Funny / Archer Season Six

"The Holdout"

• The Brick Joke that Archer had absconded and is drinking cobra whiskey (as in giant bottles with a cobra in them) as two Thai call girls ask for payment.
  "There's an extra ฿20,000 in it for you if you are genetic females." (they present themselves with their backs to the viewer so we can't tell from...you know, or from Archer's nonplussed reaction whether they are ladyboys.)
• The reveal of the team's shiny new office, all futuristic and clean, stark-white and shimmering, just like Malory had envisioned it... Only for the moment to be utterly destroyed when Cheryl and Pam reveal it's an elaborate hologram and everything is exactly the same as it was, having blown all of Malory's money on an elaborate recreation right down to the bloodstains in the carpet and squeaky drawers. All of this, just to screw with Malory and make her cry. Except for Milton the toast-dispensing robot, the aforementioned hologram projectors, and the Japanese-style onsen, hidden behind a secret passage in the janitor's closet, accessible via retinal scanner, that only Pam and Krieger know about so far.
  • When asked why she would spend several months and millions of dollars on this endeavour, Cheryl just wordlessly gestures at Malory having a conniption and sniggers.
• Malory's growing frustration at everything in the office being exactly the same, right down to the taste of the ice she uses.
• Mixed with Heartwarming, but Archer shooting at the CIA extraction Team yelling at him and Kentaro while the latter talks on the phone to his wife whom he hasn't seen in decades.
  Archer: We need a minute, Captain Shitnuts! *giddily to Kentaro* Tell her I said "hi"!

"Three to Tango"

• After they reach the apartment that Conway Stern is hiding out in Lana asks Archer to at least try to not do anything stupid and rampage-y. Archer pretends to mull this over for a few seconds until Conway is at the door, and then Archer yells out "REVENGE RAMPAGE!" He then kicks down the door and a really well-animated fight scene ensues while Lana calmly makes tea.
• Pam demanding to know if it is too much to ask for two separate sessions of 80-minute dump time per workday.
• Archer's cover name in the episode: Coronel Lando Calrissiano de la Forces Especialle.
• While arguing over who should get custody of AJ in the event of Archer and Lana's deaths, Ray says that it should be him... right as he lights up a cigarette while standing right next to AJ. When Cyril points this out to him, Ray inhales the entire cigarette in one go, drops the butt into Cyril's mug of coffee, and then blows an entire cigarette of smoke in his face.
• The ending; first, Lana cutting off Conway's other hand for commenting on her baby weight and again when, after a surprisingly touching chat about AJ's custody should one of them die, Archer finds out Lana has a sister. There is a long pause and we all know what's coming, and we kind of hope Archer keeps his mouth shut, but nope:
  Archer: [leaning across Lana, who is staunching the bullet wounds in his back] Is she younger?
  Lana: [Beat] [pushes down really hard on the bullet wounds, causing Archer to scream] (Cue end credits)
• After five years of theories and questions, we learn that Conway Stern's real name is... Conway Stern.
• Cybernetty Teddly trying to cheer up Krieger.

"The Archer Sanction"

