What do we care about nice?
What do we care about sweet?
All that we care about's vice
Eating the mice,
Cheating the dice,
Which is neat,
We've got no time for taste.
Who's got the time to waste?
We've got a better plan
To be as mean as we can!
Hail to the black and the blue
Sneaky and crooked through and through
Down with the good guys, up with the boss
Under the sign of the triple cross
Hail hail hail
— Pottsylvania national anthem, Rocky and Bullwinkle
"I use my powers for evil
I use them any way I want
I use them any way I please"
— Lesbian Bed Death, "I Use My Powers For Evil"
I will not apologize
You're mine for the taking
I'm making a career of evil
— Blue Oyster Cult, "Career Of Evil"
I do it all because I'm evil,
and I do it all for free,
your tears are all the pay I'll ever need.
— Voltaire, "When You're Evil"
"And therefore, since I cannot prove a lover,
To entertain these fair well-spoken days,
I am determined to prove a villain
And hate the idle pleasures of these days."
— Gloucester, Richard III, I.i
"O, why should wrath be mute, and fury dumb?
I am no baby, I, that with base prayers
I should repent the evils I have done:
Ten thousand worse than ever yet I did
Would I perform, if I might have my will;
If one good deed in all my life I did,
I do repent it from my very soul."
— Aaron, Titus Andronicus, V.iii
Elliot Carver: Good morning, my golden retrievers! What kind of havoc shall the Carver Media Group create in the world today? News?
Newsman: Floods in Pakistan, riots in Paris, and a plane crash in California.
Elliot Carver: Excellent! Mr. Jones, are we ready to release our new software?
Jones: Yes, sir. As requested, it's full of bugs, which means people will be forced to upgrade for years.
Elliot Carver: Outstanding! Mr. Wallace, call the President. Tell him if he doesn't sign the bill lowering the cable rates, we will release the video of him with the cheerleader in the Chicago motel room.
Mr. Wallace: Inspired, sir.
Elliot Carver: And after he signs the bill, release the tape anyway.
Mr. Wallace: Consider him slimed.
"Oh, I love it when I'm nasty!"
— Professor Ratigan, The Great Mouse Detective
"God, I love being a bad guy."
— Hugo Snyder, 3 Ninjas
"I am not a good person. I have never been a good person."
— Triple H, WWE Monday Night Raw 3-Mar-2009, making the understatement of the century.
"I'm evil. Get it?"
— Skrawl, ChalkZone
"I'm Doctor Horrible! I have a Ph. D in Horribleness!"
— Billy/Doctor Horrible, Doctor Horrible's Sing-Along Blog
"I am bad, and that's good. I will never be good, and that's not bad. There's no-one I'd rather be than me."
— The Bad-Anon Pledge, Wreck-It Ralph
Luigi: "You're Koopa?! But you just said you were—
Pres. Koopa" "One evil, egg-sucking son of a snake. Did I lie?"
Bruce: Let me tell you about a guy I know, Jack. Bad seed. Mean. Coward. Hurts people.
Joker: I like him already.
Arina: "You filthy creature! How could you do such an awful thing to someone as pure as her?!"
Lord Komatsu: "Because I'm evil. Duh."
Castle Heterodyne: Then - you're not angry?
Agatha: Nah. You did good.
Castle: "Good." ... Hrm. Perhaps ... you could phrase it some other way?
Vegeta: Say goodbye to your planet, Kakarot!
Goku: Well that's not very nice!
Vegeta: Of course not! I'm f*** ing evil!
Vegeta: Hey Kakarot, what's the opposite of Christopher Walken?
Vegeta: CHRISTOPHER REEVE! * crushes Goku's legs*
Goku: * Screams in pain* ... That was in terrible taste!
Vegeta: Don't care! Evil!
— Dragon Ball Z Abridged, "Episode 10, part 1"
Tak: But they're evil.
Patrick: How can you be so sure the Evil Syndicate are evil?
SpongeBob SquarePants: I say that the "Evil" part of the name is a dead giveaway.
"The pendant's burning tells me that my heart is evil...That's good to know."
— Prince Laharl, Disgaea: Hour of Darkness
"You are now official Decepticon warriors. Go out there and be as violent as you can be!"
— Blood, Transformers Super God Masterforce
"One of the nice things about being evil is, you get to lie a lot."
— Bowser Koopa, The Super Mario Bros. Super Show
"We just love being mean!"
— The Koopalings, Super Mario Bros. 3
"Remember, if this makes the papers, we're no longer the Wet Bandits, we're the Sticky Bandits! That's S...T...I..."
— Marv Merchants, Home Alone
"Ware ga akuma da!" (I am the devil!)
— Dr. Weil, Mega Man Zero 4
We are different from all the oligarchies of the past, in that we know what we are doing.
— O'Brien, 1984.
What can I say? I'm a bad guy. I do bad things. It's my job. And it beats working retail.
"Say goodnight to the bad guy!"
— Tony Montana, Scarface
"Behold, The Underminer! I am always beneath you, but nothing is beneath me! I hereby declare war on peace and happiness!"
— The Underminer, The Incredibles
The President: You've got to understand, I didn't get involved in this because I'm some sort of cackling super-villain who gets off on hurting people or anything.
Seth: Hell, I did.
— Seth Angus Billy Cletus Bubba Jamie Clement Callum Cowie, The Authority
Evil is actually in my job description.
— Demon Overlord Zetta, Makai Kingdom
I stand and look at myself in the mirror, penis in hand and my reflection grins at me and his mouth is full of the sulphur mustards. "Vain fool", he sneers, "Are you really so very different? Do you genuinely believe your works of evil are any greater than the rest of them? You are simply a weak man, a product of his age, the same as any other. This is Empire, cretin, this is the killing idiocy, the natural result of this social Darwinism. If you are evil, then this world is evil. You just let the blood run in the street rather than hiding it in the poorhouse. You hold the blade and slide it home yourself, you do not pay a man to do this for you where you cannot see it. If you are evil, at least yours is an honest evil and that alone makes you Ubermensch". And thus I wash my hands and take to bed.
