Funny / Scott The Woz Season 5

"Oh, I'm sorry. Maybe a gun to your head will help take your mind off things!"

Scott The Woz (General) | Scott The Woz Season 1 (2017) | Scott The Woz Season 2 (2018) | Scott The Woz Season 3 (2019) | Scott The Woz Season 4 (2020) | Season 5 (2021) | Scott The Woz Season 6 (2022-Early 2023) | Scott The Woz Season 7 (2023-2024)

196- Nintendo Switch: Four Years In

• Instead of referring to the COVID-19 Pandemic by name whenever discussing events impacted by it, Scott instead decides to name a random skin disease whenever the topic comes up.
• Scott claims that thanks to the software portion of Mario Kart Live: Home Circuit being a free download, you can claim to own it when you don't.
  Scott: Oh yeah, I got Mario Kart Live.
  Jeb: Show us the car.
  Scott: Mmm... Didn't account for that question.
• And later when lying about downloading Fire Emblem.
  Scott: Hmm, yeah. I downloaded Fire Emblem.
  Rex: SHOW US THE F*CKING CAR!
• Throughout the video, he mentions a few game releases that were either hyped up or expected to do good, before quickly showing off their below average ratings on Metacritic. Special mention goes to Empire of Sin, which got delayed from it's inital 2019 release to December of 2020. Judging from his shrugging reaction to the trailer from E3 2019, he knew he expected the game to get a bad rating in the first place.

197- Value Pack Games

• When Scott brings up that, despite him not thinking about value pack games often, one of the most famous titles ever^note Super Mario Bros./Duck Hunt is an example of that:
  Scott: (holding box of pens) Bic?
• "Just think about how different my life would be if I had [a SpongeBob GBA 2-pack] as a kid." (split-screen of Scott smiling on the left in What Could Have Been, and Scott slightly grimacing on the right in "What Is")

198- New Play Control! for Wii

• Thanks to the low sound quality of the Wii Remote, Scott has lost his ability to tell the difference between playing Wii games and drowning.
  (Scott pulls his head up from under the water in the bath)
  Scott: Holy sh*t! I thought I was playing Mario!

199- Virtual Boy: I've Seen Better

• Scott opens the episode by ranking his cousins, then remarking that with how good he is at objective views, everyone should take his word on the Virtual Boy.
  Scott: (clipping the audio) OH MY GOD!!!
• Scott's praising of the Wii U for outselling Sweden^note By that he means the amount of Wii Us sold is higher than the population of Sweden while the Virtual Boy couldn't outsell Maine.
• Scott says how the Virtual Boy's box looks like a magic eye puzzle.
  Scott: Oh, it's a piece of sh*t!
• Demonstrating how easy it is to use the Virtual Boy, Scott lines his eyes up with the eyepieces, and promptly dumps water out of his mouth.
• Scott declares that making the Virtual Boy is Nintendo's second worst mistake with their worst being not naming the Virtual Boy Stinky-stinky-Mister-F*ck instead.
• "Regardless, it was releasing in 1995, so get your face ready!" And Scott is suddenly smacked in the face with a frying pan with a loud CLANG!
  • The scream after this sounds just a bit too genuine for it to have been faked. It's still hilarious.
• "Me personally, the Virtual Boy doesn't give me a seizure, it just makes me sad."
  • Another rare sentence?
  Scott: Nintendo, I would play Mario on an enema for you.
• After covering Mario Tennis, Scott keeps bringing up a simple fact with the various games that followed it that seem somewhat underwhelming: "It's not tennis."
• "Nester's Bowling."
  Scott: (looks unimpressed)
  (cut to the game)
  Scott: (voiceover) Oh, Nester's Funky Bowling.
  (cut to Scott at his desk)
  Scott: (holding the box; eager) Oh, I am so... f*cking ready!
• Scott decides to look at a selection of games from the Virtual Boy's first year of games. Which he soon realizes is actually from the first eight months of games. Meaning he looked at all of its games... in North America.
  Scott: ...but Japan had eight exclusives, you really think I'd play Waterworld and say "No" to Space Squash?
  • And then Scott gives a brief mention of the three remaining games he does not own.
    Scott: (voiceover; as he repeatly slaps his forehead while berating himself) It's 'cause I'm not good enough.
• Here's Scott's glowing review of Space Invaders Virtual Collection:
  Scott: Well, here's the first two games on Virtual Boy! You can play Part 1 and Part 2 as they usually play, or try a brand new version with a slightly tilted 3D perspective. ... This game cost me 500 dollars.
• "...can you tell this system was rushed?"

