cue picture of Joey Fatone] "No, no, no, not that one, we'll get to him later."
• "Act, 98°, ACT!"
• Over-analyzing the chorus for "MMM-bop" by Hanson to be about the struggle to find one meaningful relationship that will last.
  Chick: What? Isn't it obvious?
• Her refusal to believe that the youngest Hanson boy was actually a boy.
• Pronouncing NKOTB as "Encotibuh" and again with the NKOTBSB ("Encotibisbuh") supergroup.
• Upon reaching the top two spots on the list, the Chick looks out the window and sees the screaming fangirls that swarmed the TRL building. She's surprisingly unconcerned about this.
• The top spot going to Hootie and the Blowfish! Just kidding, it's the Backstreet Boys.
• Her guess that the Backstreet Boys were older and more dignified than *NSYNC being immediately followed by a clip from "Larger Than Life".
• On the Monster Mash-themed "Everybody (Backstreet's Back)":
  Mummy!Nick: Am I sexual?
  Chick: ...In that you reproduce sexually?
• Immediately going into fangirl mode upon seeing The Wanted and declares them superior to One Direction.
• Insisting that she only bought the Backstreet Boys' album because her mom wanted it.
• There's a small note at the end, saying she's aware that two people on the list died from cancer-related complication. That, obviously, isn't funny, but she adds that she was torn between making jokes about it or not, proving again how delightfully socially out of it the Chick is.

All Dogs Go To Heaven

• Mignon lapping at beer.
• The Chick faces the Big-Lipped Alligator Moment head on... and all the Unfortunate Implications involved.
  • "I can't hear them! They talk funny." "......oh."
• The ending, in which she pauses for a Beat, and then laughs "I'm just fucking with you," with the Big-Lipped Alligator Moment logo playing her out.

Enders Game

• Explaining books in What Are Records? terms.
• Todd and Lindsay's paper reenactment of the plot to Ender's Game. Special mention to kicking in balls that haven't even dropped yet (which does actually work, who knew).
• The talking sandwich.
  Sandwich: It's Adam and Eve, not Adam and Steve!
  Nostalgia Chick: gasp
  • Then, later, it appears again to snarl menacingly.
  • The irony of the Chick-Fil-A sandwiches being so good that even a vegetarian would crave them.
• After a cool rant about the stupidity of Godwin's Law, she then goes on to bring back her hatred of cats and explain how they're like Hitler.
• The Stinger.
  I realize you can't pirate or borrow chicken sandwiches or waffle fries, so it isn't exactly a 1:1 comparison.

Supergirl

• Chick and Linkara's confusion over why they didn't film the review while they were together at ConBravo (this was the plan, but they couldn't get enough time for it).
• Linkara shoehorning in a reference to doing the review in a linear way, probably just to piss the Chick off.
• Todd yelling at the Chick for her increasingly bullshitty (not that they sounded legit before) reasons for calling him.
• She's at a loss when it comes to naming female superhero movies and then apprehension at Catwoman (2004) and Elektra and then revulsion at Tank Girl and Barb Wire.
• "Hey! I don't sound like The Penguin!" Then he starts quacking.
• This simple exchange on Supergirl's acting:
  Supergirl: And I don't scare easily.
  Lindsay!Supergirl: In fact, I don't have emotions of any kind.
• Imitating Supergirl and Zaltar: Somewhat funny. Linkara imitating Supergirl and Chick imitating Zaltar: Hilarious.
• "No, don't stretch the film! I'm on the film!"

Cool Runnings

• Describing the Olympics as a tradition of "a nation sitting flat on our asses, while people with actual physical stamina compete".
• Mentioning the Olympic orgies as a better reward for training so hard than winning and getting a few seconds of glory.
• She's starting to suspect that the USA is the only country with a national anthem, as NBC are the epitome of Eagleland type one.
• Singing "Jamaica, Jamaica, we have a bobsled team" over Usain Bolt's medal ceremony.
• "And regards to my personal connection with the film, no I'm not Jamaican, but I do come from a proud athletic tradition." Cue NYC beerathon. Nella beats her.
  • Pause at 1.31 and you'll see Elisa is really getting into it.
• When everyone disappears from the movie meeting. "Wow, those Jamaicans are stealthy."
• Treating the bobsled team as a stereotypical boyband: the shy one, the goofy one, Justin Timberlake, the bad boy.
• Her German accent is good for a giggle every time it's brought out.
  • On that note, playing up "Ride of the Valkyries" when the German team appears.
• The ending, where Dan starts the Slow Clap over Chick being sadface over coming second in a beer drinking competition. The camera cuts off before Lindsay can burst into giggles.

