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Fanfic / FaCe ThE StRaNgE

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https://static.tvtropes.org/pmwiki/pub/images/221617581zv79w4w_9586.jpg
The most effective way to make four fandoms cry in unison* .
When Dally Darkblood, a vampire Ravenclaw, goes to Hogwarts, with her best fren, Edward Cullen, and then Hiei, things began to get interesting. Shadow the Hegehog comes and then Dumbleddore turns out to be not so good after ale. With the asstence of close friends and family and a lil wizard magic, Hogwarts will be sale fo the students once more...
Dallas Philpott, "introdiction to the story"

The above summary does not even begin to capture the pure Mind Screw that is Face The Strange (or, as it is spelled officially, "FaCe ThE StRaNgE"), a Troll Fic written in an attempt to write the worst Fan Fic ever. Dally Darkblood is a young lady who happens to be both a vampire and a witch. She is invited to go to Hogwarts along with a certain young man named Edward Cullen who has been having some issues with his girlfriend Bella Swan. On the train, they happen to run into Hiei, who is selling candy to pay for his trip to Hogwarts and on Dally a few times. They also encounter Shadow, the anthropomorphic hedgehog. When they actually get into Hogwarts, Dally and Hiei decide to get it on and use magic to turn their bodily fluids into water in order to avoid impregnating Dally. Little do they know, however, that a very jealous Edward is spying on them, and decides to use his magic to teach Dally a lesson.

And it only gets worse (and weirder) from there.

The even more twisted lovechild of Brewdening Love and My Immortal, Face The Strange is a true test of whether the Internet has truly made a person resistant to terror and having their childhood ruined. If you are feeling brave, you can read it yourself here (accessed via the Wayback Machine), but be warned that it quickly becomes NSFW.

And now there is a sporking of it herenote ! And now there's another sporking of it here! And dramatic readings!

Face The Strange contains examples of:

