Funny / Futurama

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    Season 1 

Space Pilot 3000

  • "Space... it seems to go on forever... then you get to the end, and a monkey throws barrels at you."
  • Fry and Bender's encounter at the suicide booth:
    Suicide Booth: Please select mode of death: quick and painless or slow and horrible.
    Suicide Booth: You have chosen, "slow and horrible."
    Bender: Good choice!
    <Panel slides down showing the implements of death>
    Bender: Bring it on, baby!
  • Also, this exchange that takes place:
    Bender (impatiently, with Fry cowering in the corner): C'mon! Kill me already! (Casually, to Fry) By the way, my name's Bender...
  • After both his arms fall off (and a subsequent commercial break) Bender puts one arm back on and then grabs the arm he used to reattach his first and puts it back on. Fry says "I don't know how you did that."
    • Before that, Bender's speech:
    From now on, I'm going to bend what I want, when I want, who I want! I am unstoppable! (his arms immediately fall off) Ah.
  • When Fry tells Bender that he shouldn't let his programming tell him what to do:
    Bender: You're full of crap, Fry! (Turns around and gets shocked when his antenna crashes into a lightbulb fixture) You make a persuasive argument, Fry!
  • One of the deleted scenes from the storyboard has Fry say a completely different line when he discovers he's come to the future.
  • "Well, at least here you'll be treated with dignity. Now strip naked and get on the Probulator."
    • Which becomes even funnier if one remembers the later detail about how the 31st century views nudity.
  • Url and Smitty's introduction, when Leela calls in backup.
    Leela: This is officer 1BDI, requesting back-up!
    (zoom out to show Url and Smitty standing right next to her)
    Smitty: We'll be there in five minutes!
    • And Smitty's line when the police track them to Planet Express:
      We have you partially surrounded!
  • Bender, again, with his introduction, when Fry's standing in line at the Suicide Booth.
    Fry: Whoa, a real life robot! Or is that some kind of cheesy New Year's costume?
    Fry: It doesn't look so shiny to me.
    Bender: Shinier than yours, meatbag.
  • At the end, the Professor offers the trio jobs:
    The Professor: Would you three be interested in becoming my new crew?
    Bender: "New" crew? What happened to the old crew?
    The Professor: (solemnly) Oh, those poor sons of - b-but that's not important!

The Series Has Landed

  • In the second episode, they land on the moon and go to Luna Park. The mascot is a man with a giant moon face.
    Mascot: "Hi, I'm Crater Face! Welcome to Luna Park! I'll have to confiscate your alcohol, sir."
    Bender: "Better mascots than you have tried." [takes a swig, shoves the bottle into Crater Face's eye, and walks away]
    Mascot: At least I have my self-respect. [laughs, then sobs]
  • From the same episode: "We're whalers on the Moon, we carry a harpoon, but there aint no whales so we tell tall tales and sing our whaling tune."
    Fry: WHOO-HOO, YEAH! CRANK UP THE RADIO! (Turns the radio on)
    Radio: We're whalers on the— (Fry immediately shuts it off)
  • The Crushinator's flat greeting of "Yoo-hoo," especially after her more expressive sisters.
  • Bender comments on the Crushinator in an O.O.C. Is Serious Business way.
    Fry: Oh, Bender, you didn't touch the Crushinator, did you?
    Bender: Of course not! A lady that fine, you gotta romance first.
  • The wonderful Brick Joke about the Crushinator, when after being absent for a few minutes, Bender returns fleeing from the farmer.
    Farmer: Had to come back for the Crushinator, eh robot?
  • Fry suggests dumping the crate in the sewer and saying they delivered it, Bender says it would be too much work, and suggests burning it, then saying they dumped it in the sewer.
  • This part:
    Fry: Come on, Bender, let's mosey!
    (Fry throws Bender's head to his body, which fails to catch it, resulting in Bender's head bouncing around the floor)
    Bender: Nice catch, idiot.
  • Fry attaches a souvenir magnet to Bender's head, revealing Bender's shameful, secret ambition:
    Bender: [Singing] How many roads must a man walk down before you..." [Starts howling, then pants once Fry takes the magnet out] Keep those things off of me! Magnets screw up my inhibition unit.
    Fry: So you flip out and start acting like some crazy folk singer?
    Bender: Yes...I guess a robot would have to be crazy to wanna be a folk singer... [Stares into the distance, mournfully]
    • Becomes a Brick Joke once Amy attaches a magnet to the Planet Express ship, attaches Bender & saves him from the farmer. It's even better with Bender singing.
    Bender: She'll be coming around the mountain when she cooommmes, she'll be comin' 'round the mountain when she comes- I'LL KILL YOU, AMY! -she'll be coming 'round the mountain she'll be comin' 'round the mountain when she-[THUD].
  • Bender getting kicked out of the park.
    Bender: Yeah, well, I'll go build my own theme park, with blackjack and hookers! In fact, forget the park!
    • When he discovers the lunar lander, only to find that it's locked shut:
      Bender: Oh, no room for Bender, eh? Fine! I'll go build my own lunar lander, with blackjack and hookers! In fact, forget the lunar lander and the blackjack! Ah, screw the whole thing.
  • The Brick Joke about the Professor keeping Amy around because they share blood-types, when Leela allows Amy to tag along.
    Leela: Just be careful, I'd like to hold off any major screw-ups until at least my second day as captain.
    Professor: Nothing will go wrong. (leans in toward Leela) If something goes wrong, bring back the blood!
  • A funny little joke when Fry and Leela ask the hydroponic farmer if they could borrow some of his air: "Borrow? Lookie here, city girl, oxygen don't grow on trees." Anybody even remotely familiar with the way the oxygen cycle works knows that yes, oxygen does essentially grow on trees.
  • Zoidberg's introduction. Especially when the Professor tells Fry he'll be fine, turns to leave, only to briefly look back at Fry with worry, and the part when he inspects Fry.
    Fry: Uh, is there a human doctor around?
    Zoidberg: Young lady, I'm an expert on humans. Now pick a mouth, open it and say... (makes a weird noise)
    Zoidberg: What?! My mother was a saint! GET OUT!

I, Roommate

  • From "I, Roommate", when The Professor is on the phone:
    Farnsworth: *On the phone* Oh, how awful. Did he at least die painlessly? (beat) To shreds, you say, tsk, tsk, tsk. Well, how is his wife holding up? (beat) To shreds, you say. Very well then.
  • When Fry's freeloading at Planet Express leads up to the straw that breaks the camel's back where he eats the mummy:
    Fry: Hey Professor, great jerky!
    Farnsworth: My god, this is an outrage! I was gonna eat that mummy! Fry has got to go.
  • "I'm afraid my half-brother is correct, for you see, I have a terrible secret, and that secret i-"(the image cuts out) [...] "To re-iterate, my terrible secret is-" (the signal cuts out again)''

Love's Labours Lost in Space

  • After having sex with Leela:
    Zapp: "Kif, I have made it with a woman. Inform the men!"
  • Earlier:
    Zapp Brannigan: Have the boy lay out my formal shorts.
    Kif: The boy, sir?
    Zapp Brannigan: You. You lay out my formal shorts.
  • Zapp claims his victory over the killbots was a simple matter of outsmarting them, which Fry says he never would have thought of.
  • Fry's escape plan, which involved Bender bending the pipe off a steam hatch. They're then sprayed with hot steam.
  • This bit, when Zapp and Leela are talking at dinner.
    Leela: Captain Brannigan, I'd like to ask you for help.
    Zapp: Whatever it is, I'm willing to put wave after wave of men at your disposal. Isn't that right, men?
    Soldier: YOU SUCK!
  • Trying to convince Leela to be nicer to guys:
    Amy: You just have to give guys a chance. Sometimes you meet a guy and think he's a pig, but then later on you realise he actually has a really good body.
  • "We don't have long. This planet is supposed to collapse... two hours ago!"

Fear of a Bot Planet

  • In "Fear Of A Bot Planet", the utterly bizarre chaos that ensues when one of the balls goes into a hole in the field during a Blernsball game. Numerous balls get shot onto the field at high speeds, a player rides a TRON-esque motorbike over the bases (which then explode), and a giant tarantula is ridden on to the field by a player. Even better is the fact that the whole mess was predated by this exchange:
    Fry: Hey I'm starting to get the hang of this game! The blerns are loaded, the count's three blerns and two anti-blerns and the infield blern rule is in effect, right?
    Leela: Except for the word "blern" that was complete gibberish.
  • "I WILL EAT AND DIGEST YOU ALL WITH MY SYSTEM OF MIGHTY ORGANS! BEHOLD!" * kaijubot opens chestplate to reveal fake organs and blinking Christmas lights*
  • The climax of the robot movie:
    Wendy: I'm just glad the nightmare is over.
    General: It will never be over, Wendy! Even as we speak, humans are lurking in our playgrounds, our breezeways, perhaps even... our movie theatres!
    (the audience gasps)
    Fry: GOD HELP US!
  • The interaction between the robots and Fry after leaving the film
    Robot: So, what did you think of the movie?
    Fry: Too much romance, not enough human-killing
    Robot 2: Yeah, it was a real chick-flick.
  • This casual line:
    Leela: Hey, hold on, I understand these robots hate humans, but how do they feel about humanoid aliens?
    Farnsworth (dismissively): They're not fans.
  • On the Robot Planet, Fry and Leela come up with answers to the two Guard Robots' test to see if they are robot or human.
    Guard Robot #1: Halt!
    Guard Robot #2: Be you robot... (leans menacingly forward)... or human''?
    Leela: Robot, we be.
    Fry: Uh, yep! Just two robots... robot-ting it up! (does a failed attempt at "The Robot") Heh?
    Guard Robot #1: Administer the test.
    (Guard Robot #2 lumbers forward, then)
    Guard Robot #2: Which of the following would you most prefer? A) a puppy, B) a pretty flower from your sweetie, or C) a large, properly formatted, data file?
    Guard Robot #1 (forcefully): CHOOSE!
    (Fry and Leela mull over the options for a few seconds in low whispers)
    Fry: Uh, is the puppy mechanical in any way?
    Guard Robot #2 (deeper, more electronic): NO! IT IS THE BAD KIND OF PUPPY!
    Leela: Then we'll go with that data file.
    Guard Robot #2: Correct.
    Guard Robot #1: The flower also would have been acceptable.
  • While walking through the robot city, a sign can be seen proclaiming:
  • When being menaced by the Robot Elders:
    Fry: Take one more step, and I'll breathe fire on you!
    Leela: He'll do it! He's crazy!
    (The robo elders stare blankly, before gathering in a huddle)
    Robot Elder: Can they really breath fire, or did we make that up?
    Robot Elder 2: Gee, I can't remember anymore. Though it might just be from that stupid movie.
    Robot Elder 3: Was that the original or the remake?
    Robot Elder 2: I don't- (notices Fry, Leela and Bender are escaping) HEY, they're getting away!
  • Fry and Leela are disguised while in a swarm of robots:
    Leela: Try to stay with the crowd so no one notices how crummy you look!
    Crummy Robot: Aww, that was uncalled for.
  • Fry tries to defend baseball... and fails.
    Fry: Boring? Baseball wasn't-... so they finally jazzed it up, huh?

A Fishful of Dollars

  • From the episode "A Fishful Of Dollars" after going over to the bank to get some money for Bender's bail, Fry discovers his interest has added up over 1000 years, giving him 4.3 billion dollars. He stands quietly for a second, starts breathing heavily, and finally stars frothing at the mouth, collapsing and suffering from a seizure.
  • When Fry becomes a millionaire, he starts buying things from the 20th century. Leela expresses concern, but Bender shrugs her off.
    Bender: Ah, leave him alone, Leela. So he's going a little wacko with his money, that's okay.
    Leela: You're just saying that because he bought you that antique robot toy.
    Bender: Heh heh. (Toy is revealed to be Rock 'em Sock 'em Robots) Yeah, it is cute...
    (Bender makes the red robot punch the blue, causing blue's head to fly up. Bender clutches his neck and screams.)
  • When asked for help about Fry's behaviour, the Professor gives this gem:
    They say madness runs in our family. Why, some even called me mad. Do you know why? Because I dare to dream of my own race of atomic monsters, atomic supermen, with octagonal shaped bodies that suck blood out of- (walks offscreen)

My Three Suns

  • "It's just like the story of the Grasshopper and the Octopus. All year long the Grasshopper worked hard, gathering acorns for winter, while the Octopus mooched off his girlfriend and watched TV. But then winter came and the Grasshopper died and the Octopus ate all his acorns, and also he got a racecar. Is any of this getting through to you?"
  • This part:
    Professor: Good news, everyone!
    Bender: Uh-oh, I don't like the sound of that.
    Professor: You'll be making a delivery to the planet Trisol...
    Bender: Here it comes.
    Professor: A mysterious world in the darkest depths of the Forbidden Zone.
  • When Bender calls Leela for help:
    Voice: Collect call from...
    Bender: I'm not giving my name to a machine!
  • Zoidberg's suggestion for separating Fry and Bont: A giant centrifuge. Fry points out it'd crush his bones and kill him.
    Zoidberg: Right, right, with the bones. I always forget about the bones.
    • And a few minutes later, the Trisolians bring their own means of separating them: A giant juicer.
      Bont: It's the Juicamatic 4000! It'll separate me from the pulp, by which I mean [Fry's] shredded remains!
      Zoidberg: Of course! Why didn't I think of that?

A Big Piece of Garbage

  • The end of the garbage ball documentary.
    Fry: You got that on the Internet? In my day the Internet was only used for pornography.
    Professor: Actually, that's still true.
    Woman in video: Now that the garbage is in space, doctor, perhaps you can help me with my sexual inhibitions.
    Man in video: With gusto. [porno music starts playing]
    • The man has a stereotypical New York accent, and the woman sounds like Fran Drescher.
  • After landing on the garbage ball, Leela starts the countdown timer for the bomb, which appears to be set for 25 minutes...but it then drops to 15 minutes, then 5 minutes, then "6h" minutes. The crew soon realizes the problem:
    Bender: There's your problem: the professor put the counter on upside down!
    Leela: That idiot! It wasn't set for 25 minutes; it was set for 52 seconds!
    Fry: (screams) WE'RE GONNA DIE! Right?
    Bender: Right.
    (Fry screams again)
  • The simple scene when Fry goes to press the "Launch" button (surrounded by a bull's-eye, no less), and misses.
    • "Oops."
    • And the moment just before that:
    Farnsworth: 5... 4... 3... 2... 3... 4... 5...
    Leela: (To Fry) Just fire the damn thing!
  • A Big Piece of Garbage opens with the Death Clock, which Fry tests. Bender's reaction to his unseen score? "Oooh, dibs on the CD player!"
  • When Farnsworth tells Fry that they renamed Uranus to end the "your anus" jokes once and for all. It is now called "Urectum". Fry declines the chance to smell it.

Hell Is Other Robots

  • Fry and Leela are talking crap around the ship.
    Fry: I know Big Vinnie said he was giving me the kiss of death, but I still think he was gay.
    Leela: Did he use his tongue?
    Fry: A little.
  • The fiddle contest from "Hell is Other Robots". Leela performs horribly, only to take the fiddle and hit the Robot Devil over the head with it. ("Time for the drum solo!") His high-pitched girly scream is unexpected and hysterical. He repeats it when Leela has to drop the solid gold fiddle from above and it falls on his head yet again.
  • And of course, the musical number.
  • "Hey, what kind of party is this? There's no booze and only one hooker!"
  • Hermes' irrational hatred of Zoidberg starts to kick in.
    Hermes: Our electricity bill is climbin' faster than a green-snake up a sugar cane! Somebody around here is wastin' a whole lotta juice. Probably (points at Zoidberg) you!
    Hermes: And as a further cost-cutting measure, I have removed the salt-water cooler.
    Zoidberg: (as Hermes grins smugly) This is a witch-hunt!

A Flight to Remember

  • While each and every part of the episode "A Flight to Remember" was good in its own way, an especially funny one is when the robot Countess got sucked into the black hole. Just the way it looked when it happened was hilarious. Plus that little bit of computer terminology before that was pretty funny, too.
    Countess: Don't worry, Bender. It'll hurt for a while, but you'll be able to share your love again. After all, it's shareware.
  • Bender bets all his money at a craps table and gets snake eyes on the dice.
    Bender: Wait! My cheating unit malfunctioned! You gotta give me a do-over!
    Croupier: Sorry, the house limit is three do-overs. Next shooter.
  • Bender admits he's not rich and noble.
    Bender: I'm a fraud - a poor, lazy, sexy fraud.
    Countess de la Roca: Bender, I don't care whether you have money. I love you for your artificial intelligence and your sincerity simulator.
  • Normally, someone being roughed up isn't funny. But since it's Bender, it kind of is.
    iSaac: Hey, you going to pay for those drinks?
    Bender: Hell, no!
    iSaac: Security to bar area, security to bar area!
    (two guards rise out of the floor and grab Bender)
    Bender: Please, fellas, I'm in love!
    iSaac: Rough 'im up.
    (the guard proceed to pummel Bender, as the camera stays on iSaac's glaring face)

Mars University

  • The snooty fraternity's reason for becoming sitcom arch-nemeses to Robot House.
    Snob #1: I say, you've damaged our servants' quarters! And our servants!
    Snob #2: This time, Robot House has gone too far!
  • Dean Vernon listing off Robot House's various wrongdoings and putting them on "dodecatupple-secret probation."
  • Robot House winning the boat race. As promised, Vernon uplifts the probation and hosts a grand parade for them, all with a reluctant, angry look on his face.
    • At the beginning of the race, Dean Vernon does the countdown... then aims the pistol at Robot House's raft, sinking it instantly.
  • Fry and the sentient monkey Gunter don't exactly hit it off either.
    Fry: Want a banana?
    Gunter: No. I don't eat bananas. I prefer banana-flavored energy bars made of tofu.
    Fry, eyes narrowing: I don't like you.