• Malory turns the tables on Archer and pulls off her own elaborate voice mail prank. Archer's reaction is priceless.
• Archer only skimmed the briefing, did not bring it along, and did not give it to either Ray or Lana, and could not remember who the target was. He could only remember that the target was from a country that, in WWII, was an Axis power. And the three other climbers are a Japanese woman, a German man, and an Italian man.
• Archer only figures out who the assassin is because he assumed Ireland was an Axis power.
  Lana: But seriously, how in the hell did you think Ireland was an Axis power?
  Archer: [Chuckling] Oh, my God, I think this whole time I was actually thinking of Romania, but only as an inevitable consequence of the Molotov-Ribbentrop pact and the Soviet invasion of Bessarabia.
  • Although in the season 3 episode "Lo Scandalo", he is told Ireland wasn't an Ally power, but neutral.
  Archer: Wait, seriously? They were Nazis?
• "Ray forgot the gum!"
  • Ray actually does have gum but was hoarding it for himself.
• Someone, (probably Krieger) has a "Teutonic Butts" ringtone. And it has the exact same beat and everything as Archer's "Mulatto Butts" ringtone.
• Malory has gone MIA in the episode and, in Lana's words, "absconded" with Baby A.J., so the rest of the gang search her apartment for her. All the while, the gang mysteriously comes down with bouts of projectile vomiting. At the end of the episode, it turns out she was only gone because her apartment was being fumigated.
• Throughout the episode, Ray and Lana flirt with the incredibly handsome mountaineering guide (although Lana is doing it partly to make Archer jealous) and after narrowly avoiding death:
  Lana (to Archer): So, will you be super pissed if I bang him?
  Ray (from offscreen): Yes!
• "Don't worry about it."
• While everyone else is celebrating Cheryl's birthday in the secret Japanese onsen, Krieger is swimming through it looking for some creature.
  Krieger: Don't make any sudden movements. Bowel or otherwise.
• When the gang reaches Malory's apartment, Cheryl unlocks her door and immediately passes out.
  Pam: Looks like Pam's lucky night!
  (Shocked response from Cyril and Krieger)
• One of the climbers has fallen down a crevasse. Crash, the guide outlines his plan to rescue her (clip on, abseil down on a v-thread, and try to reach her):
  Archer: [in a mocking tone] I'm gonna blip blorp, blobba-do dob onna beep borp, check out mah beard!
• As Crash begins his rescue, a brutal storm starts coming in:
  Archer: [looking up at the swirling vortex in a dark, angry sky] Um...should somebody call the Ghostbusters?
• After Archer, Lana and Ray survive the avalanche (and Lana ruins Archer's Peppermint Patties), Archer admits to having a weird bucket list.
  Ray: Number 3, bang Joe Fraiser.
  Archer: Really regret sharing that with you.

"Edie's Wedding"

• Barry reveals that Katya left him for "literally the dumbest guy in Russia", Boris. His idiocy is driven home by a scene of him attempting to serve Katya breakfast in bed:
  Boris: Who want waffle? (lifts the lid off the platter, revealing a plate of syrup with a pad of butter floating on top of it, and is clearly devastated to see this) ...I forget to make waffle.
• The opening scene. Almost 2 minutes of Pam blubbering, and Archer maneuvering her like furniture to make himself a cup of coffee.
• When Malory walks out, she tells Cheryl, "...and try not to burn the place down".
  Lana: (angry at Malory for insulting her parenting skills) I hope you do burn this place down.
  Cheryl: She said not to. ...(gasps) She said try not to!
• Pam tells Barry she's "his worst frickin' nightmare." Barry's response?
  Barry: And by the way, my ACTUAL worst nightmare, which is recurring, is me and Santa Claus being chased through the snow by Lurch from The Addams Family.
  Pam: [Beat]...Why did you tell me that?

"Vision Quest"

• The Bottle Episode features the entire cast (sans Malory) stuck in an elevator. Hilarity Ensues.
• Krieger installed a signal jammer on the roof of the elevator "so that people would stop looking at their phones and talk to each other."
• Archer insists that Ray engage "interface" with the elevator, to help them get unstuck.
  Archer: Okay Ray, interface.
  Ray: I'm sorry?
  Archer: With the controls [pokes Ray and does beeping sounds] Come on cyborg, R2-D2 it.
  Ray: R2-D2 it?
  Archer: Yeah, probe around in there and, whatever, shut down the tractor beam.
  Ray: With what? My dick?
  Archer: I... However you normally do it.
  Ray: I don't normally do it!
  Archer: I know, but this is an emergency.
• When asked if she is a mind reader, Carol/Cheryl list off the defining vices of the entire cast. Archer wants to drink, Lana wants to lecture people, Pam wants another Bear Claw, Ray wants to smoke, Cyril wants to masturbate and Krieger is worried that they'll find out he's a clone.
  • "I do NOT want to masturbate!!!"
• Archer getting everyone to stop bickering by threatening to fire a shot into the ceiling. Which he later does, rendering the entire group temporarily deaf.
  "Trust me, you do not want tinnitus."
• They try to get Milton for help, but all it does is pop toast in their general direction.
• Pam chugs an entire 40 and then has to pee.
  • Which she does... But she can't get it back in the bottle and it goes everywhere. Archer wants to use Cyril's sweater vest to mop up the urine, but stops after he is informed that it is cashmere.
  Cyril: Are you crazy?! That's cashmere!
  Archer: Wh-- Oh, my god! Sorry! (hands the vest back to Cyril)
  Lana: What? Is it non-absorbent?
  Archer: Lana, it's cashmere, there are rules!
• "What is this? Soviet Russia?!"
  • The debate about whether or not "In Soviet Russia, toaster take picture of you," makes sense.
• Ray manages to get a signal on his phone by sticking it right out of the elevator and uses it to call 911. The operator confuses Ray for a woman and insists that being stuck in an elevator is not an emergency, she then blocks his number after he attempts to call back.
• Pam takes off her skirt to mop up the urine... revealing that she is not wearing any underwear.
• Archer pulled some prank that caused Ray's phone call to be routed to the seemingly out-of-order elevator phone instead of Malory's phone. This finally causes the rest of the cast to snap and they start attacking Archer.
• After Malory gets to the building, she manages to get the elevator unstuck, and finds the rest of the cast in various states of undress (with Cyril just jackin' it) in the middle of either committing violence or having sex, with "TOUCHABLE" written on the wall in blood. Lana accuses her of rigging the elevator to get stuck as a team-building exercise, but she reveals that the exercise was that they were just going to watch the movie Vision Quest.
• More of a Meta example, but keep in mind the episode is happening in real-time, meaning the cast descended into madness in the span of 20 minutes.

