One of the dialogue choices when encountering the NCR soldiers guarding the approach to Esteban Morales' body is a classic:
NCR Soldier: Hey, what are you doing here?
Courier: I'm taking this basket of cakes to my grandmother's house.
Any time you initiate combat with ED-E as one of your followers, a tiny burst of Western music plays. That's right: You get a robot that supplies you with Battle Music. It's Fridge Brilliance when you hear about an in-universe show about a very similar robot in Lonesome Road, the music is probably recorded from that.
OBJECTIVE: Talk to the idiot wearing sunglasses.
Fantastic: They asked me if I knew anything about theoretical physics. I told 'em I have a theoretical degree in physics!
Fantastic: No, man. I know exactly what I'm doing. I just don't know what effect it's going to have.
Funniest thing about Fantastic is what happens if you kill him. NOTHING. You lose no NCR rep, nobody turns hostile, and you won't even fail the quest in most paths. This guy is so useless the NCR doesn't care if somebody kills him in the middle of their base.
OBJECTIVE: Find Gloria Van Graff at the Silver Rush in Freeside and make that bitch eat her hair. Three guesses who's quest that comes from. If you're wondering, it's Cass.
In case you haven't noticed, Gloria Van Graff is bald.
Well, not bald, but with such a close cut that a meal of her hair would leave her hungry.
Cass never said head hair...
The story of Vikki & Vance, and wide swath of crime and violence they cut across the United States. Or would have, if they hadn't preferred to shoplift, bounce checks, and steal gas. (They drove reckless, too!) And the note on Vance's gun speculating about the number of people he'd have killed...if he'd ever fired it. More, if he'd reloaded!
Or how their crime spree ended: accidentally getting caught in the crossfire between law enforcement and a group of bank robbers.
Bruce Isaac on his robbing a Reno mob boss: "Also...uh...I may have plowed his daughter. A little."
"...Wow. My hat is off to you, that takes balls."
If you choose Meyers as the new sheriff of Primm you get a news report with this speech from him:
His description of the Great Khans. There's something inherently funny about how he seems to loathe them yet is so delightfully happy about it. Of particular note is when you get them to leave the Mojave:
Yes Man: Maybe they'll get eaten by giant scorpions!
Try attacking him. Not only will he not fight back, he will actually compliment you for attacking him... all in his normal happy-go-lucky tone of voice.
Yes Man: That's it! Make me take my medicine!
Yes Man: Baaad robot! BAAAAAD ROBOT!
Yes Man: I have nobody to blame but myself! (done in a very heroic and noble-sounding voice)
His responses if you do things detrimental to your efforts:
Yes Man: Okay, who needs artillery support? Not the good guys, that's for sure! Then consider them ignored! If they end up firing their Howitzers at us, we'll ignore that too, until it goes away.
Yes Man: You... blew it up! That's just funny, because that... army seems like the secret weapon that was the whole point of... you know... I can't get over how brave you are to destroy all those Securitrons at the fort! You know, it's going to make everything so much more... uhhhh... challenging! Yeah! Challenging!
Yes Man: Well that's...that's an unusual approach! But it must make sense somehow if you're doing it! I mean I would have thought that would be bad for the Strip but...I guess it must be good!
Yes Man: You did? Well...that's a surprise. They'll probably want to blow me up! But hey, maybe dumb robots like me deserve to be blown to bits and scrapped for salvage. Who knows? Not me...
If you haven't noticed, F.I.S.T.O. only fights with his right fist. Think about it...or don't.
Try asking Mr. House where The Strip gets its power. He sighs heavily for a moment before replying "Hoover Dam. A hydroelectric dam?" He doesn't directly insult you, but the tone is dripping with so much condescending snark and contempt, it's an insult just to hear him use it on you.
So you don't trust someone who merely snuck in to your base, but you trust someone who could have ruined almost every plan you had in motion? Brilliant, Caesar.
The entire schtick of The Kings in Freeside. A local, reasonably honorable gang which has set up HQ in an Elvis impersonation academy, and EVERY SINGLE ONE is an Elvis Presley impersonator.
Made even funnier by the fact that only the King and Pacer are actually trying to impersonate Elvis.
