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Defunctland

    Defunctland Season 1 

  • "The History of Disney's Worst Attraction Ever, Superstar Limo"
  • In "The History of Son of Beast," we're first introduced to the one of the earliest looping rollercoasters, Flip Flap Railway, which eventually paved the way for The Beast and its infamous titular son. The ride was first tested using monkeys in place of human riders, Kevin says as we're shown a picture of a sad monkey with the caption "Photo disappointingly not available".
    • Furthermore, as we see footage of the vintage coaster in operation:
      Kevin's Subtitles: "I can't believe there is film of this but no pictures of the monkeys."
    • Kevin noting that, for some strange reason, inspecting roller coasters in Ohio falls under the state's Department of Agriculture, who freely admited they couldn't really say if the Son of Beast was safe or not because their inspectors weren't roller coaster engineers. Also, they apparently promote National Donut Day.
      Kevin's Subtitles: "They have a lot on their plate."
  • "The History of Epcot's Body Wars":
    • The episode's framing device consists of Jake from Park Ride History objecting to Kevin's choice of topic because he already made a video about the same ride three months prior. Kevin responds that Jake's video covered the Wonders of Life Pavilion in general and that his video is more specific. Jake also complains about the two of them making videos about ExtraTERRORestrial Alien Encounter; Kevin retorts that that was a coincidence because their videos came out two days apart.
    • The segment where Kevin talks about the t-shirts he has for sale is accompanied by a caption stating "If you thought I was selling out with the Patreon, you just wait."
    • The captions dub the Call-Back to the America Sings video a "Patriotic Shameless Plug".
    • When Kevin says EPCOT's initial lack of a biology-themed pavilion was due to lacking a sponsor, the captions propose that Disney "really just needed a better agent" and are accompanied by a picture of Swifty La Rue from Superstar Limo.
    • The captions that show up under the MetLife logo near the end state that their mascot Snoopy is a spy for Cedar Fair.
    • At the end, Kevin asks Jack how he did with the video. When Jack says he did a good job, Kevin is relieved because lots of people have suggested he make a video about Horizons note .
      Jake: Wait, wha-
  • "The History of Cedar Point's Diaster Transport": The captions take a potshot at the titular bobsled-style coaster by referring to it as a 3 million-dollar "water slide without the water". Much later, when Kevin is discussing how the ride's show building was leaky, the captions simply state "*cough* water slide *cough*".
  • While the coverage for Action Park is generally fairly grim (since six people actually died at the park and numerous other people suffered serious injuries while there), Kevin tries to add a bit of levity via some written text on the B-Roll. When he gets to a water slide that's rather... uniquely designed that's been conceptualized for the new Action Park:
    Kevin: The Sky Caliber was another attempt at a 360-degree, vertically-looping waterslide, although it used technology to enhance safety.
    Kevin's Subtitles: "They also cut out the middleman by placing you directly in a coffin!"
  • "The History of Beetlejuice's Graveyard Revue":
    • The video begins with Kevin trying to watch his favorite Halloween film, Tower of Terror, only to find Beetlejuice in his movie folder instead. Upon realizing he's said the protagonist's name twice in prior videos and has fallen into the reference, he resignedly utters the last "Beetlejuice" to start the opening credits.
    • Kevin's attempt to quickly summarize the important information about the film slows to a halt once he realizes Jeffrey Jones had a starring role. In a panicked tone, he tells Jones to "go back to the Alien Encounter video" where he belongs.
    • The list of Beetlejuice merchandise lists "mugs" thrice and has "Halloween costumes" and "sexy Halloween costumes" as separate entries.
    • Beetlejuice is mentioned to not actually be a Universal property and has been licensed out to various amusement parks, such as Walibi Holland. This leads to a clip of Beetlejuice singing/speaking in Dutch and the captions expressing confusion about everything that's happening:
      Although that doesn't explain how they got the license to "Friend Like Me" from Disney
      I know you all speak Dutch, what did he just say?
    • One of the changes to the final iteration of the revue was the addition of "Watch Me (Whip/Nae Nae)". The captions state that there's nothing they could say that would do the sight justice.
  • The ending of "Top 5 Extinct Disney Walk-Around Characters". Disney Dan catches onto one of Kevin's seeming obsessions with talking about a court case involving a Tigger actor that was accused of harassing a teenager and says he is not going to make a video detailing the various Tigger costumes just so Kevin can cover it. Of course, that ended up being exactly what Disney Dan did.
    Kevin: I WILL FIND A PLATFORM TO TALK ABOUT THAT COURT CASE SO HELP ME GO- [Smash Cut to credits]
    • In Dan's video, Kevin's so eager to finally talk about the lawsuit that he can barely finish his channel plug.
      Kevin: Hi, I'm Kevin Perjurer, go to Youtube.com/Defunctland, whatever. Ok I'm here to talk about the Tigger court case!
    • The opening as well, where the pair argue whether or not doing a crossover and a top 5 list is clickbaity, with Kevin telling Dan that they're fine. Cue the intro, which dubs the video Kevin And Disney Dan's Selling Out, Clickbait-palooza 2017.
    • Then for their "Top 10 Forgotten Disneyland Attractions" crossover, they heavily lampshade the fact that the episode is sponsored by SwagIQ, and have an intro depicting them in suits, with money everywhere, a rap song for the theme, and the title of Kevin And Disney Dan's Selling Out Clickbait Patwooza 2018.
    • Then there's the number one Forgotten Attraction: The Wizard of Bras. No, really. Kevin's narration does not help.
      Kevin: Disney, being such a family-oriented brand, rarely tries to appeal to a strictly older audience. Rarely. That said, when Disneyland first opened Main Street, U.S.A. featured a small little shop with the sign:
      [seductive jazz music begins to play]
      Kevin: (in seductive voice) "Intimate Apparel, Brassieres, Torsolettes". (Oh yeahhhhh.) Walk inside and it is in fact a lingerie shop, presented by Hollywood Maxwell Brassiere Company of Los Angeles. (City of Angels, baby.) Inside you will meet the Wonderful Wizard of Bras, speaking from a smooth 8-track and turning round and round on a rotating stage, the Wizard takes you through the history of the land down undies. See the unmentionables of recent history in 3D illusion boxes, and watch those undies appear, or... (You get the idea.)
  • "The History of Drachen Fire at Busch Gardens Williamsburg":
    • Kevin mentioning that Intamin designed Back to the Future: The Ride, JAWS: The Ride, and Disaster Transport is accompanied by the captions calling the reference a "Triple Shameless Plug".
    • Drachen Fire is postulated to have been "destructive to everything equally", thus making it difficult to pinpoint any given party being heavily affected by its failure. This statement is paired with a picture of Michael Eisner and the caption "Sound familiar?"
  • "The History of the Funtastic World of Hanna-Barbera":
    • The opening credits has a sequence of storyboards where Yogi and Boo-Boo Bear fly past the Scooby-Doo gang in a rocket ship, only to crash; the resulting explosion sends the Mystery Machine flying backwards.
    • Micheal Eisner is described as being more interested in Universal's plans to build a Florida theme park than the rival company itself.
    • The Running Gag of the captions referring to Kevin mentioning defunct attractions that previously received their own videos as being "shameless plugs" reaches its peak with a piece of Universal Studios Florida concept art consisting almost entirely of defunct attractions.
      Caption: This is basically a Defunctland shameless plug mural at this point.

    Defunctland Season 2 

    Defunctland Season 3 
  • "A Roundabout History of the Ferris Wheel":
  • Walt Disney's Childhood Amusement Park, Electric Park:
    • Kevin mentions a swimming pool was added to the titular park... after a massive flood.
    • He mentions how animal wrestler Alligator Joe died in 1915 after losing a battle - with pneumonia.
  • In "The Fair that Changed America," while talking about one of the key figures behind the 1893 Chicago World's Fair, he drifts briefly into speculation before jutting back into reality:
    The cause of his death was unclear, as it could have either been from his colitis, his diabetes, his infected foot, or a recent food poisoning. It is possible that the loss of one of his best friends, and one of his final connections to his fair, caused him to die from pure grief. But it was probably either the colitis, the diabetes, the foot infection, or the food poisoning, or speculatively, a combination of any of those four things.