The Worst (And Least Awful) Female Superhero Movies

• "These movies ain't just bad. They tend to be to the careers of the actors and directors involved as the Cretaceous extinction event was to planet Earth: some life might survive, but in smaller forms and never quite the same."
• Talking about Tank Girl: "You know how most superhero movies have, like, arcs and stuff? Pfft, this movie is way too awesome for that."
• "Horrible world is horrible? Sing Cole Porter at it." Also a Moment of Awesome-slash-Heartwarming.
• Apologizing for sounding pretentious when she theorizes people don't like Tank Girl because they don't get it.
• Imitating Malcolm McDowell: "Ugh, she's too strong and independent."
• "Hey! Check out the original version of this Cole Porter song." *cue woman singing intensely racist lyrics*
• Her brief bewilderment at how a villain in Elektra kills himself by snapping his own neck. By twisting his head really fast.
  Chick: How does one practice that?
• "Strong independent woman~"
• "Eat her! Eat her eyes out! No! Don't burp on her!!"
  • Calling the movie out for using crappy CGI just for the hell of it. "You know, we have cats. Domesticated cats. You didn't need to do this!"
  • Later on, she livetweeted Batman Returns because she needed to see an actually good Catwoman. There were many squeals along the lines of "SUICIDAL BOMBER PENGUINS".
• Catwoman's power is to...walk sexily? The Chick suggests "chasing laser pointers" and "shitting in a box."
• "Uh-oh. Looks like someone's a strong, independent woman!"
• "Well, that is the cat way. You went somewhere you shouldn't have gone, and did something stupid. CAT."
• Translating the cat's "meow".

  Chick:"You think I'm saying 'grow a pair', but what I'm really saying is, 'FEEEDDD MEEEE!'"

Charlie's Angels

• FEMINISM IS OVER. :( *The Price Is Right losing horns*
  • "You can't just end feminism!" "Sure I can. I'm on the board."
• Lindsay lamenting how the filmmakers appropriate other peoples' cultures for their stupid little movies... while wearing a burqa.
  • It's a niqab!
• The entire ending montage of Lindsay, Nella, and Elisa doing Charlie's Angels Poses... while wearing niqabs.
  • In the comments, it was pointed out that in the montage they looked like Ninja-Nuns, a.k.a. Nunjas.
• Her cowering in fear at the Tom Green cameo.
  Chick: I've got a bad feeling there's some sausage in that skillet.
• Mocking Cameron Diaz's character getting excited over her love interest calling her.

  Chick: *extremely high-pitched voice* "IMMA GIRL!"

• About Matt Le Blanc's character:

  Chick: "I think he's supposed to be an actor... and also, he plays one in the movie! *points at the camera* HHEEEYY-OOOOO!"

• Talking about the song "Independent Women".

  Nostalgia Chick: "I just don't get the implication that it's common for women to expect men to pay for things... that's what parents are for. Duh!"

Red Hot Riding Hood

• The whole thing's an amusing case of Hypocritical Humor, given that it's a former Stalker with a Crush... reviewing a short famous for featuring two Stalkers With a Crush.
• Near the ending:
  Wolf: I'm through with women.
  Chick: Men from now on.

