Funny / Harry Potter and the Cetra Heritage

Beware of unmarked spoilers!!!

The series in general:

• Sirius constantly meeting Final Fantasy VII characters who remind him of Bellatrix Lestrange.
• Jenova being The Gadfly and a Nightmare Fetishist.

Harry Potter and the Cetra Heritage

• When Dumbledore's second letter arrives, Sirius comments on Dumbledore not even bothering to give him a trial. This exchange follows:
  Aeirth: "So why not write him a letter? We have the envelopes to send it back to him."
  Sirius: "Aerith, if I didn't know any better, I'd say you were a Marauder."
  Aerith: "Well there was this one time where I had to get Cloud dressed up as..."
  Cloud: "Aerith!"
  Sirus: "Ah, don't worry about it, Cloud. I remember the one time I convinced Prongs to wear a girl's uniform and make-up at Hogwarts."
• The first thing Jenova does upon hearing about the Dementors is wonder what they'd taste like.
• The Snark-to-Snark Combat between Rufus and Jenova in Chapter 19. Complete with punches.
  Tifa: "Wow... Did I really just see Rufus Shinra and Jenova get into a cat fight?"
• As the party prepares to fight Sephiroth for the last time in the Northern Crater, Rufus Shinra and Cid comment on how utterly non-badass Cloud's "Let's mosey" line is as a battle cry.
  Rufus: "Really? That's your battle cry?"
  Cloud: "What's wrong with it?"
  Cid: "As much as I hate agreeing with Rufus, he's got a point. Can't you say something a little more badass?"
  Cloud: "Like what?"
  Cid: "Well, can't you say 'Move out,' maybe?"
  Jenova: "Or 'Onward, minions'?"
  Reno: "Or 'BOHICA'? That one's a popular one in the Turks.
  Cid: "Not in front of Harry!"
  Elena: "Says the man who swears in front of him all the time."
• After Sephiroth has destroyed Jenova SYNTHESIS and cast Heartless Angel on the party, the ''true'' Jenova heals everyone and drops in from above.
  Jenova: "You were expecting someone else? Oh dear, Sephiroth, you really are a naught boy. You just committed matricide."
  Sephiroth: "...You're not dead. How can I have committed matricide if you aren't dead?"
• Holy shorts out the Materia powering the Highwind's engines, and Yuffie frantically checks to make sure that her own Materia haven't suffered the same fate.
  Vincent: "Of course you'd be worried about that, Yuffie."
• Yuffie vomiting on Rufus' shoes after the final battle with Sephiroth. Especially since she others refuse to let her forget it.

Birthday

• Yuffie barfing on Rufus Shinra's shoes aboard the Highwind has become a Running Gag.
  Yuffie: "You guys are never gonna let me live that down, are you?"
• Molly Weasley's reaction to meeting Jenova.
  Molly: "What is wrong with that woman?"
  Sirius: "Well, she's an alien monster who became a good guy, of sorts. I think the list is pretty long."
• After Aerith explains to Professor Snape about Hojo and his litany of crimes against nature and morality, this exchange occurs.
  Snape: "What happened to this Hojo?"
  Aerith: "Jenova happened to him. He had used even his own body in experiments, infecting himself with cells taken from Jenova and turning himself into a monster. I didn't see how Jenova killed him, and I guess I should be grateful for that."
  Jenova: "Well, actually, I ripped him apart, bathed in his blood, and ate his soul. I have to say, I wouldn't recommend it as a dining experience."
  Snape: Stunned Silence
  Aerith: "Jenova..."
  Jenova: "I thought you, of all people, would be pleased to know that his death was painful and somewhat slow. I actually decided on an experiment of my own. I persuaded Rufus to erect headstone markers with the names of the Shinra executives who died near Junon. Let's just say that we don't need to worry about watering the grass in that area. Especially near Hojo's headstone. I saw Cloud and Vincent near there more than once."
  Aerith: "Too much information, Jenova."
  Jenova: "Being a being who absorbs memory and information, Aerith, I can honestly say that there's no such thing."
• After all the trouble Snape went to to ensure that Harry wouldn't find out about his history with Lily, he finds it ironic that after making Dumbledore swear not to tell Harry, Lily's ghost went and spilled the beans anyway.
  Snape: (Speaking to Lily in his dreams) "Harry knows about us. I made Dumbledore vow not to say anything... and a ghost made that point moot."