200- Borderline Forever

• The focus of the 200th episode? The fact that Scott is now consciously aware of the blue border around his videos, and having an existential crisis about it.
  Scott: (to the border) GO AWAY! I HATE SHAPES!
  • And what kicks it off? Ranting about the multiplayer border in 3D World.
• During the montage of various creators watching Scott's "How to Talk About Video Games" video, one particular piece of advice stands out to one viewer:
  Scott: Swearing. YES. Swearing is a genetic staple of the video game player, you truly play video games if you can say f*ck about them. And if you aren't willing to say f*ck uncensored... g-g-get the f*ck out of here.
  James Rolfe: (nodding his head) Duly noted.
• Because the alphabet isn't copyrighted, plagiarism is a myth.
• As it turns out, Scott unknowingly used a security tape (that proves his innocence) to make "How to Talk About Video Games".
  Scott: I really shouldn't have taped over that...
• The big opening musical number "Stupid Nintendo Games" involves Scott claiming talking about Nintendo games is Better than Sex, declaring that Player's Choice can go to hell and offhandedly destroying a copy of Madden 09 with a metal bat.
• Scott rhetorically asks, how can we be sure he bought Donkey Kong Jr. Math?
  Scott: They're gonna break my legs!
• Scott calls back to his Game Show Games video by, once again, giving perfectly wrong answers in Family Feud games made for both the SNES and Wii.
  • First, on the SNES:
  Host: What makes the-
  Scott: Soap moist.
  X
  Host: Name something kids use-
  Scott: Tonsils.
  X
  Host: Name something parents save from a first baby to use for a second.
  Scott: Food!
  X
  Host: Name something that's often located in the basement of a house.
  Scott: The basement.
  X
  Host: Name something people start but never finish.
  Scott: Me.
  X
  Scott: War?
  X
  Scott: Books of faith.
  The books part of the answer turns out to be correct.
  • Second, on the Wii's Family Feud Decades:
  Host: Name one of baseball's great all-time sluggers.
  Scott: Only baseball team I know, Harlem Globetrotters!
  X
  Host: Name a song made famous by Elvis Presley.
  Scott: Uh... eek, it's Elvis?
  X
  Host: Name a game that all the young kids in the neighbourhood can play together.
  Scott: Polyamory?
  X
• "Can you believe I have a room for a game I never played?"
  Scott: (mad) What do you mean "Yes"?!
• Scott "giving Pokémon a try"... by doing absolutely nothing more than hitting the Start button on the title screen.
• After noting how the Super Game Boy can't play Game Boy Color games, Scott decides to bust out the Japan-exclusive Super Game Boy 2 and states how, given how it looks like a Game Boy Color cartridge and shows a Game Boy Color on its box, it must play Game Boy Color games.
  Scott: It doesn't, does it? (cue "This game is designed only for use on Game Boy Color" error message)
• Jerry Attricks' Worst Aid approach to brain scanning is a sight to behold.
  • He forgoes a convenient CAT scan machine, because it's four steps away, in favor of looking into Scott's ear with a flashlight.
  • He induces sleep by knocking Scott out with the Frying Pan from the last episode.
  • He then repeatedly tries to murder Scott.
    • First, he tries to soothe Scott with a pillow to the face, only for Scott to calmly point out that's killing him. Jerry then offers to shoot him in the head instead to take his mind off it.
    • He then brings Scott out of his sleep by unknowingly waterboarding him.
    Jerry: (way too cheerfully) Maybe a cold washcloth will revitalize you. (drapes washcloth over Scott's face) Nope! (opens a water bottle) It's not wet enough!
• Among all the Continuity Porn when Scott sees his own memories, Scott gets excited about very simple things.
  Scott: [points to a clip of the "Oh shit, a white guy" scene] That's when I saw a white guy, [points to a clip of himself] that's when I was a white guy! [points to a clip of a water bottle] My favorite water! When I was horny, when I met anime, when all my friends died... take me back!
• Scott ends up in hospital, not because of his traumatic therapy session, but because he stubbed his toe after getting up.
• "SQUARES CAN BE BLUE?!"
• As part of Scott and the gang's plan to inform the world about the blue border, Scott and Rex go and visit a man who owns a curtain. After Rex briefly assumes this means Scott had once again planned on them f*cking a curtain, Scott explains the curtain owner hosts a talk show. Unfortunately, given the show's topic, Scott had to lie about why they're there...
  (title card appears for "Throats For Thought")
  Hector: Hi! I'm Hector Andfriends. (mild annoyance) That's not the name of the show, that's just my name, damnit. And welcome back to "Throats For Thought", where we get to chat with throat users from all over the world and county. Our 15th guests today... (reads from a card) have throats!
  • What doesn't help matters is that Scott genuinely doesn't know if he has a throat, due to failing Anatomy.
  • Once Scott and Rex^note who Scott passes off as his aide get on camera, Scott's plan promptly falls apart due to Hector asking if he's been notarized for having a throat.
    Scott: (nervously) Look, Hector, Hec... May I call you "Hell"?
    Rex: May I call you "F*ck"?
    Scott: I may not have my throat documents on hand... Would you settle for dental?
    (Hector just looks at them in confusion)
    Rex: (claps hands; plants hands on knees; addresses the audience) There's a big blue border that's gonna eat you.
    Hector: (mad) Get off my show.
    • As a result of failing to prove he has a throat, a news reporter covering the botched "Throats for Thought" appearance refers to Scott as a "throatless conman".
    • Also, as a sight gag, once Scott's ruse is uncovered, the show finally gives Scott an introduction card, listing his occupation as being a "Son of a Bitch".
  • Prior to going on camera, Scott tells Rex to, as a potential last ditch effort, mention it's his birthday in order to net them sympathy points. So, naturally, Rex chooses to do this immediately after Hector learns his aunt died.
    Hector: (on the phone) Oh my God... My aunt just died.
    Rex: (pissed) ON MY BIRTHDAY?!
• Jerry picks up on one of Scott's running gags.
  Scott: Well, any publicity is good publicity.
  Jerry Attricks: (with blood on his palms) Hehe, you got that right!
• Exactly one second after the gang realise that by spreading word of the blue border, they've inadvertently spread it, an emergency bulletin comes on.
  Newscaster: This just, just in: reports from the state of Ohio that blue borders obstructing their vision have been increasing rapidly. Let's go to our reporter in the field.
  Reporter: I'm in a field.
  Target Employee: This is why I don't trust the news anymore. That's a yard!
• After Ohio gets surrounded by the Blue Border, any potential aid to the state is hampered by other states being unconvinced that Ohio is a real place.
  Scott: Oh my God, you know what this means?!
  Rex: NOT MICHIGAN!
• Scott's Call to action gets sidetracked.
  Scott: Guys, we can't give up! This is important to me, people are starting to finally realise what it's been like to be in my shoes this entire time!
  Jerry: They're bitching about Wario?
• When Scott realizes that the border is in space, everyone else makes their excuses.
  Jerry: Oh, I left my passport at home.
  Terry: How? We'd need two, maybe three cars to hold us all.
  Target Employee: I get space sick.
  Jeb: I just don't wanna f*cking do it.
• Before Team F*cked heads into space, Scott assigns bizarre roles to each member. Terry is made treasurer, Jerry is made HR, Jeb is made customer support representative, Rex is made moral support representative, and Target Employee is made caterer.
  Target Employee: (takes out some ribs from his backpack) Good thing I didn't pack clothes.
  Terry: (to Jerry, the HR representative) Yeah, I'd like to file a complaint.
• Target Employee saves the day when he throws the Whopper that he accidentally made instead of a Baconator away in frustration, causing it to perfectly plug up the hole that have been shot in the Hour of Variety.
  Rex: Please f*ck up more.
  • And the lead-up is hilarious too:
    Target Employee: Hey guys, I made us Baconators!
    Scott: THAT'S A F*CKING WHOPPER!!!
• The guys find out just who was shooting at them. They hear an Evil Laugh, followed by what is essentially Scott screaming the name of a retired NFL player with the force of a thousand suns:
  Scott: No....It can't be! My mortal enemy! Cover athlete of Madden 09! BRETT!!! FAVRE!!!!!!!!!!!!!
• When everyone in Scott's crew is preparing to take on the Green Bay Packers (led by Brett Favre), they take out something wacky and inoffensive related to their character traits to use as a weapon: Jerry uses his clip-board, Terry takes out a carrot, Target Employee uses a spatula (and ribs), Rex uses chastity... and Jeb takes out the gun he purchased before while trying to add more traits to his character.
  Rex: If there's one thing I hate more than the Green Bay Packers, (reveals chastity belt) it's sex.
  Target Employee: Honestly, deep down, I've always felt like I've been a Wendy's employee.
  Terry: Well, I've always been a vegan.
  Jeb: (Beat, then pulls out his gun) I haven't.
  Target Employee: Is that a gun?
  Jeb: No. It's Gex.
  • Made even funnier later when everyone else is putting in effort against the Packers, but Jeb just casually strolls by while shooting them, even talking on his phone while gunning them down.
  • Also, we can't ignore Scott's weapon in said scene: the bottle of Pepto-Bismol that's been sitting on his desk since day one.
• The Blue Border manages to entrap the gang with a simple bottle of printer ink.
• Scott's confrontation with the Blue Border. Coming from anyone else, the replies to the Border's gloating would be sarcastic quips, but this is Scott we're talking about.
  Blue Border: You dare acknowledge my existence and threaten to remove me from your life?
  Scott: It kept me busy.

