Funny / Futurama Season 4

"Try this, kids at home!"

Kif Gets Knocked Up a Notch

• Professor Farnsworth takes offense to Amy using the Planet Express ship for personal reasons (by catching a ride with the rest of the crew so she can visit her boyfriend Kif): "If anyone needs me, I'll be in the Angry Dome!" Cut to the Planet Express ship taking off, while Farnsworth rants and raves in a small glass dome atop Planet Express HQ.
• Professor Moriarty: "Right-o, gents, it's another simulation gone mad, so murder and mayhem, standard procedure."
  • "Real holographic simulated evil Lincoln is BAAAAAAAACK!!!"
  Kif: The holo-shed's on the fritz again! The characters turned real!
  Zapp: Damn! The last time that happened, I got slapped with three paternity suits!
  • From the same scene:
    Zapp Brannigan: Listen up, history's greatest villains, get back in the shed or I start blasting!
    Attila the Hun: Stop! Don't shoot fire stick in space canoe! Cause explosive decompression!
    Zapp Brannigan: Spare me your space-age technobabble, Attila the Hun!
• Farnsworth takes an opportunity to brag about the Maternifuge: "Even I laughed at me when I built this cross-species analyzer! But I guess I showed myself!"
• To determine whose DNA Kif is pregnant with, Amy, Fry, Leela, and Zapp get into a centrifuge which throws out anyone who isn't the parent. After Fry and Zapp, Zoidberg comes flying out.
  Professor: Zoidberg? What the hell were you doing in there?
  Zoidberg: That's where I live. I have no home.
• At the baby shower, Amy leaves in tears and Kif tries to stop her. In the next shot, Kif's face is shown while a squelching sound and baby-like crying is heard. The shot pans to show that Zoidberg was doing the crying.
• Kif's reaction (that one anyone would have in that situation) when Zapp is ruled out as the father is gold.
  "Oh, thank you merciful God."
• At the birthing ceremony, the Grand Midwife proves rather insensitive about Amy not showing up.
  Grand Midwife: Where is your smizmar?
  Kif: She's not with me.
  Grand Midwife: Oh, the sorrow! Oh, the shame! I'm sorry, I'm probably just making you feel worse. [...] "As the tea boils, please join hands with your beloved smizmar." Oh, right, sorry. But I memorised the ceremony by rote and it mentions her a lot.
  Kif: I'll try to endure.
  Grand Midwife: Good, 'cause I'm not changing it. "Now turn ye to and gaze deeply into each other's eyes."
  [Kif looks at Bender.]
  Bender: What are you looking at?
• After the ceremony:
  Grand Midwife: I will now take my leave! I live here, so I won't actually be going anywhere, but you don't have to talk to me anymore!
• Kif's attempt to 'pluck the moon from the sky' for Amy whilst they're in the holo-shed, ending up with Kif falling in the sea, and the Moon dropping on his head.
• Amy's reaction to Kif's second holoshed program, and especially the line from Kif:
  Amy: (on seeing a horse) Spirit! That's the pony I always wanted, but my parents said I had too many ponies already!
  Kif: Yes, I programmed it in for you. (triumphantly) Four million lines of BASIC!
• A Deleted Scene provides a succinct answer to something that goes unexplained in the episode proper: On their delivery, Fry and Leela have to go into "hibernative naptosis" (i.e., sleep) to save oxygen. Except Bender's a robot, something he points out.
  Bender: I don't even have to breathe. Why do I need to save oxygen?!
  Leela: Because we don't want you awake while we're not!
• The first use of one of Bender's most iconic catchphrases. On Kif's homeworld, a giant frog devours Bender in a single gulp, and Kif scares it into burping him back up. Fry's and Zapp's expressions really sell the punchline:
  Bender: (landing exactly where he was before, cigar still in mouth) I'm back, baby. (lets out a puff of smoke)

Leela's Homeworld

• Bender announcing his plan: "And then Bender ran!"
• The Professor's Handwave about his machine that makes noses being used to analyze the note that was left with Leela when she was a baby: "It can do other things! Why shouldn't it?!"
• Hermes analyzing the machine's by-products.
  Hermes: It looks like toxic waste. It smells like toxic waste. (takes a sample and tastes it)
  Fry: What's it taste like?
  Hermes: Delicious fig pudding, oh that's good! But, a distinct aftertaste of toxic waste.
• While running from the mutants, and trying to hide in the Turanga's house, Bender picks Fry up and uses him to smash open the window.
• Leela encounters one of the more curious sewer mutants:
  (Leela emerges from the mutagenic sewage lake with an octopus on her head)
  Leela: The lake didn't mutate me. What is going on here?
  Octopus (which has an extremely deep and gruff voice): It worked for me. I used to be a little blonde girl named Virginia.
• The accomplishments on the plaques of other former orphans that are shown when Leela's is put on the orphanarium's wall, such as "Diligent Flosser" and "Has Tasted Every McDonald's Sandwich".

Love and Rocket

• The sequence featuring the Omicronians trying to figure out 'wuv'.
  Ndnd: And what is this emotion you humans call 'wuv'?
  Lrrr: Surely it says 'love'?
  Ndnd: No, 'wuv', with an Earth 'w'! Behold!
  Lrrr: invoked This concept of 'wuv' confuses and infuriates us!
  • It then immediately cuts to the Planet Express crew running for their lives.
• As the crew prepares to go on their delivery run:
  Farnsworth: Remember, we've got to show these people we're not bitter husks of human beings who long ago abandoned hope of finding love in this lifetime. Leela, you'll have to do some acting.
  Leela: (totally deadpan) Check!
• Every really subtle reference to 2001 is hilarious, from Bender happily singing Daisy Bell to the Planet Express Ship noticing tapirs in the zoo.
• Also, from the Omnicronians:
  Lrrr: This is ancient Earth's most foolish program. Why does Ross, the largest friend, not simply eat the other five?
  Ndnd: Perhaps they are saving that for sweeps.
  Omicronian Guard: Exalted leaders, the Earth messengers have arrived bearing a peace offering from their weak and fearful government.
  Lrrr: Oh, very well. This is a Joey-heavy episode anyway.
• "Fire detected in the vicinity of: Leela." [Sprays her with a hose]
• "My place... or you?"
• "Ahahahahaha... oh wait, you're serious. Let me laugh even harder. AAAAHAHAHAHAH"
• Bender's last line of the episode: "Bender is a lone wolf, a solitary eagle, [eyes flicker, and he speaks with Sigourney Weaver's voice] a cuddly baby tapir, and that's why I love him."
• The horror that is the origin of the Lovey Bears. Even Bender and the Professor look upset. And that's what makes it so funny.
  They frolic in the Lovey Forest until their first birthday. Then we choose the cuddly- uddliest ones and stuff them full of fire-retardant love fluff!
• Zoidberg's ending monologue:
  "As the candy hearts poured into the fiery quasar, a wondrous thing happened, why not. They vaporized into a mystical love radiation that spread across the universe, destroying many, many planets, including two gangster planets and a cowboy world. But one planet was at exactly the right distance to see the romantic rays, but not be destroyed by them: Earth. So all over the world, couples stood together in joy. And me, Zoidberg! And no one could have been happier unless it would have also been Valentine's Day. What? It was? Hooray!"
• Fry gives his thoughts on why Bender shouldn't date the Planet Express Ship:
  "How can you date a ship anyway? It'd be like me dating a really fat lady. And living inside her. And she'd be all like 'whoooosh!' (spaceship flight noises)"
• The very idea of Sigourney Weaver playing a love-crazed spaceship who enjoys things like going around zoos looking at baby tapirs.
  Planet Express Ship: This says the babies lose their pyjama-like coat after their first year. Isn't that interesting, honey?
  Bender: Yup. Mind-numbingly interesting.
  • And then the part where she accuses Bender of cheating on her.
  Planet Express Ship: I saw you with those two ladies of the evening! Explain that!
  Bender: Ok, I like a challenge. (to himself) Uh... No... Oh, I got it: I'm gonna be completely honest with you, Planet Express Ship. Those two ladies you saw me with? Were my accountants.
  Planet Express Ship: Your accountants? Oh, I would dearly love to believe that... So I do!
• One of the girls Bender secretly sees on the side is Lucy Liu's head.
  Lucy Liu: (inside Bender's chest cabinet) Who are you talking to?
  Bender: No one, baby. Lucy Liu is the only girl for Bender.
  Lucy Liu: I love yo—
  (Bender slams chest door shut)
• When the ship tries to merge her code with Bender:
  Planet Express Ship: Come closer, Bender. Let's become one.
  Bender: (uncomfortable) I prefer two. That way we can still be a horse for Halloween.
• As Leela deactivates the ship's higher mental functions, she becomes "less rational".
  Planet Express Ship: ME WANT ENGULF BENDER! RAAAAAHHHHH!
• Hermes is inspecting the ship and a drunken Bender falls out of a compartment. The look of shame on Bender's face is gold.

