Funny / The Big Lebowski

Funny moments in The Big Lebowski.

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• A Take That! to LA right off the bat:
  Quite possibly the laziest in all of Los Angeles County, which would place him high in the runnin' for laziest worldwide.
• The Dude himself gets one hell of an establishing character moment, where he's first seen wandering through a Ralph's looking half awake and like he just wandered off of a California beach from the 1970s, before opening a carton of half & half to check if it's expired and then paying for this lone 69 cent purchase with a friggin' check.
  • Even funnier is a detail which no doubt slipped by just about everyone on at least a first viewing: the TV he watches briefly while paying features a real press conference of George H. W. Bush's that occurred on August 5, 1990, but the check he's paying with just so happens to be post-dated for September 11, 1991. In other words, The Dude is so embarrassingly broke that he can't afford to scrape three quarters together or even guarantee that he'll be able to without more than a year's notice.
• The story starts with poor Dude having his head forcefully flushed through his toilet at the behest of two random thugs...
  Goon: WHERE'S THE MONEY, LEBOWSKI?! (shoves Dude's head in the toilet again) WHERE'S THE FUCKIN' MONEY, SHITHEEEAAD?!
  Dude: (legitimately confused) It's... it's... it's down there somewhere. Let me take another look.
  • It very slowly dawns on them that they don't have the right place. "Hey, Woo, isn't this guy supposed to be a millionaire?"
    Goon: (discovers Dude's bowling ball) ...What the fuck is this?
    Dude: Obviously, you're not a golfer.
    (Goon drops the bowling ball, cracking one of the tiles in the floor)
  • The Dude has to actually point out to these dimwits that his crummy apartment is clearly not the abode of a multi-millionaire, and to offer proof that he's not married he presents them with Exhibit A: "The toilet seat's up, man!"
    Woo: He looks like a fuckin' loser.
    Dude: Hey, at least I'm housebroken!
  • And after that speech when the Dude retrieves his shades from the toilet and puts them back on.
  • Inexplicably, the goons have switched outfits with each other when they return to The Dude's house.
  • When they leave, one of them snaps "Thanks a lot, asshole." As if the Dude is the one who has inconvenienced them.
• "YOU SEE WHAT HAPPENS, LARRY!? YOU SEE WHAT HAPPENS, LARRY!? DO YOU SEE WHAT HAPPENS, LARRY, WHEN YOU FUCK A STRANGER IN THE ASS?!"
  • Made even funnier in the TV edits, which turn the scene into a surreal Non Sequitur. The Coens had fun with self-censorship; they knew it would be altered, so they did it themselves.
    "DO YOU SEE WHAT HAPPENS WHEN YOU FIND A STRANGER IN THE ALPS?! DO YOU SEE WHAT HAPPENS, LARRY?! THIS IS WHAT HAPPENS WHEN YOU FEED A STONER SCRAMBLED EGGS!!"
  • Even better is the fact that that isn't Larry's car.
  • The mere fact that Walter, who is a huge man even outside of being an alleged war veteran, feels bested and "stonewalled" by Larry, a boy who doesn't even say a word. In other words, Larry beats Walter by doing absolutely nothing and reduces him to a screaming man child.
  • Walter, trying to play detective: "Is this your homework, Larry?"
    • "We know it's his fuckin' homework — Where the fucking MONEY, you little brat?!"
      Walter: Larry... Have you ever heard of Vietnam?
      The Dude: Oh, for Christ's sake, Walter!
      Walter: You're entering a world of pain, son. We know that this is your homework. We know that you stole the car.
      The Dude: And the fucking money!
      Walter: And the fucking money! AND... we know that this is your homework!
      The Dude: We're gonna cut your dick off, Larry!
      Walter: You're killing your father, Larry!
  • Donny, who stays in the car, witnesses Walter's rampage with a "WTF?" expression.
• (see Spit Take at the main page): "What is that, yoga?", "It increases the chances of conception"...
• The Jesus. That is all.
  Jesus: Let me tell you something, pendejo. You pull any of that crazy shit with us, you flash a piece out on the lanes, I'll take it away from you and stick it up your ass and pull the fucking trigger till it goes click.
  (Beat)
  The Dude: Jesus.
  Jesus: You said it, man. Nobody fucks with The Jesus.
  Walter: (longer beat) Eight-year-olds, Dude.
• As Walter explains how The Jesus had to go door-to-door to notify his neighbors that he was a pederast, we see a flashback of him ringing the doorbell of a very large and tough-looking guy to break the news. The look on The Jesus's face says it all.

  Donny: "What's a pederast, Walter?"
  Walter: "Shut the fuck up, Donny."

