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Funny / Spider-Man: The Animated Series

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Lines from Spider-Man

  • This exchange between Kingpin and Spidey after he's captured by the Insidious Six.
    Kingpin: Spider-Man. Having you here is a real treat.
    Spider-Man: If I were you, I'd cut down on the treats.
  • And this one, from "The Spot":
    Kingpin: I have been waiting for this moment for a long time.
    Spider-Man: What do you have in mind, a pie-eating contest?
  • "You want a trial separation already? I understand but... I'm hurt."
  • From the crossover with X-Men: The Animated Series:
    Storm: Power of Lightning, strike again!
    Spider-Man: Um... Power of Webshooters, get real sticky!
  • Wolverine threatens a villain, only to be easily swatted aside:
    Spider-Man: You sure showed him!
  • "A nuclear reactor? Why don't villains ever pick bakeries to invade?"
  • "It's not nice to rob jewelry stores in Mister Spider-Man's neighborhood. Can you say, 'I'm going to jail'?"
  • "Rhino and Shocker? How'd they get together? Computer dating?"
  • "GET BACK HERE, SHOCKER! SHOCKEEEER! YOU CAN'T ESCAPE ME! I'LL CHASE YOU TO THE ENDS OF THE EARTH!" It's his over-the-top delivery that really sells it.
  • From "Hydro-Man":
    Security Guard: Look, Spider-Man really is the thief!
    Spider-Man: Oh, great. Jameson will probably be selling "Spider-Man really is the thief" T-shirts by noon tomorrow.
    • When Hydro-Man tells Spider-Man to "butt out", Spidey replies that he can't because they'd take away his superhero license.
    • Spidey deliberately misinterpreting Hydro-Man as calling himself "Hydrant-Man" and quipping that he must be very popular with the dogs.
    • Hydro-Man demonstrates his power to Mary Jane shortly before Spider-Man intervenes.
      Mary Jane: What are you doing here?
      Spider-Man: A 500 foot geyser in Washington Square, and you're wondering why I'm here?
    • "Sub-Mariner, eat your heart out!"
    • Some unintentional humor from the doofy expression Mary Jane has for her reaction shot after Hydro-Man shows her all the stuff he stole.
  • The Take That! to The Clone Saga when Peter meets the comic-verse's Ben Reilly: "This is starting to sound like a bad comic book plot!"
  • Let me guess... The skull... the corny line... your name must be bonehead!
  • Tombstone is chasing Spider-Man...
    Tombstone: Come down here and fight like a man!
    Spidey: I don't suppose I could convince you to come up here and fight like a spider?
    • Also, Tombstone's skin turned pale white due to a fall into a vat of chemicals. When he almost falls in again, Spider-Man saves him and says "Another dip in there and your hair might turn green!"
  • Peter's exasperated reaction to the Punisher figuring out he's really... the Green Goblin. It comes to a head when the Goblin himself shows up. "Well, whaddaya know! That must be me up there!"
  • Between him and Curt Connors;
    Curt Connors: You weren't born with those powers, were you?
    Spider-Man: No, I won 'em on a game show.
    • Later:
    Connors: Amazing. The tests would show Neogenics was involved! But how could that be?
    Spidey: That was the category I chose.
  • After The Beyonder unleashes a horde of villains on an unsuspecting world for an experiment. Spidey mixing incredulity with sarcasm is just hilarious.
    Spider-Man: You had to wreck an entire civilization to prove that evil is bad?
  • In the Scorpion's first appearance, Spidey's explaining in detail why all the nuclear stuff the Scorpion's messing with is very bad. Jameson asks how he could possibly know all this, leading to this beautiful exchange:
    Spider-Man: What do I look like, The Tick?
  • After being surrounded by a few dozen well-armed guards responding to an alarm:
    Spider-Man: Hello boys! So, you may be wondering why I called this meeting.
  • Felicia meeting Morbius along these lines, especially funny as foreshadowing:
    Felicia: Nice to meet you.
    Morbius: Felicia. Allow me to introduce myself. My name is Michael Morbius. The pleasure is all mine. *bows, kisses hand*
    Peter: Now we really need to go.
    Felicia: Bye! (to Peter) What B-movie did he come from?
    Peter: "The Revenge of Dracula's Ego".
  • Peter tells Jameson that Spider-Man is going to Russia. Asking why Spider-Man would do that, Peter brings up Jameson's accusation that Spider-Man is a menace to the world. Jameson then theorizes that Spider-Man is going to appeal to the Russians to make him their leader and become a global power.
  • In the second episode, Flash attempts to scare Peter by dressing up as Spider-Man.
    Flash: Parker! It's time we had a talk.
    Peter: About what... uh... "Spider-Man"?
    Flash: About those pictures you're always taking of me! I don't like 'em!
    Peter: Well, uh... I'm sorry.
    Flash: That's a little better. But it's still not good enough!
    Peter: Well what would you like me to say?
    (The Black Widow Spider Slayer appears out from behind Peter outside)
    Flash: (scared) N-nyah!
    Peter: (confused) Okay... nyah! Ah!
  • "Why can't I be one of those galaxy-hopping superheroes? Why do I end up in the sewers? You don't find the Fantastic Four in a sewer, or the Avengers. Never have I seen the Avengers in a sewer. Or the Defenders. ...Well, maybe the Hulk."
  • After getting webbed up, the Punisher promises to come after Spider-Man with lethal force. Spidey (currently suffering from his extra arm mutation) is unimpressed.
    Spider-Man: Oooooh, I'm so scared I may start biting my fingernails. And, man, have I got fingernails.