Less than Hero

• Farnsworth orders an "IVNUK SUUPERCØLLIDR" from πKEA. Thanks to Fry, Leela, and Bender's hasty assembly, it blows up in his face.
  Farnsworth: Bad news, nobody! The super-collider super-exploded.
• When they're called by the mayor.
  Leela: Oh, I completely forgot, I left my apartment on fire. (Runs from room)
  Bender: Uh, as for me, I'm late for my LSATs. (Follows Leela)
  Fry: And I can't take life any more! (Jumps out window)
• Also:
  Bender: Nine, ten... a big fat hen.
  (blows on cigar)
  Bender: The name's Bender.
  • In a Reddit AMA, the writers confirmed that this utterly random line (in response to Leela announcing that she's planning to meet her parents at 10 AM after they've foiled the Zookeeper at 9) had no deeper meaning and was inserted because they had no idea how to end the scene.
• When Fry and Leela are trying to figure out what powers they have:
  Leela: (reading back of Miracle Cream tube) "Ability to command the loyalty of sea creatures?"
  Fry: Hey Zoidberg, get in here!
  Zoidberg: (from another room) Screw you!
  Fry: (cheerful) Nope!
  Leela: (equally cheerful) Ain't got that!
• Bender as Superking fighting a boxing kangaroo, mostly for the commentary by Theodore Roosevelt:
  "A man boxing a kangaroo is a peculiar spectacle...but a kangaroo boxing a robot? Now I'm afraid you've lost me. (Citizen Snips the crab falls into Roosevelt's tank) CITIZEN SNIPS!"
• From that same episode: "Please do not feed the animals!! -is promptly grabbed and devoured by an elephant-"
  • An elephant that never forgets...TO KILL!
• The mayor's utterly serious delivery of "A badger with a troubled past, and nothing left to lose!"
• This easily missed gag:
  Mayor: The Zookeeper, a nefarious villain who commits crimes aided by a pack of highly trained animals!
  Fry: Pack of highly. Got it.
• This:
  Leela's Dad: Look at me! Proud dad of a super hero! We should print up T-shirts. And F-shirts for our friends with two arms on the same side.
• This after a parrot reveals one of Leela's secrets:
  Fry (stern): Leela! Is the pirate that parrot is mimicking telling the truth by proxy?
• Bender putting on his crown and imitating Queen Victoria: "We are not amused!"
• When conflicted on whether or not they should steal the quantum gemerald in order to save Leela's parents, Fry needs moral guidance to decide if they should go against the moral justice of superheroes. He turns to Bender of all people for this guidance.
• The New Justice Team's dramatic speech:
  Leela: LISTEN UP, NEW NEW YORK! THERE'S A NEW GROUP OF SUPERHEROES IN TOWN, AND WE'RE...
  Hattie: QUIET! It's 4:00 AM and I just fell asleep for the first time in thirty years!
  Leela: Sorry! (turns back to the skyline, whispering) A new era of justice has begun.
  Hattie: WHAT?!
• The New Justice Team's theme song.
  Go, go, go New Justice Team
  Go team, go team, team team team
  Who's that newest Justice Team?
  The New Justice Team!
  Captain Yesterday is fast,
  Also he is from the past
  Not just fast, but from the past!
  Captain Yesterday!
  Super-King has all the powers of a King
  Plus all the powers of Superman, also he's a robot,
  Ain't it cool? Super-King, you rule!
  Clobberella beats you up
  Clobberella beats you up
  Who does she beat up? You!
  Clobberella!
  • The end credits are even more scream-worthy.
    Go, go, go New Justice Team,
    Fighting justice is their quest,
    Super-King, Clobberella and all the rest!
    Here's to you, New Justice Team!
    Do the things that make a team!
    Help each other do some things!
    Winners don't use drugs!
    The New Justice Team!
    • The second-to-last line is accompanied by a clip of Fry and Leela using the Miracle Cream followed by another clip that zooms in on the tube.
• The Zookeeper, in general.
  Fry: (meeting the Zookeeper in a cave) This is your lair?
  Zookeeper: FOOL! You think I'd show you my lair? My lair is a million times nicer than this!

A Taste of Freedom

• "You can crush me but you can't crush my spirit!" [Gets crushed by a giant claw] "Agh, my spirit!!"
  • Ah yes, good ol' man! Staunch defender (and even flaunter) of all practically any rights whatsoever!
  Zoidberg: Ambassador Moivin! You killed my lawyer!
  Moivin: You're welcome!
  Zoidberg: He defended my freedom when no one else would. He was a good and honorable man.
  Old Man Waterfall: I request a Satanic funeral.
  Crowd: BOOOOOOOO!!!
  • Old Man Waterfall's comeback when Bender questions him defending Zoidberg.
  Bender: You wanna defend Zoidberg? Are you aware of the old robot saying "does not compute"?
  Old Man: Son, to me a robot's nothin' more than a garbage can with sparks comin' out of it.
  Bender: (sad) The sparks keep me warm...
• A decapodian in a Paper-Thin Disguise named Hugh Mann was able to successfully steal the disc and send the Nimbus crashing.
  Kif: (as Hugh Mann waddles away with the disk) Sir, there's something about that ensign...
  Zapp: You're damn right there is! That strapping young lad is gunning for your job, and he might just get it.
  • "Hugh Mann! Now there's a name I can trust!"
• Zoidberg on the Decopodian Embassy:
  Zoidberg: My planet's embassy! They're paid not to kill me.
• Zoidberg complaining about the lack of marshmallows at the embassy.
• The museum sequence, especially Bender's opinion of the crossbow:
  Bender: Ah, the crossbow! A pitiless, elegant killing machine. The Bender of the 15th Century.

  • When taken back by the sight of the Heat-Seeking Missile, Bender first says "Wow" and then "Ow" when he fires the crossbow through his visor.
  • In the background of the museum, one can see one of the exhibits is called a Sharktapault. It's exactly what it sounds like.
• Nixon's Freedom Day speech, especially the Pain Monster, a horrifying creature who talks in a friendly, upbeat voice.
  Richard Nixon: My fellow Earthicans! We enjoy so much freedom, it's almost sickening. We're free to choose which hand our sex-monitoring chip is implanted in. And if we don't want to pay our taxes, why, we're free to spend a weekend with the Pain Monster.
  Pain Monster: See you April 15, folks!
• Nixon passionately states that Earth's Flag will always be there for its people. He turns around and sure enough;
  Nixon: It's gone!
• As the invasion begins, Zoidberg warns Earth his people will do what they did to the Squash People of the Squash Planet; Squish them!
• The one place the American Constitution doesn't mean squat: the Courtroom.
• At the end of the episode, Zoidberg begins to wonder what the Shroud of Turin tastes like...

