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Funny / Dissidia Final Fantasy

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  • A number of Kefka's lines are funny:
    (after casting Forsaken, gleefully with unrestrained ecstasy): "Does it hurt? DOES IT?"
    (after casting Trine, looking around with his hand above his eyes): "THIS is gonna hurt!...did I get 'em?"
    "I'm afraid the mouse is SMACK! dabinthemiddle of enemy territory."
    "Is someone having a bad hair day?"
    "That hag isn't worth the dirt on the bottom of my boots! This is why I hate working with amateurs."
    "Who? What? When-where-why?"
    • And then we got Dissidia 012 and Kefka's comments on Kuja.
    "I've decided to help that spoony bard!"
    "He and his black thong are going to regret this!"
    • Kefka and Vaan. Words can not do those scenes justice.
    Vaan: (grabs Terra's hand and begins to run off) "I'm gonna take the girl! Catch you later!"
    Kefka: (isn't paying attention, waving to them) "Yeah, it's been a pleasure." (finally realizes what Vaan's doing) Wait you're- WHAT?!
    • Just bringing in some Manikins would be boring, but he gives it flair.
    Kefka: "Ladies and gentlemen, let's hear a warm round of applause for the awe-inspiring manikins! Come on in then, don't be shy! Now then, my beauties! Don't forget tomorrow is payday, let's earn those coins. Beat those Cosmos cronies into a bloody pulp!"
    • Any scene from the 12th cycle featuring both Kefka and Kuja is guaranteed to be a CMOF. You've got to be Kefka if you can, considering you're in a Final Fantasy game, pull a fart joke out of nowhere.
    "It gives me gas, I say! And I... *blat* give it back."
    "I shall extend a personal fave... or."
    "The fact you... LET THEM GET AWAY is most regrettable."
    • "'Step aside', she says. Do we look like sidesteppers?"
    • *In a sing-song tone* "I see a poser!"
    • His encounter quote against Ultimecia in Duodecim:
    *in a playful tone* "Using time to get rid of those wrinkles?"
    • Kefka's sole contribution in the opening to the original Dissidia? Grabbing Zidane's tail and chucking him helplessly through the air.
  • "Sweet Cosmos, it's a talking rock!"
  • This exchange between Tidus and Cloud:
    Tidus: And that... (just realizes Cloud and Squall have walked ahead, apparently not interested in his story) is my story.
    Cloud: Guess what? The story continues.
  • Gilgamesh's Ex Burst. Better yet, the failure version
  • Squall reaches Ultimecia's castle to confront his villain and delivers his Heroism Motive Speech about how he will defeat her for the sake of his True Companions, and prepares to face her and Garland at once in a two-on-one fight. Cue Zidane's Dynamic Entry by tackling Garland — who is three times his size and wearing a full suit of plate armor — off to the side and telling Squall to stop showing off.
    • The best part? Just before it, Garland looks to the side. The poor sap sees it coming!
    • Not to mention that Squall is facing away from Garland to talk to Ultimecia as it happens — at the clang of the impact, his normally stoic expression changes to one of surprise and he whips his head to the side to see what it was.
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    • Adding fuel to the fire, in Zidane's side of the story, he doesn't even hear the inspiring speech. He just sees Squall surrounded. The first thing out of his lips when he realizes things?
    "That idiot."
  • In Dissidia 012 Prologus, Lightning tosses out "Who died and made you Primarch?" when Warrior of Light tries to give her orders.
  • In Duodecim, everyone has fairly epic Encounter lines when facing Feral Chaos. Vaan, on the other hand..
    "COOL! I'll take this guy out!"
  • In Duodecim, Laguna encounters the Cloud of Darkness. He gets a leg cramp out of nervousness. He also says "munchkins" instead of "manikins" — repeatedly — in spite of the Cloud of Darkness correcting him, and one gets the impression that she just doesn't know what to make of him at all. Here's the leg cramp.
    • What really makes the leg cramp scene is CoD's expression while poor Laguna is on the ground grunting in pain, and what she says afterwards. She really has no idea of what to make of him.
