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- "The Nigerian Job":
Dubenich: Higgins, you can't do that! You can't take my computer!
Special Agent Higgins: This company has government defense contracts. There's very serious rules concerning contact with foreign nationals. The PATRIOT Act applies here, my friend! Sir, I can take your underpants.
Hardison: She's very awful.
- Sophie's Bad "Bad Acting", and the entire team's paralyzed reactions. Parker looks perplexed, Hardison shocked at what he's seeing. Nate manages to look unlike Timothy Hutton and Eliot just looks furious. Eliot tries to think of situations that he hated more, mentally calling up times that he was captured and tortured. He fails to find something he was less comfortable with.
- "The Homecoming Job"
Hardison: I just have to spoof the IP address and overlay a digital duplicate on the wi-fi—
- When the trio are scoping out the shipping container at the port, Hardison spots a security camera. While Hardison is fussing with his smartphone and talking about what he'll need to do in order to keep them from being caught by the camera, you can see Eliot behind him turn and walk away.
[Eliot, returning, winds up and throws a rock at the camera]
Hardison: —Or that.
Eliot: Let's go.
Hardison: I'm sorry it was too far away for you to punch, I'm sure that really frustrates you.
Perry: Hey, come say hello to Jenny!
- Parker and Hardison are about to rappel down to the mark's office from the roof of a skyscraper, but Hardison has second thoughts:
Hardison: I just remembered gravity, and the squishiness of all my manly bits.
Hardison: [dangling upside down in the harness] Seriously? SERIOUSLY.
- Parker impatiently assures him of all the features of his safety harness, which she designed herself... then admits that it hasn't been tested yet. When Hardison protests, she shoves him off the side of the roof, calling him a "big baby."
- Before the Mood Whiplash hits, Corporal Perry's video is pretty funny.
Soldier: He's cheatin' on you!
Perry: Nice, man.
Soldier: With a camel. A drunk, slutty camel.
Perry: Okay, it was one time, and the camel's been texting me ever since, but it's over, I swear.
Hardison: Okay I see what this is. This is racial. This is about my ethniticity, ain't it? Uh-huh? It's 'cause I'm Jewish?
- And also, of course:
Parker: I bought a plant! ...what does it do?
- An extra subtle nudge towards the bait — the name patch on his shirt says "White".
- Nate and Sophie's Hawaiian-Shirted Tourist disguise to distract the PMC guards.
- And this:
Parker:: Pretty good. Got most of them. Okay, now all I need is ef, uh and kuh.
- The mark's safe has a voice lock, requiring the crew to sample his speech via Sophie and Eliot's earbuds so that Parker can collect the phonemes needed to unlock the safe. They accomplish this by way of Eliot, posing as a waiter, approaching the mark and offering him his choice from two trays of appetizers - "pâté d'escargot avec bière d'Argentine" or "what looks like... old duck, kind of greasy." And then insistently presenting him with the greasy duck tray, smiling brightly in beatific obliviousness, until Dufort repeats the entire fancy French name.
Dufort: [spits out appetizer] This is shrimp!
Eliot: [already walking away, grinning] Very good, sir.
Dufort: It's shrimp, you stupid fu--
Parker: Got it! ...Really loud, too.
Perry: Doc, a cute blonde shows up with a couple million dollars, I say we take the win.
- When the team presents the millions of dollars to the rehab center, the doctor is baffled on what to do.
- "The Two-Horse Job"
"I once saw a horse kill a clown." *Cut to a man dressed as a horse beating a clown who owes him money.*
- Parker explaining why she doesn't like horses.
- "The Miracle Job"
"Yeah, it was like a horror movie. 'Attention must be PAID!'"
- Parker complimenting Sophie's performance as Willy Loman from Death of a Salesman. Or so Parker thinks.
Nate: Ok, Hardison, will you just make the statue cry without melting St. Nick's head?
- Then, there's the whole discussion when Hardison is trying to get the fake statues to bleed.
Parker: Don't melt Santa!
Eliot/Hardison: It's not Santa!
Sophie: Have you learnt NOTHING, Nate?
- Sophie's exasperation with Nate's miracles.
- Three words: stigmata paintball gun. Eliot's downright gleeful reaction off to the side only adds to the comedy - followed in short order by his exasperation that Hardison missed the statue from ten feet away.
- Hardison on his chemical reaction statue miracles: "Don't eat it...or breathe near it..." Eliot and Nate quickly back away.
- Honestly, the whole reveal that lying, thieving, alcoholic mess Nate almost became a priest.
- "...And it looks like you're pregnant.."
- "The Bank Shot Job"
Cop: I think we should go by the book on this one.
- Hardison hamming it up while talking to local cops:
Hardison: The book?! The book got a good man killed! (turns away, apparently overcome by emotion)
Parker: (to cop) Ex-partner. Probably shouldn't mention the book again. (Beat) Or propellers.
Clark: Why should I trust you? I don't even know who you are!
- Sophie introducing herself to one of the bank robbers.
Sophie: I'm a thief!
Clark: Okay...(Beat) I'm not sure what to do with that.
Judge Roy: C'mon, Bill - you know me!
- Eliot's fight with the meth heads.
Eliot: What smells like crank and screams like a girl?
- During the brawl that follows, the goon in the SUV keeps trying to get out, only for Eliot to simply kick the door closed on him and force him back in (the third time actually bellowing "STAY IN THE CAR!") while continuing to beat the crap out of his two buddies. Ultimately Eliot ends up grabbing the guy through the open window and knocking him unconscious with the door.
- Judge Roy's entire Humiliation Conga. Using Hardison's fake FBI persona and talent for fast-talk, an edited version of the security camera footage, and some meth planted in the judge's briefcase, they convince the local cops that Roy went off his rocker and held up the bank all on his own. Hardison's facial expressions and knowing comments about how the drugs explain Roy's erratic behavior and "paranoia" are golden, as are the yarns spun by Sophie and Eliot (the latter of whom wasn't even in the bank until the standoff was broken) about how Roy lost it and started shooting up the bank. What really takes the crown, though, is when the bank's branch manager and the other bystanders decide, all on their own, to back up the team's blatantly fictitious account of what happened because the judge has been just that much of an asshole to them for all this time.
- Then comes this final breakdown line once he was dragged away by the cops:
"Whoa! Hey Bill! Listen to me! These people, they're trying to set me up. They had this planned from the start! THEY'RE TRYING TO DESTROY ME!"
- Immediately preceding this is good also;
Sheriff Bill: Yeah, I do, Roy. That's kinda the problem.
Sophie: You're still a geek!
- The kicker is when Sophie complimenting Hardison for the doctored video:
Hardison: Geek power, baby. Stay strong!
- The completely bemused reactions from the real FBI agents when they arrive on the scene to find the bank robbery has already been resolved and the local meth-heads have been arrested to boot. They have no idea what's going on and just roll with it like everything is going like it should.
- "The Stork Job"
Hardison: [to Eliot] Tell me you didn't see this coming.
- Sophie's entrance dressed as Sister Magda.
Parker: -I will make your tomato shiny.-.. Haagan Dazs?
- Arguing with Nate over whether or not the part she's given herself is necessary to their con, Sophie insists that he should listen to her because acting is her "world," in much the same way that crawling through an Air-Vent Passageway is Parker's or busting heads is Eliot's. What's Hardison's world, according to Sophie? "Internet porn."
- In the end, Nate can't bring himself to tell Sophie she can't give herself a part in the film. She kisses his cheek and runs off delightedly to makeup while Eliot, Hardison, and Parker react with shock and disappointment in the background.
- Parker trying to speak Serbian.
Parker: (After being caught) Oh shiny tomato.
- At the end, after everything's worked out... Parker says that they have to stop at Haagen Dazs. And the kids shout "Haagan Dazs!".
- At the initial recon meeting, Eliot is nursing a bruised cheek. "Well, how was I supposed to know it was a lesbian bar?"
- After the mark starts hitting on her, Parker stabs him with a fork.
- "The Wedding Job"
Hardison: Have you ever been to Kiev? The Cakemaker of Kiev could whoop all our asses! This is The Butcher.
- The scene near the beginning, where Parker is teaching the kid how to pick locks. Simultaneously hilarious and heartwarming.
- The FBI files on Moscone aren't digital. They're casette tapes. Hardison has to listen to seventy-four hours of FBI surveillance on a Walkman.
- Both Sophie and Nate's horrible, horrible speeches to the bride and the entire wedding (respectively) Sophie tells the poor bride to "never put her faith in a man" and Nate (as a priest) waving off the groom's objection to his rambling "We're good, man." However, his speech swings around to heartwarming as he admits Sophie has made him a better man and he should just admit it.
- Hardison's wonderful response to Sophie staying at the wedding:
Nate: Think he'll recognize you?
- Nate and Eliot on the Butcher of Kiev. Notably, Eliot can't quite pin down whether the Butcher will remember him out of resentment or respect:
(cut to Eliot and the Butcher Knife Fighting in a burning building, with Russian Background Music)
Butcher: (Slasher Smile) I... (deep breath) KILL YOU!
Eliot: ...Yeah, I think he'd remember me.
Nate: Did you just kill someone with an appetizer?!
- Then, this little exchange following Eliot's encounter with the Butcher of Kiev:
Eliot: I don't know, maybe....
- Eliot's Skewed Priorities regarding his cooking. He takes the food preparation very seriously.
- "The Mile High Job"
Sophie: How did you both know there would be an extra uniform in the bag?
- Pretty much every scene with Hardison infiltrating the Genegrow office building, which mostly involves a string of Bavarian Fire Drills including calling a meeting and then bailing on the presentation he'd made up (handing it over to a clueless employee), staging a birthday party for himself, and finally staging his own firing in order to get back out of the building.
- Reason is that the team was suppose to take down the mark but Hardison bails out and there's a recurring gag that the team wants to kill him. But since he's the only person not on the plane, Hardison has to do it. The best part is when Nate realizes why he bailed out of the job:
Nate: Hardison! You bailed on the job because you were up all night playing a game?
- Getting Parker's disguise:
Nate: Everyone knows flight attendants are required to carry extra uniforms, in case they get called to work unexpectedly.
Eliot: Or if something happens to the one they're already wearing.
Sophie: How does everyone know that?
Nate / Eliot (simultaneously): Worked airport security. / Slept with a flight attendant.
- Said flight attendant they took it from being so over emotional about her cat. Her reaction to it is similar to a mother hearing her kid was just in an accident.
- "The Snow Job"
- In order to create a distraction, they shut down all the ski lifts. Parker hangs off one by one hand and looks around casually. After being prompted, she says in the most serious way possible, 'Help, help.' And then she looks up at the guy who was sitting next to her and nonchalantly asks 'How you doin'?"
