Just For Fun / TV Tropes Additional Hero Vows Pod C

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201. If need be, I shall know when to retreat, or, much as I hate to do it, surrender, or, to be technical, seem to surrender. If need be, I will seem to be subservient to the Evil Overlord, especially if he is in the superior position, either with weapons, personnel, supplies, and all other things needed to be in charge. That being said, I will seek to undermine his rule, create mistrust within his ranks, gather allies and supplies, then, when the time is right, strike.
202. If the Evil Overlord attacks on the holidays, especially if they attack the spirits and beings who represent said holidays, I shall certainly attack the Evil Overlord, and thus I shall gain the assistance of the holiday spirits and beings. Nothing says I can't create an army of Santa Clause and his Elves, combined with the Easter Bunny and his Chickens, the Tooth Fairy, the Great Pumpkin, the Giant Turkey, and all of them other guys, and kick ass Holiday-Style.
203. I will do as the Romans once did, and learn from my foes. If their weapons and tactics, and other things, are superior to my own, I shall adopt the ones that fit my needs and abilities.
204. If the Evil Overlord tries to create an Enemy Mine situation with me against someone who plans to destroy the world, or for whatever reason, I shall see to it that one of my trusted associates keeps an eye on them, just in case they try to backstab me when it's all finished.
205. There are always ways to get around Crippling Overspecialization, as if when all I have is a hammer, it can do absolutely anything.
206. If me and my companions go Berserk often, I'll make sure someone is there to pick us up after our certain Post-Victory Collapse.
207. If I hear that the kingdom is run by an Evil King, along with an Evil Adviser, I shall examine them, to see which one is really evil. If the adviser is "mistranslating" the kings orders, twisting them for his own ends, I'll kill him. If the advisor is trying to soften the harsher effects of the king's edicts, I'll kill the king. If both are equally evil, I'll kill both.
208. I shall have one Token Evil Teammate, preferably a dark anti-hero, who is good person, but even a lighter shade of evil type of person will do. After all, he understands what's in the hearts of those who are evil. Also, you never know when you need a bad guy to do the dirty work.
209. If the Evil Overlord invites me over to play tennis, chess, go-karting, or some other normally friendly game or activity, I shall assume this to be a trap, and shall be prepared for an attempt on my life. That being said, I shall play fair and square, and give a good accounting of myself, but I will not do so at my utmost best, for he'll use the activity to judge my capabilities, and it pays to be underestimated. Of course, in the event he makes a move to try to kill me, I shall kill him immediately.
210. Lying around feasting on roast boar and chugging mead between battles is not OK. Using mead to baste or flavor roast boar for dinner is perfectly fine, though.
211. My allied forces will have their own independent supplies of sustenance. That way, until the source is officially verified, they will not be tempted by any external vendors who might be spies for the Overlord.
212. I shall pair those who have conflicting viewpoints and personalities together, such as a By-The-Book sort with a Cowboy sort, or the guy whose only tactic is to charge at the enemy getting paired with the guy that thinks things through. This will force them to learn how to work together, to come up with results that get me victories, unlike pairing up like-minded sorts, who always fail.
213. I shall never use the combination 1-2-3-4-5, for that is the kind of combination an idiot would use on their luggage! That reminds me - remember to change the combination on my luggage to 5-4-3-2-1 instead.
214. Likewise, never use Swordfish as a password, although I don't know why anyone would even use it as a password in the first place, unless one fished for swords, or some such thing.
215. If on Discworld, I shall visit Mrs. Cake in Ankh-Morpork, and pay her $10 to get my future read. The $0.10 version isn't worth it, but the $10 version will tell me all I need to know, and hopefully I won't end up in a dress, like poor Nobby.
216. I shall be Genre Savvy with every Genre, just in case there's a Genre Shift, or if I end up Time Traveling, or Book Traveling, or some such thing.
217. I shall be on good terms with Local Law Enforcement Officers. This will help to either make them my allies, or keep them out of my hair, as I confront the Big Bad.
