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"I implore you. I implore all women everywhere on behalf of all men. Do not take the wrongness of masturbation from us!"
Steve, Coupling

Most people masturbate, although it's not something you'd bring up in polite conversation. However, it's given quite a different treatment in fiction. Unlike Nobody Poops or No Periods, Period (where the function is simply not mentioned because it would be Nausea Fuel), masturbation in fiction often fits into a few different categories:

  • It's aimed at or about teenagers (usually Played for Laughs) and the character is usually a horny teenage boy, and another character, usually the parents, think that he's masturbating when he is very obviously (or sometimes not so obviously) not.
  • The character masturbating is sexually frustrated, disturbed, perverted, or is a nerd/has no social life. When Sex Is Cool and Everybody Has Lots of Sex, masturbating is portrayed as a shameful last resort for losers who can't get laid. Except for those depicting doing it as one part of a sexual encounter itself, of course.
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  • It's a single-sex setting such as a prison, boarding school, or military vessel, and the character is uninterested in a same-sex encounter, so they take matters into their own... hand.
  • Artificial insemination due to lack of partners, incompatible sexual orientation, etc.
  • In porn or erotica, it can be used for the sexual titillation of the viewers.

Of course, there's a pretty valid reason why "normal" masturbation isn't depicted very often — it's actually quite a mundane and meaningless thing (see People Sit on Chairs). There aren't many ways that masturbation could advance the plot of a story, and because it's generally a solitary activity, there usually won't be any character interaction involved.

Also note that male masturbation is used far more often than female (except in porn, for the above-mentioned reasons)... though that's not to say that female masturbation isn't given any attention in fiction (the "Rumpelstiltskin" tale supposedly had the original message, "women who masturbate become infertile"). In older media, expect references to hairy palms and/or blindness, two widespread myths used to keep boys from masturbating.


No relation to Red Right Hand.

List of masturbation tropes:


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    Anime and Manga 
  • B Gata H Kei features both female and male leads doing this; more often in the manga, and more often the girl. She states that there are two types of masturbation: the "good" kind, doing it to relieve frustration and the "bad" kind, doing it out of boredom. She is then shown making a tally of the dozens of times she's done the "bad" kind in the last few weeks.
  • Farnese in Berserk is shown to be turned on by people burning alive to the point where she spends some "alone time" thinking very hard about that. Berserk is like that.
  • Tajima from Big Windup! has a habit of talking about his masturbation habits in front of others, much to the chagrin of his friends.
  • Bird's Nest does this after running into Leo juggling for a crowd on the street in Copernicus Breathing.
  • Domestic Girlfriend: Natsuo happens to see Hina masturbating while muttering her ex-boyfriend's name.
  • In The End of Evangelion, Shinji does this over Asuka's comatose body. With an indiscretion shot of his creamed hand... yeech!
  • In episode 18 of Excel Saga, Excel tries to pull a coin from inside a vending machine, when she succeeds Hyatt asks if this is the result of the "finger training" excel practices every night to which Excel asks her to shut up.
  • Full Metal Panic! has Gates, who's an Ax-Crazy rapist ephebophile that is shown to masturbate to animal nature videos.
    • While the Full Metal Panic? Fumoffu anime only hints towards Tessa having an Erotic Dream after sneaking into Sousuke's bed, the Sigma manga goes a step further by having Tessa slide a hand between her legs and start, uh, rubbing during said dream.
      Sousuke: ... I don't want to sleep under the same roof as the Captain anymore.
  • Both husband Makoto and wife Yura are shown to do this in Futari Ecchi. Makoto does it out of frustration at not having been able to have sex with Yura for several days. Yura does it on her sister's advice to teach herself "what feels good."
  • In Gankutsuou, Héloise is shown masturbating while thinking about the Count and the poison ring he gave her. Squick.
  • Because Genshiken is a manga/anime about Otaku, it features the characters reading or talking about Doujinshi. Most Doujinshi are erotic, and the series alludes (or more than alludes) to several of the main characters (male and female alike), ah, getting use out of them for the sake of comedy.
  • Highschool of the Dead: Played for laughs near the end of the "Drifters of the Dead" OVA special. The morning after Saya recovers from her hallucination, she awakes to find Hirano still under the effects — and frantically humping a broomstick, thinking it was her!
  • Ichi the Killer has one of the most Squick-tastic examples ever. Ichi cuts his palm with a knife and masturbates to the sight of his favorite prostitute being beaten and raped by her husband.
  • JoJo's Bizarre Adventure: Stone Ocean: The very first scene takes place right after the protagonist, Jolyne Cujoh, gets caught masturbating by one of the prison guards.
  • In Koe de Oshigoto!, Kanna is scolded for not doing this after taking home some examples of eroge... for training purposes, of course. What makes it funny is that she managed to... achieve the same effect without actually involving her hands or any physical stimulation whatsoever. Everyone else, like Motoki, are all straighter cases, and they use their hands.
  • In episode 4 of Kokoro Connect, Taichi tells Inaba a secret that he hoped to take to the grave with him after she reveals that she worries a lot and can't trust anyone. He said he masturbated to pictures of her, as well as Iori and Yui. Inaba seems shocked at first, but then starts laughing. At the end of the episode, she also reveals one of her secrets, she did the same thing with his picture.
  • Love Hina: Shortly after Kitsune allows Keitaro to grope her in exchange for a month's rent, Naru catches him in his boxers with a box of tissues next to him. Not too difficult to guess what he was about to do.
  • Maken-ki!:
    • The 61.5 and 66.5 omake chapters both end with Usui dry-humping his mattress after having two separate wet dreams about Himegami.
    • Love Espada does it during chapter 90, by glomping Takeru from behind to rub his crotch. Takeru's mind goes blank, so Espada takes advantage by shoving his hand under her skirt and uses it to rub herself.
    • In OVA 2, Ceilia gets jealous when she catches Takeru fondling Ms. Aki and uses her Inversion ability to change him into a girl. When he regains consciousness and realizes what's happened, he heads to the bathroom to take "her" new body for a spin. The audience only gets to see it from behind as she props one leg on the sink and begins thrusting her hips. It immediately cuts to the hallway, as her moaning intensifies until her voice hitches, followed by brief silence, then a sigh of contentment.
    • About halfway into the OVA, there's a brief scene of Aki masturbating in her sleep. She's shown squirming on the couch, as she rubs herself through her bikini bottom. Her moaning causes Minori to wake up from her hangover just as Aki gets herself off. Thankfully, Minori was still too drunk to notice.
  • At the beginning of Midori Days, Seiji bemoans this being his fate, as his badass Delinquent status actually seems to make it harder to get a girlfriend. He specifically says being stuck "with his right hand for a girlfriend", then it happens literally. Ironically, having Midori on his hand effectively prevents him from masturbating, as she throws out all his porn. A few chapters are dedicating to Seiji attempting to relieve the built-up pressure, but Failure Is the Only Option.
  • O Maidens in Your Savage Season: As the manga explores the awkward progression towards adulthood, Izumi is caught masturbating to a movie about a woman getting molested on a public train. He just really loves trains.
  • The manga Onani Master Kurosawa. In translation: Kurosawa, the Master of Masturbating.
  • Panty & Stocking with Garterbelt devotes a whole episode to a tissue shortage that is disastrous because no one can masturbate. Turns out that the tissue shortage was caused by the Ghosts of wasted sperm.
  • Rent-A-Girlfriend: Kazuya often jacks off while fantasizing about his ex-girlfriend Mami. It's justified due to him being a sexually-frustrated man.
  • In the fourth episode of the second season of Rozen Maiden, the dolls said that Jun is in the toilet reading "magazines."
  • Serial Experiments Lain: Lain's friendship with Alice breaks down when one of the Lains spreads rumors around school that she likes to fantasize about a certain teacher while "playing with herself".
  • One very disturbed individual in Shigurui (that is, more disturbed than all the other batshit characters) performed auto-fellatio while thinking about the dead young man he was out to avenge.
  • Shimoneta: Anna does it right in front of Tanukichi and Ayame during episode 5. She gets so ecstatic from watching him eat her cookies, that she starts grinding the edge of the table in the student council's conference room!
  • Tales of Wedding Rings: Sato is married to five different beautiful women who are ready and willing to have sex with him, which will grant him incredible power. He has moral objections to the whole arrangement, so he is very hesitant to cross that line. It's implied more than once that he's keeping himself in check with masturbation.
    Saphir: [thinking] Looks like he got a load off...
  • Ax-Crazy Sako of Upotte!! gets far too turned on by the heat of battle in episode 5 and fondles her magic spot out of pleasure behind a tree. Moments later, she masturbates, with the stuff visibly dripping off her hand — er, if anthromorphized assault rifles actually can do that sort of thing.
  • Variable Geo: The rules of the tournament enforces it as the penalty for losing any match at rank-1, by having the loser strip in the ring and masturbate for the crowd.
  • Implied a few times in Wandering Son chapters, especially when the characters have begun high school. The protagonist in particular is prone to scenes that cut to a bathroom after they've interacted with their girlfriend.
  • Satou from Welcome to the N.H.K. is shown to reach for a tissue every now and then, and after discovering that there's lolicon on the internet, he is shown surrounded by empty tissue boxes. In the manga, this goes further — his porn obsession eventually leads him to build a massive customized rig just for pornography, complete with cavernous hard-drive, several monitors, high-fidelity headphones and a leather massage chair. In his parents' spare bedroom. Needless to say, it does not end well.
  • Konuma Ryuuko of Wolf Guy - Wolfen Crest is a nymphomaniac middle-schooler with what appears to be profound psychological damage from repeated rapes in her past, but she's such a nihilistic sociopath that even this isn't enough to make her sympathetic. Notable acts include breaking into the protagonist's apartment to masturbate and (unsuccessfully) seduce him and climaxing on a school rooftop after a bloody shooting.

    Comic Books 
  • In the Aliens vs. Predator comic book, a Marine left to guard the base is told there's some petroleum jelly in the supplies "in case he gets lonely".
  • Deadpool: One story ended with him having to honor an old bet he made with a classmate when he was younger. He had to give him a set of porn magazines. Wade apologized for some of the sticky pages and said they had "extra love".
  • Empowered: The title character does this a lot, as does her best friend Ninjette. In Emp's case, it's because her super-suit massively enhances sensation and increases libido; she mentions that she never even bothers with "Mr. Shower Head" since she got it.
  • Horndog: Issue 3 has a strip that reveals that Bob has the ability to perform oral sex on himself.
  • Happens three times in The Internship where all three main leads end up doing it once.
  • Discussed in Level Up. When Dennis is in the bathroom trying to poop for a lab assignment (as he's studying to become a doctor), the angels have no idea what he's doing and one of them comments, "Perhaps it's time we discussed how to properly manage a young man's...needs."
  • Lost Girls: Dorothy masturbates for the first time while a tornado is passing through her farm and dangerously close to her house. According to her, she didn't know what she was doing, but thought she was going to die, so why not?
  • Plutona makes much of Teddy's unfortunate choice to masturbate in the school bathroom. He was inevitably caught.
  • During Neil Gaiman's run on The Sandman in the early '90s, he was explicitly told by the editors that nobody masturbates in the DC Comics universe. In Gaiman's own words, "actually, that explains a lot. That’s probably why the characters all dress in tight costumes and go around thumping the shit out of each other."
  • The plot of the porn comic Small Favors opens with lesbian Annie being informed by an aspect of herself that she's exhausted her lifetime allotment of masturbation time. The photographic evidence supplied is a stack of photographs at least a foot tall... all of her masturbating at different times, all taken on the same day.
  • Transmetropolitan: My name is Spider Jerusalem... I masturbate constantly and fling my steaming poison semen out the window onto your hair and food.
  • In "Werner fährt nach Kiel" in the German comic book Werner — Oder was?, the engine of the eponymous character's car explodes while he is on his way to Kiel. Fortunately, he has got one of those German automobile do-it-yourself automobile repair books whose title translates to "Now I help myself". Unfortunately, however, the only solution presented in the book is, "JERK OFF! Have fun!"
  • Y: The Last Man: Mentioned several times, seeing as virtually the entire male population has died. One woman casually mentions the difficulty of finding replacement AA batteries for vibrators, and titular last man Yorick tells of one extensive 'session' where the government installed open-air showers outside a hotel he was staying in.

