The world's favourite variety show needs its own Funny Moments page; and here it is!
- One At The Dance exchange between Boppity and a female muppet.
Female: But, don't you see? You've got to stand on your own two feet!
Boppity: But that's the problem! I've got three feet!
Female: Don't you feel silly with three feet?
Boppity: Sure, but the other one didn't come back from the cleaners!
Female: Do you really have three feet?
Boppity: Sure! (Raises feet) One! Two! Three! Ahh! (Falls) Ohh...three feet, and one broken back...
- The entire dialogue between Milton Berle and Statler and Waldorf (watch), but especially:
Statler: You want to know what you're doing wrong?
Berle: What am I doing wrong?
Statler: You're too close to the audience!
Berle: Oh, I am? (moves back a step) How's this?
Statler: You're still too close.
Berle: Oh, I'm sorry. (moves back again) Is this okay?
Statler: A little more.
Berle: How far back do you want me to go?
Statler: You got a car?
- Or a little later, when Berle actually admits they're Actually Pretty Funny while Statler and Waldorf take a jab at his comic "personality" (using other people's material):
Berle: You know, I got a good mind to punch you in your nose.
Waldorf: Please, not while I'm holding it!
Berle: That's pretty funny...
Waldorf: You can use it!
- How about earlier (than the above two examples) in the sketch?
Berle: I have been a successful comedian half of my life.
Waldorf: How come we got this half?
- In one Vet's Hospital sketch, the patient is a telephone. Not a Muppet-telephone, just a regular phone with a rotary dial. Hilarity Ensues as the cast makes one Incredibly Lame Pun after another, until...
Rowlf: Nurse Piggy, do you have the next line?
Piggy: (Trying to control her laughter) Y-yes, but I can't say it...
Rowlf: How come?
Piggy: THE LINE'S BUSY!
- In the Pearl Bailey episode, the final sketch is the jousting scene from Camelot, but due to licensing issues, the Muppets can't use the official score. So they use songs from other musicals.
Bailey: You know, Rowlf, this don't make much sense at all.
Rowlf: I know, but we're stuck with it!
- Statler and Waldorf's interaction is always good for a laugh.
Statler: Did you get your hearing aid fixed?
Waldorf: I don't.
- When Waldorf gives Statler the "evil eye"!
- Also, when Statler calls Waldorf "stupid"! (In the Lorreta Lynn episode)
- After a rendition of "Teenager in Love" in Season 1: "I remember being a teenager in love!" "Yeah, but Queen Victoria wouldn't have you."
- Similar to the adorable look of a frustrated Kermit, the "scrunched-in" appearance of Statler after Waldorf smacks or humiliates him is very laugh-worthy.
- Alice Cooper getting berated by Sam the Eagle:
Sam: Let me come right to the point. You, sir, are a demented, sick, degenerate, barbaric.. naughty.. freako!
Sam: ... Freakos one, civilization zero.
Cooper: [makes a "one point for me" mark in the air]
- Kermit suckering Miss Piggy into agreeing to go to dinner with Gonzo in the Mummenschanz episode, ending with Gonzo pressing his nose into her face and sheepishly saying, "Kissy kissy?"
- Followed by Miss Piggy forcing an apology from Kermit while Gonzo is still trying to hug her. "YOU'RE BREATHING ON ME!"
- Floyd informs Kermit that Animal has gotten bored with wrestling alligators and has switched to bowling, a move Kermit heartily approves as "much safer."
I don't know, man. Animal bowls overhand
[Cue barrage of flying bowling balls from offscreen.]
- Danny Kaye digging himself deeper after saying he first met Miss Piggy a long, long time ago, and their subsequent musical number, which Piggy aptly says beforehand will be a "battlefield."
- Sam's Critical Research Failure when Rudolph Nureyev guests. He forces everyone to wear formal clothes and decorate the theater, thrilled that the show finally has a guest that meets his standard of "culture" - only to reveal that he thinks Nureyev is an opera singer rather than a ballet dancer. ("Six of one, half a dozen of the other. Culture is culture.") Then when Nureyev arrives wearing street clothes, Sam doesn't recognize him and throws him out, thinking he's a beatnik.
