At the beginning, Kirk and Spock are playing a game of chess. Spock is sure he's going to win, to which Kirk laughs.
Kirk: Have I mentioned that you play a very irritating game of chess, Mr. Spock? Spock: Irritating? Ah, yes. One of your Earth emotions. Kirk: (makes a check-mate move, to which Spock frowns) Certain you don't know what irritation is?
Then when Spock mentions his Human heritage, Kirk deadpans that it "must be terrible having all that bad blood in you".
The bridge crew ask Kirk if Mr. Spock got the phaser rifle they sent down. As Kirk responds that he didn't ask for one, Spock walks in with a rather large gun.
The Naked Time
When McCoy checks Spock over, he deadpans about his heartbeat being too high and his pulse being non-existent, and also makes a comment about Spock's green blood. Spock's response is to call the readings "normal" and say he is "delighted" with McCoy's comments.
His growing frustration with the computer. "Incorrect."
What Are Little Girls Made Of?
Chapel asks Spock whether he's been engaged. Kirk raises an amused eyebrow while Spock's expression shows a brief flash of bafflement. While it could be a rather funny Call Back to Chapel's actions in "The Naked Time", this is also another case of Hilarious in Hindsight come "Amok Time".
While the Kirk android was being made, Kirk placed a message for Spock within it, to tell him he'd been compromised. That message? "Mind your own business, Mr. Spock! I'm sick of your half-breed interference, do you hear?" The crowner comes later, when Spock questions him about it:
When the symptoms for the virus don't appear on Spock, McCoy says it's because "the little bugs have no appetite for green blood". To which Spock quips that being a red-blooded Human has its disadvantages, before proceeding to point out the 'museum piece' Mccoy has (a regular microscope), and how different it is from-
McCoy: Spare me the analysis please, Mr. Spock?
Spock: I am a carrier, so I cannot go back to the ship. And I do want to go back to the ship.
Dagger of the Mind
Kirk notices Spock looking intently at his computer. He tries to look over Spock's shoulder curiously like a little kid before asking, "What's so fascinating?"
Spock's reaction when he sees that Jim and Dr. Noel have met before. And his reaction to Kirk's uncomfortableness.
Spock: Problem, Captain? Kirk: (tries not to glare) Mr. Spock, you tell McCoy that she had better check out as the best assistant I ever had.
Later, when Spock suggests Dr. Adams is lying:
Noel: Foolish! Spock: Please repeat that, Captain. I didn't copy.
In the climax of the episode Spock has just come down to rescue Kirk and the inmates. He finds Kirk kissing Noel, and when Kirk notices and looks over at him, Spock looks back with an expression that screams, "Really, Jim?"
The Corbomite Maneuver
When they first come in contact with the cube:
Bailey: It's blocking the way! Spock: (deadpan) Quite unnecessary to raise your voice, Mr. Bailey.
Later, Bailey tries to explain why he raised his voice. It's left ambiguous whether Spock doesn't know what adrenalin is or if he's just being sarcastic.
Bailey: Raising my voice back there doesn't mean I was scared or I couldn't do my job. It means I happen to have a Human thing called an adrenalin. Spock: That sounds most inconvenient, however; consider having it removed.
Which leads to the immortal line from Sulu:
Sulu: You try to cross brains with Spock, he'll cut you to pieces every time.
Meanwhile, in sickbay, McCoy is running a physical on Kirk:
This is followed by him muttering over and over, "You're killing me!" while McCoy only smirks. And when Kirk notices the alarm:
Kirk: You could see the alarm lights flashing from there, McCoy; why didn't you tell me? McCoy: I had to finish the physical on you, didn't I? What am I, a doctor or a moon-shuttle conductor? If I jumped every time a light went on around here I'd be talking to myself.
What is even funnier about the above is that by the time McCoy has gotten to the last part, Kirk has left the room, so heistalking to himself.
After the cube has been destroyed, and they consider whether or not to go on ahead:
Spock: If you are asking for the logical decision... Kirk: No, I'm not. The mission of the Enterprise is to seek out and contact alien life. Spock: Has it occurred to you that there's a certain inefficiency on constantly questioning me on things you've already made up your mind about? Kirk: It gives me emotional security.
Kirk's reaction to the salad Rand gives him, and then finding out McCoy ordered his diet changed. He's apparently put on a couple of pounds.
Kirk: Will you stop hovering over me, Yeoman? Bring some for the doctor, will you? McCoy: Oh, no, I don't eat until the crew eats. (smirks)
During the countdown:
Sulu: Four minutes left. In case anyone's interested... Scotty: You have an annoying fascination for time pieces, Mr. Sulu.
Spock: I regret not having learnt more about this Balok. In some manner he was reminiscent of my father. Scotty: Then may Heaven have helped your mother. Spock: Quite the contrary. She considered herself a very fortunate Earth woman.
The Conscience of the King
The huge grin Kirk gets when he first lays eyes on Lenore. Here we go...
Kirk tells Spock later that they're due for a pick up, to which Spock shows confusion. Then Lenore beams aboard, wanting to see Kirk...
Spock: How did you know this lady was coming aboard? Kirk: ...I'm the Captain.
Spock goes to McCoy in order to ask him whether he's noticed the Captain acting strangely. Specifically, he doesn't know why Kirk let the acting troop aboard. McCoy thinks it's because of Lenore.
Not to mention Spock getting the one-up on Kirk when The Captain refuses to take any time off.
Spock: We have a crew member aboard who's showing signs of stress and fatigue—reaction time down 9-12%, associational reading norm minus 3.
Kirk: That's much too low a rating. Spock: He's becoming irritable and quarrelsome, yet he refuses to take rest and rehabilitation. He has that right, but... Kirk: A crewman's right ends where the safety of the ship begins. That man will go ashore on my orders. What's his name? Spock: (pretends to study paper) "James Kirk." (smirks) Enjoy yourself, Captain.
