Funny: Fallout 3

  • The G.O.A.T. test. Mr. Brotch's deadpan narration of each question is priceless.
    • "Oh, no. You've been exposed to radiation, and a mutated hand has grown out of your stomach. What's the best course of treatment?"
    • Also from the G.O.A.T. is a hilarious case of Never Mess with Granny. "Your grandma invites you over for tea, but you are surprised when she hands you a pistol and asks you to kill another resident. Do you...?"
    • "A crazed vault scientist runs up to you and yells "I'm going to stick my quantum harmonizer in your photonic resonation chamber!" How do you respond?
    "Yeah? Up yours too, buddy!"
    • The last question has all its answers being The Overseer. The funny part is that if you talk to some of the classmates after the exam, they're somehow stuck on this question.
    "What did you put in the last question? I'm stuck between "The Overseer" and "The Overseer".
    • The GOAT results are decided by the corresponding skills each answer has. To get the job most associated with caring for children, (Little League Coach) the Lone Wanderer must select a majority of "Unarmed" choices, which are usually the most physically violent on the test.
    • Once you're done with the test, you can actually stay in the classroom, and in a nice example of The Dev Team Thinks of Everything, can overhear what the other classmates got as results. Butch DeLoria is a hairdresser. One of his lackeys (Paul) is to be an Engineer. Wally says he doesn't need to hear his result since it was easy to crack that "joke of a test" (and Mr. Brotch laments that he didn't think of that when he was 16). A girl got stuck in the Maintenance department when she wanted the Science one. The best one has to be Freddy Gomez, since he gets stuck in the last question (the one where all answers are the same). Mr Brotch's reactions are great.
    Mr. Brotch, annoyed: I don't have all day Freddy, the Overseer is waiting for these.
    Freddy, do you understand what "pencils down" means?
    Freddy, it's multiple choice. You can't still be thinking about it.
  • Andy the robot attempting to cut your birthday cake.
    • And later is assigned as a medic!
    Andy: Miss Beatrice suffered a rather nasty sprain in her left toe - the big one, so I naturally had no choice but to amputate. The leg.
    • And he ended up amputating the wrong leg!
    • At one point, he begins listing the medical skills he can perform with his programming, including a hysterectomy. However, the way the voice actor delivers the line makes it sound like he's shocked when he says it ("hysterectomy?!"), which gives the impression that even he's shocked someone thought programming him to do that was a good idea.
  • Chiding Dr. Lesko with a high Science skill. The explanation for killing the Fire Ant Queen (as opposed to the Speech option, which tells him not to play God) is something along the lines of "You flagrantly violated the scientific method. I had no choice."
  • "This is Three Dog, coming to ya live from my fortified bunker in the middle of the D.C. hellhole! Ain't life grand?"
    • "Hey nifty America, it's me, your President John Hen— Hahaa, gotcha! Three Dog here, how's everyone doin'?"
    • "And now, I hear another person's crawled out of that hole! What's going on down there? Revolution? Vacation? Somebody farted?"
  • Choosing Fawkes to input the Purifier codes. Right before the radiation blinds everyone, He kicks the console.
  • If you decide to kill Mister Burke with a Mini-Nuke. At the very least, it's ironic.
  • Finding (and possibly equipping) a certain item leads to a rather humorous special encounter:
    Lugnut: I'm only going to say this once. GIVE. ME. THE NAUGHTY NIGHTWEAR!
  • The rock-it launcher.
    Lone Wanderer: *fires teddy bear*
    Lone Wanderer: *fires pre-war money*
  • "You know, I think I'll put that on a sign. The Brass Lantern: Cleaner, safer, and less likely to contain piss in the drinks!"
  • Glitching can cause moments of comedy. In one case, it was a trip into the Ant Queen's lair to raid everything there, but knowing she wouldn't be easy to kill. Loaded up on Magnum rounds, 10mm, Shotgun shells, Stimpaks and prepped for a long and bloody war, the trip down to the caves can be nervewracking, especially with the corpses of her guards. Getting to the chamber...she was stuck in the ceiling. You can only either laugh or grumble...
