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"You know Paris, France? In English, they pronounce it "Paris", but everyone else pronounces it without the "s" sound, like the French do. But with Venezia, everyone pronounces it the English way, "Venice". Like The Merchant of Venice and Death in Venice... WHY, THOUGH?! WHY ISN'T THE TITLE DEATH IN VENEZIA?! ARE YOU FRIGGIN' MOCKING ME?! IT TAKES PLACE IN ITALY, SO USE THE ITALIAN WORD, DAMN IT! THAT SHIT PISSES ME OFF! BUNCH OF DUMBASSES!"
—Ghiaccio, JoJo's Bizarre Adventure: Golden Wind (sub version)
"Everyone knows the capital of France. But English speakers pronounce it "Paris", while most say "Paree" the way it's supposed to be. But somehow "Venice" has replaced the real "Venezia" as the global standard, like those stories The Merchant of Venice and Death in Venice... WHY?! CALL THE DAMN BOOK DEATH IN VENEZIA! IT'S NOT THAT HARD! ARE WE NOT GOOD ENOUGH?! LEARN A LITTLE ITALIAN, PUTTANA, AND CALL THE THING WHAT IT'S SUPPOSED TO BE! WHAT KIND OF POMPOUS BULLSHIT ARE THEY ON ABOUT?!"
—Ghiaccio, JoJo's Bizarre Adventure: Golden Wind (dub version)
Film — Animation
Agent Bork: Chief, you know that guy whose camper they were whacking off in?
Agent Flemming: Bork! You are a federal agent. You represent the United States Government... never end a sentence with a preposition. Try again.
Agent Bork: Oh, ah... you know that guy in whose camper they... I mean that guy off in whose camper they were whacking?
Agent Flemming: That's better. Yes?
Agent Flemming: Bork! You are a federal agent. You represent the United States Government... never end a sentence with a preposition. Try again.
Agent Bork: Oh, ah... you know that guy in whose camper they... I mean that guy off in whose camper they were whacking?
Agent Flemming: That's better. Yes?
Film — Live-Action
"You see Simon, there's three kinds of "there". There's "there", t-h-e-r-e: "There are the donuts." Then there's "their", t-h-e-i-r, which is the possessive: "It is their donut." Then finally, there's "they're", t-h-e-y-apostrophe-r-e. A contraction meaning: "They're… they're the donut people." Got it?"
— Henry Fool, Henry Fool
Becker: Whoa, whoa, whoa. I don't know nothin', I didn't see nothin', I didn't say nothin'.
Luger: "Nothing". The word is "nothing", not "nothin'". There's an -ing on the end of it, "nothing".
Becker: Ok, nothing. Nothing. NOTHIIIIIIIIING. 'K, you happy?
Luger: That's better. But that's not what you told York.
Becker: I don't know no York, and where's my food?
Luger: We ate it. And please, no double negatives.
Becker: Sorry. I don't know any York.
Luger: "Nothing". The word is "nothing", not "nothin'". There's an -ing on the end of it, "nothing".
Becker: Ok, nothing. Nothing. NOTHIIIIIIIIING. 'K, you happy?
Luger: That's better. But that's not what you told York.
Becker: I don't know no York, and where's my food?
Luger: We ate it. And please, no double negatives.
Becker: Sorry. I don't know any York.
Tommy Williams: I don't read so good.
Andy Dufresne: Well. You don't read so well. Uh, we'll get to that.
Andy Dufresne: Well. You don't read so well. Uh, we'll get to that.
Jokes
If you write anything criticizing editing or proofreading, there will be a fault of some kind in what you have written.
Literature
Correct English is the slang of prigs who write history and essays.
— George Eliot, Middlemarch
Amerei Frey: He gave them the money, but they hung him anyway.
Mariya Darry: Hanged, Ami, not hung. Your father was not a tapestry.
Mariya Darry: Hanged, Ami, not hung. Your father was not a tapestry.
Emma: If he's who he says he is, then why don't he know the first thing about loops—or even what year he's in? Go on, ask him!
Miss Peregrine: Why doesn't he know. And the only person whom I'll be subjecting to questioning is you, tomorrow afternoon, regarding the proper use of grammatical tenses!
Miss Peregrine: Why doesn't he know. And the only person whom I'll be subjecting to questioning is you, tomorrow afternoon, regarding the proper use of grammatical tenses!
"A slavish concern for the composition of words is the sign of a bankrupt intellect!"
— The Humbug, The Phantom Tollbooth
Live-Action TV
"Whoever killed her... also murdered the English language."
"Yes, they're the sort of dribbling unpardonable cretins that use "party" as a verb and, when I'm in charge and have established my Reich, those people are going to be punished."
Worker (Sarah Hadland): We all signed the no bullying in the workplace pledge which...pacificially bans physical violence.
Tony (David Mitchell): What did you say?
Worker (Sarah Hadland): I said "it pacifically bans physical violence".
Tony (David Mitchell): It's specifically, with an "S". Specifically. (shoots the worker dead)
Tony (David Mitchell): What did you say?
