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Characters / Small Soldiers

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     Humans 

Alan Abernathy

Played by: Gregory Smith

The Protagonist.

  • Mistaken for Junkie: When he claims that the toys are alive his parents assume that he's on drugs.
  • Noodle Incident: The circumstances behind Alan setting a fire at his old school are unexplained.
  • Once Done, Never Forgotten: Aside from some genuine havoc-making, he apparently managed to accidentally burn down his school and can't shake his reputation as a troublemaker.
    "I made one mistake and I'm branded for life!"
  • Pre-Mortem One-Liner: Alan says "Have I got a shock for you. You stupid toy!" to Chip Hazard before he electrocutes him on the telephone pole.
  • Space Whale Aesop: Remember kids; shady dealings to get hold of some toys will lead to them coming to life and trashing your father's store.

Christy Fimple

Played by: Kirsten Dunst
  • Action Girl: She seems to enjoy smashing up the mooks made from her doll collection a little too much.
    Christy: I always hated these things!
  • Beware the Nice Ones: She may be kind, loving and cute but she can whack horrible toys that kidnap her.
  • The Big Damn Kiss: She kisses Alan after he saves her from the Gwendies.
  • Likes Older Men: She has a boyfriend who's older and rides a motorcycle. She tells Alan that she only dates older guys. But changes her mind when her boyfriend turned out to be a Dirty Coward and Alan saved her.

Stuart Abernathy

Played by: Kevin Dunn

Alan's father and owner of a toy store.

  • Hair-Trigger Temper: The reason they moved was to help him calm his temper down.
  • Honor Before Reason: Stuart refuses to stock war toys in his store. While a decent principle, refusing to stock popular toys leads to his business suffering.
  • Jerk with a Heart of Gold: He can be very grouchy and ill-tempered but has a good heart nonetheless.
  • Moral Guardians: He refuses to sell war toys in his store. He also hates his neighbors' technophilia.
  • Papa Wolf: He punches Larry for letting the Commando Elite hurt Alan and destroys one of the Elite's machines in the climax.
  • Rage Breaking Point: When Larry and Irwin arrive at Alan's house, Stuart punches Larry in the face for threatening to sue Alan.
    Stuart: Don't say "Calm down"! Calm was killing me!
  • Screw the Money, I Have Rules!: Subverted. He starts saying he won't be bought... and then looks at the cheque Mars is offering him for his silence.

Irene Abernathy

Played by: Ann Magnuson

Alan's mother. Does her best to keep Stuart calm and stress free.

  • Action Mom: When the Commando Elite besiege her house, she immediately starts coordinating the defense ("Alan, put out the fires! Nerds, side windows!"), gets Marion and Timmy (the two most vulnerable of their group) to safety, and grabs a weapon to fight back. Said weapon is a tennis racket, used to return fire/repel flaming tennis balls.
  • Mama Bear: She has had it with the commandos after one of their flaming tennis balls nearly hit the cat and sends one of their balls back at them, killing several commandos in the process.
  • Tennis Boss: How she destroys the ball launcher the Commandos had repurposed to launch incendiaries.

Timmy Fimple

Played by: Jacob Smith

Christy's younger brother.

  • Annoying Younger Sibling: Timmy bothers Christie a lot when he tries to make her buy the Commander Elite and embarrasses her in front of Alan by revealing her Gwendie doll collection.
  • Bratty Half-Pint: How he starts out. The Commando Elite quickly change that.
  • Break the Haughty: At the start of the movie, he's a brat who wants a bunch of violent toys for his birthday. After being tied up, and then threatened by an army of Commando Elite, he's much quieter, and tells his parents he would just like to get clothes.

Phil Fimple

Played by: Phil Hartman

Christie's technology-obsessed father.

