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Funny: Leverage
As noted on the main Leverage page, the show's producers try to go for at least a 1:1 ratio of CMoFs and CMoAs in every episode. Here's the funny.
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     Season 1 
  • From "The Nigerian Job":
    Dubenich: Higgins, you can't do that! You can't take my computer!
    Special Agent Higgins: This company has government defense contracts. There's very serious rules concerning contact with foreign nationals. The PATRIOT Act applies here, my friend! Sir, I can take your underpants.
    • Sophie's Bad Bad Acting, and the entire team's (save Nathan) paralyzed reactions.
  • From "The Homecoming Job":
    Hardison: I just have to spoof the IP address and overlay a digital duplicate on the wi-fi—
    * Eliot throws a rock at the camera*
    Hardison: —Or that.
    Eliot: Let's go.
    Hardison: I'm sorry it was too far away for you to punch, I'm sure that really frustrates you.
    • Parker using Hardison as her rappelling guinea pig.
    • Before the Mood Whiplash hits, Corporal Perry's video is pretty funny.
    Perry: Hey, come say hello to Jenny!
    Soldier: He's cheatin' on you!
    Perry: Nice, man.
    Soldier: With a camel. A drunk, slutty camel.
    Perry: Okay, it was one time, and the camel's been texting me ever since, but it's over, I swear.
    • And also, of course:
    Hardison: Okay I see what this is. This is racial. This is about my ethniticity, ain't it? Uh-huh? It's 'cause I'm Jewish?
    • An extra subtle nudge towards the bait — the name patch on his shirt says "White".
    • Nate and Sophie's Hawaiian-Shirted Tourist disguise to distract the PMC guards.
    • And this:
    Parker: I bought a plant! ...what does it do?
    • The mark's safe has a voice sample lock, and Parker needs the sounds "f" "oo" and "k" to have a complete phoneme list for him; Elliot fakes him out by pretending the shrimp tray has escargo on it:
    Dufort: *spits it out* It's shrimp, you stupid fu--
    Parker: Got it!
  • "The Two-Horse Job", Parker explaining why she doesn't like horses.
    "I once saw a horse kill a clown." *Cut to a man dressed as a horse beating a clown who owes him money.*
  • Parker complimenting Sophie's performance as Willy Loman from Death of a Salesman in "The Miracle Job." Or so Parker thinks.
    "Yeah, it was like a horror movie. 'Attention must be PAID!'"
    • Then, there's the whole discussion when Hardison is trying to get the fake statues to bleed.
    Nate: Ok, Hardison, will you just make the statue cry without melting St. Nick's head?
    Parker: Don't melt Santa!
    Eliot/Hardison: It's not Santa!
    • Sophie's exasperation with Nate's miracles.
    Sophie: Have you learnt NOTHING, Nate?
  • Hardison hamming it up while talking to local cops in "The Bank Shot Job:"
    Cop: I think we should go by the book on this one.
    Hardison: The book?! The book got a good man killed! (turns away, apparently overcome by emotion)
    Parker: (to cop) Ex-partner. Probably shouldn't mention the book again. (Beat) Or propellers.
    • Sophie introducing herself to one of the bank robbers.
    Clark: Why should I trust you? I don't even know who you are!
    Sophie: I'm a thief!
    Clark: Okay...(Beat) I'm not sure what to do with that.
    • Elliot's fight with the meth heads.
    Elliot: What smells like crank and screams like a girl?
    • Judge Roy's Humiliation Conga when the team frames him for robbing the bank as he was framed for taking crystal meth, the bank co-workers turn on him and Hardison's doctored security footage.
      • Especially Hardison's looks at him when they reveal a few packs of crystal meths inside his bag.
    • Then comes this final breakdown line once he was dragged away by the cops:
      "Whoa! Hey Bill! Listen to me! These people, they're trying to set me up. They had this planned from the start! THEY'RE TRYING TO DESTROY ME!"
    • The kicker is when Sophie complimenting Hardison for the doctored video:
    Sophie: You're still a geek!
    Hardison: Geek power, baby. Stay strong!
  • Sophie's entrance dressed as Sister Magda in "The Stork Job."
    Hardison: (To Eliot) Tell me you didn't see this coming.
    • The best part is after Nate knows her role as Sister Magda, Nate couldn't tell her acting sucks and encourage her to go on with it while his crew at the background were shocked and disappointed about it.
    • Parker trying to speak Serbian.
    Parker: -I will make your tomato shiny.-.. Haagan Dazs?
    (later)
    Parker: (After being caught) Oh shiny tomato.
    • At the end, after everything's worked out...Parker says that they have to stop at Haagen Dazs. And the kids shout "Haagan Dazs!".
  • The scene near the beginning of "The Wedding Job," where Parker is teaching the kid how to pick locks. Simultaneously hilarious and heartwarming.
    • Both Sophie and Nate's horrible, horrible speeches to the bride and the entire wedding (respectively) Sophie tells the poor bride to "never put her faith in a man" and Nate (as a priest) waving off the groom's objection to his rambling "We're good, man." However, his speech swings around to heartwarming as he admits Sophie has made him a better man and he should just admit it.
    • Hardison's wonderful response to Sophie staying at the wedding:
    Hardison: Have you ever been to Kiev? The Cakemaker of Kiev could whoop all our asses! This is the Butcher.
    • Nate and Elliot on the Butcher of Kiev:
    Nate: Think he'll recognize you?
    (cut to Elliot and the Butcher fighting in a burning building, set to Russian music)
    Eliot: Yeah, I think he'd remember me.
