Funny: Futurama

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    Season 1 
  • The first episode, Fry and Bender's encounter at the suicide booth:
    Suicide Booth: Please select mode of death: quick and painless or slow and horrible.
    Fry: Yeah, I'd like to place a collect call.
    Suicide Booth: You have chosen, "slow and horrible."
    Bender: Good choice!
    <Panel slides down showing the implements of death>
    Bender: Yeah, bring it on, baby!
    • Also, this exchange that takes place:
    Bender (impatiently, with Fry cowering in the corner and shrieking like a girl): C'mon! Kill me already! (Casually, to Fry) By the way, my name's Bender...
    Bender: You're full of crap, Fry! (Turns around and gets shocked when his antenna crashes into a lightbulb fixture) You make a persuasive argument, Fry!
  • The end of the garbage ball documentary.
    Fry: You got that on the Internet? In my day the Internet was only used for pornography.
    Professor: Actually, that's still true.
    Woman in video: Now that the garbage is in space, doctor, perhaps you can help me with my sexual inhibitions.
    Man in video: With gusto. [porno music starts playing]
    • The man has a stereotypical New York accent, and the woman sounds like Fran Drescher.
    • The simple scene when Fry goes to press the "Launch" button (surrounded by a bull's-eye, no less), and misses.
      • "Oops."
    • And the moment just before that:
    Farnsworth: 5... 4... 3... 2... 3... 4... 5...
    Leela: (To Fry) Just fire the damn thing!
    • A Big Piece of Garbage opens with the Death Clock, which Fry tests. Bender's reaction to his unseen score? "Oooh. Dibs on the CD player."
  • When Farnsworth tells Fry that they renamed Uranus to end the "your anus" jokes once and for all. It is now called "Urectum".
  • From "When Aliens Attack"
    Zoidberg: Gracias.
    • Zapp Brannigan vs. military strategy, in what is regarded as his Establishing Character Moment:
      Zapp: If we can hit that bulls-eye, the rest of the dominoes will fall like a house of cards... checkmate!
    • "Stop exploding, you cowards!"
      • Just before that:
    Zapp: What the hell is that thing?
    Kif: It appears to be the mothership.
    Zapp: Then what did we just blow up?
    Kif: (checks screen) The Hubble telescope.
    Professor Farnsworth: Miss McNeal, I'm afraid I must decline your offer of marriage. For, you see, I'm dying. (reads directions as lines) Cough, then fall over dead. (remains standing and smiles at the camera)
    Zoidberg: My god, he's dead. (Farnsworth checks his own pulse)
    • The alien's threats, from the anti-monument laser to raising the planet's temperature a million degrees a day FOR FIVE DAYS!
    • "Prepare the water cooler, so that we may gather around it later and discuss things!"
  • Fry and Leela are talking crap around the ship.
    Fry: I know Big Vinnie said he was giving me the kiss of death, but I still think he was gay.
    Leela: Did he use his tongue?
    Fry: A little.
  • In the second episode, they land on the moon and go to Luna Park. The mascot is a man with a giant moon face.
    Mascot: "Hi, I'm Crater Face! Welcome to Luna Park! I'll have to confiscate your alcohol, sir."
    Bender: "Better mascots than you have tried." [takes a swig, shoves the bottle into Crater Face's eye, and walks away]
    Mascot: At least I have my self-respect. [laughs, then sobs]
    • From the same episode: "We're whalers on the Moon, we carry a harpoon, but there aint no whales so we tell tall tales and sing our whaling tune."
    Fry: WHOO-HOO, YEAH! CRANK UP THE RADIO! (Turns the radio on)
    Radio: We're whalers on the— (Fry immediately shuts it off)
    • The Crushinator's flat greeting of "Yoo-hoo," especially after her more expressive sisters.
    • Bender comments on the Crushinator in an OOC Is Serious Business way.
    "A lady that fine, you gotta romance."
    • The wonderful Brick Joke about the Crushinator, when after being absent for a few minutes, Bender returns fleeing from the farmer.
    Farmer: Had to come back for the Crushinator, eh robot?
    • Fry suggests dumping the crate in the sewer and saying they delivered it, Bender says it would be too much work, and suggests burning it, then saying they dumped it in the sewer.
  • "It's just like the story of the Grasshopper and the Octopus. All year long the Grasshopper worked hard, gathering acorns for winter, while the Octopus mooched off his girlfriend and watched TV. But then winter came and the Grasshopper died and the Octopus ate all his acorns, and also he got a racecar. Is any of this getting through to you?"
  • While each and every part of the episode "A Flight to Remember" was good in its own way, an especially funny one is when the robot Countess got sucked into the black hole. Just the way it looked when it happened was hilarious. Plus that little bit of computer terminology before that was pretty funny, too.
    Countess: Don't worry, Bender. It'll hurt for a while, but you'll be able to share your love again. After all, it's shareware.
  • After having sex with Leela:
    Zapp: "Kif, I have made it with a woman. Inform the men!"
    • Earlier:
    Zapp Brannigan: Have the boy lay out my formal shorts.
    Kif: The boy, sir?
    Zapp Brannigan: You. You lay out my formal shorts.
    • Zapp claims his victory over the killbots was a simple matter of outsmarting them, which Fry says he never would have thought of.
    • Fry's escape plan, which involved Bender bending the pipe off a steam hatch. They're then sprayed with hot steam.
  • In "Fear Of A Bot Planet", the utterly bizarre chaos that ensues when one of the balls goes into a hole in the field during a Blernsball game. Numerous balls get shot onto the field at high speeds, a player rides a TRON-esque motorbike over the bases (which then explode), and a giant tarantula is ridden on to the field by a player. Even better is the fact that the whole mess was predated by this exchange:
    Fry: Hey I'm starting to get the hang of this game! The blerns are loaded, the count's three blerns and two anti-blerns and the infield blern rule is in effect, right?
    Leela: Except for the word "blern" that was complete gibberish.
    Robot: So, what did you think of the movie?
    Fry: Too much romance, not enough human-killing
    Robot 2: Yeah, it was a real chick-flick.
    • This casual line:
    Leela: Hey, hold on, I understand these robots hate humans, but how do they feel about humanoid aliens?
    Farnsworth (dismissively): They're not fans.
    • On the Robot Planet, Fry and Leela come up with answers to the two Guard Robots' test to see if they are robot or human.
    Guard Robot #1: Halt!
    Guard Robot #2: Be you robot... (leans menacingly forward)... or human''?
    Leela: Robot, we be.
    Fry: Uh, yep! Just two robots... robot-ting it up! (does a failed attempt at "The Robot") Heh?
    Guard Robot #1: Administer the test.
    (Guard Robot #2 lumbers forward, then)
    Guard Robot #2: Which of the following would you most prefer? A) a puppy, B) a pretty flower from your sweetie, or C) a large, properly formatted, data file?
    Guard Robot #1 (forcefully): CHOOSE!
    (Fry and Leela mull over the options for a few seconds in low whispers)
    Fry: Uh, is the puppy mechanical in any way?
    Guard Robot #2 (deeper, more electronic): NO! IT IS THE BAD KIND OF PUPPY!
    Leela: Then we'll go with that data file.
    Guard Robot #2: Correct.
    Guard Robot #1: The flower also would have been acceptable.
    • When being menaced by the Robot Elders:
    Fry: Take one more step, and I'll breathe fire on you!
    Leela: He'll do it! He's crazy!
    (The robo elders stare blankly, before gathering in a huddle)
    Robot Elder: Can they really breath fire, or did we make that up?
    Robot Elder 2: Gee, I can't remember anymore. Though it might just be from that stupid movie.
    Robot Elder 3: Was that the original or the remake?
    Robot Elder 2: I don't- (notices Fry, Leela and Bender are escaping) HEY, they're getting away!
    • Fry and Leela are disguised while in a swarm of robots:
    Leela: Try to stay with the crowd so no one notices how crummy you look!
    Crummy Robot: Aww, that was uncalled for.

  • From the episode "A Fishful Of Dollars" after going over to the bank to get some money for Bender's bail, Fry discovers his interest has added up over 1000 years, giving him 4.3 billion dollars. He stands quietly for a second, starts breathing heavily, and finally stars frothing at the mouth, collapsing and suffering from a seizure.
    • When Fry becomes a millionaire, he starts buying things from the 20th century. Leela expresses concern, but Bender shrugs her off.
    Bender: Ah, leave him alone, Leela. So he's going a little wacko with his money, that's okay.
    Leela: You're just saying that because he bought you that antique robot toy.
    Bender: Heh heh. (Toy is revealed to be Rock 'em Sock 'em Robots) Yeah, it is cute...
    (Bender makes the red robot punch the blue, causing blue's head to fly up. Bender clutches his neck and screams.)
  • From "I, Roommate", when The Professor is on the phone:
    Farnsworth: *On the phone* Oh, how awful. Did he at least die painlessly? (beat) To shreds, you say, tsk, tsk, tsk. Well, how is his wife holding up? (beat) To shreds, you say. Very well then.
    • When Fry's freeloading at Planet Express leads up to the straw that breaks the camel's back where he eats the mummy:
    Fry: Hey Professor, great jerky!
    Farnsworth: My god, this is an outrage! I was gonna eat that mummy! Fry has got to go.
  • From "Fry And The Slurm Factory." Fry fears that the secret ingredient in Slurm is people, but Leela informs him that there's already a drink like that called Soylent Cola.
    Fry: Oh. How is it?
    Leela: It varies from person to person.
    Leela: What's behind that door? Is it the secret ingredient?
    Grunka Lunkas: (singing) Grunka Lunka dunkity dingredient, you should not ask about the secret ingredient.
    Bender: Okay, okay, we get the point.
    Leela: I was just curious because of the armed guards.
    Grunka Lunkas: (singing) Grunka Lunka dunkity darmed guards-
    Bender: SHUT THE HELL UP!
    Glurmel: There will be no further questions!
    Fry: Why?
  • The fiddle contest from "Hell is Other Robots". Leela performs horribly, only to take the fiddle and hit the Robot Devil over the head with it. His high-pitched girly scream is unexpected and hysterical. He repeats it when Leela has to drop the solid gold fiddle from above and it falls on his head yet again.

    Season 2 
  • The first "Anthology of Interest" has this gem:
    Al Gore: "If we don't go back there and make the event happen, the entire universe will be destroyed. And as an environmentalist, I'm against that."
    • Pretty much all of "Anthology of Interest I", but particularly the Impulsive Leela episode. The best line is at the end after Fry and Leela have slept together.
    Leela: So, Fry, what do you think of the impulsive new me?
    Fry: I like it.
    Leela: Good. Now let me just get the lights. (evil look right before the lights go out)
    Fry: (screams) (pause) I really like it.
    • Also this:
      Farnsworth: (after Leela pushes him into a killer anteater pit) You've killed me!
      Leela: Oh God, what have I done?!
      Farnsworth: I just told you! You've killed me!
    • Any of the scenes were Leela kills a co-worker in that episode:
    Hermes: What's that you're hacking off? Is it my torso? (thump) Aagh! It is! My precious torso!
