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This is Satan, and this is Jesus... and this is a zebra.
With its improvised scenes and dark humour, Outnumbered always has a handful of utterly hilarious moments whenever it's coming from the children or the adults.
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     Series 1 
The School Run The Special Bowl
  • After when Pete tells a fat, Turkish kid to stop stuffing his face with crisps, the kid's dad calls him a racist.
    Pete: He said I singled him out because of his religion and weight, which is now a glandular problem, which I guess compels him to thrust pies down his throat.
  • Karen somehow knows that the bowl she is eating from is not her "special bowl", despite it looking identical.
    Pete: How does she know it's not her bowl?
    Sue: Dunno. She must have... powers.
The City Farm
  • During a car trip to a city farm, Sue suggests playing "who can tell the biggest lie":
    Ben: I'm a toilet.
    Sue: Right.
    Angela: I'm a magical witch and I'm a hundred thousand years old and at night I sprout wings and I fly above the owls and the bats and I leap over the moon and—
    Sue: Jake, your go!
    Jake: I have the deadly Ebola virus and we're all gonna die in the next twenty-four to forty-eight hours.
    Sue: Nice. Karen, your go.
    Karen: I like... Auntie Angela.
    (Cut to Angela looking upset)
    Sue: Well, that's lovely, sweetheart. Anyway, let's get on with the game.
    Karen: That was part of the game!
    Sue: (quickly) I'm a toilet too!
The Quiet Night In
  • When Pete goes to watch Ben play football, he talks with several of the other parents and finds himself correcting Ben's various Blatant Lies about him (such as Pete being a trained SAS officer).
    Mark: You're Ben's dad, aren't you?
    Pete: Yeah.
    Mark: He's told me all about you.
    Pete: Has he? Well, he will have made it all up, OK? It's just something he does. Whatever story he has told you, it will be a lie. What did he tell you?
    Mark: He said you're a history teacher.
    Pete: ...Right. No, that one's true.
  • Karen playing an American Idol like game with her toys, and uses a toy Godzilla to represent Simon Cowell and a toy clown for Andrew Lloyd Webber.
The Mystery Illness
  • Karen's utter indignation over Ben calling her a "tosspiece" and "lezzer", and she especially doesn't like lezzer. Meanwhile, Ben tries to defend kicking Karen by saying he thought she had knee-pads on.
The Dinner Party
  • Pete and Sue struggling to answer Karen's questions about atoms.

