Funny / Scott The Woz Season 2

"Fellas! Fellas! I am so horny!"

Scott The Woz (General) | Scott The Woz Season 1 (2017) | Season 2 (2018) | Scott The Woz Season 3 (2019) | Scott The Woz Season 4 (2020) | Scott The Woz Season 5 (2021) | Scott The Woz Season 6 (2022-Early 2023) | Scott The Woz Season 7 (2023-2024)

051- Player's Choice

• After talking at length about how the spine of game covers look.
  Scott: I know I've talked enough of scoliosis in the past. I'll make this little spine tangent as brief as I can make a spine tangent.

052- History of Nintendo Switch (NX) Rumors and Leaks

• At the end of a fairly dry summary of a leak alleging that an exclusive Call of Duty was coming to the NX in 2017, Scott lets out a loud, barely suppressed laugh.

053- Launch Titles

• How Scott got to talking about Launch Titles:
  (Scott brandishing a cane like a carny outside of St. Luke's Hospital)
  Scott: Hey all, Scott here and step right up to the Birth-off: Where we fuse illegal gambling and pregnant women! Which pregnant woman will squirt one out first? Place your bets and let's find ou-
  (Smash Cut to Scott at his desk reading a restraining order in monotone.)
  Scott: I have been ordered to issue an apology by the court of law. In no instance should childbirth be linked to illegal gambling, and if there's one thing that makes childbirth a drag, it's illegal gambling. Please forgive me and don't set up a child birth-off of your own. I must now stay 15 feet away from any pregnant woman and complete 14 minutes of community service by informing the public on a much less problematic topic: game console births and the titles that come with them— (normal tone) sh*t, that's it?

054- The Guy Game

• The opening, in the style of of a 30's newsreel, titled "Your Crotch Today."
  Dapper!Scott: Hey all, Scott here, and say, have you ever been in a pickle like this?
  Scott: FELLAS! FELLAS! I AM SO HORNY!
• Scott breaks the character of a 30's newsman to ask "where the f*ck are the guys!?"
• During the "Meet the Babes" section, Scott doesn't get the double entendres.^note Likely a case of Comically Missing the Point
  Scott: Zoe wishes to be able to jog without pain. Major props to the Guy Game for hiring an amputee. (Scott flips to the next bio of twin blondes whose pet peeves are "When people ask us, Does the carpet match the drapes?") And Mandi and Mandy apparently despise interior decorating.
• Scott describing the host of the game as: "the face of every defendant in court".
• Scott's responses to some of Lacy's commentary
  Lacy: Think any of you p*ssies can get this question right?
  Scott: Ooh! Me! Me! I'm a p*ssy!
  ...
  Lacy: What's wrong with you? Don't you want to see t*tties!?
  Scott: (chuckles) Yeah.
• Scott commends the "soft and squishy" mode for censoring the girls with a Guy Game logo, saying, "Everybody has their thing, and mine just so happens to be girls censored with a Guy Game logo."
• Scott states that the Skee Ball minigame is "why so many people are into The Guy Game"
  "Four whole minutes of ball-on-target action"
• After Scott finds out the game was recalled due to one of the models being underage at the time of filming, he sells the game to someone and holds up a sign saying "NOTHING ILLEGAL FOR SALE"
  (laughing) "He bought illegal porn! WOOOOO-" (video abruptly ends)

055- Most Wanted HD Remakes

• The thing that inspires the video? Scott's in the middle of a power outage because his circuit breaker got removed from the canon and is getting an HD remake.
• Scott reveals one of the games he'd like to see remade is Sonic the Hedgehog (2006), upon which he checks his pulse to see if he's still alive.
• "The four year long blood-curdling scream. It also goes by "the Wii U Generation"".

056- E3 1997

• Scott starts the episode stuck behind a wet floor sign (on his carpeted floor, no less) because he doesn't want to slip and have to sue Scott Wozniak.
• Scott's conspiracy theory on Sega's missing Football game... being reworked into Madden 08.