  • From "The Deep South," after Bender receives a suitcase from a random stranger in the middle of the ocean: "Hey, guess what you're all accessories to?"
    • "Well, at least I'll die with my friends. (beat) Where is everybody?"
    • "I'm almost done reconfiguring the ship's propulsion system. We can leave as soon as the paper-mache is dry."
    • Quickly followed by:
    Leela: Where's Fry?
    Bender: I didn't kill him. Professor?
    Professor Farnsworth: No, I've been busy.
    • Leela's diagnosis of Fry:
    Leela: It's ocean madness alright. Sailors call it aqua-dementia, the deep-down crazies, the wet willies...
    (The rest of the crew leave the room, having stopped listening to Leela)
    Leela: ...The screaming moist.
    • In the underwater Atlanta episode, anything involving Zoidberg's 'house' and its absolute refusal to conform to physics, from it being Bigger on the Inside to when it burns down underwater. Hermes complains about the blatant disregard for reality.
    Hermes: ...that's a very good question.
    Bender: So that's where I left my cigar...
    (Bender plucks a lit cigar from the burnt husk of Zoidberg's house and keeps puffing on it. And blows out a smoke ring.)
    Hermes: That just raises further questions!
    • Earlier:
    Dr. Zoidberg: (wearing a giant conch shell) Look at me! I'm Dr. Zoidberg, homeowner!"
    • Deep South is full of hilarious moments, such as when the Professor accidentally sprays himself with fish pheromones...
    Zoidberg: I'm so in to you... *starts sucking on the Professor's bald head*
    Farnsworth: (disgusted, or is he?) Oh MY.
    • "I can't swallow that!" "Well good news! It's a suppository."
      • "This is uncomfortable and humiliating; now if they could put it in the form of a suppository..."
    • This:
    Fry: How many atmospheres can this ship withstand?
    Professor Farnsworth: Well it's a spaceship, so I'd say anywhere between zero and one.
    • "He may have ocean madness, but that's no excuse for ocean rudeness."
  • From "The Cryonic Woman", in which Bender and Fry take the Planet Express ship on a joyride:
    Bender: Hey Fry! I'm steering with my ass.
    Fry: That's the best thing I ever saw.
    • Let's not forget this gem from the same episode, when the main crew is mulling in the park over what to do upon being fired:
    Leela: We don't need to beg, Bender. For God's sake, we're not Veterans.
    Fry: Well, what would you suggest? A daring daylight robbery of Fort Knox on elephant back? That's the dumbest thing I ever heard!
  • From "A Head in the Polls":
    • Richard Nixon gets inaugurated President of Earth. The first thing he does it start tear-assing around Washington in his new war machine body. "WHO'S KICKING WHO AROUND NOW?!" Funniest bit, though, is when he marches up to the White House, shouts, "Knock, knock!" and smashes through the wall, leaving a three-story tall hole.
    Morbo: Morbo congratulates our gargantuan cyborg President. May death come swiftly to his enemies.
    • From the same episode
    George Washington's head: So, telleth, Bender. What hath happened to your body?
    Bender: I hocked it.
    Washington: Hocked it? Why wouldst thou do that?
    Bender: Same reason you hocked your teeth.
    Washington: Ah~ Booze money.
    • Then, of course:
    Nixon's head: I paid for this body. I'd no sooner give it up then I would my cocker spaniel dog, Checkers.
    Checkers: * barks*
    Nixon's head: SHUT UP DAMNIT!
    • Exchanging pleasantries:
    Nixon's Head: Hello, Morbo. How's the family?
    Morbo: Belligerent and numerous.
    Nixon's Head: Good man! Nixon's pro-war and pro-family!
    • Nixon finally hears himself on tape:
    • The debate before Nixon's entry:
    Jack Johnson: It's time someone had the courage to stand up and say: "I'm against those things that everybody hates"!
    John Jackson: Now I respect my opponent. I think he's a good man but, quite frankly, I agree with everything he just said!
    • Proving that a millenium hasn't improved Nixon's skill for televised debate:
    Morbo: If you saw delicious candy in the hands of a small child, would you seize and consume it?
    Jack Johnson: Unthinkable!
    John Jackson: I wouldn't think of it!
    Morbo: And what about you, Richard Nixon? I remind you that you are under a truth-o-scope.
    Nixon (sweating profusely): Uhh... well, the question is vague. You don't say what kind of candy, or... whether anyone is watching... (wipes brown) In any case, I certainly wouldn't harm the child.
    (Truth-o-scope goes nuts)
    • "A Head In The Polls" has Bender sell his body, with gut-bustingly funny results. When he's outside the pawn broker however tops the lot.
    "I have all the money! Compare your lives to mine and then kill yourselves." * As a dog starts sniffing him.* "No! Wait! I'll give you five bucks to not do what you're thinking about doing!" * Dog cocks his leg as the camera pans up.* "Heh, heh. You just lost five dollars."
  • Amy ditching Leela:
    Amy: Armando is taking me to the back seat of his car for coffee.
    • In a fit of depression, Bender is locked in a bathroom, disassembling himself and flushing his parts down the toilet while a panicked Fry pounds on the door and calls to him frantically. As the last of Bender is swept away, Fry breaks the door open and cries out one of the best non-sequiturs ever:
    Fry: Bender!! Have you seen my sombrero!?
  • "Why Must I Be a Crustacean in Love". Anything involving Claw-plach. But if I had to pick one thing it would have to be the Decapodian national anthem...
    • "Yo-yo-yo! Wassup! Wassup! Give up the rock!"
    • This:
    Zoidberg: I choose [to fight with]] my own two claws! I want the pleasure of chopping Fry right here, (points to Fry's neck) in the gonads!
    Fry: (whispering) Shhh! Nobody correct him!
    • "Augh! What is this? The Middle Ages?"
  • In How Hermes Requisitioned his Groove Back everyone is shocked that he is going to jump to his death and protests. Everyone that is, except Bender. "Do a flip!"
    • Really the whole episode, but there's one in about the middle that's especially worth mentioning.
    Fry: Let's go get Bender back!
    Amy: Why?
    (long pause)
    Leela: Well, those arguments aside, we're still going.
    • From the same episode:
    Bender: Morgan made me walk the Professor. There we were in the park when suddenly some old lady says I stole her purse. I chucked the Professor at her but she kept coming. So I had to hit her with this purse I found. Ah, the point is, it's Morgan's fault. That pencil-pushing scazwag. * Leela gestures him to shut up* Why, if she were here, I'd— Uh-oh, is she behind me?
    * He feels behind his head*
    Morgan: No. I'm in front of you.
    • Farnworth's response to Hermes showing up to save the day.
    Farnsworth: Dammit Hermes, just jump already, stop hogging that healthy liver.
    • When Bender discovers Morgan and Fry in bed. Adding to it is Fry saying he's stuck in a loop, which might mean that Bender had been ranting all night.
  • When Kiff is forced to bathe Zapp Brannigan's back: "Lower...lower...lower...lower...TOO LOW! ...lower."
  • Leela (War is the H Word): "My friends always die if I'm not around to save them." (Fry nods in agreement).
  • Zoidberg operating:
    Scalpel! (cuts something) Blood bucket! (puts it under the patient) Priest! Next patient!
  • On a planet with extreme gravity:
    Zapp: Let me ask you a serious question, Leela: does the company that made your bra make a girdle as well? I ask because a friend of mine...
    If I don't survive, tell my wife, "hello".
    All I know is my gut says "maybe!"
    I have no strong feelings one way or the other!
  • The entire second act of "A Bicylops Built For Two", quickly devolving from a very tragic, beautiful, and romantic story set in a Grecian environment to a frame-for-frame recreation of Married... with Children, complete with Leela dressed as and acting like Peg Bundy and a group of sleazy animals acting like the raucous studio audience that would wildly cheer over Married... with Children's sex humor.
    • Bender singing after coming to his senses about not wanting to steal anymore "♫I love stealing, I love takin' things….♫"
  • This exchange from "The Honking":
    (Fry, Bender, and Leela enter ancient Robot village)
    (Robot citizens notice Bender, gasp, and mutter prayers while doing quick cross motions)
    Bender (annoyed): Yeah, yeah.
    Leela (annoyed): We know.
    Fry (dismissively): Cursed.
    • "Bender, you've been drinking too much. Or not enough, I forget how it is with you. The point is, you haven't been drinking exactly the right amount."
    • "I can't keep running people over. I'm not famous enough to get away with it!"
    • And then there's this:
    Bender: So otherwise I can never die?
    Gypsy: Who said that? Sure you can die! (pulls out laser gun) You want to die?
    Bender: No! I want to live! There's to many things I don't own!
    • Bender's Uncle Vladimir specifies in his will "to my loving nephew Bender, assuming he's not responsible for my death..." Clearly Vladimir knew his nephew.
  • The ad for Bender's fight against Destructor; (Paraphrased)
    Announcer: You loved him as Bender the Offender, now get ready to hate him as he threatens your sexuality as the Gender Bender!
    (Cut to Bender in his costume, lying flirtingly on a bed with a phone.)
    Bender: I'm a real toughie!
    Announcer: Squaring off this Saturday with his opponent, Destructor!
    (Cut to Destructor, who also has a phone)
    Destructor: I will destroy you! MRAAAAUGGGHHH!! (Hangs up. Picks up phone again) And stop calling me!
    • The play-by-play for the Ultimate Robot Fighting League:
    George Foreman: This could be the most lopsided fight since 1973 when Muhammad Ali fought a 100-foot tall mechanical Joe Frazier. My memory isn't what it used to be, but I believe the entire Earth was destroyed.
    Rich Little: Interesting if true.
    • The Foreigner:
    The Foreigner: I'm not from here! I've got my own customs! Look at my crazy passport!
  • Two moments from "Bender Gets Made"; Bender's ten-second Spit Take, and:
    (Leela flies the Planet Express ship through the roof)
    Hermes: (to Zoidberg) That's coming out of your pay!
    Zoidberg: (cries)
    • Also the line:
    Leela: Where were you at 10pm last night?
    Professor Farnsworth: Where am I now?
  • Fry and the gang watching a movie.
  • "A Clone of My Own"
    Farnsworth: (on holo-recorder) I know you're all very upset, especially Bender.
    Bender: Well, life goes on. Except for you!
    Professor: I'm sure that Bender has just made a cutting remark, but he doesn't know I taped over his soap operas to record this message.
    Bender: YOU BASTARD!!!
  • There's this beautiful gem in "The Lesser of Two Evils": Whilst Fry, Bender and Leela are on their joyride in the car, the scene cuts to a music hall where a line of robots are doing the can-can. Cue the car suddenly crashing through, knocking a leg off each robot. The robots then proceed to kick up their remaining leg, somehow remaining up in the air for a moment, before all crashing to the floor and breaking.
  • From "Put Your Head on my Shoulder", Valentines day gives Bender a business idea:
    Bender: Wait. You mean people would pay good money for romance? Hmm. I think I have a scheme so deviously clever that I...
    Gilligan Cut to Bender in a courtroom.
    Judge: Five hundred dollars and time served!
