Funny: The Nostalgia Chick 2011 Episodes
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The Fifth Element
Kirk vs. Picard
Top Ten Best Nostalgic Villains
- Chick going from the screaming terror in the last review to just... being kinda confused.
Chick: I know it sounds weird but I'm in the refrigerator.
- Lampshading the change of location. "This regrigerator looks different. Gotta go!"
- The Sex Bot's snarky "you're welcome" when his mistress leaves without a thank you.
- The Chick instantly blaming Dr. Tease for Dark Nella. "You! I told you not to clone her!"
- "I did not put any DNA from your sidekicks into this puppy. At all."
- Dr. Tease's excited "really?" when the Chick tells her what happened to Nella.
- Dark Nella being first shown cuddling (evilly) a bunny.
- Dr. Tease being, well, a tease and giving the bedroom eyes to pretty much everyone before Dark Nella kills her.
- The Chick wisely screaming and hiding when Nella arrives.
- The Megamind Shout-Out. "Dark Nellaaaaa!"
- "Hi, I'm your Nostalgia Chick. I'm hiding out in a room somewhere and it would seem that evil has overtaken my former BFF. So in light of that, it seems like now would be an appropriate time to review the top ten evilest characters ever, like I'd been planning to do anyway so it's ironic."
- The Star Wars Shout-Out, with calling a child "youngling". And repeating the "It gives you focus" line as a Running Gag.
- "So with that in mind, while we all cower in fear from the dark one, let us begin the evilest nostalgic characters."
- The Call Back to Shan Yu from Mulan being a little girl rapist, especially playing the bouncy "I Love Little Girls" over his montage.
- The only reason Shan Yu invaded China was because building the wall was an affront to his manliness.
- "And then he just gnaws his way through China like a spiteful, gnawing thing."
- "And of course not to mention the little girl. Okay okay, I'll shut up."
- "Sorry, sorry, Academy Award winner Angelica Houston."
- Her utter terror at Angelica Houston killing one of the child-mice with her heel, as well as her puppy choosing that moment to bounce as much as she can. "Aaah! Oh my God, what a horrible way to die! Oh God! Oh God! Oh, puppy!"
Chick: Why were his innards green?
- How she can't blame the witches for wanting to kill children because they smell bad.
Chick: But conspiracy to murder millions of children? That's going to get you a few life sentences.
- Using "Smack My Bitch Up" for Angelica Houston's montage.
- Lampshading how ridiculous the Fisher King plot for The Lion King is.
Chick: He's a lion! Does he just have bad environmental policy?
Chick: Guess that goes to show you, gay lions have no business being in charge.
- The microwave settings: Dehydrate, Defrost, Destroy, De-flower
- How does Dark Nella deal with The Chick? Stuffs her in the fridge. Again.
- NChick commenting on the Foe Yay subtext between Basil and Ratigan.
- "He will suffer the pain of a thousand flaming noogies."
- The Chick claiming that Mola Ram's name actually means "Fuck you, India"
- Even better, according to the commentary, that's actually what the text reads when that line comes up.
Roland Emmerich tribute
- Her reaction to Chicago in ruins, managing a few moments of horror before shrugging it off because she never liked the city anyway.
- The moment where she recognizes that the homeless guy in The Day After Tomorrow is the guy who said that "Everybody got AIDS 'n shit" in Showgirls.
- A Boy and His Ex.
- "Figured out a virus, or walked in some snow, or...accidentally killed her new boyfriend..."
- "What is that lady doing there with all those fighter pilots, is she serving them cocktails?"
- When Dr. Tease shows up.
Dr. Tease: Mayonnaise? It's genetically altered!
Nostalgia Chick: I hate mayonnaise.
- Doubles because Dr. Tease points out that Lord MacGuffin was earlier seen injecting the mayonnaise with plot-device.
- Dr. Tease's explanation of why she isn't dead.
Dr. Tease: Oh, that wasn't me, that was a robot clone.
Nostalgia Chick: Wait, so was it a robot or was it a clone?
Dr. Tease: Exactly!
- Dr. Tease's explanation as to where her roommate is.
- Regarding the surfeit of bit parts in Emmerich's movies, especially military guys:
Fire at will. Chick:
No, don't fire at Will
! He's the best thing in this movie
- Dark Nella tortures The Makeover Fairy by...scraping off her make-up with a spatula.
Makeover Fairy: I JUST WANT TO HIDE MY FLAAAWS!
- This little gem:
President: Yeah...mommy's sleeping...
- Calling Harry Connick Jr. Will Smith's "scrappy black friend". Continuously.
- Nella easily managing to catch up with Dr. Tease and the Chick, although it might help that the latter two are in heels.
- Dr. Tease completely missing the point of the robot's rant and trying to cheer him up with "You wash dishes so poetically!"
- The Chick popping into the field and being happy that there's no major cities in sight.
- Trying her very best to say some good things about Roland's movies, including that it was France's fuck-up in Godzilla not America's and that the chicken in 2012 was fun.
Chick: Yeah, back to bitching.
- Imitating the Creepy Child and sounding a bit like those girls in The Shining.
Chick: The world is ending, read to meeee.
- Her Heroic BSOD towards the end, inter-spaced with clips from The Three Stooges and Metropolis.
Chick: What has become of me?
- Benzaie poppping up to announce that, even though America is burning, France is fine.
- Dr. Tease getting distracted by baby animals when she's warning the Chick Dark Nella is nearby.
- As soon as the Chick comes in, the Makeover Fairy grabs her and immediately panics. The Chick's look of "please don't touch me" is hilarious.
