Funny / Futurama

MY LEG FEELS FUNNY!
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    Season 1 

Space Pilot 3000

  • "Space. It seems to go on forever... then you get to the end, and a monkey throws barrels at you." And that's the first line in the show.
  • Fry and Bender's encounter at the suicide booth:
    Suicide Booth: Please select mode of death: quick and painless or slow and horrible.
    Suicide Booth: You have selected: "slow and horrible."
    Bender: Good choice!
    (Panel slides down showing the implements of death)
    Bender: Bring it on, baby!
    Fry: WAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAGH!!!!
  • Also, this exchange that takes place immediately after:
    Bender (impatiently, with Fry cowering in the corner): C'mon! Kill me already! (Casually, to Fry) By the way, my name's Bender...
  • After both his arms fall off, Bender puts one arm back on and then grabs the arm he used to reattach his first one and puts it back on. Fry says "I don't know how you did that."
    • And Bender's speech leading up to that:
    Bender: From now on, I'm going to bend what I want, when I want, who I want! I am unstoppable! (his arms immediately fall off) Ah.
  • When Fry tells Bender that he shouldn't let his programming tell him what to do:
    Bender: You're full of crap, Fry! (turns around and gets shocked when his antenna crashes into a lightbulb fixture) You make a persuasive argument, Fry!
  • One of the deleted scenes from the storyboard has Fry say a completely different line when he discovers he's come to the future.
  • "Well, at least here you'll be treated with dignity. Now strip naked and get on the Probulator."
    • Which becomes even funnier if one remembers the later detail about how the 31st century views nudity.
  • Url and Smitty's introduction, when Leela calls in backup.
    Leela: This is officer 1BDI, requesting back-up!
    (zoom out to show Url and Smitty standing right next to her)
    Smitty: We'll be there in five minutes!
    • And Smitty's line when the police track them to Planet Express:
      We have you partially surrounded!
  • Bender, again, with his introduction, when Fry's standing in line at the Suicide Booth.
    Fry: Whoa, a real life robot! Or is that some kind of cheesy New Year's costume?
    Fry: It doesn't look so shiny to me.
    Bender: Shinier than yours, meatbag.
  • At the end, the Professor offers the trio jobs:
    The Professor: Would you three be interested in becoming my new crew?
    Bender: "New" crew? What happened to the old crew?
    The Professor: (solemnly) Oh, those poor sons of - but that's not important!

The Series Has Landed

  • In the second episode, they land on the moon and go to Luna Park. The mascot is a man with a giant moon face.
    Mascot: "Hi, I'm Crater Face! Welcome to Luna Park! I'll have to confiscate your alcohol, sir."
    Bender: "Better mascots than you have tried." (takes a swig, shoves the bottle into Crater Face's eye, and walks away)
    Mascot: At least I have my self-respect. (laughs, then sobs)
  • From the same episode: "We're whalers on the Moon, we carry a harpoon, but there aint no whales so we tell tall tales and sing our whaling tune."
    Fry: WHOO-HOO, YEAH! CRANK UP THE RADIO! (Turns the radio on)
    Radio: We're whalers on the— (Fry immediately shuts it off)
  • The Crushinator's flat greeting of "Yoo-hoo," especially after her more expressive sisters.
  • Bender comments on the Crushinator in an O.O.C. Is Serious Business way.
    Fry: Oh, Bender, you didn't touch the Crushinator, did you?
    Bender: Of course not! A lady that fine, you gotta romance first.
  • The wonderful Brick Joke about the Crushinator, when after being absent for a few minutes, Bender returns fleeing from the farmer.
    Farmer: Had to come back for the Crushinator, eh robot?
  • Fry suggests dumping the crate in the sewer and saying they delivered it, Bender says it would be too much work, and suggests burning it, then saying they dumped it in the sewer.
  • This part:
    Fry: Come on, Bender, let's mosey!
    (Fry throws Bender's head to his body, which fails to catch it, resulting in Bender's head bouncing around the floor)
    Bender: Nice catch, idiot.
  • Fry attaches a souvenir magnet to Bender's head, revealing Bender's shameful, secret ambition:
    Bender: (singing) How many roads must a man walk down before you..." (Starts howling, then pants once Fry takes the magnet out) Keep those things off of me! Magnets screw up my inhibition unit.
    Fry: So you flip out and start acting like some crazy folk singer?
    Bender: Yes... I guess a robot would have to be crazy to wanna be a folk singer... (Stares into the distance, mournfully)
    • Becomes a Brick Joke once Amy attaches a magnet to the Planet Express ship, attaches Bender & saves him from the farmer. It's even better with Bender singing.
    Bender: She'll be coming around the mountain when she cooommmes, she'll be comin' 'round the mountain when she comes- I'LL KILL YOU, AMY! -she'll be coming 'round the mountain she'll be comin' 'round the mountain when she-[THUD].
  • Bender getting kicked out of the park.
    Bender: Yeah, well, I'll go build my own theme park, with blackjack and hookers! In fact, forget the park!
    • When he discovers the lunar lander, only to find that it's locked shut:
      Bender: Oh, no room for Bender, eh? Fine! I'll go build my own lunar lander, with blackjack and hookers! In fact, forget the lunar lander and the blackjack! Ah, screw the whole thing.
  • The Brick Joke about the Professor keeping Amy around because they share blood-types, when Leela allows Amy to tag along.
    Leela: Just be careful, I'd like to hold off any major screw-ups until at least my second day as captain.
    Professor: Nothing will go wrong. (leans in toward Leela) If something goes wrong, bring back the blood!
  • A funny little joke when Fry and Leela ask the hydroponic farmer if they could borrow some of his air: "Borrow? Lookie here, city girl, oxygen don't grow on trees." Anybody even remotely familiar with the way the oxygen cycle works knows that yes, oxygen does essentially grow on trees.
  • Zoidberg's introduction. Especially when the Professor tells Fry he'll be fine, turns to leave, only to briefly look back at Fry with worry, and the part when he inspects Fry.
    Zoidberg: Now open your mouth and let's have a look at that brain. (Fry opens his mouth.) No, no, no, no, no, not that mouth!
    Fry: I only have one.
    Zoidberg: (astonished) Really?
    Fry: Uh, is there a human doctor around?
    Zoidberg: Young lady, I'm an expert on humans. Now pick a mouth, open it and say... (makes a weird noise)
    Zoidberg: What?! My mother was a saint! GET OUT!
  • The Planet Express Advert ends with a delivery person being carried off by a giant bird.
    Fry: Are there really giant birds like that?
    Professor: No, no, that was all just special effects. Now, let's have breakfast. I hope everyone likes eggs.
    (The Professor goes through into the kitchen, where giant bird eggs are sitting in a carton. One opens up and a giant bird chick attacks the Professor)
  • The fact that people in the 31st century believe that Ralph Kramden was the first man on the Moon due to his catchphrase "One of these days! Bang! Zoom! Straight to the Moon!"
    Leela: Wow, I never realized the first astronauts were so fat.
    Fry: That's not an astronaut, it's a TV comedian! And he was just using space travel as a metaphor for beating his wife!
  • Hermes' Establishing Character Moment:
    Hermes: Okay, captain, this is just a standard legal release, protecting Planet Express in the event of the unforeseen.
    Leela: (reading the release) Death by airlock failure?
    Hermes: Mmm-hmm.
    Leela: Death by brain parasite?
    Hermes: Jah.
    Leela: Death by sonic diarrhoea?
    Hermes: Oh, ya don't want that.
    Leela: Look, I don't know about your previous captains, but I intend to do as little dying as possible.
    Hermes: (laughs) Sign de paper.
  • Bender getting caught by the park security trying to recover the keys from the crane game.
    Bender: (pointing at Amy) That's her officers! She's the one who programmed me for evil!

I, Roommate

  • When The Professor is on the phone:
    Farnsworth: (On the phone) Oh, how awful. Did he at least die painlessly? (beat) To shreds, you say, tsk, tsk, tsk. Well, how is his wife holding up? (beat) To shreds, you say. Very well then.
  • When Fry's freeloading at Planet Express leads up to the straw that breaks the camel's back where he eats the mummy:
    Fry: Hey Professor, great jerky!
    Farnsworth: My god, this is an outrage! I was gonna eat that mummy! Fry has got to go.
  • "I'm afraid my half-brother is correct, for you see, I have a terrible secret, and that secret i-"(the image cuts out) [...] "To re-iterate, my terrible secret is-" (the signal cuts out again)
  • While looking for an apartment, Fry and Bender find an ad for a suspiciously fantastic apartment. They go to check it.
    Fry: Well, I give up. What's the catch?
    Estate agent: Oh, no catch. (his smile vanishes, and he looks regretful) Although we are technically in New Jersey.
    (Smash Cut to Fry, Bender and Leela back at Planet Express, looking defeated)

Love's Labours Lost in Space

  • After having sex with Leela:
    Zapp: "Kif, I have made it with a woman. Inform the men!"
  • Earlier:
    Zapp Brannigan: Have the boy lay out my formal shorts.
    Kif: The boy, sir?
    Zapp Brannigan: You. You lay out my formal shorts.
  • Zapp claims his victory over the killbots was a simple matter of outsmarting them, which Fry says he never would have thought of.
  • Fry's escape plan, which involved Bender bending the pipe off a steam hatch. They're then sprayed with hot steam.
  • This bit, when Zapp and Leela are talking at dinner.
    Leela: Captain Brannigan, I'd like to ask you for help.
    Zapp: Whatever it is, I'm willing to put wave after wave of men at your disposal. Isn't that right, men?
    (Beat)
    Soldier: YOU SUCK!
  • Trying to convince Leela to be nicer to guys:
    Amy: You just have to give guys a chance. Sometimes you meet a guy and think he's a pig, but then later on you realise he actually has a really good body.
  • "We don't have long. This planet is supposed to collapse... two hours ago!"
  • Zapp: We have failed to uphold Brannigan's Law. However, I did make it with a hot alien babe. And in the end, is that not what man has dreamt of since first he looked up at the stars? (beat) Kif, I'm asking you a question!

Fear of a Bot Planet

  • In "Fear Of A Bot Planet", the utterly bizarre chaos that ensues when one of the balls goes into a hole in the field during a Blernsball game. Numerous balls get shot onto the field at high speeds, a player rides a TRON-esque motorbike over the bases (which then explode), and a giant tarantula is ridden on to the field by a player. Even better is the fact that the whole mess was predated by this exchange:
    Fry: Hey I'm starting to get the hang of this game! The blerns are loaded, the count's three blerns and two anti-blerns and the infield blern rule is in effect, right?
    Leela: Except for the word "blern" that was complete gibberish.
  • "I WILL EAT AND DIGEST YOU ALL WITH MY SYSTEM OF MIGHTY ORGANS! BEHOLD!" (kaijubot opens chestplate to reveal fake organs and blinking Christmas lights)
  • The climax of the robot movie:
    Wendy: I'm just glad the nightmare is over.
    General: It will never be over, Wendy! Even as we speak, humans are lurking in our playgrounds, our breezeways, perhaps even... our movie theatres!
    (the audience gasps)
    Fry: GOD HELP US!
  • The interaction between the robots and Fry after leaving the film
    Robot: So, what did you think of the movie?
    Fry: Too much romance, not enough human-killing.
    Robot 2: Yeah, it was a real chick-flick.
  • This casual line:
    Leela: Hey, hold on, I understand these robots hate humans, but how do they feel about humanoid aliens?
    Farnsworth (dismissively): They're not fans.
  • On the Robot Planet, Fry and Leela come up with answers to the two Guard Robots' test to see if they are robot or human.
    Guard Robot #1: Halt!
    Guard Robot #2: Be you robot... (leans menacingly forward)... or human''?
    Leela: Robot, we be.
    Fry: Uh, yep! Just two robots... robot-ting it up! (does a failed attempt at "The Robot") Heh?
    Guard Robot #1: Administer the test.
    (Guard Robot #2 lumbers forward, then)
    Guard Robot #2: Which of the following would you most prefer? A) a puppy, B) a pretty flower from your sweetie, or C) a large, properly formatted, data file?
    Guard Robot #1 (forcefully): CHOOSE!
    (Fry and Leela mull over the options for a few seconds in low whispers)
    Fry: Uh, is the puppy mechanical in any way?
    Guard Robot #2 (deeper, more electronic): NO! IT IS THE BAD KIND OF PUPPY!
    Leela: Then we'll go with that data file.
    Guard Robot #2: Correct.
    Guard Robot #1: The flower also would have been acceptable.
  • While walking through the robot city, a sign can be seen proclaiming:
    Got milk? Then you're a human, and must be killed.
  • When being menaced by the Robot Elders:
    Fry: Take one more step, and I'll breathe fire on you!
    Leela: He'll do it! He's crazy!
    (The robo elders stare blankly, before gathering in a huddle)
    Robot Elder: Can they really breath fire, or did we make that up?
    Robot Elder 2: Gee, I can't remember anymore. Though it might just be from that stupid movie.
    Robot Elder 3: Was that the original or the remake?
    Robot Elder 2: I don't- (notices Fry, Leela and Bender are escaping) HEY, they're getting away!
  • Fry and Leela are disguised while in a swarm of robots:
    Leela: Try to stay with the crowd so no one notices how crummy you look!
    Crummy Robot: Aww, that was uncalled for.
  • Fry tries to defend baseball... and fails.
    Fry: Boring? Baseball wasn't-... so they finally jazzed it up, huh?
  • Fry and Leela's trial doesn't have a great start for them:
    Robot Mayor: Your honor, I intend to prove to the court that these humans are guilty of the crime of being human. ... come to think of it, I rest my case.
    • And then the judge, an old Mac computer, freezes up mid-sentencing.
      Foreman: Uh-oh, he froze up again.
      Mayor: Try Ctrl Alt Delete.
      Juror: Jiggle the cord!
      Other Juror: Turn him off and on!
      Third Juror: Clean the gunk out of the mouse!
      Fry: Call technical support!

A Fishful of Dollars

  • From the episode "A Fishful Of Dollars" after going over to the bank to get some money for Bender's bail, Fry discovers his interest has added up over 1000 years, giving him 4.3 billion dollars. He stands quietly for a second, starts breathing heavily, and finally stars frothing at the mouth, collapsing and suffering from a seizure.
  • When Fry becomes a millionaire, he starts buying things from the 20th century. Leela expresses concern, but Bender shrugs her off.
    Bender: Ah, leave him alone, Leela. So he's going a little wacko with his money, that's okay.
    Leela: You're just saying that because he bought you that antique robot toy.
    Bender: Heh heh. (Toy is revealed to be Rock 'em Sock 'em Robots) Yeah, it is cute...
    (Bender makes the red robot punch the blue, causing blue's head to fly up. Bender clutches his neck and screams.)
  • When asked for help about Fry's behaviour, the Professor gives this gem:
    They say madness runs in our family. Why, some even called me mad. Do you know why? Because I dare to dream of my own race of atomic monsters, atomic supermen, with octagonal shaped bodies that suck blood out of- (walks offscreen)
  • Fry bidding on the tin of anchovies:
    Fry: One. Jillion. Dollars!
    (crowd gasps)
    Auctioneer: Sir, that's not a number.
    (more crowd gasping)
  • After Mom explains what she thinks Fry's plan is:
    Walt: My God! This Mister Fry must be a mastermind of the highest order!
    Sandford: Esther, you ugly!
    (Fry laughs)
  • Mom's sons recruit Pamela Anderson's head to help them in their scheme:
    Pamela Anderson's Head: Hello, Fry. Remember me from Baywatch: The Movie?
    Fry: Uh...
    Pamela Anderson: It was the first movie to filmed entirely in slow motion.
    Walt: (whispering) It hasn't been made yet.
    Pamela Anderson: So he doesn't know I won the Oscar?
    Walt: Nope.
    Pamela Anderson: Crap!

My Three Suns

  • "It's just like the story of the Grasshopper and the Octopus. All year long the Grasshopper worked hard, gathering acorns for winter, while the Octopus mooched off his girlfriend and watched TV. But then winter came and the Grasshopper died and the Octopus ate all his acorns, and also he got a racecar. Is any of this getting through to you?"
  • This part:
    Professor: Good news, everyone!
    Professor: You'll be making a delivery to the planet Trisol...
    Bender: Here it comes.
    Professor: A mysterious world in the darkest depths of the Forbidden Zone.
  • When Bender calls Leela for help:
    Voice: Collect call from...
    Bender: I'm not giving my name to a machine!
  • Zoidberg's suggestion for separating Fry and Bont: A giant centrifuge. Fry points out it'd crush his bones and kill him.
    Zoidberg: Right, right, with the bones. I always forget about the bones.
    • And a few minutes later, the Trisolians bring their own means of separating them: A giant juicer.
      Bont: It's the Juicamatic 4000! It'll separate me from the pulp, by which I mean [Fry's] shredded remains!
      Zoidberg: Of course! Why didn't I think of that?

A Big Piece of Garbage

  • The end of the garbage ball documentary.
    Fry: You got that on the Internet? In my day the Internet was only used for pornography.
    Professor: Actually, that's still true.
    Woman in video: Now that the garbage is in space, doctor, perhaps you can help me with my sexual inhibitions.
    Man in video: With gusto. [they begin to undress]
    • The man has a stereotypical New York accent, and the woman sounds like Fran Drescher.
  • After landing on the garbage ball, Leela starts the countdown timer for the bomb, which appears to be set for 25 minutes...but it then drops to 15 minutes, then 5 minutes, then "6h" minutes. The crew soon realizes the problem:
    Bender: There's your problem: the professor put the counter on upside down!
    Leela: That idiot! It wasn't set for 25 minutes; it was set for 52 seconds!
    Fry: (screams) WE'RE GONNA DIE! Right?
    Bender: Right.
    (Fry screams again)
    • A brief, but highly amusing gag: As the timer runs out, Bender simply hurls the bomb up into outer space to save them... only to bounce off a passing comet back down to Bender, forcing him to frantically throw it again before it explodes.
  • The simple scene when Fry goes to press the "Launch" button (surrounded by a bull's-eye, no less), and misses.
    • "Oops."
    • And the moment just before that:
    Farnsworth: 5... 4... 3... 2... 3... 4... 5...
    Leela: (To Fry) Just fire the damn thing!
  • The episode opens with the Death Clock, which Fry tests. Bender's reaction to his unseen score? "Oooh, dibs on the CD player!"
  • When Farnsworth tells Fry that they renamed Uranus to end the "your anus" jokes once and for all. It is now called "Urectum". Fry declines the chance to smell it.

Hell Is Other Robots

  • Fry and Leela are talking crap around the ship after returning from a delivery.
    Fry: I know Big Vinnie said he was giving me the kiss of death, but I still think he was gay.
    Leela: Did he use his tongue?
    Fry: A little.
  • The fiddle contest. Leela performs horribly, only to take the fiddle and hit the Robot Devil over the head with it. ("Time for the drum solo!") His high-pitched girly scream is unexpected and hysterical. He repeats it when Leela has to drop the solid gold fiddle from above and it falls on his head yet again.
  • And of course, the musical number.
  • "Hey, what kind of party is this? There's no booze and only one hooker!"
  • Hermes' irrational hatred of Zoidberg starts to kick in.
    Hermes: Our electricity bill is climbin' faster than a green-snake up a sugar cane! Somebody around here is wastin' a whole heap o' juice. Probably (points at Zoidberg) you!
    Hermes: And as a further cost-cutting measure, I have removed the salt-water cooler.
    Zoidberg: (as Hermes grins smugly) This is a witch-hunt!

A Flight to Remember

  • While each and every part of the episode was good in its own way, an especially funny one is the way the robot Countess gets sucked into the black hole. There's also this bit of computer terminology humor right before she falls in.
    Countess: Don't worry, Bender. It'll hurt for a while, but you'll be able to share your love again. After all, it's shareware.
  • Bender bets all his money at a craps table and gets snake eyes on the dice.
    Bender: Wait! My cheating unit malfunctioned! You gotta give me a do-over!
    Croupier: Sorry, the house limit is three do-overs. Next shooter.
  • Bender admits he's not rich and noble.
    Bender: I'm a fraud - a poor, lazy, sexy fraud.
    Countess de la Roca: Bender, I don't care whether you have money. I love you for your artificial intelligence and your sincerity simulator.
  • Normally, someone being roughed up isn't funny. But since it's Bender, it kind of is.
    iSaac: Hey, you going to pay for those drinks?
    Bender: Hell, no!
    iSaac: Security to bar area, security to bar area!
    (two guards rise out of the floor and grab Bender)
    Bender: Please, fellas, I'm in love!
    iSaac: Rough 'im up.
    (the guard proceed to pummel Bender, as the camera stays on iSaac's glaring face)
  • Zapp decides to fly the ship near a black hole. You can probably predict what happens next, and how Zapp reacts.
    Zapp: We were doomed from the start. Now all that's left is for the captain to go down with the ship.
    Kif: That's surprisingly noble of you.
    Zapp: Wrong! It's noble of you, Kif! As of right now, you're in command! (He slaps the captain's patch on Kif, and flees in the escape pod)

Mars University

  • The snooty fraternity's reason for becoming sitcom arch-nemeses to Robot House.
    Snob #1: I say, you've damaged our servants' quarters! And our servants!
    Snob #2: This time, Robot House has gone too far!
  • Dean Vernon listing off Robot House's various wrongdoings and putting them on "dodecatupple-secret probation."
    • His rant:
    Dean Vernon: You robots are a disgrace to this campus! Whenever a fire alarm is pulled, it's Robot House. Whenever the campus liquor store is looted, Robot House. Whenever a human corpse is desecrated-!
    Bender: Now, I can explain that!
  • At the beginning of the boat race, Dean Vernon does the countdown... then aims the starting pistol at Robot House's raft, sinking it instantly.
    • Robot House then wins the boat race. As promised, Vernon uplifts the probation and hosts a grand parade for them, all with a reluctant, angry look on his face.
  • Fry and the sentient monkey Gunter don't exactly hit it off either.
    Fry: Want a banana?
    Gunter: No. I don't eat bananas. I prefer banana-flavored energy bars made of tofu.
    Fry: (eyes narrowing) I don't like you.
  • Fry meeting the Professor while signing up for classes:
    Fry: Hey, Professor, what are you teaching this semester?
    Professor: Same thing I teach every semester: the Mathematics of Quantum-Neutrino Fields. I made up the title so that no student would dare take it.
    Fry: "Mathematics of Wanton Burrito Meals", I'll be there.
    Professor: Please, Fry, I don't know how to teach! I'm a professor!
    Fry: (sincerely) See you in class.
    (The Professor walks off, growling)
    • Later on we see Fry is the only student in the entire lecture.
  • When looking for Gunther, Fry thinks he spots him in a tree. The Professor, in a surprising burst of motion, tosses a gas grenade into a tree. Several birds fall out, followed by a tiger. The Professor reassures Fry they're just tranquilised, and will be fine once it wears off. Then, just when they leave, an elephant falls out of the tree as well.

When Aliens Attack

  • Zapp Brannigan vs. military strategy, in what is regarded as his Establishing Character Moment:
    Zapp: If we can hit that bulls-eye, the rest of the dominoes will fall like a house of cards... checkmate!
    Kif: Uggh.
  • "Stop exploding, you cowards!"
    • Just before that:
    Zapp: What the hell is that thing?
    Kif: It appears to be the mothership.
    Zapp: Then what did we just blow up?
    Kif: (checks screen) The Hubble telescope.
    • Evidently, one of the production staff objected to this moment, as one the commentary this is met with a Rapid-Fire "No!".
  • In any other show, surrendering the President of the World to invading aliens would be a Moral Event Horizon, but McNeal is such a Dirty Coward that doing so gets Zapp Branigan a standing ovation as he unceremoniously slings a sack over his head and drags him out, with another cabinet member kicking the sack for good measure.
  • This little exchange, courtesy of Farnsworth's acting abilities:
    Professor Farnsworth: Miss McNeal, I'm afraid I must decline your offer of marriage. For, you see, I'm dying. (reads directions as lines) Cough, then fall over dead. (remains standing and smiles at the camera)
    Zoidberg: My god, he's dead. (Farnsworth checks his own pulse)
  • The alien's threats, from the anti-monument laser to raising the planet's temperature a million degrees a day FOR FIVE DAYS!
  • "Prepare the water cooler, so that we may gather around it later and discuss things!"
  • After Zapp's broadcast:
    Leela: Well, you heard the windbag, we've been drafted. Everybody into the ship.
    Bender: Whoa, whoa, whoa, I refuse to fight. I'm a conscientious objector.
    Fry: A what?
    Bender: You know, a coward.
  • This little moment during Zapp's debriefing on the mission:
    Zapp: Remember, our mission is simple: Destroy all aliens!
    Kif: Um, uh, not me, sir.
    Zapp: Oh, yes, right! Nobody destroy Kif. (quietly) Unless you have to.
  • "Nobody destroy Kif! ... unless you have to."
  • After leaving the disastrous battle with the Omicronians, the crew return to find the Professor is busy:
    (In the Planet Express lounge, the Professor is talking to a young woman, young man and a robot)
    Professor: (to the woman) You'll be the captain, (to the man) you'll be the delivery boy, (to robot) and you'll be the alcoholic, foul-mouthed-
    (Fry, Leela and Bender return. The Professor is startled.)
    Professor: Oh God, you're alive! I mean, thank God you're alive! (turns to the other three) Sorry, check back in three days. A week, at the most.
  • From the beginning, Hermes is grilling Fry and Bender for not working.
    Fry: Quit it, Hermes, it's Labor Day!
    Hermes: Labor Day? That phoney-baloney holiday crammed down our throats by fat-cat union gangsters?
    Fry: That's the one.
    Hermes: Hot damn, a day off! (he immediately takes off his jacket and sits next to Fry and Bender)
  • Apparently, New New York once had a supervillain governor and he stole all of Earth's most famous monuments, which he put on a beach. He also had his head added to Mt. Rushmore.
  • The Omicronians watch Single Female Lawyer:
    Lrrr: If McNeal wishes to be respected, why does she not simply tear the judge's head off?
    Ndnd: It is true what they say. Men are from Omicron Persei 9 and women are from Omicron Persei 7.

Fry and the Slurm Factory

  • Fry fears that the secret ingredient in Slurm is people, but Leela informs him that there's already a drink like that called Soylent Cola.
    Fry: Oh. How is it?
  • Fry, Leela and Bender finding out the secret formula (Slurm Queen's behind).
    Fry: That's disgusting!
    Slurm Queen: Is it? Milk comes from a cow's behind! Honey comes from a bee's behind! And have you ever used tooth-paste?
    Fry: Whose behind does that come from?
    Slurm Queen: You don't wanna know...
  • The Grunka Lunkas. Especially this moment:
    Leela: What's behind that door? Is it the secret ingredient?
    Grunka Lunkas: (singing) Grunka Lunka dunkity dingredient, you should not ask about the secret ingredient.
    Bender: Okay, okay, we get the point.
    Leela: I was just curious because of the armed guards.
    Grunka Lunkas: (singing) Grunka Lunka dunkity darmed guards-
    Bender: SHUT THE HELL UP!
  • The entirety of the Grunka Lunkas' first song.
    Grunka Lunkas: Grunka Lunka Dunkety Dasis, the secret of Slurm's on a need to know basis!
    Grunka Lunka: Asking questions in school is a great way to learn!
    Gruff Grunka Lunka: If you try that stuff here you might get your legs broke.
    Grunka Lunka: We once found a dead guy face down in the Slurm.
    Gruff Grunka Lunka: It could easily happen again to you folks.
    Grunka Lunkas: So keep your heads down, and keep your mouths shut! Grunka Lunka Dunkety Dot!
    Glurmo: Hey, I don't pay you to sing! You just used up today's bathroom break!
    Grunka Lunka: Hardass.
    Glurmo: I heard that.
  • The wordplay as the show's own unique take on Charlie and the Chocolate Parody.
    Glurmo: There will be no further questions!
    Fry: Why?
  • Slurms Mackenzie, at least before the climax:
    Bender: Hey, it's Slurms. Are you ready to get down and party with us?
    Glurmo: He'd better be, that's what we pay him for, right Slurms?
    Slurms: Right!
    Glurmo: In fact, Slurms has to party all night every night, or he's fired!
    Slurms: (suddenly weary) Rock on!
    • "Enjoy the tour, dudes! ... I'm gonna go lie down..."
  • When the crew first sees the Grunka Lunkas:
    Farnsworth: Who are those horrible orange creatures over there?
    Glurmo: Why, those are the Grunka Lunkas. They work here in the Slurm factory.
    Farnsworth: Tell them I hate them.