  • Animorphism:
    • Vampires can turn into bats.
    • Charla can become a cheetah.
  • Anatomically Impossible Sex: The entire sex scene. They turn their fluids into water, but wouldn't that affect their bodies? How can Dally even have love juices, let alone get pregnant, if she's a vampire? Her boobs wrapped around his wiener like bumblebees?
    • Also, this gem from Dally:
      "YOU CAME IN ME. I TOLD YOU YOU e CAN GET PREGNANT EVEN FROM ANAL."
    • The pregnancy in general. Dally shows signs of it within a couple of days, and has the actual demonspawn not too long after that. Might be justified if you consider it's the baby of a vampire and a demon, so it might mature differently, but that might be giving the author too much credit.
    • Apparently gays are built differently than straight folk according to Dally:
      "Its gay anal surf," answored Dally, "if they don’t take garyatric pills then if we put enough water in their ass their intenstines and stomach wil leak out..."
      • She does offer a (terrible) explanation:
      "Oh is that because their asshoes are all loosened out from the sex??" Shadow asked.
  • Atomic F-Bomb: The further you dive into the story, the more frequent the cussing.
    • And the more frequent you'll want to.
  • Barbie Doll Anatomy: Mystique.
    Jut then Mystique came out of the fire she was naked but she didn’t have nipples.
  • Bears Are Bad News: It's a typo, but still...
    They were greeted by a big wizard with a long white bear and a pointy hat and he said, "Come students, follow me to the great hall and we will eat and get you sorted!"
  • Big "NO!": Link, when he sees Shadow burning to death.
  • Bigger Is Better in Bed: Hiei. And yes, we get to hear a full description of his "wand," length in inches included.
  • Body Horror: In addition to his Cruel and Unusual Death, Hagrid has multiple penises all over his body.
    • In later chapters, this became a Once an Episode occurrence.
    • Whenever someone's "face falls", or "jaw drops", their face or jaw is described as falling off. In one chapter, Dally's stomach is described as falling off (and she's pregnant at the time, to boot).
  • Bread, Eggs, Milk, Squick: Chapter 15 - Harry and baby Shadow ride on horses, order McDonald's, go to see Wicked in Chicago and murder a random innocent Hufflepuff for no good reason.
  • Break the Cutie: Bella. She gets raped, blamed for the whole thing, and then murdered. Keep in mind that Bella actually acts pretty kind from what little we see of her in this story.
  • Breaking the Fourth Wall: At one point, Dally literally looks up the story to reread a ripped up note. Clumsily Lampshaded by the narration.
  • Broken Aesop: The story tries to push that there is nothing wrong with being homosexual, but aside from Jack Skellington, all of the characters who aren't straight are portrayed as villains, including the only actually canonically gay character in the fic: Dumbledore.
    • Right after Professor Skellington tells the group it's okay to be gay, we get this bit:
      Draco is straight and it’s Adam and Steve not Adam and Steve.
    • When Hiei screws Sasuke, Dally is more ticked about Hiei banging a man than she is that he slept with someone else in the first place.
    • Sasuke is another one of the "good" gays, but even then, he is a walking stereotype.
    • Another supposed Aesop is that screwing multiple guys, especially one that isn't your true love that you're married to, is wrong, as demonstrated with Bella. However, Dally has no problem doing it with Hiei the first day she meets him and is constantly going back and forth between various men.
      "Hi-hi-hi-hiei and I are th-th-thorough!" she sobbed, "It t-t-t-urms out hes a f-f-f-faggot just like D-d-d-dumbledooooreeee!!"
  • But I Can't Be Pregnant!: “YOU CAME IN ME. I TOLD YOU YOU CAN GET PREGNANT EVEN FROM ANAL.”
  • But We Used a Condom!: The cast are confused when Dally becomes pregnant, since they had used a spell to turn semen into water, unaware that Edward had secretly used a counter spell to turn it back into semen.
  • Buxom Beauty Standard: Dally's boobs just might be bigger than Hogwarts if the art of her is anything to go by. And everyone loves it.
  • Camp Gay: Dumbledore and Sasuke.
  • The Chosen One: Shadow Darkblood Yerameshi, the son of Dally.
    • Harry Potter is the "other Chosen One."
  • Chuck Cunningham Syndrome: Dally's Girl Posse and Draco completely vanish from the story right around the introduction of Lupin and Tonks.
  • Clingy Jealous Girl: Bella is ticked off beyond repair at Edward because she thinks that he's cheating on her for Dally.
  • Crazy Jealous Guy: Edward. He "grrs" if any male so much as talks to Dally, even ones of another species.
  • Cruel and Unusual Death: Hagrid is killed by numerous wands stabbed through the "sausages" of his body, whatever those are. Note that Hagrid is merely given this treatment because he's Dumbledore's sex buddy.
  • Dem Bones: Jack Skeleton... Er, Skellington.
  • Disguised Horror Story: If you only read the first chapter and glance over the illustrations, it looks like a typical wish-fulfillment story. Then it gets increasingly gory and surreal as it goes on...
  • Distressed Dude: Dally's entire harem in Chapter 9 are kidnapped and taken to Azkaban.
