Villain Critique Thread (Because Its About Damn Time!)

It certainly can be a interesting story, a Villain that wants find a hero to fight.

Watch me destroying my country

Mine is a bit of a interesting character, his setting is set in a more fantasy world while he himself is a mad scientist that just reached the Diesel Age.

Dr. Obsidian is his name, or his more eventual title, the Iron King.

The story follows Obsidian and his growing band of followers as he attempts to "bring order" to the lands around him, he's a bad guy for certain in that he's out for world conquest, though he views himself as a well intentioned extremist who has seen countless wars happen again and again in these lands that he now must bring order to.

Part of that is trying to find a good genuine hero to oppose him, quite a few are glory hounds that he has no time for and very few that are the genuine type ever manage to properly oppose him, leaving part of his journey feeling empty.

Another big part of his character is his polite and affable nature, he's out to conquer the world but he doesn't want to be rude, so a lot of typical villain tropes such as a last meal or telling the plan aren't due to arrogance or anything, he just genuinely enjoys company and believes that just because you have someone locked in your dungeon doesn't mean you should be a asshole. The telling of the plan is also to give heroes a fighting chance because he does genuinely want to see someone try to rise and oppose his regime, if only to prove that there are still good men capable of facing injustice.

I don't have the end of his story plotted but I do have a few things planned with a Cowriter.

what's your opinion on Jackson? Incidentally I voiced him today in my acting class.

Sign on for this After The End Fantasy RP.

Sounds like a interesting villain, someone with issues that gets driven to the worst when he starts to find really bad stuff.

What end do you have planned to him? Or his role overall.

edited 19th Apr '18 8:59:16 PM by KazuyaProta

Watch me destroying my country

I did a new entry for Yoshiko

Name: Yoshiko Roseburg

Age: 16 (Act 1), 17 (Act 2 and 3)

Appearance:

• A good looking teenager with short light brown hair and a hairband. Usually in her highschool uniform

• After her mutation into a Half-Human Hybrid, she starts wearing a black cape to hide from others. She also has a permanently black eye.

Personality: Yoshiko is a Alpha Bitch for excellence. Constanly mocking her rivals both in high school and in battle. After her mutation, she becomes angrier as she loses her sanity, having to use external methods to avoid becoming rage incarnated.

Abilities: Yoshiko have her own Witchs Familiar Demon Partner, a Doppelganger named…Doppleganger. They have the same amount of skills, a decent knowledge of She-Fu, a knife and magic to amplify the damage caused for it. When she became stronger, then her Doppelganger also can copy the form and powers of other demons temporally. After their mutation, the mutated Yoshiko can also use shadows as portals to travel while she is in combat and her doppelganger can imitate everything, even forcing Body Horror in itself. That combination makes her one of the most dangerous fighters, not for her raw sheer power but rather for her absurd speed and methods to counter other demons. Especially once she joins to Standard Evil Organization Squad Qliphot and get a new set of powers. She is still far from the top and she might be considered one of its weaker members, let this tell you about the Qliphot.

Weakness: She is a Fragile Speedster, kick her enough times and she is going to lose. Plus, a strong light can harm her, both regular light and Light powers. Her loss of sanity and transformation into The Berserker is also messing with her due to being unable to use her old tricks. She did trade intelligence for sheer power.

Goals: At the beginning? Just sheer boredom, she never though that Thelema was gonna cause the apocalypse for real, then just a thirst for getting revenge from her classmate and previous bully victim, The Heroine Misao because she beat him in combat. After her mutation, she just wanted kill people to feed on their corpses and keep her sanity before joining Qliphot for 1) Getting revenge on Misao, who is in her view, the responsible of her state and 2) Just Go Out With A Bang…or have a bit of fun while she turns immortal? No one is sure, even Yoshiko.

Role in the story: Initially, the Arch Villain of Misao Tsukiyama and part of the first Quirky Miniboss Squad, later she become The Feared against other characters and a villainous Wild Card, working as hired muscle for several factions before becoming part of Qliphot and ending as The Brute to them.

Story and Character Development: A girl with a duo of Abusive Parents, she grew up as a aggressive manipulative person that enjoyed mocking others, especially Misao Tsuikyama, the other girl with an Abusive Parent. She also did bully another guys, but especially Brandon Harlaw who actually got to hit her out of rage. Before the start of the series, she found accidentally a Mana Stone and used it to summon a Demon Partner.

She appears as a masked girl as part of the Quirky Miniboss Squad, where she is also fighting alongside a girl that she used to bully against a girl that she is currently bullying, said girl manages to fight back and eventually, Misao humiliates her by giving Yoshiko the beat down of her life.

Yoshiko gets enraged and trains until she is actually able to beat Misao, Brandon fights against her to protect Misao and Yoshiko have the upper hand until she is seemingly murdered for a mysterious dark angel.

Yoshiko was actually captured for the angel who moved her soul to the “line”, the point between life and death. When said angel died, most of the souls there died or stayed their, but Yoshiko was so strong-willed to come back. And She Came Back Wrong.

After the Demonic Invasion, she is alone and Forced to eat people to keep her own sanity, Yoshiko kills some persons before working as a mercenary for the Mafia, Meeting Misao again, Yoshiko tries to kill her before she is stopped by Misao's new friends.

After that, Yoshiko ends up joining to Qliphot, the Nebulous Evil Organization and final antagonists of the work. She does try to become immortal according to her words but her actions are very proper from a Death Seeker.

Yoshiko finally dies after a fight against Misao, after Yoshiko uses all her powers against her, causing her body to fail and collapse in a very explicit way. She tells Misao that there a way to defeat Sophia and how do it.

Relevant Tropes:

The Brute: A weird Fragile Speedster example, but personality-wise? She is this trope, especially when she let herself being consumed for the powers of Chaos.

Dark Is Evil: In her case, yes.

The Bully: Female Example

Alpha Bitch: Complete with a Girls Pose. They don’t know from her true nature and eventually, when they die as a result of the group that Yoshiko was helping For the Evulz, she just breaks into tears.

Even Evil Have Loved Ones: She like her Girls Pose, she really misses them when they die and even starts hallucinating with them when she is troubles.

Abusive Parents: She had a crappy family, to the extent that she actually cheers when she learns that they are dead.

Witchs Familiar: Doppleganger, of couse. It becomes stronger with the time.

From Nobody to Nightmare: From a Bully Alpha Bitch to a powerful demi-human that can pull a fight against the wielder of Abraxas

Watch me destroying my country

edited 22nd Jun '18 6:01:01 PM by ChaoticQueen

Sounds like a interesting and despicable yet powerful and magnificent villain.

What's his development? He does change and learn anything? He does win? Or lose?