- Dark!Nella's Psychotic Smirk at hearing The Makeover Fairy's voice.
- Also the massive amounts of insults The Makeover Fairy spews out to lure her in.
Fairy: Someone that was so undesirable...
Fairy: Oh I wish there was someone hideous enough that I could make desirable...
Fairy: Someone, whose beer goggles need to be eight inches thick. Someone who no man would ever ever ever ever want...
Fairy: Ever? Someone? Anyone?
*Chick does her chloroforming thing*
- "Science? Fat lot of good that's done humanity!"
- While everything is going on, Tammy's in the corner reading a book.
- The entire concept of getting a magic expert by pulling a random goth chick off the street.
- When the Chick is talking about all the things you do when having a witchcraft phase, she mentions shopping at Hot Topic twice.
- "Oh no, precious, they want power."
- Saying that the guy from Clueless is playing the guy from Clueless, just filtered through a more malicious universe.
- The deeper your eyeliner and lipstick get, the more evil you are. "Which as we've seen is more or less how it works."
- "Yeah, we totally killed that guy, I am so buzzing!"
- "What's a good witch movie without attempted rape?"
- "I like you, you suicidal bitch!"
- Her theory that Fairuza Balk is genuinely insane and not even acting.
- How she finds out Nella is still evil. "She stole my beer! That bitch!"
- Lindsay and Elisa hamming it up during the attempted spell: "IT'S NOT WORKING!" "SHE'S JUST TOO BIG!"
- The Chick, taking a cue from The Craft, attempts to "bind" Nella by wrapping her picture in ribbon. It only results in Nella wrapped in toilet paper.
- Lindsay's puppy trying to lick her neck when she's on the floor and being threatened by Nella.
- This line is oddly funny, especially since it starts off in such a faux-cheerful tone:
Like "Hey girls! You think you got real friends? Well you don't."
- At the end of the review, the Chick finally getting tired of Lord MacGuffin's non-explanations and pointing a gun at him. He understandably gives her more information.
- "My name is Graven, because I'm half way between Edgar Allan Poe and the grave!"
- The whole thing, from beginning to end, especially the massive number at the end bringing together the entire Channel.
- Her total glee at finally doing a stage musical.
- The few second scene of her as an Emo Teen, listening to The Phantom of the Opera and pigging out on peanut butter.
- Making fun of Katie Holmes's shitty singing in Dawson's Creek.
- Calling the Liam Neeson version "Les Meh".
- The Chick annoying the living hell out of Jew Wario with her constant singing.
- How Jew Wario's face twitches before he says "all week". Cut to Lindsay singing, and Jew Wario is rocking back and forth and singing as well.
- Even funnier is that the Chick is singing "Turning," one of the most depressing numbers in the musical, with the face of a happy little girl. Equal parts creepy yet totally appropriate for the character.
- The Chick saying Nella kicked her out for some reason and then it cutting to Nella rocking back and forth with an Ear Worm in her head.
- Chick braining Jew Wario with a games console. Guess the (intentional - see the SK group commentary) Suburban Knights attraction wasn't to last.
- The entire singing argument right before this part.
- Jew Wario's singing Javert's section in the song. Lindsay is clearly trying to stop herself from laughing. It might have had something to do with the fact that Jew Wario forgot how his lines went and threw in a Precision F-Strike on the spot.
- The song is actually funnier if you know who some of them are playing: the two most screwed up, jerky people there are (Chick and Critic) singing characters who are Messiah archetypes, Obscurus Lupa and Elisa are in a romance, Todd in the Shadows is still the lovelorn woobie pining for Lupa and the self-proclaimed hero (Linkara) is singing about looting dead bodies.
- The Nostalgia Critic pulling off the Incredibly Long Note in Looney Tunes fashion.
- Phelous being ridiculously tone deaf but having so much fun with it.
- JewWario joining in despite his supposed trauma with the Chick singing the Les Miserables songs too much. Then, at the end of the (incredibly awesome) song, there's the Mood Whiplash where he tells the Chick to leave; it was just so abrupt that it was hilarious.
- Most of JewWario's facial expressions throughout the review are gold. The way he starts sobbing in the background near the beginning of the "One Day More" sequence, however, really takes the cake.
- Benzaie's appearance after the Crowning Music of Awesome. "It's over already? But... but I'm French! What the fuck? This is bullshit!"
- The few seconds of Dark Nella reappearing. The Makeover Fairy and the Chick have to force her glasses on her.
- Nella and Chick singing about their everyday routines.
- The Impossibly Tacky Clothes the girls have on.
- Chick and Nella sulking about how sticky 80s hair is while The Makeover Fairy smiles in a slasher fashion.
- Calling the show a Hannah Montana/Barbie hybrid.
- Chick and Nella trying to watch the show (in normal clothes) but getting so bored that the Chick tries to get any remaining beer out of her bottle and Nella gets out a picture book of Frankenstein.
- "My ability to feign interest... I mean, if you watch my show you know I'm not the best actress."
- "What the hell kind of name is Jerrica? Is it like the feminine city that the Israelites brought down? Is it like Erica was too boring, let's throw a J on it? Like Jem, so they match?"
- Her reaction to the first theme song: "I'm sorry, what was her name?"
- Chick and Nella's "Ohhh" when they find out the show was made by Hasbro.
- Her fondness towards Transformers coming out again.
- "Truly truly arbitrary adjective!"
- Also using the "I don't think it means what you think it means." clip from The Princess Bride.
- Referring to Stormer as the Misfits' Nella.
- "I don't think we're going to be seeing any three-hundred-million-dollar Michael Bay tentpole starring Megan Fox this year." [Megan Fox with pink hair in front of an explosion.] "Although, you have to admit, that would be pretty funny."
