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Literature / Almost Night

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Almost Night by Jacob Wallace is a science fantasy parody of Twilight, and to lesser extent, Buffy and other high school fictional stories. It features Stella Mallard, a dull and uninteresting girl with no friends that lives on the imperial colony Gamma 3. Her mother is making her move to Tau with her father, since minors are not allowed at brothels.

Upon arriving at Tau, she quickly get reunited with her old childhood friend turned into Bad Boy werewolf, Bocaj, who has little interest in friendship anymore. However, he will have to compete with the pretty boy Ed Skullin from school. That will become the least of her problems, though it will remain her highest priority, when vampires start becoming crystal skinned abominations and Stella finds herself in the middle of an apocalypse.

By the same creator as My Roommate Is an Elf and takes place in the same universe. Hence why people from Gamma wear White Gloves.

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Almost Night contains examples of:

  • All Trolls Are Different: Oak has green skin and yellow eyes. They turn to stone in sunlight, and find the experience pleasurable similar to sleep. However, they don't turn when there's overcast, which is almost everyday on Tau.
  • Dhampyr: Ed’Bocaj. Not supposed to happen, but apparently she is part of a prophesy.
  • Dressed to Plunder: Alex got his spirit bound to a pirate ghost, and now talks like a pirate.
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  • Funetik Aksent: Alex's pirate accent. And briefly, John Doe's cowboy accent.
  • Fur Against Fang: The vampires and the werewolves are locked in a very unsteady treaty.
  • Girl-on-Girl Is Hot: The reason Ed Skullin allows Stella to continue dating Hope.
  • Glamour: Vampires have one to mask their pointed ears.
  • G-Rated Drug: Averted. There are references to ecstasy and meth.
  • Health Potion: Though its effects are limited. It is able to help somebody with blood loss, but not able to bring back someone who has been ripped to pieces.
  • Our Vampires Are Different: Normally they die from exposure to direct sunlight and from being staked in the heart. They can turn their canine teeth into fangs and their ears are pointed like an elf unless they keep their glamour on. After performing the spell to turn them into abomination vampires, they become immune to the sun and instead have the appearance of diamond flesh. They’re also immune to stakes as their skin is too hard for wood to pierce, but they die from gunshots to the head and any form of fire causes them to burst into flame.
  • Our Werewolves Are Different: Bocaj and his family. Can shift whenever they want, and have heightened senses even in human form.
  • Ninja Pirate Zombie Robot: Jaspike is part vampire, part ghost. Nobody is quite sure how it happened.
  • Nobody Poops: Averted. Ed is ‘’very’’ interested in human bodily functions.
  • Tome of Eldritch Lore: McEvildude’s evil spell book. It is bound in human skin, written in orc blood, and the pages are made from dryads.
  • Underwater City: Somewhereinitaly. Also, the destroyed city, Somewherenotinitaly.
  • Unusual Ears: Elves and vampires when vampires aren't using their glamour.
  • White Gloves: People from Gamma wear these, and Stella wear them throughout the story. Seen as an oddity by the people of Tau.
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