Watch me destroying my country

edited 22nd Jun '18 6:01:09 PM by ChaoticQueen

I see, that sounds pretty cool.

Opinions on Yoshiko?

Watch me destroying my country

She seems like a real piece of work. Not every day the villain is a Fragile Speedster.

Yoshiko seems like a real nasty person if I ever met her in life. Her reaction to her parent's death is a little concerning, if she indeeds cheer because of it. While it is true that her past might make her a little sympathetic and her mental degradation can be understandable, she is pretty hateable for what she does because of Misao.

Overall, I can see her being a Hate Sink for anyone who ever got bullied and tried to fight back.

I'm going to upload my guy soon, so be right back.

• Name: Kanim
• Age: 22-25
• Appearance: A dark-skinned man with black hair, he wears ragged battle attire, where you can see half of his bare chest and shoulders.
• Personality:
  • Rather personable and friendly when meeting him despite his ragged appearance, Kanim nevertheless never passes up a chance at a fight. Hedonistic to the fault, he picks on guys stronger than he is, despite knowing about what they could do to him. And it has worked out pretty well for him.
  • Kanim seeks to go the distance, to test how much he can go forward in life while he is in danger, placing himself in as much perilous situations as he can.
  • Despite this, and murdering many people, he is disgusted at displays of depravity, such as torture, putting heads on pikes, desecrating corpses, or hurting people who have no intention of fighting or those who have no ability to fight. Eventually, he will betray you if you do enough deeds that disgust him, quite literally stabbing you in the back.
  • On the rare chance you see him on his off-days, he has no problems talking to enemies and giving them advice.
  • Aside from that he is easily bored, and often times, gathers his things and travel to a new place to call home before repeating again.
• Role: Serves as a henchman for an Arc Villain before inevitably betraying them.
• Motivation: He wants to fight as much as people as possible before dying on the battlefield, and wants to live as much as possible to achieve that.
• Goals: To experience life's pleasure at his fullest.
• Background:
  • Once a former servant to whom his parents owed an enormous debt to, Kanim had no name to call his own and was sold off by his own parents. He was raised as a mercenary with a particular liking for blood, and a talent for the Blade. His brothers by arms and his master was feared what he could do and conspired with an Esper (a mage in this universe) to get rid of him.
  • Kanim was kidnapped and sacrificed to a powerful demon. However in his dying moments, the demon clearly saw his eyes, and blessed/cursed him with a powerful ability to give his wounds to other people.
  • Mere days later, he slaughtered his former brothers in arms. Now, he wanders the earth at his leisure, himself as his own master.
• Abilities:
  • Avenged Sevenfold: His signature curse/ability. Whatever injury he takes can be piggybacked onto someone else, and they take all of his wounds instead. Lacerations, burns, blunt trauma, anything that can be considered a wound can be delivered to any organic being who can get the same type of wounds. It can bypass all but the strongest of magical barriers as the curse causes the wounds to appear from the inside of the barrier, as the curse makes it so that the one getting the wounds from Kanim had those injuries beforehand before barriers were raised. Later, he is able to do this from a distance using a blade carved out of his very soul.
  • SuperStrength/Flash Step: Very fast, and able to slice down buildings with a single stroke at his best.
  • Master Swordsman: Self-taught and a talent for the Blade on the Battlefield.
  • Healing Factor: Avenged Sevenfold allows him to recover to a state before he received any injuries prior to his curse. He actually gets a real one, which ironically enough hinders the curse of Avenged Sevenfold.
• Weaknesses:
  • Despite the potency of Avenged Sevenfold, there are quite a few drawbacks:
  • Firstly, he has to not die before using it, as Avenged Sevenfold has to have a verbal and mental command initiated at the same time. The potency is reduced if he does not say it out loud.
  • Despite being Super Strong, Kanim can still die from decapitation, headshots, anything that can kill someone instantly is something he has to keep in mind on the battle field.
  • For Avenged Sevenfold, it only works on organic beings. Robots and ghosts are completely immune to the curse.
  • Kanim needs to physically touch the person, or use a physical medium to connect to a person he needs to transfer his wounds to. This drawback is reduced somewhat, as he later gains the ability to release his wounds in a burst of aura, taking care of multiple enemies at the same time, but he still has issues with range.
  • He cannot give people his sickness, as those don't count as wounds. Furthermore, he can't poison other people even if he is poisoned himself. Natural causes are also off the table.
  • Lastly, Avenged Sevenfold can take a lot of him. Something like a paper cut doesn't bother him, but the more wounds he releases the more he grows exhausted. Once he went to a coma for a month due to the number of wounds he accumulated before using Avenged Sevenfold.
• Tropes:
  • Affably Evil: Is very personable outside his work or on the battlefield, once offering his own umbrella to someone he didn't even know.
  • Anti-Villain: Of the Noble Demon variety. While true, his lifestyle is nothing worth pursuing, he displays quite a delicate care to other people who he's not fighting
  • Amazon Chaser: Takes a liking to Levinia when she escapes him. Then again, he doesn't particularly mind strong men either...
  • Berserk Button: Kanim is the type of guy to take hits and brush them off, but on a few occasions, he dropped his blood thirst act and went straight for the kill, when he finds out his employer betrayed him and his compatriots at work.
    • Kanim also despises cowards, traitors, and deserters.
  • The Berserker: Major injuries do not slow him down, and even make him laugh because of it.
  • Bi The Way: Strong Woman, strong men, it doesn't particularly matter. If they can give him a good enough fight, he takes a liking to them.
  • Blood Knight: His Main personality trait. The thrill of the fight is his true master, despite what he says, and you can be sure he will face certain death with a smile on his face.
  • Boisterous Bruiser: Is plenty friendly outside the battlefield.
  • Chronic Backstabbing Disorder: For someone who's origin story involved be betrayed and taking revenge because of it, he sure doesn't mind doing it to people he doesn't particularly like. Whether because of blood lust, or because his employer/ally did something to piss him off, he truly is his own master.
  • Combat Sadomasochist: He laughs out loud whenever someone deals him a great blow
  • Counter-Attack: The very basis of Avenged Sevenfold
  • Even Evil Has Loved Ones: Over time, he grows to care for his compatriots, the Jaegers.
  • Even Evil Has Standards: Bloodthirsty killer he may be, he has problems with prolonging someone's suffering such as torture, or desecrating a corpse. He also refuses missions where the objective is to harm an innocent or anyone who is too weak to fight.
    • He displays disgust to Ilohin, Sunto, and Pyras and wants nothing to Do with them.
  • Fan of the Underdog: Which makes sense, considering Kanim is nothing special power-wise, except Avenged Sevenfold
  • Friend to All Children: Children is one of the surefire ways to bring out his inner goodness.
  • Friendly Enemy: Basically his relationship to everybody, except the ones he doesn't like
  • The Gambling Addict: One of his favorite past times, despite having shit luck in those games.
  • Go-Karting with Bowser: On his off-days, he can be seen fishing for the biggest game, which is how Levinia met him.
  • The Hedonist: He lives his life as he pleases.
  • I Fight for the Strongest Side!: Many times in the past, he grew bored of being on the side with the most advantages, so he switched sides and turned the tables.
  • In Harm's Way: How he wants to live his life, the way he wants it: fraught with danger.
  • Might Makes Right: Firmly believes it. It doesn't matter if your beliefs are just. Can you defend it is always the question to him.
  • Noble Demon: He will never fight an unfair match or against an opponent who's not in perfect shape and will never harm someone who's incapable of fighting.
  • No Sense Of Directions: A Running Gag involving him.
  • Punch-Clock Villain: His Main role really. He isn't all that villainous, bloodlust aside, and the usual reason he's on someone's side is because they promised him people to fight.
  • Sparing the Aces: If you impress him enough, he'll let you live with your life, on the condition that he drops in on you at any time after you are healed and trained up.
  • Victory Is Boring: Why he sometimes switches sides spontaneously in battle.
  • Wandering the Earth: If he so happens to be bored, he takes up his things and leave to pursue another battlefield
  • Wouldn't Hurt a Child: One of the things that will get him on your case is the slaughter of innocents, but especially children.
  • Worthy Opponent: Anybody who lives or he lets live is treated this way.

