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Quotes / Grammar Nazi

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If you write anything criticizing editing or proofreading, there will be a fault of some kind in what you have written.

Ohhhh, if you want it to be possessive, it's just I-T-S,
But if it's supposed to be a contraction, then it's I-T-apostrophe-S…
Strong Bad, Homestar Runner

Ego sum rex romanus et supra grammaticam.
Translated as: I am the King of Rome, and above grammar.
Sigismund I, Holy Roman Emperor

Correct English is the slang of prigs who write history and essays.
George Eliot, Middlemarch

This is the sort of bloody nonsense up with which I will not put.
Attributed to Winston Churchillnote 

Arguments over grammar and style are often as fierce as those over IBM versus Mac, and as fruitless as Coke versus Pepsi and boxers versus briefs.
Jack Lynch

Avery: What are you, some kind of grammar nazi?
Millie: Yep. I've just invaded Grammar Czechoslovakia and duped Grammar Neville Chamberlain, and now it's off to Grammar Poland and Grammar World Conquest!!

Henry: You see Simon, there's three kinds of "there". There's "there", t-h-e-r-e: "There are the donuts." Then there's "their", t-h-e-i-r, which is the possessive: "It is their donut." Then finally, there's "they're", t-h-e-y-apostrophe-r-e. A contraction meaning: "They're… they're the donut people." Got it?
Henry Fool

And I loved her even more than Marlon Brando loved soufflé
She was gorgeous, she was charming, yes, she was perfect in every way
Except she was always using the word "infer" when she obviously meant "imply"
And I know some guys would put up with that kind of thing, but frankly, I can't imagine why
"Weird Al" Yankovic, "Close but No Cigar"

Homer: Linguo… dead?!
Linguo the Grammar Robot: Linguo… IS… deeeeeaaaaad… (dies)
The Simpsons, "Trilogy of Error"

Whoever killed her… also murdered the English language.
Richard Castle, who later corrects who/whom and improper use of the word "ironic", Castle

Agent Bork: Chief, you know that guy whose camper they were whacking off in?
Agent Flemming: Bork! You are a federal agent. You represent the United States Government… never end a sentence with a preposition. Try again.
Agent Bork: Oh, ah… you know that guy in whose camper they… I mean that guy off in whose camper they were whacking?
Agent Flemming: That's better. Yes?

Y-O-U-R. Y-O-U-Apostrophe-R-E. They're as different as night and day. Don't you think that night and day are different? What's wrong with you?
Strong Bad, Homestar Runner

We must invade the Bureau and bring them under our control! They WILL correct this typo!

Sorry, I think you mean "who", not "whom". People WHO correct grammar in casual conversation are obnoxious. Now run along. Men are talking.

Yes, they're the sort of dribbling unpardonable cretins that use "party" as a verb and, when I'm in charge and have established my Reich, those people are going to be punished.

Her'ak: No matter what you have endured, you have never experienced the likes of what Anubis is capable of.
O'Neill: You ended that sentence with a preposition! Bastard!

Prisoner in Belarus: She's always gettin' at me, saying I weren't a real man…
Sherlock Holmes: Wasn't a real man.
Prisoner: What?
Sherlock: It's not "weren't", it's "wasn't".
Prisoner: …oh.
Sherlock: Go on.
Prisoner: Well, I don't know how it happened, but suddenly there's a knife in my hands, and me old man was a butcher, so I know how to handle knives, he learnt us how to cut up a beast…
Sherlock: Taught.
Prisoner: What?
Sherlock: Taught you how to cut up a beast.
Prisoner: Yeh, well, and I done it.
Sherlock: Did it.
Prisoner: (annoyed) Did it! STABBED HER! Over, and over, and over, and I looked down and she weren't… (Sherlock just sighs)wasn't… moving no more… (Sherlock rolls his eyes)anymore. (calmer) God help me, I don't know how it happened, it was an accident, I swear! (Sherlock gets up to leave) Hey, you gotta help me, Mr. Holmes! Everyone says you're the best. Without you… I'll get hung for this.
Sherlock: No, no, Mr. Bewick, not at all. (beat) Hanged, yes.

There is a busybody on your staff who devotes a lot of time to chasing split infinitives… I call for the immediate dismissal of this pedant. It is of no consequence whether he decides to go quickly or to quickly go or quickly to go. The important thing is that he should go at once.
George Bernard Shaw, letter to the Times of London

Amerei Frey: He gave them the money, but they hung him anyway.
Mariya Darry: Hanged, Ami, not hung. Your father was not a tapestry.

