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The Fifth Element
- Her dislike of Bruce Willis's "effeminate wifebeater" shirt. "Something about it just ain't right." It's even the very first thing she mentions.
- "So today we're going to look at what happens when you let a French metrosexual make a sci-fi action movie, give him Jean Paul Gartier as his sidekick and give them even the smallest of budgets. ...and also Bruce Willis."
- Calling the movie both weird and "incredibly conventional".
- 'Correcting' herself when she 'accidentally' calls the stones MacGuffins.
- "Hey, was that Luke Perry? Was that the only job he could get?"
- "Sent to earth by these all-knowing alien beings who travel by... inseminating... over-depositor... space... eggsac... bee-hive..."
- Just going with the film's exposition of plot holes because it's easier that way.
- *As Chris Tucker's character is hitting on someone* "Uh-oh, looks like someone's got a case of the not-gay's!"
- And "Oh, I forgot Bruce Willis is in this movie, so, uh... Bruce Willis, ladies and gentlemen. *Cue Bruce Willis shooting a lot*
- Douchey McNitpick arguing with the Chick:
"Joke's on you! I'm still going to masturbate to your picture tonight!"
- The lampshading of the Obviously Evil bearded guy. "Well it's the first time you've offered me a drink and you're staring at me creepily..."
- "So the fifth element is...heart?"" *does the little hand punch* "Ma-ti was unavailable for comment."
- Near the end, her petting that strange little robot that had been sitting behind her the whole review.
- "Whoever he is, he's got a popped collar!"
- All her Real Women Don't Wear Dresses behavior when Leeloo is on the screen.
- Her obviously-speaking-from-experience complaints about how guys can't tell you they love you until everyone's almost dead. Fascinating...
Kirk vs. Picard
- Nella's face when she comes in at the beginning and thinks the Chick is fangirling over Kirk.
- Considering how she, y'know, dies at the end of the episode, Nella's "Stayin' Alive" t-shirt is delicious.
- Nostalgia Chick's goofy dancing to Picard's theme song.
- The ludicrous books the Chick is reading, making herself a parody of a Brainy Brunette instead of one just played straight.
- It's a Freeze-Frame Bonus, but the Chick went to Extortion University for a "useless degree in film".
- Chick nitpicking Nella's Double Entrendre.
- Lindsay's "cultured" explanation of why Picard is far awesomer.
- Calling Kirk "a rash manchild who'll stick his peepee into anything with a hole in it."
- "It causes me great distress to hold in all this smouldering manliness."
- Nella using "KHAAAAN" as a Chewbacca Defense.
Nostalgia Chick: AUGH, that whore!
- Chick: "I am better than a nerd. I'm...an academic."
- The return of the Sex Bot, as woobie-ish and as sarcastic as ever.
- Especially the second half of it, starting from where the Nostalgia Chick is pulling herself out of the worm hole inside of Nella's washer until the end where she buries Nella under a pile of rocks.
- "...you live in such squalor." "...I just moved."
- The Chick and Nella's synchronized gasps when they see Lord MacGuffin.
- Lord MacGuffin's face when he realizes that maybe pissing off both Chick and Nella wasn't such a fantastic idea.
- Nella's last words: "Kirk was the best!" Followed by a Skyward Scream Big "NO!" from the Chick.
- "I never thought I'd have to bury her under rocks."
- "Now, um, ever since the tragic death of my BFF Nella at the hands of a ladder..." The funniest bit is how even she thinks it's pretty ridiculous.
- Pronouncing "Melancholy" the same way Megamind does.
- "X-Men is nostalgic. We're doing nostalgic things."
- Dr. Tease's Suspiciously Specific Denial that Dr. Block "is not in space".
- The fact that the Chick needs to have power so much that she'll call her puppy a french word for "minion". Also saying outright that she knows everything, constrasting with her later admissions that the show had a lot of things that threw her stupid kid mind off.
Chick: And I only need one sidekick that's gonna lick me constantly so you can peace the hell out.
- The Nostalgia Chick's very dry, boring summary on the show after losing Nella... and then speeding up to hilariously hyperactive levels after a shot of
- Dr. Tease blowing at her needle like it's a smoking gun.
- Dr. Tease and Chick's dancing along to the X-Men theme song.
- Assuming Storm has the power over polyester as well as weather.
- "What's her [Jubilee] power? I don't know but it sounds like fireworks!"
- When Jubilee says goodbye to her parents:
Jubilee: Does a mall babe eat chili fries?Chick: [beat] Right.
- Talking about Wolverine:
Chick: America loves them some hairy man angst and Wolverine's got it in spades, disagreeing with all the other X-Men. A lot. To the point where you're like "why are you even here? just to be the angry foil?" He does leave the X-Men a couple of times, but it's always for business reasons like "I gotta go track down my past" or "I gotta kill Sabretooth cos I hate that guy!"
- Don't forget Dr Tease's playing a tiny violin while NC mourns Nella.
- "Nightcrawler's the reason I learned German!" Gratuitous German ensues.
- Her fangirling squee over Beast. "Oh HUG ME BEAST! YOU'RE SO BLUE! I LOVE BLUE THINGS!"
- "Professor X is the world's most bald telepath..."
- "Kitty Pryde was in England with Nightcrawler in this X-Men spin-off called Excalibur, which was weird and amazing and I loved it and I read every single issue all the way up until it was bad!"
- The delighted look on Dr. Tease's face when she notes down everything embarrassing that the Chick spills out.
- The insulting "Goodbye Internet's Rose", also an awesome way for Lindsay to show off her soprano skills.
- It's fridge humor at best, but with the Nightmare Fuel ending, you take the laughs you can get. What does Dark Nella do to the Nostalgia Chick? Literally stuffs her in the fridge.
Top Ten Best Nostalgic Villains
- Chick going from the screaming terror in the last review to just... being kinda confused.
Chick: I know it sounds weird but I'm in the refrigerator.
- Lampshading the change of location. "This refrigerator looks different. Gotta go!"
- The Sex Bot's snarky "you're welcome" when his mistress leaves without a thank you.
- The Chick instantly blaming Dr. Tease for Dark Nella. "You! I told you not to clone her!"
- "I did not put any DNA from your sidekicks into this puppy. At all."
- "I put some DNA in that puppy." Cue Chick screaming in disgust and grabbing her puppy away.
- Dr. Tease's excited "really?" when the Chick tells her what happened to Nella.
- Dark Nella being first shown cuddling (evilly) a bunny.
- Dr. Tease being, well, a tease and giving the bedroom eyes to pretty much everyone before Dark Nella kills her.
- The Chick wisely screaming and hiding when Nella arrives.
- The Megamind Shout-Out. "Dark Nellaaaaa!"
- "Hi, I'm your Nostalgia Chick. I'm hiding out in a room somewhere and it would seem that evil has overtaken my former BFF. So in light of that, it seems like now would be an appropriate time to review the top ten evilest characters ever, like I'd been planning to do anyway so it's ironic."
- The Star Wars Shout-Out, with calling a child "youngling". And repeating the "It gives you focus" line as a Running Gag.
- "So with that in mind, while we all cower in fear from the dark one, let us begin the evilest nostalgic characters."
- The Call-Back to Shan Yu from Mulan being a little girl rapist, especially playing the bouncy "I Love Little Girls" over his montage.