And perhaps their boss The King's explanation for why:
The King: (paraphrased) We moved into this building and found it was an academy all dedicated to one guy. His name wasn't on the pictures and posters, just "The King". And the place had books and holotapes and clothing and hair gel so that people could move like him, dress like him, talk like him, BE like him. It must have been a place of worship.
Best part of all this? They took it to mean, "Everyone should be The King." As in royalty. Kind of like the American Founding Fathers' goal of "making everyone a sovereign." They match the Followers for the title of "the most idealistic group in New Vegas."
Another hilarious line comes from a random member of the Kings, who mentions how hungry he is and how he could really go for a Fancy Lads, then has a flustered Verbal Backspace.
Veronica's description of The Legion.
Courier: Any thoughts about Caesar's Legion?
Veronica: Silliest dressed band of raping, slaving marauders you'll see east of California, I'll say that. Where's that touch of Old World class? Although I hear the soldiers mount each other as much as they mount their women, so maybe they did keep a little something from the Empire. No such privilege for the women though. Figures. So to answer your question, they're a bunch of hypocritical jerkwads. It's a word.
ED-E's portion of the epilogue sequence... as told by ED-E himself.
ED-E: Beep boop buzz beep.
Both Rex and Roxie in the Old World Blues DLC do it to.
And the end of the Honest Hearts storyline, Joshua Graham holds Salt-Upon-Wounds at gunpoint, and Salt-Upon-Wounds begs you to talk him down. You're given two dialogue options, but with the Sneering Imperialist perk, you have a third bonus option: "Joshua, put a cap in General Gobbledigook here".
Phillipe's Badass Boast definitely counts. Some parts are paraphrased.
Phillipe: I am the god of neo-Brahmin cuisine! No, that's not giving me enough credit. I fucking invented edible food. Do you like eating? Good. You owe your entire goddamn garbage existence to me.
Even better than Phillipe's rant is when a player with a high enough medical skill psychoanalyzes him.
Phillipe: Take all the recipes. It won't fill the hole, though. Just know that. (tearfully) You'll always feel empty!
If you go the medicine route, Phillipe's final line is hilarious Mood Whiplash. He's yelling and all of a sudden drops into this quiet "My god, I'd forgotten that. How could they do that to me?"
Even the game's functions have fun with it. Instead of providing a [SUCCEEDED] or [FAILED], it answers his nonsense with [?] as he's throwing a Cluster F-Bomb of a response.
Cass talking about how the NCR is suffering from over extension.
"Citizens of Utobitha should not be seen running like scared little humans!" Just the imagery of the 'dumb-dumbs' running from a bunch of Legionaries in fear is an amusing thought
We're back with Best Friend Tabitha, who is telling why humans should STAY THE HELL AWAY!
J.E. Sawyer's own words on one of the peculiar bugs:
BTW, RE: Rex/ED-E being randomly attacked: We discovered what was causing this. Sandboxing AI sees food (including water) on ED-E or Rex and decides that the only way to get that delicious food is to kill them. Because they are not NPCs (in code, they are "creatures"), this is "legitimate" behavior. We have fixed this behavior for the upcoming patch. Until then, a workaround is to remove food/water items from Rex/ED-E before hungry, hungry sandboxing folks get near those dudes.
The Wild Wasteland adds some hilarious moments to the game. An example of which is the set of Holy Hand Grenades you can find in Searchlight's church. The sign just reads, "Pull pin and count to 5 3." And the grenades will make a bigger boom when you count to 3.
Yet more Monty Python humor. There's a random encounter where you might get attacked by a gangof old ladies.
What's a fish?
(INT check passed) I know what a fish is. Do YOU know what a fish is?
And how Cass describes them as: "It's this slimy scaled thing; like a lakelurk, except no legs. Well most times. They're like birds, except they stay underwater."
Your Intelligence level subtly changes your dialogue options throughout the whole game, ranging from Sesquipedalian Loquaciousness all the way down to Hulk Speak. That said, dumb dialogue is always a riot:
Go to the New Vegas Medical Clinic. Dr. Usanagi will introduce herself to you and says she sells implants. The following exchange takes place:
Courier: You sell plants? Dr. Usanagi: Um, no. I sell implants. They're tiny little machines I can put inside you that can make you stronger, faster, or smarter. I recommend the smarter one.