  • Tenpenny Tower, due to its height, is a fun area to try doing stupid things such as jumping off the tower, shooting things from a distance, and messing with Tenpenny. Planting mines in front of Tenpenny is a favorite. In one case, someone decided to try and quickscope Tenpenny. He missed his head and hit him in the chest. Tenpenny immediately rose from his chair and suddenly got flung off of the tower, and fell to his assumed death. Amazingly after the game is unpaused and the sniper scope is to find at his body, you can find him running around screaming at his guards. The good (?) Mr. Tenpenny simply seems to be Made of Iron. As long as he is sitting down, you can try and shoot him and he will shake it off. You can also push him off the top of the tower and he'll survive. You can actually head back down through the tower with no problems, but as soon as you try to exit, you are greeted with the old man's cries of "Assault! Assault!" and a huge contingent of guards.
    • Funny, I just unloaded a silenced pistol into his face in a surprise assassination, and he died on the spot. Of course, I had the bloody gibs perk, so he ended up on the ground outside the tower in small pieces...
    • Of course, having access to the console commands on the PC version opens up a wealth of, say, equipping the experimental MIRV, turning on god mode, and firing into Tenpenny point blank. When the screen finally cleared Mr. Tenpenny simply wasn't there anymore.
  • Mel, the wasteland pickpocket. All interactions with him are pretty funny, but with a high perception character you can notice that his gun isn't even loaded.
  • Hacking into Moira's computer reveals some of her research project notes:
    Do brahmin heads learn independently?
    More study of Brahmin language required.
    Can explosives be used to expand town?
    Lucas Simms requests all testing cease.
    Can mole rats be domesticated?
    Yes, if defanged, declawed, & lobotomized.
    How to prevent raider attacks?
    Raiders refuse to sit for interview.
    What do super mutants eat?
    Research assistants.
    What happened to China?
    Reports uncertain. China may be fictional.
    Can centaurs talk?
    Abundance of tongues suggests so.
    What is the purpose of being?
    • The mole rat parts gets funnier when in New Vegas you run into a mole rat farm and one being kept as Sloan's town pet (fangs and all).
    • Doing research for Moira just hands you chances to be a Deadpan Snarker. When she asks you what it feels like to have extreme radiation poisoning, one of the possible responses is along the lines of " be...snide...". When she's writing up the "research" on you being injured (and optionally having a crippled limb), she asks you to describe the pain and how to block it out, giving you the option of using this gem:
    Lone Wanderer: The adrenaline helps. So does the fear of death. There's a lot of both.
    • Another good one is a similar dialog choice that goes something like this:
    Lone Wanderer: The only thing that makes this pain bearable is the idea of inflicting it on people like you.
    Moira: Ah... you don't really mean that... do you? I think I better leave you alone for a while...
    • Or this gem from taking too much radiation, if Moira's been turned into a Ghoul:
    Lone Wanderer: I feel about as bad as you look.
  • If you choose to blow up Megaton and talk to Moira afterwards (who has become a ghoul), you are given this dialogue option:
    Lone Wanderer: Moira, don't take this the wrong way, but you got real ugly real fast.
    • Or, even better:
  • Several dialog options with Sierra. For example, when you first meet her you can make it abundantly clear that you are not interested in taking her Nuka Cola tour. She doesn't get the hint.
    Lone Wanderer: I'd rather smack myself upside the head with a blunt instrument.
    Sierra: What an odd way to make music, I'll have to try that sometime.
    • Brailee Ewers in Arefu isn't much better:
    Lone Wanderer: Any help you could provide would be appreciated.
    *tin can added*
  • If you use console commands at the very beginning of the game to simply unlock the door to your room during the sequence where you're a baby, you'll find out you can access the normal Vault map as in a state of emergency in "Escape!" And (with a few more unlock commands on doors) you can walk right out of the Vault and begin the game as normal, though unable to access the Pip-Boy and thus equip or use items, or to even raise your fists so you can't fight at all. Aside from the hilarity of walking around taking items and talking to people as a baby, you can sit on a chair for temporary third-person view, revealing what you look like as a baby. A scaled-down model of your grown-up character, complete with Pip-Boy and underclothes.
  • From Mothership Zeta: "Cows? WE GOT COWS!"
    • If you have the Mysterious Stranger perk, then you can tell Semah that "a friend" might show up to help "if we're lucky" after she explains her plan to escape from alien imprisonment. Her reaction makes it clear she thinks you went to nut-o land for a moment.
    • Throughout Mothership Zeta you can find archives of recordings made by prisoners. Some are too dumb to realize what's going on, some are meekly compliant to avoid being harmed, some are defiant and hostile. And then you come to Recording 24...which has a brahmin mooing over and over as an alien yells at it. There's also Recording 19, where an escaped captive leaves a message for anyone who finds it telling them the aliens are reliant on technology and without its aid they're as fragile as humans, and he reckons a comparatively small band of well-armed and trained humans could take the ship. A few hours later, the player will confirm his theory.
