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- Everything Charlie says after agreeing to date a teenage gossip addict in "Underage Drinking: A National Concern", as well as the final shot of Mac showing up stag to the high school dance. (Neither of these are flashbacks.)
- "Dennis and Dee Go On Welfare": Every scene with Charlie and Mac in the limousine.
- The ending line: "Because you are crack heads, children." Then Dennis and Dee weakly mutter "Crack..." over and over.
- Basically every scene of Dee (and Charlie, for that matter) when they're jacked up on steroids in "Hundred Dollar Baby." The (arguably) funniest scene occurs when Dee's rival states that she "looks like a Holocaust victim wearing pageant makeup" to which Dee replies "I WILL EAT YOUR BABIES, BITCH!"
Mugger: Nice friends.
- Also the scene where a crackhead mugger threatens the gang and they throw Dee to the ground and run off, completely abandoning her.
- The end of "The Gang Gives Back." As part of court-ordered community service for what they did to the Israeli man who threatened to take their bar, Mac, Dennis and Dee are required to coach dual basketball teams at the local rec center, Dennis coaching one team, Mac and Dee coaching the other. Frank decides to get in on this by betting on the game with his gambling-addicted, chain-smoking Vietnamese friends, but he fixes the game by giving Dennis' star player a bike in exchange for staying out of it. After realization of this disadvantage, Dennis teaches his team to play dirty, and Mac and Dee do the same. Meanwhile, Charlie was court-ordered to join Alcoholics Anonymous, where he meets the Waitress and tries to stalk her there. When he lets out that Dennis is coaching a community basketball team, she attends the game to see him coach. Jealous, Charlie offers to referee the game and shows up drunk out of his mind. The results have to be seen to believed.
- In "The Gang Runs for Office", when Charlie isn't happy that Dennis decided to just drop out of being a comptroller, especially when he traded his entire "savings" to save Dennis from a smear campaign. His reaction? He takes off one of his shoes, shows it to Dennis, and proceeds to slam the shoe repeatedly against the counter top.
"Hello fellow American. This you should vote me. I leave power. Good. Thank you, thank you. If you vote me, I'm hot." What? "Taxes, they'll be lower... son. The Democratic vote is the right thing to do Philadelphia, so do."
- Dennis reads the campaign speech Charlie wrote, while Charlie mouths the speech in the background:
- Apparently that whole speech was actually improvised by Glenn; Charlie Day barely managed to avoid cracking up.
- The end of "Charlie Goes America All Over Everybody's Ass." Frank gets sent to the basement of Paddy's to run his gambling operations. After deciding to evacuate everyone from the bar, Dennis and Mac go to the basement to find that Frank has spread his gambling to Russian Roulette. He spins a revolver and gives it to a participant and off screen we hear a gunshot and a thud. The fact that all of Frank's "friends" in that basement are Vietnamese, along with the fact that Frank is wearing a pair of sunglasses with one of the lenses popped out and smoking a cigarette, makes that scene also a Shout-Out to the most famous scene from the end of The Deer Hunter.
- From "The Gang Finds A Dumpster Baby":
Frank: What the hell is that?Mac: It's a baby we found in the Dumpster.Frank: Well put it back, it doesn't belong to you.
- "The Gang Gets Invincible": The football tryouts are relocated, so Frank tells Charlie to pack the van so they can follow the bus. Charlie doesn't want to do it but Frank keeps badgering him until Charlie lets out an aggravated "AAAAGGGGGGGGGHHHHHH!!!!" and gets up.
- The Coach. He manages to scream almost every line he's got without being overly hammy, and scares the shit out of the protagonists.
- When the gang goes to football tryouts, Frank and Charlie drop acid. Frank gets trapped in a bathroom and is too high to get out. He sees a woman who tells him to get out through the toilet. Later it's revealed that all of this is in his head and he's just standing in a garbage bin, asking the rest of the Gang how they got into the bathroom.
- Ryan stabbing Liam in the arm in "The Gang Gets Held Hostage".
Liam: You were supposed to stab one of them!
- Made even funnier with The Reveal that the knife's rubber.
