Badfic Fetish has a thing for Stand My Ground (No, not that way!)

alright, more chapters are on the way. There is a chapter nine now.

I know, I was going to add that today. So, any spoilers for Chapter Ten?

Chapter 9 Menwhiel with pale duud The story of how Pale Duud got better, In 3-D and with Blood, Sex, and Gore. Author, I didn't know you cared!

Pale duud relized he wuz in ancint histry, Actually a park loosely based on Ancient History and was ataked by Alexnandir the Grate and Marie Antonet. See what I mean?

He defeted them' He took their holiday with abra cadaver and mooved on. He felt depresed sinz he culd naught see Lidana, If "Pale Duud" is still meant to be Mr. Cullen, then this is Character Derailment. But who cares? and he slit his ristz alone crying tearz ov bluud.

He sexed with clepetra. So soon after your Wangst fit? That's Unhealthy...

She gabe him a portal, Pillaged from the lair of the Ancient Astronauts but this lunched him rite into a fite. She inteded to kill him all along!

He gasped sexily, "OHNO, this is Sekigahra!" He ran through, doging cannon balls and he ripped out Mori's throat. Even though Mori's supposed to be the loser in the battle, I'm pretty sure that you killed him too early.

"OH NO," sed the soldiers. They got shot by an Apathy Ray, that's why there were no exclamation points!

And then eduard wuz in...Mi Imortal! Huh? But isn't Linda's story set in that canon? Wait, I can rationalize this. He arrived at the past of My Immortal, back when Ebony was Queen and and her Pod People Replacements served her and her alone.

But he wuz rescued by time paradox, who wuz also Dumbeldor's Alazheimers, Who was Good All Along! but to go back 2 the present, pale duud needead to trun ebil. Or Not.

"!" He shouted definatly amd sexily. Only to cave in once he failed his will save.

"I NO GIVE YOU ANY CHOICE!" Said Dumbelder's Alzheimers. Prepare for Mind Rape!

And then Pale Duud was a Demon. Or that.

((OOC:Finished!))

edited 27th Jun '10 7:02:51 PM by BadficFetish

WT reference ftw!

Huh? Can you explain?

Chapter 10 has been added...

I'll get right on it shortly.

Edit: On second tought, let's do this!

Capter 10 Teh Escaep! I hope it's the Real Hogwarts Characters... I hope it's the Real Hogwarts Characters...

No such luck. Linda runs and in one of the few sensible moments in her life, never looks back at the burning Slytherin dorm. She expresses a desire to slit her wrists to Dracola, and finds time to do so. It appears that she died and comes back to life. In another moment of sensibility, she says: "Tose servants are cumming here now...lets use Vampire's cloke of invicibiliti."

They do so, and they escape without interference.

The confuzed servants who went bak to Corupted Self. Corupted self, Hitler, Aizian, and Roanuld Reagan and his son and daughter Neil and Eliza wur pissed. Eliza slapped them, and then Hitler demoted them. And then they sent their Assasins, had their Casters actually use scrying spells, and rounded up some Hot Topic clothing as hostages.

Butt they wur geven anuther chance by the mastermind who had broght Corupted self here. Uh oh. Hogwertz' fate may be SEELE'd [geddit, they're a council of duudz out to taek over tha world, liek SEEL?] That is so unfunny. That said, Megalomainac Seel for the win!

Menwhile, Lidna went over 2 Huffelpuuf dorm, which was reduced to a lot of joined colsets. I Knew It!. '''And then Blaize came out of the closet. [geddit?] Yes, I get it. Way to be more unfunny, Author.

But it turns out to be Britney, who As You Know, killed the real Blaize in Ch. 8. Yay Continuity! She was apparently going to be sent to "Azazdistan" by Dumblydore for her failure but Dumbledor's Alzheimers made him forget. Pet the Dog or Pragmatic Villainy? But nobody knew it was not Blaize because Britney was ninja. I'll take your word for it.

And then Dumblider's Alzheimers made a body for its self as an...ANITSPIRIAL! Gasp! The Author is Psychic! Or he just read this Live Blog, as he was the one who had me create it in the first place.

He then did the evil laughings and maed a lot of students be chagrinned. It laughed in chagrin. It then vanished again and was Dumbliders' alzheimers again. So, Orcus on His Throne?

Linda and the others move to the Griffindor dorm, perferring prepiness to confinement in a closet. Then they have sex, which was apparently not gay despite Blaize coming out of the closet. More IKEA Erotica ensues.

