History Funny / Leverage

16th Apr '17 6:38:19 AM Kalaong
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-->'''Eliot:''' What smells like crank and [[ScreamsLikeALittleGirl screams like a girl]]?

to:

-->'''Eliot:''' --->'''Eliot:''' What smells like crank and [[ScreamsLikeALittleGirl screams like a girl]]?



-->'''Judge Roy:''' C'mon, Bill - you know me!
-->'''Sheriff Bill:''' Yeah, I do Roy. [[NotHelpingYourCase That's kinda the problem]].

to:

-->'''Judge Roy:''' C'mon, Bill - you know me!
-->'''Sheriff
me!\\
'''Sheriff
Bill:''' Yeah, I do Roy. [[NotHelpingYourCase That's kinda the problem]].



--> '''Sophie''': You're still a geek!
--> '''Hardison''': Geek power, baby. Stay strong!

to:

--> '''Sophie''': You're still a geek!
-->
geek!\\
'''Hardison''': Geek power, baby. Stay strong!



''(later)''
--> '''Parker''': ''(After being caught)'' Oh [[GettingCrapPastTheRadar shi]]ny [[GettingCrapPastTheRadar t]]omato.

to:

''(later)''
-->
''(later)''\\
'''Parker''': ''(After being caught)'' Oh [[GettingCrapPastTheRadar shi]]ny [[GettingCrapPastTheRadar t]]omato.



--> '''Sophie''': How did you both know there would be an extra uniform in the bag?
--> '''Nate''': Everyone knows flight attendants are required to carry extra uniforms, in case they get called to work unexpectedly.
--> '''Eliot''': Or if something happens to the one they're already wearing.
--> '''Sophie:''' How does everyone know that?
--> '''Nate / Eliot''' ''(simultaneously)'': Worked airport security. / Slept with a flight attendant.

to:

--> '''Sophie''': How did you both know there would be an extra uniform in the bag?
-->
bag?\\
'''Nate''': Everyone knows flight attendants are required to carry extra uniforms, in case they get called to work unexpectedly.
-->
unexpectedly.\\
'''Eliot''': Or if something happens to the one they're already wearing.
-->
wearing.\\
'''Sophie:''' How does everyone know that?
-->
that?\\
'''Nate / Eliot''' ''(simultaneously)'': Worked airport security. / Slept with a flight attendant.



--> '''Nate:''' What, you thought she was dressed like a nun for no reason?
--> '''Eliot:''' It's Parker.
--> '''Nate:''' ({{Beat}}) Fair enough.

to:

--> '''Nate:''' What, you thought she was dressed like a nun for no reason?
-->
reason?\\
'''Eliot:''' It's Parker.
-->
Parker.\\
'''Nate:''' ({{Beat}}) Fair enough.



** Hardison calls Eliot to tell him about the mob involvement while Eliot is snooping through boxes owned by the mob and three members of the same mob are approaching him.
---> '''Eliot''': *on the phone* What mob?
---> '''Mobster''': Hey! That's private property!
---> '''Eliot''': *disinterested* Oh. That mob. *proceeds to beat the crap out of the three mobsters, then apologises to one of them*

to:

** Hardison calls is rambling about how hinky the "rich jerk of the week" is when a sleepy-eyed Nate wanders reaaal close to the corkboard and says;
--->'''Nate''': ...These are all mob businesses you're talking about here.\\
'''Hardison''': '''''MOB?'''''\\
'''Nate''': ...Where's Eliot?\\
'''Hardison''': ...oops.\\
'''Nate''': What?\\
''(cut to
Eliot to tell him about the mob involvement while Eliot is snooping rummaging through boxes owned by the mob and three members of the same mob are approaching him.
--->
in a warehouse as Hardison phones him)''\\
'''Eliot''': *on Yeah, Hardison. This is the phone* third place I checked. It's all the same. What mob?
--->
you mean, mob?\\
'''Mobster''': Hey!\\
'''Eliot''': ''*bored*'' Oh. '''That''' mob.\\
'''Mobster''': Hey! That's private property!
--->
property!\\
'''Eliot''': *disinterested* Oh. That mob. *proceeds ''*proceeds to nonchalantly beat the crap out of the three mobsters, then apologises to one of them*them*''