    • In a way the scene makes the Cloud of Darkness an almost equal amount of laughs, playing the Straight Man to Laguna. When she first notices his hesitation she assumes it's because he's afraid of her (apparently not comprehending that men can get distracted by scantly clad females for reasons other than fear). In fact, she seems completely clueless throughout both games just how un-terrifying her appearance is to men in general. Which somehow makes her a very amusing character in her own naive way.
    • And then there's the Shout-Out that is his secret EX Burst line — "You're getting the cuchi cuchi treatment!"
  • Firion trying to get his wild rose from Lightning, but he shies away whenever someone interrupts their conversation. Made all the more hilarious when Cecil plays a bit of Shipper on Deck, much to Firion's embarrassment.
    • It gets a bit funnier if you watch the mindset as Cecil trying to be a father, looking out for his son.
    • In addition, Cecil tries to help by calling Lightning over so that Firion can talk to her. Said swordsman's response is to yelp "N-no, don't call her over!" - Johnny Yong Bosch's delivery makes him sound exactly like someone panicking over their crush being near, which doesn't help matters in Firion's favour.
    • Another funny moment from that scene is Lightning's Deadpan Snarker reply to Firion:
    Firion: I want to talk to you...
    Lightning: You know, I'm starting to wonder if you ever will. Spit it out already.
  • Depending on your viewing of it, the buff to Golbez's 'Gravity Force' attack in Duodecim; it now breaks an opponent's attempt to guard against it, while Golbez quips with a deadpan "Allow me to give you something." In the first game, it was easily blocked because of its long start-up time (especially when you consider how quickly the rest of his attacks start). A marvelous way to catch out those who played through the first game.
  • Tifa dumps a potion out over Kain's head and tells him, essentially, to stop being dumb. Then she announces that she'll have to come with him because she's used up her potion. Kain is stymied.
  • From the first game: "Inside your HEAD... is the Void."
  • Laguna enthuses about all the interesting people making up Cosmos's side:
    Laguna: They've got armor like I've never seen, and one of 'em even has a tail! (laughs) Oh yeah, the tail guy? He sure wasn't happy when I yanked on it. That thing is real!
    Squall: *staring, dumbfounded* (You — yanked on it?)
    • And then another scene regards Zidane grousing over the same incident.
  • In Dissidia 012, Squall finds a Summonstone
    Alexander: I am...the hallowed king...Revere...and worship me.
    Squall: ( just want some attention.)
  • Vaan talking to Onion Knight. While everyone else sees Onion Knight as a great warrior, Vaan can't get past that Onion Knight is a kid. Vaan then tries to be Onion Knight's big brother, treating Onion Knight like a kid and yelling at others for not going easy on him. Then they meet up with Laguna and Squall, where this exhange occurs.
    Laguna: Look at them, they're just like brothers.
    Vaan: We're not like brothers, we are brothers.
    (Laguna and Vaan walk away)
    Squall: Sucks to be us, huh?
  • From Duodecim, the Report in which Laguna interacts with Squall. Notable moments include Squall's inner monologue flipping out over Laguna calling an ordinary rose he picked a wild rose (this is the same flower that Firion will carry for that cycle and the next), and Laguna changing his tone to impersonate Squall while mocking his reasons for being antisocial. However, the speech that Laguna delivers next doubles as a Heartwarming Moment and a Tear Jerker, considering Laguna's backstory in VIII.
  • Once you complete the storyline mode in 012, you'll hear a character call out "Square Enix" and the game's title during start-up, with who says it depending on the day and time. All of them are in-character for it, Large Ham included. Chaos' call is particularly amusing.
    "Squaaaaaaaaare Enixxxxxxxxx...."
    • And then, obviously...
  • Bartz and Tidus are talking about things and Bartz mentions how he knew someone dear to him that taught him how to hold on when you don't remember anything. Tidus instantly starts teasing him:
    Tidus: Must be a pretty girl for you to remember that.
    Bartz: Nope. Old guy.
