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Funny / Shadowrun Returns

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Dead Man's Switch

  • When you get caught by McKlusky when sneaking out of Telestrian Industries.
    "Why McKlusky. It's a fine day for police corruption isn't it?"
  • The text for Jake Armitage's Steam Trading Card, rife with in-jokes.
  • Instead of playing the proper tune on the piano to open the secret door... The player can instead play "Chopsticks," causing the janitor to give him an unamused stare.
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  • If you're a rigger, your drones will follow you everywhere, which leads to some comical situations, such as showing up to Sam's funeral with a hovering kill-bot in tow, or bringing along a Steel Lynx when you're supposed to be undercover as a janitor.
  • During the final assault on the Universal Brotherhood, you can sass at Harlequin that he should write a poem about your mission since he's so giddy. He likes the idea and starts thinking about rhymes while fighting the cultists. Then again, it's all but outright stated that he's behind the "Laughing Man" Debacle of '55 that caused poetry slams to be permabanned from Shadowlands...
  • At the end of the game, one of the possible favors Telestrian gives you is to get Lone Star to fire McKlusky. Telestrian smiles slightly, then remembers how much of his problems have been caused largely by McKlusky being an incompetent Jerkass. Not only does he agree, he actually offers you another favor, because it was something he was considering anyway and it requires little effort. Even better, you can tell McKlusky how Lone Star is going to praise him for his "contribution", and the moron eagerly runs off to HQ for his "raise." We sadly don't get to see what inevitably happens, but just imagining the scene is hilarious.


  • When talking to Dietrich about his past in a band, you can ask him if he can sing. His response?
    Dietrich: I was the front man for a punk band, boss... Fuck no, I can't sing.
  • When you meet up with Eiger after the Big Bad forces attempted to ambush you on the subway.
    Player character: Eiger, you're covered in blood!
    Eiger: Not mine. Bastard caught me as I was reloading. Had to bite out his throat.
  • When confronting the Humanis leader during the raid on their barracks, you can tell him you're here to join the anti-metahuman supremacists. While being a metahuman yourself. He believes you until you tell him verbatim you're fucking with him.
  • At one point in the job where you retrieve the MKVI, you have to search the desk of a secretary who's screwing her boss. In addition to the passcode you need to proceed, your character learns at least three new euphemisms for "sex in the maintenance closet".
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  • During the penultimate mission, one of the local gang leaders accosts you, demanding your help in exchange for his giving you a part needed to get into the basement. He'll ask why you need to get in there anyway, and after the obligatory You Wouldn't Believe Me If I Told You exchange, you have the option to tell him the truth: you're trying to find the remote killswitch to an honest-to-god AI so that you can rescue a scientist that's supposed to be long dead from a Great Dragon that's also supposed to be long dead. You're right: he doesn't believe you.
  • After the final mission, you can speak to Aljernon in the street outside his magic shop. After spending the entire campaign putting up with his cryptic speech, you finally get this exchange:
    Player character: Do you two ever speak plainly?
    Aljernon: No.
    Absinthe: Rarely.
  • In one of the new missions of Director's Cut, you can help out an insane scientist, who later helps you by blaring a cheesy fantasy TV show on loudspeakers, while summoning drones to help you against some corporate goons. Extra points go to the fact that he's re-creating the series finale. Blitz is rather nonplussed by it.
    Blitz: We got a live one, chief.
    • Prior to this, you can watch security footage, one of which includes his watching the only source of entertainment he'd had for the past 18 months, filled to the gills with Bad "Bad Acting" described as "roughly on par with what you'd expect from a primary school Christmas pageant".
    Eiger: Please make this stop.
    • If Blitz is brought along, or if the player character is a decker, the player can even set it up so that Phil finally gets to see the series finale.
    Philip Rex: The hidden knowledge of Titonius Rex's victory is mine, and I will be a better ruler for it! And also, I have sugary snacks!
    • Also, the quarantine that's been keeping the entire building in lockdown for 18 months? It's undone with two button presses.
    • And when you finally leave the place? A Corp retrieval team is shouting at you through a bullhorn to drop the cargo.... Even though you're five feet from them. You can even point this out to the speaker.
  • On a mission to help Blitz out of an old debt, there are hints of a deeper conspiracy that can be found. When Hasenkamp questions your conspiratorial ideas, this response is available:
    Hasenkamp: Mr. Grinder? Working with Plotz? Are you high?
    Player character: Yes, but that's beside the point.
    • On a related note, it's implied that after you convinced him that Meat Grinder really wanted to get rid of him, he disposed of his Bad Boss within the same night and still made it back home in time to read his grandkids a story.
    • On the same mission, you must use an intercom to convince a guard to let you inside a room. You can spin a story... Or just buzz the (on drugs) guard and say nothing. Several times in a row. Each time, he'll pick up the com faster and get more and more rabid, believing one of his coworkers is playing a prank on him. When you buzz him one final time, he somehow picks up before you push the button and finally opens up, ready to stab the prankster with a pen.
  • Glory is not typically a funny character, but an awakened protagonist can still get a Comically Serious moment out of her when they read her aura.
    Glory: I got something in my teeth? You’re staring.
    Player: I didn’t want to say anything, but yeah. Did you have a salad for lunch? I can’t be sure, but it looks like kale.
    Glory: You're playing with me. I don't like to be played with. [She turns her head away, thrusts a finger into her mouth and rubs at her teeth vigorously.] Did...did I get it?
  • After Dante becomes a playable team member, check his inventory. He's got power-ups and healing items that are all different flavors of dog biscuit. Dante, would you maul that thug for a Scooby Snack?
    • In the epilogue, Blitz complains that Dante, a half hellhound, often humps his leg.

