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Video Game / Don't Shit Your Pants

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"The game hasn't even started yet, but you just couldn't help yourself. You just shit your pants. Game over."

Don't Shit Your Pants is a humorous text adventure game by Cellar Door Games that jokingly brands itself as a survival horror game. It can be found on Newgrounds here.

As the name suggests, you play as a man who desperately needs to defecate and must guide him to the bathroom using text commands. There are ten different endings to unlock, and many of them require thinking outside the box. The game is short, and only takes a few minutes to complete, but getting all of the endings without cheating requires some thinking. Getting all of the endings will earn you the title of Shit King.

Has a Spiritual Successor in the form of Don't Wet Your Pants.

This game provides examples of:

  • Achievement Mockery: There's an achievement for typing "shit" before the game even starts.
  • Amazing Technicolor Population: Your character is magenta skinned.
  • And Your Reward Is Clothes: The protagonist gets a crown once you have unlocked all the awards.
  • Barbie Doll Anatomy: The protagonist isn't drawn with a penis when he has his pants off, although that's probably for the better.
  • Cluster F-Bomb: The word "shit" is used quite liberally...
  • Door Dumb: "You try PUSHING the door open but it wont budge." You PULL it open. "Oh, Right."
  • Earn Your Bad Ending: It takes a bit of work, certainly the most in the game, to figure out how to get two achievements. First you have to find the stomach pills, then you have to learn how to delay the impending Potty Emergency to give the pills time to work. And then they end up not working anyways.
  • Exact Words:
    • Removing your pants before taking a shit (or killing yourself) results in you taking a dump on the floor. This counts as a win, since technically you didn't shit your pants.
    • Sitting on the toilet and shitting will result in a game over. You didn't specify that you took your pants off, first.
  • Exactly What It Says on the Tin: The main goal is to make it to the restroom without shitting your pants, as the name would suggest.
  • Faux Horrific: This game is subtitled as survival horror.
  • Game-Breaking Bug:
    • Entering "fart lightly" three times, or doing the "Stomach pills" achievement, will cause the player character to shit his pants even if his pants are already off.
    • Entering "don't shit" while on the toilet will cause the player to still shit in their pants/on the floor instead.
  • Golden Ending: Obviously, the best ending is the one where you shit in the toilet. Just be sure to take off your pants first.
  • Gross-Out Show: This game sure likes to make you crap yourself...
  • Have a Nice Death: Well, have a nice Potty Failure. Each ending has a picture and text description of your failure (or success in the Golden Ending).
  • Interactive Fiction: A rare modern example. Although there are graphics, the game is controlled entirely through text commands.
  • Loophole Abuse: The player will get a victory chime for taking off their pants and shitting on the floor. Hey, technically you didn't shit your pants.
  • Moniker As Enticement: Parodied. Getting all possible endings will earn the character the title of "Shit King", earning him a crown from the fast food place to prove it.
  • Multiple Endings: Ten of them!
  • No Dead Body Poops: In an interesting nod to realism, killing yourself will lead to a game over as you lose control of your bowels, thus (wait for it) shitting your pants. Unless you take off your pants first, in which case you... succeed? We guess?
  • Nonstandard Game Over:
    • Entering "Fart" will cause the player to shit his pants by farting too hard.
    • Entering "Hit" will cause the player to exert himself and shit his pants.
  • Potty Emergency: The main plot of the game is of the protagonist desperately having to take a dump.
  • Potty Failure: All of the endings except for one lead to you failing to defecate in the toilet.
  • Press Start to Game Over: You normally type in "play" to start the game. But instead, you can type "shit" to immediately soil yourself. There's an achievement for that.
  • Press X to Die:
    • Typing in "die" (Or "suicide" or "seppuku" or...) will result in you dying, ending the game. If you remove your pants and then die, it still counts as a technical win.
    • Commanding the man to "shit" will automatically end the game.
  • Pyrrhic Victory: Committing suicide with your pants off results in a technical victory (since you shit on the floor as you die), but even the game questions if it should count.
  • Reverse Psychology: Entering "don't shit" will make the player shit anyway.
  • Take That!: The game instructs you to type "play" to begin the game. If you type exactly that, quotations included, the game calls you an idiot.
  • Take Your Time: Averted, as there is a time limit - despite the fact that most text adventures are slow paced and don't have time limits.
  • Timed Mission: In seconds. Initially, you have 40 seconds, so you'd better hurry to the bathroom!
  • Title Drop: Happens from time to time. Invoking this yourself will cause the message "Too bad. You shit your pants anyway."
  • Toilet Humor: Well, what did you expect? The whole game revolves around the act of shitting.
  • Unexpectedly Realistic Gameplay:
    • Just like in real life, it turns out that deciding to take a shit with your pants still on or taking a shit outside of the bathroom isn't such a good idea. The game is very precise, and often players get a bad ending on their first playthrough.
    • If you fart, you end up taking a shit. If you fart a little, you get more time, instead.
    • If you kill yourself, you end up taking a shit because you lose your bowel control.
    • However, if you sit on the toilet, with your pants off, and let the timer run out, you still lose.
  • Undignified Death: Typing in "die", "suicide" or "kill self" will result in you dying... and thanks to loss of bowel control as you die, you shit your pants or on the floor, if you took them off first.
  • Vomit Indiscretion Shot: It's a shit indiscretion shot.
  • Vulgar Humor: Who knew there were so many ways to use the restroom incorrectly?

You spent all this time reading this page... You just shit your pants. Game Over.