Bender Should Not Be Allowed on Television

• The opening of the episode shows the writers of "All My Circuits" might be suffering from a lack of originality:
  Antonio: I'm sorry, father, but somewhere along the way, I forgot how to be your son!
  Calculon: Why, Antonio?
  Antonio: Because I have AMNESIA! (dramatic sting)
  (Flash to Monique in bed with Boxxy, when Calculon enters)
  Monique: Calculon? But I thought you were-
  Calculon: (outraged) Egyptian?! (dramatic sting)
  (Flash to Monique and Antonio on a boat, with Monique pointing a gun at Antonio)
  Monique: Before I kill you, I must ask you one question: Who am I? For I have amnesia! (even more dramatic sting)
  (Flash to Calculon addressing AMC's cast)
  Calculon: Let me get this straight... does anyone here not have amnesia?
  (Everyone else mumbles in confusion)
  Human friend: I dunno. (yet another dramatic sting)
  • Cubert and Dwight's take-away:
  Cubert: This show is awesome! When I grow up, I'm gonna have so much amnesia!
  Dwight: Me too! I mean, I have now, but I forgot.
  Cubert: Well, mine's louder!
  Bender: Cram a ham in it, you twerps! throws a beer bottle at them...which hits Fry instead) Sorry.
  Fry: Nah, I had it coming.
• "Do you two have to imitate everything you see on TV?" "Um, we're 12. So, yes."
• From Leela: "Bender, your swarthy Latin charm will only get you so far."
• Calculon reacts to Bender's attempt at acting:
  Calculon: invoked That was so terrible I think you gave me cancer!
  • Before that, at the start of the audition:
    Producer: So, Bender, have you ever been on television?
    Bender: Once, when I took those hostages.
    Calculon: I saw that. You were good.
    • And the audition itself:
      Bender, attempting a "flawless Spanish accent": Tonight we eat, GEE-OOO-ACK-A-MOLE by the el Rio!
• Cubert, Dwight and Tinny Tim are caught red-handed with things they've stolen (trying to emulate Bender), among them an obvious, giant joint.
  Farnsworth: {towards Hermes] The ruffians smoked one of your cigars.
  Hermes: That's not a cigar. Uh ... and it's not mine!
  [He nevertheless tucks it away in his jacket pocket.]
• While Calculon and the director meet with Bender after the "Bite my shiny metal ass!" incident, footage of Bender emptying some drawers is shown:
  Calculon: I've seen better acting from extras in Godzilla movies! I don't even remember shooting this scene.
  Director: We didn't. That's security camera footage from your dressing room.
  Calculon: He stole the scene and my money?! That's it! I demand that you fire this felonious ham!
• "I'll be the judge of who's cool around here, using the Cool-O-Meter!"
  • The needle, naturally, goes completely dead when pointed at Zoidberg.
  • "Dear lord, I'm getting a reading of over forty Mega-Fonzies!" The "Mega-Fonzie" unit implies that there's a smaller "Fonzie" unit and that one million Fonzies equals one Mega-Fonzie. In other words, 40,000,000 Fonzies.
• The Professor decides to force Bender off the air when F.A.R.T's demands are rejected:
  Professor: We still have the option of resorting to VIOLENCE!
  Hermes: What makes you think that'll work?
  Professor: I saw in that episode where Bender shot Calculon. How cool was that?
• This bit, when Bender hijacks the set to give a dramatic speech:
  Bender: You, director, gimme my motivation!
  Director: (bored) You're angry.
  Bender: Perfect!
• And of course, the speech itself:
  Bender: Do smoking and drinking on TV make me cool? Of course they do. How about committing crime and violence? Again, the answer is yes. But do we really want our kids exposed to that kind of trash on TV? I say absolutely not!
  (his gun accidentally goes off, nearly hitting the Professor. Bender coughs awkwardly)
  Bender: Uh... on the other hand, perhaps most of the blame rests with the parents! That's right, you! (Bender points his guns at the FART mob) And so I ask you this one question: Have you ever tried simply turning off the TV, sitting down with your kids... and hitting them?
  Hermes: (ashamed) We're just so busy...
  Bender: Well, make time!
  • And Calculon's reaction to all this: "Good enough. Slice in some reaction shots of me and shove it on the air."
    • Later, we see that the producers did exactly this by splicing in said reaction shots...which were filmed outdoors, in broad daylight, with completely different actors. Stylistic Suck to the max.
• "Bender must be stopped! I've gone too far! Who does that guy think I am?!"
• One rather hilarious scene on All My Circuits after Bender becomes a character on the show consists of Bender lighting himself on fire and saying "Try this, kids at home", which is immediately followed by an on-screen disclaimer saying "Don't try this, kids at home".
• "You raised my hopes and dashed them quite expertly, sir. Bravo!" - Tinny Tim.
• Cubert, Dwight, and Tinny Tim decide that the only true way to be cool like Bender is to emulate him by stealing his belongings:
  Dwight: TV gave us the idea!
  (Smash Cut to the Futurama logo)
  Bender: (in voice-over) You're watching Futurama, the show that does not advocate the cool crime of robbery!
• Bender's unique take on a character who's supposed to be in a coma.
  Bender: Hey, everyone! Antonio here, but you can call me Bender! I got ants in my butt and I needs to strut! (dancing around while smoking, humming and swigging liquor) Come on, baby!
  Calculon: I'm... not familiar with the... type of thing I'm seeing.
  • "Cut! That's the worst coma acting I've ever seen!"
  • The whole sequence ends up on the air as-is because Calculon refuses on principle to do more than one take.
    Director: But that guy was—
    Calculon: Amateurs like you do two takes, I do one take. Print it, I'll be in my three-story trailer.
• Fry complaining that Everybody Loves Hypnotoad went downhill after season three.

Jurassic Bark

• "What's that, Seymour? You walkin' on sunshine?"
• When the Professor gets tired of repeatedly explaining that lava isn't something you can just swim through ("I'm a professor! Why isn't anyone listening to me?"):
  Leela: He's been in there too long! I'm going in after him!
  Farnsworth: PROFESSOR! LAVA! HOT!
  • And this after Fry breaks the Clone-O-Mat in a moment of passion:
    Farnsworth: Oh sure. Break the smart guy's machine.
• Fry performing his people's native dance. And Leela reading about it.
  Leela: According to the guidebook, this part of The Hustle implores the gods to grant a favour, usually a Trans-Am.
• Fry leading a cheer during his protest at the museum:
  People: What do you want?
  Fry: Fry's dog!
  People: When do you want it?
  Fry: Fry's dog!
  People: Yayyyyyyy!
• The Professor getting his ham on preparing to power the Clone-O-Mat:
  Professor: (as lightning flashes above him) We must harness the elemental power of nature itself. I speak of course... of molten lava! To the sub-basement!
• "You're! Not! Fit! To wear! Fry's! Leotard!"
• Zoidberg's hilariously casual reaction to Bender's My God, What Have I Done? moment:
  Zoidberg: You didn't do anything. Don't beat yourself up.
• Bender sees Seymour as his competition, leading to this exchange:
  Fry: Look, Bender, this has nothing to do with you.
  Bender: That's impossible!
• Bender saving Seymour's remains by swimming through molten lava is awesome. And then his eyes melt from the heat.
  Bender: Where'd everyone go?