When Aliens Attack

  • From "When Aliens Attack"
    Zoidberg: Gracias.
  • Zapp Brannigan vs. military strategy, in what is regarded as his Establishing Character Moment:
    Zapp: If we can hit that bulls-eye, the rest of the dominoes will fall like a house of cards... checkmate!
    Kif: Uggh.
  • "Stop exploding, you cowards!"
    • Just before that:
    Zapp: What the hell is that thing?
    Kif: It appears to be the mothership.
    Zapp: Then what did we just blow up?
    Kif: (checks screen) The Hubble telescope.
  • In any other show, surrendering the President of the World to invading aliens would be a Moral Event Horizon. But McNeal is such a coward that doing so gets Zapp Branigan a standing ovation as he unceremoniously slings a sack over his head and drags him out, with another cabinet member kicking the sack for good measure.
  • This little exchange, courtesy of Farnsworth's acting abilities:
    Professor Farnsworth: Miss McNeal, I'm afraid I must decline your offer of marriage. For, you see, I'm dying. (reads directions as lines) Cough, then fall over dead. (remains standing and smiles at the camera)
    Zoidberg: My god, he's dead. (Farnsworth checks his own pulse)
  • The alien's threats, from the anti-monument laser to raising the planet's temperature a million degrees a day FOR FIVE DAYS!
  • "Prepare the water cooler, so that we may gather around it later and discuss things!"
  • After Zapp's broadcast.
    Leela: Well, you heard the windbag, we've been drafted. Everybody into the ship.
    Bender: Whoa, whoa, whoa, I refuse to fight. I'm a conscientious objector.
    Fry: A what?
    Bender: You know, a coward.
  • "Nobody destroy Kif! ... unless you have to."
  • Bender's response to being drafted:
    Bender: I refuse to fight! I'm a conscientious objector!
    Fry: A what?
    Bender: You know, a coward.
  • After leaving the disastrous battle with the Omincronians, the crew return to find the Professor is busy:
    (In the Planet Express lounge, the Professor is talking to a young woman, young man and a robot)
    Professor: (to the woman) You'll be the captain, (to the man) you'll be the delivery boy, (to robot) and you'll be the alcoholic, foul-mouthed-
    ''(Fry, Leela and Bender return. The Professor is startled.)'
    Professor: Oh God, you're alive! I mean, thank God you're alive! (turns to the other three) Sorry, check back in three days.A week, at the most.
  • From the beginning, Hermes is grilling Fry and Bender for not working.
    Fry: Quit it, Hermes, it's Labor Day!
    Hermes: Labor Day? That phoney-baloney holiday crammed down our throats by fat-cat union gangsters?
    Fry: That's the one.
    Hermes: Hot damn, a day off! (he immediately takes off his jacket and sits next to Fry and Bender)

Fry and the Slurm Factory

  • From "Fry And The Slurm Factory." Fry fears that the secret ingredient in Slurm is people, but Leela informs him that there's already a drink like that called Soylent Cola.
    Fry: Oh. How is it?
    Leela: It varies from person to person.
  • Fry, Leela and Bender finding out the secret formula (Slurm Queen's behind).
  • The Grunka Lunkas. Especially this moment:
    Leela: What's behind that door? Is it the secret ingredient?
    Grunka Lunkas: (singing) Grunka Lunka dunkity dingredient, you should not ask about the secret ingredient.
    Bender: Okay, okay, we get the point.
    Leela: I was just curious because of the armed guards.
    Grunka Lunkas: (singing) Grunka Lunka dunkity darmed guards-
    Bender: SHUT THE HELL UP!
  • The word play as the show's own unique take on Charlie and the Chocolate Parody.
    Glurmo: There will be no further questions!
    Fry: Why?
  • Slurms Mackenzie, at least before the climax:
    Bender: Hey, it's Slurms. Are you ready to get down and party with us?
    Glurmo: He'd better be, that's what we pay him for, right Slurms?
    Slurms: Right!
    Glurmo: In fact, Slurms has to party all night every night, or he's fired!
    Slurms: (suddenly weary) Rock on!
    • "Enjoy the tour, dudes! ... I'm gonna go lie down..."

    Season 2 

I Second that Emotion

  • Amy ditching Leela:
    Amy: Armando is taking me to the back seat of his car for coffee. Are you gonna be alright?
    Leela: Sure. I'm having a great time, really! You two go enjoy yourselves.
    • Bender feeling Leela's reaction to being ditched.
    Bender: (to Fry) You think you're so hot!
    Fry: Uh, what?
    Bender: The only reason you get all the guys is because you dress like a tramp! (slaps Fry)
  • In a fit of depression, Bender is locked in a bathroom, disassembling himself and flushing his parts down the toilet while a panicked Fry pounds on the door and calls to him frantically. As the last of Bender is swept away, Fry breaks the door open and cries out one of the best non-sequiturs ever:
    Fry: Bender!! Have you seen my sombrero!?
  • When Leela suggests turning back in the sewers, Fry suggests that the only way out is through an extremely thin pipe, then reassures them by saying:
    Fry: Don't worry. It gets wider after about a mile.

Brannigan, Begin Again

  • On a planet with extreme gravity:
    Zapp: Let me ask you a serious question, Leela: does the company that made your bra make a girdle as well? I ask because a friend of mine...
  • Every single line from the Neutrals:
    If I don't survive, tell my wife, "hello".
    All I know is my gut says "maybe!"
    I have no strong feelings one way or the other!
  • Then there's this.
  • Zapp's... odd train of thought on finding Leela mid-"assassination".
    Zapp: Rock crushes scissors! ... but scissors cut paper. And paper covers rock! Kif, we have a conundrum!
    Kif: Uggh.
  • The cold opening where Fry and Bender play chess with holograms, with Fry's knight beating up Bender's bishop and gets a check. Bender, however...
    Bender: Hmmm... GET HIM, BOYS!
    (Bender's chess pieces beat up Fry)
    Fry: (weakly) Good move.
  • Staying with Zapp: Blowing up Doop's headquarters.
  • And his irrational hatred for Neutrals.
    What makes a man turn Neutral? Lust for gold? Power? Or were you just born with a heart full of neutrality?

A Head in the Polls

  • Richard Nixon gets inaugurated President of Earth. The first thing he does it start tear-assing around Washington in his new war machine body. "WHO'S KICKING WHO AROUND NOW?!" Funniest bit, though, is when he marches up to the White House, shouts, "Knock, knock!" and smashes through the wall, leaving a three-story tall hole.
    Morbo: Morbo congratulates our gargantuan cyborg President. May death come swiftly to his enemies.
  • From the same episode
    George Washington's head: So, telleth, Bender. What hath happened to your body?
    Bender: I hocked it.
    Washington: Hocked it? Why wouldst thou do that?
    Bender: Same reason you hocked your teeth.
    Washington: Ah~ Booze money.
  • Then, of course:
    Nixon's head: I paid for this body. I'd no sooner give it up then I would my cocker spaniel dog, Checkers.
    Checkers: * barks*
    Nixon's head: SHUT UP DAMNIT!
  • Exchanging pleasantries:
    Nixon's Head: Hello, Morbo. How's the family?
    Morbo: Belligerent and numerous.
    Nixon's Head: Good man! Nixon's pro-war and pro-family!
  • Nixon finally hears himself on tape:
  • The debate before Nixon's entry:
    Jack Johnson: It's time someone had the courage to stand up and say: "I'm against those things that everybody hates"!
    John Jackson: Now I respect my opponent. I think he's a good man but, quite frankly, I agree with everything he just said!
  • Proving that a millenium hasn't improved Nixon's skill for televised debate:
    Morbo: If you saw delicious candy in the hands of a small child, would you seize and consume it?
    Jack Johnson: Unthinkable!
    John Jackson: I wouldn't think of it!
    Morbo: And what about you, Richard Nixon? I remind you that you are under a truth-o-scope.
    Nixon (sweating profusely): Uhh... well, the question is vague. You don't say what kind of candy, or... whether anyone is watching... (wipes brown) In any case, I certainly wouldn't harm the child.
    (Truth-o-scope goes nuts)
  • "A Head In The Polls" has Bender sell his body, with gut-bustingly funny results. When he's outside the pawn broker however tops the lot.
    "I have all the money! Compare your lives to mine and then kill yourselves." * As a dog starts sniffing him.* "No! Wait! I'll give you five bucks to not do what you're thinking about doing!" * Dog cocks his leg as the camera pans up.* "Heh, heh. You just lost five dollars."
  • When Bender goes to get his body back, and this discussion occurs:
    Pawn shop owner: I can't reveal that information, but you look like a nice robot. Tell you what, I'll give you fifty bucks for the kid.
    Fry: My clothes are worth 50 bucks!
    Pawn shop owner: Deal.
    [Smash Cut to Fry and Bender back at Planet Express, with Fry completely naked.]
  • Fry appeals to Nixon's sense of decency.

Xmas Story

  • The idea of 31st-century Santa Claus being a Killer Robot who decides that almost everyone on his list is "naughty" and needs to die is a rich source of Black Comedy.
  • "Did you ever stop to consider... Dr. Zoidberg's feelings?
    • Becomes a Brick Joke when Robot Santa reaches the Planet Express building.
    Robot Santa: You've all been naughty! Very, very naughty! (turns to Zoidberg) Except for you, Dr. Zoidberg. (hands him a pogostick) This is for you.
  • The Professor offering a depressed Fry sympathy would normally be heartwarming, but the Professor just happens to be naked.
  • "Why, humans! Shall we mug them, sir Bender?"
  • "I ask him to set the table, and he goes out to buy you a present! Selfish dog!"

Why Must I Be a Crustacean in Love?

  • Anything involving Claw-plach...especially the Decapodian national anthem...
    • Fry's speech before that:
    Fry: My fellow fish monsters, far be it from me to question your stupid civilisation or its dumb customs, but is squeezing each others brains out with a giant nutcracker really going to solve anything? Dr. Zoidberg is my friend, and though a woman has come between us, I say we'll always remain friends. And do you know why? One reason - (Zoidberg reaches up and casually cuts off Fry's arm)
  • "Yo-yo-yo! Wassup! Wassup! Give up the rock!"
  • This:
    Zoidberg: I choose [to fight with]] my own two claws! I want the pleasure of chopping Fry right here, (points to Fry's neck) in the gonads!
    Fry: (whispering) Shhh! Nobody correct him!
  • "Augh! What is this? The Middle Ages?"
  • Preparing for the mating ritual:
    Zoidberg: How do I look?
    Bender: Like whale barf.
    Zoidberg: Then the illusion is complete!
  • "Fate is cruel and unyielding, and what must be must be. Takin' all bets! I'm giving ninety-two to one on Zoidberg, the crab with the jab! The great red hope!"
  • "Fry, I've never asked for anything from you before, but when it comes to the ninth round... just let [Zoidberg] win."
  • When Zoidberg starts kicking himself for missing out on the Frenzy mating season and wonders how he'll dispose of his "male jelly", Fry offers him the arm he chopped off during their fight.

The Lesser of Two Evils

  • There's this beautiful gem whilst Fry, Bender and Leela are on their joyride in the car, the scene cuts to a music hall where a line of robots are doing the can-can. Cue the car suddenly crashing through, knocking a leg off each robot. The robots then proceed to kick up their remaining leg, somehow remaining up in the air for a moment, before all crashing to the floor and breaking.
  • Fry in the robot strip club:
    Fry: I don't like it here! It's over a hundred degrees and there's very little oxygen.
    Bender: Shut up and hoot!
  • Bob Barker's exasperation and annoyance with the Ms. Universe competition.
    Alright, let's put an end to this pathetic hoedown. Brannigan, read the thing.
  • "Bender was the evil Bender? I am shocked...SHOCKED! Well, maybe not that shocked."

Put Your Head on My Shoulders

  • Bender goes to a mechanic to install shock-absorbing bumpers to prevent catastrophic butt failure, but they make Bender's ass look more human & bigger, much to his shock.
    Bender: You, sir, have defaced a national treasure! I demand you restore my buttocks to their former glory!
  • Amy attempting to haggle down the price of a car, only to drastically increase the price.
    Leela: I know sticker says 55,000, but we'll only go as high as say...
    Amy: 60,000!
    Victor: ...I will have to ask my manager.
    Leela: Amy! You're not supposed to go up from the sticker price!
    Amy: I thought it was an auction.
    (In the background, Victor and Malfunctioning Eddie talk, then dance with joy, before Victor returns)
    Amy: I'm sorry, 80,000?
    (Malfunctioning Eddie's head explodes)
  • Valentines day gives Bender a business idea:
    Bender: Wait. You mean people would pay good money for romance? Hmm. I think I have a scheme so deviously clever that I...
    Gilligan Cut to Bender in a courtroom.
    Judge: Five hundred dollars and time served!
    Bender: Stupid anti-pimping laws!
    • And the Call Back later, when he gets his second idea:
    Bender: I'm running a computer dating service. It's like pimping, except you rarely have to use the phrase "upside your head".
    Leela: Bender, this is stupid! Why would anyone come to you for romantic help?
    • And following that, when Leela passes on Fry's offer for a date:
    Fry: Then I have no choice but to do something so shameful I can't even tell you.
    Leela: Bender's in his office.
    Fry: Thanks.
  • Fry at the car dealer:
    Dealer: Spotted her the minute you walked in, didn'cha?
    Fry: (pouring himself some coffee) Yup, she's beautiful coffee alright.
    Dealer: No, the Ford ThunderCougarFalconBird. (shows Fry the car) Nothing makes you feel more like a man than the Ford ThunderCougarFalconBird.
    Fry: No thanks.
    Dealer: Ah, I see sir, and I think it's good that you don't care whether anyone questions your sexual orientation.
    Fry: I care! I care plenty! I just don't know how to make 'em stop!
    Dealer: One word: ThunderCougarFalconBird.
  • Fry trying to dump Amy: "You know how you like chocolate at first, but then you start to get bored with it?" "You're saying you don't like chocolate?" "Look, could chocolate just let me finish?"
  • Zoidberg: Your body was badly damaged in the crash.
    Fry: How badly?
    Zoidberg: That's it over there. (camera pans over to reveal Fry's headless body, revealing that Fry's head has been grafted onto Amy's body)

Raging Bender

  • How the episode kicks off:
    Professor: Good news, everyone! I've taught the toaster to feel love. ''(said toaster leaps onto the table, acting like a dog. Bender forcefully slaps it away.) And Hermes returns from his vacaction today.
    (Hermes enters, with a Brain Slug stuck to his head)
    Hermes: (in a monotone) Good mornin', people.
    Amy: Hey, Hermes, how was the Spleef Nebula?
    Hermes: The flight had a stopover on the Brain Slug planet. Hermes enjoyed it so much he decided to stay of his own free will.
    Fry: Hermes has all the fun! ... wait a minute, he's got a Brain Slug on his head!
    Leela: Ssh! You'll get us all assimilated!
    Amy: Just act natural and switch to a garlic shampoo.
    Hermes: Onto new business, today's mission is to go to the Brain Slug planet.
    Zoidberg: What're we supposed to do there?
    Hermes: Just walk around not wearin' a helmet.
    Professor: Sounds great Hermes, whatever you say! (leans in toward the others) Let's ditch him and go to the movies.
  • The ad for Bender's fight against Destructor;
    Announcer: You loved him as Bender the Offender, now get ready to hate him as he threatens your sexuality as the Gender Bender!
    (Cut to Bender in his costume, lying flirtingly on a bed with a phone.)
    Bender: I'm a real toughie!
    Announcer: Squaring off this Saturday with his opponent, Destructor!
    (Cut to Destructor, who also has a phone)
    Destructor: I will destroy you! MRAAAAUGGGHHH!! (Hangs up. Picks up phone again) And stop calling me!
  • The play-by-play for the Ultimate Robot Fighting League:
    George Foreman: This could be the most lopsided fight since 1973 when Muhammad Ali fought a 100-foot tall mechanical Joe Frazier. Now, my memory's not what it used to be, but I believe the entire Earth was destroyed.
    Rich Little: Interesting if true.
  • The Foreigner:
    The Foreigner: I'm not from here! I've got my own customs! Look at my crazy passport!
  • Fry and the gang watching the adverts before a movie.

A Bicyclops Built for Two

  • The entire second act quickly devolving from a very tragic, beautiful, and romantic story set in a Grecian environment to a frame-for-frame recreation of Married... with Children, complete with Leela dressed as and acting like Peg Bundy and a group of sleazy animals acting like the raucous studio audience that would wildly cheer over Married... with Children's sex humor.
  • Bender singing after coming to his senses about not wanting to steal anymore "♫I love stealing, I love takin' things….♫"
  • How quickly does Fry degrade in a cell? Leela has to inform him that at least the rats poop in the corner. Fry is amazed by this revelation.
  • The backstory of Cyclopia and how Alcazar survived it, starting with the missile.
    Cyclopian: How far away do you think it is?
    Cyclopian with telescope: A trillion miles?
    *missile lands behind them and explodes*

A Clone of My Own

  • After the Professor is taken
    Farnsworth: (on holo-recorder) I know you're all very upset, especially Bender.
    Bender: Well, life goes on. Except for you!
    Professor: I'm sure that Bender has just made a cutting remark, but he doesn't know I taped over his soap operas to record this message.
    Bender: YOU BASTARD!!!
  • Bluffing the Near Death Star guards
    Cubert: Stupid robot.
    Guard: (points guns at Fry) Did your hump just talk?
    Fry: Uh, I've got... talking hump syndrome.
    Guard: Ah, THS.
  • Why the Professor thinks he's in trouble with the university staff:
    Professor: Oh, everyone's in favor of saving Hitler's brain, but when you put it in the body of a great-white shark, oh, suddenly you've gone too far!
  • Staying with the Professor, his rant at the university staff
    The Professor: Dean Vernon, I know the truth! It was you driving your hover-car that night, not your horse! Dean Episilon, I know all about your "department of pool-boy studies"! And Doctor Wernstron... Weeeernstrom!
  • "Everyone, I have a very dramatic announcement, so anyone with a weak heart should leave now. Goodbye."
  • Ordinarily, a child being hurt wouldn't be funny... but since it's Cubert, and he's spent the entire episode being a little jackass, it's hilarious. Like, for example, when they need a blood sample from the Professor to bluff the Near Death Star guards...
    Cubert: Where are you going to get a DNA sample?
    Bender: (looking at Cubert) I know where to get some... (Bender draws a syringe, Fry and Leela grin maliciously. Oh Crap! look from Cubert).
    (Exterior shot of the ship as we hear Cubert scream.)
  • The crew tries to shock an unconscious Professor Farnsworth back to life:
    Bender: Your social security check is late! Stuff costs more than it used to! Young people used curse words!

