"So, you know what the moral of this story is, kids? If you see Jiz in a mall and she offers you some cool candy- maybe some blow or some weed- you better run the fuck the other way, because I'm gonna put you in the sex slave trade, and then I'm gonna fuck your shit up! I'm gonna make you have abortions, I'll make you take loads, and then, eventually, I'LL FUCKING KILL YOU! Jiz."
A Gag Dub
of Jem and the Holograms
, created by "Sienna D'Enema," a Los Angeles area filmmaker who prefers to keep their identity under wraps.
The series presently has 19 videos to its name:
Needless to say, this series is NSFW.
Worth noting that Samantha Newark, the original voice of Jem, is aware
of the series and thinks it's hilarious.
- Abusive Parents: Jiz and Kimber's mother was at least as bad as adult Jiz. There's a reason Jiz organized her death.
- Actually Pretty Funny: Inverted.
Kimber: At least have the motherfucking decency to insult me with jokes that are actaully fucking funny.
- Played straight in real life in the case of Samantha Newark.
- Ambiguously Gay: Coupled with Ambiguous Gender. Depending on the short, Jiz could be a straight woman, a lesbian, or a gay man. Maybe Jiz is a trisexual hermaphrodite.
- Lampshaded in "Jiz Gets Political"
Jiz: I'm here for you to suck my dick!
John Boehner: Wait a minute, you have a dick? Ugh!
Jiz: I do in this episode!
- An Aesop: Most of the Starlight girl-centered installments seem to have a "lesson" at the end...or Jiz discussing the lack of one.
- Bears Are Bad News: Ba Nee gets eaten by a group of them, thanks to Jiz.
- Black Comedy Rape: "Oh my God, don't rape meeeee."
Aja: If I do not get high, I'll remember the rape. [beat]
Oh my God, I was raped!
Shana: "No" means "Yes" in Jamaica, mon.
- In another episode, Jiz is afraid that a black man (who is a respectable doctor) will rape her. She then follows this by saying that she was "ironically raped by a samoan".
- Catch Phrase: Ba Nee says "Eat my pussy" so much, she gets killed for it.
- Coming-Out Story: Kimber in "Kimber is a Dirty Lezzie." Jiz is so homophobic that Kimber ends up marrying Ellen Degeneres in an attempt to be accepted.
- Country Matters
- The Chew Toy: most of the girl's in Jiz's sex trade, except Chrissy
- No one really likes Ba Nee. To the point where Jiz feeds her to bears.
- Laura aka "Shitty Panties." After being ridiculed (and most likely molested) by Jiz, she escapes to join a group of fundamentalist Christians who are also horrible to her.
- Ashley gets dynamite put into a very uncomfortable place and gets blown up when Jiz forgets to rescue her.
- Kimber thinks of herself as this, although Jiz seems to think it's more a case of Tough Love.
- Children Are a Waste / Black Comedy: On the Pro-Life vs. Pro-Choice debate, Jiz is neither. She's Anti-Life.
- Deirdre also decides in "The Abortion Episode" that she doesn't want a "baby on her back" weighing her down.
- Defiant to the End: Ba Nee
- Early Installment Weirdness: Several of the voices in the first two videos are rather different from those in later videos. Otherwise, though, it's generally averted by the normal comedic Negative Continuity.
- Embarrassing Nickname: Ever since the commercial videos, Jiz simply refers to Laura as "Shitty Panties."
- Even Evil Has Standards: Jiz, for a very limited value of standards, will only kill assholes. Her example is elminating her mother who was at least as bad as she was, if not more. Then again, she seems perfectly happy to casually maim and murder other people for other reasons, like not getting abortions.
- Everybody Has Lots of Sex: Whether they want to or not. Played for Laughs.
- Everyone Is Bi: Also Played for Laughs.
- No Bisexuals: "But's let be honest...they're just kidding themselves..."
- "Facing the Bullets" One-Liner:
Jiz: So, any last words?
- Fan Disservice: Nothing Jiz does is actually meant to be titillating.