218. If I am a Law Enforcement Officer, and I encounter a Law Enforcement Officer from another jurisdiction, who is after the same person as me, I'll cut the whole friction issue, and suggest that we work together - we might be working the same case, or the less-serious crime might be the failsafe needed to lock the guy up while we investigate the more-serious offence. Also, having fresh eyes on our respective cases allows for new insight on our respective issues.
219. I shall not knowingly mug a monster nor will I bully a dragon, either figuratively or literally. Those who do so end up in a world of hurt.
220. If we need jockstraps or cups to protect our own nethers on the battlefield, I will have them all internally padded. (This also applies to our footwear.) Whomever tries to put a toe or knee between our legs will damage her own leg instead.
221. When we unwind in a bar, I will make it a point to befriend the biggest guy in the place. He might be a Paper Tiger, but he can still be incredibly dangerous under the wrong circumstances.
222. I shall give Conscientious Objectors a chance to show their real bravery, by assigning them to non-combat positions, such as first responders, firefighters, and engineers. Maybe they ain't much good at fighting, for whatever reason, but it does take courage to rescue the wounded, fight fires, and build stuff, all while under enemy fire.
223. If it turns out that a group of Moral Guardians is in trouble by the Big Bad, because they were bothering said Big Bad, I will recommend to the Big Bad that they instead humiliate, but not kill, said Moral Guardians, especially if those same Moral Guardians have been bothering me. After that, me and the Big Bad will sit back and Pass the Popcorn.
224. Unless (1) it opens inward, (2) shows signs of give, and (3) we have at least two associates guarding every single door or escape hatch of which there is a confirmation, I will advise against smashing in the door.
225. If I am at some establishment with some buddies (old friends, henchmen, sidekicks, friendly enemy) and women, or men, start throwing themselves at me, but I'm already involved with someone, I shall politely say "No, but thank you." I will then point out my companions, and point out that the one is available, and is even better than I am, especially in a certain area.
226. While I hope the situation never occurs, if I live on a world where the balance between Good and Evil must be maintained, and it turns out that Good has been Too Good at getting rid of Evil, and the world is at risk of being destroyed, I shall make the Ultimate Sacrifice, and become a Villain, in order to save the world.
227. Before putting conflicting viewpoints or personalities on the field together, they will be subject to one-on-one discussions with either me or another core ally (or both at the same time). We will make a point of determining their common motivator and have them set up a quiet date based around that element. If nothing else, a huge internal clash may be averted.
228. Wedgies are for schoolyard bullies, not for the Evil Overlord's Legions of Terror.
229. If the Balance Between Good and Evil is necessary to the health of the world, me and my opposite, as well as our respective allies and minions, shall have an understanding that, in the event of a big battle, the Victor shall allow the Vanquished to retreat, so that they, as well as my own forces, can replenish their respective numbers.
230. If the Balance Between Good and Evil is necessary to the health of the world, neither side should brainwash members of the other, at least on a permanent basis - a little bit of temporary mind control and memory alteration is one thing, but Free Will is the most important thing a person can have.
231. If a group of villains have set out to unleash Evil into the world, in order to save it, I shall allow them to do so, and might even help them. I might not like it, but I'd rather deal with Evil being around, as opposed to the world being destroyed.
232. I will almost never employ the Unspoken Plan Guarantee, to ensure that if I get killed or otherwise incapacitated, my allies will still be able to follow the plan even without me. If the Big Bad is capable of eavesdropping, I will make sure that at the very least, my trusted sidekick will have the knowledge necessary to figure it out themselves.
233. While Romero-type zombies, and other similar undead that spread through bites, should be avoided at all costs, sentient free-thinking zombies, such as those of Discworld, can be safely employed by my forces, providing that I give them a needle and thread to sew themselves up with.
234. If someone starts Pod D before Pod C is finished, catapult that person into the Evil Overlord's Lair! Let the Bad Guys Do the Dirty Work.
235. Before we take on any battles in blizzard conditions, we will make sure we have at least one winter under our belt. The same applies to the rainy season.