  • Arbitrary Skepticism: Finds the idea that his daughter's been brainwashed more likely than the possibility that the toys are alive.
  • Dirty Coward: He tries to surrender the Gorgonites to the Commando Elite, but runs back into the house. He then refuses to help Irene when Chip Hazard is gunning for them.
  • Hated by All: All of Phil's neighbors find him annoying. The Commando Elite actually deem him to be a moron.
  • Hidden Depths: He's actually quite knowledgeable about electronics, correctly pointing out that any electronic device emits a magnetic field and even knows how to generate a sizable EMP using two power transformers.
  • It's All About Me: He's interested in doing things that benefit him rather than for somebody else's.
  • Noodle Incident: He apparently once triggered an EMP by overloading the power grid.
  • Suspiciously Specific Denial: When he pointed out it's possible to create an EMP blast by overloading the power grid, he claims that it "only happened once".
  • Tempting Fate: Phil talks about how cool war is only to be later caught in the Commando Elite's war which terrifies him.

Marion Fimple

Played by: Wendy Schaal

Christie's mother.

Gil Mars

Played by: Denis Leary

The owner of Globotech.

  • Affably Evil: Downplayed; Mars is hardly a villain and not overly polite, but despite his moral failings, he's decent enough to not fire Irwin and Larry after things go sideways and generously compensates the Abernathys and Fimples for their trouble.
  • Bad Boss: Apparently fired everyone but his assistant and Irwin and Larry.
  • Corrupt Corporate Executive: He has no problem letting toy engineers get their hands on military hardware or bribing witnesses. He's quite nice about it though.
  • Deadpan Snarker: He's played by Denis Leary so he's naturally this.
  • The Dreaded: Irwin makes it clear how feared Gil is.
    Irwin: Oh no. It's HIM!!!
  • Here We Go Again!: He decides to use the toys for a war against South American drug lords.
  • Jerkass Has a Point:
    • Mars is a jerk, but when it comes to advertising, he has a point.
      Mars: You know what I'm sick of? I'm sick of commercials that show us 4X4 trucks popping up to the top of Mount Rushmore and parking on top of Abraham Lincoln's head, OK? I'm sick of shampoo commercials that try to convince women that they can look like Claudia Schiffer after one cycle of rinse and repeat. What if these toys could actually talk? What if they could walk? What if they could actually kick ass? I'm talkin' about toys that are so smart, when kids play with them, they play back. Toys, in short, gentlemen, that actually do what they do in the commercials.
    • Whenever it comes to matters of marketing and what customers actually want, Mars is also completely on point. He rejects Irwin's Gorgonites pitch upon hearing the line is meant to be educational and instead suggests they be repurposed into the Commando Elite's enemies because kids like action. He's callous and ruining Irwin's original idea, but he's also correct; educational toys don't appeal to children above preschool age, and it's shown in-universe that Stuart Abernathy's business is failing because he refuses to sell the kind of modern action and war-themed toys that kids enjoy.
    • Repurposing the Commandoes as weapons may be a bit lacking in morals, but it's a good business decision (many of the toys had already been produced, and their capabilities were well evidenced) and a decent way to have some possible good come out of the whole fiasco.
  • Karma Houdini: He's the guy ultimately responsible for this whole mess in the first place. In the end, he just throws some money around and gets off scot free.
  • Meaningful Name: Mars is the Roman War God and Gil Mars is the head of a company that specalized in military weapons technology.
  • Pet-Peeve Trope: The catalyst for the film is that Gil Mars dislikes Very False Advertising. He hates commercials of cars that drive around on Mount Rushmore or shampoo commercials that claim you can look like a celebrity in one use. This inspires him to have the newly purchased Heartland Toy Company use GloboTech's military-grade technology to create a line of toys so sophisticated that they can, in his own words, "actually do what they do in the commercials."
  • Pet the Dog: He doesn't fire Irwin and Larry even though he'd have very good reason to do so and he also gives extremely generous compensations to all parties involved rather than just intimidating them into silence with legal action. He also seems to get on well with and respect his assistant Miss Kegel.
  • Screw the Rules, I Have Money!: Buys off everyone at the end and plans to remarket the toys as weapons.
  • Well-Intentioned Extremist: He's mostly concerned with profit but he does seem to want to make genuinely good toys rather than relying on misleading advertising to shill mediocre products.

