Quotes: Suspiciously Specific Denial

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     Anime and Manga 

     Comic Books 

Worker: Tight-looking piece, eh?
(Workers are looking up the girl's skirt for two panels while she talks to an old lady. The girl finally notices)
Miriam: Hey! What's going on?
Worker: Just taking a break, ma'am! These boxes are heavy. I wasn't admiring the view or nothin'! Hahaha!
Fansadox #191, "Mad Justice"

     Fan Fiction 

Sawaki: (after being sucked by a girl and a transvestite) You got it wrong! Mutou-san, you got it all wrong! It's a misunderstanding! I'm completely normal!
Mutou: I didn't see anything! Me, Aoi Mutou, naturally didn't see anything with these eyes!
Sawaki: Don't just lie to me!
— Hentai doujin based on Moyashimon

Shinji: Did you see anything?
Misato: No, I didn't see anyone.
RE-TAKE

     Film - Live-Action 

AUTHOR'S NOTE: The following is a work of fiction. Any resemblance to persons living or dead is purely coincidental.
Especially you, Jenny Beckman.
Bitch.
— Opening subtitle, (500) Days of Summer

M.U.T.O. ASSURES ALL PERSONNEL, THERE IS NO CONSPIRACY IN OUR ORGANIZATION.
Godzilla (2014) M.U.T.O. Research website

Kro-Bar: Aliens? Us? Is this one of your Earth jokes?
Fleming: See? See?
Lattis: You should not have said "Earth jokes." Don't you see how that gave us away?

If I were a girl... AND I AM... I'd watch my step.
Jerry aka "Daphne", Some Like It Hot

Colonel Sandurz: (opens door) Lord Helmet!
Dark Helmet: (quickly hides dolls) WHAT!?
Colonel Sandurz: You're needed on the bridge, sir!
Dark Helmet: KNOCK ON MY DOOR! KNOCK NEXT TIME!
Colonel Sandurz: Yes, sir!
(beat)
Dark Helmet: ...Did you see anything!?
Colonel Sandurz: No, sir! I didn't see you playing with your dolls again!
Dark Helmet: GOOD!

     Literature 

Rincewind: But there's something you must do. You know this rumor about the army of invisible vampire ghosts that's headed this way?
Disembowel-Meself-Honorably Dibhala: Yes?
Rincewind: The one about there being millions of them? And very hungry on account of not having eaten by the way? And made specially fierce by the Great Wizard?
DMH Dibhala: Um... yes?
Rincewind: Well, it's not true. [...] So make sure you tell people there's no truth to this rumor, will you? Set their minds at rest.
DMH Dibhala: Good idea. Er. These invisible vampire ghosts... Do they carry money of any sort?
Rincewind: No. Because they don't exist.
DMH Dibhala: Ah, yes. I forgot.
Rincewind: And there are not 2,300,009 of them.
DMH Dibhala: Not 2,300,009 of them...
Rincewind: Absolutely not. There are not 2,300,009 of them, no matter what anyone says. Nor has the Great Wizard made them twice as big as normal. Good man. Now I'd better be off-

Moist Von Lipwig: Igor? You have an Igor?
Hubert Turvy: Oh, yes. That's how I get this wonderful light. They know the secret of storing lightning in jars! But don't let that worry you, Mr Lipspick. Just because I'm employing an Igor and working in a cellar doesn't mean I'm some sort of madman, ha ha ha!
Moist: Ha ha.
Hubert: Ha hah hah! Hahahahahaha!! Ahahahahahahhhhh!!!!!

No! You couldn't have recognized me. I used a disguise that time.
Old Man, Dragon Queen

I don't care if Ewald Jackson is from Adelaide, wherever that is. It doesn't impress me at all, and Bridgette's not impressed either, and she only spoke to him to be polite. Anyway, he was only congratulating her on winning first prize with her bark picture. Bark pictures aren't really art so it doesn't matter about Bridgette winning and not me because we weren't in the same category.
Kirsty Dean, I Hate Fridays omnibus

A silly rumor, really. It has to do with viral contamination of lubricants at Bearing Works Twenty-three. Ah, excuse me — I mean with the noncontamination of lubricants at... Never mind. It is totally without foundation, the Health Center informs us. And there is no cause for alarm. It is absolutely not true that it causes impotency among males— Correction. There is no contamination — but if there were, it would not affect the potency of males.
Ida, Sten

     Live-Action TV 

So there's absolutely no reason to be suspicious!
Barney Fife, The Andy Griffith Show

Cute woman: Hello!
Stuart: (silent and uncomfortable, unable to talk, but he likes her a lot)
Cute woman: It's a great party!
Stuart: Thank you.
Cute woman: The monsters' food, they're really fun.
Stuart: Yes, thank you. I like to think of fun things like that. Because I'm fun. I'm not clinically depressed at all.
The Big Bang Theory, "The Holographic Excitation"

MAYHEM CAUSED, MONSTERS CERTAINLY NOT INVOLVED
— A newspaper headline from Buffy the Vampire Slayer

This is an emergency! Control must be believed and obeyed! No-one in the colony believes in Macra! There is no such thing as Macra! Macra do not exist! There are no Macra!
Macra speaking as The Controller, Doctor Who, "The Macra Terror"

Doctor: This is not a Kangaroo Court.
Patrick: Did I say it was? Interesting that you'd deny an unmade accusation.