    Season 2 

I Second that Emotion

  • Amy ditching Leela:
    Amy: Armando is taking me to the back seat of his car for coffee. Are you gonna be alright?
    Leela: Sure. I'm having a great time, really! You two go enjoy yourselves.
    • Bender feeling Leela's reaction to being ditched.
    Bender: (to Fry) You think you're so hot!
    Fry: Uh, what?
    Bender: The only reason you get all the guys is because you dress like a tramp! (slaps Fry)
  • In a fit of depression, Bender is locked in a bathroom, disassembling himself and flushing his parts down the toilet while a panicked Fry pounds on the door and calls to him frantically. As the last of Bender is swept away, Fry breaks the door open and cries out one of the best non-sequiturs ever:
    Fry: Bender! Have you seen my sombrero!?
  • When Leela suggests turning back in the sewers, Fry suggests that the only way out is through an extremely thin pipe, then reassures them by saying:
    Fry: Don't worry. It gets wider after about a mile.
  • A "blink-and-you'll-miss-it" gag at the vet scene is a robot with a pet Rust Monster (a creature from Dungeons & Dragons that rust metal with its touch for consumption). Viewers might also notice that the robot is covered in rust patches too.
  • Farnsworth takes a few tries to tune into Leela's emotional frequency.
    Farnsworth: There we go. [He takes Bender's head out of the vice and rejoins it to his body.] Now I'll simply tune it to Leela's emotional frequency.
    Bender: My God! I'm overcome with ... feelings. I'm experiencing a powerful yearning to ... to cram my gullet full of mackerel heads.
    Zoidberg: That's me, baby!
    Farnsworth: Hmm.
    Bender: Now I'm worried that I'm not as smart as Leela, but at the same time I feel relieved that I'm cuter than her.
    Amy: Uh ... that's me.
    Fry: (whispering) Thanks for covering.
    Bender: This time I miss Nibbler and I'm feeling nosy and opinionated.
    Amy: Bingo!
    Hermes: That's Leela!
  • Fry: So, is it true that alligators flushed down the toilet survive down here?
    Mutant: No. That's just an urban legend.
    Bender: (pointing to some large amphibious reptiles with long heads, powerful tails, and armored bodies) Then what are those?
    Mutant: Crocodiles.

Brannigan, Begin Again

  • On a planet with extreme gravity:
    Zapp: Let me ask you a serious question, Leela: does the company that made your bra make a girdle as well? I ask because a friend of mine...
  • Every single line from the Neutrals:
    If I don't survive, tell my wife, "hello".
    All I know is my gut says "maybe!"
    I have no strong feelings one way or the other!
  • The noise Fry makes when Brannigan has Leela point to the person in the room she had sex with. Simply majestic.
  • Zapp's... odd train of thought on finding Leela mid-"assassination".
    Zapp: It was almost the perfect plan. But you forgot one thing; Rock crushes scissors! ... but scissors cut paper. And paper covers rock! Kif, we have a conundrum!
    Kif: Uggh.
  • Zapp blowing up DOOP headquarters, by accident, thanks to trying to cut a ribbon with a laser. A laser set to Hyperdeath (TM)
  • The cold opening where Fry and Bender play Dejarik, with Fry's knight beating up Bender's bishop and gets a check. Bender, however...
    Bender: Hmmm... GET HIM, BOYS!
    (Bender's chess pieces beat up Fry)
    Fry: (weakly) Good move.
  • Zapp's irrational hatred for Neutrals.
    What makes a man turn Neutral? Lust for gold? Power? Or were you just born with a heart full of neutrality?
    Neutrals! I hate those filthy Neutrals! With enemies, you know where they stand. But with Neutrals, who knows?

A Head in the Polls

  • Richard Nixon gets inaugurated President of Earth. The first thing he does it start tear-assing around Washington in his new war machine body. "WHO'S KICKING WHO AROUND NOW?!" Funniest bit, though, is when he marches up to the White House, shouts, "Knock, knock!" and smashes through the wall, leaving a three-story tall hole.
    Morbo: Morbo congratulates our gargantuan cyborg President. May death come swiftly to his enemies.
  • From the same episode
    George Washington's head: So, telleth, Bender. What hath happened to your body?
    Bender: I hocked it.
    Washington: Hocked it? Why wouldst thou do that?
    Bender: Same reason you hocked your teeth.
    Washington: Ah. Booze money.
  • Then, of course:
    Nixon's head: I paid for this body. I'd no sooner give it up then I would my cocker spaniel dog, Checkers.
    Checkers: (barks)
    Nixon's head: SHUT UP DAMNIT!
  • Exchanging pleasantries:
    Nixon's Head: Hello, Morbo. How's the family?
    Morbo: Belligerent and numerous.
    Nixon's Head: Good man! Nixon's pro-war and pro-family!
  • Nixon finally hears himself on tape:
  • The debate before Nixon's entry:
    Jack Johnson: It's time someone had the courage to stand up and say: "I'm against those things that everybody hates"!
    John Jackson: Now I respect my opponent. I think he's a good man but, quite frankly, I agree with everything he just said!
  • Proving that a millennium hasn't improved Nixon's skill for televised debate:
    Morbo: If you saw delicious candy in the hands of a small child, would you seize and consume it?
    Jack Johnson: Unthinkable!
    John Jackson: I wouldn't think of it!
    Morbo: And what about you, Richard Nixon? I remind you that you are under a truth-o-scope.
    Nixon (sweating profusely): Uhh... well, the question is vague. You don't say what kind of candy, or... whether anyone is watching... (wipes brow) In any case, I certainly wouldn't harm the child.
    (Truth-o-scope goes nuts)
  • When Bender sells his body to the pawn store and gets left out in front:
    "I have all the money! Compare your lives to mine and then kill yourselves!" (a dog comes up and starts sniffing him) "No! Wait! I'll give you five bucks to not do what you're thinking about doing!" (Dog cocks his leg as the camera pans up) "Heh, heh. You just lost five dollars."
  • When Bender goes to get his body back, and this discussion occurs:
    Pawn shop owner: I can't reveal that information, but you look like a nice robot. Tell you what, I'll give you fifty bucks for the kid.
    Fry: Hey! My clothes are worth 50 bucks!
    Pawn shop owner: Deal.
    (Smash Cut to Fry and Bender back at Planet Express, with Fry completely naked)
  • While at the voting booths, the Professor talks with the NRA representative.
    Professor: So what are you going to do about my constitutional right to bear doomsday devices?
    NRA Man: Well, first off, we're going to get rid of that three-day waiting period for mad scientists.
    Professor: Damn straight! Today it's the mad scientist, tomorrow it's the mad grad student! Where will it end?
    NRA Man: Amen, brother. I never go anywhere without my mutated anthrax. (he leans in toward the Professor) Fer duck hunting!
  • The first episode of "The Scary Door" takes Tempting Fate to ludicrously insane levels.
    (A man is walking through a devastated library)
    Narrator: Please find enclosed, the last man on Earth.
    Man: Finally, solitude! I can read books for all eternity! (he trips, his glasses fall off and smash) It's not fair! It's not fair, I-... wait, my eyes aren't that bad, I can still read the larger print books. (his eyes suddenly fall out) It's not fa- Welp, lucky I know how to read braile. (His hands drop off) AAAAAAAAHH - (the man's tongue falls out, then his head drops off) ... hey, look at that weird mirror.
    (The scene changes to Bender and Fry watching, both of them wincing)
    Bender: Cursed by his own hubris.
  • The sign at the presidential debate:
    Tonight: Presidential Debate
    Tomorrow: Vice Presidential "Yo' Mama So Fat" Contest

Xmas Story

  • TREES DOWN
    Fry: Cool! Hey, what do you if you want the trees up?
  • At the ski resort, the Professor is skiing surprisingly well... and it turns out he's asleep while doing so. Later on, he skis into the lodge unharmed, and he confusedly wakes up with a bronze medal around his neck.
  • The idea of 31st-century Santa Claus being a Killer Robot who decides that almost everyone on his list is "naughty" and needs to die is a rich source of Black Comedy.
  • "Did you ever stop to consider... Dr. Zoidberg's feelings?
    • Becomes a Brick Joke when Robot Santa reaches the Planet Express building.
    Robot Santa: You've all been naughty! Very, very naughty! (turns to Zoidberg) Except for you, Dr. Zoidberg. (hands him a pogostick) This is for you.
  • The Professor offering a depressed Fry sympathy would normally be heartwarming, but the Professor just happens to be naked.
  • "Why, humans! Shall we mug them, sir Bender?"
  • "I axe him to set the table, and he goes out to buy you a present! Selfish dog!"

Why Must I Be a Crustacean in Love?

  • Anything involving Claw-plach...especially the Decapodian national anthem...
  • "YOU BASTARD! I'LL KILL YOU! YOU BASTARD!"
    • Fry's speech before that:
    Fry: My fellow fish monsters, far be it from me to question your stupid civilisation or its dumb customs, but is squeezing each others brains out with a giant nutcracker really going to solve anything? Dr. Zoidberg is my friend, and though a woman has come between us, I say we'll always remain friends. And do you know why? One reason - (Zoidberg reaches up and casually cuts off Fry's arm)
  • "Yo-yo-yo! Wassup! Wassup! Give up the rock!"
  • This:
    Zoidberg: I choose to fight with my own two claws! I want the pleasure of chopping Fry right here, (points to Fry's neck) in the gonads!
    Fry: (whispering) Shhh! Nobody correct him!
  • "Augh! What is this? The Middle Ages?"
  • Preparing for the mating ritual:
    Zoidberg: How do I look?
    Bender: Like whale barf.
    Zoidberg: Then the illusion is complete!
  • "Fate is cruel and unyielding, and what must be must be. Takin' all bets! I'm giving ninety-two to one on Zoidberg, the crab with the jab! The great red hope!"
  • "Fry, I've never asked for anything from you before, but when it comes to the ninth round... just let [Zoidberg] win."
  • When Zoidberg starts kicking himself for missing out on the Frenzy mating season and wonders how he'll dispose of his "male jelly", Fry offers him the arm he chopped off during their fight.
  • Fry goes to the steam room...the wrong one:
    Fry: Co-ed steam rooms! I love the future!
    Leela: Uh, Fry, you're in the women's steam room.
    Fry: Ah, futuristic!
    Amy: Psst, look what life was like before genetic engineering.
    Leela: Those poor 20th century women.
    • Especially funny considering later on in the series, they both ended up having sex with Fry. First with Amy then with Leela.
  • A classic Crosses the Line Twice moment from when Zoidberg goes berserk:
    [Scene: Randy (the blonde Camp Gay guy) is the head of a pool exercise class for pregnant women]
    Randy: Nice and gentle, we don't want any unnecessary stress.
    [Zoidberg appears in the middle of the pool, howling and gibbering. The women scream as he scuttles out of the water. The sound of a splash followed by the cries of a baby is heard.]
    Randy (concerned): Is there a doctor in the gym?
    Zoidberg: I'M A DOCTOR! (roars)
    [More screaming and more births]
  • When the crew arrives on Decapod 10:
    Decapodian: Welcome home, old friend. Just 19 hours until the mating frenzy!
    Zoidberg: Excellent, excellent!
    Decapodian: See you there, Doctor...(says something in the Decapodian language)
    Fry: Is that how you say "Zoidberg"?
    (the Decapodian runs off crying)
    Zoidberg: You didn't have to call attention to his speech impediment.

The Lesser of Two Evils

  • There's this beautiful gem whilst Fry, Bender and Leela are on their joyride in the car, the scene cuts to a music hall where a line of robots are doing the can-can. Cue the car suddenly crashing through, knocking a leg off each robot. The robots then proceed to kick up their remaining leg, somehow remaining up in the air for a moment, before all crashing to the floor and breaking.
  • Fry in the robot strip club:
    Fry: I don't like it here! It's over a hundred degrees and there's very little oxygen.
    Bender: Shut up and hoot!
    • And then Fry gets a lap dance from a giant blocky robot that squashes him.
  • Bob Barker's exasperation and annoyance with the Ms. Universe competition.
    Alright, let's put an end to this pathetic hoedown. Brannigan, read the thing.
  • "Bender was the evil Bender? I am shocked...SHOCKED! Well, not that shocked."
    • And then:
    Fry: I'm so confused. The Bender I liked turn out to be evil and the Bender I hated was good. How can I live my life when I can't tell good from evil?
    Bender: Eh, they're both fine choices. Whatever floats your boat. (smokes a cigar)
  • The Professor shows the crew a Jumbonium atom in a very suggestive manner:
    Farnsworth: Good news, everyone. Report to my bedroom for a private exhibition.
    (Everyone exchanges worried glances with one another.)
    (At Farnsworth's bedroom, the Professor sits on his bed and the staff and Flexo gather around.)
    Farnsworth: Everyone get in bed with me. I have something to show you. (Everyone climbs on and Farnsworth presses a button and makes the curtains around the bed close. What goes on inside is hidden from view.) Feast your eyes on this!
    (Everyone gasps.)
    Leela: It's beautiful.
    Amy: And huge.
    Fry: Can I touch it?
  • This exchange at the end of the episode:
    Fry: Well, you guys [Bender and Leela] might both be losers but I just made out with that radiator woman from the radiator planet.
    Leela: Fry, that's a radiator.
    Fry: Oh. (beat) Is there a burn ward within 10 feet of here?
  • The whole runner of Bender wearing clothing that just happens to cover his neck, along with introducing his catchphrase of "Me, Bender", just to fool the audience into thinking he's Flexo.
  • The opening disclaimer of Cop Department:
    Narrator: Cop Department is real. The people you see are not actors. Most of them aren't even people.

Put Your Head on My Shoulders

  • Bender goes to a mechanic to install shock-absorbing bumpers to prevent catastrophic butt failure, but they make Bender's ass look more human & bigger, much to his shock.
    Bender: You, sir, have defaced a national treasure! I demand you restore my buttocks to their former glory!
  • Amy attempting to haggle down the price of a car, only to drastically increase the price.
    Leela: I know sticker says 55,000, but we'll only go as high as say...
    Amy: 60,000!
    Victor: ...I will have to ask my manager.
    Leela: Amy! You're not supposed to go up from the sticker price!
    Amy: I thought it was an auction.
    (In the background, Victor and Malfunctioning Eddie talk, then dance with joy, before Victor returns)
    Amy: I'm sorry, 80,000?
    (Malfunctioning Eddie's head explodes)
  • Valentines day gives Bender a business idea:
    Bender: Wait. You mean people would pay good money for romance? Hmm. I think I have a scheme so deviously clever that I...
    (Gilligan Cut to Bender in a courtroom)
    Judge: Five hundred dollars and time served!
    Bender: Stupid anti-pimping laws!
    • And the Call-Back later, when he gets his second idea:
    Bender: I'm running a computer dating service. It's like pimping, except you rarely have to use the phrase "upside your head".
    Leela: Bender, this is stupid! Why would anyone come to you for romantic help?
    • And following that, when Leela passes on Fry's offer for a date:
    Fry: Then I have no choice but to do something so shameful I can't even tell you.
    Leela: Bender's in his office.
    Fry: Thanks.
  • Fry at the car dealer:
    Dealer: Spotted her the minute you walked in, didn'cha?
    Fry: (pouring himself some coffee) Yup, she's beautiful coffee alright.
    Dealer: No, the Ford ThunderCougarFalconBird. (shows Fry the car) Nothing makes you feel more like a man than the Ford ThunderCougarFalconBird.
    Fry: No thanks.
    Dealer: Ah, I see sir, and I think it's good that you don't care whether anyone questions your sexual orientation.
    Fry: I care! I care plenty! I just don't know how to make 'em stop!
    Dealer: One word: ThunderCougarFalconBird.
  • Fry trying to dump Amy: "You know how you like chocolate at first, but then you start to get bored with it?" "You're saying you don't like chocolate?" "Look, could chocolate just let me finish?"
  • Zoidberg: Your body was badly damaged in the crash.
    Fry: How badly?
    Zoidberg: That's it over there. (camera pans over to reveal Fry's headless body, revealing that Fry's head has been grafted onto Amy's body)
  • Zapp Brannigan obliviously dating what is very obviously a man in drag.
    Zapp (as his date leaves): Honey, wait! You still haven't shown me your surprise!

Raging Bender

  • How the episode kicks off:
    Professor: Good news, everyone! I've taught the toaster to feel love. (said toaster leaps onto the table, acting like a dog. Bender forcefully slaps it away.) And Hermes returns from his vacaction today.
    (Hermes enters, with a Brain Slug stuck to his head)
    Hermes: (in a monotone) Good mornin', people.
    Amy: Hey, Hermes, how was the Spleef Nebula?
    Hermes: The flight had a stopover on the Brain Slug planet. Hermes enjoyed it so much he decided to stay of his own free will.
    Fry: Hermes has all the fun! ... wait a minute, he's got a Brain Slug on his head!
    Leela: Ssh! You'll get us all assimilated!
    Amy: Just act natural and switch to a garlic shampoo.
    Hermes: Onto new business, today's mission is to go to the Brain Slug planet.
    Zoidberg: What're we supposed to do there?
    Hermes: Just walk around not wearin' a helmet.
    Professor: Sounds great Hermes, whatever you say! (leans in toward the others) Let's ditch him and go to the movies.
  • Destructor's introduction, when Bender makes it clear he won't fake losing.
    Bender: What if I refuse to lose?
    Abner Doubledeal: Then [Destructor] will just have to beat you the old-fashioned way: To death. (presses his intercom) Melissa? Send in the new kid.
    (Destructor smashes through the wall)
    Destructor: I. AM. DESTRUCTOR! BLAAAAURRGGH!
    Bender: (putting on his tutu) See ya at the fight!
  • The ad for Bender's fight against Destructor;
    Announcer: You loved him as Bender the Offender, now get ready to hate him as he threatens your sexuality as the Gender Bender!
    (Cut to Bender in his costume, lying flirtingly on a bed with a phone.)
    Bender: I'm a real toughie!
    Announcer: Squaring off this Saturday with his opponent, Destructor!
    (Cut to Destructor, who also has a phone)
    Destructor: I will destroy you! MRAAAAUGGGHHH!! (Hangs up. Picks up phone again) And stop calling me!
  • The play-by-play for the Ultimate Robot Fighting League:
    George Foreman: This could be the most lopsided fight since 1973 when Muhammad Ali fought a 100-foot tall mechanical Joe Frazier. Now, my memory's not what it used to be, but I believe the entire Earth was destroyed.
    Rich Little: Interesting if true.
  • The Foreigner:
    The Foreigner (in an exaggerated Latino accent): I'm not from here! I've got my own customs! Look at my crazy passport!
  • Fry and the gang watching the adverts before a movie.

A Bicyclops Built for Two

  • The entire second act quickly devolving from a very tragic, beautiful, and romantic story set in a Grecian environment to a frame-for-frame recreation of Married... with Children, complete with Leela dressed as and acting like Peg Bundy and a group of sleazy animal-people acting like the raucous Studio Audience that would wildly cheer over Married... with Children's sex humor.
    • We also get this line from the final scene when Alcazar is revealed to be a shapeshifter:
    Leela: Alright, Alcazar, I just have one last question for you.
    Alcazar: What's that?
    Leela: If you can change form, why didn't you change it in the one place that counts?
    (everybody begins hooting and cheering wildly
  • Bender singing after coming to his senses about not wanting to steal anymore: "♫I love stealing, I love takin' things….♫"
  • How quickly does Fry degrade in a cell? Leela has to inform him that at least the rats poop in the corner. Fry is amazed by this revelation.
  • The backstory of Cyclopia and how Alcazar survived it, starting with the missile.
    Cyclopian: How far away do you think it is?
    Cyclopian with telescope: A trillion miles?
    (missile lands behind them and explodes)

A Clone of My Own

  • After the Professor is taken
    Farnsworth: (on holo-recorder) I know you're all very upset, especially Bender.
    Bender: Well, life goes on. Except for you!
    Professor: I'm sure that Bender has just made a cutting remark, but he doesn't know I taped over his soap operas to record this message.
    Bender: YOU BASTARD!!!
  • Bluffing the Near Death Star guards:
    Cubert: Stupid robot.
    Guard: (points guns at Fry) Did your hump just say something?
    Fry: Uh, I've got... talking hump syndrome.
    Guard: Ah, THS.
  • Why the Professor thinks he's in trouble with the university staff:
    Professor: Oh, everyone's in favor of saving Hitler's brain, but when you put it in the body of a great-white shark, oh, suddenly you've gone too far!
  • Staying with the Professor, his rant at the university staff
    The Professor: Dean Vernon, I know the truth! It was you driving your hover-car that night, not your horse! Dean Episilon, I know all about your "department of pool-boy studies"! And Doctor Wernstron... Weeeernstrom!
  • "Everyone, I have a very dramatic announcement, so anyone with a weak heart should leave now. Goodbye."
  • Ordinarily, a child being hurt wouldn't be funny... but since it's Cubert, and he's spent the entire episode being a little jackass, it's hilarious. Like, for example, when they need a blood sample from the Professor to bluff the Near Death Star guards...
    Cubert: This plan is impossible. We don't even have a sample of the Professor's DNA!
    Bender: (looking at Cubert) I think I know where to get some... (Bender draws a syringe, Fry and Leela grin maliciously. Oh, Crap! look from Cubert).
  • The crew tries to shock an unconscious Professor Farnsworth back to life:
    Bender: Your social security check is late! Stuff costs more than it used to! Young people used curse words!
  • The entire discussion with Professor explaining to Cubert the technology behind his ship:
    Farnsworth: These are the dark matter engines I invented. They allow my starship to travel between galaxies in mere hours!
    Cubert: That's impossible. You can't go faster than the speed of light.
    Farnsworth: Of course not. That's why scientists increased the speed of light in 2208.
    (later in the engine room)
    Farnsworth: And what makes my engines truly remarkable is the afterburner which delivers 200% fuel efficiency!
    Cubert: That's especially impossible.
    Farnsworth: Not at all! It's very simple.
    Cubert: Then explain it.
    Farnsworth: Now that's impossible. It came to me in a dream and I forgot it in another dream.
    Cubert: Your explanations are pure weapons-grade bolog-nium! It's all impossible!
    Farnsworth: Nothing is impossible! Not if you can imagine it. That's what being is a scientist is all about!
    Cubert: No, that's what being a magical elf is all about!
  • Farnsworth's translator:
    Farnsworth: And this is my universal translator. Unfortunately so far it only translates into an incomprehensible dead language.
    Cubert (speaking into it): Hello.
    Universal Translator: Bonjour!
    Farnsworth: Crazy gibberish!
  • The crew talking about who'll replace the Professor:
    Zoidberg: Only I have [The Professor's] lobster-like tenacity.
    Hermes: Up yours, Zoidberg! Up wherever your species traditionally crams things!
  • "Goodbye, cruel world! Goodbye, cruel lamp! Goodbye, cruel curtains, with your little pom-poms, lined with what seem to be a cute muslin cord, cruel though they may be, I-" (THWACK)

How Hermes Requisitioned His Groove Back

  • When Hermes reaches his Despair Event Horizon everyone is shocked that he is going to jump to his death and protests. Everyone that is, except Bender. "Do a flip!"
  • This bit when the Planet Express crew decide to head to the Central Bureaucracy for Bender's brain back:
    Fry: We've got to go to the Central Bureaucracy and get that disk back!
    Amy: Why?
    (long pause)
    Leela: Well, those arguments aside, we're still going.
    • The Professor's objection:
    Professor: You can't just waltz into the Central Bureaucracy! It's a tangled web of red tape and regulation! I've never been, but a friend of mine went completely mad just trying to find the washroom there.
    Leela: Then we'll need a guide, someone who's been there before.
    Professor: Oh, I've been there, lots of times. (he cackles insanely)
  • From the same episode:
    Bender: Morgan made me walk the Professor. There we were in the park when suddenly some old lady says I stole her purse. I chucked the Professor at her but she kept coming. So I had to hit her with this purse I found. Ah, the point is, it's Morgan's fault. That pencil-pushing scazwag. (Leela gestures him to shut up) Why, if she were here, I'd— Uh-oh, is she behind me?
    (He feels behind his head)
    Morgan: No. I'm in front of you.
  • Earlier when Hermes is about to jump, Farnsworth attempts to coerce him out of it by suggesting to use another method that doesn't damage his liver ("Other people need that, you know!"). Later on when Hermes comes to save the day from a higher level:
    Farnsworth: Dammit, Hermes, just jump already! Stop hogging that healthy liver!
  • When Bender discovers Morgan and Fry in bed. Adding to it is Fry saying he's stuck in a loop, which might mean that Bender had been ranting all night.
  • When Fry learns (after knowing him for several episodes/weeks) that Hermes is Jamaican, Fry responds that he always thought he was "some kind of outer-space Potato Man."
  • Hermes petitions Number 1.0 for an Emergency Sort-And-File, under Regulation -
    Number 1.0: Uht-dut-dut! Don't quote me regulations. I co-chaired the committee that reviewed the recommendation to revise the color of the book that regulation's in. (dramatic pause) We kept it gray.
  • "I should have known you'd come here rather than follow standard procedure. And I did know. And that's why I came here."
  • Everything about the labor spa.
    Hermes: (on seeing the Australian man pushing carts) Look at that, the carts go out full, but they come in empty! It's criminally inefficient!
    Australian man: Quiet, mate! Hauling these empty carts is the closest we get to sleep!
    Hermes: But don't you see! They could increase efficiency 4% if they used the carts to bring in heavy mining machinery!
    Overseer: Hey, I like the way you think. (pulls a lever, causing a piece of heavy mining equipment to fall into the empty cart)
  • The cameo from the Dungeons & Dragons Beholder. Turns out he's actually a bureaucrat!
    Please don't tell my supervisor I was sleeping!
  • "You are technically correct. The best kind of correct."

