Funny / Yakuza

Per wiki policy, Spoilers Off applies here and all spoilers are unmarked. You Have Been Warned.

Got ya now, KIRYU-CHAN!

Yakuza

• Before fighting Kazuma at the batting cages, Majima gets conked on the head by a baseball from a pitching machine in the middle of his speech (even the tense music stopped at that moment). He takes it in good humor, as do his underlings... all except for one...
  Majima: "This is the part where ya LAUGH! [attacks the underling with a bat] LAUGH IT UP, DUMBASS!"
  • Even funnier, in Kiwami, the same underling joins Majima in the fight against Kiryu immediately after the cutscene.
    • Even FUNNIER...someone looked at this...and discovered that the person who was not laughing in the original is still seen in the line-up...laughing. He learned!
  • The original English dub of this moment is even funnier thanks to the acting chops of good ol' Mark Hamill as Majima who throws in an f shot at the poor bastard.
  English Dub!Majima: This is the part where you're supposed ta LAUGH! [brains the henchman with his bat and keeps wailing on the poor guy] LAUGH, YA STUPID MOTHERFUCKER!!
• Kiryu, stepping in at the Batting Center to protect Takashi with a baseball bat in hand, gives us his classiest Pre-Asskicking One-Liner in the series:
  "I did feel the urge to hit some balls today. I suppose yours will have to do."
  • As an aside, as easy as it is to believe that this line is just the English dub being edgy as usual, it isn't. It's actually a perfectly accurate translation of what the original Japanese script said.
    "I did feel like hitting some balls today. I guess yours will have to do."
• One of the substories, "Drain the Lizard / Crisis on the Crapper" has Kiryu help a man trapped in a restroom without toilet paper. Six pocket tissues later, the man is finally able to escape and gives Kiryu an item and his business card out of gratitude. His name? Rokkaku Gouji.
• Another substory, "The Man Who Wants to Die / Man on a Ledge", involves a man named Akimoto who wants to jump from a roof and kill himself. Normally, Kiryu and Haruka would talk him out of it, but if Kiryu tells Akimoto to jump, he'll actually do it... only to have his fall broken by a support structure, causing Akimoto to wonder why the world won't let him die. In Kiwami, Kiryu assures Haruka that even if he tells him to jump, he won't, only to realize this isn't the case. This time, Akimoto somehow ends up falling in a tree instead when there's not even any around!
• In between searching for Mizuki, Kiryu helps Date resolve some of his family issues and ends up having to save him from a punk who was extorting money from his daughter. Kiryu makes his presence known by punting the door open, sending the poor mook guarding it flying offscreen. That would be funny enough, but Kiwami gave the guy a hilarious yelp of pain as he gets kicked away.
• At the end of the game, after getting sworn in as the fourth chairman of the Tojo Clan, Kiryu's very first action is to... immediately resign and hand the position off to someone who actually wants it. We see a scene of Kiryu running out of the Tojo Clan HQ being chased by other Yakuza, asking him to wait up. He jumps into Date's car and tells them "Stay tough, guys," before Date drives them both away. Just to tie the whole thing up, we get a glimpse of the assorted Yakuza through the rear window, fading into the distance, as one of them half-heartedly bows after the vehicle.
• Just as Kiryu, Date and the Florist discuss the soapland Shangri-La and how to get inside, Haruka pipes up, asking Kiryu what a soapland is. Cue Kiryu floundering, trying to figure out how to explain the very-much adult topic of soaplands to the nine year old kid, and Date wants nothing to do with that. Its all capped off with Haruka revealing she already knows what a soapland was (having been in town long enough to find out) and was just pulling Kiryu's leg! Even Florist finds the whole thing hilarious!
• After arriving at Shangri-La, the front desk manager tells Kiryu that kids aren't exactly welcome on the premises. Kiryu tells him they're on a field trip and Haruka won't cause trouble, but when he continues to protest Kiryu shuts him up by wordlessly turning and punching a statue to rubble.
  Kiryu: She won't be a bother. Are we good?
  Front Desk Manager: C-certainly, sir.
  • Better yet, watch as Haruka herself subtly backs up at seeing her Parental Substitute do this so casually. While she knows he can fight and has witnessed him do it before to protect her, this is the first time Haruka has seen him Cutting the Knot with a civilian situation, and it genuinely spooks her — especially since in a conversation just prior to the scene, they were talking about the necessity of politeness.