  • "The Craziest Party Walt Disney Ever Threw":
    • A segment is dedicated to discussing that inter-office relationships, particularly between the men doing the animation and the women working in the ink and paint department, were discouraged at Disney Studios because Walt Disney believed they'd only be a distraction. Despite this edict, many of the studio employees found love in the workplace, including Walt himself.
    • The description of the animators' retreat is highly comedic, in part because Uncle Walt didn't want to throw a crazy party — he intended the workers' retreat as a quiet, wholesome affair, free of the rampant womanizing that occurred at the studio — but combine the animators' pent-up stress with an open bar and stables on the property, and, well...
      Bob Givens: Everybody's drunk... Riley Thompson's riding a horse into a pool...
      (Hoofbeats, a whoop and a splash, as everyone cheers and the horse neighs)
    • The second half, despite being much more somber in subject matter — the workplace culture breaks down permanently, and Disney's own over-ambition and perfectionism alienates him forever from the workers he thought betrayed his fatherly generosity — definitely has its moments, like the disastrous attempt to quell a strike in the making right after announcing layoffs (read by Rocco Botte in a dead-on impression of Walt):
      Disney: My first recommendation to the lot of you that want to join a union, is this — put your own house in order. You can't accomplish a damn thing by sitting around and waiting to be told everything. If you're not progressing, instead of grumbling and growling, do something about it!
      Kevin: Walt ended the speech in one of his less construction-wall-quotable moments.
      Disney: Don't forget this -- it's the law of the universe that the strong shall survive, and the weak must fall by the way. And I don't give a damn what idealistic plan is cooked up, nothing can change that.
      (Cut to a Dream Builders plaque featuring the quote in full)
    • As the picket heats up, Walt runs afoul of Art Babbitt, who's been a thorn in his side for the entire video, and completely loses it:
      Art Babbitt: Walt Disney! You oughta be ashamed of yourself. There he is — the man who believes in brotherhood for everybody but himself!
      Disney: Oh, you commie sons of b—-es!
  • In the "Beverly Park Kiddieland" episode, Kevin notes in typically dry fashion that after graduating college in 1934, Los Angeles native David Bradley "was expected to go straight into investments, as his father had. But as previously mentioned, it was 1934, so Bradley was keeping his options open."
  • "The History of Mickey Mouse Park":
  • After the end of one segment of "Tomorrowland 1955," which heavily discussed former Nazi Wernher von Braun's collaborations with American space travel and later the Disney parks, footage is shown of a rather awkward German physicist attempting to make small talk:
    Physicist: Oh, hello —
    Presenter: How do you do, Professor Haber? Ladies and gentlemen, I'd like to present to you a man of considerable renown — this is Dr. Heinz Haber, and I'm sure you will remember him from Disney's Tomorrowland. Go ahead, Doctor.
    Physicist: Well, uh, I vass just explain to these kids that I have here an atom of uranium.
    Presenter: I see.
    Physicist: But uff course, it's only a loaded mousetrap.
    Presenter: It is.
    Kevin: Your suspicions are correct; that man was also a Nazi.note 
  • "The History of Coney Island" has a lot of naturally funny moments that the video leans into, due to both the absurdity and horrific nature of the time period. A recurring theme throughout the video is the turn-of-the-century fairgoing public absolutely loving scary or fast rides, simply because they let you embrace or hold hands without fear of scandal.
    "That behavior was reserved for the privacy of the home, or the giant elephant brothel a few yards away."
    "The [steeplechase] ride's main appeal for guests was the seating setup, in which men and women rode on the same car, forcing them to hold on to one another, IN THE LIGHT OF THE SHINING SUN, otherwise known as God's Eye."
    "[...]For those that had always come to Coney Island for an escape from the expectations of proper society, they were not disappointed, either, because they got to touch WOMAN SHOULDERS. Or, as it was known in 1897, third base."
    • Paul Boyton sneaking on board a tramp steamer to perform his first ever frogman stunt, leading to this gem of a sentence:
      "However, he was stopped by the crew and taken to the ship's skipper, Captain Bragg; Bragg wanted him in the brig, but Boyton began to brag on the suit. Bragg bought the brag and kept Boyton out of the brig."
    • A very grim one while recounting the history of Luna Park: at a certain point, it's mentioned that Topsy the elephant's public execution was halted by the ASPCA, who stepped in to protest that hanging an elephant by the neck was barbaric and inhumane. All three alternative options — using a mechanical winch to do it, poisoning her with cyanide, and electrocuting her — were not just endorsed but suggested by ASPCA itself, and they also signed off on selling footage of the animal's death. Kevin makes a point to say the association's full name each time.
      "The more the merrier, said Thompson, Dundy, and the American Society for the Prevention of Cruelty to Animals!"
      • invoked After the execution was carried out exactly as described, ASPCA representatives who witnessed it firsthand even went as far as to declare they had "never seen a more humane manner of causing death", something which Kevin dryly notes was "unfortunately [...] probably true at the time."
    • Dreamland Park's gigantic topless statue for their Story of Genesis ride, "Creation", managed to escape judgment by prudish religious groups because, as Kevin explains, "breasts are okay, if they're for Bible reasons", and that the installation struck the perfect balance "between conservative families and local perverts".
    • When Steeplechase Park burned to the ground due to a carelessly discarded cigarette, a solemn George Tilyou returned the next morning to put up a sign reading:
      I have troubles today that I did not have yesterday; I had troubles yesterday that I have not today. On this site will be erected shortly a bigger, better, greater Steeplechase Park. Admission to the burning ruins: 10 cents.
    • The fire (quite possibly arson) that destroyed Dreamland got so out of hand that the situation demanded the work crews abandon the park itself and focus on what most needed to be saved — "namely, the caged animals, and the babies". Smash cut to a silhouette of the premature infant exhibit, with the babies in incubators wailing as the roof catches on fire.note 
    • The final segment skips forward twenty years, beginning with a recitation of how all the other characters have since passed, including Dreamland’s animal trainer.
      Kevin: George Tilyou, from pneumonia, in 1914; Frederick Thompson, from Bright's disease, in 1919; Captain Paul Boyton, from pneumonia, in 1924; William Reynolds, from heart disease, in 1931...
      (One by one, the shadow puppets go down and out of sight)
      Kevin: Captain Jack Bonavita, from a polar bear, in 1917.
      (With a growl, a bear shadow puppet leaps at Captain Jack and drags him off-screen)
    • "[Robert] Moses had a complicated relationship with the lower class, in that he did not seem to like them very much but definitely could not say that out loud."
    • After decades of avoiding catching ablaze like its competitors, Luna Park (in what was also quite possibly arson) was destroyed in 1944 by a fire that started in the Dragon's Gorge attraction, "because of course it did".
  • The History of Freedomland U.S.A.":
    • C.V. "Woody" Wood, Disneyland's first vice president and general manager, often brought Walt to loggerheads throughout the park's construction and initial year of operation, due in part to their own incompatible personalities note , as well as Woody's increasing efforts to make himself the face of the park, which chafed Walt's ego. Finally, when Woody visited the newly built Mickey Mouse Club Circus and saw it wasn't attracting very big crowds, he suggested cutting the show's runtime in half to make it a less involving and more palatable attraction; Walt promptly exploded and ordered Woody to get back to the parking lot, yelling, "God damn you, this is my circus!" Cue Dream Builders plaque.
    • "[Marco Engineering's] first major project came in 1957, with a park to-be-named Magic Mountain in Golden, Colorado. Magic Mountain was planned to be an educational theme park based on Colorado history, with an Indian village and Western town; there was also to be a futuristic city of Mars and a fairytale castle, likely drawing inspiration from a source unrelated to Colorado history."
    • Like the later Disney World, Freedomland was built on privately owned marshland. Unlike Disney World, the area was a grown-over former landfill situated in the Bronx, and paving it over was done as an afterthought right before Opening Day, meaning that — in a disastrous similarity to Disneyland's "Black Sunday" — guests reportedly tripped on bedsprings that poked out from the asphalt when buried trash began to bubble up in the June heat.