     Series 2 
The Wedding
  • Karen gets stuck in the bathroom:
    Pete: Ok, but don't slide the bolt across, because it's stiff.
    Karen: What?
    Pete: I said, can you make sure you don't slide the ["Clunk" from door]...bolt...across.[Bashes head against wall] Ok, darling, can you just do me a favour? Can you just put the bolt across again, just so I know you can?
    Karen: I can't! It's too stiff! You should have warned me not to put the bolt across!
    • A few minutes later, Ben and then Sue turn up to offer Pete some advice:
    Ben: You should have told her not to put the bolt across...You'll have to break the door down.
    • The way the problem is then resolved:
    Pete: I will deal with it. And I will deal with it in a calm and measured way.
    Jake: How much will it cost to replace that door?
    Pete: Look, sometimes, drastic situations call for drastic measures.
    Jake: So how's your shoulder? And your foot? And your...?
  • Pete and Jake's attempts to keep Sue and Angela apart at a wedding, with Pete sneakily changing the seating, and Jake distracting Angela... by talking about floral arrangements.
    Jake: Hi Auntie Angela. (Beat) Uh, nice table display.
    Angela: Yes, that a very nice... table display. (tries to move)
    Jake: (blocks her) Yes, I like a good table display. Don't you?
    • Even funnier, when later on, Angela thinks Jake is gay because of his seeming obsessions with floral arrangements.
  • Sue kicking Auntie Angela in the buttocks.
  • Pete telling Ben off:
    Pete: You were specifically told "no fighting, no swearing and no drinking alcohol", and then I saw you bashing that kid's head on the floor shouting "don't touch my bloody beer"!
The Dead Mouse
  • Karen playing Hell's Kitchen with her soft toys:
    Karen!Gordon Ramsay: Let's have a taste now... (tastes a contestant's meal) YUCK! That was just beeping beeping beeping beeping beeping beeping bollocks! You're beeping beeping out! See you next beeping beeping Thursday.
  • Later on, Karen and Ben have a discussion on why, and how Gordon Ramsay tends to have his swearing censored by beeps:
    Ben: Why are you saying "beep"? It's babyish.
    Karen: It is not, 'cause whenever Gordon Brown says a swear word on telly, there's a man behind him with a big machine that puts a beep over it.
    Ben: You've got it all wrong. One, it's Gordon Ramsay not Gordon Brown, and, two, he has a beeper in his pocket. So when he's going to swear word, he hits his pocket and it makes a beep inside it.
    Karen: Yeah, but sometimes when he swears, he goes, (flails arms in the air whilst proclaiming "yeah baby") and his arms wave in the air really wildly.
    • Then Karen asks Sue on this apparent theory.
    Karen: Mum, isn't it true that every time Gordon Ramsay swears, there's a man behind him with a big machine that puts a beep over it?
    Sue: No, no, no, they do that afterwards.
    Karen: What do you mean afterwards? It'd be too late afterwards because he'd already have sweared.
    Sue: Well no, you're sort of right.
    Karen: Well, wouldn't it just be easier for him not to say a swear word? Well, sometimes when he's feeling angry or he's under pressure he just... why can't he say something like flip or bother? Shouldn't it be people like doctors and soldiers and artists that swear, not cooks? All they're doing is making salad.
  • Karen is upset about her parents killing a mouse:
    Pete: You can't have mice in the house, can you?
    Karen: Why not?
    Pete: Well, 'cause they're dirty and they smell.
    Karen: So does Ben.
    Pete: But they run around the house and they poo everywhere.
    Karen: So does Ben.
    Ben: (running in the room) That's not fair! I had diarrhoea.
  • When Karen complains about Ben and his name calling during Pete's family meeting:
    Karen: You called me a ninny...
    Pete: Karen.
    Karen: You called me idiot...
    Pete: Stop.
    Karen: And you called me a "motherfudger".
    Pete: (sternly) No!
    • Straight after that, Karen asks Ben what a "motherfudger" is, which is apparently a mother made out of fudge.
  • Karen suggesting that Pete can save money by simply not buying broccoli.
  • "Can you do this?" (Proceeds to make fart noises with arm)
  • Towards the end, Karen gives a funeral to the mouse her parents killed:
    Karen: Brethren, we are gathered here in the bosom of Jesus to say goodbye to this, to this mouse, killed before its time. We have given it cheese and bread for its journey to heaven, or at least if it goes to hell, it'll have cheese on toast. Next up is the Pope. [takes out a teddy bear] Dust to dust, for richer or for poorer, in sickness or in health, may the force be with you, because you're worth it. Amen and out. Thank you, Pope.
The Old-Fashioned Sunday
  • Ben jumping on top of Pete.
    Pete: Don't use my knee as a trampoline!
  • Ben and Jake demanding omelette.
    Pete: Here you go, eggy bread. Thank you.
    Ben: I wanted omelette.
    Pete: I asked you a minute ago if you wanted eggy bread, and you said yes!
    Jake: Cheese.
    Pete: Cheese what?
    Jake: Cheese omelette.
    Pete: I am not doing omelette! The manners in this house!
  • Karen arguing to Pete that Spongebob Squarepants is educational because it teaches you how to make Krabby Patties and it shows what life is like under the sea. Ben then argues to Pete that Watch My Chops is educational as well, leading to both him and Karen laughing at this suggestion, almost breaking character.
  • "GRANDDAD YOU'RE AN IDIOT!"
  • After playing Rock-Paper-Scissors, Ben suggests a game loosely based on it called "Dinosaur-Teddy-Robot". When they were about to reveal the three aforementioned items, the screen suddenly cuts to black just as a loud "thud" sound effect occurs, not showing the aftermath of the scene.
  • Pete and Sue playing Hide and Seek with the children, and decide to not look for them and drink wine instead. Unfortunately for them, Karen realises that they weren't even playing the game, leading to a heated argument.
The Airport
  • The whole episode really. It features the Brockmans being stuck in an airport for hours with their Granddad. Highlights include:
    Ben: It tasted horrible to begin with, but then I added five spoonfuls of sugar and now I feel all zingy, zangy, zongy!
    • The game Jake came up with involving naming as many explosives as possible nearby airport security.
    • "Dad's a terrorist!"
    • Karen wanting to play a game of cheat... without cheating.
    • Ben and Karen arguing to Pete that they're not small, and then after that, Ben thrusts a fist really hardly towards Pete's chest. It's becomes almost apparent none of the cast members expected this to happen, and Karen's actress (Ramona Marquez) looks like she was just about to laugh just before the camera cut to another shot.
    • Seconds later, as Pete lifts up his heavy luggage, he accidentally smacks the same woman who gone through the same troubles caused by his sons, smashing her bottles.
    Karen: Dad attacked that lady!
    Ben: I thought you said "no hitting"?
    • Granddad being left behind at the airport.
The Night Out