- The Literal Cliffhanger, which is subverted when Ryan only drops a story and lands comfortably on the street.
- The ending, where it's revealed to be a prank, and the McPoyles run screaming in victory on the streets. They're only wearing bathrobes while doing this, mind you.
- "Frank Sets Sweet Dee on Fire" - the moment where...well, Frank causes Dee to catch fire as she attempts to save a box of kittens, which she proceeds to hurl because she's on fire.
- And, of course, the title card, which is immediately preceded by Frank innocuously asking "How's anybody gonna get hurt?"
- Dennis' entire speech on twinks and bears and other gay slang on "The Gang Sells Out."
- The entire episode of "Sweet Dee is Dating a Retarded Person" is hilarious from start to finish.
Mac: It sounds like a song where a guy breaks into your house and rapes you.Charlie: What, dude? Where are you getting that from? It's just two men sharing the night/It might seem wrong but it's just right/It's just two men sharing each other/It's just two men like loving brothers...
- Charlie playing his "Nightman" song (and being oblivious to the rapey undertones of the lyrics) in "Sweet Dee is Dating a Retarded Person".
Lil' Kev: Just one question, Dee / before you take your bow / This gravy train's leavin', / so who's retarded now?
- The final verses of Lil' Kev's Take That rap to Dee:
- In "Mac is a Serial Killer", there's a serial killer in the area hunting young, attractive blonde women, and Dee is worried that she might get attacked. Everyone claims that she doesn't fit the profile at all ("You're blonde and a woman, but that's hardly enough"), and it's forgotten about. They suspect Mac is the killer (he's hiding the fact that he's dating a pre-op transsexual) so they decide to stage an intervention. But they don't want to do it at one of their places (Frank has a chainsaw he's itching to use if Mac gets feisty), so they use the apartment that Dee is supposed to be housesitting for some guy who's obviously in love with her. They go to the apartment, do the intervention, and of course it turns out Mac's not the killer. Charlie goes to see if there's any food in the fridge, and finds the severed heads of young, attractive blonde women. Then the owner comes home. The episode ends with Frank revving up the chainsaw.
- "Pepper Jack love Fraggle Rock!"
- "Dennis Looks Like a Registered Sex Offender": The reaction on Mrs. Mac when Mac says: "You guys haven't seen each other in so long, huh? It's exciting!" Mrs. Mac merely coughs out a puff of smoke.
- To try to differentiate himself from the sex offender that looks like him, Dennis goes to the park and teach the kids about fitness. Dennis (wearing a fake pedostache) takes off his shirt and tells the kids about the proper way to do exercises, which is mistaken for flirting (especially after Dee goes to a group of dads and informs them that she's a social worker trying to rehabilitate sex offenders who were just released from prison and points out that one of her patients is Dennis). The parents are not pleased.
- Dennis and Dee threatening to get the doppelganger sex offender put back in jail by hiring a little boy who's been trained to tell the authorities about all the sexual stuff he does to him (showing him "movies with funny naked people in them", making him taste things he doesn't want to, giving him juice boxes that make him sleepy, etc).
- "The Gang Gets Whacked". Charlie and Dee witness Rickety Cricket upon giving him cocaine. The all-definite proof that drug use can be hilarious.
Jockey: So come on you old son of a gun - And let Buster do a line off your boner.(Beat) Charlie breathes in and walks away without saying a word.
- Frank escalating Dennis's "handsome companion" job: "No more dinners. We're going straight to bangin' from now on." Then when Frank says Dennis can still have his rules about what he'll do for money, Dennis points to the classified ad that Frank made: "NO RULES".
- "Mac and Dennis: Manhunters": When Cricket escapes Mac and Dennis by jumping onto an apartment ladder and heading towards the roof. The two didn't expect that ("Okay, how did his legs just do that?" "I'm not doing that, Dennis.") and give up immediately.
- "The Gang Solves the Gas Crisis": "Because I cut the brakes! Wildcard, bitches! YEEEEEEE HAW!"
- In "America's Next Top Paddy's Billboard Model Contest", Dee tries to make a viral video. Something about the emphasis just perfects Mac's reaction:
Mac: Dee, there are a million videos on the Internet. Who gives a shit?