    • While recounting the hoax of Mrs. O'Leary's Cow, which was the basis for a huge daily exhibition at Freedomland:
      Kevin: It's up for debate which is more embarrassing — that these people would ruin the reputation and life of an innocent woman to sell a few papers, or that it took three people to fabricate a story in which a cow kicks over a lantern. No matter, O'Leary, who reportedly, quote, "died heartbroken" in 1895, and the cow, who died likely oblivious at an unreported date, were cleared of all guilt.
    • "Freedomland was the bedroom where Uncle Sam and Lady Liberty made Yankee Doodle Dandy."
    • During the park's operation, Freedomland's cash center was held up and robbed of $28,000 by three gunmen, who were then promptly captured when one of the robbers confessed everything to the police. The reason? He'd only received five thousand, and learned from the newspaper coverage of the hold-up that he'd been screwed by his accomplices.
  • "The History of the 1964 New York World's Fair":
  • In the episode about the Tomorrowland ride "Adventure Thru Inner Space," Kevin mentions that teenagers often took advantage of the attraction's low lighting and relatively private seating to fool around. In order to combat this, the ride was sped up so anyone who had any funny ideas would have less time to do them in. Kevin snarks that randy teenagers are more likely to take this as a challenge than a deterrent.
  • Journey to EPCOT Center: A Symphonic History has a few.
    • Two men tell famed Disney designer John Hench that if he wants them to have the monorail run through the Contemporary Resort, they're prepared to resign. Hench doesn't respond, he simply scribbles something quickly onto a piece of paper and slides it over. It says, "We Resign", with two spaces beneath it, and the two men look at it and then at each other.
    • From the historical companion book with regards to the vignette in which two Imagineers discuss a meeting as they work on a scale model:
      Kevin's Note: While the tools displayed in this scene are vintage craft tools of the era, pretty much everything else about how the Imagineers are working on the model is very wrong. This includes the use of the word "hook" (which I made up), a tool that has no sharp edge being used to trim a miniature tree, and the fact that all of the foam is very clearly from JOANN Fabric in the year 2023. My apologies for these errors.
    • In the segment near the end about the park's construction, there's a sequence of status reports on several pavillions:
      American Adventure: $500,000 under budget! (10 weeks behind schedule)
      Japan: Right on budget! (8 weeks behind schedule)
      The Land: Growing has begun! (8 weeks behind schedule) ($3 million over budget)
      Germany: Right on schedule! (boat ride delayed indefinitely)
      Mexico: Boat ride will open with park! (10 weeks behind schedule)
      • This is followed by graphs of steel work in tons, film production budget, and dinosaur expenses.
      • The segment then moves on to other subjects, and finally ends on one last status report, noting the status of the park 300 days until opening: 7 weeks behind schedule.

    Defunctland Minisodes 
  • "Green Lantern: First Flight":
    • Kevin mentions that the poor whiplash compensation and ride-car design meant the ride was occasionally murder on the groin, which only got even more common when a hasty redesign weighed the cars down further. This is accompanied with online comments from riders and crotch jokes of varying subtlety, as all the while Kevin insists that "the only ball-busting going on here was that of the ride."
    Kevin: "It was a pelvic nightmare. This tainted the ride for many guests."
  • "The History of the Worst SeaWorld Ride, Submarine Quest"
    • The video is a massive Cringe Comedy goldmine due to the ride being such a resoundingly half-assed disappointment, which happens to collide amazingly with Kevin's usual deadpan snarkiness.
      "On June 1, 2017, Ocean Explorer held its grand opening ceremony. SeaWorld pulled out all of the stops for the event: There were ribbon wavers, confetti, flares, the eel from a discontinued ice show at Busch Gardens Tampa, and they even got a bubble guy. With the land now open, dozens of guests who had waited minutes for the land's opening casually walked inside the new world of exploration, discovery, and conservation, by apparently immediately trampling the plants due to lack of fencing."
    • One sentence summarizes the biggest problem with the ride:
      "Sub Commander Sparks told riders to tap the screen in order to release the air lock, and guests began their expedition into the majesty of the deep, blue... blinding sunlight."
    • The first major set piece shortly after doesn't help matters:
      [with barely concealed exasperation] "This [coral reef] scene is supposed to be in the twilight zone, a zone that is so deep below the surface that sunlight cannot reach it."
    • Kevin mentions SeaWorld's assurance that Submarine Quest would not be a "shoot-'em-up dark ride" through their aquarium, even though nobody would have considered that to be a possibility. He then edits the concept art of Submarine Quest to give the kids guns and harpoons to happily shoot at the aquariums.
    • Kevin "enthusiastically" describing the Sunlight Zone in the most sarcastic tone possible, "where guests saw eeeeeeeeeeels." (Followed by Link saying, "Wooooooooooah! Eeeeeeeeeeeels!")
  • From the episode on Garfield's Nightmare, a Garfield re-theme of Kennywood's Old Mill dark ride:
    • As the episode is about a Tunnel of Love-style dark ride - a Tunnel of Love with a notable reputation for couples getting on the ride to engage in naughty business, no less - you can probably guess what Kevin devotes a not-insignificant portion of this episode to, including the jokes:
      • One of the methods Kennywood (and other parks with Old Mills or Tunnels of Love) employed to stop more explicit acts on the ride back in the day was to give employees a plastic bat and, if they saw anybody's naked butts sticking out, to have them smack said buttocks with said bat.
      • One of Garfield's Nightmare's first dark passageways was splattered with fluorescent material, which Kevin notes was "definitely added by Halloween Productions during the refurbishment and was not the result of 103 years of bad aim".
      • Before diving deeper into the subject, Kevin discloses that, yes, just about every amusement park ride ever has been the site of some kind of funny business, and that he's never really brought it up at all because it's kind of a given at this point. This time, however, is far different, to the point that Kevin has to put up a time skip (or "Chicken Exit", as it's labeled) so people only interested in the historical aspect of the video can skip what Kevin labels as "Certain Doom".
        Kevin: ...in all of my research, I have never come across a ride in which major publications, journalists, have reported consistently, constantly, on a ride's reputation like the Old Mill at Kennywood. I found a newspaper article from 1934 talking about how the ride is a great spot for couples, and the 1984 article in which couples were interviewed about their romantic activity pushed me over the edge. ...not what I meant. After hearing mention that sometimes boats would pull into the station with no one inside, I knew that I had to go deeper. Dang it!
      • To get to the bottom of whether the seemingly-mythical sexual acts people boasted were plausible, Kevin tweeted out an email address, asking anyone who had made out and/or did the dirty deed on the ride or knew someone who did to send him their story. He later clarified that he just wanted to know where people jumped off/"had fun", not the exact, graphic details of the acts themselves. As you can probably guess, this happened anyway, and yes, most of the stories were either verifiable or too specific to be made up.
        Kevin: To borrow a bit of Pittsburgh-ese: Yinz are nasty.
      • Kevin blots out any specific identifiers in the emails, as well as the most explicit actions described... but the last email is a paragraph that is entirely blotted out.
        Hi there!
        (seven completely censored lines)
        Hope this helps!
      • Of the emails shown, only one does not involve participating in, or witnessing, a sexual act: someone recounting how their friend took an "aerial dump" by standing up and adding an extra log to the water. Even then, the sender still acknowledges that "some people [may be] into it".
      • "There are at least two people who claimed to know someone that was conceived on this ride. Maybe it's you!" Accompanied by a screenshot of YouTube statistics showing how many of Defunctland's viewers are Pennsylvanian.
      • To Kevin's surprise, not only did the Garfield re-theme not deter people from partaking in the ride's tried-and-true tradition, but most of the emails he received were about stuff that happened while the Garfield theme was up.
        Kevin: As one emailer so eloquently put it, quote: "Garfield knows all of our sins."
      • Another of the showcased emails ends with this immortal line:
        "...even though my ex husband was a general disappointment in life, Garfield and I were both screaming by the end of the ride."
      • One of Kevin's tweets reacting to the emails he received, which is read out loud in The Stinger:
        Kevin: Look I can't think of another way to say this, a lot of you were gay in the Garfield dark ride.