    • Then, this little exchange following Eliot's encounter with the Butcher of Kiev:
    Nate: Did you just kill someone with an appetizer?!
    Eliot: I don't know, maybe....
  • In "The Mile High Job:"
    • Pretty much every scene with Hardison infiltrating the Genegro office building.
    • Reason is that the team was suppose to take down the mark but Hardison bails out and there's a recurring gag that the team wants to kill him. But since he's the only person not on the plane, Hardison has to do it. The best part is Nate realize why he bails out the job :
      Nate: Hardison! You bail you bailed on the job because you were up all night playing a game?
    • Getting Parker's disguise:
    Sophie: How did you both know there would be an extra uniform in the bag?
    Nate: Everyone knows flight attendants are required to carry extra uniforms, in case they get called to work unexpectedly.
    Eliot: Or if something happens to the one they're already wearing.
    Sophie: How does everyone know that?
    Nate / Eliot (simultaneously): Worked airport security. / Slept with a flight attendant.
  • "The Snow Job". In order to create a distraction, they shut down all the ski lifts. Parker hangs off one by one hand and looks around casually. After being prompted, she says in the most serious way possible, 'Help, help.' And then she looks up at the guy who was sitting next to her and nonchalantly asks 'How you doin'?"
  • In "The 12 Step Job", after Eliot turns on the charm with the receptionist at the clinic, Hardison introduces himself to her by explaining "I'm *with* him". The hilarity of his performance and the receptionist's rapid turn-off is second only to Eliot's look of frozen horror.
  • In "The Juror #6 Job", when they need to teach Parker social skills, they practice by having her convince Eliot to eat an orange instead of an apple. Just as he takes a bite of the apple, she shouts "I PUT A RAZOR BLADE IN THAT APPLE!" and he does a Spit Take. Eliot asks if she was joking, and she says "maybe" innocently.
    Parker: But do you know what doesn’t have a razor blade in it? This orange.
    • After the team wins the trial with Hardison pretending to be an attorney:
    Nate: Do you realize what you just did? You won a jury trial without cheating.
    Hardison: Without cheating? I hacked a government no-fly list and used it to humiliate a witness.
    Nate: Excessively, cheating excessively is what I meant.
    • By complete accident, Sophie made Earnshaw spend millions of dollars unnecessarily buying out Mumbai International, a company she was pretending she worked for. We get a quick scene of the deal taking place, and the guys signing over Mumbai International have absolutely no clue what's going on and are just trying not to look a gift horse in the mouth.
    • Sophie sets up a videoconference call with a representative of Mumbai International, at his office. He certainly looks the part, both looking Indian and speaking with the proper accent. Once it's over, we see that the "representative" was an actor in the next room over, in front of a green screen. He's a friend of the team's and speaks with a pronounced Scottish brogue.
  • "The First David Job" when Hardison is trying to get on the plane. After screwing with the pilot, and making him think there's new regulations:
    Hardison: Just taxi me around the building.
    Pilot: Taxi? I thought- I thought you needed to get up in the air.
    Hardison: (writing on a paper) Uncomfortable with black authority.
    Pilot: Sir, please don't write that!
    Hardison: I will write a letter to your mama, if I feel like it.
    • When Parker is getting changed in the van with Hardison and the fake David statue, Hardison quickly looks away... then turns the statue away as well.
  • Halfway through "The Second David Job," just after Maggie joins up, the team has worked out a plan, but the recently crowned Sixth Ranger has some doubts.
    Maggie: Nate . . . you can't just make somebody do what you want them to do.
    (The rest of them look at her for a minute, then start laughing.)
    Hardison: That's . . . that's what we do.
    Parker: *pats on head* You're adorable.
    • There's also Eliot and Maggie's conversation in the coffee shop. Especially the team's reaction to Maggie mocking her and Nate's sex life, which actually doubles as a CMoA since Maggie noticed Eliot was wearing a button cam she gave Nate and was trying to provoke a response that would prove it.
    Eliot: He (Nate) must have some good qualities.
    Maggie: No, not even in bed.
    ('Oh, damn' look on all the team's faces)
    Parker: Ouuuh.....

    Season 2 
  • In "The Beantown Bailout Job," the team describing what they've done in the six months since they split up at the end of the first season. First, Parker says she stole the Hope Diamond and then put it back because she was bored. Then there's this:
    Hardison: I spent three days hacking the White House email. No buzz.
    Sophie: See?
    Hardison: But we are doing some pretty hinky stuff in Pakistan. Hinky.
    Sophie: Look, I'm miserable, they're miserable. (points to Eliot) Ok, what, what've you been doing in the last six months?
    Eliot: ...I was in Pakistan.
    • Fridge Brilliance: Recon on Osama?
      • The promo for 'The Queen's Gambit Job' (4x10) has Sterling mentioning that according to Eliot's file, he "crawled three miles through a sewer to kill the head of Al-Qaeda in Yemen". So him being hired to go after senior Al-Qaeda in Pakistan isn't even remotely a stretch.
      • Would explain the Fatwa...
  • Parker, at one point, pulls on an eighties jacket and proceeds to dance like a robot for the next few minutes or so.
  • After chasing the hitman out of Nate's condo, Sophie, thinking the hitman came back, brains Nate with a pan. When he wakes up, Parker's sitting over him, dressed as a nun and eating cereal.
    • How bad is Sophie's acting in the Sound Of Music play? This review :
      "Never before has a production of 'The Sound Of Music' made me root for the Nazis."