- Frank's statement "Dennis, your mule is shit. I'm no longer turned on by mules."
- "Mac and Charlie Die: Part One": Charlie nonchalantly pulling out his loose teeth.
- Charlie's and Mac's outrageously ridiculous plan to fake their deaths.
- And the pitiful "explosion" that the grenade caused to Dee's car: It just lets a puff of smoke and caused the car to bounce a little, and the horn to briefly honk. Then Mac tries to shoot the gas tank to cause an explosion that way, but keeps missing and uses up all the bullets. So not like the movies where everything's Made of Explodium.
- "Mac and Charlie Die: Part 2" - Frank playing with the Charlie mannequin and Frank imitating Charlie's high whiny voice.
- The entirety of "Who Pooped the Bed?", especially Dee's Freak Out over poop at an art gallery and Artemis' whodunit-style summation that turns out be as wrong as it is farfetched. Toilet Humor doesn't get much funnier than this.
- The scene where the alleged scientist checks the poop.
- And when the scientist describes the contents of the poop, Frank keeps admitting that the results (newspaper, pieces of a credit card, wolf hair) are inconclusive, grossing out Dennis.
- The scene where the alleged scientist checks the poop.
- "Paddy's Pub: The Worst Bar in Philadelphia": Mac admits that the feeling of getting stabbed in the bar is the kind of atmosphere he's been trying to cultivate.
Dee: I didn't feel like opening up a bottle of wine so I brought you some scotch 'cause I feel like that's what writers should drink.
- The reveal that Charlie's holding a hammer when he, Dennis, and Dee visit the critic who gave their pub a bad review.
- When Dee serves Corman scotch:
Dennis: Hey, some top-shelf scotch.
Corman: Uh, I don't drink scotch.
Dee: Well, you don't have to be a dick about it.
- "Dennis Reynolds: An Erotic Life": Sweet Dee getting dry heaves while attempting stand-up comedy.
Dee: This is cat food, Charlie.
- Sinbad in general.
- Dee spends the night at Charlie's apartment to live in his shoes. He offers her something to eat before bed:
Charlie: Dee, I can explain it, all right? There's some sort of weird chemical reaction that happens when you combine cat food, beer and glue. It makes you feel, like, extremely sick and tired. You're able to fall asleep.
Dee: Why would I want to make myself extremely sick and tired?
Charlie: 'Cause there's going to be about fifty cats howling outside that window all night long, and you have no idea how loud 50 cats can be!
Dee: Okay, maybe there wouldn't be cats surrounding your building if you didn't have open cans of cat food everywhere!
Charlie: I have fifty cats howling outside my window because I have 10,000 rats running around my building, Dee, okay?!
Dee: Stop yelling.
Charlie: I'm not an idiot! There's a reason to do the things that- oh! (cats heard outside) It's starting right on time. If I were you, I'd start wolfing that shit down.
- Then Frank enters moments later and immediately eats some cat food and goes straight to bed.
- "Sweet Dee Has a Heart Attack": Frank wearing a hospital gown, naked. He loves it lets your ass "breathe".
- Two words: Pepe Silvia.
- "The Nightman Cometh" all the way through.
- Dee getting weirded out by the lyrics during her musical number: "Tiny boy, little boy, baby boy, I need you, tiny boy, little boy, want to make love to you, boy..."
- Frank messing up the lyrics "To get into this boy's soul, you've got to pay the troll toll" as "To get into this boy's hole, you've got to pay the troll toll." He does it in rehearsal and during the performance.
- "I WILL SMACK YOUR FACE, OFF OF YOUR FACE!!"
- The part where Mac leaps in bed with Dennis and the lights go out. Dennis says "Dude, do you have a boner?" to which Mac replies "Don't ruin this for me!"
- "The Gang Solves The Mortgage Crisis" - This one line from Dee in the way she says it:
Dee: Ohhh shit, is that a pool?!
- The entirety of "The Gang Hits the Road."
- "The Great Recession": Charlie's creepy Uncle Jack, who has rented out his old room and wants Charlie to share the room with him:
Jack: You and me palling around, getting nuts, doing crazy, fun things.