    • After the opening, which is appropriately trippy and features images of Garfield and Jon from the ride, we get... ragtime music and Kevin talking about the rise of picnicking as a pastime in late 19th-century America. This discussion is relevant, as it leads to the creation of Kennywood, but the stark, comedic Mood Whiplash cannot be ignored.
      • When the episode eventually gets to Garfield becoming a mascot for Kennywood, Kevin brings up a Paws, Inc. spokesperson mentioning that it was a top pick for Jim Davis in part because of its legacy as a picnic spot - and Garfield "never met a picnic he didn't like".
        Kevin: You didn't think that picnic stuff was gonna come back, did ya?
    • In place of seemingly-nonexistent archival photos of the "A Trip Around the World" theming Kennywood's Old Mill received in 1957, Kevin puts up relevant pictures from a "less known Old Mill attraction". Kevin also makes note of a band of animatronic monkeys that was added to the queue, which apparently went up for auction a month before Kevin started writing the episode.
      Kevin: Although, it sold for $2,300, which is more than I've ever spent on an animatronic monkey band.
    • Kevin explains that Kennywood's answer to re-theming their Old Mill ride for modern audiences would come in the form of "A powerful cat... named Garfield." The framing is exactly the same as the gag from the Club Disney episode, but the Bait-and-Switch is instead the silhouette of modern Garfield being replaced by the image of Garfield smoking Jon's pipe.
    • Kevin noted Garfield's conspicuous absence from theme parks during his prime, stating that this fact was not lost on Jim Davis, who when asked about a possible entry into the business in 1988, said "I wouldn't touch it. Never."
      Kevin: And that's the history of Garfield in theme parks. [The credits seemingly start] ...Wait, eight years later he changed his mind! Wonder why.
    • While discussing the ultimately aborted attempts to create a theme park in Indiana with a dedicated Garfield section, Kevin mentions that Jim Davis was reportedly heavily involved in its design, going so far as to design mundane aspects like trashcans and bathrooms... followed by some hand drawn official Paws Inc. concept art of a urinal shaped like Garfield's head. The background music is timed so that the song ends with a dramatic sting when the urinal pops up followed by a silent lingering shot of it clearly meant to convey "Yes, Jim Davis wanted people to piss in Garfield's mouth".note 
    • The team that designed the Garfield's Nightmare re-theme wanted to go big, but they had to scale back not only due to a limited budget, but also because they were told by park officials that "We can't make it too great because too many people would want to ride it." This is funny not just because of the statement itself, but also due to this being a surprisingly realistic attitude compared to the other ill-fated attractions and re-themes Kevin's covered, which wound up blowing up in the owners' faces due to overambition and/or limited ride capacity. By contrast, in spite of the ride's debatable quality and eventual lack of proper upkeep, Garfield's Nightmare comfortably ran for sixteen operating seasons, which is more than most of those rides wish they could've had.
    • When Garfield's Nightmare opened in 2004, the Garfield and Odie mascots took a trip on the ride... but due to his size, the park's original mascot, Kenny the Kangaroo, couldn't join them. Cue the video going black-and-white, zooming in on Kenny watching as Garfield and Odie take off, as sad piano music plays.
    • Garfield was phased out as a mascot in 2008, with Kenny the Kangaroo getting a sidekick in the form of... the park's sign, prompting Kevin to break his usual deadpan demeanor.
      Kevin: You can MEET the SIGN!
    • Kennywood's video announcing the return of the Old Mill's previous "haunted Wild West" theming, posted in March 2020, starts as a documentary-style video, which Kevin notes is "in a similar vein to other YouTube channels that I'm completely blanking on."
    • Kevin noted that upon the ride's closure, Viacom not only had all Garfield props destroyed out of fear of them being sold, but ordered the employees of the park to film themselves doing so just to make sure it was done.
  • From the aptly-named "The Awful Wiggles Dark Ride" minisode:
    • John Longhurst took his children to an animal park. The monkeys urinated in front of the guests, sickening one of the children with the stench. Longhurst decided to buy them milkshakes to take their minds off it, only to find the server scratching herself the entire time. Longhurst's epiphany, as he packed it in and went, was simply "Someone's got to do something about this". This inspired him to found Dreamworld—when he was having considerable trouble finding a location for the park, he straight-up asked God where he would find the land, and according to him, God answered "Ten miles out, on the Gold Coast".
    • Kevin snarks that guests that arrived at Dreamworld on opening day "were introduced to a world of wonder unlike they had never seen... assuming they had not been to Disneyland." Though, Kevin does make sure to note that the park was still fairly impressive and did a good job mixing American and Australian influences, illustrating it with "Koala Country Jamboree". This featured such scenes like an American bear singing a Confederate army folk song, a cartoonish interpretation of bunyip wearing a big cowboy hat and singing a love song, and a finale where all the animal acts come together to sing what Kevin calls "the most Australian song of all time": Rolf Harris' "Tie Me Kangaroo Down, Sport".
    • Kevin takes every opportunity he can to either bring up the concept of "Wiggles lore" or incorporate the band's name into whatever he's talking about ("this amount of Wiggling was unsustainable", "Wiggly theming", etc.).
      The Wiggles empire was an intoxicating gravy train. The kind that only comes from singing about potatoes, and dancing with a giant octopus. And it was a machine that could not be stopped.
      (on the departure of three founding members) Apparently nothing makes one face their own mortality more than being a Wiggle.
    • Kevin introduces us to Wiggles World's recreation of the Wigglehouse, particularly its rendition of Flora Door, which the video suddenly zooms in on to emphasize its particularly dead-eyed and tired expression, with some minor screen shaking for good measure. When Kevin later talks about the Wiggles Worlds at various Six Flags parks, he specifically notes Flora's different appearance compared to the Dreamworld version, now seemingly giving a suggestive side-eye.
      Kevin: ...Why is she looking at me like that?
    • As for the ride proper:
      • Kevin illustrates its shambling top speed of 2 km/h—roughly 1.25 mph—by comparing it to Ferrari World's world record-holding Formula Rossa.note 
      • Kevin's narration of the ride footage is spliced with the chorus of "Toot Toot Chugga Chugga Big Red Car" as the ride ambles its way through transitions, cutting off quicker and quicker each time.
      • There's a part of the ride where Greg has the riders sing "Wave to Wags" to get Wags the Dog to slide down his slide. As slowly and mechanically as possible. Kevin cuts the background music to further emphasize how slowly Wags slides down. Cue an abrupt transition to the next show scene complete with another riff from "Toot Toot Chugga Chugga Big Red Car".
      • Kevin lets the unedited footage of the ride going back to the loading area speak for itself—it goes on for a good nine seconds after his narration is over.
    • One promotional photo for the ride shown in the video has an excited dad riding with his family, wiggling his arms with a big, goofy expression on his face, which Kevin makes sure to zoom in on as he's talking about the negatives of the original version of the ride.
    • The Six Flags incarnations of Wiggles World brought over the costumed characters, but didn't feature actors portraying the Wiggles themselves, as kids would almost certainly recognize that they weren't the real deal, meaning that the only way to have guests interact with the Wiggles at the parks would be to use mascot costumes.
      Kevin: This really only works with animals and cartoon characters. A theme park would never create mascot costumes to represent four human men.
      (Smash Cut to just that)
    • After Greg rejoined the Wiggles, new in-ride footage for the Big Red Car Ride was filmed, which Kevin suggests was done because either the original video files with Greg were lost or the band "was so obsessed with the dark ride's continuity that the difference in their age would have kept them up at night." This version of the ride video ended up being for naught because Greg left the band again a few months later, along with Jeff and Murray... and the ride video was re-filmed again to include their replacements.
    • Kevin lists off the new additions to the park after Wiggles World became ABC Kids Worldnote , ending with "and those Bananas that wear Pyjamas".
    • Kevin admits that it's a shame the Big Red Car Ride wasn't given a proper send-off, as "the Wiggles have four different songs about saying goodbye."
  • "The American Idol Theme Park Experience":
    • In the intro, Kevin states that pop stars in the late 90s "had reached unprecedented levels of notoriety and denim". He then lists changes in technology, "such as portable devices, the internet, and denim", that made celebrities more accessible to their fanbases.