- Kermit's frustration when he tries to help Fozzie with a joke, and Fozzie keeps giving him the wrong cue.
Kermit: Good grief, the comedian's a bear!
Fozzie: No, he's-a not! He's-a wearing a neck-a-tie!
- Frank Oz has said this was the sketch where he finally "got" Fozzie, and he thinks you can see a big improvement from the earlier episodes.
- Statler and Waldorf get so horrified when they discover they tossed a (fake) knife into Liza Minnelli's chest that they run into the scene frantically and admit that the knife was meant for the Muppet cast. Cue Liza breaking character: "Ah-ha!" The two are amazed at Liza's performance... then after the credits, we see them condemned to their box, in jail suits and metal bars surrounding the balcony.
Statler: How long are we here for?
Waldorf: Twenty years.
Statler: If I'd have known that judge was giving us the box, I'd have asked for the chair!
- Kermit's utter failure to sell any of his hard boiled private eye dialogue in the same episode.
- The original pitch for the show is this. "Sheer unrelenting hyperbole" doesn't even begin to describe it!
Announcer: And God will look down at us, and smile at us, and say "Let them have a 40 (percent) share!"
- Every single second of Marty Feldman as Scheherazade. "It's fantasy. You've got to suspend your disbelief."
- Plus, at the end Marty declares that Cookie Monster (this episode has a guest appearance by Sesame Street characters) is his favorite Muppet, though he doesn't know why. Next thing we see is a close-up of their two faces, with Feldman's famous bulging eyes next to Cookie Monster's. Then a bunch of googly-eyed Muppets come out on stage, and Kermit declares that Marty's had an influence on the whole cast!
- The Statler and Waldorf closer in this one has the Sesame Street Muppets up in the balcony with them. "How should we know the way to Sesame Street? We don't even know the way out of this theater!"
- In one episode, Fozzie needs five dollars from Kermit to pay his joke writer, the legendary Gags Beezly. (Paraphrased)
Kermit: The legendary Gags comes pretty cheap, doesn't he?
Fozzie: I worked out a good deal with him.
Kermit: You pay him by the line?
Fozzie: No, by the laugh.
Kermit: Oh, then he owes you money!
- When Kermit lets Statler & Waldorf run the show for the Hal Linden episode, the two old grumps end up having as much trouble as the frog. When Linden tries to do a musical salute to the duo's favorite holiday, he discovers that Statler's is the Fourth of July while Waldorf's is Christmas. Cue Linden singing patriotic songs while Gonzo & his chickens sing Christmas carols.
- The extended digression on the proper method of 'cavorting' from the Robin Hood episode, as led by 'Little John' Fozzie. "Cavort, cavort, cavort!"
Robin Hood (Kermit): Hi-ho, my Merry Men! What have you been doing? Cavorting, right?
Fozzie: Uh, cavorting wrong, actually...
Scooter: ..the Jabberwock, with eyes of flame, came whiffling through the tulgey wood, and burbled as it came!
Jabberwock: Burble burble! Burble burble!
- The first episode (featuring Juliet Prowse) has a skit with Rowlf and Fozzie as cowboys. Fozzie plays the outlaw and attempts to do a stick-up... with pickles. Loaded Pickles. He also has a carrot knife and an already lit apple bomb.
Rowlf: (slaps carrot away) Would you stop with the vegetables?
- In the Bernadette Peters episode, a dramatization of "The Ant and the Grasshopper" has an ending narrator Sam the Eagle wasn't expecting: " The grasshopper drove his sports car to Florida, and the ant got stepped on. What?" He's so upset by this that he even turns up in the balcony to chastise Statler and Waldorf for finding it funny!
- Whenever Statler and Waldorf heckle Fozzie! They're like a comedy trio!
- A particularly funny one is when Fozzie gets so tired of it he turns around and tells the audience that when he turns around, he wants to see nothing but real Fozzie fans. Everybody leaves. Even his cousin.