    • There's also the entire scene after Nate wakes up in his apartment, and Eliot and Hardison's conversation about the detonators. Eliot's been putting small explosives on a building to scare a mark (later on in the episode) and asks Hardison how sensitive the detonator is. Hardison says that they're very sensitive and could go off due to crossed frequencies from a car alarm, while Eliot mentions that he's got several of the explosives still stowed in his pockets. On cue, a car alarm goes off and Eliot's reaction is absolutely priceless, including what is probably the best "Damnit Hardison!" of the entire series so far.
    Parker: What's the possibility that Eliot's crotch will actually explode?
    • Another:
    Nate: What, you thought she was dressed like a nun for no reason?
    Elliot: It's Parker.
    Nate: (Beat) Fair enough.
  • In "The Tap-Out Job", Sophie expresses her doubts about UFC-style fighting, so Eliot teaches Parker how to put a choke hold using Hardison as the unfortunate target. Parker doesn't let up the hold even while Eliot and Sophie continue to debate, while Hardison's cries of distress and pain get weaker and weaker...
  • From "The Order 23 Job":
  • "The Fairy Godparents Job," when Sophie shushes an epic fight between Eliot and a hired assassin so they won't ruin her pupil's big moment in the school musical.
  • "Three Days of the Hunter Job": The frequent Lampshading of the show's frequent tropes aside, we also have Nate's self-realisation.
    Sophie: She has to have corroboration from her own sources. She has to craft her own narrative. Monica Hunter has to be the author of her own personal nightmare.
    Nate:...do I sound this creepy when I—?
    Eliot: Hell. Yes.
    • And then this line from Hardison after he and Monica gets caught in an army base:
      Hardison: Damn the con. I'm a black man caught on an Army base with a video camera. I am going to jail for-e-ver.
  • Hardison and Parker and Chronos the Magician, along with Parker explaining how she got over her fear of the dark, in "The Top Hat Job."
    "That's NOT the same thing. What's wrong with you?"
    • In case you were wondering, when she was young she was buried alive instead of the normal way.
    • Parker dropping down the elevator shaft, using Hardison as an anchor.
    • Everybody but Nate vastly underestimating the food companies security and almost getting their asses kicked and then later getting really into the office politics of the emails Hardison managed to hack.
  • The first time Hardison and 'Chaos' come face to face in "The Two Live Crew Job", and the dueling Parkers. Also the Imagine Spots when Eliot and his opposite number first meet up.
    Hardison: Hey, you're bumping into my baby monitor's frequency so what I need you to do is turn yours off, okay. Thanks!
    Chaos: Your baby is incredibly intelligent. He just attempted to launch a multiple variant computer worm at my baby monitor's firewall.
  • From "The Iceman Job", when the mark pulls a gun on Nate, posing as an insurance investigator.
    Nate: Mr. Kerrity, I am an insurance investigator. This is not the first time I have had a firearm pointed at me.
    Eliot: I had court-side seats, tell Hardison if he makes it out alive I'm going to snap him in half!
    Nate: Eliot says "Hi."
    • Before that when Hardison walks into his "workshop"
    Hardison: The Iceman cometh.
    Hardison: It's not that. You said that if thing went wrong, you weren't gonna help me. But you did. Come on man, let's hug it out.
    Elliot: No, no. I will break your frickin' arm-
  • The Lost Heir Job. Two Words :
    • Waldo Ford.
  • At the end of one of Tara's first episodes:
    Tara: Sophie was right. You're the best I've ever seen.
    Nate: I know. (walks away)
    Tara: But no one in the world is as good as you think you are!
  • From "The Runway Job", when the team is discussing whether to trust Tara.
    Eliot: She is hot.
    Hardison: Very hot.
    Parker: Hot. (Beat) Warm. Cold? Why are we staring?
    • Tara on Nate: "All right, fine. If he pulls this man-of-mystery crap again, I'm gonna kick his ass. And the whole I'm-sexy-because-I'm-broken thing only goes so far." Sophie's response: "I know, right? Wait, what?"
    • And, then there's Fashion Designer Elliot.
  • In "The Bottle Job":
    Doyle: This is Liam. This is Liam's brother.
    • Throughout the episode, everyone refers to the goon simply as 'Liam's brother', and nobody bothers asking him what his name is.
  • Sterling's entrance into McRory's in "The Zanzibar Marketplace Job."
    Nate: Eliot, I'm going to ask you not to do anything violent.
    Eliot: (with his back to Sterling) What are you talking about? I only use violence as an appropriate response.
    Sterling: Hello, Nate.
    (Eliot immediately gives the appropriate response : punching Sterling in the face)
    • This sequence also features Hardison handing a large bribe to the bartender to ignore whatever happens seemingly on pure instinct, and Parker leering at the beatdown with what appeared to be sadistic glee (she's essentially licking her chops.)
  • In "The Three Strikes Job," Super Happy Power Go! That is all.
    • Elliot getting way into baseball after first expressing his dislike of the game.
      Tara: And the bad news?
      Nate: I think we lost Elliot until after the play-offs.
  • Nate stalling Sterling's elevator in "The Maltese Falcon Job."
    • Speaking of elevators, Nate and Maggie's "it's over" almost-kiss in the "Zanzibar Marketplace Job", before Parker drops in.
      • That was not an almost kiss, that was a full on makeout. With Maggie's boyfriend right next to them, also chained to the elevator rail.

    Season 3 
  • In "The Jailhouse Job":
    Sophie: What kind of world would it be where everyone who committed some silly little crime went to prison? Complete madness!