The Galileo Seven
Kirk's growing irritation with the Commissioner, who keeps showing up on the bridge like an unwanted alarm clock with Kirk having to constantly slap down the snooze button.
Kirk: I am aware of how much time I have left. Commissioner: I am delighted. However I shall continue to remind you. Kirk: You do that.
When Spock leaves the shuttle, after having told the crew that three men will have to stay behind (and also saying they must see if they overlooked any minor damage):
Boma: If any minor damage is overlooked, it was when he put his head together.
When they run out of fuel:
Spock: That will solve the problem of who to leave behind.
Upon lifting off, Spock goes into yet another lecture about logic:
McCoy: Spock, remind me to tell you that I'm sick and tired of your logic. Spock: That is a most illogical attitude.
And then when Spock admits he made a mistake:
McCoy: Well, at least I've lived long enough to hear that.
The ending, in which the crew try and get Spock to admit that he acted emotionally; everyone is noticeably trying to hold back their laughter until the very end:
Kirk: When you jettisoned the fuel, you said there was no chance of it being seen and yet you did it anyhow. That would seem to me to be an act of desperation. Spock: Quite correct, Captain. Kirk: Now we all know, and I'm sure that some would agree with me, but desperation is a highly emotional state of mind. How does your well-known logic explain that? Spock: Quite simply, Captain, I examined the problem from all angles, and it was plainly hopeless. Logic informed me that under the circumstances, the only possible action would have to be one of desperation. Logical decision, logically arrived at. Kirk: I see. You mean you reasoned that it was time for an emotional outburst. Spock: (suddenly realizing what he's just admitted) Well, I wouldn't put it in exactly those terms, Captain, but...those are essentially the facts. Kirk: You're not going to admit that for the first time in your life, you committed a purely Human emotional act? Spock: ...No, sir. Kirk: (chuckles) Mr. Spock, you're a stubborn man. Spock: Yes, sir. (cue laughter)
The Squire of Gothos
Spock's inability to comprehend Kirk and McCoy's romantic view on deserts. This doesn't surprise McCoy, who deduces that a mirage could never effect Spock's "mathematical brainwaves". Spock thanks him for the compliment and moves on.
Meta: If you look closely, you can still see the frozen Kirk and Sulu moving. :)
McCoy isn't sure whether he's quaking with laughter or terror. And when Uhura asks him what was down on the planet, he tries to explain but then just gives up. "Forget it."
The ending, when Kirk is describing Trelane:
Kirk: He was probably doing this comparable to the strange, mischievous pranks you played when you were a boy. Spock: Mischievous pranks, Captain? Kirk: Yes. Dipping little girls' curls in ink wells, stealing apples from the neighbours' trees- (notices Spock's look of confusion and shock) Forgive me, Mr. Spock. I should have known better. Spock: I should be delighted, Captain. (walks away, but pauses to give a Fascinating Eyebrow)
Spock's brief reaction when McCoy mentions his "pointed ears".
Tomorrow is Yesterday
Admit it; you giggled at the beginning when you saw the Enterprise shakily flying around in the 1960s sky.
John Christopher meets Spock for the first time:
Christopher: (as he walks onto the bridge) I've never believed in little green men. Spock: (appearing before him) Neither have I.
And then Spock informs Kirk that Christopher can't go home:
Kirk: Now you're sounding like Spock. McCoy: If you're gonna get nasty then I'm gonna leave.
And when Spock arrives, admitting he made an error:
McCoy: Oh? This could be an historic occasion.
When McCoy tells Spock that he should be working on his time-warp equations, Spock (who, it should be noted, is standing unflinchingly in the transporter room, staring dead ahead without blinking) simply says, "I am."
The reaction of the security guard (who caught Kirk and Sulu) when he accidentally beams up to the Enterprise.
Kirk: As you can see we have...another problem.
The guard then remains frozen in place as McCoy slowly takes the gun and communicator from him.
The Air Force Sergeant then barks that he's going to lock Kirk up for two hundred years. Kirk deadpans that should be just about right.
Even funnier is that it should be three hundred years. Kirk either didn't care or just completely missed it.
After kissing Lieutenant Ariel Shaw on the bridge of his ship, Kirk goes to sit in the captain's chair with the stiffest poker face ever seen. Spock and McCoy, on either side, are staring straight ahead. After a pause, and a flicker of a glance at Spock...
Kirk: She's a very good lawyer. Spock: Obviously. McCoy: Indeed she is.
The absolutely deadpan delivery would shame the most orthodox Vulcan.
The Return of the Archons
The whole thing could count as one. It's certainly one of the series' weirder episodes. (And if anyone knows what the hell was going on in that episode, this Troper will gladly give their arm and foot for the explanation).
Spock can't understand why it always gives Kirk pleasure to see him proven wrong. Kirk admits it's an emotional "Earth weakness" of his.
"Scientists, Mr. Spock. I'm sure you know the type. Devoted to logic, completely unemotional..."
Spock: If you are suggesting this was a penal deportation vessel, you have arrived at a totally illogical conclusion. Kirk: (eyebrows go up) Oh? Spock: Your Earth was on the verge of a Dark Ages. Whole populations were being bombed out of existence. A group of criminals could have been dealt with far more efficiently other than wasting one of their most advance space ships. Kirk: (trying not to sigh) Yes. So much for my theory. I'm still waiting to hear yours? Spock: That theory requires facts, Captain. And so far I have none. Kirk: And that irritates you? Spock: Irritation? I am not capable of that emotion. Kirk: (trying not to smile too widely) My apologies, Mr. Spock.
When Khan threatens McCoy, also counts as a moment of awesome for the Doc.