Edited by SkyHavenPath13 on Jul 21st 2018 at 7:05:37 AM

He seems remarkably like someone who, while despicable in how easily and often they change sides, is also refreshingly not a Depraved Bisexual - sexuality and evil are kept separate, which should be more how it is...

Liking the design, the pursuit of strength in everything - I can kind of relate in a certain way, oddly enough.

---

• Name: Errah Anthelion Debaoth

• Age: Due to time travel shenanigans, she's around a few thousand years old.

• Personality: Errah comes off as a haughty goddess at first, a truly selfish woman who prioritizes the worship she feels she is owed as a true goddess and one who "fills the role" of a Holy Presence. She feels that by existing you do her a service, so it is better yet that you do that whole "existing" thing on your knees. However, beyond her holy demeanor, she is completely obsessive about the human knight Thesion, one of the traveling partners of Abrio Harth. There are a number of reasons why she and Thesion cannot be an item, much as she loves to talk to herself about how he should join with her and rule in Heaven with her, and how she is his only "worthy" mate. She does not care about any of these reasons. Her personality is obsessive and totally focused on desires, deriving from her backstory and why exactly she exists as she does - she is literally made of the frustrated desires, despair, and unrequited yearnings of a lonely girl who has lived most of her life by herself in a tower, which led to inklings of Godhood when she was exposed to a potent power source.

• Abilities: Given her statements to the effect, she is actually a powerful deity - being capable of creating life, sundering the ties of death, controlling the minds of mortals she has purchase in, controlling causality itself, and she manipulates the highest power of Light available; being able to conjure exploding stars, "rays of control" that either brainwash or excruciatingly damage those resistant to the former option, and devastating laser beams.

• Weaknesses: This is one deity very prone to forgetting her (more OP) powers, especially when she gets obsessive about Thesion. She develops tunnel vision, and focuses almost entirely on getting him as opposed to anything else she might want.

• Goals: THESIONTHESIONTHESIONTHESION...ahem...aside from that, she desires to establish herself as the only deity in existence, which, in a setting where All Myths Are True and Gods Need Prayer Badly means she would need to commit a lot of genocide...not that she minds.

• Motivation: Her motives by and large are shallow and immediate - she wants Thesion now, she wants to become the sole God so that she can enforce her will over him and others, and she wants to erase any nonconformity, which in her mind "inflicts ME with pain."

• Role in the story: Big Bad

• Backstory: She started life as the human Elaine Debeas' emotions, specifically her very negative, confused, lonely and threatened-feeling ones. Elaine was plunged into a pool of water in the course of a battle with some Angels that turned out to be connected to something called the Heavenly Circuit. Elaine's negative emotions were seemingly purged, and she exited the waters blissfully unaware of what had transpired prior. However, her dark emotions - to use a certain term, her shadow - formed within the timeless location of the Heavenly Circuit. It metastasized there, becoming Errah, the Goddess. It then exited, existing three thousand years prior to the plot. Errah then established herself as the supreme Goddess, thus retconning herself in as the figure the formerly leaderless Council of Angels followed. Being that the Council was dangerous when they were just a Big Bad Ensemble, this is bad.