    • Kevin says that "The only surefire way to become absurdly famous at the turn of the millennium was to have starred in the 1989 revival of The Mickey Mouse Club."
    • Kevin's test for how successful a Boy Band or Girl Group is: determine how many members have Wikipedia articles, and whether or not these articles have photos.
      Kevin: Wikipedia is not always correct when it comes to facts, but the Wikipedia Music Group Relevancy Test does not lie.
      • Kevin applies his relevancy test to a few groups in the first section of the video. Most of them fail spectacularly.
        Kevin: According to my relevancy test, all five members (of Hear'Say) have Wikipedia pages, but only three have photos attached. B-.
        Kevin: Unfortunately, only two of (Eden's Crush's) members have Wikipedia pages, and only Nicole has a photo. F.
        Kevin: Of the five original members (of O-Town) and one replacement, two Wikipedia pages, one photo. Also F.
    • Kevin says that the American Idol auditions were relatable to viewers because they showcased the hopefuls' "singing abilities, confidence, and denim." This is paired with a clip of a contestant who made a dress out of her denim pants.
    • Kevin addresses a scathing yet spot-on critique of American Idol that was written two weeks after the show's premiere by telling the writer to "pace herself" because the show might be around for a while.
    • The immediate success of American Idol is attributed to either actual interest in singing talent or "some biological yearning for the age of public executions".
    • Michael Eisner's contributions to Disney are listed as energy, creativity, and a lot of information about the early development of Universal Studios Florida, the last of which is presented with a somewhat conspiratorial tone and shows Eisner's head opening as if on a hinge to dispense knowledge.
      "...knowledge from a pitch he had been given by MCA in July of 1981 detailing their plans for a Universal Studios production facility, tram tour, and theme park in Cental Florida. They had plans for a recreation of a golden age Hollywood Boulevard, a stunt show, a sound effects demonstration. They wanted him and Paramount on board. He had been shown the plans. He knew the plans. Allegedly."
      [Michael Eisner's head closes]
    • One issue brought up with the movie studio tram tour being incorporated into an active movie studio is that the New York set was placed too close to a pyrotechnics demonstration for the tram tour, which would regularly go off and make too much noise for the set to be useful for filming during park operating hours. This led to a hit in the popularity of the tram tour, as there was a lack of active productions to see... because of the tram tour. Later in the video, it's mentioned that Disney hoped that film productions who decided to shoot in the park "didn't mind the nearby explosions that were rigged to go off every twenty minutes."
    • Kevin claims that the stage show adaptation of Doug "translated perfectly to stage, with no issues at all." As he says this, the video zooms in on the actor portraying Porkchop, who's wearing a dog suit with some rather unsettling face paint to capture the look of Doug's pet.
    • Kevin spends some time talking about the youth-oriented spinoff of American Idol, called American Juniors, including how they "made the mistake" of forming a tween music supergroup instead of focusing on a single star. Then he mentions that the only member of the band the show formed who has their own Wikipedia page is Lucy Hale, which results in him giving the group's relevancy an F.
    • After the licensing agreement with MGM ended, promotional footage for the park in question had to awkwardly edit out any visual traces of the former partner until Disney came up with a new name. Kevin gleefully inserts captions and arrows pointing out particularly sloppy edits.
    • Kevin says that the newly renamed Disney's Hollywood Studios needed a really big attraction to draw in guests as stock footage from American Idol is shown... before revealing that he hasn't quite gotten to the main topic of the video yet.
      Kevin: Disney's Hollywood Studios needed a star, and it had something big in mind. An experience that would keep the park above water, based on a property that America could not get enough of: Toy Story.
    • Kevin mentions that the announcement of the American Idol Experience included a staged crowd, complete with audience signs that he reads off in his signature deadpan: "Disney Rocks", "Hi, Mom!", and "Pick Me Dawg".
    • The winner of the seventh season of American Idol, David Cook, filmed a Disney World commercial where he sung "When You Wish Upon a Star". Whether to avoid copyright claims, for the sake of comedy, or both, the clip of him singing abruptly cuts off after the word "wish".
    • Kevin claims the synergy between American Idol (which aired on Fox) and Disney (which owned the rival network ABC) shouldn't have been surprising because the two shared a mutual sponsor in Coca-Cola, which he refers to as "the true underlying loyalty of both corporations".
    • Kevin says that American Idol's Coca-Cola sponsorship is public knowledge to anyone who's watched the show "for more than two frames". This is demonstrated with a clip of a judging segment where the video zooms in on Simon Cowell loudly sipping from a Coca-Cola-branded cup as Paula Abdul complements a contestant, the act of which is subtitled as "*Simon slurping that sweet Coca-Cola*".
    • The episode has a Running Gag where previous Idol winners provide advice for contestants at the attraction, with each of them saying "Have fun" or some variant thereof. Much like with the "Toot Toot" gag in the Wiggles episode, these clips gradually get shorter as the episode continues.
    • The first stage of the American Idol Experience is an audition in a room that's a "1:1 recreation of the normal boring rooms that tens of thousands of people get their dreams crushed in" during the real audition experience. Thanks to some promotional footage calling attention to its presence, Kevin becomes fixated on the room's desk and keeps bringing it up for the rest of the video.
    • The "Red Room" where attendees could practice their song for the live show was also known as "the Coke room", which Kevin notes is either a reference to the show's Coca-Cola sponsorship, or "a way to really prepare these contestants for Hollywood."
    • The Golden Dream Ticket to skip the line for the actual show's auditions is described as "the best FastPass ever", which prompts Kevin's voice to start echoing the word "FastPass" as clips of the FastPass system's various iterations are shown.
    • One Ryan Seacrest stand-in for the attraction describes the competition's age range as being "between 14 and death", which Kevin calls out because the age range of contestants on the show proper is between 16 and 28.
    • The theme park attraction had the option for contestants to film video introductions of themselves that showcased something compelling about them, similarly to vignettes used on the show proper. Kevin proceeds to create some Mood Whiplash by pairing an attraction video where a contestant begins explaining what brought him to American Idol by saying "First, we were here on vacation" with a show video where a contestant talks about having been homeless.
    • Kevin talks about how a video of Jordin Sparks led the attraction's audience in singing "I've Got the Music in Me" and proceeds to go on a tangent about High School Musical that still manages to be relevant.
      Kevin: For clarification, "I've Got the Music in Me" is a 1974 song by the Kiki Dee Band. It is not "You Are the Music in Me" by the cast of High School Musical 2, which was being performed just a few feet away in front of the Sorcerer's Hat. Coincidentally, this video featured Jordin Sparks and other singers performing outside the Sorcerer's Hat, along with footage of the Lights Motors Action Extreme Stunt Show.
    • The daily finale shows were shown on screens outside of the attraction, which allowed the people running the show to claim they were being broadcast live. Kevin comments that this was technically true, "although it was likely no one was watching."
    • Kevin compares the American Idol Experience to the Monsters Inc. Laugh Floor attraction, as both rely heavily on performers interacting with and commenting on guests... and shows disapproval towards the monsters on the Laugh Floor because unlike American Idol's Simon Cowell stand-ins, they barely make fun of people.
      Kevin: Completely toothless. Cowardly, even. To look out on a crowd of sweaty, entitled Walt Disney World tourists and pull punches like that.
    • Kevin concludes that Mike Wazowski simply isn't a very good comedian, as according to him the funniest thing Mike's ever done is accidentally give himself a Groin Attack (if he even has the anatomy for that to be effective).
      Kevin: I guess in-universe the funniest Mike Wazowski gets is just getting racked as if he has reproductive organs on the bottom crest of his sphere body.
    • An anecdote from a Dream Ticket winner includes the winner saying that getting the ticket was the best day of her life. Kevin comments that this hyperbolic statement was fine, as the winner was only fourteen at the time. Even better, the Dream Ticket winner in question would actually comment on his video, confirming that, now in her late twenties, getting the ticket was no longer the high point of her life.
    • Kevin shows off the attraction's web page, which had an interactive game called "Judge This!". Kevin provides a demonstration of the game, which features some hilariously off-key singing and some reactions from Kevin:
      Kevin: Nice, I got a "dawg" from the Randy type!