Spock's inability to comprehend why Kirk, McCoy and Scotty admire Khan while they also hate him:
Spock: Gentlemen, this...romanticism about a ruthless dictator is... Kirk: Mr. Spock, we Humans have a streak of barbarism in us. Appalling but there, nevertheless. Scotty: There were no massacres under his rule. Spock: And as little freedom. McCoy: There were no wars until he was attacked. Spock: Gentlemen! (all three laugh while Spock just looks on in confusion) Kirk: Mr. Spock, you misunderstand us. We can be against him and admire him all at the same time. Spock: ...Illogical. Kirk: Totally.
How does Kirk finally defeat Khan? By hitting him with a piece of plastic.
A Taste of Armageddon
Proof that Vulcans have a sense of humour:
Spock: Sir, there's a multi-legged creature crawling on your shoulder. (neck pinches the guard)
Spock: I presumed you needed help. I can see that I am in error.
Team Spock is attempting to convince a woman who supposedly "died" in the simulations to not actually kill herself. When he goes to find Kirk, he orders a yeoman to knock the woman down and sit on her if she has to. His deadpan delivery is what really sells it.
This Side of Paradise
Upon realizing the settlers of the planet are alive, and having been greeted by the head of the colony:
McCoy: This is just speculation, an uneducated guess, but I'd say that man is alive.
Spock: "I've never understood the female capacity to avoid answering a direct question."
Spock's behaviour after being hit by the spores. Laughing, smiling, climbing trees...
In order to get Spock back to normal, Kirk has to make him angry. He didn't quite expect the reaction he received.
Kirk: It isn't every First Officer who gets to belt his Captain... (rubs his face in agony) ...several times... Spock: You did that to me on purpose. Kirk: Believe me, Mr. Spock, it was painful... (holds his arm in pain) ...in more ways than one...
Then Spock reminds Kirk that striking a fellow officer is a court martial offence. But then Kirk reminds him that if they're both in the brig, there'll be no one to save the rest of the crew. Spock sees his point and drops the subject.
The Devil in the Dark
Spock, having given a theory of silicon-based lifeforms (which was met with skepticism from McCoy) is fascinated with the silicon sphere sat on the desk. Kirk asks what he thinks of it, which leads to this comment:
Spock: (after glancing at the waiting McCoy) I have given Dr. McCoy sufficient cause for amusement; I would prefer to cogitate the possibilities for a time.
Kirk tries to get Spock to go help Scotty. Kirk really should have learnt from Sulu's comment earlier in the series.
Kirk: This will be a dangerous hunt. Either one of us by ourselves is expendable. Both of us are not. Spock: Captain, there are approximately one hundred of us engaged in this search, against one creature. The odds against you and I both being killed are 2,228.7 to 1. Kirk: ...2,228.7 to 1? (Beat) Those are pretty good odds, Mr. Spock. Spock: And they are, of course, accurate, Captain. Kirk: Of course. (sighs) Well, I hate to use the word, but...logically with those kind of odds, you might as well stay. But please stay out of trouble, Mr. Spock. Spock: (look of confusion) That is always my intention, Captain.
Later, when Kirk is confronted by the creature and Spock contacts him:
Spock: Captain, I've just read some fresh signs. The creature is in this area. I'll take a life-form reading. Kirk: That's not necessary, Mr. Spock, I know exactly where the creature is. Spock: Where, Captain? Kirk: Ten feet away from me.
It's the casual, nonchalant way he says it which really sells the moment.
According to Spock, the Horta has a logical mind, which he finds "curiously refreshing".
And the Horta, apparently, really likes Spock's ears. Which both Kirk and McCoy can't believe.
The last lines:
Kirk: Mr. Spock, I suspect you're becoming more and more Human all the time. Spock: (in shock) Captain, I see no reason to stand here and be insulted.
Errand of Mercy
When Kirk and Spock beam down, they find themselves in a small town which doesn't look technologically advanced at all, and yet no one batsan eyelid at them.
Kirk: You'd think they have people beaming down every day. Spock: Yes, curious lack of interest.
Spock apparently "has a gift for understatement".
Kirk asks Spock their odds.
Spock: Difficult to be precise. I would say 7,824.7 to 1. Kirk: (Beat) Difficult to be precise? 7,824 to 1? Spock: 7,824.7 to 1. Kirk: ...That's a pretty close approximation.
A few minutes later, after having been told that more hostages are being rounded up, Kirk asks for more odds:
Spock: Less that 7,000 to 1, Captain. It is remarkable that we have gotten this far. Kirk: Less than 7,000 to 1... Well, getting better, getting better...
Then at the end of the episode, Spock shows surprise that they beat the odds. Kirk just says that the game was ruined by the interference of the Organians, not to mention that they never really stood a chance, anyway.
Kor's rather pathetic attempt to try and attack the Orgainians. He's so focused all it takes to stop him is an outstretched arm.
Kor: I have an army!
This is after he'd just witnessed them disable his weapons, render his ships powerless, make it impossible for him to even touch his enemies much less kill them. Denial, thy name is Kor.
The City on the Edge of Forever
At the beginning, McCoy injects cordrazine into Sulu in order to revive him. Kirk advices that it's tricky stuff, and is about to ask whether McCoy is sure about it. Then Sulu wakes up, perfectly fine.
McCoy: You were about to make a medical comment, Jim? Kirk: Who me, Doctor?
Upon meeting the Guardian of Forever, it calls Spock's sciences "primitive". Spock looks offended.
Spock: Really? Kirk: Annoyed, Spock?