  Scott: Why did you only effect me to begin with?
  Blue Border: You were weak! You wasted all your time talking about stupid Nintendo games!
  Scott: I risked a lot doing that! You ever hear about spontaneous combustion?

201- Demakes

• When talking about Double Dragon on the Atari 2600, Scott asks how much simpler can this get. Cut to him holder the Tiger Electronics LCD version of the game.
  Scott: It's dangerous to ask me words.

202- Digital Only Physical Games

• Scott declares the miniature game boxes for Xbox One game download codes are the cutest way to kill a seal.

203- False Advertising

• The video opens with Scott deciding to redo his high school photo by drawing a new one in his yearbook^note from "Scott's High School". The end result? A stick figure labeled "Badass".
  Scott: I actually toned it down, I didn't want to get too laid.
• "Telling the truth. What are you, a bitch?"
• What is one of the most despicable instances of false advertising in Scott's eyes? The trailer for The Simpsons Game joking that it was coming out for every system ever made.
• As a kid, Scott had seen a Fruit Gushers commercial and became afraid that if he ate some, his head would actually turn into a giant fruit. He then decides "life is hell anyways" and pops open a package... only to realize nothing happened. And this whole anecdote was to lead into a mention of Marvel vs. Capcom: Infinite.
• Scott's acknowledgement that he's preaching to the choir with his thoughts on Cyberpunk 2077.
  Scott: Smallpox; they f*ckin' stink!
• Scott's ending thoughts on how faking trailers can cost the trust of your audience runs out of steam when he remembers he faked his Highschool Yearbook photo at the beginning.
  cut to Scott in a different outfit, holding up a picture of himself in the last scene
  Scott: Aaaand this is when I lost all credibility.