    Fan Works 
  • In Amazing Fantasy, Toga is tempted to do this after seeing a Rocket Racer's bloody, mangled hand courtesy of Peter's Deadly Dodging. She manages to control her urges to make her getaway.
  • In As Fate Would Have It, Yancy ends up touching herself down there after experiencing an Erotic Dream of her recalling Their First Time with Nate. Thanks to not having done this before, however, she initially ends up scared that she'll eventually be consumed by her own lust. It takes her talking to Rosa for her to realize that it's a natural thing to do.
  • Aurora Falls: Apparently, Alterra or one of its employees carries around blueprints for an 'emotional recreation device.' Al, upon fabricating one, quips "I'll Be in My Bunk". Apparently, He calls it "Inflatable Ingrid."
  • A humourous fanfic by the creators of Bag Enders featured an adolescent Pippin being upset because his mother had told him kittens would die if he masturbated and he'd found a dead kitten in the garden and been convinced she was right. Merry gave him a kitten so he could watch it and stop if the kitten started looking ill to prove it wasn't true. Unfortunately, Pippin couldn't bring himself to do it with the kitten staring at him, so Merry ended up spending several evenings sitting in the next room and watching the kitten for him.
  • Shows up in The Best Of All Possible Worlds, as Voltaire mentions he often resorted to this to help him through puberty. This comes up when he finds out Celestia has cast a spell to pretty much unperson the concept from Equestria (along with the concept of murder).
  • The Bolt Chronicles: Happens to Bolt in two stories.
    • In “The Imaginary Letters,” the dog mentions using hotel throw pillows and a chair leg as a substitute for the absent Mittens.
    • In “The Cameo,” it’s implied that the issue of Dog Fancy magazine Bolt uses as a TV show prop ends up in his trailer for self-stimulation purposes. The dog in the centerfold is even named Rosie.
  • The The Loud House fanfic Caught revolves around one of Lincoln's sisters accidentally walking in on him doing this. It is revealed at the end that he was only trying to get a pen to work.
  • In Christian Potter Chandler, Christopher (as in, preteen Chris-chan) is a master of danger wanking.
  • In Christian Weston Chandler in Survivor: Kujira-Jima, Chris-chan lasts maybe two minutes into the first episode before jacking it in his pants. Incorrectly.
  • Humorously mentioned as "private dancing" in an Empath: The Luckiest Smurf mini-story, where it is usually accompanied by the sound of Billy Idol's "Dancing With Myself" (according to the characters). "Grouchy And The Love Doll" is about Grouchy having some private fun with his love doll — until the doll comes to life.
  • Team RWBY in Flame's Shade has a rule where a sock on a door handle means it's inadvisable to enter the room because someone (usually Yang or Blake) is doing this.
  • Neon Genesis Evangelion lemon fic A Glass of Wine has Asuka calming an anxious and embarrassed Hikari that "taking care of herself" will get rid of her wet dreams since such dreams are indicators that her brain is craving for an orgasm. Hikari is initially against the idea (no surprise there, knowing her character) until Asuka finishes the job herself. For the cast's most innocent girl.
    Asuka: Now, if you're smart you'll take doctor Soryu's prescription and apply liberally until the symptoms go away.
  • Harry Potter and the Quantum Leap:
    Fred: I don't think [Hermione] likes you like that, Ron, so I guess that hand gesture is all you'll be doing tonight.
  • Harry Potter and the Order of the Lily:
    Helen suggested that patience was a virtue.
    Hermione retorted that virtuosity was much more important than virtue.
    Richard suggested that if she wasn't virtuous any longer, he should definitely meet the cause. He nearly crashed when, instead of blushing and stammering, Hermione offered him her hand instead, saying "Daddy, meet my fingers."
  • In Hermione's Brilliant Idea Harry asks if Hermione masturbates. After she says yes, he mentions using the shower for his own self-gratification.
  • Implied in the ending of the Hero: The Guardian Smurf mini-story "Smurfette's Artistry", as Smurfette after her finishing the nude painting of Hero takes the painting with her into her own bedroom.
  • In Just a Child, Kobayashi engages in some self-pleasure whilst thinking about Tohru eating her out.
  • In The Last Straw Harry realizes his true sexuality while masturbating to gay porn.
  • In the dreaded My Immortal, Lupin is caught "masticating" in the bath to a video that he and Snape took of Ebony. Later on, she says that he "MASTABATED (c is dat speld rong)". (Yes.)
  • Orochimaru's initial response in Naruto: The Abridged Series to having his soul arms removed:
    Orochimaru: No, now alone time is useless!
  • People Like Us: Happens enough in the story to warrant its own tag.
  • Pokémon fanfic communities refer to it as "handshipping". On one board, there was an actual flame war between handshippers and the "other-handshippers", which lead to the obvious joke.
  • Comes up in The Power of Seven, ranging from Ginny teaching Luna how to do it by stripping down to show her what to do to Harry seducing Demelza into a mutual session of it in the Quidditch changing rooms; Ginny and Luna even pleasure each other as a precursor to an end-of-term orgy in chapter 39, and Fleur pleasures Harry while feeding him before they have actual sex in chapter 48.
  • The protagonist of Prefects Before Dawn, the second story in The Rival Prefects Trilogy, does this at the end of the story.
  • RWBY: Scars:
    • Weiss attempts this, only to partway through gets interrupted by Pyrrha. It's one of the earliest scenes that show that Weiss is attracted to Blake.
    • Yang tries to fantasize about Weiss but is stopped by memories of how Weiss loves Blake, not her.
  • Steel Soul Saga: Discussed by Apple Bloom, but not really understanding what she means, with her brother and Sweetie Belle's sister, as a way to shock Sweetie Belle who's not paying attention:
    After a moment, the yellow filly cleared her throat. “Hey, did ya’ll know Big Mac is cloppen’ ta pictures of Rarity?”
    Sweetie Belle shrugged.
    “Okay, she’s officially out of it.”
    Scootaloo nodded. “I don’t even know what clopping is, but it gets all those older ponies upset when I talk about it. OY! SWEETIE BELLE! YOU IN THERE?”
    The unicorn glanced up. “Hmm? Oh, sorry. Hydrodynamic is important.”
  • The Thorny Rose:
    Pettigrew: Oh, look, it's little Percy. Still masturbating using those dirty magazines when everybody thinks you're studying?
  • In (Un)Natural, Martha does this in on scene, but she finds it unpleasant due to the huge amount of self-loathing and gayngst she feels.
  • In the X-Men: Evolution fanfic XXY:Evolution, where most of the characters are genderbend, Destiny (still female) found Male!Rogue's Porn Stash under his bed. She realize what he does with them, considering his mutant power makes it difficult for him to get a girlfriend.
  • In The Web of The Spider-Man, Flash accuses Peter of "late night browsing" when he falls asleep on the bus. Peter had only been watching YouTube videos last night, but he admits that it's not like he's never done it.
    The ribbing was still really annoying though. What made it worse this time was that he wasn't all wrong. Y-You mean, of course he was wrong about what he was insinuating you were looking up, you'd never, well, you mean not never, like Uncle Ben said you were a growing young man and your body...

    Films — Animated 
  • Shrek: Lord Farquaad is lying in bed ordering a disgusted Magic Mirror to show him the princess... again! Farquaad peeks under the covers as though confirming some pleasant surprise. The scene seems intended to make him more creepy and villainous.