Bonus: Dr. Usanagi takes pity on you poor, stupid sod, and discounts the Intelligence mod if you have INT 2 or less.
Arcade drops plenty of hints that he'd like to follow the Courier wherever he/she's going. You can, however, play dumb and get this response:
Arcade: Don't mind me. Just voicing my thoughts so they don't burrow out of my skull in a fit of abject despondency.
On a related note, recruiting Arcade with a really low intelligence.
Courier (paraprashed): Life's really confusing and stuff, and I don't know what's going on. I need someone smart to help me do...things.
The best part? Using the super-low intelligence option actually works. Normally you either need a Speech of 70, high Follower reputation, or the Confirmed Bachelor perk, but with 2 or lower INT, Arcade joins you because he'd feel like letting you wander into the Wasteland by yourself would be tantamount to murder.
Dead Money not exactly humor-oriented, but it has its moments:
Dog:(while eating a Ghost Person, if you have the Wild Wasteland perk)OM NOM NOM
It's so childish, but the Toss my salad, Caesar!! graffiti on the loading screen is fairly funny.
Powder Gangers do it with a BANG!
When you win too much money at the Ultra-Luxe casino, you can be a Deadpan Snarker as they kick you out:
Floor Manager: This is enough. You will have to leave now.
Courier: No problem! Thank you for making me rich!
The leader of the White Gloves' reaction to one of her colleagues attempting to surreptitiously reintroduce them to cannibalism:
Marjorie: He always was a bit of a pill, Mortimer. He was so pouty when I decided to ban eating people. And now this.
Even your first contact with the casino can be hilarious.
White Glove Greeter: Beg your pardon, but could I trouble you to turn over your weapons?
Courier: Could I trouble you to blow it out your ass?
Sometimes random NPC combat phrases and good timing make for excellent comedy. For example, there's this titbit after literally painting the walls with the organs of a dead Fiend in front of his partner.
Oh damn, that's gonna leave a stain!
Try using the console to give a male character female romance perks (or alternatively a female male romance perks). This turns the encounter with Benny into one of THE MOST hilarious conversations in RPG history.
Meeting the Lone Drifter with the Ladykiller perk.
Courier: [Ladykiller] Wait, Montana? You don't happen to be seventeen, do you?
Especially since, thanks to economy of voice acting, he doesn't bat an eye when you declare "I is scientistic."
Dumb Courier: [Confirmed Bachelor] You too tense. It wrinkle your nice face.
Ignacio: You're right. I'm sorry. That imbecile in the next room has me on edge. I used to be more fun... I'm still passionate about my work, though. Otherwise, I wouldn't be here. I'm in the Followers of the Apocalypse. How about you?
Dumb Courier: I with me.
Ignacio: Then for everyone's sake, I hope you serve a worthy master. Are you a maker of war, or peace?
Arcade: Uh, what does anyone know about them? Big... flying machines, right? Crazy helicopters. So weird.
You have to listen to him when he says that, it only adds to the hilarity. Normally Arcade sounds very intellectual but in this case he's trying to make himself sound stupid and he doesn't do a good job at all.
Can't forget the line in REPCONN:
Courier: How are you so familiar with energy weapons?
The best part? He apparently forgets that most people aren't trained to wear power armor. You can equip him with a suit of it, making his attempts to claim he's not affiliated with any technologically advanced organizations that much more futile.
If you've done plenty of NCR supportive quests before going to first talk with Caesar, when you finally do get around to it, he'll sound angry and will demand to know why after doing so much to help the enemy, you've dared to come to speak to him. Picking the right dialogue option (that Caesar gave the Courier his Mark and protection) yields this.
Caesar: And you believed that? Because I'm going to have you killed now.
When you ask Veronica how does someone join the Brotherhood of Steel.
Courier: How did you get to be a member?
Veronica: More sexual favors than I can even count. I am still tired from it. No, actually, you're born into it.
No-Bark Noonan. Pretty much everything he says, especially the part about the chupacabra.