      Kevin: Wow, this is an old website. Just look at that graphic note  in the corner!
    • When discussing the show's need to find a new judge in the wake of longtime host Paul Abdul leaving, Kevin explains that "they needed to find someone who was marketable, likable, easy-going, and all around, kind." Cut to Ellen DeGeneres.
    • The ninth season included one General Larry Platt auditioning with a song he came up with called "Pants on the Ground", which Kevin says "is still charting #1 in the minds of American fathers."
    • While Kevin doesn't stop and mention Wikipedia pages this time, he places an A+ over footage of One Direction and Fifth Harmony performing.
    • Kevin gives the winner of the fifteenth and supposedly final season of American Idol as being either "Kris Hays, Steven Hines, or Trent Harmon", then says that if the viewer can guess which name is real without looking it up, they can print out a certificate he puts on-screen. The text on the certificate is as follows:
      Congratulations
      THIS CERTIFICATE IS TO COMMEND _________ FOR AVIDLY WATCHING FOX's AMERICAN IDOL IN 2016
      Please screenshot this, print it out, and display it in your home. It is recommended that this certificate be displayed near the television on which you watched American Idol Season 15.
      It is assumed that you have not upgraded your television set since 2016, as this certificate proves that you have not upgraded your taste in television shows since 2002.
    • Kevin begins his wrap-up by attempting to wax philosophical about the show's name:
      Kevin: American Idol was representative of America itself. Obviously, it's right there in the name. And it was a reflection of our obsession with the idolization of celebrities- dang, also right there in the name.

    Defunctland - Unsorted 
  • In "Burger Invasion: The History of McDonald's and Disney," Kevin makes note of the former's sponsorship of the Disney's Animal Kingdom dark ride formerly known as Countdown to Extinction, sponsored by McDonald's, which he proclaims to be the greatest name for an attraction ever created.
    Kevin: So much so that I'm going to repeat it. Countdown to Extinction, Sponsored by McDonald's.
  • Kevin mentions in "The History of Cedar Fair's Berenstain Bear Country" how one of Cedar Fair's dark rides concerned the 1906 San Francisco earthquake, which had killed thousands of people-
    Kevin: (energetically reads from a caption) Told in spectacular color and action!
    • Kevin narrates how Theodor Geisel told the Berenstains that their book was a success:
      Kevin: Using the brilliant and whimsical vocabulary and phrasing for which he became popular, Geisel informed them that "We’re selling the hell out of the bear book." Geisel then told them to start work on more books, and without asking, shortened their names to "Stan" and "Jan" and named the series "Berenstain Bears".
  • "The History of Toys 'R' Us Times Square":
    • Kevin remarks that the inclusion of Elmo in the grand opening parade must have been confusing, as there were at least three other cheap costumed Elmos hanging around Times Square.
    • One of the cars on the flagship store's Ferris wheel is Nickelodeon-themed, which leads to Kevin listing the characters on the car... and finishing with Little Bill again.
    • Kevin refers to the Grannies for Peace ambush protest as a "Grambush."
    • The episode ends with a video of customer service manager Johnny Tamarro on the last day the store was open, bringing some levity to an otherwise somber occasion. He then pulls out a comically long list of things he won't forget/miss about the store, mainly the inane questions customers tend to ask (such as 'how do I get out of here' and 'where's the bathroom'). It then delves into Heartwarming territory as he pulls out a comically small list of the things he would miss: his fellow employees.
      Johnny Tamarro: Who else do you know in your life that either lost their job or their job finished and the whole freaking world knew about it? Not too many people... We're famous fired!
    • Kevin makes note of the various product launches the store hosted, specifically how the footage creates a perfect snapshot of the Turn of the Millennium:
      And now...
      Some Of The Product Launches Hosted By Toys R Us Times Square, or:
      One Of The First Times The Early 2000s' Unique Visual And Cultural Aesthetic Can Be Viewed In Retrospect, or:
      Oh My God. Am I Nostalgic For 2003?
  • At the beginning of "Defunctland VR: 20,000 Leagues Under the Sea", Kevin plays the part of Defunctland's CEO, addressing his employees at the close of a hard day's work... by reminding them that they REALLY need engineers to work on Superstar Limo, and they ARE willing to pay time-and-a-half to anyone willing to volunteer.
  • "The Handwich: Disney's Failed Sandwich of the Future" instead of following the traditional Defunctland formula, features Kevin making Handwiches. Some highlights:
    • Announcer Man identifying Kevin as a documentarian, who captures life and constructs stories about important topics such as injustice, crime, and roller coasters.
    • The Handwich is the product of Disney's attempt to make "futuristic" food. The man responsible for that push? Michael Eisner, of course!
    • "Wherever it was, it was billed as Disney's newest attraction, implying that you can ride the Handwich. When in reality, the Handwich rides you."
    • When making the molds for the Handwich cones, Kevin reassures us that the paper won't catch fire; in fact, a great book was written that states that the auto-ignition point for paper is...nineteen hundred eighty-four degrees.
    • There's a hilariously pervasive and easy-to-miss gag in that Kevin seems to be going out of his way throughout the entire video to use two hands to bite into a sandwich specifically designed to be eaten with one hand.
    • While making his second Handwich, Kevin illustrates a hypothetical scenario that would require one to make a Handwich:
      Kevin: Let's say you have a daughter. She's a sweetheart, but she's a bit of an arsonist. Her principal is coming over to discuss her expulsion, and you have to cook something spectacular or he will expel your daughter, and she will never be able to achieve the dreams that you've projected onto her. With these life-altering stakes, why not make a delicious Handwich?
    • Going to the tutorial link shown during the second Handwich showcases how the domain... hasn't been prepared yet.
      Website: I'll do something clever here just give me a minute.
    • Eventually, Kevin runs out of time to make his last Handwich, and gets trapped in Purgatory. His only way out is to make the Handwich, so he runs to the grocery store and buys some bread, buys three roast beef and cheese sandwiches from Arby's without the buns, puts the sandwich filling in his hacked apart bread, and escapes.
      Kevin: Hmm, believe it or not, that was the best one.
    • The final scene of the Handwich episode where Kevin is stuck in Limbo is terrifying until Kevin pulls into an Arby's to casually order fillings for his third Handwich.
      Arby's employee: Thank you for choosing Arby's. Place your order when ready.
      Kevin: Could I get... three Beef 'N Cheddar sandwiches? Without the buns.
      Arby's employee: So you don't want it on the side? Just put it in a bowl?
      Kevin: Yeah.
      Arby's employee: So I've got three Beef 'N Cheddar classics, it's all in the same bowl, with the cheese in the sauce, in the bowl as well.
      Kevin: That's ri- and some mozzarella sticks, please.
      Arby's employee: Sure, you want four or six?
      Kevin: Six.
      (Scene resumes Kevin's Sanity Slippage as he races back to the kitchen to prepare the final Handwich)
  • The episode on Disney's FastPass program is as jam-packed with Kevin's signature snark as it is incredibly long and excruciatingly detailed.
    • Kevin immediately acknowledges how detailed his dissertation is going to be, stating that "Unfortunately, there is no FastPass for this explanation."
    • When he notes what Walt said about the psychological benefits of the switchback queue system, he also points out how times have changed:
      Kevin: Because guests were moving back and forth, they were face to face with other guests, allowing them to interact with strangers back when people were into that sort of thing.
    • When talking about how, to Disney's surprise, Japanese tourists visiting Tokyo Disneyland were comfortable with waiting in long lines:
      Kevin: This is because different cultures have different reactions to queuing, with Americans tending to be some of the most impatient, right up there with the French, which Disney would learn soon enough.
    • Michael Eisner's response to the success of FastPass?
      "[Guests] now have more time to spend money and to do other things! They're also a lot happier not having to wait in line."
    • There were not one, but two parody songs created about different iterations of the FastPass program. And while one of the songs was actually created by Disney Parks to promote FastPass+, the other one is just three friends singing a FastPass-themed parody of Beyoncé's "Single Ladies". After Kevin plays the Disney one...
      Kevin: That is technically my second favorite FastPass parody song... but it's really not even a competition.