    Films — Live-Action 
  • Kim Basinger has a memorable scene in an art gallery basement, costarring a slide projector's remote control, in 9½ Weeks, set to the Eurythmics' "This City Never Sleeps."
  • The ABCs of Death:
    • The main character from "E" is at one point masturbating while he's being watched by the spider.
    • Masturbating to increasingly disturbing stuff was the main goal for the contestants in the "L" segment, with the last one to climax getting killed.
  • In Ace Ventura: When Nature Calls, the titular character masturbates (as seen by his shadow) in a hut after a close conversation with the tribal princess. He gets walked in on by the correspondent who accompanied him. His excuse is he was just "practicing my mantra" and will finish his "meditation" in 10 minutes.
  • The memorable 1979 sex-education film Am I Normal is all about this. Hilarious in its well-meaning ineptitude, the film combines typical earnest sex-ed material with the story of Jimmy, a lad going through puberty. As just one illustrative example of the painful "comedy" in Jimmy's story, at one point he's at the library, where he has to ask a hard-of-hearing librarian for help by loudly exclaiming "I want to know about the male penis!" One patron is so shocked by this that his toupée does a flip-take, flying several feet up off his head.
  • Lester in American Beauty is obviously depressed, and more than once mentions masturbation in contrast with all he hates about his life. His unloving Stepford Smiler wife catches him in bed doing what he calls "choking the bishop, chafing the carrot, you know, saying 'hi' to my monster" because it's literally been years since she's had sex with him. The one time in the film they get close to, um, getting close, she stops it because she's afraid he'll spill beer all over her precious, precious furniture.
  • The "sock scene" from American Pie.
  • Anatomy Of A Boyfriend: The main character is unable to experience "the big O" with her high school sweetheart. So after they break up, her friend buys her a personal massager. It's not for her back.
  • In Annie Hall, Alvy and Annie are arguing and he focuses on a pretentious school course she's taking:
    Alvy: What's the difference? It's all mental masturbation.
    Annie: Oh, well, now we're finally getting to a subject you know something about.
    Alvy: Hey, don't knock masturbation, it's sex with someone I love.
  • April Fools' Day: While the various couples are getting it on, Arch sits down with one of Chaz's porno mags to relieve his frustration; before falling victim to a booby-trapped chair.
  • Art of the Dead: Having been corrupted by the Lust painting, Gina exhausts her husband Dylan in the bedroom. When he staggers off to try to get some work done, she finds herself still craving sexual satisfaction, so she plants the kids in front of the television, tells them she needs some "alone time", and retreats to her bedroom to furiously masturbate. While she is in this vulnerable position, she is approached by Dorian's spirit, who promises her eternal pleasure.
  • In Baghead, Matt heads up to his bed with a bottle of shampoo after making out with Michelle, but stopping shy of sleeping with her.
  • In Being There, Eve tries to seduce Chance the Gardener; when he tells her "I like to watch" - he's referring to television - she proceeds to pleasure herself on the floor.
  • Below Her Mouth: Jasmine uses the bathtub's sprayer to stimulate herself.
  • In the action-comedy The Big Hit, one of the assassins doesn't even seem to know what masturbation is; he explains that he has been sleeping with women since he first entered puberty, and never had to resort to gratifying himself. One of the other characters explains it to him, and from that point on in the movie, he's shown using a grip-strengthener, deciding between bottles of lotion, and at the end there's a poster of him as "Customer of the Year" in the Adult Video section of a video store.
  • In The Black Balloon (2007), Charlie pulls out his penis and starts masturbating during a dinner with Jackie, to her intense discomfort.
  • Black Swan: Somewhat averted in that Nina's time alone is suggested to her by her ballet instructor (yes, it's that kind of movie), but Nina clearly has massive psychosexual issues.
  • Eddie Adams from Boogie Nights, a/k/a Dirk Diggler, is seen in a bathroom trying fervently to achieve an erection. It takes quite a while to get hard, as Eddie's been coked up most of the morning; so long, in fact, that porn director Jack Horner has brought in a substitute on set to keep filming on schedule. Eddie doesn't take this news well, and storms off.
  • The Book of Revelation: Another more disturbing example occurs in the Australian film. Daniel is captured by a group of anonymous women and, among other forms of sexual and psychological torture, is instructed by one of the masked women to masturbate. She then begins to masturbate herself, standing over him, before he defiantly tells her that when "every man masturbates, he only thinks of himself". Ouch!
  • Played for laughs in Brain Donors:
    Volare: Do you realize what I was doing at the age of seven?
    Flakfizer: I can imagine and you must be thankful you didn't go blind.
    Volare: I was dancing professionally!
    Flakfizer: Whatever you call it. Flogging the carrot, polishing the cue stick, choking the chicken, clearing the snorkel...
  • Numerous references in The Burning, including when Dave brings boys some porn magazines, and reminds Woodstock to "keep flexing the muscle".
  • But I'm a Cheerleader: While poking fun at the ridiculous notion of a camp for curing homosexuality, the movie shows a couple of girls releasing their sexual frustration. The girls are all given small electric prods to punish themselves when they have "impure" thoughts; one girl gets creative with hers. And a short scene of the main character rubbing herself through her nightgown almost got the film an NC-17 rating.
  • In Cinema Paradiso, after the new theater starts showing more risque movies, we see a whole row of teenage boys openly masturbating until an usher comes to yell at them.
  • Clerks had an elderly customer ask Dante for a restroom, some soft toilet paper, and a girlie magazine. It didn't end well.
  • Clerks II had an inebriated Elias turned on by the donkey show. "I'm sorry, Jesus..."
  • In one scene in A Clockwork Orange, Alex masturbates in his room after a night of "ultra-violence" while listening to Beethoven's Ninth Symphony, staring at his sacrilegious decor, and fantasizing about violent and satanic images.
  • Cop on a Mission had it's protagonist playing with himself in the shower after accidentally spying on a mob boss' mistress changing her clothing in a storeroom while on a stake-out, completely oblivious to his presence.
  • The Craft: Legacy:
    • Lily hears disturbing noises and investigates, walking in on her stepbrother masturbating while watching a movie.
    • Lily briefly masturbates while casting a love spell on Timmy. She's nearly Caught with Your Pants Down.
  • Crazy Stupid Love: Robbie does it while thinking of Jessica his babysitter that he loves.
  • Cthulhu (2007). A flashback shows the protagonist and his friend as teenagers jerking off together under a pier while talking of the female movie stars they fancy; ironically it's a Ho Yay scene as both of them are gay, but presumably have not admitted this at that stage in their lives.
  • Starinski experiences Death by Sex shortly after helping himself to a dead German soldier's porn stash and proceeding to, well, help himself in Deathwatch.
  • Desperados (2020): Wesley messes up her job interview for a school guidance counselor when she talks to the catholic school Principal about teaching masturbation to the students.
    Wesley: I just want her to know she has options. Maybe it's a shower nozzle or an owl figurine. My first "boyfriend" was a teddy bear.
  • In the movie Dogma, Rufus the Apostle attempts to prove to Jay and Bob that he's really from heaven:
    Jay: Yo man, tell me something about me.
    Rufus: You masturbate more than anyone on the planet.
    Jay: Aw fuck, everyone knows that. Tell me something nobody knows.
    Rufus: When you do it, you're thinking about guys.
    Silent Bob: [shocked stare]
    Jay: ... Dude, not all the time!
  • In one of the Squickier moments of Ebola Syndrome (in a film loaded with disgusting imagery, thats saying a lot), the villain, working as a cook in a restaurant, overhears his boss and the boss' mistress having sex in their bedroom. He then takes out a raw slab of beef, digs a hole in it, and uses the beef to pleasure himself. The same beef that was supposed to be served to customers the next day. Bon apetit''!
  • Fast Times at Ridgemont High: Brad masturbates while daydreaming about Linda getting out of the pool and taking her top off. And then the real Linda opens the door on him.
  • First Girl I Loved: When texting with Sasha, Anne tells her it helps getting to sleep if you masturbate. Sasha and Anne both end up doing this.
  • A character in Full Metal Jacket was nicknamed "Hand Job" for his habit of masturbating at least ten times a day. It's also an example of the "mental health/sexual frustration" variety of masturbation in that the other recruits referred to him as a "crazy fucker" and that it ultimately got him scheduled for a Section 8 discharge when he was caught doing it in the waiting room after being sent to see a Navy psychologist, and he ultimately would have gotten shipped out if not for him getting killed by a VC booby trap.
  • Ginger Snaps 2: Unleashed: Brigitte has a daydream where she and the other girls masturbate while instructed by their teacher on how to do this.
  • The Guest House: Rachel masturbates on the couch watching lesbian porn, which Amy sees.
  • The protagonist Marie masturbates in the French horror film High Tension after seeing her best friend Alex showering through the bathroom window earlier that night. Since she's listening to her walk-man during the act, this prevents her from hearing the killer get into the house until the murders are well underway.
  • The first scene in History Of The World Part 1 ("The Dawn Of Man") starts with ape-men with a rising dawn behind them rising from sleep and then masturbating until they fall back down again, exhausted, all in silhouette.
  • In Human Nature, a man masturbates in front of another person, which is meant to show that he is unaware of society's taboos.
  • In Idiocracy, pornography is now common on normal TV. The channel is fittingly named The Masturbation Channel.
    Frito: [Joe knocks at his door] Go away, I'm 'bating!
  • The Invention of Lying: The basis of this movie is that everyone tells the absolute truth all the time. So when Mark shows up early for a blind date with Allison she tells him she's just been masturbating.
  • Jack & Diane: Jack masturbates in bed at one point, then calls Diane (or so she thinks) and tries to get her into cyber sex. It turns out to be Diane's twin sister Karen on the line. Diane later does it the same way too.
  • Mentioned very matter-of-factly in both the book and movie version of Jarhead.
    Swoff: Suggested techniques for the Marine to use in the avoidance of boredom and loneliness: Masturbation. Rereading of letters from unfaithful wives and girlfriends. Cleaning your rifle. Further masturbation. Rewiring Walkman. Arguing about religion and meaning of life. Discussing, in detail, every woman the Marine has ever fucked. Debating differences, such as Cuban vs. Mexican, Harleys vs. Hondas, left- vs. right-handed masturbation. Further cleaning of rifle. Studying of Filipino mail-order bride catalog. Further masturbation...
  • In Kinsey, several people study a video of a woman masturbating to learn more about human sexuality.
  • Very brief scene in L.I.E., in which we see Howie in bed—and only from the neck up, mostly—but it's obvious what he's doing.
  • Lady Macbeth: Alexander makes Katherine strip, then face the wall while he masturbates. Oddly enough, though this indicates he finds her attractive somehow, they never actually have sex.
  • In the novel and movie Little Children; Ronnie, who is a registered sex offender and pedophile, goes on a date with a cohort to suppress his urges, then he feels so awkward being with her that he drives to a playground and masturbates in front of her.
  • In the 19th-Century Russian Lit parody Love and Death, Boris meets a gorgeous countess. After a room-wrecking bout of sex, she compliments his abilities — he shrugs and says "Thanks... I practice a lot when I'm alone."
  • In Margarita with a Straw, Laila has quite a lot of sexual frustration as a result of being confined to a wheelchair, and thus engages in the occasional self-service.
  • There's a scene in Mulholland Dr. where Naomi Watts masturbates angrily while crying. She's spiralling into depression and a fit of mad jealousy, after a roller-coaster romance with another woman (which may all have been a paranoid delusion anyway) leaves her feeling emotionally abused.
  • Naked Killer delivers a two-fer with the two leads, Kitty and Nam, who had fallen for each other, jerking off simultaneously while thinking of each other.
  • In Operator, Joe is programming an AI voiced by his wife Emily, and becomes obsessed with making it a "perfect" version of her. One sign of his increased dependence is when he masturbates while having a conversation with it, having it to repeat his name over and over. Later he and Emily are fighting and she claims that he would "fuck [the AI] if he could," at which point he looks away guiltily.
  • Paradise features Doc, a masturbating chimpanzee.
  • The scene in Pleasantville comes to mind. Some serious repression up until that point, to set a tree on fire.
  • Princess Cyd: Cyd masturbates at one point, possibly while fantasizing of Katie.
  • The remake of Psycho recreated the original virtually shot-for-shot... except that, at the end of the peephole scene, Norman glances downward, and the sound of a closing zipper is plainly audible. Kind of obvious in retrospect.
  • Vincent of Pulp Fiction spends some time in the bathroom psyching himself up to not give in to the temptation to have sex with Mia Wallace (because she's the wife of his boss), and mentions masturbating to relieve the tension and "get over it" once he gets back home. But given Vincent's general track record of bad things happening when he goes to the bathroom during the movie, things do not end well — Mia gets into his discarded jacket and finds his "madman" heroin, snorting it like cocaine and overdosing, leading to Vincent having to save her life or die.
  • In the film Real Genius, the plucky charismatic underdogs implant a radio in the braces of the pompous, sycophantic Kent, who is already implied to have done this with a bowl full of Jell-O. Kent thinks he's being addressed by the voice of God. At the end of one transmission, Mitch adds, "And Kent? From now on, stop playing with yourself!" Kent wonderingly murmurs, "It is God."
  • Not exactly the "military setting" described above, but: In The Right Stuff, the astronauts have to provide a sperm sample. The Battleaxe Nurse tells them, "the best results seem to be from fantasization, followed by masturbation, followed by ejaculation." So they head to the bathroom stalls, and the Marine starts humming From the Halls of Montezuma, and the Air Force guy joins in with Off We Go Into the Wild Blue Yonder...
  • In the Biopic The Runaways, Sandy West tries to masturbate but complains that she cannot feel anything. Joan Jett suggests she think of the hottest guy she knows, but it doesn't work. Joan then suggests she think of Farrah Fawcett. After switching to a shower head it works.
  • The title character in Saint Ralph does this in a pool while looking at a naked woman's buttocks, without any hands. The water jet in the pool causes him to have an accident.
  • In Secretary, Maggie Gyllenhaal's character indulges herself while thinking of her sadomasochistic relationship with her boss.
  • In A Serbian Film, the main character's brother talks to the main character's wife about being single, and then takes a trip to the little boy's room to (predictably) masturbate. It doesn't help that at another part in the movie, a porn director talks about how the main reason porn is popular is so people can "cum into a napkin what they couldn't into a woman."
  • The feature film Serenity (based on the Firefly series) has a scene where a frustrated Kaylee gripes that "going on a year now, I ain't had nothin' twixt my nethers weren't run on batteries!" Much to the dismay of most of the crew, who were standing near her when she mentioned this:
    Mal: Oh, GOD! I can't know that!
    Jayne: I could stand to hear a little more.
  • Scotty in Serial Mom, who is interrupted hilariously by the Sutphins and the police after mistakenly taking his loud orgasms for screams of terror. While his parents are being murdered, no less.
  • In The Shape of Water, Elisa's morning routine includes masturbating in the bath.
  • Show Me Love — Agnes' hand-down-the-pants scene while looking at Elin's photo.
  • In The Silence of the Lambs, Miggs, the prisoner in the cell next to Hannibal Lecter's, masturbates and flings his semen on Clarice Starling. It's this unforgivable "rudeness" that compels Lecter to aide Starling.
  • The Simian Line: Samantha Mathis watches Cindy Crawford pleasure herself.
  • In Single White Female, the mentally disturbed Hedy masturbates after seeing her roommate have sex.
  • Sirens: Estella catches the ruggedly handsome handyman down by the riverbank, masturbating. This is a unique example for a couple of reasons. First of all, the handyman is actually shown touching his penis, which is very rare (although since this is not a pornographic film he isn't erect). Secondly, it's a rare example of male masturbation not being played either for comedy or creepiness, as the whole movie is about sexual freedom and sexual expression.
  • In Slackers there was a scene where a male character had to steal something from a female character's dorm while she wasn't there. After trying the door he was impatiently allowed in by the female character's (also female) roommate who was annoyed at having been interrupted masturbating. She continues to masturbate (quite enthusiastically) in the main room while he goes to the bedroom to find the whatever it was.
  • The 1994 film Spanking the Monkey used masturbation as a thematic and symbolic plot device (as the title suggests). The young protagonist's sexual frustration as he cares for his convalescing mother is compounded by the fact that he never gets to successfully masturbate.
  • Survival of the Dead: The female member of the National Guard unit masturbates openly in front of her fellow soldiers because there aren't any women available.
  • There is much pitch-black comedy in the viciously depressing Korean movie Sympathy for Mr. Vengeance (from the director of Oldboy). Of note here is a scene where four young men are seen masturbating together, their ears pressed to the wall to hear what they believe to be the moaning of a woman nearing climax. What they are hearing is in fact groans of pain from a young woman suffering from kidney failure.
  • In Terror Firmer, the protagonist, Jennifer, masturbates while picturing Casey shirtless, flexing his arms at the foot of her bed. Later, she learns the truth...
  • Comes up in There's Something About Mary. Mary tells her friends she doesn't need a man, she has a vibrator. Later, Ted's friend encourages him to "spank the monkey" before his big date. This doesn't lead to the main character getting caught with his pants down, but to the movie's signature hair gel scene.
  • Diane Lane masturbates while thinking about her recent tryst with Oliver Martinez in Unfaithful.
  • In Velvet Goldmine, Arthur Stuart is caught masturbating by his father, and is kicked out of the house for his perceived crime. It's unclear whether the father just took a really dim view of masturbation in general, or if he noticed that his son was looking at a homoerotic image.
  • Mentioned in Wonder Woman (2017). Steve Trevor asks Diana how she knows about the pleasures of the flesh if she lives on an island with only women. She holds up her hand and he instantly understands.
  • In the sex-ridden Y tu mamá también, the two male protagonists are quite open about their bodies and sexual functions together and have a dual wank on the diving boards by the pool. A mysterious white liquid then falls in the water.
  • In the Israeli film Yossi the (closeted) title character is shown masturbating to soft-core gay porn. It's not Played for Laughs, but rather shows how lonely and repressed he is.
  • Young Frankenstein:
    • As Gene Wilder's Frederick boards the train from New York he overhears a married couple arguing behind him:
      Woman: Harry, he's been at it again.
      Man: So, what do you want me to do about it?
      Woman: Every day!
      Man: Let him! Let him!
    • When Frederick arrives in Transylvania via train, he overhears another couple having the same argument... in German.
    • Later in the film, Frederick is disconsolate after his attempt to re-animate the Monster is (he believes) unsuccessful.
      Igor: You know, I'll never forget my old dad. When these things would happen to him, the things he'd say to me.
      Frederick: [interested] What did he say?
      Igor: "What the hell are you doing in the bathroom day and night? Why don't you get out of there and give someone else a chance?"
  • Your Highness: Leezar is confident he can perform with Belladonna as he's "tested" himself this way. Near the end, Thadeous was also preparing for this when Fabious comes in.
  • Nick Twisp does this off-screen right within the first 30 seconds of Youth in Revolt.
  • In Zack and Miri Make a Porno, the two title characters have a discussion about male versus female masturbation:
    Zack: How come you get to be all Buck Rogers, having sex in the 25th century with Twiki and Dr. Theopolis, and I'm stuck with a bottle of Jergen's in the bathroom?
    Miri: Holy Bejeesus, tell me you don't use my Jergen's to whack it in our bathroom.
    Zack: No, you know what I do? I light a bunch of candles, and I sprawl out on my sheets, and I listen to Sting. No, I'm a guy. You give me two Popsicle sticks and a rubber band and I'll find a way to fuck it, like a filthy MacGyver!