• The Dude barricades his door to prevent another breaking-and-entering. He forgot that the door opens the other way.
  • Even better later on, when the Dude trips over the barricade.
• The one and only line Walter delivers calmly: "And, I would like my undies back."
• Walter enjoying his coffee... that is, making a scene at a family restaurant and being called out on it.
  Walter: Oh please, dear? For your information, the Supreme Court has roundly rejected prior restraint!!!
  The Dude: This is not a First Amendment thing, man.
  Waitress: Sir, if you don't calm down, I'm going to have to ask you to leave.
  Walter: Lady, I GOT BUDDIES WHO DIED FACE-DOWN IN THE MUCK SO YOU AND I CAN ENJOY THIS FAMILY RESTAURANT!
  The Dude: (Snapping) That's it. I'm outta here. (The Dude drops some money on the counter and promptly storms out)
  Walter: (To the Dude's departing back) Hey Dude, don't go away man. This affects all of us, man! Our basic freedoms! (Beat) I'm staying. I'm finishing my coffee. (Petulantly takes a sip of coffee) Enjoyin' my coffee.
• The Dude gets fed up with A Simple Plan of Walter's:
  The Dude: Well, why don't you call them up and explain that, Walter? Your plan is that fucking simple I'm sure they'd understand.
• When The Dude's car gets stolen (and his phone has been ringing for the past ten minutes of the movie):
  Donny: Where you going, Dude?
  The Dude: I'm going home, Donny.
  Donny: Your phone's ringing, Dude.
  The Dude: Thank you, Donny.
• "Yeah, well, y'know that's just like, uhh... your opinion, man." scene
  • Donny's concentration as he tries to keep visual contact with the Jesus through The Dude's bent arms.
• The nihilists light Dude's car on fire. "Well, they finally did it. They killed my fucking car."
• The entire scene with "OVER THE LINE!!!" Smokey.
  Walter: Smokey, this is not Nam. This is bowling. There are rules.
  
  Walter: Has the whole world gone CRAZY? AM I THE ONLY ONE AROUND HERE WHO GIVES A SHIT ABOUT THE RULES? MARK IT ZERO!
  • Even Walter's ex-wife's DOG is barking and jumping at Walter trying to calm him down.
• The Dude arguing with Walter after the fact as they leave, just as the cops are showing up to the bowling alley.
  Walter: Dude, I'm perfectly calm!
  The Dude: Wha— Wavin' the fuckin' GUN around?!
  Walter: I'm calmer than you are.
  The Dude: Will you just take it easy?!
  Walter: ...I'm calmer'n you are.
  Walter: Am I wrong?
  The Dude: No, you're not wrong.
  Walter: Am I wrong?
  The Dude: You're not wrong, Walter. You're just an asshole!
  Walter: Okay then.
• The police chief in Malibu (combined with Nausea Fuel, because he makes you so sick) throwing the coffee mug right in Dude's face after he replies "Sorry, I wasn't listening" to his long and cautionary "The Reason You Suck" Speech (in a way, the irritating indifference makes it look even funnier while being almost justified, nevertheless). Enhanced by Dude's reaction ("Ow, fucking fascist!").
• As The Dude is being hustled into Mr. Lebowski's limo, he yells out, "Hey, careful, man, there's a beverage here, hey!"
• "We're talking about a line in the sand; across this line, YOU DO NOT— ...Also, Dude, 'Chinaman' is not the preferred nomenclature. 'Asian-American', please."
  • And then when he proceeds to use the term "Chinaman" himself not a few moments later.
  • He also refers to Saddam Hussein as a "camel-fucker", which is probably not a preferred nomenclature either.
• "I said VE CUT OFF YOUR JOHNSON!"
  • "Ja, maybe ve stomp on it and skvoosh it!"
  • "I need my fucking Johnson!" "What do you need that for, Dude?"
• The Dude trying to throw a lit joint out the (closed) window of his car, the hot embers burning his crotch. While trying to douse the burning (with beer) he swerves and crashes into a garbage bin.
  ♪Doo doo doo, lookin' out my back door.♪
• Donny's out of his element questions never cease to entertain.
  The Dude: I don't need your fucking sympathy, man [Walter], I need my fucking johnson!
  Donny: What do you need that for, Dude?
  