Pale dude returns, no mention of his demon condition or evilness is mentioned. Maybe he became one of Bad Santa's demons instead of Corrupted Self's? he then asks for a fivesome.

They did so, and they all organismed Eww... at once. And then the bulldozer attacked, it had gotten better.

Vampire tries to Kung Fu it, but the bulldozer just shouts the iconic sentence: "You cannot kung fu on bulldozer."

Dracola sed, "Yes two people kan!" He did kung fu on it. Go Dracola! The Bulldozer was a demon and became oen. Lidna got redressed for battle sexily putting on hur clothes, not rippin a single beautiful shirt string or stretchin her pants. Your friends are in danger and you are focusing on your clothes? *facepalm*

They kill the buldozer, but it turns out to be Crab and Gargoyle.

They saw that you know what had just happened and they shouted, "WUT THE HELL ARE YOU DOING YOU MUTHERFUCKING MOTHERFUCKERS SHITTING IN A BUILDING LIKE TUBGURL!" Huh?

Dracola gets mad and did Incineratio, which killed the two of them to death. They're ashes wur scattered to the winds and there spirits went 2 hell wear Stan killed them again. Stan Lee was visiting Mephisto in order to beat him up for One More Day as he cannot beat up Quesada.

Vampire rocked the fuck out to cover their escaep and Jack Chick II died. Fine enough. What about going to Hogsmeade? Or better yet, London or New York. Then we can have urban action!

((OOC: Finished. Also, sorry for not including more quotes from the original fanfic, I just didn't want my posts to resemble MST's too much. But if you don't think that's a problem, then I'll remedy it once the fic is updated.))

((OOC 2: Good Job, Nick!))

edited 3rd Jul '10 7:45:22 PM by BadficFetish

alright. I hope you think of some epic snarks.

Actually, I decided not to delay and did the Post right away. Thanks for turning Dumblydore's Alzheimer's into an Anti-Spiral, that made me laugh.

edited 30th Jun '10 10:57:03 PM by BadficFetish

doublepost

edited 1st Jul '10 5:54:02 PM by NickTheSwing

alright, another new chapter is going to come up soon. It features a cameo appearance from a criminal who was recently in the news...

edited 1st Jul '10 3:50:24 PM by NickTheSwing

Will it also feature the return of the Death Gawdz? Or is Aizen the one commanding them now?

Edit: I just noticed, you edited Ch. 9 to include my hypothesis that Pale dude was transported to the past of My Immortal. Thanks.

edited 1st Jul '10 8:32:44 PM by BadficFetish

chapter 11 is up, and it has a funny cameo

Chapter 11 Conflict And so the thrilling chase between Corrupted Self and Linda continues.

This chapter begins with Linda in a bad mood because B'Loody Mary Hermion wuz cheating on her good frend Diabolo instead of the fact that she's a fugitive, her enemies include Complete Monsters ready to subject her to a Fate Worse than Death, and that a Diabolus ex Machina can emerge at any moment. Because personal business is more important than any of those! She goes to the spot where she regularly met up with B'loody Mary,leaving her Goff companions to weather prep attacks in her abscence.

Bl'oody Mary knew that Lidna knew that she was cheating She had Telekenesis! and she wrethfully howled sexily, "You shud stay out of my lief.!" Not liking the Genre Shift to Soap Opera here, Author.

Linda uses her variation of the Cruciatus Curse at her. What a way to keep your allies, Linda! Now she will never make a Face–Heel Turn and join your enemies!. Mary yells about how goffik her new lover is, and then fanished, with lots of ashes cuvering hur ezcape. This of course doesn't pertub Linda, who wastes time better served finding a new goffik refuge for her and her harem tracking down B'loody Mary to the Ravenclaw dome. Apparently, miss 'Hermion' changed houses after Ravenclaw got it's own seperate building. Linda could feel ubergoffik evil energy of stan in the air, whuever hur boyfriend was was a bad, evil boy.

That doesn't sound good. Linda smashes the door and The door went, "I am smashed." Yet another helpless casualty in Linda's personal conflict! And so she entered the door.

Inside she saw Mary. But Mary was sexing Instead of preparing defenses against her former best friend , and Linda screamed when she saw hu that Mary was sexing.

She wuz sexing...Joran Vanderslout! Nasty piece of work, that one. Go stick to fictional characters, Pod Replacement!