- Parker gets another one when posing as a patient with a brain tumour, and Dennis, their mark, says that you can tell she has a tumour in her brain. "Those dead eyes. Like there's no soul" and Parker, without changing her facial expression, somehow still manages to glare at him.
- Before that, Parker was being given tips from Sophie on how to properly act to be convincing. Since she was to play a terminal patient, she should look sad, so Sophie tells Parker to visualize a sad moment in her life, and when she tells her to think of the day her father died, Parker nearly busts a gut laughing instead.
- When Nate's writing a check for $100,000 to the mark at the hospital, Parker - fresh from her turn pretending to be a brain tumor patient and still in her hospital gown - charges out of the MRI room where she, Hardison, and Eliot are hiding. Eliot has to go after her and physically drag her from the hallway, which happens in the background while Nate and Sophie are busy with the mark.
- "The 12 Step Job"
Hardison: (disbelieving) You mean there's more guys that want this dude dead?
- After Eliot turns on the charm with the receptionist at the clinic, Hardison introduces himself to her by explaining "I'm *with* him". The hilarity of his performance and the receptionist's rapid turn-off is second only to Eliot's look of frozen horror.
- The standoff where Hardison and Eliot are being threatened by both a group of Mexican and a group of Korean criminals (and Hardison is pretending to be a Jamaican criminal) who want Hurley dead. Eliot whips out the bomb that one of the two groups presumably planted, and without a beat both groups say that it was "the Chileans".
- "The Juror #6 Job"
Parker: But do you know what doesn’t have a razor blade in it? This orange.
- When they need to teach Parker social skills, they practice by having her convince Eliot to eat an orange instead of an apple. Just as he takes a bite of the apple, she shouts "I PUT A RAZOR BLADE IN THAT APPLE!" and he does a Spit Take. Eliot asks if she was joking, and she says "maybe" innocently.
Nate: Do you realize what you just did? You won a jury trial without cheating.
- After the team wins the trial with Hardison pretending to be an attorney:
Hardison: Without cheating? I hacked a government no-fly list and used it to humiliate a witness.
Nate: Excessively, cheating excessively is what I meant.
Hardison: I literally can not make this slower or any more boring.
- By complete accident, Sophie made Earnshaw spend millions of dollars unnecessarily buying out Mumbai International, a company she was pretending she worked for. We get a quick scene of the deal taking place, and the guys signing over Mumbai International have absolutely no clue what's going on and are just trying not to look a gift horse in the mouth.
- Sophie sets up a videoconference call with a representative of Mumbai International, at his office. He certainly looks the part, both looking Indian and speaking with the proper accent. Once it's over, we see that the "representative" was an actor in the next room over, in front of a green screen. He's a friend of the team's and speaks with a pronounced Scottish brogue.
- Hardison while trying to stall the trial long enough to get a settlement.
Nate: I am sure there are reservoirs of boring you have yet to plumb.
Next scene:Hardison: Slide one hundred and sixty two.
- "The First David Job"
Hardison: Just taxi me around the building.
- When Hardison is trying to get on the plane. After screwing with the pilot, and making him think there's new regulations:
Pilot: Taxi? I thought- I thought you needed to get up in the air.
Hardison: (writing on a paper) Uncomfortable with black authority.
Pilot: Sir, please don't write that!
Hardison: I will write a letter to your mama, if I feel like it.
- When Parker is getting changed in the van with Hardison and the fake David statue, Hardison quickly looks away... then turns the statue away as well.
- "The Second David Job"
Maggie: Nate . . . you can't just make somebody do what you want them to do.
- Halfway through the episode, just after Maggie joins up, the team has worked out a plan, but the recently crowned Sixth Ranger has some doubts.
(The rest of them look at her for a minute, then start laughing.)
Hardison: That's . . . that's what we do.
Parker: *pats on head* You're adorable.
Eliot: He (Nate) must have some good qualities.
- There's also Eliot and Maggie's conversation in the coffee shop. Especially the team's reaction to Maggie mocking her and Nate's sex life, which actually doubles as a CMoA since Maggie noticed Eliot was wearing a button cam she gave Nate and was trying to provoke a response that would prove it.
Maggie: No, not even in bed.
('Oh, damn' look on all the team's faces)
- When Sterling and his second-in-command are talking about scanning the faces of everyone who enters the museum, they begin talking about Eliot, his criminal record, and the huge bounty on his head, with Sterling saying that the reward for capturing Eliot will be the "icing on the cake." Meanwhile, Eliot walks past them in the background and even stops to give them a "Seriously?" glance. They then move on to Parker, saying they'll give her to either Brazil or Yemen(based on a coin flip) just as they walk past the gift shop where Parker is perfectly disguised. Finally they mention Sophie's list of outstanding warrants; Sterling insists on France(as it has the worst prisons in Europe) just as they walk right past Sophie, who is standing in plain sight. They miss Hardison because he's already inside the building's ductwork, rewiring things - but say they're going to send him to Iceland. Finally they spot Nate... because he's literally walking through the front door.
- "The Beantown Bailout Job"
Hardison: I spent three days hacking the White House email. No buzz.
- The team describing what they've done in the six months since they split up at the end of the first season. First, Parker says she stole the Hope Diamond and then put it back because she was bored. Then there's this:
Hardison: But we are doing some pretty hinky stuff in Pakistan. Hinky.
Sophie: Look, I'm miserable, they're miserable. (points to Eliot) Ok, what, what've you been doing in the last six months?
Eliot: ...I was in Pakistan.
Parker: What's the possibility that Eliot's crotch will actually explode?
- Fridge Brilliance: Recon on Osama?
- 'The Queen's Gambit Job' (4x10) has Sterling mentioning that according to Eliot's file, he "crawled three miles through a sewer to kill the head of Al-Qaeda in Yemen". So him being hired to go after senior Al-Qaeda in Pakistan isn't even remotely a stretch.
- Would explain the Fatwa...
- Parker, at one point, pulls on an eighties jacket and proceeds to dance like a robot for the next few minutes or so.
- After chasing the hitman out of Nate's condo, Sophie, thinking the hitman came back, brains Nate with a pan. When he wakes up, Parker's sitting over him, dressed as a nun and eating cereal.
- What's funnier about this is that the baking sheet in question still has residue on it that shows Nate had baked cookies on it.
- How bad is Sophie's acting in the Sound Of Music play? This review :
"Never before has a production of 'The Sound Of Music' made me root for the Nazis."
- There's also the entire scene after Nate wakes up in his apartment, and Eliot and Hardison's conversation about the detonators. Eliot's been putting small explosives on a building to scare a mark (later on in the episode) and asks Hardison how sensitive the detonator is. Hardison says that they're very sensitive and could go off due to crossed frequencies from a car alarm, while Eliot mentions that he's got several of the explosives still stowed in his pockets. On cue, a car alarm goes off and Eliot's reaction is absolutely priceless, including what is probably the best "Damnit Hardison!" of the entire series so far.
Nate: What, you thought she was dressed like a nun for no reason?
Eliot: It's Parker.
Nate: (Beat) Fair enough.
Nate: Now, if you'll excuse me, I am going to go call a professional killer who tried to murder me and arrange to meet him in an isolated location.
- The beginning of Nate's plan.
- Hardison is rambling about how hinky the "rich jerk of the week" is when a sleepy-eyed Nate wanders reaaal close to the corkboard and says;
Nate: ...These are all mob businesses you're talking about here.
Nate: ...Where's Eliot?
(cut to Eliot rummaging through boxes in a warehouse as Hardison phones him)
Eliot: Yeah, Hardison. This is the third place I checked. It's all the same. What you mean, mob?
Eliot: *bored* Oh. That mob.
Mobster: Hey! That's private property!
Eliot: *proceeds to nonchalantly beat the crap out of the three mobsters, then apologizes to one of them*
- The one he apologized to and why deserves mention. It was the same guy brained with the baking tray earlier. Apparently it broke his nose and, during the fight, Eliot hit him in said broken nose. Twice.
- The payoff of the con;
Detective Bonnano: Somebody tricked you into bringing a briefcase full of evidence of your own crime straight to the police. Come on, Mr. Leary, nobody’s that smart.
- Though one gets the feeling that Bonnano knows exactly what is going down and is just enjoying Hanging A Lampshade on it. Especially as he's seen in a later episode playing poker with Nate and the team at their bar(and even acting as witnesses in the Engineered Public Confession of a neighborhood loan shark).
- Towards the very end, Parker brings in the portrait Hardison painted of "the founder of Leverage Consulting and Associates", which Nate protests, claiming he never wants to see it again.
Parker: *in her best crotchety old man Nate impression, holding up the painting* "Argh, I'm Old Nate and I live here, too!"
- The whole scene is hilarious. Nate comes home to discover Hardison setting up a wall of monitors in his living room. While in the middle of protesting, Parker comes in with the painting. Then he learns that Hardison bought the apartment building and is now Nate's landlord. Then we see and hear a chainsaw coming from the wall, and the wall falls down, revealing a grinning Eliot. Poor Nate...
- "The Tap-Out Job"
- Sophie expresses her doubts about UFC-style fighting, so Eliot teaches Parker how to put a choke hold using Hardison as the unfortunate target. Parker doesn't let up the hold even while Eliot and Sophie continue to debate, while Hardison's cries of distress and pain get weaker and weaker...
- Parker goes out to buy some framing equipment, and at the end State Troopers open The Mark's car trunk to find dozens and dozens of guns...plus a saxophone.
- "The Order 23 Job"
Parker (to Nate):Did you just give someone a nosebleed with the power of your mind?
- "The Fairy Godparents Job"
Hardison: Are you even listening?
- When Sophie shushes an epic fight between Eliot and a hired assassin so they won't ruin her pupil's big moment in the school musical.
- Hardison launches into a big Techno Babble explanation to Eliot about how his latest gadget works. When he gets annoyed at Eliot not paying attention...
Hardison: What did I just say?
Eliot: You were explaining how you were still a virgin?
Hardison: [Death Glare]
Eliot: Pain! Honor! Strength! All right. [adopts a ready stance] Come at me.
- Nate, talking to Sophie, comments that Eliot "had trouble adjusting" but "found a way to make his style work in this setting." Cut to Eliot in the gym leading a class of little girls through a series of martial arts movements:
[All of the girls rush him at once, piling onto him and taking him to the ground.]
- Sophie trying to rig a spelling bee, only to have a little girl correctly spell all the extremely difficult words being given to her.
- "Three Days of the Hunter Job"
Sophie: She has to have corroboration from her own sources. She has to craft her own narrative. Monica Hunter has to be the author of her own personal nightmare.Nate: ...do I sound this creepy when I—?
- The frequent Lampshading of the show's frequent tropes aside, we also have Nate's self-realisation.
Eliot: Hell. Yes.
- And then this line from Hardison after he and Monica gets caught in an army base:
Hardison: Damn the con. I'm a black man caught on an Army base with a video camera. I am going to jail for-e-ver.