- No one can resist laughing at the after the credits clip where they are all just joking around and cracking up.
The Little Mermaid
- The disclaimer at the beginning: The opinions expressed in this video are not necessarily the opinions of the people expressing them. Oddly enough.
- The Chick's smile at the beginning, like she's been waiting to do this for a long while, and then Elisa tackling her and dragging her off.
- Even better, Elisa tackles the Chick right before she can say the word "shit", despite the fact that swearing (apart from Precision F Strikes) rarely gets censored in the Chick's videos.
- Nella selling her voice for a Doctor Who scarf. And the dog having apparently done the same for a man.
- The Bad Bad Acting of Elisa's letter.
- Pretty much the entire review was gold, but Todd in the Shadows' cameo in particular; Chick apparently won't stop calling him and he blows her off. His total obliviousness to his hypocrisy (as he's also ignored by someone) is one of the many things that sell it.
- The various Digging Yourself Deeper antics of the various female cameos as they try to explain to the Chick why their interest in the film isn't degrading, from Obscurus Lupa's odd mermaid outfit to MarzGurl proving why she has the Marz in her name. And then there's the Big Lipped Alligator Moment that is Diamanda Hagan...
- They once again reference the Dune drama, with Pushing Up Roses saying it's a wonder that the Chick got out alive.
- Another one from Pushing Up Roses' section: she claims her intervention letter is on colorful paper to make it "sound friendlier."
- Nella, as The Voiceless, representing "satisfied" by miming smoking a cigarette.
- Her sign for "men" is the classic pointer-finger-through-circle sex motion.
- On facebook, they called her sign language NSL.
- Seeing the Chick again as a wangsty Emo Teen, this time listening to Limp Bizkit to ease her pain.
- After the flashback, her asking nervously if Nella and Elisa saw that and the girls scooting their chairs away.
- Teen Chick's gigantic fake boobs. Need I say more?
- The Chick's Oh Crap reaction when she realizes that's Not so Above It All and has just sung "Part Of Your World" along with the other TGWTG fangirls.
- During the song, the (changed) pitch of Lupa's voice makes her pretty much sound like a chipette.
- Twice during the review, the Chick refers to the "inappropriateness of the VHS cover". The first time, she refers to Flounder's cheek and then later, to Ursula looking like a man. Cue Brick Joke in the final seconds: "Is that an erect penis?"
- Sebastion's Played for Laughs PTSD.
"Oh, I am so put out!"
- The fact that they're eating fish at this point makes it all the more fun.
- Lindsay's mini-rant on how Ursula's weight is treated.
"So do the scales grow up over your boobs if you get fat? Once your BMI goes above a 26? A horrible, fatty, scaly rash to cover your shame, Ursula, you fatty-pig-fatty!"
"Heh-heh-heh, she's fat."
- The stinger, in which Elisa is making her Phantom action figures have a conversation. "I'm the original and the best!" "But I'm the sexy one!"
- The Hyperbole And A Half Shout-Out:
: Last year I did a review of the most nostalgic of all of the things, of all of the age-groups, Grease
- The fact that even after all the Dark Nella saga, Nella's still considered in need of a makeover.
- Nella reading a book titled Who Moved My Cheese while giving the Chick a few well-deserved Death Glares.
- The Chick's still potent rage over the pregnancy subplot in the first Grease movie.
- Her Motor Mouth of "Oh and it also made no money and everybody hated it."
- Correcting herself at the (obviously Australian) lead's Fake Brit-ness.
- Starting to praise Grease just a little bit before stopping and wanting to go back to the bitchery.
- The Hypocritical Humor jokes with the script, telling the movie that they have to have a completed one before shooting while changing her lines as she speaks them.
- Nella and Chick as the people who thought up the movie.
- Todd singing and playing "I Hate Everything".
- Chick calling Frenchie a "poor man's Makeover Fairy" and then their own fairy popping in. She even lampshades that she's got to stop doing that.
- Also Nella's muggy look of terror and disgust, before storming off with an "I DESERVE BETTER!"
- How the Makeover Fairy suddenly has wings for some reason.
- This bit of dialogue:
Makeover Fairy: Is [[Todd]] cuuuute?
Chick: I don't know...
- Todd in the Shadows... in lederhosen. The hilarity of this cannot be described with mere words, you must see it.
Todd: I hate you.
- Also Pimp!Todd: "I don't feel comfortable wearing this"
- It was the Phantom outfit that did it for me, particularly the pose he makes.
- And how he's rather pleased with his Zorro costume. (which kinda counts as a Call Back to Suburban Knights)
- Nella's wide-eyed shock that the Chick may actually properly like a man. (Instead of, we assume, abusing a few of them for fun.)
- The return of the "Man" PSA, with a slightly... different twist:
Announcer: Yes, man. The thing you base all your decisions around. The thing you change your whole identity for. The thing around you face all major life decisions. Man! They're better than you so why not get one? If you don't have one...
Chick: Hey, hey, we're not stealing that bit too!
- Sexually frustrated, horny as hell Chick needs to happen more often. That was amazing.
- The rather one-track-minded scrabble game Chick and Nella play. Here's a proper picture.
- "There is no sport less sexy than bowling. Scrabble is sexier than bowling."
- Followed immediately by sexy slapjack. The facial expressions in particular.
- The Chick's Death Glare at Nella when they try "sexy dice".
- The fact that Todd doesn't even remember who the "Nostalgia Chick" is.
- And his wallet being filled with Lupa pictures, even the cartoon version of her.