Cutthroat Island

• "Nostalgia monopoly, suckas!"
• The Nostalgia Muppet.
  Muppet!Critic: Also, it was just Talk Like a Pirate Day.
  Chick: But... I don't even know what a Somali accent sounds like...
  • And later:
    Doug: (out of character) This is the weirdest cameo you've ever asked for.
• Stating that the film was a Creator Killer, a Star-Derailing Role, reinstated the Black Plague into Europe...
  • Somehow when back in time and caused the disappearance of the Roanoke colony...
• Her imitation of Geena Davis' character, which channels less "badass pirate" and more "cool aunt." It's her inflections that really sell it.
  Morgan!Chick: Hey, since your mom's out of town, I can go take you to see a movie! (whispers) That's rated R!
• This bit also on Davis' performance:
  Chick: You can't even don an accent, Geena Davis? You're pretending to be a whore. Everybody knows whores are Cockney.
• The monkey saluted! Everything is saved now!
• Chick's description of a scene at the climax where she almost got engaged, and inviting the audience to come with her on her emotional journey:
  Dawg: You planning to fight me with that little stick?
  Morgan: No, uncle! With this! (pulls out a tarp to reveal a cannon pointed right at him)
  Chick: Oh my god, that's actually kinda cool...
  Morgan: (lights it) Bad Dawg!
  Chick: Never mind...
• Chick finally realizes the review was created under the same circumstances as the film itself... and is promptly cut off by the credits.

Top Ten Viral Videos from the Ancient Internet (aka Before Website/You Tube)

• Blaming her "ladybrain" in advance if she gets any facts about flash wrong.
• For her # 6 choice, the Chick points out how randomness does not equal funny.
  Chick: ...cause random is a big thing on the internet. Belch-pickle-kumquat-butthole-fuddrucker.
  • As she finishes talking about the technical lagging of the Badger video, it fades into Slenderman.
• At the start and the end of the video the Chick provides her e-mail address for everyone who would disagree with her choices. Well, somebody's e-mail address, at least...
  • What's funny is that Todd in the Shadows made the same joke with the exact same address.
    • It's probably payback for what happened to her (and Todd) in To Boldly Flee.
• “Man, I wish I could make money by just uploading videos where I complain about shit I don’t like on the Internet." Beat. "Wait.”
• "Insecure sex bunny" was... not her nickname in college.

Reality Bites

• She describes the movie as a completely un-ironic 90 minute version of Threw It on the Ground.
• The review starts off with the Chick quite calm as she writes her letter to 1994... before devolving into a screaming and seething Unstoppable Rage ("SHUT THE (BEEP!) UP, 1994!!!") and then collecting herself.
  • "EVERYTHING IS WORSE NOW!"
  • She slips again when describing the horribleness of the two main characters:
  Chick: Indeed, of the five main characters you have three that are grounded, well-acted and compelling; Janeane Garofalo, Ben Stiller and Steve Zahn. [Increasingly annoyed] And the two main characters who are despicable, entitled, whiny [Cut to the Chick writing furiously, her monologue increasingly infuriated] absolutely horrible morally reprehensible people die die DIEDIE—
  [The Chick catches herself again and looks sheepish]
• "I can't believe you're making me defend RENT, Reality Bites!"
  • Plus, her Death Glare as she says that.
• Her "writing" comes off as someone who has just had an IV of coffee directly implanted into their veins.
• She points out the irony in the movie not being able define irony
  Lelaina: Can you define irony?
  Troy: It's when the actual meaning is the complete opposite from the literal meaning.
  Chick: In...correct!
• "And I am Sideshow Bob, and this movie is a yard full of rakes."