- The only reason Shan Yu invaded China was because building the wall was an affront to his manliness.
- "And then he just gnaws his way through China like a spiteful, gnawing thing."
- "And of course not to mention the little girl. Okay okay, I'll shut up."
- "Sorry, sorry, Academy Award winner Anjelica Huston."
- Her utter terror at Anjelica Houston killing one of the child-mice with her heel, as well as her puppy choosing that moment to bounce as much as she can. "Aaah! Oh my God, what a horrible way to die! Oh God! Oh God! Oh, puppy!"
Chick: Why were his innards green?
- How she can't blame the witches for wanting to kill children because they smell bad.
Chick: But conspiracy to murder millions of children? That's going to get you a few life sentences.
- Using "Smack My Bitch Up" for Anjelica Houston's montage.
- Lampshading how ridiculous the Fisher King plot for The Lion King is.
Chick: He's a lion! Does he just have bad environmental policy?
Chick: Guess that goes to show you, gay lions have no business being in charge.
- And her final sum-up:
- The microwave settings: Dehydrate, Defrost, Destroy, De-flower
- How does Dark Nella deal with The Chick? Stuffs her in the fridge. Again.
- NChick commenting on the Foe Yay subtext between Basil and Ratigan.
- "He will suffer the pain of a thousand flaming noogies."
- The Chick claiming that Mola Ram's name actually means "Fuck you, India"
- Even better, according to the commentary, that's actually what the text reads when that line comes up.
Roland Emmerich tribute
- Her reaction to Chicago in ruins, managing a few moments of horror before shrugging it off because she never liked the city anyway.
Spoony: Oh my God. Phoenix is burning.
- Also Spoony's cameo:
- The moment where she recognizes that the homeless guy in The Day After Tomorrow is the guy who said that "Everybody got AIDS 'n shit" in Showgirls.
- A Boy and His Ex.
- "Figured out a virus, or walked in some snow, or...accidentally killed her new boyfriend..."
- "What is that lady doing there with all those fighter pilots, is she serving them cocktails?"
- When Dr. Tease shows up.
Dr. Tease: Mayonnaise? It's genetically altered!Nostalgia Chick: I hate mayonnaise.
Dr. Tease: Not orbiting a distant star.
- Doubles because Dr. Tease points out that Lord MacGuffin was earlier seen injecting the mayonnaise with plot-device.
- Dr. Tease's explanation of why she isn't dead.
Dr. Tease: Oh, that wasn't me, that was a robot clone.Nostalgia Chick: Wait, so was it a robot or was it a clone?Dr. Tease: Exactly!
- Dr. Tease's explanation as to where her roommate is.
- Regarding the surfeit of bit parts in Emmerich's movies, especially military guys:
- Dark Nella tortures The Makeover Fairy by...scraping off her make-up with a spatula.
Makeover Fairy: I JUST WANT TO HIDE MY FLAAAWS!
- On The Littlest Cancer Patient:
Don't forget the box of drowning puppies outside! *puppies whimper*
- On The Littlest Cancer Patient:
- This little gem:
President: Yeah...mommy's sleeping...NC: In the fridge.
- Calling Harry Connick Jr. Will Smith's "scrappy black friend". Continuously.
- Nella easily managing to catch up with Dr. Tease and the Chick, although it might help that the latter two are in heels.
- Dr. Tease completely missing the point of the robot's rant and trying to cheer him up with "You wash dishes so poetically!"
- The Chick popping into the field and being happy that there's no major cities in sight.
- Trying her very best to say some good things about Roland's movies, including that it was France's fuck-up in Godzilla not America's and that the chicken in 2012 was fun.
Chick: Yeah, back to bitching.
- Imitating the Creepy Child and sounding a bit like those girls in The Shining.
Chick: The world is ending, read to meeee.
- Her Heroic B.S.O.D. towards the end, inter-spaced with clips from The Three Stooges and Metropolis.
Chick: What has become of me?
- The fact that it's never mentioned again makes it all the funnier.
- Benzaie poppping up to announce that, even though America is burning, France is fine.
- Dr. Tease getting distracted by baby animals when she's warning the Chick Dark Nella is nearby.
- As soon as the Chick comes in, the Makeover Fairy grabs her and immediately panics. The Chick's look of "please don't touch me" is hilarious.
- Dark!Nella's Psychotic Smirk at hearing The Makeover Fairy's voice.
Fairy: Someone that was so undesirable...Fairy: Oh I wish there was someone hideous enough that I could make desirable...Fairy: Someone, whose beer goggles need to be eight inches thick. Someone who no man would ever ever ever ever want...Fairy: Ever? Someone? Anyone?*Chick does her chloroforming thing*
- Also the massive amounts of insults The Makeover Fairy spews out to lure her in.
- "Science? Fat lot of good that's done humanity!"
- While everything is going on, Tammy's in the corner reading a book.
- The entire concept of getting a magic expert by pulling a random goth chick off the street.
- When the Chick is talking about all the things you do when having a witchcraft phase, she mentions shopping at Hot Topic twice.
- "Oh no, precious, they want power."
- Saying that the guy from Clueless is playing the guy from Clueless, just filtered through a more malicious universe.
- The deeper your eyeliner and lipstick get, the more evil you are. "Which as we've seen is more or less how it works."
- "Yeah, we totally killed that guy, I am so buzzing!"
- "What's a good witch movie without attempted rape?"
- "I like you, you suicidal bitch!"
- Her theory that Fairuza Balk is genuinely insane and not even acting.
- How she finds out Nella is still evil. "She stole my beer! That bitch!"
- Lindsay and Elisa hamming it up during the attempted spell: "IT'S NOT WORKING!" "SHE'S JUST TOO BIG!"
- The Chick, taking a cue from The Craft, attempts to "bind" Nella by wrapping her picture in ribbon. It only results in Nella wrapped in toilet paper.
- Lindsay's puppy trying to lick her neck when she's on the floor and being threatened by Nella.
- This line is oddly funny, especially since it starts off in such a faux-cheerful tone:
Like "Hey girls! You think you got real friends? Well you don't."
- At the end of the review, the Chick finally getting tired of Lord MacGuffin's non-explanations and pointing a gun at him. He understandably gives her more information.
- "My name is Graven, because I'm half way between Edgar Allan Poe and the grave!"
- As well as
- Dark Nella insisting she completely understood what happened at the climax of Tron, she just isn't going to explain it to Puny Earthlings.
- Chick cowering in the corner while still trying to tell Dark Nella how to do a review.
- The Chick Comically Missing the Point of both the speech she got at the beginning and the fact that Nella is in great pain trying to keep the force of evil at bay... by worrying about being called nerdy.
- Her reaction to Dark Nella telling her that her "pitiful, judgemental, shut-in, nerdy" life will end was hilarious too. Just an uncomprehending shrug of her shoulders with a "what can I tell you" smile. She actually has more of a response when Nella attacks her nerd-dom, not when, y'know, she could be killed horribly.
- This bit of Self-Deprecation:
Dark!Nella: Why would anyone waste their time on such petty nerd endeavours such as reviews?Chick: Honestly it's just my job.
- Dark!Nella's revenge: "But first, I must strike at the very heart of nerd-dom." By reviewing Tron.
- The Chick's confusion at running into Dr. Block, and Block's Suspiciously Specific Denial that she and Nella are the same person.