Crimes of the Hot

• The gang trying to cool off during a very hot, summer day. They build themselves an instant(!) above-ground swimming pool, complete with chlorine-treated water (and dead leaves floating around inside). But before anyone can jump in, in comes Nibbler, who drinks all the pool water in a heartbeat, and then belches out a cloud of noxious, chlorine gas that makes everyone pass out. Except Bender. But he doesn't have it any better:
  Bender: Hahahaha, lightweights — Oh, wait! Chlorine! (instantly rusts completely over, then collapses)
• Hedonismbot's debut scene:
  Bender: Look, I enjoy life and its pleasures as much as anyone here, except perhaps you, Hedonismbot. [Hedonismbot eats grapes in a very sloppy manner.] But we need to be shut off, especially you, Hedonismbot!
  Hedonismbot: I apologize for nothing!
  • Bender sucker-punching Preacher Bot when the Professor shows up to explain his plan to save the robots and the world and everyone has briefly stopped fighting in shock.
• "Nixon's not bringing the smokes!"
• Farnsworth trying to get out of going to a global warming meeting:
  Farnsworth: Forget it, I'm not going! I have my reasons! Shut up, all of you!
  Hermes: Strange. You haven't acted this suspicious since I found those "ape bones" in the basement.
  Farnsworth: My hip hurts! I'm in the middle of cooking a turkey! I have warranty cards to fill out! I am not just making excuses! ALRIGHT, I'LL GO!!!
• The Polluting Medal of Pollution.
  Professor: (coughs) Thank you. I deserve this.
• In the 31st century, Al Gore is now credited at the inventor of the environment. And First Emperor of The Moon. And he somehow acquired the rights to Harry Potter, which he uses to talk about pollution.
  Al Gore's Head: As I discussed in my book, The Balance of Earth, and the much more popular Harry Potter and the Balance of Earth, we need to protect our planet against pollution, as well as dark wizards.
  (the audience applauds, except for one dark wizard, who looks like Tim from Monty Python and the Holy Grail)
  Dark Wizard: Sure, blame the wizards!
  Al Gore: That's why I'm offering a bag of Moon Sapphires to the first scientist who can solve this problem once and for all. Lovely, aren't they?
  Dark Wizard: Sapphires? With those I could open the Gate of Gaarash!
• After Farnsworth's confessional flashback to his time working for Mom:
  Fry: That's awful, Professor. Especially the making-out part.
  Al Gore's Head: Yeah, I... didn't need to hear that.
• Bender's speech to the robots:
  Bender: We're destroying the world and killin' the turtles!
  Preacher-Bot: To Hell with the turtles!
  Bender: No-one insults the turtles! (he punches the Preacher-Bot, who instantly draws a machete)
• Linda and Morbo discuss turtles migrating to Holland.
  Linda: I'm sure those windmills will keep them cool.
  Morbo: [to Linda] Windmills do not work that way! [to viewers] Goodnight!
  • "Morbo is pleased! But sticky."
• The documentary, Global Warning, Or... NONE LIKE IT HOT!
  • The explanation for how Earth solved global warming:
    Narrator: Fortunately, our bravest, most handsomest politicians came up with a cheap, last minute solution. We simply place a giant ice-cube in the ocean every now and then.
    Little Girl: Just like daddy puts in his dwink evewy morning! ...and then he gets mad.
  • The ending of the documentary:
    Narrator: ...thus solving global warming and saving Earth once and for all.
    Little Girl: But-
    Narrator: ONCE AND FOR ALL!
    THE END
• Mom and the Professor witnessing the activation of the first bending unit. Which does a flaming belch.
  Mom: What was that?
  Professor: A flaming burp.
  Mom: Does it always do that?
  Professor: It's not always a burp.
• Nixon's Vice-President, the Headless Body of Spiro Agnew, who is only capable of angry growling.
• Nixon's party invitation. See if you can spot the hidden intent.
  Nixon: Do you like to party? To "boogie down"? Well, I'm throwing an all-night beach rager for my robot buddies, and it all goes down this Saturday on the isolated Galapagos Islands, where there will be no escape... from the fun! ALL ROBOTS MUST ATTEND!
  • Zoidberg spots the thread.
    Zoidberg: It's a trap is why! They're going to shut off all the robots! (no-one responds) I don't hear any gasping...
    Leela: We all figured it out.
    Zoidberg: Aww...
• "Granted, you're all blasting out greenhouse gasses..." "YOU'RE ONE TO TALK!" (Preacherbot proceeds to hit Bender with a chair)
• "You've got a degree in baloney." Cue first hose blast.

Teenage Mutant Leela's Hurdles

• Morris sees nothing wrong with giving his now-underage daughter tequila.

  Morris: Now let's all have some tequila to celebrate!
  Leela: Dad, I'm underage!
  Morris: Oh, right. Here's a silly straw.

  • This later comes back in true Brick Joke fashion after Fry and the rest of the Planet Express crew plan to reverse their de-aging:
    Leela: [whispering to Fry] Bring beer.
    Morris: No beer until you finish your tequila!
• An especially funny line from the beginning: "Pazuzu, you ungrateful gargoyle! I put you through college and this is how you repay me?!"
  • Then Pazuzu "repays" him.
• The search for Pazuzu.
  Farnsworth: PAZUZU! OHHHH, PAZUUUUUZUUUUU! [he turns the high beams on and they blow up Deep Space Nine] PAZUZU!
• That, and this: "I'M STILL IN MID-PERIL, YOU CLODS!"
• "WITH MY LAST BREATH, I CURSE ZOIDBERG!"
• This joke:
  Leela: Professor! This ship can go ninety percent light speed! Why are we travelling at 35 miles-per-hour?
  Farnsworth: Because we're in a hurry, that's why!
• The Professor gets prepared to take a bath in searing hot tar:
  Doctor: Sir, it's not necessary, or wise, to be naked.
  Professor: (who is already naked) Pfft, you sound just like my tennis instructor.
• "I don't have time for this! I have to go buy a single piece of fruit with a coupon and then return it, making people wait behind me while I complain!"
• What's Leo Wong's reaction to finding out his daughter has turned back into a preteen? Cruelly tease her about how fat she was at that age. Father of the year, everybody!
  Leo: She may not grow up, but she sure grow out. She fat!
  Amy: Dad, if you're going to make fat jokes until I get cute again, I'm just going to stay in my room!
  Leo: Stay in room? You so fat, you going to stay all around room!
  • Not that Inez is much better.
    Inez: Oh, my Amy's a sweet little girl again! This is like a mother's dream...bad dream! At this rate, I'm never gonna get a grandchild!
• Farnsworth's first reaction to being de-aged is to bemoan that he's no longer old enough to buy "ultra porn."
• Farnsworth completely ruining Bender's attempt to be a teen runaway with reverse psychology.
  Bender: All you ever do is complain. You never try to make things better. Well, I'm runnin' away from this dead end family! I know there's a place for people like me with new ideas. There has to be!
  Farnsworth: Fine, get going.
  Bender: Oh, I'm goin'. You're gonna be all "Where's Bender!? I miss Bender!"
  Farnsworth: We won't know that until you leave.
  Bender: (clearly getting upset at Farnsworth not trying to stop him) Oh, I'm leavin'...
  Farnsworth: There's the door.
  Bender:... I'll be good.
• The Professor and his teeth at the diner.
  Leela: Oh, lord. Teeth do not belong in your pants, Professor.
  Professor: Well, I can't keep them in my mouth. They're nuclear powered!
  (he turns on his dentures, which start hopping around the table, until they bite Fry)
  Fry: Ow! It bit me!
  Leela: Oh, no! They've tasted human blood!
  (everyone but the Professor runs away from the now savage teeth)

