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Moments pages are Spoilers Off. You Have Been Warned.

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    Season 2 

I Second that Emotion

  • Amy ditching Leela:
    Amy: Armando is taking me to the back seat of his car for coffee. Are you gonna be alright?
    Leela: Sure. I'm having a great time, really! You two go enjoy yourselves.
    • Bender feeling Leela's reaction to being ditched.
    Bender: (to Fry) You think you're so hot!
    Fry: Uh, what?
    Bender: The only reason you get all the guys is because you dress like a tramp! (slaps Fry)
  • In a fit of depression, Bender is locked in a bathroom, disassembling himself and flushing his parts down the toilet while a panicked Fry pounds on the door and calls to him frantically. As the last of Bender is swept away, Fry breaks the door open and causally asks one of the best non-sequiturs ever:
    Fry: Bender? Bender?! (Forces open the door) Have you seen my sombrero?
  • When Leela suggests turning back in the sewers, Fry suggests that the only way out is through an extremely thin pipe, (cue Bender and Leela glowering at him) then reassures them by saying:
    Fry: Don't worry. It gets wider after about a mile.
    Bender and Leela: Idiot.
  • A "blink-and-you'll-miss-it" gag at the vet scene is a robot with a pet Rust Monster (a creature from Dungeons & Dragons that rust metal with its touch for consumption). Viewers might also notice that the robot is covered in rust patches too.
  • After meeting the mutants, the gang gets a tour of the mutant city. They're taken to a library which contains every book that was flushed down the toilet.
    Bender: Nothing here but crumpled porno and Ayn Rand.
  • Farnsworth takes a few tries to tune into Leela's emotional frequency.
    Farnsworth: There we go. [He takes Bender's head out of the vice and rejoins it to his body.] Now I'll simply tune it to Leela's emotional frequency.
    Bender: My God! I'm overcome with ... feelings. I'm experiencing a powerful yearning to ... to cram my gullet full of mackerel heads.
    Zoidberg: That's me, baby!
    Farnsworth: Hmm.
    Bender: Now I'm worried that I'm not as smart as Leela, but at the same time I feel relieved that I'm cuter than her.
    Amy: Uh ... that's me.
    Fry: (whispering) Thanks for covering.
    Bender: This time I miss Nibbler and I'm feeling nosy and opinionated.
    Amy: Bingo!
    Hermes: That's Leela!
  • Fry asks the sewer mutants about Sewer Gators:
    Fry: So, is it true that alligators flushed down the toilet survive down here?
    Mutant: No. That's just an urban legend.
    Bender: (pointing to some large amphibious reptiles with long heads, powerful tails, and armored bodies) Then what are those?
    Mutant: Crocodiles.
  • Bender's coworkers jump him while he's watching TV and hold him down so Farnsworth can install the empathy chip.
    Bender: (as Farnsworth unscrews his head) Hey, what the hell are you doing with my head?
    Farnsworth: I need to tinker in it.
  • Leela happens to walk in just as Nibbler is disappearing down the toilet drain and rushes over to the bowl with a Big "NO!"
    Bender: Hey! Can't you see I'm usin' the toilet?
    • Later, after unsuccessfully trying to flush himself whole: "Damn, it's too small. What do those humans design this for, anyway?"
  • Leela can't bring herself to harm El Chupanibre.
    Leela: I can't. I love every living creature.
    Fry: Even me?
    Leela: As a friend.
    Fry: Damn.

Brannigan, Begin Again

  • On a planet with extreme gravity:
    Zapp: Let me ask you a serious question, Leela: does the company that made your bra make a girdle as well? I ask because a friend of mine...
  • Every single line from the Neutrals:
    If I don't survive, tell my wife, "hello".
    All I know is my gut says "maybe!"
    I have no strong feelings one way or the other!
  • The noise Fry makes when Brannigan has Leela point to the person in the room she had sex with. Simply majestic.
  • Zapp's... odd train of thought on finding Leela mid-"assassination".
    Zapp: It was almost the perfect plan. But you forgot one thing; Rock crushes scissors! ... but paper covers rock. And scissors cuts paper! Kif, we have a conundrum!
    Kif: Uggh.
  • Zapp blowing up DOOP headquarters, by accident, thanks to trying to cut a ribbon with a laser. A laser set to Hyperdeath (TM)
  • The cold opening where Fry and Bender play Dejarik, with Fry's knight beating up Bender's bishop and gets a check. Bender, however...
    Bender: Hmmm... GET HIM, BOYS!
    (Bender's chess pieces beat up Fry)
    Fry: (weakly) Good move.
  • Zapp's irrational hatred for Neutrals.
    What makes a man turn Neutral? Lust for gold? Power? Or were you just born with a heart full of neutrality?
    Neutrals! I hate those filthy Neutrals! With enemies, you know where they stand. But with Neutrals, who knows?

A Head in the Polls

  • Richard Nixon gets inaugurated President of Earth. The first thing he does it start tear-assing around Washington in his new war machine body. "WHO'S KICKING WHO AROUND NOW?!" Funniest bit, though, is when he marches up to the White House, shouts, "Knock, knock!" and smashes through the wall, leaving a three-story tall hole.
    Morbo: Morbo congratulates our gargantuan cyborg President. May death come swiftly to his enemies.
  • From the same episode
    George Washington's head: So, telleth, Bender. What hath happened to your body?
    Bender: I hocked it.
    Washington: Hocked it? Why wouldst thou do that?
    Bender: Same reason you hocked your teeth.
    Washington: Ah. Booze money.
  • Then, of course:
    Nixon's head: I paid for this body. I'd no sooner give it up then I would my cocker spaniel dog, Checkers.
    Checkers: (barks)
    Nixon's head: SHUT UP DAMNIT!
  • Exchanging pleasantries:
    Nixon's Head: Hello, Morbo. How's the family?
    Morbo: Belligerent and numerous.
    Nixon's Head: Good man! Nixon's pro-war and pro-family!
  • Nixon finally hears himself on tape:
  • The debate before Nixon's entry:
    Jack Johnson: It's time someone had the courage to stand up and say: "I'm against those things that everybody hates"!
    John Jackson: Now I respect my opponent. I think he's a good man but, quite frankly, I agree with everything he just said!
  • Proving that a millennium hasn't improved Nixon's skill for televised debate:
    Morbo: If you saw delicious candy in the hands of a small child, would you seize and consume it?
    Jack Johnson: Unthinkable!
    John Jackson: I wouldn't think of it!
    Morbo: And what about you, Richard Nixon? I remind you that you are under a truth-o-scope.
    Nixon (sweating profusely): Uhh... well, the question is vague. You don't say what kind of candy, or... whether anyone is watching... (wipes brow) In any case, I certainly wouldn't harm the child.
    (Truth-o-scope goes nuts)
  • When Bender sells his body to the pawn store and gets left out in front:
    "I have all the money! Compare your lives to mine and then kill yourselves!" (a dog comes up and starts sniffing him) "No! Wait! I'll give you five bucks to not do what you're thinking about doing!" (Dog cocks his leg as the camera pans up) "Heh, heh. You just lost five dollars."
  • When Bender goes to get his body back, and this discussion occurs:
    Bender: You sold my body!? To who?!
    Pawn shop owner: I can't reveal that information, but you look like a nice robot. Tell you what, I'll give you fifty bucks for the kid.
    Fry: Hey! My clothes are worth 50 bucks!
    Pawn shop owner: Deal.
    (Smash Cut to Fry and Bender back at Planet Express, with Fry completely naked)
  • While at the voting booths, the Professor talks with the NRA representative.
    Professor: So what are you going to do about my constitutional right to bear doomsday devices?
    NRA Man: Well, first off, we're going to get rid of that three-day waiting period for mad scientists.
    Professor: Damn straight! Today it's the mad scientist, tomorrow it's the mad grad student! Where will it end?
    NRA Man: Amen, brother. I never go anywhere without my mutated anthrax. (he leans in toward the Professor) Fer duck hunting!
  • The first episode of "The Scary Door" takes Tempting Fate to ludicrously insane levels.
    (A man is walking through a devastated library)
    Narrator: Please find enclosed, the last man on Earth.
    Man: Finally, solitude! I can read books for all eternity! (he trips, his glasses fall off and smash) It's not fair! It's not fair, I-... wait, my eyes aren't that bad, I can still read the larger print books. (his eyes suddenly fall out) It's not fa- Welp, lucky I know how to read braille. (His hands drop off) AAAAAAAAHH - (the man's tongue falls out, then his head drops off) ... hey, look at that weird mirror.
    (The scene changes to Bender and Fry watching, both of them wincing)
    Bender: Cursed by his own hubris.
  • The sign at the presidential debate:
    Tonight: Presidential Debate
    Tomorrow: Vice Presidential "Yo' Mama So Fat" Contest

Xmas Story

    Fry: Cool! Hey, what do you if you want the trees up?
  • At the ski resort, the Professor is skiing surprisingly well... and it turns out he's asleep while doing so. Later on, he skis into the lodge unharmed, and he confusedly wakes up with a bronze medal around his neck.
  • Also at the ski resort, Hermes prepares to go down a bobsled run. However, his (hovering) bobsled flips over. When he asks Zoidberg for help, Zoidberg just pushes the upside-down bobsled with the screaming Hermes in it down the track. As Zoidberg laughs at Hermes' misfortune, he slips and ALSO begins sliding down the same track (backwards), screaming too. And the cherry on top is when Fry, who's been watching all this, says "Oh, what the hell?" and jumps down the track after Zoidberg and Hermes.
  • The idea of 31st-century Santa Claus being a Killer Robot who decides that almost everyone on his list is "naughty" and needs to die is a rich source of Black Comedy.
  • "Did you ever stop to consider... Dr. Zoidberg's feelings?
    • Becomes a Brick Joke when Robot Santa reaches the Planet Express building.
    Robot Santa: You've all been naughty! Very, very naughty! (turns to Zoidberg) Except for you, Dr. Zoidberg. (hands him a pogostick) This is for you.
  • The Professor offering a depressed Fry sympathy would normally be heartwarming, but the Professor just happens to be naked.
  • "Why, humans! Shall we mug them, sir Bender?"
  • "I axe him to set the table, and he goes out to buy you a present! Selfish dog!"

Why Must I Be a Crustacean in Love?

  • Anything involving Claw-plach...especially the Decapodian national anthem...
    • Fry's speech before that:
    Fry: My fellow fish monsters, far be it from me to question your stupid civilization or its dumb customs, but is squeezing each others brains out with a giant nutcracker really going to solve anything? Dr. Zoidberg is my friend, and though a woman has come between us, I say we'll always remain friends. And do you know why? One reason - (Zoidberg reaches up and casually cuts off Fry's arm)
  • "Yo-yo-yo! Wassup! Wassup! Give up the rock!"
  • This:
    Zoidberg: I choose to fight with my own two claws! I want the pleasure of chopping Fry right here, (points to Fry's neck) in the gonads!
    Fry: (whispering) Shhh! Nobody correct him!
  • "Augh! What is this? The Middle Ages?"
  • Preparing for the mating ritual:
    Zoidberg: How do I look?
    Bender: Like whale barf.
    Zoidberg: Then the illusion is complete!
  • "Fate is cruel and unyielding, and what must be must be. Takin' all bets! I'm giving ninety-two to one on Zoidberg, the crab with the jab! The great red hope!"
  • "Fry, I've never asked for anything from you before, but when it comes to the ninth round... just let [Zoidberg] win."
  • When Zoidberg starts kicking himself for missing out on the Frenzy mating season and wonders how he'll dispose of his "male jelly", Fry offers him the arm he chopped off during their fight.
  • Fry goes to the steam room...the wrong one:
    Fry: Co-ed steam rooms! I love the future!
    Leela: Uh, Fry, you're in the women's steam room.
    Fry: Ah, futuristic!
    Amy: Psst, look what life was like before genetic engineering.
    Leela: Those poor 20th century women.
    • Especially funny considering later on in the series, they both ended up having sex with Fry. First with Amy then with Leela.
  • A classic Crosses the Line Twice moment from when Zoidberg goes berserk:
    [Scene: Randy (the blonde Camp Gay guy) is the head of a pool exercise class for pregnant women]
    Randy: Nice and gentle, we don't want any unnecessary stress.
    [Zoidberg appears in the middle of the pool, howling and gibbering. The women scream as he scuttles out of the water. The sound of a splash followed by the cries of a baby is heard.]
    Randy (concerned): Is there a doctor in the gym?
    Zoidberg: I'M A DOCTOR! (roars)
    [More screaming and more births]
  • When the crew arrives on Decapod 10:
    Decapodian: Welcome home, old friend. Just 19 hours until the mating frenzy!
    Zoidberg: Excellent, excellent!
    Decapodian: See you there, Doctor...(says something in the Decapodian language)
    Fry: Is that how you say "Zoidberg"?
    (the Decapodian runs off crying)
    Zoidberg: You didn't have to call attention to his speech impediment.

The Lesser of Two Evils

  • There's this beautiful gem whilst Fry, Bender and Leela are on their joyride in the car, the scene cuts to a music hall where a line of robots are doing the can-can. Cue the car suddenly crashing through, knocking a leg off each robot. The robots then proceed to kick up their remaining leg, somehow remaining up in the air for a moment, before all crashing to the floor and breaking.
  • Fry in the robot strip club:
    Fry: I don't like it here! It's over a hundred degrees and there's very little oxygen.
    Bender: Shut up and hoot!
    • And then Fry gets a lap dance from a giant blocky robot that squashes him.
  • Bob Barker's exasperation and annoyance with the Ms. Universe competition.
    Alright, let's put an end to this pathetic hoedown. Brannigan, read the thing.
  • "Bender was the evil Bender? I am shocked...SHOCKED! Well, not that shocked."
    • And then:
    Fry: I'm so confused. The Bender I liked turn out to be evil and the Bender I hated was good. How can I live my life when I can't tell good from evil?
    Bender: Eh, they're both fine choices. Whatever floats your boat. (smokes a cigar)
  • The Professor shows the crew a Jumbonium atom in a very suggestive manner:
    Farnsworth: Good news, everyone. Report to my bedroom for a private exhibition.
    (Everyone exchanges worried glances with one another.)
    (At Farnsworth's bedroom, the Professor sits on his bed and the staff and Flexo gather around.)
    Farnsworth: Everyone get in bed with me. I have something to show you. (Everyone climbs on and Farnsworth presses a button and makes the curtains around the bed close. What goes on inside is hidden from view.) Feast your eyes on this!
    (Everyone gasps.)
    Leela: It's beautiful.
    Amy: And huge.
    Fry: Can I touch it?
  • This exchange at the end of the episode:
    Fry: Well, you guys [Bender and Leela] might both be losers but I just made out with that radiator woman from the radiator planet.
    Leela: Fry, that's a radiator.
    Fry: Oh. (beat) Is there a burn ward within 10 feet of here?
  • The whole runner of Bender wearing clothing that just happens to cover his neck, along with introducing his catchphrase of "Me, Bender", just to fool the audience into thinking he's Flexo.
  • The opening disclaimer of Cop Department:
    Narrator: Cop Department is real. The people you see are not actors. Most of them aren't even people.
  • Fry's reaction to seeing a 1992 Latura:
    Fry:Hey my girlfriend had one of those! Actually it wasn't her's it was her dad's. Actually she wasn't my girlfriend, she just lived next door and never closed her curtains.
    Leela: Fry, remember what I told you about always ending your stories a sentence earlier?

Put Your Head on My Shoulders

  • Bender goes to a mechanic to install shock-absorbing bumpers to prevent catastrophic butt failure, but they make Bender's ass look more human & bigger, much to his shock.
    Bender: You, sir, have defaced a national treasure! I demand you restore my buttocks to their former glory!
    Mechanic: Very well, but sooner or later, that ass is going to blow. And when it does, I pray you're not mooning someone you care about.
  • Amy attempting to haggle down the price of a car, only to drastically increase the price.
    Leela: I know sticker says 55,000, but we'll only go as high as say...
    Amy: 60,000!
    Victor: ...I will have to ask my manager.
    Leela: Amy! You're not supposed to go up from the sticker price!
    Amy: I thought it was an auction.
    (In the background, Victor and Malfunctioning Eddie talk, then dance with joy, before Victor returns)
    Amy: I'm sorry, 80,000?
    (Malfunctioning Eddie's head explodes)
  • Valentine's Day gives Bender a business idea:
    Bender: Wait. You mean people would pay good money for romance? Hmm. I think I have a scheme so deviously clever that I...
    (Gilligan Cut to Bender in a courtroom)
    Judge: Five hundred dollars and time served.
    Bender: Stupid anti-pimping laws! (to Leela) Well, pay the man!
    Fembot 1: Bender, honey, we love you!
    Bender: Shut up, baby, I know it!
    • And the Call-Back later, when he gets his second idea:
    Bender: I'm running a computer dating service. It's like pimping, except you rarely have to use the phrase "upside your head".
    Leela: Bender, this is stupid! Why would anyone come to you for romantic help?
    • And following that, when Leela passes on Fry's offer for a date:
    Fry: Then I have no choice but to do something so shameful I can't even tell you.
    Leela: Bender's in his office.
    Fry: Thanks.
  • Fry at the car dealer:
    Dealer: Spotted her the minute you walked in, didn'cha?
    Fry: (pouring himself some coffee) Yup, she's beautiful coffee alright.
    Dealer: No, the Ford ThunderCougarFalconBird. (shows Fry the car) Nothing makes you feel more like a man than the Ford ThunderCougarFalconBird.
    Fry: No thanks.
    Dealer: Ah, I see sir, and I think it's good that you don't care whether anyone questions your sexual orientation.
    Fry: I care! I care plenty! I just don't know how to make 'em stop!
    Dealer: One word: ThunderCougarFalconBird.
  • Fry trying to dump Amy: "You know how you like chocolate at first, but then you start to get bored with it?" "You're saying you don't like chocolate?" "Look, could chocolate just let me finish?"
  • Zoidberg: Your body was badly damaged in the crash.
    Fry: How badly?
    Zoidberg: That's it over there. (camera pans over to reveal Fry's headless body, revealing that Fry's head has been grafted onto Amy's body)
  • Zapp Brannigan obliviously dating what is very obviously a man in drag.
    Zapp (as his date leaves): Honey, wait! You still haven't shown me your surprise!
  • Fry and Amy bond:
    Fry: Hey, tell me something. You've got all this money. How come you always dress like you're doing your laundry?
    Amy: I guess it's 'cause my parents keep telling me to be more ladylike. As though!
    Fry: I've been there. My folks were always on me to groom myself and wear underpants. What am I, the Pope?
    Amy: Yeah, and if you were the pope they'd be all, "Straighten your pope hat," and "put on your good vestments!"
    (Both laugh.)
    Amy: Y'know, Fry, it's nice to find someone I can talk to about stuff, and junk.
    (Held Gaze, romantic music)

Raging Bender

  • How the episode kicks off:
    Professor: Good news, everyone! I've taught the toaster to feel love. (said toaster leaps onto the table, acting like a dog. Bender forcefully slaps it away.) And Hermes returns from his vacation today.
    (Hermes enters, with a Brain Slug stuck to his head)
    Hermes: (in a monotone) Good mornin', people.
    Amy: Hey, Hermes, how was the Spleef Nebula?
    Hermes: The flight had a stopover on the Brain Slug planet. Hermes enjoyed it so much he decided to stay of his own free will.
    Fry: Hermes has all the fun! ... wait a minute, he's got a Brain Slug on his head!
    Leela: Ssh! You'll get us all assimilated!
    Amy: Just act natural and switch to a garlic shampoo.
    Hermes: Onto new business, today's mission is to go to the Brain Slug planet.
    Zoidberg: What're we supposed to do there?
    Hermes: Just walk around not wearin' a helmet.
    Professor: Sounds great Hermes, whatever you say! (leans in toward the others) Let's ditch him and go to the movies.
  • Destructor's introduction, when Bender makes it clear he won't fake losing.
    Bender: What if I refuse to lose?
    Abner Doubledeal: Then [Destructor] will just have to beat you the old-fashioned way: To death. (presses his intercom) Melissa? Send in the new kid.
    (Destructor smashes through the wall)
    Bender: (putting on his tutu) See ya at the fight!
  • The ad for Bender's fight against Destructor;
    Announcer: You loved him as Bender the Offender, now get ready to hate him as he threatens your sexuality as the Gender Bender!
    (Cut to Bender in his costume, lying flirtingly on a bed with a phone.)
    Bender: I'm a real toughie!
    Announcer: Squaring off this Saturday with his opponent, Destructor!
    (Cut to Destructor, who also has a phone)
    Destructor: I will destroy you! MRAAAAUGGGHHH!! (Hangs up. Picks up phone again) And stop calling me!
  • Leela, having previously refused to help Bender train because of his ego once he needs help, changing her mind again when she sees Fnog is teaching Destructor.
    Leela: Not Fnog! C'mon, Bender, let's hit the gym. I'm gonna teach you to fight like a woman.
    Bender: (as tense music plays) I'll put on my tutu.
  • The play-by-play for the Ultimate Robot Fighting League:
    George Foreman: This could be the most lopsided fight since 1973 when Muhammad Ali fought a 100-foot tall mechanical Joe Frazier. Now, my memory's not what it used to be, but I believe the entire Earth was destroyed.
    Rich Little: Interesting if true.
    • Foreman and Littles' commentary in general.
    George Foreman: Interestin' side note: As a head without a body, I envy the dead!
    Rich Little: No argument here.
  • The Foreigner:
    The Foreigner (in an exaggerated Latino accent): I'm not from here! I've got my own customs! Look at my crazy passport!
  • Fry and the gang watching the adverts before a movie.
  • After the fight's over, and Bender has been literally squashed flat, Leela offers some sympathy. Some.
    Leela: I'm sorry, Bender, you lost. You lost bad. But the important thing is, I beat up somebody who hurt my feeling in high school! Ha-ha!

A Bicyclops Built for Two

  • The entire second act quickly devolving from a very tragic, beautiful, and romantic story set in a Grecian environment to a frame-for-frame recreation of Married... with Children, complete with Leela dressed as and acting like Peg Bundy and a group of sleazy animal-people acting like the raucous Studio Audience that would wildly cheer over Married... with Children's sex humor.
    • We also get this line from the final scene when Alcazar is revealed to be a shapeshifter:
    Leela: Alright, Alcazar, I just have one last question for you.
    Alcazar: What's that?
    Leela: If you can change form, why didn't you change it in the one place that counts?
    (everybody begins hooting and cheering wildly
  • Bender singing after coming to his senses about not wanting to steal anymore: "♫I love stealing, I love takin' things….♫"
  • How quickly does Fry degrade in a cell? Leela has to inform him that at least the rats poop in the corner. Fry is amazed by this revelation.
  • The backstory of Cyclopia and how Alcazar survived it, starting with the missile.
    Cyclopian: How far away do you think it is?
    Cyclopian with telescope: A trillion miles?
    (missile lands behind them and explodes)

A Clone of My Own

  • After the Professor is taken
    Farnsworth: (on holo-recorder) I know you're all very upset, especially Bender.
    Bender: Well, life goes on. Except for you!
    Professor: I'm sure that Bender has just made a cutting remark, but he doesn't know I taped over his soap operas to record this message.
    Bender: YOU BASTARD!!!
  • Bluffing the Near Death Star guards:
    Cubert: Stupid robot.
    Guard: (points guns at Fry) Did your hump just say something?
    Fry: Uh, I've got... talking hump syndrome.
    Guard: Ah, THS.
  • Why the Professor thinks he's in trouble with the university staff:
    Professor: Oh, everyone's in favor of saving Hitler's brain, but when you put it in the body of a great-white shark, oh, suddenly you've gone too far!
  • Staying with the Professor, his rant at the university staff
    The Professor: Dean Vernon, I know the truth! It was you driving your hover-car that night, not your horse! Dean Episilon, I know all about your "department of pool-boy studies"! And Doctor Wernstrom... Weeeernstrom!
  • "Everyone, I have a very dramatic announcement, so anyone with a weak heart should leave now. Goodbye."
  • Ordinarily, a child being hurt wouldn't be funny... but since it's Cubert, and he's spent the entire episode being a little jackass, it's hilarious. Like, for example, when they need a blood sample from the Professor to bluff the Near Death Star guards...
    Cubert: This plan is impossible. We don't even have a sample of the Professor's DNA!
    Bender: (looking at Cubert) I think I know where to get some... (Bender draws a syringe, Fry and Leela grin maliciously. Oh, Crap! look from Cubert).
    • When the guards request the sample, Bender gives them a beaker full of about half a gallon of blood.
      Guard: We only needed one cell.
      Bender: Keep the change, buddy.
  • The crew tries to shock an unconscious Professor Farnsworth back to life:
    Bender: Your social security check is late! Stuff costs more than it used to! Young people used curse words!
  • The entire discussion with Professor explaining to Cubert the technology behind his ship:
    Farnsworth: These are the dark matter engines I invented. They allow my starship to travel between galaxies in mere hours!
    Cubert: That's impossible. You can't go faster than the speed of light.
    Farnsworth: Of course not. That's why scientists increased the speed of light in 2208.
    (later in the engine room)
    Farnsworth: And what makes my engines truly remarkable is the afterburner which delivers 200% fuel efficiency!
    Cubert: That's especially impossible.
    Farnsworth: Not at all! It's very simple.
    Cubert: Then explain it.
    Farnsworth: Now that's impossible. It came to me in a dream and I forgot it in another dream.
    Cubert: Your explanations are pure weapons-grade bolog-nium! It's all impossible!
    Farnsworth: Nothing is impossible! Not if you can imagine it. That's what being is a scientist is all about!
    Cubert: No, that's what being a magical elf is all about!
  • Farnsworth's translator:
    Farnsworth: And this is my universal translator. Unfortunately so far it only translates into an incomprehensible dead language.
    Cubert (speaking into it): Hello.
    Universal Translator: Bonjour!
    Farnsworth: Crazy gibberish!
  • The crew talking about who'll replace the Professor:
    Zoidberg: Only I have [The Professor's] lobster-like tenacity.
    Hermes: Up yours, Zoidberg! Up wherever your species traditionally crams things!
  • "Goodbye, cruel world! Goodbye, cruel lamp! Goodbye, cruel curtains, with your little pom-poms, lined with what seem to be a cute muslin cord, cruel though they may be, I-" (THWACK)
  • Bender as MC of the Professor's birthday celebration, turning it into a celebrity roast.
    • While introducing Zoidberg: "They say you can tell a lot about a man by the company he keeps, so here's the Professor's oldest and dearest friend, a grotesque, stinking lobster."
    • "And where would the Professor be without students who love and respect him? Right there!"
    • "And now a man who needs no introduction.(sits down; nothing happens) Fry, get up there!"
    • The Professor's speech is a real Tear Jerker, but Bender, who is clearly not listening, claps and says "Funny, funny stuff!"

How Hermes Requisitioned His Groove Back

  • When Hermes reaches his Despair Event Horizon everyone is shocked that he is going to jump to his death and protests. Everyone that is, except Bender. "Do a flip!"
  • This bit when the Planet Express crew decide to head to the Central Bureaucracy for Bender's brain back:
    Fry: We've got to go to the Central Bureaucracy and get that disk back!
    Amy: Why?
    (long pause)
    Leela: Well, those arguments aside, we're still going.
    • The Professor's objection:
    Professor: You can't just waltz into the Central Bureaucracy! It's a tangled web of red tape and regulation! I've never been, but a friend of mine went completely mad just trying to find the washroom there.
    Leela: Then we'll need a guide, someone who's been there before.
    Professor: Oh, I've been there, lots of times. (he cackles insanely)
  • From the same episode:
    Bender: Morgan made me walk the Professor. There we were in the park when suddenly some old lady says I stole her purse. I chucked the Professor at her but she kept coming. So I had to hit her with this purse I found. Ah, the point is, it's Morgan's fault. That pencil-pushing scazwag. (Leela gestures him to shut up) Why, if she were here, I'd— Uh-oh, is she behind me?
    (He feels behind his head)
  • Earlier when Hermes is about to jump, Farnsworth attempts to coerce him out of it by suggesting to use another method that doesn't damage his liver ("Other people need that, you know!"). Later on when Hermes comes to save the day from a higher level:
    Farnsworth: Dammit, Hermes, just jump already! Stop hogging that healthy liver!
  • When Morgan promotes Fry, he tries to get a high-five, despite everyone glaring at him for it.
    Morgan: Mr. Bender, would you return the high-five so we can continue this meeting?
    (Bender angrily gives Fry his high-five)
    Morgan: And on the rebound?
    (Bender kicks Fry in the shin. Fry hisses in pain)
    Morgan: (still bureaucratic) Meeting adjourned.
  • When Bender discovers Morgan and Fry in bed. Adding to it is Fry saying he's stuck in a loop, which might mean that Bender had been ranting all night.
    Bender: Oh, now I see! Now I get it. Now the pieces are falling into place: The office, the promotion, that dwarf in my book club who steals my opinions. It's all coming together now! I must say, this opens my eyes. Another case closed, my dear Watson!
    Fry: Morgan, come back! He's stuck in a loop!
    Bender: For I was blind but now I see!
    [Timelapse to dawn at the Planet Express office]
    Bender: The cat's out of the bag now!
    • Before that, when Fry is worried Bender will come home and catch them, Morgan says that she kept him at work by ordering him to flush out Farnsworth's ear wax.
      Bender: Hey, Fry, I made you a candle with—(DRAMATIC GASP)
  • When Fry learns (after knowing him for several episodes/weeks) that Hermes is Jamaican, Fry responds that he always thought he was "some kind of outer-space Potato Man."
  • Hermes petitions Number 1.0 for an Emergency Sort-And-File, under Regulation -
    Number 1.0: Uht-dut-dut! Don't quote me regulations. I co-chaired the committee that reviewed the recommendation to revise the color of the book that regulation's in. (dramatic pause) We kept it gray.
  • "I should have known you'd come here rather than follow standard procedure. And I did know. And that's why I came here."
  • Everything about the labor spa.
    Hermes: (on seeing the Australian man pushing carts) Look at that, the carts go out full, but they come in empty! It's criminally inefficient!
    Australian man: Quiet, mate! Hauling these empty carts is the closest we get to sleep!
    Hermes: But don't you see! They could increase efficiency 4% if they used the carts to bring in heavy mining machinery!
    Overseer: Hey, I like the way you think. (pulls a lever, causing a piece of heavy mining equipment to fall into the empty cart)
  • The cameo from the Dungeons & Dragons Beholder. Turns out he's actually a bureaucrat!
    Please don't tell my supervisor I was sleeping!
  • "You are technically correct. The best kind of correct."
  • Zoidberg wants his own song. Seeing as this is Zoidberg we're talking about, it goes about how you'd expect.
    Zoidberg: Now it's time for my song! When I was two, there was a tidal wave in the- (gets cut off by end credits) Awwww.