  • Stephen King touches on this in several of his books:
    • The Stand:
      • Lloyd masturbated so he could sleep after the Captain Trips superflu killed everyone in the prison but him.
      • The fat, homely and awkward Harold was nicknamed "Whack-Off Lauder" in high school from a rumor that he habitually masturbated into his pants. Throughout the story, he gradually becomes more fit, attractive, and confident, practically thriving in the post-apocalypse world... but there are still disastrous consequences for the torment he was put through.
      • Stu replies to Harold’s fear that he’ll rape Frannie by saying it’s not necessary if a man is good with his hands.
    • The Dark Tower (2004):
      • Roland Deschain provides personal compensation by stating the fact that even though he's missing a few fingers on his right hand (a previously fine-tuned killing machine of a hand), it's fine because "I jack off left-handed."
      • In a flashback, a fourteen-year-old Roland was planning to do this until he is called aside by Marten to show him that he's been having sex with Roland's mom. He tops off the scene by telling Roland "I hope you enjoy your hand."
      • In another flashback, Susan Delgado masturbates for the first time a few hours after meeting Roland.
      • The young, psychotic Detta Walker indulged in this while doing destructive things such as breaking plates.
    • In The Talisman, when Jack meets the friendly bumpkin Wolf in the Territories, Wolf starts casually playing "pocket pool" in his overalls while explaining his role as shepherd.
  • Mentioned in All Quiet on the Western Front. Notably, how all the impoverished Russian POWs had even stopped masturbating.
  • Masturbating due to a lack of social life is a running gag in The Areas of My Expertise.
  • On the other hand masturbating during guard duty is strongly discouraged in the novel Beaufort by Ron Leshem, about an Israeli Defense Force outpost in southern Lebanon.
  • Comes up often in The Chocolate War. Notably, early in the book Archie opens a bathroom stall where Emile is masturbating; Archie has a broken camera with him, so he pretends to take a picture and uses it to blackmail Emile throughout the story.
  • When Ciaphas Cain and his aid Jurgen get stuck on an escape pod for three weeks, Ciaphas spends time at sword practice and Jurgen locks himself in the cockpit and entertains himself in ways Ciaphas prefers not to muse over. Hint: Jurgen is an established connoisseur of porno slates.
  • Masturbation, ritual or otherwise, is a running joke in the Complete World Knowledge series.
  • In A Confederacy of Dunces, the overweight, unemployed, Unsympathetic Comedy Protagonist Ignatius Reilly masturbates in one scene while fondly remembering his dead dog. Ew. Later on, his stained bedsheets make an appearance as a protest banner, which, not surprisingly, no one wants to touch.
  • Lawrence Waterhouse from Neal Stephenson's Cryptonomicon spends one chapter complaining to himself about how his sex drive is inversely connected to his math skills. He comes up with a technological euphemism: "Manual Override". There are even graphs.
    • Actually, there's so much (not illogical) technical language in that section that by the time the plot resumes the reader has almost forgotten that the topic is types of sexual experience.
  • Deenie: A book by Judy Blume, the title character mentions touching her "special place" and wondering if that's why she developed scoliosis. Blume said that a principal banned the book from his school library, saying he might've allowed it if the character were a boy.
  • Referenced in Discworld - the head of the Seamstresses' Guild is called Rosie Palm.
  • A Farewell to Arms by Ernest Hemingway. The Italian officers in the mess tease the priest (who doesn't go to the brothel) by saying: "Priest every night, five against one!"
  • Mentioned in the novel Flight of the Intruder:
    Seaman: "I've beat off so many times in the shower that I get a hardon every time it rains!"
  • The book Fools Die mentions the ex-wife of one of the characters is advised by her psychiatrist to set aside some alone time each day to use a vibrator. Everyone in the house, including the children, refer to it as the "Happy Hour."
  • In The Frog King Harry resignedly wrings out 'a wank only Henry Ford could love' while his girlfriend is drunk and in the shower less than five feet away.
  • According to a marching song in The General Series, Rosie is too gentle for the tastes of the Descott Rangers:
    -An' pops our cocks with jagged rocks/We're hardy sons of bitches!
  • In Isaac Asimov's The Gods Themselves, a race of parallel universe is featured which can (to an extent) control their own density and are having sex by merging with each other. Alternately, they can use the decreased density to either pull the tips of their limbs through each other (the feeling afterwards was described by someone as "nicely sleepy") or by trying to merge with a rock. To those who still don't get the analogy, the latter is called rock-rubbing. Both are considered socially unacceptable.
  • Haunted 2015: "Guts", the infamous first story which deals with stories of masturbation gone horribly, horribly wrong.
  • Pops up in Lord John and the Succubus, where one officer uses the euphemism "boxing the Jesuit", and their Austrian hosts don't get it. Lord John has to explain by way of hand gesture.
  • Lyttle Lytton Contest: From the 2001 entries:
    "If you're going to start reading my novel, please stop touching yourself like that."
    Nick Montfort
    "Man, you won't believe what happened to me tonight," Dave declared, bursting into our dorm room, "but first I gotta go beat off!"
    Jonathan Boggess
  • A female example in the Night Huntress books. Cat is just beginning to accept her own sexuality. A few hours after making out with her love interest, she takes a bath and accidentally touches herself. Then she does it on purpose, and then she starts to get really into it.
  • A staple of Philip Roth's oeuvre; his characters, whether sexually repressed or otherwise, are generally more likely to masturbate than to engage in actual sex. Portnoy's Complaint takes it to the extreme: the titular complaint is that, apparently, Jewish men aren't supposed to masturbate, while the protagonist does it a lot throughout the course of the book.
  • Rabbit and his wife do this together in John Updike's Rabbit Redux.
  • Mother's Younger Brother does this in E.L. Doctorow's Ragtime.
  • A weird but very sweet version in The Red Tent. In the time of Jacob in the Bible, when girls get their first period their female relatives have a ceremony for them and uses a goddess statue to gently break their hymen, letting the blood soak into the earth. It's a warm, loving and even humorous ceremony; the girl is given drugs to help her relax. The main character Dinah actually has an orgasm.
  • In The Shockwave Rider, Nick Haflinger moves into company housing of his new employer. He notes a kit which seems standard for such housing in the future. It contains videos, a mask with scents, and a device which women can leave pushed out and men can push in...or not. He reminds himself that he should use it a few times...but not too often. As the company will be making note of it.
  • Skinny has a rather squicky scene where a young girl masturbates while in the tub.
  • While Liir is in the Household Guard in Son of a Witch, it is noted that he doesn't masturbate... much.
  • In Tales of the Otori, sexuality is mostly portrayed pragmatically: occasionally it's an important part of the plot, but for the most part it's just in the background of the characters' lives. As such, masturbation is mentioned, but only... off-handedly.
  • Similar passages in Blume's Then Again, Maybe I Won't have made the book a favorite target of censors. Or perhaps it's because of the boy protagonist's nocturnal activities.
  • Treated matter-of-factly in These Words Are True and Faithful. Since Sam and Ernie never move in together, they masturbate when they cannot be together. Also, since they are in a Dominant/submissive relationship, Sam masturbates after taking care of Ernie. Later, during the Humiliation Conga, Ernie's inability to get off to his favorite twink porn shows his metaphorical emasculation.
  • Temeraire: Dragons don't share human taboos over sexuality, so when the titular young dragon goes for a swim in a lake in Black Powder War, his human traveling companions have to dump out the water they'd collected when they belatedly realize why he was so happily wriggling against some rocks.
  • In Robert A. Heinlein's To Sail Beyond the Sunset, a wife, who has an open relationship with her husband, asks him over the phone if he's going to pick up a woman that night, and he admits he's too tired, it will just be "mother thumb and her four daughters."
  • A subversion appears in a somewhat obscure POW narrative from WWII called Yanks Don't Cry. When the camp doctor claims the mass outbreak of night blindness is being caused by masturbation, all of the men are horrified by the very suggestion that they could be masturbating. This may be because the author didn't want to admit to whacking off when the book was published in 1947, or have more to do with the prevailing attitudes towards masturbation at the time. At any rate, he mentions the burning envy every man felt for one inmate's ability to have lucid wet dreams whenever he wanted.
  • In The Zone series by James Rouch, Captain Revell witnesses Andrea masturbating in the woods. When Andrea later says that she can take care of herself (in the sense that she can protect herself), Revell can't help quipping that he already knows that.

    Live-Action TV 
  • 7 Yüz:
    • In "Büyük Günahlar", Aytaç asks his mystery caller — unknowingly fifteen-year-old Elif — to call him back at night, once the rest of the household is asleep. She obliges his wish, and as their late-night conversation turns sexual, he quietly pleasures himself beneath a blanket. Unfortunately for him, he's not nearly as silent enough for it to go unnoticed on an audio recording, which is later used for Blackmail.
    • "Eşitlik" begins with a montage of men masturbating with enthusiasm to the same amateur sex tape (as well as three college-aged women, who are hate-watching it with pointed disgust).
  • In a 30 Rock episode, Frank mentions he has plans for Valentine's night. When asked with who, he replies "nobody".
  • One of the Alien Nation TV movies makes a reference to Jocelyn Elders' firing when Susan worries that Buck doesn't have an "outlet" and wants George to talk to him about not letting his fluid build up. The Tectonese are more frank about sex than most Americans, so Susan doesn't see what all the fuss was about.
  • Used in the episode "Out on a Limb" of Arrested Development. Lindsay notes that she has hit 3 climaxes in one night plenty of times.
  • Awkwafina is Nora from Queens has Nora perform this oh so much. The second episode had her planning to masturbate for seven to twelve hours before being swept up in Grandma's adventure to Atlantic City. At the end, she's on the bus pleasuring herself to Dirty Dancing 2: Havana Nights.
  • Banshee:
    • Anna masturbates with a shower head while thinking of Lucas. When that isn't enough, she has sex with her husband.
    • Rebecca does this herself later, thinking of Lucas. And also her uncle.
  • Mentioned on several occasions but (unlike the frakking) never actually shown in Battlestar Galactica.
  • Better Off Ted's obligatory sexual harassment episode nods at this:
    Veronica: Sheila claims you propositioned her for a threesome.
    Ted: Veronica, I work full-time and I have an eight-year-old daughter. I don't even have the energy for a onesome.
  • Played for Laughs in The Big Bang Theory when Howard, after seeing how good his robotic hand was and how real it felt while massaging his back, decided to gave the hand another use. That was until it jammed.
  • In Black Books, Fran's subplot in the episode "The Big Lockout" basically involves her having a wank while listening to the shipping forecast because she finds the voice of the guy who's delivering it irresistibly arousing.
  • Black Mirror: Shut Up and Dance: Kenny's implied date kicks off the plot of the episode.
  • When a character on Bones swears off men, her unsatiated libido compels her to hit on any male she meets. To quell her advances, one of her co-workers brings his psychiatrist girlfriend to the lab, who quite sensibly recommends some solitary release as an alternative.
    • When Mr. Fisher the depressed assistant gets in trouble for sleeping with a suspect, he replies:
    Mr. Fisher: Can I please keep my job if I promise never ever to have sex again with anyone, which, by the way, suits me temperamentally? I happen to be very self-sufficient.
  • There are constant jokes at Richard's expense in Bottom to show how pathetic he is (he is, in fact, a wanker). He even called his autobiography: "Richard Richard: I Did it My Way. On My Own. Quite a Lot. Now I've got a Sore Hand."
  • Brass Eye reported a story about American senator Dale Lee Aggsby "Extracted his genitalia at a rally and manipulated them to issue" "Several quarts of reproductive mucous were expelled rhythmically into the crowd". It seemed he suffered from Prestodidwick's Congina, a rare blood disorder which causes involuntary erective pressure.
  • Buffy the Vampire Slayer:
    • In "Lie to Me", Buffy herself alludes to masturbating to a friend in 5th grade. "I moped over you for months. Sitting in my room listening to that Divinyls song "I Touch Myself"". Which she pretends to have not known what it meant at the time.
    • In "Restless", regarding Willow and Tara "doing spells" together - well, they are into magic (and each other) - Xander says, "Sometimes I think about two girls doing a spell together... and then I go do a spell by myself."
    • In "Storyteller", Andrew has locked himself in the bathroom to edit his documentary on Buffy.
      Anya: For God's sakes, Andrew. You've been in here for 30 minutes. What are you doing?
      Andrew: Entertaining and educating.
      Anya: Why can't you just masturbate like the rest of us?
    • In "The Prom", when Xander tells the others he's taking Anya to the prom:
      Xander : Choice is kind of a broad term for my situation. See, it's either Anya or the sock puppet of love for this boy. [holds his right hand in puppet shape, speaks in silly voice] "I love you, Xander. I'll never leave you."
    • Buffy's not the only Slayer to do this. In Buffy the Vampire Slayer: Chaos Bleeds, upon finding a stake Faith might comment on keeping it under her bed as a dildo. Ya gotta pity whoever that thing's used on after she's put it Lord knows where. The comics suggest she still does this.
    • Then of course there was "Hush" where it looks like Buffy's idea of beating the Gentlemen is to beat them off.
    • Willow accuses Oz of doing this when he won't see her. Turns out it's because he's about to turn into a werewolf and he wants to protect her.
    • In "Band Candy", all the adults are turned into children, and Cordelia says her father was doing this in the bathroom.
  • On The Colbert Report Stephen reacts to political candidate Christine O'Donnell's claim that masturbation is a form of adultery by marrying his hand, just to be safe. In a later episode he's shocked to realize that that might make him gay because he's been "doing it with a dude."
  • CSI:
    • In one episode, a 12-year-old girl is found to be sexually abused and her brother is suspected when his semen is found on her nightdress. He gets interrogated harshly but can't stick up for himself until Nick quietly takes him to the side and tells him that there's nothing wrong with masturbation. The brother then admits that the nightdress was the closest thing he could grab to clean up after himself but that he was too ashamed to tell the police this. It was her dad, who had also raped her.
    • In a more serious example, a peeping tom's activities kept escalating, which, according to Catherine, would eventually lead to breaking-and-entering and rape (they did). The clue to this was that, while earlier he had limited himself to peeping and stalking, they suddenly found evidence of him masturbating at the scene.
  • Dark Desire: Alma masturbates at one point thinking about Darío. Later he does the same thing when fantasizing of them having sex.
  • Dear White People:
    • Lionel in Episode 2 of Season 1 to the sounds of Troy screwing the women he has over. He finally manages to "go all the way" in the end of the episode after Troy gives him a haircut.
    • Sam does in this in the Season 2 premiere too while fantasizing being with Gabe, only to have Joelle walk in on her.
  • Degrassi as it already tackled No Periods, Period back in Season 1, had a plot in Season 8 over self-gratification. Jane admits to Clare and Alli she does own a vibrator, acting in a Big Brother Mentor fashion that being interested in sexual gratification isn't a bad thing, and it's a good thing to seek it from yourself. Eventually Clare gets 'the talk' she wanted from her mother over these subjects. She called it awkward.
  • Dickinson: Austin masturbates with his eyes closed on the couch to get "inspiration" for writing.
  • In a third season episode of Entourage, Johnny Drama is filming his first scene in a new television pilot. However, as the director keeps making his monologue longer and more difficult, Drama starts to have a panic attack. However, remembering advice that Turtle gave him earlier, he proceeds to release some stress. Of course Drama being Drama, he forgets to turn off his microphone and the whole studio crew hears him.
  • Near the end of his dementia-ridden father's life, Mark Greene on ER had to stop his dad from engaging in public masturbation.
  • Euphoria:
    • Johnny United, the guy online who pays Kat to perform privately, starts masturbating at her mocking, as it turns him on.
    • There's a disturbing example in the flashback when Jules is sent to the psych ward, where a man masturbates aggressively on seeing the female doctor with her (he's placed in isolation, or "the quiet room", for this).
    • At the beginning of "'03 Bonnie and Clyde" Rue masturbates while fantasizing about Jules.
  • Family Feud: Questions that include a euphemism for "masturbate" are asked on a regular (at times, seemingly daily) basis. One common example is to the question, "Name something a squirrel does with a nut," to which an answer was "scratches it." ("Nut" being slang for a part of the male crotch, and scratch being the "masturbate" synonym.) However, the answer came up once during the Richard Karn-hosted era, when during an NBA Stars special, a contestant answered "masturbate" to the question, "Name something a teenaged boy could do all day?"... and it got him two points!
  • Farscape:
    • In "Sons and Lovers", Aeryn Sun suggests sex would be a practical means of relieving the Unresolved Sexual Tension between her and John Crichton, without all this weird human emotional-attachment stuff he's into.
      John: You know what? I got two hands [makes masturbating gesture] I can alternate, I can release all the tension I want. I don't need your charity.
      Aeryn: And I don't need your emotions. But we can have sex if you want.
    • In "Look at the Princess", John is pointing Braca's gun at different parts of his own body. Including, at one point, his hand:
      John: My sex life! Kill my sex life!
    • In "Coup by Clam", Noranti decides to use the vibrating apparatus she's working with for something it was not originally intended for. This left D'Argo, who was mindlinked to her at this point, in an awkward situation. An odd case of A Date With Rosie Palms by proxy.
  • Firefly:
    • "I'll be in my bunk." It must be *ahem* hard for Jayne, being trapped on that ship with Inara, Kaylee, Zoe, and River, and not able to touch any of them.
    • Mal alludes to masturbation in "Our Mrs. Reynolds", where he comments that "no one but me's taken hold of my plow in a good long while."
    • Though she doesn't do anything visible, River also has an intense reaction to Zoe and Wash making out on the bridge in "Objects In Space", and, in Serenity, she spies on Simon and Kaylee making love in the engine room (before that, Kaylee mentions having only masturbatory sexual experience for some time).
    • "Ceiling River is watching you procreate."
  • Mentioned a few times in Friends:
    • When Chandler and Joey agree to give up the girls' apartment if Rachel and Monica kiss for one minute, the scene cuts to them returning to their original apartment, walking directly into their bedrooms and closing the doors.
    • Rachel says she can't sleep with Mark just to get back at Ross. Mark says he's okay with that, and when she doesn't change her mind says that he'll just be getting back at Ross on his own again.
    • Monica walks in on Chandler watching porn, and he quickly changes the channel to a wildlife documentary. Unfortunately, she can still see what he was doing, and his apparent choice of programme leads her to conclude he's turned on by sharks.
    • In the episode where Ross and Rachel discuss having a 'bonus night', they talk about how good their sex used to be, and Rachel tells Ross he was especially good with his hands. When she finally tells him it's not going to happen (in front of everybody), he angrily says "From now on the only person who’s going to enjoy these bad boys (holds up his hands) is me." It takes him a second to realize what he just said.
  • This is briefly seen (with a wall as a censor bar) and interrupted in HBO's Generation Kill.
    • One of the episodes is named "Combat Jack" for the Marines' masturbating after the adrenaline rush of a firefight.
    • The book itself actively describes Marines going through this; in one case, there's even a quote from one Marine who said he had to do it three times in rapid succession, and was worried something was broken down there.
    • "Hey, reporter! If you lay with your cock against the ground when a tank goes by, it feels fuckin' great!"
  • Blaine in Glee. In "The First Time" he is having a conversation with his boyfriend Kurt about sex. Up to this point, they have agreed on taking things slowly, but now they're exploring the possibility of doing the deed. When Kurt asks him if he's ever tempted to go there with him, he replies that yeah, he is, but "that's why they invented masturbation", implying as a bonus that he thinks of Kurt when he engages in such activity.
  • In the Amazon series Hanna, the first episode has a scene where Hanna not only masturbates, but tastes her lubrication while doing so.
  • Happy! "Disco Mikey" Scaramucci starts doing this constantly after resurrecting as a demon-possessed zombie. Nick Sax has to bat Mikey's hand away to get him to stop doing it.
  • House has on multiple occasions made snarky jokes about viewing porn in his office and masturbating. Given most of the walls are made of glass one hopes he is joking. Being that he's House, who knows.
    • Appears to be true, and not just a House snark. At least we know from Cameron that he keeps his porn in the second desk drawer.
    • There's also a rather squicky clinic scene where House deduces that a toddler's symptoms are result of this.
    • When Wilson was staying with House he arrives at his apartment to find a stethoscope on the doorknob:
      Wilson: You said... you'd hang the stethoscope if you were having sex.
      House: I didn't say it had to be with another person.
      Wilson: [...] I was waiting out there for hours!
      House: Well, I need a lot of foreplay. And then there's the cuddling afterwards.
    • As of season six, we now also have House freaking Wilson when he walks into the living room to find House is "picking lint out of his belly button." Which he later happily admits he wasn't actually doing. In addition, in Private Lives his answer to Wilson's question about what he's doing that night is simply a gleeful "Masturbating!"
    • When House went bowling with Chase (in "No More Mr. Nice Guy"), he explained that this was because bowling isn't "one of the two things guys do by themselves." Chase, knowing House very well, asked what the second thing is... "Other hand," replies House.
  • How I Met Your Mother:
    • In one episode, Marshall is worried about "reading a magazine" at work. Barney answers that he (Barney) "reads a magazine" several times at work. Barney was talking about masturbation, whereas Marshall was talking about taking a deuce at work.
    • In episode 13 of the sixth season, Marshall asked to do it in order to get his sperm checked by a doctor. However, it becomes quite difficult to carry out as his parents happen to be visiting at the time.
  • An episode of The Hughleys had D.L.'s wife remarking that their son's been taking two to three showers a day now, and must be "the cleanest boy in the neighborhood." D.L. and their neighbor exchange knowing looks, and the neighbor replies "or the dirtiest." The two men then use a series of artful euphemisms to gently explain to the mother what's really going on. Hilarity ensues through the episode, as with every appearance, their son says or does something suggestive of his new hobby, like furiously pumping a bottle of mustard to wring out the last few drops.
  • An episode of Rob Brydon's comedy-drama series Human Remains has Rob playing a man whose compulsive masturbation apparently stems from the loss of his mother.
  • In the Dark: Murphy starts masturbating while Max is in the shower, which he comes out to find her doing. They have sex, and when it's over she claims to have been "masturbating with your body".
  • Kröd Mändoon and the Flaming Sword of Fire: Dongalor goes off to do this after Barnabas persuades him to leave things for the next day with the maiden he captured.
  • On The League of Gentlemen, Harvey Denton has a bizarre paranoia about walking into the living room to find his nephew, Benjamin, "shaking the hot, white coconuts from the tree of love", "conducting himself in a solo symphony", or engaged in any other of a slew of Unusual Euphemisms.
  • In a Lucifer flashback episode set five years before Lucifer met Chloe, Amenadiel walks in on Lucifer getting ready to masturbate to Hot Tub High School, which features a 19 year-old Chloe in a nude scene.
  • Mad Men
    • Betty Draper leans against a running washing machine and orgasms while fantasizing about a door-to-door salesman who had visited the day before. (She's sexually frustrated because her husband is rarely home, and when he is he often claims to be too tired. The real reason? Like any self-respecting early-'60s executive, he has multiple girls on the side.)
    • 10-year-old Sally Draper is caught masturbating (fully clothed) to Ilya Kuryakin while at a sleepover at a friend's house. Neither the friend's mother (who caught her) nor Betty was amused. It's possible she simply didn't know what she was doing, though - it's not uncommon for children younger than her to realize that touching yourself in certain places feels good, and it's likely the sexual education classes of the early 1960s wouldn't have helped to clear anything up...
    • In an earlier episode, the team try to find a way to advertise something that claims to be a way of losing weight, but really is actually a device for female masturbation. (Or, 'a way of simulating a man, without the man'.) When Peggy first tries it on and realizes what it is she is shocked, but by the end of the episode, she is seen looking at it speculatively and pulling it out of the box.
  • This was a Running Gag for Bud Bundy and his pathetic, increasingly desperate attempts to get laid on Married... with Children. Getting caught doing this in the library resulted in episode-long hilarity in the ninth season.
    • Bud isn't the only one. Peg has made countless references to having to finish sex herself after Al falls asleep, as well as using an obscene amount of batteries...
    • And her various shower-heads...
    • During the time between Steve and Jefferson, Marcy made a reference to "doing her taxes". Which is odd, as she has shown more than once that she can "get a refund" without even being touched.
  • A reference was explicitly removed from an episode of Monty Python's Flying Circus: during the "All-England Summarize Proust" competition, Graham Chapman lists his favorite hobbies as "strangling animals, golf and masturbation", which forces the host to kick him out seeing as 'golf's not very popular around here'. The BBC forced them to remove the word from reruns, despite objections from the cast. "Everybody masturbates!" Terry Jones apparently retorted to the head of quality control. "Don't you masturbate, sir?" Unfortunately that didn't work, and most home video copies contain the clumsily edited version (though notice the subtitles include 'masturbation')
  • My Wife and Kids: Junior manages to "sprain" his penis from overuse on one episode.
  • Outrageous Fortune has enough examples it could probably have it's own page.
  • In Oz, Alvarez once masturbates in his prison cell and Ryan O'Reilly, a Stalker with a Crush Yandere for Dr. Nathan, does this while thinking of her.
    Keller: How many times can a guy jerk off in one day anyway?
    Glynn: I suppose it depends on the man.
    Alvarez: Will you keep it down?! Some of us are trying to masturbate!
  • In Parenthood the grandfather — concerned about the ecological impact of Drew taking five showers a day — decides they must have The Talk.
  • Person of Interest. Detective Joss Carter is interrogating a criminal in prison, who says that afterwards he's got "a date with a sock".
  • Preacher (2016): Herr Starr starts masturbating in the middle of a wrestling match, while he's being held in a chokehold. It turns out it's a tactic to distract his opponent, which works.
  • Private Practice: The female doctors are surprised that Addison doesn't do that. She's equally shocked that they do. One of them suggests fantasizing about a male coworker in the shower, while using a pulsating massage shower head. The episode ends with Addison getting in the shower, clearly intending to give it a try.
  • Johnny Vegas, on an episode of QI, joked that Kellogg's Corn Flakes were designed to prevent masturbation in young boys.
    Stephen Fry: Johnny Vegas, take some points!
    Johnny Vegas: [surprised] You're joking!
  • In the US version of Queer as Folk, Ted has watched so many porno tapes that when a customer asks the cashier of the porno shop for a suggestion in which tape to rent, the cashier directs the customer to Ted.
  • The crew of Red Dwarf generally don't have much choice about this, there seldom being any women around:
    Cat: You mean after all this, I still haven't got a date? Damn! Another year when I have to send a Valentine's card to my hand!