The Deep South

  • After Bender receives a suitcase from a random stranger in the middle of the ocean: "Hey, guess what you're all accessories to?"
  • When Zoidberg fails to break the diamond tether cord that's dragging the crew's ship down, he laments "Well, at least I'll die with my friends," before realizing everyone's already jumped back inside the ship.
  • The show once again displaying its fast and loose understanding of science as the ship gets pulled 5,000 feet under:
    Farnsworth: Dear Lord, that's over 150 atmospheres of pressure!
    Fry: How many atmospheres can this ship withstand?
    Farnsworth: Well it's a spaceship, so I'd say anywhere between zero and one.
  • "I'm almost done reconfiguring the ship's propulsion system. We can leave as soon as the paper-mache is dry!"
    • Quickly followed by:
    Leela: Where's Fry?
    Bender: I didn't kill him. Professor?
    Farnsworth: No, I've been busy.
  • Leela's diagnosis of Fry:
    Leela: It's ocean madness alright. Sailors call it aqua-dementia, the deep-down crazies, the wet willies...
    (The rest of the crew leave the room, having stopped listening to Leela)
    Leela: ...the screaming moist.
  • Anything involving Zoidberg's "house" and its absolute refusal to conform to physics, from it being Bigger on the Inside to when it burns down underwater. Hermes complains about the blatant disregard for reality.
    Hermes: ...that's a very good question.
    Bender: So that's where I left my cigar...
    (Bender plucks a lit cigar from the burnt husk of Zoidberg's house and keeps puffing on it. And blows out a smoke ring)
    • How Zoidberg found his "house":
    (Zoidberg spots a small glowing thing)
    Zoidberg: Yum, yum, yum...
    (He bites it, and it turns out to be the lure of a giant anglerfish)
    Zoidberg: Uh oh.
    (Zoidberg flees doing his "woop woop woop" routine until he finds a giant conch shell and hides in it. The angler leaves afterwards)
    Dr. Zoidberg: (returns to Fry and Bender wearing the shell on his back) Look at me! I'm Dr. Zoidberg, homeowner!"
  • When the Professor accidentally sprays himself with fish pheromones...
    Zoidberg: I'm so in to you... (starts sucking on the Professor's bald head)
    Farnsworth: (disgusted[?]) Oh MY.
  • Farnsworth hands out giant anti-pressure pills to every to keep them from being crushed by the ocean's atmospheric pressure:
    Fry: I can't swallow that!
    Farnsworth: Well good news! It's a suppository!
    • Later, when they meet the citizens of Atlanta, the mayor gives them the same breathing devices that his daughter Umbriel gave to Fry:
    Farnsworth: This is uncomfortable and humiliating; now if they could put it in the form of a suppository...
  • "He may have ocean madness, but that's no excuse for ocean rudeness."
  • Professor Farnsworth comes to dislike Atlanta, and gets impatient with the rest of the crew about leaving, culminating in:
    Farnsworth: Let's go, damn it, let's go!
  • Fry suddenly changing his mind about staying with Umbriel, and the girls on the crew seeing right through him.
    Fry: Well, it turns out that I loved her, but I wasn't in love with her.
    Amy: (aside to Leela) Trouble in bed.
    (Leela nods in agreement)
    • "Why couldn't she be the other kind of mermaid, with the fish part on the top and the lady part on the bottom?!"
  • The crew departing from the mermaids:
    Hermes: Well, this is all very nice, but we gotta get going. I miss me wife. And me oxygen.
    Professor: Yes, we all have our missed loved ones and gasses.

Bender Gets Made

  • Leela's blindness throughout the episode is just a gold-mine for funny moments, including when she flies through the roof before it completely opens:
    Hermes: (staring at the rubble, then turning to Zoidberg) That's coming out of your pay!
    Zoidberg: (bursts into tears)
  • At Taco Bellevue Hospital, Zoidberg winds up doped after expressing his distrust of the doctor ("I bet I've lost more patients than he's even treated!"):
    Doctor: (to Leela) It looks like you might have some mild corneal irritation.
    Zoidberg: Nice try, little boy! You might have your textbook knowledge, and your real diploma, but I have skill in my little claw that you have in your whole carapace! (he warbles and clacks his claws at the doctor)
    Doctor: (Unimpressed) You seem to be on edge. Here, (removes some pills from his pocket) try these.
    Zoidberg: Sure, butter me up with candy! But it won't work, sonny! (Zoidberg immediately devours the pills before he stops as his pupils instantly dilate) ...Why always the fighting?
    • "...Clack."
    • "Oh God... I'm COMING DOOOWWWNNN!"
  • URL and Smitty reach new lows:
    (As the Planet Express Crew are being arrested at Elzar's, Fry starts picking his nose)
    Smitty: He's making a break for it! Get 'im!
    Fry: No, no, I'm just picking my nose!
    Smitty: He's picking his nose! Get 'im!
    (URL and Smitty start beating Fry senseless)
  • The end of the chase:
    Joey Mousepad: They're headed toward our general proximity! Maybe you should give 'em the clamps, Clamps!

Mother's Day

  • Mom's unusual expression of hatred:
    Mom: If I ever see that man again, I swear I'll jam a squirrel in him!
  • "Show us this 'The Wheel'."
    • And of course, Fry being the idiot he is, he can't even make them the right shape.
    Leela: Wouldn't it make more sense if they were round?
    Fry: It's my invention, we do it my way!
  • Fry versus the tin can:
    Fry: You don't need an electric can opener to feed yourself. All you need is a trusty Swiss army knife.
    (Fry tries to open the can to no luck, and tries smashing it against the counter.)
    Fry: I'm hungry...
  • The massive sign on the conveyor belt that Mom's gifts are put on. It's the harsh mechanical buzzing as the message changes that does it.
    THANK YOU. THANK YOU. IT'S THE THOUGHT THAT COUNTS.
  • Why did the Professor break up with Mom? She wanted to weaponize a kid's toy he made, and make it fifty feet tall. He only objected to the last part.
    Professor: Things that are fifty feet tall aren't cute! That's why my colossal Tammy Tinkle doll failed!
    • And just as he and Mom make up:
    Professor: It was wrong of me to get upset over that doll. Five feet, fifteen feet, what does it matter?
    Mom: You should see the new sixteen feet models!
    Professor: (suddenly outraged) Sixteen feet?! GO TO HELL! I WAS A FOOL TO THINK YOU'D CHANGED!
  • Fry at the Wax Robot exhibit.
    Fry: (motioning to one of the robots present) Who's this guy?
    Janitor: I'm the janitor, what's it to you?
    Fry: Oh, I'm sorry, I thought you were one of the wax robots.
    Janitor: I am a wax robot.
    Fry: I mean one of the wax robots on display here.
    Janitor: Is there some reason a wax robot can't take a nap standing up in a display of wax robots, or does that confuse you?!
    (Fry backs away slowly)

The Problem with Popplers

  • Lrr eating Free Waterfall Junior. But his reactions ("I think that hippie's startin' to kick in...") are even better.
    Lrr: People of Earth, we've all learned a wonderful lesson. I've realized now that (the drugs in Waterfall kick in.) ... dude, my hands are huge! And they can touch... anything but themselves... (puts them together) ...Oh wait.
    • When the Omicronians leave in their saucers, Lrr is still high.
    Whoa, I feel like I'm flying!
  • At the end of the episode, the crew digs into a dolphin:
    Bender: Who wants dolphin?
    (Everyone gasps)
    Leela: Dolphin? But dolphins are intelligent.
    Bender: Not this one. He blew all his money on instant lottery tickets.
    (Everyone says something along the lines of 'That's okay then')
  • Zapp's orangutan scheme:
    Zapp: Leela, my sweet, I've come to save you. I have a devious plan!
    Leela: Oh, great, Captain Moron has a plan. Why don't you tell it to Wingus and Dingusnote  here?
    Zapp (to Fry and Bender): Wingus, Dingus, listen up. We're gonna give the aliens the old switcheroo!
    Fry: You mean-
    Zapp: Correct. I found a giant hideous ape that looks exactly like Leela.
    [Kif wheels in a cage holding an orangutan wearing a tank top and an eyepatch.]
  • "They're like sex, except I'm having them!" - Fry trying out Popplers for the first time.
  • "They're tasty, right? Let's call 'em 'Tasty-cles'." - The first name suggested for the Popplers.
  • Farnsworth arguing with Free Waterfall Jr.
    Farnsworth: Hey! Unless this is a nude love-in, get the hell off my property!
    Free Waterfall Jr.: You can't own property, man!
    Farnsworth: I can, but that's because I'm not a penniless hippie.
  • Fry learning Leela's full name.
    Fry: Turanga?!
    Amy: That's her name, Philip.
    Bender: Philip?!
  • "There are many good reasons to eat: Hunger, boredom, wanting to be the world's fattest man."

Anthology of Interest I

  • This gem:
    Al Gore: If we don't go back there and make the event happen, the entire universe will be destroyed. And as an environmentalist, I'm against that.
  • Pretty much all of "Anthology of Interest I", but particularly the Impulsive Leela episode. The best line is at the end after Fry and Leela have slept together.
    Leela: So, Fry, what do you think of the impulsive new me?
    Fry: I like it.
    Leela: Good. Now let me just get the lights. (evil look right before the lights go out)
    Fry: (screams) (pause) I really like it.
    • Also this:
    Farnsworth: (after Leela pushes him into a killer anteater pit) You've killed me!
    Leela: Oh God, what have I done?!
    Farnsworth: I just told you! You've killed me!
  • Zoidberg starts investigating, while also missing the blatantly obvious:
    (Zoidberg is standing over the anteater pit, while in the background we hear Hermes screaming in pain)
    Zoidberg: Alright, Anteater No.1, who are you protecting? Don't stick your tongue out at me, I need a name!
    (Behind him, Leela rushes into the room, grabs an axe, and runs back out again)
    (Down in the pit, one of the anteaters makes a noise)
    Zoidberg: What? How do you spell that?
    (There are violent chopping noises from the other room)
    Hermes: What are you chopping off? Is it my torso? (really violent chopping sound) IT IS! MY PRECIOUS TORSO!
  • Then there's the Trope Namer:
    Bender: There's nothing wrong with murder, so long as you let Bender wet his beak.
    Leela: You're blackmailing me?
  • Any of the scenes were Leela kills a co-worker in that episode:
    Leela: OK, that's it. No more killing! Next time you feel like killing just have a stick of gum. (She sighs.) Now to dispose of the body.
    (cut to Leela driving a go-cart made of Bender's parts in the Planet Express lounge)
    Amy: Wow! Sporty go-cart, Leela! So hip and sexy. Not like you at all.
    (Leela narrows her eye.)
    Leela: Do you have any gum?
    Amy: No.
    (Leela's shadow creeps over her and she screams)
    • Second prize to Leela casually eating Zoidberg.
  • YOU WATCHED IT! YOU CAN'T UN-WATCH IT!
  • The Planet Express crew turning Zoidberg into a giant:
    (Zoidberg walks past the Professor's lab, when he sees a guinea pig)
    Zoidberg: What's this? Two meals in one week?
    (Zoidberg approaches and eats the guinea pig, only for a dome to cover him, and the crew emerge from cover)
    Zoidberg: Help, friends, a guinea pig tricked me!
  • Giant Bender's dying words, after being fatally impaled:
    Bender: I came here with a simple dream. A dream of killing all humans. And this is how it must end? Who's the real giant robot monster here? Not I. (he coughs) Not... I...
  • Nichelle Nichols and her reaction to the entire universe being destroyed:
  • The third short ends with Fry, Al Gore, Nichelle Nichols, Deep Blue, Stephen Hawking, and Gary Gygax playing Dungeons & Dragons for the rest of eternity.
    Gary Gygax (holding out a copy of the First Edition Monster Manual): Anyone wanna play Dungeons and Dragons for the next quadrillion years?
    (Everyone agrees and they gather in as the game is set up)
  • Detective Zoidberg in the second short. All of it.
    My first clue came at 4.15 when the clock stopped. My next clue came two hours later at 4.15 when I discovered the murdered body of Amy's dead, deceased corpse!
    • In the same vein Giant Zoidberg from the first short:
    So, now Zoidberg is big, huh? That's more like it! Who's intimidating who now, big city? Hello, Mr. Chase Manhattan Bank. Deny my credit card application, will you? [Destroys building.] Ah, the famed Apollo Theater. "Boo" me off stage on open-mic night, huh? I'll show you! [Destroys building.]
  • Just the concept of man-eating anteaters.
  • Fry asking Mr. Pannucci if he believes him about the Fry-Hole gets this response:
    Mr. Pannucci: There's only three real monsters, kid: Dracula, Blacula, and Son of Kong. Now quit picking yer nose and kneed that dough!
  • Farnsworth calling Fry's What-If simulation preposterous, citing Stephen Hawking in a pizzeria as his reasoning.

War Is the H-Word

  • When Kif is forced to scrub Zapp Brannigan's back: "Lower...lower...lower...lower...TOO LOW! ...lower."
    • And then the camera pans over to Fry being forced to scrub Kif's back while loudly and happily singing "Walking on Sunshine."
  • Leela: "My friends always die if I'm not around to save them." (Fry nods in agreement).
  • Zapp's Rousing Speech... isn't.
    Men, you're lucky men. Soon you'll be fighting for your planet. Many of you will be dying for your planet. A few of you will be forced through a fine mesh screen for your planet. (solemnly) They will be the luckiest of all.
    • The briefing doesn't go too great.
    Nixon: This is the brass ring, fellas: Spheron-1.
    Zapp: It's an ugly, desolate little planet, with no natural resources or strategic importance whatsoever!
    Soldier: Why is this god-forsaken rock worth dying for?
    Zapp: Don't ask me. You're the ones who're gonna be dying.
    Fry: Who's the enemy, again?
    Zapp: A good question! We know nothing about them, their ways or their values, but we do know this: They stand for everything we don't stand for. Also, they told me you look like dorks.
    Bender: They look like dorks!
  • The M*A*S*H references, with the robotic surgeon iHawk (who has a switch that flips between "Irreverent" and "Maudlin") and the very accurate jokes... with Zoidberg playing Frank Burns!
    • This series of jokes stands out in particular:
    Jellyfish Alien Nursenote : Are you ready to operate, doctor?
    Zoidberg: I'd love to, but first I have to perform surgery. (Laughs) I kid! I kid!
    Jellyfish Alien Nurse: Are you read to operate, doctor?
    iHawk: I'd love to, but first I have to perform surgery. (Laughs)
    Zoidberg: That's my joke! I'll kill you! (Runs to iHawk and starts trying to throttle him with his pincers)
    • Zoidberg operating:
    Scalpel! (cuts something) Blood bucket! (puts it under the patient) Priest! Next patient!
  • With the enemy the characters are fighting against being giant balls, ball jokes are abound, though most of them are still hilarious, especially this line as Bender and Henry Kissinger's head negotiate with their leaders:
    Henry Kissinger's Head: Please, gentlemen, we must put an end to the bloodshed. We have all seen too many body bags and ball sacks.
  • Once Bender discovers the bomb inside himself that would be triggered by saying "ass" in the middle of negotiations, he uses his position to threatens to blow up the planet if they don't cooperate.
    Bender: I'd rather die and take everybody with me than sit here one more minute listening to these idiots talk about bouncing!
    Brain Ball: Please, stay calm. There's no need to bounce of the handle.
    Bender: That's it, I'm saying it! "A" is for a—
    Brain Ball: Wait, stop!

The Honking

  • This exchange:
    (Fry, Bender, and Leela enter ancient Robot village)
    (Robot citizens notice Bender, gasp, and mutter prayers while doing quick cross motions)
    Bender: (annoyed) Yeah, yeah.
    Leela: (annoyed) We know.
    Fry: (dismissively) Cursed.
    Bender: Whatever.
  • "Bender, you've been drinking too much. Or not enough, I forget how it is with you. The point is, you haven't been drinking exactly the right amount."
  • This exchange.
    Leela: 0101100101. What's it mean?
    Bender: It's just gibberish. (looks in the mirror and gasps) 1010011010! AGGGGGGHHHHH!
  • "I can't keep running people over. I'm not famous enough to get away with it!"
  • And then there's this:
    Bender: So otherwise I can never die?
    Gypsy-Bot: Who said that? Sure you can die! (pulls out laser gun) You want to die?
    Bender: No! I want to live! There's to many things I don't own!
  • Bender's Uncle Vladimir specifies in his will "to my loving nephew Bender, assuming he's not responsible for my death..." Clearly Vladimir knew his nephew.
  • The crew's reaction to the Professor explaining how there can be robot ghosts.
    Hermes: Of course! It was so obvious!
    Professor: Yes, that bunch of words I said made perfect sense.
  • From the crew's arrival at the village:
    Bender: Excuse me good peasant, could you take us to yon castle?
    (The villagers break out in terrified whispers and hurry away. One walks over to the crew)
    Villager: Some say unholy things happen up there.
    Villager 2: For example, all of us say that.
    Professor: Pfft, superstitious mumbo-jumbo.
    Villager 2: Mumbo, perhaps. Jumbo? Perhaps not. With all your modern science, have you any idea how a robot talks, or walks?
    Professor: Yes, you idiot! (opens up the villager's chest cabinet, revealing a diagram) The circuit diagram is on the inside of your case!
    Villager 2: (slams his chest shut) I choose to believe what I was programmed to believe!
  • After learning about the Were-Car, Fry, Bender and Leela go to track it down. They arrive at a house outside Bender's uncle's castle.
    Fry: Thanks, Eagle Eye.
    Leela: Now it's daylight, so he should be in robot form, but be careful. Many robots are stupid and violent.
    Bender: I wish I was stupid and violent, then we'd see what's what. I'd pound him until I- (someone hits a pitchfork against Bender's head)
    Robot: Get ye to yuir houses, ye ignorant villagers!
    Leela: We are not ignorant villagers. We are sophisticated New New Yorkers. (beat) Whoop his butt!
  • A painting in Uncle Vladimir's castle appears to watch Bender, but upon closer inspection...
    Bender: So does my butt, but I don't frame it and put it on the wall. Although...

The Cryonic Woman

  • When Bender and Fry take the Planet Express ship on a joyride:
    Bender: Hey Fry! I'm steering with my ass!
    Fry: That's the best thing I ever saw!
  • Let's not forget this gem from the same episode, when the main crew is mulling in the park over what to do upon being fired:
    Leela: We don't need to beg, Bender. For God's sake, we're not veterans.
    Fry: Well, what would you suggest? A daring daylight robbery of Fort Knox on elephant back? That's the dumbest thing I ever heard!
  • Fry: I don't get it Michelle. The last time I saw you, you were doing great. You had just dumped me and you were well on your way to getting your life back on track.
  • The Professor draws the line after the latest screw-up.
    Professor: (to Fry, Bender, and Leela) I should fire you all right now, but I'm just not that cold-hearted enough. (he whispers something to Hermes)
    Hermes: You're all fired.
  • As the trio walk away from Planet Express:
    Zoidberg: Goodbye, friends! I'll miss you! (as the three walk past another hole in the wall) Bah, good riddance to them. Now Zoidberg is the popular one!
  • Bender scaring recently unfrozen patients:
    [A freezer opens and an old man walks out. Bender runs towards him wearing a giant fly head and a cape.]
    Bender: Welcome to the future, human slave. [The man trembles and Bender laughs.] Ah, relax, chum. I'm not really a giant fly! [He takes the cape and head off.] I'm a horrible robot! [The man backs into the freezer as Bender walks towards him, spinning his head and outstretching his arms.] Kill all humans!
    [The old man clutches his chest.]
    Terry: Dear God! He's having a heart attack!
    [Bender pushes the old man into the freezer, turns the dial and freezes him.]
    Bender: Ah, they'll probably find a cure for that in the future.
    Terry: We have a cure for it now!
    Bender: Oh, good. Then you won't mind if I use this.
    [He puts a gorilla mask on.]
    • Later:
    Bender: Who should be unfreeze next?
    [Fry and Bender pass a commando with a gun and a grenade.]
    Fry: No. [They pass "Weird Al" Yankovic.] No! [They move onto the next one.] Oh, my God! It's Pauly Shore!
    Bender: Alright!
    [He puts his gorilla mask on.]
  • When Michelle and Fry debate whether he loves her, we get this gem:
    Fry, why must you analyse everything with your relentless logic?

    Season 3 

Amazon Women in the Mood

  • You could honestly list the entirety of "Amazon Women in the Mood" on this page and not feel guilty.
    Zapp Brannigan: You win again, gravity!!
  • "Ah, she's built like a steak house, but she handles like a bistro!"
  • "But Bender, think of the señoritas!" [guitar twang] "Vamonos."
  • "We no can dunk, but good fundamentals."
    [The male characters (except Kif) laugh]
    Zapp: Oh God, you're killing me!
    [The Amazons start beating him with clubs]
    Zapp: Oh God, you're killing me!
  • The following lines are especially funny if you're female, seeing as it's pretty much a stock exchange among a lot of us:
    Guard #1: How Tonk look?
    Guard #2: Tonk look good. Me fat.
    Guard #1: No, you look good. Tonk fat.
    • Made even funnier when Bender makes a gabby mouth motion with his hand.
  • I met her in a club down in old Soho. Where you drink champagne and it tastes just like Coca Cola. C-O-L-A. Cola. She walked up to me and asked me to dance. I asked her her name and in a dark brown voice she said...
    • LEEE-LAH! L-E-E-L-A, LEEE-LAH!
      Chef: He sickens me!
  • "This one's like a summer guy!"
  • "The number you have dialed has crashed into a planet. Please make a note of it."
  • Leela: "What planet is this, anyway?"
    Zapp: "I 'unno. This whole sector is uncharted."
    Kif: "It's not uncharted, you lost the chart!"
  • Zapp's pick-up lines: "If I said you have a beautiful body, would you take your pants off and dance around a little?" and "I find the most erotic part of the woman is the boobies."
  • And of course, DEATH BY SNU-SNU!
  • Zapp's reaction to Snu-Snu, and the Amazonians reaction to Zapp's reaction:
    Zapp: Just FYI, I can be used for Snu-Snu.
    Amazonian: SILENCE. You want die like last man visit planet Amazonia?!
    Fry: What'd they die off?
    Amazonian 2: Crushed pelvises.
    (cut to a nearby trio of skeletons, with crushed pelvises, all in relaxed poses.)
  • Asking for a break in the midst of their Snu-Snu "execution"...
    Zapp: We need rest...the spirit is willing, but the flesh is spongy and bruised...
    Fry: Can't we just cuddle?
    • And before that, the looks on Zap's, Fry's and Kif's faces when they learn they're sentenced to death by "snu-snu", Zap and Fry switching from looks of abject horror to expectant glee. Kif, on the other hand, just looks horrified.
      Zapp: (to Kif) What are you, gay?
    • Fry has this winner:
      Fry: (sadly) I never thought I would die this way (brightly) but I've always really hoped.
  • The episode's introduction - shell-less Zoidberg and all.
    Zoidberg:: Oh, the fresh air feels good! (jiggles his jelly-like body)
    Professor Farnsworth: Stop doing that!

Parasites Lost

  • Fry trying to defend his lady's honor:
    Fry: That jerk! No one hoots at my captain unless they're prepared to take it to the next level!
    (rolls up his sleeves)
    Leela: Fry, please. That's sweet, but I'd rather not even dignify them with an ass-whooping.
    Sal: Hey, sexy mama! Let's get busy and freaky in that order!
    Fry: Hey, Jumbo! How would you like it if Leela said you were sexy and she wanted to make love to you?
    Sal: Eh, I gots five minutes. She looks pretty good for a truck-stop chick.
    Fry: You take that back! She does not look good for a truck-stop chick!
    Sal: Yeah, you're right. She don't gots enough meat for a guy like me.
    Fry: She does too! She's got plenty of meat! She's loaded with meat! She's got more meat than a cow!
    • Earlier in the spaceship station (the equivalent of a truck stop) sequence, Bender is fueling up on ethanol (as he's a robot and runs on alcohol) and lights a cigar. Next we see is Leela working the dipstick back into the Planet Express Delivery Ship, an explosion, and Bender's severed head just barely missing Leela's, while Bender's shouts a desperate, "Comin' through!"
  • While the crew traverses Fry's body:
    Farnsworth: Where's Zoidberg?
    Zoidberg comes in riding a spermatozoon like it's a bronco
    Zoidberg: Yippee kay yay! You'll never guess where I've been!
  • The race against time to get the parasitic worms out of Fry's body, with the professor commenting that they could be so ingrained in Fry that "not even Hermes' jerked prunes could get them out!" Hermes, without missing a beat, responds, "I call it Caribbean Drain-O."
    • The explanation for how a bowel movement will get all the worms out:
    Hermes: But what about the worms in the other pars of Fry's body?
    Professor: Listen, this will be one hell of a bowel movement. He'll be lucky if he has any bones left.
  • Earlier:
    Zoidberg: We'll need to have a look inside you with this camera.
    Fry: (Opens mouth)
    Zoidberg: Guess again.
    Fry: (Changes to a fearful expression)
  • From the Headscratchers page:
    Troper: You mean the military that treats Zapp Brannigan like the reincarnations of Sun Tzu and Napoleon combined?
    Zoidberg: Sunpoleon? I love that guy!
    • Might as well mention the actual scene then.
    Hermes: He'll be as strong and flexible as Gumby and Hercules combined!
    Dr. Zoidberg: Gumbercules? I love that guy!
  • Scruffy only appears for one scene in this episode, but it sets him up perfectly.
    (Fry and Bender go down to the basement, and find the boiler acting up, with Scruffy sitting in the corner reading a dirty mag)
    Bender: Who're you?
    Scruffy: I'm Scruffy. The janitor.
    Bender: Well why aren't you fixing the boiler?
    Scruffy: Schedule conflict. (turns page)
    (Fry and Bender try to fix the boiler. It just makes it worse, and it builds up to an explosion)
    Scruffy: Scruffy's gonna die the way he lived. (turns page again)
  • This dialogue:
    Fry: Your Excellency, have you ever been in love?
    Worm King: No. I thought I was once but then I remembered our species reproduces with a cloud of spores.
  • Fry when eating the truckstop egg salad sandwich
    It's like there's a party in my mouth, and everyone's throwing up!

A Tale of Two Santas

  • When Bender is on his way to be executed for crimes against humanity (done while taking the place of Robo-Santa), he's escorted past other prisoners:
    Robot he passes: Hey buddy! When you see the Robot Devil tell him I'm a-comin'!
    (Bender walks to the next cell over, which contains...the Robot Devil.)
    Bender: Hey, that guy told me to tell you—
    Robot Devil: I heard him!
  • The part when most of the cast claims to be Robot Santa in order to save Bender's life. All except Zoidberg who completely misses the point. "And I'm his friend Jesus!"
    • "None of you are Santa! You're not even robots! How dare you lie in front of Jesus?!"
    • "It's the real Santa! Get him, Jesus!" "I help those who help themselves!"
  • After Robot Santa frees Bender:
    Fry (to Bender): Don't do it! He's pure evil!
  • The last scene in the episode. Something about the image of the entire Planet Express crew, including family members, huddled together on the same couch, shivering in fear from potential death by Santa, as explosions billow in the distance, camera slowly zooming in as an atmospherically pleasing-yet-unnerving instrumental holiday tune is somehow both adorable and chuckle-inducing.

The Luck of the Fryrish

  • From the beginning:
    Amy's Mom: We just put out our best jockey out to stud, Amy. He's perfect for you!
    Jockey (no taller than 3 feet): Hey baby, ever do it in a suitcase?
  • And:
    (As Bender is rigging the race via administering sedatives to horses in the stable)
    Wong jockey: Hey! What are you doing?!
    Bender: This. (Uses the sedative device on the jockey himself, knocking him out)
  • Futurama also had the occasional joke based on science that were quite rewarding. First, one on the uncertainty principle:
    Race track announcers: And the winner, in a quantum finish, is...
    Farnsworth: No fair! You changed the outcome by measuring it!
  • Speaking of horse races, there's also this exchange:
    Leela: How'd you do, Fry?
    Fry: I'll tell you when my horse finishes. *beat* Bad.
  • After failing to find Fry's lucky clover in the record vault in his old house:
    Fry: Everything else in here held up okay.
    Bender: (holding up the album) Except Sports by Huey Lewis.
  • Hermes and Zoidberg at the races:
    Hermes: C'mon! Baby needs a new pair of shoes!
    Zoidberg: To hell with your spoiled baby! I need those shoes!
  • Fry gets upset about his brother stealing his name and his lucky clover.
    Fry: He stole my name, he stole my clover and he stole my life! (Punches a statue of Philip J. Fry) And now he broke my hand!
    Bender: His legend lives on!
  • Fry attempts to jaywalk across the street in the remains of old New York, only to be ran over by a giant lizard.