  • From "The Reunion Job," Hardison and Eliot are pretending to be health inspectors to get into a Iranian secret police safehouse disguised as a restaurant. With each violation ("cockroach in the shisleek," "shwarma is only lukewarm"), they say with righteous indignation and in the exact same tone of voice each time "That's going to cost ya" and "I've gotta dock ya!" Later in the episode, one of the secret policemen breaks into a locked room and is confused to find 'health inspector' Eliot there. To which Eliot shrugs and says "I've gotta dock ya again!" And then beats him up.
    • Also in "The Reunion Job," after Parker expresses sympathy for a nerdy mark who was bullied in high school:
    Eliot: Don't feel bad for this guy! Getting bullied in high school is still no excuse for propping up dictators. Take Hardison, he got bullied his whole high school career, he's not a criminal.
    Parker: Uh, yeah he is.
    Eliot: A BAD criminal.
    Hardison: Uh, what makes you think I got bullied in high school?
    Eliot: A, you've got a Green Hornet doll!
    Hardison: First of all, it's a limited edition action figure. Second, it is Green Lantern! Educate yourself!
    • The ending. Nate and Sophie have been named king and queen of the reunion and are slow-dancing on the gym floor under a spotlight. Hardison and Parker are having a dance of their own in the rafters of the gym, with Parker floating in the air by her harness. Meanwhile, Eliot (who has spent the climax of the episode fighting Iranian secret policemen in a separate location and hasn't been seen in a while) grows tired of listening to the two couples coo over the comms:
    Eliot: Everyone having a good time at the dance? Anyone wonder if Eliot made it out? Hello? Anyone wonder if Eliot's alive? HELLO?
    • Yet another from "The Reunion Job": Eliot complaining that Sophie has brainwashed him... again.
  • "The Inside Job" where Hardison and Eliot gone to the wrong address and to see a bearded guy Cosplaying in a Sailor Moon outfit.
    • And then when Archie says he's Parker's father. You can actually pinpoint the moment where Elliot's brain broke in half.
  • The beginning of "The Double Blind Job." The soon-to-be-client is being chased by two henchmen and runs straight into Hardison. They claim to be FBI agents, leading to this exchange.
    Hardison: Aww...See, you made two mistakes, bro. First, you flash that fake-ass FBI badges at me.and second...You spilled his coffee. *points at Eliot*
    • The scene then cuts to Eliot with coffee all over his shirt. Pissed off, he tosses the empty cup away and charges off screen, leaving the client to cower in Hardison's arms while the sounds of violence are heard in the background.
    • Then near the the end of the episode Eliot, in character as an assistant to an executive, runs into the same two henchmen. He sarcastically asks them if he can get them some coffee. And then beats them up again.
    • When Parker is role-playing a pharmaceutical company rep making a pitch to a doctor:
    Parker: Dr Neeson, I'm Laurie. I've got great drugs. Do you want some?
  • In "The Studio Job," Hardison and Parker are in a sound studio, distracted, while in the background, Eliot is in a soundproof room we can see through a plexiglass window, fighting off various murderous thugs and furiously trying to get the attention of his oblivious teammates.
    • In the same episode, Parker dressed as an over-the-top Björk parody who speaks only in trilling noises. Here. Later she jumps onstage as a distraction, including imitating a duck, humming, and pretending to faint.
    • Eliot ambushing a thug he sees (the shadow of) lurking outside his door. He yanks the door open, pulls the lurker inside roughly, and growls "Who do you work for?!?" It turns out to be a harmless girl in search of an autograph.
    • Speaking of which, due to his amazing singing voice as Kenneth Crane, he can't shake off his fans.
    • Mitchell Kirkwood's horrifically cliched country music video, as well as Sophie's reaction to it.
    Sophie: I say we take him down for that alone.
  • In "The Gone-Fishin' Job":
    • The fishing scene at the end. Eliot is genuinely saddened that an electronic fishing game does not give the same experience as outdoor fishing.
    • This:
    Parker: Who knew a sedan could hit 140?
    Sophie: Parker, you are never to get behind the wheel of a car again, okay? Never.
    • Also from "The Gone-Fishin' Job":
  • "The Boost Job"
    Shorty: Who are you people?!
    Parker: (yelling) We're the good guys!
    • And right before that...
    Hardison: Wait, wait, hold up- you told her?
    Elliot: I should've known! You're a menace Parker!
    Parker:She deserved a chance, okay!
    Hardison: Oooooh, Nate's gonna kill youuuuu.
    Elliot: I'm gonna kill you!
    Parker: Oh, stop whining!
    Elliot: I got hit by a car!!
    Parker: *mimicking* I got hit by a car. Get over it!
    Elliot: I'm gonna kill her, man, I'm gonna kill her!
    Hardison: Hey, hey! Nobody is gonna kill anyone! *to Parker* Seriously though, Nate's gonna kill you.
    • Parker revealing that she worked as a getaway driver before she started stealing cars. To put this in perspective, she started stealing cars when she was twelve.
      • WITH flashback.
    • When a secondary character asks why the cops would respond to a car alarm so quickly, the scene cuts to the crew stealing cars from the members of the local police union.
    • The mark gets told that a mystery driver beat his record by fifteen seconds and says, "That's impossible!" Hardison just says, "It is? Whoops!" and promptly changes the time on his computer.
  • Eliot gets into a fight with a mook in "The Three Card Monte Job" and Parker tries to help him by tossing him a crowbar. Unfortunately, she only succeeds in hitting him in the back of the head with the crowbar.