058- Death of a Franchise

• Scott introduces his new pet Ringo the fly by inviting us to see how well he avoids a flyswatter.
  (splat)
  (smash cut to Scott next to a tiny gravestone with Ringo's name on it)
  Scott: Yeah, this could have been easily avoided.

060- The WiiWare Chronicles 1

• The miniseries begins on January 21, 2019 with Scott running for his life in the apocalypse.
  Scott: Hey all, Scott here, and this is bad! Real bad!
  Offscreen Voice: Hey, what's the matter, p*ssy? Afraid you're gonna get murdered?
  (gunfire)
• According to Scott, Wii Shop points are also known as "Virgin Doubloons".
• Scott plays Sexy Poker and gets really excited when Nurse Sakura takes off... her hat.

062- 2D to 3D

• "The transition from 2D to 3D is a process of physical changes through which a franchises' 2D roots mature into a 3D one, capable of sexual reproduction— This is the Wikipedia article for puberty."

063- Nintendo Before Video Games

• Nintendo ran sex hotels.

064- Get Rich Quick

• Scott gets into debt by accidentally leaning too long on the keyboard's Buy House Button.
  I bought f*cking twenty of them!

066- New Super Mario Bros. (Series) | What's New is Old

• Scott illustrates his feelings on the series in the opening:
  Scott: Hey all, Scott here and....whoops, I left this milk out over the past week but I haven't opened it until now so it's still brand new it's probably fine-
  (cut to Scott spitting out congealed milk and cut back to Scott with a milk moustache)
  Scott: Holy sh*t, that was rotten! But how could it have been that way? It was new!
• The way Scott illustrates just how similar these games look when discussing New Super Mario Bros. U.
  Scott: Graphically, the game looks great. It has a ton of polish and looks incredibly distinct from the rest of the series; I've been using footage from New Super Mario Bros. Wii.
• And his closing thoughts
  Scott: All in all, the New Super Mario Bros. series aren't bad games...
  (long pause until the video suddenly ends)

067- The WiiWare Chronicles II

• In the present day, Scott finds that Wii Points can no longer be added to the Wii Shop Channel
  Scott: Well that hurt a lot more than I expected it to. (beat) One sec.
  (A single gunshot is heard in the distance)
  Scott: Yep, expected to hear that.
• Muscle March. Just, all of it.
  Scott: I'm part of a band of greased up muscle freaks trying to regain their protein powder and that's only the third time I've said that today.

068- Nintendo Labo | Adventures with the Variety Kit

• After completing the RC car, Scott declares that he’s now a genius and throws his high school diploma out the window.

069- Game Compilations Compilation

• Scott leaves the S'Mores maker on and burns down his house.
  I deliberately left this one out to avoid this from happening. (holds up an Xbox 360 copy of Propane Classics Collection)

071- Game Foods

• The Intro featuring the most famous gamer food combination:
  Scott thumps down a bottle of Mountain Dew next to a big bag of Doritos
  Scott: Hey all, Scott here and you might have noticed this two litre of Mountain Dew and sack of Doritos I'm about to fling into my gullet. Don't worry, I feel a good reason for doing this coming on to me. (Pause) That'll work! Not only do I want to become a true enjoyer of all things "video game", but I also want an excuse to go to this hospital near me. They're really cool, they've got a vending machine and everything!
  Transition Screen: 1 "Too Much Mountain Dew and Doritos" Binge Later
  (Cut to an external shot of St. Luke's Hospital)
  Scott: Oh my God, this room is crazy! F*ck my arteries!
• Scott describing Grape Nuts as an edible form of torture.
• After finding that Chips Ahoy has a code for a Sea of Thieves in-game item, Scott proceeds to buy an entire shopping cart full of them.
• Scott ends the review by trying Super Mario soup (after first opening the can by cracking it like an egg) only to discover it's three years out of date.
  Scott: Oh hell yeah.
  (Cut back to St. Luke's Hospital)
  Scott: Sh*t, is that a pinball machine!? Oh my God, my ass is bleeding!