How Hermes Requisitioned His Groove Back

  • When Hermes reaches his Despair Event Horizon everyone is shocked that he is going to jump to his death and protests. Everyone that is, except Bender. "Do a flip!"
    • Really the whole episode, but there's one in about the middle that's especially worth mentioning.
    Fry: Let's go get Bender back!
    Amy: Why?
    (long pause)
    Leela: Well, those arguments aside, we're still going.
    • The Professor's objection:
    Professor: You can't just waltz into the Central Bureaucracy! It's a tangled web of red tape and regulation! I've never been, but a friend of mine went completely made just trying to find the washroom there.
    Leela: Then we'll need a guide, someone who's been there before.
    Professor: Oh, I've been there, lots of times. (he cackles insanely)
  • From the same episode:
    Bender: Morgan made me walk the Professor. There we were in the park when suddenly some old lady says I stole her purse. I chucked the Professor at her but she kept coming. So I had to hit her with this purse I found. Ah, the point is, it's Morgan's fault. That pencil-pushing scazwag. * Leela gestures him to shut up* Why, if she were here, I'd— Uh-oh, is she behind me?
    * He feels behind his head*
    Morgan: No. I'm in front of you.
  • Farnworth's response to Hermes showing up to save the day.
    Farnsworth: Dammit Hermes, just jump already, stop hogging that healthy liver.
  • When Bender discovers Morgan and Fry in bed. Adding to it is Fry saying he's stuck in a loop, which might mean that Bender had been ranting all night.
  • When Fry learns (after knowing him for several episodes/weeks) that Hermes is Jamaican, Fry responds that he always thought he was "...some kind of outer-space Potato Man."
  • Hermes petitions Number 1.0 for an Emergency Sort-And-File, under Regulation -
    Number 1.0: Uht-dut-dut! Don't quote me regulations. I co-chaired the committee that reviewed the recommendation to revise the color of the book that regulation's in. (dramatic pause) We kept it gray.
  • "I should have known you'd come here rather than follow standard procedure. And I did know! And that's why I came here!"
  • Everything about the labor spa.
    Hermes: (on seeing the Australian man pushing carts) Look at that, the carts go out full, but they come in empty! It's criminally inefficient!
    Australian man: Quiet, mate! Hauling these empty carts is the closest we get to sleep!
    Hermes: But don't you see! They could increase efficiency 4% if they used the carts to bring in heavy mining machinery!
    Overseer: Hey, I like the way you think. (pulls a lever, causing a piece of heavy mining equipment to fall into the empty cart)

The Deep South

  • After Bender receives a suitcase from a random stranger in the middle of the ocean: "Hey, guess what you're all accessories to?"
  • "Well, at least I'll die with my friends. (beat) Where is everybody?"
  • "I'm almost done reconfiguring the ship's propulsion system. We can leave as soon as the paper-mache is dry."
    • Quickly followed by:
    Leela: Where's Fry?
    Bender: I didn't kill him. Professor?
    Professor Farnsworth: No, I've been busy.
  • Leela's diagnosis of Fry:
    Leela: It's ocean madness alright. Sailors call it aqua-dementia, the deep-down crazies, the wet willies...
    (The rest of the crew leave the room, having stopped listening to Leela)
    Leela: ...The screaming moist.
  • Anything involving Zoidberg's 'house' and its absolute refusal to conform to physics, from it being Bigger on the Inside to when it burns down underwater. Hermes complains about the blatant disregard for reality.
    Hermes: ...that's a very good question.
    Bender: So that's where I left my cigar...
    (Bender plucks a lit cigar from the burnt husk of Zoidberg's house and keeps puffing on it. And blows out a smoke ring.)
    Hermes: That just raises further questions!
    • Earlier:
    Dr. Zoidberg: (wearing a giant conch shell) Look at me! I'm Dr. Zoidberg, homeowner!"
  • When the Professor accidentally sprays himself with fish pheromones...
    Zoidberg: I'm so in to you... *starts sucking on the Professor's bald head*
    Farnsworth: (disgusted, or is he?) Oh MY.
  • Farnsworth hands out large anti-pressure pills to every to keep them from being crushed by the ocean's atmospheric pressure:
    Fry: "I can't swallow that!"
    Farnsworth: "Well good news! It's a suppository."
    • Later, when they meet the citizens of Atlanta, the mayor gives them the same breathing devices that his daughter Umbriel gave to Fry:
      Farnsworth: "This is uncomfortable and humiliating; now if they could put it in the form of a suppository..."
  • This:
    Fry: How many atmospheres can this ship withstand?
    Farnsworth: Well it's a spaceship, so I'd say anywhere between zero and one.
  • "He may have ocean madness, but that's no excuse for ocean rudeness."
  • Professor Farnsworth comes to dislike Atlanta, and gets impatient with the rest of the crew about leaving, culminating in:
    Farnsworth: Let's go, damn it, let's go!
  • Fry suddenly changing his mind about staying with Umbriel, and the girls on the crew seeing right through him.
    Fry: Well, it turns out that I loved her, but I wasn't in love with her.
    Amy: *aside to Leela* Trouble in bed.
    * Leela nods in agreement*

Bender Gets Made

  • Bender's ten-second Spit Take, and:
    (Leela flies the Planet Express ship through the roof)
    Hermes: (to Zoidberg) That's coming out of your pay!
    Zoidberg: (cries)
    • Also the line:
    Leela: Where were you at 10pm last night?
    Professor Farnsworth: Where am I now?
  • At Taco Bellevue Hospital, after the sedatives Zoidberg took are wearing off:
    Zoidberg: "Oh God... I'm COMING DOOOWWWNNN!"
    • "...Clack."
  • The end of the chase:
    Joey Mousepad: They headed toward our general proximity! Maybe you should give 'em the clamps, Clamps!
  • "These last 24 hours have been the best days of my life."

Mother's Day

  • Mom's unusual expression of hatred:
    Mom: If I ever see that man again, I swear I'll jam a squirrel in him!
  • "Show us this "The Wheel"."
    • And of course, Fry being the idiot he is, he can't even make them the right shape.
    Leela: Wouldn't it make more sense if they were round?
    Fry: It's my invention, we do it my way!
  • Fry versus the tin can:
    Fry: In my day, we didn't use your fancy all-digital can-opener. We just used a Swiss army knife.
    (Fry tries to open the can to no luck, and tries smashing it against the counter.)
    Fry: I'm hungry...
  • The massive sign on the conveyor belt that Mom's gifts are put on. It's the harsh mechanical buzzing as the message changes that does it.
  • Why did the Professor break up with Mom? She wanted to weaponize a kid's toy he made, and make it fifty feet tall. He only objected to the last part.
    Professor: Things that are fifty feet tall aren't cute! That's why my colossal Tammy Tinkle doll failed!
    • And he and Mom make up:
    Professor: It was wrong of me to get upset over that doll. Five feet, fifteen feet, what does it matter?
    Mom: You should see the new sixteen feet models!
    Professor: (suddenly outraged) Sixteen feet?! GO TO HELL! I WAS A FOOL TO THINK YOU'D CHANGED!

The Problem with Popplers

  • Lrr eating Free Waterfall Junior. But his reactions ("I think that hippie's startin' to kick in...") are even better.
    Lrr: People of Earth, we've all learned a wonderful lesson. I've realised now that (the drugs in Waterfall kick in.) ... dude, my hands are huge! And they can touch... anything but themselves...

Anthology of Interest I

  • This gem:
    Al Gore: "If we don't go back there and make the event happen, the entire universe will be destroyed. And as an environmentalist, I'm against that."
  • Pretty much all of "Anthology of Interest I", but particularly the Impulsive Leela episode. The best line is at the end after Fry and Leela have slept together.
    Leela: So, Fry, what do you think of the impulsive new me?
    Fry: I like it.
    Leela: Good. Now let me just get the lights. (evil look right before the lights go out)
    Fry: (screams) (pause) I really like it.
    • Also this:
      Farnsworth: (after Leela pushes him into a killer anteater pit) You've killed me!
      Leela: Oh God, what have I done?!
      Farnsworth: I just told you! You've killed me!
  • Then there's the Trope Namer:
    Bender: There's nothing wrong with murder, so long as you let Bender wet his beak.
    Leela: You're blackmailing me?
  • Any of the scenes were Leela kills a co-worker in that episode:
    Hermes: What's that you're hacking off? Is it my torso? (thump) Aagh! It is! My precious torso!
    • Second prize to Leela casually eating Zoidberg.
  • The Planet Express crew turning Zoidberg into a giant:
    (Zoidberg walks past the Professor's lab, when he sees a guinea pig)
    Zoidberg: What's this? Two meals in one week?
    (Zoidberg approaches and eats the guinea pig, only for a dome to cover him, and the crew emerge from cover)
    Zoidberg: Help, friends, a guinea pig tricked me!
  • Nichelle Nichols and her reaction to the entire universe being destroyed:

War Is the H-Word

  • When Kiff is forced to bathe Zapp Brannigan's back: "Lower...lower...lower...lower...TOO LOW! ...lower."
  • Leela: "My friends always die if I'm not around to save them." (Fry nods in agreement).
  • Zoidberg operating:
    Scalpel! (cuts something) Blood bucket! (puts it under the patient) Priest! Next patient!
  • "Hot diggety daffodil!"
  • Zapp's Rousing Speech... isn't.
    Men, you're lucky men. Soon you'll be fighting for your planet. Many of you will be dying for your planet. A few of you will be forced through a fine mesh screen for your planet. (solemnly) They will be the luckiest of all.
    • The briefing doesn't go too great.
    Nixon: This is the brass ring, fellas: Spheron-1.
    Zapp: It's an ugly, desolate little planet, with no natural resources or strategic importance whatsoever!
    Soldier: Why is this god-forsaken rock worth dying for?
    Zapp: Don't ask me. You're the ones who're gonna be dying.
  • The M*A*S*H* references, with the robotic surgeon iHawk (who has a switch that flips between "Irreverent" and "Maudlin") and the very accurate jokes. . . with Zoidberg playing Frank Burns!

The Honking

  • This exchange:
    (Fry, Bender, and Leela enter ancient Robot village)
    (Robot citizens notice Bender, gasp, and mutter prayers while doing quick cross motions)
    Bender (annoyed): Yeah, yeah.
    Leela (annoyed): We know.
    Fry (dismissively): Cursed.
    Bender: Whatever.
  • "Bender, you've been drinking too much. Or not enough, I forget how it is with you. The point is, you haven't been drinking exactly the right amount."
  • "I can't keep running people over. I'm not famous enough to get away with it!"
  • And then there's this:
    Bender: So otherwise I can never die?
    Gypsy: Who said that? Sure you can die! (pulls out laser gun) You want to die?
    Bender: No! I want to live! There's to many things I don't own!
  • Bender's Uncle Vladimir specifies in his will "to my loving nephew Bender, assuming he's not responsible for my death..." Clearly Vladimir knew his nephew.
  • The crew's reaction to the Professor explaining how there can be robot ghosts.
    Hermes: Of course! It was so obvious!
    Professor: Yes, that bunch of words I said made perfect sense.
  • From the crew's arrival at the village:
    Bender: Excuse me good peasant, could you take us to yon castle?
    (The villagers break out in terrified whispers and hurry away. One walks over to the crew)
    Villager: Some say unholy things happen up there.
    Villager 2: For example, all of us say that.
    Professor: Pfft, superstitious mumbo-jumbo.
    Villager 2: Mumbo, perhaps. Jumbo? Perhaps not. With all your modern science, have you any idea how a robot talks, or walks?
    Professor: Yes, you idiot! (opens up the villager's chest cabinet, revealing a diagram) The circuit diagram is on the inside of your case!
    Villager 2: (slams his chest shut) I choose to believe what I was programmed to believe!
  • After learning about the Were-Car, Fry, Bender and Leela go to track it down. They arrive at a house outside Bender's uncle's castle.
    Fry: Thanks, Eagle Eye.
    Leela: Now it's daylight, so he should be in robot form, but be careful. Many robots are stupid and violent.
    Bender: I wish I was stupid and violent, then we'd see what's what. I'd pound him until I- (someone hits a pitchfork against Bender's head)
    Robot: Get ye to yuir houses, ye ignorant villagers!
    Leela: We are not ignorant villagers. We are sophisticated New New Yorkers. ... Whoop his butt!

The Cryonic Woman

  • When Bender and Fry take the Planet Express ship on a joyride:
    Bender: Hey Fry! I'm steering with my ass.
    Fry: That's the best thing I ever saw.
  • Let's not forget this gem from the same episode, when the main crew is mulling in the park over what to do upon being fired:
    Leela: We don't need to beg, Bender. For God's sake, we're not Veterans.
    Fry: Well, what would you suggest? A daring daylight robbery of Fort Knox on elephant back? That's the dumbest thing I ever heard!
  • Fry: I don't get it Michelle. The last time I saw you, you were doing great. You had just dumped me and you were well on your way to getting your life back on track.
  • The Professor draws the line after the latest screw-up.
    Professor: (to Fry, Bender, and Leela) I should fire you all right now, but I'm just not that cold-hearted enough. (he whispers something to Hermes)
    Hermes: You're all fired.

    Season 3 

Amazon Women in the Mood

  • You could honestly list the entirety of "Amazon Women in the Mood" on this page and not feel guilty.
    Zapp Brannigan: You win again, gravity!!
  • "Ah, she's built like a steak house, but she handles like a bistro!"
  • "But Bender, think of the señoritas!" [guitar twang] "Vamonos."
  • "We no can dunk, but good fundamentals."
    [The Planet Express crew laughs]
    Zapp: Oh God, you're killing me!
    [The Amazons start beating him with clubs]
    Zapp: Oh God, you're killing me!
  • The following lines are especially funny if you're female, seeing as it's pretty much a stock exchange among a lot of us:
    Guard #1: How Tonk look?
    Guard #2: Tonk look good. Me fat.
    Guard #1: No, you look good. Tonk fat.
    • Made even funnier when Bender makes a gabby mouth motion with his hand.
  • I met her in a club down in old Soho. Where you drink champagne and it tastes just like Coca Cola. C-O-L-A. Cola. She walked up to me and asked me to dance. I asked her her name and in a dark brown voice she said...
      Chef: He sickens me!
  • "This one's like a summer guy!"
  • "The number you have dialed has crashed into a planet. Please make a note of it."
  • Leela: "What planet is this, anyway?"
    Zapp: "I 'unno. This whole sector is uncharted."
    Kif: "It's not uncharted, you lost the chart!"
    • Zapp's pick-up lines: "If I said you have a beautiful body, would you take your pants off and dance around a little?" and "I find the most erotic part of the woman is the boobies."
    • And of course, DEATH BY SNU-SNU!
  • Asking for a break in the midst of their Snu-Snu "execution"...
    Zapp: We need rest...the spirit is willing, but the flesh is spongy and bruised...
    Fry: Can't we just cuddle?
    • And before that, the looks on Zap's, Fry's and Kif's faces when they learn they're sentenced to death by "snu-snu", Zap and Fry switching from looks of abject horror to expectant glee. Kif, on the other hand, just looks horrified.
    Zapp: (to Kif) What are you, gay?

Parasites Lost

  • Fry defending his lady's honor:
    Fry: That jerk! No one hoots at my captain unless they're prepared to take it to the next level!
    (rolls up his sleeves)
    Leela: Fry, please. That's sweet, but I'd rather not even dignify them with an ass-whooping.
    Sal: Hey, sexy mama! Let's get busy and freaky in that order!
    Fry: Hey, Jumbo! How would you like it if Leela said you were sexy and she wanted to make love to you?
    Sal: Eh, I gots five minutes. She looks pretty good for a truck-stop chick.
    Fry: You take that back! She does not look good for a truck-stop chick!
    Sal: Yeah, you're right. She don't gots enough meat for a guy like me.
    Fry: She does too! She's got plenty of meat! She's loaded with meat! She's got more meat than a cow!
    • Earlier in the spaceship station (the equivalent of a truck stop) sequence, Bender is fueling up on ethanol (as he's a robot and runs on alcohol) and lights a cigar. Next we see is Leela working the dipstick back into the Planet Express Delivery Ship, an explosion, and Bender's severed head just barely missing Leela's, while Bender's shouts a desperate, "Comin' through!"
  • While the crew traverses Fry's body:
    Farnsworth: Where's Zoidberg?
    Zoidberg comes in riding a spermatozoon like it's a bronco
    Zoidberg: Yippee kay yay! You'll never guess where I've been!
  • The race against time to get the parasitic worms out of Fry's body, with the professor commenting that they could be so ingrained in Fry that "not even Hermes' jerked prunes could get them out!" Hermes, without missing a beat, responds, "I call it Caribbean Drain-O."
    • The explanation for how a bowel movement will get all the worms out:
    Hermes: But what about the worms in the other pars of Fry's body?
    Professor: Listen, this will be one hell of a bowel movement. He'll be lucky if he has any bones left.
  • Earlier:
    Zoidberg: We'll need to have a look inside you with this camera.
    Fry: (Opens mouth)
    Zoidberg: Guess again.
    Fry: (Changes to a fearful expression)
  • From the Headscratchers page:
    Troper: You mean the military that treats Zapp Brannigan like the reincarnations of Sun Tzu and Napoleon combined?
    Zoidberg: Sunpoleon? I love that guy!
    • Might as well mention the actual scene then.
    Hermes: He'll be as strong and flexible as Gumby and Hercules combined!
    Dr. Zoidberg: Gumbercules? I love that guy!
  • Scruffy only appears for one scene in this episode, but it sets him up perfectly.
    (Fry and Bender go down to the basement, and find the boiler acting up, with Scruffy sitting in the corner reading a dirty mag)
    Bender: Who're you?
    Scruffy: I'm Scruffy. The janitor.
    Bender: Well why aren't you fixing the boiler?
    Scruffy: Schedule conflict. (turns page)
    (Fry and Bender try to fix the boiler. It just makes it worse, and it builds up to an explosion)
    Scruffy: Scruffy's gonna die the way he lived. (turns page again)

A Tale of Two Santas

  • When Bender is on his way to be executed for crimes against humanity (done while taking the place of Robo-Santa), he's escorted past other prisoners:
    Robot he passes: Hey buddy! When you see the Robot Devil tell him I'm a-comin'!
    (Bender walks to the next cell over, which contains...the Robot Devil.)
    Bender: Hey, that guy told me to tell you—
    Robot Devil: I heard him!
  • The part when most of the cast claims to be Robot Santa in order to save Bender's life. All except Zoidberg who completely misses the point. "And I'm his friend Jesus!"
    • "None of you are Santa! You're not even robots! How dare you lie in front of Jesus?!"
    • "It's the real Santa! Get him, Jesus!" "I help those who help themselves!"
  • After Robot Santa frees Bender:
    Fry (to Bender): Don't do it! He's pure evil!
  • The last scene in the episode. Something about the image of the entire Planet Express crew, including family members, huddled together on the same couch, shivering in fear from potential death by Santa, as explosions billow in the distance, camera slowly zooming in as an atmospherically pleasing-yet-unnerving instrumental holiday tune is somehow both adorable and chuckle-inducing.

The Luck of the Fryrish

  • From the beginning:
    Amy's Mom: We just put out our best jockey out to stud, Amy. He's perfect for you!
    Jockey (no taller than 3 feet): Hey baby, ever do it in a suitcase?
  • And:
    (As Bender is rigging the race via administering sedatives to horses in the stable)
    Wong jockey: Hey! What are you doing?!
    Bender: This. (Uses the sedative device on the jockey himself, knocking him out)
  • Futurama also had the occasional joke based on science that were quite rewarding. First, one on the uncertainty principle:
    Race track announcers: And the winner, in a quantum finish, is...
    Farnsworth: No fair! You changed the outcome by measuring it!
  • Speaking of horse races, there's also this exchange:
    Leela: How'd you do, Fry?
    Fry: I'll tell you when my horse finishes. *beat* Bad.
  • After failing to find Fry's lucky clover in the record vault in his old house:
    Fry: Everything else in here held up okay.
    Bender: (holding up the album) Except Sports by Huey Lewis.

The Birdbot of Ice-Catraz

  • The protestors have formed a ring around the tanker to stop. The tanker just goes up and flies away.
    Leela: When you were planning this peace ring, didn't you realise spaceships can move in three dimensions?
    Waterfall Sr.: No, I did not.
  • Sound Effects Added To Lessen Tragedy
    Leela: I don't think any of us can understand how these poor, oil-soaked penguins feel! (falls over, complete with comical sound effect)
  • Fry and Zoidberg try flying the ship. Hilarity Ensues, naturally.
    Zoidberg: Captain, we're not on Pluto anymore. In fact, I think we may have left space as we know it!
    Fry: Then where are we? You said you knew how to navigate!
    Zoidberg: (starts crying) Stop yelling at me!
    • Later on, the plot cuts away to the ship, still flying, but being devoured by a giant squid.
    Fry: (screaming, as the ship audibly strains)
    Zoidberg: It's been an honour to serve under you, sir!
  • Leela takes a stand against the enviromentalists
    Leela: I'm sorry, but if it's fun in any way, then it's not environmentalism.
    Free Waterfall Senior: What about blowin' up dams?
    Leela: (reluctantly) Yeah... that is fun.