Hong Kong

  • One Shadowrunner group has the worst luck when it comes to Deckers. Their list for qualification grows as their Deckers keep biting it in unusual ways.
    • Complete with an 'epilogue' where their last decker posts a wanted ad for a new team using the same ad, the qualification list now having added: "Listening to the decker when he tells them he hasn't got the freaking turrets hacked yet".
    • The fun continues in Shadows of Hong Kong with the last Decker getting involved with a greenhorn team from the Walled City.
    [Requirements: 1) You must not take experimental stims during runs. 2) You must not tamper with chemicals in secret labs. 3) You must know how to properly operate a moped. 4) You must listen to your decker when your decker says "I don't have control of that turret yet". 5) You must have a good sense of humor (optional).
  • The various Poetry Slams on the Shadowlands BBS, concluding with one of the posters making a Poetry-Bot that breaks free of its programming. The moderator (who'd shut the previous threads down) simply responds with "You fucking people."
    • In Shadows of Hong Kong, a Shadowland post reveals a decker ended up getting on Jivebot's bad side: It left a threatening Haiku on his wall in pin needles.
    PinkySwear: It was some kind of weird poem, and it was written out in pushpins. It said:
    phoenixascending: Just to get this straight: You're afraid that runaway poetry software is forcing a bunch of robot ants to leave you threatening messages written in thumbtacks.
    • Just to make things even better, it wasn't even Jivebot after all. One of the decker's partners had been playing a prank on them following a mission gone wrong. The poor decker was driven to paranoid insanity and subsequently went into hiding. The partner in question expresses shock and a bit of guilt at driving their team member over the edge...and then promptly proposes they rob the decker's apartment, to which the other team member agrees.
    • Also on the BBS is the warning about "Uncle Tse's" restaurant, warning people to go there at their own peril. The poster had apparently been on the toilet for two days prior to writing, and was only doing so because his connection allowed him to do both at once. Only one person in the thread enjoyed the food there, and their taste is... questionable at best. It's Gobbet.
      Maofuu: It felt like I'd eaten a wasp nest, if the wasps were made out of rusty razors. And also on fire.
    • One thread that may pop up is a poster asking for a custom tailoring job. The poster is clearly Gobbet looking for someone to make outfits for Racter's drone Koschei. Ideas include a fuzzy cat costume, bear suit, and Red Samurai armor modeled after Gaichu's.
  • Vampire Accountant! To elaborate, one mission has you infiltrating the home of Neville Ma to find some dirt on him. You soon realize that he's keeping a vampire at his home, and the vampire at first seems like your archetypical vampire queen. But after doing enough damage to her in combat, she completely cracks and reveals she isn't a vampire queen, just an accountant who was basically just winging everything from the moment she realized you discover her secret. One of the player character's reaction can be a Flat "What".
    • Complete with said accountant's reaction if you reveal that the only reason you went through all this trouble was to get an actress fired from a soap opera.
    • At the end of that mission if you let her live, she will quite naturally ask why. One of the responses is:
    Player: No particular reason, the thought of a Vampire Accountant just tickles me.
    • Made even funnier by the Gameplay and Story Integration. While her minions are competent, she has one weak spell (which normally misses) and some normal punches, spending most of her time running away from you.
    • To cap it all off, right after you get paid for finishing the job the person you ran against calls the Johnson who hired you just to troll the hell out of him. This sends the Johnson into a cursing fit so long and imaginative it manages to disturb Strangler Bao.
  • During Is0bel's mission, you have the option of reading a set of emails about a malfunctioning noodle dispenser in the convention area's food court. The emails get increasingly bizarre as it's revealed that the noodle dispenser is able to dispense noodles without having any ingredients put into it, and that the maintenance man sent it away for reclamation only to have the noodle dispenser return to its usual spot the next day. Cue the last email that reveals this story has been repeating itself for the last 14 years.
    Is0bel: Well that was... Something...
    • In Shadows of Hong Kong, it shows up on your boat, in Gobbet's cabin. No one's quite sure how.
  • Also during Is0bel's mission, remotely guiding her out of the VIP area is fairly tense and gripping at times, but also several moments of hilarity, particularly when your character is disrupted by irate con-goers who want you to stop hogging the spot.
    • For bonus points, the aforementioned con-goer interrupts you just after Is0bel has decided she's done improvising and will just mindlessly repeat whatever you say into your comm. Sure enough, telling the con-goer to shove off will result in her insulting the hotel manager who's interrogating her. Your poor character has to come up with responses that are valid for two entirely different conversations at once. Posing as mystery QC checkers has never been funnier...