The Deep South

  • At first, it seems like the crew has discovered the fabled lost city of Atlantis...but it turns out that the lost city in question is Atlanta.
  • After Bender receives a suitcase from a random stranger in the middle of the ocean: "Hey, guess what you're all accessories to?"
  • When Zoidberg fails to break the diamond tether cord that's dragging the crew's ship down, he laments "Well, at least I'll die with my friends," before realizing everyone's already jumped back inside the ship.
  • The show once again displaying its fast and loose understanding of science as the ship gets pulled 5,000 feet under:
    Farnsworth: Dear Lord, that's over 150 atmospheres of pressure!
    Fry: How many atmospheres can this ship withstand?
    Farnsworth: Well it's a spaceship, so I'd say anywhere between zero and one.
  • "I'm almost done reconfiguring the ship's propulsion system. We can leave as soon as the paper-mache is dry!"
    • Quickly followed by:
    Leela: Where's Fry?
    Bender: I didn't kill him. Professor?
    Farnsworth: No, I've been busy.
  • Leela's diagnosis of Fry:
    Leela: It's ocean madness alright. Sailors call it aqua-dementia, the deep-down crazies, the wet willies...
    (The rest of the crew leave the room, having stopped listening to Leela)
    Leela: ...the screaming moist.
  • Anything involving Zoidberg's "house" and its failing to conform to physics, from it being Bigger on the Inside to when it burns down underwater. Hermes complains about the blatant disregard for reality.
    Hermes: ...that's a very good question.
    Bender: So that's where I left my cigar...
    (Bender plucks a lit cigar from the burnt husk of Zoidberg's house and keeps puffing on it. And blows out a smoke ring)
    • How Zoidberg found his "house":
    (Zoidberg spots a small glowing thing)
    Zoidberg: Yum, yum, yum...
    (He bites it, and it turns out to be the lure of a giant anglerfish)
    Zoidberg: Uh oh.
    (Zoidberg flees doing his "woop woop woop" routine until he finds a giant conch shell and hides in it. The angler leaves afterwards)
    Dr. Zoidberg: (returns to Fry and Bender wearing the shell on his back) Look at me! I'm Dr. Zoidberg, homeowner!"
  • When the Professor accidentally sprays himself with fish pheromones...
    Zoidberg: I'm so in to you... (starts sucking on the Professor's bald head)
    Farnsworth: (disgusted[?]) Oh my.
  • Farnsworth hands out giant anti-pressure pills to every to keep them from being crushed by the ocean's atmospheric pressure:
    Fry: I can't swallow that!
    Farnsworth: Well good news! It's a suppository!
    • Later, when they meet the citizens of Atlanta, the mayor gives them the same breathing devices that his daughter Umbriel gave to Fry:
    Farnsworth: This is uncomfortable and humiliating; now if they could put it in the form of a suppository...
  • "He may have ocean madness, but that's no excuse for ocean rudeness."
  • While fishing, Bender taunts Fry:
    Bender: Hey, Fry, check out my laser-guided fishing rod.
    Fry: Quiet, Bender. You're scaring away the fish.
    Bender: Fine, I'll head over to the other side. GOOD LUCK FISHING ON THIS SIDE!
  • Professor Farnsworth comes to dislike Atlanta and gets impatient with the rest of the crew about leaving, culminating in:
    Farnsworth: Let's go, damn it, let's go!
  • Fry suddenly changing his mind about staying with Umbriel, and the girls on the team seeing right through him.
    Fry: Well, it turns out that I loved her, but I wasn't in love with her.
    Amy: (aside to Leela) Trouble in bed.
    (Leela nods in agreement)
    • "Why couldn't she be the other kind of mermaid, with the fish part on the top and the lady part on the bottom?!"
  • The crew departing from the mermaids:
    Hermes: Well, this is all very nice, but we gotta get going. I miss me wife. And me oxygen.
    Professor: Yes, we all have our missed loved ones and gasses.

Bender Gets Made

  • Leela's blindness throughout the episode is just a gold-mine for funny moments, including when she flies through the roof before it completely opens:
    Hermes: (staring at the rubble, then turning to Zoidberg) That's coming out of your pay!
    Zoidberg: (bursts into tears)
  • At Taco Bellevue Hospital, Zoidberg winds up doped after expressing his distrust of the doctor ("I bet I've lost more patients than he's even treated!"):
    Doctor: (to Leela) It looks like you might have some mild corneal irritation.
    Zoidberg: Nice try, little boy! You might have your textbook knowledge, and your real diploma, but I have skill in my little claw that you have in your whole carapace! (he warbles and clacks his claws at the doctor)
    Doctor: (Unimpressed) You seem to be on edge. Here, (removes some pills from his pocket) try these.
    Zoidberg: Sure, butter me up with candy! But it won't work, sonny! (Zoidberg immediately devours the pills before he stops as his pupils instantly dilate) ...Why always the fighting?
    • "...Clack."
    • "Oh God... I'm COMING DOOOWWWNNN!"
  • URL and Smitty reach new lows:
    (As the Planet Express Crew are being arrested at Elzar's, Fry starts picking his nose)
    Smitty: He's making a break for it! Get 'im!
    Fry: No, no, I'm just picking my nose!
    Smitty: He's picking his nose! Get 'im!
    (URL and Smitty start beating Fry senseless)
  • The end of the chase:
    Joey Mousepad: They're headed toward our general proximity! Maybe you should give 'em the clamps, Clamps!

Mother's Day

  • Mom's unusual expression of hatred:
    Mom: If I ever see that man again, I swear I'll jam a squirrel in him!
  • "Show us this 'The Wheel'."
    • And of course, Fry being the idiot he is, he can't even make them the right shape.
    Leela: Wouldn't it make more sense if they were round?
    Fry: It's my invention, we do it my way!
  • Fry versus the tin can:
    Fry: You don't need an electric can opener to feed yourself. All you need is a trusty Swiss army knife.
    (Fry tries to open the can to no luck, and tries smashing it against the counter.)
    Fry: (sobbing) I'm hungry...
  • The massive sign on the conveyor belt that Mom's gifts are put on. It's the harsh mechanical buzzing as the message changes that does it.
  • Why did the Professor break up with Mom? She wanted to weaponize a kid's toy he made, and make it fifty feet tall. He only objected to the last part.
    Professor: Things that are fifty feet tall aren't cute! That's why my colossal Tammy Tinkle doll failed!
    • And just as he and Mom make up:
    Professor: It was wrong of me to get upset over that doll. Five feet, fifteen feet, what does it matter?
    Mom: You should see the new sixteen feet models!
    Professor: (suddenly outraged) Sixteen feet?! GO TO HELL! I WAS A FOOL TO THINK YOU'D CHANGED!
  • Fry at the Wax Robot exhibit.
    Fry: (motioning to one of the robots present) Who's this guy?
    Janitor: I'm the janitor, what's it to you?
    Fry: Oh, I'm sorry, I thought you were one of the wax robots.
    Janitor: I am a wax robot.
    Fry: I mean one of the wax robots on display here.
    Janitor: Is there some reason a wax robot can't take a nap standing up in a display of wax robots, or does that confuse you?!
    (Fry backs away slowly)
  • The "See Through the Eyes Of a Bender Unit" viewer, which Leela tries. It shows her the blood-alcohol content of everyone in the room, points out theft targets and tags Fry with the suggestion "POSE AS FRIEND, THEN ROB AND LEAVE IN DITCH."
  • Zoidberg's declaration of "LAND ROBITS!"
    • And the Slurm Machine. "I've got a big, big thirst for human blood!"

The Problem with Popplers

  • Lrr eating Free Waterfall Junior. But his reactions ("I think that hippie's startin' to kick in...") are even better.
    Lrr: People of Earth, we've all learned a wonderful lesson. I've realized now that (the drugs in Waterfall kick in.) ... dude, my hands are huge! And they can touch... anything but themselves... (puts them together) ...Oh wait.
    • When the Omicronians leave in their saucers, Lrr is still high.
    Whoa, I feel like I'm flying!
  • At the end of the episode, the crew digs into a dolphin:
    Bender: Who wants dolphin?
    (Everyone gasps)
    Leela: Dolphin? But dolphins are intelligent.
    Bender: Not this one. He blew all his money on instant lottery tickets.
    (Everyone says something along the lines of 'That's okay then')
  • Zapp's orangutan scheme:
    Zapp: Leela, my sweet, I've come to save you. I have a devious plan!
    Leela: Oh, great, Captain Moron has a plan. Why don't you tell it to Wingus and Dingusnote  here?
    Zapp (to Fry and Bender): Wingus, Dingus, listen up. We're gonna give the aliens the old switcheroo!
    Fry: You mean-
    Zapp: Correct. I found a giant hideous ape that looks exactly like Leela.
    [Kif wheels in a cage holding an orangutan wearing a tank top and an eyepatch.]
  • "They're like sex, except I'm having them!" - Fry trying out Popplers for the first time.
  • "They're tasty, right? Let's call 'em 'Tasty-cles'." - The first name suggested for the Popplers.
  • Farnsworth arguing with Free Waterfall Jr.
    Farnsworth: Hey! Unless this is a nude love-in, get the hell off my property!
    Free Waterfall Jr.: You can't own property, man!
    Farnsworth: I can, but that's because I'm not a penniless hippie.
  • Fry learning Leela's full name.
    Fry: Turanga?!
    Amy: That's her name, Philip.
    Bender: Philip?!
  • "There are many good reasons to eat: Hunger, boredom, wanting to be the world's fattest man."
  • Leela and Jrr say goodbye;
    Leela: I hope you always think of me as your mom.
    Jrr: When my species grows up, we eat our moms!
    Leela: Whoop! (Tosses Jrr back to Nndn)

Anthology of Interest I

  • This gem:
    Al Gore: If we don't go back there and make the event happen, the entire universe will be destroyed. And as an environmentalist, I'm against that.
  • Pretty much all of "Anthology of Interest I", but particularly the Impulsive Leela episode. The best line is at the end after Fry and Leela have slept together.
    Leela: So, Fry, what do you think of the impulsive new me?
    Fry: I like it.
    Leela: Good. Now let me just get the lights. (evil look right before the lights go out)
    Fry: (screams) (pause) I really like it.
    • Also this:
    Farnsworth: (after Leela pushes him into a killer anteater pit) You've killed me!
    Leela: Oh God, what have I done?!
    Farnsworth: I just told you! You've killed me!
  • Zoidberg starts investigating, while also missing the blatantly obvious:
    (Zoidberg is standing over the anteater pit, while in the background we hear Hermes screaming in pain)
    Zoidberg: Alright, Anteater No.1, who are you protecting? Don't stick your tongue out at me, I need a name!
    (Behind him, Leela rushes into the room, grabs an axe, and runs back out again)
    (Down in the pit, one of the anteaters makes a noise)
    Zoidberg: What? How do you spell that?
    (There are violent chopping noises from the other room)
    Hermes: What are you chopping off? Is it my torso? (really violent chopping sound) IT IS! MY PRECIOUS TORSO!
  • Then there's the Trope Namer:
    Bender: There's nothing wrong with murder, so long as you let Bender wet his beak.
    Leela: You're blackmailing me?
  • Any of the scenes were Leela kills a co-worker in that episode:
    Leela: OK, that's it. No more killing! Next time you feel like killing just have a stick of gum. (She sighs.) Now to dispose of the body.
    (cut to Leela driving a go-cart made of Bender's parts in the Planet Express lounge)
    Amy: Wow! Sporty go-cart, Leela! So hip and sexy. Not like you at all.
    (Leela narrows her eye.)
    Leela: Do you have any gum?
    Amy: No.
    (Leela's shadow creeps over her and she screams)
    • Second prize to Leela casually eating Zoidberg.
  • The Planet Express crew turning Zoidberg into a giant:
    (Zoidberg walks past the Professor's lab, when he sees a guinea pig)
    Zoidberg: What's this? Two meals in one week?
    (Zoidberg approaches and eats the guinea pig, only for a dome to cover him, and the crew emerge from cover)
    Zoidberg: Help, friends, a guinea pig tricked me!
  • Giant Bender's dying words, after being fatally impaled:
    Bender: I came here with a simple dream. A dream of killing all humans. And this is how it must end? Who's the real giant robot monster here? Not I. (he coughs) Not... I...
  • Nichelle Nichols and her reaction to the entire universe being destroyed:
  • The third short ends with Fry, Al Gore, Nichelle Nichols, Deep Blue, Stephen Hawking, and Gary Gygax playing Dungeons & Dragons for the rest of eternity.
    Gary Gygax (holding out a copy of the First Edition Monster Manual): Anyone wanna play Dungeons and Dragons for the next quadrillion years?
    (Everyone agrees and they gather in as the game is set up)
  • Detective Zoidberg in the second short. All of it.
    My first clue came at 4.15 when the clock stopped. My next clue came two hours later at 4.15 when I discovered the murdered body of Amy's dead, deceased corpse!
    • In the same vein Giant Zoidberg from the first short:
    So, now Zoidberg is big, huh? That's more like it! Who's intimidating who now, big city? Hello, Mr. Chase Manhattan Bank. Deny my credit card application, will you? [Destroys building.] Ah, the famed Apollo Theater. "Boo" me off stage on open-mic night, huh? I'll show you! [Destroys building.]
  • Just the concept of man-eating anteaters.
  • Fry asking Mr. Pannucci if he believes him about the Fry-Hole gets this response:
    Mr. Pannucci: There's only three real monsters, kid: Dracula, Blacula, and Son of Kong. Now quit picking yer nose and kneed that dough!
  • Farnsworth calling Fry's What-If simulation preposterous, not because it features a Reality-Breaking Paradox but because it shows Stephen Hawking in a pizzeria.

War Is the H-Word

  • When Kif is forced to scrub Zapp Brannigan's back: "Lower...lower...lower...lower...TOO LOW! ...lower."
    • And then the camera pans over to Fry being forced to scrub Kif's back while loudly and happily singing "Walking on Sunshine."
  • Leela: "My friends always die if I'm not around to save them." (Fry nods in agreement).
  • Zapp's Rousing Speech... isn't.
    Men, you're lucky men. Soon you'll be fighting for your planet. Many of you will be dying for your planet. A few of you will be forced through a fine mesh screen for your planet. (solemnly) They will be the luckiest of all.
    • The briefing doesn't go too great.
    Nixon: This is the brass ring, fellas: Spheron-1.
    Zapp: It's an ugly, desolate little planet, with no natural resources or strategic importance whatsoever!
    Soldier: Why is this god-forsaken rock worth dying for?
    Zapp: Don't ask me. You're the ones who're gonna be dying.
    Fry: Who's the enemy, again?
    Zapp: A good question! We know nothing about them, their ways or their values, but we do know this: They stand for everything we don't stand for. Also, they told me you look like dorks.
    Bender: They look like dorks!
    • Brannigan dispatches the troops:
    Zapp: And now for the battle plan. As you all know, the key to victory is the element of surprise.(pause) Surprise! (He drops the troopers out of the carrier with the press of a button)
  • The soldiers waiting for the enemy:
    Fry: Man, it's creepy.
    Soldier: This is the worst part. The calm before the battle.
    Fry: And then the battle's not so bad?
    Soldier: Oh, right. I forgot about the battle. (whimpers in terror)
  • The M*A*S*H references, with the robotic surgeon iHawk (who has a martini glass replacing one hand and has a switch that flips between "Irreverent" and "Maudlin") and the very accurate jokes... with Zoidberg playing Frank Burns!
    • This series of jokes stands out in particular:
    Jellyfish Alien Nursenote : Are you ready to operate, doctor?
    Zoidberg: I'd love to, but first I have to perform surgery. (Laughs) I kid! I kid!
    Jellyfish Alien Nurse: Are you ready to operate, doctor?
    iHawk: I'd love to, but first I have to perform surgery. (Laughs)
    Zoidberg: That's my joke! I'll kill you! (Runs to iHawk and starts trying to throttle him with his pincers)
    • Zoidberg operating:
    Zoidberg: Scalpel! (cuts something) Blood bucket! (puts it under the patient) Priest! Next patient!
    iHawk: Gee, Zoidberg, leave some for the enemy to kill.
    Jellyfish Alien Nurse: Leave Dr. Zoidberg alone! He has twice the training you do.
    iHawk: Yeah, he's a doctor and a butcher!
  • With the enemy the characters are fighting against being giant balls, ball jokes are abound, though most of them are still hilarious, especially this line as Bender and Henry Kissinger's head negotiate with their leaders:
    Henry Kissinger's Head: Please, gentlemen, we must put an end to the bloodshed. We have all seen too many body bags and ball sacks.
  • Once Bender discovers the bomb inside himself that would be triggered by saying "ass" in the middle of negotiations, he uses his position to threatens to blow up the planet if they don't cooperate.
    Bender: I'd rather die and take everybody with me than sit here one more minute listening to these idiots talk about bouncing!
    Brain Ball: Please, stay calm. There's no need to bounce of the handle.
    Bender: That's it, I'm saying it! "A" is for a—
    Brain Ball: Wait, stop!
  • Brannigan shows a list of Bender's most-commonly used words. The five most-used words are, from least to most used, "Bite", "My", "Shiny", "Daffodil", and "Ass".
    • Two of the words on the list are "Yours" and "Up". Knowing Bender, it's not hard to imagine under what circumstances Bender would use those words.
    • His sixth most-used word is "pimpmobile."
      Bender: (fed up with the interrogation) Enough of this crap! I'm catchin' the next pimpmobile outta here!
  • The episode ends with Bender casually saying "ass" and...not blowing up, leading to The Reveal that Farnsworth rewired the bomb to detonate when he speaks his least used word since he couldn't defuse the bomb entirely. Bender then rattles off a bunch of words he doesn't use to try to find out the hard way, much to the dismay of the rest of Planet Express staff. He finally explodes when he says "antiquing."

The Honking

  • This exchange:
    (Fry, Bender, and Leela enter ancient Robot village)
    (Robot citizens notice Bender, gasp, and mutter prayers while doing quick cross motions)
    Bender: (annoyed) Yeah, yeah.
    Leela: (annoyed) We know.
    Fry: (dismissively) Cursed.
    Bender: Whatever.
  • "Poor Bender, you're seeing things. You've been drinking too much. Or not enough, I forget how it works with you. The point is, you haven't been drinking exactly the right amount."
  • This exchange.
    Leela: 0101100101. What's it mean?
    Bender: It's just gibberish. (looks in the mirror and gasps) 1010011010! AGGGGGGHHHHH!
  • "I can't keep running people over. I'm not famous enough to get away with it!"
  • And then there's this:
    Bender: So otherwise I can never die?
    Gypsy-Bot: Who said that? Sure you can die! (pulls out laser gun) You want to die?
    Bender: No! I want to live! There's to many things I don't own!
  • Bender's Uncle Vladimir specifies in his will "to my loving nephew Bender, assuming he's not responsible for my death..." Clearly Vladimir knew his nephew.
  • The crew's reaction to the Professor explaining how there can be robot ghosts.
    Hermes: Of course! It was so obvious!
    Professor: Yes, that bunch of words I said made perfect sense.
  • From the crew's arrival at the village:
    Bender: Excuse me good peasant, could you take us to yon castle?
    (The villagers break out in terrified whispers and hurry away. One walks over to the crew)
    Villager: Some say unholy things happen up there.
    Villager 2: For example, all of us say that.
    Professor: Pfft, superstitious mumbo-jumbo.
    Villager 2: Mumbo, perhaps. Jumbo? Perhaps not. With all your modern science, have you any idea how a robot talks, or walks?
    Professor: Yes, you idiot! (opens up the villager's chest cabinet, revealing a diagram) The circuit diagram is on the inside of your case!
    Villager 2: (slams his chest shut) I choose to believe what I was programmed to believe!
  • After learning about the Were-Car, Fry, Bender and Leela go to track it down. They arrive at a house outside Bender's uncle's castle.
    Fry: Thanks, Eagle Eye.
    Leela: Now it's daylight, so he should be in robot form, but be careful. Many robots are stupid and violent.
    Bender: I wish I was stupid and violent, then we'd see what's what. I'd pound him until I- (someone hits a pitchfork against Bender's head)
    Robot: Get ye to yuir houses, ye ignorant villagers!
    Leela: We are not ignorant villagers. We are sophisticated New New Yorkers. (beat) Whoop his butt!
  • A painting in Uncle Vladimir's castle appears to watch Bender, but upon closer inspection...
    Bender: So does my butt, but I don't frame it and put it on the wall. Although...
  • Bender is dancing around the Planet Express office singing an apparently improvised song about his own greatness. Hermes mutes him with a remote control. He keeps going as the others talk.
  • Bender receives a black-bordered envelope in the mail.
    Amy: Oh no! Someone you know must have died.
    Bender: I hope it was one of my enemies. Those guys suck!
  • After a hit-and-run occurs outside the robot porno theater that Bender was in the "general area" of, he's convinced that the driver that ran him over followed him home.
    Hermes: Bender, mon, no one's tryin' to run you over. Stop bein' a big hallucinating baby.
    Bender: (marching purposefully up to couch where Hermes is sitting) Yeah, well could a big, hallucinating baby do this? (bursts into loud sobs) I'm scared.
  • Bender has been cursed to kill his "dearest friend." Fry is furious when that turns out to be Leela.
    Fry: I can't believe this! Bender is supposed to murder his closest friend, which I thought was me. But he went straight for you. He didn't even try to second-degree murder me!
    Leela: Could you give me some help? I think Bender crushed my foot.
    • When Bender detransforms after nearly killing Leela:
      Bender: Oh God, Fry, I'm so glad to see you! I didn't hurt you, did I?
      Fry: Not physically, but why don't you ask your new best friend, Leela?
      Bender: I tried to run you over?
      Leela: It was very sweet of you, Bender.
      Bender: Fry, it doesn't mean anything! I have love enough for two!
      Fry: Words! Nothing but sweet, sweet words that turn into bitter orange wax in my ears.
      Leela: Enough with the feelings, you two.
    • It cumulates in Fry expressing total delight as Bender comes within an inch of running him down:
      "Yes! He chose me! He's trying to kill me! Leela, I'm so happy!"
    • And the end of the episode, when Fry's apparently dead (he's just stuck in Bender's chest)
      Fry: You didn't murder me at all! But I know you wanted to, and that's what matters! (gets out a beer and opens it) Here's to you. (starts drinking)
      Bender: Hey, that's my last beer, you bastard! I'll kill you!
      Fry: (sincerely) I'll kill you too, buddy. I'll kill you, too.
      (Bender starts throttling Fry. Cut to credits.)

The Cryonic Woman

  • When Bender and Fry take the Planet Express ship on a joyride:
    Bender: Hey Fry! I'm steering with my ass!
    Fry: That's the best thing I ever saw!
  • Let's not forget this gem from the same episode, when the main crew is mulling in the park over what to do upon being fired:
    Leela: We don't need to beg, Bender. For God's sake, we're not veterans.
    Fry: Well, what would you suggest? A daring daylight robbery of Fort Knox on elephant back? That's the dumbest thing I ever heard!
  • Fry: I don't get it Michelle. The last time I saw you, you were doing great. You had just dumped me and you were well on your way to getting your life back on track.
  • The Professor draws the line after the latest screw-up.
    Professor: (to Fry, Bender, and Leela) I should fire you all right now, but I'm just not that cold-hearted enough. (he whispers something to Hermes)
    Hermes: You're all fired.
  • As the trio walk away from Planet Express:
    Zoidberg: Goodbye, friends! I'll miss you! (as the three walk past another hole in the wall) Bah, good riddance to them. Now Zoidberg is the popular one!
    • "Yes, yes. Let's all talk to Zoidberg." (Zoidberg suddenly inundated with conversation)
  • Bender scaring recently unfrozen patients:
    [A freezer opens and an old man walks out. Bender runs towards him wearing a giant fly head and a cape.]
    Bender: Welcome to the future, human slave. [The man trembles and Bender laughs.] Ah, relax, chum. I'm not really a giant fly! [He takes the cape and head off.] I'm a horrible robot! [The man backs into the freezer as Bender walks towards him, spinning his head and outstretching his arms.] Kill all humans!
    [The old man clutches his chest.]
    Terry: Dear God! He's having a heart attack!
    [Bender pushes the old man into the freezer, turns the dial and freezes him.]
    Bender: Ah, they'll probably find a cure for that in the future.
    Terry: We have a cure for it now!
    Bender: Oh, good. Then you won't mind if I use this.
    [He puts a gorilla mask on.]
    • What really sells it as Bender is terrifying the unfrozen old man is that, as he chants "Kill all humans! Kill all humans!" his head starts spinning around. That is exactly the kind of crazy killer robot cliche that someone like Bender would use to mess with people.
    • Later:
    Bender: Who should be unfreeze next?
    [Fry and Bender pass a commando with a gun and a grenade.]
    Fry: No. [They pass "Weird Al" Yankovic.] No! [They move onto the next one.] Oh, my God! It's Pauly Shore!
    Bender: Alright!
    [He puts his gorilla mask on.]
  • When Michelle and Fry debate whether he loves her, we get this gem:
    "Fry, why must you analyse everything with your relentless logic?"
    • When Michelle introduces the subject of freezing themselves:
      Michelle: Let's start over, Fry. We'll go someplace where all we have is each other.
      Fry: Oooh, romantic. I'll tell Bender to meet us there.
      Michelle: It's not a there, it's a then. ''(setting one of the freezer dials to "1000 years":) The future.
      Fry: Whoa, whoa, girl! I thought you were talking about one of those motels where the bed is shaped like stuff!
  • Before getting into the cryogenic tube, Michelle and Fry promise not to regret their choice. On stepping out into a desolate wasteland, Fry says this:
    Fry: Michelle, I don't regret this, but I both rue and lament it.
  • Just before the race between Fry and Butch, there's this:
    Michelle: My mother always said you were a loser, Fry. Now get out there and prove her wrong!
    Fry: (genuinely hurt) Beth said that?

    Season 3 

Amazon Women in the Mood

  • You could honestly list the entirety of "Amazon Women in the Mood" on this page and not feel guilty.
    Zapp Brannigan: You win again, gravity!
    • Moments before that:
    Zapp Brannigan: Ah, she's built like a steak house, but she handles like a bistro!
  • "We no can dunk, but good fundamentals."
    [The male characters (except Kif) laugh]
    Zapp: Oh God, you're killing me!
    [The Amazons start beating him with clubs]
    Zapp: Oh God, you're killing me!
  • The following lines are especially funny if you're female, seeing as it's pretty much a stock exchange among a lot of us:
    Guard #1: How Tonk look?
    Guard #2: Tonk look good. Me fat.
    Guard #1: No, you look good. Tonk fat.
    • Made even funnier when Bender makes a gabby mouth motion with his hand.
  • I met her in a club down in old Soho. Where you drink champagne and it tastes just like Coca Cola. C-O-L-A. Cola. She walked up to me and asked me to dance. I asked her her name and in a dark brown voice she said...
      Chef: He sickens me!
  • The scene where Zoidberg tries out shells from the shell catalog:
    Zoidberg: (trying out a stereotypical Mexican shell) Ah, muy macho. Hey, gringos! Here comes El Zoido to ruin your drinking water! (imitates gunfire)
    Bender: Whoa, whoa, whoa! I'm Mexican, and I find that offensive. (shows his chest cabinet door, which has "Hecho en Mexico" engraved on it, he closes the door and it falls off)
    Zoidberg: You latins are so hot-blooded. (tries on a summer cop outfit) This one's like a summer guy!
    Hermes: Look, you fat fish, the Planet Express health plan only covers one kind of replacement shell!
    (Hermes changes Zoidberg's demo shell to a plain while shell with a barcode and "SHELL" printed on it)
  • "The number you have dialed has crashed into a planet. Please make a note of it."
    Fry: We gotta go rescue them!
    Bender: Eh, I don't know.
    Fry: Bender, think of the señoritas!
    (guitar twang)
    Bender: ¡Vámonos!
  • When Zapp, Kif, Leela and Amy land on Amazonia:
    Leela: What planet is this, anyway?
    Zapp: I 'unno. This whole sector is uncharted.
    Kif: It's not uncharted, you lost the chart!
  • Zapp's pick-up lines: "If I said you have a beautiful body, would you take your pants off and dance around a little?" and "I find the most erotic part of the woman is the boobies."
  • And of course, DEATH BY SNU-SNU!
  • Zapp's reaction to Snu-Snu, and the Amazonians reaction to Zapp's reaction:
    Zapp: Just FYI, I can be used for Snu-Snu.
    Amazonian: SILENCE. You want die like last man visit planet Amazonia?!
    Fry: What'd they die off?
    Amazonian 2: Crushed pelvises.
    (cut to a nearby trio of skeletons, with crushed pelvises, all in relaxed poses.)
  • Leela tries pleaing for clemency for Fry, Kif and Bender. It almost works.
    Leela: Femputer, be reasonable. Sure, men are annoying, and they wreck whatever planet they're in charge of, but most of these guys are sort of my friends. Can't you let them go?
    Femputer: Hmm... perhaps men are not as evil as Femputer thinks.
    Amazionian: But they make fun women's basketball!
    Femputer: WHAT?! Did you explain how the Amazonian's good fundamentals make up for their inability to dunk?!
    Amazionian 2: Yes, they still laugh!
    Femputer: THE MEN MUST DIE!
  • Asking for a break in the midst of their Snu-Snu "execution"...
    Zapp: We need rest...the spirit is willing, but the flesh is spongy and bruised...
    Fry: Can't we just cuddle?
    • And before that, the looks on Zap's, Fry's and Kif's faces when they learn they're sentenced to death by "snu-snu", Zap and Fry switching from looks of abject horror to expectant glee. Kif, on the other hand, just looks horrified.
      Zapp: (to Kif) What are you, gay?
    • Fry has this winner:
      Fry: (sadly) I never thought I would die this way (brightly) but I've always really hoped.
  • The episode's introduction - shell-less Zoidberg and all.
    Zoidberg: Oh, the fresh air feels good! (jiggles his jelly-like body)
    Professor Farnsworth: Stop doing that!
  • How Fry and Bender get captured when trying to save Zapp, Leela and Amy, thinking they are in tall grass:
    Fry: Alright, here's the plan...
    (an Amazonian is heard grunting. Fry is confused as Bender glares at him)
    Bender: What kind of moronic plan is that? (zoom out to reveal they're under an Amazonian's grass skirt) Wow...
    (both get clubbed by the Amazonian)

Parasites Lost

  • Fry trying to defend his lady's honor:
    Fry: That jerk! No one hoots at my captain unless they're prepared to take it to the next level!
    (rolls up his sleeves)
    Leela: Fry, please. That's sweet, but I'd rather not even dignify them with an ass-whooping.
    Sal: Hey, sexy mama! Let's get busy and freaky in that order!
    Fry: Hey, Jumbo! How would you like it if Leela said you were sexy and she wanted to make love to you?
    Sal: Eh, I gots five minutes. She looks pretty good for a truck-stop chick.
    Fry: You take that back! She does not look good for a truck-stop chick!
    Sal: Yeah, you're right. She don't gots enough meat for a guy like me.
    Fry: She does too! She's got plenty of meat! She's loaded with meat! She's got more meat than a cow!
    • Earlier in the spaceship station (the equivalent of a truck stop) sequence, Bender is fueling up on ethanol (as he's a robot and runs on alcohol) and lights a cigar. Next we see is Leela working the dipstick back into the Planet Express Delivery Ship, an explosion, and Bender's severed head just barely missing Leela's, while Bender's shouts a desperate, "Comin' through!"
  • While the crew traverses Fry's body:
    Farnsworth: Where's Zoidberg?
    Zoidberg comes in riding a spermatozoon like it's a bronco
    Zoidberg: Yippee kay yay! You'll never guess where I've been!
  • The race against time to get the parasitic worms out of Fry's body, with the professor commenting that they could be so ingrained in Fry that "not even Hermes' jerked prunes could get them out!" Hermes, without missing a beat, responds, "I call it Caribbean Drain-O."
    • The explanation for how a bowel movement will get all the worms out:
    Hermes: But what about the worms in the other pars of Fry's body?
    Professor: Listen, this will be one hell of a bowel movement. He'll be lucky if he has any bones left.
  • Earlier:
    Zoidberg: We'll need to have a look inside you with this camera.
    Fry: (Opens mouth)
    Zoidberg: Guess again.
    Fry: (Changes to a fearful expression)
  • The cast's assessment of Fry with the worms:
    Hermes: He'll be as strong and flexible as Gumby and Hercules combined!
    Dr. Zoidberg: Gumbercules? I love that guy!
  • Scruffy only appears for one scene in this episode, but it sets him up perfectly.
    (Fry and Bender go down to the basement, and find the boiler acting up, with Scruffy sitting in the corner reading a dirty mag)
    Bender: Who're you?
    Scruffy: I'm Scruffy. The janitor.
    Bender: Well why aren't you fixing the boiler?
    Scruffy: Schedule conflict. (turns page)
    (Fry and Bender try to fix the boiler. It just makes it worse, and it builds up to an explosion)
    Scruffy: Scruffy's gonna die the way he lived. (turns page again)
  • This dialogue:
    Fry: Your Excellency, have you ever been in love?
    Worm King: No. I thought I was once but then I remembered our species reproduces with a cloud of spores.
  • Fry when eating the truckstop egg salad sandwich
    It's like there's a party in my mouth, and everyone's throwing up!