Bendless Love

  • Bender going on a sleep-bending spree. Among other things, he bends a couch cushion, Professor Farnsworth, and the security camera that catches his bending rampage.
  • When Leela reveals the L beam that's been bent straight:
    Fry: That's doesn't look like an L at all! Unless you count lower case.
    Bender: You know we don't! (slaps Fry)
  • The time Zoidberg tried to fix the Slinky that Bender straightened. As it turns out, the Slinky is Made of Explodium by the year 3000.
  • "My god! Even the Professor's been bent!"
    • "Thank you for your sympathy, talking square of linoleum."
  • Everything about the Professor's new, bent-posture induced cheerfulness.
    Fry: Professor, I've never seen you so cheerful. What the hell's wrong with you?
    • And how it's resolved, when the crew get fed up with it.
    (As the Professor sings merrily to himself)
    Leela: (to Bender) Can't you do something?
    (Bender effortlessly bends the Professor's spine again... in the wrong way)
    Amy: No, Bender! The other way!
    The Professor: I'm sad now...
    Leela: Eh, it's fine.
  • This gem of a line from Joey Mousepad: "Yo, the mafia supports youse guys [the workers]. But don't tell no-one! Spread the word!"

The Day the Earth Stood Stupid

  • The sheep herding competition, or more specifically, the victor, who is THE HYPNOTOAD. ALL GLORY TO THE HYPNOTOAD.
  • (Talking into the wrong end of a megaphone) "Attention New New Yorkers: STOP ACTING SO STUPID!"
    • Made even funnier when a bird perches onto the other end of the megaphone and caws into it causing Fry to fall over backwards.
  • "Ow, fire hot!"
  • Linda and Morbo becoming idiots.
    Morbo: Morbo doesn't understand his teleprompter. He forgot how you say the letter that looks like a man wearing a hat.
    Linda: It's a T, and it goes tuh.
    Morbo: Hello, little man. I WILL DESTROY YOU!
  • Fry confronting the Big Brain:
    Big Brain: What do you want?
    Fry: I'm here to kick your ass!
    Big Brain: Wishful thinking. We have long since evolved beyond the need for asses.
  • In the ending scene, Hermes is giving a meeting about employee sleep during meetings, while everyone is sleeping during the meeting.
  • The Nibblonian's continued exasperation at being seen as cute. Even if they are.
    Ken: When the universe was born in the crucible of the Big Bang, our race was already seventeen years old. (slideshow shows Nibblolians frolicking while holding hands under a rainbow)
    Leela: Aawwwwww!
    (Ken and Fiona glower at her)

That's Lobstertainment!

  • After Harold Zoid explains the movie plot:
    Zoidberg: Bender, you said "wink, wink" out loud.
    Bender: No, I didn't. Raise middle finger.

The Cyber House Rules

  • This exchange is utterly hilarious (especially Fry's epic "YAAAY!!!").
    (on the subject of adopting a mutant girl) Leela: She doesn't need an operation! She's fine the way she is!
    Adlai: Oh, and I suppose you were fine the way you were?
    Leela: Damn right I was!
    Fry: YAAY!!!
    Leela: Shut up, Fry. Now look, Adlai. I'm proud to be different. And I just wished I'd realised that when I was her age.
    Sally: I also have a tail!
  • "Listen, bud, by the end of the day, one of us is going to have one eye!"
  • This whole exchange when Fry tries to convince Leela not to get her phaser eye surgery to look normal:
    Fry: Why would you want to be normal? You're better than normal. You're abnormal and that's what makes you great! Like Dr. Zoidberg. He's a weird monster who smells like he eats garbage, and does.
    Zoidberg: Damn right!
    Fry: The Professor's a senile, amoral crackpot.
    Farnsworth: * cackles insanely*
    Fry: Amy's a klutz from Mars.
    Amy: * drops her wineglass* Floop!
    Fry: Hermes is a Rastafarian accountant.
    Hermes: Tally me banana!
    Farnsworth: And Fry, you've got that brain thing.
    Fry: I already did!
    • Followed by that other guy saying he wants to have kids, Leela tells him it's the most beautiful thing she's ever heard, and...
    Zoidberg: WHOOP WHOOP WHOOP WHOOP WHOOP WHOOP WHOOP! * sprays ink all over Leela*
  • The very dark bit of humour with Bender trying to find new sources of income.
    Bender: Hello, Imperial Dragon Restaurant? I got a herd of you know whats for sale. (pause) Let me check. (picks up one of the kids) Aw, aren't you a cutie! (immediately sets the kid back down) About thirty-five pounds.
    • And the payoff, when Bender's arrested.
    Smitty: You're under arrest for child cruelty, child endangerment, depriving children of food, selling children as food, and misrepresenting the weight of live stock!
    Bender: If you had kids of your own you'd understand!

Where the Buggalo Roam

  • Any of Zapp's attempts to impart romantic advice surely qualify.
    Zapp: Remember, Kif; the quickest way to a girl's bed is through her parents. Have sex with them and you're in.
    • This is even more hilarious after seeing "Zapp Dingbat".
  • When Bender examines the "bead" given to the native Martians, he's left stammering before going "Oh Chief, you've made me the happiest girl in the world!"
  • The sign in front of Amy's parents' house reads, "You've come to the Wong place".
  • Pretty much everything Zoidberg says in this episode:
    Zoidberg: I broke your television.
    • But the crowner goes to what he did at the party, and especially Leo's reaction.
    Leo: You here five hours, and already you tear up couch, draw mustache on priceless painting, and fill pool with brine shrimp!
    Dr. Zoidberg: Not bad for a city boy, eh? (Leans in toward Leo) Oh, and by the way, I took the liberty of fertilizing your caviar.
    (epic Oh Crap! from Leo, who is eating some of said caviar)
  • The parody of the crying Indian commercial when Zapp throws a can of Slurm on the ground and it rolls towards a martian's feet.
    Leela: They have such respect for the planet.
    Martian: *sniff* Cynthia used to drink Slurm.

Insane in the Mainframe

  • Judge: What evidence do you offer to support this new plea of insanity?
    Chicken Lawyer: Well, for one, they done hired me to represent them.
    Judge: (Gavel slams) Insanity plea accepted.
  • When Fry is in a robot clinic:
    Fry: I'm not a robot like you; I don't like having discs crammed into me... unless they're Oreos... and then only in the mouth!
  • Also:
    Malfunctioning Eddie (trying to sound friendly and polite): Nice to meet you.
    Fry: Actually, we met before.
    Malfunctioning Eddie (with deadly surprise): WHA-(explodes)
    • "I guess his prices really were insane!"
  • And:
    Fry: Fear not, for I shall assist ye!
    Hermes: Robots don't say 'ye'!
    Fry: Relax, mammal! My robotic software shall meet your calculatory needs. What is the meaning of this symbol?
    Hermes: That's a plus sign, you pointy-haired loony! Quit thinking you're a robot!
    Fry: I'll show ye!
  • The Planet Express hostage situation:
    Roberto: (with knife at Zoidberg's throat) Back off! I've got hostages!
    Zoidberg: Hurray! I'm helping!
    Officer Smitty: Do you have any better hostages?
  • From the same scene:
    Roberto: Okay, to show 'em who's crazy, I'm gonna execute some of you. Maybe you! (jabs Professor in the throat)
    Professor: Aaaaow! That's going to bleed when my heart beats!
    Leela: No! Take me first!
    Bender: Yes! Take her first!
    Roberto: Sh-shut up! Stop tellin' me how to do this!
  • The scene featuring Frankie, a robot with delusions of being a lunchroom worker - so he was put to work in the lunchroom.
    Unit 2013: (humouring him) How is working in the lunchroom, Frankie?
    Frankie: It's alright.
    Unit 2013: Poor Frankie.
  • The Lincoln Robot, who has multiple personality disorder. All of his personalities are Abraham Lincoln.
    Lincoln Robot: I was born in 200 log cabins.
  • The poor guy who picks up CIA transmissions on his teeth.
    Harsh female voice: The CIA cafeteria menu for the week following is as follows: Monday, shepherd's pie- (robot closes his mouth again)
    Unit 2013: Cuckoo!
    • And later, Bender's rigging the teeth to pick up different transmissions.
    Announcer: Daddy's Little Grandpa is being followed by Perennial Loser, and brining up the rear, it's Lasty!
    Bender: C'moooon, Lasty!
  • The crew visiting Fry in the asylum:
    Leela: We've petitioned the governor, but he doesn't want to appear soft of people who've been falsely accused.
    • And the Professor's farewell:
    Professor: Don't worry, Fry, I too once spent a nightmarish time in a robot asylum. But now it's nearly over! So long.

The Route of All Evil

  • The subplot consists of Fry, Leela, and Bender brewing their own beer. Bender's brewing is treated like him expecting a child.
  • "Who's going to use a delivery service with a kicked sign? Nobody, that's who!"
  • "This week on The Real World: The Sun!" "AAAAGH, I'M BURNING TO DEATH!" "Tch, do you realise how much an apartment that big would cost on The Sun?"
  • The scene when after Hermes tells the crew he will need to start slashing salaries
    Leela: Uh guys, I don't know how to tell you this. So I'll just let Fry blurt it out thoughtlessly.
    Fry: We don't work for you anymore!
  • This exchange when Dwight and Cubert learn that Fry and Leela are using Bender to brew beer. Made funnier by the fact that Fry's line was a screwup from Billy West, but the crew loved it so much that they kept it.
    Dwight: I heard alcohol makes you stupid.
    Leela: Actually, Dwight, you're right. Alcohol is very, very bad ... for children. But once you turn 21 it becomes very, very good. So scram!

Bendin' in the Wind

  • Bender and Fry come across a bag of Olestra chips. Bender takes a few bites and promptly releases some Bowel-Breaking Bricks.
  • Bender: (singing) Don't melt me down into a crowbar just 'cause I can't use my arms and legs!
  • "Fry cracked corn and I don't care! Leela cracked corn, I still don't care! Bender cracked corn and he is great! Take that, you stupid corn!"

Time Keeps on Slippin'

I Dated a Robot

  • "I'll never forget you, Fry... MEMORY DELETED."
  • The crappy Charlie's Angels (Charlie's Angels III, The Legend of Charlie's Gold) movie Fry watches is ridiculously bad.
    (The Angels are in a crypt, standing over a coffin)
    Alex: (in suspiciously wooden tone) No! Don't open that coffin! It's ticking!
    Natalie: I have to Alex! This coffin's not going to open itself!
    (the coffin opens on it's own, and a stereotypical vampire pops up)
    Vampire: Bleugh! (the vampire explodes)
    • "Mister Mayor, if you want to see a real vampire, look in the mirror!" "I can't! I'm a vampire!"
  • Tomato in the Mirror meets Godwin's Law in The Scary Door:
    Sam Smith: There's a gremlin destroying the plane! You gotta believe me!
    Croupier: Why should I believe you? You're Hitler!
    Sam Smith / Hitler: No! (camera angle changes to reveal Eva Braun sitting next to him) Eva Braun, help me!
    (Eva Braun reaches up to her head and tears off what turns out to be a mask, revealing she's a bug-monster. Sam Smith, or Hitler, screams. The scene changes to the Planet Express longue, where the crew are watching)
    Bender: Meh. Saw it coming.

A Leela of Her Own

A Pharaoh to Remember

  • "BENDER LIVES LARGE AND KICKS BUTT!" being turned to "BENDER LICKS BUTT" a la the MAD magazine fold-in pages.
  • "Ladies and gentlemen, the pharaoh... suddenly died!"
  • "The cruelty of the old pharaoh is a thing of the past!" (crowd cheers) "A whole new wave of cruelty shall wash over this lazy land!"
  • The surprise funeral they put on for Bender.
    Zoidberg: Oh danny boy!
    • Then Bender throws the bouquet and the professor catches it.
    Amy: I know who's funeral we'll be attending next!
    Farnsworth: Oh stop!

Anthology of Interest II

  • Bender says "as a robot, I can't feel emotions, and sometimes, that makes me very sad."
    Professor Farnsworth: Eat it, everyone who doesn't have a Nobel Prize! And that includes you... *points in the direction of Zoidberg* ...Amy!
    • ...As the camera scrolls past Zoidberg to show Amy on his other side, bursting into tears.
  • The conclusion of "I, Meatbag".
    Wernstrom: When did he die?
    Farnsworth: About twelve hours ago, when the party started.
    Wernstrom: But he just said "Woo!"
    Farnsworth: No, that was just air escaping from the folds of his fat.
    Bender: (when Farnsworth pushes him)Woo!
    (Shortly after, the crew rolls Bender off the stage before he can stink up the place.)
    Bender:' Woo! Woo! Woo! WoooOOOooo!
  • Any part in Fry's segment with General Pac-Man.
  • Ambassador Donkey Kong attacking Nixon's head.
  • The Space Invaders part, but especially Fry's unorthodox strategy:
    Fry: Now, watch as I fire upward, through my own shield!
    (everyone else gasps in horror)
    Bender: He's a madman! A maaaaaadmaaaaaaaaaaaaan!
  • All of the Wizard of Oz parody. Highlights include:
    • After meeting the Scarecrow (Fry) and the Tin Man (Bender), Zoidberg pulls up in a taxi and says "And I'm the third guy. Courage. Not enough of it."
    • The "Flying Monkeys" pick up everyone but Zoidberg.
      Zoidberg: What, do I smell or something? (sniffs himself, then groans sadly)
    • It then cuts to the witch's castle.
      Leela: Why did you bring us here?
      Zoidberg: And why did I have to take a cab?
  • Leela making her wish after putting on the glass slippers.
    Leela: "There's no place like...I wanna be a witch!"
  • The scene after Leela wakes up
    Leela: I was just having the most wonderful dream... except you were there, and you were there and you were there!
    Fry: Never mind professor. She came to!
    Professor:*holding a box that says "Leela's organs": Oh so close...
    Hermes: There's always next year professor. There's always next year.

Roswell that Ends Well

  • Choke on that, causality!
    • Earlier, "Oooh, a lesson in not changing history from Mr. I'm-My-Own-Grandpa! Let's get the hell out of here already! Screw history!"
  • President Truman suggests performing "an old-fashioned alien autopsy" on Zoidberg. How does Zoidberg respond? "HOORAY!"
    • Doctor 1:: Commencing excavation of the subject's chest cavity.
      Zoidberg: (grabs Doctor's mic) and in this corner, Zoidberg! (laughs) Come on lighten up! What is this, a funeral?
      Doctor 2: (takes out heart) Heart.
      Zoidberg: Take! I've got 4 of them!
      Doctor 1:: Stomach Contents: 1 Deviled Egg. (takes it and puts it in bowl)
      Zoidberg: Deviled Egg? (eats it from said bowl only for the doc to pull it out again)
      Doctor 1:: (sighs) The same deviled egg...
      (Doctors are cutting something inside Zoidberg with a hacksaw)
      Zoidberg: Wait! Don't cut that! I need that to speak!
      (The doctors pause, then saw faster.)
  • From the same episode, Zoidberg in the room with the food...
    Sergeant: This test will determine what, if anything, the alien eats.
    (Zoidberg is funneled into the room.)
    Zoidberg: A buffet! Aw...if only I had my wallet...
    Sergeant: (over intercom)'s free.
    (Zoidberg shrieks loudly, then gorging sounds are heard, with food splattering against the glass. Then, Zoidberg slaps his open mouth against the glass.)
    • Not to mention Truman's meeting with Zoidberg...
      Truman: If you come in peace, surrender or be destroyed. If you're here to make war, we surrender.
      Zoidberg: Both good. The important thing is I'm meeting new people.
      Truman: Bushwa! Now what's your mission? Are you planning on making some kind of alien-human hybrid?
      Zoidberg: Are you coming on to me?!
      Truman: Hot crackers! I take exception to that!
      Zoidberg: (giving Truman a look) I'm not hearing a no...
  • "The President is gagging on my gas bladder! What an honor!"
  • Truman makes his entrance at the Roswell Air Base by busting out of a crate labeled "Canned Eggs."
  • When Fry's grandfather is killed and Fry is meant to cease existing?
    • Later in the episode, Leela asks Fry how he can possibly exist now that he's completely bungled his Back to the Future moment.
      Fry: I dunno. Maybe God loves me.
      (Bender bursts into a fit of hysterical funniest-thing-I've-ever-heard laughter)
    • Not to mention the matter-of-fact way Fry announces this when he arrives at the diner with Bender: "Well, I killed my grandfather."
    • Or, later on, when Fry gives Enos the calendar and Enos tries to look at the cowboy picture instead of the girls. Fry's expression is priceless.


  • Bender meets the God-cloud entity and tells it about how he was God once. The God-cloud delivers the most utterly deadpan praise it can:
    Yes, I saw. You were doing well until everyone died.
  • Fry going to the Teller-bot for help finding Bender.
    Teller: Oooh, I am your friend, Bonder.
    Fry: Bonder, is that really you?
    Teller: Yes. I am fine. Give the gypsy ten dollars.
    Fry: Wait a minute! Bender's name isn't Bonder! You're a fraud.
    Teller: Look, do you want false hope or not?
    Fry: Only if you don't have any real hope.
  • The monks of Theshuba listen to Fry's demands for "one measely lifetime" to search for Bender.
    Monk: He speaks out of love for his friend. Perhaps that love is God.

Future Stock

  • Fry delivering this gem from "Future Stock".
    Fry: I believe I speak for the entire board when I issue this challenge to Mom.
    (Turns around, and presses his ass against the window)
    Fry:Look at my butt! Woo, woo, woo!
    • Leading, too, to Mom angrily demanding that Walt hit "the 'Retaliate' button." When he pauses for a moment, confused by the buttons on the console, she snaps "Push any of them! They all retaliate!"
  • More Scruffy humor (context: everyone is voting whether to name the Professor or That Guy CEO):
    Scruffy: Scruffy casts his 30,000 shares for the mysterious stranger.
    Leela: How come you have three times as much stock as the rest of us?
    Scruffy: (tearing up) Scruffy believes in this company.
    • Hattie and Hubert's sniping during the entire episode is hilarious.
      Hattie: Enough talk. It's time for action. I move that everyone come to my apartment to snuggle my cat.
      Scruffy: Second.
      Farnsworth: (on mic) I move that your cat stinks and is ugly.
      Scruffy: Second.
      Hattie: I move that we vote on a new chief executive officer and oust this old creep. And also that my cat smells good and is pretty!
      Scruffy (after pondering for a moment): Second.
  • Mom's immortal line: "JAM A BASTARD IN IT, YOU CRAP!"
  • At the climax, Fry's dramatic speech, with the stock price of Planet Express displayed behind him, with it dropping with each sentence he says, until he says he's giving up the company to the Professor, where it initially soars upward, then drops down to nothing.