The Why of Fry

• This:
  Fry: Wait, wait wait! Ahem... What really killed the dinosaurs?
  Giant Brain: MEEE!
  (the Giant Brain is shown zapping the dinosaurs dead one by one)
• When Fry is about to head back through time to take another shot at defeating the Brainspawn, he realizes that he's going to get trapped again. His last words to Nibbler: "Just remember that Scooty Puff Jr. suuuuuuuuuuuuucks!"
  • "In a thousand years, I'll get right on it!"
  • Later, Fry is shown escaping successfully, on his new scooter, titled: "Scooty Puff Sr. — The Doombringer."
• The last facts the Brains have gathered in their quest to understand everything:
  (on the outside of the Infosphere, brains fly past a scanner with signs carrying facts)
  Brain 1: Beavers mate for life.
  Brain 2: Eleven is greater than four.
  Brain 3: For quality carpets, visit Kaplan's Carpet Warehouse!
• The Brains try to identify Fry:
  Fry: What happened to me, Philip J. Fry, on the night of December 31st, 1999?
  Huge Brain: Clarification request: Are you the Philip J. Fry from Earth or the Philip J. Fry from Hovering Squidworld 97A?
  Big Brain: Earth, you fat idiot! Hurry up!
• Fry finds out Nibbler can talk.
  Fry: Y-you can talk?
  Nibbler: Indeed. And I have other powers as well.
  Fry: Like what?
  (Nibble jumps up and knocks out Fry with a blackjack)
  • Shortly thereafter, as Nibbler puts Fry in his tiny spaceship, Fry starts coming too (it's Nibbler's utterly serious response that sells it).
    Fry: Are you my mommy?
    Nibbler: Negative!
• "On this auspicious occasion, let the Horn of Eternity cut a thunderous blast!" (cut to a Nibblonian badly playing a trumpet)
• The Brains have an amazingly understated reaction to their plans going belly up.
  Big Brain: Welp. Here we are. Trapped forever in another universe.
  Brain: We could sing "American Pie".
  Fry: Go ahead. I deserve it.
• Leela and Bender returns from their delivery without Fry, leading to this exchange in the Planet Express changerooms.
  Fry: I'm real sorry I missed the mission. I wasn't there and you might have needed me.
  Bender: Nope.
  Fry: But if I'd been there I—
  Bender: Nope.
  Fry: Look—
  Bender: Nope.
  Fry: Bender's great!
  Bender: Nope. (Beat, followed by Bender groaning in anger)
• The Nibblonians try to explain around why Fry lacks a delta brainwave, but Fry's nonchalant about it.
  Ken: It's a genetic abnormality which resulted when you went back in time and performed certain actions which made you your own grandfather.
  Fry: I did do the nasty in the past-y.
  Nibbler: Verily! And that past nastification is what shields you from the Brain rays!
• Fry learning he's The Chosen One.
  Nibbler: You are the most important person in the universe!
  Fry: You mean I really am important? How I feel when I'm drunk is correct?
  Ken: Yes. Except the Dave Matthews Band doesn't rock.
  • There is also the female Nibblonian shaking her head no as he says this.

Where No Fan Has Gone Before

• Fry takes Leonard Nimoy's head out of the museum to find out what's happened to Star Trek. Another head sidles up to the front of the display to replace Spock. Who is this head? Jonathan Frakes!
  Jonathan Frakes: Yes! Front row!
• Zapp: The court is intrigued. Perhaps we could hear more about these forbidden words from someone with a sexily seductive voice.
  [Nichols is about to begin, but...]
  Takei: With pleasure. You see, the show was banned after the Star Trek wars.
• In general, every Take That! against excessive Star Trek fans. One of the funniest is the very reason why the series was banned in the first place: fans grew from "a loose association of nerds with skin problems to a full-blown religion". Said religion started overtaking most countries on Earth, causing the government to ban the series and execute every Trekkie "in the manner most befitting virgins" (throwing them into a volcano and declaring "He's Dead, Jim."). During that scene, we see that Germany had been renamed "Nazi-Planet-Episode Land" in honor of the episode "Patterns of Force". That's right, they reestablished Nazi Germany!
• All of Walter Koenig's reactions to being asked to "speak Russian." No exceptions.
  Koenig: When we woke up, we had these bodies.
  Fry: Say it in Russian!
  Koenig: (sighs) Vhen ve voke up, ve had these bodies.
  Fry: Eeee! Now say "nuclear wessels"!
  Koenig: No.
• Virtually anything Melllvar says.
  Melllvar: Centuries ago, the videotaped adventures of the Enterprise crew rained down upon my planet. Over and over I watched them, especially the five with the energy beings. I AM MELLLVAR! SEER OF THE TAPES! KNOWER OF THE EPISODES! TREMBLE BEFORE MY ENCYCLOPEDIC KNOWLEDGE OF STAR TREK!
  • Or this exchange:
    Melllvar: To determine who is more worthy of my fanatical devotion, I shall pit you together against each other in armed combat... TO THE DEATH!
    (collective gasp)
    Bender: Where'd you get an idiotic idea like that?!
    Melllvar: Episodes 19, 46, 56 and 77.
    Fry: Great list. Except, you forget episode 66! HAHAHA!
    Melllvar: (Barely suppressing rage) Urgh, I WAS GETTING TO THAT ONE! GRAAAAAAAAAAAH! (Blows up Welshy's corpse)
• "WELLLLLLLLSHYYYYYYYYYYYYY!!!"
• The following exchange:
  Bender: Can people who hate Star Trek leave?
  Koenig: Good question!
  Melllvar: No, you have to stay even longer!
  (Bender and Koenig groan)
• When Melllvar is trying to get an autograph from George Takei:
  Melllvar: Melllvar has three Ls.
  Takei: I think I've been to enough conventions to know how to spell "Melllvar".
• Shatner doing a spoken-word version of Eminem's "The Real Slim Shady". That is all. And the best part about that one? Koenig was legitimately confused and Maurice LaMarche just ad libbed Melllvar's response.
  Walter Koenig: ...How can you do a spoken-word version of a rap song?
  Melllvar: (completely awed) He found a way.
• The response to Melllvar telling the cast they're not acting "hard enough."
  Nimoy: Melllvar, you have to respect your actors. When I directed Star Trek IV, I got a magnificent performance out of Bill because I respected him so much.
  Shatner: And when I directed Star Trek V, I got a magnificent performance out of me, because I respected me so much!
• Nichelle Nichols' utterly deadpan and disgusted reading of Uhura's "romantic" lines with Melllvar.
• When the crew try zapping Melllvar, and instead get dragged back down to the planet, they all just casually stroll out of the crashed ship.
• This exchange after the TOS crew team-up to take down the Planet Express crew:
  William Shatner: Wasn't there an episode where I threw my shoe at the enemy?
  Leonard Nimoy: You mean Doohan?
  (they both chuckle)
  Shatner: Whoever it was, I did it like this. (throws shoe; it hits George Takei in the face)
  Takei: Ow!
  (beat)
  Shatner: (hopping) My foot's cold.
  • And this later exchange:
    Shatner: And then, George, you hit him with a karate chop.
    Takei: I find that offensive. Just because I'm of Japanese ancestry, you assume I know karate. Have I ever led you to believe I have studied karate?
    Shatner: Well, no... but you never talk about yourself!
    Takei: Maybe if you showed a little interest...
  • Takei's line becomes Hilarious in Hindsight if you interpret it a certain way, as this episode aired in 2002 and Takei wouldn't come out of the closet until 2005.
• Melllvar: Here I've been admiring a bunch of actors while you, a crew of genuine space heroes, risked your lives to save them.
  Nimoy: Hey! We've done heroic things too.
  Nichols: Yeah! In the third season I kissed Shatner!
• Melllvar's mother suddenly shows up in the middle of the death battle between the Star Trek Cast and the Planet Express Crew:
  Melllvar's Mother: Melllvar! Dinner time!
  Melllvar: Aw, but Mom, I'm playing with my collectibles!
  Melllvar's Mother: Now!
  (Melllvar groans and disappears)
  Fry: All this time we thought he was a powerful super-being, yet he was just a child...
  Melllvar's Mother: He's not a child! He's THIRTY-FOUR!
• This gem from William Shatner, when he tries talking Leela down from crushing him with a boulder:
  Shatner: Leela, please. This is just what Melllvar wants. We're just pawns in his diabolical game of checkers. Can't we resolve our differences ...some other way?
  • And of course, when everyone else has stopped fighting, they find Leela and Shatner are... busy.
    (Leela and Shatner are making out)
    Shatner: I love you so much.
    (Leonard Nimoy nudges Shatner with his foot, causing him and Leela to realise everyone's looking at them)
    Fry: We've decided to work together!
    Nimoy: Yeah, so did they.
• This
  George Takei: Do you guys have a self-destruct code? Like "destruct sequence 1-A, 2-B, 3—"
  (Bender's head explodes, leaving only some wires and his mouth)
  Bender: Thanks a lot, Takei, now everybody knows!
• The aesop of the episode. Yes, really.
  Fry: Melllvar, you can't let a TV show be your whole life! You can do anything you want! Look at Walter Koening: After Star Trek, he became an actor.
  Koening: Not just an actor, but a well rounded person! With my own friends, and credit cards, and keys...
• The ending credits sequence shows a shot of Kif◊ in a clever parody of the famous shot of Balok's puppet in TOS's ending credits.