Lidna screamed, "To Imprisonio!" And the evil man went to Azakaban! As the Dementors are likely to be on the side of the preps (Vlodimort or Corrupted Self, if they aren't working together), you just gave them a new minion. Good Job.

Mary then flies out of Hogwarts and meets with Corrupted Self, to no one's surprise.

He sed as Dumblider's Alzheimers arrivd, "You wann reveng aginst Lidnana amirite?" Oviously!

Mary sed, "Yeh, she messed up my evil love with the evilest man alive, I will have evil revenge, EVIL!" Then the Real Hermione snuck up from behind and bashed her head in while the Real Harry and Ron fought against Corrupted Self and Dumblidore's Alzheimers.

But she wuz not bein' Mary, becuz she wuz posessed by...evil Nazi demons from space led by George W. Bush. Author's Saving Throw! Apparently, legitimate provocations aren't enough to spark a Face–Heel Turn for her.

The bad guyz all evil laughed. And then Britney repoted taht Lidna wuz emoshunally draned She would have been emotionally drained earlier if you just kept chasing her instead of giving her time to recover enough to pursue emotional conflicts and that it wud by VERY preppy to attak now...and they DID!

The bad guyz used acid boms to blast Gyrfidner dorm, Even though Linda was at Ravenclaw but Lidna used reflect, which did the refelcting and made the bad guyz retreating. Captain Obvious much.

Aizen watched and sed, "Exactely as planned." He revived Bulldozer as an Arrienkar.

Menwhile, at Hogzmede, Lidna, Who was using B'loody Mary's stolen Time Turner to go back in time to protect her friends while her past self was conducting her personal business in a rare display of Intelligence Dracola, Vampire, and Not-Blaze went to a Good Charlotte cocert, but it was NOT Good Charlotte playing! Let me guess, it was... Vlodimort and the Death Dealers!

No, they were kikked off stage by Vlodemort and the Death Dealers, See? who had help in upstaging anoter purson's act from...KANYE WEST who is a jackass. As anyone who has read the 'Disgraces' section on Trope Pantheons can attest.

Vlodemort shouted at Lidna, "Kill Vampire or thou shalt suffer greatly, for I shalt slay Drako Malfoy if you don't." Umm, Dracola is Linda's primary interest now, not Draco. Choose him instead. Vlodemort than took Draco in bondage and played a song called The World will Be Conquered by Voldimorte. And Linda was too busy listening to the song that she didn't formulate a plan to take Draco back. How Like Her.

He then left. Lidna cried tearz of bluud. Then the Real Hogwarts Characters killed her and freed themselves. The End.

((OOC:Finished! Another great chapter, Nick. The second half was my favourite.))

edited 2nd Jul '10 3:43:52 PM by BadficFetish

thanks, what did you think of the real person cameos?

Fine enough, but they should be used in moderation. I perfer fictional characters myself. That said, I did do some RL cameos in my Write A Badfic thread fic, but only when it suited my Sadist Jerkass then-protagonist to find an enemy worse than he is to Kick the Dog with.

edited 2nd Jul '10 8:07:42 PM by BadficFetish

yeah, I will make sure to limit them, Vanderslout will appear much later. Him being described as Ubergoffik and evil by B'Loody Mary is something of a Brick Joke.

That sounds cool.

another chappie is up!

Yes!

Capter 12: Demon Awokening

So the Author did remember! Anyway, this Parody travesty starts with Linda slitting her wrists and being depressed that her state as being in Vlodimort's way caused Draco's recent status as a Sex Slave. She decides to cheer herself up not by starting a rescue mission, but by doing the you know what with Dracola Vampire Pale Duud and B'Loody Mary, who was now a Sleaper. If Linda knew that B'loody Mary was a Sleeper Agent, why did she allow her within five feet of her in the first place?

Pale dude suddenly proclaims his demonic condition, and transforms into a lame demonic form. Everyone runs away despite Linda previously being able to use Sepiroth's Supernova and we are treated to a Nausea Fuel description of the demon being big ugly and wuz all red and had a face liek with a milion eyes. It had for arms and for legs.

Linda uses a fan-made blasting spell to blast the demon through a nearby wall. The demon, after going thru te wall, got right back up and dusted itself off from getting blasted through the wall. It roared, "Rawr." The roar roared right up and shatered the celing.

Britney, who had suddenly appeared out of nowhere, orders the demon to "Kill Linda, kill her to death like to a fete wurse than deth! Hey, that's an actual trope! Ultradeath!"