Yakuza Kiwami

• The "Majima Everywhere" system. Now that Kiryu's out of prison after ten years, Goro's eager to awaken his intuition and there's no telling when you'll fight him, or what lengths he'll go to fight his new favorite rival. From a trash can, from under a giant cone, from a manhole? It's hard to hate encountering Majima so much if you're laughing just as often. And if he's assuming a role or disguise, he's just as determined to stay in-character of that role.
  • The Bowling Challenge starts with Kiryu walking in and a certain voice from behind saying "I spy with my one eye...a Kiryu-chan!" Kiryu has a This Is Gonna Suck look as the camera turns to show Majima dancing behind him, challenging him to a bowling match.
  • Bartender Majima. His disguise is just his outfit from 0 with his present self's head model and he even reminisces about being a cabaret club manager. He then proceeds to dupe Kiryu into thinking he's being offered expensive and exclusive mixes and to charge him millions for each drink, only to call them gutter piss and hobo juice afterwards with Kiryu initially liking both of them. Probably the most hilarious is the moment Kiryu first realizes his new bartender is wearing an eyepatch. Of course, this is also a way for Goro to get some satisfaction for all of the times his boss Sagawa drank expensive liquor and not paying for it just to stretch his debt further.
    Bartender!Majima: Welcome. What can I get you?
    Kiryu: Let's see...(looks up and notices Majima)
    Kiryu: ...I'm gone.
    • On the other hand, if Kiryu actually has enough yen to cover Majima's ludicrous prices, Majima loses any reason to fight Kiryu since he instead praises the liquor. Majima's reaction? He can't help but pity Kiryu since he just got scammed over some cheap swill.
  • Everyone's Idol Goro. He's first seen at the club wearing the very same outfit from "24 Hour Cinderella". Yes, that one. All while an instrumental version of the song plays in the background, to boot. He's putting on a show and the crowd loves him, but he tells Kiryu he feels ridiculous wearing it after it's been sitting in the closet for several years. Kiryu's description of the outfit, however, is pure gold.
    Kiryu: You look like you got into a fight with a disco ball, and it won.
  • Majima gets turned into a zombie at some point, and Kiryu has to fight him off as well as several other zombies. Turns out Goro hired a film crew just to mess with Kiryu. The funniest part though is that once Kiryu starts processing that it's a setup, the next shot is Majima "doing the hustle", AKA Mr. Libido's hilarious dance from 0. Not only is this an obvious reference to Thriller, but it's also a pun: Majima hustled Kiryu into thinking a Zombie Apocalypse happened. Also noted, it plays the battle music from Dead Souls.
  • Officer Majima, if not for the fact that he'll fight you only if his search reveals that Kiryu's packing weapons, and therefore a danger to the public. If Kiryu has nothing equipped, Majima will be pissed because he doesn't have a reason to fight him in uniform, forcing himself to be the good cop and won't initiate a fight.
    • Adding to the hilarity, eagle-eyed players may notice that the animation used for Officer Majima sneaking up behind Kiryu is the exact same one used when Majima snuck up behind the drunk cabaret patron during his introduction in 0.
  • At some point Majima invites Kiryu to a bikini bar to "celebrate" his release from prison. Not only is Kiryu treated to the sight of Majima pole-dancing for him, but it still ends in a fight considering our hero didn't enjoy the show.
    Kiryu: I wouldn't touch you with a ten foot pole! I'm outta here.
  • The fandom's new favorite hostess, "Goromi", which has Majima Disguised in Drag. Kiryu sees right through it (who wouldn't?) but decides to play along and humor the Mad Dog, and the segment even plays out like any other hostess conversation, though Goromi's tough to please. It still ends in a fight outside even if Kiryu maxes out the affection bar. “Goromi” declares he’ll “punish Kiryu in the name of hostesses the world over for daring to play with a woman’s heart” because Kiryu refused to do an after hours date.
  • Kiryu can overhear two people discussing a movie called "Passionate Manly Bathhouse Battle" (a reference to Ryu Ga Gotoku Ishin!), with one of them claiming it's "an Edo period martial arts flick" with an extended scene on the DVD. Hearing this, Kiryu can go to the adult video store to find it. Once it's in his hands, Majima pops up and is shocked to discover that Kiryu is into such things. Even though he says he'll keep it a secret, Kiryu doesn't believe him and is one of the few moments he initiates the fight just so Goro doesn't go around spreading rumors.