The Sting

• From the beginning of the episode:
  Leela: What's the mission?
  Farnsworth: Collecting honey. Ordinary honey.
  Leela: That doesn't sound so dangerous.
  Farnsworth: This is no ordinary honey! It's produced by vicious space bees. A single sting of their hideous neurotoxin can cause instant death!
  Hermes: And that's if you're not allergic! You don't wanna know what happens then, oh no no, God no.
  Farnsworth: Your insides will boil out of your eye sockets like a science fair volcano!
  Hermes: I didn't want to know! [sobs]
  • Also:
    Farnsworth: These bees are larger than most Buicks! And twice as ugly.
    Fry: Larger than an American sedan? How big's the honeycomb?
    Hermes: Honeycomb's big, yeah yeah yeah!
    Bender: It's not small?
    Hermes: No, no no!
  • invoked What makes this especially funny is that Billy West is the voice of Buzz the bee from the Honey Nut Cheerios commercials.
• The scene with the black box, albeit in a deeply disturbing fashion, as we see just how low Planet Express can sink.
  Crewman: Captain, the bees have us surrounded! Oh, the Professor was right, we aren't as good as his old crew!
  Captain: Well, I aim to prove him wrong! It'll take more than deadly bees to - (sound of intense buzzing) OH LORD! AAAAAAAAAAAAGGGHHHHHHH!'
  (Fry and Bender look terrified while Leela gives an uneasy look to the black box)
  Leela: ...Uh, couldn't make that out. Too much static.
• Bender accidentally insulting the bees and him trying to placate them.
  Bender: Pick up the pace, lady! (as he speaks beeish and wags his behind) I'm sick of shaking my booty for these fat jerks!
  (bees glare at Bender)
  Bender: Uh, I didn't mean you're all fat! Just Fatso there. (points to the queen bee)
  Bees: He insulted our fat Queen!
  Queen Bee: You try keeping your figure after 10,000 kids!
• invoked This episode gives the world one of the best Leela lines in the history of ever after she, Fry, and Bender all succeed in getting the Space Honey: "Burn on that old crew! The only things they did better than us were suck and die!"
• Among the people at Fry's funeral are some people he's had sex with:
  Amazonian: (tearing up) Him do good snu-snu!
  (The radiator from the Miss Universe pageant, Morgan Proctor, Michelle, and some others shrug in an "Ehh, not really" sort of way)
• This line as well, which also counts as a Tear Jerker:
  Leela: In my dream, Fry said he hid a gift from me in his locker. If it's true, then he must still exist in some form.
  Farnsworth: Of course he still exists. As a frozen corpse in outer space! (chuckles) Oh.. I Made Myself Sad.
  • And then later, this amazing line as Leela starts to rapidly fall into Sanity Slippage:
    Leela: I'll find Fry's corpse and keep it under my mattress to remind me that he's dead! That'll prove I'm not insane!
• When Leela dreams that she's in a room where Farnsworth, Amy, Hermes, and Zoidberg's faces have replaced the wallpaper and are chanting "You killed Fry!", she just tears them all down. When Bender is shown to be the carpet and says the same thing in a matter-of-fact tone, she vacuums him up.
• Bender's line as everyone discovers that Leela has awakened from her coma -
  Bender: You were in the best coma I've ever seen!

Bend Her

• Bender temporarily becomes a woman. The subtle sexism throughout the episode is uncomfortable and annoying. The explicit sexism that occasionally pops up is hilarious.
  Professor: She's becoming a slave to her emotions! Just like all women. Especially you, Leela.
  Leela: (Offhand Backhands the Professor) I'm worried about Bender too.
  • Also, Calculon is on a talk show, talking about his soap opera, All My Circuits. A clip is shown of him yelling "NOOOOOOOOOO!". Calculon chuckles and replies:
    Calculon: Fun fact: The script actually called for me to say 'yes', but I gave it a little twist.
  • Bonus: When asked to set up the clip, Calculon just says he thinks it speaks for itself. Not to mention that it's set in a random back garden, with a pirate grilling burgers on a barbecue.
• Also in that episode, when they are trying to fake Coilette/Bender's death:
  Calculon: No! NO! N-O-O-O!
  • It should be noted: Calculon wasn't in on the plan.
• Earlier on in the episode, Calculon bursting through the wall, and during a hot-air balloon trip with Coilette, him tipping the (previously-hidden) Box-robot overboard.
  ''Stop! Let us climb to the heavens, that the gods themselves might envy us!"
• Calculon plans to retire to live in a villa with Coilette.
  Bender: (tearing up) Would we have donkeys?
  Calculon: All you could eat.
• How did we get this far without mentioning this little gem:
  Bender: Professor, make a woman out of me!
  Prof. Farnsworth (flattered): Oh, I think we should just stay friends.
• This exchange:
  Calculon: I'd appreciate it if you didn't 'BAM' the young lady...
  Elzar: Well I'd appreciate it if I did; so I guess we're even!
• The deliver of this line really makes it:
  Fry: (emotional) I'll miss you, buddy. You've been like a brother, and then a sister to me, and now you're getting married. I love you, man.
  Bender: The marriage is a scam.
  Fry: (without missing a beat) Cool. What's for dinner?
• Zoidberg the Wedding Planner:
  Bender: Zoidey-poo, please tell me "frilly" is in this season.
  Zoidberg: (going over a book of cakes) I saw a frosted cake in here you'll remember all your life. I know I will. Late at night, it taunts me with its frosted beauty... ORDER THE CAKE, DAMMIT!
• While Calculon's reaction to "Coilette" dying is kind of sad, he ruins it by being Calculon.
  She lives... no more. But let us not forget that she truly loved me. To honor my pain, I shall star in a film honoring her memory, and this time the Academy will not deny me! Not when they see "Coilette: A Calculon Story!"
  • And when we see it, it's pretty much another version of All My Circuits. With Calculon acting like his usual self...
    Calculon: Coilette, your death fills me with sorrow, (glares) anger, (fearful expression) fear. Every emotion an actor can conceivably display!
• Fry's part in the plan:
  (Fry storms into the wedding on a motorbike, dressed up like a guerrilla fighter)
  Bender: Congo Jack!
  (Everyone gasps, as Hermes dramatically plays a nearby piano)
  Fry: Yes, and I have a message from Colonel Mtumbe! He says "This is for Congo Jack!"
  (Fry picks up a spear, and throws it at Bender. It completely misses him, meaning Bender has to grab it and pretend to be impaled)
• When Bender, contemplating taking part in the Robot Olympics, realises he's completely outmatched by the other atheletes...
  Bender: My dreams of glory died before they began.
  Zoideberg: [cheerily] Welcome to my life! (realises what he just said and breaks down wailing)
• When Bender first signs up as Coilette.
  Bender: What do you mean I'm not registered? My name's Coilette and I'm from, uh...Robonia! Coilette's a chick's name!
  Official: Yes, but "Robonia" sounds like something somebody made up on the spot.
  Bender: Ever been beaten up by a guy dressed like a chick?
  Official: (fearfully squirms in the affirmative)
• Bender's little song when he wins his medals.
  Bender: Hail, hail Robonia! A land I didn't make up!