- Nate name-drops "Project Destiny" to Monica as the super-secret government project. When she goes to a Congressman to get information on it, he freaks out because "Destiny" is... a stripper he's in the middle of a sex scandal with. And his completely horrified reaction sells it.
- Hardison and Eliot teasing Parker about some Conspiracy Theories.
- "The Top Hat Job"
"That's NOT the same thing. What's wrong with you?"
- Hardison and Parker and Chronos the Magician, along with Parker explaining how she got over her fear of the darknote .
Fake Hobo: Remember when I said you had pretty hair? I was lying.
- Parker's dropping down the elevator shaft and needs the guys to anchor her line. Eliot, for reasons known only to himself, opts to snap it to the back of Hardison's belt. Hilarity Ensues.
- Everybody but Nate vastly underestimating the food company's security and almost getting their asses kicked.
- Of special note is the hobo on the park bench next to Parker suddenly revealing he's an undercover security guard, and their conversation shortly thereafter.
Parker: Well, I was lying when I said you didn't!
Fake Hobo: What?
Parker: (frowns) Wait...
- The team later getting really into the office politics of the emails Hardison managed to hack.
- Parker continually poking Eliot's injured arm, saying "Does that hurt?", and Eliot's teeth-clenched Death Glares. And then Nate pokes it.
- "The Two Live Crew Job"
Hardison: Hey, you're bumping into my baby monitor's frequency so what I need you to do, 'cause little Shiloh needs to take a nap, is turn yours off, 'kay. Thanks!
- The first time Hardison and 'Chaos' come face to face, and the dueling Parkers. Also the Imagine Spots when Eliot and his opposite number first meet up.
Chaos: Your baby is incredibly intelligent. He just attempted to launch a multiple variant computer worm at my baby monitor's firewall.
- And their High Noon homage... with netbooks instead of guns.
- Lets not forget Nate's stern look at Starke when Starke use HIS Name as his alias.
- You just know that Eliot and his counterparts interaction will end sensually. Eliot's '...welp' facial expression when the handcuffs are revealed, and the quick shift of Mikel's expression of baffled indignation to smirking interest, are just icing.
- "The Iceman Job"
Nate: Mr. Kerrity, I am an insurance investigator. This is not the first time I have had a firearm pointed at me.
- When the mark pulls a gun on Nate, posing as an insurance investigator.
Eliot: I had court-side seats, tell Hardison if he makes it out alive I'm going to snap him in half!
- From the same episode, after Hardison is taken by the Russians:
Nate: Eliot says "Hi."
Hardison: The Iceman cometh.
- Before that when Hardison walks into his "workshop"
Hardison: It's not that. You said that if thing went wrong, you weren't gonna help me. But you did. Come on man, let's hug it out.
- Sorta Crowning Moment of Heartwarming. Hardison is grinning like a loon after the end of the job, and Eliot irritably tells him he still messed up.
Eliot: No, no. I will break your frickin' arm-
Parker: WE'RE WITH OSHA.
- The flashback to Parker's attempts to approach people in the grifter role. Like that time she broke a guy's finger and ran off with his briefcase... or that time she stabbed a guy with a fork and jumped out a window....
- Parker's increasing agitation as Hardison claims credit for her diamond heists to sell his cover.
- Parker and Eliot's completely over-the-top fake OSHA chemical team cover.
Eliot: WE ISSUED A CLASS ONE CHEMICAL EVACUATION NOTICE FOR THIS FACILITY EFFECTIVE TWENTY FOUR HOURS AGO!
Parker: THIS PLACE IS ON LOCKDOWN FOR CHEMICAL EXPOSURE!
Eliot: DID NOBODY READ THE MEMO?
Parker: DID NOBODY READ THE MEMO?!
(a few seconds later)
Eliot: HONEY, YOUR LUNGS ARE A PARKING LOT, SWEETHEART.
Parker: AND IN THAT PARKING LOT THE DIAGONAL LINES ARE PAINTED IN POISON!
- "The Lost Heir Job"
Tara: Sophie was right. You're the best I've ever seen.
- Hardison's condescending speech (helped by Parker and Eliot) calling him out on going to see Sophie. They even play "Where's Waldo" calling Nate "Waldo Ford."
- At the end of one of Tara's first episodes:
Nate: I know. (walks away)
Tara: But no one in the world is as good as you think you are!
- "The Runway Job"
- When the team is discussing whether to trust Tara.
- Tara on Nate: "All right, fine. If he pulls this man-of-mystery crap again, I'm gonna kick his ass. And the whole I'm-sexy-because-I'm-broken thing only goes so far." Sophie's response: "I know, right? Wait, what?"
- And, then there's Fashion Designer Eliot.
- In the same vein, Nate's turn as an obvious mashup of Karl Lagerfeld and Jean-Paul Gaultier.
- "The Bottle Job"
Doyle: This is Liam. This is Liam's brother.
- Doyle's introductions:
- Throughout the episode, nobody ever bothers to find out what his name is - they simply go on calling him "Liam's brother," occasionally calling the pair of them things like "the Liams" or "Liam One and Two."
- "The Zanzibar Marketplace Job"
Nate: Eliot, I'm going to ask you not to do anything violent.
Eliot: (with his back to Sterling) What are you talking about? I only use violence as an appropriate response.
Sterling: Hello, Nate.
(Eliot immediately gives the appropriate response : punching Sterling in the face)
- This sequence also features Hardison handing a large bribe to the bartender to ignore whatever happens seemingly on pure instinct, and Parker leering at the beatdown with what appeared to be sadistic glee (she's essentially licking her chops.)
- Nate and Sterling are discussing the crime, and Parker suddenly starts to explain how they did the crime in less than six minutes. Due to suddenly appearing out of nowhere, as per Parker's standard, the bemused Sterling asks Nate how long she'd been there. Nate chooses not to answer, since it's Parker. You can see Sterling looking around at the ceiling above her head while she's explaining, as if looking for a hatch to explain how Parker just appeared, then just staring at her.
- Tara having Eliot break the fence who's supposed to buy the egg solely by having him do "that thing with the eyes that scares people."
- Hardison screwing with Sterling by pumping feedback into his earpiece.
- Nate and Maggie's "it's over" almost-kiss, before Parker drops in.
- That was not an almost kiss, that was a full on makeout. With Maggie's boyfriend right next to them, also chained to the elevator rail.
- "The Three Strikes Job"
Parker: Fine. But I never get to do anything fun. [casually swan-dives off a building]
- Parker pouts because she doesn't get to be part of the fake FBI team, and Nate tells her they need someone to search an office.
- The fake Japanese commercial that Hardison makes for Eliot's cover. Made even funnier by the fact that Eliot likes it enough to ask Hardison to play it again.
- Eliot complains about having to pose as a baseball team's new catcher, insisting repeatedly that he does not like baseball. Before the episode is over, he's gotten way into it, so much so that he refuses to leave in the middle of a game.
Nate: [over comm] Meet me outside.
Eliot: [at bat] What? Man, I'm three for four. This guy's throwing grapefruits. I ain't going anywhere.
Nate: All right, good news, bad news.
Tara: Good news?
Nate: The mayor's hooked. We're in the pinch.
Tara: Bad news?
Nate: I think we lost Eliot until the playoffs.
- Later Eliot comes back complaining about Nate leaving before the game was over, brushing off the others' attempts to focus on the con.
Eliot: They named a sandwich after me at T.J. Philbin's!
Hardison: I'll give it to you, man. The sandwich thing is pretty cool. Is this a hoagie?
Eliot: No, man, it's a reuben.
Nate: Sorry, this is the mayor. Is -- is -- is it an okay time to take this call, or...?
Eliot: Yeah. Go ahead. Good.
Nate: Congrats on the sandwich.
- Hardison's reaction to blowing up Lucille as a distraction.
Hardison: No. Mnh-mnh. No. Mnh-mnh-mnh-mnh. Mnh-mnh. Mnh-mnh. Look, mn-mnh. Not Lucille. Not Lucille! She all I got left. Don't you do it to me. Get that look out your eye. You ain't got to be so happy about it, Eliot. You always had it in for my van. You always had it in for Lucille. You said she smells. She don't stink; it's just… an odor.
Hardison: I've always been and forever shall be your friend.
Eliot: Get in!
- After they load the van with explosives and shut the doors, Parker kisses the door panel before she walks away.
- "The Maltese Falcon Job"
Sterling: Your name's Bob?
- Nate stalling Sterling's elevator, and Sterling's increasing boredom when the lift stops on every floor, clearly not even remotely suspicious.
- When Sterling finally makes it to the fourteenth floor (Nate having stopped in the stairwell on the thirteenth, out of breath), he walks past Eliot into the elevator, apparently not seeing his face. Sterling enters the mayor's room past an FBI guard, before almost immediately coming back out.
Bob: Yes sir.
Sterling: You been here the whole time?
Bob: Yes sir!
Sterling: And nobody's gone in or out of here, Bob?
Bob: No sir.
Sterling: Then would you mind explaning to me WHERE THE HELL THE MAYOR IS?
- Hardison getting completely tangled up in his harness, and insisting he doesn't need help to Parker and Tara.
- Tara bamboozles a hotel worker by pretending she got locked out of her room wearing nothing but a Modesty Towel. Then she drops said towel, in view of Parker and Eliot. She's still wearing the towel when Hardison and Nate show up.
- Parker as usual displaying a total lack of tact as she consoles Tara about crawling through air ducts, finishing with a smile like a kid at Christmas: "Don't worry, no one's ever died going in through an air duct. In the worst case you slip and fall. Break your legs. Lay there for days... Scratching on the metal. It's like a long, metal coffin. With wind....Let's go!"
- The crew's efforts to scare Mayor Culpepper and convince him that his life is in danger, beginning with Eliot lumbering into the hotel room, glowering murderously, with Parker in a maid uniform slung limply over his shoulders. It's the enthusiasm with which he plays his part that makes it so damn funny.
Nate: Did you have to?
Eliot: She saw our faces.
Nate: OK. Yeah, put her in the tub with the others.
Kadjic: Is this true?
- Later, the thoroughly intimidated Culpepper babbles to the arms dealer, Kadjic, about how Nate and Eliot murdered his FBI handlers, cut them into pieces and put them in a hotel bathtub.
Nate: To be fair, he [nods to Eliot] did most the cutting.
Eliot: [utterly deadpan] Thank you. I appreciate it.
Nate: [also deadpan] You work hard.
- "The Jailhouse Job"
Sophie: What kind of world would it be where everyone who committed some silly little crime went to prison? Complete madness!
- "The Reunion Job"
Eliot: Don't feel bad for this guy! Getting bullied in high school is still no excuse for propping up dictators. Take Hardison, he got bullied his whole high school career, he's not a criminal.