No-Bark: Work of the chupacabra, the livestock vampire, says No-Bark, but they don't pay no mind. Too many holes, they say, and there's bullets in them. Well, says No-Bark, we got a chupacabra with an automatic weapon on our hands. And that's when they get real quiet, 'cause now they see the predicament we're in.
Sergio, the Ambiguously Gay hair stylist for the Kings says a really lovely campy line in an oddly obsessive-orgasmic tone to you if you're not a member of the gang:
Sergio: You want your hair done too? No. No. No. The Kings are many and their hair must be perfect!!
A case of Mood Whiplash during Veronica's personal quest, after confronting the paladins who've massacred a Followers of the Apocalypse outpost and accused Veronica of giving out Brotherhood secrets.
Paladin: What do you have to say for yourself?
Courier: It was all her idea.
Courier: Nice helmet. Do you wear it on dates, too?
Paladin: No, I don't wear it on - enough!
Or for those of us with Terrifying Presence, watch the BOS Paladins who've been treating you like pricks for the entire quest suddenly turn in to wimpering babies.
Paladin: In the name of the Codex, I sentence you to death.
Followed by Veronica with "Uh, you were kidding just now when you said that thing about the Codex...right?"
Veronica's concern about you destroying the Codex also works as a subtle allusion to Felicia Day's character in The Guild.
One quest for the Followers in Freeside involves talking to two drunks and passing a speech check to get them to sober up. Unless your speech is too low, in which case getting drunk might boost your skill enough to pass their checks. That's right, one of the ways to make the two men sober up is to get drunk because you're not convincing enough sober. Ain't life grand?
The Securitrons during a random event in which some scantily-clad women dance in the Ultra-Luxe's fountain outside the casino.
On the Fallout Wiki, there seems to be one (or a few) editors with a sly sense of humor, adding in a few wrong, though humorous and Lampshade Hanging lines. Most of the changes have since been reverted, but there's been a few that are memorable.
(Concerning shoddy programming involving an NCR NPC who thinks he's at somewhere he isn't.)
"After the NCRCF has been retaken, Lieutenant Hayes was banished to Camp Forlorn Hope for his continued complaining that he needed more men to retake the facility, and was so shell-shocked by an experience en route that he believes he's still in Primm."
"Follows-Chalk is a member of the Dead Horses living in Zion Canyon in 2281. He is sent by Joshua Graham to greet the Courier upon entering Zion. He also makes strong sexual advances on the Courier, and if not accepting them this limits how far you can explore Zion"
Sadly since removed, the article for No-Bark Noonan makes mention of the "Pink Lenin-face on the Moon" theory. The kicker? Just below that, someone had actually made and posted the image of a pink moon with a Lenin face on it, calling it "an illustration of the theory".
This one is a little hard to find, but if you help the Legion take over the solar power plant, Fantastic will have assimilated and is wearing a Legionnaire's armor. Talk to him and he says, "Hey, man, when in Rome..."
Vera's Broadcast: We hope you've enjoyed your stay.
The programming for the "casual chats" between characters is a little...iffy. Lines are assigned to characters by who voices them, not the voice they speak in. In one case, Apprentice Watkins talked with Veronica in a sweet, childlike tone, but then walked over to Taggart and started speaking in a deeper, gruff voice about the NCR. Makes for some hilarious Mood Whiplash.
During ''Et Tumor, Brute?", you need to perform brain surgery on Caesar to remove a tumor. Normally, you would need to pretty much already a brain surgeon if you want this operation to succeed, but you can instead pull it off flawlessly with 20 points medicine (Less than noticing that homeless people were pretending to be dead)... if you have a luck stat of 9 or above.
Vulpes: That was... incredible. How did you do that?
Courier: I have no idea whatsoever.
Hilarity by implication if you sneak into Aurelius of Phoenix's office. Inside, you'll find a Grognak comic, some toy cars, and a teddy bear, indicating that the gruff and serious centurion with his incredibly spiffy helmet is secretly still a bit of a child. Just imagining him playing with those toys while wearing his giant helmet (like Dark Helmet) is utterly hilarious.
And other times, he apparently likes to booze it up (even beer is supposedly verboten in the Legion) and stroll around in Sexy Sleepwear (even sillier-looking since the default model for it is the female teddy). Though combining these apparent predilections, and tossing in the apparent predilection for cannibalism, makes the implications a bit more uncomfortable.