Irwin Wayfair

Played by: David Cross

An employee at Globotech and the creator of the Gorgonites.

  • Bunny-Ears Lawyer: He's eccentric and more than a bit immature but a legitimately talented toy designer.
  • Deadpan Snarker: He has his moments. Being played by David Cross makes it inevitable.
  • Genius Ditz: Irwin is a good programmer, but he's a bit on the absent-minded side; immediately after being handed his secret password, Irwin cheerfully announces it, much to Ms. Kegel's annoyance.
  • Wide-Eyed Idealist: He created the Gorgonites to help kids learn about the world, something that unfortunately doesn't sell well.

Larry Benson

Played by: Jay Mohr
An employee at Globotech and the creator of the Commando Elite.
  • Bearer of Bad News: He's the one who realizes that the Commando Elite now count the human cast members as part of the Gorgonites.
  • It's All My Fault: He assumes full responsibility for the chaos inflicted by the Commando Elite.
  • Jerkass Has a Point: As shady as his behavior was, he was right that it did get the toys made as envisioned in the extremely short deadline and saved both his and Irwin's roles.
  • Unwitting Instigator of Doom: His choice of computer chip is pretty much what sets off the plot.
  • Well-Intentioned Extremist: While the above trope somewhat subverts it, much of the disasters that Larry caused were meant to keep himself and Irwin on the job. He never anticipated his actions would result in his creations trying to kill him or anyone aiding the Gorgonites.

Ralph Quist

Played by: Robert Picardo

The technician who designed the chips used to create the eponymous characters.

  • Deadpan Snarker: When he admits that there is a flaw with the hardware;
    "The chips were a little sensitive to the electrical fields generated by nuclear devices. I don't think even the toy industry has got quite that competitive?"
  • Insufferable Genius: Quist intensely describes his invention as a flawless masterpiece.
  • Jerkass Has a Point: Despite his arrogant attitude, he's right that the chips he designed work exactly as they should, and the actual problem is with the programming.
  • Mr. Exposition: He only appears in one scene and he spends all of it talking about the chips.
  • Never My Fault: Unlike most examples, this one wasn't as the chips were designed to enhance the latent programming they are inserted into. In his own words...
    Ralph: If you got a problem it's with your software.

Joe

Played by: Dick Miller

The delivery truck driver who agrees to "front" Adam some of the toys.

  • Cool Old Guy: He's played by Dick Miller which makes him one by default.
  • Laser-Guided Karma: He sells some of the toys he was hauling on the side and said toys take him hostage.
  • Spanner in the Works: Although it lead to more trouble than he anticipated, "lending" Alan the Gorgonites and the Commandos a week early was actually a good move on Joe's part. If he hadn't, the Commandos wouldn't have destroyed Alan's dad's store, and he wouldn't have made that phone call that set off the chain of events that lessened the damage considerably. Without Joe's "front", in a week's time, the collective Commando Elite would've waged war with the collective Gorgonites, meaning the damage done throughout the movie would've been a hundred fold.

Brad

Played by: Jonathon Bouck

Christy's (ex-)boyfriend.

  • Dirty Coward: He runs away and leaves Christy when the toys attack.
  • Screw This, I'm Outta Here: After nearly getting killed by the toys, he chooses to save his own skin.
  • Would Hit a Girl: Justified. While Chip angrily invokes this, the "girl" in question is a deformed robotic Barbie doll that's attacking Brad.

Ms. Kegel

Played by: Alexandra Wilson

Mars' assistant.

  • Hyper-Competent Sidekick: To Gil Mars, helping to both run the company and smooth over any scandal. She seems to be the only major employee he sincerely respects.
  • Sexy Secretary: She's Mars's frighteningly thorough personal assistant and Larry finds her attractive.
  • The Stoic: She shows very little emotion, whether giving orders to subordinates or handing out large bribes.