• Relevant Tropes:
• A God Am I: She actually backs up the talk with an appropriate amount of power. She's cursed a number of characters to reincarnate into misery, and says she can see causality and rearrange it to benefit her.
• Brainwashing for the Greater Good: What she alleges all her brainwashing is. Anyone else can see this is not the case.
• Co-Dragons: Her Seven Archangels, though it seems among them Metatron, Voice of the Host, has the highest standing with her. She seems to use Samael as an executioner.
• Cure Your Gays: Averted - for all her power, she cannot do this. It is due to the high station she sees Thesion as having in her mind. She literally cannot change him, when she is basically an all powerful deity otherwise.
• Dark Is Evil: For all her light powers, her outfit is mostly black and those black Femme Fatalons look pretty scary.
• Despotism Justifies the Means: Utopia to her, Dystopia to everyone else outside her circle of worshipers.
• Evil Is Hammy: Once she cuts loose and ditches her stoic act, she hams it up with the best. "Repent of your crime in Hell!!" "Elucidis Antitopia - rejoice, this spell will burn the life from your body, Abrio!!!"
• Evil Is Petty: What is her grand desire? A World of Silence? A brainwashed, hostility lacking utopia? Nope, she just wants this one guy to rule at her side and grind all those who oppose her to paste beneath her boots.
• Flat Character: Not much complexity to her - she's a cruel goddess consumed by negativity, and as Abrio puts it, she's constantly basically saying "I WANT". This is because of her origins - she's not a complex, born human being. She's a bundle of negative emotions, dread, worry and obsession, and a momentary god complex made to cope with these emotions.
• Heteronormative Crusader: Subverted - she projects the image, to fire up her more reactionary ground level allies, but she doesn't give a shit about proper relationships or conservative ideals beyond how well they serve her ends - namely, acquiring Thesion.
• Incompatible Orientation: In Elaine, she was conflicted, saddened and unable to move on - Thesion was gay, but he was the first person to treat her decently, and she grew to love him. Pressed with the reality, she eventually grew to realize she'd had a negative reaction before and moved past it. In Errah, she became utterly obsessed with him, and was unwilling to let him go. "I won't allow you to not love me. I am Shekinah. All mortals are bound to love me, adore me, venerate me. If being a homosexual means you cannot return the love of your goddess, I will not allow there to be ANY homosexuals EVER."
• It's All About Me: She is really obsessive about people venerating her - if they will not, she'll visit "Sodom's Bane" upon them for the so called "sheer disrespect and impoliteness" of not giving her what she wants.
• It's Personal: She sees it as such with Abrio - he used to be a god, and the very fact he keeps showing up and opposing her is taken as a challenge, despite the fact Abrio has no desire to go back to being a god.
• Jerkass Gods: She seems to mostly experience haughty and cruel emotional reactions, and those who do not give her the adulation she expects are given only destruction and hate.
• Mad God: She is blatantly not a completely whole being, and this is reflected in her insane personality, uncontrollable yearnings, and immediate need to follow any desires she has - basically, she experiences desire as "I want that - ergo I'll just immediately take it."
• Meaningful Name: On three fronts - Errah sounds a lot like Eris, Greek Goddess of Chaos, Anthelion is a type of light halo cast around great darkness and Debaoth is derived of Yaldabaoth, the Gnostic Demiurge. She is a Goddess of Chaos, claiming ownership of the universe for her own selfish ends, aiming to imprison someone mind and body for her own ends.
• Not Brainwashed: Elias, her top human lieutenant, seems like an open and close case of brainwashing...but he was playing it up. Mostly to get the heroes to use their anti-brainwashing spell on him, given it requires getting close. Errah recognizes this by giving Elias great power in recognition of his deeds.
• Not So Stoic: At first she projects the image of being a completely calm, high and mighty figure. Her front cracks when Thesion is brought up, but eventually it totally dissolves, and she rants to Samael about how she wishes Thesion would suffer and thus bring himself "so close so close so close so close so close to me..."
  • Samael: As you command, my lady. I will excruciate him - drag him down, torture him and slay—-
  • Errah: No. Not slay. Make it clear. He will love Errah or he will see his life become subsumed by a tidal wave of abject misery.
• Orcus on His Throne: Errah believes she is too important to directly fight Abrio and friends - so she instead arranges foes and villains for them to fight, and gives orders to the Seven Archangels, who are much more active Co-Dragons.
• Outside-Context Problem: The heroes are utterly caught unprepared and have no knowledge of her before she shows up after history changes. The Angels were previously just a tribe of beings that followed what they thought were the whims of the "Creator", which led to totalitarianism. Then she showed up and they kind of subsumed the Creator into worship of Errah.
• Sadist: Claims that the pain of her enemies translates into worship of her.
• With Great Power Comes Great Insanity: On top of not being the most mature or complete entity possible, her extraordinary power as a result of diving through the Heavenly Circuit warped her mind.
• Yandere: Ohh boy. The things she is willing to do if she thinks she can acquire Thesion through them. Among other things, she has Thesion's boyfriend brutally beaten several times, tortured, put through Mind Rape, and ultimately used electric force to castrate him out of sheer spite just when it looked like the heroes won the day and were about to rescue him. She even gloats through an enchanted horn that "he will NEVER know pleasure again - only pain. Only blessed pain through which he venerates and worships Errah! AHAHAHAHAHA! AHHHHAHAHAHAHAHA!!"
  • Gabriel:...M-M'lady...doing such a thing...
  • Errah: Be thy silent Gabriel, I will be spiteful and cruel to mine enemies, for they dost deserve it for not worshiping me.

Sign on for this After The End Fantasy RP.

Possibly a small thing to jump on, but is the middle name really necessary? 'Cause these kinds of three part names sorta smack of 'Serenity Darkmoon Raven' and the people at Lost Again picked that name as their default author for the Fanficmaker for a reason. (I'm trying, in a roundabout way, to intimate that it's a bit cliché.)

If you really like applying the concept of an Anthelion to the character, perhaps it might be an idea to make it one of her titles or symbols?

Other than that the character is a serviceable antagonist. The castration thing seems a bit unnecessary, though.

A few comments outside of the character:

This is a prime example of Ye Olde Butchered English.

Also the references to Judeo-Christian mythology seem somewhat out of place in a world that's evidently not ours. Terms like Sodom or Archangels with a title like the Metatron or names like Samael and Gabriel feel out of place in a world that didn't have Judaism and Christianity. (It's somewhat like having a character insult a wizard by calling them 'Harry Potter' in a world where Britain, and therefore J.K. Rowling and the Harry Potter series, never existed. In that it makes the reader wonder 'How do these characters even know what that is.')

Angry gets shit done.

I feel that "Omnipotent Yandere" is a bit too vague, overpowered and simple concept for a character with such a central role to the story as the Big Bad. I think she either needs to be moved away from the spotlight a bit or to be fleshed out more. Of course, it depends on the context: how powerful the heroes are and what is scope of the actual story is. I think exploring her backstory within the story would give her the necessary depth if you intend to keep Errah flat in her current state.

Eh, here goes nothing...

Name: Taij^note Prince, more or less Nergui

Role in the story: One of the POV characters.

Age: Early thirties

Appearance: Clean-shaved, brown-eyed Central Asian man of average height with short brown hair. Strong build, proud stature and broad shoulders make him look taller than he actually is.

Personality: Shows eloquence and refined manners appropriate for a Prince of Ganzorighian Qaghanate, but lacks any kind of actual personal charm, using them mostly to hide his resentfulness and insecurity. Brooding and serious when lets his guard down.

Abilities: None, and none too happy about it.

Weaknesses: Despite being a valorous warrior and a talented general, his cowardice in day-to-day dealings with the world and his colossal self-loathing, despite his many talents are his glaring flaws.

Goals: Usurping his father's title is the main motivation behind his actions throughout the story, but it's not his goal anymore. Deep down, he wants to avert the mess that is about to happen seeds of which he's sown when he was 18, but he thinks it's too late for him to do that. Key word is thinks.