-->'''Hardison''': Are you even listening?
-->'''Eliot''': Yeah.
-->'''Hardison''': What did I just say?
-->'''Eliot''': You were explaining how you were still a virgin?
-->'''Hardison''': [DeathGlare]

to:

-->'''Hardison''': Are you even listening?
-->'''Eliot''': Yeah.
-->'''Hardison''':
listening?\\
'''Eliot''': Yeah.\\
'''Hardison''':
What did I just say?
-->'''Eliot''':
say?\\
'''Eliot''':
You were explaining how you were still a virgin?
-->'''Hardison''':
virgin?\\
'''Hardison''':
[DeathGlare]



--> '''Nate:''' ...do I sound this creepy when I--?
--> '''Eliot:''' Hell. Yes.

to:

--> '''Nate:''' ...do I sound this creepy when I--?
-->
I--?\\
'''Eliot:''' Hell. Yes.



--> '''Hardison:''' It's not that. You said that if thing went wrong, you weren't gonna help me. But you did. Come on man, let's hug it out.
--> '''Eliot:''' No, ''no''. I will break your frickin' arm-

to:

--> '''Hardison:''' It's not that. You said that if thing went wrong, you weren't gonna help me. But you did. Come on man, let's hug it out.
-->
out.\\
'''Eliot:''' No, ''no''. I will break your frickin' arm-



-->'''Parker:''' WE'RE WITH OSHA.
-->'''Eliot:''' WE ISSUED A CLASS ONE CHEMICAL EVACUATION NOTICE FOR THIS FACILITY EFFECTIVE TWENTY FOUR HOURS AGO!
-->'''Parker:''' THIS PLACE IS ON LOCKDOWN FOR CHEMICAL EXPOSURE!
-->'''Eliot:''' DID NOBODY READ THE MEMO?
-->'''Parker:''' '''''DID NOBODY READ THE MEMO?!'''''
-->''(a few seconds later)''
-->'''Eliot:''' HONEY, YOUR LUNGS ARE A PARKING LOT, SWEETHEART.
-->'''Parker:''' AND IN THAT PARKING LOT THE DIAGONAL LINES ARE PAINTED IN '''POISON'''!

to:

-->'''Parker:''' WE'RE WITH OSHA.
-->'''Eliot:'''
OSHA.\\
'''Eliot:'''
WE ISSUED A CLASS ONE CHEMICAL EVACUATION NOTICE FOR THIS FACILITY EFFECTIVE TWENTY FOUR HOURS AGO!
-->'''Parker:'''
AGO!\\
'''Parker:'''
THIS PLACE IS ON LOCKDOWN FOR CHEMICAL EXPOSURE!
-->'''Eliot:'''
EXPOSURE!\\
'''Eliot:'''
DID NOBODY READ THE MEMO?
-->'''Parker:'''
MEMO?\\
'''Parker:'''
'''''DID NOBODY READ THE MEMO?!'''''
-->''(a
MEMO?!'''''\\
''(a
few seconds later)''
-->'''Eliot:'''
later)''\\
'''Eliot:'''
HONEY, YOUR LUNGS ARE A PARKING LOT, SWEETHEART.
-->'''Parker:'''
SWEETHEART.\\
'''Parker:'''
AND IN THAT PARKING LOT THE DIAGONAL LINES ARE PAINTED IN '''POISON'''!



--> '''Tara:''' Sophie was right. You're the best I've ever seen.
--> '''Nate:''' I know. (walks away)
--> '''Tara:''' But no one in the ''world'' is as good as you think you are!

to:

--> '''Tara:''' Sophie was right. You're the best I've ever seen.
-->
seen.\\
'''Nate:''' I know. (walks away)
-->
away)\\
'''Tara:''' But no one in the ''world'' is as good as you think you are!