236. My allies will not not fall into Black-and-White Insanity - Just as the Villain is capable of doing Evil Deeds, and I am capable of doing Good Deeds, the reverse holds true for both of us - I can do Evil Deeds, and they can do Good Deeds.
237. Even if we are not ourselves capable, we never know when we may need a grifter or a thief.
238. If a minor associate of mine, who has been tasked with spying/following the band of Villains ends up actually joining them of their own free will, and not because of any wrongdoing that I've done to them in the past, I shall ask them why they did this. If they give a good reason, like the fate of the world being in danger, I might let them remain free. If the reason is a bad one, like being shorted a few cents in their last paycheck, I'll toss them in jail for the rest of their life.
239. Just because someone I knew once respected/feared me in the past, that doesn't mean that I should let down my guard if they've joined the other side. They might have changed/learned something new since the last time we met.
240. If living in a world where vampires and werewolves can spread through bites, and tend to turn on humans who were once their friends, I shall find a way so that vampires and werewolves who were once humans do not just turn on those who are their friends, family, and so forth. It gets depressing having to use my silver stakes on those who were once my allies.
241. If I am of a race that can feed off of humans, or other sentient lifeforms, in one manner or another, I shall see to it if it is indeed possible to feed off of non-sentient lifeforms, like cattle and pigs.
242. If I am of a race that needs to feed off of humans, or other sentient beings, in one manner or another, in order to survive, I shall feed off of criminals that are beyond redemption, or those dealing with terminal illnesses/medical issues that don't want to suffer in pain anymore.
243. If I am of a race that can feed off of humans, or other sentient beings, in one manner or another, and there are those, who are also of my race and plan to turn humans into livestock, I shall point out why it is not practical to do so, namely the fact that it takes at least sixteen years for humans to properly mature, while other animals, like cattle and pig, mature within two years, and weigh much more than the average human.
244. If my marriage is a political one, and while me and my spouse might be friendly and willing to do our duty to provide an heir and spare, and maybe a few more, in order to continue our respective lines, if we don't honestly love each other, it would be a good idea for each of us to have our own alternative lovers, especially if one or both of us are gay or bi.
245. Make sure that my men know basic first aid in the event of an injury, at least for minor ones, like cuts and bruises, and perhaps broken bones. They don't need to know how to do brain surgery, but they can at least keep each other alive long enough for someone more skilled to arrive on the scene.
246. Before I visit the site of my true love’s grave, I will make sure to arrange my own pre-approved (land!) transportation en route to and back from the cemetery. (Sea and air transportation are not worth considering.)
247. Just because a weapon, or another item or piece of equipment is technically obsolete, this doesn't render them completely useless. For instance, a crossbow is not much use on the battlefield when compared to assault rifles, but it is a quiet weapon with projectiles that are fairly easy to reuse.
248. Likewise, just because someone has come up with a more powerful version of something that's standard issue, this doesn't mean that all of my forces should switch over to it - it probably has kinks that need worked out long before we do that.
249. If I am a vampire that needs blood, and freshness isn't a concern, nor species, make a deal with a blood bank for expired blood, or with a butcher for the blood that was drained from animals killed there.
250. If I am a werewolf, or another creature that needs a lot of meat, make a deal with a butcher.
251. If I am a bounty hunter, or a lawman, on the trail of an outlaw, which leads me to their hometown, where they are on good terms with the local law and/or have family there, I'll do everything it takes to bring them in peaceably.
252. If I have captured an outlaw in a place where they have ties to the local law, and I have them send out a message to a higher leveled law enforcement officer informing them that the outlaw has been caught, I'll make prior arrangements where the one who is to get the messages send back the following "My sister Sarah sends their regards, and hopes to see you at the party." This is to tell me that the message is legit. If I don't get this, I'll know that the message wasn't really sent.
253. I will take a bath, or a shower, or just plainly get cleaned up, if possible. It's one thing to have a rugged beard, and long hair, but when I'm covered in filth and mud and blood, it's hard to conduct a meeting with the others keeping their distance from the stench.