  • Domestic Abuser: Hiei smacks Dally a few times, and is hinted at being capable of doing far worse. And yet she has no problem staying with him and feels guilty if she comes even close to another man.
    Dally began to get nervous... if hiei was high he was also gonna get violet and if he found Billy she would surely get the smackdown.* Dying to Be Replaced: Shadow, for Dally's child. He's even born the same chapter as Shadow's funeral.
  • Enemy Mine: Edward and Hiei must put aside their differences and fuse to become "Platinum Billy" to save Hogwarts.
  • Enfant Terrible: Baby Shadow.
    It was chosen one and now it will kiss us all… because when demons and vampires mix it produces a hellspawn that is evillest at its core.
  • "Everybody Laughs" Ending: In Chapter 13:
    "That masturbator!" said Link and they all laughed and walked adaware...
  • Everyone Has Lots of Sex: Or, rather, two people have enough sex to count for everyone laving lots of sex.
    (since there were no rules they had sex over one thousand times)
    • Later on, the sexual references noticeably get more frequent.
  • Exactly What It Says on the Tin: The main characters definitely face some very strange occurrences.
  • Express Delivery: Dally gives birth not too long after she discovers her pregnancy, which is not too long after she initially conceived. Might be justified by the fact that it's the son of a demon and a mutant vampire witch.
  • Eye Scream: The bag Snape puts over Bella's head apparently "punctured her eyes".
  • Face–Heel Turn: Mystique decides to work with Dumbledore for some reason in Chapter 7.
    • Edward does as well in Chapter 11 due to being sick of Dally's cockblocking, but then switches back later without any explanation.
  • Fantasy Contraception: The whole "turning-semen-into-water" shtick.
  • Freudian Slip: As is almost always guaranteed in any Rouge Angles of Satin fic. The most hilarious of these occurs at the end of Chapter 2, right before Dumbledore reveals his true nature.
    Edward grred, his sences were tingling… that something was not wrong.
    • Similarly, right in the next chapter:
    The three of them mated downstairs to Professors Macnoggle's orifice and demanded an interview.
  • Forgotten Fallen Friend: Shadow is pretty much brought up only once after his death a chapter or two later, and then never again.
  • Fusion Dance: Edward and Hiei fuse to become... Billy Martin.
  • Gainax Ending: It initially had No Ending, but was given one in the very belated twenty-first chapter, which was posted five years after the last one. Among other things, it involves the main characters encountering Barack Obama and J. K. Rowling and, in the final scene, transforming into My Little Pony characters. Of course, by that point, it's only marginally weirder than the rest of the fic.
  • Girl Posse: Charla, Annie, and Meagan for Dally. They're all pretty much interchangeable.
  • Goo-Goo-Godlike: Baby Shadow is The Chosen One, can talk and move almost immediately, has vampire powers, can read minds and communicate telepathically, creates portkeys out of midair...
  • Gorn: Starting in Chapter 4 and spiraling downward from there.
  • Groin Attack: Dally rips off Snape's dick and throws it out the window.
  • Harem Seeker: Dally, despite claims contradicting it.
  • Harmful to Minors: Dally has no problem dropping Atomic F Bombs in front of little Shadow.
  • Hate Fic: For Harry Potter, given all of the important roles have been taken by OC Dally and various crossover characters. Snape is a lustful rapist, Dumbledore is a rapist and pedophile, Lupin and Tonks have no personality beyond having sex, Harry is a prejudicial druggie..
  • Heel–Face Turn: Edward after the Time Skip. It's never explained why.
  • Hufflepuff House: The Trope Namers themselves. The only time the house is referenced by name is when Harry kills a Hufflepuff to show baby Shadow spells.
  • Hypocrite: Dally calls Bella easy, but Bella has never been shown to screw a man other than Edward willingly (she had no clue that Snape wasn't Edward as she was blinded by a bag) both in The Twilight Saga and this fic. Dally, however, had no problem having sex with Hiei thousands of times and still considers Edward her property.
    • Further driven into the ground when Edward reveals he had sex with Bella before. Dally is ticked because she wanted to be Edward's first partner... After she cheated on him for Hiei.
    • The main gang sans Dally discovers Hagrid dead with "wands coming out of all the sausages of his body" and are absolutely disturbed that someone would do such a thing to Hagrid. Moments before, they were plotting to give his sexual partner Dumbledore the slowest and most painful death possible.
  • If I Can't Have You…: Edward did NOT take Dally choosing Hiei well. Though, in her defense, he murdered his last girlfriend.
  • Ikea Erotica: The Hiei and Dally sex scene.
  • Insane Troll Logic: For some reason, being a vampire means that Edward is amazing at potion-making. It Makes Just as Much Sense in Context.
    • This little gem from Shadow's funeral:
    They didn’t put him in a koffin because it reminded Edward and Dally to much of bed and theyd get sleepy so they put him in a boat they took to Hogwarts and have him a Viking wedding.
    • And another bit from Chapter 11:
    She looked in the keyhole and on the wndow and she was gunna check under the carpet... but it reminded he of shadow.