Kirk's attempted explanation of Spock upon arriving in the 1930s. As Spock said before, "that should prove interesting":
Kirk: My friend is obviously Chinese... I see you've noticed the ears; they're actually easy to explain... (looks to Spock helplessly) Spock: Perhaps the unfortunate accident I had as a child... Kirk: The unfortunate accident...he had as a child. He caught his head in a mechanical...rice picker... But fortunately, there was an American...missionary living close by who was actually a, uh, skilled, uh, plastic surgeon in civilian life-
Then when the police officer has them stand against the wall:
Kirk: Oh, how careless of your wife to let you go out that way. (gestures to his clothes) Officer: What? Spock: Oh, yes. It is quite untidy. Here, let me help you. (nerve pinches him)
And when they finally escape:
Kirk: You were actually enjoying my predicament back there. Sometimes you seem quite Human. Spock: Captain, I hardly believe that insults are among your prerogative as my commanding officer.
When Kirk suggests that Spock builds a computer:
Spock: In this zinc-plated, vacuum-tubed culture? Kirk: Yes, well it would pose an extremely complex problem of logic, Mr. Spock. Spock: (Fascinating Eyebrow) Kirk: Excuse me, I sometimes expect too much of you. Spock: (larger Fascinating Eyebrow)
When Kirk arrives back to the flat where Spock is working, Spock starts making lists of the things he needs. Kirk, who has just carried home the previous things Spock has asked for, looks put out. Then Spock proceeds to complain about the materials he's working with, comparing them to "stone knives and bear skins". And then Edith appears at the door, sees the equipment, and asks what it is.
Spock: I am endeavouring myself, ma'am, to construct a mnemonic memory circuit using stone knives and bear skins.
Edith's blank "OK, whatever" reaction is just as hilarious.
Later, when Kirk returns, he asks, "How are our stone knives and bear skins?"
McCoy, upon arriving back in time, is uncertain whether he's unconscious or demented. When Edith tells him he's in the 1930s, he concludes that he's unconscious AND demented.
The revelation that Vulcan's have a second eyelid.
Kirk: Mr. Spock, regaining eyesight would be an emotional experience for most. You, I presume, felt nothing? Spock: Quite the contrary, Captain. I had a very strong reaction. My first sight was the face of Dr. McCoy bending over me. McCoy: It's a pity brief blindness didn't increase your appreciation for beauty, Mr. Spock.
And then, when McCoy admits in a hushed tone that Spock's the best First Officer in the fleet, Spock overhears and thanks him.
Kirk: You've been so concerned about his Vulcan eyes, Doctor, that you forgot about his Vulcan ears.
At the beginning, McCoy expresses concern for Spock, saying he hasn't eaten in three days.
Kirk: Oh, that just sounds like Mr. Spock in one of his contemplated phases.
While it's part of the drama, everyone's wide-eyed WTF JUST HAPPENED!?! expressions upon being confronted by an angry Spock.
Chekov's growing frustration with constantly changing course, so much so that he and Sulu become Genre Savvy and have the course to Vulcan ready in advance.
Sulu: How do you figure it, Chekov? First we're going to Vulcan, then we're going to Altair, then we're heading to Vulcan again, and now we're heading back to Altair. Chekov: I think I'm going to get Space-sick. (later, after having overheard Kirk and Uhura) Chekov: Mr. Sulu, you don't think...? Sulu: Maybe you ought to plot a course back to Vulcan. Just in case. Chekov: (throws up hands)
Just the extreme awkwardness in the conversation where Spock is explaining the nature of Pon Farr to Kirk, while also dancing around the terminology for the sake of good taste. Kirk tries to tell him not to feel embarrassed about it...while looking obviously uncomfortable himself.
While the humour is partly out of the intense dramaof thelast few minutes, Spock's reaction at the end of the episode when he realizes that he's just been emotional in front of Kirk, Christine Chapel, and McCoy. Not to mention his (not very convincing) attempt to tell them that he wasn't being emotional.
McCoy: There's just one thing, Mr. Spock. You can't tell me that when you first saw Jim alive, that you were on the verge of giving us an emotional scene that would've brought the house down! Spock: Merely my quite logical relief that Starfleet had not lost a highly proficient Captain. Kirk: Yes, Mr. Spock, I understand. Spock: Thank you, Captain. McCoy: Of course, Mr. Spock. Your reaction was quite logical... Spock: Thank you, Doctor. McCoy: (as Spock and Kirk leave)...in a pig's eye!
The build up to the revelation nails it. Spock is standing there, telling McCoy how he must turn himself in for killing Kirk...and Kirk just comes up behind him, grinning, and unable to resist acting completely casual as he lets Spock know he's still alive.
Who Mourns For Adonais?
Apollo officially introduces himself and leaves everyone stunned. Except Chekov, who doesn't skip a beat, dropping this line in the most deadpan tone possible:
Later, Chekov begins to list, in McCoy's words, "the entire encyclopedia" of creatures which generate their own energy. When Chekov says that the Captain requires complete information:
McCoy: Spock's contaminating this boy, Jim.
And then Chekov starts making comparisons to Apollo disappearing "like that cat in the Russian story". Kirk corrects him by saying it was an English story (the Cheshire Cat), but Chekov shakes his head and says it was a Mynx cat. Chekov is most definitely the third walking Crowning Moment of Funny to appear in the series (and possibly the funniest).
When Chekov offers to assist Kirk in finding out what happened to Carolyn:
Kirk: How old are you? Chekov: Twenty-two, sir. Kirk: Then I'd better handle it.
Nomad: (in reference to McCoy) This is one of your units, Kirk? Kirk: Yes. Nomad: It functions irrationally. Kirk: Sometimes. McCoy: (raises eyebrow)
When Scotty is revived: "What in the devil are you starin' at me for?"
Spock's almost gloating look when Nomad refers to him as a "well-structured unit".
Spock: My congratulations, Captain; a dazzling display of logic. Kirk: (happily) You didn't think I had it in me, did you, Spock? Spock: (deadpan) No, sir. (Kirk stops smiling and looks like a kicked puppy)
Spock's bafflement when Kirk refers to Nomad as his son.