     Gorgonites and Commando Elite 
Tropes that apply to the entire toyline include:
  • A.I. Is a Crapshoot: The chips enhanced their existing programming.
  • Instant A.I.: Just Add Water!: Or experimental computer chips anyway.
  • Medium Awareness: Both sides are well aware they are toys with computer programming, but still act on the programming they are assigned to. The Gorgonites searching for Gorgon and the Commandos trying to wipe them out. Only Archer takes it upon himself to overcome programming.
  • My Little Panzer: They're intended to be children's toys but the experimental AI chips led them to become deadly guerilla fighters. Mars decides to take advantage of this to sell them to the government as weapons in the end.
  • Product Placement: The movie made more money from its merchandise than other movies with similar grosses made through the box office.

     Gorgonites 

In General:

  • Beware the Nice Ones: They are passive and friendly by nature, fitting as they were originally designed as educational toys, but when pushed, they prove themselves to be extremely formidable opponents who plow through the Commando Elite with ease.
  • Dark Is Not Evil: They're monster-based toys that can invoke the dark theme, but are heroic and noble than the human-looking Commando Elite.
  • Designated Villain: In-Universe, their toyline was taken and merged with the Commandos' to serve as their antagonists. But they turn out to be what their designer originally intended them to be — the good guys.
  • Fighting for a Homeland: Their goal is to find their way back home to Gorgon. They end the film setting sail in hopes of finding it.
  • Let's Get Dangerous!: Their programming is usually to hide in the face of danger. But then in the end the Commandoes are attacking Alan's house, and they decide to step up to battle.
  • Mean Character, Nice Actor: Villains in the toyline, heroes when alive.
  • The So-Called Coward: They have to overcome their programming to do anything but hide.
  • Villain Protagonist: Deconstructed, they are anything but villainous and are categorized as the villains In Name Only for the toyline.
  • What Measure Is a Non-Cute?: Their beastly appearance is the main reason they were designated to the role of villains in the toyline.

Archer

Voiced by: Frank Langella (film), Gregg Berger (Video Game), Aiko Otsuka, Mugihito, Ikuya Sawaki (Japanese)

The brave and wise leader of the Gorgonites. His weapon of choice being a crossbow.

  • Arch-Enemy: For Chip, as leader of the Gorgonites. When Archer interferes in Chip's attempt to kill Alan, Chip immediately changes focus to Archer.
  • Authority Sounds Deep: He's the leader of the Gorgonites and has Frank Langella's magnificent vocals.
  • Declaration of Protection: In the climax, Archer, despite being physically outmatched, challenges Chip directly to protect Alan.
    Archer: Major Chip Hazard.
    Major Chip Hazard: Gorgonite scum.
    Archer: Leave Alan alone. Your fight is with me.
  • Good Scars, Evil Scars: Archer receives a sizable tear across his left shoulder after the Commandos capture and interrogate him. It remains for the rest of the movie.
  • The Hero: His personality is far more heroic than the Commandos.
  • Heroic Build: He's got an impressively muscular torso.
  • Humble Hero: When compared to the rather proud Major Chip Hazard, Archer is certainly this in spades. He doesn't think highly about his fighting prowess, and only has one simple goal in mind: find the land of Gorgon and return home with the Gorgonites.
  • The Leader: He's the Gorgonite calling the shots.
  • Meaningful Echo:
    "Even if you can't see something, it doesn't mean it isn't there."
  • Meaningful Name: In addition to the obvious connection with his preferred weapon, the title sequence shows that his model designation is "Arch Fiend."
  • Nice Guy: He was designed as one and it shows as he repeatedly shows himself as brave, kind and wise.
  • "Not So Different" Remark: Archer draws a parallel between himself and Chip, reminding his nemesis that they are both toys.
    Major Chip Hazard: You've got a lot of guts, let's see what they look like! [stabs Archer in the leg]
    Archer: They are wires and metal, the same as yours.
  • The Stoic: Archer's personality is typically calm, wise, and even-tempered.
  • Tired of Running: In the finale, Archer calls out to the Gorgonites that they must fight back, even though they are programmed to lose in a direct battle with the Commando Elite.
    Punch-It: We shouldn't fight. We should hide.
    Archer: If we hide, we will still lose. No more hiding.