  • Speaking of Is0bel's mission, bringing Gaichû with you is a riot as several people there thinks he's into cosplay and start commenting on the authenticity of his (completely authentic) Red Samurai Armour.
    Rhombus: Holy shit. You really are a ghoul.
    Gaichû: *Bows* Thank you. You have no idea how long I've been waiting for one of you deckers to acknowledge what I am.
    Rhombus: So... Uh... She brought you along to beat the info out of me?
    Gaichû: No. I will not beat you. If you fail to cooperate, I will eat your fingers.
    • Likewise, Rhombus and Racter;
    Racter: Thank you.
    Koschei scuttles forward menacingly, its claws weaving in the air. Racter smiles.
    Rhombus: So... Uh... [the player] brought you along to beat the info out of me?
    Racter: "Beat" isn't the word that I'd use. Koschei is better equipped for ripping and tearing.
    [Racter] gives the Whampoan an encouraging nod.
    Racter: A good thought, though! You have a firm grasp of the situation.
  • If you try to bring Gaichû with you on any mission that involves social interactions, things usually turn to shooting pretty quickly. Not so during the Ares infiltration mission if you also have Racter, however, as he'll quickly shout down the receptionist by insisting that the flesh-eating ghoul is his bodyguard and also an experiment in creating ghoul-drone hybrids.
    • Bringing Gaichû with you will provide unique dialogue for talking your way past security, where you claim he is a defector from Renraku (which is technically true) who you are bringing to Ares.
    • In another mission you can bluff your way past a guard into a party by showing him a (stolen) invitation and claim that you’re all invited. Yes, even the ghoul.
    Guard: What the hell do you think you’re doing, bringing a ghoul in here?
    PC: He’s not a ghoul, he’s an HMHVV-infected person who happens to be a friend of Penelope Wong. And we have an invitation.
    Guard: Enjoy the party, sir.
    • It can get better. Same mission, same NPC, but you can pretend that he's in costume, there to promote a new show. The NPC is quite impressed by the makeup job, and Gaichu almost seems to enjoy playing along.
    • In Shadows of Hong Kong, you contact in the HKPF is flabbergasted that, should you bring Gaichu, your plan to explain how a Ghoul wearing a Red Samurai armor is accompanying you can be summed up as "I'll figure something out". Gaichu dryly notes that not only it happened several times, but it worked each time. And sure enough, you can bullshit your way through.
  • Gobbet vs. The Pastry. Especially if the player goes full Deadpan Snarker mode instead of helping.
    Gobbet: I was challenging myself! For Science! And it wasn't the whole pastry, it was just half of one.
  • On the thaumaturgical research level of Prosperity Tower, you can let a research subject (a massive, weird thing with a horrifying fanged maw) out of its cage and remotely control the level's doors to route it to the elevators. The guards stationed there just stare in silence as the beast shuffles past them, enters an elevator and rides off to a different floor. After a few moments, one of them breaks the silence with a heartfelt "Oh...shit."
    • You can choose to open an office door instead - probably expecting the thing to get rid of the woman in that office so you can loot it. Instead, ''*she*'' kills the Horror. And is quite nonchalant about having just fought an abomination. The ironically funny thing is that you can still get her to leave the room by posing as the cleaning crew; she didn't want to have a mess on her when the "cleaning" is on-going.
    • While infiltrating the same building, one option to access the Security station in the basement is to "help" maintenance with a faulty turbine. Sabotaging it has it spout a single plume of flame, prompting an urgent call from the supervisor. The player can reply "Whoops", "Uh, fine! Everything's fine!" or "Uh... is it supposed to shoot fire?"
  • As you're making your way through the final mission, you can come across a shadowrunner who will sell you things. One of these is the best armor in the game. The funny part is when you take the deal and exit out. Suddenly his character model is a little different. He's literally sold you the clothes off his back. Sadly, that bug was patched.
  • Bring Duncan and Racter with you to the geomantic sabotage mission. Halfway through, Duncan will complain how all the petty vandalism takes the glamour out of the job while Racter wonders why you're leaving things unbroken when you're being paid to break things and suggests you go beat up a random chair since it's clearly asking for it.
  • During the run to kidnap Rooster Lo, you can actually hack into the Matrix to retrieve the reservation records of the restaurant he's at. Earlier, while inside the restaurant, you can overhear comments that the food is really good, but the waiting time is horrible. Even in the dark world of Shadowrun, people still appreciates good food.
    • Also at the restaurant, after you've secured Lo, you can go into the room next to his and pick up a fish for some spare change. However, if you have the Academic etiquette, you can then pick out a fish that's worth several times more!
  • After all your character has gone through in the campaign, raiding corps, working for the Triads, confronting one of the Yama Kings, they are still dumbstruck by Reliable Matthew's balloons surviving a typhoon unscathed. You can even ask him about it.