- This exchange from the Star Wars episode:
Statler And Waldorf: (After watching Rama Lama Ding Dong) Boo! Boo!
Sheep: (pokes its head through their spot) Baa! Baa!
Sheep: (with Statler and Waldorf) Baa-ah-ah-ah-ah!
- Close to the end of the Jean Stapleton episode, Jean approaches Kermit and says she'd like to do a duet with her favourite Muppet. Kermit automatically thinks she's referring to him and proudly says that it's a wonderful idea... At which Jean promptly asks where Crazy Harry is. Cue Kermit's stunned expression.
Kermit: And now, here she is, once again taking her life into her own hands — and throwing it away — ladies and gentlemen, Miss Jean Stapleton!
- In the Andy Williams episode, Kermit tries to imitate Miss Piggy's karate chop but fails miserably and she demonstrates the correct way to him and sends Kermit flying across the room until he hits the desk.
- Seaon 5, episode 14 (guest starring Mac Davis) with the Attack of the Beaker Clones. The result of a Muppet Labs copying machine accident, the clones chase Bunsen throughout the episode, crossing over into other skits like the Swedish Chef. The last bit of the joke comes at the end, though, when the Beakers completely take it over, replacing the band playing the theme and Statler And Waldorf for the "last laugh".
- In the Alan Arkin episode, Bunsen & Beaker carelessly handle a Jekyll & Hyde potion. Floyd foreshadows the incipient hilarity: "This could be a very different kind of show tonight."
- The bunnies hovering near Kermit throughout the episode after getting attacked by Alan Arkin during the 'Zip-A-Dee-Doo-Dah' number and this exchange:
Kermit: Would you guys stop following me?
Bun-Bun: Oh please, Mr. Kermit, protect us from your guest star, Alan Arkin.
Kermit: Uh, listen, guys. I know that Alan Arkin accidentally drank the Ultra Powerful Jekyll-Hyde potion, but he really is a sweet, sensitive gentleman. (Monster!Alan Arkin roars from inside of the guest star room, scaring Kermit and the Bun-Buns.) And I'll protect you from him!
- Also, one bunny tries hiding in Statler and Waldorf's booth;
Bunny: You look like two kindly old gentlemen. Can I hide here?
(Statler And Waldorf exchange looks)
Statler: Hey, Alan! Here's one you missed!
(Waldorf throws the bunny back down.)
- In the Petula Clark episode, there's a Moose running around backstage. His name is Mickey Moose. Kermit is not amused. It helps that they milk this gag for all its worth, even having the muppets run around with Mickey Moose hats and parodying the Mickey Mouse Club... and the moose being picked up by a duck named Ronald at the end. And let's not forget how Hilarious in Hindsight this is, considering Disney owns the Muppets now!
- "Gonzo fiddles while George Burns!"
George Burns: It's a pleasure to hear something that's older than I am.
- In the Steve Martin episode, Gonzo tries to pitch his new act during the auditions; Dancing cheese. And the next act to audition is called Gonzales and Yolanda. Cut to a staging similar to the dancing chicken act of the Rich Little episode, with Gonzo in Mexican attire, spitting out a rose with a block of cheese next to him.
Gonzo: (As the cheese dances) Arrrrrreiba! Ole! El toro! Enchilada! Dance you little firebrand, dance!
- Anything involving the news anchor.
- The most notable Crowning Moment of Funny for the News Flash sketches involves groundbreaking British absurdist comic Spike Milligan. It's all a Visual Pun.
The Newsman: Good evening, and welcome to Muppet News International.
Spike: Yes, you're welcome to it.
The Newsman: Simultaneous translations bringing you news infused across the language barrier.
Spike: (pantomimes previous statement in "sign language" - the Newsman looks at him) Hello.
Newsman: (to Spike) Are you going to tell them what I just said?