How Scotty and McCoy get into the engine room; Scotty appears and gives the Terran salute to the guard outside. The guard turns for only a moment to salute back, during which time McCoy arrives by his side and sedates him with barely any change in expression.
The ending, in which Spock tears up Kirk and McCoy effortlessly. Don't cross brains with Spock, indeed:
McCoy: Jim, I think I liked him with the beard better. Gave him character. Of course, almost any change would be a distinct improvement. Kirk: What worries me is the easy way his counterpart fitted into that other universe. I always though Spock was a bit of a pirate at heart. Spock: Indeed, gentlemen. May I point out that I had the opportunity to observe your counterparts here, quite closely. They were brutal, savage, unprincipled, uncivilized, treacherous in every way. Splendid examples in homosapiens; the very flower of Humanity. I found them quite refreshing. Kirk: ...I'm not sure, but I think we've been insulted. McCoy: I'm sure.
The beginning, when they first land on the planet:
Chekov: Makes me home sick. Just like Russia. McCoy: More like the Garden of Eden, Ensign. Chekov: Of course, Doctor. The Garden of Eden was just outside Moscow. A wery nice place. It must have made Adam and Eve wery sad to leave. Kirk: Just outside...Moscow, all right.
When Chekov gets closer to the Yeomen with them:
Kirk: Mr. Chekov, I know you and Landon find each other fascinating, but we're not here to conduct a field experiment in Human biology.
After breaking a rock in half, Spock throws it away...only for it to explode. Without missing a beat:
Kirk: Would you mind where you throw your rocks, Mr. Spock?
When Spock wakes up from being knocked out, he complains that McCoy's medicine is giving him an upset stomach. McCoy resorts that this is the fault of Spock's green blood.
And when Kirk tells Spock not to save him again, asking rhetorically how much Starfleet has invested in him, Spock begins to answer accurately in figures. Kirk just tells him to never mind.
Spock then gets knocked back, leading to his understatement of the episode:
The natives wrap flower chains around the arms of the crew. Including Spock.
Kirk: It does something for you. Spock: Indeed it does. It makes me uncomfortable.
And then Spock gives his name. The tribe just laugh at him.
Spock: I fail to see what they find so amusing.
The "Replacement" discussion. Spock's embarrassment at having to explain the concept of "reproduction" is hilarious.
What's funnier is Yeoman Landon's attempt to ask how the Vaalians, if the need ever arose, could actually 'do it' without actually 'knowing' about it - while also trying not to actually say it. And the just-as-difficult answer would be that, likely, they'd get the necessary... 'instructions'.
Mccoy: (in disbelief) "From a machine?BeatThat I'd like to see."
The ending, in which Kirk makes a subtle joke about Spock looking like Satan (which, funnily enough, was an actual issue with the show towards the beginning of its run).
The Doomsday Machine
Spock: Random chance seems to have operated in our favour. McCoy: In plain, non-Vulcan English, we've been lucky. Spock: I believe I said that, Doctor.
Kirk pilots the USS Constellation on a suicide run and gets ready to leave, just as the transporter shorts out. Kirk can't help but get a little nervous as the Planet Killer moves in while Scotty races to fix the transporter.
Kirk: Gentlemen, beam me aboard.
After the three cackling witch illusions, a la Macbeth, urge our heroes to turn back:
Kirk: Spock, comment. Spock: Very bad poetry, Captain. Kirk: A more useful comment, Mr. Spock.
The reveal at the end: the aliens' true forms are utterly laughable.
Mudd: ...Do know what the penalty for fraud is on Deneb Five? Spock:The guilty party has his choice: death by electrocution, death by gas, death by phaser, death by hanging... Mudd: The key word in your entire peroration, Mr. Spock, was, death. Barbarians. Well, of course, I left. Kirk: He broke jail. Mudd: I borrowed transportation. Kirk: He stole a spaceship. Mudd: The patrol reacted in a hostile manner. Kirk: They fired at him. Mudd: They've no respect for private property; they damaged the bloody spaceship!
Mudd: Just think of it, laddybuck. Harry Mudd with his own crew of lovelies aboard your vessel. Think about that. Kirk: I'm trying not to.
Also, once they're informed they're to be kept captive by the androids, there's the following conversation. By the end, the look on Kirk's face is priceless:
Kirk: Well, opinions? Chekov: I think ve're in a lot of trouble. Kirk: That's a great help, Mr. Chekov. Bones? McCoy: I think Mr. Chekov's right. We are in a lot of trouble. Kirk: Spock. And if you say we're in a lot of trouble... Spock: We are. Kirk: ("aw, come on!" expression)
The crew defeats Harry Mudd's robots by confronting them with a barrage of bald-faced illogic, climaxing with some incredibly silly pantomime with the crew enjoying every minute of it. Particularly good is Spock telling a pair of identical robots that he loves one and hates the other, and it's precisely because they're identical that he feels that way.
The very end, in which Kirk places a Cool and Unusual Punishment on Harry: having him serve his sentence on a planet of beautiful androids...complete with a detachment of at least 500 duplicates of his scolding wife to keep him in line.
Spock trying to convince Kirk to ask the Companion about its nature and patterns...while Kirk is trying to negotiate with it for their freedom. Kirk is quite rightly irritated.
After McCoy meets Spock's mother, and she tells him that when Spock was little he had a big fat teddy-bear.... Well, the way McCoy's eyes light up while Spock tries desperately to pretend he didn't hear that is priceless.
Not to mention, when he teases Spock about it a minute later:
Spock: You must keep in mind, Doctor, that on Vulcan teddy-bears are alive. And have six-inch fangs. (Spock's attempt to make it sound not as childish is more childish than the teddy-bear thing in of itself)
What makes it even funnier is that Amanda glanced at Spock with a grin before she answered. Seems the embarrassment was intentional. Ah, Mothers.