  • When Majima follows Kiryu into the Pocket Circuit Stadium, our hero's done messing around. He refuses to let the Mad Dog sully the sacred ground of Pocket Circuit and tries to force him out so they can fight outside. Not knowing such a wonderful place even existed, Majima tells Kiryu he doesn't care about fighting him and wants to know more about Pocket Circuit. Kiryu doesn't buy it, which earns him a scolding from Pocket Circuit Fighter, shocked that the otherwise kind Kazuma-kun would act hostile towards rookies, and tells both men to behave after "Goro-kun" eggs it on. After his first race, Majima spends days there training and quickly becomes a Pocket Circuit pro to everyone's amazement. Not coincidentally, the last race with him is easily the hardest Pocket Circuit race in the game.
  • Majima even gets in on MesuKing, after noticing how scantily-clad the women are on the cards, and doesn't buy Kiryu's explanation of the game's Excuse Plot. At some point, Nishida warns Kiryu with a text that Majima had found a card on the street, and with hysterical laughter yelled "I will destroy Kiryu-chan!". What's also funny is that, unusually for Majima, he can play with a very predicable pattern in which he spams Rock.
  • One that can be easily missed is if Kiryu finds him threatening a man in the alley near West Park. After the fight, Majima reveals what the man did to make him so angry: he put his recyclables in the trash where it doesn't belong. Kiryu never would've taken Majima as someone who supported protecting the environment better.
  • If Kiryu stops to check the magazine rack at a convenience store, he'll look up to find Majima pressing into the glass outside, enthusiastically watching him. Then baits a fight by loudly announcing Kiryu likes to read girly magazines. Even better is the final line before the battle starts, a hilarious Call-Back to one of Majima's sidequests in Yakuza 0. Majima has to be one of the only people on the planet who could use the fact he had a part in crashing his country's economy as a pre-fight boast.
    Kiryu: Fine then. But my fights don't come cheap. And I'm going to make sure you pay the tax!
    Majima: I INVENTED the tax, so bag this fight up and put it on my tab, Kiryu-Chan!
  • Even happening across Majima in the street can be funny. From Majima slowly rising up out of a bin with a shit-eating grin on his face to Kiryu walking down the street only for Majima to casually walk up right behind him. It doesn't even show where he came from. Majima's just kind of... there with no explanation at all.
  • If one repeats the aforementioned giant traffic cone encounter with Majima, Kiryu rationally thinks to himself:
    Kiryu: What is wrong with me?
  • Right after the Majima Everywhere system is introduced, the game encourages you to stock up on weapons and healing items in preparation for him. You'll then likely head to the convenience store within 20 feet of where you get the prompt, and if you buy a bento box, you'll trigger a fight with Majima within literal minutes of the previous one.
  • Majima, however, will not attack you if you are in a middle of a phone call, resulting in the amusing image where he can be casually walking the street, not even acknowledging Kiryu's presence... up until Kiryu hangs up. (You might want to lower your volume near the end of the video.)
  • Finally, Majima will randomly join other street fights. You can't even get away from him when you're fighting someone else!
• Some of the returning substories from the original have been expanded upon, a notable example being "Under Suspicion", where a man tasks Kiryu with giving a woman a password to buy an item from them. Before, he could also call them ugly with no consequence, but if he does, they'll deliver a slap that causes damage. One of the women is someone Kiryu doesn't consider very attractive, and hesitates to give her the password ("You're very sexy"). If he does and shows her the money for the item, she'll think he's offering her a measly 1,000 yen for sex. Although she's upset at first, considering the person it's coming from, she gladly accepts. Kiryu, probably still haunted by similar experiences back in the 80's, immediately hauls ass with a look of shock and horror on his face. If he tells the same woman that she's ugly instead, she'll slap him so hard it'll destroy most of his life bar. Even Amon would be impressed by that.
• "Memories of the Bubble" is a new substory where Kiryu meets an actress named Aya who wants to learn about the bubble economy. She'll ask him certain questions, but the wrong answers are much better than the correct ones. For instance, she'll ask him how people used to hail cabbies. Kiryu can tell her that people used to body slam the actual cabs.
  Aya: To imagine someone throwing their entire body weight against a cab just to get inside... It's unbelievable.
  Kiryu: Sorry. Maybe it wasn't everyone doing that. It could have just been me.
  Aya: You... really used to do that? How are you still alive?
• The substory, "Bad-Ass Dads", involves a woman stopping to interview Kiryu as being a potential "BAD-Boy", which is short for "Bad-Ass Dad Boy", since middle-aged men who can kick ass is the latest trend. During the interview, The Florist of Sai and Date come in and also get into the interview as potential candidates. The three soon get into an argument over who among them is the better BAD-Boy.