204- E3 2021

• After a series of lukewarm presentations, Scott goes absolutely nuts when Verizon's presentation begins.
  "Guys! I'm signing up for Verizon! They're gamers tooooooo!"
• Scott ranks the Verizon E3 event (which was, in his own words, nothing more than advert for Verizon's 5G with nothing to do with gaming) higher than Gearbox's event.
• Scott summing up Square Enix's E3 event
  (Scott sits at his desk, looking vaccant)
  Narrator Scott: Square Enix fans, does this ever happen to you?
  (Scott is suddenly shot in the face)
• During the Nintendo E3 presentation, Scott realizes that he has made an error in the form of a Hilarious in Hindsight moment...
  Scott: Metroid...5? Oh my god, a new 2D Metroid- this looks so clean!!
  (cut to the trailer revealing the word "METROID" before a glitch effect reveals the full title as "METROID DREAD".)
  Scott: WHAT THE F-

205- Nintendo DS Accessories

• Scott finds out that the Nintendo DS headset works with Brain Age. The Imagine Spot that follows shows Scott trash-talking someone through that game.
  Scott: You do math like a bitch!
• Scott points out how ridiculous using the touch screen as an analogue stick substitute is with this visual aid.
  Scott: I refuse to take baths, I instead bathe in body spray!
  (Scott very slowly fills a tub with aerosol body spray.)

206- Game Boy: When Boy Met Game

• Scott summarizes the launch lineup with a short description...only to pair the games with the wrong descriptions.
  Scott: Overall, not a bad launch lineup - (Alleyway and Baseball are shown on screen) two of the most iconic games on the entire platform, one of which packed in, (the aforementioned titles slide off-screen and Tennis takes their place) a fun Breakout game, and (Tennis exits the view, after which Super Mario Land and Tetris show up) two sports titles if you wanna get laid.
• Scott's reasoning for why Mole Mania wasn't a long lasting franchise? Nintendo realized kids hate moles.
  Scott: (gets handed a Mole Mania cartridge, hands it back) F*ck you!
• After spending the entire video seemingly avoiding mentioning it, the video ends with Scott realizing he has to talk about Pokémon... which he does by reading an extremely dry summary of the franchise off of a piece of paper. He then crosses "Mention Pokémon" off of his bucket list.

207- Cloud Gaming

• "You can't ask a dog to fit into a cage too small for it, or ask a cat to be perfectly streamable online without any latency or lag."
• After describing how hard it was to play Pac-Man Championship Edition 2 on PlayStation Now due to massive lag:
  Scott: (voiceover) Well, that's PlayStation Now. It can't play Pac-Man. (cut to desk; Scott looks tired) Nobody else with technology from 1840 can.
• Every time Scott mentions Google Stadia he does a Spit Take, getting weaker each time until he sits there with his sweater soaked and admits,
  Scott: I'm out of fluids.
• The absolutely ridiculous amounts of steps Scott has to take in order to get a game started on the GeForce Now, a real-life Overly Long Gag that ultimately culminates in his attempts failing.

209- Super Mario 3D World + Bowser's Fury | A Critical Third Look

• When reflecting on Super Mario Sunshine and it's devisive reception, Scott gets snarky about it.
  Scott (voiceover): Wow, you hate water? Then what, do you hate 70% of your body?
  Scott at desk: Yeah.
• Scott says he predicted that because Super Mario 3D World was a perfect fit for the Switch... It would never get ported.
  It's Nintendo, the lack of sense makes more sense sometimes.

210- 3D Classics for Nintendo 3DS

• Scott mentions that the 3DS boasted a "glasses-free 3D display". What follows immediately after is our very first glimpse at what Scott actually looks like without his glasses.
  Scott: I can't see anything.
  • "I love how when he took off his glasses, Scott instantly aged 20 years."
• Scott turns on Xevious and is greeted with one of the loudest intros known to man.
  Scott: The 3D effect is so good it made me deaf!
• "The next 3D Classics release came to Japan on July 13th [2011], and everywhere else on August 18th. That being 3D Classics:- you gotta be f*ckin' kidding me."
  • The fact that Urban Champion was one of the original black-label NES games is proof that it saw Reagan.
    Scott: Excitebike was a black box game too, and it's actually older than Urban Champion. ...which gives Urban Champion less of an excuse.
  • Because of how slow, clunky, and monotonous the game is, Scott is convinced Nintendo realizes how much it sucks, and keeps rereleasing it as a joke.
  • "Turns out, 3D Classics Urban Champion... is the most in-depth one so far."
    Scott: (cutting to a modified title-card reading "You Gotta Be F*ckin' Kidding Me") The title adds up.
  • After bringing up the camera mode that makes the game 3D by skewing the game at a sideways angle to simulate depth, Scott then goes on to reveal that the game was actually remade from the ground up using 3D models.
    Scott: (voiceover) Why have we not stepped foot on Mars? Because we wasted our time doin' sh*t like this.
• After reviewing all six 3D Classics games ^note Excitebike, Xevious, Urban Champion, TwinBee, Kirby's Adventure and Kid Icarus released:
  Scott: And with that, the 3D Classics line wrapped up. What a disgusting family photo.

211- Sonic & Knuckles | Locked and Loaded

• With his review of Sonic & Knuckles, Scott acknowledges he is now at his final "classic era" Sonic game.
  Scott: And now, I've reached the final one.
  (the boxes for Sonic 3D Blast, Sonic Spinball and Knuckles Chaotix are shown)
  Scott: The final... one.
• The explanation of Knuckles's story.
  Scott: Knuckles's story seems to be taking place after Sonic's story, with Knuckles hanging out and then getting pissed off by an Eggrobo, so he plays through a whole Sonic game just out of spite.
• After beating Sonic & Knuckles, Scott ranks all the classic Sonic games. At the bottom, he puts Sonic CD, calling it Sonic Cease and Desist.

212- E3 2001

• Scott opens by giving the audience The Talk but when he discovers that chapter one of the book he's reading from is about Luigi's Mansion, he realises it had a fake cover and is about E3 2001.
  I need to make some calls.
• "And Sega finally did the right thing: Give up."
• At the end Scott checks his book to find the E3 2001 cover was another fake one revealing the original cover behind it. He's just as confused as we are.