072- Tech Demos

• The denounement.
  [Tech demos] aren't like a yearbook quote which is stuck with you for life. Of course when I was in the room with the yearbook committee they took the last thing that I said as my yearbook quote and when you're in a room of f*cking weirdos that's how you get a quote that becomes "Stop licking my neck!"

073- E3 2018

• Scott launches plans for a convention for the convention of E3 2018. It bombs pretty quickly when Scott attempts to show a slide of happy people, only to accidentally show how much the interest in E3 2018 plummeted after the show ended.
• Scott claims that the demo of the mobile version of Command and Conquer for mobile took so long he finally defied virginity, concieved and had a child waiting for it to finish.

074- When Gimmicks Go Too Far

• "Oh please God help! I don't wanna look like a jackass playing Wii Music!"
• "Nothing like a Wii Vitality Sensor announcement to make you wake up in a cold sweat."

075- Super Smash Bros. Melee | The Best One, Apparently

• The episode starts with Scott laying out his master plan to pretend to be a pizza delivery guy (with Red Baron frozen pizzas, no less) to sneak into college dorms and nab their copy of Super Smash Bros. Melee. Just as he says that he can hopefully get at least one, it suddenly jumpcuts to him with a big pile of Melee, dishevelled hair and a shocked expression.
  I don't know what happened, I just kind of blacked out and here I am

077- To Milk a Franchise

• In the closing, Scott draws attention to the fact he hasn't shown any dairy and reveals it's because he's currently baking his own milk for the occasion.
  (Smoke slowly fills the room)
  Scottt: Th-that's probably it.
  (Cut to the kitchen, Scott opens the oven which belches out black smoke)
  Scott: Oh, where's the rewind button?!

078- Rated E for Irrelevant

• In response to the ESRB, Scott makes his own rating board for food called the Food Eating and Rating Association, or F.E.A.R. for short. The three ratings he gives are E for Edible to a bottle of vinegar, R for Ranch to a bottle of Ranch dressing and ITLFN to a Banquet TV dinner. Which stands for "It Tastes Like F*cking Nickels".

079- Super Smash Bros. Brawl | The Worst One, Apparently

• Scott gets tired of people comparing Brawl to the Bubonic Plague, and attempts to reclaim the term "bubonic".
  This sh*t is bubonic!
• Scott's compilation of reactions that he assumes occurred during the lead-up to Brawl's release.
  (Scott crushes his cup of coffee upon seeing the Smash Dojo post that revealed Sonic)
  (Cut to the post that revealed the banana peel item)
  Scott: AHHHHHHHHHHH-
  (Cut to Scott and the post showing the initial character roster)
  Scott: Nice.
  (Cut to Scott and the post that revealed Battlefield)
  Scott: There's gonna be f*cking stages!?

083- Sonic the Hedgehog 2 | Return of a Laughing Stock

• Scott talks about how the Sonic fans love him for pointing out all of Sonic 1's flaws, as a bottle barely misses his head and he doesn't blink.
  Scott: (cheerfully) On to Sonic 2!
• Scott typically bleeps out cursing in his videos, but in the original upload of this video he accidentally left in an uncensored F-bomb.
  Scott: The fake 3D makes the perspective difficult to judge at times, and fuckin' Tails!

085- Viral Games.

• The whole video is his quest to get enough virgin points for a V-card, by discussing games that apparently just repel any and all sex.
• Scott just screaming into a mic during his Happy Wheels clips.
• Scott's reaction to Slender Man.
  "OH, S*IT, IT'S A WHITE GUY!"
  • He also states he doesn't find Slender Man scary.
  "How can you be scared of something without a face? He can't even f*cking sneeze!"
• Scott's attitude towards Five Nights at Freddy's and the multitudes of sequels.
  Scott: Now, the developer, Scott Cawthon made a sequel, so I could definitely try out that one to see if it grabs me. And if that one doesn't do it, how about this one? Or this one? Maybe this one! This one might do it.
  (Smash Cut to Scott on the phone)
  Scott Cawthon: Hello, this is Scott Cawthon.
  Scott Wozniak: STOP.
• The only thing Scott makes in Minecraft is a Lowe's hardware store.
• Scott praises Doki Doki Literature Club! for being a great viral game that captures the true feeling of horror while showing off how meta the game gets...before a Smash Cut to him blatantly and bluntly stating that "Baldi's Basics is dumb."
• Scott asks if games going viral automatically makes them good.
  Scott: (Laughing) F*CKING no!
• In the end, Scott accidentally brings up Donkey Kong Barrel Blast and undoes all his hard work at obtaining his V-Card, sadly proclaiming how he'll never be a virgin at this rate.