Becker: Whoa, whoa, whoa. I don't know nothin', I didn't see nothin', I didn't say nothin'.
Luger: "Nothing". The word is "nothing", not "nothin'". There's an -ing on the end of it, "nothing".
Becker: Ok, nothing. Nothing. NOTHIIIIIIIIING. 'K, you happy?
Luger: That's better. But that's not what you told York.
Becker: I don't know no York, and where's my food?
Luger: We ate it. And please, no double negatives.
Becker: Sorry. I don't know any York.

Alright, if you say "You laughed so hard you literally pooped your pants", there better be actual poop in your actual pants… or literally you're a little illiterate.

When you're insulting someone's intelligence on the internet, one should be mindful of their own spelling and grammar. In other words, don't call someone a retard when you spell like a retard.
Adam Buckley, A Dose of Buckley

A couple of weeks ago, I was interested—in the loosest possible sense of that word—to watch [an episode of David Mitchell's Soapbox] about Gallic, in which David proclaimed his lack of sympathy for the plight of the dying Gallic language. "Who needs it?" fumed the red-shirted Mr. Gradgrind. "Language is about communication; it's not about maintaining a secret code for the few." Which, I suppose, is fair enough—if a little bloody bleak. Until, that is, you compare it to the desperate huffing and puffing that went on a few weeks earlier. The one about spelling, where David's own little secret code was under discussion. Suddenly, upholding arcane language rules was tremendously important and everyone else was told very sternly to pull their socks up and knuckle down to learning where the apostrophe goes just like he had to. No worries about a secret code now, no observation that communication was key. No, now people who were communicating perfectly well—and more other, in the organic evolving way which people have always used language to communicate—they were suddenly not trying hard enough and made to feel bad for not using a certain set of tools to which they may or may not have access or even need. Well, I say that's rubbish, and it's far more valuable to spend time, energy and even money on preserving an entire language than getting all red in the face because someone's put an extra 'u' in 'manoeuvre' at precisely no expense to either meaning or poetry. David, you are an arse. Thanks for listening.
Robert Webb, calling out David Mitchellnote  and, by extension, others for this trope

By the way, would you convey my compliments to the purist who reads your proofs and tell him or her that I write in a sort of broken-down patois which is something like the way a Swiss-waiter talks, and that when I split an infinitive, God damn it, I split it so it will remain split, and when I interrupt the velvety smoothness of my more or less literate syntax with a few sudden words of barroom vernacular, this is done with the eyes wide open and the mind relaxed and attentive. The method may not be perfect, but it is all I have.
Raymond Chandler on a proofreader who changed his split infinitives

Emma: If he's who he says he is, then why don't he know the first thing about loops—or even what year he's in? Go on, ask him!
Miss Peregrine: Why doesn't he know. And the only person whom I'll be subjecting to questioning is you, tomorrow afternoon, regarding the proper use of grammatical tenses!

Stan: See, between me and him, I'm not always the bad twin!
Ford: Between 'him' and 'me'. (beat) Grammar, Stanley.
Stan: I'll 'Grammar, Stanley' YOU, you stuck-up son of a gun!

"The first thing I want to address is the title of this show: Ross's Game Dungeon. I've had quite a few self-proclaimed 'Grammar Nazis' try to correct me on this, saying there shouldn't be an extra 's' in there. Well, let me tell you, Grammar Nazis: the Grammar SS would have had you sent to the Grammar Russian Front for overstepping your authority! I've had this my whole life. It's Ross's Game Dungeon, not Ross' Game Dungeon, because that sounds sort of like what a caveman would say. But, moreover, it's the possessive form of a proper name. The Chicago Manual of Style and The New York Public Library Guide to Style agree with me. I'm really not a grammar expert, but I do know this one particular rule. See, this is why the Grammar Nazis lost Grammar World War II."
Ross's Game Dungeon, "Follow-up Episode #1"

Dib: Today, things are gonna change! I'm gonna do something! I'm not gonna just sit back and watch Zim get away with his.. his things he do! I mean...
Gaz: "Things he dooo?" What's your problem?

Tommy Williams: I don't read so good.
Andy Dufresne: Well. You don't read so *well*. Uh, we'll get to that.

"Guys! I told you guys not to make memes in this fucked-up Japanese!"

Vi: That's one big ice cube!
Leif: It's more of a rectangular cuboid, Vi.

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