Relevant tropes:

• Anti-Villain: while his problems stem not from actual maliciousness, but from the toxic culture he's part of, family tragedy and bad upbringing that followed it, ultimately, Nergui is the way he is by his own choice and against his better judgment.
• The Atoner: He feels he's already done the horrible deed and wants to make amends before things start spiraling out, but for reasons only known to himself he can't.
• Be Careful What You Wish For: Want to improve your status within the Qaghanate? How about causing a war on a yet unmatched scale to get that?
• Big, Screwed-Up Family: The Seed of the Conqueror is numerous and has no qualms about trimming itself. That's just Nergui's extended family, though. His close relatives get along a lot better, though the death of the Qaghan's firstborn soured the relationship within the family a bit.
• Broken Ace: Talented general, capable warrior and brilliant administrator, but the enormous pressure from his father and a failure to deliver (which is no guilt of his) has broken him. He was on the way of making a recovery, but then Ceallagh came to remind him of the little agreement they've had years ago…
• Deal with the Devil: The basis of his relationship with Ceallagh: "I'll give you my Gift in exchange for the War to end all Wars".
• Dirty Coward: The fate of the world is literally in his hands, he's in perfect position to start the World War or keep the peace. He just needs to defy a War Goddess to her face for the latter, but lacks the character to do that.
• I Just Want to Be Normal: Realized too late that being exceptional is not as fun as it made out to be.
• I Just Want to Be Special: Even the children of Qaghans want it, and this is what allowed Ceallagh to manipulate Nergui into making an agreement with her. He was starting to grow out of this and start cherishing what he already has, but the War goddess has other plans and will not take no for an answer.
• Middle Child Syndrome: He would be a lot better off if he stayed the middle son, but then the Khuntaij was assassinated, prompting his father to put most of his expectations on Nergui, and then it turned out his little bro is Gifted by Ceallagh…
• Moment of Weakness: Had three, but to his credit, he managed to spurn Ceallagh the first two times while still at a tender age. He's only starting to see what consequences that fated third time has on his life and everyone around him.
• Oedipus Complex: Resentment towards his father plays a big part in his actions, if only to get back at the person who's stripped him of his childhood, or so he believes.
• Proud Warrior Race Guy: A big problem of his is that the Taijs and the Khuntaijs are expected to act only in a certain way.
• The Resenter: Generally unhappy with his lot, even if it's miles better than that of the rest of the Empire.
• The Usurper: The end goal of his actions. He's started to consider that the rest of the world will burn in a destructive war in the process too late.
• "Well Done, Son" Guy: Twisted. "To make my father proud of me, I must depose him!"
• What Measure Is a Non-Badass?: Unfortunately, being merely brilliant is not enough to have a claim at the Qaghan title. You need to have the Goddess' favor for that.

Edited by Millership on Jul 26th 2018 at 10:49:38 PM

Spiral out, keep going.

I'm getting a bit of Values Dissonance here.

In the nicest way possible, I find your apparent position that a person who has issues stemming from parental neglect and massive pressure at a young age is a "coward" when it drives his/her decisions in bad directions both moderately concerning and mildly insulting. Trauma tends to screw with people, I'd like to think we all know that.

And as to him being a coward for not defying a god, do you consider a bank teller who opens the vault because a robber has a gun to her head to be a dirty coward as well? I certainly hope not. Beyond which, that same god plays a central role in his society. He's been raised to believe that her blessing is everything, whether intentionally or not. Consider how unthinkable it is to some people in real life to try and deliberately defy their god(s) (breaking commandments, taking political stances that go against scriptures, etc.), and now imagine that one of those people met that god face to face, and after struggling so long because he didn't have that god's blessing, the god turned up in person to offer it to him. The fact that he hasn't become some psychotic preacher or started flaunting his superiority ("You plebeians were born with the gift? The goddess visited me directly to grant it to me! I am the true chosen of the goddess! Suck it!"), and in fact has qualms about carrying out her will marks him as a far better, far stronger person than you seem to be giving him credit for. And hell, at the age he was at, a lot of people would have tried to take out their frustrations on others, but he seems to have resolved to work hard and improve himself. That's an incredible level of maturity there. I wish the people I'd known as children had acted this way when I outperformed them.

Also, you've said that the most talented are supposed to stay at court, so I'm not really seeing how calling him "the mountain of mediocrity" or sending him away qualify as "high praise," as you were referring to it. Those are both rather insulting; the former blatantly, the latter in a subtler, "I'm going to save face by pretending to be proud, and send you off where you'll get me what I want and I won't have to look at you anymore," kind of way.

I like him, and that seems to be the problem. I seem to find him more sympathetic than I'm supposed to.

Edited by Dragon573 on Jul 26th 2018 at 1:27:14 AM

It's kind of funny. Sufficiently advanced stupidity is like sufficiently advanced science; eventually, you find something you can't solve.

"The mountain of mediocrity" is a backhanded compliment, yes, but a compliment nonetheless. It is an acknowledgement of his abilities by a person who's leagues better than him. And while he was sent away from the Court, he was appointed to a position of actual authority, was given a land to govern, when those who stay at the Court tend to have the jobs of assistants of government officials right after the graduation.

On second thought, I'll admit that I went a bit overboard with the coward thing, but it was only to hold a person starting a war accountable for his actions, to not fully strip him of the responsibility for the loss of innocent lives when there was a choice in the matter. It's one thing when childhood trauma makes a person make stupid decisions with only them suffering the consequences. When it's others who are dying as a result of those mistakes, while the person's responsibility as a ruler is to keep the others safe, when the person in question knew what consequences his actions would have and still did it is a whole different matter. He could be given a lot of slack for what he did when he was 18 years old. But he still continued furthering Ceallagh's agenda as a thirty-something grown man when she asked him. I think that Nergui's situation is understandable but his actions are not excusable.

And I'm glad that you like him, he's a character the reader is supposed to be empathizing with.

EDIT: Elaborated my point a bit.

Edited by Millership on Jul 26th 2018 at 10:22:11 PM

Spiral out, keep going.

As to the comment about my character not being in the spotlight...well, reconsidering things, maybe Bigger Bad is the better term - Samael and Metatron do so much of the heavy lifting she probably does better qualify as a Bigger Bad. She does dish out the orders and occasionally does direct cruel actions (see; how she deals with Thesion's boyfriend), but the eventual fight with her comes after the equivalent of a three phase fight with Samael.

As for the power levels, a lot of characters are pretty OP, and half the fun I have writing this is seeing the various OP powers colliding.

Sign on for this After The End Fantasy RP.

just needs to defy a war godess.

Uh...I didn't knew that defying godess was so easy.

Also, about Errah...why a Godess born from the feelings of a teenager would even care about gay people, even if is to please her followers. And why she, who can brainwash everyone, can't change someone sexual orientation? Or her brainwashing have limits?

Heck. Why a godess would even think that gay people is non-conformity? That just sounds like if you want to have a Politically Incorrect Villain for the sake of it. There is a place for Flat Character, but not as the Big Bad itself unless she is meant to be only the Final Boss as Palpatine in the SW OT.

Edited by KazuyaProta on Jul 28th 2018 at 9:53:47 AM

Watch me destroying my country

Well. Now, this is from the same story of Yoshiko from this very same page.

He was initially meant to be a Neutral Big Good and he still is one...while also becoming part of the Big Bad Ensemble of the Final Arc (who —by the way— I am not sure of how end even after defeating the Final Boss).

---

Name: Kikuoka Hotoke Satori . Or at least, that is his favorite one.