- The Makeover Fairy pulling up Todd's mask and screaming in terror. Of course, we only see her reaction, not his face.
- Chick making Nella do the dishes by saying she'll be doing it for her country.
- At the end, when the Nostalgia Chick finds Todd, they both stare at each other in big dramatic moment, "Almost Paradise" playing in the background... and then Todd just pushes past her and leaves.
- Followed by the Chick sighing happily.
- "Hey, how do you get to Virginia from here?"
- When Chick tries to write the Makeover Fairy out of the script.
: You don't understand! I have to do this! The makeover...it's so brittle! The flaws... the flaws! They have to be hidden! I've gotta do this...for my country! *disapears, then reappears* Of Moldova!
- The exchange after the Makeover Fairy teleports Todd to her place for his makeover. His panic and her uneasiness over his need for said makeover are hilarious:
Todd: Where am I?
Makeover Fairy: You're in my boudoir!
Todd: Who are you?
Makeover Fairy: I'm the Makeover Fairy and you...need a makeover!
Todd: *freaked out* No I don't!
Makeover Fairy: Yes...you do...
- The Chick scoffs at the way all the girls fall for Michael's mysterious alter ego:
I mean, it's not that I - of all people - would be obsessed with a guy who's face I've never seen!
TLC and the 90's
Top Ten Songs About Sex (From Musicals)
- Todd pretty much running away when she plays "Reproduction" from Grease 2 as a seduction song, which explains why she's so bitter today.
Todd: Ehh, you know what, I'm not doing anything else right now.
Chick: [pumps fist] Yes! Mood music!
- The Blatant Lies that her recent musical obsession has nothing to do with a certain masked, uninterested man. Also the fact that she's getting seriously pissed at how he's an "ungrateful" prick who doesn't want her love.
- Calling the war subplot in Hair "subtle" while focusing on a gravestone with Vietnam imprinted right in the middle.
- About #10, "Sodomy" by Hair: "I've always liked this song, if only for its glorious pointlessness and the looks you always get when you start singing it in public."
- Her WTF face when they sing about pederasty.
- Putting in clips from The Big Lebowski. "Eight year olds, dude."
- Her hatred for Love Never Dies, including calling a cat an "angel of mercy" for deleting a lot of ALW's original script.
- Changing the dollar sign to the pound sign when she explains why Love Never Dies exists. "Ka-ching!"
- This Call Back to her Dragonheart review:
Dragon: I am the last one!
Chick: [over a picture of the sequel] No, Sean Connery dragon, you're the second to last one.
- "Who hasn't returned to their virginity-lost partner years after the fact and recounted what went down... in song?"
- "And I kissed you! ...at least I think it was you."
- Theorizing that the Phantom had a side career as a hip-hop singer: "Girl you look better with the lights off/Better with the lights off"
- Comparing "Beneath A Moonless Sky" to the Green Goblin's "Freak Like Me".
- Her theory about Rocky Horror is that it's basically about a tragic child-molester.
- Trying very hard not to laugh at the thought of Tim Curry bonking Meat Loaf.
- Describing Rocky as "Sting from Dune if his brain was a hamster."
- "Shhh-shh-shh-shh! Don't think about it."
- Noting that if she didn't put "Toucha Toucha Touch Me" on her list she'd probably get sued by the world.
- The rage at hipsters, even calling them the most despicable people alive, especially when you remember those glasses she had when she started out and the Granola Girl-ism.
Chick: Yes, hipsters, the most sincere artists alive. They suffer for their art, you know, after they spend all day smoking, being dissatisfied and picking out the most ironic hat.
- "Yes, I was in show choir too, Emmy."
- The end Credits Gag: "Someday, Todd. Someday."
- The Chick dubs Sarah Brightman "the human deer", and "praises" her "unintentional Kermit impression".
- "The Phantom wasn't a totally bad guy, right...?"
- "You're gonna star in my Don Juan fanfic and I'm gonna be Don Juan and you're gonna be my conquest and it's gonna be sexy!"
- "I have something to take care of. I'll be right back... not like that you perverts."
- Nostalgia Chick deciding that Todd's mysterious appeal is playing with her heart. So she suddenly appears in Todd's room and declares to him that she's over him. Then Todd offers her a Hot Pocket that he dropped on the floor.
- Saying that Joel Schumacher's ability to suck the passion out of a frame rivals none.
She's All That
- The beginning when she's trying to be all 90s hip, but finds she can't keep it up.
Chick: 90s, come here, we need to talk. You know, sometimes I am genuinely nostalgic for you, sometimes there's a lot of fun stuff going on, but sometimes... you just disappoint me.
- Also trying her best to buy into the assumption that Rachael Leigh Cook is an ugly landwhale.
Chick: That even the most chubby among us, or the most plain... hmm.
Chick: Paul Walker chooses the most hideously ugly, pockmarked, buttertroll in town.
Chick: And turn this hideous, shleppy ball of clay into a swan.
- "Instantly dated by the virtue of its title. I think "All That" was over a good five years before this movie came out, you guys."
- Calling Freddie Prince Junior a "poor little rich boy".
- "He makes a bet about whose career will last longer- I mean, that he can take any girl and make her the prom queen."
- "She fell down! Yeah, how do you work with that?"
- The Hypocrisy Nod of having your main character be unpleasant, bitchy and mean.
- This bit:
FPJ: [taking off RLC's glasses] Your eyes are really beautiful.
Chick: Man, if that's not a transparent rape warning I don't know what is!
- She totally wasn't an awkward dork in high school or anything.
- Trying to figure out why RLC is so angry.