Simply walking to his office is a CMOF. You walk through a camp filled with slaves, crucifixions, and heads on pikes, into the office of the ruthless commander, among the highest ranking Legion members you encounter in the game. He wears a magnificent helmet and armor fashioned from the uniforms of his fallen enemies. And he's at a desk doing paperwork. Even Caesar needs TPS Reports, apparently.
In Honest Hearts DLC, you can get Joshua Graham as a companion. He doesn't have his own meelee weapon, so instead he uses... Joshua's Pistol Whippin' .45.
Likewise, if you ask him to wait, open his inventory, or talk he flatly refuses without the companion wheel even leaving the screen—especially funny if you had gotten used to using other companions as living pack mules.
If you recruit Raul early and bring him along you get a hilarious moment when the Ferals attack them:
Raul: HEY! I'm one of you! Don't eat me! EAT THE SMOOTHSKIN! ...Er. Sorry, Boss.
Even better, his tone after the last part implies that Courier just shot him a dirty look for saying that.
Shortly before the end of the quest, you can ask Chris, the human that thinks he's a ghoul, how he came to be part of the Bright Brotherhood. Turns out he took (natural) balding to be an undeniable sign that he had become a ghoul.
Aftwards, Radio New Vegas reports on the "mysterious aircraft" and plays an interview with Novac's local crazy, No-Bark. Or, as Mr New Vegas puts it "A local crackpot talked to a toy bear near one of out mikes."
"You will never survive my deadly robo-scorpions, my technological terrors and uh... my bigger, more atomic versions of these things!"
If you turn on Archimedes and kill the NCR soldiers and have Arcade with you, he reads you the riot act and storms away. But if he's wearing armor you gave him, he takes it off and returns it to you and storms away in his underwear. What the Hell, Hero? and Mood Whiplash make beautiful, hilarious children.
Obsidian has stated they intend Old World Blues to be much more humorous than other DLCs. They were not kidding.
When the Think-Tank first encounters the Courier, Dr. Klein mistakes the finger and toes for penises.
Dr. Klein: AND...ARE THOSE PENISES I SEE WRIGGLING ON ITS FEET?
After the Courier holds a hand up: NOW IT'S HOLDING UP AN ARRAY OF FULLY ERECT HAND-PENISES. IF IT TRIES TO INSERT THEM, ACTIVATE VIVISECTORS.
After the Courier gives him the finger (failed speech check): GREAT. THE PENIS ON ITS HAND IS GETTING AN ERECTION.
Hell, pretty much the entire opening conversation with the Think Tank, most especially how they "charge" the sonic emitter.
Also if the Courier convinces the Think Tank to give him/her a traditional gun, Dala mentions it'd be like chasing hemlock with abraxo. Klein comments, "Well if we're going to bring the Socratic method into the discussion..."
Toaster: A toaster is just a death ray with a smaller power supply! As soon as I figure out how to tap into the main reactors, I will burn the world!
In that vein, everything after you inform the Toaster that the world already burned. In nuclear fire. He's quite put off his game by the disappointment.
Again with Wild Wasteland, you can come across seven garden gnomes with pickaxes near a grave. Sadly, the grave does not contain an apple.
One of the endings to Old World Blues has this, if you finish with good karma:
The Toaster continued its psychotic spree, reducing all appliances in range to scrap electronics and spare parts. After one of its more psychotic episodes, however, the other Sink personalities decided enough was enough, and dumped the Toaster in a bathtub. Sparking and hissing, the Toaster swore its enemies would rue the day when they had bread - and no way to toast it.
The Courier has this to say of the Big MT.
This crater looks like it's been tag-teamed by giant fuckbots.
This is a hilarious case of Throw It In, as apparently, this is how Chris Avellone actually described the Big Empty in design meetings and all the other writers thought the description was too damn funny to not get put in the game.
Muggy in his entirety.
Courier: I'd like to talk about a different subject. Muggy: Is the new subject mugs?