"Sitting"

• Pam taking A.J. and going into feral Mama Bear mode, leaping from desk to desk like King Kong. Also, "Pam! Baby!" immediately beforehand.
  Ray: Well, ya don't see that every day.
• "Reloading! ....I should probably stop saying that out loud."
• " Goddamnit, why is it going up?!"
• Cyril complains that he, Cheryl, Pam, Ray, and Krieger can't have one poker game without a hate crime. Cheryl protests, saying that the incident that happened last month (with her shoving a gun in Pam's mouth and threatening to "straight flush your brains out the back of your skull") wasn't a hate crime, just a regular crime.
  • And as an added bonus, in the flashback, Cyril and Ray react appropriately to the above whereas Krieger is completely calm as if this isn't new to him.

"Nellis"

• Archer asking Cheryl/Carol for a ride. She offers to give him a plane ticket, however:
  Archer: *struggling with several attendants and drunkenly pounding on the cockpit door* I want to fly the plane!
  • Then she offers to give him a train ticket:
  Archer: *in a near-identical flashback* I want to fly the train!
  Cheryl: Wow, I didn't know they had a no-train list.
• Mallory discusses AJ's name with Lana
  Mallory: You know what I think would be wonderful?
  Lana: A border moat?
  Mallory: If she had her grandmother's name.
  Lana: Well yeah. And obviously I talked to my (sudden realization) mother of God you mean you.
• After beating the tar out of four Air Force personnel (who were about to shoot him):
  Archer: "Not to knock the Air Force, but it's a good thing you have airplanes."

"The Kanes"

• Archer meets Lana's parents. Hilarity Ensues.
  • The highlight is when he misconstrues an invitation to the Kane Family Reunion as an offer to have a three-way with her parents.
    • Kinda hard to blame considering they gave it while in a hot tub with him, buck naked, demanding HE be naked, AND giving the invite in somewhat sultry voices while dropping VERY mixed signals.
• "Not in my Mustang, you don't!" which hopefully will go down as one of Keith David's best lines.
• Archer being deeply astonished at the potential value of Dr. Kane's research and saying that it's a miracle nobody's tried to kill him already.
• Archer's Hypocritical Humor of complaining about the gunmen shooting an American classic (a 1968 Mustang Fastback), while he's returning fire at their same year Dodge Charger RT. Then he sarcastically suggests they teabag Dr. Seuss.
• Also:
  Lemuel: Lana Anthony Kane!
  Lana: Okay so-
  Archer (Archer laughing): Anthony!
  Lana: After Susan B.
  Archer: Oh, right, our ugliest president.
• Discovering that the mysterious men who stole Dr. Kane's research are Slater and CIA agents.
  Slater: Well, we didn't know you were there, which was obviously an operational error, Ethan.
  (one of the masked mooks looks down sheepishly and kicks a rock on the road.)
  Archer: Yeah, Ethan.
• At the end of the episode, Lana apologizes to Archer for some of the things she'd said earlier, resulting in a few moments of silence, broken by...
  Archer: I'm sorry I tried to spit-roast your mom.