    Rimmer (On learning he has (briefly) become alive again): Kryten! Unpack Rachel, and get out the puncture repair kit!

    Fem!Rimmer: How could you even contemplate making love to yourself?
    Rimmer: Well, why break the habit of a lifetime?
  • In a spoof Very Special Episode of Roseanne in which D.J... *cough* figures out how his plumbing works and ends up spending over an hour in the bathroom, Darlene explains to their puzzled father (and the howling audience) that it means "...he's either really good at it... or really bad at it."
  • The very title of a controversial Saturday Night Live skit titled "Attack Of The Masturbating Zombies", a parody of Grade-B 1950s horror movies.
  • Comes up quite a few times on Scrubs, most notably J.D. hurting his "me-time hand".
    • Also when J.D. says to Turk "Why don't you take care of yourself?" Turk responds he's only ever done that twice in his life. J.D. says the same but his monologue adds "If by "in my life" you mean "since dinner".
    • Dr. Cox also gives this advice to Turk:
      Dr. Cox: I'll be more than glad to tell you what a lot of doctors do to relieve the stress: Just take a little trip to "Palmdale."
      Turk: What?
      Dr. Cox: Okay. Give yourself the old "low-five."
      Turk: I'm not getting it.
      Dr. Cox: Physician, love thyself.
      Turk: Are you talkin' about downtown, Lester Brown?
      Dr. Cox: Lowers the heart-rate, releases the endorphins. It's basic physiology.
    • Elliot also discovers the joy of masturbating in one of the earlier episodes (thanks to Carla's advice about washing machines).
  • Seinfeld infamously had the episode "The Contest", where the main four made a bet over who could go the longest without masturbating. In place of the usual slang terms, the Unusual Euphemism "master of your domain" was used to mean someone who could successfully resist the urge to masturbate. Elaine was forced to place a larger bet since it was assumed that as a woman she would have an easier time resisting than the men, however she was the second eliminated. Kramer was eliminated almost immediately thanks to a nudist moving into the building across the street who liked to keep her curtains open. A later episode revealed that George ended up winning the contest. However, in the Grand Finale he confesses that he cheated, making Jerry the true winner.
  • Discussed and shown every so often in Sex and the City, one of the more memorable instances being Charlotte's "addiction" to the Rabbit vibrator, necessitating an "intervention" by her friends.
  • Skins:
    • Sid is shown masturbating in the pilot episode, although it's debatable whether he falls into the "nerdy loser" version of this trope. Knowing Skins, there are probably definitely a million other *ahem* meetings with Rosie Palms within the show.
    • There's an EXTREMELY uncomfortable example of female masturbation in season two. Maxxie's stalker Sketch breaks into his house, sneaks into his room, fondles and smells his underwear, and proceeds to masturbate on his bed. When Maxxie comes home unexpectedly early, she quickly hides under his bed — where she stays for the rest of the night.
  • Spaced: and suddenly — phht! Bingo! You wake up. And you're lying there sweating, desperately looking for the tissue which you know is still in your pocket, and the remote control which is somewhere on the floor, and it's like walking in on yourself, you know? It's just like "What you doing?"
  • Star Trek:
    • Tuvok rather guiltily uses a holodeck when he has pon farr in Star Trek: Voyager. He balked at first and had to be talked into it. He did not go blind.
    • It was not mentioned when Reginald Barclay got into trouble for using the holodeck with simulated other members of the crew who (in his holodeck simulation) practically worshiped Barclay. It was merely mentioned that it was wrong of him to simulate them, but no mention was made of the obvious potential there. To be fair, Barclay is socially awkward enough that he likely wouldn't have tried anything like that.
    • In "Descent", Data mentions that he's tried to do this as he's attempted to explore his emotions, but to no effect.
    • In Star Trek: Deep Space Nine, Rom off-handedly mentions that his ear infection might be due to him getting too much oo-mox lately. When asked who the lucky lady is, he sheepishly admits that there isn't anyone else involved.
  • It's referenced a few times on Supernatural. The most blatant example comes in "I Believe The Children Are Our Future", where, due to the influence of the Antichrist, Dean winds up with hairy palms. His explanation? "Got bored. That nurse was hot."
  • Chewbacca's dad Itchy is clearly cracking one off to Diahann Caroll during The Star Wars Holiday Special. While his grandson and daughter-in-law are in the other room.
  • Taboo: Cholmondeley asks James if Laura Bow is free for him to pursue, luridly exhorting that she's so pretty that she's not just someone he wants to sleep with but masturbates about.
  • On Teen Wolf in the eleventh episode of season 2, when Coach Finstock is finally going to let Stiles, who is normally a bench-warmer, into a lacrosse game this comes up.
    Stiles: I'm playing? On the field? With the team?
    Finstock: Yes! Unless you'd rather play with yourself!
    Stiles: I already did that today. Twice.
  • In That '70s Show, Fez, Eric and Kelso, mainly Fez, have mentioned their fondness for hands-on love. We don't know about Hyde, but he voiced his support for the practice — when Fez asked how much masturbation is too much, Hyde responded, "There's no such thing as too much."
    • Nina, Fez's co-worker and later girlfriend whom he finally loses his virginity to, lampshades this by noticing that Fez's right hand is "stronger" than the other. Fez just says he's taken up fencing.
    • It's also mentioned, that Donna does it too, but she "makes an evening of it" with music and candles. Hyde wonders whether Jackie masturbates also but he reasons that she doesn't because "she won't even go to a self-serve gas station."
    • Kelso gets a job donating sperm at a sperm bank. The gang is in the basement sharing a bowl of popcorn, when he comes back from his job. He takes the bowl, dips his right hand in to take a handful then asks, "Who else wants some?" Everyone yells, "NO!"
    • In one episode, someone has been breaking into the record store, so they set up a camera, and they find out Fez has been living there.
      Fez: I thought I was alone...
      Hyde: I've known Fez for a long time. And if he thought he was alone, we need to turn this off right now.
  • A That Mitchell and Webb Look sketch features a pair of self-employed work-from-home types who meet at a party and, while their wives are getting the drinks, admit to each other that they've yet to fully overcome the "have a lot of covert wanks while my wife is out the house at work" issue.
  • Trinkets: Discussed. In the third episode, Moe suggests that Elodie try this in order to feel more comfortable with her body before engaging with a sexual partner. Elodie shoplifts a sex toy to use.
  • True Blood:
    • After drinking vampiric blood to heal herself, Sookie has her libido amped up, and she begins to stroke herself at night. In a later scene she's seen rubbing herself through her shorts to satisfy her lust.
    • Jason has a much worse run-in with vampire blood. He overdosed, and he didn't need healing, so it all went to his libido. He jacked off until he developed a sore on his hand, and finally had to go to a doctor to deflate his penis.
  • Vida:
    • Emma tries this but finds herself unable to do so since Eddy and another group of women are praying or singing for Vida.
    • In the second season, the councilman implies he'll be doing this after Lyn backs off from sex with him.
  • The UK's Channel 4 attempted a series of documentaries under the banner "Wank Week". This was met with the inevitable response.
  • From a Hoedown on Whose Line Is It Anyway?:
    Drew: Let me tell you, ever since I was thirteen / You've given me the best lovin' that I've ever seen. / Let me tell ya something, that I know you can't stand / I've been cheating on you with my other hand!
  • You (2018):
    • After having Speed Sex with her boyfriend, Joe watches Beck masturbate from outside her apartment, which causes him to do the same right there on the sidewalk hidden in the bushes, but it's interrupted when an old lady walks over.
    • He does it again in a later episode when he discovers a picture of Beck in a swimsuit among the hundreds of photos of Beck that Peach has on her laptop. Joe masturbates to the picture and, when he's 'finished', resumes snooping through Peach's laptop.
  • In The Young Ones, Rick has accidentally killed Neil. He buries the body in the garden then he can't sleep as his conscience reproaches him. He imagines himself on trial, then imagines some pretty girls in the courtroom pleading for him to be spared, then imagines them taking their clothes off, then he starts wanking off until his conscience yells at him to stop it.