The Football Match

  • Ben giving a scientific fact to Pete:
    Ben: Did you know ants can survive in a microwave...?
    Pete: (Intrigued) Right.
    Ben: ...because the waves are big and ants are small, so the waves go over the ants, and that means ants can survive in a microwave.
    Pete: Really?
    Ben: Yeah. But woodlice can't.
    Pete: Nice. (Beat, realises what Ben has done) Oh my God...
    (Pete rushes to the microwave and opens its door)
    Pete: BEN!
    Ben: (Offscreen) It's science!
  • Karen's utter overreaction to Ben throwing soap suds at her.

The Long Night

  • Karen announcing that she is an atheist.
    Karen: I don't believe in God anymore. I'm a Satanist.
    Pete: You mean an atheist? Satanists do things to goats.
  • Karen's "revenge list", consisting of her family and Granddad. It's wrong, but it does become funny when Karen decides to put her father down when he was having a word with her.

     Series 3 
The Family Outing
  • Ben playing "spot the chav" on the tourist bus, much to Pete's embarrassment.
  • The mention of a incident involving Karen making a "First in Class" badge for herself at school, which apparently caused friction with a lot of people.
  • When Sue realises that Karen stole some of the coins from a fountain:
    Sue: You can't take money that people have put in the fountain because it's not your money. That's the point.
    Karen: I know, but it's not theirs any more. Now it's the fountain's. The fountain can't do anything if I take it.
    Sue: No, people put money...
    Karen: They're idiots! You're allowed to take money from idiots.
    Sue: But they put money in the fountain because they were making a wish.
    Karen: A wish?
    Sue: Yeah, a wish.
    Karen: But why would you throw money in some water to make a wish?
    Sue: Well, I don't know, it's just...
    Karen: Look, mummy, I used to believe in all wishes and all this nonsense, but then my wish about Ben and the hyenas didn't come true.
    • Then Karen ends up claiming that if people were to carry on putting coins in the fountain, the water could flow out and then it go down to the London Underground, leading to the trains sliding off and that would potentially be the end of all London apparently.
  • Pete telling Ben he can't take a dead pigeon home with him.
    Pete: You cannot take that dead pigeon home with you!
    Ben: But it'll be a cool experiment! I'll see which bits decompose first.
    Pete: Yes, you've already done that experiment with the dead crow that your mum found in your sock drawer.
    Ben: The feathers lasted longer than the feet.
    Pete: And indeed longer than the drawer, which we had to burn.
  • Karen's take on politics and democracy.
    Karen: So, is there, like, lots of people and then they say, "The lines are now open", and then they would say, "Oh, I've had a terrible life and my family has died." Then you vote off all the annoying ones until there's just one left and then they go, "Boo-hoo, boo-hoo, I'm so happy I'm Prime Minister now", and start crying.
    Pete: ...I think you're confusing democracy and The X Factor.
  • When Pete visits a cashpoint, Ben demonstrates his "exceptional eyesight" by telling a person's PIN, and then proceeds to say Pete's PIN out loud.
  • As the family gets onto the HMS Belfast, Karen states that she wants to win the prize for the best World War II project. Pete then asks her:
    Pete: What is the prize?
    Pete: (Beat) But we're on...
    Karen: (Interrupting) Mum, I need a wee!
  • "Ben, Barack Obama does not drive a number 42 bus!"