Charlie: I'm not doing any kind of things that you want me to do with you, uncle Jack, you know?
Jack: No, it's, it's stuff that relatives do.
- The gang advising the therapist to bring a gun to Frank's intervention.
- In the same episode, Mac getting grossed out by Frank's noxious belches, gurgling noises, and eventually foaming at the mouth.
- In "The Waitress Is Getting Married," Dennis and Mac set up a Match.com profile for Charlie, and get some weird answers. Such as: Favorite food: "Milksteak"; favorite hobby: "Magnets"; what are some of your likes: "Ghouls"; what are your dislikes: "People's knees".
Charlie: I'm a full-on rapist.Note You know? Africans, dyslexics, children, that sort of thing.
- This leads to Charlie's disastrous date:
- Dee stopping her car on a narrow street with cars behind her to invite the waitress and her fiancee to her apartment for a party. She even blames the two for holding up traffic. And when she goes back to her car, she tells the cars behind her: "Oh calm down, dickwads, it wasn't that bad!"
- Mac's letter to Chase Utley in "The World Series Defense."
- In "The Gang Wrestles For The Troops", Frank welcoming Ben the soldier (who just got dumped by Dee after she saw him in a wheelchair) home by inviting him to a wrestling match, presenting him with a gift of a pair of jean shorts and awkwardly saluting him to "A Kiss From A Rose" by Seal.
- And then when Dee tries to salvage the situation for her own selfish reasons by revealing herself as the real Desert Rose and serenading Ben with the same song, Rickety Cricket immediately blasts her in the face with a steel chair.
- Mac, Dennis, and Charlie's awkward "Birds of War" eagle routine before the wrestling match.
- I'M THE TRASHMAN!
- "Paddy's Pub: Home of the Original Kitten Mittens": Charlie's "Kitten Mittons" commercial.
- "Mac and Dennis Break Up":
Frank: This place is tits!
- When Mac cleans Charlie and Frank's squalor of an apartment:
- "The Gang Reignites the Rivalry": "I'm cutting off the bottom half of his shower curtain, that way when he takes a shower, everyone will see his junk!"
- "The Gang Buys a Boat": Dee dances like the inflatable dancer seen in most used car lots. When the boat goes up in flames... it's still dancing.
- The entire "implications" discussion between Mac and Dennis.
- "Mac and Charlie: White Trash": The part where Dennis makes a break for the pool and is immediately grabbed and thrown onto a table by a security guard. Dee and Frank stop dead in their tracks.
- Charlie telling Mac that he buys burner phones; Mac tells him that those are predominantly used by drug dealers. Charlie admits that he buys them so he can keep calling the waitress without her blocking his number.
- The Unreliable Narrator parts of the 2010 Halloween episode "Who Got Dee Pregnant?" - culminating with Dee as an ostrich.
- The four guys visit the McPoyles because they were at the Halloween party and were sober. At one point, Mac admits that he had sex with Margaret, and Liam informs Mac that he still hasn't called Margaret back. Mac refuses to do so, and Liam shouts, "YOU WILL CALL HER!!!!"
- When Dennis looks ill after he thinks he had sex with his own sister, the McPoyles encourage him to vomit. Then when Dennis runs for the toilet, Liam tells him, "Don't flush."
- "Charlie Kelly: King of the Rats": Dee, Dennis, and Mac going through Charlie's dream journal and getting completely confused by the drawings in it: Denim chicken, a bird with teeth, and a worm hat.
- "The Gang Gets Stranded in the Woods": "We can't eat the rabbit! He's got Frank's soul!"
- When Dee sets the rabbit free, it's immediately snatched by a bird.
- The entirety of "A Very Sunny Christmas". Highlights include Mac and Charlie's Christmas flashbacks, Frank coming out of the couch naked at a Christmas party, Charlie attacking Santa, the Gang getting trash thrown at them, and Frank's stop-motion coma dream.
- In "Frank's Pretty Woman," Charlie vomits fake blood all over his date while acting as a Southern billionaire.
Charlie: I THINK I'VE BEEN POISONED BY MY CONSTITUENTS!