The demon refuses, saying "But I remember these peopulz, dey are my friends. Don't really wanna kill them." Ha! Take That!, Dumbledore's Alzheimer's!

Britney shouted at it in her very pissed off voice, "Kill those stupid goffik people, you stupid wanker, or I will kill you, wanker!" Redundancies notwithstanding, mere words aren't going to cut it. The demon uses his claw as a Slash Harken and Britney's brrom she wuz sitting on exploded and she went the balasting off liek Teem Rokket. Yay!

The demon wuz then back 2 bein Pale Duud and untransformed but lost the demon form cuz he was naught evul anymoar.Were you ever? He told her, "Damblider iz bein manpulated by that magnificient basterd his alzheimers...but both are preppiez and are evul." GASP1!

Seconds later, Britney returns with Hitler and the Servants. And then B'loody Mary betrays the group to no one's surprise (except for Linda and her harem, that is). The preps then give her teh experimental edler wande!

OH NO! My sentiments excatly

((OOC: Finished! Apologies again for including less of the original chapter's content. I didn't want this to become an MST, like in the other chapter.))

((OOC 2: A good one, Nick! I can't wait for either the big action scene or the abrupt Anti-Climax.))

edited 8th Jul '10 5:05:27 PM by BadficFetish

thanks, and I came up with yet another chapter. I think I am on a roll with these things.

I won't be able to update immedately, I'm afraid. I haven't been getting much sleep lately, and my mom's been getting on my act about it. I have time again, so let's get on it!

Capter 13 Linda beutiful dark'ness ravenway Taracroft vs. B'Loody Mary The Cat Fight of a lifetime!

B'loody Mary returns from her meeting with Dumbledore's Alzheimer's to confront Linda with her new edler wand, which glowed a very dark red, much darker than red. Linda is pissed that she had sex with a Sleeper Agent, as she could have gotten some Squicky Sleeper Agent STD. Linda shouts "Why r u betrayin' me?" despite the reason being evident to anyone with half a brain.

B'loody Mary points her "Womb" (which I really hope was just a misspelling of wand) at Linda, who flew backwurds, and said, "Blast it." [geddit?] She then uses "Avara Kedabra." The blast wuz red instead of green cuz Linda was pissed off. And it turns Orange when she's greedy, Yellow when she's afraid, Blue when she has a Hope Spot, Indigo when she shows compassion (which is never), and Violet when she's in 'Love'.

B'Loody Mary then grabs Avril Lavinge out of Hammerspace and uses her as a Human Shield. The Author takes pains to point out that Wut she did was wurse then kicking a dog for absolutely no gud reson. I agree, even if B'loody Mary had a reason.

Linda then uses Ultima but B'loody Mary survives the attack and did a wun winged angle. She truned into a big demon with for wings, big claws on both hands and legs, and an ugly face. But I tought you said she was an Angle!

B'loody Mary shouts that this "preppy" form was from Dumblidore's Alzheimer's. Gee, way to give away secrets, B'loody Mary!

But Vampire uses a sudden Quick Attack on B'loody Mary and she flees the battle. It appears to be a victory, despite the continued prescence of Hitler and the Servants, who should have acted to support her instead of just lazing around and waiting for her to be defeated.

B'loody Mary then went to Corupted Self who told her, "Dun wory, I hav a new sleeper agent hu will get yur job done(Better than you)." Then he killed her and Barbecued her Corpse.

And then a door opened frum Azakaban. Out walked Mystery of Magic Cornelia Fuck and a dark man hu would caus Lidna truble... I bet it's either Joran Vanderslout or Brainwashed!Draco, who Volxemort gave to the preps.

((OOC:Finished!))

edited 10th Jul '10 5:51:56 PM by BadficFetish

So, did you like it, Nick?

Yeah, I like it. The next chapter will have a Mother3 parody. How does Masked Man Draco sound?

I don't play that game (monetary reasons), but that sounds good!

Edit: I finally finished the Tropes Pantheons fic that I wrote for the Write a Badfic thread, though that was only because I finally became discontented with it. Tell me, what was your opinion of the story as a whole? Should I have given it a more epic finale?

edited 10th Jul '10 8:28:14 PM by BadficFetish

well, I would say more Goffik, more cutting, and pop stars as bad guys with a motive of motiveless malignity.

by the way, there is a story I have been looking to get live blogged on my DA Account just so I can see if there are currently any flaws.