- Especially after Dr. Tease hinted at this in the Roland Emmerich review.
- Dr. Tease constantly trying to get Dr. Block to drink whatever that stuff in the bottle was.
- "Hi, I'm your Nostalgia Chick. [beat] Newsies." [winces from fangirl screams] "The ladies love it. Some of 'em."
- Her obvious interest in the young, nubile, flamboyant, adorable men.
Chick: Why wouldn't a movie full of nubile, flamboyant, young men dressed in their little flaccid pageboy hats dancing the night away be a success?
- The Chick descending into squeeing Baby Talk at her first sight of "baby" Christian Bale.
- Constantly referring to Christian Bale in that Movie as Baby Christian Bale in general.
Chick: Oh my GOD, it's adorable! Oh my god, lookit the baby Christian Bale! Lookit the poonum! Look at the face! OMIGOD! Just tie him up!
- Including Red Sox fans as higher in the 1899 caste system than newsboys.
- Also her getting squicked out by some of the underage Ho Yay.
- Putting slow-motion porn music to a kid with his arse in the air.
- The frenzied, almost turned on list of how much destruction revolutions really involved, especially when you compare it to the earlier one she did in Anastasia.
- The gloriously bad dancing to "Seize The Day". Especially Lindsay's grunt of exertion when she tries to do a cartwheel.
- Original Nella's very wet glomp of Lindsay.
- The whole thing, from beginning to end, especially the massive number at the end bringing together the entire Channel.
- Her total glee at finally doing a stage musical.
- The few second scene of her as an Emo Teen, listening to The Phantom of the Opera and pigging out on peanut butter.
Chick: Man, young Lindsay had a phase.Phantom: You alone can make my song take flight...Past!Chick: You understand my pain, Phantom.
- Making fun of Katie Holmes's shitty singing in Dawson's Creek.
- Calling the Liam Neeson version "Les Meh".
- The Chick annoying the living hell out of JewWario with her constant singing.
Chick: JewWario, what are you doing here?JewWario: This is my house. I live here.
- How JewWario's face twitches before he says "all week". Cut to Lindsay singing, and JewWario is rocking back and forth and singing as well.
- Even funnier is that the Chick is singing "Turning," one of the most depressing numbers in the musical, with the face of a happy little girl. Equal parts creepy yet totally appropriate for the character.
- The Chick saying Nella kicked her out for some reason and then it cutting to Nella rocking back and forth with an Ear Worm in her head.
- Chick braining JewWario with a games console. Guess the (intentional - see the SK group commentary) Suburban Knights attraction wasn't to last.
- The entire singing argument right before this part.
- JewWario's singing Javert's section in the song. Lindsay is clearly trying to stop herself from laughing. It might have had something to do with the fact that JewWario forgot how his lines went and threw in a Precision F-Strike on the spot.
- The song is actually funnier if you know who some of them are playing: the two most screwed up, jerky people there are (Chick and Critic) singing characters who are Messiah archetypes, Obscurus Lupa and Elisa are in a romance, Todd in the Shadows is still the lovelorn woobie pining for Lupa and the self-proclaimed hero (Linkara) is singing about looting dead bodies.
- The Nostalgia Critic pulling off the Incredibly Long Note in Looney Tunes fashion.
- Phelous being ridiculously tone deaf but having so much fun with it.
- JewWario joining in despite his supposed trauma with the Chick singing the Les Misérables songs too much. Then, at the end of the (incredibly awesome) song, there's the Mood Whiplash where he tells the Chick to leave; it was just so abrupt that it was hilarious.
- Most of JewWario's facial expressions throughout the review are gold. The way he starts sobbing in the background near the beginning of the "One Day More" sequence, however, really takes the cake.
- Benzaie's appearance after the Crowning Music of Awesome. "It's over already? But... but I'm French! What the fuck? This is bullshit!"
- The few seconds of Dark Nella reappearing. The Makeover Fairy and the Chick have to force her glasses on her.
- Nella and Chick singing about their everyday routines.
- The Impossibly Tacky Clothes the girls have on.
- Chick and Nella sulking about how sticky 80s hair is while The Makeover Fairy smiles in a slasher fashion.
- Calling the show a Hannah Montana/Barbie hybrid.
- Chick and Nella trying to watch the show (in normal clothes) but getting so bored that the Chick tries to get any remaining beer out of her bottle and Nella gets out a picture book of Frankenstein.
- "My ability to feign interest... I mean, if you watch my show you know I'm not the best actress."
- "What the hell kind of name is Jerrica? Is it like the feminine city that the Israelites brought down? Is it like Erica was too boring, let's throw a J on it? Like Jem, so they match?"
- Her reaction to the first theme song: "I'm sorry, what was her name?"
- Chick and Nella's "Ohhh" when they find out the show was made by Hasbro.
- Her fondness towards Transformers coming out again.
- "Truly truly arbitrary adjective!"
- Also using the "I don't think it means what you think it means." clip from The Princess Bride.
- Referring to Stormer as the Misfits' Nella.
- "I don't think we're going to be seeing any three-hundred-million-dollar Michael Bay tentpole starring Megan Fox this year." [Megan Fox with pink hair in front of an explosion.] "Although, you have to admit, that would be pretty funny."
- No one can resist laughing at the after the credits clip where they are all just joking around and cracking up.
The Little Mermaid
- The disclaimer at the beginning: The opinions expressed in this video are not necessarily the opinions of the people expressing them. Oddly enough.
- The Chick's smile at the beginning, like she's been waiting to do this for a long while, and then Elisa tackling her and dragging her off.
- Nella selling her voice for a Doctor Who scarf. And the dog having apparently done the same for a man.
- The Bad "Bad Acting" of Elisa's letter.
- Pretty much the entire review was gold, but Todd in the Shadows' cameo in particular; Chick apparently won't stop calling him and he blows her off. His total obliviousness to his hypocrisy (as he's also ignored by someone) is one of the many things that sell it.
- The Chick's "D':" face is pretty wonderful too.
- It also provides a hilarious reason for why the Chick suddenly hates guys. (And for a bit of Fridge Brilliance, if your healthiest relationship with a person of the opposite gender is with a pitiful, ditzy brat who is prone to temper tantrums, then you're kind of in trouble.)
- The various Digging Yourself Deeper antics of the various female cameos as they try to explain to the Chick why their interest in the film isn't degrading, from Obscurus Lupa's odd mermaid outfit to MarzGurl proving why she has the Marz in her name. And then there's the Big-Lipped Alligator Moment that is Diamanda Hagan...
- Nella, as The Voiceless, representing "satisfied" by miming smoking a cigarette.
- Her sign for "men" is the classic pointer-finger-through-circle sex motion.
- On Facebook, they called her sign language NSL.
- Seeing the Chick again as a wangsty Emo Teen, this time listening to Limp Bizkit to ease her pain.
- After the flashback, her asking nervously if Nella and Elisa saw that and the girls scooting their chairs away.
- Teen Chick's gigantic fake boobs. Need I say more?
- The Chick's Oh, Crap! reaction when she realizes that's Not So Above It All and has just sung "Part Of Your World" along with the other TGWTG fangirls.
- Does anyone else think she was channeling Norma Desmond in Sunset Boulevard?