213- Ride to Hell: Retribution | Art

• Scott opens with a rant about how horrible the game is, only to reveal he hasn't played it yet. He somehow got playing Ride to Hell mixed up with holding a hive of angry bees.
• Scott brags that without knowledge of the game he's the prime specimen to be playing Ride to Hell.
  Scott: Go ahead, test me.
  (One Medical Exam Later)
  Scott: (Holding a diagnosis for Hemorrhoids) You can't win them all.
• Scott points out the weird "1%" on the box art, and then mocks one of the most obvious and frequently made jokes at the game's expense.
  Scott: (in a mocking tone) What is that, the Metacritic score?
• Scott then says how he feels about the box art.
  Scott: (insanely dry and with a blank expression) This looks f*cking awesooooome.
• While the game's box identifies the main character as Jake Conway, Scott disregards this and instead names him Nibbles.
• When Scott notices that Mikey's jacket says "Toledo", he assumes it means Toledo, Ohio and starts a Running Gag where he shows off places in Toledo while acting like a tour guide.
  Scott: Toledo, Ohio! Stay a while! (gesturing towards a Burger King) There's a Burger King down the road.
  Scott: (eating a Whopper near the same Burger King) Toledo Ohio! Don't get killed here.
  Scott: (gesturing towards a sign for a pregnancy center) Toledo, Ohio! Everybody's your dad here!
• The biking scenes with combat typically boil down to...
  Scott: (mashing the B button) I'M A BADASS! I'M A BADASS! I'M A BADASS!
• "Ooh, here it is! Our first mass murder!"
• Scott refers to the first set of enemies as "Non-Anvils".^note  The first Devil's Hand member Jake has to track down is named Anvil.
• Scott name-dropping another biker-related piece of media after Jake punches a guy.
  "Don't f*ck with a Sons of Anarchy fan!"
• Scott taking note that the game counts sex with women as a collectible, before clapping and moving on.
• While explaining just how horrendous the shooting mechanics feel, Scott describes it like aiming through water. Which he demonstrates by showing him pulling an Xbox 360 controller out of a bathtub.
• In reference to a similar question often asked about his own catchphrase, Scott asks if a character in the game says "F*ck y'all" or "F*ck all."
• "What the hell happened? That the hell happened."
• The sound effect Scott adds in for one of Jake's special attacks.
• Scott describes one scenario by just saying "Sonic Adventure."^note  Jake has to run away from a combine harvester, almost identically to the whale chase from Sonic Adventure and the truck chase from Sonic Adventure 2.
• A sudden controller disconnect takes Scott out of the experience.
  Scott Wait, this isn't real?!
• "My brother died."
• "Who knew the kick was mightier than the sword?"
  (Jeb Jab and Rex Mohs are both armed with guns, panicking as Scott approaches with a goofy grin, foot raised at them)
• At roughly the halfway point in the video, it should be noted how Scott's demeanor gets progressively more and more livid. It's amazing.
• Jake tries a dumb witty comment about meeting ladies at a strip club. This is after several misogynistic and obnoxious sex scenes.
  Scott: You f*ck! CONSTANTLY!
• Scott lampshades how inefficient and stupid the enemies are in the game when one of them threatens to kill Jake... While they vastly outnumber him. And are armed.
  Scott: Kill him, kill him, kill him, kill him, ki-
• Scott describes a particularly horrendous sequence^note  While waiting for an elevator, he has to fend off an endless number of enemies while holding down the Pressure Plate to trigger the elevator with no cover from enemy fire, and then halfway through it cuts to him in the middle of screaming into a pillow before immediately going back into the description:
  Scott: This elevator moves so slow, but enemies will go on the pressure pad and bring it down, but it's not a big deal- just move over and shoot 'em!
  (is unable to move forward as the elevator is going down)
  Scott: (sounding very strained) ...move over and shoot 'em!
  (is STILL unable to move forward in the game...)
  Scott: (is now enraged) ...MOVE OVER AND SHOOT THEM!!!
• After yet another crappy race begins...
  Scott: Oh, for-the-love of CHRIST!!!
• Scott reaches a miner, and has to clarify that they are of age.
• When a character says that they're amazed that Jake is standing up to the main villain, Scott brings up that, at this point, Jake has killed thousands.
• Scott is overjoyed when the game ends, (so much so he plays the end of the National Anthem over the closing shot) but then remembers there's DLC. Footage of him playing it is sped up an insane amount, and then Scott just says it was bad before jumping instantly to summarizing his feelings on the game.
• At the very end, Scott accidentally draws blood on himself with a plastic knife, and questions if that makes him a badass or a p*ssy.

214- The Fall and Rise of 2D Gaming

• Scott rehearsing in front of a mirror.
  Scott: Hey, you know what they say, "Go f*ck yourself."
  • Made even funnier when Scott reveals that he's practicing what to say at a family reunion.
• The Running Gag of Scott getting threatened by a pistol offscreen.
• Scott's reaction to seeing the infamous Nightmare Face of Kazuya Mishima from the ending of the first Tekken.
  Scott: But [Sega] saw the writing on the— CHRIST!
• "What is this, moonshine or porn?"
• "If you haven't played Peggle because of budget constraints, that's your fault!"
  Scott: (being slowly dragged away off-screen) The bank is reposessing my body.
• The Framing Device at the beginning doesn't appear again until the end of the episode, making its sudden return all the funnier.
  Scott: And then I'd say, "Wow, what a family reunion! Where did everybody go?"