Freakenstein (a.k.a. Troglokhan)

Voiced by: Michael McKean

A Frankenstein's Monster look-alike. He's the navigator of the Gorgonites.

  • Body Horror: He used to be the most human-looking of the Gorgonites, but was horribly dismembered by the Commando Elite and shoddily repaired in a dumpster. The end result being a mishmash of misplaced body parts and a damaged radio.
  • Came Back Wrong: When the Gorgonites tried to rebuild him, they did... not do a stellar job. They had to rely on whatever parts they could scavenge, leaving poor Troglokhan a misshapen mess of his former self.
    Freakenstein: [watching Frankenstein on the TV] I feel your pain...
  • Carry a Big Stick: His main weapon is a club.
  • Cyborg: All the toys are robots, but he's the only one whose appearance evokes a cyborg.
  • Deadpan Snarker: When Archer tries to rally the Gorgonites to fight back against the Commandos, Freakenstein dryly notes that "the last time we fought, I woke up with AM/FM".
  • The Smart Guy: The navigator who navigates. He also quickly learns how to pilot one of the Commandos' vehicles in the final battle.
  • We Can Rebuild Him: Smashed by the Commando Elite and then rebuilt by his Gorgonite brethren.

Insaniac

Voiced by: Michael McKean

A hyperactive Gorgonite. He spins about rather than walking, speaks fast, and constantly makes jokes and puns.

  • Ax-Crazy: Heroic version. Quite nice and harmless, though.
  • Hurricane of Puns: A living example; not only does he get around by spinning (becoming a literal hurricane in the final battle), but he's also making puns all the time.
  • Large Ham: Easily the most theatrical of the Gorgonites.
  • Laughing Mad: A rare heroic example; the name says it all regarding his personality, but he's a good guy.
  • Motor Mouth: Talkative and frantic.
  • Practically Joker: Purple skin, Slasher Smile and thinks everything is a laugh. He also seems to be a bit of a Token Evil Teammate considering he doesn't act as innocent or morally upright as the other Gorgonites.
  • Pungeon Master: Nearly everything coming from Insaniac is some kind of pun based on what he's doing at the time.
  • Slasher Smile: He's got a wide, toothy grin.
  • Spin Attack: His main attack in the climactic battle consists of roundhousing himself into the enemies.
  • Talkative Loon: The name makes clear that he's mad. And he barely shuts up.
  • The Lancer: His personality is the opposite of Archer's and his combat abilities are more nimble than the two Big Guys on the team.

Ocula

Voiced by: Jim Cummings

A Gorgonite with a single eye. He can only speak in whistles and is rather shy.

Punch-It

Voiced by: Harry Shearer

A Gorgonite resembling a humanoid Brontotherium. He's Scratch-It's best friend.

  • The Big Guy: Easily the largest of the Gorgonites, able to scatter a squad of Commandos in a single charge and hoist the front end of one of their fighting vehicles above his head.
  • Fastball Special: He can use Scratch-It as a slingshot.
  • Foe-Tossing Charge: He thunders through over half a dozen Commandos in a single charge as if they were bowling pins, complete with Ten-Pin Bowling sound effects.
  • Gentle Giant: The largest Gorgonite, and generally a pretty calm and pleasant guy.
  • Rhino Rampage: Not intially, but does become a formidable opponent against the Commando Elite.
  • Vocal Dissonance: He's got a high-pitched nasal tone, which you wouldn;t expect considering he resembles an ogre with tusks.

Scratch-It

Voiced by: Christopher Guest

A Gorgonite resembling a frog with no hind limbs and who consequently walks on her front limbs. She is the only female Gorgonite and Punch-It's best friend.

Slamfist

Voiced by: Christopher Guest

A Gorgonite hunchback. His left hand is a boulder-like fist.

     Gorgonites in Games Only 

Chanters

Gorgonites with magical powers. They control the gateways between Gorgonite realms.