- During the song, the (changed) pitch of Lupa's voice makes her pretty much sound like a chipette.
- Twice during the review, the Chick refers to the "inappropriateness of the VHS cover". The first time, she refers to Flounder's cheek and then later, to Ursula looking like a man. Cue Brick Joke in the final seconds: "Is that an erect penis?"
- Sebastion's Played for Laughs PTSD.
"Oh, I am so put out!"
- The fact that they're eating fish at this point makes it all the more fun.
- Lindsay's mini-rant on how Ursula's weight is treated.
"So do the scales grow up over your boobs if you get fat? Once your BMI goes above a 26? A horrible, fatty, scaly rash to cover your shame, Ursula, you fatty-pig-fatty!""Heh-heh-heh, she's fat."
- The stinger, in which Elisa is making her Phantom action figures have a conversation. "I'm the original and the best!" "But I'm the sexy one!"
- The Hyperbole and a Half Shout-Out:
Chick: Last year I did a review of the most nostalgic of all of the things, of all of the age-groups, Grease.
- The fact that even after all the Dark Nella saga, Nella's still considered in need of a makeover.
- Nella reading a book titled Who Moved My Cheese while giving the Chick a few well-deserved Death Glares.
- The Chick's still potent rage over the pregnancy subplot in the first Grease movie.
- Her Motor Mouth of "Oh and it also made no money and everybody hated it."
- Correcting herself at the (obviously Australian) lead's Fake Brit-ness.
- Starting to praise Grease just a little bit before stopping and wanting to go back to the bitchery.
- The Hypocritical Humor jokes with the script, telling the movie that they have to have a completed one before shooting while changing her lines as she speaks them.
- Nella and Chick as the people who thought up the movie.
- Todd singing and playing "I Hate Everything".
- Chick calling Frenchie a "poor man's Makeover Fairy" and then their own fairy popping in. She even lampshades that she's got to stop doing that.
- Also Nella's muggy look of terror and disgust, before storming off with an "I DESERVE BETTER!"
- How the Makeover Fairy suddenly has wings for some reason.
- This bit of dialogue:
Makeover Fairy: Is [[Todd]] cuuuute?Chick: I don't know...
- Todd in the Shadows... in lederhosen. The hilarity of this cannot be described with mere words, you must see it.
Todd: I hate you.
- The accordion! The accordion!
- Nella's wide-eyed shock that the Chick may actually properly like a man. (Instead of, we assume, abusing a few of them for fun.)
- The return of the "Man" PSA, with a slightly... different twist:
Announcer: Yes, man. The thing you base all your decisions around. The thing you change your whole identity for. The thing around you face all major life decisions. Man! They're better than you so why not get one? If you don't have one...Chick: Hey, hey, we're not stealing that bit too!
- Sexually frustrated, horny as hell Chick needs to happen more often. That was amazing.
- The rather one-track-minded scrabble game Chick and Nella play. Here's a proper picture.
- The fact that Todd doesn't even remember who the "Nostalgia Chick" is.
- And his wallet being filled with Lupa pictures, even the cartoon version of her.
- The Makeover Fairy pulling up Todd's mask and screaming in terror. Of course, we only see her reaction, not his face.
- Chick making Nella do the dishes by saying she'll be doing it for her country.
- At the end, when the Nostalgia Chick finds Todd, they both stare at each other in big dramatic moment, "Almost Paradise" playing in the background... and then Todd just pushes past her and leaves.
- Followed by the Chick sighing happily.
- "Hey, how do you get to Virginia from here?"
- Followed by the Chick sighing happily.
- When Chick tries to write the Makeover Fairy out of the script.
Fairy: You don't understand! I have to do this! The makeover...it's so brittle! The flaws... the flaws! They have to be hidden! I've gotta do this...for my country! *disappears, then reappears* Of Moldova! *disappears again*
- The exchange after the Makeover Fairy teleports Todd to her place for his makeover. His panic and her uneasiness over his need for said makeover are hilarious:
Todd: Where am I?
Makeover Fairy: You're in my boudoir!
Todd: Who are you?
Makeover Fairy: I'm the Makeover Fairy and you...need a makeover!
Todd: *freaked out* No I don't!
Makeover Fairy: Yes...you do...
- The Chick scoffs at the way all the girls fall for Michael's mysterious alter ego:
I mean, it's not that I - of all people - would be obsessed with a guy who's face I've never seen!
TLC and the 90's
- "Hi, I'm your Nostalgia Chick, and I don't know about you, but I don't want no scrubs."
- "Nowadays you have to wave through a lot of... idiot." *cut to Usher singing about boobies and the Black Eyed Peas singing about humps*
- "Gangsta's Paradise is a distant memory". It's the disappointed delivery.
- Before discussing TLC properly, she makes us think the 90s were dominated by Ace Of Base.
Chick: No, no, no! ...wait, weren't there guys in that group?
- "TLC were my very favorite human entity when I was nine."
- Shuddering at the other dominating girl group, The Spice Girls.
- The whole bit about "Mr Jangles The Safe Sex Mouse".
Chick: 'Cos condoms are funny. When you're a kid.
- Her "black" friend.
- Phelous' reading of the disclaimer card.
- Nostalgia Chick comparing the lyrics to "Scrubs" to several male TGWTG members.
- To elaborate, Linkara doesn't have a car, Critic lives with his mother (if you know his show, the Black Comedy of it makes this funnier) and young Film Brain has a kid.
- The title card: no, don't go chasing waterfalls!.
- On Ne-Yo's "Miss Independent": "What's that, Ne-Yo? You are dating a woman with a job? What's that like?!"
Top Ten Songs About Sex (From Musicals)
- Todd pretty much running away when she plays "Reproduction" from Grease 2 as a seduction song, which explains why she's so bitter today.
Todd: Ehh, you know what, I'm not doing anything else right now.
Chick: [pumps fist] Yes! Mood music!Todd: You know I gotta go wash my feet or my car or something. *leaves*Chick: SHIT!
- The Blatant Lies that her recent musical obsession has nothing to do with a certain masked, uninterested man. Also the fact that she's getting seriously pissed at how he's an "ungrateful" prick who doesn't want her love.
- Calling the war subplot in Hair "subtle" while focusing on a gravestone with Vietnam imprinted right in the middle.
- About #10, "Sodomy" by Hair: "I've always liked this song, if only for its glorious pointlessness and the looks you always get when you start singing it in public."
- Her WTF face when they sing about pederasty.
- Putting in clips from The Big Lebowski. "Eight year olds, dude."
- Her hatred for Love Never Dies, including calling a cat an "angel of mercy" for deleting a lot of ALW's original script.
- Changing the dollar sign to the pound sign when she explains why Love Never Dies exists. "Ka-ching!"
- This Call-Back to her Dragonheart review:
Dragon: I am the last one!Chick: [over a picture of the sequel] No, Sean Connery dragon, you're the second to last one.
- "Who hasn't returned to their virginity-lost partner years after the fact and recounted what went down... in song?"
- "And I kissed you! ...at least I think it was you."
- Theorizing that the Phantom had a side career as a hip-hop singer: "Girl you look better with the lights off/Better with the lights off"
- Comparing "Beneath A Moonless Sky" to the Green Goblin's "Freak Like Me".
- Her theory about Rocky Horror is that it's basically about a tragic child-molester.