The Birdbot of Ice-Catraz

  • The protestors have formed a ring around the tanker to stop. The tanker just goes up and flies away.
    Leela: When you were planning this peace ring, didn't you realise spaceships can move in three dimensions?
    Waterfall Sr.: No, I did not.
  • Sound Effects Added To Lessen Tragedy
    Leela: I don't think any of us can understand how these poor, oil-soaked penguins feel! (falls over, complete with comical sound effect)
  • Fry and Zoidberg try flying the ship. Hilarity Ensues, naturally.
    Zoidberg: Captain, we're not on Pluto anymore. In fact, I think we may have left space as we know it!
    Fry: Then where are we? You said you knew how to navigate!
    Zoidberg: (starts crying) Stop yelling at me!
    • Later on, the plot cuts away to the ship, still flying, but being devoured by a giant squid.
    Fry: (screaming, as the ship audibly strains)
    Zoidberg: It's been an honour to serve under you, sir!
  • Leela takes a stand against the enviromentalists
    Leela: I'm sorry, but if it's fun in any way, then it's not environmentalism.
    Free Waterfall Senior: What about blowin' up dams?
    Leela: (reluctantly) Yeah... that is fun.
  • Officers Smitty and URL talk about penguins:
    Smitty: Are they black with white feathers or white with black feathers?
    URL: It don't matter, baby, they're all beautiful!
  • This very dirty exchange:
    Free Water Sr.: Now remember, if your hands are cold, just stick 'em in your buttocks. They're nature's pockets.
    Leela: I'm going to go check on Bender.
    Water Sr.: Don't let 'im pick your pockets.
  • Leela: Can't we just kick their asses?
    Free Waterfall Sr.: Now, little lady, those people's asses are living things too.

Bendless Love

  • Bender going on a sleep-bending spree. Among other things, he bends a couch cushion, Professor Farnsworth, and the security camera that catches his bending rampage.
  • When Leela reveals the L beam that's been bent straight:
    Fry: That's doesn't look like an L at all! Unless you count lower case.
    Bender: You know we don't! (slaps Fry)
  • The time Zoidberg tried to fix the Slinky that Bender straightened into a lengthy rod. As it turns out, the Slinky is Made of Incendium by the year 3000. His wail of despair is priceless.
  • "My god! Even the Professor's been bent!"
    • "Thank you for your sympathy, talking square of linoleum."
  • Everything about the Professor's new, bent-posture induced cheerfulness.
    Fry: Professor, I've never seen you so cheerful. What the hell's wrong with you?
    Farnsworth: Hmm. I'm not quite sure. Perhaps seeing things from a new perspective has reminded me of life's beauty. Or perhaps my new posture is causing blood to pool in the back of my brain, resulting in a mild delirium. Incidentally, you have a dime up your nose.
    Fry: I wish! It's a nickel.
    • And how it's resolved, when the crew get fed up with it.
    (As the Professor sings merrily to himself)
    Leela: (to Bender) Can't you do something?
    (Bender effortlessly bends the Professor's spine again... in the wrong way)
    Amy: No, Bender! The other way!
    The Professor: I'm sad now...
    Leela: Eh, it's fine.
  • This gem of a line from Joey Mousepad: "Yo, the mafia supports youse guys [the workers]. But don't tell no-one! Spread the word!"
  • When the Donbot reaches his limit with Bender flashing his scab money:
    Donbot: A'right, that's the necessary number of times. That scab's gonna meet with a little on-the-job "accident".
    Joey Mousepad: All due respect, Donbot, I don't think we should rely on an accident. Let's just kill 'im ourselves.
    Donbot: Ugh.

The Day the Earth Stood Stupid

  • The sheep herding competition, or more specifically, the victor, who is THE HYPNOTOAD. ALL GLORY TO THE HYPNOTOAD.
  • "THE BIG BRAIN AM WINNING AGAIN! I AM THE GREETEST! (Evil Laugh) NOW, I AM LEAVING EARTH, FOR NO RAISIN!"
  • (Talking into the wrong end of a megaphone) "Attention New New Yorkers: STOP ACTING SO STUPID!"
    • Made even funnier when a bird perches onto the other end of the megaphone and caws into it causing Fry to fall over backwards.
  • "Ow, fire hot!"
  • Linda and Morbo becoming idiots.
    Morbo: Morbo doesn't understand his teleprompter. He forgot how you say the letter that looks like a man wearing a hat.
    Linda: It's a T, and it goes tuh.
    Morbo: Hello, little man. I WILL DESTROY YOU!
  • Fry confronting the Big Brain:
    Big Brain: What do you want?
    Fry: I'm here to kick your ass!
    Big Brain: Wishful thinking. We have long since evolved beyond the need for asses.
  • In the ending scene, Hermes is giving a meeting about employee sleep during meetings, while everyone is sleeping during the meeting.
  • The Nibblonian's continued exasperation at being seen as cute. Even if they are.
    Ken: When the universe was born in the crucible of the Big Bang, our race was already seventeen years old. (slideshow shows Nibblolians frolicking while holding hands under a rainbow)
    Leela: Aawwwwww!
    (Ken and Fiona glower at her)
  • The Professor delivering news:
    Professor: Good news, everyone. We were supposed to make a delivery to the planet Tweenis 12, but it's been completely destroyed.
    Leela: Why's that good news?
    Professor: They paid in advance.
    • This is immediately followed by a comical twang sound effect, which turns out to be from Bender.
    Bender: Excuse me.

That's Lobstertainment!

  • "GOOD MORNING MR VICE PRESIDENT!
  • After Harold Zoid explains the movie plot:
    Zoidberg: Bender, you said "wink, wink" out loud.
    Bender: No, I didn't. Raise middle finger.
  • Apparently in the 31st century, Jack Nicholson's DNA has been reconstituted in the body of a gorilla.

The Cyber House Rules

  • This exchange is utterly hilarious (especially Fry's epic "YAAAY!!!").
    (on the subject of adopting a mutant girl) Leela: She doesn't need an operation! She's fine the way she is!
    Adlai: Oh, and I suppose you were fine the way you were?
    Leela: Damn right I was!
    Fry: YAAY!!!
    Leela: Shut up, Fry. Now look, Adlai. I'm proud to be different. And I just wished I'd realised that when I was her age.
    Sally: I also have a tail!
  • "Listen, bud, by the end of the day, one of us is going to have one eye!"
  • This whole exchange when Fry tries to convince Leela not to get her phaser eye surgery to look normal:
    Fry: Why would you want to be normal? You're better than normal. You're abnormal and that's what makes you great! Like Dr. Zoidberg. He's a weird monster who smells like he eats garbage, and does.
    Zoidberg: Damn right!
    Fry: The Professor's a senile, amoral crackpot.
    Farnsworth: * cackles insanely*
    Fry: Amy's a klutz from Mars.
    Amy: * drops her wineglass* Floop!
    Fry: Hermes is a Rastafarian accountant.
    Hermes: Tally me banana!
    Farnsworth: And Fry, you've got that brain thing.
    • Followed by Adlai saying he wants to have kids, Leela tells him it's the most beautiful thing she's ever heard, and...
    Zoidberg: WHOOP WHOOP WHOOP WHOOP WHOOP WHOOP WHOOP! * sprays ink all over Leela*
  • The very dark bit of humour with Bender trying to find new sources of income.
    Bender: Hello, Imperial Dragon Restaurant? I got a herd of you know whats for sale. (pause) Let me check. (picks up one of the kids) Aw, aren't you a cutie! (immediately sets the kid back down) About thirty-five pounds.
    • And the payoff, when Bender's arrested.
    Smitty: You're under arrest for child cruelty, child endangerment, depriving children of food, selling children as food, and misrepresenting the weight of live stock!
    Bender: If you had kids of your own you'd understand!
    • Even funnier is you realise why Bender got busted for the misrepresentation bit: He picked up Albert the fat kid.

Where the Buggalo Roam

  • Any of Zapp's attempts to impart romantic advice surely qualify.
    Zapp: Remember, Kif; the quickest way to a girl's bed is through her parents. Have sex with them and you're in.
    • This is even more hilarious after seeing "Zapp Dingbat".
  • When Bender examines the "bead" given to the native Martians, he's left stammering before going "Oh Chief, you've made me the happiest girl in the world!" The chief immediately shoves Bender off himself.
  • The sign in front of Amy's parents' house reads, "You've come to the Wong place".
  • Pretty much everything Zoidberg says in this episode:
    Zoidberg: I broke your television.
    • But the crowner goes to what he did at the party, and especially Leo's reaction.
    Leo: You here five hours, and already you tear up couch, draw mustache on priceless painting, and fill pool with brine shrimp!
    Dr. Zoidberg: Not bad for a city boy, eh? (Leans in toward Leo) Oh, and by the way, I took the liberty of fertilizing your caviar.
    (epic Oh, Crap! from Leo, who is eating some of said caviar)
  • The parody of the crying Indian commercial when Zapp throws a can of Slurm on the ground and it rolls towards a martian's feet.
    Leela: They have such respect for the planet.
    Martian: *sniff* Cynthia used to drink Slurm.
  • "You must smoke the peace pipe, and you must smoke it peacefully, or we'll kill you."
  • Zapp Brannigan meets the Martian Chief:
    Martian Chief: I am Singing Wind, chief of the Martian tribe.
    Zapp Brannigan: Take Me to Your Leader!
    Martian Chief (unamused): ... moving along.
  • Bender singing to the tune of Bonanza
    Bender:
    We've got a right to pick a little fight with rustlers,
    Somebody wants to pick a fight with us,
    He'd better bite my ass!
    Fry: Yee-haw!
  • This gem of Hypocritical Humour
    Leo Wong (recognizing Martian writing): I know it them 'cause they no use good grammar.
  • Bender using dynamite to blow the buggalo out of Olympus Mons' crater.
    Amy: Are you sure there's no other way to get the buggalo out?
    Leela: Not unless your parents have thousands of helicopters at their disposal.
    Amy: Well, actually—
    Bender: Too late! This is more fun! (detonates dynamite and hundreds of buggalo are blown out of the crater before tumbling about like boulders)
  • Leo Wong: Oh, really? Who gonna save us? One-eye? Lobster mooch? Drunken garbage can?
    Hermes: This sounds like a job for—
    Kif: Lieutenant Kif Kroker!
    Hermes: Alright then. (sits down and begins eating chips)
    • Another gem from Hermes:
    Hermes: Mon, it must take forever to brand all those cattle.
    Leo Wong: Not really. We own so much stuff it easier just to brand everything that not ours. (He brands Hermes' briefcase with a "Not Property Of Wongs" brand.)
    Hermes: Please don't do that.

Insane in the Mainframe

  • Judge Whitey: What evidence do you offer to support this new plea of insanity?
    Hyperchicken: Well, for one, they done hired me to represent them.
    Judge Whitey: (Gavel slams) Insanity plea accepted.
  • When Fry is in a robot clinic:
    Fry: I'm not a robot like you; I don't like having discs crammed into me... unless they're Oreos... and then only in the mouth!
  • Also:
    Malfunctioning Eddie (trying to sound friendly and polite): Nice to meet you.
    Fry: Actually, we met before.
    Malfunctioning Eddie (with deadly surprise): WHA-(explodes)
    • "I guess his prices really were insane!"
  • And:
    Fry: Fear not, for I shall assist ye!
    Hermes: Robots don't say 'ye'!
    Fry: Relax, mammal! My robotic software shall meet your calculatory needs. What is the meaning of this symbol?
    Hermes: That's a plus sign, you pointy-haired loony! Quit thinking you're a robot!
    Fry: I'll show ye!
  • The Planet Express hostage situation:
    Roberto: (with knife at Zoidberg's throat) Back off! I've got hostages!
    Zoidberg: Hurray! I'm helping!
    Officer Smitty: Do you have any better hostages?
  • From the same scene:
    Roberto: To show them who's crazy, I'll execute some of you. How about you?! (jabs Professor in the throat)
    Professor: Ouch! That's going to bleed when my heart beats!
    Leela: Wait! Take me first!
    Bender: Yes! Take her first!
    Roberto: Shut up! Stop tellin' me how to do this!
    • Roberto eventually settles on Bender:
      Roberto: I'm guessin' a number between one and ten. Get it right, and I kill you!
      Bender: Um... okay. Fifty... six, ish?
      Roberto: 56? 56?! Aw, man! Now that's all I can think about! I'mma kill you, you no-good 56-ian!
  • The scene featuring Frankie, a robot with delusions of being a lunchroom worker - so he was put to work in the lunchroom to "cure" him.
    Unit 2013: (humouring him) How is working in the lunchroom, Frankie?
    Frankie: It's alright.
    Unit 2013: Poor Frankie.
  • The Lincoln Robot, who has multiple personality disorder. All of his personalities are Abraham Lincoln.
    Lincoln Robot: I was born in 200 log cabins.
  • The poor guy who picks up CIA transmissions on his teeth.
    Harsh female voice: The CIA cafeteria menu for the week of May 15th is as follows: Monday, shepherd's pie. Tu- (robot closes his mouth again)
    Unit 2013: Cuckoo!
    • And later, Bender's rigging the teeth to pick up different transmissions.
    Announcer: And down on it stretch, it's Daddy's Little Grandpa is being followed by Perennial Loser, and bringing up the rear, it's Lasty!
    Bender: C'moooon, Lasty!
  • The Mad Hatter Robot who shrieks "CHANGE SEATS!" during lunch every so often.
  • The crew visiting Fry in the asylum:
    Leela: We've petitioned the governor, but he doesn't want to appear soft of people who've been falsely accused.
    • And the Professor's farewell:
    Professor: Don't worry, Fry, I too once spent a nightmarish time in a robot asylum. But now it's nearly over! So long.
  • How the episode ends:
    Bender: Fry, you might be wrapped in greasy skin, but inside, you've got the heart of a robot.
    Fry: Thanks, Bender.
    Bender: Just like inside me, I got the heart of a human! (Bender brings an actual human heart out of his chest cabinet. Everyone reacts in disgust) What? (cut to credits) What?
  • Bender and Roberto's escape, including when they try to hop in a plane, only for it to do a complete loop-de-loop and wind up right back in the barn they'd found it in.
  • The crew trying to remind Fry he's a human, not a robot.
    Zoidberg: Look, Fry, just because you think you're a robot doesn't make you a robot. I think I'm a doctor, but that doesn't make me one; these fancy clothes do!
    Fry: Negative. I must be a robot. Why else would human women refuse to date me?
    Leela: Oh...lots of reasons...
    • Later on...
    Leela: I'm going to remind Fry of his humanity the way only a woman can.
    Professor: You're going to do his laundry?
    Amy: (smacks the Professor)

The Route of All Evil

  • The subplot consists of Fry, Leela, and Bender brewing their own beer. Bender's brewing is treated like him expecting a child.
    Bender: I was thinking "Benderbrau" if it's an ale, "Botweiser" if it's a lager.
    Fry: I hope it's a lager so I can take it to a ball game!
  • After Cubert and Dwight prank the crew, Leela becomes a bit distracted;
    Leela: If I was your mother, you'd be getting a talk...from your father...(Gets caught up in her fantasy) As soon as he got home from the senate.
  • "Who's going to use a delivery service with a kicked sign? Nobody, that's who!"
  • "This week on The Real World: The Sun!" "AAAAGH, I'M BURNING TO DEATH!" "Tch, do you realise how much an apartment that big would cost on The Sun?"
  • The scene when after Hermes tells the crew he will need to start slashing salaries
    Leela: Uh guys, I don't know how to tell you this. So I'll just let Fry blurt it out thoughtlessly.
    Fry: We don't work for you anymore!
  • This exchange when Dwight and Cubert learn that Fry and Leela are using Bender to brew beer. Made funnier by the fact that Fry's line was a screwup from Billy West, but the crew loved it so much that they kept it.
    Dwight: I heard alcohol makes you stupid.
    Leela: Actually, Dwight, you're right. Alcohol is very, very bad ... for children. But once you turn 21 it becomes very, very good. So scram!
  • Dwight and Cubert asking about the Professor's new machine that changes voices to sound like the Professor's:
    Dwight: What's this device's marketability? Who's it's target consumer?
    Professor: There is no "target consumer", only targets! Targets who will tremble in fear as their new masters hand down edicts in my glorious, booming voice!
    • Earlier:
    Cubert (trying the machine out): Good news, everyone! I'm a horse's butt!
    Professor: I am? That's not good news at all, you little—
  • When Hermes and Farnsworth are scolding their kids, Zoidberg walks in to ask a question:
    Zoidberg: What's going on? Is this angry yelling or busted-hearing-aid yelling?
    Hermes: I'm afraid it's both.
    Professor: [shouting] What?
  • Scruffy's appearance in the episode:
    Hermes: I don't even know who this guy is!
    Scruffy: I'm Scruffy, the janitor.
    Farnsworth: Yes, of course you are. Now we've got to buckle down and save Planet Express.
    Scruffy: I'm on break. (eats a potato chip very slowly)

Bendin' in the Wind

  • Bender and Fry come across a bag of Olestra chips. Bender takes a few bites and promptly releases some Bowel-Breaking Bricks.
  • Bender: (singing) Don't melt me down into a crowbar just 'cause I can't use my arms and legs!
  • "Fry cracked corn and I don't care! Leela cracked corn, I still don't care! Bender cracked corn and he is great! Take that, you stupid corn!"
  • Beck inciting the mob on Bender: "You, minion! Lift up my arm. (The roadie lifts his arm up) AFTER HIM!"
  • When Fry, Leela, Amy, and Zoidberg are at Bender's first concert with Beck and beginning their brief time as hippies.
    Barman: Get lost, you money-less hippies!
    Hillbilly Blob Alien: You heard him, freaks. We don't like your type around here. These are the types we like.
    [He holds up a picture of nine different alien species.]

Time Keeps on Slippin'

  • Zoidberg: Don't be so hard on yourself, Fry. You lost the woman of your dreams but you still have Zoidberg. (threateningly) You all still have Zoidberg!
  • This scene.
  • Hermes has an idea on how to stop the time jumps. One time jump later and everyone is conga dancing naked while Hermes plays the steel drums. Even he admits he doesn't know how this would be of any help.
  • "Stupid senior citizens. Why should we have to pay for their Social Security benefits?" (the two kids time-skip, becoming elderly) "I deserve free money!"
  • Pretty much all the time skip jokes.
    • "We'll need to gather the finest minds in the univer-" *KZAP* (The Professor is surrounded by the Harlem Globetrotters)
    • "Now to begin the arduous task of attaching it to the ship so that—" (ZAP) "Off you go, apparently!"
  • "I don't know how, but once again you screwed up, Fry. Now all the planets are gonna start cracking wise about our mammas."
    • Hermes' response is pretty good too.
      Hermes: I'm just glad my fat ugly mama isn't alive to see this day.
      Professor: Enough about your promiscuous mother, Hermes.
  • The gem of a radariffic Continuity Nod when the crew wonder how Fry managed to charm Leela:
    Hermes: Maybe you're just a fantastic lover, Fry?
    Amy: (quietly) Mmm, no.
  • The Globetrotters delivering their ultimatum. It's helped by Bubblegum's delivery (and the knowledge that it's a Take That! at some idiot executives)''note 
    Fry: What happens if we lose?
    Bubblegum Tate: NOTHING! There is nothing at stake and no threat beyond the shame of defeat!
    • The entire idea of the Harlem Globetrotters being an entire race of genius-intelligence Human Aliens.
  • Nixon's check to the Professor and the Globetrotters for the "Bad-Ass Gravity Pump" literally reads "All of Earth's money" on the blank space where the amount in words would be. Also the small box that normally has the amount in numbers just reads "All" instead. No specific numbers at all.
  • Marv Albert's head reacting to the first time skip during the basketball game.
Marv Albert's Head: Something very strange has just occurred in this battle between space clowns and atomic supermen.

I Dated a Robot

  • "I'll never forget you, Fry... MEMORY DELETED."
  • The crappy Charlie's Angels (Charlie's Angels III, The Legend of Charlie's Gold) movie Fry watches is ridiculously bad.
    (The Angels are in a crypt, standing over a coffin)
    Alex: (in suspiciously wooden tone) No! Don't open that coffin! It's ticking!
    Natalie: I have to Alex! This coffin's not going to open itself!
    (the coffin opens on it's own, and a stereotypical vampire pops up)
    Vampire: Bleugh! (the vampire explodes)
    • "Mister Mayor, if you want to see a real vampire, look in the mirror!" "I can't! I'm a vampire!"
  • Tomato in the Mirror meets Godwin's Law in The Scary Door:
    Sam Smith: There's a gremlin destroying the plane! You gotta believe me!
    Croupier: Why should I believe you? You're Hitler!
    Sam Smith / Hitler: No! (camera angle changes to reveal Eva Braun sitting next to him) Eva Braun, help me!
    (Eva Braun reaches up to her head and tears off what turns out to be a mask, revealing she's a bug-monster. Sam Smith, or Hitler, screams. The scene changes to the Planet Express longue, where the crew are watching)
    Bender: Meh. Saw it coming.

A Leela of Her Own

  • Bender walking into a changing room and accidentally unplugging the black bar generator.
  • The start of the episode is Leela, Bender, and the Professor sitting on the couch while Fry looks out of the window with binoculars:
    Fry: I know, and I've grown to accept that. Now I'm more interested in that new pizza parlor across the street. Kinda makes me pine for my days as a pizza delivery boy. "Here's you pizza," I'd say. "I didn't order any," they'd say. And then I'd be off to my next adventure.
    Leela: That story stunk. Hand me the binoculars.

A Pharaoh to Remember

  • "BENDER LIVES LARGE AND KICKS BUTT!" being turned to "BENDER LICKS BUTT" a la the MAD magazine fold-in pages.
  • "REMEMBER ME."
  • "Ladies and gentlemen, the pharaoh... suddenly died!"
  • "The cruelty of the old pharaoh is a thing of the past!" (crowd cheers) "A whole new wave of cruelty shall wash over this lazy land!"
  • The surprise funeral they put on for Bender.
    Zoidberg: Oh danny boy!
    • Then Bender throws the bouquet and the professor catches it.
    Amy: I know who's funeral we'll be attending next!
    Farnsworth: Oh stop!
  • The Osirians make Bender their king with a Wall of Prophecy that has hieroglyphics that they decipher to determine their ruler. Naturally, Bender had badly chiseled his writing on the wall to deceive them, so...
    High Priest: The prophecy is strange and crudely drawn at best. It indicates that, we are "here" and our next Pharaoh is over there, near some ... tents.
    Bender: [shouting from reeds] Those are waves, jackass. It's supposed to be a river!

Anthology of Interest II

  • The immortal line at the end of act 1: "YOU WATCHED IT! YOU CAN'T UN-WATCH IT!"
  • Bender says "as a robot, I can't feel emotions, and sometimes, that makes me very sad."
    Professor Farnsworth: Eat it, everyone who doesn't have a Nobel Prize! And that includes you... *points in the direction of Zoidberg* ...Amy!
    • ...As the camera scrolls past Zoidberg to show Amy on his other side, bursting into tears.
  • The conclusion of "I, Meatbag".
    Wernstrom: When did he die?
    Farnsworth: About twelve hours ago, when the party started.
    Wernstrom: But he just said "Woo!"
    Farnsworth: No, that was just air escaping from the folds of his fat.
    Bender: (when Farnsworth pushes him) Woo!
    (Shortly after, the crew rolls Bender off the stage before he can stink up the place.)
    Bender: Woo! Woo! Woo! WoooOOOooo!
  • Any part in Fry's segment with General Pac-Man.
  • Ambassador Donkey Kong attacking Nixon's head.
  • The Space Invaders part, but especially Fry's unorthodox strategy:
    Fry: Now, watch as I fire upward, through my own shield!
    (everyone else gasps in horror)
    Bender: He's a madman! A maaaaaadmaaaaaaaaaaaaan!
  • All of the Wizard of Oz parody. Highlights include:
    • After meeting the Scarecrow (Fry) and the Tin Man (Bender), Zoidberg pulls up in a taxi and says "And I'm the third guy. Courage. Not enough of it."
    • The "Flying Monkeys" (Walt, Larry, and Igner) pick up everyone but Zoidberg.
      Zoidberg: What, do I smell or something? (sniffs himself, then groans sadly)
    • It then cuts to the witch's castle.
      Leela: Why did you bring us here?
      Zoidberg: And why did I have to take a cab?
    • The Professor giving Zoidberg a gun instead of courage.
    Farnsworth: Oh, blithery poop, my cowardly lobster! You don't need courage. After all, who needs courage when you have a gun?
    (He hands Zoidberg a gun and he takes it, spins it around on his claw and mimics gunfire.)
    Zoidberg: No, world, you put your hands up!
    • Leela making her wish after putting on the glass slippers.
    Leela: "There's no place like...I wanna be a witch!"
  • The scene after Leela wakes up
    Leela: I was just having the most wonderful dream... except you were there, and you were there and you were there!
    Fry: Never mind professor. She came to!
    Professor: (holding a box that says "Leela's organs"): Oh, so close...
    Hermes: There's always next year, professor. There's always next year.

Roswell that Ends Well

  • The whole plot is caused when, against the packaging's warning, Fry decides to microwave some stovetop popcorn. When the crew gets sent back in time, he finds that the popcorn is now an ear of corn.
    Fry: Aw, it's less popped than ever.
  • Choke on that, causality!
    • Earlier, "Oooh, a lesson in not changing history from Mr. I'm-My-Own-Grandpa! Let's get the hell out of here already! Screw history!"
  • President Truman suggests performing "an old-fashioned alien autopsy" on Zoidberg. How does Zoidberg respond? "HOORAY!"
    • Doctor 1:: Commencing excavation of the subject's chest cavity.
      Zoidberg: (grabs Doctor's mic) and in this corner, Zoidberg! (laughs) Come on lighten up! What is this, a funeral?
      Doctor 2: (takes out heart) Heart.
      Zoidberg: Take! I've got 4 of them!
      Doctor 1:: Stomach Contents: 1 Deviled Egg. (takes it and puts it in bowl)
      Zoidberg: Deviled Egg? (eats it from said bowl only for the doc to pull it out again)
      Doctor 1:: (sighs) The same deviled egg...
      (Later...)
      (Doctors are cutting something inside Zoidberg with a hacksaw)
      Zoidberg: Wait! Don't cut that! I need that to speak!
      (The doctors pause, then saw faster.)
  • From the same episode, Zoidberg in the room with the food...
    Sergeant: This test will determine what, if anything, the alien eats.
    (Zoidberg is funneled into the room.)
    Zoidberg: A buffet! Aw...if only I had my wallet...
    Sergeant: (over intercom) Uh...it's free.
    (Zoidberg shrieks loudly, then gorging sounds are heard, with food splattering against the glass. Then, Zoidberg slaps his open mouth against the glass. The general and the sergeant stare in utter horror.)
    General: ... Get me the president.
    • Not to mention Truman's meeting with Zoidberg...
      Truman: If you come in peace, surrender or be destroyed. If you're here to make war, we surrender.
      Zoidberg: Both good. The important thing is I'm meeting new people.
      Truman: Bushwa! Now what's your mission? Are you planning on making some kind of alien-human hybrid?
      Zoidberg: Are you coming on to me?!
      Truman: Hot crackers! I take exception to that!
      Zoidberg: (giving Truman a look) I'm not hearing a no...
  • "The President is gagging on my gas bladder! What an honor!"
  • Truman makes his entrance at the Roswell Air Base by busting out of a crate labeled "Canned Eggs."
  • When the military shows Truman the UFO made of Bender's parts we get this exchange:
    General: Mr. President, our men have assembled the parts from the alien ship into its original design.
    Truman: Whistling Dixie! I want this sent to Area 51 for study.
    General: But, sir, that's where we're building the fake moon landing set.
    Truman: Then we'll have to really land on the moon. Invent NASA and tell them to get off their fannies!
  • When Fry's grandfather is killed and Fry is meant to cease existing?
    • Later in the episode, Leela asks Fry how he can possibly exist now that he's completely bungled his Back to the Future moment.
      Fry: I dunno. Maybe God loves me.
      (Bender bursts into a fit of hysterical funniest-thing-I've-ever-heard laughter)
    • Not to mention the matter-of-fact way Fry announces this when he arrives at the diner with Bender: "Well, I killed my grandfather."
    • Or, later on, when Fry gives Enos the calendar and Enos tries to look at the cowboy picture instead of the girls. Fry's expression is priceless.
  • The crew discuss repairs:
    Leela: The ship's almost fixed, except the cup-holder, and I should have that online in ten hours.
    Professor: You've got eight!
  • On crashing, Leela organises the workload:
    Okay, here's the plan: Zoidberg, pick up the pieces. Everybody else, take five.