A Tale of Two Santas

  • Robot Santa at work judging the naughty:
    Robot Santa: (watching Clamps and Joey Mousepad beating a guy) Mobsters beating up a shopkeeper for protection money. Very naughty. Shopkeeper not paying protection money! Exactly as naughty!
    (he changes the screen, to Scruffy just sitting on some steps. After a second, Scruffy brushes his mustache)
    Robot Santa: I SAW THAT!
  • Leela tries to convince the Professor to give Bender-as-Santa a chance. You can probably guess what happens.
    Bender: (battered, weary) Ho-ho-
    (The Professor immediately grabs a shotgun and blasts him)
    Leela: Professor! Didn't you hear what I just said?!
    Professor: No!
  • Kwanza-bot's book: "What the Hell is Kwanza?"
    Kwanza-bot: I've been giving this out for four hundred years...
  • Bender's trial does not get off to a great start.
    Judge Whitey: How do you plead?
    Bender: Not Santa!
    Professor: There he is again! (shoots Bender in the back with a shotgun)
  • Part of the Hyper-Chicken's "case" against Bender is simply asking one witness, a little girl, to point at him. She does so, and the crowd murmur in shock.
  • When Bender is on his way to be executed for crimes against humanity (done while taking the place of Robo-Santa), he's escorted past other prisoners:
    Robot he passes: Hey buddy! When you see the Robot Devil tell him I'm a-comin'!
    (Bender walks to the next cell over, which contains...the Robot Devil.)
    Bender: Hey, that guy told me to tell you—
    Robot Devil: I heard him!
  • Bender's method of execution.
    Mayor Poopenmeyer: These magnets will tear you apart, killing you in the most humane way possible.
    Bender: But mister mayor, that doesn't sound very humane!
    Mayor: It is for the audience, because it's not boring!
    • The method itself is ridiculous. Rather than just flipping the switch, the machine is set up to a random number generator. Only if and when it reaches zero will the Mayor actually turn on the magnets.
    • And when the crew come to rescue Bender, the device gets turned on.
    Bender: No! Not the magnets! Swwwwiiiiing looooooow, sweet chaaaaarioootts
    Amy: This is horrible.
    Professor: But it's certainly not boring!
  • The part when most of the cast claims to be Robot Santa in order to save Bender's life. All except Zoidberg who completely misses the point. "And I'm his friend Jesus!"
    • "None of you are Santa! You're not even robots! How dare you lie in front of Jesus?!"
    • "It's the real Santa! Get him, Jesus!" "I help those who help themselves!"
  • After Robot Santa frees Bender:
    Fry (to Bender): Don't do it! He's pure evil!
  • The last scene in the episode. Something about the image of the entire Planet Express crew, including family members, huddled together on the same couch, shivering in fear from potential death by Santa, as explosions billow in the distance, camera slowly zooming in as an atmospherically pleasing-yet-unnerving instrumental holiday tune is somehow both adorable and chuckle-inducing.
    Fry: Don't you see! Fear has brought us together! That's the magic of X-Mas!
    Professor: That's a big crock of - (explosion) Hold me!
  • The Elves song.

The Luck of the Fryrish

  • From the beginning:
    Amy's Mom: We just put out our best jockey out to stud, Amy. He's perfect for you!
    Jockey (no taller than 3 feet): Hey baby, ever do it in a suitcase?
  • And:
    (As Bender is rigging the race via administering sedatives to horses in the stable)
    Wong jockey: Hey! What are you doing?!
    Bender: This. (Uses the sedative device on the jockey himself, knocking him out)
  • Futurama also had the occasional joke based on science that were quite rewarding. First, one on the uncertainty principle:
    Race track announcers: And the winner, in a quantum finish, is...
    Farnsworth: No fair! You changed the outcome by measuring it!
  • Speaking of horse races, there's also this exchange:
    Leela: How'd you do, Fry?
    Fry: I'll tell you when my horse finishes. [beat] Bad.
  • After failing to find Fry's lucky clover in the record vault in his old house:
    Fry: Everything else in here held up okay.
    Bender: (holding up the album) Except Sports by Huey Lewis.
  • Hermes and Zoidberg at the races:
    Hermes: C'mon! Baby needs a new pair of shoes!
    Zoidberg: To hell with your spoiled baby! I need those shoes!
  • Fry gets upset about his brother stealing his name and his lucky clover.
    Fry: He stole my name, he stole my clover and he stole my life! (Punches a statue of Philip J. Fry) And now he broke my hand!
    Bender: His legend lives on!
  • Fry attempts to jaywalk across the street in the remains of old New York, only to be ran over by a giant lizard.

The Birdbot of Ice-Catraz

  • The protesters have formed a ring around the tanker to stop. The tanker just goes up and flies away.
    Leela: When you were planning this peace ring, didn't you realize spaceships can move in three dimensions?
    Waterfall Sr.: No, I did not.
  • Sound Effects Added To Lessen Tragedy
    Leela: I don't think any of us can understand how these poor, oil-soaked penguins feel! (falls over, complete with comical sound effect)
  • Fry and Zoidberg try flying the ship. Hilarity Ensues, naturally.
    Zoidberg: Captain, we're not on Pluto anymore. In fact, I think we may have left space as we know it!
    Fry: Then where are we? You said you knew how to navigate!
    Zoidberg: (starts crying) Stop yelling at me!
    • Later on, the plot cuts away to the ship, still flying, but being devoured by a giant squid.
    Fry: (screaming, as the ship audibly strains)
    Zoidberg: It's been an honor to serve under you, sir!
  • Leela takes a stand against the enviromentalists:
    Leela: I'm sorry, but if it's fun in any way, then it's not environmentalism.
    Free Waterfall Senior: What about blowin' up dams?
    Leela: (reluctantly) Yeah... that is fun.
  • Officers Smitty and URL talk about penguins:
    Smitty: Are they black with white feathers or white with black feathers?
    URL: It don't matter, baby, they're all beautiful!
  • This very dirty exchange:
    Free Water Sr.: Now remember, if your hands are cold, just stick 'em in your buttocks. They're nature's pocket.
    Leela: I'm going to go check on Bender.
  • Leela: Why do we have to resort to non-violence? Can't we just kick their asses?
    Free Waterfall Sr.: Now, little lady, those people's asses are living things too.
  • The Drunk with Power Bender inexplicably nicknames Fry "Wiggles." The little finger-waggling hand gesture he does to emphasize the word is priceless.
  • After dealing with "Captain Bender's" ego a minute too long, Fry finally snaps:
    Bender: Wiggles, weren't you about to propose a toast to your gallant captain?
    Fry: Fine, I've got a toast. To Captain Bender. He's the best! ...At being a big jerk who's stupid, and his big, ugly face is as dumb as a butt!!
    Bender: (unimpressed) Eh, I've heard better.
  • Zoidberg is extremely impressed by the childish antics of both Captain Bender and Captain Fry.
    Zoidberg: (begging a sober-drunk Bender to take alcohol again) Please, sir, I love you like a father!
    Zoidberg: (about Fry, about to commandeer the ship for purely petty reasons) Such a man! I'd follow him to hell and back, I would!!

Bendless Love

  • Bender going on a sleep-bending spree. Among other things, he bends a couch cushion, Professor Farnsworth, and the security camera that catches his bending rampage.
  • When Leela reveals the L beam that's been bent straight:
    Fry: That's doesn't look like an L at all! Unless you count lower case.
    Bender: You know we don't! (slaps Fry)
  • The time Zoidberg tried to fix the Slinky that Bender straightened into a lengthy rod. As it turns out, the Slinky is Made of Incendium by the year 3000. His wail of despair is priceless.
  • "My god! Even the Professor's been bent!"
    • "Thank you for your sympathy, talking square of linoleum."
  • Everything about the Professor's new, bent-posture induced cheerfulness.
    Fry: Professor, I've never seen you so cheerful. What the hell's wrong with you?
    Farnsworth: Hmm. I'm not quite sure. Perhaps seeing things from a new perspective has reminded me of life's beauty. Or perhaps my new posture is causing blood to pool in the back of my brain, resulting in a mild delirium. Incidentally, you have a dime up your nose.
    Fry: I wish! It's a nickel.
    • And how it's resolved, when the crew get fed up with it.
    (As the Professor sings merrily to himself)
    Leela: (to Bender) Can't you do something?
    (Bender effortlessly bends the Professor's spine again... in the wrong way)
    Amy: No, Bender! The other way!
    The Professor: I'm sad now...
    Leela: Eh, it's fine.
  • This gem of a line from Joey Mousepad: "Yo, the mafia supports youse guys [the workers]. But don't tell no-one! Spread the word!"
  • When the Donbot reaches his limit with Bender flashing his scab money:
    Donbot: A'right, that's the necessary number of times. That scab's gonna meet with a little on-the-job "accident".
    Joey Mousepad: All due respect, Donbot, I don't think we should rely on an accident. Let's just kill 'im ourselves.
    Donbot: Ugh.
  • This deleted line:
    Bender: Oh I see. A bunch of stuff gets bent, so it must be the robot designed for bending. How would you like it if I blamed you every time milk got lactated, or God got worshiped?
  • Bender approaches Angelyne and Flexo, who are having dinner together.
    Bender: You degenerate hussy! I'm disappointed in you too, Angelyne.

The Day the Earth Stood Stupid

  • The sheep herding competition, or more specifically, the victor, who is THE HYPNOTOAD. ALL GLORY TO THE HYPNOTOAD.
  • (Talking into the wrong end of a megaphone) "Attention New New Yorkers: STOP ACTING SO STUPID!"
    • Made even funnier when a bird perches onto the other end of the megaphone and caws into it causing Fry to fall over backwards.
  • The video of Fry staring at his foot.
  • "Ow, fire hot!"
  • Linda and Morbo becoming idiots.
    Morbo: Morbo doesn't understand his teleprompter. He forgot how you say the letter that looks like a man wearing a hat.
    Linda: It's a T, and it goes tuh.
    Morbo: Hello, little man. I WILL DESTROY YOU!
  • Fry confronting the Big Brain:
    Big Brain: What do you want?
    Fry: I'm here to kick your ass!
    Big Brain: Wishful thinking. We have long since evolved beyond the need for asses.
  • In the ending scene, Hermes is giving a meeting about employee sleep during meetings, while everyone is sleeping during the meeting.
  • The Nibblonian's continued exasperation at being seen as cute. Even if they are.
    Ken: When the universe was born in the crucible of the Big Bang, our race was already seventeen years old. (slideshow shows Nibblolians frolicking while holding hands under a rainbow)
    Leela: Aawwwwww!
    (Ken and Fiona glower at her)
    • And of course, after a few minutes more exposition, Leela is now petting Fiona and Ken, the former of whom is purring like a cat.
  • The Professor delivering news:
    Professor: Good news, everyone. We were supposed to make a delivery to the planet Tweenis 12, but it's been completely destroyed.
    Leela: Why's that good news?
    Professor: They paid in advance.
    • This is immediately followed by a comical twang sound effect, which turns out to be from Bender.
    Bender: Excuse me.
  • Fry's first clue that something is up:
    Bender: (distressed) Fry! Help me! My heart stopped beating!
    Fry: You don't have a heart, you're a robot!
    Bender: ...Sure. Right. Robot. ...Ohhh, Fry, my skin's all dry and clanky!
    Fry: Well, yeah! Robots are made of metal?
    Fry: Bender, if this is some kind of scam, I don't get it. You already have my power of attorney. (Walks away.)
    Bender: Fry!! (incoherent sounds of consternation) ...My skin!

That's Lobstertainment!

  • After Harold Zoid explains the movie plot:
    Zoidberg: Bender, you said "wink, wink" out loud.
    Bender: No, I didn't. Raise middle finger.
  • Apparently in the 31st century, Jack Nicholson's DNA has been reconstituted in the body of a gorilla.
  • Calculon's Bad "Bad Acting" during rehearsal.

The Cyber House Rules

  • This exchange is utterly hilarious (especially Fry's epic "YAAAY!!!").
    (on the subject of adopting a mutant girl) Leela: She doesn't need an operation! She's fine the way she is!
    Adlai: Oh, and I suppose you were fine the way you were?
    Leela: Damn right I was!
    Fry: YAAY!!!
    Leela: Shut up, Fry. Now look, Adlai. I'm proud to be different. And I just wished I'd realized that when I was her age.
    Sally: I also have a tail!
  • "Listen, bud, by the end of the day, one of us is going to have one eye!"
  • This whole exchange when Fry tries to convince Leela not to get her phaser eye surgery to look normal:
    Fry: Why would you want to be normal? You're better than normal. You're abnormal and that's what makes you great! Like Dr. Zoidberg. He's a weird monster who smells like he eats garbage, and does.
    Zoidberg: Damn right!
    Fry: The Professor's a senile, amoral crackpot.
    Farnsworth: (cackles insanely)
    Fry: Amy's a klutz from Mars.
    Amy: (drops her wineglass) Floop!
    Fry: Hermes is a Rastafarian accountant.
    Hermes: Tally me banana!
    Farnsworth: And Fry, you've got that brain thing.
    • Followed by Adlai saying he wants to have kids, Leela tells him it's the most beautiful thing she's ever heard, and...
    Zoidberg: WHOOP WHOOP WHOOP WHOOP WHOOP WHOOP WHOOP! (sprays ink all over Leela)
  • The very dark bit of humor with Bender trying to find new sources of income.
    Bender: Hello, Imperial Dragon Restaurant? I got a herd of you know whats for sale. (pause) Let me check. (picks up one of the kids) Aw, aren't you a cutie! (immediately sets the kid back down) About thirty-five pounds.
    • And the payoff, when Bender's arrested.
      Smitty: You're under arrest for child cruelty, child endangerment, depriving children of food, selling children as food, and misrepresenting the weight of live stock!
      Bender: If you had kids of your own you'd understand!
    • Even funnier is you realize why Bender got busted for the misrepresentation bit: He picked up Albert the fat kid.
  • A deleted scene explains why the kids got put in jail along with Bender and Fry.
    Bender: (with his arms around several orphans) I had to rat you out, kids. Daddy can't do hard time.
  • Bender reading the kids his arrest record as if he's reading them a picture book:
    Bender: "Bender's Arrest Record. By: The Police! On March 3rd at 2 pm, Bender was caught shoplifting."
    Boy: Yeah, show us the picture.
    [Bender shows the kids a mug shot of himself pointing proudly to a watch with the price tag still on it, to appreciative cheering and laughter.]
    Girl: Oh, there he is!

Where the Buggalo Roam

  • Any of Zapp's attempts to impart romantic advice surely qualify.
    Zapp: Remember, Kif; the quickest way to a girl's bed is through her parents. Have sex with them and you're in.
    • This is even more hilarious after seeing "Zapp Dingbat".
  • When Bender examines the "bead" given to the native Martians, he's left stammering before going "Oh Chief, you've made me the happiest girl in the world!" The chief immediately shoves Bender off himself.
  • The sign in front of Amy's parents' house reads, "You've come to the Wong place".
  • Pretty much everything Zoidberg says in this episode:
    Zoidberg: I broke your television.
    • But the crowner goes to what he did at the party, and especially Leo's reaction.
    Leo: You here five hours, and already you tear up couch, draw mustache on priceless painting, and fill pool with brine shrimp!
    Dr. Zoidberg: Not bad for a city boy, eh? (Leans in toward Leo) Oh, and by the way, I took the liberty of fertilizing your caviar.
    (epic Oh, Crap! from Leo, who is eating some of said caviar)
  • The parody of the crying Indian commercial when Zapp throws a can of Slurm on the ground and it rolls towards a martian's feet.
    Leela: They have such respect for the planet.
    Martian: [sniff] Cynthia used to drink Slurm.
  • "You must smoke the peace pipe, and you must smoke it peacefully, or we'll kill you."
  • Zapp Brannigan meets the Martian Chief:
    Martian Chief: I am Singing Wind, chief of the Martian tribe.
    Zapp Brannigan: Take Me to Your Leader!
    Martian Chief (unamused): ... moving along.
  • Bender singing to the tune of Bonanza
    Bender: We've got a right to pick a little fight with rustlers,
    Somebody wants to pick a fight with us,
    He'd better bite my ass!
    Fry: Yee-haw!
  • This gem of Hypocritical Humor:
    Leo Wong (recognizing Martian writing): I know it them 'cause they no use good grammar.
  • Bender using dynamite to blow the buggalo out of Olympus Mons' crater.
    Amy: Are you sure there's no other way to get the buggalo out?
    Leela: Not unless your parents have thousands of helicopters at their disposal.
    Amy: Well, actually—
    Bender: Too late! This is more fun! (detonates dynamite and hundreds of buggalo are blown out of the crater before tumbling about like boulders)
  • Leo Wong: Oh, really? Who gonna save us? One-eye? Lobster mooch? Drunken garbage can?
    Hermes: This sounds like a job for—
    Kif: Lieutenant Kif Kroker!
    Hermes: Alright then. (sits down and begins eating chips)
    • Another gem from Hermes:
    Hermes: Mon, it must take forever to brand all those cattle.
    Leo Wong: Not really. We own so much stuff it easier just to brand everything that not ours. (He brands Hermes' briefcase with a "Not Property Of Wongs" brand.)
    Hermes: Please don't do that.

Insane in the Mainframe

  • Judge Whitey: What evidence do you offer to support this new plea of insanity?
    Hyperchicken: Well, for one, they done hired me to represent them.
    Judge Whitey: (Gavel slams) Insanity plea accepted.
  • When Fry is in a robot clinic:
    Fry: I'm not a robot like you; I don't like having discs crammed into me... unless they're Oreos... and then only in the mouth!
  • Also:
    Malfunctioning Eddie (trying to sound friendly and polite): Nice to meet you.
    Fry: Actually, we met before.
    Malfunctioning Eddie (with deadly surprise): WHA-(explodes)
    • "I guess his prices really were insane!"
  • And:
    Fry: Fear not, for I shall assist ye!
    Hermes: Robots don't say 'ye'!
    Fry: Relax, mammal! My robotic software shall meet your calculatory needs. What is the meaning of this symbol?
    Hermes: That's a plus sign, you pointy-haired loony! Quit thinking you're a robot!
    Fry: I'll show ye!
  • The Planet Express hostage situation:
    Roberto: (with knife at Zoidberg's throat) Back off! I've got hostages!
    Zoidberg: Hurray! I'm helping!
    Officer Smitty: Do you have any better hostages?
  • From the same scene:
    Roberto: To show them who's crazy, I'll execute some of you. How about you?! (jabs Professor in the throat)
    Professor: Ouch! That's going to bleed when my heart beats!
    Leela: Wait! Take me first!
    Bender: Yes! Take her first!
    Roberto: Shut up! Stop tellin' me how to do this!
    • Roberto eventually settles on Bender:
      Roberto: I'm guessin' a number between one and ten. Get it right, and I kill you!
      Bender: Um... okay. Fifty... six, ish?
      Roberto: 56? 56?! Aw, man! Now that's all I can think about! I'mma kill you, you no-good 56-ian!
  • The scene featuring Frankie, a robot with delusions of being a lunchroom worker - so he was put to work in the lunchroom to "cure" him.
    Unit 2013: (humoring him) How is working in the lunchroom, Frankie?
    Frankie: It's alright.
    Unit 2013: Poor Frankie.
  • The Lincoln Robot, who has multiple personality disorder. All of his personalities are Abraham Lincoln.
    Lincoln Robot: I was born in 200 log cabins.
  • The poor guy who picks up CIA transmissions on his teeth.
    Harsh female voice: The CIA cafeteria menu for the week of May 15th is as follows: Monday, shepherd's pie. Tu- (robot closes his mouth again)
    Unit 2013: Cuckoo!
    • And later, Bender's rigging the teeth to pick up different transmissions.
    Announcer: And down on it stretch, it's Daddy's Little Grandpa is being followed by Perennial Loser, and bringing up the rear, it's Lasty!
    Bender: C'moooon, Lasty!
  • The Mad Hatter Robot who shrieks "CHANGE SEATS!" during lunch every so often.
  • The crew visiting Fry in the asylum:
    Leela: We've petitioned the governor, but he doesn't want to appear soft of people who've been falsely accused.
    • And the Professor's farewell:
    Professor: Don't worry, Fry, I too once spent a nightmarish time in a robot asylum. But now it's nearly over! So long.
  • How the episode ends:
    Bender: Fry, you might be wrapped in greasy skin, but inside, you've got the heart of a robot.
    Fry: Thanks, Bender.
    Bender: Just like inside me, I got the heart of a human! (Bender brings an actual human heart out of his chest cabinet. Everyone reacts in disgust) What? (cut to credits) What?
  • Bender and Roberto's escape, including when they try to hop in a plane, only for it to do a complete loop-de-loop and wind up right back in the barn they'd found it in.
  • The crew trying to remind Fry he's a human, not a robot.
    Zoidberg: Look, Fry, just because you think you're a robot doesn't make you a robot. I think I'm a doctor, but that doesn't make me one; these fancy clothes do!
    Fry: Negative. I must be a robot. Why else would human women refuse to date me?
    Leela: Oh...lots of reasons...
    • Later on, Leela attempts to fix Fry back into a human...
    Leela: I'm going to remind Fry of his humanity the way only a woman can.
    Amy: (smacks the Professor)
    Leela: Fry, for you. (administers The Big Damn Kiss)
    (Romantic music. Fry slowly smiles. Cut back and forth to Leela and Fry gazing joyfully into each other's eyes as the music swells to a crescendo.)
    Fry: Beep.
    Leela: Oh, for God's sake!

The Route of All Evil

  • The subplot consists of Fry, Leela, and Bender brewing their own beer. Bender's brewing is treated like him expecting a child.
    Bender: I was thinking "Benderbrau" if it's an ale, "Botweiser" if it's a lager.
    Fry: I hope it's a lager so I can take it to a ball game!
  • After Cubert and Dwight prank the crew, Leela becomes a bit distracted;
    Leela: If you were my kids, you'd be getting quite a talking to! ...from your father...(Gets caught up in her fantasy) When he got home from the senate...
  • Speaking of Dwight and Cubert pranking the crew, after Hermes and Farnsworth find out they attempt to get their fathers' outrage off them by telling them that Fry, Bender and Leela are making bootleg beer on company property (Bender). Doesn't work.
    Farnsworth: (shocked) Accusing gentle Bender of a misdeed?! (angrily) That's the last straw!
  • "Who's going to use a delivery service with a kicked sign? Nobody, that's who!"
  • "This week on The Real World: The Sun!" "AAAAGH, I'M BURNING TO DEATH!" "Tch, do you realize how much an apartment that big would cost on The Sun?"
  • The scene when after Hermes tells the crew he will need to start slashing salaries
    Leela: Uh guys, I don't know how to tell you this. So I'll just let Fry blurt it out thoughtlessly.
    Fry: (cheerfully) We don't work for you anymore!
  • This exchange when Dwight and Cubert learn that Fry and Leela are using Bender to brew beer.
    Dwight: I heard alcohol makes you stupid.
    Leela: Actually, Dwight, you're right. Alcohol is very, very bad ... for children. But once you turn 21, it becomes very, very good. So scram!
  • Dwight and Cubert asking about the Professor's new machine that changes voices to sound like the Professor's:
    Dwight: What's this device's marketability? Who's its target consumer?
    Professor: There is no "target consumer", only targets! Targets who will tremble in fear as their new masters hand down edicts in my glorious, booming voice!
    • Earlier:
    Cubert (trying the machine out): Good news, everyone! I'm a horse's butt!
    Professor: I am? That's not good news at all, you little—
  • When Hermes and Farnsworth are scolding their kids, Zoidberg walks in to ask a question:
    Zoidberg: What's going on? Is this angry yelling or busted-hearing-aid yelling?
    Hermes: I'm afraid it's both.
    Professor: [shouting] What?
  • Scruffy's appearance in the episode:
    Hermes: I don't even know who this guy is!
    Scruffy: I'm Scruffy, the janitor.
    Farnsworth: Yes, of course you are. Now we've got to buckle down and save Planet Express.
    Scruffy: I'm on break. (eats a potato chip very slowly)
  • This:
    Hermes: Sweet guinea pig of Winnipeg! They've taken over our company!
    Prof. Farnsworth: Balderdash! I never agreed to that!
    Dwight: No. But you did declare yourself dead three years ago as a tax dodge.
    Prof. Farnsworth: Tax dodge, nothing! You take one nap in a ditch at the park and they start declaring you this and that.

Bendin' in the Wind

  • Bender and Fry come across a bag of Olestra chips. Bender takes a few bites and promptly releases some Bowel-Breaking Bricks.
  • Bender: (singing) Don't melt me down into a crowbar just 'cause I can't use my arms and legs!
  • "Fry cracked corn and I don't care! Leela cracked corn, I still don't care! Bender cracked corn and he is great! Take that, you stupid corn!"
  • Beck's performance of Sexx Laws ends up running long:
    Beck: That song doesn't usually last 3 hours, but we got into a serious thing... and then I forgot how it ended
  • Beck inciting the mob on Bender: "You, minion! Lift up my arm. (The roadie lifts his arm up) AFTER HIM!"
  • When Fry, Leela, Amy, and Zoidberg are at Bender's first concert with Beck and beginning their brief time as hippies.
    Barman: Get lost, you money-less hippies!
    Hillbilly Blob Alien: You heard him, freaks. We don't like your type around here. These are the types we like.
    [He holds up a picture of nine different alien species.]
  • "Thank you. That song doesn't usually last three hours, but we got into a serious thing...and then I forgot how it ended."
  • The ad for Bend-Aid:
    Announcer: This Tuesday, as Golden Gate Park, the monsters of Vaguely-Folkish Alterna-Rock will strum your brains out at BEND-AID!

Time Keeps on Slippin'

  • Zoidberg: Don't be so hard on yourself, Fry. You lost the woman of your dreams but you still have Zoidberg. (threateningly) You all still have Zoidberg!
  • This scene.
  • Hermes has an idea on how to stop the time jumps. One time jump later and everyone is conga dancing naked while Hermes plays the steel drums. Even he admits he doesn't know how this would be of any help.
  • "Stupid senior citizens. Why should we have to pay for their Social Security benefits?" (the two kids time-skip, becoming elderly) "I deserve free money!"
  • Pretty much all the time skip jokes.
    • "We'll need to gather the finest minds in the univer-" [KZAP]]' (The Professor is surrounded by the Harlem Globetrotters)''
    • "Now to begin the arduous task of attaching it to the ship so that—" (ZAP) "Off you go, apparently!"
  • "I don't know how, but once again you screwed up, Fry. Now all the planets are gonna start cracking wise about our mammas."
    • Hermes' response is pretty good too.
      Hermes: I'm just glad my fat ugly mama isn't alive to see this day.
      Professor: Enough about your promiscuous mother, Hermes.
  • The gem of a Continuity Nod when the crew wonder how Fry managed to charm Leela:
    Hermes: Maybe you're just a fantastic lover, Fry?
    Amy: (quietly) Mmm, no.
  • The Globetrotters delivering their ultimatum. It's helped by Bubblegum's delivery (and the knowledge that it's a Take That! at some idiot executives)''note 
    Bubblegum Tate: People of Earth, I am Ethan Bubblegum Tate, commander of the Harlem Globetrotters. For generations, your puny planet has been at peace with the Globetrotter homeworld, but now, for no reason, we challenge you to a game of basketball.
    Fry: What happens if we lose?
    Bubblegum Tate: NOTHING! There is nothing at stake and no threat beyond the shame of defeat!
    • The entire idea of the Harlem Globetrotters being an entire race of genius-intelligence Human Aliens.
  • Nixon's check to the Professor and the Globetrotters for the "Bad-Ass Gravity Pump" literally reads "All of Earth's money" on the blank space where the amount in words would be. Also the small box that normally has the amount in numbers just reads "All" instead. No specific numbers at all.
  • Marv Albert's head reacting to the first time skip during the basketball game.
    Marv Albert's Head: Something very strange has just occurred in this battle between space clowns and atomic supermen.

I Dated a Robot

  • "I'll always remember you, Fry... MEMORY DELETED."
  • The crappy Charlie's Angels (Charlie's Angels III, The Legend of Charlie's Gold) movie Fry watches is ridiculously bad.
    (The Angels are in a crypt, standing over a coffin)
    Alex: (in suspiciously wooden tone) No! Don't open that coffin! It's ticking!
    Natalie: I have to Alex! This coffin's not going to open itself!
    (the coffin opens on it's own, and a stereotypical vampire pops up)
    Vampire: Bleugh! (the vampire explodes)
    • "Mister Mayor, if you want to see a real vampire, look in the mirror!" "I can't! I'm a vampire!"
  • Tomato in the Mirror meets Godwin's Law in The Scary Door:
    Sam Smith: There's a gremlin destroying the plane! You gotta believe me!
    Croupier: Why should I believe you? You're Hitler!
    Sam Smith / Hitler: No! (camera angle changes to reveal Eva Braun sitting next to him) Eva Braun, help me!
    (Eva Braun reaches up to her head and tears off what turns out to be a mask, revealing she's a bug-monster. Sam Smith, or Hitler, screams. The scene changes to the Planet Express lounge, where the crew are watching)
    Bender: Meh. Saw it coming.
  • The entirety of the "I Dated a Robot!" PSA.
    Mavis: Billy, do you wanna come over tonight? We can make out together!
    Billy: Gee, Mavis, you house is across the street. That's an awfully long way to go for making out.
  • When Fry wants to be romantically linked with a celebrity:
    Bender: (pulling a metal pipe out of his cabinet) I could pound your head 'til you think that's what happened.
    Fry: (leaning cheerfully in as Bender raises the pipe) Okay.
  • Fry's interactions with the Lucy Liu-bot.
    Fry: Then when I feel so stuffed I can't eat anymore, I just use the restroom, and then I can eat more.
    Lucy Liu robot: You should write a book, Fry. People need to know about the CAN EAT MORE.
  • Bender is annoyed by Fry's relationship with the Lucy Liu-bot.
    Leela: Bender, this is Fry's decision. And he made it wrong, so it's time for us to interfere in his life.