Stuart: Freddie's scared he's never going to work again. There, how does that feel?
Freddie: I never said such a thing, and you swore you'd never mention it!
Vicious

     Radio 

"Good afternoon. This is your captain speaking. Just to say there is absolutely nothing to worry about."
"Hello. Captain Crieff here again. Still no need to panic. I repeat, there is no need to panic."
"Or to look out of the windows."
Captain Martin Crieff, Cabin Pressure, "Douz"

     Stand-Up Comedy 

"Good evening, everybody. We are the Umbilical Brothers, and not superintelligent alien dinosaurs. We do not intend to replace the Umbilical Brothers using their own DNA. We do not intend to replace the front row of the audience using the Umbilical Brothers' DNA."
"Yes, we do."
"No, we don't. Shh!"
The Umbilical Brothers, Speedmouse

     Video Games 

I made the zombies! I was never as good as my totally not made up brother Zed, and we're totally different people!
Dr. Ned, Borderlands, approximately every other sentence

Hey, you're doing great! Most people don't last this long! I mean... y'know. They usually move on to other things by now. I'm not implying that they died. That's not what I meant.
Phone Guy, Five Nights at Freddy's

Jedi Exile: Are you responsible for this?
HK-50: Defensive Answer: Master, I am a protocol droid, not a well-crafted assassination droid of unrivaled sophistication. To have carried out the actions that took place here would have required an unusual set of skills. It is highly unlikely I possess the knowledge of how to reprogram the memory cores of base-worker class droids into killing machines, let alone to terminate the organics at this facility, utilizing only Aratech 500 series laser mining drills and explosives fashioned from proton missile cores!

The Enrichment Center would like to remind you that the Weighted Companion Cube will never threaten to stab you and, in fact, cannot speak. In the event that the Companion Cube does speak, the Enrichment Center urges you to disregard its advice.
GLaDOS, Portal

Contact with the colony on Mars will be shortly re-established, and this has nothing to do with the impending arrival of the mysterious aliens.
Quake II intro

Dr. Eggman: This amusement park was constructed entirely out of a sense of remorse for my past transgressions, and is in no way associated with any sort of evil plot or premeditated misdeeds.
Sonic: Well, that's a relief.

So you really want to know, eh? All right, fine, Jeane is... a very nice young lady, with absolutely no mind-boggling secrets to hide. None whatsoever. Moving on...
Oboro's final investigation on Jeane in Suikoden V

Anise: Huh? It's a rappig doll...
Tear: Ah, n-no! You got it wrong! I just found it in a shop at Belkend. It's not like I thought it was cute or anything. Yeah, I just... ehm... that is... Anise, don't tell anyone, okay?
— A skit in Tales of the Abyss

     Visual Novels 

They say that the more specific a denial is, the more likely it is that the accusations are true.
Hisao Nakai, Katawa Shoujo

     Webcomics 

Ki: It's not caffeine, not sugar... not time for Star Wars Episode II yet... doesn't look like "Mr. Colon" is acting up again... could be job anxiety...
Nick: Nope! No job anxiety here! Didn't get an impossible-to-turn-down dream job, nosiree! Not me!
Ki: Bingo.

Elan: I promise to be the bestest bard ever and never be bad and never accidentally lead you into an ambush and—
Roy: That's an oddly specific promise...
The Order of the Stick: On the Origin of PCs

After making these statements, he assured us that he was (in fact) "stable." Itís funny how asserting oneís stability tends to create the opposite impression.

     Web Original 

RYAN REYNOLDS: Well allow me to shake your hand.
JEFF BRIDGES: No loser, you must earn my handshake. (to camera) This setup wonít be forgotten and is totally going to pay off in the end. Honest. Pinky swear. Wink.
Note: Heís LYING.

Disclaimer: TFWiki is well aware that this picture contains no visual references to rape, phallic symbols, giant robots, frightened cartoon females who may or may not be of pre-voting age, or manga-convention background lines. In fact, this picture is completely blank.
— An old caption from TFWiki's page on Atari Hitotonari

hey come check out our cool bunker, guys. I promise there's no crazy wormhole thing under our base continuously killing us

Lewis: Ross? (gets shot at) Ross is shooting at me!
Ross: No I'm not! I'm not trying to make you EAT SHIT at all!

     Western Animation 

Krieger: I'm not a... serial killer!
Archer: Wait, why did you emphasize "serial?"
Kriegar: Wait, I did — whaaaat? Are we doing? Did I mention I have a surprise for you?
Archer

Tribe Leader: <The blue-haired woman will make a good sacrifice.>
Marge: What's he saying?
Mr. Burns: Aaaaaaaaah... he's saying... ummmmm... "we wouldn't dream of sacrificing the blue-haired woman!"
Marge: Awwwwww, well isn't that


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