Godfellas

  • Bender meets the God-galaxy entity and tells it about how he was God once. The maybe-God delivers the most utterly deadpan praise it can:
    Yes, I saw. You were doing well until everyone died.
  • Fry going to the Gypsy-bot for help finding Bender.
    Gypsy-bot: Oooh, I am your friend, Bonder.
    Fry: Bonder, is that really you?
    Gypsy-bot: Yes. I am fine. Give the gypsy ten dollars.
    Fry: Wait a minute! Bender's name isn't Bonder! You're a fraud.
    Gypsy-bot: Look, do you want false hope or not?
    Fry: Only if you don't have any real hope.
  • The monks of Theshuba listen to Fry's demands for "one measely lifetime" to search for Bender.
    Monk: He speaks out of love for his friend. Perhaps that love is God.
  • Leela forces the monks into the monastery's laundry room. As she does, one mutters "this is the worst craziest sect I've ever been in".
  • As Fry searches for Bender, the monks are still in the laundry room.
    Monk: Let us out! We cooked out shoes in the dryer and ate them! Now we're bored!
  • The Space Pirate sequence has its share of moments:
    • And:
    Leela: Space pirates!
    Fry: Space pirates?
    Leela: You know. Pirates, but in space.

Future Stock

  • Fry delivering this gem.
    Fry: I believe I speak for the entire board when I issue this challenge to Mom.
    (Turns around, and presses his ass against the window)
    Fry:Look at my butt! Woo, woo, woo!
    • Leading, too, to Mom angrily demanding that Walt hit "the 'Retaliate' button." When he pauses for a moment, confused by the buttons on the console, she snaps "Push any of them! They all retaliate!"
    • Even better, Mom isn't disgusted or offended by Fry's act, she's just annoyed by the condition of his butt. "You call that a pressed ham?"
  • The Planet Express stockholder meeting doesn't get off to a spectacular start:
    (The Professor's standing on a stage, lit only by the spotlights in front of him)
    Professor: Where am I?
    Hermes: (from behind him) Move forward! Move into the light!
    Professor: Oh, God! I'm dead! ... eh, no matter.
  • More Scruffy humor (context: everyone is voting whether to name the Professor or That Guy CEO):
    Scruffy: Scruffy casts his 30,000 shares for the mysterious stranger.
    Leela: How come you have three times as much stock as the rest of us?
    Scruffy: (tearing up) Scruffy believes in this company.
  • Hattie and Hubert's sniping during the entire episode is hilarious.
    Hattie: Enough talk. It's time for action. I move that everyone come to my apartment to snuggle my cat.
    Scruffy: Second.
    Farnsworth: (on mic) I move that your cat stinks and is ugly.
    Scruffy: Second.
    Hattie: I move that we vote on a new chief executive officer and oust this old creep. And also that my cat smells good and is pretty!
    Scruffy (after pondering for a moment): Second.
  • That Guy's business mantra: "Sharks don't need necks, 'cuz they don't look back. Anyone who's a sheep is fired!"
    • Zoidberg's question of which one people prefer to hug has That Guy declaring him a shark.
  • Mom's immortal line: "JAM A BASTARD IN IT, YOU CRAP!"
  • The reveal as to exactly who owns the majority of PlanEx's (formerely Planet Express) stock.
    Leela: Zoidberg owned 51% of the company?!
    Hermes: The shares were worthless! And he kept asking for toilet paper!
  • At the climax, Fry's dramatic speech, with the stock price of Planet Express displayed behind him, with it dropping with each sentence he says, until he says he's giving up the company to the Professor, where it initially soars upward, then drops down to nothing.

The 30% Iron Chef

  • How Zoidberg manages to stitch Fry up for wrecking the Professor's miniature ship: a piece of paper reading "Fry Confesses. From The Desk Of Dr. John Zoidberg, M.D."
    • On that note, the fact that Zoidberg's first name is John.
  • The Magic Feather gag at the end, where Spargle's secret ingredient turns out to be, "Ordinary water! Laced with nothing more than a few spoonfuls of LSD."
  • Zoidberg trying to fix the Professor's ship in a bottle with superglue, which results in Zoidberg spraying superglue all over himself. Then as he fumbles around in panic, all sorts of random items around the room get stuck to his clothes. He then shows up wearing a large coat with the various objects visibly poking from under it. Behind his head is a cuckoo clock, which then goes off, hitting him in the face.

    Season 4 

Kif Gets Knocked Up a Notch

  • Professor Moriarty: "Right-o, gents, it's another simulation gone mad, so murder and mayhem, standard procedure."
    • "Real holographic simulated evil Lincoln is BAAAAAAAACK!!!"
    • "Damn! The last time that happened, I got slapped with three paternity suits!"
    • From the same scene:
    Zapp Brannigan: Listen up, history's greatest villain, get back in the shed or I start blasting!
    Attila the Hun: Stop! Don't shoot fire stick in space canoe! Cause explosive decompression!
    Zapp Brannigan: Spare me your space age technobabble, Attila the Hun!
  • At the baby shower, Amy leaves in tears and Kif tries to stop her. In the next shot, Kif's face is shown while a squelching sound and baby-like crying is heard. The shot pans to show that Zoidberg was doing the crying.
  • Kif's reaction (the one anyone would have in that situation) when Zapp is ruled out as the father is gold.
    "Oh, thank you merciful God."
  • After the ceremony:
    Grand Midwife: I will now take my leave! I live here, so I won't actually be going anywhere, but you don't have to talk to me anymore!
  • Kif's attempt to 'pluck the moon from the sky' for Amy whilst they're in the holo-shed, ending up with Kif falling in the sea, and the Moon dropping on his head.
  • Amy's reaction to Kif's second holoshed program, and especially the line from Kif:
    Amy: (on seeing a horse) Spirit! That's the pony I always wanted, but my parents said I had too many ponies already!
    Kif: Yes, I programmed it in for you. (triumphantly) Four million lines of BASIC!
  • A Deleted Scene provides a succinct answer to something that goes unexplained in the episode proper: On their delivery, Fry and Leela have to go into "hibernative naptosis" (i.e., sleep) to save oxygen. Except Bender's a robot, something he points out.
    Bender: I don't even have to breathe. Why do I need to save oxygen?!
    Leela: Because we don't want you awake while we're not!

Leela's Homeworld

  • Bender announcing his plan: "And then Bender ran!"
  • The Professor's Handwave about his machine that makes noses making other things: "It can do other things! Why shouldn't it?!"
  • Hermes analysing the machine's by-products.
    Hermes: It looks like toxic waste. It smells like toxic waste. (takes a sample and tastes it)
    Fry: What's it taste like?
    Hermes: Delicious fig pudding, oh that's good! But, a distinct aftertaste of toxic waste.
  • While running from the mutants, and trying to hide in the Turanga's house, Bender picks Fry up and uses him to smash open the window.
  • Leela encounters one of the more curious sewer mutants:
    (Leela emerges from the mutagenic sewage lake with an octopus on her head)
    Leela: The lake didn't mutate me. What is going on here?
    Octopus (which has an extremely deep and gruff voice): It worked for me. I used to be a little blonde girl named Virginia.

Love and Rocket

  • The sequence featuring the Omicronians trying to figure out 'wuv'.
    Ndnd: And what is this emotion you humans call 'wuv'?
    Lrrr: Surely it says 'love'?
    Ndnd: No, 'wuv', with an earth 'w'! Behold!
    Lrrr: This concept of 'wuv' confuses and infuriates us!
    • It then immediately cuts to them running for their lives.
  • As the crew prepares to go on their delivery run:
    Farnsworth: Remember, we've got to show these people we're not bitter husks of human beings who long ago abandoned hope of finding love in this lifetime. Leela, you'll have to do some acting.
    Leela (totally deadpan): Check!
  • As a whole "Love and Rocket", every really subtle reference to 2001 was hilarious from Bender happily singing Daisy Bell to Planet Express Ship noticing tapirs in the zoo.
  • Also, from the Omnicronians:
    Lrrr: This is ancient Earth's most foolish program. Why does Ross, the largest friend, not simply eat the other five?
    Ndnd: Perhaps they are saving that for sweeps.
    Omicronian Guard: Exalted leaders, the Earth messengers have arrived bearing a peace offering from their weak and fearful government.
    Lrrr: Oh, very well. This is a Joey-heavy episode anyway.
  • "Fire detected in the vicinity of: Leela." *Sprays her with a hose*
  • "My place... or you?"
  • "Ahahahahaha... oh wait, you're serious. Let me laugh even harder. AAAAHAHAHAHAH"
  • Bender's last line of the episode: "Bender is a lone wolf, a solitary eagle, [eyes flicker, and he speaks with Sigourney Weaver's voice] a cuddly baby tapir, and that's why I love him."
  • The horror that is the origin of the Lovey Bears. Even ''Bender'' looks upset. And that's what makes it so funny.
    They frolic in the Lovey Forest until their first birthday. Then we choose the cuddly- uddliest ones and stuff them full of fire-retardant love fluff!
  • Zoidberg's ending monologue:
    "As the candy hearts poured into the fiery quasar, a wondrous thing happened, why not. They vaporized into a mystical love radiation that spread across the universe, destroying many, many planets, including two gangster planets and a cowboy world. But one planet was at exactly the right distance to see the romantic rays, but not be destroyed by them: Earth. So all over the world, couples stood together in joy. And me, Zoidberg! And no one could have been happier unless it would have also been Valentine's Day. What? It was? Hooray!"
  • Fry gives his thoughts on why Bender shouldn't date the Planet Express Ship:
    "How can you date a ship anyway? It'd be like me dating a really fat lady. And living inside her. And she'd be all like 'whoooosh!' (spaceship flight noises)"
  • The very idea of Sigourney Weaver playing a love-crazed spaceship who enjoys things like going around zoos looking at baby tapirs.
    Planet Express Ship: This says the babies lose their pyjama-like coat after their first year. Isn't that interesting, honey?
    Bender: Yup. Mind-numbingly interesting.
    • And then the part where she accuses Bender of cheating on her.
    Planet Express Ship: I saw you with those two ladies of the evening! Explain that!

Less than Hero

  • When they're called by the mayor.
    Leela: I just remembered, I left my apartment on fire. (Runs from room)
    Bender: And I'm late for my LSATs. (Follows Leela)
    Fry: And I can't take life any more! (Jumps out window)
  • Also:
    Bender: Nine, ten... a big fat hen.
    (blows on cigar)
    Bender: The name's Bender.
  • When Fry and Leela are trying to figure out what powers they have:
    Leela: (reading back of Miracle Cream tube) "Ability to command the loyalty of sea creatures?"
    Fry: Hey Zoidberg, get in here!
    Zoidberg (from another room): Screw you!
    Fry (cheerful): Nope!
    Leela (cheerful): Ain't got that!
  • Bender as Superking fighting a boxing kangaroo, mostly for the commentary by Theodore Roosevelt:
    "A man boxing a kangaroo is a peculiar spectacle...but a kangaroo boxing a robot? Now I'm afraid you've lost me. (Citizen Snips the crab falls into Roosevelt's tank) CITIZEN SNIPS!"
  • From that same episode: "Please do not feed the animals!! -is promptly grabbed and devoured by an elephant-"
    • An elephant that never forgets...TO KILL!
  • The mayor's utterly serious delivery of "A badger with a troubled past, and nothing left to lose!"
  • This:
    Leela's Dad: Look at me! Proud dad of a super hero! We should print up T-shirts. And F-shirts for our friends with two arms on the same side.
  • This after a parrot reveals one of Leela's secrets:
    Fry (stern): Leela! Is the pirate that parrot is mimicking telling the truth by proxy?
  • Bender putting on his crown and imitating Queen Victoria: "We are not amused!"
  • The New Justice Team's dramatic speech:
    Leela: LISTEN UP, NEW NEW YORK! THERE'S A NEW GROUP OF SUPERHEROES IN TOWN, AND WE'RE...
    Hattie: QUIET! It's 4:00 AM and I just fell asleep for the first time in thirty years!
    Leela: Sorry! (turns back to the skyline, whispering) A new era of justice has begun.
    Hattie: WHAT?!

A Taste of Freedom

  • "You can crush me but you can't crush my spirit!" [Gets crushed by a giant claw] "Agh, my spirit!!"
    • Ah yes, good ol' man! Staunch defender (and even flaunter) of all practically any rights whatsoever!
    Zoidberg: He defended my freedom when no one else would. He was a good and honorable man.
    Old Man Waterfall: I request a Satanic funeral.
    Crowd: BOOOOOOOO!!!
    • Old Man Waterfall's comeback when Bender questions him defending Zoidberg.
    Bender: You wanna defend Zoidberg? Are you aware of the old robot saying "does not compute"?
    Old Man: Son, to me a robot's nothin' more than a garbage can with sparks comin' out of it.
    Bender: (sad)' The sparks keep me warm...
  • A decopodian in a Paper-Thin Disguise named Hugh Mann was able to successfully steal the disc and send the Nimbus crashing.
    Kif: (as Hugh Mann waddles away with the disk) Sir, there's something about that ensign...
    Zapp: You're damn right there is! That strapping young lad is gunning for your job, and he might just get it.
  • Zoidberg on the Decopodian Embassy:
    Zoidberg: My planet's embassy! They're paid not to kill me.
  • Zoidberg complaining about the lack of marshmallows at the embassy.
  • The museum sequence, especially Bender's opinion of the crossbow:
    Bender: Ah, the crossbow! A pitiless, elegant killing machine. The Bender of the 15th Century."
    • In the background of the museum, one can see one of the exhibits is called a Sharktapault. It's exactly what it sounds like.
  • Nixon's Freedom Day speech, especially the Pain Monster, a horrifying creature who talks in a friendly, upbeat voice.
    Richard Nixon: My fellow Earthicans! We enjoy so much freedom, it's almost sickening. We're free to choose which hand our sex-monitoring chip is implanted in. And if we don't want to pay our taxes, why, we're free to spend a weekend with the Pain Monster.
    Pain Monster: See you April 15, folks!

Bender Should Not Be Allowed on Television

  • The opening of the episode shows the writers of "All My Circuits" might be suffering from a lack of originality:
    Antonio: I'm sorry, father, but somewhere along the way, I forgot how to be your son!
    Calculon: Why, Antonio?
    Antonio: Because I have AMNESIA! (dramatic sting)
    (Flash to Monique in bed with Boxxy, when Calculon enters)
    Monique: Calculon? But I thought you were-
    Calculon: (outraged) Egyptian?! (dramatic sting)
    (Flash to Monique and Antonio on a boat, with Monique pointing a gun at Antonio)
    Monique: Before I kill you, I must ask you one question: Who am I? For I have amnesia! (even more dramatic sting)
    (Flash to Calculon addressing AMC's cast)
    Calculon: Let me get this straight... does anyone here not have amnesia?
    (Everyone else mumbles in confusion)
    Human friend: I dunno. (dramatic sting)
  • Calculon reacts to Bender's attempt at acting in "Bender Should Not Be Allowed on TV":
    Calculon: "That was so terrible I think you gave me cancer!"
    • Before that, at the start of the audition:
      Producer: So, Bender, have you ever been on television?
      Bender: Once, when I took those hostages.
      Calculon: I saw that. You were good.
      • And the audition itself:
        Bender, attempting a "flawless Spanish accent": Tonight we eat, GEE-OOO-ACK-A-MOLE by the el Rio!
  • While Calculon and the director meet with Bender after the "Bite my shiny metal ass!" incident, footage of Bender emptying some drawers is shown:
    Calculon: I don't even remember shooting this scene.
    Director: We didn't. That's security camera footage from your dressing room.
    Calculon: He stole the scene and my money?! I demand you fire this felonious ham!
  • This bit, when Bender hijacks the set to give a dramatic speech:
    Bender: You, director, gimme my motivation!
    Director: (bored) You're angry.
    Bender: Perfect!
  • And of course, the speech itself:
    Bender: Do smoking and drinking on TV make me cool? Of course they do. How about committing crime and violence? Again, the answer is yes. But do we really want our kids exposed to that kind of trash on TV? I say absolutely not!
    (his gun accidentally goes off, nearly hitting the Professor. Bender coughs awkwardly)
    Bender: Uh... on the other hand, perhaps most of the blame rests with the parents! That's right, you! (Bender points his guns at the FART mob) And so I ask you this one question: Have you ever tried sitting down with your kids, turning off the TV... and hitting them?
    Hermes: We're just so busy...
    • And Calculon's reaction to all this: "Good enough. Slice in some reaction shots of me and shove it on the air."
  • "Bender must be stopped! I've gone too far! Who does that guy think I am?"
  • One rather hilarious scene on All My Circuits after Bender becomes a character on the show consists of Bender lighting himself on fire and saying "Try this, kids at home", which is immediately followed by an on-screen disclaimer saying "Don't try this, kids at home".
  • "You raised my hopes and dashed them quite expertly, sir. Bravo!" - Tinny Tim
  • After Cubert, Dwight and Tinny Tim decide to rob Bender, there's an immediate cut to the Futurama logo.
    Bender: (in voice-over) You're watching Futurama, the show that does not advocate the cool crime of robbery.

Jurassic Bark

  • In "Jurassic Bark," when the Professor gets tired of explaining that lava isn't something you can just swim through ("I'm a professor! Why isn't anyone listening to me?"):
    Leela: He's been in there too long! I'm going in after him!
    Farnsworth: PROFESSOR! LAVA! HOT!
  • Fry performing his people's native dance. And Leela reading about it.
    Leela: According to the guidebook, this part of The Hustle implores the gods to grant a favour, usually a Trans-Am.

Crimes of the Hot

  • "Crimes of the Hot": The gang trying to cool off during a very hot, summer day. They build themselves an instant(!) above-ground swimming pool, complete with chlorine treated water (and dead leaves floating around inside). But before anyone can jump in, in comes Nibbler, who drinks all the pool water in a heartbeat, and then belches out a cloud of noxious, chlorine gas that makes everyone pass out. Except Bender. But he doesn't have it any better:
    Bender: Hahahaha, lightweights — oh, wait! Chlorine! (instantly rusts completely over, than collapses)
  • Hedonismbot's debut scene:
    Bender: Look, I enjoy life and its pleasures as much as anyone here, except perhaps you, Hedonismbot. [Hedonismbot eats grapes in a very sloppy manner.] But we need to be shut off, especially you, Hedonismbot!
    Hedonismbot: I apologize for nothing!
    • Bender sucker punching Preacher Bot when The Professor shows up to explain his plan to save the robots and the world.
  • "Nixon's not bringing the smokes!"
  • "Thank you. I deserve this."
  • In the 31st century, Al Gore is now credited at the inventor of the environment. And First Emperor of The Moon. And he somehow acquired the rights to Harry Potter, which he uses to talk about pollution.
    Al Gore's Head: As I discussed in my book, The Balance of Earth, and the much more popular Harry Potter and the Balance of Earth, we need to protect our planet against pollution, as well as dark wizards.
    (The audience applauds, except one dark wizard)
    Dark Wizard (who looks like Tim from Monty Python and the Holy Grail): Sure, blame the wizards!
    Al Gore: That's why I'm offering a bag of Moon Sapphires to the first scientist who can solve this problem once and for all. Lovely, aren't they?
    Dark Wizard: Sapphires? With those I could open the Gate of Gaarash!
  • Bender's speech to the robots:
    Bender: We're destroying the world and killin' the turtles!
    Preacher-bot: To Hell with the turtles!
    Bender: No-one insults the turtles! (he punches the Preacher-bot, who instantly draws a machete)
  • Linda and Morbo discuss turtles migrating to Holland.
    Linda: I'm sure those windmills will keep them cool.
    Morbo: [to Linda] Windmills do not work that way! [to viewers] Goodnight!
    • "Morbo is pleased! But sticky."
  • The documentary, Global Warning, Or... NONE LIKE IT HOT!
    • The explanation for how Earth solved global warming:
    Narrator: Fortunately, our bravest, most handsomest politicians came up with a cheap, last minute solution. We simply place a giant ice-cube in the ocean every now and then.
    Little Girl: Just like daddy puts in his dwink evewy morning! ... and then he gets mad.
    • "Thus solving global warming and saving Earth once and for all." "But-" "ONCE AND FOR ALL! THE END!"

Teenage Mutant Leela's Hurdles

  • All of the episode: "Bring beer!" "No beer until you've finished your tequila!" (holds up a bottle of Tequila with a crazy straw in it)
  • An especially funny line from the beginning: "Pazuzu, you ungrateful gargoyle! I put you through college and this is how you repay me?!"
    • Not to mention the search for Pazuzu.
    Farnsworth: PAZUZU! OHHHH, PAZUUUUUZUUUUU! *he turns the high beams on and they blow up a space station* PAZUZU!
  • That, and this: "I'M STILL IN MID-PERIL, YOU CLODS!"
    • "WITH MY LAST BREATH, I CURSE ZOIDBERG!"
  • This joke:
    Leela: Professor! This ship can go ninety percent light speed! Why are we travelling at 35 miles-per-hour?
    Farnsworth: Because we're in a hurry, that's why!
  • The Professor gets prepared to take a bath in searing hot tar:
    Doctor: Sir, it's not necessary, or wise, to be naked.
    Professor: (who is already naked) Pfft, you sound just like my tennis instructor.
  • What's Leo Wong's reaction to finding out his daughter has turned back into a preteen? Cruelly tease her about how fat she was at that age. Father of the year, everybody!
    Amy: Dad, if you're going to make fat jokes until I get cute again, I'm just going to stay in my room!
    Leo: Stay in room? You so fat, you going to stay all around room!
    • Not that Inez is much better.
    Inez: Oh, my Amy's a sweet little girl again! This is like a mother's dream...bad dream! At this rate, I'm never gonna get a grandchild!

The Why of Fry

  • This:
    Fry: Wait, wait wait! Ahem... What really killed the dinosaurs?
    Giant Brain: MEEE!
    [The Giant Brain is shown zapping the dinosaurs dead one by one]
  • When Fry is about to head back through time to take another shot at defeating the Brainspawn, he realizes that he's going to get trapped again. His last words to Nibbler: "Just remember that Scooty Puff Jr. suuuuuuuuuuuuucks!"
    • "In a thousand years, I'll get right on it!"
    • Later, Fry is shown escaping successfully, on his new scooter, titled: "Scooty Puff Sr — The Doombringer."
  • The last facts the Brains have gathered in their quest to understand everything:
    (On the outside of the Infosphere, brains fly past a scanner with signs carrying facts)
    Brain 1: Beavers mate for life.
    Brain 2: Eleven is greater than four.
    Brain 3: For quality carpets, visit Kaplan's Carpet Warehouse!
  • The Brains try to identify Fry:
    Fry: What happened to me, Philip J. Fry, on the night of December 31st, 1999?
    Big Brain: Earth, you fat idiot! Hurry up!
  • Fry finds out Nibbler can talk.
    Fry: Y-you can talk?
    Nibbler: Indeed. And I have other powers as well.
    Fry: Like what?
    (Nibble jumps up and punches Fry out in one hit)
    • Shortly thereafter, as Nibbler puts Fry in his tiny spaceship, Fry starts coming too (it's Nibbler's utterly serious response that sells it).
    Fry: Are you my mommy?
    Nibbler: Negative!