254. If somehow, Sapient Eat Sapient applies to the world, I will make sure that there is certain protection for those classified as Prey, so that Predators don't accidentally wipe them out. Setting up Age Restriction to protect Underage Prey, setting a Number Limit, make sure that prey in important positions are safe, and that single parents who don't have a back-up guardian for the children are safe. Also, make sure that Predators pay some sort of compensation, such as helping to pay for any debts the Prey owed in life, which would be useful if the Prey owed a massive hospital bill.
255. Once funds become available, we will use the Denver boot for our core land vehicles.
256. Have multiple different outfits, and even different versions of each outfit. This way I can blend in with any crowd, from a group of wealthy billionaires on down to common day laborers.
257. When hunting, try to use every part of the animal, from snout to tail, or whatever body parts they have.
258. Always have multiple weapons. After all, I have multiple enemies.
259. If I find myself in a Crapsack World, and in the employ of someone who'd normally be the Big Bad, but there's worse people than him, try to make sure he doesn't get everyone killed.
260. In the event that I'm on the run with a loyal companion, and I'm dying of sickness or injury, and it's clear that I'm not going to make it, when I give him my things, make sure to give him some valuables that can be easily sold as well as my money, so that he can get what he needs to survive.
261. If I am retired, the first thing I'll do is change my name. The second thing I'll do is hang up my guns. Of course, if I live in a world where going unarmed is unsafe, then I'll ditch the weapons I'm known for, and pick up something less conspicuous. For instance, if I'm known for duel-wielding a pair of ivory-handled revolvers, then swap out one of my revolvers for one with a handle of hickory wood instead, or just use two hickory-handled revolvers.
262. If I am retired, I shall see about making friends with the local law, if possible. Depending upon my background, I might even reveal to them my real identity, especially if I've always been on the right side of the law, or have indeed served my time for my past misdeeds. Of course, if there's a price upon my head, I might tell the lawman that I keep on being mistaken for that person in the Wanted Posters. Depending upon the situation, they might let me stay, or just tell me to move on.
263. If I am retired, and I'm seeing about avoiding getting into being on the wrong end of a challenge by some wanna-be, the first thing I'll do is pick up something, such as an apple, in my favorite hand. Then, with my off-hand, I'll carefully remove my weapon's belt, and then pick up another apple. After that, walk away from the challenger, and head towards the local law enforcement officer. Most with a brain will see that I'm setting up a trap, and will back down. Those that don't, well, they were threatening an unarmed man, who had just an apple in each hand. Either an apple or the law will get them.
264. I am retired, and I hear about someone impersonating me, I shall investigate them, carefully.
265. If my impostor is merely some guy who bought my old weapons because he thought that they were cool, I'll make the suggestion that he sell them back to the shop, or someplace else, so that folks don't mistake him for the real deal.
266. If my impostor is seeking me out by pretending to be me, in an attempt to prove that he is better than me, I will merely say "I wish you luck."
267. If my impostor merely wishes to be like me, I might show them a few tricks, like being able to hit the target accurately!
268. If my impostor is competent, and is of good nature, I might let them keep my old identity. But, before they leave, I might drop them a hint that I'm the real deal, like the fact that the one with the crack in the handle is off to the left a little, to say nothing about that fancy twirl I'm known for.
269. If my impostor is dishonoring my old identity, and is a violent criminal, I'll call him out for it, and state that he isn't the real deal. Odds are, they'll accept my challenge, at which point I'll tell them who I really am - either they'll run away, or I'll blast them away.
270. If I'm a former criminal, who changed their name to avoid justice, and this guy is claiming to be me, being far worse than I was, I'll simply claim that I killed the guy he's pretending to be - which is true, in a manner of speaking. Who knows - might end up collecting the bounty that was on my head.
271. If for some reason, my armor designers decide to make armor for the female fighters that emphasizes the fact that they are female, with a large chest and/or breasts, make sure that it is practical, and that there is adequate padding between the body and the armor itself. After all, there's plenty of armors that show off male anatomy, like the codpiece, which is probably less practical than a fancified breastplate!