    Eliot: You don't throw crowbars at people!
    • From the same episode, Nate's utterly deadpan response to the Russian mook who says he doesn't like him. "Gee, does that mean I can't come to your birthday party and ride the pony?"
    • And then there's this gem...
    Sophie: They're gonna kill Hardison!
    Hardison: They gonna kill who?!
  • From "The Rashomon Job", Eliot, Hardison, and Parker all depict Sophie with a completely different accent.
    • "Completely different accent" doesn't come anywhere close to doing this justice.
    • Eliot remembers her as having a hilariously over-the-top Cockney accent.
      • Not to happy about it, Sophie editing her story to make Eliot into the uttermost cliche of a Southern hillbilly as revenge.
    • Hardison gives her a Scottish one (not for nothing, Gina Bellman seems to have fun playing Accent Jump, listen to her trill her Rs when she says "You're allergic to shrimp.")
    Sophie: Americans! Every accent sounds the same to you! I just...*gave up* Go on...I sound like one of the dwarves from Lord of the Rings!
    • Mentioning LOTR is especially funny since a quick game of Six Degrees Of Separation can link her to Bilbo Baggins.
    • And doubly so because in the gag reel, she accidentally says "Lord of the Flies".
    • Parker's Sophie speaks in unintelligible gibberish. Honestly, the implication that Parker can't understand Sophie at all, ever, is what kills you on this one. In case you're wondering what Sophie says in Parker's version :
    Sophie: Ah wai'er. I'd very wondering if you could yea un'd my Dingaling
    • Her response after hearing all of their 'versions' of her accent:
    Sophie: I hate you all.
    • It's more funnier during the outtakes, Gina Bellman has a very hard time saying the gibberish words in the gag reel thus making both her and Beth Riesgraf can't help it but laugh too hard on it.
    • This episode had all kinds of CMoFs, including the following:
    • Eliot saying "TWO DEAD GUYS WHO CARES" when Hardison starts explaining the dagger's history.
    • Eliot's slasher-killer version in Hardison's story
    Eliot: I'm gonna go sharpen this knife. Maybe walk around the halls. In the dark." (looks at Hardison) "Don't leave.
    • Speaking of the knife, similar to the accent getting more and more outrageous (except it stops after Nate), the knife for the emergency tracheotomy gets bigger and bigger with each retelling. Since Nate's (complete) version features the biggest knife, evidently this is the one detail that got more correct.
      • Word of God is that Nate's is mostly correct, but not entirely. The knife bit would probably be in that 80%, though.
    • Sophie finds out that Elliot was the guy who bumped into her on the night, and the one who stole the dagger from her mail. She's absolutely shocked.
    • Hardison arrives and explains what he's doing on his phone.
    Hardison: I'm telling the computer back at my nana's hou— My house. My house. My house.
    Nate: Yeah. Of course. Yeah.
    • Parker finding out that stealing mail is a crime.
    • Hell, namely most of the parts of Parker's story are funny instead of Sophie's accent in her story. When it's revealed that Parker was ALSO in the museum, everyone looks at her incredulously, to which she replies "What? I'm a thief!"
      • Parker's look of gleeful fascination as Eliot tries to cut open Hardison's throat to stop his "allergic reaction".
      • Parker's victory dance after getting the dagger.
    • John Billingsley as Coswell. Namely in Nate's story when everyone's gets his attitude wrong in their story leads to this reaction.
    Parker: Poor Coswell...
    • Not only that he NEVER realizes that at least two of his guards were replaced. Hardison was doing a good job of faking being a security guard, only for the vault door to swing open just as the Coswell confronts him, and Coswell STILL doesn't get it.
  • "The King George Job" gave us Parker as an auctioneer, auctioning off things she previously stole.
    • A quick mention of how Parker got the job of auctioneer; Parker pops up behind the current auctioneer in his office:
    Parker:"Does this smell like chloroform to you?"
    • Also, Hardison's slow evolution into "master forger".
    Hardison: (Somewhat unsteadily) I hacked history, people!
  • "The Morning After Job":
    • Hardison creates fake police identities for himself and Eliot, so well that they get their own police car. Ok, fair enough. Then they're asked to escort a criminal from the courthouse back to prison because it's right next to "their" precinct, diverting them from the con. Eliot and Hardison bicker Like an Old Married Couple about this as the criminal complains in the backseat. Then they hear about a domestic dispute with a weapon over the radio, and Eliot forces Hardison to drive to it, because there "might be kids" in danger and they're the closest squad car.
  • Pretty much any time the focus is on Parker that isn't a Crowning Moment of Heartwarming.
  • The "Ho Ho Ho Job" was basically a Crowning Episode of Funny, what with Parker's over the top enthusiasm for Christmas, Eliot being a grumpy, cantankerous Santa, and the hilarious "true meaning of Christmas" final exchange between Chaos and Hardison. The following deserves special mention:
    Parker: Okay, bad enough it's Christmas and there's no snow on the ground, but this is Santa we're talking about, okay? We can't turn away Santa!
    Nate: You know that's not really Santa, right?
    Parker: Obviously. Santa lives at the North Pole. (Makes "duh" face)
    • Parker decorating the Christmas tree with stolen jewelry deserves a special mention.
    • From later on in the episode, the mall owner seems to have reformed and saved Christmas:
    Santa: You are high on the holiday spirit!
    Duley: Yes I am! And pills mixed with morphine! I can't believe you let me drive here!