--> '''Eliot''': Don't feel bad for this guy! Getting bullied in high school is still no excuse for propping up dictators. Take Hardison, he got bullied his whole high school career, he's not a criminal.
--> '''Parker''': Uh, yeah he is.
--> '''Eliot''': A BAD criminal.
--> '''Hardison''': Uh, what makes you think I got bullied in high school?
--> '''Eliot''': A, you've got a [[Franchise/TheGreenHornet Green Hornet]] doll!
--> '''Hardison''': First of all, it's a limited edition action figure. Second, it is Franchise/GreenLantern! [[SeriousBusiness Educate yourself!]]

to:

--> '''Eliot''': Don't feel bad for this guy! Getting bullied in high school is still no excuse for propping up dictators. Take Hardison, he got bullied his whole high school career, he's not a criminal.
-->
criminal.\\
'''Parker''': Uh, yeah he is.
-->
is.\\
'''Eliot''': A BAD criminal.
-->
criminal.\\
'''Hardison''': Uh, what makes you think I got bullied in high school?
-->
school?\\
'''Eliot''': A, you've got a [[Franchise/TheGreenHornet Green Hornet]] doll!
-->
doll!\\
'''Hardison''': First of all, it's a limited edition action figure. Second, it is Franchise/GreenLantern! [[SeriousBusiness Educate yourself!]]



--> '''Parker''': Who knew a sedan could hit 140?
--> '''Sophie''': Parker, you are never to get behind the wheel of a car again, okay? Never.

to:

--> '''Parker''': Who knew a sedan could hit 140?
-->
140?\\
'''Sophie''': Parker, you are never to get behind the wheel of a car again, okay? Never.



-->'''Hardison:''' Wait, wait, hold up- ''you told her''?
-->'''Eliot:''' I should've known! You're a menace Parker!
-->'''Parker:'''She deserved a chance, okay!
-->'''Hardison:''' Oooooh, Nate's gonna kill youuuuu.
-->'''Eliot:''' ''I'm'' gonna kill you!
-->'''Parker:''' Oh, stop whining!
-->'''Eliot:''' ''I got hit by a car!!''
-->'''Parker:''' *mimicking* I got hit by a car. Get over it!
-->'''Eliot:''' I'm gonna kill her, man, I'm gonna kill her!
-->'''Hardison:''' Hey, hey! Nobody is gonna kill anyone! *to Parker* Seriously though, Nate's gonna kill you.
-->'''Shorty''': Who ''are'' you people?!
-->'''Parker''': (yelling) ''We're the good guys!''

to:

-->'''Hardison:''' Wait, wait, hold up- ''you told her''?
-->'''Eliot:'''
her''? \\
'''Eliot:'''
I should've known! You're a menace Parker!
-->'''Parker:'''She
Parker!\\
'''Parker:'''She
deserved a chance, okay!
-->'''Hardison:'''
okay!\\
'''Hardison:'''
Oooooh, Nate's gonna kill youuuuu.
-->'''Eliot:'''
youuuuu.\\
'''Eliot:'''
''I'm'' gonna kill you!
-->'''Parker:'''
you!\\
'''Parker:'''
Oh, stop whining!
-->'''Eliot:'''
whining!\\
'''Eliot:'''
''I got hit by a car!!''
-->'''Parker:'''
car!!''\\
'''Parker:'''
*mimicking* I got hit by a car. Get over it!
-->'''Eliot:'''
it!\\
'''Eliot:'''
I'm gonna kill her, man, I'm gonna kill her!
-->'''Hardison:'''
her!\\
'''Hardison:'''
Hey, hey! Nobody is gonna kill anyone! *to Parker* Seriously though, Nate's gonna kill you.
-->'''Shorty''':
you.\\
'''Shorty''':
Who ''are'' you people?!
-->'''Parker''':
people?!\\
'''Parker''':
(yelling) ''We're the good guys!''



-->'''Sophie:''' They're gonna kill Hardison!
-->'''Hardison:''' They gonna kill ''who''?!

to:

-->'''Sophie:''' They're gonna kill Hardison!
-->'''Hardison:'''
Hardison!\\
'''Hardison:'''
They gonna kill ''who''?!



---> '''Hardison:''' I'm telling the computer back at my nana's hou-- My house. My house. My house.
---> '''Nate:''' Yeah. Of course. Yeah.

to:

---> '''Hardison:''' I'm telling the computer back at my nana's hou-- My house. My house. My house.
--->
house.\\
'''Nate:''' Yeah. Of course. Yeah.