215- Mobile Games on Console

• Scott is horrified to find that he has been robbed of his game room. He was supposed to be robbed tomorrow!
  • And as if to kick him while he's down, they didn't steal Chibi-Robo: Zip-Lash which is still floating in his toilet bowl.
  Scott: What am I gonna do now? I can't go "Hey all, Scott here! I don't own Lasagna World Tour!" (realizes that he is holding a copy of Garfield: Lasagna World Tour.) False alarm.
• Scott thinks the title of Fruit Ninja refers to the fruit itself being a ninja.
  Scott: (looking at a giant pumpkin he's holding) Oh, badass!

216- Game Baths

• The intro has Scott doing his famous "Hey all," only to have dog food dumped on him.
  Scott: I need a bath.
• Regarding the Xbox shampoo:
  Scott: Basically, it allows Xbox on your head (Scott gets smacked in the head with an Xbox One S) like never before.
• Scott bathes fully clothed and quickly realizes that it's very uncomfortable....so he adds a load of hay to the water.

217- The Best Selling Consoles of All Time

• Continuing from his Mobile Games and Game Baths videos, Scott checks off his To-Do List.
  Scott: I got robbed. (Scott marks his notepad) I took a bath. (Scott marks his notepad) Now... go on Wikipedia.
• Scott may have been robbed of most of his stuff, but he has some consoles left over thanks to his fool-proof method of spitting on them a lot.
• "Wario, f*ck."
• Scott makes a bet, with high stakes.
  Scott: If I don't convert you to a video game talker by the end, I'll officially play a video game.
• The conclusion of the Xbox One section:
  Scott: Millions of these console sales are from people who literally just play FIFA and Call of Duty, (silhouette of the Xbox One appears on screen) and wouldn't you know, dude, I have a console for you! (cut to Scott, who holds a piece of paper containing covers of FIFA 11 and Call of Duty: Black Ops for...) The Nintendo DS!
• The door on his NES breaks off when he claims it works fine.
  Scott: And it smells.
• "The entire marketing campaign for Halo 3 was 'Finishing the fight'... (Beat) Do it again."
• Scott maintains that he'll admit that the Game Boy Color wasn't its own separate system when he's dead and buried. At which point he's suddenly shot.
  Scott: I'm still not buried.

218- Classic NES Series for the Game Boy Advance

• The look on Scott's face as he stares at the area where his stuff used to be.
  Scott: (tired) Hey all, Scott here. This is getting old.
• Getting tired of having been robbed Scott calls The Bank (but winds up with a Bank) and tries to get a loan. Turns out that Scott had his stuff repossessed because when asked if he had any debts, he wrote "SOS".
  Scott: Oh, thank God! I wasn't robbed!
  Kay Swiss: Eeeeeehhhh...
  • "We'll send you a care package to help you get back on your feet, but until then, Sir, this is a Domino's."
    Scott: I thought you said this was a bank.
    Kay Swiss: Yeah. A night bank.
• While talking about the design for the Classic NES Game Boy Advance SP.
  Scott: Okay, so I really like this design... but it just reminds of the people who wear NES t-shirts. (cut to Scott wearing an NES shirt) I-I-I'm awkward.
• "You can't go wrong with a little Super Mario Bros.... unless you use it as insulin."
• Scott ranting on how so many products claim to have the original Pac-Man, only for it to turn out to be the NES port.
  You mean I got horny for nothing?!
• And to cap off the episode... Scott calls the bank again for a loan.
  Kay Swiss: Yeah?
  Scott: It's-
  Kay Swiss: No! (Smash Cut to endslate)

219- Onechanbara: Bikini Zombie Slayers

• To make up for a lack of a Valentine's episode, Scott instead does a "Sweetest Day" one.
  Scott: If you thought October was already scary enough, try mating!
• Scott reminds the audience that he's played Ride to Hell: Retribution, with a "flashback" to him playing that game while his eyes are bleeding.
• The game opens with a warning about it containing violence and gore.
  Scott: But just the right amount of PU--
• Upon seeing the game have an area named Station Square, Scott begins talking about Sonic Adventure DX until he reluctantly decides to get back on topic.
  Scott: Okay, fine. We'll get back to playing...(Beat)...diet sex.
• Scott discovers that the sword stops being effective against enemies if it gets too much blood on it.
  Scott: (voiceover) In what world does the amount of blood on a blade affect its stabbing ability?
  (Scott gets stabbed)
  Scott: [Cheerily] Try again!
• In the end, the game made Scott so un-horny that he decides to go to Bass Pro Shops and review what he got from there (and accidentally eat boot polish). Keep in mind, this takes up the last 2 minutes of an 8 minute video.

220- Eek! Emulation!