Newsman: Alright, here is the news: Things look grim (Spike looks to the audience sternly) in the Outback (Spike reaches for his back), as Rebel Leaders continue to fight amongst themselves. (Spike starts to punch and gag himself repeatedly, surprising the Newsman) Uh, first one side seems to be winning–
Spike: Yes, yes! (Pulls himself to one side)
And then the other side gets on top (Spike pulls himself to the other side)
, and casualties have been very heavy (Spike drops heavily to the floor)
as strong ties between the two factions (Spike grabs the Newsman's tie)
have been permanently cut (Spike cuts off the tie)
. Uh... eyebrows were raised today at the auction rooms (Spike removes his eyebrows and places them on his forehead)
, where a priceless antique vase came under the hammer. (Spike smashes a vase with a hammer)
Uh, rumors of a cover-up have affected prices (Spike places a blanket over the Newsman, who valiantly continues anyway)
... affected prices on the Stock Market where woolens were hit badly... (Spike picks up a sheep and hits it)
...eventually plunging to an all-time low. (Spike knocks the Newsman down) Augh!
The search continues for a missing man (Spike looks around)
said by the police to be dangerous and more than a little screwy. (Spike looks crazy and whistles)
The man was known as the inventor of the Deep Pop-Up Toaster. (Spike slams his fist onto the desk, causing the Newsman to fly up.)
Uh, next we have–
Spike: Fall fashions!
Newsman: (While falling to the ground) Augh! (Spike starts to attack the Newsman. Newsman gets up and struggles) A Newsman today was attacked by a mad English comic!
- One particular Statler and Waldorf bit involves them talking about the spirit of Thudge McGerk, supposedly still haunting theaters. Cue the monster: exactly as described. Statler is literally scared out of his seat, falling to the gallery below.
Waldorf: Listen, on your way back up, bring some popcorn!
Waldorf: With butter!
- From the first episode:
Statler: Say, Waldorf, I was wondering if you...(mouth keeps moving though no sound comes out)
Waldorf: Darn, I better get new batteries for my hearing aid.
Statler: Hahaha! I fool him every time! Hahaha- (Waldorf smacks him and his face gets scrunched in)
- The George Burns episode has an excellent medley wherein Burns gets a bunch of the muppets to act as a chorus. After they do a song with the line "Didn't wanna do it" repeated several times in the chorus, Gonzo keeps interrupting each song coming after that by singing "Didn't wanna do it" at the wrong times. It seriously has to be seen.
- In several At The Dance sketches, Animal 'dips' his partner by dropping her on the floor.
Whatnot girl: They shouldn't allow his kind in here!
Rowlf: You're right, he's a lousy dancer!
- Kermit firing Piggy in the Loretta Swit episode after spreading rumors of the two being secretly married in Las Vegas.
Piggy: It was just a teeny-tiny exaggeration.
Kermit: THAT'S A BOLD-FACED LIE, PIGGY!!! I WILL NOT STAND AROUND WHILE YOU DO DUMB THINGS LIKE THAT, PIGGY!!
- The John Denver episode has Denver and Kermit inviting the whole gang to the swamp for a camping trip. Miss Piggy continues to misunderstand what this means exactly. At one point, John starts to tell her about safety measures for snakes and alligators. As he explains that Piggy should shake her boots in the morning to get the spiders and creepy crawlies out, Piggy starts this high-pitched, nervous whine... and Denver absolutely loses it, laughing his ass off for the rest of the scene. See it here and remember to breathe!
- It gets even better. When Piggy confronts Kermit and calls him crazy for wanting to go on the trip, he offers the alternative of going to Piggy's home, the pigsty, "where pigs eat swill and wallow in the mud". No points for guessing what happens next.
- The Judy Collins episode has Sam the Eagle talking to Statler while both of them are unaware that Waldorf is hanging on the edge. He tries to make his way back up while making jokes based on their conversation and the skit ends when Sam unknowingly slams his fist down on top of Waldorf's hand, causing him to fall to the ground.
- You want to play tennis with meatballs, Statler and Waldorf will be more than happy to oblige from the comfort of their balcony.
- Bunsen Honeydew's demonstration on fire-proof paper goes awry, as usual. Things only get worse (for Beaker) when he reveals what next week's demonstration is.