    • One hilarious bit of Black Comedy comes from a woman detained on her way meet a friend, who remains cheerfully oblivious to the aliens' intentions to probe or dissect her, and signs off happily saying they're about to show her something.
    • The extremely bizarre fascination/obsession the aliens have with the Giddyup-Buttercup toys. To the point where they have entire rooms filled up with them.
    • Holding The Line in the Hangar using a bunch of giant electrical pylons. Half the time you'll have alien bodies comically flying all over the place, some of them even smacking right into the platform you're standing on.
  • When you accost a Pitt Slave for his clothes: "Your clothes. Give them to me. Now."
  • During Operation Anchorage, if you talk about the simulation after Vault 112, you have the option of say "Oh great. More evil little girls." To which Protector McGraw will respond with "" He then continues explaining the simulation as though you hadn't said that.
  • A moment of unintentional hilarity, the dev team apparently didn't code the super mutant behemoth at Galaxy News Radio to be allied with the normal super mutants. In the normal questline, you and the Brotherhood wipe out the normal mutants before the behemoth arrives. If you skip that part of the main quest and come to the area later, the normal Brotherhood sentries at GNR are fighting the mutants and the behemoth runs out immediately...then as a result of the mentioned problem with alliances, turns its attention to swatting aside its brethren. The super mutants will likely defend themselves in turn, resulting in an Enemy Mine as the mutants and the Brotherhood gang up on the behemoth, all thanks to a programming oversight.
  • From Broken Steel, pretty much everything that comes out of Scribe Bigsley's mouth. And his log entries.
  • The Brotherhood will not let you into the Citadel - until Doctor Li punches the intercom and yells "Lyons! I know you're in there, I know you can hear me! You open this goddamn door right now!"...and it opens.
    • Better is that, if you're fast enough, you can ask the guard very politely if you can enter. When the gate opens, you can ask him if you can enter now. He isn't pleased.
  • In downtown D.C. (In Seward Square) there's a guy with a megaphone who rigged an alleyway to explode if anyone comes near it who shouts his insane ramblings at anyone who passes by.
    "I'll do it! I'll blow us all to hell! wooorm...!"
    • Even better, you can convince a bystander to try and talk the guy down. If you get him to go through with it, better start running.
  • Pretty much anything Dukov says or does:
    • Upon being told that Mr. Crowley sent you to kill him:
    • Upon being asked about Mr. Crowley:
    "Hez dead. Feral ghouls ripped heez nuts off and ate them!"
    • Upon simply being asked what he is doing here:
  • Insulting Dave's son gets you this hilariously unfunny gem:
    "Oh. Yeah. Well! ''Your face!""
    • Yeah, well, your face is unfunny!
  • Broken Steel has a good one. During the mission where you investigate a ghoul in Underworld selling Aqua Cura, you have to make a trip to his secret bottling plant. Once there you'll fight a few ghoul guards, including one wearing a wig like the ghoul who is selling the Aqua Cura. On the guard's body is a note containing bottling instructions and a request that all of the ghouls there not put on any of their boss's wigs. Guess he couldn't resist.
  • You can't help but crack up laughing at the Protectrons you encounter in the Nuka-Cola plant. Why? Every time they say "Nuka-Cola", their voice suddenly shifts from their monotone voice to a clip from an advertisement. It's hard not to laugh at those things, more so the first time you fight them because it comes out of left field.
    Protectron: You. Are. Tres-passing. On. Nuka-Cola!! Prop-er-ty.
  • When roaming the wasteland, flip on GNR...and promptly get blown halfway across DC while "Let's Go Sunning" is playing.
  • Literally 15 minutes after leaving Vault 101 (assuming you're a High-Karma player), you can encounter the Talcon Company mercs. Somebody really had it out for the Lone Wanderer!
  • The Liberty Prime sequence may be the most hilariously outrageous example of Eagle Land ever written, with a giant robot blowing away members of the Enclave while reminding them (LOUDLY) that they must EMBRACE FREEDOM OR FACE ERADICATION.
  • Perhaps one of Liberty Prime's best lines is when it encounters an Enclave forcefield during the final story quest: "OBSTRUCTION DETECTED. COMPOSITION: TITANIUM ALLOY SUPPLEMENTED BY PHOTONIC RESONANCE BARRIER. PROBABILITY OF MISSION HINDRANCE: ZERO PERCENT!"