    Tidus: What?
    Bartz: Yeah, it was an old guy. Don't remember much about him, though.
    (Tidus starts laughing, confusing Bartz.)
  • Gilgamesh's banter when he reaches the third stage of vanilla-Chaos's battle.
    Gilgamesh: "I have more arms than him!" note 
  • In the Quickbattle mode of the first game, if you set the battle as any given character vs. themselves, chances are their opening quotes will be one of the funniest things they'll say in the game. Examples include:
    • Jecht vs. Jecht: "I get to fight with the best fighter in the world."
    • Kefka vs. Kefka: Ohhhh..."Who's *that* handsome devil?"
      • From 012, in a dreamy voice: "Now that's what I call a true work of art..."(trailing off a little here).
    • Bartz vs. Bartz: "Hey, looking good!"
      • From 012: "Hows about we have a staring contest?"note 
    • Onion Knight vs. Onion Knight: "Hmph. A poor imitation."
      • 012 version: "Did I have a twin brother?"
    • Cloud vs. Cloud: "Not you again...!"
  • On the subject of Opening Quotes, one of Cloud's is "How dare you." Which is mostly hilarious due to the sheer lack of context, but Steve Burton's deadpan delivery certainly helps.
  • Just after Bartz hands Squall his "lucky feather" and runs off, saying that Squall should hold on to it until they run into each other again. Squall just stands there, perfectly still for a long moment. And all he can say about the bizarre situation is...
    Squall: (Who said anything about a promise?)
  • Mognet has some of these: one of the letters has a moogle that asks you to shout things out loud, and one of the choices is "Cloud of Darkness, take it all off!". Picking it causes him to tell you that you should tone it down a bit so you won't traumatize the kids in the audience and presents "Zoom camera into Tifa's cleavage!" as a better option.
    • Another has you confessing that you're too busy snickering at Ultimecia's outfit to actually fight.
    • One chain of mail involves spam for a "Moglimesh" series.
    • Yet another culminates in the game obliquely calling Sephiroth a "metrosexual samurai". No, really!
  • In one of the Reports, a nameless scientist makes a surprisingly funny (though still morbid) comment in his field journal just before he attempts to escape assassins sent to kill him and the rest of his research team.
  • Take your pick of funny from Zidane's intro quotes to the ladies. The Chivalrous Pervert doesn't know when to knock it off.
    vs Cloud of Darkness: "You sure are impressive, in more ways than one."
    vs Terra (in Dissidia): "Fight a girl? This'll be tricky."
    vs Tifa: "Headstrong and skimpy, I like it!"
    vs Prishe: "A foul mouth's a part of the charm."
    vs Lightning: "Hey Light, would you go easy on me?"
    • Hilariously, his line regarding Lightning is the least suggestive, and then there's her response:note 
    Lightning: "Sorry, but a fight's a fight."
  • If you set Laguna as your assist, and call on him to perform Satellite Laser — and it misses — he will not utter his usual assist lines. Instead, he'll yell "QUIT DODGING!"
  • After Bartz gets caught observing the Emperor, Ultimecia, and Sephiroth just as they were about to fight amongst themselves. While The Emperor and Ultimecia contemplate what to do with Bartz, Sephiroth takes the opportunity to walk away nonchalantly.
  • Upon meeting the Warrior of Light for the first time, Prishe had this to say:
    "The only folks I've seen who don't belong to either side are the Moogles. And you don't look like a Moogle."
    • As Prishe and Garland are about to fight over who gets custody of the warrior. The warrior stands off to the side, and utterly fails to react to either of them.
  • Also from Duodecim, when you start up a game, you're asked a few questions. One of these is your experience playing Dissidia. If you say you've "mastered" the previous game, you're immediately thrown into a Hopeless Boss Fight against Feral Chaos. With a level 1 Lightning who you've had absolutely no chance to customize. See for yourself.
  • When you start Squall's story in Duodecim, you'll see Bartz and Zidane standing in the distance just watching an Ultimecia manikin wander around. It's funny in an adorable way.


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