    Bender: Stupid anti-pimping laws!
    • And the Call Back later, when he gets his second idea:
    Bender: I'm running a computer dating service. It's like pimping, except you rarely have to use the phrase "upside the head".
    • And following that, when Leela passes on Fry's offer for a date:
    Fry: Then I have no choice but to do something so shameful I can't even tell you.
    Leela: Bender's in his office.
    Fry: Thanks.

    Season 3 
  • You could honestly list the entirety of "Amazon Women in the Mood" on this page and not feel guilty.
    Zapp Brannigan: You win again, gravity!!
    [The Planet Express crew laughs]
    Zapp: Oh God, you're killing me!
    [The Amazons start beating him with clubs]
    Zapp: Oh God, you're killing me!
    • The following lines are especially funny if you're female, seeing as it's pretty much a stock exchange among a lot of us:
    Guard #1: How Tonk look?
    Guard #2: Tonk look good. Me fat.
    Guard #1: No, you look good. Tonk fat.
    • Made even funnier when Bender makes a gabby mouth motion with his hand.
    • I met her in a club down in old Soho. Where you drink champagne and it tastes just like Coca Cola. C-O-L-A. Cola. She walked up to me and asked me to dance. I asked her her name and in a dark brown voice she said...
      • LEEE-LAH! L-E-E-L-A, LEEE-LAH!
      Chef: He sickens me!
    • "This one's like a summer guy!"
    • "The number you have dialed has crashed into a planet. Please make a note of it."
    Leela: "What planet is this, anyway?"
    Zapp: "I 'unno. This whole sector is uncharted."
    Kif: "It's not uncharted, you lost the chart!"
    • Zapp's pick-up lines: "If I said you have a beautiful body, would you take your pants off and dance around a little?" and "I find the most erotic part of the woman is the boobies."
    • And of course, DEATH BY SNU-SNU!
    • Asking for a break in the midst of their Snu-Snu "execution"...
    Zapp: We need rest...the spirit is willing, but the flesh is spongy and bruised...
    • And before that, the looks on Zap's, Fry's and Kif's faces when they learn they're sentenced to death by "snu-snu", Zap and Fry switching from looks of abject horror to expectant glee.
    Zapp: (to Kif) What are you, gay?
  • Fry defending his lady's honor in "Parasites Lost":
    Fry: That jerk! No one hoots at my captain unless they're prepared to take it to the next level!
    (rolls up his sleeves)
    Leela: Fry, please. That's sweet, but I'd rather not even dignify them with an ass-whooping.
    Sal: Hey, sexy mama! Let's get busy and freaky in that order!
    Fry: Hey, Jumbo! How would you like it if Leela said you were sexy and she wanted to make love to you?
    Sal: Eh, I gots five minutes. She looks pretty good for a truck-stop chick.
    Fry: You take that back! She does not look good for a truck-stop chick!
    Sal: Yeah, you're right. She don't gots enough meat for a guy like me.
    Fry: She does too! She's got plenty of meat! She's loaded with meat! She's got more meat than a cow!
    • Earlier in the spaceship station (the equivalent of a truck stop) sequence, Bender is fueling up on ethanol (as he's a robot and runs on alcohol) and lights a cigar. Next we see is Leela working the dipstick back into the Planet Express Delivery Ship, an explosion, and Bender's severed head just barely missing Leela's, while Bender's shouts a desperate, "Comin' through!"
    • While the crew traverses Fry's body:
    Farnsworth: Where's Zoidberg?
    Zoidberg comes in riding a spermatozoon like it's a bronco
    Zoidberg: Yippee kay yay! You'll never guess where I've been!
    • The race against time to get the parasitic worms out of Fry's body, with the professor commenting that they could be so ingrained in Fry that "not even Hermes' jerked prunes could get them out!" Hermes, without missing a beat, responds, "I call it Caribbean Drain-O."
    Professor: Listen, this will be one hell of a bowel movement. He'll be lucky if he has any bones left.
    • Earlier:
    Zoidberg: We'll need to have a look inside you with this camera.
    Fry: (Opens mouth)
    Zoidberg: Guess again.
    Fry: (Changes to a fearful expression)
    Troper: You mean the military that treats Zapp Brannigan like the reincarnations of Sun Tzu and Napoleon combined?
    Zoidberg: Sunpoleon? I love that guy!
    • Might as well mention the actual scene then.
    Hermes: He'll be as strong and flexible as Gumby and Hercules Combined!
    Dr. Zoidberg: Gumbercules? i love that guy!
  • The time Zoidberg tried to fix the Slinky that Bender straightened. As it turns out, the Slinky is Made of Explodium by the year 3000.
  • "Anthology of Interest II", when Bender says "as a robot, I can't feel emotions, and sometimes, that makes me very sad."
    Professor Farnsworth: Eat it, everyone who doesn't have a Nobel Prize! And that includes you... *points in the direction of Zoidberg* ...Amy!
    • ...As the camera scrolls past Zoidberg to show Amy on his other side, bursting into tears.
      • The conclusion of "I, Meatbag".
      Wernstrom: When did he die?
      Farnsworth: About twelve hours ago, when the party started.
      Wernstrom: But he just said "Woo!"
      Farnsworth: No, that was just air escaping from the folds of his fat.
      Bender: (when Farnsworth pushes him)Woo!
      (Shortly after, the crew rolls Bender off the stage before he can stink up the place.)
      Bender:' Woo! Woo! Woo! WoooOOOooo!
    • Any part in Fry's segment with General Pac-Man.
    • All of the Wizard of Oz parody. Highlights include:
      • After meeting the Scarecrow (Fry) and the Tin Man (Bender), Zoidberg pulls up in a taxi and says "And I'm the third guy. Courage. Not enough of it."
      • The "Flying Monkeys" pick up everyone but Zoidberg.
    Zoidberg: What, do I smell or something? (sniffs himself, then groans sadly)
    • It then cuts to the witch's castle.
    Leela: Why did you bring us here?
    Zoidberg: And why did I have to take a cab?
  • From "The Luck of the Fryrish":
    Amy's Mom: We just put out our best jockey out to stud, Amy. He's perfect for you!
    Jockey (no taller than 3 feet): Hey baby, ever do it in a suitcase?
    • And:
    (As Bender is rigging the race via administering sedatives to horses in the stable)
    Wong jockey: Hey! What are you doing?!
    Bender: This. (Uses the sedative device on the jockey himself, knocking him out)
    • Futurama also had the occasional joke based on science that were quite rewarding. First, "The Luck of the Fryish" on the uncertainty principle:
    Race track announcers: And the winner, in a quantum finish, is...
    Farnsworth: No fair! You changed the result by measuring it!
    • Speaking of horse races, there's also this exchange:
    Leela: How'd you do, Fry?
    Fry: I'll tell you when my horse finishes. *beat* Bad.
    • After failing to find Fry's lucky clover in the record vault in his old house:
    Fry: Everything else in here held up okay.
    Bender: (holding up the album) Except Sports by Huey Lewis.
  • From "Insane in the Mainframe":
    Judge: What evidence do you offer to support this new plea of insanity?
    Chicken Lawyer: Well, for one, they done hired me to represent them.
    Judge: (Gavel slams) Insanity plea accepted.
    • When Fry is in a robot clinic:
    Fry: I'm not a robot like you; I don't like having discs crammed into me... unless they're Oreos... and then only in the mouth!
    • Also:
    Malfunctioning Eddie (trying to sound friendly and polite): Hello there, roommate. Nice to meet you.
    Fry: Actually, we met before.
    Malfunctioning Eddie (with deadly surprise): WHA-(explodes)
    • "I guess his prices really were insane!"
    • And:
    Fry: Fear not, for I shall assist ye!
    Hermes: Robots don't say 'ye'!
    Fry: Relax, mammal! My robotic software shall meet your calculatory needs. What is the meaning of this symbol?
    Hermes: That's a plus sign, you pointy-haired loony! Quit thinking you're a robot!
    Fry: I'll show ye!
    • The Planet Express hostage situation:
    Roberto: (with knife at Zoidberg's throat) Back off! I've got hostages!
    Zoidberg: Hurray! I'm helping!
    Officer Smitty: Do you have any better hostages?
    • From the same scene:
    Roberto: Okay, to show 'em who's crazy, I'm gonna execute some of you. Maybe you! (jabs Professor in the throat)
    Professor: Aaaaow! That's going to bleed when my heart beats!
    Leela: No! Take me first!
    Bender: Yes! Take her first!
    Roberto: Sh-shut up! Stop tellin' me how to do this!
    • The scene featuring Frankie, a robot with delusions of being a lunchroom worker - so he was put to work in the lunchroom.
    Unit 2013: (humouring him) How is working in the lunchroom, Frankie?
    Frankie: It's alright.
    Unit 2013: Poor Frankie.
    • The Lincoln Robot, who has multiple personality disorder. All of his personalities are Abraham Lincoln.
    Lincoln Robot: I was born in 200 log cabins.
  • "BENDER LIVES LARGE AND KICKS BUTT!" being turned to "BENDER LICKS BUTT" a la the MAD magazine fold-in pages.
    Morbo: Morbo doesn't understand his teleprompter. He forgot how you say the letter that looks like a man wearing a hat.
    Linda: It's a T, and it goes tuh.
    Morbo: Hello, little man. I WILL DESTROY YOU!
  • Choke on that, causality!
    • Earlier, "Oooh, a lesson in not changing history from Mr. I'm-My-Own-Grandpa! Let's get the hell out of here already! Screw history!"
  • From "Roswell That Ends Well", President Truman suggests performing "an old-fashioned alien autopsy" on Zoidberg. How does Zoidberg respond? "HOORAY!"
    Doctor 1:: Commencing excavation of the subject's chest cavity.
    Zoidberg: (grabs Doctor's mic) and in this corner, Zoidberg! (laughs) Come on lighten up! What is this, a funeral?
    Doctor 2: (takes out heart) Heart.
    Zoidberg: Take! I've got 4 of them!
    Doctor 1:: Stomach Contents: 1 Deviled Egg. (takes it and puts it in bowl)
    Zoidberg: Deviled Egg? (eats it from said bowl only for the doc to pull it out again)
    Doctor 1:: (sighs) The same deviled egg...
    (Doctors are cutting something inside Zoidberg with a hacksaw)
    Zoidberg: Wait! Don't cut that! I need that to speak!
    (The doctors pause, then saw faster.)
    • From the same episode, Zoidberg in the room with the food...
    Scientist: This test will determine what, if anything, the alien eats.
    (Zoidberg is funneled into the room.)
    Zoidberg: A buffet! Aw...if only I had my wallet...
    Scientist: (over intercom)'s free.
    (Zoidberg shrieks loudly, then gorging sounds are heard, with food splattering against the glass. Then, Zoidberg slaps his open mouth against the glass.)
    • Not to mention Truman's meeting with Zoidberg...
    Truman: If you come in peace, surrender or be destroyed. If you're here to make war, we surrender.
    Zoidberg: Both good. The important thing is I'm meeting new people.
    Truman: Bushwa! Now what's your mission? Are you planning on making some kind of alien-human hybrid?