- Hardison and Eliot are pretending to be health inspectors to get into a Iranian secret police safehouse disguised as a restaurant. With each violation ("cockroach in the shisleek," "shwarma is only lukewarm"), they say with righteous indignation and in the exact same tone of voice each time "That's going to cost ya" and "I've gotta dock ya!" Later in the episode, one of the secret policemen breaks into a locked room and is confused to find 'health inspector' Eliot there. To which Eliot shrugs and says "I've gotta dock ya again!" And then beats him up.
- After Parker expresses sympathy for a nerdy mark who was bullied in high school:
Parker: Uh, yeah he is.
Eliot: A BAD criminal.
Hardison: Uh, what makes you think I got bullied in high school?
Eliot: A, you've got a Green Hornet doll!
Hardison: First of all, it's a limited edition action figure. Second, it is Green Lantern! Educate yourself!
Eliot: Everyone having a good time at the dance? Anyone wonder if Eliot made it out? Hello? Anyone wonder if Eliot's alive? HELLO?
- Sophie takes it as a personal affront when "Nikki" grabs Duberman away from her, angrily denouncing her as a "bloody little slut" and later delivering a rant about how cheerleaders like "Nikki" ruined high school for girls like her as she beats the crap out of her. Considering that Sophie grew up in British high society and probably never set foot in an American high school, one could probably assume that she's gotten horribly (and hilariously) Lost in Character.
- The ending. Nate and Sophie have been named king and queen of the reunion and are slow-dancing on the gym floor under a spotlight. Hardison and Parker are having a dance of their own in the rafters of the gym, with Parker floating in the air by her harness. Meanwhile, Eliot (who has spent the climax of the episode fighting Iranian secret policemen in a separate location and hasn't been seen in a while) grows tired of listening to the two couples coo over the comms:
- To get into the Dubertech office building, Eliot punched out an employee, took his ID badge, and stashed him in the bushes near the entrance. As he's leaving after the job is over, the poor guy has just come to and is stumbling out of the bushes... and Eliot punches him out again.
- Eliot complaining that Sophie has brainwashed him... again.
- "The Inside Job"
- Hardison and Eliot gone to the wrong address and to see a bearded guy Cosplaying in a Sailor Moon outfit.
- When Archie says he's Parker's father. You can actually pinpoint the moment where Eliot's brain broke in half.
- The saga of the poor cubicle drone who mistakes Parker for the co-worker he's been sexting with and keeps following her around like an eager puppy, until finally Eliot just comes running up and slams him bodily into the wall, requiring Parker to pull him back and assure him that the guy's not a threat. When the poor guy asks Parker who that was, she simply replies "Boyfriend" and dashes off.
Man: Oh, this day sucks!
[Cut to Parker and Eliot running down the hall.]
Parker: What's "sexting"?
Eliot: I'm not having this conversation with you, Parker.
- "The Double Blind Job"
Hardison: "Aww... See, you made two mistakes, brah. First, you flash that fake-ass FBI badge at me, and second... You spilled his coffee." [points at Eliot]
- The beginning. The soon-to-be-client is being chased by two henchmen and runs straight into Hardison. They claim to be FBI agents, leading to this exchange.
- The camera then pans over to Eliot staring down at the coffee stain running down his shirt. His head comes up. Camera cuts to henchmen realizing they've erred. Cut back to Eliot tossing the empty coffee cup over his shoulder and charging, leaving the client to cower in Hardison's arms while the sounds of violence are heard in the background.
Parker: Dr Neeson, I'm Laurie. I've got great drugs. Do you want some?
- Later at McRory's. Nate asks where Eliot is. Hardison nonchalantly replies that Eliot had to go change his shirt: "He got some coffee on it. And some blood. And some teeth."
- Near the the end of the episode Eliot, in character as an assistant to an executive, runs into the same two henchmen. He sarcastically asks them if he can get them some coffee. And then beats them up again.
- When Parker is role-playing a pharmaceutical company rep making a pitch to a doctor:
- "The Studio Job"
Eliot: There's a price on my head in three different countries, and I'm fairly certain a fatwa was issued!Sophie: I say we take him down for that alone.
- Hardison and Parker are in a sound studio, distracted, while in the background, Eliot is in a soundproof room we can see through a plexiglass window, fighting off various murderous thugs and furiously trying to get the attention of his oblivious teammates.
- We also get Parker dressed as an over-the-top Björk parody who speaks only in trilling noises. Here. Later she jumps onstage as a distraction, including imitating a duck, humming, and pretending to faint.
- Eliot ambushing a thug he sees (the shadow of) lurking outside his door. He yanks the door open, pulls the lurker inside roughly, and growls "Who do you work for?!?" It turns out to be a harmless girl in search of an autograph.
- Speaking of which, due to his amazing singing voice as Kenneth Crane, he can't shake off his fans.
- Eliot is upset that his picture is out on the internet thanks to his performance.
- Made even funnier by the fact that John Schneider, who plays Kirkwood, is actually a trained recording artist.
- "The Gone-Fishin' Job"
Parker: Who knew a sedan could hit 140?
- The fishing scene at the end. Eliot is genuinely saddened that an electronic fishing game does not give the same experience as outdoor fishing.
Sophie: Parker, you are never to get behind the wheel of a car again, okay? Never.
- Also from this episode:
- "The Boost Job"
Hardison: Wait, wait, hold up- you told her?
Eliot: I should've known! You're a menace Parker!
Parker:She deserved a chance, okay!
Hardison: Oooooh, Nate's gonna kill youuuuu.
Eliot: I'm gonna kill you!
Parker: Oh, stop whining!
Eliot: I got hit by a car!!
Parker: *mimicking* I got hit by a car. Get over it!
Eliot: I'm gonna kill her, man, I'm gonna kill her!
Hardison: Hey, hey! Nobody is gonna kill anyone! *to Parker* Seriously though, Nate's gonna kill you.
Shorty: Who are you people?!
Parker: (yelling) We're the good guys!
- Parker revealing that she worked as a getaway driver before she started stealing cars. To put this in perspective, she started stealing cars when she was twelve.
- WITH flashback.
- When a secondary character asks why the cops would respond to a car alarm so quickly, the scene cuts to the crew stealing cars from the members of the local police union.
- The mark gets told that a mystery driver beat his record by fifteen seconds and says, "That's impossible!" Hardison just says, "It is? Whoops!" and promptly changes the time on his computer.
- Parker revealing that she worked as a getaway driver before she started stealing cars. To put this in perspective, she started stealing cars when she was twelve.
- "The Three Card Monte Job"
Eliot: You don't throw crowbars at people!
- Eliot gets into a fight with a mook and Parker tries to help him by tossing him a crowbar. Unfortunately, she only succeeds in hitting him in the back of the head with the crowbar.
- It's funnier. That crowbar was made of hard rubber. And it was adlibbed.
Sophie: They're gonna kill Hardison!
- Sophie impersonates a drunk Boston party girl in order to help her, Eliot, and Hardison get into a precinct building with no trouble. Her obnoxious accent is hilarious.
- Nate's utterly deadpan response to the Russian mook who says he doesn't like him. "Gee, does that mean I can't come to your birthday party and ride the pony?"
- And then there's this gem...
Hardison: They gonna kill who?!
- "The Underground Job"
Hardison: No! No, no! Ew! Old people!
- Sophie pumps Parker, who's been serving as Corrupt Politician Debra Pierce's aide, for any information they could use against her. Only to find out that Parker has been paying attention to exactly the wrong quirks of the mark (she puts her black and blue pens in the same container! The fiend!). This, coupled with Parker's casual mention of the one useful piece of info - Pierce and Blackwell are having an affair - really makes a viewer wonder what Parker judges to be suspicious behavior...
- Hardison's reaction to the audio file detailing the aforementioned spoiler.
- "The Rashomon Job"
- Eliot, Hardison, and Parker all depict Sophie with a completely different accent.
Sophie: Americans! Every accent sounds the same to you! I just...*gave up* Go on...I sound like one of the dwarves from Lord of the Rings!
- "Completely different accent" doesn't come anywhere close to doing this justice.
- Eliot remembers her as having a hilariously over-the-top Cockney accent (to make this even funnier, Sophie - whose original version of the story had cast "Dr. Abernathy" as a mild-mannered and pleasantly Adorkable young man - demands the opportunity to revise her story in order to depict him as a beer-swilling hillbilly, until Eliot declares that she already told her side and now it's his turn).
- Hardison gives her a Scottish one (not for nothing; Gina Bellman seems to have fun playing Accent Jump, listen to her trill her Rs when she says "You're allergic to shrimp.")
Sophie: Ah wai'er. I'd very wondering if you could yea un'd my Dingaling
- When she first says "There's shrimp in this!" in her Scottish accent, a Record Needle Scratch is heard.
- Mentioning LOTR is especially funny since a quick game of Six Degrees Of Separation can link her to Bilbo Baggins.
- And doubly so because in the gag reel, she accidentally says "Lord of the Flies".
- Parker's Sophie speaks in unintelligible gibberish. Honestly, the implication that Parker can't understand Sophie at all, ever, is what kills you on this one. In case you're wondering what Sophie says in Parker's version:
Sophie: I hate you all.
- Her response after hearing all of their 'versions' of her accent:
- It's even funnier during the outtakes. Gina Bellman has a very hard time saying the gibberish words in the gag reel, thus making both her and Beth Riesgraf can't help but laugh too hard on it.
- Perhaps the best part is that each of them, when they had no idea that everyone else was there, perceived their future teammates as magnificent; Hardison's "Minister Robert Bioko" (played by the powerfully built Juan Canopii) was intimidating - even to Eliot. Eliot's "Dr. Wes Abernathy" (played by soap-opera heartthrob Riley Smith) was soft-spoken and charming - even to Sophie. And the socially-awkward Parker blended in so well that none of them save Nate even looked at her twice.
- Eliot saying "TWO DEAD GUYS WHO CARES" when Hardison starts explaining the dagger's history.
- The slasher-killer version of Eliot in Hardison's story.
Eliot: I'm gonna go sharpen this knife. Maybe walk around the halls. In the dark. (looks at Hardison) Don't leave.
- Speaking of the knife, similar to the accent getting more and more outrageous (except it stops after Nate), the knife for the emergency tracheotomy starts off as a simple pocketknife gets bigger and bigger with each retelling. Nate's "complete" version, which according to Word of God is mostly though not entirely accurate, features the biggest knife of all.
- Sophie finds out that Eliot was the guy who bumped into her on the night, and the one who stole the dagger from her mail. She's absolutely shocked.
- How Eliot initially breaks the news to her is also golden. Saying that he can explain how she failed to obtain the dagger, he finishes his shot, pulls his hair back, and holds a pair of shot glasses up to his eyes in a mimicry of Nerd Glasses. "Pardon me, ma'am..."
- Hardison arrives and explains what he's doing on his phone.