While you were out, I spent six hours trying to reach a coffee cup on a shelf. When I finally got it down, I was so happy, I cried. I hate my life. [sing-song] Mugs mugs mugs! Mugs mugs mugs! Mug-a-mug, mug-a-mug, mugs mugs GOD, WHY CAN'T I STOP SINGING THIS FUCKING SONG!? Do you know how many coffee cups giant robot brains in jars use on a daily basis? Not fucking many!
The ending for Muggy if the Courier fails to find Higgs Village:
Muggy continued to collect coffee cups until his wheel got a flat just out of reach of a dirty coffee cup, and his tiny robotic brain exploded.
Dr. Klein on the intercom, made all the funnier by his stuck voice module:
YOU GUYS SHOULD TRY THIS INTERCOM THING. IT MAKES YOU SOUND LIKE SOME KIND OF... SKY-GOD!
The conversation between Doctor 0 and Doctor Klein if 0 is on your side and "changed" his name to 0. He states his name proudly as "zero, with a slash through it" (to differentiate between the number and the letter O, which Klein called him). Klein's reaction to the slash is priceless. Not to mention when 0 accuses him of plagiarizing from the Chinese —
HOW DARE YOU! BRAINIAL BEAM OSCILLATION WAS SOLELY MY DISCOVERY! I EXPRESSLY TOLD YOU THAT AND DELETED ALL EVIDENCE TO THE CONTRARY!
Amusing in and of itself, merely being able to think up the "put a slash through the zero" solution requires an intelligence check of nine, and both Doctor 0 and Klein think it's absolutely genius.
And while we're on the Klein vs. 0 rivalry, there's this nice bit:
You always do this, Klein! You're always yelling, my receptors can't take it anymore... [Voice breaking] AND NEITHER CAN MY FEELINGS!
You can tell Klein that you've heard Big MT referred to as the "Big Empty". His response:
YES, BECAUSE THE INTELLECTUALLY CHALLENGED SEE AN "M" AND A "T" NEXT TO EACH OTHER AND TAKE OCCAM'S RAZOR TO IT.
Dr. Borous' lines during the "High School Horror" quest are fantastic. Especially the ones showing his traumatic memories of Richie Marcus.
This is the pre-recorded voice of your pre-recorded principal! Down at the end of the hall is BALL storage. For jocks who like BALLS, like RICHIE MARCUS. Do you hear me, Betsy? RICHIE likes BALLS.
Dr. 0: Lobotomites! Please remember to wash the walking eye!
Read the varying messages left on consoles for added fun. From the X-8 facility:
So, at Dr. Richardson's request, we opened one of those kennels from our latest shipment. The "dog" inside (and I use that term very loosely) appeared to be suffering from a truly horrendous case of mange, and upon being released it immediately attacked, killed, and attempted to swallow whole Specialist Akers. Luckily, the situation has, for now at least, contained itself, as SPC Akers was a very large man and the creature has choked to death.
In Honest Hearts, when you get the unique Yao Guai Gauntlet after tripping out on datura:
White Bird: Here, take. Gift, to remind you of visions. Use well. Or sell to curio trader. Either way, says much about you.
White Bird: Hola, outsider. Welcome, child of omens. You come to receive visions of truth? Courier: What? I don't know what "visions of truth" means. White Bird:Take drugs! Kill a bear!
In Nipton, you can meet a crippled Powder Ganger named Boxcars who survived the Legion's assault. If you have negative reputation with the Powder Gangers (and you likely will) he'll be less than thrilled to see you.
On the road between Goodsprings and Sloan, there's an extremely ironic pre war sign indicating that "Hitchhikers may be escaped prisoners". In the middle of Powder Ganger territory. Centuries after the great war, and that sign is still 100% accurate!
When you look around Camp Guardian you find notes that make it have all the classic signs from a horror movie: Bad radio communications, sounds at night, using explosives and finding caves, shadows in the water and it's too big to be a fish. When you investigate you find that they opened up a BIG Lakelurk nest and only one of them survived. When you find him he's wounded and you can tell he's very glad to see someone human. When you greet him, you can respond like so: <Raise Arms> "Boogedy boogedy boo!" His reaction is priceless. You can watch it here.