Chick: "I hate that movement [surrealism]! It's so overrated!" So that's why you're mad at him? I guess surrealism pisses me off too. "But what about the romantic movement, huh?"
- The Running Gag of trying to find a tiny violin for all the characters' problems.
- "Moo with me!"
- "Oh no, the heartbeat! A bad student film is starting."
- Snapping her linguini in response to the hackeysack scene.
- "Look at her horrible, run-down... double wide."
- "Wigging? Did anyone ever actually say wigging? Well it might have been better if it was wig, those hair extensions aren't working."
- The Makeover Fairy coming in with a violin and screeching her displeasure about the Chick's pigtails and glasses.
Chick: See, this why I try to avoid movies with makeover narratives.
- "Okay, I know nobody ever said 'bump monkeys', unless they were talking about literal monkeys."
- Oancitizen, Todd and Lupa complaining about how cameos suck while starring in cameos.
- The Makeover Fairy failing to get sympathy for popular people.
- Because she disapproves of the Chick wearing glasses, the Makeover Fairy reappears at the last moment and steals them.
Chick: [sulking] "Now I can't see."
- If you listen closely, you can hear Chick sobbing at the very tail-end of the credits, after having her glasses stolen.
- The 'bitch' poster: "I'm a bitch, vote for me!"
When Harry Met Sally vs. Sleepless In Seattle
You've Got Mail
- At the start of the review, rhapsodizing about how coffee liqueur offers stimulants and depressants all at once.
- How she relates to that aforementioned coffee just like women are meant to relate to Meg Ryan.
- "...that I relate to, so much! She! Is! Me!"
Meg Ryan: Happy = smile! Sad = frown! Use the corresponding face for the corresponding emotion!
- "You've Got Mail is a two-hour AOL commercial — I mean, You've Got Mail is the only title more dated than She's All That — I mean..."
- Calling French Kiss unabashed woman porn.
- Her theory that Tom Hanks is Hollywood's fun uncle, the one that gives thoughtful Christmas presents and great hugs.
- This bit:
Evil Businessman: Aww, another independant bites the dust.
- "This film is about as subtle as those educational videos they made you watch in the fifth grade".
Sonic: And that's no good.
- Doing her own advert for AOL:
- All the movie remakes that shouldn't have been existed, including The Stepford Wives, Freaky Friday and Charlie and the Chocolate Factory.
- This exchange:
Meg Ryan: Is it infidelity if you're involved with someone through email?
YES, YOU DUMB BITCH
- The Disposable Fiancé. Again.
Meg Ryan: Oh right, I'm engaged.
Chick: Oh right what's-his-nuts.
- "D-did the Wizard Of Oz just try to commit suicide? That's... dark."
- Suddenly reacting to the soundtrack by shouting out "WAS THIS CRANBERRIES SONG IN EVERY SINGLE MOVIES DURING THE NINETIES?"
- The awkwardness that ensues from Dave Chappelle being the Token Black Best Friend and her theory that The Rock would have been better.
- Tweeting "on her Apple iPhone" to express her distaste at the Disposable Fiancé's overreaction to solitaire being "the end of the world as we know it".
- "Half of you don't even know what dial-up sounds like, you little whipper-snappers."
- Mocking the Product Placement with a Parody Commercial of her credit card.
- But that's how romantic comedies work and..."I DON'T CARE IF IT'S NOT REAL, I WANT HIM TO LOVE ME!" And then realizing she's got off-track and trying to change it to being glad the onscreen couple got together.
- How she almost throws up at the prospect of Nicholas Cage's "O" face in City of Angels.
City Of Angels
- The title card. It must be seen to be believed.
- Trying to suffocate herself with a plastic bag at "Angels Among Us" by Alabama. Or as she calls it, the worse three musical genres coming together to create the apocalypse of the most mind-bendingly awful song ever.
- To wit, those three genres are: Contemporary Christian, Modern Country, and Songs About Angels.
- "Don't question me, my German is flawless."
- The remake-idea of Dancer in the Dark starring Sandra Bullock.
Poster: If the stress doesn't blind her, her degenerative, congenital disease will!
- There's also Citizen Kane being "made" into a late nineties action thriller starring Jason Statham ...which yes, people on the comment sections thought was real.
- Her version of being "busy" is doodling hearts, music notes and Todd's name all over a notebook.
Chick: Hope that's not creepy.
- Todd's killer Nicholas Cage impression.
- And the Chick trying to do it beforehand. "Wow, girls cannot do a good Nicolas Cage impression. I'm gonna have to outsource this one."
- Her fistpump when she actually gets Todd to do what she wants for once.
- Screaming as the little girl who pops it at the beginning of the film.
Chick: Please don't show me Nicolas Cage before I die!
- And mocking her when she says the best part of living is pajamas.
Chick: ...so not Disneyland, Nintendo 64 or teddy bears. Pajamas.
- "In this movie, children are the vessels of purity that can sense the beauty of the angels. So basically they act nothing like real children."
- "I mean, he did win an Oscar and Oscar equals good, right?"
- Putting a Downfall Hitler parody in there and giving him the same reaction to the film as Oancitizen.
- "Hell, a lot of [Wings Of Desire] is just about the heaviness of being German."
- Making fun of Cage's Informed Attractiveness.
- Using the "I'm about as anatomically correct as a Ken doll" scene from Dogma.
- Her reaction to Meg Ryan cutting Cage's hand. "I wanna see your blood!"
- Again, her sickened reaction to Cage's sex face.
Nicolas Cage: I always ask people what they liked best about living. This is it. This is what I like best.
Todd as Nicolas Cage: Turns out it's sex! Sex is my favorite part of living. Whoulda guessed? And that little girl said pajamas. Man, she didn't know shit!