The Internet

  • Karen playing Britain's Got Talent with her soft toys:
    Karen: Next on Britain's Got Talent is... Hippo!
    Karen!Simon Cowell: Right, now, Hippo, what are you going to do for us today?
    Karen!Hippo: I'm going to eat all the chocolate I can eat in memory of my mother.
    Karen!Simon Cowell: OK, then...er...off you go.
    Karen!Hippo: Nom, nom, nom, nom, nom... BLEEEEUGH!
    Karen!Simon Cowell: ...well, that wasn’t very good, because after a while you were sick everywhere, and the Queen would not like to see that at all.
    • And then the next contestant has a go:
    Karen!Simon Cowell: Hello, and what's your name?
    Karen!Elephant: I'm Elephant and I am performing in memory of my mother who was savaged to death by ostriches.
    Karen!Simon Cowell: OK, and what are you going to do for us today?
    Karen!Elephant: I'm going to set my head on fire.
    Karen!Simon Cowell: Off you go, then.
    Karen!Elephant: Set my head on fire... Pckkkk! Ow-w-w-w! Pckkkk!
    • The funniest part in this scene includes Karen imitating Piers Morgan:
  • When Gran says that a woman can be in any shape or size they want, Karen asks:
    • After that:
    Karen: What if you were like this. (Imitates a fat person) Would that be OK?
    Gran: Well, that...
    Karen: There's a man in Mexico and he has to get a crane to get him out of bed, he's so fat. Is that all right?
    Gran: Oh... Well, no...
    Karen: What is too fat? Is it...
    Gran: Would you like to watch some television?
    Karen: ...No.

The Tennis Match

  • Sue starts thinking Ben has become an avid sexist, and this isn't helped when he asks for bacon.
    Sue: For instance, why did you direct that to me and not your father?
  • Karen lobbing fruit at Pete to prove that girls can throw.
  • Sue leaves Ben and Karen with Pete while he's trying to play tennis with his friends. One of them gives Ben and Karen spare tennis rackets, and Karen immediately starts loudly grunting when she hits the ball. When Pete asks her what she's doing, she replies:
    Karen: When professional tennis players on telly do it, they always go UGH! And then they sit down and eat a banana.
  • When Sue and Karen have a conversation about gender:
    Sue: Women can do things men can't. Women can have babies.
    Karen: Yes, but I'd rather have a moustache than a baby, 'cause then you could just shave it off if you change your mind, and you can't do that with a baby.