  • The last question to answer is what truly defines a BAD-Boy. The answer that gives you the best rewards? "Having less common sense than other men."
  • If Kiryu wins, both Date and the Florist turn out to be very Sore Losers about it. Kiryu can try to cheer them up, but will eventually just give up and leave them to sulk.
• The cult from Yakuza 0 that Majima destroyed is back, and now Kiryu has to deal with them. The current leader, the former right hand of the previous leader, talks about how their sect had been destroyed in the past by the attack of "Goroma Jima" and plan to revive it.
• Shinichi Shinohara's introduction. Kiryu comes across a punk harassing a woman for money, and naturally beats him into submission. It turns out it's the woman's boyfriend, who pulls a knife on Kiryu thinking his girl is cheating on him. Shinohara then pops out of nowhere, disarms him, and puts him in a hold. The entire time, the girl wails as her boyfriend is repeatedly beaten to a pulp over a complete misunderstanding. After clearing things up with an officer, Shinohara offers to make things even by letting the punk put him in a hold, and gets in a stance. The punk and his girlfriend run off screaming, utterly horrified.
  • Before Shinohara's name is revealed, he's referred to as "Man with a Big Head". And his head really does look like that in real life.
• Kiryu's "Bakamitai" karaoke Imagine Spot from Yakuza 0 returns, apparently completely identically to how it is in that game, including Kiryu staring wistfully at and drinking sadly over a photograph ...which is of Pocket Circuit Fighter and him in the 80s.
  • Which can also double as a Heartwarming Moment as it implies that one of Kiryu's fondest memories is his time playing Pocket Circuit. Considering how quick he is to jump back into it in Kiwami, find a successor for Pocket Circuit Fighter and get the old gang back together that definitely seems to be the case. Becomes doubly heartwarming when Pocket Circuit Fighter returns in Yakuza 6. Through all of the ups and downs Kiryu's had throughout his life his friendship with Pocket Circuit Fighter stood the time over nearly thirty years.
• Similarly, the "Iji Sakura 2000" Imagine Spot shows how easy it can be to recontextualize an Imagine Spot video via slight scene changes. The song is a remix of an enka song from Ishin! and the video still shows the singer working the farms and badass posing with two daikons like they were swords, but instead of Ryoma Sakamoto working his farm at home, it's Kiryu in prison.
• The batting cage fight gets a chuckle-worthy Mythology Gag nod to the original scene - the guy Majima whacked upside the head with his baseball bat in Yakuza 1 was a bald man wearing a red shirt. In Kiwami, the bald man apparently wisened up, because now he's laughing with the crew while a completely new guy is in his old spot.
• When you're "infiltrating" Sera's funeral, Kiryu's idea of going undercover is.. putting on a pair of sunglasses. This verges on a Running Gag, since Majima had the same idea back in Yakuza 0. Later on, you can sign the guestbook with your real name. The Receptionist will immediately call Kiryu out on this, to which one potential response is simply "Nope, different Kiryu." It works.
• One substory involves Kiryu helping a middle-aged woman who had her handbag stolen when she wasn’t looking. He tracks down the pair of thieves and beats the crap out of them, then returns the handbag to its rightful owner. The woman thanks Kiryu as her bag contained clothes to prepare herself for her date. When she comes out, Kiryu is shocked to see that the middle-aged woman is now dressed as a high school girl and goes out to meet her date, which happens to be one of the thieves Kiryu beat up earlier. He deadpans they’re made for each other.
• The substory "Searching for a Present" has Kiryu and Haruka look for gifts a girl Haruka's age can give a boy she likes. One of them is a "Shrink-Wrapped Magazine"... which is very clearly a porn mag. When Kiryu contemplates getting it, Haruka gives him the cutest Death Glare imaginable. Making it funnier is that this is one of the "good" options for completing the substory!
• The "Yakuza's Apprentice" series of sidequests begins with a man named Kano deciding that he's going to become Kiryu's apprentice to become a yakuza. What follows is him attempting several poorly thought-out schemes to advance in this. After a couple of these Kiryu doesn't bother hiding his opinion on how much of a fuckup Kano is, but is also resigned to that he'll just keep going.
  Kiryu: Fine, let's hear the next bad idea.
  Kano: <explains his plan>
  Kiryu: This is going to go so poorly, but okay.
  • A later instance where Kano is afraid he's going to be killed:
    Kiryu: Even though I should just let you die, I guess I'd feel bad for a second or two.