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Literature / The Alphabet of Manliness

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Maddox's wonderful guide to the A, B and Cs of PREPOSTERONE!

This is the only place where you will find:

  • Advice to pirates on how adjust to modern life, such as not slitting the throats of the wait staff
  • How to find the right woman (hint: it's not dating advice)
  • Bathroom Etiquette and avoiding the cock
  • Porn Viewing
  • Coping with corporate zombies
  • Reasons why Beef Jerky is more awesome than you can ever hope to imagine
  • Trolling on the highway
  • Taking shits, emphasis on that last "s"


Tropes in this work:

  • Amusing Injuries: A Is for Asskicking.
  • Black Comedy: "H Is for Hot Sauce" has Maddox sneaking hot sauce into a co-worker's sandwich. She dies due to allergy shock, but not before Maddox thinks she's having an orgasm and the guy who tried to perform the Heimlich maneuver on her was knocked out by Maddox.
  • Black Comedy Rape: Played with. The P Is for Pirate entry advises pirates trying to adjust to modern society to not force themselves upon a woman - it is a faux pas. Instead, they must go on dates, get rejected, and eventually score third base on the second date or so.
  • Bowdlerise: The English release of the book left a few things out, most notably the headbutt to the ovaries on the A Is For Asskicking section.
  • Bread, Eggs, Milk, Squick:
    Shopping for a gun: STRAIGHT
    Shopping for a gun with your buddy: STRAIGHT:
    Shopping for a gun with your buddy while you hold each others' cocks: GAY
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  • The Casanova: Subverted, and played for laughs. The methods Maddox tries on his ex-girlfriend only creep her out and lead to his house getting robbed while he was blacked out on wine, waiting for his ex to come over, having been "completely convinced" she was hot and bothered for him.
  • Disproportionate Retribution: Maddox places a baby in the trash for it not liking hot sauce, then throws the mother down the stairs and jizzes on her towels for being loud.
    • Maddox's ex steals everything from his house after he gets drunk (he thinks she's going to his house for a night of fucking) for leaving her a creepy message.
  • Dolled-Up Installment: The Longer. Harder. edition adds in the 1-2-3s of Manliness.
  • Girl-on-Girl Is Hot: The premise between the F Is for Female Wrestling chapter.
  • Memetic Badass: Invoked: Maddox writes about badass lumberjacks, which takes up an entire chapter and claims that they're the number one reason for endangered species (done when lumberjacks need breakfast, riding giant bulls to skewer species for a kebab), pirates, and Maddox himself.
  • Self-Deprecation: Maddox makes fun of his attempts at romancing (see The Casanova).
    • There's a loving drawing of Maddox sucking an invisible dick. He thinks he's telling a Firefighter to "suck it".
  • Serious Business: Subverted. Maddox has a large (or at least loud) hatedom which doesn't seem to comprehend the concept of tongue in cheek humor and who apparently took the book seriously on every level.
  • Stay in the Kitchen: The Obedience chapter (which is written in the style of a dog training manual), and everywhere else. Again, played for laughs.
  • Swiss Army Boner: You can use it as a coaster, club, or shade for your less-endowed friends, though Maddox suggests sunscreen.
  • Take That!: Mixed in with Stealth Parody. Maddox calls out morons who mosh at rock concerts, people who fight for guitar picks, people who type in all uppercase, and so on. In fact, the article on how to piss people off is more of a list of Maddox's pet peeves, such as being an ass on the roads.
  • This Loser Is You
  • Toilet Humor: "D is for Taking A Dump," in which he outlines the ways you can make a phone call while letting one out, and giving good excuses to explain inevitable bathroom noises:
    "Loud shit blasts: A truck backfired/You dropped a roll of coins into a tub of oatmeal."
  • Wrestler in All of Us: There's a picture of a lumberjack German Suplexing a longhorn steer.