The Pigeon

  • Sue discovering a leftover slice of pizza when tidying up.
    Sue: There's a slice of pizza down here! [To Ben] Is that yours?
    Ben: Is it a Margarita?
    Sue: Er...no.
    Ben: Ah, then it's not mine.
  • The entire scene where a pigeon flies around in the Brockman's kitchen.
  • Karen freaking out over the various things Sue's doing to scare the pigeon out of the house, including chucking a hat and for opening an umbrella indoors.
    Karen: That's the most worst luck to open an umbrella inside!
    Sue: Oh, don't be daft.
    Karen: And it's green! Are you mad?!
  • This part when Pete is talking to the couple:
    Pete: It's a very happy house.
    Sue: (off-screen to Karen) WILL YOU SHUT THE HELL UP ABOUT IT BEING GREEN, OR I'LL RAM IT DOWN YOUR THROAT!
  • Then:
    Karen: I told you! Mummy, stop nagging me!
    Sue: WELL RING BLOODY CHILDLINE THEN, AND SEE IF I CARE!

The Restaurant

  • During Karen's chat with the cold caller, she encounters one of her friends passing by her house:
    Lauren: Hi, Karen!
    Karen: Oh, hi Lauren!
    Lauren: She came round to our house. My daddy says people like her should be shot.
    Karen: My dad's on the toilet!
    • After that:
    Pete: Karen, can you not tell strangers that I am on the toilet?
    Karen: But you were.
    Pete: Yeah, OK, but tell them...tell them I'm busy, or something.
    Karen: But you weren't busy. You were just sitting there. Only your bottom was busy.
  • This exchange:
    Brick: Whoa, Hugh Grant!
    Pete: If you call me Hugh Grant one more time, I'm going to take your Platinum Visa card and I'm going to shove it RIGHT UP YOUR...
    (Beat, everybody is looking at him and Ben giggles)

The Hospital

     Series 4 
The Funeral The Girls' Day Out
  • Karen talking about her school troubles:
    Pete: Has someone been ganging up on you?
    Karen: Well, yes, because Molly said that Megan said that I was talking to Maisie about Katrina saying bad things about Katherine to Stacey...
    Pete: Right.
    Karen: Which isn't true, because I didn't say anything to Maisie. She's just making it up to make me look bad to Molly.
    Pete: Right.
    Karen: And Megan told Tanya, because she wants to be friends with Tanya and Molly and then they're all on Megan's side, which isn't right. Do you get what I'm saying?
    Pete: So you're cross with... Megan?
    Karen: No! Weren't you listening?
  • Pete trying to fix a washing machine himself, claiming he needs no help to do so. An ironic cut later goes to outside the laundry room door, where the audience (and Ben) can clearly hear him angrily shouting and violently hitting it.
The Labrador
  • Karen saying she doesn't like any food that is orange, although she likes oranges because they admit they're orange.
The Parents' Evening
  • Ben's parents evening. All his teachers sugarcoat how annoying he is, but when a humiliated Pete and Sue reach his form teacher, he's more honest:
    Mr Hunslet: I find Ben...
    Pete: Challenging? Stimulating? Special?
    Mr Hunslet: No I was going to say pain in the arse.
    Pete: Oh, ok...fair enough.
    • Then there's another teacher's astonishment that Ben and Jake are brothers. She just can't believe it.
    Teacher: Jake? Jake is Ben's brother?
    Sue: Yes.
    Teacher: Right. Gosh. Not a half brother with a different -
    Sue: No. Brother.
    Teacher: Wow. Crikey.
The Cold Caller

The Exchange Student

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     Series 5 
Rites of Passage

K for Victory

House of Hormones

Into the Wilderness

Communication Skills

Spartacus the Musical

  • Jake, Karen and Stacy watching Bob the Builder and making comments on Spud's detachable nose.