  • The Dresden Dolls have explored this topic quite a bit:
    • "Shores of California" says that "The girls are crying and the boys are masturbating" because guys want sex and girls want romance. The music video includes a hilarious scene where Amanda hands a tissue to a crying girl...then hands one to a boy.
    • "First Orgasm" is about a lonely girl masturbating on a Thursday morning and eventually declaring, "I think I could last at least week without someone to hold me".
    • "Coin-Operated Boy" is an ode to vibrators.
  • From "Telepathy" by Swans: "I saw you through the window/Masturbating to the violence" (by the standards of M. Gira's work, this is a fairly tame example)
  • "Homemade" by Sebadoh is about becoming addicted to masturbation due to depression and loneliness.
  • "Touch of my Hand" by Britney Spears is about appreciating self-love in the absence of one's partner.
  • "Oops (Oh My)" by Tweet; she admires herself in the mirror while touching herself.
  • Diva Destruction's "The Broken Ones" appears to be about this:
    Pornography exposed
    Innocence unrobed
    Masturbate your emptiness
    Fornicate your selfishness
  • Weezer's "Why Bother" is about giving up on romantic relationships due to fear of heartbreak, and briefly mentions masturbation in this context:
    But it's just sexual attraction
    Not something real, so I'd rather keep whacking
  • A lot of people thought the song "Holdin' My Own" by The Darkness was about masturbation, though the band themselves denied this.
  • The song "Unglued" by Stone Temple Pilots is about masturbation.
    • As is their song "Crackerman". Slightly more subtle than "Unglued" but still painfully obvious in the first stanza.
  • The Australian band The Divinyls has a song titled "I Touch Myself"; you can guess what that implies.
  • Ska band Desorden Publico has a song, "Manuela", who is half Intercourse with You, half this trope, down to the title (who is a transparent allusion to the way "Rosie Palms" is known in Spanish). To add controversy to the mix, part of the lyrics are taken from real letters that the Liberator Simon Bolivar sent to his lover Manuela Saenz.
  • Mexican Hard Rock band Cuca also has a song called "Manuela". Translated loosely, the first verse has the singer bragging that because of his ...habit, he "is a being incapable of being manipulated, because he's self-sufficient, and even believes he's intelligent"
  • There's an old Cuban song "Manuela no me pelea" ("Manuela doesn't fight with me"), about a man who lives a wonderful life because he can party late and his wife Manuela doesn't get mad and fight him. Anyone who doesn't get this—whether or not they speak Spanish—is officially living under a rock.
  • "Blister in the Sun", by Violent Femmes. ("Big Hands, I know you're the one...")
  • Never outright stated but strongly implied in "Pictures of Lily", by The Who. The singer is a young man who has insomnia. When his father gives him the titular pictures of Lily, he feels better and is able to sleep.
  • "Rosie" by Jackson Browne; it's pretty blatant in the chorus. "Rosie, you wear my ring" and "I got to hand it to me" indeed...
  • "Get a Grip" by Semisonic. The music video toys with it by using a lot of very suggestively framed shots of people exercising at a gym.
  • "Teenage Kicks" by the Undertones.
  • "Thinking About You" by Radiohead.
  • "Orgasm Addict" by the Buzzcocks.
    • Not as obvious, "Fiction Romance" also by the Buzzcocks. Giveaway phrases include references to "magazine pages," and that the fantasized lover(s) "can be yours just by taking hold."
  • "Vibrator Dependent" by Mojo Nixon.
  • "Praying Hands" by Devo.
  • "Muscle of Love" by Alice Cooper.
  • Chuck Berry's "My Ding-a-Ling" blends this trope with a bucketload of Double Entendre.
  • Billy Joel's "Sometimes a Fantasy" (in the context of phone sex)
    • Also mentioned in "Captain Jack." "Your sister's gone out, she's on a date/ You just sit at home and masturbate."
  • Tori Amos' "Icicle" is about doing this... in church.
    • To be more specific, it's about her getting off to Jesus while her father is singing prayers downstairs.
  • Reverend Horton Heat's "One Time for Me" is about getting off on watching somebody else doing this.
  • "She Bop" by Cyndi Lauper. She thought she'd written this one cleverly enough that young people wouldn't understand it till they got older, but the cat was out of the bag pretty quickly.
  • "Touching Me Touching You" by Squeeze. "I'm always touching myself/ I've got nothing else to do/ And when I'm touching myself/ I'm always thinking about you...."
  • "Fingers" and "U + Ur Hand" by P!nk, with the latter song suggesting that jerks in the bar will have to settle for this because she's not interested.
  • "It's Only Me (The Wizard of Magicland)" by Barenaked Ladies.
  • "Later Tonight" by the Pet Shop Boys is subtler than some examples here but still unambiguous.
  • "Imaginary Lover" by the Atlanta Rhythm Section. One of the rare examples of a song that's unambiguously about masturbation and managed to still become a US Top 10 hit (Yes, it was The '70s)
  • From "Weird Al" Yankovic's "One More Minute":
    I guess I might seem kinda bitter
    You got me feelin' down in the dumps
    'Cause I'm stranded all alone at the Gas Station of Love
    And I have to use the self-service pumps!
  • Implied at the end of Big Star's "Back of a Car".
  • Kunt and the Gang's appropriately-titled "Have a Wank".
  • Masturbation is pretty much the signature subject of British comedian Ivor Biggun, who has at LEAST half a dozen songs about it such as "I'm a Wanker", "The Wanker's Rock and Roll", and "Wanking Your Blues Away".
  • Green Day's "Longview". "Bite my lip and close my eyes, take me away to paradise...", "When masturbation's lost its fun...", "some say quit or I'll go blind", and "I'm so damn bored I'm going blind", in reference to the myth.
    • Then there's "All By Myself", the Hidden Track on that same album. "I was all by myself/there was nobody looking/I was thinking of you."
    • A song from the Green Day side-project The Network is called "Right Hand-A-Rama" and is about exactly what you think it's about.
  • Madonna's song "Secret" is clearly about this: "Happiness lies in your own hand..."
  • Aerosmith's "Shake the Rattlesnake".
  • "Zwitter" by Rammstein is about a hermaphrodite who is in love with hirself, and even claims to be able to make hirself conceive...
  • "Menage a Moi" by Chick McGee of The Bob And Tom Show.
  • t.A.T.u.'s song "Prostie Dvijenia" ("Simple Moves"). It's all about masturbation. Check out the music video sometime.
  • Jon Lajoie's "Alone in the Universe" is about nothing but masturbation.
  • "My Wena" by Bowling for Soup: "She's only happy when I'm holding her tight/Oh, my Wena/Take a look at my Wena"
  • Jellyfish's "He's My Best Friend", where lots of double entendre makes it clear that the "friend" in question is actually the narrator's penis (a couple of the more blatant examples being "my hand's a five leaf clover /it's Palm Sunday over and over" and "I pick him up when he's feeling down / I guess he's always been hanging around"). Funnily enough, the music is innocent-sounding enough that the song was included on an official iTunes "Friendship Songs Mix".
  • Mindless Self Indulgence's song Masturbates. The name says it all, really.
  • "Boy" by Book of Love": "I sit at home at night, and play with my toys"
  • Captain Jack - "Little Boy".
  • "Guys Eyes" by Animal Collective appears to be about masturbating so as not to look like all the narrator wants his girlfriend for is fox sex. See lines: "I really want to do just what my body wants to, I really want to show to my girl that I want her", "I want to do what my body needs to, I want to show to my girl that I need her", and "I started using my mind, And I used my hands, It was what I want to do"
  • "Part of Me" by tool.
  • The Gorillaz song "DARE" has been interpreted this way, although (like many Gorillaz songs) it's unclear whether it was actually meant to mean anything in particular.
  • The Decemberists' "BillyLiar". "Decked by a Japanese geisha with a garland of pearls", indeed.
  • Bawdy Song "Masturbation", to the tune of "Alouette":
    Masturbation, we like masturbation!
    Masturbation, we like to masturbate!
    (leader) How I love to choke my chicken!
    (response) How he loves to choke his chicken!
    (l) Choke my chicken!
    (r) Choke his chicken!
    (l) Masturbate!
    (r) Masturbate!
    continue with "spank my monkey", "bash the bishop", "beat my meat", "jerk the Turk" et cetera ad nauseam.
  • "Never Enough" by The Cure.
  • Subverted with "Jizz in my Pants" by The Lonely Island.
  • "Darling Nikki" by Prince from the movie Purple Rain begins out with "I knew a girl named Nikki, I guess you could say she was a sex fiend / I met her in a hotel lobby, masturbating with a magazine." This was the song that prompted Tipper Gore to establish the PMRC and require the Explicit Advisory sticker on raunchy recordings.
  • Elton John:
    • "Jamaica Jerk-Off".
    • More subtly, "Tiny Dancer in my hand..."
  • Subverted by the video for Jessica Simpson's song A Public Affair, of all places. When Jessica and her hot friends come up to the counter to get their roller skates, the attendant reaches into his pocket and starts digging in his pants. Jessica and her friends are Squicked out until the attendant pulls out his camera, which is what he was actually reaching for. The girls are both relieved and happy to pose for pictures.
  • "The Big 'M'" by Lust Control
  • "Depuis que tu n'es plus là" by the French comedian Max Boublil sounds like a romantic song at first but it really is about masturbation. He even says that he is going to marry his right hand.
  • "Lonely Is The Night" by Billy Squier
    • His song, "The Stroke" was believed to be about masturbation, until the singer revealed it's about being on the receiving end of a handjob. Which is close, but no cigar.
  • "Dancing With Myself" by Billy Idol. " Well there's nothing to lose, and there's nothing to prove, I'll be dancing with myself"
    • Billy has said MANY TIMES that it's about Japanese dance clubs. And yet no one really listens...
  • Mr. Bungle has "Girls Of Porn", a funky song about the world of porn and all it's crazy little genres, obviously Played for Laughs. Then they have the song "Dead Goon" a song about a loner kid who dies while participating in a round of auto-erotic asphyxiation in his mother's panties and the family walking.
  • "Pink Thing" by XTC ("When I stroke your head I feel a hundred heartbeats high"). Word of God is that it's about a father's love for a newborn baby, but it's so full of innuendo that there's no way Andy Partridge didn't have a double meaning in mind.
  • "You're Makin' Me High" by Toni Braxton is mostly Intercourse with You, but the song begins with "I'll always think of you inside of my private thoughts/I can imagine you touching my private parts/With just the thought of you/I can't help but touch myself." It doesn't help that she starts moaning in the background towards the end of the song.
  • The Lonely Island's "Watch Me Do Me" is Exactly What It Says on the Tin.
  • Bruno Mars' "The Lazy Song" has a line where he says he can "put my hand in my pants" because "nobody will tell me I can't."
  • Christina Aguilera has her ode to all sorts of self-love in "Vanity".
    every time I look at me/I turn myself on, yeah/I turn myself on, yeah
    Can't love no one else/Love yourself
    • Explicitly subverted again years later in the single "Your Body" from her following album Lotus
      We're moving faster then slow/If you don't where to go/I'll finish off on my own, oh-oh, yeah/Hey boy!
  • Da Yoopers' "Da Couch Dat Burps" is preceded by a skit in which the singer (Sandy Kempa) says, "Sex is like bridge. If you don't have a good partner, you better have a good hand."
    • Much later, on We're Still Rockin', they did a punk-styled song about how "shuckin' da cob" made the singer a man, despite his parents telling him it'd make him blind.
  • W.A.S.P. - Animal (Fuck like a beast).
  • "Turning Japanese" by The Vapors is rumored to be about this, if only because it's anyone's guess what it's actually about. The lyrics describe a guy who's lonely with only a photo of his lover, which is giving him funny feelings. According to this rumor, the title refers to how squinting while having an orgasm makes an Anglo person's eyes look East Asian.
  • "Black on Black" by Dalbello contains an indirect reference: "Turning water into wine, touch yourself and you go blind..."
  • "America" by Gianna Nannini. Which is not about America. But who knows, the text being in Italian?
  • It's strongly implied that some porn found in the trash is the "woman" that the Casanova Wannabe protagonist of Red Vox's "There She Goes" ends up settling for after his multiple failures in dating.
    Got a new woman
    Found her in a trash can
    Think this is the woman, baby, I really do
    Better tell my hand
  • "Orgy for One" by Ninja Sex Party.
    It's not just masturbation, it's an orgy for one
    It's a fucking celebration, it's an orgy for one
  • Doubly subverted in the comedy song "Wish I Had a Portal Gun" by Dorkly / CollegeHumor, which reels off suggestions about what one could do with the gun from Portal, including creating a spacial relationship where your head and upper body are directly facing your you can dress and undress without needing to look down or bend over! "Also I'd suck my own diiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiick!"
  • "Undercover Angel" by Alan O'Day could be this disguised as a Divine Date song.
  • Lizzo has "Scuse Me" which even has a mirror near the protagonist for good measure.
  • Fleetwood Mac during the Peter Green era had "Rattlesnake Shake."
    I know this guy
    His name is Mick
    And he don't care
    If he ain't got no chick.
  • Implied in the music video for Wilbur Soot's "Your New Boyfriend". During the line "I think about him a lot as well", Wilbur very slowly pulls a tissue out of a box, then turns to stare directly into the camera.