    Zoidberg: Are you coming on to me?!
    Truman: Hot crackers! I take exception to that!
    Zoidberg: (giving Truman a look) I'm not hearing a no...
    • "The President is gagging on my gas bladder! What an honor!"
    • Truman makes his entrance at the Roswell Air Base by busting out of a crate labeled "Canned Eggs."
    • When Fry's grandfather is killed and Fry is meant to cease existing?
    Bender: And you! Are! Outta here!
    • Later in the episode, Leela asks Fry how that's possible.
    Fry: I dunno. Maybe God loves me.
    Bender: * laughs *
    • Or, later on, when Fry gives Enis the calendar and Enis tries to look at the cowboy picture instead of the girls. Fry's expression is priceless.
    • Hell, that whole episode is priceless.
  • From "Bendin' In The Wind"
    Bender: (singing) Don't melt me down into a crowbar just 'cause I can't use my arms and legs!
  • This exchange from "The Cyber House Rules" is utterly hilarious (especially Fry's epic "YAAAY!!!").
    (on the subject of adopting a mutant girl) Leela: She doesn't need an operation! She's fine the way she is!
    Adlai: Oh, and I suppose you were fine the way you were?
    Leela: Damn right I was!
    Fry: YAAY!!!
    Leela: Shut up, Fry. Now look, Adlai. I'm proud to be different. And I just wished I'd realised that when I was her age.
    Sally: I also have a tail!
    • This whole exchange when Fry tries to convince Leela not to get her phaser eye surgery to look normal:
    Fry: Why would you want to be normal? You're better than normal. You're abnormal and that's what makes you great! Like Dr. Zoidberg. He's a weird monster who smells like he eats garbage, and does.
    Zoidberg: Damn right!
    Fry: The Professor's a senile, amoral crackpot.
    Farnsworth: * cackles insanely*
    Fry: Amy's a klutz from Mars.
    Amy: * drops her wineglass* Floop!
    Fry: Hermes is a Rastafarian accountant.
    Hermes: Tally me banana!
    Farnsworth: And Fry, you've got that brain thing.
    Fry: I already did!
    • Followed by that other guy saying he wants to have kids, Leela tells him it's the most beautiful thing she's ever heard, and...
    Zoidberg: WHOOP WHOOP WHOOP WHOOP WHOOP WHOOP WHOOP! * sprays ink all over Leela*
  • When Bender is on his way to be executed for crimes against humanity (done while taking the place of Robo-Santa), he's escorted past other prisoners:
    Robot he passes: Hey buddy! When you see the Robot Devil tell him I'm a-comin'!
    (Bender walks to the next cell over, which contains...the Robot Devil.)
    Bender: Hey, that guy told me to tell you—
    Robot Devil: I heard him!
    • The part in "A Tale of Two Santas" when most of the cast claims to be Robot Santa in order to save Bender's life. All except Zoidberg who completely misses the point. "And I'm his friend Jesus!"
    • "None of you are Santa! You're not even robots! How dare you lie in front of Jesus?!"
    • "It's the real Santa! Get him, Jesus!" "I help those who help themselves!"
  • Fry delivering this gem from "Future Stock".
    Fry: I believe I speak for the entire board when I issue this challenge to Mom.
    (Turns around, and presses his ass against the window)
    Fry:Look at my butt! Woo, woo, woo!
    • More Scruffy humor (context: everyone is voting whether to name the Professor or That Guy CEO):
      Scruffy: Scruffy casts his 30,000 shares for the mysterious stranger.
      Leela: How come you have three times as much stock as the rest of us?
      Scruffy: (tearing up) Scruffy believes in this company.
      • Hattie and Hubert's sniping during the entire episode is hilarious.
        Hattie: Enough talk. It's time for action. I move that everyone come to my apartment to snuggle my cat.
        Scruffy: Second.
        Farnsworth: (on mic) I move that your cat stinks and is ugly.
        Scruffy: Second.
        Hattie: I move that we vote on a new chief executive officer and oust this old creep. And also that make cat smells good and is pretty.
  • In "Godfellas", Bender meets the God-cloud entity and tells it about how he was God once. The God-cloud delivers the most utterly deadpan praise it can:
    Yes, I saw. You were doing well until everyone died.
  • Any of Zapp's attempts to impart romantic advice surely qualify. From "Where the Buggalo Roam":
    Zapp: Remember, Kif; the quickest way to a girl's bed is through her parents. Have sex with them and you're in.
    • This is even more hilarious after seeing "Zapp Dingbat".
    • When Bender examines the "bead" given to the native Martians, he's left stammering before going "Oh Chief, you've made me the happiest girl in the world!"
  • The sign in front of Amy's parents' house reads, "You've come to the Wong place".
  • "I'll never forget you, Fry... MEMORY DELETED."
  • "The Route of All Evil" has a subplot consisting of Fry, Leela, and Bender brewing their own beer. Bender's brewing is treated like him expecting a child.
  • "Time Keeps on Slippin'" has a few.
    Zoidberg: Don't be so hard on yourself, Fry. You lost the woman of your dreams but you still have Zoidberg. (threateningly) You all still have Zoidberg!

    Season 4 
  • Professor Moriarty: "Right-o, gents, it's another simulation gone mad, so murder and mayhem, standard procedure."
    • "Real holographic simulated evil Lincoln is BAAAAAAAACK!!!"
    • From the same scene:
    Zapp Brannigan: Listen up, history's greatest villain, get back in the shed or I start blasting!
    Attila the Hun: Stop! Don't shoot fire stick in space canoe! Cause explosive decompression!
    Zapp Brannigan: Spare me your space age technobabble, Attila the Hun!
    • From the same episode, at the baby shower, Amy leaves in tears and Kif tries to stop her. In the next shot, Kif's face is shown while a squelching sound and baby-like crying is heard. The shot pans to show that Zoidberg was doing the crying.
    • Kif's reaction (the one anyone would have in that situation) when Zap is ruled out as the father is gold.
    Oh, thank you merciful God.
    • After the ceremony:
    Grand Midwife: I will now take my leave! I live here, so I won't actually be going anywhere, but you don't have to talk to me anymore!
    • Kif's attempt to 'pluck the moon from the sky' for Amy whilst they're in the holo-shed, ending up with Kif falling in the sea, and the Moon dropping on his head.
  • "You can crush me but you can't crush my spirit!" [Gets crushed by a giant claw] "Agh, my spirit!!"
    • Ah yes, good ol' man! Staunch defender (and even flaunter) of all practically any rights whatsoever!
    Zoidberg: He defended my freedom when no one else would. He was a good and honorable man.
    Old Man Waterfall: I request a Satanic funeral.
    Crowd: BOOOOOOOO!!!
    • Old Man Waterfall's comeback when Bender questions his defending Zoidberg.
    :Bender: You wanna defend Zoidberg? Are you aware of the old robot saying "Does Not Compute"?
    :Old Man: Son, to me a robot's nothin' more than a garbage can with sparks comin' out of it.
    Bender: (sad) the sparks keep me warm...
    • A decopodian in a Paper-Thin Disguise named Hugh Mann was able to successfully steal the disc and send the Nimbus crashing.
    • Zoidberg on the Decopodian Embassy:
    Zoidberg: My planet's embassy! They're paid not to kill me.
    • Zoidberg complaining about the lack of marshmallows at the embassy.
    • The museum sequence, especially Bender's opinion of the crossbow:
    Bender: Ah, the crossbow! A pitiless, elegant killing machine. The Bender of the 15th Century."
  • In "Less than Hero", when they're called by the mayor.
    Leela: I just remembered, I left my apartment on fire. (Runs from room)
    Bender: And I'm late for my LSATs. (Follows Leela)
    Fry: And I can't take life any more! (Jumps out window)
    • Also:
    Bender: Nine, ten... a big fat hen.
    -blows on cigar-
    Bender: The name's Bender.
    • When Fry and Leela are trying to figure out what powers they have:
    Leela: (reading back of Miracle Cream tube) "Ability to command the loyalty of sea creatures?"
    Fry: Hey Zoidberg, get in here!
    Zoidberg (from another room): Screw you!
    Fry (cheerful): Nope!
    Leela (cheerful): Ain't got that!
    • Bender as Superking fighting a boxing kangaroo, mostly for the commentary by Theodore Roosevelt:
    "A man boxing a kangaroo is a peculiar spectacle...but a kangaroo boxing a robot? Now I'm afraid you've lost me. (Citizen Snips the crab falls into Roosevelt's tank) CITIZEN SNIPS!"
    • From that same episode: "Please do not feed the animals!! -is promptly grabbed and devoured by an elephant-"
      • An elephant that never forgets...TO KILL!
    • This:
    Leela's Dad: Look at me! Proud dad of a super hero! We should print up T-shirts. And F-shirts for our friends with two arms on the same side.
    • This after a parrot reveals one of Leela's secrets:
    Fry (stern): Leela! Is the pirate that parrot is mimicking telling the truth by proxy?
  • "Oh, this is awful! Somewhere out there, there's a more evil Bender than me! I DO MY BEST, DAMMIT!"
    • (Explosion) "Oh Lordy Lou! HELP!"
    • "Buddha! Zeus! God! One of you guys do something! Help! Satan, you owe me!"
    • Alternate Bender - "Bite my glorious golden ass!"
    • "Now, now. Perfectly symmetrical violence never solved anything!"
    • Another example from that episode:
    Leela: Bender, stop destroying the universe!
    • There's also this after the Crew and their alternates are ordered to keep an eye one each other.
    Alternate Leela: Can Fry and I watch our Alternates together? We have plans tonight.
    Leela Wait. You guys are dating?
    Alternate Fry: Oh no no no. We're married.
  • All of the episode "Teenage Mutant Leela's Hurdles": "No beer until you've finished your tequila!" (holds up a bottle of Tequila with a crazy straw in it)
    • An especially funny line from the beginning: "Pazuzu, you ungrateful gargoyle! I put you through college and this is how you repay me?!"
    • That wasn't just any space station. That was Deep Space Nine.
    • That, and this: "I'M STILL IN MID-PERIL, YOU CLODS!"
    • This joke:
      Leela: Professor! This ship can go ninety percent light speed! Why are we travelling at 35 miles-per-hour?
      Farnsworth: Because we're in a hurry, that's why!
    • What's Leo Wong's reaction to finding out his daughter has turned back into a preteen? Cruelly tease her about how fat she was at that age. Father of the year, everybody!
      Amy: If you're going to make fat jokes, I'm just going to stay in my room!
      Leo: Stay in room? You so fat, you going to stay all around room!
  • This exchange from "Where No Fan Has Gone Before":
    William Shatner: Wasn't there an episode where I threw my shoe at the enemy?
    Leonard Nimoy: You mean Doohan?
    (They both chuckle.)
    Shatner: Whoever it was, I did it like this. (Throws shoe. It hits George Takei in the face.)
    Takei: Ow!
    Shatner: (Hopping) My foot's cold.
    • This exchange in that episode between Shatner and Takei:
      Shatner: And then, George, you hit him with a karate chop.