If you have an "Accepted" reputation in Freeside, this sometimes causes a hilarious plot hole. You are given the "G.I. Blues" quest because body guard Orris has figured out all of the others the King has sent to investigate him are associated with the gang. So, you enter the north gate of Freeside and hire Orris as a bodyguard. As you follow him down the road, pretending not to work for the Kings, one of the Kings promptly runs up to you and happily announces you're in good standing with the Kings and gives you free stuff. Gee, thanks for blowing my cover! Luckily, Orris never seems to notice.
Pretty much anything Dr. Ada Straus says.
Courier: Can you heal my radiation?
Straus: Are you sure? You won't be able to read in the dark as well.
Courier: On second thought, I'll tough it out.
Straus: Can you hold still then? I wanna make some toast.
Or if you ask her about curing an addiction:
Straus: Hey, we can't talk about that here...! Oh, you want a cure? Ohhh...
Straus: Alright, convulsions should stop after 8 to 12 weeks! If they don't, then try holding onto something very still.
The elder of her two mercenary bodyguards sums it up:
Merc: Just between us, I don't think she studied at an accredited institution.
If you're playing on the PC version of New Vegas, you get the handy option to use the console to check certain NPC's skills and attributes. If you attempt this on most medical personnel by targeting them and typing in "getav medicine" you will typically get responses around 50-60, Doc Mitchell himself having a medical level of 64, and Arcade Gannon having a very impressive 99. Go ahead and check Straus' medical skill. See if you want her to patch you up then. It's 12, which basically denotes an almost total lack of medical knowledge.
One of the Gun Runners Challenges is killing House with a golf club, endearingly titled "A Slave Obeys".
Recruiting Cass usually requires high skill checks, but the highest one (Barter 75) has the best pay off in sheer hilarity. You challenge your team's resident booze hound to a drinking contest. Depending on your character's Endurance stat, you get wildly different dialogue (this section in fact has the most dialogue options and voiced acting from one dialogue tree choice in the game).
Beating her with 10 Endurance is freaking hilarious as she's bested at drinking.
Cass: Enough! All fi- fou- ... ALL OF YOU! Shit. I'm fuckin' wasted and you're just sitting there.
If you tie her in the bout, there's a bunch of different options.
Vault 11's Lottery Of Doom is not funny. The recording meant to soothe the intended victim, however, is hysterically funny.Keep in mind that it was intended for somebody who would have spent his or her entire life up to that point in several small rooms under thirty feet of rock behind three feet of steel.
"Maybe you wanted to drive a race car!"
The start of the DLC Honest Heart is meant to be dramatic with the caravan you traveled with being massacred in front of your eyes. However the way it plays out like a textbook example of such a scene complete with people getting killed mid sentence and during badass boasts makes it quite funny in a dark way. Even better, everyone dies regardless of your actions, so you can just stand there clueless until everything is over.
This effect works with several weapons, but the unique weapon "Pushy" sometimes has its moments. Pushy is a powered-up version of the displacer glove, a melee weapon that effectively has the same body-flinging Knock Back effect as a gauss rifle. In one of those weird moments where Wreaking Havok comes together in a way that can only be described as serendipity between world objects and Ludicrous Gibs, it is possible to punch someone with this glove with a mighty uppercut, watch their bodies go flying across the street to fetch up against a dumpster, then have their heads rocket off three stories up on a fountain of blood before eventually landing...in the opened top of the dumpster. It was simply too bizarrely cartoonish to not laugh.
Even for a game as notoriouslybuggy as this one, occasionally some bugs happen without rhyme or explanation that nonetheless end up with comical examples of Artificial Stupidity and/or Too Dumb to Live. Occasionally, the NPC pathing goes a little off the rails, and you'll end up with wandering human NPCs idly walking straight off a cliff or getting caught up on a terrain object while goose-stepping in a fashion so exaggerated it's practically straight out of the Ministry of Silly Walks. Then there's the weird NPC health issue which will sometimes cause unnamed, generic NPCs to spontaneously and inexplicably die in the middle of their travel route; in one instance combining both of these examples, a generic NPC mercenary guarding a traveling merchant walked off the road and off a short but harmless foot-high drop, which inexplicably caused her to scream loudly and die right on the spot.
When talking to Christine in Dead Money, at one point she asks the Courier to look at the Pip-Boy. Your possible response (paraphrased):
Hell no, I had to get shot twice in the head to get this thing!