    Mythology and Religion 
  • The Bible: An older name for masturbation, onanism, comes from a misinterpretation of a passage in the Hebrew/Christian book of Genesis, thus making the trope Older Than Dirt. The actual event mentioned was Onan having sex with his late brother's wife (this was practiced to keep the dead person's line from dying out). Not wanting to sire a child that would not have been considered his, he "spilled his seed" (pulled out before climax) on the ground instead, and was stricken for his disrespect.
  • In Egyptian Mythology, this was how the world was created in one story, by the god Atum masturbating the universe into existence. It's even squickier in the R-Rated version of the myth, where Atum actually ejaculates into his mouth, whereupon he spits out his children Shu and Tefnut. No joke, Egyptian theologians debated for centuries whether the world's first female was Atum's hand or his mouth.
  • Greek Mythology: Hermes who, according to Diogenes, taught his son Pan how to do this while the latter was pining for the nymph Echo, to relieve his suffering (which must have been an awkward conversation). Pan, in turn, taught the habit to the shepherds. It gives "tending the flocks" a whole new meaning.

    Professional Wrestling 


    Tabletop Games 
  • Regent Fokuf in Exalted is regarded as a completely boneheaded puppet leader for the Realm for two reasons. One is that he rubber stamps anything that comes past his desk without a care for the contents. The other is that he spends the rest of the day getting off on the saucier passages in the Realm's religious documents.

  • Avenue Q: Just grab your dick and double-click for porn, porn, porn!
  • Be More Chill starts out with Jeremy (a single teenage boy) trying to get off quickly before school. He doesn't succeed. Jeremy doesn't seem too proud of it ("If I continue at this rate, the only thing I'll ever date / is my Macbook Pro hard drive!") and when he gets his hands on a Squip, one of the first things it does is tell him to stop masturbating.
  • Me and My Dick: Unsurprisingly has this as it's about sexual organs. Joey and Dick try to masturbate in the opening scene even! Later Vanessa and Flopsy imply they're about to.
  • RENT: Mucho masturbation!
  • In the musical Spring Awakening, it's mostly played for laughs when Hanschen is masturbating to a postcard of a girl, but he is also sexually disturbed as he dreams of raping her.

    Video Games 
  • When ordering a Riflemen squad to move something in Company of Heroes, the unit leader may reply to your order with: "Drop your dicks and move out!"
  • Disgaea 2:
    • Tink mentions that old habits (taking long showers) die hard, even though he is a frog.
    • Lovely Rod: Makes a nice present for your girlfriend.
  • Don't Wet Your Pants: If you type in "fap", the game tells you that now is not the time for that.
  • Dragon Age:
    • In Dragon Age: Origins, Oghren remarks that he deals with "tension" by "polishing his sword" and asks Alistair if he does the same; when Alistair reacts with shocked embarrassment ("I think that's private!" and "You do it in the open, where other people can see you? That's disgusting!") Oghren pretends to have meant the comment innocently. Considering he has a similar conversation with Wynn about Alistair 'twirling his pike' (it turns out he was being serious), it's possible he actually wasn't making any implications.
    • In Dragon Age II, Isabela notes that since she's usually the only female on her ship and doesn't typically let her crewmen touch her, she makes sure they get plenty of "alone time." If Hawke's sister Bethany is taken to the circle Isabela makes sure to send her plenty of erotic books to "help her through the nights".
  • The Elder Scrolls V: Skyrim has several joke mods which turn The Lusty Argonian Maid books into skill books for the One-Handed skill (the text consists in a theater play made of sexual Double Entendre).
  • Grand Theft Auto: San Andreas has a gag where Maccer, one of the Brit junkies, starts "having an appointment with Dr. Hans Jerkov" in Madd Dogg's studio. It's a sort of running gag—the guy is apparently addicted to it.
  • Half-Life: One of the rewards offered to Combine grunts appears to be some sort of 'alone time' - especially useful given the suppression field preventing natural sex.
    Radio operator: Reminder: 100 sterilize credits qualifies non-mechanical reproduction simulation.
  • When Jak is challenged to beat a score in Jak 3: Wastelander, Daxter's reply is that Jak "beats" things all the time.
  • Mass Effect:
    • Mass Effect:
      • There is a very subtle mention of this if a male Shepard decides to rebuff Ashley's advances toward the end of the game. She shrugs and says she'll head back to her own bunk to "find my own entertainment".
      • A specific dialog choice when asking Kaidan about his past will have Shepherd indirectly, but pretty obviously, ask if he and the other teenagers in biotics training coped with boredom, loneliness, and home-sickness with mutual masturbation; Alenko replies that it's not the sort of thing he does "lightly". That is a possible interpretation, though Occam's Razor would suggest Shepard thought they were hooking up and having rather than engaging in mutual masturbation...
    • Mass Effect 2:
      • There's a quarian on Ilium who mentions that she's had a neural stimulator (which "every responsible adult has") installed on her suit, capping off a background conversation about her breaking it off with her human boyfriend. Her turian friend (and probably the player) goes "what" at this knowledge. Sadly, it's only then that they notice that you're listening in...
        Quarian: Ugh, excuse me human, private conversation?
      • Tali's dossier in the Lair of the Shadow Broker DLC hints very strongly at this — along with her lingering crush on Shepard. All but confirmed in Mass Effect 3.
  • Metal Gear Solid 2: Sons of Liberty:
    • In an optional (and hysterical) scene, Snake can call Otacon on his CODEC while playing... with his "Solid Snake" during the Tanker Mission. Snake's response removes all doubt.
      Snake: You were watching?!
    • Raiden can be indirectly accused of doing this later.
  • Leisure Suit Larry:
  • In No More Heroes 2: Desperate Struggle, pay attention to Travis after Henry wakes up from his dream fight with Mimmy. He's sitting in his chair jerking off, and freaks when Henry wakes up. It gets even funnier when you hear the Bizarre Jelly theme in the background.
  • Phantom Doctrine: One of the agent code names that you find when reviewing captured intel is "snake choker." This takes on an extra meaning if the player is familiar with the euphemism "the one-eyed trouser snake."
  • In Team Fortress 2, the Scout (a young 20-something) has a throwable weapon called the Mad Milk, a jar of what is described in-game as a "non-milk substance". If that isn't enough of a clue, characters that get hit by Mad Milk give the same responses as when they're hit by Jarate.

    Visual Novels 
  • Chop Chop Fruit salad Mystery Jam DokiDoki Dating Sim THingy: Apple can walk in on Banana masturbating in the school bathroom. Given the protagonists are sentient fruit without hands, it's anybody's guess how this works. It ends with Banana squirting fruit juice (which bananas can't actually squirt).
  • Danganronpa:
    • In Danganronpa 2: Goodbye Despair, there are at least two occasions where Sonia is heavily implied to have masturbated. She refers to it as something dirty and her country mustn't know about it or else she can't become the queen anymore.
    • Miu in Danganronpa V3: Killing Harmony jokes about this several times, insinuating that most of the boys are having "tug sessions" when nobody is looking.
  • Doki Doki Literature Club! has Yuri — whose obsession with the player has been cranked up to 11 by Monika — admits in a crazed state that she masturbates to both the player's poems and with the pen she stole from him. It's also suggested she cuts herself to add to her sexual stimulation.
  • Fate/stay night:
    • One of the side effects of Zouken's magical parasite worms on Sakura is increased sexual frustration, which she tries to cope with through masturbation. It doesn't work, but she moves on to Shirou soon enough.
    • Another is Shirou's erotic dream about Tohsaka in the same route. It's implied that this is something related to Rider and Sakura when we see Tohsaka's eyes, as they are the same as Rider's real ones. Also, he awakens with the same drained feeling as when Sakura has been leeching his magical energy. However, it's merely played as something to embarrass Shirou and never comes up again after talking to Tohsaka the next day.
  • The Fruit of Grisaia: Mostly used for comedy, but in general the novel doesn't really skirt around the fact that its female cast masturbates. At one point Amane sneaks into protagonist Yuuji's room trying to surprise him, when she doesn't find him, thinking he won't be back for some time, she starts to get it on in his bed, much to the annoyance of the meanwhile arrived Yuuji. In one route the girls actually discuss using Yuuji as masturbation material.
  • In Katawa Shoujo, Lilly does this while Hisao is blindfolded in their third h-scene.
  • Yami to Boushi to Hon no Tabibito has one of the only scenes where this isn't played for squick, comedy, or both. Hazuki gets herself off twice thinking of her best friend/adoptive older sister Hatsumi, with whom she is madly in love with. The second time is more subtle, but she does it on Hatsumi's bed...

    Web Animation 
  • In the Matt 'n' Dusty episode "We Are Legend", Dusty has to choose between pleasuring himself in an airport restroom or spending time with Matt (literally the last living thing on Earth). He ends up dragging the whole airport restroom down to the lobby.
  • The Spanish Super Hero spoof Cálico Electrónico has a Running Gag about every time Ms. Fanservice character "La Ladrona" appears, the title character goes to the bathroom, where some... particular sounds... are covered by Calico singing (badly) opening themes of several old cartoons, the one from the Spanish dub of Captain Tsubasa being the most favored.
  • The Flash series Pulp Phantom has the "Vincent and Mia" scene, but with Darth Maul and Queen Amidala instead. Maul is taking his time in the bathroom and talks into the mirror:
    Maul: You're going to say "good night" and walk out the door. Door leads to ship, ship leads to home, home leads to jerking off... [grins] Jerking off leads to the Dark Side.
  • Red vs. Blue:
    • When Tex returns as a ghost and mentions that she's been watching the Blue team, Tucker awkwardly asks if she had been watching all the time, while nervously glancing at a rock with the words: "Tucker's rock! Keep out!" painted on. Tex then says he ought to be ashamed of himself.
    • In Recreation, this exchange occurs during an argument:
      Grif: You fucked a rock!
      Tucker: Your sister's name is "a rock"?
    • With the Gender Bender episode in Season 14, the female Red Team mentions how their base has a shower head with multiple pulse settings. With the way Fem!Sarge talks about it, it's easy to see why they're so excited about it.
  • From The Professor Brothers song about JFK:
    And if he shook your hand, you'd make love with it for hours.
  • Frollo Masturbate to a firefighter calendar in the first episode The Frollo Show to put off a fire in his house. This episode is appropriatly named Frollo Faps to a Firefighter's Calendar.