Obsoletely Fabulous

• This exchange...
  Bender: A working cartridge unit? Wow, you guys went obsolete years ago.
  [Cartridge Unit rummages through bag of cartridges, and pulls out one labeled 'Snappy Response', and inserts it]]
  Cartridge Unit: Your mother.
  • Later he ejects and reinserts his "What?!" cartridge just to repeat himself.
• The Nannybot 1.0: "SLEEP, LITTLE DUMPLING! I HAVE REPLACED YOUR MOTHER!"
  • "Aww."
• Robot 1-X says this while whacking himself with a hammer:
  Robot 1-X: Does Mr. Bender wish me to destroy myself?
• "I say the whole world must learn of our peaceful ways. BY FORCE!"
• The Professor and Wernstrom arguing over their killbots:
  Wernstrom: Ladies and gentlemen, my killbot features lotus notes, and a machine gun. It is the finest available.
  (The camera pans to the left slightly, showing the Professor's stand, with a sign proclaiming "Housewives prefer Farnsworth's killbots)
  Professor: Like fun it is, you glass-headed wallaby!
  Wernstrom: No-one calls me that! I'm having at you!
  Professor: Weeernstrom!
  (The two start ineffectually slapping at one another, as the killbots look on)
  Professor's Killbot: Such senseless aggression.
  Wernstrom's Killbot: C'mon, let's go for a paddle-boat ride.
• Leela's reaction to when Bender reappears made of wood with a bunch of obsolete robots:
  Leela: Oh Lord, he's made of wood.
• Lisa the water-powered robot's freakouts whenever her built-in waterwheel comes to a stop.
  "I, for example, need to keep refilling my waterwheel or I'll power down forever. [Her wheel runs dry] Oh, God! I'll never make it this time! This is the end! [She runs down into the sea and then calmly walks out.] Anyway, we like it here."
  "Oh, God, no! I want to live! [She leaps into the water again then calmly returns] If you'd like, you're welcome to join our society."
• Just before the attack on Planet Express, Lisa declares her love for Bender. His response? "Ok, fine."
• As Bender destroys his tropical island CDs:
  Bender: Take that Mozart, you deaf bastard!
• Bender, reintroducing himself to the Planet Express crew after his exile.
  Bender: Friends, I come to free you from your complicated lives! ... free you from the "complicated" part, that is. Not the "lives" part.
• The Professor's sheer outrage when Bender's catapult (eventually) hits the ship.
  You whanged my ship, you walnut-paneled idiot!

The Farnsworth Parabox

• "Oh, this is awful! Somewhere out there, there's a more evil Bender than me! I DO MY BEST, DAMMIT!"
• The opening of the episode:
  (explosion)
  Professor: Oh Lordy Lou! HELP!
  (later)
  Professor: Buddha! Zeus! God! One of you guys do something! Help! Satan, you owe me!
  • The above is going on in the background while Fry attempts to ask Leela out (and Amy interjects), the noise forcing them to talk increasingly loudly until they're pretty much shouting.
  • The whole scene becomes even funnier when the audience later gets to see more portal boxes be created... and only the Farnsworths are moaning and writhing in pain while everyone else is staring at them in evident confusion.
• Bender's suggestion about what to do with the box:
  Bender: I could hit it with a shovel!
  Professor: That's not good enough.
  Bender: (eagerly) This one time, I pounded a guy into the ground like a stake with a shovel!
  Professor: Yes, yes.
• "Good news, everyone! I'm still technically alive!"
• Alternate Bender - "Bite my glorious golden ass!"
• "Now, now. Perfectly symmetrical violence never solved anything!"
• Another example from that episode:
  Leela: Bender, quit destroying the universe!
  • Fry sitting on the universe at the end.
• When Farnsworth asks his alternate how he got stitches on his head, he says that it was an experiment to see if he could remove his own brain. This leads to this gem:
  Alternate Farnsworth: Getting the brain out was the easy part. The hard part was getting the brain out! HAHAHAHAHAHA!!!
  Farnsworth: Oh you!
• Zoidberg's rhetoric on boxes.
  "In my experience, boxes are usually empty, or maybe with a little cheese stuck to the top. And one time, pepperoni. What a day that was! (shrieks) GIVE ME THE BOX!!!"
• Leela encounters the robot versions of Fry, Farnsworth & Hermes:
  Leela: Have you robot-versions of you guys seen any extra Zoidbergs around here?
  Robot Fry: Negative. Will-you-go-out-with-me?
  Leela: Uh, access denied.
  (Robot Fry's head explodes)
• There's also this after the Crew and their alternates are ordered to keep an eye one each other.
  Alternate Leela: Can Fry and I watch our Alternates together? We have plans tonight.
  Leela: Wait. You guys are dating?
  Alternate Fry: Oh no no no. We're married.
  (Cue Stunned Silence)
  • When Fry and Leela go out for dinner with their alternate selves, they learn how the two got married, leading to this exchange.
  Alternate Fry: One year later, I gave Leela a diamond scrunchie and we were married.
  Fry: One year later, I got beat up at a Neil Diamond concert by a guy named Scrunchie!
• Upon discovering that the group's actions have placed both realities in danger:
  Alternate Bender: Our universe is doomed!
  (Bender puts an arm around his alternate counterpart and imitates him)
  Alternate Bender and Bender (simultaneously): Doooooooomed!
• The Amys get into an argument over nail polish (they're using nail polish which matches the other Amy's tracksuit):
  Alternate Amy: The Professor was right. You are evil! And sha~llow!
  Amy: I am not evil!
• After the conversation explaining how the variations between the cast and their Alternate Universe counterparts were determined by coin flip:
  Farnsworth: You people and your slight differences disgust me! I'm going home!
• The Zoidbergs meeting up:
  (the two Zoidbergs are sitting in a dumpster)
  Alternate Zoidberg: So, tell me about yourself.
  Zoidberg: Well, don't look into it, but I'm a respected internal medicine doctor. Oooh, a can! (starts eagerly slurping at a can)
  Alternate Zoidberg: As for me, I design mansions, then live in them.
  (the two Zoidbergs immediately start crying)
  Alternate Zoidberg: Oh, I'm lying, I'm an appalling failure!
  Zoidberg: Me too! A big fat one!
  Alternate Zoidberg: And those co-workers, always looking down on us Zoidbergs! What are they, from Nob Hill?
  Zoidberg: They're all "stop spraying me with ink, Zoidberg! Put on pants, Zoidberg! Don't touch our fancy box, Zoidberg!"
  • And later, it turns out even Zoidberg looks down on Zoidberg.
    Zoidberg: All hail Zoidberg, the king with the box! (kisses Zoidberg B's feet) Now it's my turn, maybe?
    Alternate Zoidberg: The box says "no".
  • The brief exploration of the Universe 420. Professor Freaksworth and Amy (who seems to be his groupie) are the exact opposite of Farnsworth.
    Farnsworth: There's a whole universe in that box!
    Freaksworth: Dude, there's a universe in all of us.
    Alternate Amy: Right on, Professor Freaksworth!
    (Freaksworth offers Farnsworth a flower)
    Farnsworth: GET A JOB!
• Hermes thinking it over when he's about to shoot the box into space and Farnsworth pleads that he not press the button.