• Scott states he plans on resolving his repossession problem "next week" by slipping the bank a $20.
• "Rewinding is for bitches!"
  • "Another staple of emulation is the rewind functionality, being able to rewind from wherever you are to wherever you were. Who would use this?" (Beat before cutting back to Scott at his desk, holding his Switch and grinning at the camera) "Bitches."
• Scott's final stance on the complicated issue of emulation?
  Scott: (voiceover) Just... do what you want!
  Scott: Gotcha! (proceeds to walk offscreen with a pistol in-hand)

221- Gaming Revivals

• Right off the bat, we see Scott's plan to get his stuff back from the bank:
  (open on Scott and Kay Swiss playing Rock–Paper–Scissors; Scott immediately loses)
  Scott: (scoffs; annoyed) Best of two.
  Kay Swiss: No. I've given you more than enough chances. One.
  Scott: And you weren't willing to be my bitch...
  • Even better? Scott actually won.^note You can see that Scott threw paper, but Kay Swiss threw rock.
• According to Kay, the number one priority of every bank is to screw people over.
  • And Scott bringing up he saved his wife from being shot doesn't do any good, as she's a convicted serial killer.
• Fed up with Scott complaining about trying to get out of debt^note since he appears to be treating his unemployment as a religion (Scott immediately clarifies it's actually a kink), Kay bluntly states that he will get his stuff back if he repays the bank by tomorrow. Scott then promptly attempts to bribe Kay Swiss with a $1.
  Kay Swiss: I don't want your bribe.
  Scott: I'll give you a $5 to want it.
• Kay then suggests that Scott just sell a product that's everywhere, cheap to manufacture, and will never go out of style. Hard cut to Scott setting up a ghost-selling business.
  Scott: (in a commerical; in a cemetary) Hey all, Scott here! I got four words, three syllables, and one mistake for you: Ghosts. For. Sale.
  • One of the bragging points Scott makes in his commercial?
    Scott: [W]e'll set you up with a ghost! Try to find another store that's not Dollar Tree do that.
  • "Act now, and we'll give you a fresh ghost. (pulls out and pumps a shotgun)"
• Scott remarks that having 3 games means the Donkey Konga series was "officially on a spree" as he shows a Wikipedia article about spree killers.
• When Scott brings up Sonic the Hedgehog 4, the game's logo suddenly changes to say "Nicotine Hotdog 4".
• After Rex Mohs resurrection spell brings back the wrong person, Scott and friends have to contend with the Ghost of Steel Wool.
  (Terry Lestler cocks the shotgun)
  Steel Wool: You really think you can shoot a ghost?
  (Terry proceeds to do just that)
  Steel Wool: Ow. You fool, that was just a ghost wound.
• Steel Wool's haunting is absolutely ridiculous consisting of noogies and knuckles grinds. But the worst part?
  Jeb Jab: He smells so bad!
• After figuring out the moon must be what's giving the ghost of Steel Wool his power, suddenly the episode switches from black and white to color as it smash cuts to Scott and Jeb in suits outside a courthouse in broad daylight. When it turns out you can't outlaw the moon, they immediately change back to their old clothes and return to the black and white graveyard to scream.
• Scott manages to finally sort out his financial problems by using necromancy to resurrect the intangible concept of his financial stability.
  • Kay actually congratulates Scott for the feat, saying he has only seen two other times where someone fixed their financial stability and bought a house while unconscious.

222 - Nintendo DSiWare

• Scott misunderstands the title of WarioWare Snapped! to be about Wario's insanity:
  Scott: He just f*cking lost it!

223 - Console Exclusives

• Scott calling Days Gone Sony's equivalent to Chibi-Robo! Zip Lash.

224 - Dollar Store Gaming

• "One of my favorite pastimes as a kid was go to the dollar store. ... I live in Ohio, your hobby is either that or getting shot."
• Scott's way of proving he's eaten a Banquet meal? He'll be dead in three years.
• "You must have the thickest crotch in the world if you're willing to bet an estranged ColecoVision owner is walking into a Dollar General."
  Scott: (voiceover) Like- "Oh, I remember this!" Well, nobody remembers you!
• Scott remarks upon the flimsiness of the Intellivision Classic:
  Scott: I'll give it to 'em. It's designed pretty similarly to the original, but this one is so much more flimsy. Like if I crack it over my knee...
  (Smashes console over knee six times, breaking it in half)
  Scott: Like what the f*ck?

225 - Console Bundles

• Scott's suggestions for things to bundle in with a console include WD-40, camping soap and a knife.
• Scott questions the decision to make a SNES virtual console game a pack-in for a green 3DS.
  Scott: (voiceover) I know, you include Mario World with the green 3DS because Yoshi's blue and I'm colorblind.
• Scott points out that every major Nintendo system since the release of Super Mario Kart had a Mario Kart game as a pack-in at some point in its life.
  Scott: (voiceover) Pretty much any chance Nintendo has to get you hooked on chainsmoking, they'll do it!
• Scott rambles about the various kids' game bundles that released during various consoles' demise.
  Scott: (voiceover) Skylanders: Giants Wii, Skylanders: SWAP Force Wii U - of course, this came out a year after the system's launch, which was during its demise.

226 - Toys to Life

• Scott opens the video by revealing that he's decided to become God, on the basis that God can't die and Scott's never died before.
• His first act of "Godhood"? To bring an inanimate object, a toy, to life.
  (Cut to Scott sitting at his desk, holding a copy of Skylanders: Spyro's Adventure)
  Scott: The hell do I do now?
  • Among the toys he bought for this act were anything labeled as a toy at Spencer's Gifts, but he quickly says he's "not showing those."^note Spencer's Gifts is a mall store known for their wide selection of, well, adult-oriented toys.
• As a Running Gag throughout the video, when the first three Skylanders and first Disney Infinity game are introduced, the camera cuts to the various figures, accessories, and even the box, being dropped onto the table in front of where Scott, Rex, and Jeb are sitting.
• Scott roasts the strange names of the Skylanders only for this gem to drop.
  Jeb: My f*cking name is "Jeb Jab".
• How Scott introduces Starlink: Battle for Atlas:
  Scott: The game^note Skylanders: Imaginators sold quite poorly, it was obvious the fad was over...
  (Starlink appears on screen)
  ...Or was it? (Cheerfully) Yes!