Nibble

A flying Gorgonite.

Stench

Known to other Gorgonites as "The Walking Whoopee Cushion".

     The Commando Elite 

In General

"All Gorgonite scum must die!"
  • All Men Are Perverts: When the Commando Elite discover Christy's Gwendy doll collection, they're all immediately whistling and lusting after them. The only exception is Major Hazard who sees the dolls as potential soldiers.
  • Armies Are Evil: This time, the military are the bad guys.
  • Badass Army: Their defining trait, as they were created with little thought put into their concept aside from being the "cool army guys" with disastrous consequences.
  • Bullying a Dragon: As it turns out, with the exception of Chip, none of them can actually stand up to the Gorgonites when they fight back.
  • Casting Gag: Butch, Brick, Kip and Nick are all played by actors from The Dirty Dozen, another film about soldiers with questionable morals.
  • Corrupted Character Copy: They are a hostile counterpart to G.I. Joe and deconstuct the war-themed hero archetype.
  • Deconstructed Character Archetype: Of the "Elite Special Force's" team, prevalent in toylines. Unlike the Gorgonites whose toy concept was caringly made, the Commando Elite were just slapped together to serve as the "cool army guys" who kill the "monsters". While marketed as the "heroes", the actual result is a group of Sociopathic Soldier's with a irrational hatred of the Gorgons, who cannot be reasoned with, because they were literally made with no other characterization beyond a single-minded desire to fight an enemy and win.
  • Designated Hero: In-Universe, within the context of the toyline. They're soldiers trying to fight off the "dangerous" aliens, the Gorgonites. They don't realize that the AI controlling the Gorgonites is nonviolent, so their aggressive stance makes them the real villains.
  • Equal-Opportunity Evil: They have a black man among their ranks and have no issue working with the Gwendie dolls and treating them as equals.
  • Even Evil Has Loved Ones: For all their evil, they are extremely loyal and caring towards one another, being genuinely saddened by Nick Nitro's death.
  • Evil Virtues: Villainous Valor is in play, since they're effectively fighting both the Gorgonites and humans (which, on sheer size and durability alone, are akin to gods compared to the Gorgonites), and they still fight the good fight despite that.
  • Fantastic Racism: Their programming to fight the Gorgonites ends up at its logical conclusion.
    Chip Hazard: You've got a lot of guts, let's see what they look like! *stabs Archer*
    Archer: *Looking at the wound* They're wires and metal, the same as yours.
    Chip: We're nothing alike. You. Are programmed. TO LOSE!
  • Genius Bruiser: Their machismo does not mean they're stupid. They show exceptional tactical skills and tech savvy, able to hack phone lines and gathering information from Alan's phone calls to Christy and using it strategically and managing to turn average garage tools into lethal weapons and even using their own technology to create more soldiers.
  • Hero Antagonist: Deconstructed, they are a toyline of supposedly heroic soldiers fighting against off-world evil and The Leader is voiced by an actor who had experience playing this type of character, but they are really the villains.
  • Heroic Build: They're all designed to have ripped, muscular builds.
  • Homemade Inventions: They make quite a bit of deadly military gear from what they find lying around.
  • Lantern Jaw of Justice: They all have this with Chip's being the most notable.
  • Manly Tears/Inelegant Blubbering: The Commandos, save for Chip, react this way to Nick Nitro's death.
  • Nice Character, Mean Actor: Heroes in the toyline, villains when alive.
  • Obliviously Evil: They are incapable of thinking of themselves as anything but heroes out to destroy an enemy.
  • Obviously Evil: One has to wonder what Larry was thinking when he designed these characters because their odd facial proportions and slimy expressions make them look less like action heroes and more like cartoon villains typical heroes would fight...which is what the Commando Elite end up becoming.
  • Oh, Crap!: When they realize the Gorgonites are going to fight back, they immediately panic.
  • Politically Correct Villain: For all their macho attitudes, they are not sexist in the slightest as they work with the Gwendie dolls and are never less than chivalrous and respectful towards them, treating them as equals and fellow soldiers. Chip even chastises Christy's boyfriend for fighting them, saying "an officer and a gentleman does not strike a lady".
    • With that said, Chip does use a Gendered Insult on his men shortly after they've awaken and told him their names and roles/ranks, saying All right, ladies, now listen good. Our mission: Destroy the Gorgonite enemy. Defeat him!
  • Sociopathic Soldier: If they've decided you're in league with the Gorgonites, they'll add you to their hit list.
  • Tautological Templar: They assume that they're the heroes and the Gorgonites are the villains because that's how their creator sells them.
  • Testosterone Poisoning: They're essentially G.I. Joe or Action Man figures on steroids, with a bit of Army Men thrown in.