The 30% Iron Chef

  • How Zoidberg manages to stitch Fry up for wrecking the Professor's miniature ship: a piece of paper reading "Fry Confesses. From The Desk Of Dr. John Zoidberg, M.D."
    • On that note, the fact that Zoidberg's first name is John.
  • The Magic Feather gag at the end, where Spargle's secret ingredient turns out to be, "Ordinary water! Laced with nothing more than a few spoonfuls of LSD."

    Season 4 

Kif Gets Knocked Up a Notch

  • Professor Moriarty: "Right-o, gents, it's another simulation gone mad, so murder and mayhem, standard procedure."
    • "Real holographic simulated evil Lincoln is BAAAAAAAACK!!!"
    • "Damn! The last time that happened, I got slapped with three paternity suits!"
    • From the same scene:
    Zapp Brannigan: Listen up, history's greatest villain, get back in the shed or I start blasting!
    Attila the Hun: Stop! Don't shoot fire stick in space canoe! Cause explosive decompression!
    Zapp Brannigan: Spare me your space age technobabble, Attila the Hun!
  • At the baby shower, Amy leaves in tears and Kif tries to stop her. In the next shot, Kif's face is shown while a squelching sound and baby-like crying is heard. The shot pans to show that Zoidberg was doing the crying.
  • Kif's reaction (the one anyone would have in that situation) when Zapp is ruled out as the father is gold.
    Oh, thank you merciful God.
  • After the ceremony:
    Grand Midwife: I will now take my leave! I live here, so I won't actually be going anywhere, but you don't have to talk to me anymore!
  • Kif's attempt to 'pluck the moon from the sky' for Amy whilst they're in the holo-shed, ending up with Kif falling in the sea, and the Moon dropping on his head.
  • Amy's reaction to Kif's second holoshed program, and especially the line from Kif:
    Amy: (on seeing a horse) Spirit! That's the pony I always wanted, but my parents said I had too many ponies already!
    Kif: Yes, I programmed it in for you. (triumphantly) Four million lines of BASIC!

Leela's Homeworld

  • Bender announcing his plan: "And then Bender ran!"
  • The Professor's Handwave about his machine that makes noses making other things: "It can do other things! Why shouldn't it?!"
  • Hermes analysing the machine's by-products.
    Hermes: It looks like toxic waste. It smells like toxic waste. (takes a sample and tastes it)
    Fry: What's it taste like?
    Hermes: Delicious fig pudding, oh that's good! But, a distinct aftertaste of toxic waste.
  • While running from the mutants, and trying to hide in the Turanga's house, Bender picks Fry up and uses him to smash open the window.

Love and Rocket

  • The sequence featuring the Omicronians trying to figure out 'wuv'.
    Ndnd: And what is this emotion you humans call 'wuv'?
    Lrrr: Surely it says 'love'?
    Ndnd: No, 'wuv', with an earth 'w'! Behold!
    Lrrr: This concept of 'wuv' confuses and infuriates us!
  • As the crew prepares to go on their delivery run:
    Farnsworth: Remember, we've got to show these people we're not bitter husks of human beings who long ago abandoned hope of finding love in this lifetime. Leela, you'll have to do some acting.
    Leela (totally deadpan): Check!
  • As a whole "Love and Rocket", every really subtle reference to 2001 was hilarious from Bender happily singing Daisy Bell to Planet Express Ship noticing tapirs in the zoo.
    • Also, from the Omnicronians:
      Lrrr: This is ancient Earth's most foolish program. Why does Ross, the largest friend, not simply eat the other five?
      Ndnd: Perhaps they are saving that for sweeps.
  • "Fire detected in the vicinity of: Leela." *Sprays her with a hose*
  • "My place... or you?"
  • "ahahahahaha... oh wait, you're serious. Let me laugh even harder. AAAAHAHAHAHAH"
  • Bender's last line of the episode: "Bender is a lone wolf, a solitary eagle, [eyes flicker, and he speaks with Sigourney Weaver's voice] a cuddly baby tapir, and that's why I love him."
  • The horror that is the origin of the Lovey Bears. Even Bender looks upset. And that's what makes it so funny.
    They frolic in the Lovey Forest until their first birthday. Then we choose the cuddly- uddliest ones and stuff them full of fire-retardant love fluff!

Less than Hero

  • In "Less than Hero", when they're called by the mayor.
    Leela: I just remembered, I left my apartment on fire. (Runs from room)
    Bender: And I'm late for my LSATs. (Follows Leela)
    Fry: And I can't take life any more! (Jumps out window)
    • Also:
    Bender: Nine, ten... a big fat hen.
    -blows on cigar-
    Bender: The name's Bender.
    • When Fry and Leela are trying to figure out what powers they have:
    Leela: (reading back of Miracle Cream tube) "Ability to command the loyalty of sea creatures?"
    Fry: Hey Zoidberg, get in here!
    Zoidberg (from another room): Screw you!
    Fry (cheerful): Nope!
    Leela (cheerful): Ain't got that!
    • Bender as Superking fighting a boxing kangaroo, mostly for the commentary by Theodore Roosevelt:
    "A man boxing a kangaroo is a peculiar spectacle...but a kangaroo boxing a robot? Now I'm afraid you've lost me. (Citizen Snips the crab falls into Roosevelt's tank) CITIZEN SNIPS!"
    • From that same episode: "Please do not feed the animals!! -is promptly grabbed and devoured by an elephant-"
      • An elephant that never forgets...TO KILL!
    • This:
    Leela's Dad: Look at me! Proud dad of a super hero! We should print up T-shirts. And F-shirts for our friends with two arms on the same side.
    • This after a parrot reveals one of Leela's secrets:
    Fry (stern): Leela! Is the pirate that parrot is mimicking telling the truth by proxy?
    • Bender putting on his crown and imitating Queen Victoria:We are not amused!

A Taste of Freedom

  • "You can crush me but you can't crush my spirit!" [Gets crushed by a giant claw] "Agh, my spirit!!"
    • Ah yes, good ol' man! Staunch defender (and even flaunter) of all practically any rights whatsoever!
    Zoidberg: He defended my freedom when no one else would. He was a good and honorable man.
    Old Man Waterfall: I request a Satanic funeral.
    Crowd: BOOOOOOOO!!!
    • Old Man Waterfall's comeback when Bender questions his defending Zoidberg.
    Bender: You wanna defend Zoidberg? Are you aware of the old robot saying "does not compute"?
    Old Man: Son, to me a robot's nothin' more than a garbage can with sparks comin' out of it.
    Bender: (sad)' The sparks keep me warm...
    Kif: (as Hugh Mann waddles away with the disk) Sir, there's something about that ensign...
    Zapp: You're damn right there is! That strapping young lad is gunning for your job, and he might just get it.
    • Zoidberg on the Decopodian Embassy:
    Zoidberg: My planet's embassy! They're paid not to kill me.
    Bender: Ah, the crossbow! A pitiless, elegant killing machine. The Bender of the 15th Century."

Bender Should Not Be Allowed on Television

  • Calculon reacts to Bender's attempt at acting in "Bender Should Not Be Allowed on TV":
    Calculon: "That was so terrible I think you gave me cancer!"
    • Before that, at the start of the audition:
      Producer: So, Bender, have you ever been on television?
      Bender: Once, when I took those hostages.
      Calculon: I saw that. You were good.
      • And the audition itself:
        Bender, attempting a "flawless Spanish accent": Tonight we eat, GEE-OOO-ACK-A-MOLE by the el Rio!
    • While Calculon and the director meet with Bender after the "Bite my shiny metal ass!" incident, footage of Bender emptying some drawers is shown:
      Calculon: I don't even remember shooting this scene.
      Director: We didn't. That's security camera footage from your dressing room.
      Calculon: He stole the scene and my money?!
  • This bit, when Bender hijacks the set to give a dramatic speech:
    Bender: You, director, gimme my motivation!
    Director: (bored) You're angry.
    Bender: Perfect!
  • And of course, the speech itself:
    Bender: Do smoking and drinking on TV make me cool? Of course they do. How about committing crime and violence? Again, the answer is yes. But do we really want our kids exposed to that kind of trash on TV? I say absolutely not!
    (his gun accidentally goes off, nearly hitting the Professor. Bender coughs awkwardly)
    Bender: Uh... on the other hand, perhaps most of the blame rests with the parents! That's right, you! (Bender points his guns at the FART mob) And so I ask you this one question: Have you ever tried sitting down with your kids, turning off the TV... and hitting them?
    Hermes: We're just so busy...
    • And Calculon's reaction to all this: "Good enough. Slice in some reaction shots of me and shove it on the air."
  • "Bender must be stopped! I've gone too far! Who does that guy think I am?"
  • One rather hilarious scene on All My Circuits after Bender becomes a character on the show consists of Bender lighting himself on fire and saying "Try this, kids at home", which is immediately followed by an on-screen disclaimer saying "Don't try this, kids at home".

Jurassic Bark

  • In "Jurassic Bark," when the Professor gets tired of explaining that lava isn't something you can just swim through ("I'm a professor! Why isn't anyone listening to me?"):
    Leela: He's been in there too long! I'm going in after him!
    Farnsworth: PROFESSOR! LAVA! HOT!
  • Fry performing his people's native dance. And Leela reading about it.
    Leela: According to the guidebook, this part of The Hustle implores the gods to grant a favour, usually a Trans-Am.

Crimes of the Hot

  • "Crimes of the Hot": The gang trying to cool off during a very hot, summer day. They build themselves an instant(!) above-ground swimming pool, complete with chlorine treated water (and dead leaves floating around inside). But before anyone can jump in, in comes Nibbler, who drinks all the pool water in a heartbeat, and then belches out a cloud of noxious, chlorine gas that makes everyone pass out. Except Bender. But he doesn't have it any better:
    Bender: Hahahaha, lightweights — oh, wait! Chlorine! (instantly rusts completely over, than collapses)
    • Also from Crimes of the Hot:
    Bender: Look, I enjoy life and its pleasures as much as anyone here, except perhaps you, Hedonismbot. [Hedonismbot eats grapes in a very sloppy manner.] But we need to be shut off, especially you, Hedonismbot!
    Hedonismbot: I apologize for nothing!
    • Bender sucker punching Preacher Bot when The Professor shows up to explain his plan to save the robots and the world.
  • "Nixon's not bringing the smokes!"
  • "Thank you. I deserve this."
  • In the 31st century, Al Gore is now credited at the inventor of the environment. And First Emperor of The Moon. And he somehow acquired the rights to Harry Potter, which he uses to talk about pollution.
    Al Gore's Head: As I discussed in my book, The Balance of Earth, and the much more popular Harry Potter and the Balance of Earth, we need to protect our planet against pollution, as well as dark wizards.
    (The audience applauds, except one dark wizard)
    Dark Wizard: Sure, blame the wizards!
  • Bender's speech to the robots:
    Bender: We're destroying the world and killin' the turtles!
    Preacher-bot: To Hell with the turtles!
    Bender: No-one insults the turtles! (he punches the Preacher-bot, who instantly draws a machete)

Teenage Mutant Leela's Hurdles

  • All of the episode "Teenage Mutant Leela's Hurdles": "No beer until you've finished your tequila!" (holds up a bottle of Tequila with a crazy straw in it)
    • An especially funny line from the beginning: "Pazuzu, you ungrateful gargoyle! I put you through college and this is how you repay me?!"
    • That wasn't just any space station. That was Deep Space Nine.
    • That, and this: "I'M STILL IN MID-PERIL, YOU CLODS!"
    • This joke:
      Leela: Professor! This ship can go ninety percent light speed! Why are we travelling at 35 miles-per-hour?
      Farnsworth: Because we're in a hurry, that's why!
    • What's Leo Wong's reaction to finding out his daughter has turned back into a preteen? Cruelly tease her about how fat she was at that age. Father of the year, everybody!
      Amy: If you're going to make fat jokes, I'm just going to stay in my room!
      Leo: Stay in room? You so fat, you going to stay all around room!

The Why of Fry

  • This:
    Fry: Wait, wait wait! Ahem... What really killed the dinosaurs?
    Giant Brain: MEEE!
    [The Giant Brain is then shown killing the dinosaurs]
    • When Fry is about to head back through time to take another shot at defeating the Brainspawn, he realizes that he's going to get trapped again. His last words to Nibbler: "Just remember that Scooty Puff Jr. suuuuuuuuuuuuucks!"
    • "In a thousand years, I'll get right on it!"
      • Later, Fry is shown escaping successfully, on his new scooter, titled: "Scooty Puff Sr — The Doombringer."

Where No Fan Has Gone Before

  • Fry takes Leonard Nimoy's head out of the museum to find out what's happened to Star Trek. Another head sidles up to the front of the display to replace Spock note  Who is this head? Jonathan Frakes!
    Jonathan Frakes: Yes! Front row!
  • This exchange from "Where No Fan Has Gone Before":
    William Shatner: Wasn't there an episode where I threw my shoe at the enemy?
    Leonard Nimoy: You mean Doohan?
    (They both chuckle.)
    Shatner: Whoever it was, I did it like this. (Throws shoe. It hits George Takei in the face.)
    Takei: Ow!
    Shatner: (Hopping) My foot's cold.
    • This exchange in that episode between Shatner and Takei:
      Shatner: And then, George, you hit him with a karate chop.
      Takei: I find that offensive. Just because I'm of Japanese ancestry, you assume I know karate. Have I ever led you to believe I have studied karate?
      Shatner: Well, no... but you never talk about yourself.
      Takei: Maybe if you showed a little interest...
    • When Melllvar is trying to get an autograph from George Takei:
      Melllvar: Melllvar has three Ls.
      Takei: I think I've been to enough conventions to know how to spell "Melllvar".
    • Nichelle Nichols' utterly deadpan and disgusted reading of Uhura's "romantic" lines with Melllvar.
    • All of Walter Koenig's reactions to being asked to "speak Russian." No exceptions.
    • Most of what Melllvar says, really.
      Melllvar: Centuries ago, the videotaped adventures of the Enterprise crew rained down upon my planet. Over and over I watched them, especially the five with the energy beings. I AM MELLLVAR! SEER OF THE TAPES! KNOWER OF THE EPISODES! TREMBLE BEFORE MY ENCYCLOPAEDIC KNOWLEDGE OF STAR TREK!
      or this exchange:
      Melllvar: In order to test who is more worthy of my fanatical devotion, I will pit you in armed combat... TO THE DEATH!
      collective gasp
      Bender: Where would you get an idiotic idea like that?
      Melllvar: Episodes 19, 27, 45 and 76.
      Fry: Great list. Except, you forget episode 66! HAHAHA!
      Melllvar: (Barely suppressing rage) Urgh, uh, I WAS GETTING TO THAT ONE! GRAAAAAAAAAAAH! (Blows up Welshy's corpse)
    • Shatner doing a spoken-word version of Eminem's "Slim Shady". That is all.
    Walter Koenig: How can you do a spoken-word version of a rap song?
    Melllvar (completely awed): He found a way.
    • The following exchange
    Bender: Can people who hate Star Trek leave?
    Koening: Good question!
    Melllvar: No, they have to stay even longer!
    Bender and Koenig: AWWW!
    • The response to Melllvar telling the cast they're not acting "hard enough."
    Nimoy: Melllvar, you have to respect your actors. When I directed Star Trek IV, I got a magnificent performance out of Bill because I respected him so much.
    Shatner: And when I directed Star Trek V, I got a magnificent performance out of me, because I respected me so much!"
    Fry: Melllvar, you can't let a TV show be your whole life! You can do anything you want! Look at Walter Koening: After Star Trek, he became an actor.
    Koening: Not just an actor, but a well rounded person! With my own friends, and credit cards, and keys...
  • Fry: All this time we thought he was a powerful super-being, yet he was just a child...
    Melllvar's Mother: He's not a child. He's THIRTY-FOUR!
    • In general, every Take That against excessive Star Trek fans. One of the funniest is the very reason why the series was banned in the first place: fans grew from "a loose association of nerds with skin problems to a full-blown religion". Said religion started overtaking most countries on Earth, causing the government to ban the series and execute every Trekkie "in the manner most befitting virgins" (throwing them into a volcano and declaring He's Dead, Jim).
      • During that scene, we see that Germany had been renamed "Nazi-Planet-Episode Land" in honor of the episode "Patterns of Force". That's right, they reestablished Nazi Germany!
    • The ending credits sequence shows a shot of Kif in a clever parody of the famous shot of Balok's puppet in TOS's ending credits.
  • This gem from William Shatner, when he tries talking Leela down:
    Shatner: Leela, please. This is just what Melllvar wants. We're just pawns in his diabolical game of checkers. Can't we resolve our differences some other way?
    • And of course, when everyone else has stopped fighting, they find Leela and Shatner... are busy.
    (Leela and Shatern are making out)
    Shatner: I love you so much.
    (Leonard Nimoy nudges Shatner with his foot, causing him and Leela to realise everyone's looking at them)
    Fry: We've decided to work together.
    Nimoy: Yeah, so did they.

The Sting

  • From "The Sting":
    Leela: What's the mission?
    Farnsworth: Collecting honey. Ordinary honey.
    Leela: That doesn't sound so dangerous.
    Farnsworth: This is no ordinary honey! It's produced by vicious space bees. A single sting of their hideous neurotoxin can cause instant death!
    Hermes: And that's if you're not allergic! You don't wanna know what happens then, oh no no, God no.
    Farnsworth: Your insides with boil out of your eye sockets like a science fair volcano!
    Hermes: I didn't want to know! *sobs*
    • Also:
    Farnsworth: These bees are larger than most Buicks! And twice as ugly.
    Fry: Larger than an American sedan? How big's the honeycomb?
    Hermes: Honeycomb's big, yeah yeah yeah!
    Bender: It's not small?
    Hermes: No, no no!
    • It's especially funny considering that Billy West is the voice of Buzz the bee from the Honey Nut Cheerios commercials.
    • This line as well, which also counts as a Tear Jerker:
    Leela: In my dream, Fry said he hid a gift from me in his locker. If it's true, then he must still exist in some form.
    Farnsworth: Of course he still exists. As a frozen corpse in outer space! chuckles Oh.. I made myself sad.
    • Not to mention "I'll find Fry's corpse and keep it under my mattress to remind me that he's dead! That'll prove I'm not insane!"
    • One of my favorite Bender lines of the entire series happens as everyone discovers that Leela has awakened from her coma -
      Bender: You were in the best coma I've ever seen!
    • "The Sting" gives the world one of the best Leela lines: "Burn on that old crew! The only things they did better than us were suck and die!"