You can ask Christine what kind of weapons she is good with. It turns out she is good with all of them. After she is finished miming every single type of weapon in the game you are given the option to respond with a sarcastic "Oh, is that all?"
The Beards, Big Beard and Little Beard, mercenaries you can hire during Bye Bye Love. Odd, but hilarious.
Big Beard: Let me guess. You want to know my secret - how I got my beard to grow in so thick.
Courier: Yeah, sure. How?
Big Beard: Sorry. Can't tell you. Trade secret.
This Exchange with Christine in Dead Money where she tries to explain what she was doing there in the first place. Problem is, she can't speak at that point due to having her vocal cords cut out. Then you can say this:
Courier: This charades shit is driving me crazy.
Christine: [She frowns and raises her middle finger.]
Another small one from Dead Money; as expected there's very little there that's really intended to be funny in such a dark and depressing story. However, there's warning signs strewn throughout the various parts of the Villa and the Casino, and one darkly humorous one is a 'tripping hazard' sign depicting a stick man taking a hilarious faceplant. Given the rickety nature of the construction in the Villa and its history, this edges into Black Comedy.
The conversation with Ricky. All of it.
Sneaking while Cass is in your party will sometimes cause her to say this:
Cass: Shhh. We're hunting shitheads.
When you talk to Rotface, the other resident ghoul in Freeside, he offers to "Help you out" in exchange for caps. You can respond with a bewildered (and hilarious) "Are you...soliciting me?"
Santiago is one of the residents of Freeside, and is one the targets of two simultaneous missions from the Garret Twins. One wants you to hire him as an escort for their brothel. The other one wants you to extort caps out of him. If you take both quests, and make your dialogue choices the right way, you can tell him that James Garret wants to hire him on imediately after punching him in the face and telling him if he does it again, you'll kill him.
The Credits Gag if you have Wild Wasteland can be rather amusing:
Most of the time the words "Dead Money" are replaced with "Dead Monkey".
The final battle of Old World Blues. As you fight The Think Tank it becomes clear as day that, surprise, they have no idea what they are doing.
Raul's snarky journal entries at one of the Black Mountain terminals, are, predictably, hilarious. He chronicles his experiences with a scarred Super Mutant that he nicknamed Cuddles constantly asking him to 'fix his car'. When 'Cuddles' attacked him, Tabitha just went and killed him. As it turns out, his 'car' is a toy, and is sitting on Raul's desk, conveniently named 'Cuddles' Car'.
Mr. New Vegas quoting Big Sal in a news report, completely deadpan: "The fuck you lookin' at. You wearin' a wire? Are you? C'mere, I'll break both your fucking kneecaps. Where you goin'?"
If you save before killing a non-player NPC, then reload fast enough, they will occasionally freeze mid-revival animation when the re-load is finished. Yes, that Settler you're happily chatting with looks like he got crushed by a Looney Tunes anvil. Made better since none of their interactions change when you talk to them in this state. If only it wasn't temporary....
The conversation with Davison (the Nightkin leader in REPCONN). His tone of voice flip flops between goofy, calm and hammy. Itís like if Christopher Walken was mutated.
During the quest Come Fly With Me you're tasked with finding some igniting agent and are directed to Clark Field, a highly irradiated place crawling with geckos. There you'll find a dead man in a radiation suit named Mr. RADical. His journal and Old Lady Gibson tell you everything you need to know about him: he found a radiation suit and decided for no real reason to test it out by going to irradiated places. Happy with the results he then went to Old Lady Gibson's shack where he bought some of the highly radioactive igniting agent with the intent of dumping it on himself. Unfortunately for him he was, presumably, killed by the geckos before he could do that. And he was probably starting to suffer radiation sickness.
The document Mr. House asks you to present to General Oliver after the Second Battle of Hoover Dam, in which he proclaims the existence of the "Free Economic Zone of New Vegas." It's a hilariously Sophisticated as Hell mix of overt threats against the NCR's military presence, condescending exposition of what certain terms (like "overwhelming force") mean...and a sales pitch for New Vegas's entertainment services and Hoover Dam's water and electricity.
"The NCR Council's Office of Budget will receive invoices bi-weekly. Prices are subject to change without notice."