    Web Comics 
  • In Questionable Content, after a date in which everything went wrong, Steve gets off in Marten's bathroom.
    • Then there's the one where Faye's new shrink suggests it as an outlet for sexual frustration. It's no longer doing the job for Faye.
    • There's also a full story arc about Dora helping Faye to tame her libido.
    • Marten at one point tells a story from his adolescence when his mother (a fetish model/dominatrix) cheerily informed him she'd put a bottle of lotion under the sink in his bathroom. When he asked her why, she told him he'd figure it out.
  • Honeybee Samuel's curse afflicting Candi in the Ciem Webcomic Series makes it so that masturbation is the only thing (never explicitly mentioned in the comics) that keeps Candi sane when she begins having Erotic Dreams about Denny. When she decides she doesn't like resorting to that, especially after she gets Donte back, she has actual sex with him regularly to avoid the need. The books intend to give a little more mention to her issue.
  • Several characters in Ménage à 3.
    • Unbeknownst to him, Gary's activity is used as "background music" for Matt and Dillon's lovemaking.
    • Zii, watching all-male pornography while calling DiDi's name. She does not notice the contradiction there.
  • There's a weird example (which isn't actually masturbation) in El Goonish Shive. Elliot completely fails at fantasizing about women, which his girlfriend Sarah and her friend Susan discuss at length. Susan thinks he should be praised for his restraint, while Sarah thinks it isn't healthy.
    Sarah: Don't you remember what it's like being a teenage boy?
    Susan: I try not to.
  • In Jet Dream, while Marlene claims a lack of interest in romance of any sort after her sex change, she also makes several veiled references to using "the science of vibration" or her "Jet Dream Vibrostick" to deal with her new feminine urges.
  • PK Comic directly references this trope in this comic
  • The webcomic Sexy Losers had an entire storyline, "Mike's Left Hand", where the title character was a shameless, guiltless chronic masturbator. He even wrote books and taught classes on how to masturbate. His sister was later shown to be exactly the same way. Mike's roommate, unable to avoid him, steadily went insane (though he eventually recovered).
  • The Non-Adventures of Wonderella:
    • Wonderella shows here that she'd rather play "Hello Kitty The Home Game if you know what I mean" than save the city from monsters and stuff.
    • And there's "Lil' Pinky" the robot spy. The places he has been... the wonders he has seen...
  • In Sabrina Online, the title character gets walked in on by her roommate during a "hands-on" cybersex session with her (as yet unseen) online boyfriend, "RC". (Whom Amy dubs "Sticky Fingers").
  • In Sparkling Generation Valkyrie Yuuki, due to the Attractive Bent-Gender of Yuuki to himself who turned into a girl, (s)he finds himself getting heated up by his own reflection in the bathroom mirror. After a brief self-Squick over this, he decides that a quick "hand-check" couldn't hurt. It swiftly turns not-so-quick.
    Caption: An Hour Later.
    Hermod: Yuuki! I'm hungry. Where's the food?
    Yuuki (off-screen): *PANT* D-Down *PANT* The hall, in the... Ki-Kitch... OHHHHHH YESSS!!
    Hermod (walking away): Not going near there for the rest of the night...
  • The Order of the Stick:
    • Belkar recommend to a half-naked implied sex partner that, while he finished his sandwich(es), she should start a "solo adventure" until he could join the quest. This did not go over entirely well with the entire audience, or the presumed audience.
    • Belkar also made an onanistic reference when one of his party-mates was turned into a female by a cursed belt. Upon seeing that character restored to his proper form, he asked where the hot chick had gone off to; when told that 'she would never be coming back,' he responded with "that's okay, I can always preserve the memory of her for when I'm... alone." Of course, he's merely trying to Squick out Roy, who he knows was the girl during a moment of Gender Bender.
    • Therkla tells Elan that he's "Grade-A, lock-the-bathroom-door, 'No, Ma, I'm just taking a long shower,' fantasy material."
    • Eugene Greenhilt doesn't miss an opportunity to show off his (utterly lack off) tact during a ghostly visit to Roy, while the latter is trying to awake the powers of his magic sword:
      Eugene: You know, last time I interrupted you sitting alone in the dark trying to figure out how your sword works... your mother made me install a lock on bathroom door the next day.
  • The Lyrical Nanoha Fan Webcomic by Entropy Max, has another Gender Bendered example having a more intimate encounter with his new body in Yuuno. In his case, he was discovered in the act by Admiral Leti... who proceeded to give him tips on how to masturbate as a female.
  • Khaos Komix:
    • Quickly mentioned with Amber and her Homoerotic Dream of Nay, more relevant to the plot is Alex's habit; he borderlines asexuality, except for his masturbation habit, which apparently takes precious time he could use playing videogames. And then he meets Tom.
    • Jamie also has a scene of this nature about Charlie that's much more disturbing than sexy because of his massive guilt/sexuality issues.
  • Barry has a moment in this Atland strip.
  • Ben from Loserz, as mentioned in this strip.
  • Graphically overheard in this Wapsi Square comic.
  • Something*Positive: One of Davan's previous girlfriends nearly broke up with him because she was disturbed that he masturbated. They compromised; he could still masturbate, but only if she was doing all the work.
  • Girls with Slingshots:
    • It does this a lot with Hazel during the early part of the strip, emphasizing the fact that she hasn't had sex for a while.
    • It also has a very open view on masturbation and treats it as normal behaviour. Several strips revolve around the female characters buying or using vibrators.
  • In Dear Children, this is presumably why Devin keeps inserting his penis into inappropriate objects, resulting in his half-sister Emma having to help him get loose. If he and Emma are telling the truth about this, that is.
  • In Fairest Cruelest Princess Delilah has this while fantasizing about Stealing The Queen for herself

    Web Original 

    Web Videos 
  • To quote the Brandon Rogers "Angry Office" sketch:
    "The lotion is for your hands and face, alright? I can hear it from my office."
  • In Look a Vlog, Will is dragged out of the bathroom by Emily. When she asks what he was doing, he says, "Masturbating." Then goes back in.
  • Beautiful Agony: It's full of this trope. Only, like, two or three of the video clips on that site show sexual intercourse. And even then they don't really show it since all the videos are only from the neck up. The most you'd see of a second person would be mad snogging.
  • The Onion News Network: "Americans Observing 9/11 By Trying Not to Masturbate"
  • Buzzfeed once did a video on the things girls do when they're home alone, which showed all sorts of funny/random/gross things someone might do without anyone else around. Later they made a follow-up video "What Guys Do When They're Home Alone", and let's just say it was a lot shorter.
  • I Dream To Cream, a parody of the song I Dreamed a Dream from Les Misérables. The song is Jean Valjean's lamentation that this is what he must resort to when his date doesn't end well.

    Western Animation 
  • Beavis and Butt-Head has lots of masturbation jokes, mostly from Beavis, particularly in The Movie.
    • It becomes a significant plot point: The Feds can't find Beavis because he's off whackin' in Tom Anderson's trailer.
      • Said feds address it directly as well:
      Agent Bork: Chief, you know that guy whose camper they were whacking off in?
      Agent Fleming: Bork, you're a Federal Agent. You represent the United States government. Never end a sentence with a preposition!
      Agent Bork: Oh, uh... You know that guy in whose camper they... I mean, that guy off in whose camper they were whacking?
  • Family Guy: Numerous masturbation jokes abound. A few examples:
    • In "Brian Wallows and Peter's Swallows", Mayor West is shown trying to marry his right hand (which his left tries to object to).
    • In "Wasted Talent", there's a flashback where Peter as a kid asks a tour guide in a museum: "Why did all the dinosaurs die out?" He responds: "Because you touch yourself at night."
    • "PTV" has a send-up of The Waltons closing tag, where various family members reflect on the episode's events and say their good nights. Here, John Boy doesn't respond initially, and then shouts out in frustration, "Dammit, can't a guy masturbate in this house?!"
    • In "Barely Legal", when Meg becomes obsessed with Brian:
      Meg: I'm going to the mall later, maybe you can come and help me pick out some underwear.
      Brian: Uh, I don't think that's going to be a possibility, uh, I have plans, with Chris! Chris and I have plans this afternoon!
      Chris: We do?
      Brian: Yeah, yeah! We're doing that thing, we're doing what you usually do on a Thursday afternoon!
      Chris: Masturbate?
      Brian: That's it, that's what we're going to do together.
      Chris: Well, maybe back to back, but I gotta tell you, I'm not 100% on this.
    • In "Stewie Kils Lois", Meg brings a pack of hot dogs to her room, and says: "I'm gonna pretend you're the New York Knicks!" Peter later mentions that he has to buy hot dogs because "we keep running out for some reason".
    • In "Partial Terms of Endearment", when Peter thinks he's going to be in a threesome, Meg mentions that she had a "onesome" once.
    • Chris is also portrayed to masturbate more often than an average teenager would, especially in "German Guy" where Lois shows the family Chris' blanket is completely hard as a rock and then shatters to pieces when Lois drops it because of Chris doing nothing but masturbating in his room all day and Lois believes the washing machine got pregnant somehow. When Chris comes downstairs to see everyone, his own clothes shatter to pieces the same way as his blanket did.
    • In "Saving Private Brian", when Brian and Stewie join the army, they're talking at night, and one guy yells, "You know, you guys are really making it hard to masturbate!" prompting another guy to yell, "Not for me!"
  • American Dad!:
    • The whole plot in the episode "A Smith In Hand". Stan tries to teach Steve to sublimate the "urge" with arts and crafts as he does. However, Stan gets hurt and the doctor prescribes an ointment; in the process of applying it, he accidentally masturbates and, realizing for the first time in his life how good it feels, gets addicted.
    • Another mention in "The People vs. Martin Sugar" when Jeff is forced to quit smoking pot cited it's for his medical condition. Jeff hides in different places and gets caught by Francine.
    • In another episode where Steve finally gets a date with a hot girl, he tells her he needs to "check his schedule", so he opens up a day planner and we see that his plans for every night say, "Whack it".
    • Similar to Chris Griffin, Steve is also portrayed as masturbating excessively, to the point of it being a running gag. One episode even has him suddenly bulking up and gaining a deeper voice after stopping it cold turkey.
  • This trope directly leads to the main plot of the episode "Going Downklok" in Metalocalypse: the band members masturbate so much due to having no fans to sleep with that they develop carpal tunnel syndrome, and they have to deal with trying to release their sexual tension without masturbation, ranging from exercise to attempting to get into the pants of their female producer. Nathan succeeding in seducing Abigail was the final straw: after a series of bad decisions on Nathan's part, him getting the girl Pickles wanted caused Pickles to quit the band.
  • Moral Orel:
    • One episode deals with Reverend Putty's private shame over his masturbation. And then his ire when he found out a Stalker with a Test Tube used his...ahem, tissues to impregnate herself with Stephanie.
    • God's Chef runs with it to disturbing extremes. In order to masturbate and still go to heaven, Orel concludes he must become 'God's Chef' and inject ladies with his 'delicious glaze'. He ends up impregnating the entire neighborhood.
  • The Venture Bros.:
    • Rusty rents The Best Little Whorehouse in Texas and invites Brock to watch it with him. When Brock demurs, Rusty admits the movie was "meant to be watched solo a mano." He's also deaf to warnings that the movie doesn't live up to its title.
    • 24 is seen perusing porn several times due to the low chance of meeting women in his henching job.
      24: Don't knock or anything! It's not like I live with 80 guys and no women, so there is no chance that I am masturbating!
    • This is revealed to be the reason that Rusty invented the "joy can". And the reason that it locks from the inside.
    • "I'm practicing being a boyfriend, Pop!" Actually, he was just kissing his hand to practice kissing.
    • The Monarch is at a monitor watching Dr. Girlfriend seduce Rusty and absently starts fondling himself, breaking off abruptly when a henchman wanders through for a glass of juice.
    • In the "Trial of the Monarch" episode, in a flashback, Dr. Girlfriend is handed her old superhero costume by her old boyfriend (Phantom Limb). She remarks that there are now "hard chunks" in the fabric, which Limb claims are tears. Monarch naturally decries this, claiming that Limb was "just pounding his invisible meat" into it, at which point he's cut off by Dr. Venture, who doesn't want the boys hearing about that. But then Hank protests it's okay because he's seen Dean do it, at which point Brock quickly gets the boys to another topic. The judge didn't want to hear it either:
      Judge: I want that comment stricken from the record and my mind.
  • Looney Tunes: Bob Clampett's "An Itch in Time" has a scene of a dog scooting around on his hindquarters after being bitten by a flea; at one point, he pauses to tell the audience, "Hey, I'd better cut this out, I may get to like it!" The over-the-top line had been included for the studio's annual in-house gag reel, with the expectation that the Hays Office would order it excised (and overlook the lesser jokes they actually wanted to keep) before the short was released to the public; amazingly, it was allowed to go out intact.
  • Drawn Together has Foxxy show Wooldoor, in elaborate detail, how she masturbates in "Clum Babies". Because it's about as sexual as a potato singing "Baa Baa Black Sheep", Wooldoor masturbating is shown multiple times. It involves breaking his own finger, among other things. Go figure.
  • In one episode of The Critic when Margo Sherman has to attend a debutante's ball, she wears a white dress symbolizing her virginity — except (as she points out) the gloves, which are hussy white.
    Dressmaker: We dressmakers have a very strict code, so I need to know. Do you deserve to wear virginal white? Because if you don't, you'll have to wear an off white, what we call a "hussy white". So which will it be? White white?
    Margo Sherman: Yes... um, except for the gloves.
  • Robot Chicken:
    • An episode has Zelda refuse to have sex with Link after saving her from Gannon. So Link says to his hand, "Then I will save you, my princess."
    • Also, You won't believe you're eating Ron Jeremy's Butter!
    • As well as, Mrs. Doubtfire meets Thundercats, which ended with the Caught with Your Pants Down bit.
    • When you wake up in the morning, what's the first thing that you see? It's your morning wood! "Hello, I'm Bruce Campbell, and I can't start my day by waxing my morning wood."
    • One of the nerds, Daniel, apparently made a New Year's Resolution not to masturbate. When he breaks it, Baby New Year comes to kill him for breaking the resolution. He backs off when Daniel realizes being strangled turns him on.
  • Played with (heehee) in ReBoot on one occasion.
    Ray Tracer: You blokes should try logging off. Relieves tension.
  • Futurama, the Trope Namer for Breaking In Old Habits, has its moments of subtle implication, and other times not so subtle. Actually a pretty surprising amount for a show on FOX at that time.
    • A great one, Dr. Zoidberg laments how he will get rid of his male jelly when he fails to mate. Fry holds up his dismembered arm and says "I'll lend you this."
    • From "Spanish Fry", the Omicronian Emperor Lrr wants to use Fry's "lower horn" as an aphrodisiac. Innocent Innuendo' is used, which Bender points out and jokes about.
      Lrr: I think I'll have Fry's lower horn jerked.
      Bender: It's used to it! Woo!
    • In one of the What-If machine episodes, a recently turned human Bender tried to "fix his antenna" down there. But Fry quickly stopped him from doing it because it'll "make God cry."
    • In "A Head in the Polls", Richard Nixon's head tells Fry and Leela that he loved his body, this resulted in this quote:
      Fry: I spent most of my teen years loving my body... of course it was tough love but...
      Leela: [elbows Fry] Fry, He (Nixon) opened relations with China, he doesn't want to hear about your ding-dong.
  • Big Mouth features Andrew Glouberman, a pubescent boy, who masturbates to deal with his spontaneous erections, as well as after he discovers porn.
  • Rick and Morty: As a typical 14-year-old boy, Morty is a chronic masturbator. He awkwardly warns Jerry not to come into his room when he's on the internet because who knows what he could be looking at, and only makes a half-hearted attempt to explain away that he's using an alien sex doll robot in his room before just giving up and going back to it. In Season 2's "Total Rickall", a flashback reveals Summer coming home early to find him masturbating in the kitchen. When she demands to know why the hell he's doing it in the kitchen, in embarrassment he angrily declares that he does it in every room of the house (and as she flees, he defiantly shouts after her that he was thinking of her best friend). In "The Ricks Must Be Crazy", after Morty spends a few months trapped on a primitive alien planet without his laptop, he admits to masturbating to "an extra-curvy piece of driftwood".
  • Xiaolin Showdown: At the end of "Year of The Green Monkey", while hanging outside down in his monkey form, Omi suddenly feels the urge to scratch in a place he has never scratched before. The camera then focuses on his colleagues' horrified expressions.
  • Tuca & Bertie has a Played for Drama example in "Plumage". Bertie has spent nearly the entire episode getting unwanted attention from creepy men, and Pastry Pete getting to close to her during her apprenticeship drives her to run off to the restroom to masturbate. The whole scene is clearly played for Fan Disservice and is an indicator that Bertie has some sort of sexual trauma going on.

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Video Example(s):

Alternative Title(s): Masturbation, Touching Yourself, Ill Be In The Basement, Onanism


Mary Shelley's Frankenhole

How well does it match the trope?

4.8 (5 votes)

Example of:

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