A Leela of Her Own

  • Bender walking into a changing room and accidentally unplugging the black bar generator.
  • The start of the episode is Leela, Bender, and the Professor sitting on the couch while Fry looks out of the window with binoculars:
    Fry: I know, and I've grown to accept that. Now I'm more interested in that new pizza parlor across the street. Kinda makes me pine for my days as a pizza delivery boy. "Here's you pizza," I'd say. "I didn't order any," they'd say. And then I'd be off to my next adventure.
    Leela: That story stunk. Hand me the binoculars.
  • The fact that the Mets still suck even after 1000 years is hilarious as long as you're a fan of one of their rivals.
  • Hank Aaron XXIV's career was so bad, he managed to have a lifetime batting average of .000.

A Pharaoh to Remember

  • "BENDER LIVES LARGE AND KICKS BUTT!" being turned to "BENDER LICKS BUTT" a la the MAD magazine fold-in pages.
  • "Ladies and gentlemen, the pharaoh... suddenly died!"
  • "The cruelty of the old pharaoh is a thing of the past!" (crowd cheers) "Let a whole new wave of cruelty wash over this lazy land!"
  • The surprise funeral they put on for Bender.
    Zoidberg: Oh Danny boy!
    Amy: I know who's funeral we'll be attending next!
    Farnsworth: Oh stop!
  • The Osirians make Bender their king with a Wall of Prophecy that has hieroglyphics that they decipher to determine their ruler. Naturally, Bender had badly chiseled his writing on the wall to deceive them, so...
    High Priest: The prophecy is strange and crudely drawn at best. It indicates that, we are "here" and our next Pharaoh is over there, near some ... tents.
    Bender: [shouting from reeds] Those are waves, jackass. It's supposed to be a river!

Anthology of Interest II

  • The immortal line at the end of act 1: "YOU WATCHED IT! YOU CAN'T UN-WATCH IT!"
  • Bender says "Being a robot's great, but we don't have emotions, and sometimes, that makes me very sad." (He's tearing up by the end of the sentence.)
    Farnsworth: Oh, lordy-loo, there he goes again. Well, let's give baby what he wants.
  • Professor Farnsworth: Eat it, everyone who doesn't have a Nobel Prize! And that includes you... [points in the direction of Zoidberg] ...Amy!
    • ...As the camera scrolls past Zoidberg to show Amy on his other side, bursting into tears.
  • Bender coming out of the bathroom being excited about having a poo for the first time.
    Human!Bender: Guy! Guys! You've gotta see this. You're not gonna believe it!
    Leela: Bender, it's OK to be proud but don't be a show-off.
  • Bender ending up a gigantically fat blob Wernstrom calls "a bloated man-ball".
    Bender: (to female scientist) C'mere and give old Bender a kiss. Hey, you like grilled cheese?
    (He pulls out a grilled cheese sandwich from under a roll of flab.)
  • Human!Bender acknowledging he can't stop his hedonism.
    Human!Bender: GOODBYE, MODERATION!
  • The conclusion of "I, Meatbag".
    Wernstrom: When did he die?
    Farnsworth: About twelve hours ago, when the party started.
    Wernstrom: But he just said "Woo!"
    Farnsworth: No, that was just air escaping from the folds of his fat.
    Bender: (when Farnsworth pushes him) Woo!
    Farnsworth:Goodnight, sweet prince. You were the greatest man any of us will ever know. Well, let's get him out of here. He's starting to smell up the joint.
    (They do so)
    Bender: Woo! Woo! Woo! WoooOOOooooooOOOoooo!
  • Any part in Fry's segment with General Pac-Man.
  • Nixon's address beginning with "good evening, ignorant pigs. Put down your crack pipes and your beer bongs as I sign this historic treaty with Ninentdu 64!"
  • Ambassador Donkey Kong attacking Nixon's head.
  • "I am Lrr, of the planet Ninentdu 64! Tremble in fear at our three different kinds of ship!"
  • The Space Invaders part, but especially Fry's unorthodox strategy:note 
    Fry: Now, watch as I fire upward, through my own shield!
    (everyone else gasps in horror)
    Bender: He's a madman! A maaaaaadmaaaaaaaaaaaaan!
  • All of the Wizard of Oz parody. Highlights include:
    • After meeting the Scarecrow (Fry) and the Tin Man (Bender), Zoidberg pulls up in a taxi and says "And I'm the third guy. Courage. Not enough of it."
    • The "Flying Monkeys" (Walt, Larry, and Igner) pick up everyone but Zoidberg.
      Zoidberg: What, do I smell or something? (sniffs himself, then groans sadly)
    • It then cuts to the witch's castle.
      Leela: Why did you bring us here?
      Zoidberg: And why did I have to take a cab?
    • The Professor giving Zoidberg a gun instead of courage.
      Farnsworth: Oh, blithery poop, my cowardly lobster! You don't need courage. After all, who needs courage when you have a gun?
      (He hands Zoidberg a gun and he takes it, spins it around on his claw and mimics gunfire.)
      Zoidberg: No, world, you put your hands up!
    • Leela making her wish after putting on the glass slippers.
      Leela: There's no place like...I wanna be a witch!
  • The scene after Leela wakes up
    Leela: I was just having the most wonderful dream... except you were there, and you were there and you were there!
    Fry: Never mind professor. She came to!
    Professor: (holding a box that says "Leela's organs"): Oh, so close...
    Hermes: There's always next year, professor. There's always next year.

Roswell that Ends Well

  • The whole plot is caused when, against the packaging's warning, Fry decides to microwave some stovetop popcorn. When the crew gets sent back in time, he finds that the popcorn is now an ear of corn.
  • Choke on that, causality!
    • Earlier, "Oooh, a lesson in not changing history from Mr. I'm-My-Own-Grandpa! Let's get the hell out of here already! Screw history!"
    • Farnsworth just won't let it go:
      Farnsworth: Well, now everything is back as it was, and if history doesn't care that our degenerate friend Fry is his own grandfather, then who are we to judge?
      Bender: Amen!
  • President Truman suggests performing "an old-fashioned alien autopsy" on Zoidberg. How does Zoidberg respond? "HOORAY!"
    • Doctor 1:: Commencing excavation of the subject's chest cavity.
      Zoidberg: (grabs Doctor's mic) and in this corner, Zoidberg! (laughs) Come on lighten up! What is this, a funeral?
      Doctor 2: (takes out heart) Heart.
      Zoidberg: Take! I've got 4 of them!
      Doctor 1:: Stomach Contents: 1 Deviled Egg. (takes it and puts it in bowl)
      Zoidberg: Deviled Egg? (eats it from said bowl only for the doc to pull it out again)
      Doctor 1:: (sighs) The same deviled egg...
      (Doctors are cutting something inside Zoidberg with a hacksaw)
      Zoidberg: Wait! Don't cut that! I need that to speak!
      (The doctors pause, then saw faster.)
  • From the same episode, Zoidberg in the room with the food...
    Sergeant: This test will determine what, if anything, the alien eats.
    (Zoidberg is funneled into the room.)
    Zoidberg: A buffet! Aw...if only I had my wallet...
    Sergeant: (over intercom)'s free.
    (Zoidberg shrieks loudly, then gorging sounds are heard, with food splattering against the glass. Then, Zoidberg slaps his open mouth against the glass. The general and the sergeant stare in utter horror.)
    General: ... Get me the president.
    • Not to mention Truman's meeting with Zoidberg...
      Truman: If you come in peace, surrender or be destroyed. If you're here to make war, we surrender.
      Zoidberg: Both good. The important thing is I'm meeting new people.
      Truman: Bushwa! Now what's your mission? Are you planning on making some kind of alien-human hybrid?
      Zoidberg: Are you coming on to me?!
      Truman: Hot crackers! I take exception to that!
      Zoidberg: (giving Truman a look) I'm not hearing a no...
  • "The President is gagging on my gas bladder! What an honor!"
  • Truman makes his entrance at the Roswell Air Base by busting out of a crate labeled "Canned Eggs."
  • When the military shows Truman the UFO made of Bender's parts we get this exchange:
    General: Mr. President, our men have assembled the parts from the alien ship into its original design.
    Truman: Whistling Dixie! I want this sent to Area 51 for study.
    General: But, sir, that's where we're building the fake moon landing set.
    Truman: Then we'll have to really land on the moon. Invent NASA and tell them to get off their fannies!
  • When Fry's grandfather is killed and Fry is meant to cease existing?
    • Later in the episode, Leela asks Fry how he can possibly exist now that he's completely bungled his Back to the Future moment.
      Fry: I dunno. Maybe God loves me.
      (Bender bursts into a fit of hysterical funniest-thing-I've-ever-heard laughter)
    • The matter-of-fact way Fry announces this when he arrives at the diner with Bender:
      Leela: Wait a second! There's a microwave radar dish at the army base! We could steal it!
    • Or, later on, when Fry gives Enos the calendar and Enos tries to look at the cowboy picture instead of the girls. Fry's expression is priceless.
    • Fry's reaction when he learns who his grandfather is after he slept with the deceased Enos' girlfriend, who inexplicably turns into an old lady.
    Fry: If she's my grandmother, who's my grandfather?!
    Farnsworth: Isn't it obvious?!
    Fry: ... (Shaking his head 'No')
    Farnsworth: YOU are!
    Fry: (After a dramatic pause) WAAAHHHH!!! (Runs around the room, screaming) AAAHHH!!! AAAHHHH!!!
    Old Mildred: Did you say something, deary? I'm a bit hard of hearing?
  • The crew discuss repairs:
    Leela: The ship's almost fixed, except the cup-holder, and I should have that online in ten hours.
    Professor: You've got eight!
  • On crashing, Leela organizes the workload:
    Okay, here's the plan: Zoidberg, pick up the pieces. Everybody else, take five.


  • Bender meets the God-galaxy entity and tells it about how he was God once. The maybe-God delivers the most utterly deadpan praise it can:
    Yes, I saw. You were doing well until everyone died.
  • Fry going to the Gypsy-bot for help finding Bender.
    Gypsy-bot: Oooh, I am your friend, Bonder.
    Fry: Bonder, is that really you?
    Gypsy-bot: Yes. I am fine. Give the gypsy ten dollars.
    Fry: Wait a minute! Bender's name isn't Bonder! It's Bender! You're a fraud.
    Gypsy-bot: Look, do you want false hope or not?
    Fry: Only if you don't have any real hope.
  • The monks of Theshuba listen to Fry's demands for "one measly lifetime" to search for Bender.
    Monk: He speaks out of love for his friend. Perhaps that love is God.
  • Leela forces the monks into the monastery's laundry room. As she does, one mutters "this is the worst craziest sect I've ever been in".
  • As Fry searches for Bender, the monks are still in the laundry room.
    Monk: Let us out! We cooked out shoes in the dryer and ate them! Now we're bored!
  • The Space Pirate sequence has its share of moments:
    • And:
    Leela: Space pirates!
    Fry: Space pirates?
    Leela: You know. Pirates, but in space.
  • A great moment in the middle of a legitimately poignant speech from Fry near the end:
    Fry: (crying) I know he was evil, and on more than one occasion he—he actually stole my blood.

Future Stock

  • Fry delivering this gem.
    Fry: I believe I speak for the entire board when I issue this challenge to Mom.
    (Turns around, and presses his ass against the window)
    Fry: Look at my butt! Woo, woo, woo!
    • Leading, too, to Mom angrily demanding that Walt hit "the 'Retaliate' button." When he pauses for a moment, confused by the buttons on the console, she snaps "Any button! They all retaliate!"
    • Even better, Mom isn't disgusted or offended by Fry's act, she's just annoyed by the condition of his butt. "You call that a pressed ham?"
  • The Planet Express stockholder meeting doesn't get off to a spectacular start:
    (The Professor's standing on a stage, lit only by the spotlights in front of him)
    Professor: Where am I?
    Hermes: (from behind him) Move forward! Move into the light!
    Professor: Oh, God! I'm dead! ... eh, no matter.
  • More Scruffy humor (context: everyone is voting whether to name the Professor or That Guy CEO):
    Scruffy: Scruffy casts his 30,000 shares for the mysterious stranger.
    Leela: How come you have three times as much stock as the rest of us?
    Scruffy: (tearing up) Scruffy believes in this company.
  • Hattie and Hubert's sniping during the entire episode is hilarious.
    Hattie: Enough talk. It's time for action. I move that everyone come to my apartment to snuggle my cat.
    Scruffy: Second.
    Farnsworth: (on mic) I move that your cat stinks and is ugly.
    Scruffy: Second.
    Hattie: I move that we vote on a new chief executive officer and oust this old creep. And also that my cat smells good and is pretty!
    Scruffy (after pondering for a moment): Second.
  • That Guy's business mantra: "Sharks don't need necks, 'cuz they don't look back. Anyone who's a sheep is fired!"
    • Zoidberg's question of which one people prefer to hug has That Guy declaring him a shark.
    • "I am proud to be the shepherd to this flock of herd of sharks"
  • Mom's immortal line: "JAM A BASTARD IN IT, YOU CRAP!"
  • The reveal as to exactly who owns the majority of PlanEx's (formerly Planet Express) stock.
    Leela: Zoidberg owned 51% of the company?!
    Hermes: The shares were worthless! And he kept asking for toilet paper!
  • At the climax, Fry's dramatic speech, with the stock price of Planet Express displayed behind him, with it dropping with each sentence he says, until he says he's giving up the company to the Professor, where it initially soars upward, then drops down to nothing.

The 30% Iron Chef

  • How Zoidberg manages to stitch Fry up for wrecking the Professor's miniature ship: a piece of paper reading "Fry Confesses. From The Desk Of Dr. John Zoidberg, M.D."
    • On that note, the fact that Zoidberg's first name is John.
  • The Magic Feather gag at the end, where Spargle's secret ingredient turns out to be, "Ordinary water! Laced with nothing more than a few spoonfuls of LSD."
  • Zoidberg trying to fix the Professor's ship in a bottle with superglue, which results in Zoidberg spraying superglue all over himself. Then as he fumbles around in panic, all sorts of random items around the room get stuck to his clothes. He then shows up wearing a large coat with the various objects visibly poking from under it. Behind his head is a cuckoo clock, which then goes off, hitting him in the face.
  • Bender's stationary:

    Season 4 

Kif Gets Knocked Up a Notch

  • Professor Farnsworth takes offense to Amy using the Planet Express ship for personal reasons (by catching a ride with the rest of the crew so she can visit her boyfriend Kif): "If anyone needs me, I'll be in the Angry Dome!" Cut to the Planet Express ship taking off, while Farnsworth rants and raves in a small glass dome atop Planet Express HQ.
  • Professor Moriarty: "Right-o, gents, it's another simulation gone mad, so murder and mayhem, standard procedure."
    • "Real holographic simulated evil Lincoln is BAAAAAAAACK!!!"
    • "Damn! The last time that happened, I got slapped with three paternity suits!"
    • From the same scene:
      Zapp Brannigan: Listen up, history's greatest villain, get back in the shed or I start blasting!
      Attila the Hun: Stop! Don't shoot fire stick in space canoe! Cause explosive decompression!
      Zapp Brannigan: Spare me your space-age technobabble, Attila the Hun!
  • Farnsworth takes an opportunity to brag about the Maternifuge: "Even I laughed at me when I built this cross-species analyzer! But I guess I showed myself!"
  • To determine whose DNA Kif is pregnant with, Amy, Fry, Leela, and Zapp get into a centrifuge which throws out anyone who isn't the parent. After Fry and Zapp, Zoidberg comes flying out.
    Professor: Zoidberg? What the hell were you doing in there?
    Zoidberg: That's where I live. I have no home.
  • At the baby shower, Amy leaves in tears and Kif tries to stop her. In the next shot, Kif's face is shown while a squelching sound and baby-like crying is heard. The shot pans to show that Zoidberg was doing the crying.
  • Kif's reaction (the one anyone would have in that situation) when Zapp is ruled out as the father is gold.
    "Oh, thank you merciful God."
  • After the ceremony:
    Grand Midwife: I will now take my leave! I live here, so I won't actually be going anywhere, but you don't have to talk to me anymore!
  • Kif's attempt to 'pluck the moon from the sky' for Amy whilst they're in the holo-shed, ending up with Kif falling in the sea, and the Moon dropping on his head.
  • Amy's reaction to Kif's second holoshed program, and especially the line from Kif:
    Amy: (on seeing a horse) Spirit! That's the pony I always wanted, but my parents said I had too many ponies already!
    Kif: Yes, I programmed it in for you. (triumphantly) Four million lines of BASIC!
  • A Deleted Scene provides a succinct answer to something that goes unexplained in the episode proper: On their delivery, Fry and Leela have to go into "hibernative naptosis" (i.e., sleep) to save oxygen. Except Bender's a robot, something he points out.
    Bender: I don't even have to breathe. Why do I need to save oxygen?!
    Leela: Because we don't want you awake while we're not!
  • The first use of one of Bender's most iconic catchphrases. On Kif's homeworld, a giant frog devours Bender in a single gulp, and Kif scares it into burping him back up. Fry's and Zapp's expressions really sell the punchline:
    Bender: (landing exactly where he was before, cigar still in mouth) I'm back, baby. (lets out a puff of smoke)

Leela's Homeworld

  • Bender announcing his plan: "And then Bender ran!"
  • The Professor's Handwave about his machine that makes noses making other things: "It can do other things! Why shouldn't it?!"
  • Hermes analyzing the machine's by-products.
    Hermes: It looks like toxic waste. It smells like toxic waste. (takes a sample and tastes it)
    Fry: What's it taste like?
    Hermes: Delicious fig pudding, oh that's good! But, a distinct aftertaste of toxic waste.
  • While running from the mutants, and trying to hide in the Turanga's house, Bender picks Fry up and uses him to smash open the window.
  • Leela encounters one of the more curious sewer mutants:
    (Leela emerges from the mutagenic sewage lake with an octopus on her head)
    Leela: The lake didn't mutate me. What is going on here?
    Octopus (which has an extremely deep and gruff voice): It worked for me. I used to be a little blonde girl named Virginia.

Love and Rocket

  • The sequence featuring the Omicronians trying to figure out 'wuv'.
    Ndnd: And what is this emotion you humans call 'wuv'?
    Lrrr: Surely it says 'love'?
    Ndnd: No, 'wuv', with an earth 'w'! Behold!
    • It then immediately cuts to them running for their lives.
  • As the crew prepares to go on their delivery run:
    Farnsworth: Remember, we've got to show these people we're not bitter husks of human beings who long ago abandoned hope of finding love in this lifetime. Leela, you'll have to do some acting.
    Leela (totally deadpan): Check!
  • Every really subtle reference to 2001 is hilarious, from Bender happily singing Daisy Bell to the Planet Express Ship noticing tapirs in the zoo.
  • Also, from the Omnicronians:
    Lrrr: This is ancient Earth's most foolish program. Why does Ross, the largest friend, not simply eat the other five?
    Ndnd: Perhaps they are saving that for sweeps.
    Omicronian Guard: Exalted leaders, the Earth messengers have arrived bearing a peace offering from their weak and fearful government.
    Lrrr: Oh, very well. This is a Joey-heavy episode anyway.
  • "Fire detected in the vicinity of: Leela." [Sprays her with a hose]
  • "My place... or you?"
  • "Ahahahahaha... oh wait, you're serious. Let me laugh even harder. AAAAHAHAHAHAH"
  • Bender's last line of the episode: "Bender is a lone wolf, a solitary eagle, [eyes flicker, and he speaks with Sigourney Weaver's voice] a cuddly baby tapir, and that's why I love him."
  • The horror that is the origin of the Lovey Bears. Even Bender looks upset. And that's what makes it so funny.
    They frolic in the Lovey Forest until their first birthday. Then we choose the cuddly- uddliest ones and stuff them full of fire-retardant love fluff!
  • Zoidberg's ending monologue:
    "As the candy hearts poured into the fiery quasar, a wondrous thing happened, why not. They vaporized into a mystical love radiation that spread across the universe, destroying many, many planets, including two gangster planets and a cowboy world. But one planet was at exactly the right distance to see the romantic rays, but not be destroyed by them: Earth. So all over the world, couples stood together in joy. And me, Zoidberg! And no one could have been happier unless it would have also been Valentine's Day. What? It was? Hooray!"
  • Fry gives his thoughts on why Bender shouldn't date the Planet Express Ship:
    "How can you date a ship anyway? It'd be like me dating a really fat lady. And living inside her. And she'd be all like 'whoooosh!' (spaceship flight noises)"
  • The very idea of Sigourney Weaver playing a love-crazed spaceship who enjoys things like going around zoos looking at baby tapirs.
    Planet Express Ship: This says the babies lose their pyjama-like coat after their first year. Isn't that interesting, honey?
    Bender: Yup. Mind-numbingly interesting.
    • And then the part where she accuses Bender of cheating on her.
    Planet Express Ship: I saw you with those two ladies of the evening! Explain that!
    Bender: Ok, I like a challenge. (to himself) Uh... No... Oh, I got it: I'm gonna be completely honest with you, Planet Express Ship. Those two ladies you saw me with? Were my accountants.
    Planet Express Ship: Your accountants? Oh, I would dearly love to believe that... So I do!
  • One of the girls Bender secretly sees on the side is Lucy Liu's head.
    Lucy Liu: (inside Bender's chest cabinet) Who are you talking to?
    Bender: No one, baby. Lucy Liu is the only girl for Bender.
    Lucy Liu: I love yo—
    (Bender slams chest door shut)
  • When the ship tries to merge her code with Bender:
    Planet Express Ship: Come closer, Bender. Let's become one.
    Bender: (uncomfortable) I prefer two. That way we can still be a horse for Halloween.

Less than Hero

  • When they're called by the mayor.
    Leela: Oh, I completely forgot, I left my apartment on fire. (Runs from room)
    Bender: Uh, as for me, I'm late for my LSATs. (Follows Leela)
    Fry: And I can't take life any more! (Jumps out window)
  • Also:
    Bender: Nine, ten... a big fat hen.
    (blows on cigar)
    Bender: The name's Bender.
    • In a Reddit AMA, the writers confirmed that this utterly random line (in response to Leela announcing that she's planning to meet her parents at 10 am after they've foiled the Zookeeper at 9) had no deeper meaning and was inserted because they had no idea how to end the scene.
  • When Fry and Leela are trying to figure out what powers they have:
    Leela: (reading back of Miracle Cream tube) "Ability to command the loyalty of sea creatures?"
    Fry: Hey Zoidberg, get in here!
    Zoidberg (from another room): Screw you!
    Fry (cheerful): Nope!
    Leela (cheerful): Ain't got that!
  • Bender as Superking fighting a boxing kangaroo, mostly for the commentary by Theodore Roosevelt:
    "A man boxing a kangaroo is a peculiar spectacle...but a kangaroo boxing a robot? Now I'm afraid you've lost me. (Citizen Snips the crab falls into Roosevelt's tank) CITIZEN SNIPS!"
  • From that same episode: "Please do not feed the animals!! -is promptly grabbed and devoured by an elephant-"
    • An elephant that never forgets...TO KILL!
  • The mayor's utterly serious delivery of "A badger with a troubled past, and nothing left to lose!"
  • This easily missed gag:
    Mayor: The Zookeeper, a nefarious villain who commits crimes aided by a pack of highly trained animals!
    Fry: Pack of highly. Got it.
  • This:
    Leela's Dad: Look at me! Proud dad of a super hero! We should print up T-shirts. And F-shirts for our friends with two arms on the same side.
  • This after a parrot reveals one of Leela's secrets:
    Fry (stern): Leela! Is the pirate that parrot is mimicking telling the truth by proxy?
  • Bender putting on his crown and imitating Queen Victoria: "We are not amused!"
  • The New Justice Team's dramatic speech:
    Hattie: QUIET! It's 4:00 AM and I just fell asleep for the first time in thirty years!
    Leela: Sorry! (turns back to the skyline, whispering) A new era of justice has begun.
    Hattie: WHAT?!
  • The New Justice Team's theme song.
    Go, go, go New Justice Team
    The New Justice Team!
    Also he is from the past
    Not just fast, but from the past!
    Captain Yesterday!
    Super-King has all the powers of a King
    Plus all the powers of Superman, also he's a robot,
    Ain't it cool? Super-King, you rule!
    Clobberella beats you up
  • The Zookeeper, in general.
    Fry: (meeting the Zookeeper in a cave) This is your lair?
    Zookeeper: FOOL! You think I'd show you my lair? My lair is a million times nicer than this!

A Taste of Freedom

  • "You can crush me but you can't crush my spirit!" [Gets crushed by a giant claw] "Agh, my spirit!!"
    • Ah yes, good ol' man! Staunch defender (and even flaunter) of all practically any rights whatsoever!
    Zoidberg: He defended my freedom when no one else would. He was a good and honorable man.
    Old Man Waterfall: I request a Satanic funeral.
    Crowd: BOOOOOOOO!!!
    • Old Man Waterfall's comeback when Bender questions him defending Zoidberg.
    Bender: You wanna defend Zoidberg? Are you aware of the old robot saying "does not compute"?
    Old Man: Son, to me a robot's nothin' more than a garbage can with sparks comin' out of it.
    Bender: (sad) The sparks keep me warm...
  • A decopodian in a Paper-Thin Disguise named Hugh Mann was able to successfully steal the disc and send the Nimbus crashing.
    Kif: (as Hugh Mann waddles away with the disk) Sir, there's something about that ensign...
    Zapp: You're damn right there is! That strapping young lad is gunning for your job, and he might just get it.
  • Zoidberg on the Decopodian Embassy:
    Zoidberg: My planet's embassy! They're paid not to kill me.
  • Zoidberg complaining about the lack of marshmallows at the embassy.
  • The museum sequence, especially Bender's opinion of the crossbow:
    Bender: Ah, the crossbow! A pitiless, elegant killing machine. The Bender of the 15th Century."
    • In the background of the museum, one can see one of the exhibits is called a Sharktapault. It's exactly what it sounds like.
  • Nixon's Freedom Day speech, especially the Pain Monster, a horrifying creature who talks in a friendly, upbeat voice.
    Richard Nixon: My fellow Earthicans! We enjoy so much freedom, it's almost sickening. We're free to choose which hand our sex-monitoring chip is implanted in. And if we don't want to pay our taxes, why, we're free to spend a weekend with the Pain Monster.
    Pain Monster: See you April 15, folks!

Bender Should Not Be Allowed on Television

  • The opening of the episode shows the writers of "All My Circuits" might be suffering from a lack of originality:
    Antonio: I'm sorry, father, but somewhere along the way, I forgot how to be your son!
    Calculon: Why, Antonio?
    Antonio: Because I have AMNESIA! (dramatic sting)
    (Flash to Monique in bed with Boxxy, when Calculon enters)
    Monique: Calculon? But I thought you were-
    Calculon: (outraged) Egyptian?! (dramatic sting)
    (Flash to Monique and Antonio on a boat, with Monique pointing a gun at Antonio)
    Monique: Before I kill you, I must ask you one question: Who am I? For I have amnesia! (even more dramatic sting)
    (Flash to Calculon addressing AMC's cast)
    Calculon: Let me get this straight... does anyone here not have amnesia?
    (Everyone else mumbles in confusion)
    Human friend: I dunno. (yet another dramatic sting)
    • Cubert and Dwight's take-away:
    Cubert: This show is so awesome. When I grow up, I'm gonna have so much amnesia!
    Dwight: Me too. I mean, I have now, but I forgot.
    Bender: Cram a ham in it, you twerps!
  • From Leela: "Bender, your swarthy Latin charm will only get you so far."
  • Calculon reacts to Bender's attempt at acting:
    • Before that, at the start of the audition:
      Producer: So, Bender, have you ever been on television?
      Bender: Once, when I took those hostages.
      Calculon: I saw that. You were good.
      • And the audition itself:
        Bender, attempting a "flawless Spanish accent": Tonight we eat, GEE-OOO-ACK-A-MOLE by the el Rio!
  • While Calculon and the director meet with Bender after the "Bite my shiny metal ass!" incident, footage of Bender emptying some drawers is shown:
    Calculon: I don't even remember shooting this scene.
    Director: We didn't. That's security camera footage from your dressing room.
    Calculon: He stole the scene and my money?! That's it! I demand that you fire this felonious ham!
  • "I'll be the judge of who's cool around here, using the Cool-O-Meter!"
    • The needle, naturally, goes completely dead when pointed at Zoidberg.
    • "Dear lord, I'm getting a reading of over forty Mega-Fonzies!" The "Mega-Fonzie" unit implies that there's a smaller "Fonzie" unit and that one million Fonzies equals one Mega-Fonzie. In other words, 40,000,000 Fonzies.
  • The Professor decides to force Bender off the air when F.A.R.T's demands are rejected:
    Professor: We still have the option of resorting to VIOLENCE!
    Hermes: What makes you think that'll work?
    Professor: I saw in that episode where Bender shot Calculon. How cool was that?
  • This bit, when Bender hijacks the set to give a dramatic speech:
    Bender: You, director, gimme my motivation!
    Director: (bored) You're angry.
    Bender: Perfect!
  • And of course, the speech itself:
    Bender: Do smoking and drinking on TV make me cool? Of course they do. How about committing crime and violence? Again, the answer is yes. But do we really want our kids exposed to that kind of trash on TV? I say absolutely not!
    (his gun accidentally goes off, nearly hitting the Professor. Bender coughs awkwardly)
    Bender: Uh... on the other hand, perhaps most of the blame rests with the parents! That's right, you! (Bender points his guns at the FART mob) And so I ask you this one question: Have you ever tried sitting down with your kids, turning off the TV... and hitting them?
    Hermes: (ashamed) We're just so busy...
    Bender: Well, make time!
    • And Calculon's reaction to all this: "Good enough. Slice in some reaction shots of me and shove it on the air."
  • "Bender must be stopped! I've gone too far! Who does that guy think I am?!"
  • One rather hilarious scene on All My Circuits after Bender becomes a character on the show consists of Bender lighting himself on fire and saying "Try this, kids at home", which is immediately followed by an on-screen disclaimer saying "Don't try this, kids at home".
  • "You raised my hopes and dashed them quite expertly, sir. Bravo!" - Tinny Tim.
  • After Cubert, Dwight and Tinny Tim decide to rob Bender, there's an immediate cut to the Futurama logo.
    Bender: (in voice-over) You're watching Futurama, the show that does not advocate the cool crime of robbery.
  • Bender's unique take on a character who's supposed to be in a coma.
    Bender: Hey, everyone! Antonio here, but you can call me Bender! I got ants in my butt and I needs to strut! (dancing around while smoking, humming and swigging liquor) Come on, baby!
    Calculon: I'm...not familiar with the...type of thing I'm seeing.
  • Fry complaining that Everybody Loves Hypnotoad went downhill after season three.