Hardison: I'm telling the computer back at my nana's hou— My house. My house. My house.
Nate: Yeah. Of course. Yeah.
- Parker finding out that stealing mail is a crime.
- Hell, most of Parker's story is a CMOF. When it's revealed that Parker was ALSO in the museum, everyone looks at her incredulously, to which she replies "What? I'm a thief!"
- Parker's look of gleeful fascination as Eliot tries to cut open Hardison's throat to stop his "allergic reaction". Even funnier, this is shown in Parker's own version of the story, which is also one of the ones in which the knife is depicted as a huge kitchen knife instead of a small pocketknife.
- Parker's victory dance after getting the dagger.
- John Billingsley as Coswell. Namely in Nate's story. Everyone seems to think that he is a badass with a keen eye that could rival Nate, only for Nate to reveal he was barely competent at his job and they just misheard or misjudged his actions. in their story leads to this reaction.
Parker: Poor Coswell...
- Not only that; he NEVER realizes that at least two of his guards were replaced. Hardison was doing a good job of faking being a security guard, only for the vault door to swing open just as the Coswell confronts him, and Coswell STILL doesn't get it.
- The Anvilicious parody of BP CEO Tony Hayward at the end. Crosses the Line Twice indeed.
- Eliot, Hardison, and Parker all depict Sophie with a completely different accent.
- "The King George Job"
Parker: Does this smell like chloroform to you?
- Hardison's utter confusion at the auction house having a hilariously out of date computer system. Nate and Sophie have to explain to him that they're probably going to have hard-copy files instead of computer records.
- Parker as an auctioneer, auctioning off things she previously stole.
- A quick mention of how Parker got the job of auctioneer; Parker pops up behind the current auctioneer in his office:
Hardison: (somewhat unsteadily) I hacked history, people!
- Also, Hardison's slow evolution into "master forger".
- "The Morning After Job"
- When Parker finds herself in the grifter role once again:
- The Running Gag over what the con they're running on Vector is called, particularly Hardison's insistence that it's named "the Vegas Wake-Up Call."
- Hardison is very proud that the fake police identification he created for himself and Eliot is so thorough that they were able to get their own police car. This backfires when they're asked to escort a criminal from the courthouse back to prison because it's right next to "their" precinct, diverting them from the con. Eliot and Hardison bicker Like an Old Married Couple about this as the criminal complains in the backseat. Then they hear about a domestic dispute with a weapon over the radio, and Eliot forces Hardison to drive to it, because there "might be kids" in danger and they're the closest squad car.
- Agent McSweeten laments to Parker (in her "Special Agent Hagen" guise) that his failure to track down the federal witness he was supposed to escort (because the crew stole him in order to run a con on him) will mean that "it's back to Kansas for me." At the end of the episode, Hardison wonders what happened to the prisoner that he and Eliot were transporting.
Parker: Uh, well, you guys said we couldn't just turn him in to the local cops, right, 'cause he'd be a dead guy?
[Cut to McSweeten opening the trunk of his car and finding the prisoner in question, tied up with a bow stuck to his head and a note on his chest.]
McSweeten: [reading] "This is a wanted fugitive. Please take him into federal custody. I don't want you to go back to Kansas. Sincerely, Special Agent Hagen." (smiles, slams the trunk on his face) I love this job.
- "Ho Ho Ho Job"
Parker: Okay, bad enough it's Christmas and there's no snow on the ground, but this is Santa we're talking about, okay? We can't turn away Santa!Nate: You know that's not really Santa, right?Parker: Obviously. Santa lives at the North Pole. (makes "duh" face)
- The entire episode was basically a Crowning Episode of Funny, what with Parker's over the top enthusiasm for Christmas, Eliot being a grumpy, cantankerous Santa, and the hilarious "true meaning of Christmas" final exchange between Chaos and Hardison. The following deserves special mention:
Frank: You are high on the holiday spirit!
- Parker decorating the Christmas tree with stolen jewelry deserves a special mention.
- From later on in the episode, when the mall owner has reformed and saved Christmas:
Dooley: Yes I am! And pills mixed with morphine! I can't believe you let me drive here!
- "The Big Bang Job"
Nate: Let's go steal the Department of Defense.
Parker: Isn't that treason?
Nate: We'll give it back.
Hardison: You asked for a white male John Doe, you got a white male John Doe. This ain't the Gap!
- Hardison gets thrown into a pool cuffed to a chair and nearly drowns while undercover, and when he finally gets free he walks up to the man who shoved him in, straightening his (completely soaked) suit and wiping his face with a (completely soaked) handkerchief before talking to the man as if he merely stepped away to take a call.
- Nate criticizes the corpse that Hardison came up with to fake Atherton's death with, partly because the corpse in question was stabbed.
Nate: Yeah, but I mean we're in trouble if they move the zipper past here because this guy, I mean, he was stabbed!
Hardison: [[Sarcasm Mode You know what, my bad. Next time, I'm gonna spackle up the knife wounds, maybe do his makeup, brush his teeth a little bit. [glares at Atherton] They threw me in a pool, man!
- And then the brilliant joke about Sophie learning how to drive as an Istanbul taxi driver. For anyone not in the know, Istanbul license plates are the single most terrifying thing Turkish drivers can think of.
- "The San Lorenzo Job"
Hardison: We got this. We— (Moreau walks in flanked by bodyguards) Ah hell, it's Moreau.
- This exchange:
Nate: Yeah, I caught that.
Nate: Don't you think that's a little excessive? (Ribera walks in, passes by a mother and child. The child screams and points at him as he tries to get away, leaving Ribera baffled) I take it back.
- Eliot gets interviewed by a news crew and implies that the president of San Lorenzo hosts dog fights, which even young puppies fight in, at his house. Eliot then pulls out the cutest puppy and kisses it and rocks it in his arms. Damien Moreau has an incredulous little smile on his face as he watches the interview, either because Eliot, his former Dragon, looks Out of Character with a puppy, or because he thinks puppies are cute, or both. Damien Moreau, people.
Vittore: ... I think I hate you.
Nate: Y'know, I'm okay with that.
- Hardison's e-mail slandering of Ribera goes so far as to say he's against education and for child labor.
- In their first attempt to rescue General Flores and his men, Parker suggests that they go through a steam vent. Elliot struggles to figure out how to explain to Parker that normal people can't survive in a steam vent.
- The Bedmate Reveal.
- And immediately before it, Eliot nonchalantly breaking open the door of Nate's hotel room. Just one big CRUNCH and then he's bouncing cheerfully into the room demanding that Nate get up out of bed, gleefully unsympathetic to Nate's pleas of a hangover.
- "The Long Way Down Job"
Eliot: (weirded out) Let go.
- As the team reunites after a two-week break, they find that Nate has set up a job that takes place on a mountain. We get a couple classics:
- Hardison pulls Eliot into a brohug, but doesn't let go because he's cold. He even pulls him in tighter.
Hardison: I'm just—so damn cold—
Eliot: I don't care, man.
Hardison: Just please set me on fire, do something. I'm all shivering, and I think one of my nipples fell off--
Eliot: You don't tell me stuff like that!Nate: Parker, have you ever climbed a mountain?
Parker: I climb skyscrapers. I can WALK up a mountain.
Eliot: It's not the same! Are there avalanches on a skyscraper?
Parker: No. (Beat) That would be SO cool though.
Sophie: Nate, how dangerous is this gig you took without checking with us?
- Immediately followed by:
Hardison: (Gilligan Cut to a flashback in the office) Ridiculously dangerous! It's like a danger cupcake with murder icing!
Sophie: Nate, I'm at a party full of drunk millionaires far from home who are all dizzy from lack of oxygen. It's like grifter Christmas in here.
- Nate makes sure that Sophie can handle stalling the expedition.
Parker: And that last one was a ten-foot drop!
- Nate's utter befuddlement at the fact that he's already used the line "Let's go steal a mountain." The others point out that it was two years ago, he was very drunk at the time, and it was technically a mountain resort, and he stares at them for a moment before just leaving.
- The brief montage of Hardison's...difficulties with climbing.
Nate: No, you're emotionally involved. Leads to bad decisions.
- When the client, an experienced climber, wants to help.
Hardison: Did you just say that? With a straight face?
Sophie: (runs up to him and kisses him, then whispers) I'm running a Moscow circus, you're the Ivan.
- Nate walking into the main tent after having rescued the client:
Nate: Okay, I'm kind of dying of altitude sickness though...
Parker: You realize this isn't going to be normal.
- This exchange from the end:
Hardison: My nana says that normal is whatever works for you. This, we all work.
Parker: I should meet your nana.
Hardison: Yeah... wait, what?
- "The Ten Li'l Grifters Job"
- Parker implies that her first job was robbing Imelda Marcosnote . Especially funny for Filipino viewers.
- Hardison revealing that he's hacked his way into the Oscars since he was 15 - and his flashback showing that he was sitting next to Halle Berry when she won.
- His line where he tells her that he told her it was her night becomes even funnier when you remember that he could have hacked the vote just as easily. He got himself invited, seated himself next to Halle Berry, then made sure she won so she'd be in a good mood. Smooth, Hardison. Real smooth.
- Eliot has to do the grifting for Nate to investigate the suspects to the murder mystery. His "grifting" involves approaching every suspect, knocking them out as inconspicuously as possible, and searching their clothes for clues.
- "Yes, Parker, I'd tell you if I murdered the mark."
- "The 15 Minutes Job"
Parker: I think I'm getting better at this... I didn't even stab him!
Hardison: (weirded out) Yeah. We are so proud of you! No stabbing Wednesdays, new tradition!
Nate: How would I destroy me?
- Parker rolling back and forth on the rolling chair in the evidence room.
- From the same episode:
Parker: Yeah, and you can't say 'booze'.
- The team (rather half-heartedly) tries to be 'victims' to force the mark into heroism.
- Parker gets pursesnatched by Eliot. The mark doesn't notice, but a random middle-aged lady does and beats Eliot up with her umbrella. Eliot's face is priceless. Then Parker gives her a thumbs-up.
- Sophie loses a baby carriage. The mark doesn't notice, so she lets the baby carriage run off the street and into traffic, where it is presumably hit by a car, when she's distracted by a SALE sign at a nearby store.
- We don't even get to hear what Hardison did, though it seems to involve choking on a hotdog and getting a Heimlich maneuver by a rather large man.
- The mark so thoroughly resists all of their attempts to lure him into being a hero that they end up having to stage a robbery at the coffee shop he visits each morning. The mark first tries to simply walk out, and when that fails actually tries to convince Hardison (playing the robber) to take Sophie hostage instead of himself. Eliot has to shove him from behind to make it look like he tackled the robber.
- "The Van Gogh Job"
- Eliot playing with Hardison's face, and Nate telling him the computer interface isn't a toy.