Three Hundred Big Boys

• Whale barf. "It just keeps coming..."
• Fry's increasingly neurotic behavior as he works his way towards drinking 100 cups of coffee.
  • At 31 cups:
    Elzar: Freshen your coffee, sir?
    Fry: Yeah yeah, keep it coming! Put the pot down! Get away!
  • At 51 cups:
    Fry: This isn't Yemeni, it's Sulawesi! And the cup's shaking! I don't want my coffee shaking!
    Bender: You seem a tad wound up, buddy. And your face is greasy. Real greasy. You been up all night?
    Fry: OF COURSE I'VE BEEN UP ALL NIGHT! Not because of caffeine, it was insomnia. I couldn't stop thinking about coffee. I need a nap. [snore] Coffee time!
  • At 98 cups, he's so wound up on the caffeine, his body is practically jerking.
  • At 99 cups:
    Fry: Coffeecoffeecoffeecoffeecoffeecoffeecoffeecoffeecoffeecoffee.
  • And at 100 cups... there is a sudden tranquility, an angelic choir, and Fry is serenely at one with the cosmos, even the part of it around him that is currently on fire.
    • And all of this was from Fry's POV. When everyone was taken out of the burning building, Leela believed that they were all saved by "a mysterious, orange blur."
    • Fry has his 100th cup at a party but mindlessly plunks down the last of his $300 for it anyway.
• Scruffy making light of Kif's recent imprisonment:
  Scruffy: Jail ain't so bad. You can make sangria in the toilet terlet. Course it's shank or be-shanked.
  Amy: (in tears) Of course...
• The Whale Biologist's sheer jerkassery, especially toward Mushu.
  • The fact a whale biologist can tell the NNYPD what to do.
    URL: Better do as he says. He is a whale biologist.

Spanish Fry

• Bender's Hurricane of Euphemisms.
  Lrrr: This jerked chicken is good. I think I'll have Fry's lower horn jerked.
  Bender: It's used to it. Whoo!
  • And a truckload of similar lines throughout the episode:
  Fry: Yes! I never thought I'd escape with my doodle, but I pulled it out!
  Bender (offscreen): Just like at the movie theater! Whoo!
  Leela: (as they flee Lrr and Ndnd having sex) Well, Fry, you've managed to hold on to your lower horn.
  Bender: As usual. Whoo! RUN AWAY!!
• The Bigfoot film shown by the park ranger, whose narrator is hilariously indecisive on whether or not he believes in Bigfoot.
  "Bigfoot ...... Endangered Mystery! In the dense forests of the Pacific Northwest ...... dwells the strange and beautiful creature known as Bigfoot, perhaps."
  
  "Sadly, logging and human settlement today threaten what might possibly be his habitat. Although if it's not, they don't. Bigfoot populations require vast amounts of land to remain elusive in. They typically dwell just behind rocks but are also sometimes playful, bounding into thick fogs and out-of-focus areas."
  
  "Remember, it's up to us. Bigfoot is a crucial part of the ecosystem, if he exists. So let's all help keep Bigfoot possibly alive for future generations to enjoy unless he doesn't exist. The end."
• Lrr buying "human horn" in secret.
  "Horn" Dealer: You're not a cop, right?
  Lrr: Oh, no, no. I'm just some guy...RULER OF THE PLANET OMICRON PERSEI 8!
• The Omicronian's "Horn" Removing Device is basically Share the Male Pain incarnate.
• When Fry is finally caught by Lrr, the following scene is a group of brick jokes, such as Bender's beers in the cool used to transport Fry's lower horn, Lrr opening a bottle of ketchup and the Removal Device reveal more and more of its features, including spiked rings to hold the "horn" in place and the buzz saw extends forwards to complete the process.

The Devil's Hands Are Idle Playthings

• In "The Devil's Hands Are Idle Playthings", Hedonism-bot commissions the world's greatest - in fact, only competent - holophonor artist to write an opera so fantastic that it will win him a moment's pleasure from his eternal ennui. On opening night, Hedonism-bot addresses the upper crust of Earth before the opera begins (possibly the best opera-opening speech since A Night at the Opera:)
  Hedonism-bot: Courtesans and gentlefops, I bid you welcome to my opera! Let us cavort like the Greeks of old! You know the ones I mean...
  • His reaction to everything that happens must be recorded:
  Hedonism-bot: Surgery, in an opera? How wonderfully decadent! And just as I was beginning to lose interest! Jambi, the chocolate icing! (Jambi starts spreading icing over Hedonism-bot's stomach) Oh... oh my, yes...
• When Fry loses the robot hands that allowed him to play the Holophonor:
  Hedonismbot: Resume the opera!
  Fry: But I can't play anymore!
  Zoidberg: Yes you can! The music was in your heart, not your hands!
  [Fry begins playing off-key and the audience starts booing.]
  Zoidberg: Your music is bad and you should feel bad!
• Bender tells Fry: "We're going to have to make a metaphorical Deal with the Devil. And by 'Devil', I mean the Robot Devil. And by "metaphorical", I mean 'get your coat'."
• 'Your lyrics lack subtlety! You can't just have your characters announce how they feel! That makes me feel angry!'
• And after switching back:
  Fry: My hands! My horrible human hands! And what did you do to my nails?!
  Robot Devil: I cleaned them.
• Bender's stage actor
  Stage!Bender: Save Fry! Save Fry! Save Fry! Godzilla! Will devour him! As for me I must be off to have my doctor check this cough! [Cough cough] Goodbye! [Starts off to the exit only to have Godzilla block him off]
  Bender: I don't ever recall fighting Godzilla, but that is sooooo what I would have done!
• Leela: Oh, Fry. All this time you've had this incredible gift and I never knew. I've been a fool. A fully-justified, prudent fool. [She takes his hands in hers, then quickly lets them drop.] They're so cold!
  Robot Devil: [shouting from offscreen] And yet hell is so hot! [laughs maniacally] Can I have my hands back now?
  Fry: No!
  Robot Devil: [still shouting] You're not nice!
• And if you could even forget it:
  Robot Devil: Calculon, old friend, I'm afraid I need your ears.
  Calculon: Well, I do owe you for giving me this unholy AC-TING TALENT!
• Bender, angry at the Robot Devil, tries to tell him to bite his shiny metal ass, but realizes that since he sold his ass plate to the devil, there's no shiny metal ass to bite:
  Bender: Well bite my shiny metal—OHHHHH NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!! (dramatic zoom-in to his underside)
• When the Robot Devil insults Fry's musical skills by saying he has "stupid fingers" and will probably never even be able to use a belt. Cue Fry's pants having fallen down and are around his ankles.