The ending, in which both Sarek and Spock tease Amanda. Seems that while they're unemotional, Vulcans do hold the capacity for that.
Sarek: Spock acted on logic. One does not thank logic, Amanda. Amanda: Logic, logic! I'm sick to death of logic! Do you want to know how I feel about your logic? Spock: Emotional, isn't she? Sarek: She has always been that way. Spock: Indeed. Why did you marry her? Sarek: At the time it seemed the logical thing to do. Amanda: (realizes they're teasing and smiles)
Then there's McCoy shouting down both Kirk and Spock at the end of the episode.
McCoy: (to Kirk) You're going to spend your next ten days here. If you cooperate, you'll be out in two. Spock: Doctor, I think I'll return to my station now. McCoy: You are at your station, Mr. Spock! Kirk: Dr. McCoy, I believe you're enjoying all of this. Spock: Indeed, Captain. I've never seen him look so happy. McCoy: Shut up! (Spock and Christine Chapel stare at him while Kirk opens his mouth) Shhh! Shhh! (Kirk lies down with a resigned look; McCoy looks over at Spock and Chapel, who are still wordlessly staring at him, and then back at Kirk who is giving him the same look, before he turns to audience, grinning) Well, what do you know? I finally got the last word.
Kirk almost gets himself into a combat situation with a tribesman. Turns out, said tribesman finds Kirk "a disappointment" when he refuses. All Kirk can do is shrug innocently.
While giving his standard examination on Eleen, Bones feels her pregnant belly. Which earns him a smack. He does it again, and gets another one. At which point, he smacks her, and goes back to work.
The fact that it seems to turn her on is hilarious in itself.
And then Spock shows up just as she's rubbing McCoy's hand, and looks amused.
"The last thing I want around is a ham-handed ship's Captain!"
McCoy makes the mistake of accidentally claiming the baby as his:
McCoy: Repeat; the child is mine. The child is mine. The child is...(realizing that what he's saying can go both ways) ...uh oh. (later) Eleen: McCoy...bring our child. Kirk: ...Our child? McCoy: (after hesitation) I'll explain later. Spock: That should prove very interesting.
Later, when Scotty arrives:
Spock: Well, at any rate, this should prove interesting. Scotty: Interesting? Spock: When the woman starts explaining how the new High Teer is Dr. McCoy's child. Scotty: What was that, Mr. Spock? Kirk: We don't actually understand it ourselves, Mr. Scott. Spock: Nor does Dr. McCoy.
McCoy trying to get Spock to hold the baby. Heaven help Uhura in the alternate reality if she and Spock ever decide to have children.
More Chekov funnies:
Scotty: Fool me once, shame on you. Fool me twice, shame on me. Chekov: I know that saying. It was invented in Russia. (Scotty and Sulu both give surprised looks before just smirking and getting on with their jobs)
McCoy(tickling the baby under the chin): Ootchie-wootchie-cootchie-coo! Spock: "Ootchie-wootchie-cootchie-coo", Captain? Kirk: (deadpan) An obscure Earth dialect, Mr. Spock. "Ootchie-wootchie-cootchie-coo". If you're curious, consult linguistics.
One can only imagine Uhura's reaction when Spock comes to her and asks about it.
At the end, when it's revealed that the new Teer is named Leonard James Akaar:
Spock: (in Vulcan shock) The child was named Leonard James Akaar? McCoy: Has a kind of a ring to it, don't you think, James? Kirk: It sounds like a name destined to go down in galactic history, Leonard. What do you think, Spock? Spock: I think you're both going to be insufferably pleased with yourselves for at least a month. Sir.
The Deadly Years
Chekov's scream. Dramatic back then, hilarious nowadays.
Chekov's annoyance at the continual poking and prodding from the others, who are trying to figure out why he isn't suffering Rapid Aging.
Chekov: Give us a sample, Chekov. A little won't hurt, Chekov. Roll over, Chekov. Breathe deeply, Chekov. Blood sample, Chekov; marrow sample, Chekov; skin sample, Chekov. If I live long enough, I'm going to run out of samples. Sulu: (quietly amused) You'll live. Chekov: Oh, yes, I'll live, but I won't enjoy it!
At the end, the Enterprise is attacked by Romulans. Kirk pulls off the Corbomite Maneuver again, which makes the Romulans pathetically flee. So much for the fearless Empire.
"Interrupting another autopsy report, Mr. Spock, is not a disturbance. It's a relief."
Followed by this:
Spock: I need your advice. McCoy: ...Then I need a drink.
Chapel threatening the young Ensign is a moment of funny for her – and then we discover that it had been a bluff. She was, in her own words, "applying psychology".
Scotty: Captain, thank Heaven! Spock: Mr. Scott, there was no deity involved. It was my cross-circuit to B that recovered them. McCoy: Then thank pitch forks and pointed ears!
The Trouble With Tribbles
Every one of Kirk's "This is such a BS mission" moments.
Kirk's growing frustration with the Tribbles multiplying on his ship is hysterical to watch, especially this bit, where he ends up buried up to his armpits in Tribbles. The glare he gives Bones after telling him to find out how the Tribbles died is priceless.
No, the best part is the massive shit-eating grin McCoy is wearing when he comes in to say how to stop the Tribbles from breeding.
Then Kirk's reaction to it:
Kirk: (with deadpan exasperation)Now he tells me.
This moment is even funnier when you stop and think that those Tribbles that keep hitting Kirk in the head every few seconds are being thrown by some prop guy on the other side of the little door.
Kirk: As a captain I want two things done. First find Cyrano Jones. And second... close that door?
It gets even better. In-universe, those Tribbles keep falling on him because Sisko and Dax were throwing them!