  • From "The Big Bang Job"
    Nate: Let's go steal the Department of Defense.
    Parker: Isn't that treason?
    Nate: We'll give it back.
    • And then the brilliant joke about Sophie learning how to drive as an Istanbul taxi driver. For anyone not in the know, Istanbul license plates are the single most terrifying thing Turkish drivers can think of.
  • The Bedmate Reveal in "The San Lorenzo Job".
    • Additionally, this exchange:
    Hardison: We got this. We- (Moreau walks in flanked by bodyguards) Ah hell, it's Moreau.
    Nate: Yeah, I caught that.

    Season 4 
  • As the team reunites after a two-week break in "The Long Way Down Job," they find that Nate has set up a job that takes place on a mountain. We get a couple classics:
    Eliot: (weirded out) Let go.
    Hardison: I'm just—so damn cold—
    Eliot: I don't care, man.
    Hardison: Just please set me on fire, do something. I'm all shivering, and I think one of my nipples fell off--
    Eliot: You don't tell me stuff like that!

    Nate: Parker, have you ever climbed a mountain?
    Parker: I climb skyscrapers. I can WALK up a mountain.
    Eliot: It's not the same! Are there avalanches on a skyscraper?
    Parker: No. (Beat) That would be SO cool though.
    • Immediately followed by:
    Sophie: Nate, how dangerous is this gig you took without checking with us?
    Nate: (stammers)
    Hardison: (Gilligan Cut to a flashback in the office) Ridiculously dangerous! It's like a danger cupcake with murder icing!
    • Nate walking into the main tent after having rescued the client:
    Sophie: (runs up to him and kisses him, then whispers) I'm running a Moscow circus, you're the Ivan.
    Nate: Okay, I'm kind of dying of altitude sickness though...
    • This exchange from the end:
    Parker: You realize this isn't going to be normal.
    Hardison: My nana says that normal is whatever works for you. This, we all work.
    Parker: I should meet your nana.
    Hardison: Yeah... wait, what?
    • Also in "The Long Way Down Job," when the client, an experienced climber, wants to help.
    Nate: No, you're emotionally involved. Leads to bad decisions.
    Hardison: Did you just say that? With a straight face?
  • Parker implies in "The Ten Li'l Grifters Job" that her first job was robbing Imelda Marcos. Especially funny for Filipino viewers.
    • Hardison revealing in the same episode that he's hacked his way into the Oscars since he was 15 - and his flashback showing that he was sitting next to Halle Berry when she won.
      • His line where he tells her that he told her it was her night becomes even funnier when you remember that he could have hacked the vote just as easily. He got himself invited, seated himself next to Halle Berry, then made sure she won so she'd be in a good mood. Smooth, Hardison. Real smooth.
    • Eliot has to do the grifting for Nate to investigate the suspects to the murder mystery. His "grifting" involves approaching every suspect, knocking them out as inconspicuously as possible, and searching their clothes for clues.
    • "Yes, Parker, I'd tell you if I murdered the mark."
  • From "The 15 Minutes Job":
    Parker: I think I'm getting better at this... I didn't even stab him!
    Hardison: (weirded out) Yeah. We are so proud of you! No stabbing Wednesdays, new tradition!
    • Parker rolling back and forth on the rolling chair in the evidence room.
    • From the same episode:
    Nate: How would I destroy me?
    Parker: Yeah, and you can't say 'booze'.
    • The team (rather half-heartedly) tries to be 'victims' to force the mark into heroism.
      • Parker gets pursesnatched by Eliot. The mark doesn't notice, but a random middle-aged lady does and beats Eliot up with her umbrella. Eliot's face is priceless. Then Parker gives her a thumbs-up.
      • Sophie loses a baby carriage. The mark doesn't notice, so she lets the baby carriage run off the street and into traffic, where it is presumably hit by a car, when she's distracted by a SALE sign at a nearby store.
      • We don't even get to hear what Hardison did, though it seems to involve choking on a hotdog and getting a Heimlich maneuver by a rather large man.
  • From "The Van Gogh Job," Eliot playing with Hardison's face, and Nate telling him the computer interface isn't a toy.
  • The bra scene from "The Hot Potato Job".
    • Sophie punches Hardison in the face to sell the con.
    • And how could we forget the actual mole reveal?
    • Eliot's reaction when he realizes Sophie is doing his voice when pretending to be a security consultant in "The Hot Potato Job".
    • Nate telling Eliot to "look the part" when he poses as Sophie's assistant. Cut to some chap in a suit walking along, minding his own business, when Eliot flies at him from the bottom of the screen, tackles him into some bushes, and walks back out again wearing the man's suit. It's not anything unusual for Eliot, but the way it's filmed, seeming to come out of nowhere, is what makes it so funny.
  • Jungle Eliot in "The Boiler Room Job".
    • The most delicious Ham and Cheese.
    • Nobody ever remembering (actually funnier when some of them does it on purpose) the mark's nickname from "The Boiler Room Job".
    • Parker after the chocolate festival, the first time, severe caffeine jitters.
      • Parker dealing with getting her pocket picked at the chocolate festival.
    • When Parker and Hardison find out that Sophie and Nate are sleeping together, Parker points out over Sophie's objections that she said herself that the mark is a better reader than anyone she knows, and Hardison just looks at Sophie and says "Y'all nasty."
    • When interviewing a potential actor, Sophie is told that he was in a performance of Equus. Sophie asks him who he played... and it turns out that he played a horse. But just the front end.
    • Marco?
    • It's probably Blowfish.