- Eliot pretending to be a gas inspector to access a house... only to be told that he'll have to talk to the mold inspector too. Turns out the "mold inspector" is another thug hunting for the Van Gogh as well, who Eliot's on a first name basis with, and they have a friendly chat while beating the crap out of each other.
- "We've got an 84%... LOL rating."
- Eliot has to impersonate an FDIC chief on the phone to verify Hardison and Sophie's cover. Another "old friend" who happens to owe him 27 grand over some incident in Singapore that involved Paul McCartney's bass turns up partway through the call, and Eliot puts the call on hold. Cut to Hardison and Sophie wincing as they hear the sounds of Eliot beating the guy up over their comms.
- "The Hot Potato Job"
- The bra scene.
- Sophie punches Hardison in the face to sell the con. He initially tries to play it off, but when Eliot points out that his lip is bleeding Hardison has to admit that yes, she really hit him and hit hard. Eliot, who's been giving Sophie pointers on self-defense, is downright gleeful.
Eliot: That's my girl, man!
Hardison: Stop. Don't teach people how to do that.
- And how could we forget the actual mole reveal? Sophie sets up a con to have the marks looking for a nonexistent mole in their company... only to, completely by accident, uncover an actual mole when the head janitor - who they only called in for questioning to distract him from realizing that Parker stole his keys - turns out to have been embezzling from the company.
Nate: ...She's good at what she does.
- Eliot's reaction when he realizes Sophie is doing his voice when pretending to be a security consultant. "Is she doing me?"
- And then later, Eliot has to cough and un-grit his voice for his role as a forensic accountant.
- Nate telling Eliot to "look the part" when he poses as Sophie's assistant. Cut to some chap in a suit walking along, minding his own business, when Eliot flies at him from the bottom of the screen, tackles him into some bushes, and walks back out again wearing the man's suit. It's not anything unusual for Eliot, but the way it's filmed, seeming to come out of nowhere, is what makes it so funny.
- Nate and Parker hijack a school field trip to get into the building. One of the kids, Trevor, later wanders into the room where Nate and Hardison are monitoring the goings-on, and spends the rest of the con with them getting tips on the scams they're running and providing some priceless reaction faces.
- "The Carnival Job"
- Parker and Hardison's bickering over the Parker 2000 robot Hardison built.
- "The Boiler Room Job"
- Jungle Eliot. The most delicious Ham and Cheese.
- Nobody ever remembering (actually funnier when some of them does it on purpose) the mark's nickname.
- It's probably Blowfish.
- You gotta admit he IS good. Like how he managed to correctly point out that Nate was sleeping with Sophie. Hardison and Parker (listening to them on comlink) just snap their heads to Sophie with expressions screaming "What?" When Sophie tries to deny it, Parker points out that she said herself that the mark is a better reader than anyone she knows, and Hardison just looks at Sophie and says "Y'all nasty."
- Parker after the chocolate festival, the first time, with severe caffeine jitters. Her t-shirt is covered in chocolate smears.
- Parker dealing with getting her pocket picked at the chocolate festival, especially her enormous grin as she shows off all the stuff she's stolen from the thief, and her annoyed pout when Nate makes her give it all back because they want the guy to check them out. She takes his credit card out of his wallet before she returns it, purely out of spite.
- Hardison's comment about Parker going in the first place, which he later says she shouldn't have gone unsupervised: "Naw, man, she's at that damn chocolate festival. It's like sending a crack addict to a cocaine convention. Girl texted me about an hour ago, misspelled every damn word, look- 'yop getta yest yib stuf'. What? Probably got chocolate all over the buttons."
- When interviewing a potential actor, Sophie is told that he was in a performance of Equus. Sophie asks him who he played... and it turns out that he played a horse, Nugget. But just the front end. Everyone refers to the man only as "Nugget" for the rest of the episode.
- "The Cross My Heart Job"
- Post-op Hardison. It Makes Sense in Context.
- "The Queen's Gambit Job"
- Eliot and Sterling's hilariously petty bickering throughout the entirety of the time they spent having to team up together.
Sterling: I think this will give us the opportunity to spend some real quality time together, Spencer.
Nate: Eliot, try not to kill Sterling. We may need him.
Eliot: [indignant] I can't promise that!
- Blink and you miss it: when Eliot catches up with Hardison after things start going south, he hugs Hardison and then pushes him away irritably telling him to stop.
- Hardison and Sophie both volunteering to allow Eliot the chance to work out his anger over being drugged by Sterling by beating up on mooks - especially Sophie offering to delay her escape to give him more time.
- The Callback to the pilot at the end of the episode. "Wait... don't I die in Plan M?" "Usually."
- "The Experimental Job"
Eliot: I have four minutes to prove your theory wrong.
- After Eliot knocks over a table, grabs the CIA interrogator by the neck, asks him where Hardison has been taken to, and he refuses to talk, this exchange takes place:
Interrogator: What theory?
Eliot: That torture doesn't work.
- The faces of the military volunteers looking through the windows as it happens really sells it.
- Also a Crowning Moment of Awesome.
- Parker participating in the negative reinforcement experiment. She has a bit too much fun shocking the subject as part of the lift; then, when she's dragged off by campus security, she starts shouting, "TAKE BACK THE NIGHT!"
- To get Zilgram to confess, Eliot and the other volunteers assemble one of the psych lab rooms to look like an interrogation room. Eliot asks Detective Grayson how it looks. Grayson pauses, then throws the contents of her coffee cup on the wall, nods, and says "There, perfect".
- "The Office Job"
Nate: No no no no, that, that right there, that's a lie. I love foreplay!
- Everything about Eliot and Hardison's sandwich feud. At one point Nate has to stop and ask them what the "sandwich" is supposed to be code for... only to learn that, no, they mean a literal sandwich and it has nothing to do with the con.
Hardison: I ate the damn sandwich. I ate the damn sandwich for sure. Boy can cook, he can throw down. If he wasn't gonna beat my ass, I'd go thank him. [bites into sandwich]
- The "confessional" shots, especially the last one, when we discover that Hardison did eat the sandwich.
- Nate and Sophie's argument-by-proxy. Their slowly escalating reactions are priceless.
- The blurred-out greeting card.
- Nearly every moment Peter Stormare is on-screen playing a No Celebrities Were Harmed version of Werner Herzog.
- How the boss is ... "embarrassing" and they are printing counterfeit "cards".
- All of Parker's ideas for alternative card concepts, and her attempts to evade pursuit from the cameras. And the director's increasing obsession with trying to film Parker.
- Plus, y'know, it's an Affectionate Parody of The Office (US).
- Every second of Sophie's, uh... "classes". Especially where Nate calls her "obviously brilliant".
- Pretty much all of the awkwardness of the team having to deal with the fact that they're constantly being filmed, and that there's cameramen everywhere in the office building, even the women's bathroom.
- At the end, the director destroys the entire film because.... it was so happy and uplifting. (And because Parker didn't "get" it.)
- Everything about Eliot and Hardison's sandwich feud. At one point Nate has to stop and ask them what the "sandwich" is supposed to be code for... only to learn that, no, they mean a literal sandwich and it has nothing to do with the con.
- "The Girls' Night Out Job"
- When Hardison gives Tara and Sophie a long explanation about how to defuse a bomb. With just over ten seconds on the clock, the two exchange glances... and throw it out the window.
- "The Boys' Night Out Job"
Mobster: Sister Lupe? (lowers gun) I'm goin' to hell.
- Those Two Bad Guys, a pair of Irish mobsters, have a debate over whether or not a church basement counts as holy ground, and somehow the conversation turns to the Boy Scout oath.
- Their boss's Cutting the Knot solution of dragging Hurly out of the church, so they don't need to worry about shooting somebody on holy ground.
- When the mobster who objected to shooting someone in a church ends up pointing a gun at Lupe, and hears Hurly refer to her as Sister Lupe:
Irish guy: Why is there a nun's habit without a nun inside?
- Nate is impersonating a priest:
- Really, just about everything the two Irish gangsters say. And everything Priest!Nate says.
- Hardison's increasingly frustrated demands that Eliot let him shoot a man.
- Everyone debating and commenting on whether 'Sister Lupe' is a real nun or not.
- The entire sequence at the police impound lot. After being shut down by the female officer at the guard post, Hardison - still wager to prove his machismo - demands that Eliot let him be the one who sneaks into the lot to steal Hurley's car. They rock-paper-scissors for it over Eliot's objection that Hardison has a tell, and for once Hardison wins... allowing a smirking Eliot to go flirt with the lady officer. Which he does by turning up the Adorkable and sheepishly stammering that he has a "...thing for... women in... uniform..."
- Meanwhile, Hardison ends up fleeing from a whole pack of Angry Guard Dogs.
- The bromance between Captain Bonnano and Eliot's friend.
- "If I told you I'd have to kill you...no, really." (Eliot: "He actually would.")
- When Hardison is trying to pass himself off as a dirty cop to the cartel boss (shouting things like "Of course I'm racist, I'm a dirty cop!") Eliot is busy in the background, very, very quietly beating up all the cartel thugs in full view of the boss, while trying to keep Hardison from noticing.
- Those Two Bad Guys, a pair of Irish mobsters, have a debate over whether or not a church basement counts as holy ground, and somehow the conversation turns to the Boy Scout oath.
- "The Lonely Hearts Job"
- Nate tells Parker to start a fight with the grifter who is working on Hardison. He, of course, intends for her to start an argument. So of couse Parker walks over with a huge grin on her face and starts beating the shit out of the girl.
- "The Gold Job"
- Eliot's grudging acceptance of, and later full enthusiasm for, Hardison's Mr. Punchy animated representation of him.
- "The Radio Job"
- After a sarcastic quip by Eliot about there being a time machine in a patent office they need to break into, Parker is fully convinced that it's real and wants to steal it. This later leads into a Doctor Who Shout-Out when she imagines Nate's dad using the time machine to go back to 1962note while the show's theme tune plays in the background. This also leads to Hardison quoting the Eleventh Doctor's "Bowties are cool" Catch Phrase.
- In order to keep the FBI and Homeland Security from storming the place, Eliot starts channeling John McClane.
- Relatedly, the fact that the actor playing the cop on the other end talking to Eliot played the role absolutely straight makes it even more hilarious.
- Sophie, wearing a prenancy simulator being examined by a somewhat weirded out EMT. He describes the heartbeat as almost mechanical.
- "The Last Dam Job"
Chaos: I want my usual fee plus expenses, and Parker dresses up as Starbuck from Battlestar Galactica.
- The exchange when Hardison first hires Chaos.
Hardison: Hey, it's not happening.
Chaos: I'll accept Sophie as Counselor Troi. We'll negotiate on the flight.
Hardison: So wrong, on so many levels.
Hardison: Wow... this is what it's like for Eliot. You just want to punch somebody...all the time.
- Hardison and Chaos in general:
Hardison: YOU GOT ME A BATCAVE?!
