Welcome to Fancy Apartments! Enjoy your stay; but avoid the hexes. Oh, don't worry about them, they'll be gone soon! By tomorrow! End of the week, maybe month, at the latest! Really! They won't cause you any trouble at all! Seriously!...
Meet Fancy Apartments' residents, in all shapes and sizes! (We're being literal here...)
The goblins, Mr. and Mrs. Scruvy, are fine wonderful people; though it's best not to get on the wrong side of the missus. Oh, and don't worry about the vampire, Count Willborough, he's quite nice! (Probably best to keep some garlic on you, though.) There's also Tisa, who's on the short side. Don't mention it though; people who can change into eight-foot tall jinn are best left alone. There's also at least one resident you can be guaranteed not to meet, as Ms. Morly never leaves her room (Considering the nature of the building's other residents, you should count your blessings here...). Stan the ogre will be no trouble, as long as you avoid his poetry readings. Don't forget to visit Gordie the gryphon, he's a real pussycat! (Or about seventy percent of one, at least.) Sorry, Mrs. Fyfield, the manager, is out at the moment (the rumours she broke her leg in a murder attempt are completely exaggerated), but the replacement manager Carr is here to help! (He'll see straight through you, so try not to lie to him, will you?) Oh, no, the dark spirit isn't a resident! (Of course, he may have a different view of the matter...)
Welcome to Fancy Apartments! Enjoy your stay! But pay upfront, would you?
A novel by E. G. Castle.
Fancy Apartments contains examples of:
- Author Avatar: The Author appears in, and directs, the outtakes at the back of the book.
- Angry Fist-Shake: Vrotheus does this to Herbert after Herbert flies through him in a Superman-style flying ram. Yes, this does make sense in context.
- Battle in the Rain: The climax happens in middle of a storm, on top of Fancy’s roof when Carr and Company battle Vrotheus the Vile. Interestingly enough, Vrotheus planned it that way, deliberately choosing to appear at that time for the ambiance.
- Body to Jewel: Phoenix tears solidify into gems; with the expected magical properties.
- Curse: Vrotheus places hexes all over the place throughout the story, and a death-curse on Tisa as well.
- Do Not Call Me "Paul": Carr does not like being called by his full name, Carolinus.
- Elevator Failure: Hexes mess with the elevator in Fancy Apartments a few times, including one time when it got stuck between floors.
- Evil Is Hammy: Vrotheus the Vile goes all in when he finally appears, hamming up every line. Somewhat surprisingly, considering that, he still somehow manages to seem a genuine, legitimate, dangerous threat.
- Fireball Eyeballs / Flaming Hair: In her jinn form, Tisa’s hair and eyes are on fire. She doesn’t seem to mind.
- Friendly Neighborhood Vampire: The vampire who resides in Fancy Apartments is Count Herbert Willborough, a somewhat portly, friendly, lazy, jokester of a vampire.
- Genius Loci: Fancy Apartments is alive, although it’s not entirely clear as to what degree. At any rate, it seems to be aware of what’s going on, can manipulate its shape, and pull off a other few tricks.
- Hilarious Outtakes: The end of the book has several outtakes. Yes, really.
- I Have No Son!: Carr was disowned by his parents; no reason is given as to why though.
- Laser Blade: An outtake has Carr playing with a lightsaber in a Shout-Out to Star Wars.
- Mirror Monster: One hex placed on a mirror causes it to distort the image of the person being reflected. Although it sounds more ‘fun house’ than anything else, it’s apparently quite disturbing.
- Monster Clown: An outtake at the end parodies this, having an evil clown replacing the main villain. It doesn’t work.
- Our Demons Are Different: The dark spirit, Vortheus the Vile is more or less a demon, being a spirit with a natural bent for evil and destruction. Is also rather a large ham.
- Our Genies Are Different: Tisa usually looks like a small girl, but is actually an eight-foot tall jinn, with a particular affinity to fire.
- Our Goblins Are Different: Two minor characters are goblins, and are married at that: Mr. and Mrs. Scruvy.
- Our Gryphons Are Different: Fancy Apartment has its own resident gryphon, Gordon (Usually called Gordie.).
- Our Ogres Are Hungrier: Stan, yet another resident of Fancy Apartments is a seven-and-a-half foot ogre; who is stolid, not much of a talker, keeps losing his job… and has a fondness for dark poetry.
- The Phoenix: Carr meets a phoenix at one point, which sings to him and gives him a tear. Much as he usually dislikes dealing with magic and magic creatures, the phoenix made a deep impression on him; to the point where he even keeps the tear, despite his aforementioned dislike for magic.
- Playing with Fire: Tisa is a fire jinn, and has a natural mastery of fire. She’s strong enough to shatter a potent demon horn with her fire and go toe-to-toe with a powerful dark spirit (Although she wasn’t actually capable of winning, she still put up a fair fight.).
- Protective Charm: Herbert gives Carr a whole bunch of protective charms to hand out to Fancy’s residents. There’s also Carr’s phoenix tear, although it’s not exactly a protective charm.
- Psychic Link: An amulet allows Fancy to link with anyone wearing it, although it’s strongly implied that not everyone can handle it.
- Pun-Based Title: Fancy Apartments, the title of the building and book, is actually a bad pun (Try pronouncing it with a ‘t’ between the ‘n’ and ‘c’).
- Rooftop Confrontation: The climax confrontation and battle happens on Fancy’s roof.
- Shout-Out: One of the items on Herbert’s trophy shelf is the Spork of Transformation; a magical item from another one of the author’s stories, A Fantasy Attraction. One outtake has a reference to Star Wars and The Lord of the Rings. Also, a different one sarcastically mentions ‘sparkles’ in reference to vampires.
- Smoke Shield: Happens with Vrotheus; although no-one actually thought the attack worked in the first place.
- Staircase Tumble: Mrs. Fyfield gets tossed down the stairwell before the story begins, giving her a sprained ankle, and Stan also gets a tumble. Both falls were caused by hexes.
- Summoning Artifact: The broken summoning horn that’s owned by Herbert, although never used for anything ‘on-screen’, was the way Vrotheus was originally summoned; although the ritual was interrupted when Tisa seared the horn to the breaking point.
- Supernatural Sensitivity: Magic sense is a basic magic-user’s radar, that’s developed and trained. Second/Seer’s sight, on the other hand, is a special ability that a person has to be born with, and is quite rare; giving far greater and varied perception. Carr, however, would rather not have been gifted with it, due to being brought up, apparently, in a non-magic environment where people didn’t, or wouldn’t, believe what he could see. Interestingly enough, it’s not necessarily tied to having magic.
- Swiss-Army Tears: Carr’s phoenix tear can act as a protective charm and enhances anti-dark spells, amongst other uses.
- Up, Up and Away!!: Herbert parodies this, ramming through Vrotheus while flying superman style.
- Voice of the Legion: When Carr pushes his bond with Fancy to the max, in order to banish Vrotheus, his voice starts echoing in an odd fashion.