Even even better is the meta reason for the avalanche. There were originally only meant to be a dozen or so Tribbles, but the crew decided to keep throwing them long after they were meant to stop because they'd had enough of Shatner's attitude. Meaning that Kirk's "close that door" comment may well have been an awesome Throw It In line from Shatner.
Spock picks up a Tribble and begins absent-mindedly stroking it.
Spock: Their trilling seems to have a tranquillizing effect on the human nervous system. Fortunately... I am...immune... (realizes everyone's staring at him, looks rather embarrassed for a Vulcan, and quickly puts it down)
Not to mention the end when we find out that the fuzzy little balls of trouble were transported to the Klingon ship—which is all the more hilarious because you learn early on that Tribbles and Klingons hate each other.
The scene in the bar. Particularly memorable are the Klingons insulting Kirk and no one fighting until Scotty loses his cool when the Klingons insult the Enterprise. And then there's Kirk's reaction to the fight afterwards.
After Kirk presents Cyrano Jones with an alternative to being shipped off to a rehabilitation colony, which is to pick up every Tribble on the space station:
Kirk: You'll do it? Jones: I'll do it.
The Gamesters of Triskelion
Scotty needs to learn how to phrase things better to prevent confusion:
Scotty: Mr. Spock, the Captain, Lt. Uhura and Chekov... They vanished! They got onto the transporter platform and...they just...vanished! Spock: (Beat) I presume you mean they vanished in a manner not usually consistent with the workings of the transporter, Mr. Scott? Scotty: Aye, of course I mean that! You think I'd call if they just beamed down!?!
Spock explains that they must have hope for a rational explanation:
McCoy: Hope? I always thought that was a Human failing, Mr. Spock. Spock: True, Doctor. Constant exposure does result in a certain degree of contamination. (McCoy tries very hard not to look irritated while Scotty gives him a "you should have known better" look)
All of their banter throughout the episode is hilarious.
"You're out of your Vulcan mind, Spock!"
Just the look on Chekov's face when his thrall tries to get...comfortable with him. And on top of that, pronouncing his name wrong.
A Piece of the Action
Kirk distracts a group of gangsters by teaching them Fizzbin, a complicated card game which he improvises on the spot. Kirk, Spock and McCoy break free while the gangsters are busy trying to figure out the intentionally complicated rules.
Kirk: I kind of like this. I'm going to get one myself. (proceeds to drive the car in reverse) (later) Kirk: (about to drive again) Are you afraid of cars, Mr. Spock? Spock: Not at all, Captain. It's your driving that alarms me.
Near the end, Spock tells the gangster, "I suggest yous keep dialin'."
The Immunity Syndrome
When the viewing screen goes blank:
Kirk: Malfunction, Spock? Spock: Negative, Captain. All equipment functioning properly. Kirk: Then kindly tell me what happened to the stars!
After a power loss, Scotty tells Kirk not to ask how it happened.
Kirk: I am asking how it happened!
Kirk: What boundary? Spock: The boundary between where we were and where we are now. Kirk: ...Are you trying to be funny, Mr. Spock? Spock: It would never occur to me, Captain.
Scotty tries to put the ship into reverse, only for it to lurch forwards. Spock suggests to apply forward thrusters. Scotty doesn't think it'll work as it "goes against logic", and Kirk replies that if it doesn't he'll never let Spock live it down.
Both Spock and McCoy volunteer to go into the organism, and after consideration, Kirk decides that Spock is more qualified to go (and more capable of surviving). After penetrating the organism:
Spock: Oh, and Dr. McCoy...you would not have survived. McCoy: You wanna bet?
Then, when they finally enter the organism and get thrown around the bridge:
What's funnier is that Kirk snarked at Chekov for being a Captain Obvious earlier.
A Private Little War
While Spock appears to be out cold, Chapel takes his hand in hers worriedly, but she lets go again when Dr. M'Benga enters. Then the doctor explains that Spock is in a state of concentration, meaning that he's fully conscious. Then comes the line, "I suppose he even knows you were holding his hand." A double whammy, as it not only confirms Spock's knowledge of this but also that M'Benga was aware of it too. Chapel's wide-eyed reaction is priceless.
Later Chapel is asked by M'Benga that when Spock regains full consciousness, she has to do whatever he says. What does he ask her to do? Hit him, over and over. So hard that Scotty thinks she's attacking him and restrains her, in time for M'Benga to arrive and take over. When done Spock grabs the doctor's arm effortlessly.
Spock: That will be enough.
Chapel then offers to help him, but he turns her down.
Spock: I am quite recovered, Nurse. Chapel: (irritated that he's back to his usual self) Yes, I see you are.
At the end, when Kirk contacts Spock:
McCoy: Spock, you're alive? Spock: An illogical question, Doctor, as you are obviously hearing my voice. McCoy: Well, I don't know why I was worried. You can't kill a computer. (Spock frowns while Scotty grins)
Patterns of Force
When Kirk and Spock beam down to the planet Ekos, they see a news reading saying that a missile destroyed the enemy. It was the same missile which the Enterprise effortlessly shot down earlier.
Soldier: What kind of monsters are the Zeons sending against us? Kirk: (pushing Spock away before stepping next to the soldier) He's right! Look at him! (soldier looks, turning away from Kirk, who proceeds to knock him out)
Later, when Spock is in the uniform:
Kirk: That helmet covers a multitude of sins.
The then proceed to carry out a similar tactic with another soldier, only this time Spock nerve-pinches the guy.
Spock: Your uniform, Captain. Kirk: Yes, it's a shame yours isn't as attractive as mine.
Spock then tells Kirk that he would make "a very convincing Nazi". Cue Kirk's double take.
During the interrogation:
Kirk: You're making this a rather one-sided conversation, Major.
Then when a superior officer arrives, he takes one look at Spock and states that he's not from Zeon. Spock actually rolls his eyes before resorting, "Obviously".