272. Make sure that there's at least a few women on the design team that's making armor for female fighters.
273. If my fighters are the sort that could care less about armor, then make sure that they have a decent shield for protection.
274. Outfits for my forces shall consist of the following - Glasses to protect the eyes from the sun as well as dust (vision correction as well if needed), Helmet to protect the head from accident and enemy attack, Protective mask to protect the face from injury (identity concealment, optional), Armor that protects from weapon attacks, animal attacks, the environment, and has ammunition pouches for easier reloading, Gloves to protect the hands from blisters during fighting and from sharp objects while scavenging for items, as well as sturdy boots that can protect the feet, both for marching and kicking down doors. Other equipment will depend on specialty, such as medical equipment and trap disposal, but all will know how to use the equipment.
275. Make sure that my people have different types of food to eat, especially if I find myself as a Lord in a Stronghold game.
276. Just because I am of a race that is Always Chaotic Evil, this doesn't mean that I cannot be a hero. One would be surprised at the number of Heroes that have risen from supposedly evil races.
277. If I am the Ruler of a county, I shall have a Secret Identity that is actually an Open Secret, in the form of a non-commissioned officer, or equivalent, in the military. This will allow me to get to personally escort those suspicious individuals to deem if they are indeed a threat to my lands or not. Of course, since the most observant of these individuals will occasionally see Officers looking at a mere Sergeant, with a bit more respect than normally allotted to one, my cover shall include a special medal of bravery, or equivalent, which also grants one an Honorary Title of Honorary Prince, which will help if a regular soldier accidentally calls me, Your Highness. After all, there's plenty of such medals where a higher ranked officer has to salute an inferior if said inferior is a recipient of, such as the Medal of Honor.
278. If I have an Open Secret Secret Identity while serving in the military, said identity will have a name similar to my own, or perhaps I'll just use the same name as my real identity, and I shall put myself through the same Basic Training every other soldier goes through. After all, since every one in my nation is going to know the truth anyways, might at least know enough about what I claim to be while in the alternative identity, at least enough to fool a member of a foreign nation at any rate.
279. The cover story for my Open Secret Secret Identity, in regards to why I have that particular medal that allows my "Superior" Officer to respect me more than normally allowed, as well as grants me an Honorary Title, shall me fairly simple, and plausible - that I saved someone who was in danger of drowning in a fast-flowing river, risking my own life in the process, and that this person turned out to have been the leader of my country, for which I was rewarded with the medal.
280. Alternatively, if I actually do something honestly worthy of the medal, that will be used instead.
281. If I can make one Secret Identity, I can make several. That way when one of them is burned, I can have some fallbacks.
282. Additionally, I can make alternative heroic identities to do deeds my Slave to PR main heroic identity can't do. (Of course it is easier if I am a Non-Powered Costumed Hero, have common stock superpowers like Super-Strength instead of more unique ones like controlling insects, or wear no mask and resort to Clark Kenting. I will take these into account when designing my main and alternative heroic aliases and costumes.)
283. If my opponent starts spraying gas at my face, I will not stand there in surprise. Instead, I will try to distance myself from the gas before I am rendered unconscious.
284. If I am a magic-user, it would be a good idea to know about the current levels of Muggle technology, especially in an Urban Fantasy or Science Fantasy setting.
285. Ear gauges (ring-sized accessories that create wide holes where earrings go), hoop earrings, or any type of danglers, are problems waiting to happen.
286. If part of a The Men in Black type of organization, whose job is to uphold the Masquerade, killing those who know too much should only be done as a very last resort, and only if there's other reasons that make killing them justifiable, such as threatening to blow up a school filled with innocent children unless the secret is revealed.
287. If part of a The Men in Black organization, using a form of bribery should be a go-to stance to keep the secret - such as finding a grant to that collage that the witness, or their children, wants to go to, funding their research and perhaps giving them assistance if a doctor or scientist doing research, giving them reports about our doings if they are an author, screenwriter or playwriter, using them as a local go-between if they are a police officer, or other such things that make the witness look good in the eyes of the public.