      Takei: I find that offensive. Just because I'm of Japanese ancestry, you assume I know karate. Have I ever led you to believe I have studied karate?
      Shatner: Well, no... but you never talk about yourself.
      Takei: Maybe if you showed a little interest...
    • When Melllvar is trying to get an autograph from George Takei:
      Melllvar: Melllvar has three Ls.
      Takei: I think I've been to enough conventions to know how to spell "Melllvar".
    • Nichelle Nichols' utterly deadpan and disgusted reading of Uhura's "romantic" lines with Melllvar.
    • All of Walter Koenig's reactions to being asked to "speak Russian." No exceptions.
    • Most of what Melllvar says, really.
      Melllvar: Centuries ago, the videotaped adventures of the Enterprise crew rained down upon my planet. Over and over I watched them, especially the five with the energy beings. I AM MELLLVAR! SEER OF THE TAPES! KNOWER OF THE EPISODES! TREMBLE BEFORE MY ENCYCLOPAEDIC KNOWLEDGE OF STAR TREK!
      or this exchange:
      Melllvar: In order to test who is more worthy of my fanatical devotion, I will pit you in armed combat... TO THE DEATH!
      collective gasp
      Bender: Where would you get an idiotic idea like that?
      Melllvar: Episodes 19, 27, 45 and 76.
      Fry: Great list. Except, you forget episode 66! HAHAHA!
      Melllvar: (Barely suppressing rage) Urgh, uh, I WAS GETTING TO THAT ONE! GRAAAAAAAAAAAH! (Blows up Welshy's corpse)
    Walter Koenig: How can you do a spoken-word version of a rap song?
    Melllvar (completely awed): He found a way.
    • The following exchange
    Bender: Can people who hate Star Trek leave?
    Koening: Good question!
    Melllvar: No, they have to stay even longer!
    Bender and Koenig: AWWW!
    • The response to Melllvar telling the cast they're not acting "hard enough."
    Nimoy: Melllvar, you have to respect your actors. When I directed Star Trek IV, I got a magnificent performance out of Bill because I respected him so much.
    Shatner: And when I directed Star Trek V, I got a magnificent performance out of me, because I respected me so much!"
    Fry: Melllvar, you can't let a TV show be your whole life! You can do anything you want! Look at Walter Koening: After Star Trek, he became an actor.
    Koening: Not just an actor, but a well rounded person! With my own friends, and credit cards, and keys...
  • Fry: All this time we thought he was a powerful super-being, yet he was just a child...
    Melllvar's Mother: He is not a child. He is THIRTY-FOUR!
    • In general, every Take That against excessive Star Trek fans. One of the funniest is the very reason why the series was banned in the first place: fans grew from "a loose association of nerds with skin problems to a full-blown religion". Said religion started overtaking most countries on Earth, causing the government to ban the series and execute every Trekkie "in the manner most befitting virgins" (throwing them into a volcano and declaring He's Dead, Jim).

  • "Crimes of the Hot": The gang trying to cool off during a very hot, summer day. They build themselves an instant(!) above-ground swimming pool, complete with chlorine treated water (and dead leaves floating around inside). But before anyone can jump in, in comes Nibbler, who drinks all the pool water in a heartbeat, and then belches out a cloud of noxious, chlorine gas that makes everyone pass out. Except Bender. But he doesn't have it any better:
    Bender: Hahahaha, lightweights — oh, wait! Chlorine! (instantly rusts completely over, than collapses)
    • Also from Crimes of the Hot:
    Bender: Look, I enjoy life and its pleasures as much as anyone here, except perhaps you, Hedonismbot. [Hedonismbot eats grapes in a very sloppy manner.] But we need to be shut off, especially you, Hedonismbot!
    Hedonismbot: I apologize for nothing!
    • Bender sucker punching Preacher Bot when The Professor shows up to explain his plan to save the robots and the world.
  • From "The Sting":
    Leela: What's the mission?
    Farnsworth: Collecting honey. Ordinary honey.
    Leela: That doesn't sound so dangerous.
    Farnsworth: This is no ordinary honey!
    Farnsworth: It's produced by vicious space bees. A single sting of their hideous neurotoxin can cause instant death!
    Hermes: And that's if you're not allergic! You don't wanna know what happens then, oh no no, God no.
    Farnsworth: Your insides with boil out of your eye sockets like a science fair volcano!
    Hermes: I didn't want to know! *sobs*
    • Also:
    Farnsworth: These bees are larger than most Buicks! And twice as ugly.
    Fry: Larger than an American sedan? How big's the honeycomb?
    Hermes: Honeycomb's big, yeah yeah yeah!
    Bender: It's not small?
    Hermes: No, no no!
    Leela: "In my dream, Fry said he hid a gift from me in his locker. If it's true, then he must still exist in some form."
    Farnsworth: "Of course he still exists. As a frozen corpse in outer space!" * chuckles* "Oh.. I made myself sad."
    • Not to mention "I'll find Fry's corpse and keep it under my mattress to remind me that he's dead! That'll prove I'm not insane!"
    • One of my favorite Bender lines of the entire series happens as everyone discovers that Leela has awakened from her coma -
      Bender: "You were in the best coma I've ever seen!"
    • "The Sting" gives the world one of the best Leela lines: "Burn on that old crew! The only things they did better than us were suck and die!"
  • "And then Bender ran!"
  • The sequence featuring the Omicronians trying to figure out 'wuv'.
    Ndnd: And what is this emotion you humans call 'wuv'?
    Lrrr: Surely it says 'love'?
    Ndnd: No, 'wuv', with an earth 'w'! Behold!
    Lrrr: This concept of 'wuv' confuses and infuriates us!
  • As a whole "Love and Rocket", every really subtle reference to 2001 was hilarious from Bender happily singing Daisy Bell to Planet Express Ship noticing tapirs in the zoo.
    • Also, from the Omnicronians:
      Lrrr: This is ancient Earth's most foolish program. Why does Ross, the largest friend, not simply eat the other five?
      Ndnd: Perhaps they are saving that for sweeps.
    • "Fire detected in the vicinity of: Leela." *Sprays her with a hose*
    • "My place... or you?"
    • "ahahahahaha... oh wait, you're serious. Let me laugh even harder. AAAAHAHAHAHAH"
    • Bender's last line of the episode: "Bender is a lone wolf, a solitary eagle, [eyes flicker, and he speaks with Sigourney Weaver's voice] a cuddly baby tapir, and that's why I love him."
  • This exchange...
    Bender: A working cartridge unit? Wow, you guys went obsolete years ago.
    * Cartridge Unit rummages through bag of cartridges, and pulls out one labeled 'Snappy Response', and inserts it*
    Cartridge Unit: Your mother.
      • "Aww."
  • Robot 1-X says this while whacking himself with a hammer:
  • In Bend Her, Bender temporarily becomes a woman. The subtle sexism throughout the episode is uncomfortable and annoying. The explicit sexism that occasionally pops up is hilarious.
    Professor: She's becoming a slave to her emotions! Just like all women. Especially you, Leela.
    Leela: (Offhand Backhands the Professor) I'm worried about Bender too.
    • Also in "Bend Her", Calculon is on a talk show, talking about his soap opera, All My Circuits. A clip is shown of him at a pirate's barbecue, yelling "NOOOOOOOOOO!". Calculon chuckles and replies:
    Calculon: "Fun fact: The script actually called for me to say 'yes', but I gave it a little twist."
    • Bonus: When asked to set up the clip, Calculon just says he thinks it speaks for itself. Not to mention that it's set in a random back garden, with a pirate grilling burgers on a barbecue.
    • Also in that episode, when they are trying to fake Coilette/Bender's death:
    Calculon: "No! NO! EN-OH-OH-OH!"
    • It should be noted: Calculon wasn't in on the plan.
    • Earlier on in the episode, Calculon bursting through the wall, and during a hot-air balloon trip with Coilette, him tipping the (previously-hidden) Box-robot overboard.
    • How did we get this far without mentioning this little gem:
    Bender: Professor, make a woman out of me!
    Prof. Farnsworth (flattered): Oh, I think we should just stay friends.
    • This exchange:
      Calculon:"I'd appreciate it if you didn't 'BAM' the young lady..."
      Elzar:"Well I'd appreciate it if I did; so I guess we're even!"
    • The deliver of this line really makes it:
      Fry: (emotional) I'll miss you, buddy. You've been like a brother, and then a sister to me. I love you, man.
      Bender: The marriage is a sham
      Fry: (without missing a beat) Cool. What's for dinner?
  • Calculon reacts to Bender's attempt at acting in "Bender Should Not Be Allowed on TV":
    Calculon: "That was so terrible I think you gave me cancer!"
    • Before that, at the start of the audition:
    Producer: So, Bender, have you ever been on television?
    Bender: Once, when I took those hostages.
    Calculon: I saw that. You were good.
    • And the audition itself:
    Bender, attempting a "flawless Spanish accent": Tonight we eat, GEE-OOO-ACK-A-MOLE by the el Rio!
    • Another classic Bender moment: "Have you ever thought of turning off the TV...sitting down with your children...and hitting them?"
  • In "Jurassic Bark," when the Professor gets tired of explaining that lava isn't something you can just swim through ("I'm a professor! Why isn't anyone listening to me?"):
    Leela: He's been in there too long! I'm going in after him!
    Farnsworth: PROFESSOR! LAVA! HOT!
  • Whale barf. "It just keeps coming..."
    • Fry's increasingly neurotic behavior as he works his way towards drinking 100 cups of coffee.
      • At 31 cups:
    Elzar: Freshen your coffee, sir?
    Fry: Yeah yeah, keep it coming! Put the pot down! Get away!
    • At 51 cups:
    Fry: This isn't Yemeni, it's Sulawesi! And the cup's shaking! I don't want my coffee shaking!
    Bender: You seem a tad wound up, buddy. And your face is greasy. Real greasy. You been up all night?
    Fry: OF COURSE I'VE BEEN UP ALL NIGHT! Not because of caffeine, it was insomnia. I couldn't stop thinking about coffee. I need a nap. *snore* Coffee time!
    • At 99 cups:
    Fry: Coffeecoffeecoffeecoffeecoffeecoffeecoffeecoffeecoffeecoffee.
    • Scruffy in "Three Hundred Big Boys" making light of Kif's recent imprisonment:
    Scruffy: Jail ain't so bad. You can make sangria in the toilet terlet. Course it's shank or be-shanked.
    Amy: (in tears) Of course...
  • Bender's Hurricane of Euphemisms in Spanish Fry
    Lrrr: This jerked chicken is good. I think I'll have Fry's lower horn jerked.
    Bender: It's used to it. Whoo!
    • and a truckload of similar lines throughout the episode, my favorite being:
    Fry: Yes! I never thought I'd escape with my doodle, but I pulled it out!
    Bender (offscreen): Just like at the movie theater! Whoo!
  • This:
    Fry: Wait, wait wait! Ahem... What really killed the dinosaurs?
    Big Brain: MEEE!
    [The Big Brain is then shown killing the dinosaurs]
    • When Fry is about to head back through time to take another shot at defeating the Brainspawn, he realizes that he's going to get trapped again. His last words to Nibbler: "Just remember that Scooty Puff Jr. suuuuuuuuuuuuucks!"