--> '''Frank''': You are high on the holiday spirit!
--> '''Dooley:''' Yes I am! And pills mixed with morphine! I can't ''believe'' you let me drive here!

to:

--> '''Frank''': You are high on the holiday spirit!
-->
spirit!\\
'''Dooley:''' Yes I am! And pills mixed with morphine! I can't ''believe'' you let me drive here!



--> '''Hardison''': We got this. We-- ''([[BigBad Moreau]] walks in flanked by bodyguards)'' Ah hell, it's Moreau.
--> '''Nate''': Yeah, I caught that.

to:

--> '''Hardison''': We got this. We-- ''([[BigBad Moreau]] walks in flanked by bodyguards)'' Ah hell, it's Moreau.
-->
Moreau.\\
'''Nate''': Yeah, I caught that.



--->'''[[TokenGoodTeammate Vittore]]:''' ...I think I hate you.
--->'''Nate:''' Y'know, I'm OK with that.

to:

--->'''[[TokenGoodTeammate Vittore]]:''' ...I think I hate you.
--->'''Nate:'''
you.\\
'''Nate:'''
Y'know, I'm OK with that.



--> '''Eliot''': ''(weirded out)'' Let go.
--> '''Hardison''': I'm just--so damn cold--
--> '''Eliot''': I don't ''care'', man.
--> '''Hardison''': Just please set me on fire, do something. I'm all shivering, and [[TooMuchInformation I think one of my nipples fell off--]]
--> '''Eliot''': You don't ''tell'' me stuff like that!

--> '''Nate''': Parker, have you ever climbed a mountain?
--> '''Parker''': I climb skyscrapers. I can WALK up a mountain.
--> '''Eliot''': It's not the same! Are there avalanches on a skyscraper?
--> '''Parker''': No. ({{Beat}}) That would be SO cool though.

to:

--> '''Eliot''': ''(weirded out)'' Let go.
-->
go.\\
'''Hardison''': I'm just--so damn cold--
-->
cold--\\
'''Eliot''': I don't ''care'', man.
-->
man.\\
'''Hardison''': Just please set me on fire, do something. I'm all shivering, and [[TooMuchInformation I think one of my nipples fell off--]]
-->
off--]]\\
'''Eliot''': You don't ''tell'' me stuff like that!

--> '''Nate''': Parker, have you ever climbed a mountain?
-->
mountain?\\
'''Parker''': I climb skyscrapers. I can WALK up a mountain.
-->
mountain.\\
'''Eliot''': It's not the same! Are there avalanches on a skyscraper?
-->
skyscraper?\\
'''Parker''': No. ({{Beat}}) That would be SO cool though.



--> '''Sophie''': Nate, how dangerous is this gig you took without checking with us?
--> '''Nate''': (stammers)
--> '''Hardison''': (GilliganCut to a flashback in the office) Ridiculously dangerous! It's like a danger cupcake with murder icing!

to:

--> '''Sophie''': Nate, how dangerous is this gig you took without checking with us?
-->
us?\\
'''Nate''': (stammers)
-->
(stammers)\\
'''Hardison''': (GilliganCut to a flashback in the office) Ridiculously dangerous! It's like a danger cupcake with murder icing!



--> '''Sophie''': ''(runs up to him and kisses him, then whispers)'' I'm running a Moscow circus, you're the Ivan.
--> '''Nate''': Okay, I'm kind of dying of altitude sickness though...

to:

--> '''Sophie''': ''(runs up to him and kisses him, then whispers)'' I'm running a Moscow circus, you're the Ivan.
-->
Ivan.\\
'''Nate''': Okay, I'm kind of dying of altitude sickness though...



--> '''Parker''': You realize this isn't going to be normal.
--> '''Hardison''': My nana says that normal is whatever works for you. This, we all work.
--> '''Parker''': I should meet your nana.
--> '''Hardison''': Yeah... wait, what?

to:

--> '''Parker''': You realize this isn't going to be normal.
-->
normal.\\
'''Hardison''': My nana says that normal is whatever works for you. This, we all work.
-->
work.\\
'''Parker''': I should meet your nana.
-->
nana.\\
'''Hardison''': Yeah... wait, what?