Bend Her

  • In Bend Her, Bender temporarily becomes a woman. The subtle sexism throughout the episode is uncomfortable and annoying. The explicit sexism that occasionally pops up is hilarious.
    Professor: She's becoming a slave to her emotions! Just like all women. Especially you, Leela.
    Leela: (Offhand Backhands the Professor) I'm worried about Bender too.
    • Also in "Bend Her", Calculon is on a talk show, talking about his soap opera, All My Circuits. A clip is shown of him at a pirate's barbecue, yelling "NOOOOOOOOOO!". Calculon chuckles and replies:
    Calculon: Fun fact: The script actually called for me to say 'yes', but I gave it a little twist.
    • Bonus: When asked to set up the clip, Calculon just says he thinks it speaks for itself. Not to mention that it's set in a random back garden, with a pirate grilling burgers on a barbecue.
    • Also in that episode, when they are trying to fake Coilette/Bender's death:
    Calculon: "No! NO! EN-OH-OH-OH!"
    • It should be noted: Calculon wasn't in on the plan.
    • Earlier on in the episode, Calculon bursting through the wall, and during a hot-air balloon trip with Coilette, him tipping the (previously-hidden) Box-robot overboard.
    • How did we get this far without mentioning this little gem:
    Bender: Professor, make a woman out of me!
    Prof. Farnsworth (flattered): Oh, I think we should just stay friends.
    • This exchange:
      Calculon:I'd appreciate it if you didn't 'BAM' the young lady...
      Elzar:Well I'd appreciate it if I did; so I guess we're even!
    • The deliver of this line really makes it:
      Fry: (emotional) I'll miss you, buddy. You've been like a brother, and then a sister to me. I love you, man.
      Bender: The marriage is a sham.
      Fry: (without missing a beat) Cool. What's for dinner?
  • Zoidberg the Wedding Planner:
    Bender: Zoidey-poo, please tell me "frilly" is in this season.
    Zoidberg: (going over a book of cakes) I saw a frosted cake in here you'll remember all your life. I know I will. Late at night it taunts me with its frosted beauty... ORDER THE CAKE DAMMIT!
  • While Calculon's reaction to "Coilette" dying is kind of sad, he ruins it by being Calculon.
    She lives... no more. But let us not forget that she truly loved me. To honor my pain, I shall star in a film honoring her memory, and this time the Academy will not deny me! Not when they see "Coilette: A Calculon Story!"
  • Fry's part in the plan:
    (Fry storms into the wedding on a motorbike, dressed up like a guerrilla fighter)
    Bender: Congo Jack!
    (Everyone gasps, as Hermes dramatically plays a nearby piano)
    Fry: Yes, and I have a message from Colonel Mtumbe! He says "This is for Congo Jack!"
    (Fry picks up a spear, and throws it at Bender. It completely misses him, meaning Bender has to grab it and pretend to be impaled)

Obsoletely Fabulous

  • This exchange...
    Bender: A working cartridge unit? Wow, you guys went obsolete years ago.
    * Cartridge Unit rummages through bag of cartridges, and pulls out one labeled 'Snappy Response', and inserts it*
    Cartridge Unit: Your mother.
      • "Aww."
  • Robot 1-X says this while whacking himself with a hammer:
  • The cartridge robot ejects and reinserts his "What?!" cartridge just to repeat himself.

The Farnsworth Parabox

  • "Oh, this is awful! Somewhere out there, there's a more evil Bender than me! I DO MY BEST, DAMMIT!"
  • (Explosion) "Oh Lordy Lou! HELP!"
    • "Buddha! Zeus! God! One of you guys do something! Help! Satan, you owe me!"
  • Alternate Bender - "Bite my glorious golden ass!"
  • "Now, now. Perfectly symmetrical violence never solved anything!"
  • Another example from that episode:
    Leela: Bender, stop destroying the universe!
  • When Farnsworth asks his alternate how he got stitches on his head, he says that it was an experiment to see if he could remove his own brain. This leads to this gem:
    Alternate Farnsworth: Getting the brain out was the easy part. The hard part was getting the brain out! HAHAHAHAHAHA!!!
    Farnsworth: Oh you!
  • Zoidberg's rhetoric on boxes.
    "I my experience, boxes are usually empty, or maybe with a little cheese stuck to the top. And one time, pepperoni. What a day that was! (shrieks) GIVE ME THE BOX!!!"
  • Leela encounters the robot versions of Fry, Farnsworth & Hermes:
    Leela: Have you robot-versions of you guys seen any extra Zoidbergs around here?
    Robot Fry: Negative. Will-you-go-out-with-me?
    Leela: Uh, access denied.
    (Robot Fry's head explodes)
  • There's also this after the Crew and their alternates are ordered to keep an eye one each other.
    Alternate Leela: Can Fry and I watch our Alternates together? We have plans tonight.
    Leela Wait. You guys are dating?
    Alternate Fry: Oh no no no. We're married.

Three Hundred Big Boys

  • Whale barf. "It just keeps coming..."
  • Fry's increasingly neurotic behavior as he works his way towards drinking 100 cups of coffee.
    • At 31 cups:
    Elzar: Freshen your coffee, sir?
    Fry: Yeah yeah, keep it coming! Put the pot down! Get away!
    • At 51 cups:
    Fry: This isn't Yemeni, it's Sulawesi! And the cup's shaking! I don't want my coffee shaking!
    Bender: You seem a tad wound up, buddy. And your face is greasy. Real greasy. You been up all night?
    Fry: OF COURSE I'VE BEEN UP ALL NIGHT! Not because of caffeine, it was insomnia. I couldn't stop thinking about coffee. I need a nap. *snore* Coffee time!
    • At 99 cups:
    Fry: Coffeecoffeecoffeecoffeecoffeecoffeecoffeecoffeecoffeecoffee.
    • And at 100 cups... there is a sudden tranquility, an angelic choir, and Fry is serenely at one with the cosmos, even the part of it around him that is currently on fire.
  • Scruffy making light of Kif's recent imprisonment:
    Scruffy: Jail ain't so bad. You can make sangria in the toilet terlet. Course it's shank or be-shanked.
    Amy: (in tears) Of course...
  • The Whale Biologist's sheer jerkassery, especially toward Mushu.

Spanish Fry

  • Bender's Hurricane of Euphemisms in Spanish Fry
    Lrrr: This jerked chicken is good. I think I'll have Fry's lower horn jerked.
    Bender: It's used to it. Whoo!
    • And a truckload of similar lines throughout the episode:
    Fry: Yes! I never thought I'd escape with my doodle, but I pulled it out!
    Bender (offscreen): Just like at the movie theater! Whoo!

The Devil's Hands Are Idle Playthings

  • In "The Devil's Hands Are Idle Playthings", Hedonism-bot commissions the world's greatest - in fact, only competent - holophonor artist to write an opera so fantastic that it will win him a moment's pleasure from his eternal ennui. On opening night, Hedonism-bot addresses the upper crust of Earth before the opera begins (possibly the best opera-opening speech since A Night at the Opera:)
    Hedonism-bot: Courtesans and gentlefops, I bid you welcome to my opera! Let us cavort like the Greeks of old! You know the ones I mean...
    • His reaction to everything that happens must be recorded:
    Hedonism-bot: Surgery, in an opera? How wonderfully decadent! And just as I was beginning to lose interest! Jhambi, the chocolate icing! (Jhambi starts spreading icing over Hedonism-bot's stomach) Oh... oh my, yes...
  • When Fry loses the robot hands that allowed him to play the Holophonor:
    Hedonismbot: Resume the opera!
    Fry: But I can't play anymore!
    Zoidberg: Yes you can! The music was in your heart, not your hands!
    [Fry begins playing off-key and the audience starts booing.]
    Zoidberg: Your music is bad and you should feel bad!
    Fry: My hands! My horrible human hands! And what did you do to my nails?!
    Robot Devil: I cleaned them.
    • Bender's stage actor
    Stage!Bender: Save Fry! Save Fry! Save Fry! Godzilla! Will devour him! As for me I must be off to have my doctor check this cough! *Cough cough* Goodbye! *Starts off to the exit only to have Godzilla block him off*
    Bender: I don't ever recall fighting Godzilla, but that is sooooo what I would have done!
    • And if you could even forget it:
    Robot Devil: Calculon, old friend, I'm afraid I need your ears.
    Calculon: Well, I do owe you for giving me this unholy AC-TING TALENT!

    The Game 
  • The Professor entering the opening cutscene in a sombrero.
    Professor: Good news, everyone; I've sold Planet Express to Mom!
    (Fry & Leela gasp, Bender stutters.)
    Bender: Also, why are you wearing that funky hat?
    Professor: Whu? Oh, this? No reason. (Throws it away)
    Fry: That was odd. Mighty odd.
  • The reason why Planet Express has been losing money:
    Professor: Perhaps my strategy of using a giant space ship to deliver one package at a time wasn't as clever as I thought. Plus you three never actually charged anyone!
    Fry: Yeah, sorry about that.
    Leela: (simultaneous) Sorry.
  • (Fry turns on the TV. Morbo and Linda appearar on screen, with a picture of the Earth behind them, with the words "THE END" written on it.)
    Bender: Has anyone noticed how Fry always seems to turn on the TV at just the right moment?
  • Fry's first assignment is to find a hammer, which gets him crushed under a pile of dangerous rubble. GAME OVER. Cut to Fry waking up on top of what looks like a giant toaster.
    Fry: If that's me dead over there, who am I here?
    Professor: You're also you, thanks to my latest invention, the Reanimator! When you die, it will automatically make an exact duplicate of you, based on your x-rays, a DNA sample and scrapings from the inside of your tennis shoes.
    Fry: Wow! When did you invent it?
    Professor: About a week ago, and I've been trying to kill you to test it ever since.
    Leela: So what was death like Fry?
    Fry: Well, first everything went dark, then this bright light appeared, and it said, "Game over". (Leela looks annoyed)
    • On that note, all the subsequent Medium Awareness jokes, which, unfortunately, were edited out when the game's cutscenes were edited into a bonus feature on the Beasts With A Billion Backs DVD as "The Lost Adventure".
    Leela: We don't even have enough dark matter fuel to get out of the solar system!
    Professor: Then I guess you'll have to find some, Leela.
    Leela: Me? But I'm not playable!
    Professor: You are now.
    (Cut to the cargo hold, where the Reanimator now has Leela's name listed alongside Fry and Bender.)
    Leela: Woo-hoo! In your face, non-playable characters!
  • After turning Earth into a spaceship and failing to get anywhere with it:
    Mom: Sweet butt-crust on a cracker! Who'd have thought this miserable little planet would be so heavy?
    Larry: Uh, Walt would.
    Mom: How dare you Walt! (slaps him)
  • Mom's visit to Sal and Son's:
    Sal: Welcomes to Sal's Salvage. What can I dos youse for?
    Mom: I need a spaceship engine. Nothing special. Well, except it has to be powerful enough to move the Earth.
    Sal: The Earth? Holy Jesuses! For that, you're gonna needs a dark matter engine and a big ones at thats!
    Mom: Money's no object, as I will soon be taking over the universe. Perhaps you've heard of it?
    Sal: Hmm, a dark matter engines. You're gonna have to finds the guy who inventeds it, Hubert Farnsworth.
    Mom: That old goat from Planet Express! But he just got away, that son of a no good mother loving piece of-
    Sal: Don't worries, I've gots an idea. I mean, an ideas.
  • Larry: Prepare to be crushed, and subsequently smelted, and then recycled into metal seatbelts. [He activates the machines]
    Bender: Seatbelts? Never! I endanger lives, not save them.
  • The crew meet Adoy, the Professor's mentor.
    Fry: Umm, are you Adoy?
    Adoy: "Adoy"? I haven't heard that name in years. Yeah, that's me.
    Fry: Uh, okay. W-we were sent here by the Professor.
    Adoy: Ah, I remember the Professor. Of course, back then I was the one called the Professor. Wait, who are we talking about?
    Bender: Oh, boy.
    Leela: Professor Hubert Farnsworth.
    Adoy: Never heard of him. So what can I do for my dear old Protégé?
    Leela: He said you might be able to help us. Long story short; Mom cut off his head and now she's trying to take over the universe!
    Adoy: Uhh. Terrible. Terrible! Terrible! But there's nothing we can do about it now. So it's a good thing you came to me!
    Bender: This guy's not making any sense! Can I kill him? Please?
  • The limitations of Adoy's time machine:
    Fry: But the time machine has a hand crank, doesn't that work?
    Adoy: Ehh, sort of, if you turn the handle for two minutes; it'll send the universe two minutes back in time.
    Bender: So it gets us back to when we started turning the handle? Yippee.
    Leela: No, wait! That could be all we need to get to the generator. If one of us is fast enough.
    Fry: Great, another dangerous mission.
    Bender: Who's the sucker this time?
    Leela: Doctor Zoidberg.
    Zoidberg: Hooray, I'm the hero!
    Fry/Bender: Hooray, we don't have to do anything!
    Leela: Okay Zoidberg, once I start cranking you've got two minutes to get to where I can see you, otherwise I'll assume you've been killed and rewind time.
    Zoidberg: Killed, ay? I'm no doctor, but that sounds painful.
    Fry: Oh, it is, trust me.
  • After the Reanimator is destroyed and Fry, Leela and Bender are killed by Destructor.
    Professor: Damn it Mom! No one kills my crew except for me! You're going down.
    Mom: Oh please! You wouldn't hit a lady!
    Professor: I suppose you're right. Though I would do this! Hoyyaa! (punches her)
    Mom: You broke my hip!
    Professor: I don't care. You wanted Planet Express so you could take over the universe, ay? Well, I guess your evil plan is foiled now, thanks to my time traveling crew.
    Mom: But you have to sell Planet Express to me! Your crew said it happened, and no one can alter the continuum of time!
    Professor: Oh, yeah? Watch me! (He starts to tear up the contract) The deal is off!
    Mom: Oh, well. How about if I throw in this hat? (holds up a sombrero.)
    Professor: Mmm.
    (Cut to Planet Express office. The Professor enters wearing the sombrero.)

    Season 5 (Movies) 

Bender's Big Score

  • The bit from Bender's Big Score, where Elzar uses a spice weasel with heart-shaped nostrils and then offers to make it eject spice in a star shape. Leela and Lars quickly refuse.
  • Bender's Big Score's scene of Bender destroying New York. Also;
    "I can wire anything directly into anything! I'm The Professor!" (dramatic pose)
  • Hermes: That body was the cornerstone of my marriage! What's LaBarbera gonna do?
    Amy: Spluh, she's gonna go back to her first husband.
    Zoidberg: Barbados Slim? I LOVE that guy!
    Hermes: Everyone loves Slim. He's the only man to win Olympic gold medals in both limbo AND sex!
  • Later in the movie:
    Barbados Slim: You haven't seen the last of Barbados Slim! Now, goodbye forever!
  • The whole extended joke about the "Box Network" renewing their contract that keeps piling on more layers of Take That.
    • That, and the "Torgo Executive Powder" being used throughout the movie.
  • "This Trinity's Goin' to War", on top of being a piece of Awesome Music, doubles as a hilarious moment due to the elves' Amusing Injuries.
  • Early on, Leela berates Fry on being immature. Fry, immediately after mumbling "I'll show her who's immature.", proceeds to mess around with Charles DeGaulle's head in a jar.
    Fry: (in a terrible French accent) Hey, Leeluhre, I'm some French ga-iee !
  • An alien bartender uses Fry's "pen" to sign a delivery form.
  • When Leela and Bender notice the tattoo of Bender on Fry's ass, Farnsworth isn't impressed and walks away... revealing a "THUG LIFE" tattoo on his back, complete with hip-hop beat.

The Beast with a Billion Backs

  • The Beast With A Billion Backs, involving Bender's Deal with the Devil: Bender is seeking an Army of the Damned to Take Over the World, and is asked to sacrifice his first-born son. He heads off and sees his son playing ball. Emotional music swells, the kid sees him and cries "Daddy! I knew you'd come back!" Cue Bender walking back into Robot-Hell with the child over his shoulder, saying "Here ya go!" and punting it into a pit of lava. The whole joke starts and ends in about 20 seconds, but is hilarious.
    • The best part?
    Bender: No backsies.
  • Also:
    Hermes: Professor, sprinkle us with wisdom from your mighty brain! How scared should we be?
    Farnsworth: Somewhere between 'not at all' and 'entirely'.
    Zoidberg: I call entirely! *freaks out*
  • Bender: I feel awed, and strangely humbled by this momentous occasion. *few seconds later* Hey, other universe, bite my shiny metal.......*screams and sends the Planet Express crew flying while shitting bricks*
  • The first argument between Farnsworth and Wernstrom:
    Professor: Don't listen to that crackpot!
    Wernstrom: But I'm agreeing with you!
    Professor: I'll make you eat those words, you moron!
    • How does the fight end? Professor Stephen Hawking zaps them with eyebeams.
    Stephen Hawkin: I didn't know I could do that... (To Farnsworth and Wernstrom) Now, quite down and settle this like men of science.
    Farnsworth: Very well.
    (Cut to outside a stadium in New York)
    Farnsworth: LET DEATHBALL BEGIN!
  • "And thus, Metal Man defeated Meat Man. The End!"
  • Farnsworth is on the phone with Wernstrom:
    Farnsworth: Hermes! Hang up on him in the rudest manner possible!
    Hermes: [pulls down his trousers, grabs the phone between his ass cheeks, and raises it.]
    Wernstrom: NO! Not the crack slam!
    • Don't forget: "MY LEG FEELS BETTER!"
  • And the League of Robots chanting like college freshmen: "DRINK THE FLAGON! DRINK THE FLAGON!"
    • Bender comparing the League of Robots initiation to med school.
    • The moment Bender catches on to the initation ceremony's repetition.
    Bender: Wait a second... are all the tests gonna involve drinking in some way?
    Calculon: It never really occurred to me before, but... yes!
  • The Enema Bot, equipped with a rubber glove, a douche, a syringe, a thermometer, and a gasoline nozzle with which to dispense enemas of hot coffee. Fry orders one to go, and gets a cup with a long nozzle affixed to the top.
    Warning: the enema you are about to enjoy is extremely hot.
  • Pretty much anything said by the Grand Midwife/Priestess/Funeral Director/Lunchlady/Butterfly Curator in her three appearances. One standout is in Kif and Amy's Fon-Fon-Rubok ceremony. "You may now eat the snake-". Kif and Amy both take bites out of the two-headed snake she hands them. "-if you so choose. It's not part of the ceremony, I just had an extra snake".
  • After Bender decides he's going to stalk Calculon:
    Calculon: [after noticing that Bender's in his bed] ... Who are you?
    Bender: Bender. Your biggest fan.
    Calculon: Are you going to murder me?
    Bender: Mm... Unlikely. In my mind we're friends! This diorama proves it, see?
    Calculon: Sir, your derangement is impressive. I'm appointing you my official stalker.
    Bender: You shan't be disapponted. Pleasant dreams.
    Lights go off
    Bender's eyes telescope out to stare at Calculon's face from an inch away, and even closer when Calculon notices it.
  • Everything about Kif's death and funeral is pure Black Comedy, but the crowner has to be when some of Kif's blood ends up on Zapp's sandwich. Zapp eats it without realizing it, and loves it.
    • There's also this exchange when Bender sees Amy crying:
    Bender: What's her problem ? Somebody died or somethin' ?
    Leela: Kif's dead, Bender.
    Bender: *fist pumps* Nailed it !
  • During Amy and Kif's Fonfon Rubok, Inez Wong accidentally squashes one of the flies that make up Kif's father. We then get this exchange:
    Kif's Father: Welcome.
    Inez: Sorry. I guess you got plenty of bugs to spare, though, huh ?
    Kif's Father: That was my left testicle.
    Bender: And the awkward-meter goes up another notch ! Ding-ding-ding-ding-ding-ding-ding !
  • The Steamboat Willie parody from the opening.
  • Leela visiting Farnsworth and Wernstrom in prison to give them a Smelloscope disguised as a cake.
  • Wernstrom illustrates that machines can't go through the anomaly using a tiny robot that says "Playtime is funtime." Wernstrom smugly says "Not this time" before throwing him through the portal and destroying him. Farnsworth then agrees that they do something about the discovery...right after they blow up more robots. Cue Fanrsworth and Wernstrom throwing more tiny robots through the portal and Farnsworth saying "Playtime is funtime."
  • A casual sight gag shows a Stegosaurus lazily grazing on the White House lawn.