086- Game Controllers

• The video opens on Scott going to a game controllers meeting he heard about. Cut to Scott and an armful of game controllers beating a sheepish retreat from a meeting on control issues.
  I misread that pretty bad.
• "Atari said f*ck it and gave us a button and a stick."
• Scott's commentary on the Intelevision, Colecovision, and Atari 5200's numberpad controllers.
  Controllers went through this ugly phase for a while and it was all because a controller designer went home for the weekend, looked at his phone and said, "I'm drunk."
• "The NES Advantage is the controller you'd never let your daughter go to prom with."
• Scott's PSA on third-party controllers:
  (holds up a third-party controller) Also it's been reported that if you do touch a controller like this, you will most definitely contract bedbugs- dammit.''

088- Mega Man (NES) | Growing Pains

• Scott, in spite of checking his birth certificate weekly, has only just now found out that his full name is Scott Will Eventually Look At The First Mega Man Wozniak.
• "Considering they changed the title, it was obvious Capcom USA was concerned with how the game would do in the States. So they made their own boxart."
  The infamous boxart appears, accompanied by the Wheel of Fortune bankrupt sound

089- The WiiWare Chronicles III

• Scott is squatting in a cellar because he's been positively ID'd as the person with the Wii loaded with WiiWare games.
  Scott: Just take a look at this!
  (Poster reads: WANTED: WHITE MAN, GLASSES, BROWN HAIR)
  Scott: That's me! I don't know who else it could be!
• Scott reviews Soccer Up:
  Scott: The title alone got me excited, it's a soccer game based on my favorite direction! How can this go wrong?
  • In-game, Scott casually picks North Korea as his country.
• Rabbid's Lab, the spin-off of Rabbids Go Home:
  Scott: You can then paint, customise and perform a hate-crime on them, that'll be 500 Wii Points please!
• Scott realises that he never locked the cellar door
  Scott: Huh, really makes it easy for anybody to come in and steal the- (realises that his Wii is now gone) My net worth!

091- Wii Music | Ten Years of Terror

• Scott's attempt at sweetening the deal for his tamborine business.
  Scott: With every purchase of a tamborine, you get a free copy of Wii Music! WHAM!
  Tamborines sold somehow drops from 150 to zero
  Scott: (exact same tone) DAMN!
• "Maybe we were all a bit too harsh on it at first, or maybe-" "HOO SH*T! I couldn't even finish that. Of course it's terrible."

092- Night Trap

• "And really, what creepy ass old house isn't complete without a Sega CD?"
• Right after Scott explains the gameplay of Night Trap
  Scott: And if you'll excuse me, I'm going to beat the game and then explain the plot.
  Caption: 4 hours later
  (Scott sits on the couch dumbfounded)
  Scott (voice over): Holy sh*t, what the hell was that!?
• Scott spends the whole video trying to scare the piss out of himself so it feels like Halloween but only succeeds in getting 10% of the way there when the year 1986 was mentioned. He finally achieves his goal when his Doctor calls to tell him he's been diagnosed with a urinary tract infection.
  (Camera zooms in on Scott's "O" face with a cash register sound effect)
  Caption: 100% Piss

093- Cheat Codes

• Scott's opening statement on cheat codes.
  Scott: Cheat codes! What separated the men from the SCUMBAGS!!!
• Scott admits to have played Grand Theft Auto: San Andreas on a Mac — cut to a scene of Scott doing a little jig before a text appears, stating "I'm Irrelevant". The scene and the still have since become memes.
• The closing gag of the cheat codes episode:
  "How else am I supposed to beat Wheel of Fortune on NES? Can't beat this sucker without the Moon Gravity cheat!"