- Trying very hard not to laugh at the thought of Tim Curry bonking Meat Loaf.
- Describing Rocky as "Sting from Dune if his brain was a hamster."
- "Shhh-shh-shh-shh! Don't think about it."
- Noting that if she didn't put "Toucha Toucha Touch Me" on her list she'd probably get sued by the world.
- The rage at hipsters, even calling them the most despicable people alive, especially when you remember those glasses she had when she started out and the Granola Girl-ism.
Chick: Yes, hipsters, the most sincere artists alive. They suffer for their art, you know, after they spend all day smoking, being dissatisfied and picking out the most ironic hat.
- "Yes, I was in show choir too, Emmy."
- The end Credits Gag: "Someday, Todd. Someday."
- The Chick dubs Sarah Brightman "the human deer", and "praises" her "unintentional Kermit impression".
- "The Phantom wasn't a totally bad guy, right...?"
- "You're gonna star in my Don Juan fanfic and I'm gonna be Don Juan and you're gonna be my conquest and it's gonna be sexy!"
- "I have something to take care of. I'll be right back... not like that you perverts."
- Nostalgia Chick deciding that Todd's mysterious appeal is playing with her heart. So she suddenly appears in Todd's room and declares to him that she's over him. Then Todd offers her a Hot Pocket that he dropped on the floor.
- Saying that Joel Schumacher's ability to suck the passion out of a frame rivals none.
She's All That
- The beginning when she's trying to be all 90s hip, but finds she can't keep it up.
Chick: 90s, come here, we need to talk. You know, sometimes I am genuinely nostalgic for you, sometimes there's a lot of fun stuff going on, but sometimes... you just disappoint me.
- Also trying her best to buy into the assumption that Rachael Leigh Cook is an ugly landwhale.
Chick: That even the most chubby among us, or the most plain... hmm.Chick: Paul Walker chooses the most hideously ugly, pockmarked, buttertroll in town.Chick: And turn this hideous, shleppy ball of clay into a swan.
- "Instantly dated by the virtue of its title. I think "All That" was over a good five years before this movie came out, you guys."
- Calling Freddie Prince Junior a "poor little rich boy".
- "He makes a bet about whose career will last longer- I mean, that he can take any girl and make her the prom queen."
- "She fell down! Yeah, how do you work with that?"
- The Hypocrisy Nod of having your main character be unpleasant, bitchy and mean.
- This bit:
FPJ: [taking off RLC's glasses] Your eyes are really beautiful.Chick: Man, if that's not a transparent rape warning I don't know what is!
- She totally wasn't an awkward dork in high school or anything.
- Trying to figure out why RLC is so angry.
Chick: "I hate that movement [surrealism]! It's so overrated!" So that's why you're mad at him? I guess surrealism pisses me off too. "But what about the romantic movement, huh?"
- The Running Gag of trying to find a tiny violin for all the characters' problems.
- "Moo with me!"
- "Oh no, the heartbeat! A bad student film is starting."
- Snapping her linguini in response to the hackeysack scene.
- "Look at her horrible, run-down... double wide."
- "Wigging? Did anyone ever actually say wigging? Well it might have been better if it was wig, those hair extensions aren't working."
- The Makeover Fairy coming in with a violin and screeching her displeasure about the Chick's pigtails and glasses.
Chick: See, this why I try to avoid movies with makeover narratives.
- "Okay, I know nobody ever said 'bump monkeys', unless they were talking about literal monkeys."
- Oancitizen, Todd and Lupa complaining about how cameos suck while starring in cameos.
- The Makeover Fairy failing to get sympathy for popular people.
- Because she disapproves of the Chick wearing glasses, the Makeover Fairy reappears at the last moment and steals them.
Chick: [sulking] "Now I can't see."
- If you listen closely, you can hear Chick sobbing at the very tail-end of the credits, after having her glasses stolen.
- The 'bitch' poster: "I'm a bitch, vote for me!"
When Harry Met Sally vs. Sleepless In Seattle
- The beginning, where the camera runs away when she says she's finally going to look at Chick Flicks and she tapes him to a chair. Her evil I Have You Now, My Pretty expression is wonderful. And then, when it's revealed that the cameraman is none other than Todd in the Shadows!
Todd: I hate Sleepless in Seattle.
Chick: Aww, come on. Why?
Todd: Because it's about this crazy, weird stalker who thinks she's in love when she's just sad and lonely and crazy and obsessed and weird.
Chick: Well that's a little bit hypocritical, don't you think?
Todd: Howso? Look, can we wrap this up? It's almost 1:30, and I'm a little late for my hourly call to Lupa. I think she changed her number again.
- How resigned Todd is that this is happening to him.
- Chick trying to manipulate Todd into going out on a date with her.
- Todd getting into a state about how he let someone go and the Chick trying desperately not to laugh at him.
- Her squick over Milk Money.
- The bloopers, where Todd can't say "Seattle" correctly.
- "Sleepless In Seattle makes my balls shrivel."
- Watch closely: Lindsay starts to corpse when he says that.
- In voiceover:
Chick: But I don't think Sleepless In Seattle is a bad movie per se—
Todd: [shouting from another room] I hate it! It's the worst goddamn movie ever made!
You've Got Mail
- At the start of the review, rhapsodizing about how coffee liqueur offers stimulants and depressants all at once.
- Followed up during the credits with
I'll be waiting for my check and free samples, Starbucks. You're welcome.
- Followed up during the credits with
- How she relates to that aforementioned coffee just like women are meant to relate to Meg Ryan.
- "...that I relate to, so much! She! Is! Me!"
Meg Ryan: Happy = smile! Sad = frown! Use the corresponding face for the corresponding emotion!
- "You've Got M@il is a two-hour AOL commercial — I mean, You've Got M@il is the only title more dated than She's All That — I mean..."
- Calling French Kiss unabashed woman porn.
- Her theory that Tom Hanks is Hollywood's fun uncle, the one that gives thoughtful Christmas presents and great hugs.
- This bit:
Evil Businessman: Aww, another independent bites the dust.Chick: Subtle!
- "This film is about as subtle as those educational videos they made you watch in the fifth grade".
Sonic: And that's no good.
- Doing her own advert for AOL:
- All the movie remakes that shouldn't have been existed, including The Stepford Wives (2004), Freaky Friday and Charlie and the Chocolate Factory.
- This exchange:
- Meg Ryan: Is it infidelity if you're involved with someone through email?YES, YOU DUMB BITCH
- The Disposable Fiancé. Again.
Meg Ryan: Oh right, I'm engaged.Chick: Oh right what's-his-nuts.
- "D-did the Wizard Of Oz just try to commit suicide? That's... dark."
- Suddenly reacting to the soundtrack by shouting out "WAS THIS CRANBERRIES SONG IN EVERY SINGLE MOVIES DURING THE NINETIES?"
- The awkwardness that ensues from Dave Chappelle being the Token Black Best Friend and her theory that The Rock would have been better.
- Tweeting "on her Apple iPhone" to express her distaste at the Disposable Fiancé's overreaction to solitaire being "the end of the world as we know it".
- "Half of you don't even know what dial-up sounds like, you little whipper-snappers."
- Mocking the Product Placement with a Parody Commercial of her credit card.