Bender's Game

  • "Show me on this anatomically correct doll exactly where Bender touched you." Farnsworth to Fry, while his brain is switched with a monkey's.
  • Part of Bender's Game involves Bender in a mental institution for robots. There's one absolutely hilarious moment when another robot is smashed to pieces and Rosie, the robot maid from The Jetsons, starts cleaning it up and mutters to herself:
    Rosie: Everything must be clean, very clean. That's why the dog had to die, it was a very dirty dog. Also that boy Elroy. Dirty, dirty.
    • Also in the Asylum, Mad Hatterbot has the group "CHANGE PLACES!" Then Bender starts pretending to be "Titanius Anglesmith" (his D&D character), again...
      Dr. Perceptron: You are suffering a breakdown. Now stop. Hammer time. [a hammer comes downs and destroys his glass head] I am in your seat. I forgot we had changed places... [falls over]
      Mad Hatterbot: CHANGE PLACES!? [robots start running around and trampling Dr. Perceptron]
    • "The big fecal enchilada!" It Makes Sense in Context, and that's what makes it so funny!.
    • "We're owl exterminators!"
    • The part where the crew takes a shower together, and Leela is still ticked off after being insulted by rednecks and vouches to join the demolition derby to get back at them. Fry protests:
      Leela: But we have no choice. Rednecks insulted us!
      Fry: So? Let it go. Don't let your temper get the better of...
      Leela: [Grabbing Fry and shaking him senseless.] RRREEDNNNECKS!
    • This exchange:
    Leela: Is that a hobbit?
    Bender: No, it's a hobo and a rabbit, but they're making a hobbit.
    Zoidberg: Ohhh. So, suddenly, Miss Goody-Four-Shoes over here doesn't want to kill anymore. She killed me not five minutes ago. What am I, chopped liver?
    Leegola: Shut up! (slashes him)
    Zoidberg: Ow! Stop chopping my liver!
    Leegola: (to Fry) You're on your own! I refuse to hurt another living thing! (tosses away her sword, which decapitates Zoidberg)
    • Leegola and the other centaurs clopping their hooves to Riverdance while an annoyed Scruffy has to clean up their poop behind them.
    • "That's not a magic bug, you dope! That's a magic arachnid!"

Into the Wild Green Yonder

  • From Into the Wild Green Yonder, the manner in which Bender wins the poker tournament
    The massive head of Penn Jillette: I DON'T BELIEVE IT! Bender has been dealt the KING OF BEERS, a coaster which got mixed into the deck. BUT IT STILL COUNTS!
    • Also from Into the Wild Green Yonder, it's Tickle Me Bender!
    Tickle me Bender: Heheheh, quit touching my junk, pervert!
    • The Professor talking about how men enjoy things that are bigger.
    Leela: I still don't see why you men can't be happy with regular sized miniature golf.
    Farnsworth: Leela, evolution has programmed our fabulous male brains to take anything anybody else thinks is important and make it bigger. (starts drinking from a 128 oz. cup) Have you seen my new 301 inch TV? (turns on a giant TV showing Everybody Loves Hypnotoad)
    TV: Hypnotoad is brought to you by the MagnaPhallix] three hundred two inch TV. It's bigger!
    Farnsworth: Aw HELL! (throws giant cup at the TV, breaking it)
    • As Fry is reading mind after mind to find the Dark One, Snoop Dogg's thoughts: "Nakedladiesnakedladiesnakedladies..."
    • Fry attempting to use his new power to sneak into a Ladies' bathroom: "Hello ladies! I can read your thoughts!" He immediately gets thrown out. "Oh wait, that's invisibility."

    Season 6 


  • The opener of the premier episode. At least, the original versionnote :
    Bender: You will wake up feeling refreshed, as if Futurama hadn't been canceled by idiots, then brought back by bigger idiots.


  • As Zapp gets forced into one confession after another about he manipulated Leela, he delivers each in such an awkward and guilty tone that's rather hilarious when he switches tone entirely toward the end of it:
    Leela: (After Fry shows up alive) But how did you find this planet? [looks at Zapp menacingly] Well?
    Zapp: Oooheeeeeeaaaaiiiiiiih, we're actually on Earth! The ship's homing device brought us back!
    Leela: But I saw Earth explode!
    Zapp: I'm actually kinda proud of this one. You see...

Attack of the Killer App

Proposition Infinity

The Duh-Vinci Code

  • The Duh-Vinci Code gives us this classic:
    Leonardo Da Vinci: "Let's see who's laughing when my doom's day device chops off-a yo face!"
    • In one of those lovely pieces that goes right from heartwarming to hilarious, the end of "The Duh-Vinci Code"
    Fry: I may not be clever, but I have a good heart. That's what my mom used to say.
    Farnsworth: She was a wise woman.
    Fry: Also that I'm not much to look at.
    Farnsworth: A wise woman indeed.
    • Also from "The Duh-Vinci Code", Farnsworth investigates the underground of Rome, and realizes that the Roman numeral digits are really the number of steps to take to find St. James' tomb.
      Farnsworth: One...okay, we're here!

Lethal Inspection

  • The robots killing each other in "Lethal Inspection". Could not stop laughing.
    Bender: (sees killer robots) Shoot!
    Robots: Someone said shoot! (shoot robot in middle)
    • Later
      Robot #1: We're going to get fired.
      Robot #2: Someone said fire! (blows up Robot #1) (gets himself destroyed by tunnel)
    • And again
      Robot: Cease fire; Mom called off the attack. Although I don't understand how it's her...
      Other Robots: Someone said Howitzer! (blow up robot in middle and then each other)
      • Note: David X. Cohen enjoyed reusing some of the humor he employed in the Futurama videogame.
    Leela: Product inspectors are bureaucrats, faceless beancounters who blend into the woodwork.
    • The bit in Lethal Inspection where a bunch od cubicles are in a cube shape... that moves like a Rubix Cube to reveal Hermes' cubicle.
    Bender: I did like the part where they screamed!
    Hermes Conrad: That's a calculator! I ate it to gain its power.
    • This exchange:
    Hermes: You know what? I will help you, if only to prove I'm not a paper-pushing file jockey.
    Amy: Will you be taking your portable filing cabinet?
    Hermes: (as he hides said cabinet in his pocket) None of your beeswax!
  • Bender gets a rare non-sociopathic one-liner:
    Bender: I can't run anymore... I'll have to skip!

The Late Philip J. Fry

  • From The Late Phillip J. Fry:
    Professor: Just slow down, I'll shoot Hitler out the window. (fires gun) Darn! I hit Eleanor Roosevelt by mistake.
    Fry: No! They did it! They blew it up! [The camera pans to reveal a monkey Statue of Liberty.] And then the apes blew up their society too. How could this happen? [Camera pans to reveal a bird Statue of Liberty.] And then the birds took over and ruined their society. [Camera pans to reveal a cow Statue of Liberty.] And then the cows. And then... [Camera pans to reveal a strange slug-like Statue of Liberty.] ... I don't know, is that a slug, maybe? [screaming] Noooo!
    • When Leela is told she can be sad and angry at the same time, she kicks the TV, yelling, "Hiiii-ya!" which swiftly turns into sobs.
    • "I made it, Leela. Sorry I'm a billion years late."
    • There's something about Fry's line at the end, when he meets Leela for dinner and she remarks that she didn't really believe he'd be on time.
    Fry: That was the old Fry. (Beat) He's dead now.
    • The parody version of "In the Year 2525".
    • Farnsworth's completely blase reaction when they overshoot their first attempt at getting to the point when they left in the new universe.
    Farnsworth: We'll have to bring her around again!

That Darn Katz!

A Clockwork Origin

  • The endless chain of links in the evolutionary chain in "A Clockwork Origin".
    • Also from "A Clockwork Origin", Professor Farnsworth manages to build a spaceship out of several robot dinos, which takes him 2 hours, although they have to spend a night in a cave to charge the solar powered ship. That night, Leela and Amy are kidnapped by robots, so Farnsworth builds a slingshot consisting of a piece of metal and an elastic (from his own pants). It takes him TWELVE HOURS. And then they go to bed AGAIN because it's too dark.
    • Also from "A Clockwork Origin", when the robo-jury has turned into gas forms overnight:
    Superior Gort Judge: Has the jury reached a verdict?
    Robotic gas forms: No, we have not, for we have all evolved into high states of consciousness. In the grand scheme of things, all physical beings are but yokels. Now settle your petty squabbles and get the hell out.
    Bender [To Farnsworth]: That'll be ten thousand dollars.
    Dr. Banjo: Things don't exist simply because you believe in them! Thus sayeth the almighty creature in the sky!

The Prisoner of Benda

  • The entire episode. All of the crazy body swapping shenanigans are a true spectable.
    • Scruffy and the bucket 'bot subplot, which is played like a serious star-crossed romance... mostly.
    Scruffy: Go. Now. Before I beg you to stay. *collapses onto his bed, sobbing* Yep.
    • The scene where Fry (in Zoidberg's body) starts making out with Leela (in the Professor's body) in a restaurant in plain view of disgusted patrons, including Amy (in Hermes' body) who permanently lost her appetite.
    • 'That is not what I meant to give you for Big Bertha.'
    • And, of course, from the beginning of the episode, this:
    Linda: Tonight at eleven...
    • Princess Flavia's amazing reaction to everything:
    Emperor Nikolai: Dearest, meet Bender, he's a robot in the body of a Chinese-Martian physicist.
    Flavia: How tedious.

Lrrreconcilable Ndndifferences

  • "Come back Lrrr! I want to have your popplers!"
    • "I'm sick of being critiqued by a bunch of nit picking nerds...I'm taking this to a comic con!"
    • "Joss Whedon's here?"
    • "Woo, I got fruit boobs!"
    • The part with Matt Groening and David X. Cohen as themselves, showing the new show Futurella — which, due to FOX streamlining the cancellation process, has effectively killed the show before the opening sequence was even done and Matt Groening shooting Bender after Bender asks if he was going to make another Simpsons movie.
    • And by Orson Welles, when his War of the Worlds-style broadcast leads to the Omicrons conquering earth without a fight
    Welles: Damn, I'm good. Now, may I please have that cheese log?
  • This line after Lrr grabs Leela by the hair and throws her:
    Leela: He messed up my hair.
    Kif: I'm missing a leg!
  • Bender's telescopic eyes drooping after seeing Lrr's centerfold of a nude Omicronian woman.

The Mutants Are Revolting

  • Zoidberg's modest Dynamic Entry a la Mary Poppins. The best part? It gets to turn some heads from the Planet Express crew who normally don't give a crap about him, either. And his reaction is completely deadpan, too.
    • The bit in "The Mutants are Revolting" wherein the crew has to deliver a nitro glycerin-laden souflee to a rich old woman. Cut to the ship flying through an asteroid field, as we see the thre crew being rocked about wildly... save Bender, whose gyros have him bending forwards and backwards in all directions.
  • From "The Mutants Are Revolting":
    Leela: Now I have to spend the rest of my life in this hellhole. Oh sorry.
    Leela's Mother: Its okay, with you here, it can be more of a nice, regular hole.

The Futurama Holiday Spectacular

  • In the Futurama Holiday Spectacular, as the crew drills deep beneath the earth to find petroleum oil for Bender's ladies to celebrate "Robotanukah" via oil-wrestling (It...makes sense in context, okay?), the crew comes across the "albino humping worm". Cue this exchange:
    Fry: Why do they call it that?
    The ship rocks back and forth in rhythm.
  • Parasites make space-bees racist, apparently.
    Space-bee: Are y' black with yellow stripes, or yellow with black stripes?
    Other space-bee: Yellow with black stripes, man.
    (the first bee pulls out a shotgun)
    Space-bee: Why don' you just move along?
  • The Kwanzaa Rap has a lyric where Barbados Slim states that his sexual proclivities always change. During this, he acts flirtatious towards Zoidberg!

The Silence of the Clamps

  • Bender finds himself in hot water:
    Bella: "Yeah, daddy hates welchers. The only thing he hates worse is witnesses." (Scare Chord, Bender is horrified) "And guys who mess around with his daughters." (Scarier Chord, Bender is terrified) "And attempts to duplicate his meatball recipe." (Bender pulls some meatballs out of his chest cavity, Scariest Chord)
  • "So that moon hillbilly who got murdered was just an innocent husband and father!" [Beat, then everyone cheers]

Möbius Dick

  • In "Mobius Dick", the space crew being dragged through the fourth dimension by the space whale. Their words are said forwards and backwards: Hermes can see sideways in time, Amy can see in CGI, Fry uses a palindrome phrase: "Poop", and Bender experiences a congo line of Benders chanting, "Bender, Bender, Ben-DER!"

Law and Oracle

  • Roberto hold Zoidberg hostage and lays out his demands
    Roberto: Listen up piggies! I want a hovercopter, and an unmarked sandwich and a new face with like... a Hugh Grant look! And every five minutes I don't get it, someone's gonna get stabbed in the ass!
    Zoidberg: He's bluffing! *stab noise* Ouch! He's not bluffing!
  • This exchange between Fry and an off-screen officer behind a window.
    Officer: You think you can just waltz in here with no pants on and expect to join police academy?
    Fry: That was the plan.
    Officer: I like you kid. I've got no pants on either.
    Fry: I can see that. You're quite taller than me.
    Officer: *Arm extends from top of screen to offer a handshake* Welcome to police academy.
  • URL delivers possibly the best Retirony joke ever:
    URL: And Smitty was just a few days from retirement.
    Fry: Wuh� What happened?
    URL: He took a early retirement. Damn.


  • "Benderama" eventually comes to a point where all water on Earth has become alcoholic through the direct manipulation of atoms by microscopic Bender clones. Morbo and Linda's drunk newscast takes the cake.
    • This particular line:
    Bender: [referring to the ugly giant grabbing their ship] Oh God, shield your eyes! It's like Edward James Olmos on IMAX!
    • Linda's reaction to the news about the microscopic Benders consuming all the alcohol in the world.
    • The montage of the Planet Express Crew killing the Bender clones set to the Presidents of the United States of America's cover of the song "Rock and Roll Pest Control."
    • Scruffy sweeping up the dead Benders and eulogizing with "A greater tragedy my eyes have never beheld," before concluding with, "Welp, into the turlet."
    • The scene immediately after where a sick Bender coughs and mutters, "So sober, so weak" after going so long without alcohol.
    • This:
    Hermes: You wanna see a picture of my boy?
    Zoidberg: Sure. (Hermes shows him a picture) That's your penis!
    Hermes: That's my boy.

The Tip of the Zoidberg

  • The entire montage of Zoidberg attempted to Sneak-Mercy-Kill the Professor... set to a bouncy instrumental version of Mr. Sandman.
  • The fact that on Zoidberg's office door the M in M.D. is in quotation marks.
  • Fry's various diseases caused by Zoidberg's incompetence. First he has Simpsons jaundice, where his skin is yellow ("Ay carumba!"). Then he gets Garfield Syndrome, where his skin turns orange and gets a cat like face ("I hate Mondays"). Then he gets Muppets gangrene, where his skin is green and his eyes look like Kermit the Frog's ("It's not easy being gangrenous"). And finally he gets an unnamed disease where he's blue and gets a bulbous nose like a Smurf.
  • The flashback where Farnsworth and Zoidberg are part of a landing party on Triton and Zoidberg warns Hubert of Tritonian malaria.
    Zoidberg: Just be sure to avoid the methane swamps. (they land on a swamp) What smells like methane?

Ghost in the Machines

  • Ghost in the Machines, right after Fry is saved by Bender possessing a Robot Devil disguised as an Amish woman:
    Fry: "I think the Robot Devil said he loved me in Bender's voice while wearing Granny Hester's clothes. ... I wanna go home!"
  • When Bender follows the Robot Devil to his office:
    Bender: "Alright, so what's happening to me? And I'll take my answer in any form but a song."
  • YMMV, but part of the Ghost in the Machines plot is Bender's ghost trying to scare Fry to death, which has a disturbing part where Bender projects an image of Fry's head melting into a skull.
    Fry: [Fry's heart is now beating noticeably fast and Fry begins to faint.] A heart attack! [Fry's heart stops beating.] Yup, I was right.
  • "Let the seance begin!" "I SAID SCIENCE!"


  • From "Neutopia":
    Rock Alien: Test #1: Who can drink the most sulfur?
    (Cut to Petunia and Sal choking and convulsing on the ground)
    Rock Alien: Test inconclusive. Test #2: Who can drink the most arsenic?

Yo Leela Leela

  • From "Yo Leela Leela":
    • Hermes line, "Working on a real TV show is so exciting. I'm on a mostly natural high."
    • The song, "So if you don't want a tapeworm or intestinal bugs/Don't eat pastrami/That fell on the rug!"
    • Leela's breakdown after Abner Doubledeal turns Rumbledy Hump into a reality show and gives all the orphans jobs on the set of the show.
    • Bender stepping on one of the kids and lighting the match to his cigar on the head of another kid.

Fry Am the Egg Man

All the Presidents' Heads

  • (Farnsworth sits on Gerald Ford's head after learning of his ancestor's actions, depressed)
    Gerald Ford: Hi! My name's Gerry! I like movies!
    • Also:
    Bender: Has anyone seen Ulysses Grant? He owes me a couple of beers!
    Leela: He's over there, puking in the Bushes.
    (Cut to Ulysses Grant about to vomit, of which the camera conveniently pans down to George W. Bush and George H.W. Bush, both yelling a slow Big "NO!")
    • From David Farnsworth's Head:
    Farnsworth: I killed George Washin'ton an' now I'm marred to one of the Spice Girls! ...(slightly somber) Don't rightly know which one.
    • And:
    Bender (Cockney accent): Say, 'ow is it that we've got socialized medicine—[turns around to reveal terrible dental problems]—BOT ME TEETH STILL LOO' LIKE THIS?
    • Also, a new flag is at the end of the new episode/head museum. It might have been an insult to the Brits, since it says these words: "Bite my fhiny metal aff."

Cold Warriors


  • In 'Overclockwise', with his processing speed boosted, Bender can tell what things are going to happen in advance...such as a ceiling fan falling onto Zoidberg. When Mom's drones at the end drag him off to be restored to factory settings, Bender asks Zoidberg to take a few steps aside, and the doctor does so- a ceiling fan hits him. And among the various things Bender wrote down while omniscient was a list of ceiling fans.