Worker (Sarah Hadland): I said "it pacifically bans physical violence".
Tony (David Mitchell): It's specifically, with an "S". Specifically. (shoots the worker dead)
Her'ak: No matter what you have endured, you have never experienced the likes of what Anubis is capable of.
O'Neill: You ended that sentence with a preposition! Bastard!
O'Neill: You ended that sentence with a preposition! Bastard!
Prisoner in Belarus: She's always gettin' at me, saying I weren't a real man...
Sherlock Holmes: Wasn't a real man.
Prisoner: What?
Sherlock: It's not "weren't", it's "wasn't".
Prisoner: ...oh.
Sherlock: Go on.
Prisoner: Well, I don't know how it happened, but suddenly there's a knife in my hands, and me old man was a butcher, so I know how to handle knives, he learnt us how to cut up a beast...
Sherlock: Taught.
Prisoner: What?
Sherlock: Taught you how to cut up a beast.
Prisoner: Yeh, well, and I done it.
Sherlock: Did it.
Prisoner: [annoyed] Did it! STABBED HER! Over, and over, and over, and I looked down and she weren't... [Sherlock just sighs] ...wasn't... moving no more... [Sherlock rolls his eyes] ...anymore. [calmer] God help me, I don't know how it happened, it was an accident, I swear! [Sherlock gets up to leave] Hey, you gotta help me, Mr. Holmes! Everyone says you're the best. Without you... I'll get hung for this.
Sherlock: No, no, Mr. Bewick, not at all. [beat] Hanged, yes.
Sherlock Holmes: Wasn't a real man.
Prisoner: What?
Sherlock: It's not "weren't", it's "wasn't".
Prisoner: ...oh.
Sherlock: Go on.
Prisoner: Well, I don't know how it happened, but suddenly there's a knife in my hands, and me old man was a butcher, so I know how to handle knives, he learnt us how to cut up a beast...
Sherlock: Taught.
Prisoner: What?
Sherlock: Taught you how to cut up a beast.
Prisoner: Yeh, well, and I done it.
Sherlock: Did it.
Prisoner: [annoyed] Did it! STABBED HER! Over, and over, and over, and I looked down and she weren't... [Sherlock just sighs] ...wasn't... moving no more... [Sherlock rolls his eyes] ...anymore. [calmer] God help me, I don't know how it happened, it was an accident, I swear! [Sherlock gets up to leave] Hey, you gotta help me, Mr. Holmes! Everyone says you're the best. Without you... I'll get hung for this.
Sherlock: No, no, Mr. Bewick, not at all. [beat] Hanged, yes.
— Sherlock
Music
And I loved her even more than Marlon Brando loved soufflé
She was gorgeous, she was charming, yes, she was perfect in every way
Except she was always using the word "infer" when she obviously meant "imply"
And I know some guys would put up with that kind of thing, but frankly, I can't imagine why
She was gorgeous, she was charming, yes, she was perfect in every way
Except she was always using the word "infer" when she obviously meant "imply"
And I know some guys would put up with that kind of thing, but frankly, I can't imagine why
— "Weird Al" Yankovic, "Close but No Cigar"
Video Games
"We must invade the Bureau and bring them under our control! They WILL correct this typo!"
— Valvatorez, Disgaea 4: A Promise Unforgotten
Vi: That's one big ice cube!
Leif: It's more of a rectangular cuboid, Vi.
Leif: It's more of a rectangular cuboid, Vi.
Blue Beetle: You can't destroy Earth!
Brainiac: Of course, I can.
Blue Beetle: Okay. Grammar police: You won't.
Brainiac: Of course, I can.
Blue Beetle: Okay. Grammar police: You won't.
Web Animation
Ohhhh, if you want it to be possessive, it's just I-T-S,
But if it's supposed to be a contraction, then it's I-T-apostrophe-S…
Scalawag!
But if it's supposed to be a contraction, then it's I-T-apostrophe-S…
Scalawag!
— Strong Bad, Homestar Runner
"Y-O-U-R. Y-O-U-Apostrophe-R-E. They're as different as night and day. Don't you think that night and day are different? What's wrong with you?"
— Strong Bad, Homestar Runner
Webcomics
Avery: What are you, some kind of grammar nazi?
Millie: Yep. I've just invaded Grammar Czechoslovakia and duped Grammar Neville Chamberlain, and now it's off to Grammar Poland and Grammar World Conquest!!
Millie: Yep. I've just invaded Grammar Czechoslovakia and duped Grammar Neville Chamberlain, and now it's off to Grammar Poland and Grammar World Conquest!!
Sorry, I think you mean "who", not "whom". People WHO correct grammar in casual conversation are obnoxious. Now run along. Men are talking.
Web Video
Alright, if you say "You laughed so hard you literally pooped your pants", there better be actual poop in your actual pants... or literally you're a little illiterate.
"When you're insulting someone's intelligence on the internet, one should be mindful of their own spelling and grammar. In other words, don't call someone a retard when you spell like a retard."