Harry Gainsborough and the Philosopher's Stone

• Dumbledore's meeting with Gilderoy Lockheart in Chapter 30.
  • He tells the man that Jenova is a fan of his books, neglecting to mention that she only enjoys them as comedy.
  • And every time Dumbledore smiles, he's secretly holding back the urge to vomit at Lockheart's vanity and narcissism.
• The final scene. Gilgamesh shows up, followed by what can only be described as Fourth-Wall-Break to Fourth-Wall-Break combat between him and Luna Lovegood.
  Gilgamesh: "Anyway folks, that's it from me for the time being, at least until Quatermass gets off his ass and writes the next installment of the series, Holiday. What will happen then? Will I face off against the Boy Who Lived? Well, at least this Harry Potter is more badass than the canon one. Will I get a hot date with Tifa, or Jenova, or both? Will Luna utter any more enigmatic utterances?"
  ''Cut to Luna Lovegood at the Gainsborough house in Costa del Sol.''
  Luna: "Do Dumbeldore's eyes twinkle?"
  Gilgamesh: "Oh, she's good."
  Luna: "Of course. You're not the only one who can break the fourth wall in this story. (Turns to audience) Stay tuned for the next installment of the Cetra Heritage Saga: Holiday. You might have to wait a while for it though. Poor Quatermass is feeling a bit burnt out finishing this installment."
  Gilgamesh: "Bloody crybaby. It took him three shitty installments to introduce me! I want my moment to shine now!"
  Luna: (Talking to audience again) "Anyway, watch this space for Holiday. Take your time, Quatermass, and don't let the nargles get to you."

Holiday:

• Jenova tries to convince Snape that they should teach a Hogwarts class on how to be a Deadpan Snarker.
• Snape makes a snarky reference to The Rolling Stones.
  Snape: "I see a red door, and I want it painted black."
  Sirius: "I can't believe it. Did you just make a Rolling Stones reference? Come on, make another one!
  Snape: "You can't always get what you want."
  Sirius and Remus burst out laughing after a brief Stunned Silence.
• Harry's reaction to Gilgamesh challenging him to a duel: "What fresh hell is this?"
• Jenova attempting to play Match Maker for Sirius.
• Sirus and Jenova are out sunbathing on the beaches of Costa del Sol. Then Fred and George show up.
  Fred: "Forge, I think we've died and gone to heaven."
  George: "Indeed, Gred. For this can only be a goddess. We are not worthy to be in her presence."
  Jenova: "What's the matter boys? Haven't you ever seen one of your teachers in a bikini before?"
  Fred: "Well, no offense to your career, Jenova..."
  George: "...But how many of our teachers would look good in a bikini?"
  Sirius starts laughing.
  Jenova: (Sits up in a deliberately provocative pose) "You boys are rather too young... but I wouldn't mind you looking. Just keep up the genuflecting.
  Fred & George: "All hail to Jenova, the Calamity from the Skies, and to Sir Padfoot, one of the unholy quartet that was the marauders! We are not worthy to be in their divine presence!"
  Jenova: "Hear that, Sirius? They think you're divine."
  Sirius: "That's rather the opposite of what Minerva thought."
  Jenova laughs maniacally at the thought of using the Weasley twins as minions in her plans to expose Gilderoy Lockheart.
• Snape gives an impromptu DADA lesson at the villa in Costa Del Sol. He demonstrates the Patronus charm and sees Luna attempting to replicate it.
  Snape: Miss Lovegood, it is unlikely that..."
  Luna: "EXACTO PATRONUM!"
  Luna manages to cast a corporeal Patronus charm on the first try.
  Harry: "Is that a platypus?"
  Luna: Were you expecting a hare?
• Luna channels the Orks from Warhammer 40,000 when the group visits the Golden Saucer.
  "DAKKA DAKKA DAKKA DAKKA! WE NEED MOAR DAKKA!"
  "DA RED WUNZ GO FASTA! WAAAGH!"
• Snape manages to unwind on his vacation to the Planet. Hogwarts rumor dictates that a puppy somehow dies somewhere in the universe every time he smiles for any reason. Fred and George take his satisfaction at winning a bet at the Chocobo races as a sign of the "puppyocalypse." They immediately ask Jenova to take a picture so they can win a bet with Lee Jordan.
• After Vincent and Lucrecia are reunited in the previous fic, they spend the trip to the Golden Saucer having Glad-to-Be-Alive Sex in the hotel room.
  Receptionist: "Did you have a good time last night?"
  Vincent and Lucrecia blush slightly.
  Vincent: "Indeed. We hadn't seen each other for years."
  Receptionist: "Well, I think we'll have to install some additional sound-proofing in the room. I didn't think anyone who could be quite so loud."
• Nero and Weiss breaking out the popcorn for the tournament being held at Battle Square.
  Weiss: "Where did you get this by the way?"
  Nero: "The Restrictors had a secret supply. Naturally, I raided it. We just don't get enough opportunities to have some.