      • You gotta admit he IS good. Like how he managed to correctly point out that Nate was sleeping with Sophie. Hardison and Parker (listening to them on comlink) just snap their heads to Sophie with expressions screaming "What?"
  • Post-op Hardison in "The Cross My Heart Job." It Makes Sense in Context.
  • Sophie offering to wait to make her escape until Eliot has worked out his anger over being drugged by Sterling in "The Queen's Gambit Job" - mostly because working out his anger means beating the crap out of mooks.
    • The Callback to the pilot at the end of the episode. "Wait... don't I die in Plan M?" "Usually."
  • In "The Experimental Job", after Elliot knocks over a table, grabs Conrad by the neck, asks him where Hardison has been taken to, and he refuses to talk, this exchange takes place:
    Elliot: I have four minutes to prove your theory wrong.
    Conrad: What theory?
    Elliot: That torture doesn't work.
  • "The Office Job":
    Nate: No no no no, that, that right there, that's a lie. I love foreplay!
    • The blurred-out greeting card.
    • Nearly every moment Peter Stormare was on-screen.
    • How the boss is ... "embarrassing" and they are printing "cards".
    • All of Parker's ideas for alternative card concepts, and her attempts to evade pursuit from the cameras.
    • Plus, y'know, it's an Affectionate Parody of the American version of The Office.
  • The scene from "The Girls' Night Out Job" where Hardison gives Tara and Sophie a long explanation about how to defuse a bomb. With just over ten seconds on the clock, the two exchange glances... and throw it out the window.
  • "The Boys' Night Out Job"
    • Those Two Bad Guys, a pair of Irish mobsters, have a debate over whether or not a church basement counts as holy ground, and somehow the conversation turns to the Boy Scout oath.
    • When the mobster who objected to shooting someone in a church ends up pointing a gun at Lupe, and hears Hurly refer to her as Sister Lupe:
    Mobster: Sister Lupe? (lowers gun) I'm goin' to hell.
    • Nate is impersonating a priest:
    Irish guy: Why is there a nun's habit without a nun inside?
    Nate: Rapture!
    • Hardison's increasingly frustrated demands that Eliot let him shoot a man.
    • Everything the two Irish gangsters say. And everything Priest!Nate says.
    • Everyone debating and commenting on whether 'Sister Lupe' is a real nun or not.
    • Eliot flirting with the security guard, and sheepishly saying he has a "…thing for…women in…uniform…"
    • Hardison running away from the dogs.
    • The bromance between Captain Bonanno and Eliot's friend.
    • "If I told you I'd have to kill you...no, really."
  • "The Gold Job" has Eliot's grudging acceptance of, and later full enthusiasm for, Hardison's Mr. Punchy animated representation of him.
  • "The Radio Job": After a sarcastic quip by Eliot about there being a time machine in a patent office they need to break into, Parker is fully convinced that it's real and wants to steal it. This later leads into a Doctor Who Shout-Out when she imagines Nate's dad using the time machine to go back to 1962note  while the show's theme tune plays in the background. This also leads to Hardison quoting the Eleventh Doctor's "Bowties Are Cool" Catch Phrase.
    • In order to keep the FBI and Homeland Security from storming the place, Eliot starts channeling John McClane.
    Elliot: (to the beat up thugs) Yippie-ki-yay, motherf-
    Jimmy Ford: Found it!
    • Relatedly, the fact that the actor playing the cop on the other end talking to Eliot played the role absolutely straight makes it even more hilarious.
    • Sophie, wearing a prenancy simulator being examined by a somewhat weirded out EMT. He describes the heartbeat as almost mechanical.
  • "The Last Dam Job"
    • The exchange when Hardison first hires Chaos.
    Chaos: I want my usual fee plus expenses, and Parker dresses up as Starbuck from Battlestar Galactica.
    Hardison: Hey, it's not happening.
    Chaos: I'll accept Sophie as Counselor Troi. We'll negotiate on the flight.
    Hardison: So wrong, on so many levels.
    • Hardison and Chaos in general:
    Hardison: Wow... this is what it's like for Eliot. You just want to punch somebody...all the time.
    • Hardison going full squee over the 'batcave'.
    Hardison: YOU GOT ME A BATCAVE?!
    Nate: No, I did not.
    Chaos: This is totally a bat cave.
    • At the end of the episode, Hardison wants to keep the batcave. Eventually, he manages to get Elliot to help him convince Nate...by promising him his own batsignal.
    • The first time Archie meets Chaos (who not only called him 'super old' but flirted to 'yummy' Parker), he threatened Chaos with his one of his canes, one of which has a taser capable of several hundred volts, the other a six-inch stiletto spike. Chaos nervously asks which one the cane does and Archie remarks that he can't quite remember, being super old. He did this with the tip of his cane right underneath Chaos' chin. When he hears Chaos flirt with Parker again later on, he tases him into unconsciousness without warning.
      • "So it WAS the taser..."
    • Quinn's reaction to having to work with Chaos is pretty good too. Imagine Eliot and Hardison...now take the best buds part out of Vitriolic Best Buds.
    Quinn: Can I hit him?
    Eliot: Which one?
    • Eliot recruiting Quinn was pretty damn funny, especially when Quinn remarks that he is currently unhappy in his chosen work. While sitting in a chair, handcuffed, with multiple armed men pointing guns at him. In Kiev.
    • Sophie recruits Maggie for some grifting, with the side benefit of both of them messing with Nate's head.
    Sophie: Look at that, he looks like a...slapped mackerel.