Major Chip Hazard

Voiced by: Tommy Lee Jones (film, video game), Jim Cummings (1952) (Burger King commercial), Tesshō Genda, Banjo Ginja (Japanese)
"Major Chip Hazard reporting for duty, sir."

The leader of the Commando Elite.

  • Big Bad: He's the main antagonist of the film.
  • Corrupted Character Copy: His role seems to make him one to Duke as the military toy mascot.
  • The Determinator: Chip will NEVER give up or back down from his goal, no matter the obstacles he faces.
    Chip: We have lost the battle. We will not lose the war.
  • Even Evil Has Standards: He's only programmed to destroy the Gorgonites, neither he or his squad attack any humans with lethal intent unless they are allied with said Gorgonites. When Alan first confronts him, he orders a retreat rather than directly attacking him despite the advantage in numbers. The exception being Nick Nitro, who stayed behind to try and stop Alan from freeing Archer.
  • Evil Sounds Deep: He's a militant, borderline sociopathic villain with the imposing voice of Tommy Lee Jones.
  • Fake Ultimate Hero: He turns out to be this.
  • A Father to His Men: A rare villainous example. He does care for his troops, vowing to leave no man behind and later showing sadness at Nick Nitro's death.
  • General Ripper: While all the Commandos are warmongering and blame it on the enemy, as the chief Chip fits even more.
  • High-Voltage Death: Alan shoves him between two electrical transformers, shocking the hell out of him for over two minutes.
  • Lantern Jaw of Justice: One to make Arnold Schwarzenegger proud.
  • The Leader: He is the leader of the Commando Elite.
  • Majorly Awesome: The rank certainly aimed for this.
  • Meaningful Name: Is filled with dangerous, artificially intelligent microchips. A Chip Hazard, you might say, and a major one at that.
  • Politically Correct Villain: While their method of recruitment was rather Frankensteinian, he does willingly draft women into the Commando Elite, treat them like equals, and allow them to fight on the front lines. Only way he treats them differently is when Christy's boyfriend at the time was fighting them off, and he says "an officer, and a gentleman, does not strike a lady," and, even then, it shows a chivalrous side of him.
  • Punch-Clock Villain: He's just following his programming rather than being genuinely malicious. For the record, he thinks he's a hero. But let's be abundantly clear: MAJOR HAZARD IS NO HERO!
  • Shout-Out: His design is likely a reference to Lee Marvin since the Commando Elite are played by the cast of The Dirty Dozen in which Marvin played a role similar to Hazard.
  • Southern-Fried Genius: He's an exceptionally smart tactician and technical expert with Tommy Lee Jones' trademark Texas accent.
  • There Can Only Be One: When he hijacks the truck of Commando Elite figures, he doesn't seem to bother activating any other Chip Hazards.
  • Villainous Valour: To his credit, Chip is undeterred by any enemy or obstacle in his path, even when he's fighting against humans who are much bigger and stronger than him or any of his soldiers.
  • White Hair, Black Heart: He has white hair in a perfect flat top cut and is the main villain.

Private Butch Meathook

Voiced by: Jim Brown
"Butch Meathook, sniper. Lethal from any distance, sir."

The sniper of the Commando Elite.

Sergeant Brick Bazooka

Voiced by: George Kennedy
"Brick Bazooka, artillery. Ready to go full bore, sir!"