Where No Fan Has Gone Before

  • Fry takes Leonard Nimoy's head out of the museum to find out what's happened to Star Trek. Another head sidles up to the front of the display to replace Spock note  Who is this head? Jonathan Frakes!
    Jonathan Frakes: Yes! Front row!
  • This exchange from "Where No Fan Has Gone Before":
    William Shatner: Wasn't there an episode where I threw my shoe at the enemy?
    Leonard Nimoy: You mean Doohan?
    (They both chuckle.)
    Shatner: Whoever it was, I did it like this. (Throws shoe. It hits George Takei in the face.)
    Takei: Ow!
    (Beat)
    Shatner: (Hopping) My foot's cold.
  • This exchange in that episode between Shatner and Takei:
    Shatner: And then, George, you hit him with a karate chop.
    Takei: I find that offensive. Just because I'm of Japanese ancestry, you assume I know karate. Have I ever led you to believe I have studied karate?
    Shatner: Well, no... but you never talk about yourself.
    Takei: Maybe if you showed a little interest...
  • When Melllvar is trying to get an autograph from George Takei:
    Melllvar: Melllvar has three Ls.
    Takei: I think I've been to enough conventions to know how to spell "Melllvar".
  • Nichelle Nichols' utterly deadpan and disgusted reading of Uhura's "romantic" lines with Melllvar.
  • All of Walter Koenig's reactions to being asked to "speak Russian." No exceptions.
    Koenig: When we woke up, we had these bodies.
    Fry: Say it in Russian!
    Koenig: (sighs) Vhen ve voke up, ve had these bodies.
    Fry: Eeee! Now say "nuclear wessels"!
    Koenig: No.
  • Most of what Melllvar says, really.
    Melllvar: Centuries ago, the videotaped adventures of the Enterprise crew rained down upon my planet. Over and over I watched them, especially the five with the energy beings. I AM MELLLVAR! SEER OF THE TAPES! KNOWER OF THE EPISODES! TREMBLE BEFORE MY ENCYCLOPEDIC KNOWLEDGE OF STAR TREK!
    • Or this exchange:
    Melllvar: To determine who is more worthy of my fanatical devotion, I shall pit you together against each other in armed combat... TO THE DEATH!
    (collective gasp)
    Bender: Where'd you get an idiotic idea like that?
    Melllvar: Episodes 19, 46, 56 and 77.
    Fry: Great list. Except, you forget episode 66! HAHAHA!
    Melllvar: (Barely suppressing rage) Urgh, I WAS GETTING TO THAT ONE! GRAAAAAAAAAAAH! (Blows up Welshy's corpse)
  • Shatner doing a spoken-word version of Eminem's "The Real Slim Shady". That is all. And the best part about that one? Koenig was legitimately confused and Maurice LaMarche just ad libbed Melllvar's response.
    Walter Koenig: How can you do a spoken-word version of a rap song?
    Melllvar (completely awed): He found a way.
  • The following exchange
    Bender: Can people who hate Star Trek leave?
    Koenig: Good question!
    Melllvar: No, you have to stay even longer!
    (Bender and Koenig groan)
  • The response to Melllvar telling the cast they're not acting "hard enough."
    Nimoy: Melllvar, you have to respect your actors. When I directed Star Trek IV, I got a magnificent performance out of Bill because I respected him so much.
    Shatner: And when I directed Star Trek V, I got a magnificent performance out of me, because I respected me so much!"
  • "WELLLLLLLLSHYYYYYYYYYYYYY!!!"
  • The aesop of the episode. Yes, really.
    Fry: Melllvar, you can't let a TV show be your whole life! You can do anything you want! Look at Walter Koening: After Star Trek, he became an actor.
    Koening: Not just an actor, but a well rounded person! With my own friends, and credit cards, and keys...
  • Melllvar's mother suddenly shows up in the middle of the death battle between the Star Trek Cast and the Planet Express Crew:
    Melllvar's Mother: Melllvar! Dinner time!
    Melllvar: Aw, but Mom, I'm playing with my collectibles!
    Melllvar's Mother: Now!
    (Melllvar groans and disappears)
    Fry: All this time we thought he was a powerful super-being, yet he was just a child...
    Melllvar's Mother: He's not a child. He's THIRTY-FOUR!
  • In general, every Take That! against excessive Star Trek fans. One of the funniest is the very reason why the series was banned in the first place: fans grew from "a loose association of nerds with skin problems to a full-blown religion". Said religion started overtaking most countries on Earth, causing the government to ban the series and execute every Trekkie "in the manner most befitting virgins" (throwing them into a volcano and declaring He's Dead, Jim).
    • During that scene, we see that Germany had been renamed "Nazi-Planet-Episode Land" in honor of the episode "Patterns of Force". That's right, they reestablished Nazi Germany!
  • The ending credits sequence shows a shot of Kif in a clever parody of the famous shot of Balok's puppet in TOS's ending credits.
  • This gem from William Shatner, when he tries talking Leela down:
    Shatner: Leela, please. This is just what Melllvar wants. We're just pawns in his diabolical game of checkers. Can't we resolve our differences some other way?
    • And of course, when everyone else has stopped fighting, they find Leela and Shatner are...busy.
    (Leela and Shatner are making out)
    Shatner: I love you so much.
    (Leonard Nimoy nudges Shatner with his foot, causing him and Leela to realise everyone's looking at them)
    Fry: We've decided to work together.
    Nimoy: Yeah, so did they.
  • When the crew try zapping Melllvar, and get dragged back down to the planet, they just casually stroll out of the crashed ship.

The Sting

  • From the beginning of the episode:
    Leela: What's the mission?
    Farnsworth: Collecting honey. Ordinary honey.
    Leela: That doesn't sound so dangerous.
    Farnsworth: This is no ordinary honey! It's produced by vicious space bees. A single sting of their hideous neurotoxin can cause instant death!
    Hermes: And that's if you're not allergic! You don't wanna know what happens then, oh no no, God no.
    Farnsworth: Your insides with boil out of your eye sockets like a science fair volcano!
    Hermes: I didn't want to know! *sobs*
    • Also:
    Farnsworth: These bees are larger than most Buicks! And twice as ugly.
    Fry: Larger than an American sedan? How big's the honeycomb?
    Hermes: Honeycomb's big, yeah yeah yeah!
    Bender: It's not small?
    Hermes: No, no no!
    • It's especially funny considering that Billy West is the voice of Buzz the bee from the Honey Nut Cheerios commercials.
  • Bender trying to placate the bees. "I didn't mean you're all fat! Just fatso, there." "He insulted our fat queen!"
  • This line as well, which also counts as a Tear Jerker:
    Leela: In my dream, Fry said he hid a gift from me in his locker. If it's true, then he must still exist in some form.
    Farnsworth: Of course he still exists. As a frozen corpse in outer space! chuckles Oh.. I made myself sad.
  • Not to mention "I'll find Fry's corpse and keep it under my mattress to remind me that he's dead! That'll prove I'm not insane!"
  • Bender's line as everyone discovers that Leela has awakened from her coma -
    Bender: You were in the best coma I've ever seen!
  • "The Sting" gives the world one of the best Leela lines: "Burn on that old crew! The only things they did better than us were suck and die!"
  • Among the people at Fry's funeral are some people he's had sex with:
    Amazonian: Him do good snu-snu.
    (the radiator from the Miss Universe pageant, Morgan Proctor, Michelle, and some others shrug in a "eehh, not really" sort of way)

Bend Her

  • In Bend Her, Bender temporarily becomes a woman. The subtle sexism throughout the episode is uncomfortable and annoying. The explicit sexism that occasionally pops up is hilarious.
    Professor: She's becoming a slave to her emotions! Just like all women. Especially you, Leela.
    Leela: (Offhand Backhands the Professor) I'm worried about Bender too.
    • Also, Calculon is on a talk show, talking about his soap opera, All My Circuits. A clip is shown of him yelling "NOOOOOOOOOO!". Calculon chuckles and replies:
    Calculon: Fun fact: The script actually called for me to say 'yes', but I gave it a little twist.
    • Bonus: When asked to set up the clip, Calculon just says he thinks it speaks for itself. Not to mention that it's set in a random back garden, with a pirate grilling burgers on a barbecue.
  • Also in that episode, when they are trying to fake Coilette/Bender's death:
    Calculon: No! NO! N-O-O-O!
    • It should be noted: Calculon wasn't in on the plan.
  • Earlier on in the episode, Calculon bursting through the wall, and during a hot-air balloon trip with Coilette, him tipping the (previously-hidden) Box-robot overboard.
  • How did we get this far without mentioning this little gem:
    Bender: Professor, make a woman out of me!
    Prof. Farnsworth (flattered): Oh, I think we should just stay friends.
  • This exchange:
    Calculon:I'd appreciate it if you didn't 'BAM' the young lady...
    Elzar:Well I'd appreciate it if I did; so I guess we're even!
  • The deliver of this line really makes it:
    Fry: (emotional) I'll miss you, buddy. You've been like a brother, and then a sister to me. I love you, man.
    Bender: The marriage is a sham.
    Fry: (without missing a beat) Cool. What's for dinner?
  • Zoidberg the Wedding Planner:
    Bender: Zoidey-poo, please tell me "frilly" is in this season.
    Zoidberg: (going over a book of cakes) I saw a frosted cake in here you'll remember all your life. I know I will. Late at night it taunts me with its frosted beauty... ORDER THE CAKE DAMMIT!
  • While Calculon's reaction to "Coilette" dying is kind of sad, he ruins it by being Calculon.
    She lives... no more. But let us not forget that she truly loved me. To honor my pain, I shall star in a film honoring her memory, and this time the Academy will not deny me! Not when they see "Coilette: A Calculon Story!"
    • And when we see it, it's pretty much another version of All My Circuits. With Calculon acting like his usual self...
    Calculon: Coilette, your death fills me with sorrow, (glares) anger, (fearful expression) fear. Every emotion an actor can conceivably display!
  • Fry's part in the plan:
    (Fry storms into the wedding on a motorbike, dressed up like a guerrilla fighter)
    Bender: Congo Jack!
    (Everyone gasps, as Hermes dramatically plays a nearby piano)
    Fry: Yes, and I have a message from Colonel Mtumbe! He says "This is for Congo Jack!"
    (Fry picks up a spear, and throws it at Bender. It completely misses him, meaning Bender has to grab it and pretend to be impaled)

Obsoletely Fabulous

  • This exchange...
    Bender: A working cartridge unit? Wow, you guys went obsolete years ago.
    * Cartridge Unit rummages through bag of cartridges, and pulls out one labeled 'Snappy Response', and inserts it*
    Cartridge Unit: Your mother.
    • Later he ejects and reinserts his "What?!" cartridge just to repeat himself.
  • The Nannybot 1.0: "SLEEP, LITTLE DUMPLING! I HAVE REPLACED YOUR MOTHER!"
    • "Aww."
  • Robot 1-X says this while whacking himself with a hammer:
  • "I say the whole world must learn of our peaceful ways. BY FORCE!"
  • The Professor and Wernstrom arguing over their killbots:
    Wernstrom: Ladies and gentlemen, my killbot features lotus notes, and a machine gun. It is the finest available.
    (The camera pans to the left slightly, showing the Professor's stand, with a sign proclaiming "Housewives prefer Farnsworth's killbots)
    Professor: Like fun it is, you glass-headed wallaby!
    Wernstrom: No-one calls me that! I'm having at you!
    Professor: Weeernstrom!
    (The two start ineffectually slapping at one another, as the killbots look on)
    Professor's Killbot: Such senseless aggression.
    Wernstrom's Killbot: C'mon, let's go for a paddle-boat ride.
  • Leela: Oh lord, he's made of wood.
  • Lisa the water-powered robot's freakouts whenever her built-in waterwheel comes to a stop.
    "I, for example, need to keep refilling my waterwheel or I'll power down forever. [Her wheel runs dry] Oh, God! I'll never make it this time! This is the end! [She runs down into the sea and then calmly walks out.] Anyway, we like it here."
    "Oh, God, no! I want to live! [She leaps into the water again then calmly returns] If you'd like, you're welcome to join our society."
  • Bender, reintroducing himself to the Planet Express crew after his exile.
    Bender: Friends, I come to free you from your complicated lives! ... free you from the "complicated" part, that is. Not the "lives" part.
  • The Professor's sheer outrage when Bender's catapult (eventually) hits the ship.
    You whanged my ship, you walnut panelled idiot!

The Farnsworth Parabox

  • "Oh, this is awful! Somewhere out there, there's a more evil Bender than me! I DO MY BEST, DAMMIT!"
  • The opening of the episode:
    (explosion)
    Professor: Oh Lordy Lou! HELP!
    (later)
    Professor: Buddha! Zeus! God! One of you guys do something! Help! Satan, you owe me!
  • Bender's suggestion about what to do with the box:
    Bender: I could hit it with a shovel!
    Professor: That's not good enough.
    Bender: (eagerly) This one time, I pounded a guy into the ground like a steak with a shovel!
    Professor: Yes, yes.
  • Alternate Bender - "Bite my glorious golden ass!"
  • "Now, now. Perfectly symmetrical violence never solved anything!"
  • Another example from that episode:
    Leela: Bender, stop destroying the universe!
    • Fry sitting on the universe at the end.
  • When Farnsworth asks his alternate how he got stitches on his head, he says that it was an experiment to see if he could remove his own brain. This leads to this gem:
    Alternate Farnsworth: Getting the brain out was the easy part. The hard part was getting the brain out! HAHAHAHAHAHA!!!
    Farnsworth: Oh you!
  • Zoidberg's rhetoric on boxes.
    "In my experience, boxes are usually empty, or maybe with a little cheese stuck to the top. And one time, pepperoni. What a day that was! (shrieks) GIVE ME THE BOX!!!"
  • Leela encounters the robot versions of Fry, Farnsworth & Hermes:
    Leela: Have you robot-versions of you guys seen any extra Zoidbergs around here?
    Robot Fry: Negative. Will-you-go-out-with-me?
    Leela: Uh, access denied.
    (Robot Fry's head explodes)
  • There's also this after the Crew and their alternates are ordered to keep an eye one each other.
    Alternate Leela: Can Fry and I watch our Alternates together? We have plans tonight.
    Leela: Wait. You guys are dating?
    Alternate Fry: Oh no no no. We're married.
  • Alternate Bender: Our universe is doomed!
    Bender puts an arm around his alternate counterpart and imitates him
    Alternate Bender and Bender (simultaneously): Doooooooomed!
  • The Amys get into an argument over nail polish (they're using nail polish which matches the other Amy's tracksuit):
    Alternate Amy: The Professor was right. You are evil! And sha~llow!
    Amy: I am not evil!

Three Hundred Big Boys

  • Whale barf. "It just keeps coming..."
  • Fry's increasingly neurotic behavior as he works his way towards drinking 100 cups of coffee.
    • At 31 cups:
    Elzar: Freshen your coffee, sir?
    Fry: Yeah yeah, keep it coming! Put the pot down! Get away!
    • At 51 cups:
    Fry: This isn't Yemeni, it's Sulawesi! And the cup's shaking! I don't want my coffee shaking!
    Bender: You seem a tad wound up, buddy. And your face is greasy. Real greasy. You been up all night?
    Fry: OF COURSE I'VE BEEN UP ALL NIGHT! Not because of caffeine, it was insomnia. I couldn't stop thinking about coffee. I need a nap. *snore* Coffee time!
    • At 99 cups:
    Fry: Coffeecoffeecoffeecoffeecoffeecoffeecoffeecoffeecoffeecoffee.
    • And at 100 cups... there is a sudden tranquility, an angelic choir, and Fry is serenely at one with the cosmos, even the part of it around him that is currently on fire.
  • Scruffy making light of Kif's recent imprisonment:
    Scruffy: Jail ain't so bad. You can make sangria in the toilet terlet. Course it's shank or be-shanked.
    Amy: (in tears) Of course...
  • The Whale Biologist's sheer jerkassery, especially toward Mushu.

Spanish Fry

  • Bender's Hurricane of Euphemisms in Spanish Fry
    Lrrr: This jerked chicken is good. I think I'll have Fry's lower horn jerked.
    Bender: It's used to it. Whoo!
    • And a truckload of similar lines throughout the episode:
    Fry: Yes! I never thought I'd escape with my doodle, but I pulled it out!
    Bender (offscreen): Just like at the movie theater! Whoo!
  • The Bigfoot film shown by the park ranger:
    "Bigfoot ...... Endangered Mystery! In the dense forests of the Pacific Northwest ...... dwells the strange and beautiful creature known as Bigfoot, perhaps."
    "Sadly, logging and human settlement today threaten what might possibly be his habitat. Although if it's not, they don't. Bigfoot populations require vast amounts of land to remain elusive in. They typically dwell just behind rocks but are also sometimes playful, bounding into thick fogs and out-of-focus areas."
    "Remember, it's up to us. Bigfoot is a crucial part of the ecosystem, if he exists. So let's all help keep Bigfoot possibly alive for future generations to enjoy unless he doesn't exist. The end."
  • Lrr buying "human horn" in secret.
    "Horn" Dealer: You're not a cop, right?
    Lrr: Oh, no, no. I'm just some guy...RULER OF THE PLANET OMICRON PERSEI 8!

The Devil's Hands Are Idle Playthings

  • In "The Devil's Hands Are Idle Playthings", Hedonism-bot commissions the world's greatest - in fact, only competent - holophonor artist to write an opera so fantastic that it will win him a moment's pleasure from his eternal ennui. On opening night, Hedonism-bot addresses the upper crust of Earth before the opera begins (possibly the best opera-opening speech since A Night at the Opera:)
    Hedonism-bot: Courtesans and gentlefops, I bid you welcome to my opera! Let us cavort like the Greeks of old! You know the ones I mean...
    • His reaction to everything that happens must be recorded:
    Hedonism-bot: Surgery, in an opera? How wonderfully decadent! And just as I was beginning to lose interest! Jambi, the chocolate icing! (Jambi starts spreading icing over Hedonism-bot's stomach) Oh... oh my, yes...
  • When Fry loses the robot hands that allowed him to play the Holophonor:
    Hedonismbot: Resume the opera!
    Fry: But I can't play anymore!
    Zoidberg: Yes you can! The music was in your heart, not your hands!
    [Fry begins playing off-key and the audience starts booing.]
    Zoidberg: Your music is bad and you should feel bad!
  • Bender tells Fry: "We're going to have to make a metaphorical Deal with the Devil. And by 'Devil', I mean the Robot Devil. And by "metaphorical", I mean 'get your coat'."
  • 'Your lyrics lack subtlety! You can't just have your characters announce how they feel! That makes me feel angry!'
  • And after switching back:
    Fry: My hands! My horrible human hands! And what did you do to my nails?!
    Robot Devil: I cleaned them.
  • Bender's stage actor
    Stage!Bender: Save Fry! Save Fry! Save Fry! Godzilla! Will devour him! As for me I must be off to have my doctor check this cough! *Cough cough* Goodbye! *Starts off to the exit only to have Godzilla block him off*
    Bender: I don't ever recall fighting Godzilla, but that is sooooo what I would have done!
  • And if you could even forget it:
    Robot Devil: Calculon, old friend, I'm afraid I need your ears.
    Calculon: Well, I do owe you for giving me this unholy AC-TING TALENT!

    The Game 
  • The Professor entering the opening cutscene in a sombrero.
    Professor: Good news, everyone; I've sold Planet Express to Mom!
    (Fry & Leela gasp, Bender stutters.)
    Bender: Also, why are you wearing that funky hat?
    Professor: Whu? Oh, this? No reason. (Throws it away)
    Fry: That was odd. Mighty odd.
  • The reason why Planet Express has been losing money:
    Professor: Perhaps my strategy of using a giant space ship to deliver one package at a time wasn't as clever as I thought. Plus you three never actually charged anyone!
    Fry: Yeah, sorry about that.
    Leela: (simultaneous) Sorry.
  • (Fry turns on the TV. Morbo and Linda appearar on screen, with a picture of the Earth behind them, with the words "THE END" written on it.)
    Bender: Has anyone noticed how Fry always seems to turn on the TV at just the right moment?
  • Fry's first assignment is to find a hammer, which gets him crushed under a pile of dangerous rubble. GAME OVER. Cut to Fry waking up on top of what looks like a giant toaster.
    Fry: If that's me dead over there, who am I here?
    Professor: You're also you, thanks to my latest invention, the Reanimator! When you die, it will automatically make an exact duplicate of you, based on your x-rays, a DNA sample and scrapings from the inside of your tennis shoes.
    Fry: Wow! When did you invent it?
    Professor: About a week ago, and I've been trying to kill you to test it ever since.
    Leela: So what was death like Fry?
    Fry: Well, first everything went dark, then this bright light appeared, and it said, "Game over". (Leela looks annoyed)
    • On that note, all the subsequent Medium Awareness jokes, which, unfortunately, were edited out when the game's cutscenes were edited into a bonus feature on the Beasts With A Billion Backs DVD as "The Lost Adventure".
    Leela: We don't even have enough dark matter fuel to get out of the solar system!
    Professor: Then I guess you'll have to find some, Leela.
    Leela: Me? But I'm not playable!
    Professor: You are now.
    (Cut to the cargo hold, where the Reanimator now has Leela's name listed alongside Fry and Bender.)
    Leela: Woo-hoo! In your face, non-playable characters!
  • After turning Earth into a spaceship and failing to get anywhere with it:
    Mom: Sweet butt-crust on a cracker! Who'd have thought this miserable little planet would be so heavy?
    Larry: Uh, Walt would.
    Mom: How dare you Walt! (slaps him)
  • Mom's visit to Sal and Son's:
    Sal: Welcomes to Sal's Salvage. What can I dos youse for?
    Mom: I need a spaceship engine. Nothing special. Well, except it has to be powerful enough to move the Earth.
    Sal: The Earth? Holy Jesuses! For that, you're gonna needs a dark matter engine and a big ones at thats!
    Mom: Money's no object, as I will soon be taking over the universe. Perhaps you've heard of it?
    Sal: Hmm, a dark matter engines. You're gonna have to finds the guy who inventeds it, Hubert Farnsworth.
    Mom: That old goat from Planet Express! But he just got away, that son of a no good mother loving piece of-
    Sal: Don't worries, I've gots an idea. I mean, an ideas.
  • Larry: Prepare to be crushed, and subsequently smelted, and then recycled into metal seatbelts. [He activates the machines]
    Bender: Seatbelts? Never! I endanger lives, not save them.
  • The crew meet Adoy, the Professor's mentor.
    Fry: Umm, are you Adoy?
    Adoy: "Adoy"? I haven't heard that name in years. Yeah, that's me.
    Fry: Uh, okay. W-we were sent here by the Professor.
    Adoy: Ah, I remember the Professor. Of course, back then I was the one called the Professor. Wait, who are we talking about?
    Bender: Oh, boy.
    Leela: Professor Hubert Farnsworth.
    Adoy: Never heard of him. So what can I do for my dear old Protégé?
    Leela: He said you might be able to help us. Long story short; Mom cut off his head and now she's trying to take over the universe!
    Adoy: Uhh. Terrible. Terrible! Terrible! But there's nothing we can do about it now. So it's a good thing you came to me!
    Bender: This guy's not making any sense! Can I kill him? Please?
  • The limitations of Adoy's time machine:
    Fry: But the time machine has a hand crank, doesn't that work?
    Adoy: Ehh, sort of, if you turn the handle for two minutes; it'll send the universe two minutes back in time.
    Bender: So it gets us back to when we started turning the handle? Yippee.
    Leela: No, wait! That could be all we need to get to the generator. If one of us is fast enough.
    Fry: Great, another dangerous mission.
    Bender: Who's the sucker this time?
    Leela: Doctor Zoidberg.
    Zoidberg: Hooray, I'm the hero!
    Fry/Bender: Hooray, we don't have to do anything!
    Leela: Okay Zoidberg, once I start cranking you've got two minutes to get to where I can see you, otherwise I'll assume you've been killed and rewind time.
    Zoidberg: Killed, ay? I'm no doctor, but that sounds painful.
    Fry: Oh, it is, trust me.
  • After the Reanimator is destroyed and Fry, Leela and Bender are killed by Destructor.
    Professor: Damn it Mom! No one kills my crew except for me! You're going down.
    Mom: Oh please! You wouldn't hit a lady!
    Professor: I suppose you're right. Though I would do this! Hoyyaa! (punches her)
    Mom: You broke my hip!
    Professor: I don't care. You wanted Planet Express so you could take over the universe, ay? Well, I guess your evil plan is foiled now, thanks to my time traveling crew.
    Mom: But you have to sell Planet Express to me! Your crew said it happened, and no one can alter the continuum of time!
    Professor: Oh, yeah? Watch me! (He starts to tear up the contract) The deal is off!
    Mom: Oh, well. How about if I throw in this hat? (holds up a sombrero.)
    Professor: Mmm.
    (Cut to Planet Express office. The Professor enters wearing the sombrero.)

    Season 5 (Movies) 

Bender's Big Score

  • The bit where Elzar uses a spice weasel with heart-shaped nostrils and then offers to make it eject spice in a star shape (because of the shape of its other end). Leela and Lars quickly refuse.
  • The scene of Bender destroying New York after being attacked by Sweden.
  • "I can wire anything directly into anything! I'm The Professor!" (dramatic pose)
  • Hermes: That body was the cornerstone of my marriage! What's LaBarbara gonna do?
    Amy: Spluh, she's gonna go back to her first husband.
    Zoidberg: Barbados Slim? I LOVE that guy!
    Hermes: Everyone loves Slim. He's the only man to win Olympic gold medals in both limbo AND sex!
  • Later in the movie:
    Barbados Slim: You haven't seen the last of Barbados Slim! Now, goodbye forever!
  • The whole extended joke about the "Box Network" renewing their contract that keeps piling on more layers of Take That!.
    • That, and the "Torgo Executive Powder" being used throughout the movie.
  • "This Trinity's Goin' to War", on top of being a piece of Awesome Music, doubles as a hilarious moment due to the elves' Amusing Injuries.
  • Early on, Leela berates Fry on being immature. Fry, immediately after mumbling "I'll show her who's immature.", proceeds to mess around with Charles DeGaulle's head in a jar.
    Fry: (in a terrible French accent) Hey, Leeluhre, I'm some French ga-iee !
  • An alien bartender uses Fry's "pen" to sign a delivery form.
  • When Leela and Bender notice the tattoo of Bender on Fry's ass, Farnsworth isn't impressed and walks away... revealing a "THUG LIFE" tattoo on his back, complete with hip-hop beat.
  • How the scammers get Bender's details in the first place:
    Nudar: Sir, would you sign our petition?
    Bender: Ehh, I support and oppose many things, but none of them strongly enough to pick up a pen.
    Nudar: Right, that's just what the guys who support the things you oppose want you to do.
    Bender: Really? Down with those guys! (he angrily signs their forms)
  • This gem from when the Professor is selling doomsday weapons to Hedonismbot.
    Farnsworth: Sir! The sphere-o-boom is not for sale. It's my sentimental favorite.
    Hedonismbot: No need to explain. I too have known...unconventional love. Perhaps you and I — and Jambi — could get together and compare notes sometime, eh?
  • After (apparently) killing Fry, Bender returns to the 31st century and tells all, still bereaved. Amy tries consoling him.
    Amy: Don't blame yourself, Bender.
    Bender: I don't blame myself! I blame all of you!
    Amy: Us? How can you possibly think of blaming us?
    Bender: It ain't easy. It just proves how great I am.

The Beast with a Billion Backs

  • Bender's Deal with the Devil: Bender is seeking an Army of the Damned to Take Over the World, and is asked to sacrifice his first-born son. He heads off and sees his son playing ball. Emotional music swells, the kid sees him and cries "Daddy! I knew you'd come back!" Cue Bender walking back into Robot-Hell with the child over his shoulder, saying "Here ya go!" and punting it into a pit of lava. The whole joke starts and ends in about 20 seconds, but is hilarious.
    • The best part?
    Bender: No backsies.
  • Also:
    Hermes: Professor, sprinkle us with wisdom from your mighty brain! How scared should we be?
    Farnsworth: Somewhere between 'not at all' and 'entirely'.
    Zoidberg: I call entirely! *freaks out*
  • Bender: I feel awed, and strangely humbled by this momentous occasion. (few seconds later) Hey, other universe, bite my shiny metal- AAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHH!!!(his butt makes contact with the rip, cause it to react violently, sending the ship flying while shitting bricks)
  • The first argument between Farnsworth and Wernstrom:
    Professor: Don't listen to that crackpot!
    Wernstrom: But I'm agreeing with you!
    Professor: I'll make you eat those words, you moron!
    • How does the fight end? Professor Stephen Hawking zaps them with eyebeams.
    Stephen Hawkin: I didn't know I could do that... (To Farnsworth and Wernstrom) Now, quite down and settle this like men of science.
    Farnsworth: Very well.
    (Cut to outside a stadium in New York)
    Farnsworth: LET DEATHBALL BEGIN!
  • "And thus, Metal Man defeated Meat Man. The End!"
  • Farnsworth is on the phone with Wernstrom:
    Farnsworth: Hermes! Hang up on him in the rudest manner possible!
    Hermes: [pulls down his trousers, grabs the phone between his ass cheeks, and raises it.]
    Wernstrom: NO! Not the crack slam!
  • MY LEG FEELS FUNNY!
    • Don't forget: "MY LEG FEELS BETTER!"
  • WHACK THE BOTTLE!
  • And the League of Robots chanting like college freshmen: "DRINK THE FLAGON! DRINK THE FLAGON!"
    • Bender comparing the League of Robots initiation to med school.
    • The moment Bender catches on to the initation ceremony's repetition.
    Bender: Wait a second... are all the tests gonna involve drinking in some way?
    Calculon: It never really occurred to me before, but... yes!
  • The Enema Bot, equipped with a rubber glove, a douche, a syringe, a thermometer, and a gasoline nozzle with which to dispense enemas of hot coffee. Fry orders one to go, and gets a cup with a long nozzle affixed to the top.
    Warning: the enema you are about to enjoy is extremely hot.
  • Pretty much anything said by the Grand Midwife/Priestess/Funeral Director/Lunchlady/Butterfly Curator in her three appearances. One standout is in Kif and Amy's Fon-Fon-Rubok ceremony. "You may now eat the snake-". Kif and Amy both take bites out of the two-headed snake she hands them. "-if you so choose. It's not part of the ceremony, I just had an extra snake".
  • After Bender decides he's going to stalk Calculon:
    Calculon: [after noticing that Bender's in his bed] ... Who are you?
    Bender: Bender. Your biggest fan.
    Calculon: Are you going to murder me?
    Bender: Mm... Unlikely. In my mind we're friends! This diorama proves it, see?
    (Bender removes a crude diorama of him and Calculon playing tennis)
    Calculon: Sir, your derangement is impressive. I'm appointing you my official stalker.
    Bender: You shan't be disapponted. Pleasant dreams.
    (Lights go off)
    (Bender's eyes telescope out to stare at Calculon's face from an inch away, and even closer when Calculon notices it.)
  • Everything about Kif's death and funeral is pure Black Comedy, but the crowner has to be when some of Kif's blood ends up on Zapp's sandwich. Zapp eats it without realizing it, and loves it.
    • There's also this exchange when Bender sees Amy crying:
    Bender: What's her problem ? Somebody died or somethin' ?
    Leela: Kif's dead, Bender.
    Bender: *fist pumps* Nailed it !
  • During Amy and Kif's Fonfon Rubok, Inez Wong accidentally squashes one of the flies that make up Kif's father. We then get this exchange:
    Kif's Father: Welcome.
    Inez: Sorry. I guess you got plenty of bugs to spare, though, huh ?
    Kif's Father: That was my left testicle.
    Bender: And the awkward-meter goes up another notch ! Ding-ding-ding-ding-ding-ding-ding !
  • The Steamboat Willie parody from the opening.
  • Leela visiting Farnsworth and Wernstrom in prison to give them a Smelloscope disguised as a cake.
  • Wernstrom illustrates that machines can't go through the anomaly using a tiny robot that says "Playtime is funtime." Wernstrom smugly says "Not this time" before throwing him through the portal and destroying him. Farnsworth then agrees that they do something about the discovery...right after they blow up more robots. Cue Fanrsworth and Wernstrom throwing more tiny robots through the portal and Farnsworth saying "Playtime is funtime."
  • A casual sight gag shows a Stegosaurus lazily grazing on the White House lawn.
  • "It appears Bender hates humans in the same way I hate having my nipples rubbed with industrial sandpaper!" - Hedonismbot (who doesn't have nipples) when the League of Robots finds out that Bender is hiding humans in Destructor's leg.