095- Game Stores

• Scott is told by Chet to lose subtleties and manners and just push the store membership. When the next customer walks through the door, Scott greets them with this:
  Scott: (cheerily) Join our membership, f*ckhead!
• Chet has Scott fill out a manager evaluation survey.
  Scott: (reading aloud) Is your manager manipulative?
  Chet: I'd say no to that if I was you.

098- The WiiWare Chronicles IV

• After the theft of his Wii, Scott has been taken off the FBI's Most Wanted list... and been put on their Least Wanted list.
• At the end of the episode, Scott decides to see how many of the WiiWare games he didn't care about, which ends up being "Most of them". Bonus points if you read the back of the paper in the first shot backwards^note "No JonTron, YOU Sound Like a Terminal Illness".
  Scott: Dammit! That's not a great sign because we're really scraping the bottom of the barrel of WiiWare games to look at. But it's fine because—
  [jump-cut back to Scott in the present day]
  Scott: (deadpan) I forgot what I was gonna say there. It was stupid. Nothing is fine. The world is going to end. Wii Shop Channel's demise is inevitable.

099- Collector's Editions

• Scott's introduction to the topic.
  Scott (voiceover): Ah, the collector.
  Scott (in shot): Hey.
  Scott (voiceover): A steaming pile of virginity who cares deeply about how his Yo! Noid cartridge looks.
• Scott pictures the worst case scenario from the Call of Duty: World at War collector's edition coming with a fake canteen:
  (Scott standing in an apocalyptic wasteland)
  Scott: Don't worry guys, we'll have plenty of canteens. I stocked up on World at War collector's editions.
  Another Scott: You Fool!

100- It's Awesome Baby!

• "Personally I'm on Team Anal."
• Once the timeline changes, Scott looks outside at the stores taken over by Dick Vitale, gasping each time. Then he looks at an unchanged Dick's Sporting Goods and still gasps.
• As Scott looks through YouTube videos in the new Dick Vitale-centric timeline (featuring other YouTubers reviewing it), the British Caddicarus is the only one un-enthused about it. Guess some things never change.
• While Scott somehow managed to retain his memories of the original timeline thanks to playing Dick Vitale's "Awesome, Baby!" College Hoops as history was being altered, how did his copy of Madden 08 survive? He placed the game inside a "space-time continuum-proof baggy", which is just a plastic bag with the words "SPACE TIME CONTINUUM PROOF" written on it in Sharpie.
• Scott's ineffectual one-man protest.
  Dick Vitale is a myth!
  I like Dick Vitale- more like I don't like Dick Vitale!
  I drew devil horns on him, that's how you know he's bad!
  (sirens)
  The police agree with me!
  • One of the signs he makes for his protest has "Say NO to Dick" on it.
• "Hey all, Scott here! I've heard the requests and, yep, I'm finally going to do it. Today we're going to be taking a look at house arrest."
• Scott slips off his tracking anklet and attaches it to a ceiling fan to make it look like he's pacing about the house. Sound plan, but he forgets to set the fan to a reasonable speed, causing the officer watching the radar feed to conclude he's gone crazy.
• Scott's reactions to his No-Holds-Barred Beatdown from the Supreme leader
  It's going to take a lot more than aggravated assault and battery to stop-
  Urgh, do I look like I'm made out of blood to you?
  (Getting strangled) God, my neck is falling asleep.
• In the newly restored timeline that doesn't have Madden 08, Scott decides that he has a lot of other games he can play instead, so naturally what's the first game he pulls off his shelf to his chagrin? Chibi-Robo Zip-Lash.
• Shortly after that, he gets a phone call that says he won a sweepstakes that lets him create any game he wants.

---