The artillery specialist of the Commando Elite.

  • Alliterative Name: Brick Bazooka.
  • Badass Bandolier: Part of his design.
  • Broken Smile: When mourning Nick Nitro, he weeps openly but still has his Slasher Smile.
  • The Brute: Yes, indeed. Being the squad's heavy weapons expert, he is the most physically imposing among them. He's even played by George Kennedy who, at 6'4, was famous for this kind of role in the 60's and 70's.
  • Brutish Character, Brutish Weapon: As the biggest and strongest-looking of the Commandos, Bazooka loves to get in close to inflict damage. When raiding a garage for new weapons, he immediately calls dibs on the chainsaw with a sinister chuckle.
  • Cutlass Between the Teeth: While climbing up Alan's bike to get at Archer, Brick holds a knife in his Slasher Smile to keep a hand free.
  • Half the Man He Used to Be: He gets torn in half by Alan's bike. He gets better.
  • Slasher Smile: Has a permanent one molded onto his plastic face.

Kip Killigan

Voiced by: Ernest Borgnine
"Kip Killigan, covert insurgent. Sharp as a razor, sir."

The covert operations specialist of the Commando Elite.

  • Dragon Ascendant: Timmy imagines him doing this if Chip is ever killed off. Kip quickly denies having any intentions, which given his role on the team seems a little suspicious.
  • McNinja: He's billed as the Stealth Expert of the squad and sports some shuriken on his uniform to invoke ninja imagery.
  • Slasher Smile: Though he may be the most cheerful of the bunch, his grin is downright creepy.

Private Link Static

Voiced by: Bruce Dern
"Link Static, communications, awaiting dispatch orders, sir."

The Communications Officer of the Commando Elite.

  • Evil Genius: He's the smart one of the group, tapping into the phones and gathering vital information.
  • Goggles Do Nothing: He has a pair of infrared goggles.
  • Lean and Mean: Downplayed. Static is still sculpted to be muscular, but he is the smallest and thinest of the Commando Elite while no less eager to kill the Gorgonites. Major Hazard makes a quip about his size in the initial lineup.
    Chip Hazard: Double up on your rations, Sparky.
  • Love Is a Weakness: When he finds out Alan has a crush on Christy, he calls it an "age-old weakness".
  • The Medic: Link Static also has field medicine training. He's the one carrying the first aid kit to help the Commando who are injured.
  • Thin Chin of Sin: He's got a very gaunt face despite having the same bulky build as his teammates.
  • Verbal Tic: Punctuates his dialogue with radio static.

Nick Nitro

Voiced by: Clint Walker (film), Jim Cummings (1952) (trailer), Hotchu Otsuka (Japanese)
"Nick Nitro, demolition is my mission!"

The demolitions expert of the Commando Elite.

  • Alas, Poor Villain: While he's one of the villainous Commando Elite, Nick's death is quite sad, with the other Commandos mourning their fallen comrade and Chip comforting the soldier as he dies.
    Nick Nitro: Did... we... win? [dies]
    Major Chip Hazard: [solemnly] We will.
  • Alliterative Name: Nick Nitro
  • Ash Face: After detonating a home-made bomb to blow away a fence, Nick Nitro stands in the smoke laughing while covered in soot.
  • Defiant to the End: Even though Alan manages to grab him, he still tries to deliver ultimatums and threats. The last one being cut off when stuffed into the garbage disposal.
  • Even Evil Has Loved Ones: The other Commando Elites are visibly upset at his death.
  • Hope Spot: Nick escapes the Abernathy house after losing his legs, but "dies" soon afterward.
  • Mad Bomber: He uses household items like WD-40 and makes explosives out of them.
  • Villainous Gold Tooth: He is the Mad Bomber of the villainous Commando Elite and has a gold tooth.

Zom-Gwendies

Voiced by: Sarah Michelle Gellar and Christina Ricci

An army of mooks made form a Bland-Name Product version of Barbie dolls. Given "life" by using a reverse engineered chip from Nick Nitro's brain.

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