     Christmas Specials 
2009 Christmas Special
  • The overall fact Ben sold the family car on eBay and received only £50.
  • Karen's resolutions.
    Karen: Mummy, I've made my New Year's resolutions.
    Sue: Oh, good.
    Karen: (Reading) "I will not poke my fingers in the butter".
    Sue: I didn't know you did that, but good.
    Karen: "I will not chew my duvet".
    Sue: Excellent.
    Karen: "I will not call people idiots".
    Sue: Very good.
    Karen: "Mummy will stop nagging me".
    Sue: Yeah that's... No, hang on, you can't make resolutions for other people.
    Karen: "Mummy will stop giving me cabbage".
    Sue: No, no, you make resolutions for yourself. Karen, I will make New Year's resolutions but I will choose my own.
    Karen: But your resolutions are rubbish. They're always stuff like, "I will eat less biscuits so I get more thinner" or "I will learn Italian". But what we really need is for you to stop nagging.
    Sue: Don't be so rude!
    Karen: See? Like then, you're nagging.
    • It then reveals Karen wrote a total of 48 resolutions, with only three being for herself.
  • Ben getting his arm stuck in the radiator to retrieve a toy dinosaur he got stuck in it. Karen and Pete then try to help him.
    Karen: Ben... your dinosaur doesn't look much like a dinosaur any more...
    Ben: Karen, shut up.
    Karen: It looks more like a, er... a jellyfish that's been in a fire.
    • And then Ben proceeds to bang his head against the wall several times out of frustration.
  • Ben's logic on what a "real hero" would do:
    Ben: A hero should have to kill more than three people. Just imagine how short The Matrix II would be if Keanu Reeves only had to kill three people, instead of 167, not counting that man who flies off the back of the lorry - he might have survived.
  • When Pete is choosing a DVD to watch to keep Ben and Karen entertained, he chooses A Christmas Carol. Karen then becomes less thrilled and criticises the character Bob Cratchit, calling him an idiot, and then goes on a rant.
    Karen: Well, Scrooge is horrible to him for thousands and thousands of years and now he just, now he buys them one goose and suddenly it's, "Oh, do come in, Mr Scrooge. Thank you, Mr Scrooge".
    Pete: The Cratchits can see Scrooge has changed.
    Karen: One day of niceness doesn't make up for thousands of days of horribleness.
    Pete: No, but...
    Karen: If Hitler said "Oh, sorry I bombed loads of people, but I promise that I'll be good for the rest of my life", and then he bought everybody a goose, would we let him off?

2011 Christmas Special

2012 Christmas Special

  • Jake facepalming by using the wall.
  • Sue asking if anyone is sober enough to drive Jane to the hospital. Cut to Gran and Ray drunkenly going about the garden, and Norris putting two glasses over his eyes.
  • Throughout the party, there is a Running Gag that wherever Jane goes, Pete is following her with a change of clothes and a large, red bucket for her to vomit in.
  • Pete's mother getting completely hammered at the party and behaving completely out of character, even going as far as to laugh, tell jokes and tell her son she's proud of him.
  • Pete being stuck in a bathroom with a very sick Jane for a long time. Every time she tries talking about how badly her life has gone, he bangs the door loudly and bellows to be let out; he is practically clawing at the door when she asks if he thinks she should convert to Scientology.
  • Sue explaining the "Twenty Twelvey" bunting:
    Sue: It's feel good and twenty twelvey.
    Pete: Twenty Twevley?
    Sue: It will help revive a glorious summer of sport. The Olympics, Jessica Ennis, Mo Farah, Andy Murray, The Paralympics, everybody booing George Osborne. It makes you feel good just thinking about it.
  • Norris' wife coming out in public. Also when Pete and Sue wonder whether Norris knew:
    Sue: Do you think he realises?
    Pete: A small part of him does. The part that isn't a prat.
  • The revelation that Karen is playing online poker. Even better, Sue is about to email the website to tell them that she is being impersonated, until Karen mentions that she is £183 up and she just decides to forbid her from doing it again. Also how casual Karen is when saying "Online poker".
  • A donkey walking past the Brockman's house and snorting loudly, leading to the brilliant deadpan response from Pete of "Merry Christmas to you, too!"
  • Jake and Ben trolling Sue and Pete in the blind football by taking their blindfolds off and shaking the ball in the air to throw them off.

2016 Christmas Special

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