- "The Gang Goes to the New Jersey Shore": "I'M SORRY, RUM HAM!"
- "Frank Reynolds' Little Beauties" is in a class all by itself.
- The entire final scene of "Sweet Dee Gets Audited", where the gang stages a baby funeral (or, as they call it, "The darkest thing they've ever done," though, given the show, it'll get worse), qualifies, from the botched Product Placement of "Wolf Cola" ("It's the right cola...for closure") to the moment where Dennis throws chili powder in Dee's eyes to simulate crying, to the moment where a dead dog found in the alley flops out of the "baby"'s casket.
- Reggie getting beaten half to death, shot and arrested in "Frank's Brother" every time he tries to be nice and forgiving and in the last case as he's trying to leave it all behind him and get on with his life.
- "The Storm of the Century": "The Spaniards banged the Mayans, turned them into Mexicans."
- "Thunder Gun Express":
No surrender, no surrender, no surre—[sees the cops] Oh... shit. I surrender.
- In the finale of season 7, the gang go to their high school reunion, and perform "Plan B", an incredibly intricate and awesome dance number that really seems like a Moment of Awesome for the entire gang. Then it reveals that the entire dance was a drunken hallucination in their heads, and all they did was dance drunkenly and yell in front of their entire high school reunion.
- "Pop-Pop: The Final Solution": Charlie abruptly eating the nasty soup that Frank placed at Heinrich Landgraf's bedside.
Charlie: I can't wait to get that painting back up on my wall. You know what I mean? That's what this is really all about when you think about it.
- Charlie not looking at the big picture when it comes to the Hitler dog painting subplot:
Mac: No, that's not what this is about. This is about ripping open the fabric of historical fact and making a film about it starring Ryan Gosling as Mac.
- "The Gang Recycles Their Trash": Frank and Dee ripping off each others' clothes at the gay politician's office.
Dennis: Yeah, sure, in the 1950s, yeah, you could drive around door to door in a windowless van, and people didn't think they were gonna get raped. Now, th-they will think that.
- This line, when Dennis suggests tweaking Frank's plan:
- Charlie tries to pull the same "cutting the brakes" move that he used in "The Gang Solves the Gas Crisis", but after he shouts "WILDCARD, BITCHES!" and jumps out the back, Dennis, Dee, and Mac reveal they were two steps ahead of him and re-attached the brakes.
- A lot of the arguments used in "Reynolds vs. Reynolds: The Cereal Defense", but especially the entire sequence where Mac tries to explain why evolution is a lie, for the sake of maintaining credibility. Special shout-outs go to the moments when Mac says that many smart people throughout history consistently disproved several of the theories of their intellectual predecessors and consequently made them "look like a bitch!" Note that this last part is complete with dramatically slapping a sticker that reads "Bitch" over pictures of them.
- What makes it funnier that a lot of these theories were disproven with science.
- The 2nd song in "The Gang Tries Desperately to win an Award" when telling the guests to go fuck themselves.
Charlie: There is a spider, spider, spider...(The gang's hopeful looks immediately fall away)Charlie: He's deep in my soul, soul, soul. He's been there for years. He's got a big bite. Now he's ready to fiiiiiiight! For what he loves! I don't need your trophies or your gold, I just wanna tell you all, "go fuck yourselves!"Zee: Ooooh shit!
- The first time Charlie writes a song, the Gang expects it to be one of his usual pieces about "spiders and ghouls and rape", but it's an upbeat, Randy Newman style theme song for the type of innocuous sitcom bar they're trying to be. They still lock him in the basement. After spending the day down there with his muse (huffing paint), Charlie comes up to perform his song for the critics. The Gang expects the middle-of-the-road theme song to smooth things over and make them look likable, until they hear the new song:
- Then the Gang takes it as their cue to start literally spitting on the critics.
- The ending of "The Gang Saves the Day". After all that fantasizing about saving the day, they all decide to shoplift some groceries while the cashier is being robbed.
- Near the end of the "Flowers for Charlie" Charlie unveils his new invention: a machine that allows spiders to talk with cats. Made even more funny when it turns out the pill Charlie was given was a placebo.