"Pocket Listing"

• About every time the dart gun gets used.
• A bit of Black Comedy, but Ray's fight with the carnivorous plant, which costs him his lower right arm.
  Ray: [having stabbed the plant to death with a trowel] Well, I guess I've gotta "hand" it to you! Ahahahahaha!
• Cheryl's pseudonym for her realtor charade is Ms. Escrow. And then Archer's pseudonym is Butler the butler.
  "Believe me, I've heard all the jokes."
• Even better, Cheryl slipping into little personal recollections about her deranged ancestors as she escorts the Queen and Prince around the mansion:
  "Bringing us to the formal dining room, which seats 80, with plenty of room for servants to skulk around. Ladling turtle soup into sterling silver bowls, their sullen eyes downcast as grandmama makes a joke about chopping off their hands if they spill even a single drop, like we used to do in the Belgian Congo."

  "The Tunt Conservatory is home to the world's second largest collection of carnivorous plants, the shame of which drove the current owners' eccentric great-uncle, Theophilus Tunt, to commit suicide. Or maybe it was just the syphilis. We may never know..."

  Archer: Carol, I'm assuming all the bedrooms are connected to secret passages?
  Cheryl: Yeah, so that at night grandfather could...look in on the children."
  Everyone: Ew!
  • As much as she hates kids, even Cheryl gets disturbed by that one mid-sentence.

• Archer making fun of Lana thinking she caused Fawad to have a stroke because she's so hot, but then being unable to finish his sentence when he himself gets a look at her post-natal-yoga body. And the ensuing erection noise.
  • This is after she stated her intentions to, "break her pussy off on that sweet Prince Fawad," her words, and when he collapses.
    Lana: Hello? Prince? Look, kid, I know I've been crushing the post natal yoga, but seriously.
  • Subsequently, their heated arguing before both of them just give up and furiously make out.
  • And Krieger is watching the whole thing on the CCTV cameras, because of course he is.

"Reignition Sequence"

• Cheryl’s entire plan to get Sterling and Lana break up, with an illustrative flip-book. It's like a new high point (low point?) of insanity for her.
  • "We hire somebody to kidnap their fat, gross baby. There's this huge man/baby hunt. It's in all the newspapers; on the wireless America's going ape-shit, THEN, we double-cross the kidnapper who we obviously paid in easily traceable gold certificates. We plant a shit-load of dicey evidence in his garage, tip off the cops, he's basically convicted of being German, and BERZAPT!- dirt nap for the kraut, compliments of Old Sparkey!
  • And her explanation of where Abbiejean gets sent to...
    • "The child is sent to Bhutan, where for the next twenty years she's raised and trained as an assassin by Ra's al-Ghul before returning to destroy those who once betrayed her."
    Cyril:"Us?"
    Cheryl:"Yes!...But it buys us time."
• "Lost valet. Answers to the name Woodhouse. Responsible for my meals, dressing, grooming. Needs medicine: Heroin."
  • Archer returning home and wondering aloud if Woodhouse might actually have died, and resolves to check the obituaries in the newspaper. Realising that he doesn't have a newspaper (because Woodhouse always sees to that), he takes a voice memo to remind himself to remind Woodhouse to buy the newspaper...before breaking off, realising he's just setting up a feedback loop for himself.
• The discussion of how annoying Krieger's virtual girlfriend can be, though it's fairly Black Comedy.
  Pam: I mean ... how do you not murder her every day?
  Krieger: (haunted) ... I do.
• "I'll always have a special place for you in my heart, and obviously my slideshow."
• Archer's Oh, Crap! at the end when Lana discovers what's in his sink. If you're savvy enough you probably guess what it is before she does, making the eventual epic Armor-Piercing Question even funnier.
  Archer: I...I am new! I am, Lana. I mean, I feel like a brand new man! I've really changed!
  Lana: Really?
  Archer: Yeeeeeeup!
  Lana: *ahem* Then why... is there a VAGINA... in the SIIIIIIINK?!
  Archer: Um... so... funny story.