227 - Mario Party 2 | Party Harder

• The setup for the video: Back in October 2020, when talking about Mario Party, Scott abruptly decided to wait four years before actually playing it. However, in January 2021, he paused his wait upon getting a phone call from Target Employee, reminding him that Wendy's Employee's funeral was that day.
  Target Employee: Hey Scott, my brother's funeral's today, are you interested?
  Scott: Oh my God, is he okay?!
  Target Employee: He's doing pretty good for a dead guy.
  • As such, in order to get ready for the funeral, Scott, Rex and Jeb play Mario Party 2.
    Scott: What better way to prepare for Mario Party 1 than with Mario Party 2?
• Rex shows up wearing a Wario hat, somehow forgetting he's heading to a funeral.
• The last time Scott was at a funeral, he cried due to how much it sucked.
• Apparently, the backstory for Mario Party 2 is that everyone was a dick.
• Apparently the Mario cast are more powerful than we can comprehend.
  Scott: (Reading the story) One day, Mario and friends created a new world.
  (diagram of the Big Bang appears)
  Scott: (genuinely flabbergasted) Just like that?!
• Scott complains that Rules Land isn't a real board even though it's listed among them.
  Jeb: So Rules Land is nothing but a cock-tease?!
  (Rex Mohs crushes a mug in his hand, getting water everywhere.)
  Rex: Can I get a refill?
• Scott anguishes after the CPU Donkey Kong steals one of his stars and Rex shows sympathy.
  Rex: I know how you feel. I was also f*cked by an ape.
• Rex has a personal attachment to "Shock, Drop or Roll", due to the fact his dad died while playing it.
  Jeb: ... No, he f*cking didn't!
  Rex: Hey, my dad didn't play a lot of Mario Party 2, but when he did, he died.
• This exchange regarding Donkey Kong's latest play in the game.
  Rex: Look at this, Donkey Kong's gonna steal a star!
  Scott: But that's a sin!
  Jeb: Hey, at least we know he's going to Hell!
• A 1 vs 3 Minigame is called leading Scott to think they'll have a chance to get back at Donkey Kong, only to realise in horror that Jeb was chosen as the one, not DK.
  Scott: Oh my God, we're on his team?!
  Rex: I don't wanna be in the history books!
• Jeb refuses to play Face Lift because he's loosing to Donkey Kong so badly.
  ''Fool me once, shame on you. Fool me twice, shame on you again. Fool me three times, you're a bitch!
• Scott's final words on the game.
  Scott: Well, I may be ready to go to a funeral...but it feels like I just came back from one.

228 - The Funeral

• Apparently, if you get hung up about the concept of death while attending a funeral, you're a stick in the mud.
• "Hey, didn't know you guys would make it!" "We had to make it, your brother didn't."
• Due to Frito-Lay calling dibs to sponsor Wendy's Employee's first major event after he was born, they have decided to sponsor his funeral.
• Due to forgetting to write a eulogy, Terry just decides to recite the speech he gave at Wendy's Employee's wedding.
  Terry: (reads from a paper) "Congratulations you son of a bitch, your life is over."
• Jeb has an emotional breakdown in lieu of a eulogy.
  Jeb: Death is an epidemic! Do you know how many people have died from death alone, it’s unbelievable! I haven’t looked one dead person in the eyes who looked me back! They’re the worst! And to think my beloved Wendy’s Employee have joined their disgusting cult? It’s sickening! It’s sickening! (Target Employee presses a button and "Award Winners A" starts blaring) It’s si- LOOK AT THIS! (Scott pushes him away from the podium) He’s my friend, he’s dead!
• Target Employee’s slideshow of pictures of his brother, which consists entirely of pictures of him in the coffin… and also a random frame of Rex giving a demented grin.
  Terry: I slipped that in.

229 - Digital Only Consoles

• Instead of opening with any sort of framing device, Scott simply holds up an Xbox One S All-Digital Edition and exclaims, "Dumb!"
• Scott's tip on how to save money? "Just don't buy a PS5."

230 - The Gifts of Gaming

• "So Scott's doing anthologies now. Happy Holidays!"
• Rex becomes convinced he's Jesus after managing to walk on water on his way over to Scott's house.
  Scott: You mean the frozen pond?
• Target Employee managed to forget he was supposed to work that day:
  Terry: You get time off for the holidays?
  Target Employee: Nope!
  (painfully long pause)
  Target Employee: Uh oh.
  Rex: Don't worry. I forgive you.
  • By the end of the special, Target Employee reveals he got his job back via the true meaning of Christmas... or rather, calling his boss and spitting a series of swears into the receiver. He was demoted to CFO as a result, however.
• After Jeb and Jerry slink off to try and figure out who's Scott's Secret Santa was, they decide to head back to the party, but need a good excuse for why they wandered off.
  Scott: (notices Jeb and Jerry return; Jeb's sporting a black eye) What happened to you?!
  Jeb: (cheerfully) Oh, [Jerry] beat the sh*t out of me.
  Jerry: I second that!
• Scott looking through old department store catalogues finds "Grooming Kits for Kids".
  Scott: IT'S NOT WHAT YOU THINK!
• "Who's lonelier on Christmas than a dead serial killer?"
• The entire Rex Mohs Cruci-fiction Special segment is wildly entertaining. It is a bizarre amalgamation of biblical stories and fairy tales, all centering around Rex Mohs as Jesus Christ.
  Rex: (holding some magic beans, deadpan) I was overjoyed.

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