      • Later, Fry is shown escaping successfully, on his new scooter, titled: "The Doombringer — Scooty Puff Sr."
  • In "The Devil's Hands Are Idle Playthings", when Fry loses the robot hands that allowed him to play the Holophonor:
    Hedonismbot: Resume the opera!
    Fry: But I can't play anymore!
    Zoidberg: Yes you can! The music was in your heart, not your hands!
    [Fry begins playing off-key and the audience starts booing.]
    Zoidberg: Your music is bad and you should feel bad!
    Fry: My hands! My horrible human hands! And what did you do to my nails?!
    Robot Devil: I cleaned them.
    • Bender's stage actor
    Stage!Bender: Save Fry! Save Fry! Save Fry! Godzilla! Will devour him! As for me I must be off to have my doctor check this cough! *Cough cough* Goodbye! *Starts off to the exit only to have Godzilla block him off*
    Bender: I don't ever recall fighting Godzilla, but that is sooooo what I would have done!

    Season 5 (Movies) 
  • In the intro to the first movie, we're reintroduced to all our favorite characters, like Professor Hubert Farnsworth, Phillip J. Fry, and...wait, John Zoidberg?
    • This name was first mentioned as early as Season 3, in "The 30% Iron Chef".
    • The bit from Bender's Big Score, where Elzar uses a spice weasel with heart-shaped nostrils and then offers to make it eject spice in a star shape. Leela and Lars quickly refuse.
    • Bender's Big Score's scene of Bender destroying New York. Also;
      "I can wire anything directly into anything! I'm The Professor!" (dramatic pose)
    Hermes: That body was the cornerstone of my marriage! What's LaBarbera gonna do?
    Amy: Spluh, she's gonna go back to her first husband.
    Zoidberg: Barbados Slim? I LOVE that guy!
    Hermes: Everyone loves Slim. He's the only man to win Olympic gold medals in both limbo AND sex!
    • Later in the movie:
    Barbados Slim: You haven't seen the last of Barbados Slim! Now, goodbye forever!
    • The whole extended joke about the "Box Network" renewing their contract that keeps piling on more layers of Take That.
      • That, and the "Torgo Executive Powder" being used throughout the movie.
    • "This Trinity's Goin' to War", on top of being a piece of Awesome Music, doubles as a hilarious moment due to the elves' Amusing Injuries.
    • Early on, Leela berates Fry on being immature. Fry, immediately after mumbling "I'll show her who's immature.", proceeds to mess around with Charles DeGaulle's head in a jar.
    Fry: (in a terrible French accent) Hey, Leeluhre, I'm some French ga-iee !
  • The Beast With A Billion Backs, involving Bender's Deal with the Devil: Bender is seeking an Army of the Damned to Take Over the World, and is asked to sacrifice his first-born son. He heads off and sees his son playing ball. Emotional music swells, the kid sees him and cries "Daddy! I knew you'd come back!" Cue Bender walking back into Robot-Hell with the child over his shoulder, saying "Here ya go!" and punting it into a pit of lava. The whole joke starts and ends in about 20 seconds, but is hilarious.
    • The best part?
    Bender: No backsies.
    • Also:
    Hermes: Professor, sprinkle us with wisdom from your mighty brain! How scared should we be?
    Farnsworth: Somewhere between 'not at all' and 'entirely'.
    Zoidberg: I call entirely! *freaks out*
    • Bender: I feel awed, and strangely humbled by this momentous occasion. *few seconds later* Hey, other universe, bite my shiny metal.......*screams and sends the Planet Express crew flying while shitting bricks*
    • The first argument between Farnsworth and Wernstrom: "Don't listen to that crackpot!" "But I'm agreeing with you!"
    • Farnsworth is on the phone with Wernstrom:
    Farnsworth: Hermes! Hang up on him in the rudest manner possible!
    Hermes: [pulls down his trousers, grabs the phone between his ass cheeks, and raises it.]
    Wernstrom: NO! Not the crack slam!
    • Don't forget: "MY LEG FEELS BETTER!"
    • And the League of Robots chanting like college freshmen: "DRINK THE FLAGON! DRINK THE FLAGON!"
      • Bender comparing the League of Robots initiation to med school
    • The Enema Bot from The Beast With a Billion Backs, equipped with a rubber glove, a douche, a syringe, a thermometer, and a gasoline nozzle with which to dispense enemas of hot coffee. Fry orders one to go, and gets a cup with a long nozzle affixed to the top.
    Warning: the enema you are about to enjoy is extremely hot.
    • Pretty much anything said by the Grand Midwife/Priestess/Funeral Director/Lunchlady/Butterfly Curator in her three appearances. One standout is in Kif and Amy's Fon-Fon-Rubok ceremony. "You may now eat the snake-". Kif and Amy both take bites out of the two-headed snake she hands them. "-if you so choose. It's not part of the ceremony, I just had an extra snake".
    • During Beast With A Billion Backs, after Bender decides he's going to stalk Calculon:
    Calculon: [after noticing that Bender's in his bed] ... Who are you?
    Bender: Bender. Your biggest fan.
    Calculon: Are you going to murder me?
    Bender: Mm... Unlikely. In my mind we're friends! This diorama proves it, see?
    Calculon: Sir, your derangement is impressive. I'm appointing you my official stalker.
    Bender: You shan't be disapponted. Pleasant dreams.
    Lights go off
    Bender's eyes telescope out to stare at Calculon's face from an inch away, and even closer when Calculon notices it.
    • Everything about Kif's death and funeral is pure Black Comedy, but the crowner has to be when some of Kif's blood ends up on Zapp's sandwich. Zapp eats it without realizing it, and loves it.
      • There's also this exchange when Bender sees Amy crying:
    Bender: What's her problem ? Somebody died or somethin' ?
    Leela: Kif's dead, Bender.
    Bender: *fist pumps* Nailed it !
    • During Amy and Kif's Fonfon Rubok, Inez Wong accidentally squashes one of the flies that make up Kif's father. We then get this exchange:
    Kif's Father: Welcome.
    Inez: Sorry. I guess you got plenty of bugs to spare, though, huh ?
    Kif's Father: That was my left testicle.
    Bender: And the awkward-meter goes up another notch ! Ding-ding-ding-ding-ding-ding-ding !
    • The Steamboat Willie parody from the opening.
    • Leela visiting Farnsworth and Wernstrom in prison to give them a Smelloscope disguised as a cake.
    • Wernstrom illustrates that machines can't go through the anomaly using a tiny robot that says "Playtime is funtime." Wernstrom smugly says "Not this time" before throwing him through the portal and destroying him. Farnsworth then agrees that they do something about the discovery...right after they blow up more robots. Cue Fanrsworth and Wernstrom throwing more tiny robots through the portal and Farnsworth saying "Playtime is funtime."
  • Part of Bender's Game involves Bender in a mental institution for robots. There's one absolutely hilarious moment when another robot is smashed to pieces and Rosie, the robot maid from The Jetsons, starts cleaning it up and mutters to herself:
    Rosie: Everything must be clean, very clean. That's why the dog had to die, it was a very dirty dog. Also that boy Elroy. Dirty, dirty.
    • Also in the Asylum the group change places, then Bender starts having a breakdown
      Dr. Perceptron: You are suffering a breakdown. Now stop. Hammer time. [a hammer comes downs and destroys his glass head] I am in your seat. I forgot we had changed places.
    • "The big fecal enchilada!" It Makes Sense in Context, and that's what makes it so funny!.
    • "We're owl exterminators!"
    • The part where the crew takes a shower together, and Leela is still ticked off after being insulted by rednecks and vouches to join the demolition derby to get back at them. Fry protests:
      Leela: But we have no choice. Rednecks insulted us!
      Fry: So? Let it go. Don't let your temper get the better of...
      Leela: [Grabbing Fry and shaking him senseless.] RRREEDNNNECKS!
    • This exchange:
    Leela: Is that a hobbit?
    Bender: No, it's a hobo and a rabbit, but they're making a hobbit.
  • From Into the Wild Green Yonder, the manner in which Bender wins the poker tournament
    The massive head of Penn Jillette: I DON'T BELIEVE IT! Bender has been dealt the KING OF BEERS, a coaster which got mixed into the deck. BUT IT STILL COUNTS!
    • Also from Into the Wild Green Yonder, it's Tickle Me Bender!
    Tickle me Bender: Heheheh, quit touching my junk, pervert!
    • The Professor talking about how men enjoy things that are bigger.
    Leela: I still don't see why you men can't be happy with regular sized miniature golf.
    Farnsworth: Leela, evolution has programmed our fabulous male brains to take anything anybody else thinks is important and make it bigger. (starts drinking from a 128 oz. cup) Have you seen my new 301 inch TV? (turns on a giant TV showing Everybody Loves Hypnotoad)
    TV: Hypnotoad is brought to you by the MagnaPhallix] three hundred two inch TV. It's bigger!
    Farnsworth: Aw HELL! (throws giant cup at the TV, breaking it)
    • As Fry is reading mind after mind to find the Dark One, Snoop Dogg's thoughts: "Nakedladiesnakedladiesnakedladies..."

    Season 6 
  • Zoidberg's modest Dynamic Entry a la Mary Poppins in "The Mutants Are Revolting". The best part? It gets to turn some heads from the Planet Express crew who normally don't give a crap about him, either. And his reaction is completely deadpan, too.
    • The bit in "The Mutants are Revolting" wherein the crew has to deliver a nitro glycerin-laden souflee to a rich old woman. Cut to the ship flying through an asteroid field, as we see the thre crew being rocked about wildly... save Bender, whose gyros have him bending forwards and backwards in all directions.
  • From "The Mutants Are Revolting":
    Leela: Now I have to spend the rest of my life in this hellhole. Oh sorry.
    Leela's Mother: Its okay, with you here, it can be more of a regular hole.
  • The Duh-Vinci Code gives us this classic:
    Leonardo Da Vinci: "Let's see who's laughing when my doom's day device chops off-a yo face!"
    • In one of those lovely pieces that goes right from heartwarming to hilarious, the end of "The Duh-Vinci Code"
    Fry: I may not be clever, but I have a good heart. That's what my mom used to say.
    Farnsworth: She was a wise woman.
    Fry: Also that I'm not much to look at.
    Farnsworth: A wise woman indeed.
    • Also from "The Duh-Vinci Code", Farnsworth investigates the underground of Rome, and realizes that the Roman numeral digits are really the number of steps to take to find St. James' tomb.
      Farnsworth: One...okay, we're here!
  • The robots killing each other in "Lethal Inspection". Could not stop laughing.
    Bender: (sees killer robots) Shoot!
    Robots: Someone said shoot! (shoot robot in middle)
    • Later
      Robot #1: We're going to get fired.
      Robot #2: Someone said fire! (blows up Robot #1) (gets himself destroyed by tunnel)
    • And again
      Robot: Cease fire; Mom called off the attack. Although I don't understand how it's her...