Bender's Game

  • "Show me on this anatomically correct doll exactly where Bender touched you." Farnsworth to Fry, while his brain is switched with a monkey's.
  • Part of Bender's Game involves Bender in a mental institution for robots (again). There's one absolutely hilarious moment when another robot is smashed to pieces and Rosie, the robot maid from The Jetsons, starts cleaning it up and mutters to herself:
    Rosie: Everything must be clean, very clean. That's why the dog had to die, it was a very dirty dog. Also that boy Elroy. Dirty, dirty.
    • Doubles as horror, especially if one was a fan of The Jetsons.
    • Also in the Asylum, Mad Hatterbot has the group "CHANGE PLACES!" Then Bender starts pretending to be "Titanius Anglesmith" (his D&D character), again...
      Dr. Perceptron: You are suffering a breakdown. Now stop. Hammer time. [a hammer comes downs and destroys his glass head] I am in your seat. I forgot we had changed places... [falls over]
      Mad Hatterbot: CHANGE PLACES!? [robots start running around and trampling Dr. Perceptron]
  • "The big fecal enchilada!" It Makes Sense in Context, and that's what makes it so funny!.
  • "We're owl exterminators!"
  • The part where the crew takes a shower together, and Leela is still ticked off after being insulted by rednecks and vouches to join the demolition derby to get back at them. Fry protests:
    Leela: But we have no choice. Rednecks insulted us!
    Fry: So? Let it go. Don't let your temper get the better of...
    Leela: [Grabbing Fry and shaking him senseless.] RRREEDNNNECKS!
  • This exchange:
    Leela: Is that a hobbit?
    Bender: No, it's a hobo and a rabbit, but they're making a hobbit.
  • Bender's completely deadpan reaction to seeing a massive army about to storm Wipe Castle: "Me thinks we be boned".
    • "Eat the wizard! Eat the slut! Eat the robot's shiny butt!"
  • Professor Farnsworth, when confronting Mom's sons, says that just knowing they are in the same genus makes him embarrassed to call himself "homo". Cue Cubert, Dwight, and their friends laughing at what Farnsworth said.
  • Leela/Leegola's bout of Hypocritical Humor during her Heroic B.S.O.D..
    Zoidberg: Ohhh. So, suddenly, Miss Goody-Four-Shoes over here doesn't want to kill anymore. She killed me not five minutes ago. What am I, chopped liver?
    Leegola: Shut up! (slashes him)
    Zoidberg: Ow! Stop chopping my liver!
    Leegola: (to Fry) You're on your own! I refuse to hurt another living thing! (tosses away her sword, which decapitates Zoidberg)
  • Leegola and the other centaurs clopping their hooves to Riverdance while an annoyed Scruffy has to clean up their poop behind them.
  • "That's not a magic bug, you dope! That's a magic arachnid!"
  • Zoidberg explains the cause of Leela's anger problem to her:
    "Here's the problem! You seem to have a skull embedded in your head!"
  • "The Scary Door" episode seen in the movie features aliens invading Earth and the day is saved by an unlikely hero...:
    Narrator: "In the end, it was not guns or bombs that defeated the aliens, but that humblest of all God's creatures, the Tyrannosaurus rex."
  • After learning that the king of Wipe Castle is utterly nuts (because he's Roberto), Titanius takes charge:
    Titanius: As the only nobleman present who is not (makes silly noise), I hereby place myself in charge of the Royal Army!
    URL: What Royal Army would that be?
    Bender: Come again?
    Smitty: King went insane, declared war on the scallops. Tied the army to a boulder and pushed them into the sea. They never returned!
    URL: Scallops must'a got 'em. (Smitty nods in agreement)

Into the Wild Green Yonder

  • The manner in which Bender wins the poker tournament
    The massive head of Penn Jillette: I DON'T BELIEVE IT! Bender has been dealt the KING OF BEERS, a coaster which got mixed into the deck. BUT IT STILL COUNTS!
  • Also the Tickle Me Bender!
    Tickle Me Bender: Heheheh, quit touching my junk, pervert!
  • The Professor talking about how men enjoy things that are bigger.
    Leela: I still don't see why you men can't be happy with regular sized miniature golf.
    Farnsworth: Leela, evolution has programmed our fabulous male brains to take anything anybody else thinks is important and make it bigger. (starts drinking from a 128 oz. cup) Have you seen my new 301 inch TV? (turns on a giant TV showing Everybody Loves Hypnotoad)
    TV: Hypnotoad is brought to you by the MagnaPhallix] three hundred two inch TV. It's bigger!
    Farnsworth: Aw HELL! (throws giant cup at the TV, breaking it)
  • As Fry is reading mind after mind to find the Dark One, Snoop Dogg's thoughts: "Nakedladiesnakedladiesnakedladies..."
    • And Nixon's thoughts settling an age old debate:
    Nixon: No-one knows that I really did fake the Moon landing... ON VENUS!
  • Fry attempting to use his new power to sneak into a Ladies' bathroom: "Hello ladies! I can read your thoughts!" He immediately gets thrown out. "Oh wait, that's invisibility."

    Season 6 

Rebirth

  • The opener of the premier episode. At least, the original versionnote :
    Bender: You will wake up feeling refreshed, as if Futurama hadn't been canceled by idiots, then brought back by bigger idiots.

In-A-Gadda-Da-Leela

  • As Zapp gets forced into one confession after another about he manipulated Leela, he delivers each in such an awkward and guilty tone that's rather hilarious when he switches tone entirely toward the end of it:
    Leela: (After Fry shows up alive) But how did you find this planet? [looks at Zapp menacingly] Well?
    Zapp: Oooheeeeeeaaaaiiiiiiih, we're actually on Earth! The ship's homing device brought us back!
    Leela: But I saw Earth explode!
    Zapp: I'm actually kinda proud of this one. You see...
  • When Zapp & Kif at the underground White House, looking at the death sphere:
    Zapp: Magnify that death sphere! (the V-GINY is zoomed in, looking blurry) Why is it still blurry?
    Kif: That's all the resolution we have. Making it bigger doesn't make it clearer.
    Zapp: It does on CSI: Miami!

Attack of the Killer App

Proposition Infinity

  • "If robosexual marriage becomes legal, imagine the horrible things that will happen to our children, then imagine we said those things, since we couldn't think of any. As a mother, those things worry me."
  • "What will they legalize next? Gay robosexual marriage!" - Morbo
  • Bender graffitis a sign reading "Freeway Ends At Corner" into "Free Corn"
    Hyperchicken: Free corn?! That'll suit me just fine! (drives offscreen and a crash is heard along with a loud "BU-KAWK!")

The Duh-Vinci Code

  • This classic:
    Leonardo Da Vinci: Let's see who's laughing when my doom's day device chops off-a yo face!
  • In one of those lovely pieces that goes right from heartwarming to hilarious, the end of the episode:
    Fry: I may not be clever, but I have a good heart. That's what my mom used to say.
    Farnsworth: She was a wise woman.
    Fry: Also that I'm not much to look at.
    Farnsworth: A wise woman indeed.
  • Also, as Farnsworth investigates the underground of Rome, and realizes that the Roman numeral digits are really the number of steps to take to find St. James' tomb.
    Farnsworth: One...okay, we're here!

Lethal Inspection

  • The robots killing each other. Could not stop laughing.
    Bender: (sees killer robots) Shoot!
    Robots: Someone said shoot! (shoot robot in middle)
    • Later
      Robot #1: We're going to get fired.
      Robot #2: Someone said fire! (blows up Robot #1, gets himself destroyed by tunnel)
    • And again
      Robot: Cease fire; Mom called off the attack. Although I don't understand how it's her...
      Other Robots: Someone said Howitzer! (blow up robot in middle and then each other)
      • Note: David X. Cohen enjoyed reusing some of the humor he employed in the Futurama videogame.
  • Leela: Product inspectors are bureaucrats, faceless beancounters who blend into the woodwork.
  • The bit where a bunch of cubicles are in a cube shape... that moves like a Rubix Cube to reveal Hermes' cubicle.
    Bender: I did like the part where they screamed!
  • Hermes Conrad: That's a calculator! I ate it to gain its power.
  • This exchange:
    Hermes: You know what? I will help you, if only to prove I'm not a paper-pushing file jockey.
    Amy: Will you be taking your portable filing cabinet?
    Hermes: (as he hides said cabinet in his pocket) None of your beeswax!
  • Bender gets a rare non-sociopathic one-liner:
    Bender: I can't run anymore... I'll have to skip!
  • When Bender starts leaking oil:
    Zoidberg: You call that an ink defense?
    Tears off his clothes, screams loudly, and sprays ink from his armpits everywhere, drenching everyone
    Zoidberg (running off naked): Goodbye friends!

The Late Philip J. Fry

  • As the three go through the history of existence for the third time:
    Professor: Just slow down, I'll shoot Hitler out the window. (fires gun) Darn! I hit Eleanor Roosevelt by mistake.
  • The Planet of the Apes (1968) parody.
    Fry: No! They did it! They blew it up! [The camera pans to reveal a monkey Statue of Liberty.] And then the apes blew up their society too. How could this happen? [Camera pans to reveal a bird Statue of Liberty.] And then the birds took over and ruined their society. [Camera pans to reveal a cow Statue of Liberty.] And then the cows. And then... [Camera pans to reveal a strange slug-like Statue of Liberty.] ... I don't know, is that a slug, maybe? [screaming] Noooo!
  • When Leela is told she can be sad and angry at the same time, she kicks the TV, yelling, "Hiiii-ya!" which swiftly turns into sobs.
  • "I made it, Leela. Sorry I'm a billion years late."
    • There's something about Fry's line at the end, when he meets Leela for dinner and she remarks that she didn't really believe he'd be on time.
    Fry: That was the old Fry. (Beat) He's dead now.
  • The parody version of "In the Year 2525".
  • Farnsworth's completely blase reaction when they overshoot their first attempt at getting to the point when they left in the new universe.
    Farnsworth: We'll have to bring her around again!

That Darn Katz!

  • One of the funniest one-shot characters of the series is Professor Fisherprice Shpeekenshpell. Despite his name, he is a robot whose head is a Matell See'n Say, and can only speak in programmed lines such as "The cow says 'Moo!'" to which Farnsworth comments "He proved that 50 years ago, and he's been coasting on it ever since." (This makes a bizarre kind of sense when you remember that cows are extinct by the 31st century and that there are probably few historical records of what they would have said.) This leads up to a hilarious Bait-and-Switch when he assesses Amy for her doctorate:
    Professor Katz: We shall now vote, "Yay" or "Nay". Nay.
    Wernstrom: Nay!
    Bubblegum: Hell, nay!
    Professor Shpeekenshpell: The horse says, "Doctorate denied".
  • "So you called my thesis a fat sack of crap, and then you stole it?" "Welcome to academia."
  • The description of the cats trying to save their planet. It shows two cats, one operating a giant telescope, and the other... licking itself.
  • "Mr Winkles! Smudge-smudge! Dance with each other!"
    • "Aww. Damn, they are good."
  • The Cat Race's takeaway from several thousand years on Earth: "On the whole, Earth society is worthless. But they do have these things called "antique rugs" which are great for peeing on."
  • Nibbler discovering the truth about Professor Katz: "It's one of those dog-operated puppets that have been adapted for use by a cat!"

A Clockwork Origin

  • The endless chain of links in the evolutionary chain.
  • While on the robot planet, Professor Farnsworth manages to build a spaceship out of several robot dinos, which takes him 2 hours, although they have to spend a night in a cave to charge the solar powered ship. That night, Leela and Amy are kidnapped by robots, so Farnsworth builds a slingshot consisting of a piece of metal and an elastic (from his own pants). It takes him TWELVE HOURS. And then they go to bed AGAIN because it's too dark.
  • Also also when the robo-jury has turned into gas forms overnight:
    Superior Gort Judge: Has the jury reached a verdict?
    Robotic gas forms: No, we have not, for we have all evolved into high states of consciousness. In the grand scheme of things, all physical beings are but yokels. Now settle your petty squabbles and get the hell out.
    Bender [To Farnsworth]: That'll be ten thousand dollars.
  • Also also also, the Professor hitting a rich vein of missing links: Java Man, Piltdown Man, and Manfred Mann.
  • "Objection! In the absence of pants, the defence's suspenders serve no purpose!"
  • When Farnsworth tries to defend evolution.
    Dr. Banjo: Things don't exist simply because you believe in them! Thus sayeth the almighty creature in the sky!
  • "Uh oh, it's another of Fry's dogs!" - Hermes, digging up another fossilized mutt before disposing it.

The Prisoner of Benda

  • The entire episode. All of the crazy body swapping shenanigans are a true spectable.
  • Scruffy and the bucket 'bot subplot, which is played like a serious star-crossed romance... mostly.
    Scruffy: Go. Now. Before I beg you to stay. *collapses onto his bed, sobbing* Yep.
  • The scene where Fry (in Zoidberg's body) starts making out with Leela (in the Professor's body) in a restaurant in plain view of disgusted patrons, including Amy (in Hermes' body) who permanently lost her appetite.
  • "This is for Big Bertha!" (the Professor utterly misses the general, and hits the wall with a small *doink*) "That is not what I meant to give you for Big Bertha."
  • And, of course, from the beginning of the episode, this:
    Linda: Tonight at eleven...
    Morbo: DOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOM!
  • Princess Flavia's amazing reaction to everything:
    Emperor Nikolai: Dearest, meet Bender, he's a robot in the body of a Chinese-Martian physicist.
    Flavia: How tedious.
  • "I'm afraid we need to use... MATH!" (dramatic sting)
  • Bender in Amy's body proving he's a robot to Nikolai and Basil... by moon-walking.
    Basil: He... steps forward but moves backwards!
    Nikolai: By the gods, he is a machine!

Lrrreconcilable Ndndifferences

  • "Come back Lrrr! I want to have your popplers!"
  • "I'm sick of being critiqued by a bunch of nit picking nerds...I'm taking this to a comic con!"
  • "Joss Whedon's here?"
  • "Woo, I got fruit boobs!"
  • The part with Matt Groening and David X. Cohen as themselves, showing the new show Futurella — which, due to FOX "streamlining the cancellation process", has effectively killed the show before the opening sequence was even done and Matt Groening shooting Bender with lasers after Bender asks if he was going to make another Simpsons movie.
  • And by Orson Welles, when his War of the Worlds-style broadcast leads to the Omicrons conquering earth without a fight
    Welles: Damn, I'm good. Now, may I please have that cheese log?
    • Welles' constant complaining through Fry's amateur production.
    Welles: A huge spacecraft, piloted by a devastatingly handsome... Now, how in God's name do I know what the fellow looks like if he's in a spaceship miles in the air? It's just foolish on itself!
    Fry: If you want the cheese log, you'll read what I wrote!
    Welles: Very well, I shall comply...
    • And his introduction in the first place:
    Orson Welles: (when approached in the Head Museum) You're asking me, the renowned spokesperson for Paul Mason wine, to recreate my brilliant 1938 broadcast merely to deceive and impress the wife of this skinny reptile?
    Fry: Sorry, never mind.
    Orson Welles: I'll do it for free.
  • This line after Lrr grabs Leela by the hair and throws her:
    Leela: He messed up my hair.
    Kif: I'm missing a leg!
  • Bender's telescopic eyes drooping after seeing Lrr's centerfold of a nude Omicronian woman.

The Mutants Are Revolting

  • Zoidberg's modest Dynamic Entry a la Mary Poppins. The best part? It gets to turn some heads from the Planet Express crew who normally don't give a crap about him, either. And his reaction is completely deadpan, too.
    • The bit wherein the crew has to deliver a nitro glycerin-laden souflee to a rich old woman. Cut to the ship flying through an asteroid field, as we see the the crew being rocked about wildly... save Bender, whose gyros have him bending forwards and backwards in all directions.
  • From "The Mutants Are Revolting":
    Leela: Now I have to spend the rest of my life in this hellhole. Oh sorry.
    Leela's Mother: Its okay, with you here, it can be more of a nice, regular hole.
  • "I trust the orgy pit has been scraped and buttered!" - Hedonismbot coming to Bender's party.

The Futurama Holiday Spectacular

  • As the crew drills deep beneath the earth to find petroleum oil for Bender's ladies to celebrate "Robotanukah" via oil-wrestling (It...makes sense in context, okay?), the crew comes across the "albino humping worm". Cue this exchange:
    Fry: Why do they call it that?
    The ship rocks back and forth in rhythm.
  • Parasites make space-bees racist, apparently.
    Space-bee: Are y' black with yellow stripes, or yellow with black stripes?
    Other space-bee: Yellow with black stripes, man.
    (the first bee pulls out a shotgun)
    Space-bee: Why don' you just move along?
  • The Kwanzaa Rap has a lyric where Barbados Slim states that his sexual proclivities always change. During this, he acts flirtatious towards Zoidberg!
  • The Professor chucking a small nuke at Robot Santa is both awesome and funny since the nuke comes in the form of a fruitcake.
    Professor: (singing) And once Grandma's fruit cake reaches critical mass, it can be regifted, right up Santa's ass!
  • Amy on Kwanzaa getting cancelled:
    This will be the year without Kwanzaa! Like every year before 1966!

The Silence of the Clamps

Möbius Dick

  • In "Mobius Dick", the space crew being dragged through the fourth dimension by the space whale. Their words are said forwards and backwards: Hermes can see sideways in time, Amy can see in CGI, Fry uses a palindrome phrase: "Poop", and Bender experiences a conga line of infinite Benders chanting, "Bender, Bender, Ben-DER!"
  • "I used to hunt giraffes on safari, and giraffes are basically just land space whales." - Amy.

Law and Oracle

  • Roberto hold Zoidberg hostage and lays out his demands
    Roberto: Listen up piggies! I want a hovercopter, and an unmarked sandwich and a new face with like... a Hugh Grant look! And every five minutes I don't get it, someone's gonna get stabbed in the ass!
    Zoidberg: He's bluffing! *stab noise* Ouch! He's not bluffing!
  • This exchange between Fry and an off-screen officer behind a window.
    Officer: You think you can just waltz in here with no pants on and expect to join police academy?
    Fry: That was the plan.
    Officer: I like you kid. I've got no pants on either.
    Fry: I can see that. You're quite taller than me.
    Officer: *Arm extends from top of screen to offer a handshake* Welcome to police academy.
  • URL delivers possibly the best Retirony joke ever:
    URL: And Smitty was just a few days from retirement.
    Fry: What happened?
    URL: He took a early retirement. Damn.
  • There's a sight gag of the outside of the police station where two people matching the wanted posters, right down to their clothes and hairstyles, are walking past.
  • Fry and URL arrest Erwin Schrodinger:
    URL: What's in the box, Schrodinger?
    Schrodinger: Ermm...a cat, some poison, and a Cesium atom.
    Fry: The cat. Is it alive or dead? Alive or dead?!
    URL: Answer him, fool!
    Schrodinger: It's a superposition of both states until you open it and collapse the wave function.
    Fry (grabbing the box): Says you.
    (A cat leaps from the box and attacks Fry. While Fry struggles with the cat, URL takes a look inside the box.)
    URL: There's also a lotta drugs in there.
  • While Fry, URL, and Chief O'Manhattan are in the changing rooms naked after Fry and URL return from a case.
    Chief O'Manhattan: Congratulations on that big bust.
    Fry: You too!
  • "Shall we adjourn now to the dungeon?" - Hedonismbot in a bondage outfit, showing up in the middle of Fry arresting Pickles the Oracle.

Benderama

  • "Benderama" eventually comes to a point where all water on Earth has become alcoholic through the direct manipulation of atoms by microscopic Bender clones. Morbo and Linda's drunk newscast takes the cake.
    Morbo: Titty much everybody's protally fit-shaced.
  • This particular line:
    Bender: [referring to the ugly giant grabbing their ship] Oh God, shield your eyes! It's like Edward James Olmos on IMAX!
  • Linda's reaction to the news about the microscopic Benders consuming all the alcohol in the world.
  • The montage of the Planet Express Crew killing the Bender clones set to the Presidents of the United States of America's cover of the song "Rock and Roll Pest Control."
  • Scruffy sweeping up the dead Benders and eulogizing with "A greater tragedy my eyes have never beheld," before concluding with, "Welp, into the turlet."
  • The scene immediately after where a sick Bender coughs and mutters, "So sober, so weak" after going so long without alcohol.
  • This scene from when everyone on Earth is drunk:
    Hermes: You wanna see a picture of my boy?
    Zoidberg: Sure. (Hermes shows him a picture) That's your penis!
    Hermes: That's my boy.

The Tip of the Zoidberg

  • The entire montage of Zoidberg attempted to Sneak-Mercy-Kill the Professor... set to a bouncy instrumental version of Mr. Sandman.
  • The fact that on Zoidberg's office door the M in M.D. is in quotation marks.
  • Fry's various diseases caused by Zoidberg's incompetence. First he has Simpsons jaundice, where his skin is yellow ("Ay carumba!"). Then he gets Garfield Syndrome, where his skin turns orange and gets a cat like face ("I hate Mondays"). Then he gets Muppets gangrene, where his skin is green and his eyes look like Kermit the Frog's ("It's not easy being gangrenous"). And finally he gets an unnamed disease where he's blue and gets a bulbous nose like a Smurf.
  • The flashback where Farnsworth and Zoidberg are part of a landing party on Triton and Zoidberg warns Hubert of Tritonian malaria.
    Zoidberg: Just be sure to avoid the methane swamps. (they land on a swamp) What smells like methane?

Ghost in the Machines

  • Ghost in the Machines, right after Fry is saved by Bender possessing a Robot Devil disguised as an Amish woman:
    Fry: "I think the Robot Devil said he loved me in Bender's voice while wearing Granny Hester's clothes. ... I wanna go home!"
  • When Bender follows the Robot Devil to his office:
    Bender: "Alright, so what's happening to me? And I'll take my answer in any form but a song."
  • YMMV, but part of the Ghost in the Machines plot is Bender's ghost trying to scare Fry to death, which has a disturbing part where Bender projects an image of Fry's head melting into a skull.
    Fry: [Fry's heart is now beating noticeably fast and Fry begins to faint.] A heart attack! [Fry's heart stops beating.] Yup, I was right.
  • "Let the seance begin!" "I SAID SCIENCE!"
  • The Planet Express Crew discuss how Bender's death has affected the business.
    [Hermes is using Bender's antenna to point to a graph on a holographic screen]
    Hermes: As you can see, since Bender's death, requests to bite one's shiny metal ass are down 98%.
    [Scruffy enters, vacuuming with Bender's compartment, leg, and footcup.]
    Hermes: Do you mind doing that later?!
    Scruffy: Bite my shiny metal ass.
    [The line in the graph on the screen rises]
  • In one of Bender's attempts to scare Fry to death, Fry is making toast and when one piece pops out of the toaster it reads "BO". Fry is confused by it until the second piece pops out, completing the message with "O!", frightening Fry.

Neutopia

  • From "Neutopia":
    Rock Alien: Test #1: Who can drink the most sulfur?
    (Cut to Petunia and Sal choking and convulsing on the ground)
    Rock Alien: Test inconclusive. Test #2: Who can drink the most arsenic?

Yo Leela Leela

  • From "Yo Leela Leela":
    • Hermes line, "Working on a real TV show is so exciting. I'm on a mostly natural high."
    • The song, "So if you don't want a tapeworm or intestinal bugs/Don't eat pastrami/That fell on the rug!"
    • Leela's breakdown after Abner Doubledeal turns Rumbledy Hump into a reality show and gives all the orphans jobs on the set of the show.
    • Bender stepping on one of the kids and lighting the match to his cigar on the head of another kid.

Fry Am the Egg Man

  • Fry trying out the Amazonians' "Aunt Snu-Snu's Maple Syrup"
    Fry: I'm scaroused.

All the Presidents' Heads

  • (Farnsworth sits on Gerald Ford's head after learning of his ancestor's actions, depressed)
    Gerald Ford: Hi! My name's Gerry! I like movies!
  • Also:
    Bender: Has anyone seen Ulysses Grant? He owes me a couple of beers!
    Leela: He's over there, puking in the Bushes.
    (Cut to Ulysses Grant about to vomit, of which the camera conveniently pans down to George W. Bush and George H.W. Bush, both yelling a slow Big "NO!")
  • From David Farnsworth's Head:
    Farnsworth: I killed George Washin'ton an' now I'm marred to one of the Spice Girls! ...(slightly somber) Don't rightly know which one.
  • And:
    Bender (Cockney accent): Say, 'ow is it that we've got socialized medicine—[turns around to reveal terrible dental problems]—BOT ME TEETH STILL LOO' LIKE THIS?
  • Also, a new flag is at the end of the new episode/head museum. It might have been an insult to the Brits, since it says these words: "Bite my fhiny metal aff."
  • Hermes talking to Thomas Jefferson's head:
    Hermes: So...You grow hemp?
    Thomas Jefferson: Yes.
    Hermes: And...You do what with it?
    Thomas Jefferson: All manner of things. Manufacture paper, fabric, rope...
    Hermes (disappointed): Oh. Well, nice talking to you. (leaves off-screen)
    Thomas Jefferson: Why, I used to smoke about four feet of rope a day.
    [Hermes comes back, running.]
    Hermes: Let me give you my pager number.
  • This exchange, when they're looking at the counterfeits made by David Farnsworth.
    Benjamin Franklin: This is a fake!
    Fry: Duh! It says "Colony of Maffachufetts"!
    Bender: More like "Taxachufetts"!
    Benjamin Franklin: (sighs) That's just how we print our S's, you ftupid fhitheads!