Age: Indeterminable. Technically "just" 120-123 years old, actually way more time. Time is meaningless for entities outside the cycle of reincarnation.

Appareance: "Kikuoka" is a 30 years old looking asian male with brown hair and glasses. He usually dresses in a formal suit. Is a very ordinary looking person, The Everyman.

Personality: Kikuoka is a jolly and polite man who likes reading stuff (ranging from long philosophical books to trashy teenage fantasy novels). He even wrote not one, but three different series aimed to teenagers, not master pieces tho, but regular Light Novel stuff in his human persona (is complicated...Kikuoka is a mysterious entity)

Kikuoka has a human avatar who is the writer that writes trashy teen lit but who had no powers or special government. And there's also the Godly being Kikuoka.

History: Kikuoka is, as his name should indicate you if you know Japanese...A Buddha. Not the Buddha, but a person that had reach Enlightement and thus have break out from the cycle of reincarnation. Kikuoka is one of the few persons that managed to do it and choose to come back to the world to guide humanity to enlightement. Obviously, his methods to doing so ended up being...questionable to end up in this particular thread.

Kikuoka have a self inflicted rule of never directly interfering with humans. Never. Unless is to save someone who can be useful to his plans or something similar.

Kikuoka spend most of the time being the Big Good of the setting and the most easy to empatize due to not wanting to changing Society by taking control of society unlike the current Big Bad Marduk or the other Big Good.

He also seemed to be the best adversary against Big Bad Omnicidal Maniac Sophia. But...emphasis on seemed.

In the last Story Arc. Kikuoka reveals working with Sophia after having tried to stop her several times. Kikuoka rationizes it by admitting that Sophia is, despite all her power and special nature, a mortal, and thus a being that he can control if she tries to go more than what he wants. Kikuoka wants Sophia to destroy the world...so then Kikuoka's champeon (one of his many ones, there like four different ones, three in the "good guys" side and one as one of Sophia' Traitorously Ambitious Subordinate) can stab her in the back and then re-create the world as Kikouka wants (either just reset the timeline so Kikuoka can try again or —his favorite and ideal outcome— create a new multiverse where gods and demons don't exist).

Obviously. The later is a speciescide of a unheard scale. Leaving several species Deader than Dead in a multiversal scale.

His reason is a belief that demons are a obstruction to human development and thus, demons should be exterminated. A belief that is false due to the fact that there decent worlds with both humans and demons. However, Kikuoka still believes in it due to his own status as a being free of the cycle of Nirvana.

Eventually, Kikouka breaks his own rule of non interference after finding a loophole in his own code and manages to creates a body of his own. The Top God (who is a True Neutral entity and wouldn't be erased if Kikuoka reach his speciescide) is less than pleased about it, but allows it due to his massive Blue-and-Orange Morality. Imagine DBS Zeno-sama but with slight more emotional control, that is basically the Top God of the setting (more exactly, its avatar, the real Top God is a unthinking Almighty Idiot).

Said body is stupidly strong of its own despite losing most of the absolute Reality Warper powers of Kikuoka, but eventually, Kikuoka is attacked for Sophia, who is Not Quite Dead (she is never quite dead).

Kikuoka fights her in a Enemy Civil War of Evil Versus Evil and then he...lose. Sophia is able to summon her real Eldritch Abomination body and overpower Kikuoka, absorbing him after having absorbed the Guardian of the Axis Mundi and thus becoming the new most powerful being on the setting. Not quite as powerful as Kikuoka, but strong and skilled. Unlike him.

Kikuoka lose despite having understimated the "mother of humans souls". Despite having nothing but love to the concept of humanity. Talk about a Ironic Death.

He revives after Sophia' defeat and is forced to accept that he was wrong. Losing his powers and finally dying for real for "some trillions of years at least".

Edited by KazuyaProta on Jul 28th 2018 at 11:26:29 AM

Watch me destroying my country

I can see how the difference in sheer power is the problem here, how it makes Nergui a bit too sympathetic. With him, I want to deliver a message of "While it is commendable to have morals and try to live by them, if you've went against them at the first sight of danger and the other people suffer for it, your morals are worth jack shit."

I can see that at the current state of things I'm basically asking Nergui to become a martyr. But is the message itself that is problematic? If not, how can I make its execution less so?

My understanding of Buddhism in general and Enlightenment in particular is very limited, to say the least, but couldn't the status of Buddha be revoked? Consider this:

1. After his ascension, Kikuoka shouldn't concern himself with earthly matters.
2. Even if he did, as a truly Enlightened, Kikuoka would see the flaws in his own reasoning, and not act upon his initial plan for destroying the world, since it would affect not just the demons, but the innocents too.
3. The instant he starts seriously considering Omnicide, Kikuoka disappears in a Puff of Logic, since Enlightenment is the source of his powers and he's failed to act upon it.

It's good if despite the all of the above, Kikuoka is compatible with the actual real-world Buddhist teachings. If not, then there are probably some Unfortunate Implications concerning Buddhism here.

Edited by Millership on Jul 29th 2018 at 12:32:23 AM

Spiral out, keep going.

As far as your questions Kazuya Prota, Errah's reason for being so utterly bent out of shape over gay people is entirely because of that one guy - her original self was momentarily obsessed with him. Errah, as an exaggeration and embodiment of those feelings, obsesses over him past the point of rationality. Which ties into the point of why she can't simply brainwash him.

Deities and Gods in this setting cannot mentally influence another God or Deity of the same or higher station as one another on multiple levels. Because Errah is convinced Thesion is a worthy mate, and her destined husband, in her mind this means he is fated to be her equal. So she literally cannot do that no matter how much she may want to.

As far as her being a Flat Character, the characters are themselves kind of baffled; "why is she so horrifically cruel?" "doesn't she have any other traits than "I'm a cruel, evil Goddess" and "I WANT HIM NOW!!"?" She doesn't. She's literally just a mass of insecurities, obsessions, fears, hate and loneliness, combined with a momentary God Complex stretched out over the entirety of her existence.

She is by and large the Final Boss, letting the Angels she basically inherited do most of the heavy lifting, and the sum total of the final battle is just as much fighting off her gigantic Shekinah Glory Humongous Mecha thing as it is Elaine, who Errah sprang from, coming to terms with, accepting, and ultimately quieting Errah for good.

Sign on for this After The End Fantasy RP.

My understanding of Buddhism in general and Enlightenment in particular is very limited, to say the least, but couldn't the status of Buddha be revoked? Consider this:

There many conflicting views about Enlightenment, but in Kikuoka' case. He is a Boddhisava (buddha that stay on earth, is a actual tradition) and certainly not a regular buddhist.

Seriously. Actual Buddhist gods are like "oh shit, we really didn't expect this".