Shadows of Hong Kong

  • Bringing Gobbet on the initial mission to Eddie Pang's bar has her demand Eddie for free food over the item you were sent to retrieve from him. He says the kitchen's closed and the player character can tell Gobbet to focus on the mission, or alternatively...
    Gobbet: No. No way man. You reopen that kitchen, and you do it *now*. We're here for wings and—
    Player character: Breasts and thighs! And we also want the artifact that you stole, because fuck you, that's why!
    Gobbet: You heard the man, Pang! We want chicken parts and an ancient rock, and we want 'em *now*. With extra sauce, and a bucket of lobster rolls, and a whole fistful of napkins! Wet wipes, too, if you have them!
  • There's something darkly funny about bribing a police officer at the police headquarters. Ditto with killing an officer without being caught. To top that? Try looting an armoury, or blowing up police vehicles as you escape the place. Refuge in Audacity at its best.
    • Even better, you can bring Gaichu in this mission without things getting violent immediately.
  • When doing Jomo's mission, if you manage to talk Isane out of putting up a fight over protecting Lily, she'll go for her lunch break. She shows up again at the end of the mission while eating the sandwich, which her employer knocks out of her hand.
  • RatParty.sim. If you bought it from Jomo earlier, you can slot it in a Strange Machine during the Lily Lai extraction. It generates rave lighting, dance music... and HUNDREDS of holographic rats. The best part is? If Gobbet's in your party when it happens, she'll start dancing!
  • If you took Qian Ya's deal for 14 years of good fortune you will occasionally experience lucky breaks which can solicit a laugh, but mentioning it to Krait in the finale takes the cake:
    Krait:Prove it.
    Right on cue, the magazine in her weapon falls and makes several bounces to land quite faraways from her, provoking an incredulous stare and a single word brought by the realization of how this will play out.
    Krait: ...Fuck.

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