    • Basically the entire plot, actually, but how about this one, just prior to the Fusion Dance?
    "Its because... remember how Harrys mom and dad saved him through love?" he answered
    "Well... it's the same here. We need two people who love Dally the most to savor her… and mix together."
  • Instant Birth: Just Add Labor!: Dally has her son immediately after her water breaks.
  • It's All About Me: The entire world must revolve around Dally. She can have sex with whoever she pleases, but if one of "her men" does it with another woman before they do it with her (even if they've been dating said woman for a long time), that's just sick, those jerks.
  • Jerkass:
    • Edward in this fic makes the original Edward look exactly like the gentleman Meyer intended him to be.
    • Dally becomes this sometime around when she encourages Edward to kill the already-tortured Bella so she can have him all to herself.
  • Jerk Ass Has A Point: Hiei (who is mainly a Jerkass for only wanting Dally to have mutant powers pretty much) in Chapter 5:
    "WELL YOU WOULD KNOW," said Hiei, “YOU FUCKED BELLA... AND HTEN YOU KILLED HER."
    • Edward, after Dally says she can't have sex with Edward due to being with Hiei despite the big stink she put up over Edward supposedly doing Bella:
      "I thought you said you wanted to... you can’t blue balls me," he said flatly, "Seriously if you don’t put out youre a bitch just like Bella."
  • Karma Houdini: Edward, Dally, and Link murder Bella and Snape, the former of which was notably innocent. They get off without any charges.
    • In fact, Edward is hired to replace Snape as a teacher after the fiasco.
  • Large Ham: Everyone, but Mystique whenever she talks to Hiei deserves a special mention.
    "Yes it is I," she smocked, "You really think you would get aware that easy?? DYMBLEDORE AND I ARE WOKING TOGETHER NOW!! HAHAHAHA!"
  • Life Embellished: Dally is a self-insert, and the author uses her to represent herself.
  • Love Dodecahedron: Edward loves Bella, but he also wants Dally. Hiei wants Dally, but he also shows interest in Sasuke. Dally wants Hiei, but also wants Edward and Bill, who wants her as well. Shadow wants Dally as well. The rest can be pretty much summed up as, "every male wants Dally."
  • Love Triangle: Although everyone wants Dally to have their babies, Edward and Hiei are the main two competing with each other.
  • Master of the Mixed Message: Dally wants Hiei, and Edward has Bella! No, Dally deserves Edward, and Bella needs to die! Wait, no- Edward is clingy, Hiei should be for Dally! Hold it- Hiei impregnated Dally, so he's a jerk and she should be Edward's. But wait- Edward did it with Bella before Dally, so he's a horrible person and Hiei is Dally's one and only! But no- Edward didn't have sex with Bella after all, so he and Dally are together. Nope- Dally is with Hiei since she is having his baby, so Edward shouldn't do it with her!
  • Meet Cute: Attempted and pulled off clumsily. Dally first spots Hiei selling candy on the Hogwarts Express. He goes to sell some for her, but is instantly infatuated and gives the candy to her for free.
  • Mega Crossover: The Twilight Saga, Harry Potter, YuYu Hakusho, Sonic the Hedgehog, X-Men, The Nightmare Before Christmas, The Legend of Zelda, Naruto... And that's just the first few chapters.
  • One-Steve Limit: Averted with Shadow and Shadow Jr., which makes it confusing when reading about this trainwreck of a story, especially since the author mixes up names all the time.
  • Our Werewolves Are Different: They apparently have a short memory span.
  • Our Vampires Are Different: They don't sparkle, have fangs, and at one point Edward even turns into a bat. As terrible as the fic is, she still somehow gets vampires closer to the traditional portrayal than The Twilight Saga.
  • Parental Neglect: Dally has no problem letting her baby gnaw on rattlesnakes and leaving him home alone for long periods of time. She acts shocked when she comes how to find him gone. Lampshaded in this line:
    "I think we should go home and check on my baby now. I know he can take care of himself but I think Prof Maconagle will call Child Protection Servises on my asshole."
  • Patchwork Kids: Shadow Darkblood Yerameshi has red and black hair streaks and vampire powers like Dally, but also white hair streaks and deep red eyes like Hiei.
    • His half-sister Shadette shares traits with Dally and Bill Compton.
  • Power Gives You Wings: Annie, but we never see her in action.
  • Power Perversion Potential: Using magic to turn semen into water counts. As does Dally's brilliant idea to use her powers to turn things into "kinky sexy toys".
  • Precision F-Strike: This gem from Chapter 2:
    "oh my fucking christ" she said, "I can turn into whatever I want with mustiques powers!"
    • An example from the same chapter:
      "HAHAHA" laughed mystique "YOU WILL NEVER FUCKIN GET TE POWEERS"
  • Pregnant Badass: Attempted and failed with Dally. She's portrayed as selfless for staying behind to give birth all by herself while the men she loves so much march into battle, but really she just comes off as selfish and whiny as usual, especially since this is right after she snaps at Edward for trying to bang her despite her saying he needed to and Hiei for sleeping with Sasuke.
  • Raging Stiffie: Hiei in the lead up to the sex scene:
    "Hiei is that your wand?" she asked.