Jurassic Bark

  • In "Jurassic Bark," when the Professor gets tired of repeatedly explaining that lava isn't something you can just swim through ("I'm a professor! Why isn't anyone listening to me?"):
    Leela: He's been in there too long! I'm going in after him!
    • And this after Fry breaks the Clone-O-Mat in a moment of passion:
      Farnsworth: Oh sure. Break the smart guy's machine.
  • Fry performing his people's native dance. And Leela reading about it.
    Leela: According to the guidebook, this part of The Hustle implores the gods to grant a favour, usually a Trans-Am.
  • Fry leading a cheer during his protest at the museum:
    People: What do you want?
    Fry: Fry's dog!
    People: When do you want it?
    People: Yayyyyyyy!
  • The Professor getting his ham on preparing to power the Clone-O-Mat:
    Professor: (as lightning flashes above him) We must harness the elemental power of nature itself. I speak of course... of molten lava! To the sub-basement!
  • "You're! Not! Fit! To wear! Fry's! Leotard!"
  • Zoidberg's hilariously casual reaction to Bender's My God, What Have I Done? moment:
    Zoidberg: You didn't do anything. Don't beat yourself up.
  • Bender sees Seymour as his competition, leading to this exchange:
    Fry: Look, Bender, this has nothing to do with you.

Crimes of the Hot

  • The gang trying to cool off during a very hot, summer day. They build themselves an instant(!) above-ground swimming pool, complete with chlorine-treated water (and dead leaves floating around inside). But before anyone can jump in, in comes Nibbler, who drinks all the pool water in a heartbeat, and then belches out a cloud of noxious, chlorine gas that makes everyone pass out. Except Bender. But he doesn't have it any better:
    Bender: Hahahaha, lightweights — Oh, wait! Chlorine! (instantly rusts completely over, then collapses)
  • Hedonismbot's debut scene:
    Bender: Look, I enjoy life and its pleasures as much as anyone here, except perhaps you, Hedonismbot. [Hedonismbot eats grapes in a very sloppy manner.] But we need to be shut off, especially you, Hedonismbot!
    Hedonismbot: I apologize for nothing!
    • Bender sucker-punching Preacher Bot when the Professor shows up to explain his plan to save the robots and the world and everyone has briefly stopped fighting in shock.
  • "Nixon's not bringing the smokes!"
  • "Thank you. I deserve this."
  • In the 31st century, Al Gore is now credited at the inventor of the environment. And First Emperor of The Moon. And he somehow acquired the rights to Harry Potter, which he uses to talk about pollution.
    Al Gore's Head: As I discussed in my book, The Balance of Earth, and the much more popular Harry Potter and the Balance of Earth, we need to protect our planet against pollution, as well as dark wizards.
    (the audience applauds, except for one dark wizard, who looks like Tim from Monty Python and the Holy Grail)
    Dark Wizard: Sure, blame the wizards!
    Al Gore: That's why I'm offering a bag of Moon Sapphires to the first scientist who can solve this problem once and for all. Lovely, aren't they?
    Dark Wizard: Sapphires? With those I could open the Gate of Gaarash!
  • After Farnsworth's confessional flashback to his time working for Mom:
    Fry: That's awful, Professor. Especially the making-out part.
    Al Gore's Head: Yeah, I... didn't need to hear that.
  • Bender's speech to the robots:
    Bender: We're destroying the world and killin' the turtles!
    Preacher-bot: To Hell with the turtles!
    Bender: No-one insults the turtles! (he punches the Preacher-Bot, who instantly draws a machete)
  • Linda and Morbo discuss turtles migrating to Holland.
    Linda: I'm sure those windmills will keep them cool.
    Morbo: [to Linda] Windmills do not work that way! [to viewers] Goodnight!
    • "Morbo is pleased! But sticky."
  • The documentary, Global Warning, Or... NONE LIKE IT HOT!
    • The explanation for how Earth solved global warming:
      Narrator: Fortunately, our bravest, most handsomest politicians came up with a cheap, last minute solution. We simply place a giant ice-cube in the ocean every now and then.
      Little Girl: Just like daddy puts in his dwink evewy morning! ...and then he gets mad.
    • The ending of the documentary:
      Narrator: ...thus solving global warming and saving Earth once and for all.
      Little Girl: But-
      Narrator: ONCE AND FOR ALL!
      THE END
  • Mom and the Professor witnessing the activation of the first bending unit. Which does a flaming belch.
    Mom: What was that?
    Professor: A flaming burp.
    Mom: Does it always do that?
    Professor: It's not always a burp.
  • Nixon's Vice-President, the Headless Body of Spiro Agnew, who is only capable of angry growling.
  • Nixon's party invitation. See if you can spot the hidden intent.
    Nixon: Do you like to party? To "boogie down"? Well, I'm throwing an all-night beach rager for my robot buddies, and it all goes down this Saturday on the isolated Galapagos Islands, where there will be no escape... from the fun! ALL ROBOTS MUST ATTEND!
    • Zoidberg spots the thread.
      Zoidberg: It's a trap is why! They're going to shut off all the robots! (no-one responds) I don't hear any gasping...
      Leela: We all figured it out.
      Zoidberg: Aww...
  • "Granted, you're all blasting out greenhouse gasses..." "YOU'RE ONE TO TALK!"

Teenage Mutant Leela's Hurdles

  • All of the episode could technically qualify, but Leela's parents (especially Morris) steal the show.
    • For starters, he sees nothing wrong with giving his now-underage daughter tequila.
      Morris: Now let's all have some tequila to celebrate!
      Leela: Dad, I'm underage!
      Morris: Oh, right. Here's a silly straw.
    • This later comes back in true Brick Joke fashion after Fry and the rest of the Planet Express crew plan to reverse their de-aging:
      Leela: [whispering to Fry] Bring beer.
      Morris: No beer until you finish your tequila!
  • An especially funny line from the beginning: "Pazuzu, you ungrateful gargoyle! I put you through college and this is how you repay me?!"
  • The search for Pazuzu.
    Farnsworth: PAZUZU! OHHHH, PAZUUUUUZUUUUU! [he turns the high beams on and they blow up Deep Space Nine] PAZUZU!
  • That, and this: "I'M STILL IN MID-PERIL, YOU CLODS!"
  • This joke:
    Leela: Professor! This ship can go ninety percent light speed! Why are we travelling at 35 miles-per-hour?
    Farnsworth: Because we're in a hurry, that's why!
  • The Professor gets prepared to take a bath in searing hot tar:
    Doctor: Sir, it's not necessary, or wise, to be naked.
    Professor: (who is already naked) Pfft, you sound just like my tennis instructor.
  • "I don't have time for this! I have to go buy a single piece of fruit with a coupon and then return it, making people wait behind me while I complain!"
  • What's Leo Wong's reaction to finding out his daughter has turned back into a preteen? Cruelly tease her about how fat she was at that age. Father of the year, everybody!
    Amy: Dad, if you're going to make fat jokes until I get cute again, I'm just going to stay in my room!
    Leo: Stay in room? You so fat, you going to stay all around room!

The Why of Fry

  • This:
    Fry: Wait, wait wait! Ahem... What really killed the dinosaurs?
    Giant Brain: MEEE!
    (the Giant Brain is shown zapping the dinosaurs dead one by one)
  • When Fry is about to head back through time to take another shot at defeating the Brainspawn, he realizes that he's going to get trapped again. His last words to Nibbler: "Just remember that Scooty Puff Jr. suuuuuuuuuuuuucks!"
    • "In a thousand years, I'll get right on it!"
    • Later, Fry is shown escaping successfully, on his new scooter, titled: "Scooty Puff Sr. — The Doombringer."
  • The last facts the Brains have gathered in their quest to understand everything:
    (on the outside of the Infosphere, brains fly past a scanner with signs carrying facts)
    Brain 1: Beavers mate for life.
    Brain 2: Eleven is greater than four.
    Brain 3: For quality carpets, visit Kaplan's Carpet Warehouse!
  • The Brains try to identify Fry:
    Fry: What happened to me, Philip J. Fry, on the night of December 31st, 1999?
    Huge Brain: Clarification request: Are you the Philip J. Fry from Earth or the Philip J. Fry from Hovering Squidworld 97A?
    Big Brain: Earth, you fat idiot! Hurry up!
  • Fry finds out Nibbler can talk.
    Fry: Y-you can talk?
    Nibbler: Indeed. And I have other powers as well.
    Fry: Like what?
    (Nibble jumps up and punches Fry out in one hit)
    • Shortly thereafter, as Nibbler puts Fry in his tiny spaceship, Fry starts coming too (it's Nibbler's utterly serious response that sells it).
      Fry: Are you my mommy?
      Nibbler: Negative!
  • "On this auspicious occasion, let the Horn of Eternity cut a thunderous blast!" (cut to a Nibblonian badly playing a trumpet)

Where No Fan Has Gone Before

  • Fry takes Leonard Nimoy's head out of the museum to find out what's happened to Star Trek. Another head sidles up to the front of the display to replace Spock note  Who is this head? Jonathan Frakes!
    Jonathan Frakes: Yes! Front row!
  • In general, every Take That! against excessive Star Trek fans. One of the funniest is the very reason why the series was banned in the first place: fans grew from "a loose association of nerds with skin problems to a full-blown religion". Said religion started overtaking most countries on Earth, causing the government to ban the series and execute every Trekkie "in the manner most befitting virgins" (throwing them into a volcano and declaring "He's Dead, Jim."). During that scene, we see that Germany had been renamed "Nazi-Planet-Episode Land" in honor of the episode "Patterns of Force". That's right, they reestablished Nazi Germany!
  • All of Walter Koenig's reactions to being asked to "speak Russian." No exceptions.
    Koenig: When we woke up, we had these bodies.
    Fry: Say it in Russian!
    Koenig: (sighs) Vhen ve voke up, ve had these bodies.
    Fry: Eeee! Now say "nuclear wessels"!
    Koenig: No.
  • Virtually anything Melllvar says.
    Melllvar: Centuries ago, the videotaped adventures of the Enterprise crew rained down upon my planet. Over and over I watched them, especially the five with the energy beings. I AM MELLLVAR! SEER OF THE TAPES! KNOWER OF THE EPISODES! TREMBLE BEFORE MY ENCYCLOPEDIC KNOWLEDGE OF STAR TREK!
    • Or this exchange:
      Melllvar: To determine who is more worthy of my fanatical devotion, I shall pit you together against each other in armed combat... TO THE DEATH!
      (collective gasp)
      Bender: Where'd you get an idiotic idea like that?!
      Melllvar: Episodes 19, 46, 56 and 77.
      Fry: Great list. Except, you forget episode 66! HAHAHA!
      Melllvar: (Barely suppressing rage) Urgh, I WAS GETTING TO THAT ONE! GRAAAAAAAAAAAH! (Blows up Welshy's corpse)
  • The following exchange:
    Bender: Can people who hate Star Trek leave?
    Koenig: Good question!
    Melllvar: No, you have to stay even longer!
    (Bender and Koenig groan)
  • When Melllvar is trying to get an autograph from George Takei:
    Melllvar: Melllvar has three Ls.
    Takei: I think I've been to enough conventions to know how to spell "Melllvar".
  • Shatner doing a spoken-word version of Eminem's "The Real Slim Shady". That is all. And the best part about that one? Koenig was legitimately confused and Maurice LaMarche just ad libbed Melllvar's response.
    Walter Koenig: ...How can you do a spoken-word version of a rap song?
    Melllvar: (completely awed) He found a way.
  • The response to Melllvar telling the cast they're not acting "hard enough."
    Nimoy: Melllvar, you have to respect your actors. When I directed Star Trek IV, I got a magnificent performance out of Bill because I respected him so much.
    Shatner: And when I directed Star Trek V, I got a magnificent performance out of me, because I respected me so much!
  • Nichelle Nichols' utterly deadpan and disgusted reading of Uhura's "romantic" lines with Melllvar.
  • When the crew try zapping Melllvar, and instead get dragged back down to the planet, they all just casually stroll out of the crashed ship.
  • This exchange after the TOS crew team-up to take down the Planet Express crew:
    William Shatner: Wasn't there an episode where I threw my shoe at the enemy?
    Leonard Nimoy: You mean Doohan?
    (they both chuckle)
    Shatner: Whoever it was, I did it like this. (throws shoe; it hits George Takei in the face)
    Takei: Ow!
    Shatner: (hopping) My foot's cold.
  • Melllvar's mother suddenly shows up in the middle of the death battle between the Star Trek Cast and the Planet Express Crew:
    Melllvar's Mother: Melllvar! Dinner time!
    Melllvar: Aw, but Mom, I'm playing with my collectibles!
    Melllvar's Mother: Now!
    (Melllvar groans and disappears)
    Fry: All this time we thought he was a powerful super-being, yet he was just a child...
    Melllvar's Mother: He's not a child! He's THIRTY-FOUR!
  • This gem from William Shatner, when he tries talking Leela down from crushing him with a boulder:
    Shatner: Leela, please. This is just what Melllvar wants. We're just pawns in his diabolical game of checkers. Can't we resolve our differences ...some other way?
    • And of course, when everyone else has stopped fighting, they find Leela and Shatner are... busy.
      (Leela and Shatner are making out)
      Shatner: I love you so much.
      (Leonard Nimoy nudges Shatner with his foot, causing him and Leela to realise everyone's looking at them)
      Fry: We've decided to work together!
      Nimoy: Yeah, so did they.
  • This
    George Takei: Do you guys have a self-destruct code? Like "destruct sequence 1-A, 2-B, 3—"
    (Bender's head explodes, leaving only some wires and his mouth)
    Bender: Thanks a lot, Takei, now everybody knows!
  • The aesop of the episode. Yes, really.
    Fry: Melllvar, you can't let a TV show be your whole life! You can do anything you want! Look at Walter Koening: After Star Trek, he became an actor.
    Koening: Not just an actor, but a well rounded person! With my own friends, and credit cards, and keys...
  • The ending credits sequence shows a shot of Kif in a clever parody of the famous shot of Balok's puppet in TOS's ending credits.

The Sting

  • From the beginning of the episode:
    Leela: What's the mission?
    Farnsworth: Collecting honey. Ordinary honey.
    Farnsworth: This is no ordinary honey! It's produced by vicious space bees. A single sting of their hideous neurotoxin can cause instant death!
    Hermes: And that's if you're not allergic! You don't wanna know what happens then, oh no no, God no.
    Hermes: I didn't want to know! [sobs]
    • Also:
    Farnsworth: These bees are larger than most Buicks! And twice as ugly.
    Fry: Larger than an American sedan? How big's the honeycomb?
    Hermes: Honeycomb's big, yeah yeah yeah!
    Bender: It's not small?
    Hermes: No, no no!
  • The scene with the black box, albeit in a deeply disturbing fashion, as we see just how low Planet Express can sink.
    Crewman: Captain, the bees have us surrounded! Oh, the Professor was right, we aren't as good as his old crew!
    Captain: Well, I aim to prove him wrong! It'll take more than deadly bees to - (sound of intense buzzing) OH LORD! AAAAAAAAAAAAGGGHHHHHHH!'
    (Fry and Bender look terrified while Leela gives an uneasy look to the black box)
    Leela: ...Uh, couldn't make that out. Too much static.
  • Bender accidentally insulting the bees and him trying to placate them.
    Bender: Pick up the pace, lady! I'm sick of shaking my booty for these fat jerks.
    (bees glare at Bender)
    Bender: Uh, I didn't mean you're all fat! Just Fatso there! (points to the queen bee)
    Bees: He insulted our fat Queen!
    Queen Bee: You try keeping your figure after 10000 kids!
  • invoked This episode gives the world one of the best Leela lines in the history of ever after she, Fry, and Bender all succeed in getting the Space Honey: "Burn on that old crew! The only things they did better than us were suck and die!"
  • Among the people at Fry's funeral are some people he's had sex with:
    Amazonian: (tearing up) Him do good snu-snu!
    (The radiator from the Miss Universe pageant, Morgan Proctor, Michelle, and some others shrug in an "Ehh, not really" sort of way)
  • This line as well, which also counts as a Tear Jerker:
    Leela: In my dream, Fry said he hid a gift from me in his locker. If it's true, then he must still exist in some form.
    Farnsworth: Of course he still exists. As a frozen corpse in outer space! (chuckles) Oh.. I Made Myself Sad.
    • And then later, this amazing line as Leela starts to rapidly fall into Sanity Slippage:
    Leela: I'll find Fry's corpse and keep it under my mattress to remind me that he's dead! That'll prove I'm not insane!
  • When Leela dreams that she's in a room where Farnsworth, Amy, Hermes, and Zoidberg's faces have replaced the wallpaper and are chanting "You killed Fry!", she just tears them all down. When Bender is shown to be the carpet and says the same thing in a matter-of-fact tone, she vacuums him up.
  • Bender's line as everyone discovers that Leela has awakened from her coma -
    Bender: You were in the best coma I've ever seen!

Bend Her

  • Bender temporarily becomes a woman. The subtle sexism throughout the episode is uncomfortable and annoying. The explicit sexism that occasionally pops up is hilarious.
    Professor: She's becoming a slave to her emotions! Just like all women. Especially you, Leela.
    Leela: (Offhand Backhands the Professor) I'm worried about Bender too.
    • Also, Calculon is on a talk show, talking about his soap opera, All My Circuits. A clip is shown of him yelling "NOOOOOOOOOO!". Calculon chuckles and replies:
    Calculon: Fun fact: The script actually called for me to say 'yes', but I gave it a little twist.
    • Bonus: When asked to set up the clip, Calculon just says he thinks it speaks for itself. Not to mention that it's set in a random back garden, with a pirate grilling burgers on a barbecue.
  • Also in that episode, when they are trying to fake Coilette/Bender's death:
    Calculon: No! NO! N-O-O-O!
    • It should be noted: Calculon wasn't in on the plan.
  • Earlier on in the episode, Calculon bursting through the wall, and during a hot-air balloon trip with Coilette, him tipping the (previously-hidden) Box-robot overboard.
    ''Stop! Let us climb to the heavens, that the gods themselves might envy us!"
  • Calculon plans to retire to live in a villa with Coilette.
    Bender: (tearing up) Would we have donkeys?
    Calculon: All you could eat.
  • How did we get this far without mentioning this little gem:
    Bender: Professor, make a woman out of me!
    Prof. Farnsworth (flattered): Oh, I think we should just stay friends.
  • This exchange:
    Calculon: I'd appreciate it if you didn't 'BAM' the young lady...
    Elzar: Well I'd appreciate it if I did; so I guess we're even!
  • The deliver of this line really makes it:
    Fry: (emotional) I'll miss you, buddy. You've been like a brother, and then a sister to me, and now you're getting married. I love you, man.
    Bender: The marriage is a scam.
    Fry: (without missing a beat) Cool. What's for dinner?
  • Zoidberg the Wedding Planner:
    Bender: Zoidey-poo, please tell me "frilly" is in this season.
    Zoidberg: (going over a book of cakes) I saw a frosted cake in here you'll remember all your life. I know I will. Late at night it taunts me with its frosted beauty... ORDER THE CAKE DAMMIT!
  • While Calculon's reaction to "Coilette" dying is kind of sad, he ruins it by being Calculon.
    She lives... no more. But let us not forget that she truly loved me. To honor my pain, I shall star in a film honoring her memory, and this time the Academy will not deny me! Not when they see "Coilette: A Calculon Story!"
    • And when we see it, it's pretty much another version of All My Circuits. With Calculon acting like his usual self...
    Calculon: Coilette, your death fills me with sorrow, (glares) anger, (fearful expression) fear. Every emotion an actor can conceivably display!
  • Fry's part in the plan:
    (Fry storms into the wedding on a motorbike, dressed up like a guerrilla fighter)
    Bender: Congo Jack!
    (Everyone gasps, as Hermes dramatically plays a nearby piano)
    Fry: Yes, and I have a message from Colonel Mtumbe! He says "This is for Congo Jack!"
    (Fry picks up a spear, and throws it at Bender. It completely misses him, meaning Bender has to grab it and pretend to be impaled)
  • When Bender first signs up as Coilette.
    Bender: What do you mean I'm not registered? My name's Coilette and I'm from, uh...Robonia! Coilette's a chick's name!
    Official: Yes, but "Robonia" sounds like something somebody made up on the spot.
    Bender: Ever been beaten up by a guy dressed like a chick?
    Official: (fearfully squirms in the affirmative)
  • Bender's little song when he wins his medals.
    Bender: Hail, hail Robonia! A land I didn't make up!

Obsoletely Fabulous

  • This exchange...
    Bender: A working cartridge unit? Wow, you guys went obsolete years ago.
    [Cartridge Unit rummages through bag of cartridges, and pulls out one labeled 'Snappy Response', and inserts it]]
    Cartridge Unit: Your mother.
    • Later he ejects and reinserts his "What?!" cartridge just to repeat himself.
    • "Aww."
  • Robot 1-X says this while whacking himself with a hammer:
  • "I say the whole world must learn of our peaceful ways. BY FORCE!"
  • The Professor and Wernstrom arguing over their killbots:
    Wernstrom: Ladies and gentlemen, my killbot features lotus notes, and a machine gun. It is the finest available.
    (The camera pans to the left slightly, showing the Professor's stand, with a sign proclaiming "Housewives prefer Farnsworth's killbots)
    Professor: Like fun it is, you glass-headed wallaby!
    Wernstrom: No-one calls me that! I'm having at you!
    Professor: Weeernstrom!
    (The two start ineffectually slapping at one another, as the killbots look on)
    Professor's Killbot: Such senseless aggression.
    Wernstrom's Killbot: C'mon, let's go for a paddle-boat ride.
  • Leela's reaction to when Bender reappears made of wood with a bunch of obsolete robots:
    Leela: Oh Lord, he's made of wood.
  • Lisa the water-powered robot's freakouts whenever her built-in waterwheel comes to a stop.
    "I, for example, need to keep refilling my waterwheel or I'll power down forever. [Her wheel runs dry] Oh, God! I'll never make it this time! This is the end! [She runs down into the sea and then calmly walks out.] Anyway, we like it here."
    "Oh, God, no! I want to live! [She leaps into the water again then calmly returns] If you'd like, you're welcome to join our society."
  • Bender, reintroducing himself to the Planet Express crew after his exile.
    Bender: Friends, I come to free you from your complicated lives! ... free you from the "complicated" part, that is. Not the "lives" part.
  • The Professor's sheer outrage when Bender's catapult (eventually) hits the ship.
    You whanged my ship, you walnut paneled idiot!

The Farnsworth Parabox

  • "Oh, this is awful! Somewhere out there, there's a more evil Bender than me! I DO MY BEST, DAMMIT!"
  • The opening of the episode:
    Professor: Oh Lordy Lou! HELP!
    Professor: Buddha! Zeus! God! One of you guys do something! Help! Satan, you owe me!
  • Bender's suggestion about what to do with the box:
    Bender: I could hit it with a shovel!
    Professor: That's not good enough.
    Bender: (eagerly) This one time, I pounded a guy into the ground like a stake with a shovel!
    Professor: Yes, yes.
  • "Good news, everyone! I'm still technically alive!"
  • Alternate Bender - "Bite my glorious golden ass!"
  • "Now, now. Perfectly symmetrical violence never solved anything!"
  • Another example from that episode:
    Leela: Bender, stop destroying the universe!
    • Fry sitting on the universe at the end.
  • When Farnsworth asks his alternate how he got stitches on his head, he says that it was an experiment to see if he could remove his own brain. This leads to this gem:
    Alternate Farnsworth: Getting the brain out was the easy part. The hard part was getting the brain out! HAHAHAHAHAHA!!!
    Farnsworth: Oh you!
  • Zoidberg's rhetoric on boxes.
    "In my experience, boxes are usually empty, or maybe with a little cheese stuck to the top. And one time, pepperoni. What a day that was! (shrieks) GIVE ME THE BOX!!!"
  • Leela encounters the robot versions of Fry, Farnsworth & Hermes:
    Leela: Have you robot-versions of you guys seen any extra Zoidbergs around here?
    Robot Fry: Negative. Will-you-go-out-with-me?
    Leela: Uh, access denied.
    (Robot Fry's head explodes)
  • There's also this after the Crew and their alternates are ordered to keep an eye one each other.
    Alternate Leela: Can Fry and I watch our Alternates together? We have plans tonight.
    Leela: Wait. You guys are dating?
    Alternate Fry: Oh no no no. We're married.
  • Upon discovering that the group's actions have placed both realities in danger:
    Alternate Bender: Our universe is doomed!
    (Bender puts an arm around his alternate counterpart and imitates him)
    Alternate Bender and Bender (simultaneously): Doooooooomed!
  • The Amys get into an argument over nail polish (they're using nail polish which matches the other Amy's tracksuit):
    Alternate Amy: The Professor was right. You are evil! And sha~llow!
  • After the conversation explaining how the variations between the cast and their Alternate Universe counterparts were determined by coin flip:
    Farnsworth: You people and your slight differences disgust me! I'm going home!
  • The Zoidbergs meeting up:
    (the two Zoidbergs are sitting in a dumpster)
    Alternate Zoidberg: So, tell me about yourself.
    Zoidberg: Well, don't look into it, but I'm a respected internal medicine doctor. Oooh, a can! (starts eagerly slurping at a can)
    Alternate Zoidberg: As for me, I design mansions, then live in them.
    (the two Zoidbergs immediately start crying)
    Alternate Zoidberg: Oh, I'm lying, I'm an appalling failure!
    Zoidberg: Me too! A big fat one!
    Alternate Zoidberg: And those co-workers, always looking down on us Zoidbergs! What are they, from Nob Hill?
    Zoidberg: They're all "put on pants, Zoidberg! Stop spraying me with ink, Zoidberg! Don't touch our fancy box, Zoidberg!"
    • And later, it turns out even Zoidberg looks down on Zoidberg.
    Zoidberg: All hail Zoidberg, the king with the box! (kisses Zoidberg B's feet) Now it's my turn, maybe?
    Alternate Zoidberg: The box says "no".

Three Hundred Big Boys

  • Whale barf. "It just keeps coming..."
  • Fry's increasingly neurotic behavior as he works his way towards drinking 100 cups of coffee.
    • At 31 cups:
      Elzar: Freshen your coffee, sir?
      Fry: Yeah yeah, keep it coming! Put the pot down! Get away!
    • At 51 cups:
      Fry: This isn't Yemeni, it's Sulawesi! And the cup's shaking! I don't want my coffee shaking!
      Bender: You seem a tad wound up, buddy. And your face is greasy. Real greasy. You been up all night?
      Fry: OF COURSE I'VE BEEN UP ALL NIGHT! Not because of caffeine, it was insomnia. I couldn't stop thinking about coffee. I need a nap. [snore] Coffee time!
    • At 99 cups:
      Fry: Coffeecoffeecoffeecoffeecoffeecoffeecoffeecoffeecoffeecoffee.
    • And at 100 cups... there is a sudden tranquility, an angelic choir, and Fry is serenely at one with the cosmos, even the part of it around him that is currently on fire.
  • Scruffy making light of Kif's recent imprisonment:
    Scruffy: Jail ain't so bad. You can make sangria in the toilet terlet. Course it's shank or be-shanked.
    Amy: (in tears) Of course...
  • The Whale Biologist's sheer jerkassery, especially toward Mushu.

Spanish Fry

  • Bender's Hurricane of Euphemisms.
    Lrrr: This jerked chicken is good. I think I'll have Fry's lower horn jerked.
    Bender: It's used to it. Whoo!
    • And a truckload of similar lines throughout the episode:
    Fry: Yes! I never thought I'd escape with my doodle, but I pulled it out!
    Bender (offscreen): Just like at the movie theater! Whoo!
    Leela: (as they flee Lrr and Ndnd having sex) Well, Fry, you've managed to hold on to your lower horn.
    Bender: As usual. Whoo! RUN AWAY!!
  • The Bigfoot film shown by the park ranger, whose narrator is hilariously indecisive on whether or not he believes in Bigfoot.
    "Bigfoot ...... Endangered Mystery! In the dense forests of the Pacific Northwest ...... dwells the strange and beautiful creature known as Bigfoot, perhaps."
    "Sadly, logging and human settlement today threaten what might possibly be his habitat. Although if it's not, they don't. Bigfoot populations require vast amounts of land to remain elusive in. They typically dwell just behind rocks but are also sometimes playful, bounding into thick fogs and out-of-focus areas."
    "Remember, it's up to us. Bigfoot is a crucial part of the ecosystem, if he exists. So let's all help keep Bigfoot possibly alive for future generations to enjoy unless he doesn't exist. The end."
  • Lrr buying "human horn" in secret.
    "Horn" Dealer: You're not a cop, right?
    Lrr: Oh, no, no. I'm just some guy...RULER OF THE PLANET OMICRON PERSEI 8!