- Hardison going full squee over the 'batcave'.
Nate: No, I did not.
Chaos: This is totally a bat cave.
Quinn: Can I hit him?
- At the end of the episode, Hardison wants to keep the batcave. Eventually, he manages to get Eliot to help him convince Nate...by promising him his own batsignal.
- The first time Archie meets Chaos (who not only called him 'super old' but flirted to 'yummy' Parker), he threatened Chaos with his one of his canes, one of which has a taser capable of several hundred volts, the other a six-inch stiletto spike. Chaos nervously asks which one the cane does and Archie remarks that he can't quite remember, being super old. He did this with the tip of his cane right underneath Chaos' chin. When he hears Chaos flirt with Parker again later on, he tases him into unconsciousness without warning.
- "So it WAS the taser..."
- Quinn's reaction to having to work with Chaos is pretty good too. Imagine Eliot and Hardison...now take the best buds part out of Vitriolic Best Buds.
Eliot: Which one?
Quinn: Either one.
Eliot: (to Hardison) You see? It's not just me.
Hardison: (cheerfully) I hate you with the white hot heat of a thousand suns.
- Eliot recruiting Quinn was pretty damn funny, especially when Quinn remarks that he is currently unhappy in his chosen work. While sitting in a chair, handcuffed, with multiple armed men pointing guns at him. In Kiev.
- Sophie recruits Maggie for some grifting, with the side benefit of both of them messing with Nate's head.
Sophie: Look at that, he looks like a...slapped mackerel.
Maggie: Oh, Nate. If temptation counted as cheating no marriage would make it past the first year. Imagine what it was like for me, you bringing James around all those years.
- It goes even further, after Nate tries telling Maggie nothing ever happened between him and Sophie while they were married.
Nate: ...James? Sterling? (later) Seriously, Sterling?
- Every time Hardison and Chaos interact, basically.
Chaos: I dream you die and I wake up laughing.
Latimer: The CAYMAN ISLANDS!?!
- Latimer tells Dubenich he has been drugged and deposited in the Cayman Islands. When Dubenich doesn't reply he starts to explain again.
Dubenich: I did not hear that.
Latimer: I said, I'm in the Cayman Islands-
Dubenich: No, I heard you. I just simply refuse to acknowledge that those words are coming out of your mouth.
- Quinn and Chaos have to escape from Dubenich's goons after implementing part of the plan. Their only option is to jump off a dam. Chaos appears hesitant, so Quinn throws him off. Cue Chaos' incredibly high-pitched scream.
- "The (Very) Big Bird Job"
Hardison: Oh, Nate's place. Yeah, about that. You see that? That's the street in front of Nate's apartment, that car right there is FBI, SUV is State Police, and that little pretzel cart is both delicious and Interpol.
- Hardison is explaining why they can't go back to McRory's, and pulls up cameras on the pub.
Sophie: Seriously? That's what you're upset about?
- Eliot isn't upset that they're moving to Portland or that they suddenly own a microbrewery; no, he's upset because a brewery menu is the hardest menu to design and Hardison will probably mess it up.
Eliot: Aren't you?
- The montage of what Hardison and Parker did on their vacation - jumping off various tall buildings around the world, Hadrison yelling every single time. Bonus points for implying that's literally all they did.
- "I'm only gonna say this once, boys: give me the...teddy bear."
- "The Blue Line Job"
- Nate has a staring contest with a turtle. That's the context.
- No, he wins a staring contest with a turtle. And Sophie thinks it's hot.
- Nate has a staring contest with a turtle. That's the context.
- "The First Contact Job"
Sophie: Braddock Aeronautics. It's top shelf.
- Eliot knows the Drake equation. Why? Because you never know when you might have to fight an alien.
- Hardison has Eliot out in the field directed him to bounce a signal off a satellite. After getting the signal, cue Hardison decides to fool Eliot (lying to him that the signal's almost done) by giving him list of wacky commands that have nothing to do with the mission. The second Eliot figures out what's wrong he runs off screen, Hardison, who is tracking Eliot on his computer, notice his signal begins to move at an absurdly fast rate back towards the van, leading to an Oh, Crap! reaction from Hardison. Seconds later you hear Eliot's signature grunt and the van being shaken from the outside.
"Hey man! Lucille's a classic!"
- They're not just any commands. Hardison is making Eliot do the Cha Cha Slide.
- "Two good old boys. Behind the wheel. Chasing down bad guys in Lucille..." that scene alone is worth $1.99 on Amazon.com
- "That is the last time that I lie about playing Peter Pan on Broadway."
- While briefing on their new mark:
Eliot: That's military aircraft contractors. They used to stamp their logo on their choppers and we'd have to file them off before we — went...fishin'.
- Eliot's cover as.... "Willie Riker." Bonus points for the episode being directed by Johnathan Frakes. According to Word of God the name was originally a placeholder, but when Frakes came on to direct the episode he insisted they keep it.
- Hardison and Parker showing up as Men in Black, playing every sinister stereotype possible.
- "The French Connection Job"
Annoying Interrupting Rich Girl: What's your name?
- Eliot is introducing himself to the culinary students only to stop momentarily when he notices Hardison wearing goggles and a big goofy smile.
Hardison: I get to fire a laser.
- This causes Eliot's lip to twitch in barely suppressed rage.
- He's just as scary with the rest of his students.
- Later on, when Eliot is running the kitchen while simultaneously plowing through mooks in the middle of the dinner service. He even takes the time to ask one of the mook's opinions on a sauce before knocking him out.
- Eliot is introducing himself to the culinary students only to stop momentarily when he notices Hardison wearing goggles and a big goofy smile.
- "The Gimmie a K Street Job"
- The team explaining to Parker that, for normal people, at least, a 20-foot fall is something extremely scary and harmful.
- The team's recap of their severe underestimation of their grifting skills vs. politics. By the time the day's over, Nate's the only one who got anything done.
- But....the moment Sophie manages to get an office in the Capitol Building, it's not long until she eventually ends up running the place like she's in charge. Her crowning achievement is getting an American military base named after her.
- Nate manages to buy a Senator's vote by offering to buy him lunch.
- Hardison going crazy over how archaic and inefficient the federal budget is, with literally millions of dollars sitting around unused partly due to laws that are over a century old.
Okay, $5 million earmarked for... Vocational training for millers, blacksmiths, and haberdashers... by an 1884 statute.
...there’s a 1938 labor law requiring textile companies to keep cash on hand to pay overtime...
- And then when he uses those same archaic laws to keep the mark from accessing her funds. Doubles as a Moment of Awesome.
...We’re not a sport, so technically, this says, we’re a sweepstakes. There... there are a lot of restrictions on what you can do with sweepstakes money...
...C.T.V.C. Is under investigation for indecency...
Sophie: Oh. There. Right there, sir. That is a wardrobe malfunction. I can see her hoo-hah! Her hoo-hah, sir! Are you blind?! Do I need to call Congressman Caballo? Or Congressman Greenhill? I will call my whole rolodex, sir!
- The indecency investigation is explained by a cut to Sophie in her Capitol Building office showing a large-screen projection of a cheerleading competition to a congressman, delivering a diatribe of righteous indignation in a heavy Southern drawl:
- "The D.B. Cooper Job"
- "The Real Fake Car Job"
Sophie: Do you think we're being suspicious enough?
- The Mob is after The Mark. Sophie and Eliot follow him around in a bright orange car, greet the FBI agent as clingy neighbors asking about their security systems, wave ominously to her from the same noticeable car, and let her follow them to a hardware store where they purchase tarp, shovels and axes.
- From the hardware store they go out to a field where Eliot proceeds to dig a grave while the two of them discuss which of the team would best cope with retiring from the con artist life. Eliot says it's him.
Eliot: After sunset, this field is gonna be completely dark. No clear sight lines from the road. First thing to find a body out here would be a coyote...
Sophie: Okay, now I'm scared.
Eliot: I'm here.
Sophie: Eliot, you're what's scaring me!
- "The Broken Wing Job"
Parker: You want to choose the channel? Fine. But no bears and no reality shows. Except Beauty and the Geek. I like that show.
- Throughout the episode, we get to see parts of what the rest of the team is up to in Japan. All of them.
- Second up, Parker attempts to stave off boredom. Eventually, she starts talking to a stuffed bear sitting next to her.
- "The Rundown Job"
- When a villain from Eliot's past offers him a new job, he refuses, then starts to intimidate the guy. The guy tries to stall, meanwhile trying frantically to push a panic button hidden under his desk... which yields no response. Eliot replies, "I started running with some different guys. Like a hacker..." (bad guy pushes the button again and again, nothing happens, then Hardison walks in, grinning at him. Bad guy grabs a gun, tries to shoot Eliot. It's not loaded.) "...and a thief." (Parker shows up out of nowhere behind him and holds up his clip.)
- There's something funny about the fact that Eliot is friends with Jayne Cobb
- Must be left over from when they both worked for Wolfram & Hart.
- "The Frame-Up Job"
Nate: That's all?
- Sophie's immediate Spit Take at hearing Nate abruptly speak up at the party she's at. Even better is that there was no warning before, so she's probably mirroring the viewer.
- To Nate's justifiable suspicion that Sophie has ulterior motives, Sophie insists she just wants to see the artwork there.
Sophie: That's all!
Lawyer Speaking To Party: Of course, that's not all...
Sterling: Art theft, As You Know, is an eight-billion-dollar a year business, used to fund racketeering and terrorism. My new department at Interpol, which I created-
- Sterling explaining how he has the authority to take command of the investigation. Or trying to explain, anyway.
Sophie: Oh, congratulations!
Nate: We should have sent a card.
Sophie: We should have!
Sterling: Arrest them both.
- "Ex-art thief. Ex-art thief! Why does nobody take that seriously?"
- "If you're going to use your sexy voice, you can take these." hands Nate handcuffs, and he smiles
- Nate playing "Hot and Cold" with Sterling.
- And earlier, where he flusters Sterling into searching for more evidence by insinuating he's missed something. With body language alone.
- "I didn't think that would work!"
Sophie: On what charge?
Nate: We brought back the painting.
Sterling: Obstructing an investigation.
Sophie: We're helping you with your investigation.
Sterling: Being annoying and crazy.
Sterling: And, despite your efforts to drop off the map, I now know your new base of operations. Everything is... sunshine and rainbows. Be seeing you.
- Sterling's forced "someone shoot me" smile when Sophie sits on his lap, ruffles his hair, calls him Chauncey, and says she hopes they will be just as happy as the ex-wife was with the victim. Or most of Sophie and Sterling going around questioning people.
- Sterling, really, is full of these. When Nate tells him all the upsides to his investigation, barring the death of the art forger, he remarks that all is right with the world with the three oddest choices of words for Sterling:
- "The Low Low Price Job"
- Eliot mutters that the Value More chant reminds him of North Korea, then realizes Hardison is dancing to it.