  The Dude: It's like Lenin said [...]
  Donny: I am the Walrus?
• Walter giving a damn about possession of wildlife inside a city when The Dude's johnson is on the line:
  The Dude: What are you, a fucking park ranger now?
• The Dude does not particularly abide Treehorn's adult software, he still jerks manually.
• The thug who defaces the rug pronouncing "Ever thus to deadbeats" in the process, as if making a political point a la "Sic Semper Tyrannis" in the assassinations of Julius Caesar and Abraham Lincoln.
  • Given the significant rewriting the film got to become Two Gentlemen of Lebowski, the fact that "Ever thus to deadbeats" is only slightly rearranged (it becomes "to deadbeats, ever thus") speaks volumes about what a needlessly pretentious thing it is to say while urinating on someone's floor.
• The Dude, Man of The Year◊.
• The Dude, possibly the least likely person in existence to ever use the Royal "We" on purpose, trying to pull a Royal "We" with Big Lebowski when he realizes he inadvertently mentioned Walter came along.
• The Dude thinking the boys in the picture are Big Lebowski's literal children from different mothers,
  "Racially, he's pretty cool, huh?"
• Many of the gratuitous echoes and words one character borrows from another (or the TV): "parlance of our times", unchecked aggression which will not stand, coitus, johnson etc...
• "He fixes the cable?", even funnier if it's taken as more clueless than snarky.
• Walter thinking the manipulative bastard Big Lebowski is Obfuscating Disability immediately becomes — rather unsurprisingly — Comedic Sociopathy.
  Walter: Never been so sure of anything in my life.
• The Dude, in good ol' Philip Marlowe mode, shades a notepad with a pencil to highlight the impression made on the next sheet of paper, only to discover Treehorn just drew a man with a big phallus.
  • Made doubly hilarious by the fact that the man is shaped like a giant phallus himself from torso upwards. In other words, a giant anthropomorphic penis with a long erect penis of his own.
    • Better still, this is the Dude's only real attempt at detective work in the film. It gets him dick.
• If you're mostly familiar with Philip Seymour Hoffman's serious roles, every one of his lines as The Comically Serious Large Ham Brandt becomes hysterical. Special mention goes to the limo scene:
  Big Lebowski: They did not receive the money, you nitwit! They did not receive the money! Her life was in your hands!
  Brandt: (adjusts glasses) This is our concern, Dude.
• "But I hate the fucking Eagles, man..." Followed by the angry cab driver kicking the Dude out of his car.
• This line by the Dude:
  "Let me explain something to you. Um, I am not 'Mr. Lebowski'. You're Mr. Lebowski. I'm 'the Dude'. So that's what you call me. You know, that or, uh, 'His Dudeness', or uh, 'Duder', or 'El Duderino' if you're not into the whole brevity thing."
• Walter automatically assumes that All Germans Are Nazis, only to praise them in comparison to being a nihilists a moment later.
  Walter: Say what you want about the tenets of National Socialism, Dude, at least it's an ethos.
• For Black Comedy, the Dude holding in his contempt for Walter's eulogy for Donny drifting into a rant about the Vietnam War. For that matter, the eulogy as a whole is also a serious case of Informed Ability, as Walter casually brings up that Donny loved to surf. This was never shown or even suggested prior.
• Naturally, Walter completely botches the scattering. He doesn't account for the wind and the ashes end up blowing into the rather unamused Dude's face◊.
  The Dude: God-dammit, Walter! You fucking asshole! Everything's a fucking travesty with you, man!
• The Dude's Armor-Piercing Question.
  The Dude: What was that shit about Vietnam? WHAT THE FUCK DOES ANYTHING HAVE TO DO WITH VIETNAM!?!?! WHAT THE FUCK ARE YOU TALKING ABOUT?!?
• "Does the Pope shit in the woods?"
• The whole scene between the Dude and DaFino, from their Wimp Fight (if you call just kind of flinching defensively at each other for a few seconds "fighting"), to the fact that DaFino seems to have somehow got the impression that the Dude is some kind of "brother shamus" ("What, like an Irish monk?") who is expertly playing all sides off against each other, but most especially this exchange:
  The Dude: Fuck it, man, just stay away from my fucking lady friend, okay?
  DaFino: Hey, hey, I'm not messin' with your special lady, okay.
  The Dude: She's not my special lady, she's my fuckin' lady friend! I'm just helping her conceive, man!
  DaFino: [Squicked] Hey man, I'm not, uh...
  • The Dude demands to know who DaFino is working for. Is it the big Lebowski? Jackie Treehorn? No, it's...
    DaFino: The Knutsens.
    The Dude: [Completely dumbfounded and exasperated] ... The... who-who are the fucking Knutsens?!
• "Yes, Walter, there is an unspoken message here, it's FUCK YOU! LEAVE ME THE FUCK ALONE! ...Yes, I'll be at practice."
• Walter tells Uli to shut the fuck up by calling him a "Dipshit with a nine-toed woman!" while Flea gasps for breath with his ass hanging out after Walter hits him in the balls with his bowling ball.
  • Meanwhile, The Dude is frantically trying to ward off Franz's ridiculous yelling and kung-fu posturing by offering the little money that he has:
    Franz: "I FUCK YOU IN ZE ASS! I FUCK YOU!"
    Dude: "Come on, man! Just take the four dollars!"
• The scene where the Dude meets the Big Lebowski while he's staring at his fireplace after Bunny's "kidnapping", with the Big Lebowski's overdramatic tone and speech about "strong men also cry" while the Dude is totally nonchalant and ignores the Big Lebowski crying "Cowards! Weaklings! Bums!" while reading the ransom note. Made even better with Mozart's Requiem in D M Inor, Lacrimosa being played, only for it to be muffled when the Dude and Brandt leave the room, meaning that the Big Lebowski truly played the most dramatic music possible to set the mood of the meeting.
  • Brandt's sycophantry deserves a special mention, from the grandiose and theatrical way he open the door for the Dude, to his fake crying about Bunny's disappearance only for him to instantly drop the act the moment he has to hand the ransom note to the Dude.
  • The Dude's reaction to the ransom note:
  "'Bummer. This is a bummer man. That's, uh,that's a bummer."
  ——