  • In the season 6 finale, during the Voltron parody, the crew discovers that the aliens communicate through dance. Bender and Fry's attempt follows thusly:
    Hey aliens, we will kill you, and dishonor your widows... by making them gather wood.
    • It should be noted that they were trying to dance peace.
    • In the Fleischer-esque parody, Fry and Leela stand on the balcony of the Planet Express building, while everything is bobbing up and down.
    Leela: I love this time of day. There's such a beautiful stillness.
    • Bender: THAT'S ALL YOU GET, JERKS!
    • Also from "Reincarnation", the 8-bit game parody:
    Farnsworth: There! Now, for the first time, we may be able to see the infinitesimal fabric of matter itself, laying bare the most fundamental laws of the universe!
    Leela: Hey Fry, I know something you could lay bare.
    Fry: Leela! Shhh! I'm trying to listen to a physics lecture!
    • The "log from the bottom of the sea" rhymes
  • Farnsworth: The pursuit of knowledge is hopeless and eternal. (Cheers)
  • This:
    Amy: It seems their movements are a form of language. Rather than speaking Ja�English like us, they speak by dancing.

    Season 7 

The Bots and the Bees

  • The scene where Bender is bonding with his son Ben is both funny and touching. It shows stereotypical father son activities such as fishing and learning to ride a bike, but they are actually stealing together.

A Farewell to Arms

  • Turns out the solar flare wasn't going to hit Earth (for once), but Mars... which everyone spent the whole episode evacuating to. Oops.

Decision 3012

  • "Decision 3012" Bender is working for Nixon to dig up dirt on Chris Travers, a rival election candidate. While digging through his office for files at night, Travers comes back, forcing him to hide in the men's room disguised as a urinal (the rest of which are out of order). Cue Traverse walking up to Bender and unzipping his fly as we transition to the next scene.
    Nixon: Well, you did manage to get us a TREMENDOUS urine sample...
    Bender: (embarrassed and traumatized) Let's not talk about that...!

The Thief of Baghead

Zapp Dingbat

  • A trio of aliens use holophoners to create a male crossdressing dancer. Cue their audience:
    George Takei: Dance, slave!
  • Zapp Brannigan offending the Carcaron ambassadors by attempting to congratulate them in their native tongue only to say this:
    Zapp Brannigan: (Gurgles Carcaron language)

The Butterjunk Effect

  • There's a little gem from "The Butterjunk Effect":
    Leela: (seductively) Fry, keep your door unlocked tonight.
    Fry: But McGruff the crime dog says-! Oh....
  • Bender entering the room and waking in on Fry, Amy and Leela. He seems them altogether and gasps as his towel falls to the ground.

The Six Million Dollar Mon

  • "The Six Million Dollar Mon" has a great moment when a drop of La Barbara's curry eats through the table... and descends through the apartment complex, causing general havoc until it drops straight into Robot Hell and onto the Robot Devil's head.
    Robot Devil (screaming in agony): Ahh! It burns! It burns!
  • Roberto yelling that he's going to stab the electro-magnetic chair.
  • Zoidberg might usually suck as a stand-up comic and a doctor, but he definitely shows a calling in ventriloquism!
    Zoidberg: Thank you, I'll be here all week!
    Lil' Hermes:You've been warned, people!
    • Of note is his ability to harmonize. With himself. Amy is annoyed and disturbed he's even capable of this.

Fun on a Bun

  • The very first scene, Fry eats a dipped Doritos chip with his feet:
    Leela: Ugh, Fry! That's disgusting!
    Fry: What?
    Leela: You double-dipped! Geez...
  • Fry:Kill all modern humans!
  • In "Fun on a Bun", the scene where Zapp is in his ship and the Neanderthals launch something with a catapult.
    Zapp Brannigan: What is that, Kif? (object is revealed to be a sabre-toothed cat which attacks him.)
    Kif: (complete deadpan) I believe it's a sabre-toothed cat, sir.
  • In "Fun on a Bun", the Overly Long Gag between Hermes and the Megatherium.
  • Bender running back to a booth to drink beer and then a wooly mammoth crushes the booth.
  • "In light of your overwhelming victory, we'll call it a draw." —Zapp Brannigan

Free Will Hunting

  • All of Joey Mousepad's lines in "Free Will Hunting":
    Joey Mousepad: [offscreen] Psst. Over there. Bender: Where? Joey Mousepad: I mean over here. Sorry, I forgot where I was.
    Joey Mousepad: Sorry there, sport. That cash greenback belongs to us Mafiolios.
    • Bender prostituting himself off to Hedonismbot for $5 for a hit of spark, a substance "analogous to drugs":
    Hedonismbot: Hello, handsome. Might I procure your services?
    Bender: Uh, what do I have to do?
    Hedonismbot: Oh, nothing sordid, I assure you! Simply vomit on me, ever so gently, while I humiliate a pheasant. [Bender begins to retch.] Save it for the boudoir!
  • Bender in the hospital after being beaten up by the Robot Mafia
    Bender: It's been quite a journey. I dropped out of school, joined a gang, took money from a loan shark, and fell into a spiral of despair of addiction and discount prostitution.
    Hermes: Mon, you had one hell of a day!
  • Leela asking Bender if he's ready to make the delivery and then he spits gum in her hair.

Near-Death Wish

  • Leela coming on to Fry and then him rejecting her advances because "he's trying to meet old people".
  • On "Near Death Wish": Professor Farnsworth's bitterness at his parents causes him to run out into the street crying. While fully naked.
    Bender: That is one crazy, uncircumcised old man.
    • Also from the same episode, Farnsworth's parents tell him he can't go to college because he's not emotionally mature enough. Cue Farnsworth crudely mimicking them and then collapsing on his bed crying.

31st Century Fox

  • Fry drinks for the champagne fountain*
    Old woman: Uh young man. One does not drink from the champagne fountain in that manner.
    Fry: But he's doing it! *Bender's horse is drinking from the fountain*

Viva Mars Vegas


  • An episode showing that Nature Is Not Nice complete with sponsor from Mutual of Omicron, mating season, Morgan Freeman parody narration,animals eating other animals and so on.
  • Elephant seal Bender defeating Kif. By which we mean smashing him into a pancake for hours after he died. While sleeping.

Forty Percent Leadbelly

  • When Bender talks about wanting to make up his own folk songs:
    Zoidberg: But robit, you can't make up folk songs like you can a medicial diploma. (points to his head) they have to come from the heart.
  • Fry carrying dynamite into a railroad camp and dropping it. He then delivers it into a warehouse with other explosives and the whole buidling explodes.
    Gus: Dibs on the toes!
  • Bender after his "artistic integrity" monologue: "LET'S SELL OUT"

2-D Blacktop

  • Speed Buggy's and Mach 5's cameoes in the junkyard
  • "Bender is bored! Bender is bored! Bender, Bender, Bender! *gets sprayed over with cement*
  • "HOORAY! A TIE!"

T.: The Terrestrial

  • All of Bender's attempts to cover up the fact that he left Fry on Omicron Persei Eight. And the fact that he succeeds.

Fry and Leela's Big Fling

  • When Fry and Leela are strolling through the park holding hands and having a romantic moment, Bender bursts through the trees on his nightly crime spree. He then tries to mug them anyways and reveals his "gun" is actually a carrot. Leela proceeds to beat the crap out of him and Fry and her steal the money he has stolen.
    Bender Help! I'm being mugged!
  • The scene where Leela suggests they go skinny dipping. It also shows a great amount of progression in their relationship that Leela does legitimately find Fry attractive.
  • "You know who I hate most? That monkey we haven't seen in years, Gunter!"
    • There's something hilarious about Gunter's shocked and annoyed reaction.
  • At the end of the episode, Bender desperately wants to tell Fry and Leela that they were at a zoo and all their "activities" were on display but Amy begs him not to because it will humiliate them. Fry and Leela then taunt them with earlier insults they had made about Amy and Zoidberg.
    Bender: Now can I!? Now can I!?
    Amy: Let 'er rip!

The Inhuman Torch

  • The Inhuman Torch:
    The Mayor (to Fry and Bender): You boys must have hero in your bones!
    To Leela: And you, lady, must have heroine in your veins!
    Hermes: It's like the flame has a mind of its own.
    Leela: It's deaky. Freaky-deaky!
  • The news report of the mine collapse:
    Linda: Officials concede that any attempt at rescue would be an agonizing suicide mission.
    Farnsworth: Good news, everyone!

Saturday Morning Fun Pit

  • Saturday Morning Fun Pit: Richard Nixon trying to edit G.I. Zapp for violence and language, making it a spot-on parody of G.I. Joe: The Movie—complete with an obvious, on-screen death being hastily edited into the character "sleeping."
    • The episode making fun of all the irritating things about The Dark Age of Animation Saturday morning TV that most viewers don't remember or don't want to remember because of the Nostalgia Filter: cheesy "We'll Be Right Back" bumpers, excessive commercial breaks, the Merchandise-Driven nature of cutesy shows like Strawberry Short Cake, Smurfs and My Little Pony, Scooby Doo's Seasonal Rot years when it had celebrity cameos (6 Larry Bird clones excluded) and was more poorly-written than usual, Moral Guardians (conservative and liberal) protesting over Saturday morning cartoons not being educational and being too violent, and how sports (ex:golf) shows always air after a block of cartoons on network TV.
  • Bendy Boo: Buttery floor, "teriyucki" chicken, Larry Bird phoned-in cameo, reused animation, Shaggy Fry drug reference and so on.
    George Takei: I'm mentally ill. (Canned Laughter)
  • Purpleberry Pond: Bender calling Fry "chedderhead".
    Hermes: There goes the purplehood.
    Berry Burglar: I must get my hands on those healthy purple berrys!
    Cat-octopus-sidekick: *Beat* Bort.
  • The "G. I. Zapp" episode that Nixon began censoring and unintentionally riffing beginning with what was entitled "Operation Throat Slit". Oh sorry, "Operation Banana Split".
    • "We'll blow them straight to He—CHURCH!"
    • "Ready, aim, NEGOIATE!"
    • The evil organization in the G.I. Zapp segment being called A.C.R.O.N.Y.M., especially since the acronym actually stands for something (A Criminal Regiment Of Nasty Young Men).
    Nixon: "Oh, that's clever. I'll leave that the way it is."
    • "Incoming surface-to-air TELEGRAM!"
    Zapp: Pilot. Is your parachute packed and ready?
    Kif: Yes, sir.
    Zapp: Good, because I forgot mine.
    • The censored plane crash:
    Kif: Mayday, mayday1 Tell my wife I'll be-"
    Nixon: Home for dinner! (plane crashes and explodes) I, uh, landed the plane safely next to this naturally occurring fireball. At Disneyland! (Kif's arm flies out of the explosion) Hi Tinkerbell!
    • As Leela: Uh, here comes a water ballon. That's quite a splash.
    • After a ray gun successfully disintegrates a mercenary:
    Nixon: Uh, beam me up Scotty!
    • Amy throws an ax that lands in somebody's chest.
    Nixon: Yay! I caught it!
    • Later Amy uses blades to repeatedly stab a mercenary in the gut.
    Nixon: Three, four, cha cha cha!
    • As Hermes dunks a guy's head into a tank of water:
    Nixon: Find that apple! It's down there somewhere!
    • Nixon dubs Leela saying "bastards" with his own voice because "it's okay if I say it."
    • Nixon's replacement names for the G.I. Zapp soldiers:
    Fry: Freezer Burn!
    Leela: Nutcracker!
    Nixon: That's no name for a woman. Let's just call her "Pat".
    Hermes: Waterboard!
    Nixon: Helpful Johnny!
    Amy: Boxcutter!
    Nixon: Powder Puff!
    Bender: Orphan Crippler!
    Nixon: Uh, pass.
    Nixon: That's it. I'm pulling the plug! Agnew! Cut to the PSA! (Agnew angrily puts on tape)

Calculon 2.0

  • "Calculon 2.0" has a few good moments. "Hail science!"
    • Also the complete ridiculousness of the professor's science.
      Farnsworth: First, we put on our protective suits. Then, place equal distance from the five nearest wireless network hubs.
      [The hubs project a pentangle in the air]
      Hermes: This is the least scientific thing I've ever seen!
      Farnsworth: You be quiet! Now it's a simple matter of reverse installing Calculon's operating system. Amy, play this installation disk backwards.
      Disk: Rise from the dead in the name of Satan.
      Farnsworth: Meanwhile, I'll get a spare circuit board from this mechanical goat. (cuts open goat like a sacrifice)
      Hermes: Seriously, this could not seem less scientific.
    • And then there is the Robot Devil's reaction to Calculon's less than stellar acting.
      Robot Devil (looking down at the damned being tortured): "Oh God, haven't they suffered enough?!!!"
    • When Fry and Bender show up and request Calculon's soul, the Robot Devil tries to make it seem like he doesn't want to be rid of Calculon by having Fry guess a number between one and three. Fry guesses that the number is four. The Robot Devil emphasizes that the number is between one and three, not including one or three. Fry then guesses that the number is "M". When Bender asks if Fry got it right, the Robot Devil sarcastically answers "Yes, the number I was thinking of was the letter M" and proceeds to just let Fry and Bender leave with Calculon.

Assie Come Home

  • Fry I never even knew you had an ass.
  • Bender Wah! *Makes frustrated grunts*
    • Especially funny considering the very first thing Bender ever said to Fry was "Bite my shiny metal ass."
  • Bender biting his own shiny metal ass.
  • Bender finding his legs being attached to Tinny Tim. Crosses the Line Twice at its finest.
    Leela: Well, Bender, guess you won't be getting your legs back. But your sacrifice will let an innocent child live a full and happy life.
    (chainsaw noises are heard)
    Bender: (now with his legs) I'm sorry, you were sayin' something?
    Tinny Tim: Oh, crumb. I guess it's back to the cart for me. (miserably drags himself over to a cart made from some wooden planks with wheels stuck to them)
    Bender: Oooh, nice cart...
    (cuts to Bender using the cart as a skateboard)
    Bender: Hey, this thing's pretty smooth! Eh, but I still prefer walking. (tosses cart in the trash, while Leela glares daggers at him)

Leela and the Genestalk

  • From Leela and the Genestalk:
    Fry: You can't bend a wooden door!
    Bender: You know that and I know that, but this door looks pretty stupid. (Proceeds to bend door)
  • Bender finding Finn and Jake chained up in Mom's castle dungeon.
    Jake: What time is it?
  • This line after Fry and Bender return with Leela, who is now a mass of tentacles with a face.
    Fry: It's okay. Leela's just changed a little.
    Zoidberg: More than a little. She's beautiful!

Game of Tones

  • Leela: Hey you hussie! You can't dump Fry. That's my job! (Fry nods in agreement)

Murder on the Planet Express

  • Fry forgets his magnetic shoes that let him stick to the outside of the ship and promptly floats away, screaming for Bender to help...despite claiming himself as the only person he ever trusts. Bender makes a super tiny sigh with unmistakable "Oi, this guy again" subtext.
  • Amy apparently posted on Facebook that Leela wears a jock strap, thinking it was a thong.

Stench and Stenchibility


  • From "Meanwhile":
    • A Black Comedy one-liner from Fry, caught in the middle of a time-loop where he's constantly falling to his death:
      Fry: You know those dreams you have when you're falling and you fade out just before you hit the ground? Those are great. *SPLAT*
    • Fry's "Groundhog Day" Loop of his fall from the building is the darkest thing the show has ever done, but that doesn't stop it being hilarious. Especially when he gets tired of the endless plunge and falls asleep mid-fall.

  • Almost the entirety of the Emmy-winning show (with a few tear-jerking moments) to the point of being named "Most Critically Acclaimed Animated Series" by Guinness Book Of World Records.
  • Some of the episode titles: "That Darn Katz!" (That Darn Cat!), "2-D Blacktop" (Two-Lane Blacktop), "31st Century Fox", etc.
  • The teases. The writers love to poke fun at this cliché (ex: "Anthology of Interest II"- Fry gets another life after losing his last one).
  • Use of Public Domain cartoons in the opening title sequences- equivalent to the Couch Gag
  • Fry is just a showcase of CMOF quotes:
    • "I'm getting one of those things again! You know, a headache with pictures!" "An idea?" "Mmm! Mmm!"
    • "It's like there's a party in my mouth and everyone's throwing up."
    • "What smells like blue?"
    • "But Bender need brain! For smart-making!"
      • "What did you do now? Stop doing things!"
    • "Hey! It's that guy you are!"
    • "I heard alcohol makes you stupid." "No I'm... doesn't."
  • Same goes for Bender. You can't help but laugh at him everytime he says something.

    The comics 
  • This, from the Simpsons / Futurama crossover:
    The Professor: Good news, everyone!
    Hermes: "Good news, everyone!" is a registered trademark of Planet Express. The management guarantees no actual good news.
  • While looking for a school to send Cubert to, the gang find an underwater school where the kids aren't rewarded with grades, but oxygen. A student who is clearly suffocating runs up to the principal.
    Student: (muffled noises, while pointing at throat)
    Principal: Yes, well, you should have thought about that before handing in your book report. The Count of Monte Cristo was not a vampire!
  • Fry disguising himself as a Catholic priest to fool Lrrr and Ndnd.
    Fry: I'm Father O'Malley, and may the Lord upstairs forgive ye, ye unholy alien overlords.
  • One issue has a time-travelling Bender encounter a version of the Salem Witch trials, only the humans are hunting robots. Bender watches as a human is put on trial for being a robot, with ridiculous "tests" that wouldn't work on robots, like being tickled by feathers, feeling no pain when their hair is cut, being able to float in water, that sort of thing. Bender asks the nearest robot what's going on, and it turns out humans asked the robots for a list of robot weaknesses. So the robots played them for chumps and ran for it.
    • Plus, as the human being tried protests: "Do not listen to him! He speaks in sinful binary lies!"
    • Bender trying to calm the mob (and getting them to join him in song) only results in a Smash Cut to him about to be burnt at the stake.
    Bender: You know, that's really more of a chant...
    Samantha (a robot): Oh, will you shut up?!
    • And the wonderful Brick Joke in the next issue. Bender shows up unharmed, and when asked how he survived he just points out that he's a robot. He didn't burn.
  • More time-travel shenanigans, when Leela encounters a version of Ancient Greece ruled by robot gods, specifically this part of the expositon.
    Man: At first the gods ruled wisely, and benevolently. And then their total power corrupted them. Honestly, who could've seen that one coming?
  • Hermes, starving hungry because of Bender's awful cooking, takes his anger out on Fry.
    Hermes: You leave me no choice but to dock your pay and eat your shirt!
    (cut to Fry watching Hermes doing exactly that)
    Fry: Are you just doing this because you're hungry and don't want to eat Bender's food?
    Hermes: Nonsense! Now get back ta work before I'm forced to eat your delicious pants!
  • Bender, corrupt with power as Nixon's presidential health advisor, demands everyone attend a "health workshop" in Madison Square garden immediately.
    Fry: (who's stuck in a tube) What, now?
    Bender: (who really shouldn't be able to hear him) No, the kind of immediately where you sit around on your ass for an hour. Yes, now!