      Other Robots: Someone said Howitzer! (blow up robot in middle and then each other)
      • Note: David X. Cohen enjoyed reusing some of the humor he employed in the Futurama videogame.
    Leela: Inspectors are faceless bureaucrats who blend into the woodwork.
    Hermes: *Wearing clothes that match the wall behind him* I beg to differ!
    • The bit in Lethal Inspection where a bunch od cubicles are in a cube shape... that moves like a Rubix Cube to reveal Hermes' cubicle.
    Bender: I did like the part where they screamed!
    Hermes Conrad: That's a calculator! I ate it to gain its power.
  • From The Late Phillip J. Fry:
    Professor: Just slow down, I'll shoot Hitler out the window.
    Fry: No! They did it! They blew it up! [The camera pans to reveal a monkey Statue of Liberty.] And then the apes blew up their society too. How could this happen? [Camera pans to reveal a bird Statue of Liberty.] And then the birds took over and ruined their society. [Camera pans to reveal a cow Statue of Liberty.] And then the cows. And then... [Camera pans to reveal a strange slug-like Statue of Liberty.] ... I don't know, is that a slug, maybe? [screaming] Noooo!
    • When Leela is told she can be sad and angry at the same time, she kicks the TV, yelling, "Hiiii-ya!" which swiftly turns into sobs.
    • "I made it, Leela. Sorry I'm a billion years late."
    • There's something about Fry's line at the end, when he meets Leela for dinner and she remarks that she didn't really believe he'd be on time.
    Fry: That was the old Fry. Beat. He's dead now.
    • The parody version of "In the Year 2525".
    • Farnsworth's completely blase reaction when they overshoot their first attempt at getting to the point when they left in the new universe.
    Farnsworth: We'll have to bring her around again!
  • The endless chain of links in the evolutionary chain in "A Clockwork Origin".
    • Also from "A Clockwork Origin", Professor Farnsworth manages to build a spaceship out of several robot dinos, which takes him 2 hours, although they have to spend a night in a cave to charge the solar powered ship. That night, Leela and Amy are kidnapped by robots, so Farnsworth builds a slingshot consisting of a piece of metal and an elastic (from his own pants). It takes him TWELVE HOURS. And then they go to bed AGAIN because it's too dark.
    • Also from "A Clockwork Origin", when the robo-jury has turned into gas forms overnight:
    Superior Gort Judge: Has the jury reached a verdict?
    Robotic gas forms: No, we have not, for we have all evolved into high states of consciousness. In the grand scheme of things, all physical beings are but yokels. Now settle your petty squabbles and get the hell out.
    Bender [To Farnsworth]: That'll be ten thousand dollars.
  • Prisoner of Benda. Scruffy and the bucket 'bot subplot, which is played like a serious star-crossed romance... mostly.
    Scruffy: Go. Now. Before I beg you to stay. *collapses onto his bed, sobbing* Yep.
    • The scene where Fry (in Zoidberg's body) starts making out with Leela (in the Professor's body) in a restaurant in plain view of disgusted patrons, including Amy (in Hermes' body) who permanently lost her appetite.
    • 'That is not what I meant to give you for Big Bertha.'
    • And, of course, from the beginning of the episode, this:
    Linda: Tonight at eleven...
  • Ghost in the Machines, right after Fry is saved by Bender possessing a Robot Devil disguised as an Amish woman:
    Fry: "I think the Robot Devil said he loved me in Bender's voice while wearing Granny Hester's clothes. ... I wanna go home!"
    • YMMV, but part of the Ghost in the Machines plot is Bender's ghost trying to scare Fry to death, which has a disturbing part where Bender projects an image of Fry's head melting into a skull.
    Fry: [Fry's heart is now beating noticeably fast and Fry begins to faint.] A heart attack! [Fry's heart stops beating.] Yup, I was right.
  • One of the funniest one-shot characters of the series is Professor Fisherprice Shpeekenshpell from "That Darn Katz". Despite his name, he is a robot whose head is a Matell See'n Say, and can only speak in programmed lines such as "The cow says 'Moo!'" to which Farnsworth comments "He proved that 50 years ago, and he's been coasting on it ever since." (This makes a bizarre kind of sense when you remember that cows are extinct by the 31st century and that there are probably few historical records of what they would have said.) This leads up to a hilarious Bait and Switch when he assesses Amy for her doctorate:
    Professor Katz: We shall now vote, "Yay" or "Nay". Nay.
    Wernstrom: Nay!
    Bubblegum: Hell, nay!
    Professor Shpeekenshpell: The horse says, "Doctorate denied".
  • In "Mobius Dick", the space crew being dragged through the fourth dimension by the space whale. Their words are said forwards and backwards: Hermes can see sideways in time, Amy can see in CGI, Fry uses a palindrome phrase: "Poop", and Bender experiences a congo line of Benders chanting, "Bender, Bender, Bender!"
  • "Benderama" eventually comes to a point where all water on Earth has become alcoholic through the direct manipulation of atoms by microscopic Bender clones. Morbo and Linda's drunk newscast takes the cake.
    • This particular line:
    Bender: [referring to the ugly giant grabbing their ship] Oh God, shield your eyes! It's like Edward James Olmos on IMAX!
    • Linda's reaction to the news about the microscopic Benders consuming all the alcohol in the world.
    • The montage of the Planet Express Crew killing the Bender clones set to the Presidents of the United States of America's cover of the song "Rock and Roll Pest Control."
    • Scruffy sweeping up the dead Benders and eulogizing with "A greater tragedy my eyes have never beheld," before concluding with, "Welp, into the turlet."
    • The scene immediately after where a sick Bender coughs and mutters, "So sober, so weak" after going so long without alcohol.
    • This:
    Hermes: You wanna see a picture of my boy?
    Zoidberg: Sure. (Hermes shows him a picture) That's your penis!
    Hermes: That's my boy.
  • In 'Overclockwise', with his processing speed boosted, Bender can tell what things are going to happen in advance...such as a ceiling fan falling onto Zoidberg. When Mom's drones at the end drag him off to be restored to factory settings, Bender asks Zoidberg to take a few steps aside, and the doctor does so- a ceiling fan hits him. And among the various things Bender wrote down while omniscient was a list of ceiling fans.
  • From "Yo Leela Leela":
    • Hermes line, "Working on a real TV show is so exciting. I'm on a mostly natural high."
    • The song, "So if you don't want a tapeworm or intestinal bugs/Don't eat pastrami/That fell on the rug!"
    • Leela's breakdown after Abner Doubledeal turns Rumbledy Hump into a reality show and gives all the orphans jobs on the set of the show.
    • Bender stepping on one of the kids and lighting the match to his cigar on the head of another kid.
  • From "Neutopia":
    Rock Alien: Test #1: Who can drink the most sulfur?
    (Cut to Petunia and Sal choking and convulsing on the ground)
    Rock Alien: Test inconclusive. Test #2: Who can drink the most arsenic?
  • The entire montage of Zoidberg attempted to Sneak-Mercy-Kill the Professor... set to a bouncy instrumental version of Mr. Sandman.
  • (Farnsworth sits on Gerald Ford's head after learning of his ancestor's actions, depressed)
    Gerald Ford: Hi! My name's Gerry! I like movies!
    • Also:
    Bender: Has anyone seen Ulysses Grant? He owes me a couple of beers!
    Leela: He's over there, puking in the Bushes.
    (Cut to Ulysses Grant about to vomit, of which the camera conveniently pans down to George W. Bush and George H.W. Bush, both yelling a slow Big "NO!")
    • From David Farnsworth's Head:
    Farnsworth: I killed George Washin'ton an' now I'm marred to one of the Spice Girls! ...(slightly somber) Don't rightly know which one.
    • And:
    Bender (Cockney accent): Say, 'ow is it that we've got socialized medicine—[turns around to reveal terrible dental problems]—BOT ME TEETH STILL LOO' LIKE THIS?
    • Also, a new flag is at the end of the new episode/head museum. It might have been an insult to the Brits, since it says these words: "Bite my fhiny metal aff."
  • "Come back Lrrr! I want to have your popplers!"
    • "I'm sick of being critiqued by a bunch of nit picking nerds...I'm taking this to a comic con!"
    • The part with Matt Groening and David X. Cohen as themselves, showing the new show Futurella — which, due to FOX streamlining the cancellation process, has effectively killed the show before the opening sequence was even done and Matt Groening shooting Bender after Bender asks if he was going to make another Simpsons movie.
    • And by Orson Welles, when his War of the Worlds-style broadcast leads to the Omicrons conquering earth without a fight
    Welles: Damn, I'm good. Now, may I please have that cheese log?
  • Manhattan is succumbing to the common cold! What should we do?!
    Zapp: Execute Order 62.
    Dramatic chord
    Zapp: In that case, Order 63!
    Zoidberg: Oh no, they're going to throw us into the sun! They must have been out of piranhas!
    • Before that:
    Hermes: Well, it could be worse. (Cue giant laser.) It is worse!
  • "Law and Oracle" This exchange between Fry and an off-screen officer behind a window.
    Officer: You think you can just waltz in here with no pants on and expect to join police academy?
    Fry: That was the plan.
    Officer: I like you kid. I've got no pants on either.
    Fry: I can see that. You're quite taller than me.
    Officer: *Arm extends from top of screen to offer a handshake* Welcome to police academy.
    • URL delivers possibly the best Retirony joke ever:
    URL: And Smitty was just a few days from retirement.
    Fry: Wuh� What happened?
    URL: He took a early retirement. Damn.
  • In the Futurama Holiday Spectacular, as the crew drills deep beneath the earth to find petroleum oil for Bender's ladies to celebrate "Robotanukah" via oil-wrestling (It...makes sense in context, okay?), the crew comes across the "albino humping worm". Cue this exchange:
    Fry: Why do they call it that?
    The ship rocks back and forth in rhythm.
  • "Decision 3012" Bender is working for Nixon to dig up dirt on Chris Travers, a rival election candidate. While digging through his office for files at night, Travers comes back, forcing him to hide in the men's room disguised as a urinal (the rest of which are out of order). Cue Traverse walking up to Bender and unzipping his fly as we transition to the next scene.
    Nixon: Well, you did manage to get us a TREMENDOUS urine sample...
    Bender: (embarrassed and traumatized) Let's not talk about that...!
  • In the season 6 finale, during the Voltron parody, the crew discovers that the aliens communicate through dance. Bender and Fry's attempt follows thusly:
    Hey aliens, we will kill you, and dishonor your widows... by making them gather wood.
    • It should be noted that they were trying to dance peace.
    • In the Fleischer-esque parody, Fry and Leela stand on the balcony of the Planet Express building, while everything is bobbing up and down.
    Leela: I love this time of day. There's such a beautiful stillness.
    • Also from "Reincarnation":
    Farnsworth: There! Now, for the first time, we may be able to see the infinitesimal fabric of matter itself, laying bare the most fundamental laws of the universe!
    Leela: Hey Fry, I know something you could lay bare.
    Fry: Leela! Shhh! I'm trying to listen to a physics lecture!
    • This:
    Amy: It seems their movements are a form of language. Rather than speaking Ja�English like us, they speak by dancing.