  • Snowflake, the ghoul barber in Underworld. The only ghoul in the game with a full head of hair.
    "Of course, a ghoul with a barbershop is like a screen door on a submarine, so... fuck it."
  • The confidence in the Raiders is often horribly misplaced.
    Raider: You're dead now!
    • You all know how that story ends.
    • The same goes for Talon Company, once you've outclassed them: "Talon Compa—!"*BOOM!*
  • In a Historical In-Joke, the leader of the Slavers is a black man.
  • A humorous glitch happens in Bethesda Ruins. The above area is a raider camp while the Underworks is full of feral ghouls. If you enter the Underworks while hidden or wearing the Ghoul Mask all the ghouls will run outside and fight the raiders. Every 3 days afterwards the raiders will respawn and more ghouls will spawn at the gate to the Underworks, leading to an eternal war between them.
  • Abusing Mr. Lopez.
  • The powdered wig on the head of Protectron!Button Gwinnet is just so hilariously unfitting. Then there's his delusional mannerisms that come into play before and after you meet him, thanks to a memory malfunction that corrupted his parameters and turned him into RP-ing the historical character he's based on, according to his control terminal found in the maintenance chamber just to the left of his office.
    • Even more hilarious if you manage to convince him that you are Thomas Jefferson. Additional points if you happen to be a black woman while bluffing.
  • A great example of how much of a Deadpan Snarker you can be becomes apparent the minute you enter Megaton. A possible response when Lucas Simms welcomes you to the town.
    Lone Wanderer: Pfft. Nice Hat, Calamity Jane.
  • The Halls of Today in the museum of technology is a collapsed ruin.
  • Spoony's Vlog of the game, despite being a serious review (As opposed to his regular humourous ones) he does give a good Fridge Logic moment that is kind of funny simply because it's true. Detailing that he could fight with his bare hands like a badass, except that with every monster in the game, a sane person would never actually want to touch them with their bare hands.
    Spoony: Seriously! Why would I touch these things with my bare hands!? They're disgusting!
  • A cute in-joke that may be easy to miss, that Butch's assigned job is a hair stylist but prefers the term "barber", while Snowflake in the Underworld is a barber but prefers the term "hair stylist".
  • The Presidential Transit control computer in Broken Steel is in the narrow valley between 'just a computer' and 'conscious', which makes her the Comically Serious.
    Wanderer: Do you know anything about the war that broke out 200 years ago?
    "Margot": I was aware that something had happened to shut down my surface terminals. Thank you for the information.
    Wanderer: So you realize there is nothing left on the surface?
    "Margot": That would be compatible with the information you have already provided.
  • Using the console to force the camera into third-person when your character is still young would reveal that the developers didn't bother giving you a separate model for this point in the game, so you just use a scaled-down version of your adult model.
  • When Charon kills Ahzrukhal after you buy his contract.
  • There's a small shelter under a bridge on the outskirts of the D.C. ruins. Inside is a single feral ghoul and what can only be described as a monument to sheer boredom. When you first open the door, you see a small tower made from a tin can balanced on a soda bottle balanced on a book balanced on four pencils. Down the hall, there's the massive head of a statue decorated with party streamers. In the main room, there's a garden gnome, a mannequin and at least 40 plungers stuck everywhere. Even better, some of those plungers form a line up the wall and onto the ceiling, interspersed with hand prints.
  • If you sneak up on a group of super mutants, you may get treated to some hilarious dialogue:
    Mutant 1: What?
    Mutant 2: I was thinking. And it hurt! Hurt my head! But I remembered things. From before... I think I knew a woman. Or maybe, I was a woman... Aagh! It hurts!
    Mutant 1: Ha! You talk a lot! Sound funny when you talk, like a stupid human. Ha ha ha ha ha!
    Mutant 1: What do you want?
    Mutant 2: I have a joke for you. Ready? Knock knock.
    Mutant 1: Who [sic] there?
    Mutant 2: Humans?
    Mutant 1: Humans who?
    Mutant 2: Kill the humans! Kill them all! Aggghhh!
    Mutant 1: Ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha! Oh... oh... ha ha ha ha ha... that a good one! Ha ha ha ha ha!
  • In Megaton, a number of improvised roadsigns point the player in the direction of important locales. The sign pointing to the church of the Children of the Atom reads simply 'Local Cult'.
  • "Chucky won't shut up about [the mole rat] he kept as a pet getting eaten by the others. I think I'll shoot him."