--> '''Nate''': No, you're emotionally involved. Leads to bad decisions.
--> '''Hardison''': Did ''you'' just say that? With a straight face?

to:

--> '''Nate''': No, you're emotionally involved. Leads to bad decisions.
-->
decisions.\\
'''Hardison''': Did ''you'' just say that? With a straight face?



-->'''Irish guy:''' Why is there a nun's habit without a nun inside?
-->'''Nate:''' Rapture!

to:

-->'''Irish guy:''' Why is there a nun's habit without a nun inside?
-->'''Nate:'''
inside?\\
'''Nate:'''
Rapture!



-->'''Eliot''': (to the beat up thugs) [[{{CatchPhrase}} Yippie-ki-yay, motherf-]]
-->'''Jimmy Ford''': [[CurseCutShort Found]] [[HardCut it!]]

to:

-->'''Eliot''': (to the beat up thugs) [[{{CatchPhrase}} Yippie-ki-yay, motherf-]]
-->'''Jimmy
motherf-]]\\
'''Jimmy
Ford''': [[CurseCutShort Found]] [[HardCut it!]]



-->'''Quinn''': Can I hit him?
-->'''Eliot''': Which one?
-->'''Quinn''': Either one.
-->'''Eliot''': (to Hardison) You see? It's ''not'' just me.

to:

-->'''Quinn''': Can I hit him?
-->'''Eliot''':
him?\\
'''Eliot''':
Which one?
-->'''Quinn''':
one?\\
'''Quinn''':
Either one.
-->'''Eliot''':
one.\\
'''Eliot''':
(to Hardison) You see? It's ''not'' just me.



-->'''Annoying Interrupting Rich Girl:''' What's your name?
-->'''Eliot:''' ''[[DeathGlare Chef.]]''

to:

-->'''Annoying Interrupting Rich Girl:''' What's your name?
-->'''Eliot:'''
name? \\
'''Eliot:'''
''[[DeathGlare Chef.]]''



-->'''Creator/JohnRogers:''' Aldis, do you actually know how to drive stick?
-->'''Aldis Hodge:''' No.

to:

-->'''Creator/JohnRogers:''' Aldis, do you actually know how to drive stick?
-->'''Aldis
stick?\\
'''Aldis
Hodge:''' No.



-->'''John Rogers:''' You have a screwdriver. A screwdriver which is just a vodka with an orange in it.
-->'''Jonathan Frakes:''' It qualifies as a screwdriver!"

to:

-->'''John Rogers:''' You have a screwdriver. A screwdriver which is just a vodka with an orange in it.
-->'''Jonathan
it.\\
'''Jonathan
Frakes:''' It qualifies as a screwdriver!"



-->'''Jonathan Frakes:''' The prop man asked me "Should I get out the good money for this episode?"
-->'''John Rogers:''' We're a con and heist show, we have a lot of briefcases full of money!

to:

-->'''Jonathan Frakes:''' The prop man asked me "Should I get out the good money for this episode?"
-->'''John
episode?" \\
'''John
Rogers:''' We're a con and heist show, we have a lot of briefcases full of money!



-->'''John Rogers:''' This is Parker's new morality. Beth, what were you thinking here?
-->'''Beth Reisgraf:''' The blocking was really hard.

to:

-->'''John Rogers:''' This is Parker's new morality. Beth, what were you thinking here?
-->'''Beth
here? \\
'''Beth
Reisgraf:''' The blocking was really hard.



-->'''Richard Chamberlin:''' Dear boy, you can't possibly want me in this scene!
-->'''John Rogers:''' If by "Dear boy, you can't possibly want me in this scene!" you mean you don't want to be in it, than yes, I agree. I've never been shut down so classily before.

to:

-->'''Richard Chamberlin:''' Dear boy, you can't possibly want me in this scene!
-->'''John
scene!\\
'''John
Rogers:''' If by "Dear boy, you can't possibly want me in this scene!" you mean you don't want to be in it, than yes, I agree. I've never been shut down so classily before.
25th Feb '17 11:01:54 AM cptorsai
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-->'''Judge Roy:''' You know me!
-->'''Sheriff Bill:''' Yeah Roy, I do. [[NotHelpingYourCase That's kinda the problem]].