    "No... that is my penis, Dally..." he said.
    • As the story "unfolds," this becomes a common occurrence among pretty much everyone in the story with a dick.
  • Random Events Plot: The only common threads in the plot are Dally's pregnancy and taking down Dumbledore. Throughout this time, the rest of the plot is all over the place. After baby Shadow is born, the author throws everything to the wall and hopes it sticks.
  • Red Eyes, Take Warning: Dally, Hiei and Shadow all have red eyes.
  • Rouge Angles of Satin: The last few chapters are practically illegible.
  • Running Gag: Throughout the fic, various words are "misspelled" (clearly deliberately) as the names of various Pokémon.
  • Satellite Love Interest: All of them. This quote from Chapter 1 summarizes it perfectly:
    "So do you like that guy?" Edward asked.
    "Of course, he gave me free food! He is very nice" Dally said happy.
  • Scarf of Asskicking: The students of Hogwarts, not that they actually get any action in this fic.
  • Self-Insert Fic: The author's name is Dallas Dally Philpott. The main character's name is Dally.
  • This Is Gonna Suck: Right in the first sentence, "Edward" is written as "Edwart." Heck, the clever capitalization of the title should be enough of a warning to turn back while you still can.
  • Time Skip: After capturing Dumbledore.
  • Too Dumb to Live:
    • Harry Potter tells Professor Macnoggle about an attempted rape on him. Two instances of Too Dumb to Live ensue: Harry never specifies who did the violating. He does mention that the rapist was a male... So Umbridge ends up fired. What.
    • At one point, Dally sees her baby chewing on rattlesnakes. Granted, he's a Goo-Goo-Godlike character, but what sane mother would let their child do that?
  • Took a Level in Jerkass: Dally in Chapter 7. Up until then, she could do no wrong, but at least lived up to that title. At that point, she began to get protective of all her potential men, which ends up costing innocent Bella her life.
  • Transformation Trauma: At the end of Chapter 19, Dally and Hiei experience this turning into vampires. But, wasn't Dally already a vampire?
  • Troll Fic: Considering how it quickly devolves into strangeness (most notably the Hiei and Edward Fusion Dance) and the Rouge Angles of Satin count grows each chapter, it is very possible that it is indeed a troll. However, there are pictures on the site of the author, so it's up in the air and will likely never be resolved unless Dallas comes out and admits it either way.
    • Even if it is a Troll Fic, it's literally painful to read.
    • It is, indeed, a Troll Fic. The author intentionally wrote it to be the worst Fan Fic ever made.
      • And then Dally deleted her admission of being a troll, so who knows?
  • Un Explained Recovery: Dumbledore explodes when Dally headbutts him into his phoenix. He shows up at Hollister completely unharmed a few chapters later.
  • Unlucky Childhood Friend: According to the biographies, Edward has been friends with Dally since preschool.
  • Unusual Euphemism:
    • At one point, Dally starts using "effed" to mean having sex.
    • At another point Lupin refers to Dumbledore as an "ass musketier".
  • Unusually Uninteresting Sight: Apparently, Sonic characters going to Hogwarts is not out of the ordinary.
  • Unwanted Harem: Subverted. Dally claims she doesn't want all these guys fawning over her, but she clearly does.
  • Walking Shirtless Scene: Sasuke in Chapter 7 is barged in on half-naked. Of course, it's never specified which half is covered, and considering that this fic hasn't steered clear of genitalia descriptions before...
  • What the Hell, Hero?: If you're really still rooting for Dally after she rips off Snape's "wiener" and roots for Edward to slaughter innocent Bella, you need help.

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