Cold Warriors

Overclockwise

  • In 'Overclockwise', with his processing speed boosted, Bender can tell what things are going to happen in advance...such as a ceiling fan falling onto Zoidberg. When Mom's drones at the end drag him off to be restored to factory settings, Bender asks Zoidberg to take a few steps aside, and the doctor does so- a ceiling fan hits him. And among the various things Bender wrote down while omniscient was a list of ceiling fans.
  • Zoidberg's proposal to save Planet Express is to stage a play of Fiddler on the Roof, to which Nibbler suggests that their version should be called "Nibbler on the Roof". We don't see the play, but here's the aftermath:
    Nibbler(dressed as Tevye): [sad] We've had some tough times, [happy] but at least we won a Tony! [pulls out a Tony Award]
    Zoidberg: [jealous] You won a Tony. Feh!

Reincarnation

  • In the season 6 finale, during the Voltron parody, the crew discovers that the aliens communicate through dance. Bender and Fry's attempt follows thusly:
    Hey aliens, we will kill you, and dishonor your widows... by making them gather wood.
    • It should be noted that they were trying to dance peace.
    • In the Fleischer-esque parody, Fry and Leela stand on the balcony of the Planet Express building, while everything is bobbing up and down.
    Leela: I love this time of day. There's such a beautiful stillness.
    Farnsworth: There! Now, for the first time, we may be able to see the infinitesimal fabric of matter itself, laying bare the most fundamental laws of the universe!
    Leela: Hey Fry, I know something you could lay bare.
    Fry: Leela! Shhh! I'm trying to listen to a physics lecture!
    • The "log from the bottom of the sea" rhymes
  • Farnsworth: The pursuit of knowledge is hopeless and eternal. (Cheers)
  • This:
    Amy: It seems their movements are a form of language. Rather than speaking Ja�English like us, they speak by dancing.
  • KAJIGGERU DESU!

    Season 7 

The Bots and the Bees

  • The scene where Bender is bonding with his son Ben is both funny and touching. It shows stereotypical father son activities such as fishing and learning to ride a bike, but they are actually stealing together.

A Farewell to Arms

  • Turns out the solar flare wasn't going to hit Earth (for once), but Mars... which everyone spent the whole episode evacuating to. Oops.
  • "Cowardman, away!"
  • The Great Revealo
    Fry: Wait! I did it. I got a Leela a ticket!
    Leela: How did you that?!
    Fry: A-ah-uh-uh! A magician never reveals his secrets. Except the Great Reveal-o!
    Zoidberg: That guy stinks.
    [The Great Reveal-o releases some doves, and the audience gasps in awe.]
    Great Reveal-o: The doves didn't magically spring from my hand, but rather were crammed into this netting sewn into my sleeve!
    [The audience claps.]
    Zapp: Thank you, Great Reveal-o!
  • When Mars approaches Earth, the resident recurring hobos Dandy Jim and Gus get this moment:
    Dandy Jim: I have got to quit drinking.
    [He throws his booze bottle in the air. The bottle gets caught in Mars' gravity and falls into the hands of Gus.]
    Gus: Thanks, friend!

Decision 3012

  • FREE BEER
  • "Decision 3012" Bender is working for Nixon to dig up dirt on Chris Travers, a rival election candidate. While digging through his office for files at night, Travers comes back, forcing him to hide in the men's room disguised as a urinal (the rest of which are out of order). Cue Traverse walking up to Bender and unzipping his fly as we transition to the next scene.
    Nixon: Well, you did manage to get us a TREMENDOUS urine sample...
    Bender: (embarrassed and traumatized) Let's not talk about that...!

The Thief of Baghead

Zapp Dingbat

  • A trio of aliens use holophoners to create a male crossdressing dancer. Cue their audience:
    George Takei: Dance, slave!
  • Zapp Brannigan offending the Carcaron ambassadors by attempting to congratulate them in their native tongue only to say this:
    Zapp Brannigan: (Gurgles Carcaron language)
    • Apparently, Zapp tried the same thing while at a Mexican restaurant with similar results.
  • Zapp officiating his own wedding.
  • The Carcarons interrupt Zapp's wedding:
    Zapp: We're under attack and the wedding's off. Kif, return fire and the cake.
    Kif: Our weapons are disabled, and you can't return ice cream cakes! We're doomed!

The Butterjunk Effect

  • There's a little gem from "The Butterjunk Effect":
    Leela: (seductively) Fry, keep your door unlocked tonight.
    Fry: But McGruff the crime dog says-! Oh....
  • Bender entering the room and waking in on Fry, Amy and Leela. He seems them altogether and gasps as his towel falls to the ground.
  • Great Self-Deprecation
    Bender: You can do work and be lazy at the same time! Like a voice actor!

The Six Million Dollar Mon

  • "The Six Million Dollar Mon" has a great moment when a drop of La Barbara's curry eats through the table... and descends through the apartment complex, causing general havoc until it drops straight into Robot Hell and onto the Robot Devil's head.
    Robot Devil (screaming in agony): Ahh! It burns! It burns!
  • Roberto yelling that he's going to stab the electro-magnetic chair.
  • Zoidberg might usually suck as a stand-up comic and a doctor, but he definitely shows a calling in ventriloquism!
    Zoidberg: Thank you, I'll be here all week!
    Lil' Hermes:You've been warned, people!
    • Of note is his ability to harmonize. With himself. Amy is annoyed and disturbed he's even capable of this.
  • "Robot brain implant? Never. No one in their right mind would do that." (Cuts to Professor Fansworth laughing in a dark thunder storm)
  • The first time everyone sees the bulking form of Mega Hermes:
    Fry: (looking over his reflective backside) Nice shiny metal ass, Hermes!
    Bender: (looks over, spouting annoyed, frustrated gibberish.)

Fun on a Bun

  • The very first scene, Fry eats a dipped Doritos chip with his feet:
    Leela: Ugh, Fry! That's disgusting!
    Fry: What?
    Leela: You double-dipped! Geez...
    (Leela then proceed to eat a dipped Doritos chip with her feet)
  • Fry leading the Neanderthals' attack against the Homo sapiens.
    Fry:Kill all modern humans!
    Bender: Hey, this guy's alright.
  • The scene where Zapp is in his ship and the Neanderthals launch something with a catapult.
    Zapp Brannigan: What is that, Kif? (object is revealed to be a sabre-toothed cat which attacks him.)
    Kif: I believe it's a sabre-toothed cat, sir.
  • The Overly Long Gag between Hermes and the Megatherium.
  • Bender running back to a booth to drink beer and then a woolly mammoth crushes the booth.
  • "In light of your overwhelming victory, we'll call it a draw." —Zapp Brannigan

Free Will Hunting

  • All of Joey Mousepad's lines in "Free Will Hunting":
    Joey Mousepad: [offscreen] Psst. Over there. Bender: Where? Joey Mousepad: I mean over here. Sorry, I forgot where I was.
    Joey Mousepad: Sorry there, sport. That cash greenback belongs to us Mafiolios.
    • Bender prostituting himself off to Hedonismbot for $5 for a hit of spark, a substance "analogous to drugs":
    Hedonismbot: Hello, handsome. Might I procure your services?
    Bender: Uh, what do I have to do?
    Hedonismbot: Oh, nothing sordid, I assure you! Simply vomit on me, ever so gently, while I humiliate a pheasant. [Bender begins to retch.] Save it for the boudoir!
  • Bender in the hospital after being beaten up by the Robot Mafia
    Bender: It's been quite a journey. I dropped out of school, joined a gang, took money from a loan shark, and fell into a spiral of despair of addiction and discount prostitution.
    Hermes: Mon, you had one hell of a day!
  • Leela asking Bender if he's ready to make the delivery and then he spits gum in her hair.
  • Bender: Life is about decisions. Make the wrong ones, and you'll wind up face-down in a pool of your own blood and urine.
    Zoidberg: Still, to have your own pool!

Near-Death Wish

  • Leela coming on to Fry and then him rejecting her advances because "he's trying to meet old people".
  • On "Near Death Wish": Professor Farnsworth's bitterness at his parents causes him to run out into the street crying. While fully naked.
    Bender: That is one crazy, uncircumcised old man.
    • Also from the same episode, Farnsworth's parents tell him he can't go to college because he's not emotionally mature enough. Cue Farnsworth crudely mimicking them and then collapsing on his bed crying.

31st Century Fox

  • Fry drinks for the champagne fountain*
    Old woman: Uh young man. One does not drink from the champagne fountain in that manner.
    Fry: But he's doing it! *Bender's horse is drinking from the fountain*

Viva Mars Vegas

  • Big Spender, adapted for Zoidberg.
  • "Oh fuff! God didn't get to be God just by giving out money!" — Professor Farnsworth when Zoidberg says God gave him his sudden wealth.

Naturama

  • An episode showing that Nature Is Not Nice complete with sponsor from Mutual of Omicron, mating season, Morgan Freeman parody narration,animals eating other animals and so on.
    • Elephant seal Bender defeating Kif. By which we mean smashing him into a pancake for hours after he died. While sleeping.

Forty Percent Leadbelly

  • When Bender talks about wanting to make up his own folk songs:
    Zoidberg: But robot, you can't make up folk songs like you can a medicial diploma. (points to his head) they have to come from the heart.
  • Fry carrying dynamite into a railroad camp and dropping it. He then delivers it into a warehouse with other explosives and the whole buidling explodes.
    Gus: Dibs on the toes!
  • Bender after his "artistic integrity" monologue: "LET'S SELL OUT"
    • And then he and Silicon Red become rappers!

2-D Blacktop

  • Speed Buggy's and Mach 5's cameoes in the junkyard
  • "Bender is bored! Bender is bored! Bender, Bender, Bender! *gets sprayed over with cement*
  • "HOORAY! A TIE!"

T.: The Terrestrial

  • All of Bender's attempts to cover up the fact that he left Fry on Omicron Persei Eight. And the fact that he succeeds.
    • "The elves are back" *grabs a mallet*

Fry and Leela's Big Fling

  • When Fry and Leela are strolling through the park holding hands and having a romantic moment, Bender bursts through the trees on his nightly crime spree. He then tries to mug them anyways and reveals his "gun" is actually a carrot. Leela proceeds to beat the crap out of him and Fry and her steal the money he has stolen.
    Bender Help! I'm being mugged!
  • The scene where Leela suggests they go skinny dipping. It also shows a great amount of progression in their relationship that Leela does legitimately find Fry attractive.
  • "You know who I hate most? That monkey we haven't seen in years, Gunter!"
    • There's something hilarious about Gunter's shocked and annoyed reaction.
  • At the end of the episode, Bender desperately wants to tell Fry and Leela that they were at a zoo and all their "activities" were on display but Amy begs him not to because it will humiliate them. Fry and Leela then taunt them with earlier insults they had made about Amy and Zoidberg.
    Bender: Now can I!? Now can I!?
    Amy: Let 'er rip!
    (cue the Executive Producer credits, then cut back to Planet Express)
    Bender: YOU WERE IN A ZOO!!!

The Inhuman Torch

  • The Inhuman Torch:
    Mayor Poopenmeyer (to Fry and Bender): You boys must have hero in your bones!
    To Leela: And you, lady, must have heroine in your veins!
    Hermes: It's like the flame has a mind of its own.
    Leela: It's deaky. Freaky-deaky!
  • The news report of the mine collapse:
    Linda: Officials concede that any attempt at rescue would be an agonizing suicide mission.
    Farnsworth: Good news, everyone!
    Leela: *disgusted sigh*
  • Zoidberg pole dancing on the fire station's poles:
    Zoidberg: Friends, look at these new poles. Get ready for one sexy firehouse.
    (Slides down the pole in a very seductive manner)
    Farnsworth: Zoidberg, quit turning us on and go polish your nozzle!
  • Zapp Brannigan isn't very good at astronomy.
    Zapp: They said it couldn't be done, Kif. But here we are, stealing an unlimited supply of birthday-grade helium from the unsuspecting moon.
    Kif: Sun.
    'Zapp: But at night, it's called the moon

Saturday Morning Fun Pit

  • Saturday Morning Fun Pit: Richard Nixon trying to edit G.I. Zapp for violence and language, making it a spot-on parody of G.I. Joe: The Movie—complete with an obvious, on-screen death being hastily edited into the character "sleeping."
    • The episode making fun of all the irritating things about The Dark Age of Animation Saturday morning TV that most viewers don't remember or don't want to remember because of the Nostalgia Filter: cheesy "We'll Be Right Back" bumpers, excessive commercial breaks, the Merchandise-Driven nature of cutesy shows like Strawberry Short Cake, Smurfs and My Little Pony, Scooby Doo's Seasonal Rot years when it had celebrity cameos (6 Larry Bird clones excluded) and was more poorly-written than usual, Moral Guardians (conservative and liberal) protesting over Saturday morning cartoons not being educational and being too violent, and how sports (ex:golf) shows always air after a block of cartoons on network TV.
  • Bendy Boo: Buttery floor, "teriyucki" chicken, Larry Bird phoned-in cameo, reused animation, Shaggy Fry drug reference and so on.
    George Takei: I'm mentally ill. (Canned Laughter)
  • Purpleberry Pond: Bender calling Fry "chedderhead".
    Hermes: There goes the purplehood.
    Berry Burglar: I must get my hands on those healthy purple berries!
    Cat-octopus-sidekick: *Beat* Bort.
  • The "G. I. Zapp" episode that Nixon began censoring and unintentionally riffing beginning with what was entitled "Operation Throat Slit". Oh sorry, "Operation Banana Split".
    • "We'll blow them straight to He—CHURCH!"
    • "Ready, aim, NEGOIATE!"
    • The evil organization in the G.I. Zapp segment being called A.C.R.O.N.Y.M., especially since the acronym actually stands for something (A Criminal Regiment Of Nasty Young Men).
    Nixon: "Oh, that's clever. I'll leave that the way it is."
    • Which is doubly hilarious when you remember that A.C.R.O.N.Y.M. is led by Professor Farnsworth.
    • "Incoming surface-to-air TELEGRAM!"
    Zapp: Pilot. Is your parachute packed and ready?
    Kif: Yes, sir.
    Zapp: Good, because I forgot mine.
    • The censored plane crash:
    Kif: Mayday, mayday! Tell my wife I'll be-"
    Nixon: Home for dinner! (plane crashes and explodes) I, uh, landed the plane safely next to this naturally occurring fireball. At Disneyland! (Kif's arm flies out of the explosion) Hi Tinkerbell!
    • As Leela: Uh, here comes a water balloon. That's quite a splash.
    • After a ray gun successfully disintegrates a mercenary:
    Nixon: Uh, beam me up Scotty!
    • Amy throws an ax that lands in somebody's chest.
    Nixon: Yay! I caught it!
    • Later Amy uses blades to repeatedly stab a mercenary in the gut.
    Nixon: Three, four, cha cha cha!
    • As Hermes dunks a guy's head into a tank of water:
    Nixon: Find that apple! It's down there somewhere!
    • Nixon dubs Leela saying "bastards" with his own voice because "it's okay if I say it."
    • Nixon's replacement names for the G.I. Zapp soldiers:
    Fry: Freezer Burn!
    Leela: Nutcracker!
    Nixon: That's no name for a woman. Let's just call her "Pat"note .
    Hermes: Waterboard!
    Nixon: Helpful Johnny!
    Amy: Boxcutter!
    Nixon: Powder Puff!
    Bender: Orphan Crippler!
    Nixon: Uh, pass.
    • Bender's killing spree, complete with Wilhelm Scream. Nixon's expression is priceless.
    Nixon: That's it. I'm pulling the plug! Agnew! Cut to the PSA! (Agnew angrily puts on tape)
    • Nixon playing the introduction backwards
    Narrator: G.I. Zapp is an elite force of—
    Nixon: Patriotic peacekeepers, who rebuild schools with their bullet-sucking vacuum tanks! Yeah, that's what they are.
    • As Fry getting shot: "Oh God it h—TICKLES!"
  • Great historical joke from the "G.I. Zapp" segment.
    Nixon: Rose Mary! Do we have anything to edit tape?!
    Female Voice (offscreen): Oh, you know we do!

Calculon 2.0

  • "Calculon 2.0" has a few good moments. "Hail science!"
    • Also the complete ridiculousness of the professor's science.
      Farnsworth: First, we put on our protective suits. Then, place equal distance from the five nearest wireless network hubs.
      [The hubs project a pentangle in the air]
      Hermes: This is the least scientific thing I've ever seen!
      Farnsworth: You be quiet! Now it's a simple matter of reverse installing Calculon's operating system. Amy, play this installation disk backwards.
      Disk: Rise from the dead in the name of Satan.
      Farnsworth: Meanwhile, I'll get a spare circuit board from this mechanical goat. (cuts open goat like a sacrifice)
      Hermes: Seriously, this could not seem less scientific.
    • And then there is the Robot Devil's reaction to Calculon's less than stellar acting.
      Robot Devil (looking down at the damned being tortured): "Oh God, haven't they suffered enough?!!!"
    • When Fry and Bender show up and request Calculon's soul, the Robot Devil tries to make it seem like he doesn't want to be rid of Calculon by having Fry guess a number between one and three. Fry guesses that the number is four. The Robot Devil emphasizes that the number is between one and three, not including one or three. Fry then guesses that the number is "M". When Bender asks if Fry got it right, the Robot Devil sarcastically answers "Yes, the number I was thinking of was the letter M" and proceeds to just let Fry and Bender leave with Calculon.

Assie Come Home

  • This part:
    Fry: I never even knew you had an ass.
    Bender: (Makes frustrated grunts, his eye twitches)
    • Especially funny considering the very first thing Bender ever said to Fry was "Bite my shiny metal ass."
  • Bender biting his own shiny metal ass.
  • Bender finding his legs being attached to Tinny Tim. Crosses the Line Twice at its finest.
    Leela: Well, Bender, guess you won't be getting your legs back. But your sacrifice will let an innocent child live a full and happy life.
    (chainsaw noises are heard)
    Bender: (now with his legs) I'm sorry, you were sayin' something?
    Tinny Tim: Oh, crumb. I guess it's back to the cart for me. (miserably drags himself over to a cart made from some wooden planks with wheels stuck to them)
    Bender: Oooh, nice cart...
    (cuts to Bender using the cart as a skateboard)
    Bender: Hey, this thing's pretty smooth! Eh, but I still prefer walking. (tosses cart in the trash, while Leela glares daggers at him)
  • Tarquin (the lighthouse keeper who looks sorta like a toad mixed with some kind of bottom-dwelling fish) introduces himself:
    Name's Tarquin. Been alone here, tending this light, longer'n I can remember. [The "Ding" of a microwave is heard] That'll be my Cup-a-Soup. It's been microwavin' longer'n I can remember.

Leela and the Genestalk

  • From Leela and the Genestalk:
    Fry: You can't bend a wooden door!
    Bender: You know that and I know that, but this door looks pretty stupid. (Proceeds to bend door)
  • Bender finding Finn and Jake chained up in Mom's castle dungeon.
    Jake: What time is it?
  • This line after Fry and Bender return with Leela, who is now a mass of tentacles with a face.
    Fry: It's okay. Leela's just changed a little.
    Zoidberg: More than a little. She's beautiful!

Game of Tones

  • Leela (to Michelle): Hey you hussie! You can't dump Fry. That's my job! (Fry nods in agreement)

Murder on the Planet Express

  • Fry forgets his magnetic shoes that let him stick to the outside of the ship and promptly floats away, screaming for Bender to help...despite claiming himself as the only person he ever trusts. Bender makes a super tiny sigh with unmistakable "Oi, this guy again" subtext.
  • Amy apparently posted on Facebook that Leela wears a jock strap, thinking it was a thong.
  • Hermes' manwich gets switched with a kidney that Bender stole from Fry to sell to a man in need of one. The man in question turned out to be Farnsworth so...
  • The many disguises the shapeshifter uses to fool the crew and eat them:
    • Twice does it fool them by posing as the Professor. When the third time they suspect him of being the monster, Amy then devours him, with the real Amy standing up from behind a chair.
    • Fry and Leela hide inside a closet and end up kissing. However, Fry then notices Leela is biting him while kissing, and then he realizes she's not the shapeshifter but him and devours her.

Stench and Stenchibility

Meanwhile

  • From "Meanwhile":
    • A Black Comedy one-liner from Fry, caught in the middle of a time-loop where he's constantly falling to his death:
      Fry: You know those dreams you have when you're falling and you fade out just before you hit the ground? Those are great. *SPLAT*
    • Fry's "Groundhog Day" Loop of his fall from the building is the darkest thing the show has ever done, but that doesn't stop it being hilarious. Especially when he gets tired of the endless plunge and falls asleep mid-fall.

    General/Unsorted 
  • Almost the entirety of the Emmy-winning show (with a few tear-jerking moments) to the point of being named "Most Critically Acclaimed Animated Series" by Guinness Book Of World Records.
  • Some of the episode titles: "That Darn Katz!" (That Darn Cat!), "2-D Blacktop" (Two-Lane Blacktop), "31st Century Fox", etc.
  • The teases. The writers love to poke fun at this cliché (ex: "Anthology of Interest II"- Fry gets another life after losing his last one).
  • Use of Public Domain cartoons in the opening title sequences- equivalent to the Couch Gag
  • The title caption gags are always a good laugh.
  • Fry is just a showcase of CMOF quotes:
    • "I'm getting one of those things again! You know, a headache with pictures!" "An idea?" "Mmm! Mmm!"
    • "It's like there's a party in my mouth and everyone's throwing up."
    • "What smells like blue?"
    • "But Bender need brain! For smart-making!"
      • "What did you do now? Stop doing things!"
    • "Hey! It's that guy you are!"
    • "I heard alcohol makes you stupid." "No I'm... doesn't."
  • Same goes for Bender. You can't help but laugh at him everytime he says something.
  • And Zoidberg! He has one of the highest laughs-per-minute rates in the show.
  • During one of the commentaries for the films, the filmmakers referred back to the episode "Bend Her" and coming up with the name "Congo Jack," stating that it was an over the top name that would only make sense in a soap-opera type environment. The person then pointed out that they came up with this name in the same episode they introduced Barbados Slim.

    The comics 
  • This, from the Simpsons / Futurama crossover:
    The Professor: Good news, everyone!
    Hermes: "Good news, everyone!" is a registered trademark of Planet Express. The management guarantees no actual good news.
    • In a hilarious Nice Job Breaking It, Hero!, Fry wonders aloud why the Brains had to accompany them into works of literature, and just transport them there so they'd be stuck forever. The brains realize they could have done that all along. As they're being sent into a Simpons comic:
      Farnsworth: Fry...
      Hermes: Let me say it: "You're an idiot."
  • In issue 4, Zapp goes missing on a planet that in no way resembles Vietnam, so DOOP contracts Leela to find and retrieve him (on the grounds that she "did the hipedy-dipedy" with him). When she's reluctant, the DOOP councilwoman offers Planet Express a generous bonus, three times their normal fee, a bonus big enough that Fry and Bender are willing to escort Leela at gunpoint to the planet. Then we find out from Kif just how much this bonus is:
    Kif: The best twenty dollars the DOOP ever spent.
    • During her meeting with Planet Express, the councilwoman mentions that Nixon is deliberately prolonging the war. Why? Because of the benefits the suffering brings to the folk music scene. Bender approves.
      Bender: Ah, senseless violence. The folk musician's best friend!
  • While looking for a school to send Cubert to, the gang find an underwater school where the kids aren't rewarded with grades, but oxygen. A student who is clearly suffocating runs up to the principal.
    Student: (muffled noises, while pointing at throat)
    Principal: Yes, well, you should have thought about that before handing in your book report. The Count of Monte Cristo was not a vampire!
  • Due to the Professor messing around with a time-machine, everyone on Earth save Fry, Bender, Leela and Cubert get stuck in the distant past. Labarbara doesn't take it well.
    Labarbara: You did this to us, ya old fossil! I'm going to bury you, go the future, then use you to fuel me car!
  • Lrr and Ndnd plan to settle a now abandoned Earth, over the crew's objections.
    Lrr: Our sensors detect only four lifeforms! That is not enough to form a boy band, let alone a civilisation!
  • Fry disguising himself as a Catholic priest to fool Lrrr and Ndnd.
    Fry: I'm Father O'Malley, and may the Lord upstairs forgive ye, ye unholy alien overlords.
  • After apparently fooling Ndnd into believing Earth is inhabited, Lrr turns around and thanks them.
    Lrr: Redecorating the planet for her would have cost me a fortune.
    Fry: So.. we didn't fool you with our brilliant disguises?
    (Lrr begins cackling madly, even as his ship takes off)
    Bender: Man, that guy's laugh really carries.
  • One issue has a time-travelling Bender encounter a version of the Salem Witch trials, only the humans are hunting robots. Bender watches as a human is put on trial for being a robot, with ridiculous "tests" that wouldn't work on robots, like being tickled by feathers, feeling no pain when their hair is cut, being able to float in water, that sort of thing. Bender asks the nearest robot what's going on, and it turns out humans asked the robots for a list of robot weaknesses. So the robots played them for chumps and ran for it.
    • Plus, as the human being tried protests: "Do not listen to him! He speaks in sinful binary lies!"
    • Bender trying to calm the mob (and getting them to join him in song) only results in a Smash Cut to him about to be burnt at the stake.
    Mob: BURN THE ROBOTS! BURN THE ROBOTS!
    Bender: You know, that's really more of a chant...
    Samantha (a robot): Oh, will you shut up?!
    • And the wonderful Brick Joke in the next issue. Bender shows up unharmed, and when asked how he survived he just points out that he's a robot. He didn't burn.
  • More time-travel shenanigans, when Leela encounters a version of Ancient Greece ruled by robot gods, specifically this part of the expositon.
    Man: At first the gods ruled wisely, and benevolently. And then their total power corrupted them. Honestly, who could've seen that one coming?
  • During Leela's time-travel escapades, the robo-gods eventually decided to kill all life on Earth.
    '''Robot Hermes (not ''that'' one) There! That missile will hit the north pole, melt the ice caps, and flood the Earth!
    Leela: Why would you even do that?
    Robot Hermes: It's just the sort of thing gods do when we're bored!
  • Hermes, starving hungry because of Bender's awful cooking, takes his anger out on Fry.
    Hermes: You leave me no choice but to dock your pay and eat your shirt!
    (cut to Fry watching Hermes doing exactly that)
    Fry: Are you just doing this because you're hungry and don't want to eat Bender's food?
    Hermes: Nonsense! Now get back ta work before I'm forced to eat your delicious pants!
  • Bender, corrupt with power as Nixon's presidential health advisor, demands everyone attend a "health workshop" in Madison Square garden immediately.
    Fry: (who's stuck in a tube) What, now?
    Bender: (who really shouldn't be able to hear him) No, the kind of immediately where you sit around on your ass for an hour. Yes, now!


MY LEG FEELS BETTER!
http://tvtropes.org/pmwiki/pmwiki.php/Funny/Futurama