to:

-->'''Judge Roy:''' You C'mon, Bill - you know me!
-->'''Sheriff Bill:''' Yeah Roy, Yeah, I do.do Roy. [[NotHelpingYourCase That's kinda the problem]].
25th Feb '17 10:33:30 AM cptorsai
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-->'''Local Police Chief:''' Yeah Roy, I do. [[NotHelpingYourCase That's kinda the problem]].

to:

-->'''Local Police Chief:''' -->'''Sheriff Bill:''' Yeah Roy, I do. [[NotHelpingYourCase That's kinda the problem]].
16th Jan '17 8:24:20 PM DustSnitch
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** John Billingsley as Coswell. Namely in Nate's story. Everyone seems to think that he is a BadAss with a keen eye that could rival Nate, only for Nate to reveal he was barely competent at his job and they just misheard or misjudged his actions. in their story leads to this reaction.

to:

** John Billingsley as Coswell. Namely in Nate's story. Everyone seems to think that he is a BadAss badass with a keen eye that could rival Nate, only for Nate to reveal he was barely competent at his job and they just misheard or misjudged his actions. in their story leads to this reaction.
31st Dec '16 7:43:47 PM JoieDeCombat
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** Eliot gets very overly invested in the details of the "single dad" persona being constructed for him to promote their appalling toy to mothers online, dictating the kind of image he wants to have in great detail and getting testy about the blog posts that Hardison has mocked up for him because they're not "believable."



** The "blogger mom" blatantly checking Eliot out as he walks away.

to:

** The "blogger "Blogger mom" Allie blatantly checking Eliot out as he walks away.
31st Dec '16 12:19:34 AM JoieDeCombat
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Added DiffLines:

** The "blogger mom" blatantly checking Eliot out as he walks away.
27th Dec '16 7:06:21 AM JoieDeCombat
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Added DiffLines:

** From the hardware store they go out to a field where Eliot proceeds to dig a grave while the two of them discuss which of the team would best cope with retiring from the con artist life. Eliot says it's him.
--->'''Eliot:''' After sunset, this field is gonna be completely dark. No clear sight lines from the road. First thing to find a body out here would be a coyote...\\
'''Sophie:''' Okay, now I'm scared.\\
'''Eliot:''' I'm here.\\
'''Sophie:''' Eliot, ''you're'' what's scaring me!
27th Dec '16 6:49:04 AM JoieDeCombat
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Added DiffLines:

*** The indecency investigation is explained by a cut to Sophie in her Capitol Building office showing a large-screen projection of a cheerleading competition to a congressman, delivering a diatribe of righteous indignation in a heavy Southern drawl:
--->'''Sophie:''' Oh. There. Right ''there'', sir. That is a wardrobe mal''function''. I can see her hoo-hah! Her ''hoo-hah'', sir! Are you blind?! Do I need to call Congressman Caballo? Or Congressman Greenhill? I will call my whole ''rolodex'', sir!
13th Dec '16 9:20:37 AM JoieDeCombat
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** Eliot's cover as.... [[Series/StarTrekTheNextGeneration "Willie Riker."]] Bonus points for the episode being directed by Johnathan Frakes.

to:

** Eliot's cover as.... [[Series/StarTrekTheNextGeneration "Willie Riker."]] Bonus points for the episode being directed by Johnathan Frakes. According to WordOfGod the name was originally a placeholder, but when Frakes came on to direct the episode he insisted they keep it.
5th Dec '16 2:47:38 PM JoieDeCombat
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** Parker after the chocolate festival, the first time, severe caffeine jitters.
*** Parker dealing with getting her pocket picked at the chocolate festival.

to:

** Parker after the chocolate festival, the first time, severe caffeine jitters.
jitters. Her t-shirt is covered in chocolate smears.
*** Parker dealing with getting her pocket picked at the chocolate festival.festival, especially her enormous grin as she shows off all the stuff she's stolen from the thief, and her annoyed pout when Nate makes her give it all back because they ''want'' the guy to check them out. She takes his credit card out of his wallet before she returns it, purely out of spite.
This list shows the last 10 events of 612. Show all.
http://tvtropes.org/pmwiki/article_history.php?article=Funny.Leverage