While making plans to escape, Spock points out the two flaws: the locked door and the guard outside.
According to Kirk's strain and impatience ("Oh my goodness!"), Spock is surprisingly heavy. When Spock delays in his task by asking where he should aim the beam, Kirk tells him he doesn't care if he hits a barn, just hurry up. Spock then delays even further by asking in confusion why he should aim at such a structure. Kirk's reaction is pants-wettingly hysterical.
How to they eventually escape? By carrying their Zeon friend (acting unconscious) outside.
Kirk: We've caught so many Zeons we have to dump them outside.
Spock begins to understand why Earth men enjoy gambling:
Spock: No matter how much you compete with the odds of success, there is still a...exhilaration in the risk. Kirk: Very good, Spock. We may make a Human of you yet. Spock: (Vulcan horror) I hope not!
McCoy getting beamed down half-dressed and looking irritated as hell.
McCoy: Stupid computer made a mistake in the measurements! The boots are too tight! Spock: There is a logical way to proceed, Doctor. Point your toe and push.
The fact that it takes him half a damn minute to realize that they're all (including himself) dressed as Nazis. "What in blazers is this!?!"
Near the end, Kirk is intentionally making Rojan angry, intending to overstimulate him as part of the plan. During the process, Kirk is hurled away, right into the reflexive arms of Spock and McCoy, who have just walked in:
Kirk: (like this is normal) I'm stimulating him. (Spock and McCoy simply throw him back into the fray with barely any change in expression)
The Ultimate Computer
McCoy doesn't like the idea of one computer running the Enterprise, and Spock can't help but comment: "The most unfortunate lack in current computer programming is that there is nothing available to immediately replace the starship's surgeon."
McCoy: Very funny. If it could, they wouldn't have to replace me. I'd resign.
McCoy tells Spock to not say the computer is "fascinating" for doing the opposite of what Dr. Daystrom intended. Spock instead calls it "interesting". McCoy gives a massive eye-roll.
This, after McCoy tries to make Spock choose between Humans and computers:
McCoy: I was just trying to make conversation, Spock. Spock: It would be most interesting to impress your memory ingrams on a computer, Doctor. The resulting, torrential wave of illogic would be most interesting. Kirk: (laughter)
Bread and Circuses
When Kirk, Spock and McCoy beam down to the planet, they find themselves on the edge of a cliff.
Kirk: You could have selected a more convenient place, Mr. Spock.
Spock goes into a lecture on the planet's atmosphere, and McCoy stops him by calling it 'smog'. Spock says he is aware of this, and wonders when McCoy became a historian.
McCoy: I am not, Mr. Spock! I was simply trying to stop you from giving us a whole lecture on the subject!
"Once, just once, I would like to be able land someplace and shout 'Behold! I am the arc angel Gabriel'!"
"You can hardly claim to be an angel, Mr. Spock, but say you landed someplace with a pitch fork..."
The party get shot at, and are asked not to move. Kirk reaches for his phaser, gets shot at again, and the command is repeated.
Seems the crew of the Enterprise didn't learn from their last trip to the past, and end up beaming two police officers aboard.
Specter of the Gun
As Scotty readies himself to test the tranquilizer.
Scotty: (takes a drink of bourbon) It's to numb the pain.
Spock: (confused) But Mr. Scott, there is no pain.
Scotty: Should have told me that before.
Is There In Truth No Beauty?
During a meal with the telepathic Dr. Miranda Jones:
Miranda: I spent four years on Vulcan studying their mental discipline. McCoy: You poor girl.
After the gang find themselves outside their own galaxy with no way of returning:
Chekov: A mad man got us into this, and it appears that only a mad man can get us out. Spock: An entertaining suggestion, Mr. Chekov, but not very helpful.
Spock appears on the bridge, having mind-linked with Kollos...and smiles. "This is delightful!"
His laughter is practically so alien that it took most viewers by shock.
McCoy: That's not Spock! Spock: (stoic) Are you surprised to find that I read Byron, Doctor? McCoy: That's Spock.
The Tholian Web
Part of the plot includes McCoy using an infamous Klingon nerve gas agent. Scotty, incredulous, points this out, to which McCoy stresses that in the form he intends to use it in, all it will do is "deaden a few brain cells". It leads to this immortal line:
Scotty: Oh, well, any decent brand of Scotch'll do that.
Even better, Scotty makes off with the whole flask to see if it goes well with Scotch.
Day of the Dove
At the end of the episode we get to see Kirk and Kang share a laugh (the laughter was necessary to drive off the alien invader forcing them to fight). Whether unintended or not, Kang gives Kirk a pat on the back so hard, poor Kirk actually stagers.
From "Who Gods Destroy", the Alice in Wonderland-esque argument between Garth and Marta over a poem the latter claims to have written:
Marta: I'm beautiful! And I'm intelligent too. I write poetry, and I paint marvellous pictures. And I am a wonderful dancer. Garth: Lies! All lies! You are the greatest liar I have ever met! Let me hear one poem you've written. Marta: If you like. (later in the scene) Shall I compare thee to a summer's day? Thou art more lovely and more temperate. Rough winds do shake the darling buds of May, and summer's lease hath all too soon. Garth:You wrote that? Marta: Yesterday, as a matter of fact. Garth: It was written by an Earth man named Shakespeare a long time ago! Marta: Which does not alter the fact that I wrote it again yesterday! I think it's one of my best poems, don't you? Garth: I may kill you with my bare hands!
The Way To Eden
McCoy taking time out to explain to Kirk the the plants are full of acid and extremely painful to touch....while Chekhov (who had just touched a flower) stands there clutching his hand in pain.
Following on from that; the irony that the shuttle-craft, a piece of technology that they shun, is the only shelter the hippies have from their deadly natural "Eden".