    • Kevin makes note of the recipients of the 100 millionth FastPass, the Dillon family, with Mike Dillon stating that "Things like this don't happen to the Dillons." Cue Kevin talking about how a man named Jebediah Dillon stowed away on a cargo ship braving stormy Atlantic waters in the late 19th century, complete with a chapter title card...
      PART FOUR: THE DILLONS
      • ...Before Kevin quickly realizes he's lost his thread and gets back on topic.
    • For a time, guests reserving certain Disneyland vacation packages in the mid-2000s could gain access to "Enhanced FastPass", which allowed guests to receive as many passes as possible (save for rides they'd already reserved). This meant that there was no stopping someone from snagging FastPasses for all 16 attractions across Disneyland and California Adventure right after arriving and having the best day ever... save for having to experience mid-2000s California Adventure.
    • "In 2002, Paul Pressler resigned to model for The Gap, where he would also serve as CEO."
    • Kevin remarks that the over-implementation of the FastPass system in its first few years was a clear indicator that implementing it at every possible attraction would be a bad idea.
      PART FOUR: PUT FASTPASS EVERYWHERE
    • Kevin goes over the impetus for what would one day become the MagicBand and describes how, since the original designer basically came up with a Magic wristBand, it was obviously destined to be known the world over as the Experience Band. Or xBand for short.
    • Kevin begins talking about MyMagic+... only, to his confusion, to be presented with an ad for a different service named Mobile Magic. Between its price point, the fact that downloading the app required sending a text message (this was 2009, mind), and it being an exclusive partnership with Verizon, Kevin can't help but feel a bit disgusted.
      Kevin: [The Mobile Magic ad begins playing] ...Wait, what is this? ...This is not MyMagic+ I don't know what this is. ...Ugh, exclusive to Verizon? [Mickey suddenly pops up onscreen in the ad] ...AAH! Oh gosh, I forgot about this.
    • Kevin discusses how the XPass system could radically redesign crowd control, but that there was just one problem...
      Kevin: Actually, there were a thousand problems, but this was one of them.
    • Kevin notes how, during the initial rollout of FastPass+, guests were having to line up at the dedicated kiosks for the system, or in other words, people were getting in line to get the pass to skip the lines.
    • To highlight how bad securing FastPasses had become thanks to FastPass+ Kevin plays a more than two minute long montage of various DisneyTubers explaining how best to exploit the system just to use it as you're supposed to.
    • After bringing up the debates had regarding whether or not FastPass increases or decreases standby waits, overall waits, and/or the overall number of attractions a guest can experience in a day, Kevin notes that answering these questions would be nearly impossible, as since Disney doesn't provide the relevant statistics, there would be only one practical method of doing so:
      Kevin: Someone would need to pay an industrial engineer to create a complex computer simulation of a theme park, populated with agents, all with unique preferences, riding attractions of varying capacities and run times in order to compare and contrast wait times, number of rides ridden, and other factors with and without a virtual queue system just to get to the bottom of this ridiculously niche curiosity.
      (Beat)
      PART SIX: I PAID AN INDUSTRIAL ENGINEER TO CREATE A COMPLEX COMPUTER SIMULATION OF A THEME PARK POPULATED WITH AGENTS, ALL WITH UNIQUE PREFERENCES, RIDING ATTRACTIONS OF VARYING CAPACITIES IN ORDER TO COMPARE AND CONTRAST WAIT TIMES, NUMBER OF RIDES RIDDEN, AND OTHER FACTORS WITH AND WITHOUT A VIRTUAL QUEUE SYSTEM.
      Kevin: Hey everybody I made a theme park in the computer.
      • Kevin acknowledging some of the limitations of the simulation:
        THERE IS ONLY ONE PARK SO NO PARK HOPPING BECAUSE MY GOD I DON'T EVEN WANT TO THINK ABOUT WHAT THAT DOES TO THE DATA.
      • Kevin notes that under FastPass+, some guests went on rides with shorter waits multiple times in a row while waiting to return to a more popular ride. At its most extreme, this resulted in one person who managed to get on rides 39 times in a day.note 
      • This simulated theme park is introduced as "Shapeland", where all the people are dots and the attractions are shapes... and then, in a major moment of whiplash, Kevin later reveals that his simulation was not based on a made-up theme park with made-up rides, but an actual day at Disney's Animal Kingdom.
    • While discussing how virtual queue systems got increasingly out of hand during the 2010s, Kevin brings up a Harry Potter ride that opened at Universal Studios Orlando during this time. Kevin refers to said new ride by the name of itself and the land it's in, both of which are unusually long, and pronounces the trademark symbol at the end.
      Kevin: In the summer of 2019, Universal Orlando debuted a new ride at their Islands of Adventure theme park: The Wizarding World of Harry Potter's Hagrid's Magical Creatures Motorbike Adventure, ™.
    • Kevin explains that Disney tried to avoid hours-long (and more publicly embarrassing than usual) lines for Rise of the Resistance by introducing a "virtual queue" system that was inspired by a new customer service innovation at the DMV.
      Kevin: So that's where we are, everybody.
    • The mere fact that a dissertation on a system designed to cut the lines at theme park attractions somehow naturally segues into a discussion of "what, in queuing theory, is called"
      PART SEVEN: CLASS WARFARE
      (Muzak Soviet-pastiche military march plays.)
      Kevin: invoked Within the Disney parks, there has become a class system, just like in the real world, except for this one is silly, mostly inconsequential, and you aren't forced to live in it like a nightmare you can't wake up from.
    • Though not really talked about by Kevin there is something very funny about how Walt Disney World's FastPass+ was a simple idea at crowd control that turned into a nightmare for guests waiting in line at the parks, Cast Members trying to maintain the crowds that were not controlled by FastPass+, and the struggling tech infrastructure that the entire park was now based on, and comparing it to Disneyland's MaxPass which was literally just the original FastPass but now you had to pay for it.
    • Kevin wraps up a long explanation with the conclusion that guests and operations would fare better without FastPass+, and fades out its graphic... before bringing it back and forcefully saying "But what am I talking about, they spent a billion dollars on this, they're not getting rid of anything!" This leads right to the next part, HOW DO WE FIX THIS?, which starts with anthropomorphizing FastPass+ into a monster whose creators refuse to kill it and who only make it larger when they attempt to accommodate it.
    • In-Universe, the businesspeople behind Shapeland discuss how to deal with the billion-dollar monster (read:FastPass+) they've accidentally created: by making being friends with it an additional charge and not a hotel perk like it was previously.
      Dotson: There's just one problem- the friends of the monster are not gonna be happy when we charge them for this.
      The Boss: You're right. That would be a PR nightmare. It would take some sort of global, cataclysmic event that would shut down our business long enough for us to make drastic changes to our operating procedure... While also giving us a shield from criticism of those changes.
      [Lightning strikes]
      Dotson: Oh, did you not hear?
      [Cut to news reports on the COVID-19 Pandemic forcing Disney to shut the parks down]
      • The disparity between committed FastPass+ users and regular park attendees is illustrated by certain people being friends with the monster, and therefore, unlike the rest, safe from harm. By the time the monster has grown too large and hungry to control, its friends have set up a multi-tiered grandstand to act as its cheering section while it tramples and devours everyone else.
    • Kevin explaining the "simpler" Disney Genie system by way of Motor Mouth.
      Kevin: See, simple. [A picture of the like/dislike ratio on the Genie app's YouTube overview video appears; there are way more dislikes] AND hugely popular. [A picture of YouTube's announcement that they're hiding the number of dislikes appears] Or is it? Who's to say?
  • Kevin being interviewed by Adam Conover. For the first hour, the interview goes pretty well, and both are very professional. However, the interview eventually goes off the rails after Kevin mentions The Wiggles.

DefunctTV

  • In the Zoboomafoo video, Kevin briefly goes over Wild Kratts and mistakes the animated Martin Kratt for Ron Stoppable.
  • The Jim Henson specials open with black & white comedic skits with two puppets, Boss & Codey, in homage to Henson. Their funny antics revolve around promoting the products of one of them via building a website and other means.