- Anytime Oancitizen comes in: calling her condescending, elegantly explaining "Wings Of Desire", raging at Hollywood for the crappy remake (City Of Angels) while the Chick tries not to laugh at him and throwing things in anger because he always has to explain everything.
Kate And Leopold
- Chick refusing to make out with her puppy.
- The "John Malkovich as DISSATISFIED customer" Running Gag is again golden.
"who even back then was frustrated that his tour of Tuscany platter has not arrived in a timely fashion."
"my simple request was for a hearty marinara but what I received was meat sauce."
- Noticing that Ryan Phillipe looks like Justin Timberlake and how the latter probably put the former out of a job.
- When Sebastian parks shittily and the cop doesn't do anything about it:
Chick: Yeah, well, you're gonna get towed. Have fun at the inpound lot! Wish the NYC cops I've encountered acted like that.
- Wondering if Malkovich is capable of a human emotion other than "god, these people".
- Comparing Malkovich to Colin Firth's version of the character:
Chick: While I and most women would have a hard time figuring out why Mr. "Where's my goddamn salad?" is such a ladies man..."
- And then doing a happy faced emoticon whenever Firth seduces someone while putting a confused one whenever Malkovich does the same.
- Her grossed out reactions at the incesty scenes between Kathryn and Sebastian.
- Pushing up her breasts when she tells Elisa that they're above gimmicky things like lesbian kissing.
- In the credits: "We cut the footage of us making out. For time."
- Her "Awww, Keanu's wooden soul is moved!" line.
- The Discriminate and Switch with Cecile's boyfriend being "bla-nd" instead of "black".
- Putting a Take That to bad fanfic writers by making clear the non-difference between "dub-con" and "straight-up rape".
- Her clearly-speaking-from-experience rant about how nothing matters in high school and how you can totally reinvent yourself right after, which makes little of what evil stuff Kathryn and Sebastian pulls really matter in the long run.
- The repeat of someone's body being made out of balsa wood, this Call Back being all the way from her Teen Witch review.
- Noting the self-righteous tone of the ending: "JUDGE!" "JUDGE!"
- And noting that Kathryn is technically high on cocaine during this scene. "Spinning Judging Faces All Around Me!"
The Lion King (in 3 D)
- The advertising for the movie breaking her down and her sulking reaction to being made to watch it.
- "Hell, Snow White was the first movie I ever saw in theatres, and it scared the hell out of me!" The funny of this bit comes from the scene change, from Snow White petting the animals in daylight to the forest terrifying her.
- Chick saying how Disney's business model, evil empire or not, is genius. Evil genius.
Chick: The way they market their brand, the longevity they get out of those characters, how they do it for a limited time only... "You gotta get it, it's going inside the Disney vault. You gotta get it before it goes inside the Disney vau- oh, it's gone. It's gone forever. It's in the Disney vault."
- Putting in another Take That to Pocahontas, claiming it as the point where the company went downhill.
Chick: [in a "what you gonna do about it" tone] Oh yeah, that's right.
- Also, how Chick describes Pocahontas when comparing it with The Lion King.
Chick: Pocahontas, conversely, is a pretty bunch of nothing starring a bunch of characters that nobody cares about.
- Blaring the word "NO" when she answers if the 3D adds anything to the film.
- Simba is looking on to the desolate Pride Lands with a serious expression, as the Chick dubs over "Our property values must be restored!"
- Talking about the Chase Scene in Aladdin: "In 1992, this was the COOLEST. THING. EVER!"
- Phelous's voice in the rebuttal portion. That is all.
- Showing The Thief and the Cobbler when she says it's in Disney's nature to steal stuff.
- Seamlessly editing the dark, epic parts of The Hunchback of Notre Dame together with the most slapsticky bits in "A Guy Like You" to demonstrate how the gargoyles sucked.
- "Circle Of Life" playing when random people hold their animals up in the air. Plus, her puppy's "why me" expression when the Chick does it.
"And it's not like I have ever held my small animal up in the Circle of Life
pose." (Beat, adds defensively):
"Oh, like you haven't."
- In the caption at the end of the video, her message to Phelous.
- This little gem.
Nala: "Simba, the hyenas have taken over the Pridelands."
Nostalgia Chick: (voice over) "Integration!? Wha- that's horrible!"
The Worst Witch
- There apparently being a law passed that all women have to wear Sexy Whatever Outfits on Halloween.
- Elisa's costume is a "Sexy Starbucks Manager".
- Nella bursting in to fangasm over Diane Riggs, raising "so many questions" in the Chick's mind. Bonus points for Nella being dressed as Velma.
- The Chick muttering about having to do the review before the party can start "Damn job..."
- Unloved-child-as-The Chosen One:
- Describing the villain as "Katy Perry in forty years."
- She somehow manages to make Tim Curry's glorious cameo even funnier.
We all need a little curry
in our diet.
- "I could make out with myself/that would be pretty keen."
- Critic's Sweet-Transvestite-like Tim Curry impersonation. Doug is having amazing fun playing up the sexy ham.
I'm here to put a little sausage in this clambake!
IIIIIIIIIII JUST CAAAAAAAAAAAAME! Mmm, and I'm wearing white, so it's okay...
Shorts: The Goddess of Spring
- The fact that she was seemed to be sleeping before she popped up to do the review is quite amusing.
- Her reaction to the animation of the goddess. "Oh, wow, yeah, the jelly bone moonwalk. Fascinating."
- "Are those her surveillance flowers?!"
- "Oh, Disney. You and your... dancing flowers. They sure do... take up time."