- "The Gang Makes Lethal Weapon 6": The Lethal Weapon 5 video the guys made, especially once Mac and Dennis switch roles halfway through, with Mac clad in blackface and Dennis doing an exaggerated but somewhat on-point impression of Riggs.
- Dennis' pathetic meltdown on Family Fight.
- Near the end of "The Gang Misses the Boat", Dennis is annoyed by Frank stealing his entrance, but has to take a moment anyway to acknowledge that his cheetah costume is actually pretty good.
Dennis: What the hell are you doing, man?Frank: I'm stormin' in!Dennis: I was storming i— what are you, a man-cheetah?Frank: Yeah.Dennis: ...Cool.Frank: You like it?Dennis: Yes!
- "The Gang Group Dates". Frank coaches Mac and Charlie on how to seem normal during a date. After going over the list of subects to avoid (pooping, snakes, the Waitress, Jews, cowboys vs. teachers, creationism...) He decides they better start at square one, and he'll blow a whistle to "call" the date if they screw up:
Frank: Let's keep things simple. Let's just start with our names.Hey, ladies. I'm Frak— Shit! >blows whistle<
- "The Gang Spies Like U.S.". The whole cream pie conversation between Charlie and Mac and Dennis, where Charlie thinks they are literal cream pies, as in the dessert, rather than the porn definition. Just, the whole goddamn thing. Mac's disgusted faces make the whole thing even funnier.
- "Charlie Work" Mac's hilariously meek approach of Dennis, which eventually led to Dennis scratching up Mac's face, as well as a real demonstration of how far his turn as "barely keeping it together psycho" has gone.
"LOOK AT ME WHEN YOU'RE TALKING TO ME!"
- In "Dee Made A Smut Film", Charlie's one episode obsession with Richard Grieco and the word 'hella'.
- Dennis thinking Fifty Shades of Grey was written by a man during his pitch to have his erotic memoir adapted to film.
- The Twist Ending from "Frank Falls out the Window." The 8 million dollar check was signed for 2006.
- The Twist Ending of "Mac & Dennis Move to the Suburbs." Frank honors his deal to give them free rent...for the house that drove both of them Axe Crazy.
- The ending of the same episode. Rather than spend the rest of the year rent-free in the house, Mac and Dennis agree to spend the rest of the year sleeping in a bed with Dee and an old black man.
- Uncle Jack's giant hands in "McPoyle vs. Ponderosa: The Trial of the Century". The ones he's always had.
- Dee storming into the courtroom and declaring the Lawyer is a liar because he's a Jew, only to realise how bad that sounds. Note
- Maureen Ponderosa continuing her transition into a cat. She's now got ears, a tail and glowing green eyes.
- "Charlie Catches a Leprechaun", on Charlie wanting to dye the drinks... with paint.
Mac: But why not just use food coloring for the beer?Charlie: Uh, 'cause beer's not a food. When was the last time you ate a beer?Charlie: (doesn't respond)Mac: ...have you been drinking paint?Charlie: ...no.Mac: Let me see your tongue. (Charlie shows off his silver tongue) Oh, my God, dude! Oh, that shit's just disgusting!Charlie: It's not bad.Mac: You... you can't drink paint!Charlie: I know. I hear you, I hear you.Mac: You say that, but I don't think that you're gonna stop!
- Charlie continues to give empty half-responses, eventually walking away and leaving Mac with "but I hear ya, I hear ya, it's a frustrating thing, it's like the guy doesn't listen to us, man, we try to get through to him..."
- On "The Gang Goes to Hell, part 1": After Mac discovers that the two Christians who convinced him to go on the cruise are gay, Mac realizes that he can convert them to be straight. The two Christian men decide to convince Mac that he's in the closet about his true sexuality. Five minutes later:
Mac: Well, I'm gay.
Dee: No shit.
Mac: Oh, you guys knew this already?
Dennis: That you were gay?
Frank: From the day we met.
(The Gang agree that they already knew)
- Charlie dressed as Gilligan from Gilligan's Island
- Dee punching the cruise magician (who turns out to be the woman who stole her seat on the deck).