    • During the episode on Fraggle Rock, Kevin relays Jim's mission statement for the show: "I want to do a children's television show that will stop war."
      Kevin: Sounds simple enough.
  • In the episode about Dumbo's Circus, Kevin recaps the episode involving Dumbo losing his magic feather, and being extremely nervous about it while about to take a jump off the top of the circus platform. In his deadpan voice, he then delivers this line:
    Kevin: It's revealed that Sebastian has the feather, because he is a liar.
  • Among the games in the Carmen Sandiego series is one called Where in North Dakota is Carmen Sandiego.
  • "Disney Channel's Theme: A History Mystery":
    • Kevin's quest to figure out who wrote the Disney Channel theme gets off to a rocky start because two of the people he interviews initially remember the contents of the bumpers better than the music playing during them.
    • Several fake newspapers about Kevin's previous videos appear as a Freeze-Frame Bonus, and the text on them is hilarious:
      • The topmost newspaper presumes Kevin is dead due to going months between video uploads and places the blame on Handwiches. It also has some Insane Troll Logic regarding the mortality of YouTubers:
        When a YouTuber doesn't upload for more than three months, they're dead. No question. If they upload again, that doesn't prove they weren't dead, it just proves they aren't dead right now.
      • The Fastpass program history video's paper has an article complaining about how often a certain YouTube user is getting recommended the videonote . The author of the article happens to be named "Tom Liar" and is claiming they made the video.
      • The bottommost newspaper in the stack is titled 'Fake Newspaper'.
    • One of the eliminated candidates for the composer of the Disney Channel theme is Wolfgang Amadeus Mozart.
    • During a recap of the early TV idents, Kevin recaps the 'Disney's Our Channel' theme song, in which the phrase was sang by classic Disney characters, families, and "everyone's favorite Disney character":
      Michael Eisner: Our channel, Disney's Our Channel.
    • While searching for when the new Disney Channel theme was introduced in 2002, Kevin comes across several Express Yourself ads, and is a bit taken aback when one casually talks about 9/11. As it turns out, Disney Channel had ad breaks like these after the event, and since they later cut back on the more patriotic branding, the transition into it feels a lot more jarring.
      • And then he comes across another one that starts talking about "one of the positive effects of 9/11", and Kevin quickly pauses the video to try a different ad compilation... to for the next video to start with another Express Yourself ad talking about it.
      • When the compilation's uploader gives September 30, 2002 as the date of the logo change in the comments, Kevin remarks that there's no way somebody uploaded Disney Channel recordings from that specific date. Cue a Playhouse Disney clip compilation for that exact date.
    • A brief scene of Kevin sorting DVDs into categories, based on their relevance to his search. Most of the DVDs are sorted into "Editions of High School Musical", but when he pulls out a copy of the first season of Life with Derek, he sorts it into a lone category titled "Canadian Sitcoms That Will Get You Demonetized".
    • Kevin saying that The Mighty Mighty Bosstones were from "Bosstone, Maysachusetts"
    • When comparing the stars drawing the Disney Channel logo in the bumpers with what they actually draw, Kevin calls out how Spencer Breslin's wand streak doesn't line up with the logo even in the edited version. Though, Kevin states that he can't blame him, because Spencer had "other things on his mind" before cutting back to a clip of one of the 9/11 PSAs. Later, he brings up how the dog from Dog with a Blog did a better job at drawing the logo than the kid stars.
    • Only Kevin can make a link between a NAFTA debate, Monday Night Football, and High School Musical 2 as intricate yet hilarious as this:
      Kevin: It is obvious why High School Musical 2 was able to achieve [being the most watched premiere on cable]. The debate over NAFTA was an intense and important argument between two powerful political rivals, and Monday night football is consistently popular as it broadcasts the intensity and suspense of athletics. High School Musical 2 was able to combine these two ratings winners, by showcasing both the drama of sports as well as a tantalizing debate. Rather than the pros and cons to controversial trade legislation, with Perot on the side of anti-NAFTA and Gore on the side of pro-NAFTA, High School Musical 2 showcases a debate as to whether high schooler Chad Danforth can or cannot dance. With Chad strictly on the side of anti-dance, or as he says, 'I don't dance', and with theater kid Ryan Evans firmly on the side of pro-dance, or in his words, 'I know you can'. This back-and-forth captured America in a way that neither the NAFTA debate or Monday night football could do on their own.
    • Once Kevin runs out of options to investigate and believes that the trail has gone cold, the video segues into sad music as Kevin declares he has no choice but to release the video as is in hopes of finding anyone who knows the answer to who wrote the Disney Channel theme. He performs his own dramatic re-enactment of the intro, draws the logo like they do in the breaks... and finds out it's a lot harder to draw than he realized.
      Okay, I feel bad for making fun of those kids earlier.
    • The fact that trying and failing to draw the Disney Channel logo in a depressed shower ends up being the "Eureka!" Moment of the video that finally gets Kevin on the right trail is deeply hilarious.
    • The excited way that Kevin shouts "It's one of the 9/11 PSA's!" when he realizes how close to the answer he is.
    • When Kevin finally finds someone (Andrea Taylor) who knows who wrote the jingle, he interviews her about her previous work at Disney Channel (which was pretty much everything related to marketing). One of these works was a series of bumpers that was all about fish trivia, microdosing their young viewership with a fish obsession in preparation for the release of Finding Nemo a year and a half later.
      Kevin: And these kids were like "this is perfect, because I'm already into fish, coincidentally".
      Andrea: Uh-huh!
      Kevin: But they weren- it was NOT a coincidence.
      Andrea: No.
      Kevin: Ok, that's a little sinister.
      Andrea: (with no change in tone) Mhm!

Where We Parked

  • "Person of the Century":
    • Kevin and Jack note that the poll was for "the most influential person of the century" and not "the best person of the century". They conclude that the poll was scrapped because too many people were voting for Adolf Hitler, and Disney was too embarrassed to announce it.
    • The real reason the poll ended early: Cast Members organized a successful movement to write in another Cast Member's name, and Disney couldn't figure out a way to remove that result without breaking the system.
  • "The Sea is My World":
    • When going through the different Shamu shows at SeaWorld, they stumble onto one named "Shamu Goes to College", and imagine a scenario where a dad takes his family to see the new Shamu show and is genuinely moved by the idea of a killer whale going to college.
    • The titular song is from an album named "The Fun Songs of Shamu and his Crew", but only features Shamu in two of the songs. Kevin and Jack decide that it's because Shamu was too busy to get into the studio.
  • "50's Prime Time Café":
    • Kevin, Jack, and Rob decide that the 50's Prime Time Café would be the "Captain America holding cell" where they would put Walt Disney after unthawing him, with them imagining what Walt would do in this situation:
      • Walt breaking free from the café only to stumble into Hollywood Studios, which he mistakes for the real Hollywood until someone tells him that he can't smoke there.
      • Walt running into Star Wars: Galaxy's Edge, thinking that Batuu's a real planet, and going on both Smuggler's Run and Rise of the Resistance trying to get off of the planet, only to end up right back where he started.
      • Walt trying to join the First Order and selling out the Resistance the first chance he gets (with the guys noting that he actually did go in front of the House Un-American Activities Committee and accuse all his striking animators of being Communists).
      • Walt going onto the Rock 'n' Rollercoaster and dying instantly, due to the sheer speed and g-forces present on the ride.
    • Their nightmarish concept for a dinner theatre version of the Prime Time Café where a Cast Member playing your dad "comes home", where the storyline changes based on what you order, and almost all of the storylines end poorly due to the tensions between "Dad" and the waitress playing "Mom":
      • The costume design for "Dad" features another woman's perfume and lipstick on his collar.
      • Noting that many of the menu items reference unseen family members, including "Aunt Betty's Chicken Strips" (which starts the infidelity storyline), and "Dad's Favorite Chocolate-Peanut Butter Layered Cake" (which is the only way to get the good ending).
      • A breakfast version, where it's implied that "Mom" is cheating on "Dad" with either the milkman, the garbageman, or both, and Dad comes home to reveal that he's been laid off from his job.
  • "The Epcot Residency": Kevin manages to guess that Smash Mouth performed at Epcot before Jack even brings them up.

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