The Devil's Hands Are Idle Playthings

  • In "The Devil's Hands Are Idle Playthings", Hedonism-bot commissions the world's greatest - in fact, only competent - holophonor artist to write an opera so fantastic that it will win him a moment's pleasure from his eternal ennui. On opening night, Hedonism-bot addresses the upper crust of Earth before the opera begins (possibly the best opera-opening speech since A Night at the Opera:)
    Hedonism-bot: Courtesans and gentlefops, I bid you welcome to my opera! Let us cavort like the Greeks of old! You know the ones I mean...
    • His reaction to everything that happens must be recorded:
    Hedonism-bot: Surgery, in an opera? How wonderfully decadent! And just as I was beginning to lose interest! Jambi, the chocolate icing! (Jambi starts spreading icing over Hedonism-bot's stomach) Oh... oh my, yes...
  • When Fry loses the robot hands that allowed him to play the Holophonor:
    Hedonismbot: Resume the opera!
    Fry: But I can't play anymore!
    Zoidberg: Yes you can! The music was in your heart, not your hands!
    [Fry begins playing off-key and the audience starts booing.]
    Zoidberg: Your music is bad and you should feel bad!
  • Bender tells Fry: "We're going to have to make a metaphorical Deal with the Devil. And by 'Devil', I mean the Robot Devil. And by "metaphorical", I mean 'get your coat'."
  • 'Your lyrics lack subtlety! You can't just have your characters announce how they feel! That makes me feel angry!'
  • And after switching back:
    Fry: My hands! My horrible human hands! And what did you do to my nails?!
    Robot Devil: I cleaned them.
  • Bender's stage actor
    Stage!Bender: Save Fry! Save Fry! Save Fry! Godzilla! Will devour him! As for me I must be off to have my doctor check this cough! [Cough cough] Goodbye! [Starts off to the exit only to have Godzilla block him off]
    Bender: I don't ever recall fighting Godzilla, but that is sooooo what I would have done!
  • And if you could even forget it:
    Robot Devil: Calculon, old friend, I'm afraid I need your ears.
    Calculon: Well, I do owe you for giving me this unholy AC-TING TALENT!
  • Bender, angry at the Robot Devil, tries to tell him to bite his shiny metal ass, but realizes that since he sold his ass plate to the devil, there's no shiny metal ass to bite:
    Bender: Well bite my shiny metal—OHHHHH NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!! (dramatic zoom-in to his underside)

    The Game 
  • The Professor entering the opening cutscene in a sombrero.
    Professor: Good news, everyone; I've sold Planet Express to Mom!
    (Fry & Leela gasp, Bender stutters.)
    Bender: Also, why are you wearing that funky hat?
    Professor: Whu? Oh, this? No reason. (Throws it away)
    Fry: That was odd. Mighty odd.
  • The reason why Planet Express has been losing money:
    Professor: Perhaps my strategy of using a giant space ship to deliver one package at a time wasn't as clever as I thought. Plus you three never actually charged anyone!
    Fry: Yeah, sorry about that.
    Leela: (simultaneous) Sorry.
  • (Fry turns on the TV. Morbo and Linda appear on screen, with a picture of the Earth behind them, with the words "THE END" written on it.)
    Bender: Has anyone noticed how Fry always seems to turn on the TV at just the right moment?
  • Fry's first assignment is to find a hammer, which gets him crushed under a pile of dangerous rubble. GAME OVER. Cut to Fry waking up on top of what looks like a giant toaster.
    Fry: If that's me dead over there, who am I here?
    Professor: You're also you, thanks to my latest invention, the Reanimator! When you die, it will automatically make an exact duplicate of you, based on your x-rays, a DNA sample and scrapings from the inside of your tennis shoes.
    Fry: Wow! When did you invent it?
    Professor: About a week ago, and I've been trying to kill you to test it ever since.
    Leela: So what was death like Fry?
    Fry: Well, first everything went dark, then this bright light appeared, and it said, "Game over". (Leela looks annoyed)
    • On that note, all the subsequent Medium Awareness jokes, which, unfortunately, were edited out when the game's cutscenes were edited into a bonus feature on the Beasts With A Billion Backs DVD as "The Lost Adventure".
    Leela: We don't even have enough dark matter fuel to get out of the solar system!
    Professor: Then I guess you'll have to find some, Leela.
    Leela: Me? But I'm not playable!
    Professor: You are now.
    (Cut to the cargo hold, where the Reanimator now has Leela's name listed alongside Fry and Bender.)
    Leela: Woo-hoo! In your face, non-playable characters!
  • After turning Earth into a spaceship and failing to get anywhere with it:
    Mom: Sweet butt-crust on a cracker! Who'd have thought this miserable little planet would be so heavy?
    Larry: Uh, Walt would.
    Mom: How dare you Walt! (slaps him)
  • Mom's visit to Sal and Son's:
    Sal: Welcomes to Sal's Salvage. What can I dos youse for?
    Mom: I need a spaceship engine. Nothing special. Well, except it has to be powerful enough to move the Earth.
    Sal: The Earth? Holy Jesuses! For that, you're gonna needs a dark matter engine and a big ones at thats!
    Mom: Money's no object, as I will soon be taking over the universe. Perhaps you've heard of it?
    Sal: Hmm, a dark matter engines. You're gonna have to finds the guy who inventeds it, Hubert Farnsworth.
    Mom: That old goat from Planet Express! But he just got away, that son of a no good mother loving piece of-
    Sal: Don't worries, I've gots an idea. I mean, an ideas.
  • Larry: Prepare to be crushed, and subsequently smelted, and then recycled into metal seatbelts. [He activates the machines]
    Bender: Seatbelts? Never! I endanger lives, not save them.
  • The crew meet Adoy, the Professor's mentor.
    Fry: Umm, are you Adoy?
    Adoy: "Adoy"? I haven't heard that name in years. Yeah, that's me.
    Fry: Uh, okay. W-we were sent here by the Professor.
    Adoy: Ah, I remember the Professor. Of course, back then I was the one called the Professor. Wait, who are we talking about?
    Bender: Oh, boy.
    Leela: Professor Hubert Farnsworth.
    Adoy: Never heard of him. So what can I do for my dear old Protégé?
    Leela: He said you might be able to help us. Long story short; Mom cut off his head and now she's trying to take over the universe!
    Adoy: Uhh. Terrible. Terrible! Terrible! But there's nothing we can do about it now. So it's a good thing you came to me!
    Bender: This guy's not making any sense! Can I kill him? Please?
  • The limitations of Adoy's time machine:
    Fry: But the time machine has a hand crank, doesn't that work?
    Adoy: Ehh, sort of, if you turn the handle for two minutes; it'll send the universe two minutes back in time.
    Bender: So it gets us back to when we started turning the handle? Yippee.
    Leela: No, wait! That could be all we need to get to the generator. If one of us is fast enough.
    Fry: Great, another dangerous mission.
    Bender: Who's the sucker this time?
    Leela: Doctor Zoidberg.
    Zoidberg: Hooray, I'm the hero!
    Fry/Bender: Hooray, we don't have to do anything!
    Leela: Okay Zoidberg, once I start cranking you've got two minutes to get to where I can see you, otherwise I'll assume you've been killed and rewind time.
    Zoidberg: Killed, ay? I'm no doctor, but that sounds painful.
    Fry: Oh, it is, trust me.
  • When the reanimator is destroyed:
    Leela: Bummer. We'll just have to be careful not to die from now on.
    Bender: (annoyed) ...You had to say that!
    (The Destructor falls on them, killing them for real.)
  • After the Reanimator is destroyed and Fry, Leela and Bender are killed by Destructor.
    Professor: Damn it Mom! No one kills my crew except for me! You're going down.
    Mom: Oh please! You wouldn't hit a lady!
    Professor: I suppose you're right. Though I would do this! Hoyyaa! (punches her)
    Mom: You broke my hip!
    Professor: I don't care. You wanted Planet Express so you could take over the universe, ay? Well, I guess your evil plan is foiled now, thanks to my time traveling crew.
    Mom: But you have to sell Planet Express to me! Your crew said it happened, and no one can alter the continuum of time!
    Professor: Oh, yeah? Watch me! (He starts to tear up the contract) The deal is off!
    Mom: Oh, well. How about if I throw in this hat? (holds up a sombrero.)
    Professor: Mmm.
    (Cut to Planet Express office. The Professor enters wearing the sombrero.)
    (Fry & Leela gasp, Bender stutters.)
  • During the credits:
    Zoidberg: Look at all the names!... So many names!... That's a lot of names — were you in credits for something you did?

    Season 5 (Movies) 

Bender's Big Score

  • The bit where Elzar uses a spice weasel with heart-shaped nostrils and then offers to make it eject spice in a star shape (because of the shape of its other end). Leela and Lars quickly refuse.
  • The scene of Bender destroying New York after being attacked by Sweden.
  • "I can wire anything directly into anything! I'm The Professor!" (dramatic pose)
  • Hermes: That body was the cornerstone of my marriage! What's LaBarbara gonna do?
    Amy: Spluh, she's gonna go back to her first husband.
    Zoidberg: Barbados Slim? I LOVE that guy!
    Hermes: Everyone loves Slim. He's the only man to win Olympic gold medals in both limbo AND sex!
  • Later in the movie:
    Barbados Slim: You haven't seen the last of Barbados Slim! Now, goodbye forever!
  • The whole extended joke about the "Box Network" renewing their contract that keeps piling on more layers of Take That!.
    • That, and the "Torgo Executive Powder" being used throughout the movie.
  • "This Trinity's Goin' to War", on top of being a piece of Awesome Music, doubles as a hilarious moment due to the elves' Amusing Injuries.
  • Early on, Leela berates Fry on being immature. Fry, immediately after mumbling "I'll show her who's immature.", proceeds to mess around with Charles DeGaulle's head in a jar.
    Fry: (in a terrible French accent) Hey, Leeluhre, I'm some French ga-iee !
  • An alien bartender uses Fry's "pen" to sign a delivery form.
  • When Leela and Bender notice the tattoo of Bender on Fry's ass, Farnsworth isn't impressed and walks away... revealing a "THUG LIFE" tattoo on his back, complete with hip-hop beat.
  • How the scammers get Bender's details in the first place:
    Nudar: Sir, would you sign our petition?
    Bender: Ehh, I support and oppose many things, but none of them strongly enough to pick up a pen.
    Nudar: Right, that's just what the guys who support the things you oppose want you to do.
    Bender: Really? Down with those guys! (he angrily signs their forms)
  • This gem from when the Professor is selling doomsday weapons to Hedonismbot.
    Farnsworth: Sir! The sphere-o-boom is not for sale. It's my sentimental favorite.
    Hedonismbot: No need to explain. I too have known...unconventional love. Perhaps you and I — and Jambi — could get together and compare notes sometime, eh?
  • After (apparently) killing Fry, Bender returns to the 31st century and tells all, still bereaved. Amy tries consoling him.
    Amy: Don't blame yourself, Bender.
    Bender: I don't blame myself! I blame all of you!
    Amy: Us? How can you possibly think of blaming us?
    Bender: It ain't easy. It just proves how great I am.
  • Bender bragging about his killing of Fry through his obvious grief. He notably keeps doing this even after the Nudars remove his obedience software.
    Bender: It took twelve years of tireless stalking, but I hunted down and killed my best friend! (sobbing) Ahhhhh, I'm the greatest!
    Bender: Struggling alone against incredible odds, I, Bender, managed to kill him! (crying) I blew him to mush like a midget in a microwave!
  • Bender's reaction to Fry's reappearance is a full-body leap into his arms. A very confused Fry topples over, unable to sustain the weight.
  • Bender time travels to Egypt:
    Bender: Scarab forearm bird bird bird!
    Subtitles: Drop the sarcophagus!
  • Zoidberg glues Hermes head back on his body...backwards.
    Hermes: You incompetent crab!
    Zoidberg: I thought you were happy, your tail is wagging.
    Hermes: Grrrrrr....
    (Zoidberg makes an "Oh, Crap!" face)
    (cut to exterior of Zoidberg's office. Zoidberg rushes out whooping, with an angry Hermes somehow running backwards after him)
  • The handwave of how Nudar survives a doomsday device to the face:
    Nudar: My doom-proof platinum vest absorbed most of the radiation! In retrospect, I wish I'd been wearing doom-proof pants, but you know us nudists...
  • Meaningful Name gets a great subversion:
    Fry: Can you save Hermes, Doctor Goodandsexy?
    Attractive Female Doctor: I told you, my name is Doctor Cahill.

The Beast with a Billion Backs

  • Bender's Deal with the Devil: Bender is seeking an Army of the Damned to Take Over the World, and is asked to sacrifice his first-born son. He heads off and sees his son playing ball. Emotional music swells, the kid sees him and cries "Daddy! I knew you'd come back!" Cue Bender walking back into Robot-Hell with the child over his shoulder, saying "Here ya go!" and punting it into a pit of lava. The whole joke starts and ends in about 20 seconds, but is hilarious. The best part?
    Bender: No backsies.
  • Also:
    Hermes: Professor, sprinkle us with wisdom from your mighty brain! How scared should we be?
    Farnsworth: Somewhere between 'not at all' and 'entirely'.
    Zoidberg: I call entirely! [freaks out]
  • Bender: I feel awed, and strangely humbled by this momentous occasion. (few seconds later) Hey, other universe, bite my shiny metal- AAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHH!!! (his butt makes contact with the rip, cause it to react violently, sending the ship flying while shitting bricks)
  • The first argument between Farnsworth and Wernstrom:
    Professor: Don't listen to that crackpot!
    Wernstrom: But I'm agreeing with you!
    Professor: I'll make you eat those words, you moron!
    • How does the fight end? Professor Stephen Hawking zaps them with eyebeams.
    Stephen Hawking: I didn't know I could do that... (To Farnsworth and Wernstrom) Now, quite down and settle this like men of science.
    Farnsworth: Very well.
    (Cut to outside a stadium in New York)
    Farnsworth: LET DEATHBALL BEGIN!
  • "And thus, Metal Man defeated Meat Man. The End!"
  • Farnsworth is on the phone with Wernstrom:
    Farnsworth: Hermes! Hang up on him in the rudest manner possible!
    Hermes: [pulls down his trousers, grabs the phone between his ass cheeks, and raises it.]
    Wernstrom: NO! Not the crack slam!
    • Don't forget: "MY LEG FEELS BETTER!"
  • And the League of Robots chanting like college freshmen: "DRINK THE FLAGON! DRINK THE FLAGON!"
    • Bender comparing the League of Robots initiation to med school.
    • The moment Bender catches on to the initiation ceremony's repetition.
    Bender: Wait a second... are all the tests gonna involve drinking in some way?
    Calculon: It never really occurred to me before, but... yes!
  • The Enema Bot, equipped with a rubber glove, a douche, a syringe, a thermometer, and a gasoline nozzle with which to dispense enemas of hot coffee. Fry orders one to go, and gets a cup with a long nozzle affixed to the top.
    Warning: the enema you are about to enjoy is extremely hot.
  • Pretty much anything said by the Grand Midwife/Priestess/Funeral Director/Lunchlady/Butterfly Curator in her three appearances. One standout is in Kif and Amy's Fon-Fon-Rubok ceremony. "You may now eat the snake-". Kif and Amy both take bites out of the two-headed snake she hands them. "-if you so choose. It's not part of the ceremony, I just had an extra snake".
  • After Bender decides he's going to stalk Calculon:
    Calculon: [after noticing that Bender's in his bed] ... Who are you?
    Bender: Bender. Your biggest fan.
    Calculon: Are you going to murder me?
    Bender: Mm... Unlikely. In my mind we're friends! This diorama proves it, see?
    (Bender removes a crude diorama of him and Calculon playing tennis)
    Calculon: Sir, your derangement is impressive. (shaking Bender's hand) I'm appointing you my official stalker.
    Bender: You shan't be disappointed. Pleasant dreams.
    (Lights go off)
    (Bender's eyes telescope out to stare at Calculon's face from an inch away, and even closer when Calculon notices it.)
  • Everything about Kif's death and funeral is pure Black Comedy, but the crowner has to be when some of Kif's blood ends up on Zapp's sandwich. Zapp eats it without realizing it, and loves it.
  • This exchange when Bender sees Amy crying]]:
    Bender: What's her problem? Somebody died or somethin'?
    Leela: Kif's dead, Bender.
    Bender: [fist pumps] Nailed it!
  • During Amy and Kif's Fonfon Rubok, Inez Wong accidentally squashes one of the flies that make up Kif's father. We then get this exchange:
    Kif's Father: Welcome.
    Inez: Sorry. I guess you got plenty of bugs to spare, though, huh ?
    Kif's Father: That was my left testicle.
    Bender: And the awkward-meter goes up another notch ! Ding-ding-ding-ding-ding-ding-ding !
  • The Steamboat Willie parody from the opening.
  • Leela visiting Farnsworth and Wernstrom in prison to give them a Smelloscope disguised as a cake.
  • Wernstrom illustrates that machines can't go through the anomaly using a tiny robot that says "Playtime is funtime." Wernstrom smugly says "Not this time" before throwing him through the portal and destroying him. Farnsworth then agrees that they do something about the discovery...right after they blow up more robots. Cue Fanrsworth and Wernstrom throwing more tiny robots through the portal and Farnsworth saying "Playtime is funtime."
  • A casual sight gag shows a Stegosaurus lazily grazing on the White House lawn.
  • "It appears Bender hates humans in the same way I hate having my nipples rubbed with industrial sandpaper!" - Hedonismbot (who doesn't have nipples) when the League of Robots finds out that Bender is hiding humans in Destructor's leg.
  • This when Bender is trying to get Fry to watch All My Circuits with him:
    Bender: Look, I got you a cabbage to snack on! Humans like cabbage, right?
  • When the tentacles start to invade, the Planet Express crew quickly board the ship and make a dramatic escape to swelling movie music, only for the ship to smash itself completely flat against the new protective dome around the earth as the music abruptly cuts out.
  • Farnsworth's deadpan reaction to the tentacle-possessed Fry's speech to humanity:
    Fry: Silence! I have traveled far and seen deep, and I have come to know the purpose of our existence!
    Randy: Finally!
    [Scare Chord]
    Farnsworth: Well, at least we don't have to love one another.
  • Bender's total non-reaction to Fry's new role as tentacle-puppeted pope of a worldwide cult:
    Bender: Weren't you already pope of something?

Bender's Game

  • "Show me on this anatomically correct doll exactly where Bender touched you." Farnsworth to Fry, while his brain is switched with a monkey's.
  • Part of Bender's Game involves Bender in a mental institution for robots (again). There's one absolutely hilarious moment when another robot is smashed to pieces and Rosie, the robot maid from The Jetsons, starts cleaning it up and mutters to herself:
    Rosie: Everything must be clean, very clean. That's why the dog had to die, it was a very dirty dog. Also that boy Elroy. Dirty, dirty.
    • Doubles as horror, especially if one was a fan of The Jetsons.
    • Also in the Asylum, Mad Hatterbot has the group "CHANGE PLACES!" Then Bender starts pretending to be "Titanius Anglesmith" (his D&D character), again...
      Dr. Perceptron: You are suffering a breakdown. Now stop. Hammer time. [a hammer comes downs and destroys his glass head] I am in your seat. I forgot we had changed places... [falls over]
      Mad Hatterbot: CHANGE PLACES!? [robots start running around and trampling Dr. Perceptron]
  • "The big fecal enchilada!" It Makes Sense in Context, and that's what makes it so funny!.
  • "We're owl exterminators!"
  • The part where the crew takes a shower together, and Leela is still ticked off after being insulted by rednecks and vouches to join the demolition derby to get back at them. Fry protests:
    Leela: But we have no choice. Rednecks insulted us!
    Fry: So? Let it go. Don't let your temper get the better of...
    Leela: [Grabbing Fry and shaking him senseless.] RRREEDNNNECKS!
  • This exchange:
    Leela: Is that a hobbit?
    Bender: No, it's a hobo and a rabbit, but they're making a hobbit.
  • Bender's completely deadpan reaction to seeing a massive army about to storm Wipe Castle: "Me thinks we be boned".
    • "Eat the wizard! Eat the slut! Eat the robot's shiny butt!"
  • Professor Farnsworth, when confronting Mom's sons, says that just knowing they are in the same genus makes him embarrassed to call himself "homo". Cue Cubert, Dwight, and their friends laughing at what Farnsworth said.
  • Leela/Leegola's bout of Hypocritical Humor during her Heroic BSoD.
    Zoidberg: Ohhh. So, suddenly, Miss Goody-Four-Shoes over here doesn't want to kill anymore. She killed me not five minutes ago. What am I, chopped liver?
    Leegola: Shut up! (slashes him)
    Zoidberg: Ow! Stop chopping my liver!
    Leegola: (to Fry) You're on your own! I refuse to hurt another living thing! (tosses away her sword, which decapitates Zoidberg)
  • Leegola and the other centaurs clopping their hooves to Riverdance while an annoyed Scruffy has to clean up their poop behind them.
  • "That's not a magic bug, you dope! That's a magic arachnid!"
  • Zoidberg explains the cause of Leela's anger problem to her:
    "Here's the problem! You seem to have a skull embedded in your head!"
  • "The Scary Door" episode seen in the movie features aliens invading Earth and the day is saved by an unlikely hero...:
    Narrator: "In the end, it was not guns or bombs that defeated the aliens, but that humblest of all God's creatures, the Tyrannosaurus rex."
  • After learning that the king of Wipe Castle is utterly nuts (because he's Roberto), Titanius takes charge:
    Titanius: As the only nobleman present who is not (makes silly noise), I hereby place myself in charge of the Royal Army!
    URL: What Royal Army would that be?
    Bender: Come again?
    Smitty: King went insane, declared war on the scallops. Tied the army to a boulder and pushed them into the sea. They never returned!
    URL: Scallops must'a got 'em. (Smitty nods in agreement)

Into the Wild Green Yonder

  • The manner in which Bender wins the poker tournament
    The massive head of Penn Jillette: I DON'T BELIEVE IT! Bender has been dealt the KING OF BEERS, a coaster which got mixed into the deck. BUT IT STILL COUNTS!
  • Also the Tickle Me Bender!
    Tickle Me Bender: Heheheh, quit touching my junk, pervert!
  • The Professor talking about how men enjoy things that are bigger.
    Leela: I still don't see why you men can't be happy with regular sized miniature golf.
    Farnsworth: Leela, evolution has programmed our fabulous male brains to take anything anybody else thinks is important and make it bigger. (starts drinking from a 128 oz. cup) Have you seen my new 301 inch TV? (turns on a giant TV showing Everybody Loves Hypnotoad)
    TV: Hypnotoad is brought to you by the MagnaPhallix three hundred two inch TV. It's bigger!
    Farnsworth: Aw HELL! (throws giant cup at the TV, breaking it)
  • As Fry is reading mind after mind to find the Dark One, Snoop Dogg's thoughts: "Nakedladiesnakedladiesnakedladies..."
    Nixon: No-one knows that I really did fake the Moon landing... ON VENUS!
  • Fry attempting to use his new power to sneak into a Ladies' bathroom: "Hello ladies! I can read your thoughts!" He immediately gets thrown out. "Oh wait, that's invisibility."
  • One of the extinct species brought back is stripednote  biologist taunters. They never say how they died out, and they don't need to.

    Season 6 


  • The opener of the premier episode. At least, the original versionnote :
    Bender: You will wake up feeling refreshed, as if Futurama hadn't been canceled by idiots, then brought back by bigger idiots.
  • Farnsworth recounting to Robot Fry, who has lost his recent memories, what happened immediately after the last movie ended.
    Farnsworth: Well, I suppose it's for the best, considering the unbearable horrors you've endured. Let's never speak of it again. It all began a few days ago. We were interstellar fugitives on the run from the law.
    Zapp: Fire all weapons and open a hailing frequency for my victory yodel.
    [On the Planet Express ship, Zapp's yodel sounds through the speakers. Kif sighs in the same rhythm as the yodel.]
    Farnsworth: (voiceover) So, as you and Leela kissed goodbye in a tender display of tonguesmanship...
    [Fry and Leela kiss in the background; Farnsworth, in the foreground, gives an Aside Glance.]
  • Unlike Robot Leela, whose personality and memories are derived from security footage taken all over the Planet Express building and ship, Robot Fry's are drawn exlusively from the original Fry soliloquizing on the urinal surveillance tapes.
    Fry: (using the urinal) I sure love Leela.
  • After the Fry we've seen throughout the episode is revealed as a robot, the real Fry emerges from Farnsworth's birthing machine at the most dramatic moment possible and in fine Cloud Cuckoolander form.
    Fry: (completely naked on the floor) Hey, where's my shoes?
    (All gasp.)
    Robot Fry: Fry!
    Fry: (pulling on his clothes) Oh I'm sorry, I didn't realize I was already here. Wait, what's with all the Leelas?
    Robot Fry: Trust me, don't ask.
    Fry: Okay, dork. Listen, I'm gonna hit the urinal, maybe talk about myself a little bit...


  • As Zapp gets forced into one confession after another about he manipulated Leela, he delivers each in such an awkward and guilty tone that's rather hilarious when he switches tone entirely toward the end of it:
    Leela: (After Fry shows up alive) But how did you find this planet? [looks at Zapp menacingly] Well?
    Zapp: Oooheeeeeeaaaaiiiiiiih, we're actually on Earth! The ship's homing device brought us back!
    Leela: But I saw Earth explode!
    Zapp: I'm actually kinda proud of this one. You see...
  • When Zapp & Kif at the underground White House, looking at the death sphere:
    Zapp: Magnify that death sphere! (the V-GINY is zoomed in, looking blurry) Why is it still blurry?
    Kif: That's all the resolution we have. Making it bigger doesn't make it clearer.
    Zapp: It does on CSI: Miami!
  • Sal rejecting Petunia's offer for $3.00 sex and going to the adult bookstore (which is the public library. Fry is confused until Bender points out that the "public library" now reads "pubic' library").
  • The V-Giny satellite forcing Leela and Zapp to have sex so they can save humanity, and the Planet Express crew's disgusted reaction.
    Fry: For God's sake, censor it! CENSOR IT!
    V-Giny: Approved for all audiences!

Attack of the Killer App

  • The Planet Express crew throws out their overly-complicated Japanese toilet.
    Toilet: Please, not to throw away. I'll give you Happy Poopy Time.
    Fry: Sorry, you know too much.
  • The gang decide to go on-line to the Mom Store to get their eye-phones. Meaning they stand outside, in a line. Fry, just like us, gets confused.
    Fry: I thought you said it was on-line.
    Amy: We are on-line.
    Fry: But I thought you said the Mom Store was across town.
    Amy: It is across town!
    Fry: But I thought-
    Bender: Stop thinking, Fry!

Proposition Infinity

  • "If robosexual marriage becomes legal, imagine the horrible things that will happen to our children, then imagine we said those things, since we couldn't think of any. As a mother, those things worry me."
  • "What will they legalize next? Gay robosexual marriage?!" - Morbo
  • Bender graffitis a sign reading "Freeway Ends At Corner" into "Free Corn".
    Hyperchicken: Free corn?! That'll suit me just fine! (drives offscreen and a crash is heard along with a loud "BU-KAWK!")
  • This part:
    Zoidberg: Hooray!
    Farnsworth: Hooray denied!

The Duh-Vinci Code

  • Bender dragging The Last Supper into the lobby at Planet Express.
    Bender: Everybody at Kinkos was an idiot, so I brought the original.
  • This classic:
    Leonardo Da Vinci: Let's see who's laughing when my doom's day device chops off-a yo face!
  • In one of those lovely pieces that goes right from heartwarming to hilarious, the end of the episode:
    Fry: I may not be clever, but I have a good heart. That's what my mom used to say.
    Farnsworth: She was a wise woman.
    Fry: Also that I'm not much to look at.
    Farnsworth: A wise woman indeed.
  • Also, as Farnsworth investigates the underground of Rome, and realizes that the Roman numeral digits are really the number of steps to take to find St. James' tomb.
    Farnsworth: One...okay, we're here!
  • Fry realizes that no one thinks he's very smart.
    Farnsworth: You can barely remember your own name, Einstein!
    Fry: (defensive) "Einstein" is a hard name to remember!

Lethal Inspection

  • The robots killing each other. Could not stop laughing.
    Bender: (sees killer robots) Shoot!
    Robots: Someone said shoot! (shoot robot in middle)
    • Later
      Robot #1: We're going to get fired.
      Robot #2: Someone said fire! (blows up Robot #1, gets himself destroyed by tunnel)
    • And again
      Robot: Cease fire; Mom called off the attack. Although I don't understand how it's her...
      Other Robots: Someone said Howitzer! (blow up robot in middle and then each other)
      • Note: David X. Cohen enjoyed reusing some of the humor he employed in the Futurama videogame.
  • Leela: Product inspectors are bureaucrats, faceless beancounters who blend into the woodwork.
  • The bit where a bunch of cubicles are in a cube shape... that moves like a Rubix Cube to reveal Hermes' cubicle.
    Bender: I did like the part where they screamed!
  • Hermes Conrad: That's a calculator! I ate it to gain its power.
  • This exchange:
    Hermes: You know what? I will help you, if only to prove I'm not a paper-pushing file jockey.
    Amy: Will you be taking your portable filing cabinet?
    Hermes: (as he hides said cabinet in his pocket) None of your beeswax!
  • Bender gets a rare non-sociopathic one-liner:
    Bender: I can't run anymore... I'll have to skip!
  • When Bender starts leaking oil:
    Zoidberg: You call that an ink defense?
    Tears off his clothes, screams loudly, and sprays ink from his armpits everywhere, drenching everyone
    Zoidberg (running off naked): Goodbye friends!
  • The phone booth exchange:
    (Bender steps towards what appears to be a suicide booth. Hermes grabs him)
    Hermes: No, Bender. Suicide isn't necessarily the answer!
    Bender: It's not a suicide booth, you lardass, it's a phone booth!
    Hermes: They have phones in booths now? Finally, I don't have to lug this heavy cell phone around! (removes a cell phone from his jacket, and throws it away)
  • The Professor and his special chair.
    Professor: Bender, bring me my soft chair with the wheels.
    Bender: Your wheelchair?
    Professor: (suddenly indignant) I don't need a wheelchair! The one with the wheels!
  • After the concept of the backup unit is introduced, Amy naturally wants to know why Bender always screams when he's in danger.

The Late Philip J. Fry

  • The Planet of the Apes (1968) parody.
    Fry: No! They did it! They blew it up! [The camera pans to reveal a monkey Statue of Liberty.] And then the apes blew up their society too. How could this happen? [Camera pans to reveal a bird Statue of Liberty.] And then the birds took over and ruined their society. [Camera pans to reveal a cow Statue of Liberty.] And then the cows. And then... [Camera pans to reveal a strange slug-like Statue of Liberty.] ... I don't know, is that a slug, maybe? [screaming] Noooo!
  • As the three go through the history of existence for the third time:
    Professor: Just slow down, I'll shoot Hitler out the window. (fires gun) Darn! I hit Eleanor Roosevelt by mistake.
    • You have to love his first successful attempt at shooting Hitler, where he stops the time machine, steps out, shoots Hitler as he is giving a speech about his mustache, then gets back in, looking very pleased with himself.
  • When Leela is told she can be sad and angry at the same time, she kicks the TV, yelling, "Hiiii-ya!" which swiftly turns into sobs.
  • "I made it, Leela. Sorry I'm a billion years late."
    • There's something about Fry's line at the end, when he meets Leela for dinner and she remarks that she didn't really believe he'd be on time.
    Fry: That was the old Fry. (Beat) He's dead now.
  • The parody version of "In the Year 2525".
  • Farnsworth's completely blase reaction when they overshoot their first attempt at getting to the point when they left in the new universe.
    Farnsworth: We'll have to bring her around again!
  • After the initial accidental trip to 10,000 AD, as Fry, Farnsworth and Bender sit around a campfire:
    Bender: Man, the future's a total craphole, and whoever lives here is a crap-faced sack of crap! (He turns around as the camera pans over to reveal a couple of survivors huddled around another fire in the near distance.) No offense, fellas.
    Survivor: Don't sweat it, man!
    Fry: (He sighs.) I'll never see Leela again.
    Farnsworth: (sadly) No. Without a backwards time machine, we're stuck in this craphole.
    Survivor: (yelling from offscreen) Dude, give it a rest!

That Darn Katz!