288. If part of a The Men in Black organization, there should be a plan for what happens if the Masquerade is revealed and the Reset Button ends up broken. For all we know, the muggles might merely shrug upon finding out that the guy they sit next to on the bus everyday is actually from Mars, and act like nothing special has occurred.
289. If in a world that has both Sufficiently Advanced Technology and Sufficiently Advanced Magic, or at least a decent level of both, I shall have three research teams, one working on Technology, one working on Magic, one working on Both, and members of each team can help those on each of the others.
290. Depending upon magical/technological levels, me and my forces will each have the equivalent of the Bag of Holding in order to carry food, medical supplies, as well as items of interest. We shall also carry Bottomless Ammo Pouches, Arrow Quivers, Knife Belts, and other such things, in order to make sure that we never run out of ammo.
291. Of course, if up against Snake People, spikes strategically placed upon my outfit; knees, elbows, and a few other places, will reduce the odds of them wrapping me up.
292. Make friends with someone from the Intimidating Revenue Service. Introducing them to the Big Bad as "A Very Good Friend Of Mine" tends to open doors quicker than whipping out the BFG and the BFS, along with the army. Note to self, make sure my taxes are paid up.
293. If I would normally be the Villain, but due to the actions of a worse threat and Closest Thing We Got occurring where those who would normally be the Hero have been captured, or killed, by someone else, and it's up to me to save the day, I'm going to make one thing perfectly clear, I am the Evil Overlord of this area, and nobody's going to take it over, except me! I will also keep in mind those delightful Evil Overlord Vows and the Additional Vows. Might borrow some from the Hero Vows.
294. If living in one of those Fantasy, Science Fiction, or Science Fantasy worlds that have multiple sapient races, or species, make sure that everyone has equal rights. Makes things much easier, for the most part.
295. Know the biology of my race and that of the enemy. Very useful to know in terms of strengths and weaknesses. This also goes for environmental weaknesses in addition to the usual things.
296. If in a Medieval-themed Fantasy, and I need to armor a lot of lower-class troops, I will look into that form of armor known as the Gambeson. Made from linen, it is crafted in layers, and is effective enough to protect against arrows, and reduce the amount of injuries from other weapons, and is just as good, if not better, than leather armor, not to mention cheaper and easier to produce. Plus, it would get me the patronage of Youtuber Shadiversity, who will at least say that I am awesome for picking this type of armor, as it is much more realistic. Besides, it also functions similar to a winter coat, which is useful in Europe-styled settings.
297. In a Fantasy setting, I shall see to it that all possibilities are explored, especially where weapons and armor are concerned. For all I know, despite the usual stereotypes, my mages and archers might actually benefit from wearing plate armor. Of course, if metal armor isn't good for say a mage's ability to use magic effectively, or reduces the sneaking capabilities of my thieves, then I shall make use of the Gambeson, which is made from thick cloth, which should allow my mage to use magic, and for my thief to be sneaky.
298. In the event that centaurs exist, in one way or another, one thing I shall try to convince them to do is allow a rider on their back, especially in combat. Since they'll probably refuse, at least initially, I shall set up an experiment, where one centaur warrior trains with a human rider fighter for a month or so, learning how to utilize the various weapons centaurs and mounted fighters tend to use, and then have them engage in mock combat against another centaur and a rider on their usual mount. Should the centaur with a rider best the other two, or at least hold their own well enough that it was a struggle for the other two to beat them, it will be used as proof to allow for the possibility of getting centaurs to allow riders on their backs.
299. If I am the leader of a group of eight, or more, people, who are traveling, and a handful of bandits, beasts, or other hostiles, attack, I won't match them man-for-man - I'll have everyone read to take part in the fight. Odds are, the other side will decide to leave my group alone. Failing that, I have more people on my side than they do. Some might even be able to switch places with those who are tired, or double-team, or even triple-team, the enemy.
300. If I have access to a castle, or some other building/place that can provide my forces with a defensive advantage, I will station as many of my fighters inside of it as I can. There is no reason to place my forces in front of it, as that just throws away any advantage. This is especially true in the event that I'm outnumbered.