  • The opener of the premier episode. At least, the original versionnote :
    Bender: You will wake up feeling refreshed, as if Futurama hadn't been canceled by idiots, then brought back by bigger idiots.
  • Ghost in the Machines: "Let the seance begin!" "I SAID SCIENCE!"

    Season 7 
  • A trio of aliens use holophoners to create a male crossdressing dancer. Cue their audience:
    George Takei: Dance, slave!
  • Zapp Brannigan offending the Carcaron ambassadors by attempting to congratulate them in their native tongue only to say this:
    Zapp Brannigan: (Gurgles Carcaron language)
  • In "Fun on a Bun", the scene where Zapp is in his ship and the Neanderthals launch something with a catapult.
    Zapp Brannigan: What is that, Kif? (object is revealed to be a sabre-toothed cat which attacks him.)
    Kif: (complete deadpan) I believe it's a sabre-toothed cat, sir.
  • All of Joey Mousepad's lines in "Free Will Hunting":
    Joey Mousepad: [offscreen] Psst. Over there. Bender: Where? Joey Mousepad: I mean over here. Sorry, I forgot where I was.
    Joey Mousepad: Sorry there, sport. That cash greenback belongs to us Mafiolios.
    • Bender prostituting himself off to Hedonismbot for $5 for a hit of spark, a substance "analogous to drugs":
    Hedonismbot: Hello, handsome. Might I procure your services?
    Bender: Uh, what do I have to do?
    Hedonismbot: Oh, nothing sordid, I assure you! Simply vomit on me, ever so gently, while I humiliate a pheasant. [Bender begins to retch.] Save it for the boudoir!
  • On "Near Death Wish": Professor Farnsworth's bitterness at his parents causes him to run out into the street crying. While fully naked.
    Bender: That is one crazy, uncircumcised old man.
    • Also from the same episode, Farnsworth's parents tell him he can't go to college because he's not emotionally mature enough. Cue Farnsworth crudely mimicking them and then collapsing on his bed crying.
  • Big Spender, adapted for Zoidberg.
  • Roberto yelling that he's going to stab the electro-magnetic chair.
  • Saturday Morning Fun Pit: Richard Nixon trying to edit G.I. Zapp for violence and language, making it a spot-on parody of G.I. Joe: The Movie—complete with an obvious, on-screen death being hastily edited into the character "sleeping."
    • The episode making fun of all the irritating things about Saturday morning TV that most viewers don't remember or don't want to remember because of the Nostalgia Filter: cheesy "We'll Be Right Back" bumpers, excessive commercial breaks, the Merchandise-Driven nature of cutesy shows like Purpleberry Pond, Scooby Doo's Seasonal Rot years when it had celebrity cameos and was more poorly-written than usual, Moral Guardians protesting over Saturday morning cartoons not being educational and being too violent, and how sports shows always air after a block of cartoons on network TV.
    Berry Burglar: I must get my hands on those healthy purple berrys!
    Cat-octopus-sidekick: *Beat* Bort.
    • "We'll blow them straight to He—CHURCH!"
    • The evil organization in the G.I. Zapp segment being called A.C.R.O.N.Y.M., especially since the acronym actually stands for something (A Criminal Regiment Of Nasty Young Men).
    • The "G. I. Zapp" episode that Nixon began censoring to begin with was entitled "Operation Throat Slit". Oh sorry, "Operation Banana Split".
    • The censored plane crash:
      Nixon (Pretending to be Kif): I, uh, landed the plane safely next to this naturally occurring fireball. At Disneyland! (Kif's arm flies out of the explosion) Hi Tinkerbell!
    • After a ray gun successfully disintegrates a mercenary:
      Nixon: Uh, beam me up Scotty!
    • Amy throws an ax that lands in somebody's chest.
      Nixon: Yay! I caught it!
    • Later Amy uses blades to repeatedly stab a mercenary in the gut.
      Nixon: Three, four, cha cha cha!
    • Nixon dubs Leela saying "bastards" with his own voice saying "bastards" because "it's alright if I use it."
  • Bender finding Finn and Jake chained up in Mom's castle dungeon.
    Jake: What time is it?
  • "The Six Million Dollar Mon" has a great moment when a drop of La Barbara's curry eats through the table... and descends through the apartment complex, causing general havoc until it drops straight into Robot Hell and onto the Robot Devil's head.
    Robot Devil (screaming in agony): Ahh! It burns! It burns!
  • In "Fun on a Bun", the Overly Long Gag between Hermes and the Megatherium.
  • "Calculon 2.0" has a few good moments. "Hail science!"
    • Also the complete ridiculousness of the professor's science.
      Farnsworth: First, we put on our protective suits. Then, place equal distance from the five nearest wireless network hubs.
      [The hubs project a pentangle in the air]
      Hermes: This is the least scientific thing I've ever seen!
      Farnsworth: You be quiet! Now it's a simple matter of reverse installing Calculon's operating system. Amy, play this installation disk backwards.
      Disk: Rise from the dead in the name of Satan.
      Farnsworth: Meanwhile, I'll get a spare circuit board from this mechanical goat. (cuts open goat like a sacrifice)
      Hermes: Seriously, this could not seem less scientific.
    • And then there is the Robot Devil's reaction to Calculon's less than stellar acting.
      Robot Devil (looking down at the damned being tortured): Oh God, haven't they suffered enough!?"
    • When Fry and Bender show up and request Calculon's soul, the Robot Devil tries to make it seem like he doesn't want to be rid of Calculon by having Fry guess a number between one and three. Fry guesses that the number is four. The Robot Devil emphasizes that the number is between one and three, not including one or three. Fry then guesses that the number is "M". When Bender asks if Fry got it right, the Robot Devil sarcastically answers "Yes, the number I was thinking of was the letter M" and proceeds to just let Fry and Bender leave with Calculon.
  • The title caption for "Stench and Stenchibility".
    Not the episode with the dead dog
  • From "Meanwhile":
    • A Black Comedy one-liner from Fry, caught in the middle of a time-loop where he's constantly falling to his death:
      Fry: You know those dreams you have when you're falling and you fade out just before you hit the ground? Those are great. *SPLAT*
    • Fry's "Groundhog Day" Loop of his fall from the building is the darkest thing the show has ever done, but that doesn't stop it being hilarious. Especially when he gets tired of the endless plunge and falls asleep mid-fall.
  • There's a little gem from "The Butterjunk Effect":
    Leela: (seductively) Fry, keep your door unlocked tonight.
    Fry: But McGruff the crime dog says-! Oh....
  • From Leela and the Genestalk:
    Fry: You can't bend a wooden door!
    Bender: You know that and I know that, but this door looks pretty stupid. (Proceeds to bend door)
  • The Inhuman Torch:
    The Mayor (to Fry and Bender): You boys must have hero in your bones!
    To Leela: And you, lady, must have heroine in your veins!

  • Fry is just a showcase of CMOF quotes:
    • "I'm getting one of those things again! You know, a headache with pictures!" "An idea?" "Mmm! Mmm!"
    • "It's like there's a party in my mouth and everyone's throwing up."
    • "What smells like blue?"
    • "But Bender need brain! For smart-making!"
      • "What did you do now? Stop doing things!"
    • "Hey! It's that guy you are!"
    • "I heard alcohol makes you stupid." "No I'm... doesn't."
  • A casual sight gag shows a Stegosaurus lazily grazing on the White House lawn.
  • Bender attaches a magnet to his head, subsequently screwing up his inhibitor chip & prompting him to start singing folk songs. One such song is "Fry cracked corn and I don't care! Leela cracked corn, I still don't care! Bender cracked corn and he is great! Take that you stupid corn!"
    • There's also the moment where this revealed, and Fry's reaction:
    Bender: [Singing] How many roads must a man walk down before you..." [Starts howling, then pants] Keep those things off of me! Magnets screw up my inhibition unit.
    Fry: So you flip out and start acting like some crazy folk singer?
    Bender: Yes...I guess a robot would have to be crazy to wanna be a folk singer... [Stares into the distance, mournfully]
  • When Fry learns (after knowing him for several episodes/weeks) that Hermes is Jamaican, Fry responds that he always thought he was "...some kind of outer-space Potato Man."
  • In "Bendfellas," at Taco Bellevue Hospital, after the sedatives Zoidberg took are wearing off:
    Zoidberg: "Oh God... I'm COMING DOOOWWWNNN!"
    • "...Clack."
  • "Nixon's not bringing the smokes!"
  • Bender, in a rare non-sociopathic one-liner:
    Bender: I can't run anymore... I'll have to skip!
  • "Woo, I got fruit boobs!"

    The comics 
  • This, from the Simpsons / Futurama crossover:
    The Professor: Good news, everyone!
    Hermes: "Good news, everyone!" is a registered trademark of Planet Express. The management guarantees no actual good news.
  • While looking for a school to send Cubert to, the gang find an underwater school where the kids aren't rewarded with grades, but oxygen. A student who is clearly suffocating runs up to the principal.
    Student: (muffled noises, while pointing at throat)
    Principal: Yes, well, you should have thought about that before handing in your book report. The Count of Monte Cristo was not a vampire!
  • Fry disguising himself as a Catholic priest to fool Lrrr and Ndnd.
    Fry: I'm Father O'Malley, and may the Lord upstairs forgive ye, ye unholy alien overlords.
  • One issue has a time-travelling Bender encounter a version of the Salem Witch trials, only the humans are hunting robots. Bender watches as a human is put on trial for being a robot, with ridiculous "tests" that wouldn't work on robots, like being tickled by feathers, feeling no pain when their hair is cut, being able to float in water, that sort of thing. Bender asks the nearest robot what's going on, and it turns out humans asked the robots for a list of robot weaknesses. So the robots played them for chumps and ran for it.
    • Plus, as the human being tried protests: "Do not listen to him! He speaks in sinful binary lies!"
    • Bender trying to calm the mob (and getting them to join him in song) only results in a Smash Cut to him about to be burnt at the stake.
    Bender: You know, that's really more of a chant...
    Samantha (a robot): Oh, will you shut up?!
    • And the wonderful Brick Joke in the next issue. Bender shows up unharmed, and when asked how he survived he just points out that he's a robot. He didn't burn.
  • More time-travel shenanigans, when Leela encounters a version of Ancient Greece ruled by robot gods, specifically this part of the expositon.
    Man: At first the gods ruled wisely, and benevolently. And then their total power corrupted them. Honestly, who could've seen that one coming?
  • Hermes, starving hungry because of Bender's awful cooking, takes his anger out on Fry.
    Hermes: You leave me no choice but to dock your pay and eat your shirt!
    (cut to Fry watching Hermes doing exactly that)
    Fry: Are you just doing this because you're hungry and don't want to eat Bender's food?
    Hermes: Nonsense! Now get back ta work before I'm forced to eat your delicious pants!
  • Bender, corrupt with power as Nixon's presidential health advisor, demands everyone attend a "health workshop" in Madison Square garden immediately.
    Fry: (who's stuck in a tube) What, now?
    Bender: (who really shouldn't be able to hear him) No, the kind of immediately where you sit around on your ass for an hour. Yes, now!