Rohr: I've seen it before with guys like you... you cannot carry that much contempt without it becoming malignant, until you're gonna be all alone in a room full of shadows, and all you're gonna have is the memories of all those people's lives you have destroyed.
Finch: That's a good story, Wendall. But it's just further proof of why you can't beat me. Because you may be right, but the thing of it is, I don't give a shit. What's more, I never have.
"Y'see, deep down, in my most secret heart of hearts, I'm still a totally depraved sonuvabitch whose main goal in life is to watch you die. Slowly and painfully. Just like your kid."
— Black Manta, Aquaman
Obscurio: And you, Magmion, you did an excellent job.
Magmion: My heart is filled with joy at your praise, Master!
Obscurio: Heart, you say? Do not forget, we don't have a heart!
I like people thinking I'm an asshole. Being an asshole is my life's vocation; I'm a goddamned asshole professional. When other people act like assholes, they're doing it on their own time, but me, it's my job.
— The Pollisand, Ascending
What do you want from us?! We're evil! EVIL!!
— Dr. Forrester and TV's Frank, Mystery Science Theater 3000
"I don't mean to be mean all the time. I just am."
— Vicky, The Fairly Oddparents
"What is it about the name 'Dr. Insano' that eludes you people?!"
"I do not serve things that are evil. I am evil."
— Armus, from the Star Trek: The Next Generation episode "Skin of Evil".
"We have no need for illusions or euphemisms between us, Troper. There are those who fight consistently for the side of right, and they are heroes. And then there are those like us, who know how to turn the powers of the world to our advantage without care for the cost to others, and we are called villains. Personally, I would rather be the latter any day."
—Mr. Bocor, City of Villains
"This city deserves a better class of criminal, and I'm gonna give it to them."
"My own mother thought I was a monster. [Beat] She was right of course. But it still hurt."
—Azula, Avatar: The Last Airbender
"Look at me! I am sublime! I AM THE TRUE FACE OF EVIL!!!"
— Luca Blight, Suikoden II
"And then there was the time I restructured the DNA of our class's pet hamster; turned it into a tapeworm; that was ESPECIALLY evil. Draw that next!"
"HAHAHA ITS SO NICE BEING A BAD GUY!"
— Spadang Skaran, The Evill of Spadang Skaran
"I'm just a gangsta, I suppose."
— Avon Barksdale, The Wire
"Distrusting me was the wisest thing you've done since you climbed off your horse."
- Petyr "Littlefinger" Baelish, Game of Thrones
"In my defense, Lady, you should have seen that coming."
"I was the most diabolical man in the history of this business. I've got a mind that just... works as a villain. True villains can't pretend to be anything else, they are what they are."
— 'William Regal, 11/06/11 episode of FCW''.
Kermit the Frog: Why are you doing this?
Nicky Holiday: Because I'm a villain, pure and simple.
"You are wicked, but I am more wicked than you, so be silent!"
— Tamerlane note
Superman: Why are you doing this?
Drax: Because I'm evil. Always have been, always will be.
"I am lord of evil, little man — forever and always!"
— Dracula, The Tomb of Dracula
"Think nasty, think nasty, think nasty!"
— Professor Hinkle, Frosty the Snowman
"Redditch is dead! And I killed him! Now it is DePrayve's turn to live... to exult in the richness of evil!"
— DePrayve, Werewolf by Night #24
"The Daleks' plan in this episode is easily one of the most insane in the series' long and storied history. They want to, and I want to stress here that I am not making this up or exaggerating at all, remove the Earth's magnetic core so they can install an engine and drive the planet around as a spaceship... A sort of Porsche for the mid-life crisis of a Dalek. I picture Daleks pulling along upside another planet and saying 'Hey Babe. I drive a planet.'
But there's actually something strangely brilliant about the arbitrariness of this plot. Because it makes it clear that the plot doesn't matter. The plot is literally nothing more than an excuse to bring the Daleks around again. The Daleks don't need a good reason to invade a planet or be evil. They're just Daleks. They're the bad guys. They are, at this point, designed to be the things that, when they show up, you go 'Oh shit, it's the Daleks!'
—The TARDIS Eruditorum on "The Dalek Invasion of Earth"
Chris: I love that this is how Commissioner Gordon phrases it. Not “We have multiple murders from a massive armored bodybuilder,” but “there’s a new villain.” I’m just surprised he didn’t call him an arch-criminal.
David: Arch-criminal is, I think, actually more sensical than villain. The word “villain” basically completely exposes the narrative nature of this. Life doesn’t have villains, stories do. He might as well have just gone “Yo, Bats, the movie’s starting.” An arch-criminal is at least something that could exist in real life. It’s not like they call Obama after terrorist attacks and go “yo, the United States has a new villain!”
Chris: Wait ’til Freeze tells his goons to “kill the heroes.”
"Grab the gem!" Freeze screams to his Eskimo henchmen. "Kill the heroes!" (You know, I haven't heard a bad guy actually refer to his opponents as "heroes" since I watched episodes of The Superfriends.)
"I'm disappointed by Bowser just being the straight villain again, because done well he can be an interesting character study! There's something intriguing about somebody who self-identifies as the bad guy. Society calls him evil, but he wears their label! He reclaims it! And that is why they will never get him down! If the options are good or evil, then Bowser will take "evil", because he has seen what passes for good: An unelected ditz living in obscene decadence and bestowing privileges on a pair of mustachioed foreigners who both might be giving her one."