- "Hell's all jazzy, man, you really want to go back up and party with these losers? Your sad bunnies and your sad, sad, arthritic deer what cries very, very subtle tears?"
- "Satan just wants you to perk up, you frigid bitch!"
Crossroads (with Todd in the Shadows)
- How Lindsay ended up at Todd's house:
- Her admitting that she threatens anyone who goes into her territory of girly nostalgic crap. Bonus for the Not So Different factor.
- Chick In The Shadows. And her piano playing is so awful that it convinces Todd to do the review with her.
- Todd's trauma over still being a virgin in college and the Chick fawning over him.
- After identifying the car as a 1969 Buick Skylarknote , cutting the girly singalonging road trip with them having to stop for gas every few seconds.
- Chick admitting to having a raging girl!boner for the main guy in the movie.
- Chick's lesson from the movie being that she needs tighter abs.
- Todd and the Chick reenacting what they imagined the off-screen awkward conversation between Britney Spears' character and her long-lost mother must have been like, complete with comically melodramatic piano music in the background.
Chick [as Spears]: Hey, mom! I'm class valedictorian!
Todd [as mom, slowly and utterly deadpan throughout]: I never wanted you. Your father forced me to have you.
Chick [as Spears]: (sobs loudly)
Todd [as mom]: Your father wouldn't let me get an abortion, and you need to leave.
Chick [as Spears]: Would you at least give me a ride?
Todd [as mom]: No, you will walk. Alone. In the rain. (beat) Get moving.
Top Ten Disney Deaths
- The beginning, where Chick tries to read Dune and finds it so dull or confusing that she's better with "How To Reduce Your Carbon Footprint".
- Chick's totally unconcerned, surprisingly knowledgeable reaction to Nella's sudden need to kill someone with no mess.
- The complete glee in Nella's voice as she says, "Of course! No one in Disney ever dies a natural death!"
- Matched by Chick's smiley "I know! It's a veritable treasure trope on horrible ways to die!".
- Playing the Bambi Mood Whiplash music over the montage of hanging, impalement, gravity, crushing and other fun deaths.
- When she actually gets to the transition: "La la la la anywaymovingon".
- After the villain in Tarzan goes:
Chick: Oh snap! ...literally.
- "So that's why the Subway's always stopping. Dead dogs on the tracks!"
- This bit:
Chick: Not to mention all those damn dog musical numbers.
[clip of Dodger singing "Why Should I Worry?"]
Chick: Yeah, why should you care? You're not the one driving!
- Her sickened reaction to the Horned King getting ripped into hell and asking for a death that leaves less of a mess.
- "Rest in peace, y'all get a hat! With a candle in it. Anyway we got a treasure hunt with a million characters to develop!"
- Commenting on Shan-Yu's death, and saying how the animators seemed to just be thinking of things Chinese.
Chick: "The colour red...the forbidden city...fireworks...let's combine them". Death by culture. Kaboom!
- Bitching at Sykes for being an incompetent villain and basically giving him advice.
Chick: Loan sharking doesn't have to leave a paper trail, but kidnapping? Are you a complete idiot?
- Nella asking if she can use the word "egregious" in her letter.
- When she gets to the biggest example in the "Crushed" Catergory: Mulan defeating the hun army via avalanche.
: Mulan, the only Disney Princess
with a body count. In the thousands.
- Just before this, when talking about Meg's death, she says Meg's last words shouldn't have been so clear, and proceeds to demonstrate some gurgling sounds.
- Nella and Lindsay Corpsing at the very end as Nella writes her strongly-worded letter.
A Very *NSYNC Christmas
- The beginning, where she gets into her car and notes with horror that the Christmas music period has begun.
- Begging NPR to save her after The Christmas Shoes invades her mind again.
- Her stunned remembrance of **NSYNC:
Chick: Oh yeah, they had a Christmas album! Those adorable bastards.
- 1998-era Lindsay in a Troubled Fetal Position, with tie-dye pants and complaining that *NSYNC doesn't understand her pain and the Limp Bizkit album isn't even out yet.
- Continually going off on Lou Pearlman for being a horrible person. "It's like printing money! Right, you creepy fuck?"
- When JC talks about Lou, "trauma face" blares like a siren and her snarking that Rihanna talks about Chris Brown the same way.
- Some of the lyrics are...interesting.
NSYNC: I never knew the meaning of Christmas / 'Til you came into my life...
Chick:...is she baby Jesus?
- Her belief that all of the members were dating a navy seal girl at the same time, and wrote a lot of "long-distance relationship" songs because of it.
- Everything regarding "Under My Tree", from "I wish that Santa could be here to see" to Chick wondering why do it under a tree.
- "We're going to look at the whole album and get our music reviewer hoodies on."
- "Yes, enjoy our one camera set-up and internet reviewer-grade green screen!"
- "Someone's Skyping me on Christmas..."
- Her describing a put out Christmas album by an artist.
Chick: It kind of reeks of: "I wanna get these 5 albums that I owe the record label over with so I can get out of my contract. Or I'm being forced to do this by a slimy, morally bankrupt, fat pederast."
The Christmas Shoes
- Her completely frozen smile at the beginning as she introduces the review. The "This Is Gonna Suck and I don't get paid nearly enough" expression is clear on her face.
- Telling everyone who has never heard of the song that they're just burying their heads in the sand.
- "Christian music wasn't always awful, right Johnny Cash?"
- Admitting that she doesn't have the facial muscle control or the acting ability to read the glurge-filled lyrics, so she hands it over to Patton Oswalt to do it for her. And when he does it, we cut back to her looking frozen again for at least five seconds.