  • One of the funniest one-shot characters of the series is Professor Fisherprice Shpeekenshpell. Despite his name, he is a robot whose head is a Matell See'n Say, and can only speak in programmed lines such as "The cow says 'Moo!'" to which Farnsworth comments "He proved that 50 years ago, and he's been coasting on it ever since." (This makes a bizarre kind of sense when you remember that cows are extinct by the 31st century and that there are probably few historical records of what they would have said.) This leads up to a hilarious Bait-and-Switch when he assesses Amy for her doctorate:
    Professor Katz: We shall now vote, "Yay" or "Nay". Nay.
    Wernstrom: Nay!
    Bubblegum: Hell, nay!
    Professor Shpeekenshpell: The horse says, "Doctorate denied".
  • "So you called my thesis a fat sack of crap, and then you stole it?" "Welcome to academia."
  • The description of the cats trying to save their planet. It shows two cats, one operating a giant telescope, and the other... licking itself.
  • "Mr Winkles! Smudge-smudge! Dance with each other!"
    • "Aww. Damn, they are good."
  • The Cat Race's takeaway from several thousand years on Earth: "On the whole, Earth society is worthless. But they do have these things called "antique rugs" which are great for peeing on."
  • Nibbler discovering the truth about Professor Katz: "It's one of those dog-operated puppets that have been adapted for use by a cat!"
  • Farnsworth's pep-talk to Amy about her thesis had every grad student dying since we've all been there:
    Amy: But I'm presenting my thesis tomorrow and I've barely had time to prepare.
    Farnsworth: Nonsense. You've been my grad student for twelve years. You were ready six years ago.
    Amy: What?
    Farnsworth: I probably should have told you.
  • "Technology isn't intrinsically good or evil, it's how it's used. Like the death ray!"
  • Amy's Eureka Moment, which the Professor scorns.
    Amy: That's it! Professor, I know how to save the Earth!
    Professor: Pfft, you can't suddenly know something just by assembling a committee of words. (gasps) That's it! I'll assemble your committee!
  • Quite possibly one of the sillier gags in the series (and that's saying a lot), after the cats get their planet to start spinning again, one cat in observation says, "Well now, this calls for a celebration." Cue a bunch of cats getting together and doing the cancan.

A Clockwork Origin

  • The endless chain of links in the evolutionary chain.
  • While on the robot planet, Professor Farnsworth manages to build a spaceship out of several robot dinos, which takes him 2 hours, although they have to spend a night in a cave to charge the solar powered ship. That night, Leela and Amy are kidnapped by robots, so Farnsworth builds a slingshot consisting of a piece of metal and an elastic (from his own pants). It takes him TWELVE HOURS. And then they go to bed AGAIN because it's too dark.
  • Also also when the robo-jury has turned into gas forms overnight:
    Superior Gort Judge: Has the jury reached a verdict?
    Robotic gas forms: No, we have not, for we have all evolved into high states of consciousness. In the grand scheme of things, all physical beings are but yokels. Now settle your petty squabbles and get the hell out.
    Bender [To Farnsworth]: That'll be ten thousand dollars.
  • Also also also, the Professor hitting a rich vein of missing links: Java Man, Piltdown Man, and Manfred Mann.
  • "Objection! In the absence of pants, the defense's suspenders serve no purpose!"
  • When Farnsworth tries to defend evolution.
    Dr. Banjo: Things don't exist simply because you believe in them! Thus sayeth the almighty creature in the sky!
  • "Uh oh, it's another of Fry's dogs!" - Hermes, digging up another fossilized mutt before disposing it.
  • Professor Farnsworth using nanobots to free the river of "nasty irritants".
    Fry: Speaking of nasty irritants, what'll become of Cubert?

The Prisoner of Benda

  • The entire episode. All of the crazy body swapping shenanigans are a true spectacle.
  • The Professor defending his machine killing heaps of monkeys. "Science cannot move forward without heaps!"
  • Scruffy and the bucket 'bot subplot, which is played like a serious star-crossed romance... mostly.
    Scruffy: Go. Now. Before I beg you to stay. [collapses onto his bed, sobbing] Yep.
  • The scene where Fry (in Zoidberg's body) starts making out with Leela (in the Professor's body) in a restaurant in plain view of disgusted patrons, including Amy (in Hermes' body) who permanently lost her appetite.
  • Big Bertha defending her Heroic Sacrifice:
    Professor: You could have a rich, full life!
    Big Bertha: I am TRYING to have a rich, full life!
  • "This is for Big Bertha!" (the Professor utterly misses the general, and hits the wall with a small "doink") "That is not what I meant to give you for Big Bertha."
  • And, of course, from the beginning of the episode, this:
    Linda: Tonight at eleven...
  • Princess Flavia's amazing reaction to everything:
    Emperor Nikolai: Dearest, meet Bender, he's a robot in the body of a Chinese-Martian physicist.
    Flavia: How tedious.
  • "I'm afraid we need to use... MATH!" (dramatic sting)
  • Bender in Amy's body proving he's a robot to Nikolai and Basil... by moon-walking.
    Basil: He... steps forward but moves backwards!
    Nikolai: By the gods, he is a machine!

Lrrreconcilable Ndndifferences

  • Fry's hilariously awful "Delivery Boy Man" comics. All three of them.
  • "Come back Lrrr! I want to have your popplers!"
  • "I'm sick of being critiqued by a bunch of nit picking nerds...I'm taking this to a comic con!"
  • "Joss Whedon's here?"
  • "Woo, I got fruit boobs!"
  • The part with Matt Groening and David X. Cohen as themselves, showing the new show Futurella — which, due to FOX "streamlining the cancellation process", has effectively killed the show before the opening sequence was even done and Matt Groening shooting Bender with lasers after Bender asks if he was going to make another Simpsons movie.
  • And by Orson Welles, when his War of the Worlds-style broadcast leads to the Omicrons conquering earth without a fight
    Welles: Damn, I'm good. Now, may I please have that cheese log?
    • Welles' constant complaining through Fry's amateur production.
    Welles: A huge spacecraft, piloted by a devastatingly handsome... Now, how in God's name do I know what the fellow looks like if he's in a spaceship miles in the air? It's just foolish on itself!
    Fry: If you want the cheese log, you'll read what I wrote!
    Welles: Very well, I shall comply...
    • And his introduction in the first place:
    Orson Welles: (when approached in the Head Museum) You're asking me, the renowned spokesperson for Paul Mason wine, to recreate my brilliant 1938 broadcast merely to deceive and impress the wife of this skinny reptile?
    Fry: Sorry, never mind.
    Orson Welles: I'll do it for free.
  • This line after Lrr grabs Leela by the hair and throws her:
    Leela: He messed up my hair.
    Kif: I'm missing a leg!
  • Bender's telescopic eyes drooping after seeing Lrr's centerfold of a nude Omicronian woman.

The Mutants Are Revolting

  • Zoidberg's modest Dynamic Entry a la Mary Poppins. The best part? It gets to turn some heads from the Planet Express crew who normally don't give a crap about him, either. And his reaction is completely deadpan, too.
    • The bit wherein the crew has to deliver a nitro glycerin-laden souflee to a rich old woman. Cut to the ship flying through an asteroid field, as we see the the crew being rocked about wildly... save Bender, whose gyros have him bending forwards and backwards in all directions.
  • After Leela gets dumped in the sewers:
    Leela: Now I have to spend the rest of my life in this hellhole. Oh sorry.
    Leela's Mother: Its okay, with you here, it can be more of a nice, regular hole.
  • "I trust the orgy pit has been scraped and buttered!" - Hedonismbot coming to Bender's party.
  • After scolding Zoidberg for not being respectful to the Land Bus victims, the Professor starts using the captain's skull and leg to smash open a safe. And when Fry makes another stupidly obvious statement, he slaps him with the guy's arm.
  • As part of the mutant revolution, Fry and Leela manage to get the help of (what's left of) Devo.
    Mark Mothersbaugh: As longtime mutants, we support your righteous struggle and will do anything we can for you.
    Dwight: Play "Whip It!"
    Mark Mothersbaugh: No. (turns to the rest of the band) Play the other one.
    (they start playing "It's a Beautiful World")
  • "Did you guys know I have a crush on Leela?"

The Futurama Holiday Spectacular

  • As the crew drills deep beneath the earth to find petroleum oil for Bender's ladies to celebrate "Robotanukah" via oil-wrestling (It...makes sense in context, okay?), the crew comes across the "albino humping worm". Cue this exchange:
    Fry: Why do they call it that?
    The ship rocks back and forth in rhythm.
  • Parasites make space-bees racist, apparently.
    Space-bee: Are y' black with yellow stripes, or yellow with black stripes?
    Other space-bee: Yellow with black stripes, man.
    (the first bee pulls out a shotgun)
    Space-bee: Why don' you just move along?
  • The Kwanzaa Rap has a lyric where Barbados Slim states that his sexual proclivities always change. During this, he acts flirtatious towards Zoidberg!
  • The Professor chucking a small nuke at Robot Santa is both awesome and funny since the nuke comes in the form of a fruitcake.
    Professor: (singing) And once Grandma's fruit cake finally reaches critical mass, it can be regifted, right up Santa's ass!
  • Amy on Kwanzaa getting cancelled:
    This will be the year without Kwanzaa! Like every year before 1966!

The Silence of the Clamps

  • Bender finds himself in hot water:
    Bella: Yeah, daddy hates welchers. The only thing he hates worse is witnesses. (Scare Chord, Bender is horrified) And guys who mess around with his daughters. (Scarier Chord, Bender is terrified) And attempts to duplicate his meatball recipe. (Bender pulls some meatballs out of his chest cavity, Scariest Chord)
  • A mortally terrified Bender confesses that he witnessed Calculon's assault:
    Bender: All right, Amy, you win! The mob did it! I saw the whole thing while also having hot sex with the Donbot's daughter! (sobbing) I'm scared and great at sex!
    Bender: What, and have the Mafia come after me too? No way! This secret goes to my grave!
    Robot Detective: (on TV news) The Bureau is offering anyone with information about this gangland-style clamping a $50 reward.
    Bender: (excited) Oooh! Oooh! A-and then Calculon said, "No. No. NOOOOOOO!" And then, I ate some excellent meatballs. Can I have my fifty bucks now?
    Robot Detective: I enjoyed your story, especially the tasteful love scene.
  • Bender in court:
    Robot Lawyer: Isn't it true, Mr. X, that you are slandering this innocent mafioso to distract from your own felonious past, including a crime you made up yourself called "burglearsonarceny"?
    Bender: That's a wholly-owned trademark of Rodriguez Crime Concepts, Inc. Besides, I'm not on trial here!
    Judge 724: That's true. You're on trial in Courtroom Three.
    (He presses a button and a rotating panel in the wall takes Bender into another courtroom.)
    Judge: You are charged with two counts of burglearsonarceny. How do you plead?
    Bender: Not innoguiltycent! (He presses a button and the panel switches him back.)
  • "So that moon hillbilly who got murdered was just an innocent husband and father!" [Beat, then everyone cheers]
  • "Billy West. What a stupid, phony, made-up name! " - Fry

Möbius Dick

  • In "Mobius Dick", the space crew being dragged through the fourth dimension by the space whale. Their words are said forwards and backwards: Hermes can see sideways in time, Amy can see in CGI, Fry uses a palindrome phrase: "Poop", and Bender experiences a conga line of infinite Benders chanting, "Bender, Bender, Ben-DER!"
  • "I used to hunt giraffes on safari, and giraffes are basically just land space whales." - Amy.
  • Leela after returning to Earth with the crew in the middle of their memorial service:
    Leela: Hello everyone. I supposed you're wondering why my flesh has melded with that of a giant space whale.
  • Some Casual Danger Dialogue from Bender and Leela as the whale is about to swallow the ship:
    Bender: Holy crap, it's a giant space fish!
    Leela: Actually, the space whale isn't a space fish, it's a space mammal.
    Bender: Wow, interesting. I'm both impressed and being eaten.
  • When Hermes contradicts Leela, she threatens to use her authority as captain to force him to marry Bender.
    Hermes: (gasps) You wouldn't dare!
    Bender: (indifferent) I've been married to worse.
  • "Leela, I'm no doctor, but I'm afraid you be experiencing symptoms of illin'."

Law and Oracle

  • The recreation of the first scene from the pilot episode, with Fry playing a game based on Paperboy.
  • Roberto hold Zoidberg hostage and lays out his demands.
    Roberto: Listen up piggies! I want a hovercopter, and an unmarked sandwich and a new face with like... a Hugh Grant look! And every five minutes I don't get it, someone's gonna get stabbed in the ass!
    Zoidberg: He's bluffing! [stab noise] Ouch! He's not bluffing!
  • This exchange between Fry and an off-screen officer behind a window.
    Officer: You think you can just waltz in here with no pants on and expect to join police academy?
    Fry: That was the plan.
    Officer: I like you kid. I've got no pants on either.
    Fry: I can see that. You're quite taller than me.
    Officer: [Arm extends from top of screen to offer a handshake] Welcome to police academy.
  • URL delivers possibly the best Retirony joke ever:
    URL: And Smitty was just a few days from retirement.
    Fry: What happened?
    URL: He took a early retirement. Damn.
  • There's a sight gag of the outside of the police station where two people matching the wanted posters, right down to their clothes and hairstyles, are walking past.
  • Fry and URL arrest Erwin Schrodinger:
    URL: What's in the box, Schrodinger?
    Schrodinger: Ermm...a cat, some poison, and a Cesium atom.
    Fry: The cat. Is it alive or dead? Alive or dead?!
    URL: Answer him, fool!
    Schrodinger: It's a superposition of both states until you open it and collapse the wave function.
    Fry (grabbing the box): Says you.
    (A cat leaps from the box and attacks Fry. While Fry struggles with the cat, URL takes a look inside the box.)
    URL: There's also a lotta drugs in there.
  • While Fry, URL, and Chief O'Manhattan are in the changing rooms naked after Fry and URL return from a case.
    Chief O'Manhattan: Congratulations on that big bust.
  • "Shall we adjourn now to the dungeon?" - Hedonismbot in a bondage outfit, showing up in the middle of Fry arresting Pickles the Oracle.
  • When Fry is given a promotion at the end to 'Executive' Delivery Boy. The line Hermes delivers as the names of the Executive Producers shows up on the screen.
    Hermes: It's a meaningless title, but it helps insecure people feel better about themselves.
    Fry: I feel better about myself!
  • Leela attempts to talk to Bender in Fry's absence:
    Leela: ...So. You're a robot?
    (Uncomfortably long pause.)
    Bender: ...Ugh. (He turns to look out the spaceship window.)


  • Much of the episode counts, honestly. In particular, Bender and his clones dancing.
  • "Benderama" eventually comes to a point where all water on Earth has become alcoholic through the direct manipulation of atoms by microscopic Bender clones. Morbo and Linda's drunk newscast takes the cake.
    Morbo: Titty much everybody's protally fit-shaced.

    Linda: The Indy 500 was today! There were no survivors.
  • This particular line:
    Bender: [referring to the ugly giant grabbing their ship] Oh God, shield your eyes! It's like Edward James Olmos on IMAX!
  • Linda's reaction to the news about the microscopic Benders consuming all the alcohol in the world.
  • The montage of the Planet Express Crew killing the Bender clones set to the Presidents of the United States of America's cover of the song "Rock and Roll Pest Control."
  • The tiny Benders have a speakeasy in a Mouse Hole. We see one get in by saying "Bender sent me."
    Tiny Bender: (walks in to find at least 40 Benders drinking and partying) Hey, I know that guy.
  • Scruffy sweeping up the dead Benders and eulogizing with "A greater tragedy my eyes have never beheld," before concluding with, "Welp, into the turlet."
  • The scene immediately after where a sick Bender coughs and mutters, "So sober, so weak" after going so long without alcohol.
  • This scene from when everyone on Earth is drunk:
    Hermes: You wanna see a picture of my boy?
    Zoidberg: Sure. (Hermes shows him a picture) That's your penis!
  • Drunk Fry is incoherent even for Fry.
    Fry: He's here for revenging, that's why!

The Tip of the Zoidberg

  • The entire montage of Zoidberg attempted to Sneak-Mercy-Kill the Professor... set to a bouncy instrumental version of Mr. Sandman.
  • The fact that on Zoidberg's office door the M in M.D. is in quotation marks.
  • Fry's various diseases caused by Zoidberg's incompetence. First he has Simpsons jaundice, where his skin is yellow ("Ay carumba!"). Then he gets Garfield Syndrome, where his skin turns orange and gets a cat like face ("I hate Mondays"). Then he gets Muppets gangrene, where his skin is green and his eyes look like Kermit the Frog's ("It's not easy being gangrenous"). And finally he gets an unnamed disease where he's blue and gets a bulbous nose like a Smurf.
  • The flashback where Farnsworth and Zoidberg are part of a landing party on Triton and Zoidberg warns Hubert of Tritonian malaria.
    Zoidberg: Just be sure to avoid the methane swamps. (they land on a swamp) What smells like methane?
  • After a more-than-usually intense run of malpractice incidents on Zoidberg's part, the crew confront the professor and demand that he be fired.
    Farnsworth: No. If I'm going to fire anyone, it'll be Scruffy.
    [All shouting at once:]
    Hermes: —Ya can't do that!
    Leela: —We can't do that! No!
    Fry: —Oh no. No. Don't even go—No.
    Bender: —What'd Scruffy ever do to you?!
  • The crew return from another delivery:
    Leela: Once and for all, Fry, even though it's the future, most objects are still just objects, not aliens who look like objects.
    Fry: (revealing a hand stuck full of spines) So my efforts to establish diplomatic relations with the Cactus People were doomed from the start.

Ghost in the Machines

  • Ghost in the Machines, right after Fry is saved by Bender possessing a Robot Devil disguised as an Amish woman:
    Fry: "I think the Robot Devil said he loved me in Bender's voice while wearing Granny Hester's clothes. ... I wanna go home!"
  • Unable to get his coworkers to hear him, Bender runs into the Robot Devil and asks him what's going on.
    Robot Devil: Isn't it obvious, Bender?
    Robot Devil: YOU'RE DEAD!
    Bender: What? I thought I just had laryngitis and antigravity.
  • When Bender follows the Robot Devil to his office:
    Bender: "Alright, so what's happening to me? And I'll take my answer in any form but a song."
  • YMMV, but part of the Ghost in the Machines plot is Bender's ghost trying to scare Fry to death, which has a disturbing part where Bender projects an image of Fry's head melting into a skull.
    Fry: [Fry's heart is now beating noticeably fast and Fry begins to faint.] A heart attack! [Fry's heart stops beating.] Yup, I was right.
  • "Let the seance begin!" "I SAID SCIENCE!"
  • The Planet Express Crew discuss how Bender's death has affected the business.
    [Hermes is using Bender's antenna to point to a graph on a holographic screen]
    Hermes: As you can see, since Bender's death, requests to bite one's shiny metal ass are down 98%.
    [Scruffy enters, vacuuming with Bender's compartment, leg, and footcup.]
    Hermes: Do you mind doing that later?!
    Scruffy: Bite my shiny metal ass.
    [The line in the graph on the screen rises]
  • In one of Bender's attempts to scare Fry to death, Fry is making toast and when one piece pops out of the toaster it reads "BO". Fry is confused by it until the second piece pops out, completing the message with "O!", frightening Fry.
  • The mayor asks Fry to say a few words, which leads to a typically Cloud Cuckoolander pronouncement:
    Fry: Uh, heroes don't do drugs. Except for Drugman, I guess.
    • Before that:
      Mayor: What's your name, son?
      Fry: (shrugs) I dunno. Fry?
  • A pretty funny lampshading of the show's Flintstone Theming with regard to robots after Bender ascends from Robot Hell to Robot Heaven:
    Bender: I wanna go back to Robot Earth! I mean regular Earth!


  • From "Neutopia":
    Rock Alien: Test #1: Who can drink the most sulfur?
    (Cut to Petunia and Sal choking and convulsing on the ground)
    Rock Alien: Test inconclusive. Test #2: Who can drink the most arsenic?

Yo Leela Leela

  • The TV shows being focus tested on the orphans, including “Extreme Toddler Wrestling” and “Popular Slut Club”. Keep in mind, these are shows intended for a kids network.
  • Hermes line, "Working on a real TV show is so exciting. I'm on a mostly natural high."
  • The song, "So if you don't want a tapeworm or intestinal bugs/Don't eat pastrami/That fell on the rug!"
  • Leela's breakdown after Abner Doubledeal turns Rumbledy Hump into a reality show and gives all the orphans jobs on the set of the show.
  • Bender stepping on one of the kids and lighting the match to his cigar on the head of another kid.
  • This:
    Leela: If it's alive, don't lick it!
    Zoidberg: Like a horse, a turtle or a cricket!
    Leela: So if you're not sure if it's alive or dead,

Fry Am the Egg Man

  • Fry trying out the Amazonians' "Aunt Snu-Snu's Maple Syrup"
    Fry: I'm scaroused.
  • Fry tries to put down his pet bone vampire Mr. Peppy, revealing that it's really Angus McZongo in disguise.
    McZongo: The bloody idiot bloody shot me! I'm all bloody bloody!
    Fry: Mr. Peppy? Bullets make you talk?
  • A classic Insult Backfire:
    Fry: Zoidberg, you're an inhuman monster.

All the Presidents' Heads

  • (Farnsworth sits on Gerald Ford's head after learning of his ancestor's actions, depressed)
    Gerald Ford: Hi! My name's Gerry! I like movies!
  • Also:
    Bender: Has anyone seen Ulysses Grant? He owes me a couple of beers!
    Leela: He's over there, puking in the Bushes.
    (Cut to Ulysses Grant about to vomit, of which the camera conveniently pans down to George W. Bush and George H. W. Bush, both yelling a slow Big "NO!")
  • From David Farnsworth's Head:
    Farnsworth: I killed George Washin'ton an' now I'm marred to one of the Spice Girls! ...(slightly somber) Don't rightly know which one.
  • And:
    Bender (Cockney accent): Say, 'ow is it that we've got socialized medicine—[turns around to reveal terrible dental problems]—BOT ME TEETH STILL LOO' LIKE THIS?
  • Also, a new flag is at the end of the new episode/head museum. It might have been an insult to the Brits, since it says these words: "Bite my fhiny metal aff."
  • Hermes talking to Thomas Jefferson's head:
    Hermes: So...You grow hemp?
    Thomas Jefferson: Yes.
    Hermes: And...You do what with it?
    Thomas Jefferson: All manner of things. Manufacture paper, fabric, rope...
    Hermes (disappointed): Oh. Well, nice talking to you. (leaves off-screen)
    Thomas Jefferson: Why, I used to smoke about four feet of rope a day.
    [Hermes comes back, running.]
    Hermes: Let me give you my pager number.
  • This exchange, when they're looking at the counterfeits made by David Farnsworth.
    Benjamin Franklin: This is a fake!
    Fry: Duh! It says "Colony of Maffachufetts"!
    Bender: More like "Taxachufetts"!
    Benjamin Franklin: (sighs) That's just how we print our S's, you ftupid fhitheads!

Cold Warriors


  • In 'Overclockwise', with his processing speed boosted, Bender can tell what things are going to happen in advance...such as a ceiling fan falling onto Zoidberg. When Mom's drones at the end drag him off to be restored to factory settings, Bender asks Zoidberg to take a few steps aside, and the doctor does so- a ceiling fan hits him. And among the various things Bender wrote down while omniscient was a list of ceiling fans.
  • Zoidberg's proposal to save Planet Express is to stage a play, which Nibbler suggests that they call "Nibbler on the Roof". We don't see the play, but here's the aftermath:
    Nibbler(dressed as Tevye): [sad] We've had some tough times, [happy] but at least we won a Tony! [pulls out a Tony Award]
    Zoidberg: [jealous] You won a Tony. Feh!
  • After Farnsworth and Cubert end up in jail.
    Farnsworth: You overclocked Bender? What did I teach you about tinkering with machinery?
    Cubert: ...How. You taught me how!
    Farnsworth: I also taught you not to get caught!


  • In the season 6 finale, during the Voltron parody, the crew discovers that the aliens communicate through dance. Bender and Fry's attempt follows thusly:
    • It should be noted that they were trying to dance peace.
    • In the Fleischer-esque parody, Fry and Leela stand on the balcony of the Planet Express building, while everything is bobbing up and down.
    Leela: I love this time of day. There's such a beautiful stillness.
    Farnsworth: There! Now, for the first time, we may be able to see the infinitesimal fabric of matter itself, laying bare the most fundamental laws of the universe!
    Leela: Hey Fry, I know something you could lay bare.
    Fry: Leela! Shhh! I'm trying to listen to a physics lecture!
    • The "log I found in a hole in the bottom of the sea" rhymes
  • Farnsworth: The pursuit of knowledge is hopeless and eternal. (Cheers)
  • This:
    Amy: It seems their movements are a form of language. Rather than speaking Ja�English like us, they speak by dancing.

    Season 7 

The Bots and the Bees

  • When Bender's baby first appears, Bender predictably denies any connection with him. What does the baby say that proves he is the father?
    Bender: Aw, crap.
  • The scene where Bender is bonding with his son Ben is both funny and touching. It shows stereotypical father son activities such as fishing and learning to ride a bike, but they are actually stealing together.

A Farewell to Arms

  • Turns out the solar flare wasn't going to hit Earth (for once), but Mars... which everyone spent the whole episode evacuating to. Oops.
  • "Cowardman, away!"
  • The Great Revealo
    Fry: Wait! I did it. I got a Leela a ticket!
    Leela: How did you that?!
    Fry: A-ah-uh-uh! A magician never reveals his secrets. Except the Great Reveal-o!
    Zoidberg: That guy stinks.
    [The Great Reveal-o releases some doves, and the audience gasps in awe.]
    Great Reveal-o: The doves didn't magically spring from my hand, but rather were crammed into this netting sewn into my sleeve!
    [The audience claps.]
    Zapp: Thank you, Great Reveal-o!
  • When Mars approaches Earth, the resident recurring hobos Dandy Jim and Gus get this moment:
    Dandy Jim: I have got to quit drinking.
    [He throws his booze bottle in the air. The bottle gets caught in Mars' gravity and falls into the hands of Gus.]
    Gus: Thanks, friend!

Decision 3012

  • Bender is working for Nixon to dig up dirt on Chris Travers, a rival election candidate. While digging through his office for files at night, Travers comes back, forcing him to hide in the men's room disguised as a urinal (the rest of which are out of order). Cue Traverse walking up to Bender and unzipping his fly as we transition to the next scene.
    Nixon: Well, you did manage to get us a TREMENDOUS urine sample...
    Bender: (embarrassed and traumatized) Let's not talk about that...!
  • Bender in Nixon's office after attempting to get video of Travers at a strip club:
    Bender: In and out of the club thirteen times in one night. That's a record!
    Nixon: Where's Travers? All I see is you going in and out.
    Bender: Yeah, me. I set the record.
  • Bender "photoshopping" pictures of Travers, which is little more than pictures of Bender with fembots and tapeing a picture of Travers to his head.

The Thief of Baghead

  • Bender's stunt as a paparazzo is pretty hilarious. Seeing what he does to sabotage people so the pictures seem scandalous.

Zapp Dingbat

  • A trio of aliens use holophoners to create a male crossdressing dancer. Cue their audience:
    George Takei: Dance, slave!
  • Zapp Brannigan offending the Carcaron ambassadors by attempting to congratulate them in their native tongue only to say this:
    Zapp Brannigan: (Gurgles Carcaron language)
  • Leela tells her dad that she can't join him surfing because she has to keep an eye on her mom and Zapp so they don't "WEE WOO WEE WOO...chuggachuggachuggachuggachugga, yee haw!" which gives a surprisingly vivid depiction of Zapp and Munda's activities, down to what position they'll be in. Just how closely is she keeping an eye on them?
  • Munda angrily saying "sex with Zapp" to Leela to make her uncomfortable. Then she leaves the apartment, calls Leela and says it one last time.
  • Zapp officiating his own wedding.
  • The Carcarons interrupt Zapp's wedding:
    Zapp: We're under attack and the wedding's off. Kif, return fire and the cake.
    Kif: Our weapons are disabled, and you can't return ice cream cakes! We're doomed!

The Butterjunk Effect

  • There's a little gem from "The Butterjunk Effect":
    Leela: (seductively) Fry, keep your door unlocked tonight.
    Fry: But McGruff the crime dog says-! Oh....
  • Bender entering the room and waking in on Fry, Amy and Leela. He seems them altogether and gasps as his towel falls to the ground.
  • Great Self-Deprecation
    Bender: You can do work and be lazy at the same time! Like a voice actor!

The Six Million Dollar Mon

  • Hermes is doing performance reviews to determine which employee to fire. Cue Scruffy's review:
    Scruffy: My job? Toilets 'n' boilers, boilers 'n' toilets, plus that one boilin' toilet. Fire me if'n you dare.
  • A drop of LaBarbara's curry eats through the table... and descends through the apartment complex, causing general havoc until it drops straight into Robot Hell and onto the Robot Devil's head.
    Robot Devil (screaming in agony): Ahh! It burns! It burns!
    • Important to note: the Robot Devil was eating fire at the time.
  • Roberto yelling that he's going to stab the electro-magnetic chair.
  • Zoidberg might usually suck as a stand-up comic and a doctor, but he definitely shows a calling in ventriloquism!
    Zoidberg: Thank you, I'll be here all week!
    Lil' Hermes:You've been warned, people!
    • Of note is his ability to harmonize. With himself. Amy is annoyed and disturbed he's even capable of this.
  • "Robot brain implant? Never. No one in their right mind would do that." (Cuts to Professor Fansworth laughing in a dark thunder storm)
  • The first time everyone sees the bulking form of Mega Hermes:
    Fry: (looking over his reflective backside) Nice shiny metal ass, Hermes!
  • A deleted scene has Roberto peel Bender's metal skin off to demonstrate what he's going to do to Hermes, revealing that Lucy Liu is still living in his cabinet.

Fun on a Bun

  • The very first scene, Fry eats a dipped Doritos chip with his feet:
    Leela: Ugh, Fry! That's disgusting!
    Fry: What?
    Leela: You double-dipped! Geez...
    (Leela then proceed to eat a dipped Doritos chip with her feet)
  • Fry leading the Neanderthals' attack against the Homo sapiens.
    Fry:Kill all modern humans!
    Bender: Hey, this guy's alright.
  • The scene where Zapp is in his ship and the Neanderthals launch something with a catapult.
    Zapp Brannigan: What is that, Kif? (object is revealed to be a sabre-toothed cat which attacks him.)
    Kif: I believe it's a sabre-toothed cat, sir.
  • The Overly Long Gag between Hermes and the Megatherium.
  • Bender running back to a booth to drink beer and then a woolly mammoth crushes the booth.
  • "In light of your overwhelming victory, we'll call it a draw." —Zapp Brannigan
  • Bender, who has already taken advantage of the neanderthal attack to shove the second-place winner of the sausage competition (in which he himself placed third) into the path of a rhinoceros and steal his sash and trophy, encounters the first-place winner.
    Bender: Chef Fritz! Thank God you're all right! Come with me, I'll protect you!
    (He quietly rips off the second-place sash and throws away the trophy, then hoists Chef Fritz over his shoulders while letting out a tremendously evil cackle.)
  • Some unexpected wit from the Fry quarter:
    Farnsworth: Why, I don't even know half your names! You, boy. What do they call you?
    Fry: Most folks just call me "Orange Joe."