Matilda

• "Lisa Simpsons of the world, you finally have a movie of your very own. That was made sixteen years ago."
• The intro showing the fans (Nella hugging the book) and detractors of Matilda (The Nostalgia Critic saying to the angry mob outside his house that he won't review the movie, and they can put the voodoo dolls down).
• The neighbor barely concealing her true identity, and approving the Chick's joke with a disturbing laugh. The Chick's bewildering look is priceless!
  "That sweater was so fucking itchy."
• Chick's Danny DeVito impression, lampshading how the actor plays both the soft-spoken narrator and Mr. Wormwood in the same movie.
• "...and I cannot one-sidedly present hatred of all children, or else the Southern Poverty Law Center will label me a hate group... again..."
  • Never mind that this comment followed the Chick claiming The Trunchbull is an unsung hero. (She is a badass, but...)
• The Reveal that the neighbor is Mara Wilson, complete with dramatic musical back-up... and the Chick still doesn't get it. It takes Mara having to muss with her hair to get to Matilda's hairstyle for the Chick to recognize her.
  • The acting helps - the music shrieks with drama; the Chick recoils in terror; Mara fixes her with an evil look; "I...don't get it."
• After Chick comments that Roald Dahl was a bitter, unpleasant man, Mara retorts that the Chick is no different.
  Chick: ...And?
• The Chick admitting that she does get the Matilda/Ms. Honey shippers while Mara reacts in disgust.
  "It's not...not there!"
  • And following that a clip shows of Matilda and Ms. Honey talking with slow, saxophone music in the background.
• Any time Mara Wilson enters Humanoid Abomination mode. Particularly having to interrupt for the commercial break...
• "Those pancakes are fluffy as fuck." This, more than reading Dickens at 8, is why the Chick thinks Matilda is a genius.
• "Holy shit, Matilda, you've got a great rack!"
  • And when it seems like Nella is trying to reach for it, Chick ducks in between the two with a Big "NO!".
• The Nostalgia Critic: "Okay, I won't review Matilda! How about a Let's Play of Bart's Nightmare?"
  • Cue the crowd cheering.
  • The delightfully cruel irony of it: he did the LP because he can't take people hating him and got punished by getting hated, and then he did a forced-positive James and the Giant Peach because he was desperate to be loved and got punished by not getting forgiveness for that either. No wonder he's happier dead.
• This exchange:
  Mara: We could fight over which one of us is hotter?
  Chick: Nah, the internet's gonna do that anyway.
  • Also when they return from commercial:
  Chick: Um, I don't want to sound weird or anything, but...you have...boobs...now...is that weird?
  Mara: [annoyed sigh] No, I get that a lot.
• Mara is disappointed to discover that can't get revenge on the Critic now, and thinks that refocusing the hatred on someone else wouldn't be nearly as satisfying:
  Mara: With the Critic, it was just so organic.
  Chick: I know what you mean.
  
  Mara: But I was going to destroy his ally to get to him!
  Chick: Well...[airquotes] "ally" is a strong word...
• In the commentary, Mara Wilson confirms that the sweater she complains about was indeed extremely itchy, enough that she asked Danny DeVito that she never have to wear it again. And she and Lindsay discuss the possibility of slash fic about the two of them, which they're amazed hasn't happened yet.
  • Also in the commentary, they confirmed that, yes, they are actually neighbors. Albeit, neighbors in a New York sense, as they live within ten blocks of each other.

Sleepy Hollow

• Nella and Lindsay spookifying mundane things in Sleepy Hollow, which Elisa then ruins by gothing over the actual creepy buildings.
• Tim Burton Bingo! Squares include: a handful of actors (including Johnny Depp, of course), Blue Filter, Daddy Issues, Poofy Dark Hair, Spooky Boy Soprano, and Fat Asshole. And Danny Elfman is the free square.
• The Call-Back to the Matilda review, where an angry crowd emerges at her window right when she speaks Tim Burton's name, and she yells at them right back that she hadn't even said anything yet.
• Whimpering "what's going on?" at Johnny Depp's breakdancing during Alice in Wonderland (2010).
• The Christopher Walken line-read, with Rob Walker doing the voice.
• Her own Brief Accent Imitation "wow" at finding out Walken's playing the horseman is pretty fun too.
• When complaining about the actor playing Young Masbath:
  Young Masbath: My mother is in Heaven, sir. She has my father now to care for her.
  Chick: I can see it affected you deeply.
• When Ichabod comes out covered in a dead-for-days woman's blood, she gets freaked out. "Were you rolling in it?"
  • Later, while voicing the villainess, she claims to have replaced the blood with tempera paint "for maximum spoooooky effect."
• "The Bible says no swirls!"

Shorts! Coal Black and de Sebben Dwarfs

• The return of the "Yaaaaaay!" sound effect.
• Her promptly freezing up at the incredible amount of racist imagery and dialogue from just five seconds of the short.

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