- But that's how romantic comedies work and..."I DON'T CARE IF IT'S NOT REAL, I WANT HIM TO LOVE ME!" And then realizing she's got off-track and trying to change it to being glad the onscreen couple got together.
- How she almost throws up at the prospect of Nicholas Cage's "O" face in City of Angels.
City Of Angels
- The title card. It must be seen to be believed.
- Trying to suffocate herself with a plastic bag at "Angels Among Us" by Alabama. Or as she calls it, the worse three musical genres coming together to create the apocalypse of the most mind-bendingly awful song ever.
- To wit, those three genres are: Contemporary Christian, Modern Country, and Songs About Angels.
- "Don't question me, my German is flawless."
- The remake-idea of Dancer in the Dark starring Sandra Bullock.
Poster: If the stress doesn't blind her, her degenerative, congenital disease will!
- Her version of being "busy" is doodling hearts, music notes and Todd's name all over a notebook.
Chick: Hope that's not creepy.
- Todd's killer Nicolas Cage impression.
- And the Chick trying to do it beforehand. "Wow, girls cannot do a good Nicolas Cage impression. I'm gonna have to outsource this one."
- Her fistpump when she actually gets Todd to do what she wants for once.
- Screaming as the little girl who pops it at the beginning of the film.
Chick: Please don't show me Nicolas Cage before I die!
Chick: ...so not Disneyland, Nintendo 64 or teddy bears. Pajamas.
- And mocking her when she says the best part of living is pajamas.
- "In this movie, children are the vessels of purity that can sense the beauty of the angels. So basically they act nothing like real children."
- "I mean, he did win an Oscar and Oscar equals good, right?"
- Putting a Downfall Hitler parody in there and giving him the same reaction to the film as Oancitizen.
- "Hell, a lot of [Wings Of Desire] is just about the heaviness of being German."
- Making fun of Cage's Informed Attractiveness.
- Using the "I'm about as anatomically correct as a Ken doll" scene from Dogma.
- Her reaction to Meg Ryan cutting Cage's hand. "I wanna see your blood!"
- Again, her sickened reaction to Cage's sex face.
Nicolas Cage: I always ask people what they liked best about living. This is it. This is what I like best.Todd as Nicolas Cage: Turns out it's sex! Sex is my favorite part of living. Whoulda guessed? And that little girl said pajamas. Man, she didn't know shit!
- This bit:
- Anytime Oancitizen comes in: calling her condescending, elegantly explaining "Wings Of Desire", raging at Hollywood for the crappy remake (City Of Angels) while the Chick tries not to laugh at him and throwing things in anger because he always has to explain everything.
Kate And Leopold
- Her statement that Hugh Jackman is the most masculine man in show business followed by a bunch of clips of Hugh Jackman being extremely campy in various musicals.
- The glorious return of Nella, ranting about a Hollywood Homely woman before getting Distracted by the Sexy.
Nella: I'll be in my bunk.
- Critic, Todd and "some random guy" proving her assertion that all guys want Hugh Jackman.
Brentalfloss: "...Am I gay?"
- Post-credits, we see that Doug sent in a ton of different takes, including one where he says "I'm surprised you didn't get Benzaie for this cameo."
- The return of the Critic trying very hard to tell himself he only likes boobs and the Chick craving something phallic while "Space Oddity" plays. Then Nella bursts in again and steals her half eaten butter.
- When Leopold has a confused reaction at The Prisoner, she reassures him: "To be fair, Leopold, I don't get that either."
- "I mean, who hasn't spied on their ex at night?" [beat] "What?"
- The whole Inferred Holocaust bit at the end.
- Nella and Chick's "you've got to be kidding" reaction when they see a Hugh Jackman movie in the works called "Butter".
- Chick refusing to make out with her puppy.
- The "John Malkovich as DISSATISFIED customer" Running Gag is again golden.
"who even back then was frustrated that his tour of Tuscany platter has not arrived in a timely fashion.""my simple request was for a hearty marinara but what I received was meat sauce."
- Noticing that Ryan Phillipe looks like Justin Timberlake and how the latter probably put the former out of a job.
- When Sebastian parks shittily and the cop doesn't do anything about it:
Chick: Yeah, well, you're gonna get towed. Have fun at the inpound lot! Wish the NYC cops I've encountered acted like that.
- Wondering if John Malkovich is capable of a human emotion other than "god, these people".
- Comparing Malkovich to Colin Firth's version of the character:
Chick: While I and most women would have a hard time figuring out why Mr. "Where's my goddamn salad?" is such a ladies man..."
- And then doing a happy faced emoticon whenever Firth seduces someone while putting a confused one whenever Malkovich does the same.
- Her grossed out reactions at the incesty scenes between Kathryn and Sebastian.
- Pushing up her breasts when she tells Elisa that they're above gimmicky things like lesbian kissing.
- In the credits: "We cut the footage of us making out. For time."
- Her "Awww, Keanu's wooden soul is moved!" line.
- The Discriminate and Switch with Cecile's boyfriend being "bla-nd" instead of "black".
- Putting a Take That! to bad fanfic writers by making clear the non-difference between "dub-con" and "straight-up rape".
- Her clearly-speaking-from-experience rant about how nothing matters in high school and how you can totally reinvent yourself right after, which makes little of what evil stuff Kathryn and Sebastian pulls really matter in the long run.
- The repeat of someone's body being made out of balsa wood, this Call-Back being all the way from her Teen Witch review.
- Noting the self-righteous tone of the ending: "JUDGE!" "JUDGE!"
- And noting that Kathryn is technically high on cocaine during this scene. "Spinning Judging Faces All Around Me!"
The Lion King (in 3 D)
- The advertising for the movie breaking her down and her sulking reaction to being made to watch it.
- "Hell, Snow White was the first movie I ever saw in theatres, and it scared the hell out of me!" The funny of this bit comes from the scene change, from Snow White petting the animals in daylight to the forest terrifying her.
- Chick saying how Disney's business model, evil empire or not, is genius. Evil genius.
Chick: The way they market their brand, the longevity they get out of those characters, how they do it for a limited time only... "You gotta get it, it's going inside the Disney vault. You gotta get it before it goes inside the Disney vau- oh, it's gone. It's gone forever. It's in the Disney vault."
- Putting in another Take That! to Pocahontas, claiming it as the point where the company went downhill.
Chick: [in a "what you gonna do about it" tone] Oh yeah, that's right.
Chick: Pocahontas, conversely, is a pretty bunch of nothing starring a bunch of characters that nobody cares about.
- Also, how Chick describes Pocahontas when comparing it with The Lion King.
- Blaring the word "NO" when she answers if the 3D adds anything to the film.
- Simba is looking on to the desolate Pride Lands with a serious expression, as the Chick dubs over "Our property values must be restored!"
- Talking about the Chase Scene in Aladdin: "In 1992, this was the COOLEST. THING. EVER!"
- Phelous's voice in the rebuttal portion. That is all.
- Showing The Thief and the Cobbler when she says it's in Disney's nature to steal stuff.
- Seamlessly editing the dark, epic parts of The Hunchback of Notre Dame together with the most slapsticky bits in "A Guy Like You" to demonstrate how the gargoyles sucked.
- "Circle Of Life" playing when random people hold their animals up in the air. Plus, her puppy's "why me" expression when the Chick does it.