- The Fundamentalist: Laura belongs to a group.
- Gayngst: Parodied but ultimately Defied. When Jiz harasses Kimber for coming out as a lesbian, Kimber isn't taking any of it. Also defied in "It Gets Worse"; being gay doesn't suck, growing up does.
- Good Girls Avoid Abortion: In the world of Jiz, refusing an abortion and having a baby is the "bad" choice. It's not that it is the more moral choice, it's just that Jiz will kill you if you refuse. She really likes abortions. Ironically, Jiz's mother unsuccesfully tried to abort her.
- Hell: Apparently the Miami from "Golden Shower Girls" serves as this to Jiz's world.
- Identical-Looking Asians: When Aja gets her head blown off by the electronic drug dealer, the Mamograms just kidnap the dry clening lady and put a blue wig on her. Even the insurance company can't tell when they kill the new Aja to replace the old Aja's body.
- Ignored Aesop: "Bitch, I did not learn a damn thing. Now shut the fuck up and get me high."
- I'll Kill You!: Jiz threatens this a lot.
- Taken Up to Eleven when Bea Arthur wins Best Up-the-Butt Actress. Jiz blows up all of the other nominees and burns down the theater the award ceremony is held in.
- Larynx Dissonance: Jiz sounds a lot like Nathan Explosion
- Lampshade Hanging: Jiz frequently comments or complains about the trippy Jem and the Holograms music video sequences. Of course, in the Gag Dub, she's usually high anyway.
- Magical Computer: The Electronic Drug Dealer.
- Mushroom Samba: Laura steals Jiz's stash of angel dust to get closer to Jesus.
- Only Sane Man: Rio
- Politically Incorrect Villain: "I don't hate you because you're Black; you're Black because I hate you."
- Public Service Announcement: It Gets Worse
Hey guys, it's me, Jiz. I've got a messege to all you pansies and bullldaggers out there...that are all getting bullied at school and shit...and you're thinking about killing yourselves. Well, I've got something to tell you: It gets worse. That's right, you're gonna grow up and get a job, and its gonna suck. And then your gonna get a relationship, and it's gonna suck. And your gonna get old and fat and wrinkled, and it's gonna suck.
Yeah. life sucks! But you know what doesn't suck? Gay sex! Gay sex is fucking awesome. I mean, you're gonna grow old, and your life's gonna be pitiful and stupid, [cue music]
but at least you can look back and remember the fucking gay orgy that you had. There's still gonna be all those memories to beat off to
. So, I mean, if your gonna kill yourelf, do it because life is fucking retarded
, not becasue you're a fucking queer. God!
- Punctuated! For! Emphasis!: see Toilet Humor
- Refuge in Audacity: The whole series. Just...all of it.
- Religion Is Wrong: Jiz claims Christianity is "a disease that kills millions."
- Ret Canon: Kimber and Stormer are re-interpereted as gay in a new comic adaptation. of Jem and the Holograms.
- Sadist Show
- Sex Sells: Jiz gets away with her abortion activity by having two of her girls make out for the man pressing charges.
- Self-Made Orphan: After being told she must carry a baby to term (and being insulted) by her mother, Jiz sabotages her plane by stuffing the engine with shitty panties. Somehow, her mother was also impaled through her mouth with a vibrator.
- Sir Swearsalot: Kimber
"I'm on a motherfucking camel in the motherfucking desert."
- Subverted Kids Show:
- Stealth Pun: Harriet Upfucker.
- Streetwalker: Bobby.
- Toilet Humour: "Shitty panties!"
- True Art Is Incomprehensible: Mind Butt Explosion Part 4: The Assocalypse
- The Unintelligible: The Shitfits. Stormer's getting better, though.
- Unstoppable Rage: Chrissie unleashes this upon Jamal, drowning him.
- Verbal Tic: Kimber's tendency to say "motherfucking" nearly every other word.
- Queer People Are Funny: Pretty much every sexual orientation and fetish imaginable is the punchline to a joke somewhere or another. "Tranny," "Lezzie," and "Fag" are particularly common.