Watch me destroying my country

Some context is required for this post. So, years ago, I had this little idea for a horror-comedy story. But not long after, the first Five Nights at Freddy's came out, and everyone started talking about it. I kinda abandoned my idea, fearing that no one would like it because it was too similar to FNAF. But now, I wanted to give it a chance. So based on my memories and notes that I wrote down years ago, I put together an entry for the two main villains of my horror story:

• Name: Harvey the Hippo and Aubrey the Alligator
• Role in the story: Big Bad Duumvirate
• Age: It's complicated, but they're definitely very old.
• Appearance: A pair of dusty and slightly worn out mascot costumes (read: not animatronics, just empty costumes). Harvey is a huge, light blue hippo, and Aubrey is a slightly shorter, but still very tall, green alligator.
• Personality: Harvey is boisterous and larger than life. Aubrey is more cunning and subtle. Both are cruel and murderous, although they have a certain affability at times.
• Abilities: Both are skilled at making deathtraps. Harvey also has sheer brute strength and bulk, while Aubrey is slippery and agile. Being living costumes may also allow them to do things like take Amusing Injuries and use Detachment Combat.
• Weaknesses: I never thought about that when I did those notes... maybe Harvey is too impulsive, and Aubrey is kind of cowardly?
• Goals: Kill/scare people and generally cause havoc.
• Backstory: In 1924, a man named Jonathan Killam started his own bakery/candy shop, and created two cartoon mascots for his shop, Harvey the Hippo and Aubrey the Alligator. He had costumes of them made so he could hire people to play the characters. The shop was running well until Killam died of unknown causes in 1943, after which the shop was quickly shut down. Although the doors to the bakery were closed forever, the building was left intact as a historical landmark. At some point after this, the Harvey and Aubrey costumes were possessed (by who or what, I haven't decided. Maybe the ghosts of the employees who originally wore the costumes, maybe both by the ghost of Jonathan Killam, maybe just some demons from hell... I don't know.) The haunted mascots began building a massive, deathtrap-laden labyrinth underneath Killam's shop, and years later, they started luring people into the shop to trap them in the labyrinth and have some fun with them...
  • Beware the Silly Ones: A pair of goofy-looking mascot costumes... that want to kill you.
  • Black Bead Eyes: Both costumes have these. At one point it may have made them look cute, but now they look more like Black Eyes of Evil.
  • Boisterous Bruiser: Harvey is larger than life in every sense of the term.
  • Demonic Possession: Technically, the costumes themselves are not evil, but they have been possessed by evil demons, ghosts, or something else that have taken on their personas.
  • Does Not Know His Own Strength: One idea I had in my notes was that, at some point, Harvey unintentionally kills someone by smashing something that the person was hiding in or behind, and never finds out that he killed that person.
  • Evil Brit: For some reason, in my notes, I decided that Aubrey should have a British accent.
  • Evil Is Bigger: These guys are fighting human protagonists. Aubrey is probably 6 or 7 feet tall, while Harvey is even bigger. Now that I think about it, it's strange that these would be created as mascot costumes that any employee could wear. Maybe that could play into a plot twist if I go further with this story.
  • Evil Is Hammy: They're both pretty loud and excitable. Harvey hams it up the most, but Aubrey gets in on it too.
  • Evil Sounds Deep: Harvey's voice is very deep and intimidating, going with his Scary Black Man personality. Aubrey's voice won't be quite as deep, but maybe a little.
  • Expy: In terms of voice and personality, Harvey was largely inspired by Oogie Boogie, with a bit of Kevin Michael Richardson's Joker too.
  • Fangs Are Evil: Both characters have scary sharp teeth. Despite looking like part of the costume, they're somehow just as sharp and dangerous as real fangs.
  • Fat and Skinny: Harvey is fat, Aubrey is skinny.
  • Faux Affably Evil: Harvey and Aubrey often act friendly to mock their victims, although maybe they'll get a few genuine Affably Evil moments just for Rule of Funny.
  • Funny Animal: These mascot characters take the form of a cartoonish, anthropomorphic hippo and alligator.
  • Laughably Evil: They're very comical, even when they're killing people.
  • Never Smile at a Crocodile: Invoked with Aubrey. As the mascot character, he was intended as a friendly alligator. But the costume has been possessed by an evil, murderous spirit.
  • Put the "Laughter" in "Slaughter": They laugh often, especially when killing people.
  • Red Oni, Blue Oni: Harvey is loud and destructive, while Aubrey is more calm and laid back, but no less dangerous.
  • Scary Black Man: Harvey has the voice and mannerisms of one.
  • Scary Stitches: Both costumes have very noticeable stitching, which adds to the creepiness.
  • Those Two Bad Guys: They work together to kill and frighten people.
  • Villainous Friendship: As cruel as they are to other people, Harvey and Aubrey get along with each other just fine.

Yeah, this is gonna need a lot more development, but do you guys think this is a good start? And is it too similar to FNAF?

Edited by DrNoPuma on Aug 7th 2018 at 10:04:53 AM

I haven't played the particular game that Tango is from, but still... robo kitty. :D

I always try to avoid certain fandoms like FNAF or Undertale, because how easily can it go into Squick territory. But, I am a horror enthusiast and your concepts do seem interesting.
As I read Harvey and Aubrey's backstory, I believe either spirits of employees or their creator would be a better origin of the mascots' animation. These spirits must hold a grudge or something else (for example being terrible people in life) if their goal is to scare and/or kill any unfortunate soul to enter the bakery. Additionally, I suggest thinking over their weaknesses. Even such monsters like Freddy Kruger or Jason Vorhees have some sort of weakness, that may allow protagonists to survive the encounter or even beat them.
I don't know what else to say. Although I like horrors, my specialty are Zombie horrors.
Now, let me tell you about my antagonist in a Trapped in Another World story. The whole premise is similar to Gate, where through portals popping out everywhere in our world, mystical beasts like griffons or wyverns, fantasy races like elves or orcs and knights clad in shining armors suddenly appeared. They searched for people marked by their gods. And, once they found them, they kidnapped them into their world before the portals closed. This event occurred three times. The heroes of this story would be humans kidnapped during the third raid by the men of Kingdom of Firana.
Those chosen by gods receive various gifts from them to fulfill their bidding - a mastery of weapons, strong magics or rare talents like taming wild dragons. Some are even granted an opportunity to be reborn as a member of many fantastic species populating the land. All of the The Chosen Many however share one gift - an ability to communicate in every language in this world, even the ancient and forgotten ones. Each of the Chosen heroes have a mission issued by a god who marked them. If the heroes want to return to our world, they must fulfill the mission.
The heroes of the story were chosen by Ranal, the god of Chaos and Freedom (He is one of the good-aligned deities in the setting and he's allied with Agal, a god of Order and his brother). He gave them a mission to find his original chosen one, so he could fulfill his quest. The one, who knows of his whereabouts is the first major antagonist, a powerful sorcerer and the greatest enemy to the Kingdom of Firana named Kane.