"And it's not like I have ever held my small animal up in the Circle of Life pose." (Beat, adds defensively): "Oh, like you haven't."
- In the caption at the end of the video, her message to Phelous.
- This little gem.
Nala: "Simba, the hyenas have taken over the Pridelands."Simba: "What?"Nostalgia Chick: (voice over) "Integration!? Wha- that's horrible!"
The Worst Witch
- There apparently being a law passed that all women have to wear Sexy Whatever Outfits on Halloween.
- Elisa's costume is a "Sexy Starbucks Manager".
- Nella bursting in to fangasm over Diana Rigg, raising "so many questions" in the Chick's mind. Bonus points for Nella being dressed as Velma.
- The Chick muttering about having to do the review before the party can start "Damn job..."
- Unloved-child-as-The Chosen One:
- Describing the villain as "Katy Perry in forty years."
- She somehow manages to make Tim Curry's glorious cameo even funnier.
Chick: We all need a little curry in our diet.
- "I could make out with myself/that would be pretty keen."
- Critic's Sweet-Transvestite-like Tim Curry impersonation. Doug is having amazing fun playing up the sexy ham.
I'm here to put a little sausage in this clambake!IIIIIIIIIII JUST CAAAAAAAAAAAAME! Mmm, and I'm wearing white, so it's okay...
- His Double Take at seeing a skeleton in a bikini.
Shorts: The Goddess of Spring
- The fact that she was seemed to be sleeping before she popped up to do the review is quite amusing.
- Her reaction to the animation of the goddess. "Oh, wow, yeah, the jelly bone moonwalk. Fascinating."
- "Are those her surveillance flowers?!"
- "Oh, Disney. You and your... dancing flowers. They sure do... take up time."
- "Oh, it was the Great F*cking Depression, dammit, these people needed dancing flowers!"
- "Hell's all jazzy, man, you really want to go back up and party with these losers? Your sad bunnies and your sad, sad, arthritic deer what cries very, very subtle tears?"
- "Satan just wants you to perk up, you frigid bitch!"
Crossroads (with Todd in the Shadows)
- How Lindsay ended up at Todd's house:
The Nostalgia Chick: Okay so I just hitched a ride with this ex-convict or something and he just happened to be going to this exact spot in the middle of nowhere, Virginia and I remembered that you wanted to review Crossroads...
- Her admitting that she threatens anyone who goes into her territory of girly nostalgic crap. Bonus for the Not So Different factor.
- Chick In The Shadows. And her piano playing is so awful that it convinces Todd to do the review with her.
- Todd's trauma over still being a virgin in college and the Chick fawning over him.
- After identifying the car as a 1969 Buick Skylarknote , cutting the girly singalonging road trip with them having to stop for gas every few seconds.
- Chick admitting to having a raging girl!boner for the main guy in the movie.
- Chick's lesson from the movie being that she needs tighter abs.
- Followed by Todd asking her to get out of the house... and the video ends just as they're both about to bust out laughing...
- Todd and the Chick reenacting what they imagined the off-screen awkward conversation between Britney Spears' character and her long-lost mother must have been like, complete with comically melodramatic piano music in the background.
Chick [as Spears]: Hey, mom! I'm class valedictorian!Todd [as mom, slowly and utterly deadpan throughout]: I never wanted you. Your father forced me to have you.Chick [as Spears]: (sobs loudly)Todd [as mom]: Your father wouldn't let me get an abortion, and you need to leave.Chick [as Spears]: Would you at least give me a ride?Todd [as mom]: No, you will walk. Alone. In the rain. (beat) Get moving.
Top Ten Disney Deaths
- The beginning, where Chick tries to read Dune and finds it so dull or confusing that she's better with "How To Reduce Your Carbon Footprint".
- Chick's totally unconcerned, surprisingly knowledgeable reaction to Nella's sudden need to kill someone with no mess.
- The complete glee in Nella's voice as she says, "Of course! No one in Disney ever dies a natural death!"
- Matched by Chick's smiley "I know! It's a veritable treasure trope on horrible ways to die!".
- Playing the Bambi Mood Whiplash music over the montage of hanging, impalement, gravity, crushing and other fun deaths.
- When she actually gets to the transition: "La la la la anywaymovingon".
- After the villain in Tarzan goes:
Chick: Oh snap! ...literally.
- "So that's why the Subway's always stopping. Dead dogs on the tracks!"
- This bit:
Chick: Not to mention all those damn dog musical numbers.[clip of Dodger singing "Why Should I Worry?"]Chick: Yeah, why should you care? You're not the one driving!
- Her sickened reaction to the Horned King getting ripped into hell and asking for a death that leaves less of a mess.
- "Rest in peace, y'all get a hat! With a candle in it. Anyway we got a treasure hunt with a million characters to develop!"
- Commenting on Shan-Yu's death, and saying how the animators seemed to just be thinking of things Chinese.
Chick: "The colour red...the forbidden city...fireworks...let's combine them". Death by culture. Kaboom!
- Bitching at Sykes for being an incompetent villain and giving him advice.
Chick: Loan sharking doesn't have to leave a paper trail, but kidnapping? Are you a complete idiot?
- Nella asking if she can use the word "egregious" in her letter.
- When she gets to the biggest example in the "Crushed" Catergory: Mulan defeating the hun army via avalanche.
Chick: Mulan, the only Disney Princess with a body count. In the thousands.
- Just before this, when talking about Meg's death, she says Meg's last words shouldn't have been so clear, and proceeds to demonstrate some gurgling sounds.
- Nella and Lindsay Corpsing at the very end as Nella writes her strongly-worded letter.
Nella: To whom it may concern... The egregious lack of grilled chicken salad in my life is unfathomably redonkulous...
A Very *NSYNC Christmas
- The beginning, where she gets into her car and notes with horror that the Christmas music period has begun.
Chick: Oh yeah, they had a Christmas album! Those adorable bastards.
- Begging NPR to save her after The Christmas Shoes invades her mind again.
- Her stunned remembrance of **NSYNC:
- 1998-era Lindsay in a Troubled Fetal Position, with tie-dye pants and complaining that *NSYNC doesn't understand her pain and the Limp Bizkit album isn't even out yet.
- Continually going off on Lou Pearlman for being a horrible person. "It's like printing money! Right, you creepy fuck?"
- "He's in jail now. But not for the little boy touching or the fraudulent contracts, I mean- pfft! Who doesn't do that?"
- When JC talks about Lou, "trauma face" blares like a siren and her snarking that Rihanna talks about Chris Brown the same way.
- Some of the lyrics are...interesting.
NSYNC: I never knew the meaning of Christmas / 'Til you came into my life...Chick:...is she baby Jesus?
- Her belief that all of the members were dating a navy seal girl at the same time, and wrote a lot of "long-distance relationship" songs because of it.
- Everything regarding "Under My Tree", from "I wish that Santa could be here to see" to Chick wondering why do it under a tree.
- "We're going to look at the whole album and get our music reviewer hoodies on."
- "Yes, enjoy our one camera set-up and internet reviewer-grade green screen!"
- "Someone's Skyping me on Christmas..."
- Her describing a put out Christmas album by an artist.
Chick: It kind of reeks of: "I wanna get these 5 albums that I owe the record label over with so I can get out of my contract. Or I'm being forced to do this by a slimy, morally bankrupt, fat pederast."