    • Every time Hardison and Chaos interact, basically.
    Hardison: (cheerfully) I hate you with the white hot heat of a thousand suns.
    Chaos: I dream you die and I wake up laughing.
    beat
    Hardison: Sci-five?
    Hardison/Chaos: No.
    • Latimer tells Dubenich he has been drugged and deposited in the Cayman Islands. When Dubenich doesn't reply he starts to explain again.
    Dubenich: No, I heard you. I just simply refuse to believe that those words are coming out of your mouth.
    • Quinn and Chaos have to escape from Dubenich's goons after implementing part of the plan. Their only option is to jump off a dam. Chaos appears hesitant, so Quinn throws him off. Cue Chaos' incredibly high-pitched scream.

    Season 5 
  • In "The Blue Line Job", Nate has a staring contest with a turtle. That's the context.
    • No, he wins a staring contest with a turtle. And Sophie thinks it's hot.
  • "The First Contact Job":
    • Hardison has Eliot out in the field directed him to bounce a signal off a satellite. After getting the signal, cue Hardison decides to fool Eliot (lying to him that the signal's almost done) by giving him list of wacky commands that have nothing to do with the mission. The second Eliot figures out what's wrong he runs off screen, Hardison, who is tracking Eliot on his computer, notice his signal begins to move at an absurdly fast rate back towards the van, leading to an Oh Crap reaction from Hardison. Seconds later you hear Eliot's signature grunt and the van being shaken from the outside.
    "Hey man! Lucille's a classic!"
    • They're not just any commands. Hardison is making Eliot do the Cha Cha Slide.
    • "Two good old boys. Behind the wheel. Chasing down bad guys in Lucille..." that scene alone is worth $1.99 on Amazon.com
    • "That is the last time that I lied about playing Peter Pan on Broadway."
    • While briefing on their new mark:
    Sophie: Braddock Aeronautics. It's top shelf.
    Eliot: That's military aircraft contractors. They used to stamp their logo on their choppers and we'd have to file them off before we — went fishin'.
    (beat)
    Eliot: For...fish...
  • "The French Connection Job":
    • Eliot is introducing himself to the culinary students only to stop momentarily when he notices Hardison wearing goggles and a big goofy smile.
    Hardison: I get to fire a laser.
    • This causes Eliot's lip to twitch in barely suppressed rage.
    • He's just as scary with the rest of his students.
    Annoying, Interrupting Rich Girl: What's your name?
    Elliot: Chef.
  • "The Gimmie a K Street Job"
    • The team explaining to Parker that, for normal people, at least, a 20-foot fall is something extremely scary and harmful.
    • The team's recap of their severe underestimation of their grifting skills vs. politics. By the time the day's over, Nate's the only one who got anything done.
    • The moment Sophie manages to get an office in the Capitol Building, it's not long until she eventually ends up running the place like she's in charge. Her crowning achievement is getting an American military base named after her.
    • Nate manages to buy a Senator's vote by offering to buy him lunch.
    • Hardison going crazy over how archaic and inefficient the federal budget is, with literally millions of dollars sitting around unused partly due to laws that are two centuries old.
      • And then when he uses those same archaic laws to keep the mark from accessing her funds. Doubles as a Moment Of Awesome.
  • The "Broken Wing Job". Throughout the episode, we get to see parts of what the rest of the team is up to in Japan. All of them.
    • Second up, Parker attempts to stave off boredom. Eventually, she starts talking to a stuffed bear sitting next to her.
    Parker: You want to choose the channel? Fine. But no bears and no reality shows. Except Beauty And The Geek. Love that show.
  • In "The Rundown Job," when a villain from Eliot's past offers him a new job, he refuses, then starts to intimidate the guy. The guy asks Eliot why he got out, meanwhile trying frantically to push a panic button hidden under his desk... which yields no response. Eliot replies, "I started running with some different guys. Like a hacker..." (bad guy pushes the button again and again, nothing happens, then Hardison walks in, grinning at him. Bad guy grabs a gun, tries to shoot Eliot. It's not loaded.) "...and a thief." (Parker shows up out of nowhere behind him and holds up his clip.)
  • "The Frame-Up job"
    • "I didn't think that would work!"
    Sterling: Arrest them both.
    Sophie: On what charge?
    Sterling: Theft.
    Nate: We brought back the painting.
    Sterling: Obstructing an investigation.
    Sophie: We're helping you with your investigation.
    Sterling: Being annoying and crazy.
  • In "The White Rabbit Job", while Eliot is holding off some security guards (and clearly toying with them), the gate guard (a rather rickety elderly gentleman) stands there the whole time with a handgun pointed at him. Eliot is more annoyed by the presence of the gun than anything else.
    Eliot: finally takes the gun away Give me that!
  • "The Toy Job": Hardison shutting down an argument by yelling that there's nothing wrong with "getting emotionally butt-nekkid."
    • Parker is meant to get their mark's toy, a frisbee, and gets a creepy two faced doll. One side is happy, the other side is a scarred angry face. It's name? Baby Ragejoy.
    • At the end of the episode, Parker proceeds to explain she's set up thousands of Baby Ragejoy in a warehouse, one half happy, one half angry. It's like two opposing armies.
    Hardison: You don't want to be in that warehouse alone.
  • From "The Long Goodbye Job":
    Nate: I know these past few years, I've been—
    Hardison: Drunk.
    Parker: Lying.
    Eliot: You've been an ornery bastard!
    • And that's why you don't want the peanut gallery at your proposal.

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