• Name: Kane His real name is Mateusz Nowakowski
• Age: Hard to say, but if the historic records of Firana are true, he should be around 60 years old.
• Personality: Kane is Magnificent Bastard, who antagonized the royal family of Kingdom of Firana for over 40 years. To his enemies, he's cold and ruthless. To his allies, he's aloof, yet loyal. He's a depressed man, who wants to reunite with his family. He has severe self-esteem issues, because of his Dark and Troubled Past in our world and what he was forced to do to survive in this fantasy world. He keeps his allies at a distance so they won't learn of his true self and shunned all possible lovers due to feeling unworthy of being loved.
• Appearance: Kane wears a dark purple cloak over his black armor. He hides his face behind a golden mask resembling a human skull. He always carries with himself a staff and a sword made out of Arkanite, the strongest metal in the setting.
• Abilities: Kane has high affinity with three magic elements: Earth, Metal and Life. Earth magic allows him to shape the landscape and rocks. Metal magic allows him to manipulate metal around him (strengthen armors and weapons, or turn them into rust) or transmute objects or living beings into gold. Life magic allows him to manipulate plant life, empower or weaken living beings with blessings and curses. When he combines his magic powers, he can create golems made out of rock or steel and summon treants. He's always accompanied by his sentient golem made out of Arkanite.
• Weaknesses: Kane relies on his golems and treants as his personal soldiers. Light mages, who know Banishment spell can easily destroy his creations and Fire mages can kill his treants with no problem. Also, Kane can easily exhaust his Mana reserves, especially when summoning his army. His Arkanite golem, however, is immune to Banishment.
• Goals: Overthrow the royal family and aristocracy of the Kingdom of Firana or to create a portal back to our world.
• Motivation: A deep grudge for the previous king of Firana, hatred towards Firana royal family and the kingdom's aristocracy. Desire to return to his world and reunite with his family.
• Role in the story: He's the first Big Bad in the story. He's one of the biggest enemies to the Kingdom of Firana, who antagonized the royal family and the kingdom's aristocracy for over 40 years. He's working for Dark Elf Empire, serving directly under the empress Salaza herself. When the story began, Kane was making allies with Orc clans, Dwarfen Holds and Beastmen tribes in order to create anti-Firana coalition. He's the chosen one of Ragal from the first wave and one of the few chosen from the first wave to survive this long. Most of the chosen died long before they could fulfill their quests. His mission is to overthrow the royal family and aristocracy of Firana, because the kingdom is oppressive and corrupt. At first, he served the royal family by protecting Firana from demons. During his service to the previous king, made friends with a knight named Avel and a priestess of Light named Vareesa. That came to an abrupt end when Kane discovered he could transmute gold. When the king heard of this, he ordered to have Kane locked up in a dungeon and force him to make gold until his dying breath. Avel and Vereesa, both blindly loyal to the king, turned on him and arrested him. Kane spend six months in that dungeon. During that time, his hatred towards the kingdom grew. He managed to break out when a small group of Dark Elves broke into dungeon to free their comrades. Once the leader of rescue team, Vala, heard of his plight and his ability to transmute gold, she freed him from his magic-nullifying chains. Before he left with the Elves, Kane stole a very precious thing from the king as a recompense for all the pain he put him through - his last Golden Apple of Iduun. These apples when eaten can halt a person's aging process.
  Afterwards, Kane traveled with Vala to the heart of Dark Elf Empire, the Dragon Isles. There, he presented his talents and his role as Ragal's chosen hero to the empress Salaza. The empress offered him a place in her court and promised him to treat him with care and respect. Having nothing else to lose, he accepted.
  Kane waged war with the royal family of Firana and the nobility for over 40 years, in the name of empress Salaza and his vengeance. His main adversaries are High Lord Avel and Grand Priestess of the Light Vareesa, champions of Firana.
• Relevant Tropes:
  • Name of Cain: He's a villain named Kane. Kinda obvious.
  • The Dreaded: He became one when he defeated Firanian general Elizabeth and executed her by smashing her with a giant boulder.
  • Evil Sorcerer
  • Dishing Out Dirt: His Earth magic allows him to shape the land or manipulate stones or dirt. He primarily sticks to making golems and flinging giant boulders at enemies.
  • Extra-ore-dinary: His Metal magic allow him modify alloys and transmute objects or living beings into gold.
  • Green Thumb: His Life magic gives him control over plant life, summon treants and allow to cast blessings or curses of nature.
  • Malevolent Masked Men: His golden mark resembles human skull.
  • Always Chaotic Evil: His allies, the Dark Elves, are seen as this. In reality, it's a case of Not Always Evil, in Dark Is Not Evil fashion.
  • Summon Magic: He can create armies of stone and metal golems and summon treants to his aid.
  • Elite Mook: His Arkanite golem, who gained sentience, is this.
  • Celibate Hero: A Celibate Villain in this case. According to his allies, Kane rejected all of his suitors, including the empress Salaza, the World's Most Beautiful Woman. It's because of his insecurities.
  • Cain and Abel: In-name only with High Lord Avel. Ironically, Kane is the good one, Avel is the bad one. Before Kane turned on the Kingdom of Firana, Avel considered him to be his brother.
  • Older Than They Look: While's he's around 60 years old, Kane without his mask looks like he's in his twenties. It's because he ate a Golden Apple of Iduun, halting his aging. One apple can halt one's aging for 50 years. When eaten alongside Abrosia, it halts for 200 years.
  • Star-Crossed Lovers: He fell in love with Vereesa when he first met her, and the feeling was mutual. Ever since he turned on the Kingdom of Firana, their every skirmish was a bitter one. Because of her blind faith in Firana's royal family and his mission being overthrowing them, they are destined to be enemies.
  • Well-Intentioned Extremist: Although his way of treating royal family and aristocracy of Firana is inhuman, he's in the end doing it to save the innocent people of the kingdom.
  • Tragic Villain: He has done things he's not proud of. But, if he wants to return home, he can't stop no matter what.
  • Stranger in a Familiar Land: After his long and merciless war against the Firana nobility, he slowly believes he doesn't deserve to return home.
    So, what do you think of him? Badass? Pathetic? Way too edgy?

Edited by ArcticDog18 on Aug 9th 2018 at 4:37:21 PM

I will become a great writer one day! Hopefully...

I have see way worse edge. He strikes me as a sympathetic Anti-Villain, which is fine and I really like the concepts behind him. Especially the Green Thump stuff, I am liking that power a lot.

Watch me destroying my country