The Christmas Shoes
- Her completely frozen smile at the beginning as she introduces the review. The "This Is Gonna Suck and I don't get paid nearly enough" expression is clear on her face.
- Telling everyone who has never heard of the song that they're just burying their heads in the sand.
- "Christian music wasn't always awful, right Johnny Cash?"
- Admitting that she doesn't have the facial muscle control or the acting ability to read the glurge-filled lyrics, so she hands it over to Patton Oswalt to do it for her. And when he does it, we cut back to her looking frozen again for at least five seconds.
- "So you'd think that with all this bile and The Christmas Shoes topping every worst of Christmas Songs list on the internet, you'd think the song would slip out of the public consciousness. But no. It's still there, like the ancient candy in your Christmas candy bowl many many years past its expiration date, giving you emotional purple-nurples."
- Treating it like an advert for an album "with such hits as"
- Cloying Emotional Manipulation Involving Cute Animals - Dying Mom & Angelic Son.
- Vague Inspirational Abstraction - Wise Black Man
- Meaningful Goodbye No Child Would Say In Real Life - Badly Written Child
- And her personal favorite: Hollow, Thoughtless Moral - Protagonist ("I think that's what it is.")
- This bit of Tempting Fate:
Chick: Maybe I just don't get it. Maybe my heart is a cold, withered, shriveled thing battered from years of repression and alcoholism. Maybe there's something beautiful in the story; some beautiful message about how fleeting life is and how even the smallest token...Old guy: [Car] Won't start again? Ever think of buying American?Chick: [growling and barely able to suppress her rage] ...Clearly I just don't get it!
- Noting the irony of sex-scandal-guy Rob Lowe being in a movie marketed towards conservative mothers.
Chick: And you had Rob Lowe star in your wholesome family Christmas movie. Rob Lowe, who became a Hollywood pariah in the late 80s for a sex tape he filmed at the Democratic National Convention with two women; one of whom was under-aged. ...At least they weren't little boys?
- How Twelve-Year-Olds treat their mothers in reality:
- This gem, from when the unrealistically sweet child reveals to the morally bankrupt man that he brought them lunch:
NC: Give this kid a twenty, you monster.
- ''My heart is a tiny little mini-fridge pumping ice water through veins of stone!"
- Her obsession with the father's hair plugs, to the point of wondering if they're the whole reason that the family has money problems.
- Chick decides to buy a drink after finishing the movie, then discovers Todd in the Shadows standing outside the store. Todd laments to Chick that he came up short in buying his dying mother a lottery ticket. Chick subsequently gives her ticket to him, and he happily runs toward his home... exclaiming that after he used the ticket himself, he won $5.
The Stinger: Sir, I need to buy this belt. For my Todd, please.
- "Grandma got run over by a... plot contrivance."
- Her ":D" face, bordering on creepy, mocking the kid's expression in the movie. Twice.
- Todd running towards his house in slo-mo, with the lottery ticket in his hand, and the titular song playing in the background.
- Calling the lead singer in The Christmas Shoes a "bearded egg in a hat".
- "Greetings. In a slight departure from our usual fare of mocking less than stellar media made by people far too sucessful to notice or care about the ridiculing party..."
- The short clip from Invader Zim to prove it perceived school and society as a whole as a totalitarian indrustial complex:
Ms. Bitters: Today you will be quized on how to skin a moose.
- Saying that Beavis And Butthead displayed unusual optimism in the youth of America:
Beavis: Hey, diarrhea, do you, like, get periods?
- Comparing the MTV of then, with shows that trusted the viewing audience to get the jokes, with the MTV of today, with shows like Jersey Shore.
- The irony of this being the best quality thing she's ever reviewed and yet her voice is a dead monotone throughout.
- Complete with Aside Glance after she says Daria's monotone voice can get annoying at times.
- The Mood Whiplash at The Stinger of Nella and Elisa bursting in to squee about Magfest.
- "Enter Helen...like a boss."
Top Ten Worst Disney Sequels
- "Really and truly, crapping on movies made by people far more successful than anyone you've ever had anything to do with is not easy work."
- How she constantly refers to children as "Crotch dumplings."
- Her visible distress as she tries to come to terms with George Carlin being the voice of the misanthropic ape in Tarzan II.
- The joy she gets out of seeing Tinkerbell suffer in Peter Pan II: Return to Neverland.
Nostalgia Chick: *evil laugh* Yesss, no more sassy Hot Topic shirts for you, huh?
Nostalgia Chick: Hey little girl, what are you doing being concerned about nazis, bombs and living to see the end of the war? Pixie dust, damn it!
- Also, her description of that same movie's Family-Unfriendly Aesop.
- And with the same film, her Freak-Out over the octopus being a rehash of the crocodile from the first movie, but instead of ticking he makes popping noises for no reason.
Haaaaate!... Haaaaate!...Did they lose the rights to the crocodile?
- "Oh Ariel, you might be a hypocrite or something."
- Noting that the plague has apparently wiped out most of the denizens of Paris in The Hunchback of Notre Dame II.
Chick: [staring off into space] Best friends...Nella: [smiling] Best friends forever!Chick: And we'll always be friends, won't we...Nella: Of course! As long as you don't default on your payments!
- When revealing the voice actress for Madeleine, she cycles through a quick list of actresses—except one, which reads simply "Your Mom."
- The exchange between the Chick and Nella mocking the "best friends" exchange:
- Her horrified disbelief when she sees that Beauty and the Beast: The Enchanted Christmas got a Blu-ray release.
- Complete with a weak no.
- When regarding Belle's Magical World: "It's less 'Beauty and the Beast' and more 'The Abusive Odd Couple.'"
- Her random impersonations of George Carlin, usually right after a Narm-y line.
You're a douchebag!You're a hunchback!You're an asshole!
- When she writes the word "lazy" on the back of an envelope to express her opinion of "The Little Mermaid II"...
- ...and when she brings the envelope back to illustrate a metaphor explaining the "Atlantis: The Lost Empire" sequel.
- Chick trying to make Todd her damsel.
Todd: You know, this didn't work the first five times you did this, Nostalgia Chick. I need to go to the bathroom.Chick: (drunkenly singing while holding a teacup in the air) Oh, oh, inanimate object!Todd: You want me to go to the bathroom in that?
- "So where's my blue-ray release?"
- On the subject of Cinderella 2: Dreams Come True:
Cinderella: And why do they have to keep the palace so dark? And that awful dance, and those boring colours that all look the same.Chick: "And why do we have to eat these fine royal delicacies? I'd rather eat Oreos! And why do we have to wear shoes, anyway? Why can't we just dance on the table?"
Anastasia: (to Tremaine) You're wrong!Chick: Marry for love, not money, dammit! And if you haven't learned that lesson then by God, we'll make you watch every single Disney movie ever!
- Also, mocking Anastasia's story
- Her pointing out Character Derailment for both Belle and the Beast and the Unfortunate Implications of their romance in the sequel:
Belle (singing): Everyone has someone, he must need someone too...Nostalgia Chick (singing): He's mopey and emo, and I can change him!
- Fox and the Hound 2:
Calling the villain "Reba McEnTerrier (she's played by Reba McEntire)
- The conclusion:
Chick: But at least the plague of sequels has finally ended. And in its place... a billion Tinker Bell movies. (cringes) Enjoy!