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Quotes / Humans Are Morons

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The entire population of Germany can't be wrong twice.
— Old joke

Fan Works

"Then what about that business last century, when you'd abduct people in flying saucers and stick probes up their behinds?" demanded Buster.
"That was a biological error. We were attempting to communicate with your species. We assumed from human behavior that your brains were located in your behinds."

"Were I to recall every idiocy perpetuated by your species," said TuV'k dryly, "I would have little time for more productive endeavors."

Film — Live-Action

Pray that there's intelligent life somewhere up in space, 'cause there's bugger all down here on Earth.
— "The Galaxy Song", Monty Python's The Meaning of Life

Because all you of Earth are idiots!

Shatter: Earth... how underwhelming.
Dropkick: The indigenous life is even more primitive than I expected.

"Everything in the human culture takes place below the waist!"
General Thade, Planet of the Apes (2001)

"You promised me human intelligence... or is there such a thing?"


"I'd all but given up my crusade to rid the world of fools... There are, I found, just too many!"

"Sometimes I think that the surest sign that intelligent life exists elsewhere in the universe is that none of it has tried to contact us."
Calvin, Calvin and Hobbes


“It's useless to lecture a human.”
Rick Riordan, The Lightning Thief

"Human beings, who are almost unique in having the ability to learn from the experience of others, are also remarkable for their apparent disinclination to do so."

Live-action TV

Donna: Are we explorers, or more like a virus?
Doctor: Sometimes I wonder.

"Hello, barely sentient local."
— The Doctor meeting Rigsy, Doctor Who, "Flatline"

Londo: Well, Captain, you will forgive me if I appear a bit slow; I have studied your race quite a bit, and there are still several aspects of your psychology I don't understand: A place called Winchester Mansion with stairs that go nowhere? Something called "country" and "western"? And the less said about the "comedy" team of Rebo & Zooty the better—
Sheridan: You don't like Rebo & Zooty? Hehe! They're hysterical!
Londo: Are they? I'm sorry, I apparently mistook you for a human with some taste and sensibility.


"The higher that the monkey can climb
The more he shows his tail"
Tom Waits, "Misery Is The River Of The World" - Blood Money.

Stand-Up Comedy

"Think of how stupid the average person is, and then realize half of them are stupider than that!"

"We live in an amazing world, and it's wasted on the crappiest generation. Just spoiled idiots that don't care. They got their phone... *poking touchpad, groaning* nnnh, it won't.." GIVE IT A SECOND!! It's GOING TO SPACE!!!"
Louis C.K. on The Greatest Generation

“Each of us is full of shit in our own special way. We are all shitty little snowflakes dancing in the universe.”
Lewis Black, Me of Little Faith

Video Games

"You watched as their civilization was overwhelmed with violence, disease, famine, and Dire Chinchillas. Reflecting on these events led you to an epiphany: people are dumb."
The Sims Medieval opening cinematic

"It is said: to err is human. Hehehe... stupid human."
Pandarian, World of Warcraft: Mists Of Pandaria

"For creatures with such short lifespans, you terrans are always so eager to die."

"A 12,000-year-old fossil of a creature with an odd internal skeleton. Its small skull indicates the creature was likely primitive with little intelligence. This specimen appears to have been fossilized in the middle of some kind of ritual."
Sunken Scroll 26 describing a human fossil, Splatoon

Web Original

"As the vampire Kain, the only way in which you are capable of interacting with Blood Omen's human cast by is killing them. This changes when you acquire the Disguise ability, which transforms Kain's sprite into that of a hooded peasant and allows you to solicit voiced audio clips from neutral NPCs. This is only interesting for about ten minutes; you soon discover that the human race hasn't a single god damned thing worth saying. All Nosgoth's menfolk talk like oafish cockneys — "good day to ya!" — and the entire female population consists of drunken prostitutes. The vampire Vorador pointedly refers to Nosgoth's human population as 'the cattle;' the opening to Soul Reaver alludes to Kain's contempt for humanity. After chatting with Blood Omen's townsfolk for any length of time, it is not difficult to see from where such sentiments might have arisen."
Pat R. on Legacy of Kain: Blood Omen

"I feel like it shows that things have gotten so stupid, that it's now actually hard to be stupid in an original way. This quote-unquote "New Trend" is actually just throwback stupid."

Nash: [on a car fire caused by hand sanitzer being used while smoking] Do we not understand how vapors and fumes and shit work?
Tara: No.
Nash: This-this-this is like, really basic shit, though...
Tara: We don't understand how a vaccine works. We don't understand that the oceans rising is gonna be a bad thing. We don't understand fucking anything. We're very stupid.

Real Life

"An American monkey, after getting drunk on brandy, would never touch it again, and thus is much wiser than most men."

"I never knew anyone that examined and deliberated about nonsense who did not believe it before the end of his enquiries.”
David Hume

"The only way to comprehend what mathematicians mean by infinity is to contemplate the extent of human stupidity."

"It is against stupidity in every shape and form that we have to wage our eternal battle. But how can we wonder at the want of sense on the part of those who have had no advantages, when we see such plentiful absence of that commodity on the part of those who have had all the advantages?"
William Booth

“It has been said that man is a rational animal. All my life I have been searching for evidence which could support this.”

"Two things are infinite: the universe and human stupidity; and I'm not sure about the universe."

"The only reason laws like those banning smoking on campuses, requiring you to wear seatbelts, and texting while driving is because you guys have proven yourselves too stupid or irresponsible to do it without having to be told."
— A professor from New Hampshire at Colorado State University on the subject of such laws.

Woman: Governor, you have the vote of every thinking person.
Adlai Stevenson: That's not enough, madam, we need a majority!
— An exchange Stevenson reportedly had with a female supporter during the 1952 presidential election campaign