Free Will Hunting

  • All of Joey Mousepad's lines in "Free Will Hunting":
    Joey Mousepad: [offscreen] Psst. Over there.
    Bender: Where?
    Joey Mousepad:
    I mean over here. Sorry, I forgot where I was.
    Joey Mousepad: Sorry there, sport. That cash greenback belongs to us Mafiolios.
    • Bender prostituting himself off to Hedonismbot for $5 for a hit of spark, a substance "analogous to drugs":
    Hedonismbot: Hello, handsome. Might I procure your services?
    Bender: Uh, what do I have to do?
    Hedonismbot: Oh, nothing sordid, I assure you! Simply vomit on me, ever so gently, while I humiliate a pheasant. [Bender begins to retch.] Save it for the boudoir!
  • Bender in the hospital after being beaten up by the Robot Mafia
    Bender: It's been quite a journey. I dropped out of school, joined a gang, took money from a loan shark, and fell into a spiral of despair of addiction and discount prostitution.
    Hermes: Mon, you had one hell of a day!
  • Leela asking Bender if he's ready to make the delivery and then he spits gum in her hair.
  • Bender: Life is about decisions. Make the wrong ones, and you'll wind up face-down in a pool of your own blood and urine.
    Zoidberg: Still, to have your own pool!

Near-Death Wish

  • Leela coming on to Fry and then him rejecting her advances because "he's trying to meet old people".
  • On "Near Death Wish": Professor Farnsworth's bitterness at his parents causes him to run out into the street crying. While fully naked.
    Bender: That is one crazy, uncircumcised old man.
    • Also from the same episode, Farnsworth's parents tell him he can't go to college because he's not emotionally mature enough. Cue Farnsworth crudely mimicking them and then collapsing on his bed crying.

31st Century Fox

  • Fry drinks from the champagne fountain:
    Old woman: Uh young man. One does not drink from the champagne fountain in that manner.
    Fry: But he's doing it! [Bender's horse is drinking from the fountain]
  • Bender on a fox hunt after developing a sudden passion for the sport based on virtually zero knowledge:
    "Ah, yes, fox hunting. If there's one thing I know, it's everything about it." (Fox is revealed.) "What's that weird cat?"

Viva Mars Vegas

  • Big Spender, adapted for Zoidberg.
  • "Oh fuff! God didn't get to be God just by giving out money!" — Professor Farnsworth when Zoidberg says God gave him his sudden wealth.
  • When the Robot Mafia need to ditch a bag of money they've stolen, Joey Mousepad points out a specific dumpster in New New York that they could drop it off in. Clamps clarifies the exact location and Joey asks what other dumpster he could mean, as they—in Earth's orbit—get a good look at the entire Eastern Seaboard of North America.


  • An episode showing that Nature Is Not Nice complete with sponsor from Mutual of Omicron, mating season, Morgan Freeman parody narration,animals eating other animals and so on.
    • Elephant seal Bender defeating Kif. By which we mean smashing him into a pancake for hours after he died. While sleeping.

Forty Percent Leadbelly

  • When Bender talks about wanting to make up his own folk songs:
    Zoidberg: But robot, you can't make up folk songs like you can a medical diploma. (points to his head) They have to come from the heart.
  • Fry carrying dynamite into a railroad camp and dropping it. He then delivers it into a warehouse with other explosives and the whole building explodes.
    Gus: Dibs on the toes!
    • "So while Bender goofs off at some railroad camp, I have to deliver dynamite to a railroad camp myself! And it's the same railroad camp! I mean, the irony is palpable!"
  • Bender after his "artistic integrity" monologue: "LET'S SELL OUT"
    • And then he and Silicon Red become rappers!

2-D Blacktop

  • Speed Buggy's and Mach 5's cameoes in the junkyard.
  • "Bender is bored! Bender is bored! Bender, Bender, Bender! [gets sprayed over with cement]
  • "HOORAY! A TIE!"
  • While they're in the second dimension, Bender casually steals a four-pronged candelabra off a table. This becomes funny when they reappear in their dimension and Bender rolls up to his expected "We're back, baby" by popping four cigars in his mouth and lighting all of them at once.

T.: The Terrestrial

  • All of Bender's attempts to cover up the fact that he left Fry on Omicron Persei Eight. And the fact that he succeeds.
  • "The elves are back." [grabs a mallet]
  • Bender receives Oblivious Guilt Slinging:
    Leela: Bender, do you know where Fry is? I haven't seen him since we got back from Omicron Persei 8.
    Bender: Fry? Ahhhh, you, uh—just missed him! He went out to buy you flowers. Whatever kind you like best. 'Cause he loves you and crap.
    Leela: Aw, that's so sweet. Thanks, Bender. (She kisses Bender on the forehead and walks out. Farnsworth walks in wearing sunglasses.)
    Bender: Fry? Uhhhh, he, uh, went to get you a burrito at the gas station.
    Farnsworth: Awesome! You gotta love a dude that brings the munchie! Fry is one guy I'd definitely never abandon! (He kisses Bender on the forehead and walks out.)
  • Leela talking about the make-out session she and Fry supposedly had in a dark closet. Bender was pretending that Fry was still there so he wouldn't get in trouble for leaving Fry behind, this means Bender actually made out with Leela in a dark closet while pretending to be Fry.

Fry and Leela's Big Fling

  • When Fry and Leela come out of their lockers to have a romantic evening together, Fry wears a robe, which is still stuck on the hook. He gets snagged and asks Leela to help him.
  • When Fry and Leela are strolling through the park holding hands and having a romantic moment, Bender bursts through the trees on his nightly crime spree. He then tries to mug them anyways and reveals his "gun" is actually a carrot. Leela proceeds to beat the crap out of him and Fry and her steal the money he has stolen.
    Bender Help! I'm being mugged!
  • The scene where Leela suggests they go skinny dipping. It also shows a great amount of progression in their relationship that Leela does legitimately find Fry attractive.
  • The scene where Fry and Leela start having sex. Leela "wanting to make love by bug light" and the camera pulling away to show their friends' reactions. Zoidberg pretends to be horrified but when Amy, Bender, and Guenter walk away, he uncovers his eyes and watches Fry and Leela.
  • "You know who I hate most? That monkey we haven't seen in years, Gunter!" There's something hilarious about Gunter's shocked and annoyed reaction.
  • At the end of the episode, Bender desperately wants to tell Fry and Leela that they were at a zoo and all their "activities" were on display but Amy begs him not to because it will humiliate them. Fry and Leela then taunt them with earlier insults they had made about Amy and Zoidberg.
    Bender: Now can I!? Now can I!?
    Amy: Let 'er rip!
    (cue the Executive Producer credits, then cut back to Planet Express)
    Bender: YOU WERE IN A ZOO!!!

The Inhuman Torch

  • Mayor Poopenmeyer: (to Fry and Bender) You boys must have hero in your bones! (to Leela) And you, lady, must have heroine in your veins!
  • Hermes: It's like the flame has a mind of its own.
    Leela: It's deaky. Freaky-deaky!
  • The news report of the mine collapse:
    Linda: Officials concede that any attempt at rescue would be an agonizing suicide mission.
    Farnsworth: Good news, everyone!
    Leela: [disgusted sigh]
  • Zoidberg pole dancing on the fire station's poles:
    Zoidberg: Friends, look at these new poles. Get ready for one sexy firehouse.
    (Slides down the pole in a very seductive manner)
    Farnsworth: Zoidberg, quit turning us on and go polish your nozzle!
  • Zapp Brannigan isn't very good at astronomy.
    Zapp: They said it couldn't be done, Kif. But here we are, stealing an unlimited supply of birthday-grade helium from the unsuspecting moon.
    Kif: Sun.
    Zapp: But at night, it's called the moon.
  • Fry, Bender and Leela going in to rescue the trapped helium miners.
    Leela: (through a megaphone) Attention, helium miners! Can you hear me?
    Helium Voice from offscreen: For God's sake, help us!
    Another Helium Voice: We're in agonizing pain!
    [Fry, Bender and Leela start snickering uncontrollably.]
    Leela: (whispering) Stop laughing! (through megaphone) Help is on the way!
    Bender: (grabbing the megaphone) In the meantime, you should sing a song to keep your spirits up! How 'bout "Camptown Races"?
    Various Helium Voices: Camptown ladies sing this song, doo-da, doo-da...
    [Bender and Leela giggle.]
  • Fry and Bender's Seinfeldian Conversation about the "Find My Robot" app that Fry used to track Bender without his knowledge.
    Bender: Neat. What was it, 99 cents?
    Fry: No, free. But it's got ads on it.
    Bender: Ehh, that seems fair.
  • Fry insists that Bender would never commit arson for attention and lists all the reasons he actually would:
    Fry: For insurance money? Yes. Revenge? You bet. To give an autumn night that crisp, chestnutty smell? Absolutely.
  • After Planet Express becomes a fire department, Leela paints Nibbler so that he looks like a Dalmatian. When they're off to put out their fire fire, Nibbler sticks his head out of the ship like dog would.
  • Having saved the Earth from becoming another sun, Bender is proclaimed by the Sun Sages to be the greatest hero in Earth's history.
    Bender: Yes! Suck it, Gilgamesh!

Saturday Morning Fun Pit

  • Saturday Morning Fun Pit: Richard Nixon trying to edit G.I. Zapp for violence and language, making it a spot-on parody of G.I. Joe: The Movie—complete with an obvious, on-screen death being hastily edited into the character "sleeping."
    • The episode takes a "warts and all" approach to the cartoons being spoofed by acknowledging that, as well-remembered by those who grew up with them as they were, the old Saturday morning cartoons were not perfect. Examples of aspects of and stuff related to Saturday morning cartoons being poked fun at include cheesy "We'll Be Right Back" bumpers, excessive commercial breaks, the Merchandise-Driven nature of cutesy shows like Strawberry Short Cake, The Smurfs and My Little Pony, the gratuitous celebrity cameos in The New Scooby-Doo Movies, Moral Guardians (conservative and liberal) protesting over Saturday morning cartoons not being educational and being too violent, and how sports (ex: golf) shows always aired after a block of cartoons on network TV.
  • Bendy Boo: Buttery floor, "teriyucki" chicken, Larry Bird phoned-in cameo, reused animation, Shaggy Fry drug reference and so on.
    George Takei: I'm mentally ill. (Canned Laughter)
  • Purpleberry Pond: Bender calling Fry "chedderhead".
    Hermes: There goes the purplehood.
  • The "G. I. Zapp" episode that Nixon began censoring and unintentionally riffing beginning with what was entitled "Operation Throat Slit". Oh sorry, "Operation Banana Split".
    • His reaction to the G.I. Zapp team's strange-looking plane: "What the hell kinda plane is that?"
    • "We'll blow them straight to He—CHURCH!"
    • "Ready, aim, NEGOTIATE!"
    • The evil organization in the G.I. Zapp segment being called A.C.R.O.N.Y.M., especially since the acronym actually stands for something (A Criminal Regiment Of Nasty Young Men).
      Nixon: Oh, that's clever. I'll leave that the way it is.
    • Which is doubly hilarious when you remember that A.C.R.O.N.Y.M. is led by Professor Farnsworth.
    • Kiff: "Incoming surface-to-air—" Nixon: "TELEGRAM!"
    • This part isn't censored.
      Zapp: Pilot. Is your parachute packed and ready?
      Kif: Yes, sir.
      Zapp: Good, because I forgot mine.
    • The censored plane crash:
      Kif: Mayday, mayday! Tell my wife I'll be-"
      Nixon: Home for dinner! (plane crashes and explodes) I, uh, landed the plane safely next to this naturally occurring fireball. At Disneyland! (Kif's arm flies out of the explosion) Hi Tinkerbell!
    • As Leela throws a grenade: "Uh, here comes a water balloon. *BOOM* That's quite a splash."
    • After a ray gun successfully disintegrates a mercenary:
    • Amy throws an ax that lands in somebody's chest.
      Nixon: Yay! I caught it!
    • Amy uses blades to repeatedly stab a mercenary in the gut.
      Nixon: Three, four, cha cha cha!
    • As Hermes dunks a guy's head into a tank of water:
      Nixon: Find that apple! It's down there somewhere!
    • Nixon dubs Leela saying "bastards" with his own voice because "it's okay if I say it."
    • Nixon's replacement names for the G.I. Zapp soldiers:
      Fry: Freezer Burn!
      Leela: Nutcracker!
      Nixon: That's no name for a woman. Let's just call her "Pat"note .
      Hermes: Waterboard!
      Nixon: Helpful Johnny!
      Amy: Boxcutter!
      Nixon: Powder Puff!
      Bender: Orphan Crippler!
      Nixon: Uh, pass.
    • Bender's killing spree, complete with Wilhelm Scream. Nixon's expression is priceless.
      Nixon: That's it. I'm pulling the plug! Agnew! Cut to the PSA! (Agnew angrily puts on tape)
    • Nixon playing the introduction backwards.
    Narrator: G.I. Zapp is an elite force of—
    Nixon: Patriotic peacekeepers, who rebuild schools with their bullet-sucking vacuum tanks! Yeah, that's what they are.
    • As Fry getting shot: "Oh God it h—TICKLES!"
  • Great historical joke from the "G.I. Zapp" segment.
    Nixon: Rose Mary! Do we have anything to edit tape?!
    Female Voice (offscreen): Oh, you know we do!

Calculon 2.0

  • "Calculon 2.0" has a few good moments. "Hail science!"
    • Also the complete ridiculousness of the professor's science.
      Farnsworth: First, we put on our protective suits. (Puts on a black hooded robe) Then, place equal distance from the five nearest wireless network hubs.
      [The hubs project a pentagram in the air]
      Hermes: This is the least scientific thing I've ever seen!
      Farnsworth: You be quiet! Now it's a simple matter of reverse installing Calculon's operating system. Amy, play this installation disk backwards.
      Disk: Rise from the dead in the name of Satan.
      Farnsworth: Meanwhile, I'll get a spare circuit board from this mechanical goat. (cuts open goat like a sacrifice)
      Hermes: Seriously, this could not seem less scientific.
      [Farnsworth inserts the disk as Calculon's soul rises from the hub, causing the pentagram to ignite in hellfire!]
    • And then there is the Robot Devil's reaction to Calculon's less than stellar acting.
      Robot Devil (looking down at the damned being tortured): "Oh God, haven't they suffered enough?!!!"
    • When Fry and Bender show up and request Calculon's soul, the Robot Devil tries to make it seem like he doesn't want to be rid of Calculon by having Fry guess a number between one and three. Fry guesses that the number is four. The Robot Devil emphasizes that the number is between one and three, not including one or three. Fry then guesses that the number is "M". When Bender asks if Fry got it right, the Robot Devil sarcastically answers "Yes, the number I was thinking of was the letter M" and proceeds to just let Fry and Bender leave with Calculon.

Assie Come Home

  • This part:
    Fry: I never even knew you had an ass.
    Bender: (Makes frustrated grunts, his eye twitches)
    • Especially funny considering the very first thing Bender ever said to Fry was "Bite my shiny metal ass."
  • Bender biting his own shiny metal ass.
  • Bender finding his legs being attached to Tinny Tim. Crosses the Line Twice at its finest.
    Leela: Well, Bender, guess you won't be getting your legs back. But your sacrifice will let an innocent child live a full and happy life.
    (chainsaw noises are heard)
    Bender: (now with his legs) I'm sorry, you were sayin' something?
    Tinny Tim: Oh, crumb. I guess it's back to the cart for me. (miserably drags himself over to a cart made from some wooden planks with wheels stuck to them)
    Bender: Oooh, nice cart...
    (cuts to Bender using the cart as a skateboard)
    Bender: Hey, this thing's pretty smooth! Eh, but I still prefer walking. (tosses cart in the trash, while Leela glares daggers at him)
  • Tarquin (the lighthouse keeper who looks sorta like a toad mixed with some kind of bottom-dwelling fish) introduces himself:
    Name's Tarquin. Been alone here, tending this light, longer'n I can remember. [The "Ding" of a microwave is heard] That'll be my Cup-a-Soup. It's been microwavin' longer'n I can remember.
  • After Fry and Leela retrieve Bender's head and torso, you almost have to wonder if the entire plot was conceived just so Bender could combine two of his catchphrases:
    Bender: I'm 40% back, baby!

Leela and the Genestalk

  • From Leela and the Genestalk:
    Fry: You can't bend a wooden door!
    Bender: You know that and I know that, but this door looks pretty stupid. (Proceeds to bend door)
  • Bender finding Finn and Jake chained up in Mom's castle dungeon.
    Jake: What time is it?
  • This line after Fry and Bender return with Leela, who is now a mass of tentacles with a face.
    Fry: It's okay. Leela's just changed a little.
    Zoidberg: More than a little. She's beautiful!
  • Fry deals with his depression after Leela cuts off contact with the crew:
    Fry: I miss Leela so much. Last night in the bathtub, I ate a whole box of taco shells.
    Bender: (very annoyed) ...Yes. I was there!
  • Bender and Fry reach the top of the beanstalk:
    Fry: Whoa! Remember that mural on my cousin's van? It's like it came to life!
    Bender: (frustrated) I keep telling you, we didn't grow up together!

Game of Tones

  • Leela (to Michelle): Hey you hussie! You can't dump Fry. That's my job! (Fry nods in agreement)

Murder on the Planet Express

  • Fry forgets his magnetic shoes that let him stick to the outside of the ship and promptly floats away, screaming for Bender to help...despite claiming himself as the only person he ever trusts. Bender makes a super tiny sigh with unmistakable "Oi, this guy again" subtext.
  • Fry solves the problems of Bender's broken gyroscope and his own broken space helmet at the same time by wearing Bender's body like a spacesuit, creating a composite being called "Frender." It Makes Just As Much Sense In Context.
    Fry and Bender: (singing) Frender Frender Fren–DER! Frender Frender Fren–DER! Frender Frender...
  • Amy apparently posted on Facebook that Leela wears a jock strap, thinking it was a thong.
  • Hermes' manwich gets switched with a kidney that Bender stole from Fry to sell to a man in need of one. The man in question turned out to be Farnsworth so...
    • The entire sequence explaining this, which involves various members of the crew pulling out hidden security footage to indict each other and revealing a whole host of unexpected and bizarre truths instead, including the fact that Leela ate Fry's kidney after Bender put it in Hermes' refrigerated lunchbox to keep it cool.
      Fry: You ate my kidney?
      Leela: I thought it was one of Hermes' exotic lunches!
      Hermes: You can't eat my exotic lunch! That's a serious offense, woman!
      Fry: She ate my kidney!
      Leela: I'm sorry! I just get really hungry around 11:30! That's not an excuse, it's...just an explanation of what happened!
      Farnsworth: (entering) Ohhhh, I don't feel well! I'm beginning to think my kidney transplant was a total rip-off!
    • In a random aside, it turns out that Zoidberg was using Leela's punching bag as a sleeping bag.
      Leela: You were living in my punching bag?
      Zoidberg: (unimpressed) If you call that living.
  • The many disguises the shapeshifter uses to fool the crew and eat them:
    • Twice does it fool them by posing as the Professor. When the third time they suspect him of being the monster, Amy then devours him, with the real Amy standing up from behind a chair.
    • Fry and Leela hide inside a closet and end up kissing. However, Fry then notices Leela is biting him while kissing, and then he realizes she's not the shapeshifter but him and devours her.
  • Bender is irritated that Fry doesn't trust him although he hasn't made even a token attempt to pretend that he didn't steal Fry's kidney while he was sleeping.
    Fry: You go first. I don't want you locking me out there like HAL.

Stench and Stenchibility


  • A Black Comedy one-liner from Fry, caught in the middle of a time-loop where he's constantly falling to his death:
    Fry: You know those dreams you have when you're falling and you fade out just before you hit the ground? Those are great. [SPLAT]
  • Fry's "Groundhog Day" Loop of his fall from the building is the darkest thing the show has ever done, but that doesn't stop it being hilarious. Especially when he gets tired of the endless plunge and falls asleep mid-fall.
  • The last few minutes, where Fry and Leela are stuck as the rest of existence is frozen in time, is a true period of heartwarming. Except when Fry and Leela decide to get married, and drag all their friends and family to a church. Several of them are frozen in weird positions, like Bender drinking, and Leela's dad brushing his teeth.

  • Almost the entirety of the Emmy-winning show (with a few tear-jerking moments) to the point of being named "Most Critically Acclaimed Animated Series" by Guinness Book Of World Records.
  • Some of the episode titles: "That Darn Katz!" (That Darn Cat!), "2-D Blacktop" (Two-Lane Blacktop), "31st Century Fox", etc.
  • The teases. The writers love to poke fun at this cliché (ex: "Anthology of Interest II"- Fry gets another life after losing his last one).
  • Use of Public Domain cartoons in the opening title sequences - equivalent to the Couch Gag.
  • The title caption gags are always a good laugh.
  • Fry is just a showcase of CMOF quotes:
    • "I'm getting one of those things again! You know, a headache with pictures!" "An idea?" "Mmm! Mmm!"
    • "It's like there's a party in my mouth and everyone's throwing up."
    • "What smells like blue?"
    • "But Bender need brain! For smart-making!"
      • "What did you do now? Stop doing things!"
    • "Wait! There on the screen! It's that guy you are!"
    • "I heard alcohol makes you stupid." "No I'm... doesn't."
  • Same goes for Bender. You can't help but laugh at him every time he says something.
  • And Zoidberg! He has one of the highest laughs-per-minute rates in the show.
  • Mom seems to enjoy berating her children too much to care what little sense she makes.
    Jam a bastard in it, you crap!
    By monkey cake, I meant your ass!
  • During one of the commentaries for the films, the filmmakers referred back to the episode "Bend Her" and coming up with the name "Congo Jack," stating that it was an over the top name that would only make sense in a soap-opera type environment. The person then pointed out that they came up with this name in the same episode they introduced Barbados Slim.
  • The advertisements in the intro, particularly "Molten Boron" and "Thompson's Teeth".
  • Futurama fansite The Infosphere frequently uses the word "sexfully" in lieu of "seductively" in its episode transcripts, alluding to a line of Zapp's from "Love's Labour's Lost in Space" (a gag which started with transcripts hosted on defunct fansite The Neutral Planet).

    The comics 
  • The first issue begins with the Professor getting Fry, Bender and Leela to dig a hole in order to hide a large death ray he built before the cops show up. The night before, he accidentally blew up one of Jupiter's moons with it, but Bender isn't remotely sympathetic.
    Bender: Eh, that planet had too many moons to begin with.
    Farnsworth: Damn straight!
  • This, from the Simpsons / Futurama crossover:
    The Professor: Good news, everyone!
    Hermes: "Good news, everyone!" is a registered trademark of Planet Express. The management guarantees no actual good news.
    • Sticking Fry, Bender and Leela in a comic book ad (for lack of anywhere better to put them), the Brains take Paper-Thin Disguise to astounding new heights.
      Fry: (to Bender) Hey, have you see a giant brain anywhere?
      Bender: You mean besides the lifeguard?
      (We see the Giant Brain, wearing sunglasses, sunblocker and shorts, despite having no legs)
      Giant Brain: Err, no horseplay! Did you wait an hour before swimming?
      (Fry punches the Giant Brain)
    • In a hilarious Nice Job Breaking It, Hero!, Fry wonders aloud why the Brains had to accompany them into works of literature, and just transport them there so they'd be stuck forever. The brains realize they could have done that all along. As they're being sent into a Simpsons comic:
      Farnsworth: Fry...
      Hermes: Let me say it: "You're an idiot."
    • How the rest of the Planet Express crew wound up there in the first place: Fry pointed out that even if he, Bender and Leela are defeated, the others could potentially stop them. So the Brains go and fetch them as well.
    • Stuck in a Simpsons comic, with the cast missing, Fry and Nibbler discuss their options.
      Fry: I refuse to give up so long as there's a shred of hope.
      Nibbler: There isn't.
      Fry: An iota of hope?
      Nibbler: No.
      Fry: How about false hope?
      Nibbler: (sighs) Yes.
      Fry: All right!
    • Bender, having wandered into Moe's Bar, gets mistaken for the Duff mascot.
      Bender: That's me alright, the new Duff mascot, spreading alcohol-fuelled love and peace. Now pour me a beer or I'll tear your arms off, jerk-wad!
    • Hermes and Zoidberg manage to wander into the power plant, and assume they're friends. It has to be seen to be believed.
    • Professor Farnsworth gets interred at the Springfield Retirement Castle, where he and Abe Simpson get into a ramble off, which Professor Frink witnesses.
      Frink: Dad, who is that man?
      Frink Snr: Oh, he's a new, but he's making up stories like a pro already! He'll fit right in.
      Frink: (hurries over to a nurse) Nurse, I wish to sign that man out. I have reason to believe he's as much a genius as I with the brain power and the lateral thinking.
      Nurse: I'm sorry, Professor Frink, but only a family member or someone legally responsible for him can do that.
      Frink: (holding a remote) I didn't want to resort to this, but...
      (Frink presses on the remote. A robot smashes its way into the building. Cut to the Professor in a car with Frink and the robot.)
      Professor: Why am I with you again?
      Frink: Because my robot may have artificial intelligence, but it has real power of attorney!
    • At the climax, Homer tries to free a captive Zoidberg... and dunks him in radioactive waste. Zoidberg comes out hideously mutated. At least, by his standards. By humans... well.
      Zoidberg: (as Amy, Leela and Marge literally stare drooling) It's worse than I thought! The women are drooling with disgust!
  • In issue 4, Zapp goes missing on a planet that in no way resembles Vietnam, so DOOP contracts Leela to find and retrieve him (on the grounds that she "did the hipedy-dipedy" with him). When she's reluctant, the DOOP councilwoman offers Planet Express a generous bonus, three times their normal fee, a bonus big enough that Fry and Bender are willing to escort Leela at gunpoint to the planet. Then we find out from Kif just how much this bonus is:
    Kif: The best twenty dollars the DOOP ever spent.
    • During her meeting with Planet Express, the councilwoman mentions that Nixon is deliberately prolonging the war. Why? Because of the benefits the suffering brings to the folk music scene. Bender approves.
      Bender: Ah, senseless violence. The folk musician's best friend!
  • "Who's Dying to be a Millionaire", first introduced to us by frazzling Free Waterfall the Third on live TV, to Morbo's utter glee.
    • Fry volunteers to be on the death show (apparently being allowed through the complicated entry process within seconds of phoning up). Leela and the Professor discuss his options.
    (As Leela and the Professor look on, Fry walks into a wall.)
    Fry: You want a piece of me? Step outside, it's go time!
    Leela: He has no chance in Hell, does he?
    Professor: Less.
  • While looking for a school to send Cubert to, the gang find an underwater school where the kids aren't rewarded with grades, but oxygen. A student who is clearly suffocating runs up to the principal.
    Student: (muffled noises, while pointing at throat)
    Principal: Yes, well, you should have thought about that before handing in your book report. The Count of Monte Cristo was not a vampire!
  • Due to the Professor messing around with a time-machine, everyone on Earth save Fry, Bender, Leela and Cubert get stuck in the distant past. Labarbara doesn't take it well.
    Labarbara: You did this to us, ya old fossil! I'm going to bury you, go the future, then use you to fuel me car!
  • Lrr and Ndnd plan to settle a now abandoned Earth, over the crew's objections.
    Lrr: Our sensors detect only four lifeforms! That is not enough to form a boy band, let alone a civilisation!
  • Fry disguising himself as a Catholic priest to fool Lrrr and Ndnd.
    Fry: I'm Father O'Malley, and may the Lord upstairs forgive ye, ye unholy alien overlords.
  • After apparently fooling Ndnd into believing Earth is inhabited, Lrr turns around and thanks them.
    Lrr: Redecorating the planet for her would have cost me a fortune.
    Fry: So.. we didn't fool you with our brilliant disguises?
    (Lrr begins cackling madly, even as his ship takes off)
    Bender: Man, that guy's laugh really carries.
  • One issue has a time-travelling Bender encounter a version of the Salem Witch trials, only the humans are hunting robots. Bender watches as a human is put on trial for being a robot, with ridiculous "tests" that wouldn't work on robots, like being tickled by feathers, feeling no pain when their hair is cut, being able to float in water, that sort of thing. Bender asks the nearest robot what's going on, and it turns out humans asked the robots for a list of robot weaknesses. So the robots played them for chumps and ran for it.
    • "Luckily, prejudiced people are morons."
    • The Mayor's reasoning for why there's a robot about: Their crops have failed, their milk has turned, and his wife no longer kisses him when he comes home. His wife has a theory:
    Wife: Well, maybe if you asked me how my day was, and brushed your teeth after drinking the sour milk...
    • Plus, as the human being tried protests: "Do not listen to him! He speaks in sinful binary lies!"
    • Bender trying to calm the mob (and getting them to join him in song) only results in a Smash Cut to him about to be burnt at the stake.
    Bender: You know, that's really more of a chant...
    Samantha (a robot): Oh, will you shut up?!
    • And the wonderful Brick Joke in the next issue. Bender shows up unharmed, and when asked how he survived he just points out that he's a robot. He didn't burn.
  • More time-travel shenanigans, when Leela encounters a version of Ancient Greece ruled by robot gods, specifically this part of the exposition.
    Man: At first the gods ruled wisely, and benevolently. And then their total power corrupted them. Honestly, who could've seen that one coming?
  • During Leela's time-travel escapades, the robo-gods eventually decided to kill all life on Earth.
    Robot Hermes (not ''that'' one) There! That missile will hit the north pole, melt the ice caps, and flood the Earth!
    Leela: Why would you even do that?
    Robot Hermes: It's just the sort of thing gods do when we're bored!
  • Hermes, starving hungry because of Bender's awful cooking, takes his anger out on Fry.
    Hermes: You leave me no choice but to dock your pay and eat your shirt!
    (cut to Fry watching Hermes doing exactly that)
    Fry: Are you just doing this because you're hungry and don't want to eat Bender's food?
    Hermes: Nonsense! Now get back ta work before I'm forced to eat your delicious pants!
  • Bender, corrupt with power as Nixon's presidential health advisor, demands everyone attend a "health workshop" in Madison Cube Garden immediately.
    Fry: (who's stuck in a tube) What, now?
    Bender: (who really shouldn't be able to hear him) No, the kind of immediately where you sit around on your ass for an hour. Yes, now!

  • Basically all the sound effects jokes, especially the sudden gag of the Planet Express crew "happily" beating Zoidberg with a banjo. And later, Bender randomly beating Fry with the same banjo, as well as a bagpipe, and a piano.
  • Apparently, the Transition Announcer, real name Don Cunningham, is the true hero of the story.
  • The same scream sound effects used for the people of New New York, Caracas, Nairobi, Amarillo, and Tokyo. (The latter is even funnier, because the Transition Announcer claims it to be more subdued, since they were used to "frequent Godzillings".)
  • After a sweet moment between Leela and Fry, Leela is about to kiss Fry but Zoidberg starts kissing him instead. She asks Zoidberg to stop so she can but he continues to kiss Fry.


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