"Achub Y Morfilod"

• Ray's new hand is black (and probably Conway's).
• Krieger, Pam and Cheryl are preparing to operate on Ray, and indulge in some M*A*S*H-esque bantering, with hand-themed puns and double-entendres. After about a minute or so of this, Ray, who until now was assumed to be anaesthetised, sits up and screams at everyone to shut the hell up and attach his new hand.
  Ray: GODDAMN IT! Can you please shut up and sew on my robot hand?!
  [Beat]
  Pam: Handjob.
• Lana and Archer's argument in the farmhouse:
  Lana: Way to go, Rrrrandy.
  Archer: Ugh! How is this Randy's fault?
  Lana: Oh, I'm sorry. Did someone else just barge in here yelling their idiot head off about being with the CIA?
  Archer: Oh, I don't know. Was someone else making out with Frodo P. Gryffindor here, just to make someone else jealous?
  Lana: Well, maybe now you know how I feel.
  Archer: Actually, I don't know how you feel, Lana, because I didn't make out with Katya!
  Lana: Oh, no? You didn't jam your fat tongue down her throat on that goodbye kiss?
  Archer: (gasps) You were eavesdropping!
  Lana: Uuuh, yeah. I'm a spy.
  Archer: Oh, right.
  Lana: And, I heard you raving about how insane Katya's body was!
  Archer: Is! But not as insane as your mind.
  Lana: And her stilettos, and her lingerie, and her big, fat, vibrating ROBOT VAGINA!
• "Glengoolie. For the best of times."

"Drastic Voyage" arc

• Malory proves she takes Black Comedy up to its zenith when she lets AJ play with an ashtray. The nameless officer who was using it before he knew AJ was present is completely horrified.
  Malory: The sooner she learns about cigarettes, the better. This little pudge-pop's going to need all the help she can in the battle of the bulge.
  • And throughout the second part, she refuses to give AJ any food in order to get her to slim down. Lana definitely made the right call in regards to who'd become her guardians if Lana and Archer die.
• Slater gives up and just decides to include Pam and Cheryl in the mission since they always seem to find a way to sneak on board anyway.
• During the mission briefing, Archer constantly trolls Slater to the point where he gets threatened.
  Slater: You know what I don't have time for?!
  Archer: *looks disdainfully at Slater's t-shirt* Shopping for clothes?
  Slater: You know what this is?! *threatens Archer with his fist*
  Archer: Your best gal?
• Archer is playing Operation (ostensibly to learn about the human body, but really just to piss Slater off):
  Archer: Why the hell would this guy have an oil can in his -
  Lana: Elbow grease.
  Archer: Wow, it's pun for the whole family.
• Unsurprisingly, Archer demands to be captain of the ship, a job that goes to Ray due to him being the only one with a pilot's license. Archer then demands to be co-captain, and backs it up with his astronaut training which he thinks is relevant because "we'll all be weightless". When asked if he has EVER seen a submarine movie, he lists off several, but then still has to be told that submarine travel does not include zero gravity.
• Cheryl remarking that she'll use the $1 million she gets to buy an orphanage...and bulldoze with the kids inside for shits and giggles.
  Cheryl [mockingly]: Waaah! Porridge! Waaah!
• Krieger's wealth of woefully out-of-date medical knowledge, starting with phrenology.
  Krieger: Well, you won't bleed him, you won't cup him, you won't divine his humors. For all you charlatans know, this poor man is both phlegmatic and bilious!
• Cyril goes off on an insane tangent about Ray's transplanted hand having a mind of its own, and will end up strangling male prostitutes and posing them in grotesque parodies of Mentos ads.
  Cyril: You know, the FRESHMAKER!
• The crew is just about ready to embark on their "Fantastic Voyage" Plot.
  Slater: You guys ready to make history?
  Cyril: I'm ready to make a million dollars.
  Slater: Close enough! Okay, let's light this candle!
  [cut to Kreiger lighting a literal candle in the man's ear]
• In the most morbid way possible, Archer shows that, yes, he has an absolute no regard for his own mortality. Doubles as a Tear Jerker.
• While the air chamber of the Nerius is being purged of blood, it won't be able to move. Archer lampshades the design flaw. Also witness how Archer and Pam spend their time waiting for the chamber to be purged - he gets extremely bored and Pam goes from drinking the blood to having a mental breakdown.
• Slater's zinger to Dr. Sklodowska regarding Archer is priceless.
  Dr. Sklodowska: Look, I'm a sexual being. If that is shocking to you, then so be it.
  Slater: It's not. I was just gonna tell you that he's had the clap so many times it's more like applause.
• When Ray gets crippled (again), Cyril's left in charge of the sub, which elicits several groans over the headset.
  Cyril: Now's the perfect time... not like you haven't dreamed about it. Just crash the sub and kill them, Cyril.