- "The White Rabbit Job"
Eliot: (finally takes the gun away) Give me that!
- Eliot is holding off some security guards (and clearly toying with them), the gate guard (a rather rickety elderly gentleman) stands there the whole time with a handgun pointed at him. Eliot is more annoyed by the presence of the gun than anything else.
- "The Corkscrew Job"
Hardison: (in the same whisper voice) I mean you. You're my preciouss...
- Hardison whispering "My preciousss..." when he gets a delivery of a computer he wanted, then noticing Parker's Death Glare.
Parker: Huh. He has very punchable face.
- Parker getting a glimpse of the vineyard overseer, who they know lets his people literally be worked to death.
Eliot: Yeah, I noticed that.
- "The Toy Job"
Eliot: I can't believe you spent a hundred thousand dollars on a motorcycle.
- When asking to tone down the Christmas gifts this year, Hardison getting Parker a motorcycle last year is used as an example.
Hardison: (smugly) Don't hate the gift, hate the elf.
Eliot: (confused) I do hate the elf.
Sophie: Mr. Grypal has often said that he wished that there had been a toy like Baby Feels-A-Lot during Nestor's developmental years.
- Parker is meant to get their mark's toy, a frisbee, and gets a creepy two faced doll instead. One side is happy, the other side is a scarred angry face. Its name? Baby Joy-rage.
- Nate decides to use a scam called the "Drug Dealer Approach" on a bunch of little kids at a farmer's market by giving them the toy for free.
- Eliot gets very overly invested in the details of the "single dad" persona being constructed for him to promote their appalling toy to mothers online, dictating the kind of image he wants to have in great detail and getting testy about the blog posts that Hardison has mocked up for him because they're not "believable."
- Hardison shutting down an argument by yelling that there's nothing wrong with "getting emotionally butt-nekkid."
- Eccentric!Nate, considering that's not one of his usual personas. While he's explaining to The Mark that he's created the doll for his (fake) son who's now in prison, you can't help but laugh at Nate playing a Cloudcuckoolander.
Nate: I wish there had been a toy like Baby Feels-A-Lot during Nestor's developmental years. (sighes) Ah. Different times.
The Mark: (Aside Glance to Sophie)
Hardison: You don't want to be in that warehouse alone.
- "Blogger mom" Allie blatantly checking Eliot out as he walks away.
- At the end of the episode, Parker proceeds to explain she's set up thousands of Baby Ragejoy in a warehouse, one half happy, one half angry. It's like two opposing armies.
- "The Long Goodbye Job"
Nate: I know these past few years, I've been—
Eliot: You've been an ornery bastard!
- And that's why you don't want the peanut gallery at your proposal.
open/close all folders
- The Nigerian Job
- Parker did not kill her parents, supported by the fact that they cut out the scene where her father runs out on fire.
- John Rogers on heights: "I'm wrapped around a strut, weeping like a five year-old child who just saw a clown eat her pony."
- The casting call for the stockbrokers—"Get me 100 white-haired guys who look like they profit off the misery of others, and put them in suits."
- The Homecoming Job
- The first appearance of The Hardest Working Parking Lot In Show Business, along with The Hardest Working Office and The Hardest Working Corridor, i.e. they literally had one office, corridor and parking lot that got dressed and redressed multiple times each episode.
- The Snow Job
- Jonathan Frakes ended up with his cameo when Chris Downey realized one scene required an extra to actually act, and promptly grabbed Frakes, who was prepping The Wedding Job, and informed him he was doing it.
- The Mile High Job
Paul Bernard: YOU'RE GOING TO DIE! IN FLAMES!
- The entire story behind the plant: there was supposed to be a running gag about Hardison caring for the plant Parker bought in The Homecoming Job, only for it to turn out to be plastic, and it only shows up here because there was never a good place to put it.
- Extras were apparently motivated during the plane crash by having the assistant director yell while manually swinging the oxygen masks.
Rob Minkoff:A shout-out to my cousin, who works in aviation. He called me after it aired, and said he loved it, but just one thing: that type of plane doesn't fly to the Caymans.Chris Downey : One thing! That's the one thing?!? We cook up a virus that cripples a plane through a recorder and land it on a freeway, and that's the thing?!?
- Just this:
- The Two-Horse Job
- The dramatic shot of Nate and Sterling in the office was originally written and shot as a comedy scene. Gina Bellman, Aldis Hodge, and Beth Reisgraf are all hiding in the closet during the entire scene.
- The Bank Shot Job
John Rogers: Aldis, do you actually know how to drive stick?
- The girl Judge Roy harassed took some work to cast, as everyone wanted someone sweet and adorable, like a casting assistant they knew. This was solved by just casting her.
- The first take of the dramatic peel-off out of the bank parking lot: Squealing wheels and . . . ackta-ackta-ackta-ackta, then the van stalling out.
Aldis Hodge: No.
- The First David Job
- When Beth Reisgraf asked how she looked in the dress from the opening, one staffers response was "Guh-guh-green."
- Strangely enough, the city of Pasadena was not okay with us dropping flaming couches out of the sky.
- The constant and unending amazement at Portland: the quality of local actors, the cooperative city, the high production value. You'd think they'd have found the Promised Land of TV production.
- The Running Gag of "Nate Ford is an awful human being", especially when they painstakingly point out that he's much worse when sober.
- The Beantown Bailout Job
- The first line of the commentary: "Chris, how badly did we bone ourselves at the end of the first season?"
- Dean Devlin on the bar shots: "So, I was trying to come up with all these wild camera moves around the bar, and it was just stupid and self-conscious and bad, and finally in a huff I just went 'Fine! We'll shoot it like television!'"
- "We were going to try to get some of those microexplosives, and then we realized that would put us on a lot of watchlists."
- The Three Days of Hunter Job
- I'm delighted by the fact that you can buy something on the web that can tear off the hand of a small child.
- The Top Hat Job
John Rogers: You gotta love Portland.
- The ball on Aldis' head wouldn't stay balanced, so they just glued it there.
- The Parker flashback was filmed in a public park. They buried a child alive in a public park.
- John Rogers wondering what the extras were thinking when they saw Academy Award winner Timothy Hutton suck as a magician.
- The story of a magic trick gone wrong: at a Penn & Teller exhibition, there was a kids division, where young magicians show off their mastery of classic skills. One boy did a trick where he puts a live dove into a pan, and lights it on fire, then revealing a cooked dove . . . except he did it wrong. Cue an entire auditorium of magicians standing up and yelling "The dove!"
- The Two Live Crew Job
- There are enough shows chasing serial killers. Let's chase, uh, rich white guys in suits.
- Competence porn: watching people who are good at what they do be good at what they do.
- I missed the fact that they [Mikal and Elliot] banged out a quickie between scenes.
- The Ice Man Job
- About 5 minutes in, the writers and producers start squabbling about the value of the hostage episode.
- The whole premise of this episode was "what's the most asshole-ish things Aldis can do?"
- Tim's not doing Mark Sheppard, he's doing the impression of Sterling that Nate would do at the IYS Christmas party to piss him off.
- Here. It's 21 years old; you can have sex with this scotch in every state in the union.
- The Lost Heir Job
- Is there an Evil Lawyer Monthly magazine? I'd like to get a subscription to that.
- The Runway Job
- The factory at the beginning is a real factory, with many of the extras drawn from the employees. . . all of whom were horrified at the hours the film crew worked.
- I love Parker telling Tara how to be photographed, because you know Sophie gave her those exact instructions three weeks ago.
- Who likes this style, who likes that style, is that head writer really drinking that much this early in the day, basic questions.
- The Bottle Job
John Rogers: You have a screwdriver. A screwdriver which is just a vodka with an orange in it.
Jonathan Frakes: It qualifies as a screwdriver!"
Jonathan Frakes: The prop man asked me "Should I get out the good money for this episode?"
- We'll miss our flight. *Looks over* Its' Jeri Ryan, we'll blow it off.
John Rogers: We're a con and heist show, we have a lot of briefcases full of money!
- The Zanzibar Marketplace Job
- We kept trying to find horrible places in Eastern Europe. Estonia: Estonia's the capitol of e-commerce! Kiev: Kiev is a cultural treasure; it's beautiful!. There are no bad places left in the world.
- The rotary phone was put in with the precise instruction to dial all the numbers just make Aldis angry.
- I love Parker's attempts at humanity. They just never go well.
- The Future Job
- These are the tricks fake psychics use. Not real ones, with huge lawyers behind them, just fake ones.
- I can appreciate a nice piece of man flesh as much as the next person what is in this drink?
- The mobster's speech was written by writing down a drunk John Rogers mocking of the idea of adding a mobster.
- The Three Strikes Job
- Parker is not good with surprises, she doesn't handle them well. Mostly because they involve talking to people, which also doesn't go over well.
- This is the first time Elliot's using a baseball bat for what it's meant to be used for. I mean, he's been using them to beat people for 20 years, but he's never hit a ball before.
- The baseball game shot list was crafted from outlines and Dean Devlin mining his friendship with John Rogers in order to figure out what John would want to see because the script wasn't done.
- Where Sophie still exchanges Christmas cards with people she's ripped off, Tara Cole has walked out of a lot of burning buildings with metal suitcases full of bloodstained cash.
- And once again, blowing stuff up at a dock, without the knowledge or permission of the authorities. I think at this point, they'd be disappointed if you called ahead.
- How did you get Mark Sheppard into this shot?!? Did you lower him by rope?
- The Maltese Falcon Job
- The decision to make Sterling an Interpol agent was agreed upon by Dean Devlin and John Rogers as either the best idea they'd ever had . . . or they really needed to sleep.
- Perils of outdoor shooting: "It's sunny! Go! Go! Go!"
- Oh, god. What would I do without booze?
- Richard Kind spent a week in that bathrobe. He was in on the docks, he was in it in hotel rooms. He developed a very unhealthy relationship with that bathrobe.
- We had a long scene explaining how Hardison messed up the ship, but we ran out of time so giant wrench!
- The Reunion Job
- You know, we're running out of ways to get Parker out of a duct.
- The Inside Job
John Rogers: This is Parker's new morality. Beth, what were you thinking here?
- Writer vs Actor on character development:
Beth Reisgraf: The blocking was really hard.
Richard Chamberlin: Dear boy, you can't possibly want me in this scene!
- I'm not normally afraid of heights, I'm afraid of height's when I'm 40 stories up hanging off the ledge of a building.
- The bomb from the Big Bang Job? Made from woks.
- This exchange:
John Rogers: If by "Dear boy, you can't possibly want me in this scene!" you mean you don't want to be in it, than yes, I agree. I've never been shut down so classily before.
- The Con Job
- The Leverage team battling Chaos at the San Diego Comic Con is pretty much made for comedy, but Eliot's impersonation of Warren Ellis is a standout.