...and everyone else

  • In "Day of the Chameleon" Chameleon is trying to escape the Bugle disguised as Peter, but he runs into Mary Jane, who came to invite Peter to her play. Noticing two SHIELD agents, Chameleon quickly kisses her. Afterwards Mary Jane asks what made him think she'd let him do it. His answer?
    I took a gamble, that Peter Parker is the luckiest guy in the world.
  • In season two, Silvermane accidentally turns himself into a baby trying to recapture his youth. This disturbing scene is turned hilarious two seasons later, when he's regained the ability to speak and picks up running his criminal empire right where he left off, even imperiously ordering his daughter to change his diapers. And then his new attempt to become an adult results in him becoming just as old as he was before due to Vulture being a Spanner in the Works.
    Elisa: I'm sorry things turned out this way, father. But at least you won't have to worry about diapers anymore!
    Silvermane: I wouldn't be so sure of that!
    • Every time baby!Silvermane ever opens his mouth. Just hearing a little kid's voice saying things like "Bah! My mind is trapped!" is hilarious.
  • Tombstone observing the fight between Spider-Man and Smythe's Mega-Slayer:
    Tombstone: Only problem here is, I don't know who to root for.
  • Tombstone's Narm Charm declaration of "I DON'T BREATHE!" as a cliffhanger while trying to suffocate Spider-Man will have you in stitches.
  • An alternate reality's Gwen Stacy explaining that she recognized Spider-Carnage as the impostor because he's "as nutty as a fruitcake".
  • The Kingpin helping save Peter's wedding by completely owning Scorpion with the Mega-Slayer:
    Kingpin: Gargan, your corrosives have no effect on this robot!
    Scorpion: Oh yeah? How about this?!
    (Scorpion swings his tail, but the Mega-Slayer grabs it)
    Kingpin: YOU FIGURE IT OUT!
    (the Mega-Slayer swings Scorpion around until his tail snaps, sending him flying)
    Kingpin: I broke him? A pity. I was just starting to have fun!
  • Before that, he and Jameson threw themselves into a contest of one-upmanship regarding helping with the wedding:
    Jameson: I know the top pastry chef in Queens!
    Kingpin: And I know the Queen's top pastry chef.
  • Jameson giving Peter and MJ car keys to drive off in after their wedding... to a beat up Daily Bugle van.
  • A loopy Harry Osborn singing, "Spider-Man and the Punisher, sitting in a tree! MJ, MJ, MJ and me!"
    • Then MJ comes through the door, prompting Harry to say "It's yooooooooo-ooooooouuuuuuuuuu!" in the style of "They're heeeee-eeeere!"
  • J. Jonah Jameson: "All the networks are laughing at me. Even FOX!"
  • When Shocker is thrown into a water tower while his suit is punctured, he's forced to discard the suit before it explodes, leaving him in just his mask and Goofy Print Underwear.
  • Venom in a stolen tractor-trailer, chasing Spidey, and slamming on the horn. That is all.
  • This gem from "Turning Point":
    Anna Watson: [to Mary Jane] I still say you're asking for trouble by dating that strange young man.
    Green Goblin: [emerging from a vortex] Lady, you don't know the half of it!
  • During Spider-Man's first encounter with Black Cat, while the two are fighting Spider-Man manages to toss her off him. She lands safely and teases Spider-Man that "cats always land on their feet." After saying this she pounces at him, only for him to web her up, and she proceeds to slam into the ground on her back.
  • When Mysterio has Spider-Man in a deathtrap:
    Mysterio: It's payback time!
    Spider-Man: Payback? For what?! You did it all to yourself!
    Mysterio: Yes, that's what my psychiatrist said. But you know what? His sessions never made me feel this good!
  • Near the end of "Night of the Lizard", when Eddie Brock brings Jameson over to Curt Connor's house to prove to him that Connor is the Lizard...
    Eddie Brock: I tell ya, JJ, the Lizard is Curt Connors. I would've had you out here earlier, but Spider-Man webbed me.
    Jameson: Dr. Connors is a respected scientist, Brock, and Peter Parker already brought me photos of the Lizard early this morning.
    Eddie Brock: But I'll show you the Lizard himself!
    Jameson: You better be right about this.
    Eddie Brock: Boss, if I'm wrong, I'll... [grabs a newspaper from the mail slot] I'll eat today's issue of the Bugle.
    (The door opens, revealing Curt Connors as his human self)
    Connors: J. Jonah Jameson. What brings you here this morning?
    Jameson: [to Eddie] You want it cooked or raw?

In a Meta-Sense

  • In the show, cause of executive meddling, vampire characters would always say they need "plasma" instead of "blood". This is despite the fact that the theme song literally has the lyrics...
    Theme: Spider blood, spider blood, radioactive spider blood!
    • The same episode that features Morbius' transformation even has Peter taking blood samples from himself due to his accelerated mutation and refers to them as blood samples. Morbius actually refers to the samples both as blood and as plasma making the exclusive use of plasma in other cases even more bizarre.
    • On top of that the show was also very strict on the Never Say "Die" rule. However, the season 1 finale titled Day of the Chameleon shows Nick Fury’s obituary printed in the Daily Bugle. On pausing the video at the right moment, viewers can read that apparently, Fury “died in a violent crash” and that his “body was completely burned and identified with dental records”. Yeah, some animator really snuck this message and got away with it!