— Adam Buckley, A Dose of Buckley
"The first thing I want to address is the title of this show: Ross's Game Dungeon. I've had quite a few self-proclaimed 'Grammar Nazis' try to correct me on this, saying there shouldn't be an extra 's' in there. Well, let me tell you, Grammar Nazis: the Grammar SS would have had you sent to the Grammar Russian Front for overstepping your authority! I've had this my whole life. It's Ross's Game Dungeon, not Ross' Game Dungeon, because that sounds sort of like what a caveman would say. But, moreover, it's the possessive form of a proper name. The Chicago Manual of Style and The New York Public Library Guide to Style agree with me. I'm really not a grammar expert, but I do know this one particular rule. See, this is why the Grammar Nazis lost Grammar World War II."
— Ross's Game Dungeon, "Follow-up Episode #1"
"Guys! I told you guys not to make memes in this fucked-up Japanese!"
"You can't rhyme 'delicious' with "ravenous'! Emphasis is on the wrong syllable! You FUCK!"
Western Animation
Homer: Linguo... dead?!
Linguo the Grammar Robot: Linguo... is... deeeeeaaaaad... [dies]
Linguo the Grammar Robot: Linguo... is... deeeeeaaaaad... [dies]
— The Simpsons, "Trilogy of Error"
Stan: See, between me and him, I'm not always the bad twin!
Ford: Between 'him' and 'me'. [beat] Grammar, Stanley.
Stan: I'll 'Grammar, Stanley' YOU, you stuck-up son of a gun!
Ford: Between 'him' and 'me'. [beat] Grammar, Stanley.
Stan: I'll 'Grammar, Stanley' YOU, you stuck-up son of a gun!
Dib: Today, things are gonna change! I'm gonna do something! I'm not gonna just sit back and watch Zim get away with his.. his things he do! I mean...
Gaz: "Things he dooo?" What's your problem?
Gaz: "Things he dooo?" What's your problem?
Real Life
Ego sum rex romanus et supra grammaticam.
Translated as: I am the King of Rome, and above grammar.
Translated as: I am the King of Rome, and above grammar.
— Sigismund I, Holy Roman Emperor
"This is the sort of bloody nonsense up with which I will not put."
"Arguments over grammar and style are often as fierce as those over IBM versus Mac, and as fruitless as Coke versus Pepsi and boxers versus briefs."
— Jack Lynch
There is a busybody on your staff who devotes a lot of time to chasing split infinitives… I call for the immediate dismissal of this pedant. It is of no consequence whether he decides to go quickly or to quickly go or quickly to go. The important thing is that he should go at once.
— George Bernard Shaw, letter to the Times of London
A couple of weeks ago, I was interested—in the loosest possible sense of that word—to watch [an episode of David Mitchell's Soapbox] about Gallic, in which David proclaimed his lack of sympathy for the plight of the dying Gallic language. "Who needs it?" fumed the red-shirted Mr. Gradgrind. "Language is about communication; it's not about maintaining a secret code for the few." Which, I suppose, is fair enough—if a little bloody bleak. Until, that is, you compare it to the desperate huffing and puffing that went on a few weeks earlier. The one about spelling, where David's own little secret code was under discussion. Suddenly, upholding arcane language rules was tremendously important and everyone else was told very sternly to pull their socks up and knuckle down to learning where the apostrophe goes just like he had to. No worries about a secret code now, no observation that communication was key. No, now people who were communicating perfectly well—and more other, in the organic evolving way which people have always used language to communicate—they were suddenly not trying hard enough and made to feel bad for not using a certain set of tools to which they may or may not have access or even need. Well, I say that's rubbish, and it's far more valuable to spend time, energy and even money on preserving an entire language than getting all red in the face because someone's put an extra 'u' in 'manoeuvre' at precisely no expense to either meaning or poetry. David, you are an arse. Thanks for listening.
By the way, would you convey my compliments to the purist who reads your proofs and tell him or her that I write in a sort of broken-down patois which is something like the way a Swiss-waiter talks, and that when I split an infinitive, God damn it, I split it so it will remain split, and when I interrupt the velvety smoothness of my more or less literate syntax with a few sudden words of barroom vernacular, this is done with the eyes wide open and the mind relaxed and attentive. The method may not be perfect, but it is all I have.
— Raymond Chandler on a proofreader who changed his split infinitives
"I see that you have made three spelling mistakes."
— Marquis de Favras reading his own death warrant
ConC: "...I know the term grammarnazi has found its way into internet jargon, but I just feel this term is wrong in a way.
"Nazis where not just strikt to whomever they opposed. The murder of millions und the unmeasurable suffering that was caused by the nazis should not be forgotten. Using the term nazi for something not even closely as horrible, really could hurt peoples feelings, as it may look like downplaying the huge crime that was commited.
"It would be thoughtful, if you could forgo from using this term in this way."
Anon: "Damn Nazi Nazis."
— Seen on the Daily WTF forum, 2013.