- "So you'd think that with all this bile and The Christmas Shoes topping every worst of Christmas Songs list on the internet, you'd think the song would slip out of the public consciousness. But no. It's still there, like the ancient candy in your Christmas candy bowl many many years past its expiration date, giving you emotional purple-nurples."
- Treating it like an advert for an album "with such hits as"
- Cloying Emotional Manipulation Involving Cute Animals - Dying Mom & Angelic Son.
- Vague Inspirational Abstraction - Wise Black Man
- Meaningful Goodbye No Child Would Say In Real Life - Badly Written Child
- And her personal favorite: Hollow, Thoughtless Moral - Protagonist ("I think that's what it is.")
- This bit of Tempting Fate:
Chick: Maybe I just don't get it. Maybe my heart is a cold, withered, shriveled thing battered from years of repression and alcoholism. Maybe there's something beautiful in the story; some beautiful message about how fleeting life is and how even the smallest token...
Old guy: [Car] Won't start again? Ever think of buying American?
Chick: [growling and barely able to suppress her rage] ...Clearly I just don't get it!
- Noting the irony of sex-scandal-guy Rob Lowe being in a movie marketed towards conservative mothers.
Chick: And you had Rob Lowe star in your wholesome family Christmas movie. Rob Lowe, who became a Hollywood pariah in the late 80s for a sex tape he filmed at the Democratic National Convention with two women; one of whom was under-aged. ...At least they weren't little boys?
- How Twelve-Year-Olds treat their mothers in reality:
: Leave me alone, Mom, I'm busy! This fanfic
ain't gonna write itself. *types* And then Aragorn took Legolas into his masculine—
- This gem, from when the unrealistically sweet child reveals to the morally bankrupt man that he brought them lunch:
NC: Give this kid a twenty, you monster.
- ''My heart is a tiny little mini-fridge pumping ice water through veins of stone!"
- Her obsession with the father's hair plugs, to the point of wondering if they're the whole reason that the family has money problems.
- Chick decides to buy a drink after finishing the movie, then discovers Todd in the Shadows standing outside the store. Todd laments to Chick that he came up short in buying his dying mother a lottery ticket. Chick subsequently gives her ticket to him, and he happily runs toward his home... exclaiming that after he used the ticket himself, he won $5.
Sir, I need to buy this belt. For my Todd, please.
- "Grandma got run over by a... plot contrivance."
- Her ":D" face, bordering on creepy, mocking the kid's expression in the movie. Twice.
- Todd running towards his house in slo-mo, with the lottery ticket in his hand, and the titular song playing in the background.
- Calling the lead singer in The Christmas Shoes a "bearded egg in a hat".
Top Ten Worst Disney Sequels
- "Really and truly, crapping on movies made by people far more successful than anyone you've ever had anything to do with is not easy work."
- How she constantly refers to children as "Crotch dumplings."
- Her visible distress as she tries to come to terms with George Carlin being the voice of the misanthropic ape in Tarzan II.
- The joy she gets out of seeing Tinkerbell suffer in Peter Pan II: Return to Neverland.
Nostalgia Chick: *evil laugh*
Yesss, no more sassy Hot Topic shirts for you
Nostalgia Chick: Hey little girl, what are you doing being concerned about nazis, bombs and living to see the end of the war? Pixie dust, damn it!
- "Oh Ariel, you might be a hypocrite or something."
- Noting that the plague has apparently wiped out most of the denizens of Paris in The Hunchback of Notre Dame II.
- When revealing the voice actress for Madeleine, she cycles through a quick list of actresses—except one, which reads simply "Your Mom."
- The exchange between the Chick and Nella mocking the "best friends" exchange:
Chick: [staring off into space] Best friends...
Nella: [smiling] Best friends forever!
Chick: And we'll always be friends, won't we...
Nella: Of course! As long as you don't default on your payments!
- Her horrified disbelief when she sees that Beauty and the Beast: The Enchanted Christmas got a Blu-ray release.
- When regarding Belle's Magical World: "It's less 'Beauty and the Beast' and more 'The Abusive Odd Couple.'"
- Her random impersonations of George Carlin, usually right after a Narm-y line.
You're a douchebag!
You're a hunchback!
You're an asshole!
- When she writes the word "lazy" on the back of an envelope to express her opinion of "The Little Mermaid II"...
- Chick trying to make Todd her damsel.
Todd: You know, this didn't work the first five times you did this, Nostalgia Chick. I need to go to the bathroom.
Chick: (drunkenly singing while holding a teacup in the air) Oh, oh, inanimate object!
Todd: You want me to go to the bathroom in that?
- "So where's my blue-ray release?"
- On the subject of Cinderella 2: Dreams Come True:
Cinderella: And why do they have to keep the castle so dark? And that awful dance, and those boring colours that all look the same.
Chick: "And why do we have to eat these fine royal delicacies? I wanna eat Oreos! And why do we have to wear shoes? I want to dance on the table!"
- Also, mocking Anastasia's story
Anastasia: (to Tremaine) You're wrong!
Chick: Marry for love, not money, dammit! And if you haven't learned that lesson then by God, we'll make you watch every single Disney movie ever!
- Her pointing out Character Derailment for both Belle and the Beast and the Unfortunate Implications of their romance in the sequel:
(singing): Everyone has someone, he must need someone too...
Nostalgia Chick (singing): He's mopey and emo, and I can change him!
- Fox and the Hound 2:
Calling the villain "Reba McEnTerrier (she's played by Reba McEntire
- The conclusion:
But at leats the plague of sequels has finally ended. And in its place... a billion Tinker Bell movies. (cringes) Enjoy!